Transcript of Can You Imagine It's Matteo Lane & Nick Smith! | Whiskey Ginger

What up, Whisky Ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. We got a double dose for the boys. For the Whisky Ginger fans, come see your boy live. I am on tour, friends, right now, tonight. As of right now, I'm in Grand Rapids. Tomorrow night, I'm going to be Detroit, Michigan. Love Michigan. Come out and see me. Then I tour internationally. Me and Bobby go down on that. If you're down on that, go to badfriendspod. Com. You can see us on the road. We're playing all over Australia, New Zealand, and then Singapore. Then I'm back, and I'm doing a ton of dates. Go to AndrewSantino. Com. I'm all over the place when I get back. I do New Orleans, and North Carolina, and San Antonio, and Chicago, and San Diego, and Minneapolis, and San Francisco, and Boston. We keep adding dates. Go to AndrewSantino. Com for those tickets. Andrewsantino. Com.

In here, we pour, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, $75 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse.

Ginger, I'll hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger.

I like ginger.

You guys were so much fun. I loved it, man. I couldn't believe what you guys do at your show.

Well, it's ridiculous.

It's combative and it feels like a WWE event.

Yeah, it is raw. It's Friday Night Raw. Well, I don't know if you know this, and we told you when we did Vegas, Bobby For a year, was a calendar year, is that what it is? Banned from MGM. Was it a year? Is that what it was? Probably around there. Around a year. What did he do? So this is the funny thing about Las Vegas is, nudity is legal in Las Vegas, but Only in venues where it's approved. It's funny. Vegas is actually really, really stingy about... Like prostitution is illegal in the city of Las Vegas. Legal in Nevada, illegal in Las Vegas County. So you can go outside of it. That's why there's brothels outside of it, way outside of it. But in the actual city, it's illegal. So nudity in these venues, big no-no, unless it's a part of the program. It's been sold that way. Also, they have the legal rights to do it. So they said, You cannot show any body part. Bobby traditionally loves showing his butt hole. That's a huge bit for him. It crushes. They said, Do not show anything. Within the first, what, 10 minutes on stage, opens up his butt to the crowd?

I think it wasn't the full hole, but it was gray area.

But is he washing his ass? It's very clean. I hope so. No, no, no.

How do you know it's very clean?

Because we all see it constantly. No, no. Stick to this. This is smart. How do you know how clean Bobby's ass is?

Yeah. Do we have to do a check? Okay, get out there.

A little sniff check? Yeah. I need to introduce you guys first before we continue. But this can be in the show as well because I love you so much and we just like to chat. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people I don't know if I say it for all my guests, but I mean it once again, today, it's a double down. It's a two for one. It's Mateo Lane and nick Smith from their beautiful Emerging Ascending podcast, I Never Liked You.

Which is we do 15 minutes. That's it? That's it. We do seven episodes in a day. We're good for a month and a half. We move on with our lives.

Well, here's what's beautiful about it, though. The clips that I see, and I commented about you. He knows nothing. Seriously? Nothing. Carries the show.

Of course. But from his lack of knowledge.

And from my stellar personality. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Actually, I know nothing either. We just had a spelling bee the other day, and I don't know how to spell it. I know nothing.

But here's the deal. The reason the rhythm works is because nick has the looks and the style and the accoutrement, if you will. It's all the fixings. You set it up. You're the caterer.

You're just there. You're just there.

You brought the tablecloth and all of the utensils.

I don't disagree. I really don't disagree on that.

Tell me the name, though. It's so brilliant. How did you... Who set who?

Well, it started... I mean, we were... So we play... This is going to keep falling. Wait, how do I tighten it?

Don't worry. Honestly, don't worry about it.

We've been doing YouTube videos for a few years.

Our first one that really blew up was we went to the Olive Garden together.

I know.

Yeah, it's fantastic. And these plates kept falling, and nick was like, Jesus Christ, we're in World War III. Who's that an impression of, really, though?

nick. That's your Liza.

Oh, well. There it is. I love the I love a lasagna fritter. It's wonderful. It's so good. But then we're like, Well, we should just do a podcast together. But I'm not someone who can sit and... I'm not good at... You're very good at stand up and hosting podcast. I can't do both.

What do you mean you do do both? You've done both for so long.

No, but 15 minutes. But our conversations on the phone run 15 minutes.

We talk seven a day already. We were doing all these YouTube videos. We have this combative love-hate relationship. Then we were like, Why don't we just fucking film our phone conversations?

That's it. We just took one topic and we were like, Okay, today we're going to talk about, I don't know, clouds, and then that's it. We just go 15 minutes and see what happens.

You don't do any research, though, at all?

This is all- Under no circumstance.

No. Does it sound like we do research?

No. No, but that's what makes it so good. Yeah.

But also, I just don't. In my 15 minutes, that's all I can do.

Touring and writing. But it's You're getting enough in a short amount of time that it doesn't really matter. You don't feel like you need to do more anyway.

Yeah, because about 15 minutes... I talk to Evan Williams a lot, and Evan Williams after- What does he sound like? What's up, man? What's going on, man? You know, everything's great, man. It's good.

I love it. For people that don't know, you have to look up. He does a lot of great sketches where he will do like a... Hi, sir. Yeah, but a lot of his stuff emulates Lockstock had two smoking barrels. What's wrong with me? Who did Lockstock?

That was the wonderful- What's the name of the guy that did Lockstock?

Why can't I think of his name? What's the British director? Guy Richie.

Guy Richie. Yeah, that's what he does.

He was a very Guy Richie like, he's like, We got to get to the bank, man. And he'll switch to him in the back seat. Yeah, he's the best sober guy I know of doing the impression of the old days of the coke guy. Yeah. He's so keen. Some people try to do a drunk impression, and you're like, That's not what you're looking at.

I don't have to do an impression. It just lingers. She just lives it.

Evan gave you advice, though. What did he say? He's like, Don't worry about it, man. Oh, no.

Him and I, when we talk, our conversations usually run out after 15 minutes. We're like, I go, All right, Evan, I think we're done here. I don't have anything else to hear you. But, Yeah, man, it's that time. It's that time, man. Okay. Okay, man. I'll talk to you later, man.

Is he open for you still?

No, he's too busy filming and He's doing his own- My opera. I usually bring Amina Imani, Sydney Washington. What was the first one? Amina Imani, Kaylen Paluffo.

So funny.

River Butcher that's open for me. He came out to Ohio and opened for me.

The first one, though, Maximini That's who it was?

Amina Imani. You would love Amina. Amina is fucking- She's a good time.

She's really fucking funny. You cycle through. You don't do stand-up, though.

I do.

You do, but you would never go together.

I've opened for him.

You have?

He just started doing... I said...

And then it's a lockdown for the audience when he comes out.

Because it's your time.

I really get them up. You get them going. Then they're like, Oh, bring nick back out.

Do you ever get a boo when you come out after nick is out?

Usually, yeah. Just from me off stage. It's like that episode in the Simpsons were like, Nal, the world's second greatest band. They're playing, they're all booing. She goes, Why would they come to boo us? He's been in the stand for seven months, but I force him. I said, You can't do anything but open mics. You got to go to open mics every single night.

Because you don't want to give him the golden ticket. Is that what it is?

But also, too, that's where it happens.

Yeah, sure. But what if he's better than that thing? Me? You're the thing I'm talking about. Not what if.

Yeah. He's already surpassed me.

Because he's better than the thing. Right. No, but are you saying you don't want to set him up too good to do just these big, huge shows.

You wanted to get the- I let him come do four or five. I was going to say him and our friend Bob, the Drag Queen.

They let me do five minutes. I know Bob, the Drag Queen. I'm not doing 20 minutes. Sure.

But also, too, Nick's doing great. He's naturally very funny. He's performed his whole life. It's a natural soliloquy into doing stand-up. But I said, Okay, you can do a tight five. We have a podcast together. The audience is really excited to see you. Go do five minutes. Go see how it feels.

Well, that's what makes it easier. The audience knows me.

They do lose it when he walks out.

Have you ever had a set so good on his show that you think maybe it's time to switch?

I'm ready to be replaced at any minute.

I think that every day of my life.

Yeah, that's right. You are the real star.

Once I got my hair, I was like, take me. Take me. I don't give a shit. This plane is going down. I'm going down with a great hairline.

A good I have a good face, too. A kid's got a good face. You say that, he does have a good face. He does. Well, he's more my type. We would have good sex.

Here's the deal.

You know him for a long time. Isn't it weird that in this dynamic, he's the straight one?

Yeah, that I say, let it as. But he can fool. If I brought him home, my dad would be like, this guy loved this fucking guy. Who's this guy?

Football guy? Straight love him.

Yeah, football guy. Is this a football guy that you remember?

I'm like, I can do Liza Mellie singing God bless America at the halftime show, but I don't know anything about football.

Yeah, but you can pretend.

I don't know that I could. Well, baseball, I could because my uncle Mike used to take us to Kamiski, so we'd I go to the White Sox games all the time. Actually, in a baseball environment, I'm comfortable. I know what's going on because I was forced into submission.

But outside of that, no other sports?

No. I mean, wrestling in high school made me so uncomfortable. Oh, wow. They're just so hot.

I was like, What a tough time you had.

I couldn't even imagine. I couldn't even be around it.

Hey, Coach, Mateo wants to go back to the locker room now. Again? He just says we got to keep going back in between. Is that true? In between matches?

I didn't say I did wrestling, but my cousin Michael was a wrestler, and so we'd have to go to his wrestling games. I was like, I can't be around this. This is too overwhelming right now. They'd be like, You in high school, and these hot girls are in spandex rubbing up on each other. I couldn't handle it. Then I went to art school.

I took a job at the YMCA. I lied on the application to say that I was a lifeguard certified because this girl, Laura, that I had a huge crush on, worked there as a lifeguard. I went there just to work, just to see her.

Did you end up dating?

No, God, no. I've looked like this my She was gorgeous. You're good-looking. What are you talking about? But she was so cool and pretty, and she worked with kids. She did all that shit where you're like, This bitch is perfect. You know what I mean?

You don't have to tell me twice. I get it.

Nick's from a town of 300 people. His dad is the mayor, and they grew up next to a meth house.

Is your dad really the mayor? Yes. Like a local or actually the mayor?

The mayor of our town, yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, the town is literally 750 people. What is the town?

Can we know or no?

New Milford, Pennsylvania.

New Milford, Penn.

What's that like Half is my family. That's why he's the mayor. Right. Okay.

Was this... I mean, okay, look, growing up in a tiny town, how quickly did you know you needed to get out?

I always knew, even from when I was really little, that I would get out, and no one really thought me on it.

They were like, You got to get out of here.

They're all like, Yeah, that makes sense.

The only person that was devastated when nick came out was his girlfriend at the time.

The only one that didn't know. She was blind.

Oh, sweet girl. You were with him. Nick was with a mute for a couple of years.

It was Helen Keller, actually.

You were dating a girl when you came out?

No, we had broken up, and then I went to college, and I came back from college, and I was like, Remember when we met in musicals?

Guess what? She was like, Don't you think she knows? See, in high school, I feel like we all knew, and I feel like the girl knew, but didn't care enough to break it up because it was probably such a good healthy relationship. Right.

And we were young and kids and in high school, so like- And singing together.

You didn't date a lot of women, no?

Just one girl, Francesca. Poor Francesca. She's married with a kid and has a Pitbull, but But you dated.

You didn't do anything with her.

No, we didn't do anything, really. We'd make out everyone's- She lives in the Bronx? Where does she live? She lives in Chicago. Is she? She's still in Chicago. Yeah, we worked at the Mount Prospect Michael's Arts and Crafts together. I was fired. Why were you fired? Well, I was stealing.

What am I talking about?

We would also do this thing. If you ever worked in retail, they did something called returns, right? So they come up with a cart and they're like, Hey, this is all the stuff you need to put back in their place. But me and Adam, the front and supervisor, didn't want to spend an hour trying to put everything We wanted to go drink. We would say, Do you want to do returns or returns? We'd wink, we would bag it up, take it to the back and throw it out, and say, Done. And we would go home.

You are the reason for the collapse of Michael's.

I mean, that one's down. That Michael's is gone. That Michael no longer exists. That's you. That's you. Yeah, I did my work. My friend Mike Grosskoff and I were like, We're taking this from the inside out.

Yeah, you took it down.

Our manager, Mary something. She used to... In July, she would- Rest in peace, Mary.

There's no way she's not dead.

She used to drive a Jeep, and she We did have giant scarves in the middle of the summer, like July, and you know Chicago in the summer. She's like, It's so cold in here. We're like, Oh, you just have hickeys all over your neck.

The Michael's lady. The Michael's lady. The hickeyed up manager of Michael's. Yeah. What's your shittiest job?

Pizza Hut. Oh my God.

Tell them about- Pizza Hut?

Tell them.

It was honestly the best two summers of my life.

Tell them the first day of work.

My first day of work. I showed up, mind you, I had to drive 40 minutes there, so I didn't even make enough to pay for the gas. But it's one of my favorite restaurants, and it was a sit down Pizza Hut. The original.

The original. I don't know how old you are, and it doesn't matter because you're not allowed to ask. But in high school, the sit down Pizza Hut was a hangout, a drug drop, a hookup spot. Those are all fucking gone. They don't- All gone.

It's a car wash now.

What a crock of shit. Okay, so go ahead.

It was a sit-down restaurant, buffet, the whole shebang, all the red cups, the Tiffany lights, the dream. The love. So I I go, and I show up, and my manager at the time, who was a larger woman, very nice, had three and a half teeth. Super nice. Let's call her Sarah, and not by her real name. So she shows up, she's showing me around, and we get to the back, and it's before everything's opened, and we'll call him Joe, was back there getting the dough ready. And she goes, Oh, nick, this is Joe. He's the delivery guy and the prep cook. And he goes, Hey, hey. And you met Cumdumster over there. And I go, What? And she goes, Joe, it's true. That's when I knew it was going to be the best summer of my life. You can't beat it.

Was Joe and Sarah hooking up at all? Or was this just a playful, good old-fashioned work restaurant? Love.

This is just a relationship. Good work-love. They've been working there for years.

That's my work, wife, my cum dumpster.

Joe, I think, was fucking another one.

Yeah, he was. For sure.

I can't remember her name, but they would fuck on the prep station.

Well, after hours. Jesus.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. That's Pizza Hut.

That's the Hut, baby. And you know who was a silent partner at that time? Shack.

Shack owned Pizza Hut?

He was a silent partner. Oh, wow. And now he's a silent partner for- He's one of the...

I know. He's something huge, right? Maybe a bunch of Jimmy John.

But it's another pizza chain.

Oh, it's pizza. What does Shaq own? No, it's funny. Someone else said this. He owns a ton of franchise restaurants. He invests in like, Canes.

He's like silent partners of a lot of things.

Smart man, dude.

He just has a ton of money.

Papa John's. He has a Shaq-Arony extra large pizza.

Excuse me? Shaq-arony. Shaq-arony extra large pizza. They just threw our people down the toilet. We got to try that. God damn, Shaq-Arony. His favorite restaurant is the Olive Garden. So we brought my friend Francesca to Carly from Italy. I know what I like to eat. He's a really funny comic, Francesca, you should look him up. So we went. He never had it before. And then nick goes, he goes, this is... And nick goes, appropriation. He goes, no, it's not appropriation because they steal nothing.

Olive Garden is the best. My dad, who I showed you a photo of, every single year, at first it was a bit, and then now for any occasion, whether it's like a birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, we get him a $100 gift card to Olive Garden. And at the beginning, it was like a good joke, but my father, it's like the best. He's like, You know I love that so very much because he goes by himself, he sits, he reads, and he just eats unlimited bread, bread, six, and salad. Honestly, it's his favorite little Tuesday activity. He's like, I really It's great that you give that to me.

What Italian is your dad?

No, no. First of all, that's my stepdad. He's not Italian. He's white. Yeah, yeah. He's full white guy, south, Southern.

Yeah, he's not like us.

Yeah, he's not like you. No, no, no. Not like you. Fresh off the boat. Mateo, off the boat, Mateo. Both of us.

We're right off the boat. You're right off the boat. Pilgrim?

Pilgrim.

I am going to- Yeah, I do- Dirty Italian. I do want to bring nick to Italy just so he could see it. I just don't know. He'd be in a giant sun hat. I'd thrive. He I have really big sun hats because I don't want the sun hitting him.

Well, he's porcelain. That's porcelain over there. This is going to be bad when you're older.

When he's older. I have no color right now. This is my natural color.

I know, but when I see you after you've on vacation, you crisp up. Yeah, I'm very dark. You crisp up.

You got to be careful. I know, but I'm also part Mexican, so I feel like my skin can handle. You are? Yeah, my grandpa's Mexican.

Look, lose my number. I had no idea. I thought it was all Italian. I'm so upset.

No, I'm also part Mexican. Part Mexican. I know. I didn't know you. I never got to tell you this. I never got to tell you this story. I've said this a couple of times. My grandpa, who's Mexican, had five kids with my nonna, my grandma, and then at the same time had five kids with another woman and named them all the same names so he didn't confuse them. What? And then my grandma divorced him. How far away was the town? No, this isn't Chicago.

So there's one side of the city and the other side of the city? Mm-mm.

Wow. And then my Mexican family just reached out to me because they heard that story. I said it in Mike Brabiglia's podcast, and they were like, Hi, this is so and so. I'm Mateo's second cousin, and we're still here. No way. So I might reach out to him and finally make all the connection to my Mexican family. Because I have pictures of my family in Mexico. My grandpa My mom and him reconciled before he passed, and I was a kid, and his name was Joaquin. And so he sent us all these books like, Hey, here's all of our family in Mexico. So it's just all these Mexicans, and I have no idea who they are. So I can finally be like, Okay, Who's who? Who are my cousins? Who are my aunts? Who are my uncles?

Having a secondary family. I mean, that's like the effort is insane. I know. That's dedication. That's dedication.

Two Joaquin, two Lisas. Yeah, so crazy. Wow.

And your mother at some point, they made up, so it was all good.

Yeah, my mom, when she was 30, because my grandma remarried a Sicilian. My grandma's already Italian, so she remarried a Sicilian. I grew up with an Italian culture, but I am part Mexican. And then my mom was obviously upset about it. Her dad just left when she was 10. So when she was 30, she was like, Fuck it, I'm finding him. They did. He admitted to everything. Wow. Everything. At one point, too, because my grandma obviously didn't want my grandpa back in their life. She was like, He wanted me to abort you and this and that. My mom asked me, he goes, Yeah, that's true. He goes, I did. I asked to abort you and da da da.

Did anyone ask your mom to abort you?

No. My dad did get a vasectomy right after I was born, though. That's that. Because my aunt Lisa said it. My aunt Lisa saw a photo of me. You know, Italian women. My aunt Lisa saw a photo of me. She goes, The Mistake. I'll never forget that.

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They are still together.

I know. I can feel it. You know why? Because you glow. You glow.

Well, that's the skin.

Oh, that is. Okay. That's what it is. Because we're dim. We're dim. We're children of shattered- I think all Italians are dim.

Yeah.

Well, they're broken. The families are always broken up. They're always shattered. Something bad went down. My dad, for your reference, was in prison when I was a kid. Pretty much my whole childhood. So it's like the shattering of that makes us these just cynical assholes.

Yeah. I remember when I was little, we were doing a family tree, and then you have to say, I'm such and such. What does that mean? So if you're a Russian or whatever. So I just said, I'm Italian, so what does that mean? I'm in third grade. I call my grandma. I'm like, Hey, Nana, what does it mean to be Italian? Thinking she's going to say family, food. She goes, When everything's going well, something bad is going to I wrote that down. When everything's going well, then that's going to happen. Then I said it in class, third grade.

But it was real.

Of course, it's real.

That's how they all... I'm Irish and Italian. Irish are the worst because they don't share anything to each other. They don't talk about anything.

I wish Italians didn't share with each other.

Yeah, but it's even worse because then you find all the terrible shit years later. On top of that, they're also waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yeah. That's even… At least the Italians are loud about it. They wear it out loud. Going to dinner when I was with my dad and their family, it's like I just took that. We just went to Lou Mel Nadis.

I fucking love Lou Mel Nadis.

We just went to Lou's. We went to the original one, too. We went to the- The downtown? No, Lou 1. Lou number 1 is in like...

I wanted to- Is it in Lincolnwood.

It's Lincolnwood. It's by Norwich. What is it? Lou number one. We went out there for my dad's birthday.

Lincolnwood. Lincolnwood. Oh, my God. I got to fucking work. I used to go to the Lincolnwood movie theaters all the time. My friend Caesar and Mark and Chuck.

That's the original one, the old one, and It's all the same. They kept it the same. It's beautiful. But it's a big banquet room, these old pizza places. We are by far the loudest. It's filled with people. Everyone is looking at our table because it's like, my dad wants to know the way. He's like, Hey, what's your name? And she's like, Lisa. He's like, Lisa. And it's like, That's okay. And she looks like with this. They're concerned. Please. Yeah, what do you want?

I know. I've had so many times growing up where the has to come to our table and be like... Actually, I had a family guy once, which is so embarrassing making a family guy reference. But a family guy, they were like, The secret phrase is something no one has ever said. And you find out at the end, What was the secret phrase? That Italian family is behaving very well in public.

It's just so loud and heavy. I had to get used to it as a kid because although I'm a loudmouth performer, those things embarrassed the shit out of me. In terms of, I don't like the attention of the people of the room, unless it's for the thing. Unless it's for standard.For a purpose. Yes, but outside of it, I get so...

He's obsessed with all my aunts.

Love them. You love them all.Do they love you?I.

Feed into it, of course.

Yeah, you play into it. You give them more.

I'll never forget. He had just done the Chicago Theater, and I met his family for the first time afterwards at the after-party, and there were about 172 women all that looked the same. They all had mustaches, so I knew they were his aunts. And his aunts were leaving, and they all the same hair, and they left about 30 minutes before me. So I'm leaving, and I'm thinking, I'm not going to run into any of them. I'm going to go. And like a scene out of a movie, I walk out of the Chicago Theater. It's like a misty night. There's steam coming from the ground, and his one aunt is just chain smoking at the end of the alleyway, and she goes, Yeah, we're still here.

You thought we left. We didn't leave.

We don't ever leave. I thought, so, Rodrigo was the first time he met my whole family. He met all of them at once at the Chicago Theater. Pretty daunting. I was like, Okay, well, he's Mexican. He'll be fine. He's used to like… Anyways, you're doing the thing. You're meeting and greeting. You're saying hi to everybody. I turn around, I look, and my mom and three of her sisters are holding on to his hair, feeling it. They wanted to feel how nice his hair was. All of them are… I'm turning around, they're all… Give us your hair, Rodrigo. Let us touch your hair. They're going, they're like, Look, it's so thick. He's just standing there while these women are just... I thought, Guys, stop touching him.

Can you stop touching that?

It's going to go down. It sounds good. It does? It sounds fine. All right, I'll just leave it here. I'll leave it here. Okay.

You are a touchy guy. You like to touch stuff. I am. What are you guys... In terms of... Because I've known Mateo so well for so long, it's interesting to see somebody so well put together function with him because he is...

Well, this is a mess. I was going to say I'm flattered because I'm not doing well.

You do a good show. Yeah, you put on a good- It's a façade. It's very good.

It's a façade. He's a fucking mess.

But do you share the same love of his quirky loves? Like, Simpsons and cartoons? Do you love that stuff, too?

Some things, yes, and some things, no.

Well, nick loves to... Here's a typical phone call from nick. He'll watch a show I've never seen, and then tell me the entire show, and then afterwards, be like, You got to watch it. He gets very angry about things like Lord of the Rings. We love watching Netflix Christmas movies together. We scream at them at the top of our lungs. But we play Fortnite every night with our friend Donny and Simmer, who are both straight.

So the video game tie is there.

Yeah, and nick is the worst. He's absolutely awful at the game.

For four years, I've learned nothing.

Nothing.

I'm there for the social aspect. He plays as a secretary. I'm the team morale.

That's why I liked it. Bobby tried to get me to do Call of Duty and all that shit.

He plays as a secretary with a pencil skirt, and when he's running, you hear from his heels. Then he doesn't learn how to build, doesn't learn how to edit. Our friends, Donnie and Simmer and Cory, they're all straight. They're like, You fucking suck, nick. You're the worst. You're not a team Don't hate the player.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

He's a gaslighting, manipulating monster when we play.

What's the clip that you put up about him walking into the room? I laughed so hard. You guys were playing, I think you're playing Call of Duty, and he walked in a room.

That was Jacob. That was our friend Jacob with Jacob another gay. God. Another gay. Jacob was looking at the wall and he was like, This wall paper is really cute. We could live here. Then we got shot immediately. I was laughed. That actually is the hardest I've laughed in my turn. I couldn't pick myself. I have the whole video on YouTube. I couldn't pick myself up. I did a whole compilation of the mean things he says in Fortnite. One time we were playing and we were talking about when you get operators, he goes, One time I was waiting 40 minutes and this woman picked up. She goes, This is Sally from Verizon. How can I help you? I said, Sally, I'm going to immediately need to speak to your manager because I can tell you're not going to be able to help me, and I don't want to waste my time with you. We were like, Kim Khanda was playing with us. She's like, nick.

Was he wrong?

No, I can sense weakness. Also, it pisses me. Tell me about the Chipotle you guys It's me off anytime you call customer service, and it's robots for 20 minutes before you get to a real person. So by the time you get to a real person, you're riled up. Yeah, it's not your fault. And if they're overly nice, they're not going to help. You just know they're not going to help.

So when you get customer service, you need an attitude filled, snappy, short person to answer because you know they'll probably get shit done because they don't want to waste any time with you on the phone either.

So they'll probably get Chipotle for fighting. And they're not following the book quite.

Why don't you talk about Chipotle? When you got kicked out of Chipotle.

I go to Chipotle every single day for lunch. No lie. That's an exaggeration. I go to Duncan every single morning, and I go to Chipotle every single day. God bless Duncan.

And by the way, during the pandemic, because he's afraid of grocery shopping, he gets nervous about it.

So when they were- I don't.

He doesn't. I refuse to go. Okay, but grocery stores are so weird. I don't like them.

Really? It's a layer of hell.

Yeah, I don't like it. It gives me anxiety.

I don't know where anything is. There's too many options. Why do we have all those options?

The signs are wrong. Whenever they say they're not down that aisle.

The aisles are not wide enough. Correct. I don't I know what I want to eat for an entire week. Why am I buying everything on a Monday? I don't know what I'm going to want to eat Friday.

No clue. I don't want to go back tomorrow to get something else. No. No, it's a nightmare.

Under no circumstances.

I'm on your team so hard.

Oh my God, you guys are insane.

I hate it. I like it. I I get such anxiety. I get such bad anxiety.

I've had anxiety.

I fucking hate it. It gives me this... It's that bright hum of those fluorescent lights and the shitty floors. It's something about it. It gives me like, and I get panicked. You know what I do go?

The one time I went, I called him, and right after I was like, I'm left with ice cream cones.

No ice cream.

No ice cream. Sup, cereal with no milk and a loaf of bread.

When New York was shutting down, he's like, I'm not going to go. I said, nick, you have to go. He goes, I get Duncan every morning because they're closing Duncan. I said, You're going to have to make your owniced coffee. He goes, I'm not Laura Ingles Wilder.

I'm not. My girls at Duncan, they stayed open longer than they should have.

Duncan is the best. Duncan broke all the COVID rules. They didn't abide by Before COVID, they're just breaking everything.

They're just like the caution of the wind at Duncan Donuts.

They can't even get graded. When they come grade them, they're like, Look, it is what it is. We'll just leave. People who come in here know what they're getting in.

Their eggs are a UFO. I mean, none of it's good.

It doesn't matter. It's there. It's Duncan. It's... Hold on. I need to get back real fast. Can I guess your Chipotle order? Can I try? Because you go every day. Are you a bowl guy? Bowl. Okay. So you're a bowl guy. And a piece of me thinks it's You go with the white rice. Of course. You go with the pintos. Oh, you go black. I go no beans.

I do black beans. I do the black, too.

I guess pinto because I thought you may mix it. So no beans. And now have you tried the new, whatever the brisket ends or whatever they have. Have you tried this yet? To what? Yeah, to Chipotle. Maybe it's a regional thing. They have like, new brisket now at Chipotle here. Interesting. Not far from here. Are you barbacoa boy? Chicken.

A chicken boy. And also it's double white rice.

And it has to be plain. He eats so plain. Plane, plain, plain.

Then when we go down the aisle here, we're talking no salsa.

I get queso.

Okay, that's not salsa.

Salsa are tomatoes and salanchro. Queso is cheese.

Salsa is something you dip.

This is a good point. This is honestly... What are you talking about? It's like, is a hot dog a sandwich? You said you're Mexican.

Salsa is something you dip.

This is where the gaslighting begins.

No, but there's partial truth to this. It is Salsa can be defined as anything that you dip chips in.

If you say salsa, you're talking tomatoes, salanchro, and onion.

I am traditionally, but he's throwing a fucking curveball.

Queso is queso.

Actually, time point.

By the way, you know what's in queso? What's in queso? Tomatas. They have little tons of tomatoes in there.

In the queso?

Yeah, they cut up little pieces of tomato in there. They got it all in there. They got it all in there.

But also, Chwoli is a perfect- Because they have several different types of salsa.

They got the green one, the red one.

Yes, the tomatillo, or they've got the hot, the spicy.

Let me teach you about Mexican culture.

Thank you. I'd like to know.

Cheese, lettuce, sour cream? No sour cream. No cream. You're a no cream boy.

I don't like sour cream either.

You're wrong about this, by the way. It's so unbelievable. I don't like it. You get a little dollop. A little dollop will do you right on top. What are those dumb commercials?

Like, dolly for daisy.

A little dollop of daisy. It got me. It got me. I do like sour cream.

Really? If someone says it's in cheesecake, I'm like, I'm out.

It's not in cheesecake, is it?

They put it in sometimes, yeah.

Well, no, I'm not going to eat it anymore. Wait, it is really in cheesecake? Sometimes.

Some people do it.

Okay. All right, so then no sour cream, but we're getting- I do the tiniest amount of corn that they will allow me to. I was just going to ask if you do the corn yet.

How do you ask for it then?

I say as little corn as possible without being none.

Where did you like none then?

Because then I'm like, Oh, I'm getting a vegetable.

Right, you're getting something in there.

Corn is not a vegetable. It just goes through you. It just goes. It has no nutritional value.

What is it if it's not a vegetable?

Doesn't corn have zero nutritional value to it?

Well, I'll tell you, it does come out the same way it goes in, which I think is pretty bold.

Yeah, it's pretty. What an unoriginal food.

It's me. It provides a variety of essential vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. That sounds vague enough to be a lie. Corn does.

I thought they said corn has no nutritional value. It seems like it wouldn't.

You have no nutritional value.

nick, I'm the one that has multiple- Your mic is on the ground.

It's my dick at this point.

It's your dick, Mike. I love that we gave you the broken mic. I did, too. That's so perfect. That's normally Andrew's. Yeah, that is my mic. Yeah, that's usually when I'm a broken mic. Slit it over. Smart. Very smart. Okay, so then chips with the queso.

Yes. Normally, I just get the bowl, but it depends because I go every day. My girls sometimes just get me free chips and quesos.

You got to get the chips because that's how I scoop out the bottom of the bowl. That's my favorite part.

Oh, no, I'm doing that with my fork.

See, I scoop it out with my... My favorite part is to have the queso dip and then at the very end, take the chips and scoop out the rest of the bottom of the bowl with the chips. That's my favorite.

I'm so boring with Chipotle. You're a burrito guy, aren't you? No, I get a burrito bowl.

He's a psychopath.

But I just want as little as possible because I just really want the protein. So I'll get half a thing of rice, barely any rice.Double steak. But he makes them give him the rice without the salanchro. Okay, I have that thing where salanchro tastes like soap.

Wait a minute, but the salanchro is in the rice. It's all over the rice.

But they have it already made without the salanchro. They don't. Yes, they It comes that way. No, they have it. You say, I want rice without salanchro. The rice that they have, they cook it, they mix it with the salanchro.

nick, give me the face that they make when he asks for that. Give me the face that they make.

A hundred %.

Tell them why you won't have the salanchro.

Because it tastes like soap. What do you mean why?

Soap. You're one of these guys that says it tastes like soap. Now, wait a minute.

My 23 and me says you're genetically predispositioned to not like salanchro. It's a thing.

On your 23 and me instead.

Under no circumstances.

Yes, it does. Does your Genetic makeup, say. Yes, it does. You're part Mexican, you're part Irish, you're part Italian. By the way, Celantro is going to taste like soap to you.

nick, this may shock you, but genetics are pretty detailed. Yes, it does.

That they specifically mention salanchro. Yes, it does. So when I get mine, it's going to say, Oh, by the way, corn's not going to digest.

This is what I'm talking about. What a monster. I've never liked Tim.

I'm the monster.

I've never liked it.

Look up about this salancher shit. You have it?

Cilindro, he's got it.

The OR6A2 gene cluster is a common olfactory receptor gene that's responsible for absorbing the odor of adhesives in Cilindro. Or addy is a lot of big words. But basically, it is a genetic gene cluster thing. It's in your genes that you don't... But does it say it tastes like soap? Yeah. It tastes like soap. Well, well, well, Ms. Thing.

Son of a bitch.

But you're 23 and me. That's out of bounds if they put that in there.

But that's what it says.

It's not like I chose it.

It says, Oh, and you, by the way, this, this, and that.

So you say to the person at the counter, I need the rice without the. They roll their eyes because they're pissed.

I'm always nice. I always say, I'm like, I'm sorry. I hate salanchro. Do you guys have the rice? And by the way, it takes them less than three seconds to go scoop it from another place and give it to you. Nick, who gets kicked out for fighting someone in the front of the line.

I was in the right in that situation.

What happened?

You go to Chipotle, so you're going to know. Yes. There is a mobile order.

Correct.

If you are basically ordering enough Chipotle for an event or whatever that it's practically catering at that point, order it on the mobile order. Correct. This bastard, it is lunchtime rush in New York City.

I walk in and I see- It is Corella DeVille code.

It doesn't matter what I'm wearing. But I was in a fur. I walk in and I see two people in line at the lunchtime rush, and I'm thinking, I just hit the fucking jackpot. Big time. And I'm standing there and I listened to this bastard order 50 burrito bowls.

Not a real thing. That's not a real thing.

5-0 because it was a- Who knows 50 people? It was a class field trip. Oh, my God. So he ordered 50 bowls and I got pissed. And the workers know who I am because I go there every day. And the line started building up behind me, and I got even more pissed. And I was huffing, and he wouldn't turn around because he could feel it. He could feel it. And I started I started getting everyone around. I go, Can you fucking believe this? And I started getting everyone riled up and riled up. And then right at the very end, he made the mistake, and he turned around and he goes, Sorry. It just takes a while. And I go, Not if you ordered it on the fucking app like you should have. And he turned his ass back around and they said-And the manager walked up and said, Miss, you're going to have to leave.

This is nick, though.

We'll put your Chipotle outside. Go out back.

nick is petrified. We went to a Hauna House the other week, and he was screaming so loud and falling on the ground that the actor's broke character and we're laughing at him. But nick also in New York, one time he was crossing the street and this truck was trying to go, and nick was walking, and he honked the horn and goes, Get out of the way, faggot, or I'll kill you. And nick slams his hands in the truck and goes, Do it. Kill me.

Do it. I'm a jaded New York faggot. I want to be dead. So today is your lucky day. Kill the I'm not going to get like you want. And guess what? He drove away, and I'm still here.

Oh, my God. By the way, I am the guy in line at Chipotle with you, huffing and puffing and loving the energy. I would absolutely be the guy in line. He literally had, Come on, man. You got to do, Come on, man. The mobile order for sure. He's right. And this guy would have been so... See, I would have tried to embarrass him out of line.

But see, you're not a giant, Karela DeVille. You're not a 6'4 woman. In a big half-black, half-white coat with giant glasses. He walks in, Karela DeVille, Karela DeVille. Sounded like Squidward.

I was in the right.

You were absolutely in the right.

You were in the right, nick.

I agree. That's a mobile order, and we all know it. That's insane. You don't do the 50 is absurd. By the way, same thing at these other places, like Sweet Green. Any of these get in line, order down the line thing, any of that stuff. If it's more than two, cut it the I completely agree. If it's you and your significant other or you and a buddy who's not there, fine. But when you get over two, cut it the fuck out. You got to order it.

Because 50 bowls for kids. For kids?

They're never going to fucking eat them. Fuck those kids. Fuck those kids. They're never going to eat them anyway.

I'd be the kid that wouldn't eat it.

Let them go get a dollar slice pizza. They're lucky they're even in New York. Jesus Christ.

I said to nick once in our podcast, I go, What would you do if you had kids? What would you do? He'll be like, Wow, I can't get her up and get her some Duncan.

And have healthy options.

They do have healthy options now. They do.

Put her out in the yard.

Well, yeah, they have to be outside.

Kids got to be in the yard.

They need sunlight.

I think you think it's a dog.

Will you take it for a walk?

What would you name your kid again?

Blanch.

Blanch is perfect. But you have to have all the golden girls if you continue to have children. That's what you have to do. Oh my God.

Because a mother would be so...

We'll get you a kid. We'll get you a kid. I'm on your team, by the way. I do think there are these little tiny rules that people step over. It's social norms.

Especially in New York City, of all the cities in the world, even LA, it's not as passable as... New York City in Midtown. You can't ask for 50 burritos. No. It's just unacceptable.

You're also on a fucking field trip to New York City where you don't live, you're here, and you chose Chipotle that you could have got down in any fucking little small piggly-wiggly town. Get fucked. If you're, I hope you're listening. I remember you.

All right, how about I want to know your theory on there's a new internet trend that says, if I stand up when I order, if I'm standing at a counter to order food from you, I don't tip.How do you feel about this?Never not once. Okay.

What do you feel? Meaning if I'm walking- It's a big trend on the internet where a lot of these- Well, because it was a little too far after the pandemic. They're like, You should tip everyone. Okay, fine. We'll tip. We'll tip. Even though we're all struggling, we'll tip.

But if you go to a counter to order, do you think you still to have to tip at a counter-ordered place? He says, nick says no.

Well, here's the thing. I went to Shake Shack. I was in Pittsburgh. No, where was I? I was not in Pittsburgh. Me and Amina were in... Oh, it was Milwaukee. And you go to Shake Shack, and I work there.

Yeah, you work there now.

I walk in. You do everything. I open up the screen, I select, I customize, I do this, I gather up all this and that. And at the very end, it doesn't say tip or no tip. It says, How much do you want to tip? I thought, but me.

I did it.

I I just did it. And then they have 15 minutes left. They were open. I said, Can we sit down? You guys are closing. And she was like, We're closing in 15 minutes. You absolutely cannot sit down. I said, Okay.

Can I take the tip back?

Sorry. Yeah. I think it's like that signful thing. If they have to see you tip, they should acknowledge the thank you. But now they do this thing. It's like they turn it around. I don't know. There's too much tipping going on.

The stand-up ordering thing is a weird thing for me because it's like, I don't know why I'm tipping.

I stood up to order and I take the- What constitutes as tipping? Is it like, sit down, service, wait Yes.

Service. A service. When you provide the service, then yes, I will tip, of course. And I always overtip. I'm a sucker for overtipping.

Because then you're tipping everywhere. Why don't I tip at Michael's?

But seriously, though, because then why don't? I'd steal it.

Yeah, you would. I'll get fired.

Thief. You know what? How about if I go to, which not anymore, but it's just not a thing anymore. But when you go to a department store, you go to the mall or something, and someone's like, Hey, do you want to try that on? And we'll set it up for you in the changing room. You don't have to tip that fucking person. They're doing way more work than any other person is doing at those other jobs. They've got to get your fucking shit refold it when you don't want it because you definitely didn't want it.

I mean, tipping should be optional. If you want to tip, that's great. But now that it's offered everywhere, it is a little overwhelming because it's like, if I am running around, I'm spending lots of extra money.

And it's just a way for these CEOs to not have to pay them an actual living wage.

That's really what it is. You're just supplementing for them making more money, and they go, We're not responsible to pay for their rent.

But then we get the blame because we didn't do the tip.

You're the bad guy. Well, you know what they do? You know what they do? I'll be the bad guy. You know what they do? I know you will. You're the bad girl. Nick Hardy is the bad guy. You're a bad girl. I'm a bad girl. I want to have a shirt that says, I'm a bad girl. I want you to wear them when you walk in the two-fold way.

The stepmom from the parent trap commented on one of our videos because in his dating app, he was wearing a sun hat and looks like- He made me delete it. It was the worst photo ever. He goes, Why have I got no mattresses? Because you look like you're about to send your stepchildren to boarding school. Then she commented, she goes, Being a single and having a sun hat's not a crime. It was the The greatest thing in the world.

And you made him delete the photo anyway?

Yeah. Guess how many matches I got since. Pull the photo out. Zero.

Pull the photo out. Where's your fucking phone? You have to show him the photo.

I'm going to show you. Are you on the fancy? You're on the Raya and the fancy one? He's on Tinder.

No, I can't get Raya because I don't have an iPhone.

That's not a real thing. Don't look at me like that. Is that a real thing?

Yeah. It's only for...

I mean, I'm not on dating apps for obvious reasons, but when I was on dating apps-That's a fucking iPhone only app?

Yeah. Why would that exist? That's a great photo.

Thank you.

That's a great photo. It's beautiful. The sun kiss with the blue sky. What's wrong with that photo?

Shows I'm outside. Shows like I could like nature. I don't.

You don't, but you might.

You look like you're in wit.

Shows like I might like being in the sun. I don't.

You have to send that to us so we could show the audience. It's a great photo. In fact, we'll have the audience vote. We'll put up the photo. Have the audience vote if nick should put it back on the dating profile.

Go ahead, nick. You put it right back on there.

Because I think it's a great photo. It's By the way, what do you see the most photos of on the dating app? What's the typical photo that you see?

What's the thing- Shirtless photos.

What's the thing you hear them? I remember when I was on the dating app.

The shirtless photo thing. That's all it is. That's a gay thing.

What do you mean?

No, that's not true because I hear it on... He tells me that, No, there There's dudes that do fishing or at a sporting thing, and they've shirts off shit. You're not on the apps, are you? Well, I don't see men on the apps. You're such a fucking closed-minded person. It makes me sick. It's really...

No, it's honestly- Can we not be homophobic? This is a safe This is a safe space.

It's like, we'll talk after the show. That's the stuff that drives me fucking up. Do you have HR? Yeah, we do.

He's right there.

You're right there with that Chipotle guy. You are this close. You're a piece of shit. I perked up a little on that one.

Wait, I need to know this because I'm out of the game. I don't know about that. You can only have Raya on an iPhone.

On an iPhone.

Then are all the dating apps significant to each? Does Android have its own app? No. Should. Fight back. It should.Fight back. Yeah, fight back. I don't know why that's not a...

Why wouldn't-Don't you say that people only ask you about the Olive Garden on Grinder?

Well, so that's the other problem. It's gotten to the point where on hookup apps or dating apps, people at this point, they just message me about him or our podcast, or they just yell Olive Garden at me. It's not like I'm getting matches or lucky from it anyways.

It's like our friend Peppermint, she was doing... So me, my friend Peppermint, and Bob the Drag Queen were in this video that keeps going viral. Every six months, it just keeps popping back up, and it's 30 seconds, and We were raising money for Black Queer Town Halls. We were playing video games on Twitch, right? It was the height of-What a world we're living in.

I know. Raising money for Black Queer Town Halls on Twitch.

We're all in hound's tooth. It was anyways. Love a good hound's tooth. We're all sitting there, and at one point, Jacob, Bob's partner and producer, he's like, Okay, so the next game is going to be called Fall Guys. You're these cute little blob people, and Bob goes, Did you just say cute little black people? They're laughing. He goes, No, blob people. You race against them. Peppermint goes, Race? It just keeps coming back up and up again. Now, Peppermint says she walks around the city, people just yell at her, Race?

She's like, You guys. People yell Olive Garden at you?

I was in Rockefeller Center looking at the Christmas tree with my mother, and someone goes, Olive Garden.

What do you say? Does your mother know? Is she aware of it? She knows this, so she gets it.

Is your mom impressed by You get recognized in the street? Yeah, he's spoken to me. Well, yeah. His mom's- Does she like this stuff at all?

Does she think it's fun or not?

She thinks it's great that I'm doing it, but she's not easily impressed.

Let's just say that.

She's someone who worked- The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Got it. Right.

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Com/whisky. Ginger. I like chiters.

Yeah, my dad's been the mayor for like, 15 years.

She doesn't give a shit. Was your mom a stay-at-home mother? Or did she work in- She worked. Okay, can I guess?

Was she- It's a town of 400 people.

I would assume, yeah.

Did she keep the fire going?

Is she- Did she work in academia? No. Okay, nothing like that.

What did she do? She handled the insurance for a dental office. Oh, wow.

Okay.

So we got free dental.

Did you really? Smile. It looks good. Thank you. Smile. Let me see. I haven't even looked at you. You also have very nice teeth.

I had shitty teeth.

I still have shitty teeth. I had braces. I just got nice teeth. Well, they're all chipped and jagged. Look, they're all just years of chipping jagged.

But they're white.

But you know what it is? Thank you. My biggest thing, I have had friends that get the veneers and all that stuff. I know. Here's my problem. Too nice of teeth is a big turn off for me because it's not who you are. I like a fucking weird mouth.

There's a lot that is not me. You talk differently.

You do talk differently. Yeah, I show all that.

It's a little bit Evan. You could eat an apple through a picket fence.

I love that phrase.

I have a few friends that have done it, and some people it looks nice, but two perfect- Usually, you can tell. You can always tell. You can always tell.

I've had a lot of work done. You can tell, though. But two perfect feels weird.

Something about weird mouth. When I was young, too, I was always attracted to girls who had not perfect teeth. Jules. Just not perfect teeth. Oh, Jules. Oh, my God. Such a big cross.

I like to jagged mouth when I was a kid.

I like to go with a gap tooth.

Yeah, but then once you were getting your dick sucked. You're like, no more dick. I'm in your dick got shred.

Yeah, cut that out.

It's enough. Shave those things down.

What's the thing that you're attracted to that's a little off like that?

What's the thing that you guys like? I remember my friend John being like, I love a fat neck. I was like, God, I've never I would have thought of that. I mean, I'm pretty boring. I love big muscular thighs and big butts.

Just get me going. I'm talking about a thing that's an unusual characteristic that you find attractive. Nick, you got anything that you find unusually attractive?

nick is a whore.

I have a wide spectrum of who I would be with.

It's a nice way of saying it.

You're all over the place.

Yeah.

If someone said- I like bigger noses.

You do like a big nose. I do. I don't like this like...

You don't like a It's like little Mayflower nose. No. Yeah, it's got to have some mixing in there. Yeah, it's got to have some mixing. Yeah, this can't be a straight recipe. Yeah, it's got to be a little.

It has to be infused. That's right, yeah. It's an infusion.

Yeah, I like bigger noses. You're the spectrum is wide for you. It doesn't really matter.

Spectrum is wide, but I guess something specific that's weird is when a guy has chest hair, but it's only right here.

Just on the tits.

Just on the tits.

But nothing down here. No trail, no nothing.

If he has it, fine. But this, specifically, I'm like- That's in.

You have no hair, and this is birth. You've never had chest hair. No.

Wow. My body's dying on the inside. I don't think it would even produce chest hair at this point.

It is. It's going down quick. The ship is sinking.

Yeah, but you're in great shape. So what is this? This is all shape.

He's in great shape.

You're not in good shape?

Under no circumstances. Why not?

Well, you're thin.

Thin doesn't mean healthy.

That is smoking mirrors.

I didn't say healthy. I said great shape. This is a nice shape.

Well, yeah, he's tall like a model, but then he- I can't even walk a flight of stairs.

He can't.

When I got my hair transplants, he's the one who brought me back home.

I was his emergency contact. Could you imagine?

I said he was the only one in the lobby with a purse.

They knew who it was. And I I ate all the snacks. I got there and they go, Okay, well, here are the snacks and bottle of water. He's going to need these. I ate them in the lobby and they go, No, sir, no, those are for him. And I said, Well, what was for me? Because I'm sitting here waiting for this.

You're doing way more work.

They have me wrapped up. And so we go, and this is when I just... I live in a new place now, but this is when I was living in my sixth floor walkup. And even high as a kite and swollen, I ran up those stairs. Nick, by the third floor, he was like, You're on your own, kid.

I couldn't do it. Also, we got in Uber, and I just go, Brain transplant.

I still have the photo of us together. I'm fucked up.Brain transplant.Nicks is mad at me. It was the worst emergency contact ever.

No, it's actually the best because he's there for you.

Exactly. No love whatsoever.

I'll be there for you.

You didn't need love.

I'll be there for you, too.

Wait, but I'm going to get back to this. This is interesting. There is a delineation between being healthier and then good shape. Your shape is a good shape, is what I mean.

If you just looked at me, façade-wise, you'd be like, he probably eats well. He probably works out a little. He's in good shape. He probably could walk a flight of stairs about the out-of-ref.

No, no, no, no.

None of the above. I'll probably have a heart attack on my way out of here. I just started eating vegetables this year.

And by vegetables, he goes, Well, I bought an air fryer, so I'm going to start doing vegetables. He made Brussels Sprouts once, and he's like, I'm a vegetable, girl.

I'm not saying I'm meeting them every day.

No, that's insane.

But once a month.

But this sounds like a Midwest meal, but you're- I'm from Pennsylvania. Is Pennsylvania No, it's not as Nordese.

It's a town of 700, though.

It's a small town.

It's the same vibe.

Right. Is your family in good shape? They're all fat.

Don't you say that to your parents?

All the time. They're all fat, yeah.

What do you say to your mom and dad? The doctor told me that I had cholesterol. You You're going to fatten. You're fatten. You're going to die.

They have grandchildren, and they love their grandchildren. They're amazing grandparents. And I say all the time, every day when I talk to them, I say, Have you walked the track today? Have you eaten any vegetables? No. Have you? And I go, Well, I'm not the one that's going to die when my grandchild has graduated high school.

You're not wrong. It's terrible. But what's the response? They need tough love. Yeah, that's right.

They just tell me to shut up. Shut up. Yeah.

Did you get tough love as a kid?

Did you receive love?

Did they They love you?

They did. It's interesting. Every time you ask my mom, do you have siblings?

I have a sister, yeah.

I don't know if it was the same dynamic with you.

So my brother- Obviously not, nick.

Well, no, hold on. When my brother, who's older, my parents had to do everything for him. When he was applying to colleges, they helped him choose a college. They helped him do the application. When he was doing... Anything they would have to do, Oh, do you need new sneakers for whatever sport or whatever? They'd have to hold his hand. For For me, they barely knew what I was. I would just be home and I'd be like, Oh, I have district choir next week. And they're like, What? When were you? Oh, I'm class president. They were like, I didn't even know you were running. It's just like, I just did everything. You're the baby? Yeah.

Wow, that's usually the opposite. I know because I'm the baby. Yeah, you're a little spoiled brat.

I don't know. I was mixed with so many cousins. You don't know?

You're a spoiled brat.

No, I'm saying I was mixed with so many different cousins. I wasn't like the baby. I was one of 100.

But you do have a baby. I am a young- You have a baby energy. Energy.

Yeah, you do. Yeah, what? I'm insecure?

Well, I have that, too. But mine is also from the pain of like, Don't you love me? Who doesn't pay attention to me? My parents were so quick to be like, Go. When I was like, I'm going to go to California, they were like, Okay.

Oh, no. When I told my mom I was leaving, I had to call my mom and my aunt Cindy and my grandparents. When I told my mom that I was leaving, she wept and that I was going to New York City, even though she was happy for me. And then I told my aunt Cindy. That actually was harder for me to tell my aunt Cindy. Then your mom? Yeah. Why? I don't know why. My mom, because my mom knew, I think she was like, This is what he has to do. But my aunt Cindy and I were like this, and it was devastating. It still makes me sad because my uncle Mike picked up. He's like, hello. I'm like, Hey, Uncle Mike, I'm moving to New York. He's very like, okay, that's good. That's good.

I'm glad you belong in New York. There's a lot of gay shit there, too. So that's fine.

You'll do fine. One time, my uncle Mike, because when I was doing… I was 23 when I started doing stand-up, and so one of them was at a gay bar, and my whole family came, my grandparents, everyone. My uncle Mike went in the bathroom and came out and goes, My aunt Cindy goes, The bathrooms, they're clean. My aunt Cindy goes, Yeah, they're not having semen dripping off the wall. He's like, Please, Cindy.

Where's all them holes in the style? Are those holes so you could say hi to your friend?

I hope you and your friend. He's my boyfriend. I don't know what to say.

It makes him uncomfortable.

Yeah, but he was so supportive. But yeah, when I told my aunt Cindy, we both bawled. We were both bawling on the phone.

You wouldn't move back, though. No, no, no. You'd never go back. No. I mean, you I think that's... Of course, you would not go back.

I wouldn't move back. But we've also talked about, would we ever... Neither of us could live here. New York is really the only place.

I can't live in it. Here or Rome are the only places I could live.

You definitely. You definitely have to stay in New York.

I could not function here.

Well, it's funny. You know what's so funny, though? The city is it's changed so dynamically now that if you were like, who belongs in LA? I really don't know. I'm comfortable. I'm fine here because it's slower and quieter. It's nice. I just don't care anymore about that.

You also have a very established career. Right.

It's different. I'm lucky. But if I'm a young kid and I'm moving this way, it, to me, would be very daunting because I don't know what the culture is for a young kid. I mean, He's my plug into the youth. He's 25.Oh, my God. You're so young. I know. He's a child.

I'm 38.

I met him when... I'm 41. Fuck you. I met him when he was 23. I said to him, it's weird because when I ask, what is the culture of that age? You're the youth steward. Well, because I moved here when I was 23, and it was like- Are you in stand-up? It's just a different city. No.

God, no. No. It was very different, though, because we were- Yeah, but he's in our comedy sphere, so he goes to a lot of these things. Right, but even that's different than doing stand-up.

But The bar scene, the nightclub, all that stuff is so different now. You spend most of your time at house parties or at somebody's house or somebody's apart. Yeah. Bar life is weird out here. I mean, I prefer a Midwest bar to an LA bar. But I live on the East Side. So they're dive bars. We have them out here. They're up here in the valley.

So you're going to house parties?

If I do, a lot of it much more just hangs and drinking.

Describe a house party that you go to. What is it like?

Just just hanging and drinking.

But how many I was at one over the weekend, and it was a small place, but there was probably like 80 people.

I'd rather kill myself.

It's crazy. I'd sooner kill myself.

That's like high school days.

But that's what's happening now in this culture now. They'll just cram into a one couch apartment, and they just mill about.

New York is so different. They're like, Get out of my way.

We're not going to fucking party. Eighty people? No. That's what this is now. Or they all live, or there'll be seven of them living in a... They'll rent a house. And it's rent. It's rent. It's the musical rent. And it's rent, and it's all rent. And they'll all cram into this house. Now, how they trash these fucking... It feels like a college town when you see these houses. That's what that is now.

Yeah, I couldn't... I don't know.

La- I have no concept of that either, Because I basically moved to New York when I was 18, 19. Wow. I never really partied as a kid.

You never drink or done your drugs?

I've never drunk in my life. Man, never once. I've had three shots in my life forced upon me at separate times, but I've never been drunk. I've never had a full drink.

I've sipped things. You have zero desire, too. It doesn't interest you at all.

Could you imagine me drunk?

I'm like this sober. A nightmare. I don't like drinking, so I have a drink once every three months.

You like smoking pot still?

No, I don't smoke pot. I like cigarettes.

Oh, boy.

He likes the fags. I wish I could smoke. I wish I could. I don't, but every once in a while, I'm like, Please give me a cigarette. I love them. Vaping is dangerous. I would love vaping.

I would love it. That's I can't get near that.

Just suckling on it.

But cigarettes I do love. I can't smoke them anymore. Do you have any?

Damn, that'd be so fun if we could smoke a cigarette.

Got you. No, no, no, no, no. No, I did a little... I talk about it on stage now. I was doing sneak smoking for a while, where I hid it from even my friends. I was sneak smoking. I didn't want anybody to know. I didn't want my wife to know, but I was also like... Because I used to smoke, and then I stopped. And she did... Romics love smoking. Well, it's the fucking greatest because when I take a walk by myself. Phenomenal. I know. It's the rhythm of it.

It's the atmosphere. It just lends up to it.

It's immediately social. When I go to Rome, I go in Rome often.

You smoke out there like crazy.

Oh, my God. That's the one thing white women have given us is the, I don't smoke, but when I'm in Europe, I do because it's fashion. You know how white women will always smoke in Europe? That's me. I'll smoke in Europe.

But are you buying packs here in the States or no?

No, I would never buy a pack.

You're always bumming. You're snagging.

Always. It's more fun to bum. Can I have one? Oh, what's… My friend Pat is like, Yeah, why not?

But that's the problem with the road for me is the road, all those vices are so…

I'm so boring on the road.

Well, see, that's the quickest time that I'll go eat a bad meal, go drink, smoke.

No, I don't do any of that. When I'm on the road, I'm at a gym.

You're so fucking gay. I know, but then the gym?

Yeah, if I bring Emina, me and River Butcher and I, him and I went to the gym. We were in Cleveland or Cincinnati in my hotel at a gym, and we were like, Let's go.

And he's like, We're going to- I'm a liar. I do go to the gym. Work out and stuff. But I'll go to the gym on the road. I do, unfortunately, every time I'm on the road because it's my, If I can do this, then I'm allowed to go out and have a couple of cocktails.

I don't like cocktails. I love Margarita. If I'm going to drink, I want a spicy margarita with tajine on the rim. It's wonderful.

There's that Mexican coming out. Just a little bit of tajine on the rim. Just a little bit of tajine. That's something that you get when you get to this city that I know, if you don't really dig into it, you don't get it. But you go to East LA, you want some good Mexican Mexican culture. That's the thing that the city has that no one gives love to where they're always like, It's Hollywood.

Mexican food in New York is nowhere near as good as it is in LA. No fucking way.

It's terrible.

But Italian food in New York is way superior.

100%, yeah, it is. We've got a few good spots that are either old or they're new chefs from New York that have opened up restaurants over here.

I went to a place last night with Nicole and Seashier, and the waitress, I thought she was Indian. Then I heard her say one word, and then I flipped into Italian. I go,. She was, Come,. Then we started speaking Italian. She's from Italy. Then I was like, okay. Then I started asking her, what's the chef? How's the sauce going to be? What's the pasta? Blah, blah, blah. Then so she told me what to get to have the best pop. I was like, okay, LA, you better work.

You hate this, huh?

He finds one everywhere we go.

I love it. It turns me on. I love it. When he does it, I let him fly. I sit there with a smile on my face and he's chirping up. Where were we at last time we went to go in a Italian-Ribalta. Yeah, Ribalta. That's right. That was Jesus. No, it was great.

Chris definitely loves Ribalta.

It's a good restaurant. Rivalta was great. Just at this point, we got to find another.

Well, no. He knows everybody in that place.

He's the mayor. We go to L'Advociune.

True. He's your dad of Rivalta.

He is.

He runs the shit.

Do you know the pasta queen on Instagram? She looks like Sofia Vergara, but she's Italian and she's beautiful and she makes pasta.

The pasta queen?

Literally stunning, and she's so much fun.

Are you friends with this woman?

Do you hang with her? Well, We chat every once in a while on Instagram, and then you got to-Oh, I do know who this is.

I've seen her before.

She's very famous in the world of pasta.

4.7 million fucking followers? Yes. We got to get into pasta queening. Yes. Yeah, she's incredible. She got her known as apple pie. I have seen these. Yeah.

I went to my favorite Italian restaurant in New York, La Devotione, Ciao Alessio. It's the best pasta in New York. But Alessio texted me and goes, Come tonight, there's a surprise. Okay. I go, I bring my friend, Sean and Jamie.

But did he say it in English?

He doesn't speak any English. He also barely speaks Italian. He speaks Napoletano, so even I'm like, I'm not really sure what you're saying.

He just has to go slow and you can catch some of it.

I would say I understand 60% of what he says.

You do. You know most of it.

Yeah, I'm Napolitanos. The ice cream.

Just the strawberry and vanilla. Then there was an empty seat next to me because they cook right in front of you. Then all of a sudden I heard, Matteo, and I turned out as the pasta queen. I was star struck. I I was like, Oh, my God. I was like, I love you so much. She was like, We were hanging out.

Now, is it a proposal to do videos with her?

I'm moderating some interview with her in New Jersey a couple of months, but we want to do something together.

Because you're still doing cook videos?

Yeah, I just released my cookbook. It comes out in April. It's called Your Pasta Sucks. I'm dead serious. That's what it's called.

Who's putting this one out?

Chronicles.

Okay. Your Pasta Sucks Coming Out In April.

Your Pasta Sucks, a cookbook with Mateo Lane. It's half recipes, half just stories. I just tell stories.

Who will be appearing in that book?

nick, there's a whole interview back and forth between me and nick.

Chef extraordinaire.

What can you cook?

Nothing. I don't cook. Absolutely nothing.

No, you have to make something.

No, I could cook.

No, you can't. Absolutely not. You make your Christmas gum cookies every fucking year. That suck. You can't make anything else.

But they taste good.

No, you can't. How much pepper did you put in your crap macaroni and cheese?

It was one accident. It was rough. I could follow a recipe.

No, So you cannot.

I find cooking stressful.

It is. He makes these come cookies.

I could make pasta.

No, you cannot.

He cannot.

You cannot make pasta whatsoever. We did it.

The pasta queen can barely fucking make pasta, according to him.

We made a video on our version of making red sauce, right? And so he went first. Now, he does use a jar.

Prago.

But he puts butter in it, too. So he's got butter, Prago, Kraft Parmesan cheese, When I say a mountain of pepper, I mean so much pepper that everyone in the kitchen is like… It was awful. It was awful. It was really, really bad. It can't be that bad. Then he's got his Christmas come cookies. Cookies, which are supposed to be Christmas- First of all, they are based off of Italian wedding cookies.

So if someone was really Italian, they would know.

It looks like he just made some shit short bread and just jizzed over every single one.

But you like them, you say.

And I won't eat it.

You said they were good.

No, I didn't.

He said they were good. I said they were good.

He said they were good.

He knows they're good.

They're good. I will never go to that.

They're also cum cookies. He would love it.

Yeah, I was just going to say.

Right up his alley.

More Frosting. No pun intended. So no cooking at all.

It's never going to happen for you. I do enjoy baking. I got a Kitchen Aid mixer from my mom.

How often do you use it?

I actually use it for my YouTube videos. I made homemade pizza. I made homemade pizza. That's three. I made cum cookies, homemade pizza, chocolate chip cookies.

Have you ever delivered some cum cookies to your parents? Have you brought those home?

Your mom would be like, I don't need it.

I did, actually.

You said mom and dad got some cum cookies for you.

Diane. They would eat them. My mom has a sweet tooth, and she's a cum She work at Pizza Hut? She's Sarah from Pizza Hut. She would love them. Other than that, no, cooking's too stressful. We tried to bake cookies one time together, not for a video, just literally out of the Christmas spirit.

Who is the Chris spirit.

We fucked those out of the bath.

So to be just chocolate chip cookies? No, sugar.

So we didn't realize there's two types of sugar cookie recipes.

There's the rollout ones.

Right. That are meant to stay flat. So when you make shapes, they keep the hold of shape.

I've done the roll, only the roll-out ones.

And then there's the ball ones.

Is that one even fancier?

Well, they're meant to expand.

So we thought, we didn't realize that the sugar cookie recipe we got was the one that meant to be flat. So we rolled them all up and then they stayed.

They were A ball of sugar? Just little sugar nubs.

Hard. And we kept pretending to like it. It was bad.

I ate them. Have you ever had Swedish Coco balls? No. This is one of my favorite things. My wife's family does them. Have you ever had Swedish? Do we have it, Jim? Is she Swedish? Yeah. Have you ever had Swedish Cocoa Balls at my house? No. I don't think so. Holy fuck, they're my favorite. It's like it's... It has a similar taste of an oatmeal favorite cookie with the oats, but it's rich, rich, coco and then rolled in sugar crystals. Oh, that sounds good. It's always got either brandy or whiskey. It's got a little something inside of it. Just a little something.

Does your wife cook a lot?

It's funny. We go through spurts of like, Hey, Let's fucking make a bunch of shit at home. But then because of what we do, we're never home. We're always on the road or always coming and going.

What's your meal you cook? If you have to cook a meal, what is it?

It's boring. It's always boring. It's always just like meat and veg. It's always boring. It's It's like a marinated barbecue chicken.

See, I don't know how to grill.

Okay, we're coming over, we're watching the Chicago Cubs game. You're inviting us over and you're like, I'm going to make some apps.

See, I'll cut you off there. If you're coming over, we're watching a thing. My wife can't wait to order something for everybody.

Okay, where are you ordering from?

She would probably get a... Domino's. What do we do? We did a verse house. We did an array of different sauces. It was like a Bratwurst Italian sausage, hot dog.

I like Yeah, all that stuff. I saw a Vienna beef.

We know you did.

We have Vienna beef here. Yeah, I saw it.

I got so excited.

It's good. Vienna beef, it's the only hot dog I like. No, it would be like an order. That would be like an order catering thing. She'd want to go to a catering thing. Or we would get our favorite, and I won't say it out loud because it's close, but it's our favorite Mexican food catered to the house.Taco Bell.

Chipotle.thank.

You. He got it. How could you miss that? It's right there, dude. What are you talking about? It's right there. Lots of sour cream. Have you been payment to? Lots of sour cream. Under no circumstances. Well, I can't cook. I can't cook I don't cook anything of value. I cook meat and potato.

I honestly, I cook- I don't have a great recipe that I make a thing.

I can't do that.

I know where my strengths are. My sister has a garden bigger than this whole studio. She makes everything homemade. In New York? No, she was in Chicago.

In Chicago. I was like, no fucking way.

South suburb, so she's got a lot of space. Down in Beverly? She's got like, pumpkin and zucchini and this and that. She really can cook. She makes homemade bread, homemade butter, homemade this. I mean, I'm really I'm good with Italian food. A lot of Roman and Naples cooking. I'm really good at it, but I'm not good at anything. I hate you so much, Nate. I'm doing nothing. I never liked you. What are you talking about? I've literally never liked you. It's my fault.

That was my fault.

I don't think he's a good person. He has no redeeming qualities.

I've been nodding my head saying he can do that. He's the one acting up.

The internet's going to say, You guys are the gay me and Bobby, but the irony is- You're the gay. We're the gay me and Bobby. You're straight bad friends. It is incredible. Your relationship is perfect.

It's wonderful because the love is so obvious.

It's really not there.

Not there.

See?

When we play Smash Brothers is when you really see-It's when we first became friends, we were playing Smash Brothers as a group, all of our friends.Me, Bob, Monet, Jacob.How.

Long ago was this?

You came in late to the group, so 2017? Yeah.

How long is that? I'm not going to do that. Seven years ago. I'm not going to do that math. I'm actually good at math.

Are you? 8 times 6. 48. 6 times 8.

48. God bless.

Very good. What happened? So Smash Brothers.

We are playing Smash, and he plays exactly how you think he would.

What does that mean? Let him answer that question. What is that supposed to mean? Like a little bitch. How do you think I play?

Complaining, whiny.

No.

Defensive. No, like a bully. You go nuts.

So he chooses fat ass jigglypuff, floats his little ass up there while we're all fighting.

So you can't be touched.

And then at the very end.

And then when I see someone weak, I go,. And then they knock off and I get all the kills.

It would piss me off. And this moment-Strategy. Which we talk about still in this-It's legal. We talk about this moment still, and it truly, I think, defined what was then to become of our friendship. I was not actually pissed, but I was pissed. I was like-Anoyed. It was very annoying.I was so annoyed.It's.

Very annoying.

That's this stupid fat fucking pink cunt floating in the fucking corner, then just zooming in after I've done the work.

So I was going home. I was over, I was going home. And you know he can get very sensitive and very gullible.

Yeah, well, that one's even more so.

And I, without knowing me, you know I'm going to gaslight the shit out of that. I'm fucking putting lighter fluid on it. So I go, I'm out of here. And he starts and he goes, Are you actually mad of me? I'm ignoring him. I'm not even acknowledging him. So I go around the room and I go, Bob, thank you so much for having me over. Jacob, it was so nice meeting you. Anyways, guys, everyone have a great day. Did not say goodbye to him. Nothing. So then he kept going, No, nick, you have to say goodbye to me. Nick, you have to say goodbye to me. And I left without saying goodbye. Then I started a group text with everyone, including him, and said, listed everyone's name and said, Thank you all for such a wonderful night, and left his name out.

But we get our revenge now. On Fortnite, Donny and Cory and Gavin and Simmer just are like, they're straight guys from Pittsburgh who play hockey. They're like, nick, listen. This is Donnie. Nick, listen to me when I say this to you. You are the worst player I've ever played with. You are fucking awful, nick.

Well, don't hate the player, hate the game. I gaslight the shit out of them. I love that. And then we occasionally, one night... Because on Fortnite, you can do Phil. Have you ever played Fortnite?

Uh-uh.

So if you're doing a squad and you don't have four people, you can play Phil, and it gives you some random person. And the one night, we were given someone random, and one of them were like, Well, go over and see if they're chatting. So they go over and check, and they get back, and they go, nick, you have to get in here. He's talking shit about us. Well, of course, I have to get in here. And it was this little kid pretending to be streaming. And he's like, These guys suck. I could take them all chat, listen to this chat. So I get on there, and I was like, We suck. You keep fucking dying. And then at one point, he says something like, I'm going to roll out of here. I'm going to roll out of here. And I said, You can't roll anything or whatever I said. And he did what kids do that pissed me off. And he goes, Did you hear that chat? I feel uncomfortable. This older guy is making me feel uncomfortable. And I don't give a shit. I go, You want to know what makes me uncomfortable?

A teammate that keeps fucking dying. How about you play the goddamn game?

He's the worst player of the team.

Well, he can't do anything. I was dead already.

Of course, you're dead. We have strategy in the game, and nick just in his heels and pencil skirt runs head into it.

I snipe from a distance or they use me as a distraction.

The distraction is smart. Put him out there.

He is a good sniper for some reason. I am a good sniper. It's very strange. All of a sudden, we'll be like, we're fighting, and you just hear it because when you hear their shield crack, you'll just hear like, and he goes, 110 headshot.

You're like when people choose odd job in 007.

You cannot play. I always played as Natalia.

Oh, you do? Mm-hmm. That's the cheat, though. The odd job is the ultimate cheat.

No odd job. License to kill, complex, automatic power weapons, no odd job. Those are my rules. I'll kill anyone. I'm so good at it.

Can I ask?

Yeah.

Where did the name Whisky Ginger come from?

Well, a whiskey and ginger, a traditional drink with whiskey and ginger ale.

It's like an old-Oh, that is the name of a drink?

Well, it's an old traditional, Whisky Ginger. Yeah, Whisky Ginger.

But Also the red hair.

I am a ginger. And this show, typically, although not drinkers, we have a sip of a cocktail on the show. And it started as a show where I would talk to people about the first time they ever had a drink, and people started to divulge stories.

Well, it was 1934. There it is. I was living at the Plaza.

With lead protein.

Lead protein.

But that's where it came from. That was the beginnings of Whisky Ginger.

How old were you when you had your first drink?

I was-I was 13. Thirteen, yeah, 13. Jesus. Yeah, Chicago. Well, you have a sip of a beer when you're like 9 or 10 at a family function. Somebody leaves one out, and that's just a normal thing to do. Then your uncle's like, Hey, he's drinking a beer. It's like a whole thing.

But yeah, the first- Also, we would have a little wine with dinner sometimes.

Yeah, that was not a big deal. Booze was never like a... Taboo. No, not at all. In the Midwest, it's like... And he's a Midwest kid, too. Where are you from? Minnesota. Minnesota. Real alcoholics over there. You bet, yeah. It's just like... It's such a customary thing that you don't… It's not like bad. So I think it does this thing culturally where everyone just drinks and no one says, Look, do people have drinking problems in these places? Big time, big time, big time. But I think it was just who no one gave a shit. When I was 14, 13, 14, I think that was the first time I got fucked up. Then one of those… I don't know, you've never had this, but if you drink so much of something and you can the smell of it again.

Yeah, Crown Royal.

See, everyone has one. If you have one, which are you? You're not even there. Honey Jack. Honey Jack, see.

What is that?

It's Jack Daniels with honey flavor.

What liquor is Jack Daniels?

Whisky. Mine was Captain Morgan's. The fucking smell of that shit. I still don't like Captain Morgan. It's a rum. It's a spiced rum.

I'm not a rum person.

No, but this was just because it was easy to get and it was cheap.

Yeah, I know.

To this day, the bottle, if I see it somewhere, I'm like, no.

Tequila by itself, the smell of it makes me gag.

It's because you've gagged I've thrown it before.

I've thrown up many times. He's gagged on tequila before.

Trust and believe.

But I do love margaritas.

Yeah, because it's doused with lime and fucking juice. Yeah. All right, let me say this. I love I love you. I love you, too. And I love you. This is a great- I love you, too. This is a great beautiful blossom in the future. I've got to say that to anyone.

I would never say it to you.

That's right. Your book comes out, then your special comes out. This is obviously much earlier than that, but it goes Book comes out in. April. April, May. The special comes out. Yes.

But also see me on tour. They can't stop talking.

Please come see the kid on tour. Can't Stop Talking. Mateolanecomedy. Com. Mateolanecomedy. Com. Also, please watch the podcast wherever you get it, wherever you listen, wherever It's on YouTube, but I mean, also if you're a listener. Wherever are you. Whatever you ingest to keep this train moving. We end the show the same way with one word or one phrase for you to know. It used to be a word. People were like, I don't know, because they would say a phrase, a word of wisdom, whatever you've got. But do it into that camera right there, one at a time, whenever you're ready. One word to end the episode or a phrase.

Possess. Possess. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are huge as well.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger.

I like gingers.