Transcript of Joe Gatto Loves Messing With People! | Whiskey Ginger

What up, Whisky Ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, baby. So happy, so excited. I'm on the road right now. Currently, I'm overseas down on the mate with Bobby Lee. We're in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Italy, Perth, Oakland, New Zealand. Then we go to Singapore. We go to singapore. Go to badfriendspod. Com for those tickets if you want those. But guess what? When I'm back, I'm back. I'm making the final run in my tour. I go to New Orleans. Where are you at? New Orleans. Show up. Then San Antonio. Then I take a little break. I go to Chicago. Then I go to San Diego and San Francisco and Boston and Philly and New York. I'm all over the place. Phoenix, come see me. Go to AndrewSantino. Com for those tickets. Andrewsantino. Com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy and ginger.

Like their house, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey is $75 for the horse. Gingers?

Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean, once again, today is your God. Hey, I'm here. Whoa, bro.

Look at these Arizona Ice Tea.

Arizona Ice Tea ginsings. Put it up a little bit higher so we can see.

These cats right here. That's so fly. These guys. Wow. Suede. I don't want to brag. Suede up top. Wow. And then a pattern on the side there.

Yeah, I knew that you I love that you knew that you knew that. Someone's got a couple of dollars. That's amazing.

They were in the outlet. No, those got to be custom, right? These are actually a gift.

Made from Mr. Arizona. Yes. Steve, Arizona. You know him? Good guy. Well, I met him one time at a party. What's funny is when I was in high school, I used to smoke a lot of pot and I loved Arizona Ice Tees, and I'd get them at the gas station.

99 cent for the big one? Love. They used to make a division. Arizona used to make a series of side ones in different bottles. To off centers. Correct. One was called memory. It was called memory. I thought if I'm smoking a lot of pot, I'd probably need to get my memory back. I would drink a ton of these memories. The flavor was amazing. I loved it so much. Really? One time I tweeted at them and was like, Please bring back memory. I want to remember this. You know what I mean? I think they tweeted back at me a second. But if we can get your plug. If they didn't say, Forget it, I don't know. That person was on that Twitter should be totally Can you please reach out to them? Because you have the power. Tell them to remake memory. You mean I have social media? Yeah, sure. No, no. But they would listen to you. You want memory? I'll get you some memory. Yeah. Look, there's no way they make it anymore. They may make it in certain markets, but hold on.

Let me see. Yeah, you might have to do like, it might be a little niche now.

They might not just do wide distribution, but you probably get your hands on some.

I do it.

I love memory here.

I'll show you what it looked like, too.

There you go. Boom. There it is. It is memory, and it looked like this. This is how weird and lame this is.

I have that bottle. It had Einstein on the bottle. Oh, wow. But I have one in my closet at my mom's house.

I like this. The other ones were stress, health, and energy. I remember the other one that was a purple bottle that looks similar to that. No, that's memory. No, it wasn't memory. It was a ginseng-based one. No, that was that line. That's the four line. That was a power line. This is it, dude. I date back a little bit before you, though.

What do you mean? What are you talking about? I'm 48.

My honey ginseng game, I was in 711s a little bit before your time.

I'm 41, dude. You're not that much old. You're not like- Six years is a lot. That's a high school a little bit. Well, it's seven, actually, but you're not good at math, are you? I'm great at math, but I did it on purpose, and I'm glad you caught it. God, I love you so much.

I want everyone, first of all, to indulge yourself after this podcast, during this podcast, even take a break and then go and then come back because you're on YouTube anyway, if you are.

Go watch Mr..

Gatto Special. I have to say it with a little bit of Gatto. Mr. Gatto Special. It's on YouTube right now on his channel. It's on 800 pound Guerrilla's channel. Oh, it is on theirs? Yeah. Okay, I was just going to say they produce it 800 pound. Who are family. They're part of the crew. We love those cats. They helped me out with mine. Go watch it right now, please, and then come back to the show.

Yes, please.

Where did you film this one? This one I filmed in... It was in March of last year at the Huntington Paramount Theater in Huntington, New York. My hometown, I'm a Long Island guy, so it was great. I forgot you're a Long Island guy. I thought because- Because I'm very...

You don't know what you're doing. Well, I know you're New York, but who knows with New York? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. But also long I lived in multiple New Yorks, different places. Staten Island, growing up.

I lived in Manhattan for almost eight years, and then I ended up out on Long Island. And you're still back out there? Yes. Beautiful. What a pretty place Long Island is. It's so nice.

It's like when I see movies when I was a kid and they showed neighborhoods. I always thought they were like Chicago neighborhood. I was like, That's where we... But it's Long Island.

It's all Long Island, isn't it? Yeah, always. Everything's based off of either Jersey or Long Island. I say most movies are. Suburban New Jersey and suburban Long Island They're really close. Yeah, for sure. Different kinds of scumbags exist in both. They're different. Yeah, we each have our own type. We don't like to mix and match. Keep them separated. It's funny because when you grow up in Staten Island, most people either make a left or a right when they get old enough to have families that go to Jersey or to Long Island. That's really funny. I have one sister's in Jersey and one sister's in Long Island.

Do they get along? Yeah, they do.

Okay. That'd be great.

I was like, next question. We don't talk. And let's not talk about it, if I'm being honest. That's great, though, to film it back at home. I think that's like the homecoming is a really important thing for comics or something about it, although it's anxiety inducing. Whenever I go home, people are like, do you like playing Chicago? I'm like, it's hard because everyone wants. Everybody wants tickets.

I know what you're saying. Everybody's saying, No. It's like me playing Atlantic City. It's like, Hey, your cars. Can I get 42 tickets? You're my mechanic. You're not my... You're not blood. I was able to have my kids at it, which was great. They were in the beginning and they came out at the end. That's so cute. That was so really cool. Look, the ticket doesn't bother me.

It's more that you have to be a host. You have to host a pre-party, an after-party. So unfortunately, part of your brain is thinking about organization of family and friends because you want to make sure you're doing right by everyone When I came. It's another level that's only added at home.

It's another part of your brain that has to be used at home. Your host kicks in. Everywhere else, you're a guest. Is that so nice? I love being a guest. You come into a city. You're there just for the show. You get to meander about grab a coffee, disappear. I also like that you meet new people. Like at your home shows, you don't. It's like you're seeing all old friends, whatever.

But when you're out and about, you get to meet new people, hear new stories. I love that. Have you ever had an ex show up to one of these shows?

Yeah. How's that? I'll let you know. We're still working it out. No, I had a... It was a long time ago ex that we didn't even keep in contact and didn't know that she would be there.

Like It was like a childhood- It was like, yeah, I was like, young 20s. She was in town. I was in a town she lived in. Then she was like, Hey, I'm here.

You did great. I was like, Oh, okay, thanks. Thank you. Wait for stage.

But that's weird because you don't know until it's over. I think I rather that instead of, Hey, I'm here watching you. I'm staring at you right now. Are you about to go on? I'm here right now. Nice shirt. Let me turn my phone off real fast before I get on stage. Are you guys doing, by the way, is Is Joker doing the cruise stuff still and all that or no? They did one without me. They did. I don't know if they're doing another one. Yeah. Well, you don't like cruises anyway. I love the cruises. Going on vacation with fans was so fun. I can't be on a boat. But being on the boat was the tough part. Can't be on a boat. I love the idea. I think I've been offered a bunch of different cruises because now like, Bert did one and then the bands have done them.

Bert did our second cruise. I just talked to him about it. He saw ours and was like, I want to do this. Oh, really? He did our second one. Yeah. See, I think he offered I got one from like a band or something. Both times I was like, Ideally, it would be cool.

We're here to announce Whisky Parmajian, the cruise.

It's on a big block of cheese. We're coming.

We're going from Chicago to Long Island.

It's a long trip, but it's worth it. It's all lakes and rivers. We have to go off through Canada. No, it's all lakes and rivers, baby.

Sometimes we're on a car. I just don't. Cruises freak me out, too. What I What I like about the cruise that we did was we curated the whole thing, so we took it over and we were able to bring...

I've met so many people before dating back in the stand-up game because Sal would hand-pick people that he wanted to work with, he thought it was funny, would come on the musicians.

Then by the third or fourth one, they wanted us to do events.

So I came up with a great scam.

In the fourth one, we were getting a piece of the casino.

So I was like, Hey, we'll do a gambling with Joe. I love to gamble.

So I played dice and I told people how to gamble.

My night event, my I went was me gambling for four hours. Perfect. Teaching how to play craps. It was so fun.

And when I was losing money, we were laughing. I was like, oh, I got 10% back. I'm only losing 90% of this money. 90% of it. Yeah. That's good, though. Are you a big craps guy? Yeah, craps. No cards? I'm a big casino. Baccarat, Block Jack. I don't play poker. I don't like taking other people's money. Poker to me. Look, I know people I've been asked to go to these poker things. I don't like to sit that long because when I'm done at a table, I want to walk away immediately. Yeah, I did one and I was done with it. I was like, I did the celebrity poker tour run by Blake Wyn, which is so fun. I did it and then it got fun and then it got serious. I went all in. I was like, I'm in. I'm in because I'm out.

I want to get out of here. If I was one, it wasn't too bad of a hand to go all in on, but I was just like, you know what?

It'll go either way. I had fun.

But it's a little bit too cutthroaty, and I'm like, this is... Yeah, that's not the fun. To me, I'm not a big gambler. Gambling runs in my family. My grandfather, to the day he almost died, worked at the dog track in Chicago.

The dog track. Not the horse track. No. The dog track. The dog Yeah, he worked there. Strictly Chihuahua's long races. We had a Pomeranian at noon. It was tough. That was a hard run. But he did the dog track. Finish by 4:00 PM.

It's always a matinate.

But I was a kid. I used to go to watch the dogs run, and I was fascinated by the Greyhounds. There goes that rabbit. My grandfather and grandmother moved down to Florida for a minute.

That's big down there. They did the dog races down there, and I used to go see the dog races. Yeah, it was really fun. Then he would later work at Arlington, which was a horse track. But Maywood, the dog track, was so fun.

Did they have that? He Here's Sparky. Oh, yeah.

Here goes that rabbit. For some reason, it was way more fun to me than the horses because the dogs, it looked so much more powerful. I know a horse is clearly more powerful, but the dogs looked so... It was because they had a load of the ground. Yeah, you can feel it.

You can feel the power of it. You feel the thunder of horses running by. But you see, they're so... The way they run, too, it's insane.

Have you ever seen the slow motion videos? Yes, it's absurd. It's unreal. They're jumping like 12 feet.

They're using a whole body? It's insane to watch. I used to love going to see that.

Then back in the day when I was a kid, they used to have a local boxing night there. It was any way to make money on the side of making money because it was OTB when races are over. Then they'd have local boxing. They had indoor shuffleboard nights for money.

It was so funny. Rock, paper, scissor, guess the number.

Arm wrestling, spit competition.

How far can you spit? Line up. Honestly, anything for gambling. My grandfather worked the windows, honestly, since I was a kid, till I can remember, till he got much older. Really? Yeah.

So it was a part of my family. So gambling for me, I never really got sucked in because I saw- The dirty on the valley. I saw what it did. Well, I saw the loss level. It was so high. Most people we would see would lose. They would talk about it like, Oh, I got to go back to the boat and get some money. Because in Illinois, it has to be on water. So the boat was always like, got to go to the boat.

Which is so weird to me.

It's a dumb road. Well, they just built a new one, too. That's technically on water as well. Because all they What they have to do is it's built into the ground, but it has to have a bridge that the boat is not attached to. Correct. Which is so weird. It's basically they built a building on water and that's it. Yeah. Well, technically, we're all on water. I know. On water right now. You dig deep enough, we're all on water. That's a big scam that Illinois... Well, amongst many other scams. Don't get me into the toll roads. Was that a thing as a kid, tolls for you guys? You always had tolls, right? The Verrazzano Bridge. Right, the Verrazzano Bridge. Huge. That's why we got to Staten Island almost succeeded. How much is that to go to Staten Island? Right now it's like $14 or $16.

One way? Yeah. That is what a joke. I think you only pay on the way outer way, and you only pay one way, though. I imagine you pay into Manhattan.

I would probably hope so because nobody's paying that much money to get it. To get to Staten Island? You have to get through Staten Island to get the jersey. That's where they make their money. That's true, yeah. That's the angle. Come on this way. Yeah, go this way. All the way around. But yeah, I remember there was a huge thing about because the toll went up. There's this thing, the Staten Island ferry, which you know, right?

Oh, yeah. Taking it.

It's free. Yeah. For life. And it should be.

For life. Yeah, it should be. But for life.

You could get to Manhattan for free, or you could take the bridge and drive and then take the tunnel, whatever.

And it cost you $42 by the time you're there. So it's insane. I remember when they were trying to put up the bridge, it was the whole thing why Staten Island wanted to secede. This was probably back in the '80s, maybe late '80s. And they were like, because we're not paying that money, we're not going to have this toll to get home. And they came up with giving the Staten Island resident break. So Staten Island just pay less. That's genius. Help them out.

How about the locals?

How about the locals? It's our It's our land. It's our land. It's our land. It's our land. We were here first. We took it, but it's ours. Yeah. Well, as a kid, I remember my dad always complaining about the tolls, and they always went up and up and up and up and up. And it was this whole thing where Chicago promised that at some point the tolls would Had paid for the roads, and then they'll be removed. Oh, that's always the promise. Come on. That's like, Oh, but the upkeep and all. Yeah, nobody knows. Come on.

It'll never... No. Even when they remove tollbooth guys, which I used to love as a kid, they're all gone now. I got a great tollbooth guy. Give it to me, baby.

Driving down to Florida, 99.

Speaking of cruises, to welcome in the 2000s, me and five of my friends, us six, go down. We're driving from New Jersey down to Florida. That's your Y2K? Yes, my Y2K on water. Illinois gambling. We're going down and we're driving and we have the 2000s glasses on and on repeat, the six of us are in this beat up van that we rented and we're playing in 1999 by Prince. We're all laughing, saying, My cousin is driving, I'm sitting shotgun. They have those buckets where you throw the 35 cents in and you don't even have to slow down, stop.

You just wait for the little handle to go up. My cousin's singing, we're laughing, whatever, and he's like, 2000, zero.

He just boom, out the thing and he didn't realize that he didn't go to a basket.

He went to a toll collector. He hits this woman with 35 cents in her face. She goes, Oh. You just heard ding, ding, ding. And he just looked so embarrassed. And she goes, What do you do? He turned beet red. It was the funniest thing I ever see. Throw and change at a poor doll. As if her gig isn't hard enough. I know. You're hucking change at it. She got to get a nickel of the face, this poor woman. It was so funny. I used to love to try. When I was in high school, I used to love to see how fast I could go with your aim. You really learned how you had to shoot, how early you can shoot before the... You know what I mean? You're learning physics, really, is what it is. The wind, you got to compensate. Test the wind, test the weather. It's a little cold. The coins might fly a little bit less far. Yeah, I used to love doing that.

When I was in high school, my dad used to complain about the tolls incessantly. And now when I go and I grab one of their cars to go drive around somewhere, it is funny. Everything is the I pass or whatever they call it. They take a picture of the plate now in New York. You don't even need that. You don't need the digital thing? They basically have you and they take a picture and then they just charge your account. It links up.

You don't even need the little toll pass.

They got us, don't they? They got us so bad. They got us wrapped up. Take your picture here. Give me a fingerprint, pee in this cup. All the time. I'm always peeing in cups. Why is everywhere I go? It's so weird. I went to a bakery down the road, they made me pee in a cup. I wanted a plate.

I do that when I park at the airport in the garages now. Because sometimes I drive. You park at the airport. I do like it because when I get my bags, you can get a garage right across from me.

That's a little pricey, but I found- You're okay.

Well, no. This is actually an intervention to try to borrow some money from me.

Do you want to borrow 20 bucks in your park? Please, please. But what it's for is because it cost me so much to get to the airport. If I take a car, it's the same cost. So I drive because I like the comfort of getting my bags, getting right in my car, not waiting for where is a driver and go to the Uber thing. It's like, never mind. So I just get in. That changes When I land at an airport, that changes the whole experience for me about the city. If I have to get on a bus to go get an Uber or walk to... I hate that. Laguardia does it the best. New York, LaGuardia, fantastic. Bagage claim, out the door, it's right there. Laguardia is the best. The best LaGuardia. But honestly, when I hear that I have- What a comeback story, LaGuardia.

I know. They were down. Down. They were out. Nobody was going. You'd go there and it would be like end of days. People are like, You're going to LaGuardia? What happened? Is everything okay? Are you good? Let me help you. Give me a hit. It's 20 bucks. Go to JFK.

I hate it going to JFK. Now, whenever I do a gig or they're flying me in and they say, Oh, they're going through JFK, I'm always like, Is there any other way I can do anything else?

Dude, I'm actually a sucker for Newark. I'm not going to lie.

Big Newark fan. Wow. It's going to be 13.

It's quick to get downtown. That's the only reason why. Yeah, but you're rocking O'Hare at home, right?

In Chicago. Yeah, it's the worst airport in the world. Other than us, other than LA. O'hare is a nightmare. O'hare is a nightmare. It's a nightmare. But what I like about O'Hare, this is all airport talk for everyone that wants to- Guys, tune in. Guys, thanks for tuning in to airport talk. No, but what I like about it is- The Home Alone references.

I can run through that little tunnel.

I do all the time. Even if I'm late or not, I'm just running.

I like that.

The traffic cops that are outside at O'Hare, this is the only...

New York does it a little bit. They're the meanest, rudest, no waiting.

You're there for three seconds like, Let's go. Yeah, get out. I love that because LA, they don't exist.

They let you sit for hours. Nobody cares.

I like that they push them, and then they get an argument. The guy is like, Let's go, Luke. Let's go. I love that the cops take Sometimes they'll do that and they'll look up and I'll go, Thank you. I saw a guy trying to get out of his car in, I think it was actually Chicago. It was one of the airports. The guy was trying to get out of the car. The guard clearly had had a day. He had lost it. So this guy was yelling him through his window. He's like, I just had to get out.

He went to get out of his car and he shut the door on him as he was getting out of the car. He's like, Move your vehicle. Give that guy a medal. The guy just looked at him and drove away. He was like, Wow, that guy is winning. That's the next thing. We're going to give medals of honor at the White House to airport security.

Move along, guys. That's it.

You're like, You're doing You're doing a job nobody wants to do.

Nobody wants that gig. Nobody. I just came back into town and I had to wait for golf clubs. I took golf clubs with me to Vancouver. You learned, we know, customer service is everything, and being polite to these people means the world. Don't be the guy that I know you're having a tough day. Maybe you missed a flight. He got delayed, blah, blah, blah. I'm waiting for the oversize's baggage, and this guy comes storming up, and he's given the young man that's working on the baggage a little bit of lip. Throne and guff. A little bit, yeah. A little high shoulder, a little doing that thing. I'm waiting there patiently on I took my phone. And as the things open up and the bags come out, the young man comes and goes, be lines to me and goes, Sir, can I have your bag tag number? And this guy's like, But I was quiet, polite, didn't say anything. I said, I'm just waiting for my bag. Did you break him off? Oh, yeah, you have to. You got to break him off. Well, I mean, that's how you get that.

That's how you got that.

You broke them off pre? Can I get your number or post? No, post. Always post.

Oh, always pre. Oh, really? See, I always- Do you tip the valet guy after you get your car back?

Yeah, of course. Dumb.

Post. You tip them before you get your car?

But you I get them before because that's when I have your vehicle.

Changing my whole world. I'm always afterwards.

That's when they have your vehicle.

When I drop off my car, I hit them hard. Keep it close.

I'll be out in an hour. Well, you're a keep it close guy. I always keep it close.

I tell them, put as far away as possible. Oh, okay. What's the difference? You like to get your steps in. Yeah. I always tip on in the bathroom, when I do in the... You have to. I don't tip on the towel.

I tip on the take. If I take something, I tip you. I don't tip on a towel. Tipping on a towel is tough, but it depends on the venue. If I'm in a fancy place, I feel like it's a force thing. If I'm in a place where- The Viper Room. Well, yeah.

If I'm over there, if I'm with one of the Phoenix family brothers.

Watch my back when I'm in the urinal. If the guy comes in with a knife, can you please stop him? I just have learned that a couple of bucks It goes a long way with those guys. So it's just a little bit here and there. I always tip that. Now, let's talk about it. I am a little bit, we've all talked about how sick we are of this, but a lot of times you'll go to a counter. The screen. What are we talking about? Starts at like 25 I even... I know this topic has been beat to death, but I now am I flagrant to do this. I just went to a place this morning. You order, they don't serve you. You wait for your order, you take it to your table. I tip a different number. It'll be 20, 25, 30. But I tip just- Custom. You're a custom. I'm a custom guy, too.

I'm a custom guy all the time. Why am I given 20?

If I bought a meal for me, my buddy, and a friend, it's a lot of money. It's a takeaway. We're sitting down, but I ordered it, I went out and took it. I do the custom because I'm like, That's not a 20 percenter. There's no chance. Am I wrong to do this?

No, I think custom is the way to go, even if it's going to be more or less whatever. Even if you're going to do, I don't do presets. You don't decide for me. I decide how much it's going to be. I also round to the dollar. I'm not tipping $8.21. It feels weird. That feels weird.

I'll give you nine or give you an eight. Correct. I round. I did that this morning. I rounded off. I was like, I'm just going to give them a rounded off.

Now, the big contributing factor for me in those scenarios is what am I getting hit with the energy? Are those people being friendly? Are they nice? Are they making this a pleasant experience? Not as so much as what you're doing. I also can't make this. I can't make this honey latte as well as you can. I'm not going to pop back there and make my own. I'm going to give you a reward for that. But are we doing it with a smile? Are we doing it angrily? Are we huffing and guffing? What are we doing here? Are you opening up the new oak or am I getting the old one? There's a lot of contributing factors to that custom.

Paper straws are plastic.

Oh, They're coming at me with... Forget it. Paper straws? They're coming with paper straw. I'm taking dollars.

I go back into the tip jar, I grab money back. I go, No, go get some straws.

Now you know. In here, we pour whiskey.

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I like ginger.

It is a part of the culture that I think as more we travel, the more you start to learn the shakes of that whole thing because we're always out eating out hotels, and you start to learn that you're like, look, I want to be generous and nice and all that stuff. But also we're all getting taken advantage of a little bit.

A little bit. I had an experience not too long ago that somebody declined on my behalf. It was a coffee spot. I ordered a whatever coffee. The thing came up, they clicked no tip, and they go, here, just sign here. And I said, did you just not... I said, oh, where do I put the tip? And they're like, oh, Because they knew. It was getting a drip coffee from my friend. And that's it. So I took $10 on my pocket and I put it right in the bucket. I said, That's so nice of you.

That's a good universe. I overtipped the other day because someone had left the They got to the sign portion and they didn't sign and press next. I said to the guy, Hey, this guy didn't close out. I was going to overtip for fun for him. 30%. Yeah, it'd be funny. He grabbed it. I go, Oh, here. He goes, No, hold on. He put it to zero tip. He was like, No, man, my conscience wouldn't let me do it. Then I overtipped on mine to make up for the other schmuck that didn't finish. That's great. So wherever you are, a guy with a blue LA hat on, you know who you are. You were right in front of me. He knows exactly. You didn't finish. I think he did You did that on purpose. I think you're a coward, and you did that on purpose.

You didn't want to make the decision, so you pulled yourself out, pulled the rip cord.

Then I had to overtip on your behalf. You're a bad guy.

It's a lot of fun. One of my favorite places to tip because it takes people a little bit to recognize me, and middle America loves my face. Oh, yeah. You are middle America. Yeah, I am very much. I'll do a little shaped like it. I do a little late night drive through. On the road, we're driving from here to there. We're going from Peoria to Wabash, Indiana, last weekend. We're driving, we hit up the BK. I'm getting myself an impossible burger meal because- Are you vegan, vegetarian? Vegetarian, yeah. Good for you. So I go and I hit the thing, whatever. And the guy is out front. As we roll up, there's a hand, there's a typed out note. We're understaffed. Sorry, we're going to have to close at midnight. It's 11:40 when we pull into this thing. He's out back. I see him, he's smoking a cigarette, and he sees us and he does one of these. Puts out the cigarette, goes in, goes behind the box. I'm like, Here he goes. He's going to go. And he's like, Welcome to Burger King. Can I take your order? And I was like, Oh, I didn't expect him to be so pleasant about it.

We roll up, we place the big order. It's an order. We have some people in the car. We roll up. He's sitting there and he's like, I saw the sign. He goes, Yeah, man, it's just me. We've done like $300 worth of business. I was like, Oh, just now? He goes, No, all day. It's been crazy. I was like, Oh, okay. My order came like 50 bucks. I'm like, Oh, my God.

I was like, I'm like- You're all the business.

He's sitting there, he's doing his thing, whatever. At the end, I just took a 20. I said, Dude, I appreciate you. Thanks. I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed. He goes, Yeah, man. He finally looks me in the face and he goes, No. I drove away on the no. You just heard him go, No. Oh, thank you. That's awesome. Hanging out the window, which is cool. But I love tipping the drive-through people late night because I feel like they are unsung heroes.

They are. Well, it's funny because I think it's a lot of times they're not supposed to take tips, which I think is flagrant. Let them take a tip. Why can't you tip those people? I don't even understand that. It shouldn't be expected, but it should be a nice thing to do. I've had multiple times where we're at a thing and they're not supposed to take a tip. We just did it. We had drivers, and Bobby tried to give the driver a tip, and the guy's like, Hey, man, we're not allowed because we're paid out by the thing or whatever. Did you drop it? Bobby left it for him anyway. But it's also like- I dropped it in the car. He was like, We can't.

Yeah. Whenever they say I can't, I go, Oh, okay, just make sure you check the back seat if I forgot anything, and I leave. I just put $100 on the plan.

I do it all the time. It was a bag of money and drugs back then.

That's the best. You ever do that? You ever leave a fake bag of drugs?

No, good guy.

For that, I've run into that with casino security a lot, too. Because in casinos, when we're playing a place, whatever, they'll give us a security guard just to hang out with us, make sure we're not getting bugged or whatever. And those guys will walk you wherever. And then you go to a tip. I'm I can't. I can't. I'm like, you just all night were with me till 3:00 in the morning.

They're told for some reason that it's not okay. But here's the difference. I don't get the business philosophy. You can tell your staff, hey, we're not supposed to expect gratuity.

That's what to ask. It's different than saying yes or no.

But then accepting it is different than expecting it.

Who are you to tell this person they can't have $100?

I don't like it. Particularly it's a casino, they're making millions and millions of dollars.

And they came from somebody who wants to tip them for their service. What have they done? That's weird.

I think that we're going to change the mold. We're going to keep this going. How about this? What do you feel? How do you feel about tipping flight attendants? This is interesting. Well, well, well. I haven't done this often, but only a few times would I done this when I had some exceptional service on a very, very long flight that I threw a little bit of something because I thought that was, I don't know. They were very cool, this person, and we were chatty, and I don't know. I felt like I... I don't know. Is that weird? That's weird.

That's a little weird for me. You know what I do in that situation is I always do a review. Or I take a picture with Delta and I take a picture of the person. I said, Do you mind? And I'll tag Delta in it because I fly Delta. That's smart. And I say, Hey, they were- Marcus was amazing. Yeah, it was so great. Made my flight or whatever, do something like that. I've never given the broken them off cash, but I think you just opened my mind to it.

It wasn't anything crazy.

I feel like they would think it's weird.

They did. He did. Yeah, for sure. It was weird.

Because you stuffed them in his pants. I put it in my teeth and I got that in my knees.

It was a whole thing.

But anyway. You just shook his hand with it. It could have been different. I love the shake, the hidden.

That's how I did it. That's the best. That's how I did it when I said goodbye to him. I shook his hand goodbye. And then I think it was extremely unexpected. He was like, oh, what? But by that time, I'm gone. Do what you will. Whatever. I feel like at that point- Did he know who you were? Yeah.

So did you feel a little bit... That's the worst when you know they know you and they wait to tell you when the tip is dropped, when the things drop. They're like, By the way, I didn't want to bug you. A huge fan. Now you're like, Now I got to go hard.

But maybe it's a story. Now he has a story and he's telling someone somewhere. In my In the long game, one guy has a story at a dinner with a friend that does it. That's a cool, right? Love that. Doesn't that feel nice?

I love a good encounter with fans out there. That's the best part about being what we do. You get to blow people's minds with stuff like that.

If they're cool.

100%.

If they're drunk and they're grabby and they're crazy.

Sometimes I have people- Again, I apologize. I don't know how many times you want to say I'm sorry.

Well, dude, just sober up already. This guy grabbing my wiener in public. He's like, I'm a big fan. I'm like, Dude, I get it. No, I just don't like it if they're really drunk and they're grabby and handsy I'm always like, Dude, relax, relax.

Drunk is- I want to say hi and have fun and take a photo.

I'm always down to take a photo and all that stuff. But the drunk thing is tough because people get really wasted and they just get a little grabby touchy feeling.

Are you out after the show in the thing after? Not anymore.

Not really. But that's only because I just want to get rest. If we're traveling, I'm tired and I want to go to the next city.

You're golfing, you're out here.

I love to golf in the morning. But I think people don't realize that it's your weekend, but it's my week's workday. Do you know? So I think that's what's tough. People want you to be out and about doing the thing, and you're like, I got to go. I'm leaving in nine hours to go to another city. So I got to go get a little bit of sleep and then wake up and do it all over again. So it is tough because you do want to be entertaining. No one could do what Kreisher does. Bert's like, maybe at the bar, and they all go. That would give me crazy anxiety. I can't do that. I can't be in the middle of the thing. I started to get more social anxiety as I've gotten older just because I'm more protective of my time. I used to just be down, and now I'm like, You got to get rest.

You do. Go to bed. You got to think about the next show, too, right? Because I want to do it again for the people on the same level.

I don't want to give them a shitty show the next night because I'm tired and I just was out all night, and then the drive was bad, or the flight was delayed. I get into that in my mind more so now than I ever have. When I was young, I was like, I'll I've been going through all this. But now it's gotten harder and harder. You're on the middle of the road right now or no? Yes. I got my new tour now. You got a lot going on.

You got a lot of dates. Yeah, I just started. My new one's out now. Until when? Announced through May, and then I'll go a little bit for it. Because I had three, almost four months off in the summer. I ended this last tour in March, and then I took the summer with the kids, and I started up now.

You went to camp with them. You went to summer camp the whole time.

No, they stayed home. I went The other kids, not my kids stayed home. I'm swimming in the lake. I was like, I'm doing on the swingy, on the Tauzanne swing. Yeah, that was fun. So let's get into it. It's my new tour, all new stuff, and that went out. And then my special, I named Messing with People is the one that's available now. That was my tour for two and a half years. Good God. I had four months off.

You always named the special after the tour?

No, it wasn't. It was called Joe Gattle's Night of Comedy. That one. I named it Messing with People because that was the theme in it when you watch it. Sure. I didn't really know what it was when I started it. It was just like it's a night of comedy.

I don't think any of us do. I mean, we're all trying to put it together with the crowd, especially because if you have a big chunk of jokes that don't fit one centralized theme, I think it's hard to start to sew those together because you're like, Man, I want to talk about this, but I want to talk about But these things are all over the world. So I find that hard. I give, I can, I can, these comics that we have in our business that we're friends with that can string together like a beautiful, it's like a symphony. It's like a story. I'm more of like, This is what I'm thinking, that's what I'm thinking, that's what I'm thinking, that's what I'm thinking, that's what I'm I have to find this weird.

Yeah, but you have good in and out moments, though. You have clean segments. I try. Sometimes I never feel like when I want you and you're like, so power tools, right? That's rough. You I see some guys, it's like, oh, you got to find a segue, Frank. I didn't have that much. Messing with people was just an amalgamation of stuff, and it really just talked about my personality. It's like, I always mess with people. This new one, Let's get into it, I feel has way more of a theme. I think also just because I'm a little I'm better at stand up, doing it over three years instead of my first time doing it. Sure. So this one, I feel like I've done a little bit better job of weaving it all together.

Right. And that honestly comes with time. And then some of them come together just a lot easier. I find that with some of these sets, they just come together a little bit easier. And the other ones, you really set your brain to it.

There's so much anxiety with naming the tour, isn't there?

Nightmare. A little nightmare.

We used to be lucky because when we did the Joker's tours, we would just pick a phrase from the show. It's like, Where's Larry? Santiago sent us. It was all just stuff from the show. So it was like written for us. They were like, What are you going to name your show? I'm like, Joe Gatto's Night of Comedy. It's perfect.

But that's what it is. I think we work so hard on these titles and these names. Then people are inherently going to either love them or hate them. Or not care. Well, yeah, I guess that's all the options. But I feel like we I care so much. Sometimes you're like, Are people, is that stupid? Nobody really gives a shit. It doesn't really matter. That's why I think the next special I put out, I really do think it's going to be called Andrew Santino Live in Blank, wherever I shoot it.

That's a weird title. You should name it the city where you shoot it.

No, Live in Blank. Live in Blank. You never in a Blank? Blank, Blank, Blank, Blank, Arkansas? Well, it's in Kansas. Blank, Kansas. Arkansas has one for sure. No, Blank, Kansas. No, when I decide, I just think that'll be the way I do it is just live in something because the pressure is way too... It's just way too heavy-handed at this point. I I don't know why.

People watch it because of you. They're always going to look at the title and be like, oh. It's you. Fluffy W.

That sounds fun. You know what I mean? Well, Fluffy W is great. Did you do that? Well, look at Shapel. There's some guys like Louis does one-word titles, right? And then Shapel does, Equanimity and the Bird. It really doesn't matter.

I think that might be a little bit for them now, too, at this point, right? Of course it is.

Well, they're so famous that it doesn't matter. They're fucking with you with how little they're giving you or how much they're giving you. It doesn't really matter. It has no bearing. You're going to watch it. Of course, with David, it always has to have something to do with the title, with the through line or the depth of the special. But I just think people don't really care. I think people just want to see you. And now the bites of which they're consuming us are so small now. It's got to be fast. It's fast, and they just want it right now. They don't want to wait. You know what I mean? They just want you to give it to me right now because the Internet, it's so fast, we're never going to be able to beat it. You're never going to beat the Internet. That's what's getting scarier. Yeah. Is that the scariest thing for you? To me, yeah. We can't get over the Internet.

You don't think a fake you is the scariest thing?

No, I just think the Internet is going to beat us to every joke. The internet has beat us with every joke. It's got it out before you could ever put it out. If it's a public joke, right? If it's about... It's always something that's in politics or Trump or whatever. The internet's got it. It's already there. The internet's got it there already because they did it that morning on Twitter. Right.

Even if you're getting up that night somewhere.

It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Well, that's why Tonight Show jokes, monologs, you watch these days. It's so hard because it's already been done. By the time they've said it, it was on Twitter, it was on Instagram, it was on TikTok. It's already been spread through the internet. And on YouTube, there's people that will put out a YouTube chunk of things the day after something happens. Tonight Show couldn't even... How could they get that fast? It's pretty impressive. I mean, Are you scared of that AI future of us, of taking it away from us?

No, I think I could only be improved upon. No, I've always thought technology as an ally. Look, with everything, there's some scary shit. You see some stuff with When they do these fake phone calls and it's like, Yeah, this is a robot talking to you and it's taking your social security number. That's a little tough. I do fear some of that stuff. But I almost got scammed, which was so weird. My wife is like, Hey, Joe, the electric company just called the business line for my nonprofit for Gatto Pups and Friends. She's like, hey, they just called. They said they're going to shut the electricity because you didn't pay the bill. I have so many different accounts with the nonprofit in mind. I was like, maybe I didn't link it up or whatever. So I call the guy and he's like, Hey, thank you for calling whatever the name of the electric company is. He's like, Yeah. He's like, Your balance is due. I said, I'm looking at it right now. I said, It's up. It's fine. The guy goes, No. He's like, All right, look what you have to do is you have to pay the amount due and then we'll credit back to your account once they work it out in the system.

But your lights are going to get shut off by noon. It was like 10:00 AM and I was like, Really? He's like, yeah. I was like, all right. I said, no. I said, all right, how do I pay it? He goes, oh, well, we don't take credit cards over the phone. He goes, I'll send you.

You got to go to a money in your neighborhood.

He goes, I'll text you a CVS barcode and you take it to the CVS and pay it. When they pay it, don't tell them it's for the electric because it'll hit you with a surcharge. Just say you have to pay this. I go, great. I hang up and I go, wait a minute. This is also It's so weird. They text over the thing, call back. The guy, about 10 minutes later, he calls me back. He's like, Hey, just wondering if you got the thing and you were able to complete it. I don't want to have to shut your lights off. I said, Yeah, dude, I'm not paying. He goes, Oh, man, fuck you, and hung up.

Good business, bro.

But he got that far on me, and I was like, Oh, shit.

You almost got sunk.

I almost got sunk.

That's bad. My grandmother almost got sunk one time. It was wild. The guy called. She picked it up and he said, Grandma, it's me. Which should have been the first clue because we never called her grandma. But grandma, it's me. And then she elicited the name of one of her grandkids. So she said the name, and he goes, Yes, it's me. So then she was sunk a little bit already. And he said, I got caught. I'm in jail for smoking pot. They caught me with pot. And she was like, Oh, no. He said, But I don't want you to call my mom and dad because I don't want to get in trouble. Can you help me out? Can you bail me out? I need you to go to another one of these things. I go to a location and get a money grandma out or money like this and bring it to this location, blah, blah, blah. And then she hung up the phone nervous because she wanted to help her grandson out. But then she thought, This doesn't seem strange. She called someone else in the family, which obviously cleared that that's not true at all.

That the grandson she was talking about is fine with a bunch of friends.

He's already in jail.

Yeah. Well, he's been in jail for 20 years. No. But it's so obvious. The biggest joke about us was we always laugh. She's gone now, sadly, but we always laugh because had she have known, the grandson she picked does smoke pot, does smoke a lot of pot, but so does his dad and mom. It's like, this wouldn't have been the family to pick. Had she known, it would have been like, I'm in trouble for pot. It's like, no chance. They all smoke pot. Yeah, for sure. Definitely call your dad. He'll bail you out because it was his pot that you got. You know what I mean? He wants to back you home.

Yeah.

I was like, what are we talking about? But yeah, she almost got- Those are, I mean, the I'm picking on the old people. Yeah, you should be stoned in the town square. If you pick on old people, we should be able to stone you and stream it live. I do.

I love watching the people. I get the scammers. That's so fun. You get those.

There's a girl that I watch.

Why aren't they solving murder mysteries? I know.

They are unbelievable. It's like the hackers of this world. How come the hackers? I think they're having so much fun doing stuff like that. They don't want to have a boss and be told what to do. They're rebels. They're renegades. These are like the Robin hood. Robin hood wouldn't... You know what I mean?

Yeah, but they're Robin. They're not getting to the fore.

Yeah, but they're not taking money. Those scammers are just scamming the scammers.

Oh, those people. Yes.

I see what you're saying. They're just scamming the scammers. I love that. So it's like no one- I thought you were talking about the scammers themselves.

Right. The people who are scamming the scammers are my heroes.

Yeah, 100%. Well, the scammers, those guys. I mean, that's a whole thing.

Yeah, but the people that do it and stream it and you watch it. Hours. I just sit there and watch it.

There's a girl that's so good, and then she has a voice box changer.

She does a voice box changer. And then she talks like the grandma. She's so good.

I love her. She's so good. She's incredible how she's able to get these guys. And what they do is that, yeah, they retransfer the money that was supposed to go into their account, but they hack their accounts, so they drain their accounts, which I think it's so impressive they're able to do that. I think the government, I'm sure, is working on a faction and hiring those people so they can collapse, you know what I mean, an entire industry. Sure. That's why ride aid is out of business because of people like that. That's why. It's gone forever. I missed Right Aid. Rip, man. Rip, RIP, RIP aid. I missed the ice cream at Right Aid. Those were the good old days. Terrible with the crusted frozen, the icicles all over. I used to walk home from the Comedy store, and there was a ride aid on the way home. I used to always get ice cream late at night. It was awful, awful, awful ice cream. Freezer burn all over. But you were supporting it. I loved it, though. I think it was just a nice sweet treat on the walk home because the walk was a couple of miles.

So I was like, I just got a couple of miles. Don't I deserve some ice cream? How can we justify that? You're like, That walked.

Come on, that walked.

Yeah, it's 9,000 calories. I walked a mile.

You also had so many beers.

Yeah, 13 or 14. Big You knock one out. That's all. I'm getting rid of these calories. Are you working out? Are you a big workout guy on the road or no? I'm talking to the guy behind you. Clearly. What? Never, huh? Never exercise on the road.

I have tennis elbow. I don't know how.

Yeah, really? You don't play tennis?

Right now, I have tennis elbow. It's so funny. How? I don't know. I do not know.

What does it hurt when the flexation hurts or whatever?

Killing me.

How do you think you got it?

I don't know, Andrew.

You're the athletic one. Lifting anything?

I have children. I pick them up. I don't That's it. Wrong way?

Yeah.

My son's getting a little bit bigger. I shouldn't have done this maybe when I throw him on the bed.

Is he getting a little heavy? That's why maybe he needs to lose the weight.

You're the son of a bitch. He damaged me. No, I've always been able to lose weight by changing what I eat and when I stop eating during the night.

Well, eating is, they always say that's the biggest.

For me, that's the way my body for sure works. When I cut out stuff and I stop, I eat half the plate instead of the full plate, and I do that stuff.

Don't you love a full plate?

But I love full plate. I'm in full plate action right now, so I'm having fun.

You're cleaning all of it. How How long you been a veg? I didn't know you were a veg. You did.

We talked about this when I was here. You should watch these episodes. They're good. Are they?

Oh, this is being recorded. How long you've been a veg? At this point, I think it's eight years. When we ate at the hotel, when you were at the Andez.

I got you meats.

Yeah, but you didn't get a... I don't know. I guess I didn't.

We ate family style. That's why there was a bunch of fun stuff. I don't ever pay attention. It's the only way to eat. Family style is the only way to eat.

So how long has it been again?

I think eight years at this point. Nine, maybe. My God.

Yeah, a long time. I say, Congratulations. It's good for you. Then I think about it. Yeah, No, but yeah, it is good for you if it works for you, I guess. If it works for you.

I'm not one of those preachers.

No.

Why would you be?

It's silly.

I never get into it with people about it. It's like whatever. It's like it is what it is.

You be what you want, I'll be what I want. Some people make you feel real guilty about it. Yeah.

Some people hit you with the jaw thing. You hear that? You're like, Our jaws, we're meant to... If your jaw doesn't go side to side, you're meant to grind. You're supposed to be eating plants. You know how a jaw goes? Like a lion just rips. They only could do this. They can't do this.

Right. Well, clearly, the jaw thing is a missed argument because I just I went to the dentist again, and I'll tell you what, they never brush these things, and now we're brushing them all the time, and nothing but problems. So let me tell you. I swear to God, the back, it's so crazy. It's like, for years, I never had any problems. Nothing, nothing. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he's like, Oh, yeah, Everything is messed up. Well, I have three of my four.

Came through.

No, no, no. Still, still. One is impacted. One's impacted and the others are halfway out or whatever. And for years, take them out, take them out, take them out. And then I said, I I said, honestly, is it a health issue? And they were like, no. I'm like, well, then I'm not taking it out. Don't do it. Yeah, it doesn't make sense, right? I guess I don't get it. I'm not taking out unless they go, this has got to come out.

I didn't have. I had two came in clean. One I didn't have, and one got impacted, but I lost the tooth in front of it, so it just grew in a little bit like a curvy. In the back, it's a little sideways action. So I'm all set. I didn't have to do any of it. I got out scot free.

No, I had to go again, and it's a whole nightmare. And they make you feel so bad about it. He made me feel so bad Nobody in the world is more judgy than a dental assistant. What is that? A doctor is like, Hey, man, we're going to get through this together.

I got your hand. They hold you. A dead-side manner. Dentist. Yeah, dentists are like, You're disgusting. You scumbag. When the last time you flushed, you piece of shit?

I flushed yesterday. They're like, Sure.

Did you just This morning, though.

Look at this.

Look at this. They pull out a full hamburger.

I don't like that they show it to you. They show you. They're like, Look at this. You're like, I don't want to see it.

You're spitting the thing, and you just have all this food, and it's like, see.

Yeah, they keep it.

Yeah, they keep it. They put it in a jar. Next time you show up, you're like, did you Pay your copay and get out.

Get out. And get out of our office. No, it's the- The dentist has always been, for me, it was always so guilty.

They always hit you. That's so funny. I've never really analyzed it that much. They hit you.

It's such a guilt trip thing. As a kid, we all went to the same dentist. My sister still goes to the dentist we went to when I was a kid, which is funny. He's watched us grow up, and he was the nicest guy. He's the nicest, sweetest, coolest dude. He's still his family dentist for my family. Now I come out to LA and they're all bullies. I think, what if I just go home? I'm going to go home and do it. Yeah, I'm home every two months anyway.

You feel like everything's fine.

Yeah, who cares?

I had an abscess tooth. You know what that is? When you get the Root canals are the way to get around them. If you have a tooth that you need a root canal, you don't get it, then it gets an infection. It goes into your jaw. You get an abscess tooth. So the infection is under your tooth, right? And it makes your jaw blow up. It's how people died back in the day. The infection goes to your brain. You have to get it done right away. It's like a big thing, right? But your face blows up. So I woke up one morning. I come down, says my mom, rest in peace. I come down, says half my face is out. She goes, what the fuck is happening in your face? And I said, what? I knew my face hurt, but I didn't look in the mirror yet. I just woke it up, right? She goes, God, look, you look like Jay Letto. When I go in the thing and half my face was out. She's like, We got to go to the dentist, right? So I go to the dentist and the guy was like, Oh, we could treat it or whatever.

And he's like, Oh, we could just yank it. I'm like, Fucking pull it out. I don't want it to be treated. Just pull it out. Give me a moxacillin. And that was the tooth that saved me from the Oh, my God.

By the way, is that what's really going on with Jay Lionel? Do you think he's going to have to abscess teeth? Is that the bottom line? Is that the real root of this story? Is that you're trying to tell Jay? Jay, wake up.

Check your teeth out, pal. I'm just wondering.

How did your dad die? He died from an abscession. Back in the day, the stuff that people died from. I think the most what I watched this Wyatt Earp documentary, which I don't know if you're familiar or know anything about that. With Wyatt Earp.

Yeah, or the- The Earps in general.

As the whole. Yeah, the brothers. The whole story, it's beautiful. They have a doc on it right now. They I'm going to talk about how many people died. I think it's tuberculosis, right? Yeah, TB. But they used to call it... Oh, God. I want to find the word so bad. Tuberpulosis. They used to call It's not... Come on, I'm going to get it. I swear to God. They used to call it...

We could cut all this out.

Yeah, don't cut this out. Yeah, watch me hunt for it. Oh, God. The word is called... Come on, Joe. You're here with me. Figure it out. You got it.

Figure it The word for tuberculosis?

Well, before they said that, they called it something else, and it's not cessation. It's like...

You're just throwing words out. I don't even know. I think you made the word cessation out.

Man, this is going to bum me out, so I'm going to have to Google it right now.

Go in. I'll just ref. Hey, guys, thanks so much for watching this episode where we discuss airports and olden time ways to die.

What do we used to call tuberculosis? Consumption. God.

I know that. I knew that.

Consumption. They used to call it concussion. Doc I guess, when he moved to Tombstone, had a terrible case of consumption. This is the funniest thing back then. So many people had consumption. It was just a common thing. His fix was they were like, Well, have a little bit of whiskey. For some people, it would help, like to side the pain and all that stuff. This dude was a blackout drunk and would get into gun fights, blackout drunk, and was still a phenomenal shot, I guess, but lasted so long because the whiskey like, pickled his insides, so to speak. So Consumption took him a long time for him to die. The overconsumption. He was overconsuming. That guy was consuming. He consumed so much, consumption went away. That's right. It was impressive to watch it. He was consumpted. He was consumpted, fully consumpted. But it was a crazy documentary to watch how many people had it and how many people died right away. But people just lasted a super long time with it. But I guess he was this enigma, and he would just drink all day, every day, but still like such a functioning, like a high functioning and was one of the best shots.

He could shoot a gun, blacked out drunk and was good.

I wonder if he was bad sober. I wonder if he had no aim.

Right. Shaky sober. It's like, I can't do it. Don't mess a holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Wait till he gets liquered up. No, it was a fascinating doc about the ERPs and the shootout, the okay, corral. My dad and I watched it when I was back home. He loves that old Western.

He does, yeah.

That's what... I mean, my dad is stuck in that time.

I think that's a dad thing. I don't think we are... Our generation is... I have uncles. My dad loved Western, but I have uncles and stuff that age, our generation, one up from us that love Western. I don't think that exists, a love of something like they loved Western.

I like it, but I never got it the way he fell in love with it.

My dad would shut us up if a Western was on. Oh, yeah.

John Wayne. It was such a big deal for my dad. I don't know why he loved that stuff so much. I think it's because it felt like... Because he's a kid that grew up in North Carolina in the mountain. The Wild West for them was always this fascinating place.

You know what? I lied. You know what that is for us, superhero movies? Because cowboys were their superhero. That is true. I think for us, a lot of these superhero movies, there's a lot of people that get really into and dive in in a way of those things.

Yeah, what Star Wars did was probably what John Wayne did for little kids. Playing cowboys in India. He's a Chewbacca in the West. I'd say North Face, but yes, yes, yes. Some say so. Yeah, well, who was Princess Lea then of the cowboy world? Who was the- What's the woman in- What's the girl who was the woman who was a famous guy?

Gone with the Wind.

Yeah, I'm thinking of- Doris Day. No, but Doris Day, what a singer. Wrong World. Katherine O'Hara? No. Katherine Hepburn? Katherine Hepburn? Hepburn. Who knows?

They're wrong. Faye.

Faye Dunaway. Faye Dunaway. There it is. All these names are probably wrong. Someone at home has been like, They don't know what they're talking about. No, he loved it. My dad loved Andy Griffith. I've seen so many episodes of Andy Griffith. Some of our listeners have literally no idea what that is. But they'll Google it now and they'll see it. Right. They'll know who Ron Howard was, who I was called when I was a kid a lot. Opey. Opey. All the black kids at school. They go, Opie, right? They go, Hey, here come Opie. They call you Opie? They say that all the time. They call you Opie? Opie, yeah. It was little Opie Taylor. Because at the time, that was something that was like a cultural reference that a little red-headed, big-eared kid was Opie Taylor, who would be Ron Howard. It's funny because, man, what a cute kid. And man, what a good director. Great director. Great director. Great director. Great director. Get behind the camera. Well, I'll never work with him anymore. That's the end of that. That's it. It's done. No, he is a phenomenal director. But yeah, I was called Opie as a kid.

One of my favorite Ron Howard stories ever. We were somewhere doing something with the network, and Ron Ron Howard's coming out of this party that we were going into. I'm with Q, Brian. We were walking in and he was like, We just got out of the car. He was waiting for his about to get in his car, and he walked by us. He's got to us. Ron Howard made all these movies we love. He walks by. He's on his cell phone, and Brian just goes, Ron Howard, and points in his face. Ron goes, Hey, it just gets in the car. He walked away and Q turned white. He goes, I just pointed in Ron Howard's face and said his name. I'm such an idiot. That was his mom. Ron Howard. Ron Howard. Correct. I got to see Ron.

You're a boy. Good boy. Yeah. Get him a star. You want a star, buddy? You want a sucker? We've all felt that way about someone where... I don't get... I don't know.

Who's the best person you worked with, you think? That you were like, Oh, my God, I'm working with this person.

Like, tongue-tied. I don't get... And no one really makes me nervous like that. But there's people that I think are... I did the movie with William H. Macy. I thought he was incredible. I don't know. I've always been like, That guy's incredible. And we didn't really do a lot together. We had a couple of scenes, but he was one of those guys I just think is He's an unbelievably good actor. Amazing. Yeah, he's not intimidating as a guy. He's a very sweet guy. He's not off-putting. But I don't get nervous around any of those guys or anything. There's some people I'm significantly more impressed by, and then other people would go, That's not more impressive. I'm like, not really. It depends for me what it is.

Not nervous or tongue-tied, but do you find yourself in your head a little bit that you're sitting with that person or being whatever?

No, the only time I get a little bit of a hiccup is right before we work. If we're about to do work together. Right before we work, then I think, all right, be good in front of this person because don't look like a dummy and know your shit. Come be a professional.

You don't want to be the guy that's not professional.

I just don't want to be unprofessional. I don't want to look lazy to them. I don't want them to be like, what are you doing, dude?

You don't want to be the guy everybody's talking about. Correct.

Yeah. I just don't want that thing. Other than that, no, I don't get all chewed up by it. I just think, come prepared and be legit. It's important, I guess, because you want to show them that I do my job, too. I don't give a shit if they think I'm good or not. Care if they know that I'm professional. Professional, right? Yeah.

Because that's probably the biggest slap in the face is why you're trying to be professional. And then I'll cross from this.

And someone's goofing. I made some dumb mistakes. We've talked about it before on Bad Friends. I had a table read in front of Will Farrell, and I just ate shit in front of him. And forever, I was like, man, this sucks. I wasn't being unprofessional at all. I was very prepared. I just didn't do a great job at the read, so I was bummed. I was like, Man, in front of Will, of all people. And sure enough, I wasn't going to have that role anyway. It was doing a favor to do a read where they want to see how the comedy works the room, which is also a little insulting because then you do it and you see the guy that did it that played the role. They just offered it to that guy. I had to go read it, make sure it sounded right so they could punch it up, and then they gave it to someone famous. Yeah. Which is that's your whole career. It truly is like Until you get to a point when they're interested in you, you're the fluffer. You're the warm up guy. Yeah, for sure. I'm just spitting on my hands and getting everybody ready.

I mean, truly, you're like, get in there, warm them up. Let's hear how it sounds. I did that for years. I would go into script readings for people because they wanted to hear me do a comedic take on something so they could punch it up and then give it to the next guy, which sucked. I hated that feeling. I did it for Judd a lot. Yeah? Judd. Never got put in anything by Judd. I did a bunch for Judd. I did a bunch for a lot of people where I'd come in and then you'd kill it. They'd be like, Dude, that's awesome. Thank you. You brought it to life. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. It's going to go to a meal Hirsch or something. You're like, What? See you later. It was just so weird how they would shape those things. But I think it's also because they all They want to hear it, come through a different party's voice to see how they could then refit it into someone else. Because if you were too similar to whoever it was, it would work.

I got a joke in Wonder Woman, too, from a set visit.

Come on. Yeah, it was great. Give it to me.

There's a scene that she's fighting in the mall. It was back in the day, it was set in the whatever. She's fighting in the mall, whatever. I'm good friends with Patty Jenkins, the director. It was my birthday weekend. She's like, Come to set. I was in DC. We were just filming Jokers. The movie was ending, and I was in DC. I stayed an extra two days to go to set. I'm sitting there and I'm just... Directing is my thing. That's what I want to do eventually. I'm sitting there and I'm looking at all and I'm just taking it all in. And to be on the set like that is crazy. They literally took over an abandoned mall and made it a 1980s mall. It was unbelievable.

Or they just went somewhere in the valley and they're all 1980s malls.

Don't go to the West Valley. It was three floors of just all this stuff. They were doing an action sequence where she's fighting all these guys, whatever. She does this scene where Wonder Woman is like, they're shooting at her and she just grabs the gun and smashes them, whatever. Gal Gadot does the whole thing in the Wonder Woman thing, smacks the guns and walks back and she's like, no, no. That's the line she kept doing. Her and Patty, I'm watching Patty watch her and whatever, and I'm sitting in the village and she's like, she walks back and they rewatch one. She had done a funny take where a gal whipped her hand and she was like... Patty was like, You're not on a runway. They were joking about it. I was just sitting there and I was like, Yeah, you're like, I hate guns. They started hysterical life. So the next take, she breaks them. She goes, I hate guns, and walks That's great. That's what they used in the movie.

And it's in it. No credit by the way. I was like, No, that's okay. You know what, though? No, that's not okay. Patty, write the check, will you? No.

She's paid me back multiple times.

That is great, though. It's cool to have that. I did this little scene, this thing, and then They were trying to find a line, and I was friends with the director, and I'm in the scene, and then they were trying to find an insult for Woody Harrelson to say to me. I'm not going to give it away because it's actually fun in the movie. But it was cool because Woody was going through different versions of to make fun of me about. I was like, who knows better than me of what to make fun of? I just threw him a line, and he was like, That's funny. That's funny. Wow. How cool is that? Then Woody asked the director, who I've known for a very long time, who's an old friend of mine, and he said, Who Who's that guy? Because he had no idea. Then he told Woody, and then Woody glowed up to me a little bit. Was like, oh, great. I know you're a comedian. Then he was very interesting. He thought I was just some random day player in there. But it was fascinating to watch him take the thing and then run with it.

Then Ila Fisher was like, she's like, hey, you want to help me with some stuff? That's so cool. Yeah, sure. You know what I mean? Where you're like, I got to rewrite the whole scene. You know what I mean? I'll write that check. No, but those moments that actually land in the movie or the show or something, it's magical. It is so wild.

I've got to imagine because that's something you have that I don't have. Being in the movies, when you were doing any movies that you did that you were able just to I throw something and watch it work and then watch it be in the end process. It's going to be such a cool experience. It feels so but it's- Because you're in there to see it happen and it's not even happening. Then it happens and then everybody laughs when I say cut, and then it's in the movie and then the whole audience laughs because of something you thought of. It's got to be there.

Well, it's the same thing that we do with stand up where you're like, it's like when you test out a joke for the first time at a club or whatever, and it pops a little bit, and then you keep doing it and it builds. And then when you get to the theater or wherever or just another club, and then it's really ingrained in your set and it works really, really well. It's the same feeling as when you watch it live that you're like, I can't believe I'm an idiot. I know. This worked.

It worked. This has fired off one round.

Mom, it worked. That's how it feels. You want to be a director in the future of your life. That's your end game goal. Who's your... Who do you really want to work with? You're like, what would really make my career if I could work with-Oh, as an actor? Director, actor, whatever you want.

Got you. Funny, you should ask, I have the script for you.

Give it to me. You know I can't read, but yeah, give it to me.

No, I mean, I'm a fan of a lot of actors for different reasons. I mean, right now, I just saw the new Speak No Evil. Mcavoy is unbelievable. Yeah.

He's unbelievable. Yeah, he is.

Yeah, he's incredible. He's just great. I mean, I love Split and all that, too. But he's unreal. So I think for me, he's probably up there for somebody. But if I'm doing a comedy, an action-comedy thing, there's just so many good comedians. It's like so many good comedic actors.

Yeah, but McAvoy, that's who I was looking for. Something like that.

Mcavoy is like, I feel like he just bring... He would bring something to life in a way.

Sure. He's incredible. I mean, talent. Sometimes you see these guys and you're like, what's going on? You're different. Were you made? Did they make you somewhere? Yeah.

But you know what I always watch is when you watch a scene between two people and you're like, this poor person's got to go and do this scene with them. I can't even imagine what that moment is. In that movie, Speak No Evil, the kid that plays the main kid, and it has one of the most emotional things I've ever seen. I went to the premiere. They brought him out on a setting, whatever. He never acted once. This is his first thing. What? He looked like he was an academy award winner. Unbelievable. And it's all acting because he doesn't speak at Speak No Evil. It's speaking. And it's all just face, emoting.

Unreal. Well, sometimes the rawness of that is what- You need. Yeah. It's what propels people to a different level because it's so organic. A lot of times, and we're I'm subject to this, too, is overacting gets in your own way because you feel like you want to do so much because you want to make sure what you do gets in. So you do too much. We've all done that. I mean, I'm definitely one. I've overacted. Because you really want it to make it. You want it to be- You've overacted? Good.

What?

It's my whole career. This guy stinks.

That's tough, though, because you're trying... I feel like that's when you don't understand what you're supposed to do. A lot of times, you'll just...

Well, you're trying to figure it out. We're all trying to figure it out.

But you have to try to figure out on set, too, right? It's not fair that you're doing your read through, you're doing whatever. That's not the moment. The moment that you're figuring out is when the cameras are there, you're in the moment of the scene and what feels right. So you need those third, fourth takes.

It is definitely you're going to school while you're... You know what I mean? You're in school for sure the whole time. It doesn't matter how much acting experience people have. I see all the good actors I've ever worked with. They're also learning while they're doing. I mean, they know what they like and they know what they want to present. But you do see guys are still in school while they're doing it. The way that they work with different people depends on so many other factors. It's impressive to watch, but yes, I'll be in your movie at the end of the day if that's what you really want. I would love to do a movie with you. You're kidding me? I will not take direction from you, but I will be in your movie.

That's okay. I won't need you to. I won't need you. I just go, go.

And you just go, whee. There it is.

You're really scared in this, so you do it.

Academy Award. I'd like to thank Joe Gatto for letting me just be me.

Finally, I get to do it. Yeah. Your tag line is Zoinkies.

Zoinkies in a trademark. Right now, everyone, somebody trademarked that right now. That's it.

I'm writing a script where you say Zoinkies.

Zoinkies, that's it. Just pop in, pop out. Deliver a pizza. Zoinkies. Can we make a pact right now?

Yeah, dude. Can I do a comedy That you'll pop in and go, Zoinkies?

I'll do it. You write it, I'll do it. You get it ready. I'll show up and do it. No problem. But I do want to be compensated.

A significant amount of money.

Yeah, if I'm going to show up.

I just have to need to rewrite all of Ila Fishers.

That's fine. If you can get her, that's fine. Yeah, I got to go to Budapest and do a little thing. I don't know if you've ever been there, Budapest?

Maybe.

Pretty cool. Well, yeah, it's 50-50. You're like, this is beautiful and amazing. It's also been rebuilt since it was war-torn. I don't know if you've been in any of these countries where you're like, Eastern Europe, it It's beautiful. You can also feel you go two miles outside of town, you're like, oh, my God.

They stopped building here. The money ran out here.

So much of it's trying to build for the past. So they want to make a lot of stuff look like it used to look 100 50 years ago. So they try to make the architecture oftentimes reflect their history, which is hard. It's just hard to do. But it just feels... Some parts of it feel like a movie set because it's dystopian. You're like, this is like a blown out factory next door to somebody's home.

You look this way, there's a Starbucks on a wall. You turn around, there's just like a crumble.

Seriously, it's like a McDonald's. And then you're like, what would be like a crack building in a movie? I mean, it looks like Michael Bay got a hold of some of the town. It's very weird. It does something to your brain because you're used to these thriving Western European When you go to Eastern Europe, you see pieces of that, glimpses of it, and then it's completely removed when you go a little bit outside of town. We walked for miles and miles because there were these natural thermal springs that we wanted to go to. Oh, fancy. Amazing. It was amazing. There's so many thermals out there, different pool houses and bath houses. There's really raw ones that are like out that you can go to, like out on the other side of the mountain, I guess. We didn't end up that far out, but it was wild to go through their culture like that to see that.

To see the- You don't expect that, though, either.

My God. No. What a different landscape just by turning 360, right?

You're looking at all these.

It's fascinating because there's so much money in one part of it. So much money in one part of it. A lot of it's foreign money. And then you go out and you can see how we're lucky. That's all I got to say. The more I live, the more I travel, the more I'm like, man, we're pretty lucky. People can say whatever they want about, I don't like this about this. You're like, I know, dude.

Yeah, but you should see that.

You should see that. Yeah. You should go take a look at what it looks like post war. You know what I mean? That's what's fascinating. That's, I think, the best part about doing that thing, about traveling and get out of your... We're going to Singapore, and I'm beyond excited because I've never been to South Asia.

I've heard nothing but great things.

Yeah. Phenomenal, right? Have you done an international tour or anything?

I've done. Yeah, I did Australia.

Beautiful. New Zealand. We're going down there. Oh, so great. Yeah. Good people.

Very great people.

Very good people.

Like comedy.

They do. They like comedy. It's great. Good grounds. The best part about those people is they are happy because not a lot of people go down there. Yeah.

They don't have to deal with a lot of bullshit.

It's far. It's very far. Well, we're taking a boat. I don't know if you guys took a boat or a plane. We're boating down there.

You're boating from where?

From LA. We're going to boat down there. Yeah. I'm afraid of the flight.

You're getting there March. You're getting there March, 2027.

Yeah, I just want to- Rowing. I want to get out. You're going to be jacked. Yeah. I rode across. What's up with Santino's arms?

He burned some calories, man. He had that ice cream from right age. You guys ready for some You roll up with just consumption.

I have consumption now. Yeah. I've been drinking the whole time.

I caught it at C.

All right, so listen, I want to tell our fans and our friends to please watch your special and leave a comment. Comments are important. Comment down below. Nice face. I want a lot of people to write nice face. That I know is your friend. Because he does got a nice face. Nice face, Joe. You can write in and let people know how much you appreciate this man like I do. Always a pleasure to have on this show. Always so nice to have fun with you. I want you to do me a favor and write Arizona. Let them bring back memory.

I'm getting you memory.

You'll do that for me? I will get you memory.

Okay, good.

If you'll be in my movie, I'll get you memory. Never mind. Scratch that. I don't want it. Damn it. I overshot. Go see Joe live. His tour dates are on his website, and you can go see him. He's all over this beautiful country, and go watch his special. We end the show the same way. You look in that camera right there. You say one word or one phrase, whenever you're ready.

Happiness. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You were that creature in the ginger beared. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampire, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 You know whenever you're ready. Happiness. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.