Transcript of The Drama is Reale: Wednesday, April 15th, 2026 New

Today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by Starbucks. Starbucks baristas know their communities, and that's why every year Starbucks baristas can nominate local nonprofits to receive grants, with more than 16,000 grants awarded to local organizations so far. So how Starbucks supports communities is led by people in those communities, because at Starbucks, making an impact together is just the start. Learn more at starbucks.com/toast. Partners. That's starbucks.com/partners.

Thanks, cherners. Good morning, girlies.

It's the toast.

It's Jackson, Claude, and we're your hosts.

It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly. It's the toast.

They sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy hump day! Don't forget to hump someone you love. And speaking of girls that I love, and you guys know I would just absolutely do anything to get a chance to hump, it's my sister, my lover, my life partner, my business partner, my swirly. She's got that attitude. Yeah, that's right, it's Miss Follet, Jacqueline Follet.

Will she be given a chance to speak? Who knows?

Jacqueline motherfucking Follet.

Hey, how y'all doing? How are you doing, Claudia?

Nobody ever asks me that. Thank you.

That was like yesterday you asked me how I'm doing, and I like really had to stop and think, you know, because it's always like, it's always how you doing, but it's never how are you doing.

So true. It's so true. Oh my God, how am I doing? Yeah, I think, I think I'm actually doing quite well. Like, I feel happy except for the fact that like I'm in such desperate need of a haircut. I look like I'm wearing a wig these days, um, and I have an appointment like next week. I just, I kind of need it to be today because it's getting really hot and like my neck is like kind of sweaty. Um, but other than that, like, I feel like I'm doing really good. Like, I'm back in my groove in the city, you know, hitting up Central Park. I started that documentary you recommended, which is in fact created by Rick Burns, not Ken Burns.

I have to issue— I think they're brothers, so like, that's just like someone calling Jackie Claudia and Claudia Jackie.

I'm sure Rick and Ken get it all the time.

I'm sure they get it all the time. So yes, it's by Rick Burns, and it's not called Central Park, it's part of his documentary on New York. That's an 8-part series, and the Central Park piece is in episode 2. It's not an entire episode, but it's a nice chunk explaining the development of Central Park. What are your thoughts?

So I started it from the very beginning, you guys. It's 14 hours. Ben was like, what are we watching? I'm like, just sit down. And so I figured, like, if I'm gonna start on episode 2, like, okay, I'll just start on episode 1, even though episode 1 is 2 hours and it's like about the Dutch settling New York and the fur trade. You know, it It does actually, I do find it interesting, but you have to think a lot. I was getting really tired while I was watching it just 'cause it's not like passive dumb. You know, they talk about how when New York, like how did New York become like, no matter what's happened to the city, it has just been this like intense, like densely populated capitalist society. And like the only reason that New York works is because it's like the invention of capitalism and like how it has maintained that sort of like hustle culture since the Dutch in the late 1600s. So it is really interesting, you know, us Jews, we were there, you know, they were yelling at us, they hated us, but we were there, we were there, we were there.

And how it just became this like actual melting pot of like, you know, because they were kind of desperate to get people to live there. Like the Dutch discovered it and wanted to create like a thing and nobody wanted to live there 'cause like there was nothing going on. And so they just—

They had to be settled.

They took whoever they could get. And so they took like a lot of Germans, a lot of Polish, a lot of Jews. Like they just took what they could get so much to the point that like nobody even spoke spoke Dutch anymore, and then the British took it over. Um, so yeah, I'm like really smart, and I'm watching— like, it's not even— it's not even TV because like they're just talking and showing you maps. Like, there's no—

like, it's like a book that you're watching.

It's a book. It's an audiobook.

It's like a textbook that you're watching.

It's giving—

especially with the Erie Canal, just is such a throwback to like social studies, you know? It's giving me social studies. You know what, you've got to get to the Erie Canal. And you know what I was thinking the other day? I feel like we say this all the time, but it's like school—

you would've loved to take a social studies class right now.

School is wasted on the young.

So true.

I would love to learn some of these facts and some of these skills, some of these math skills. Like now I'm at a place where I can receive it. Like it's crazy that we're learning all this intense information in 5th grade, things that we don't know today. And I just feel like that's a flaw in the system.

That's why I started following this guy Johnny on TikTok. Um, he's like obsessed with just how So much history still exists in New York. And he was like, do you ever notice why certain like brownstones or townhouses have lampposts outside? I'm like, I didn't even know that. Well, because before Gracie Mansion, if you were a mayor, they would put lampposts outside your house and light them when they, when you were home. So your neighbors would know, like, shut up, important work's going down. Like, don't be loud. Don't cause a ruckus.

So every brownstone that has a lamp in front of it housed a former mayor?

There's only like 3 or 4 in the city.

Oh, so I guess no, I never wondered why that one has one or that one has one.

There's a certain park, a lot of it is downtown 'cause the city started from the bottom and then, you know, started to grow.

Started from the bottom, now we're here.

And another thing that I learned is like some of the parks, they, like the railings, like the wrought iron, like fencing is original, like seriously from the 1700s. And a lot of them, like at the top of the posts are like, they look like they've been cut off. No, they look like they've been cut off. And why? Because they used to have crowns on them. And then when the, you know, revolution happened, the rebellions were like, we're getting these nasty crowns out of here. They sawed 'em off.

Okay, like, I understand the sentiment, but that's like, we're missing out on crowns in the park now.

Thanks. I know, I was thinking that too. Like, would that have been parji? Thanks, Revolution. And they took down the big King George statue, which I understand the symbolism of, but would be cool to have now.

Yeah, yeah, no, I understand. So it's just like, keep that in mind when everyone's going tearing things down, you know?

Yes, no, it's like, it is a part of our history.

Yeah, that could have been cool to have crowns, but okay.

Could have been cool to have crowns in the park for sure. We'll have stumps.

That's super awesome.

Thanks. And then I also landed on like Central Park Talk, where they talk about like different— and I'm sure they'll get to it in the Episode 2 of my Ken Rick Burns— do you ever watch Mindy Project?

No.

So Mindy's in love with her like coworker Danny, and he's so mean. I hate this guy. And they do end up together, like, and then they break up, whatever. But he's like the OTP, and he's obsessed with Ken Burns, especially like the New York stuff because he lives in New York. And so for one of his birthdays, Mindy like tracks down Ken Burns and like makes like a Ken Burns-style documentary about Danny's life, and he's like undeserving of it, but it does. I always think of Danny when I think of Ken Burns.

That's really cute.

It is cute. Um, so all that to say, I'm doing quite well.

Um, and you're enjoying The Rec? Can we, can we say that? Can we say that? Excuse me, are you enjoying The Recommendation?

Oh, I thought you meant W-R-E-C-K because I'm just sort of like literary now.

You're like living in The Rec.

Yeah, yeah. So I am enjoying The Recomendación. I'm also reading Still Next to Heaven, which was recommended by you. So you're just full of good Rex.

Oh wow, thank you so much. I didn't do anything last night because I had— I really didn't feel good. I had like a migraine, and I was like, at 9:30 I was like, let me like rest my head and watch Summer House. And before I can get to my remote, I'm like, let me rest my head and go to sleep. Let me go to sleep. And you know what, I fell asleep immediately, which never happened to me. Immediately. It's giving I needed it.

Yeah, yeah, we needed this.

I really needed it. So I didn't watch Summer House. Did you?

No, but speaking of Summer House, I sent you a text this morning that you didn't respond to. I saw that you read it. I had this sort of like—

you sent it. I was still rolled over on one hand, so like I was just scrolling. I couldn't respond to things.

I had this insane sort of revelatory moment this morning about Summer House. Like, not to make everything about me, I know Mia. I love Mia from the show. I'm just talking from—

you're just saying—

yeah, new cast member. I don't think I knew her last name. And so then I'm scrolling TikTok, as you know I do on my daily get ready with me. I just watch TikToks. And there was a clip, I guess Mia was on Watch What Happens Live, and the caption, it's like, Mia Calabrese discusses X, Y, and Z. I'm like, wait, Mia Calabrese? Like, why does that name sound so familiar to me? And I was like, oh my God. Okay, so literally like 2 years ago, I was obviously like blackout at Zerobahn, just talking to anybody who would talk to me. And I ended up chatting it up with this like beautiful girl named Mia. I remember her telling me she was a model and like, we just like really connected. Actually, we spoke for like an hour. I had like, I don't know who she was there with. I don't know who I was there with, but like, it was just beautiful. We ended up like following each other on social media and The next morning I was like, who is this girl that I follow? Like a few days later I was like, oh, she came up in my feed and I enjoyed the content.

Like I just randomly followed her. I do believe I unfollowed her like a couple of months ago. Big mistake on my part. Um, because I never saw her again, but she was just like this sort of like soul sister that I met out in the wild. And that's who's on Summer House. I never put it together. I know her.

That's so funny. She's your long lost sister.

Yes. I need to follow her back. That was bad. I shouldn't have unfollowed her. Like I broke the sacred code of like drunk girls, you know?

I have celebrity sons and you have celebrity sisters.

Hailee Steinfeld.

Yeah, Hailee Steinfeld.

And Mia Calabrese.

And who was the other one that we were saying the other day that you should go to dinner with her and Hailee Steinfeld?

Right, right. Who was it? Somebody help. I don't— I have no recollection of who it was.

Me neither, but I feel like it was an older woman.

Probably.

That just seems like your vibe.

I actually really connect with older women.

Yeah, you're an old soul.

Yeah. I, I can't hang out with younger people.

Documentaries at night.

1000%. And also I like hanging out with older people cuz then you are the youngest person in the room. Oh yeah.

And they're like, oh my gosh, you're so young.

Oh my God, 29. Like you have so much living left to do.

Yeah. It's really crazy how they say that. I'm like, I guess I am. Like, I guess there's a lot in front of me.

Yes.

You know?

Yes, girl. Jax, the best is yet to come. That's us being old souls singing Frank Sinatra, watching documentaries at night.

We're very young for our age though.

Actually, I was just talking—

internal age.

I was just talking to my Moroccan friend's mom and she listens to The Toast.

I would say, do you have any thoughts on Sabrina Carpenter's Secretagate?

No, actually.

Did you tell her about it?

No, no, but she loves The Toast and she was saying like that she loves all this. She was just like giving like a lot of compliments about how much— and she said like we have old souls. And she actually says that she could sense through the show like we're always paying respect to older people. You know, and it's something she really appreciates.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much.

She also said we have a lot of like hakarat tov.

Hakarat tov.

Yeah, and I was just like nodding my head because I didn't know what it meant, but I know it was good.

Okay, well, um, she doesn't have a little voodoo doll of Sabrina Carpenter.

No, no, she doesn't.

So the Moroccans are not offended?

Correct, consider the Moroccans marked safe.

Okay, I mean, Sabrina Carpenter better be selling Alex Alex Cooper, sending Alex Cooper a big bouquet of flowers.

Amanda Petula better be sending Alex Cooper the biggest, most robust bouquet of flowers every month for the next year.

Can't escape her own scandal because she's on a TV show every week and we're talking about it.

Yeah, but I do feel it's definitely taken a small backseat to this Alex out because we're still in the waiting period. Alex Earle posted something, but it's not her official response, and we will talk about it, but it's still actively— it's an ongoing developing situation, and until we sort of put it to rest Amanda has taken a backseat, and I do think she should be really grateful. I remember when we got canceled, we were like dying for something to happen, like, to happen anything. Nothing. And then maybe like a week later, it was like this big, um, Mario—

no, Mario Batali.

Mario Batali, like, you know, workplace harassment. Oh, like, that was all. Like, we could not catch—

no, we like literally, we didn't get a break. It just really had to— like, we went through the entire cycle.

It happens a lot where like you get the news cycle really can wash out your scandal and it happens for, you know, good reasons and bad reasons. Maybe you're having a great moment and I think a lot of people were like up and coming in their career careers and then COVID hit and it totally sidetracked their momentum. Yeah. So it can have positive and negative effects.

Yeah. It's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Can I ask you a question? Of course.

That's what we do here.

Do you want the house tour? I could take you to the first, second, third floor. So good.

Uh, me when I show my kitchen done.

Is that ever gonna happen?

Yeah, the status. Uh, so my contractor hurt his finger, so we got pushed like 2 days, but he's back today, back to work.

Did he hurt his finger on your job or someone else's?

Not in my home.

She cannot confirm nor deny.

Not in my home.

Oh, not your problem.

At his work.

Of course, we wish him well.

We wish him well.

Of course, of course. And is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, I spoke to him this morning. He's good. He's, he's coming today. It'll all be in the vlog. I'm literally so excited. Just, I'm thrilled to bits. Consider this your sign, Claudia. Do you have any little house projects that you've wanted to do?

Well, I told you I got new nightstands yesterday, and I am in a rental, so I'm limited on my, like, ability to do projects. But here, I'll say this, I've been thinking of rearranging some of the rooms in my home.

Okay.

Like, I just think the, the room I put Ruby in is, like, not the room for him. Do you know what I mean? Why? Um, I just like vibes.

Does— do they all have ensuite bathrooms?

Mm-hmm.

Do they all have tubs?

Mm-hmm.

Um, okay, do it. But what about wallpaper? Did you hang up his wallpaper already?

I did, and it's like, it's not peel and stick, it's like a real mural, and then you have to have someone like come uninstall it, and I'm just feeling like maybe I'll leave it alone.

Interesting. That always reminds me of like when we were in camp Do you know this story? When Olivia and I went to camp, like fat camp, for the first summer, and we were in a—

and you moved bunks.

We were in a bunk, and like 2 days into camp, we met girls in another bunk, and their counselor was like, if you want to move into our bunk, you can. And I was like, oh, I would like to, but I already hung up my pictures. And, and we didn't move. And then—

you're kidding—

a few days later, like, it was so clear that we needed to move into this other bunk. Like, those girls became our best friends, like, immediately.

For life.

Yeah. What are we doing in this other bunk? And I took— obviously we moved and I took down my pictures, but it's like, we should have moved out first. Like, take down your pictures. You can put them—

obviously, obviously. But as long as you're just like— how were you, um, how were you adhering your tape?

It was just like I had already, like, settled into my—

and you made your, like, collage with, like, your magazine cutouts.

I had already settled in my place. So I always think about, like, I already hung up my pictures. But it's like, don't let that stop you. That was the lesson there.

Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game, as Hilary Duff's father once said.

So like, it's never too late to take down your pictures and hang them up somewhere else.

That's really beautiful. I like that.

No, it was really important lesson to think about all the time.

It's actually sort of the sequel to bloom where you're planted. Yes. But also unbloom and replant where you're planted.

You can sometimes replant. If you like, could you move a tree? I don't think so.

No, because only because it's too big. But I think if you had like a real flower and like it had roots and stuff and was starting to bud, you could like grab all the roots and re-soil it somewhere else and it would still continue.

Yeah, I think so too. So sometimes it's just like not that big of a deal. Like, you know, get comfortable moving. Take down your pictures, hang them back up. Not a big deal.

Sometimes that's a beautiful message.

And it sometimes could be fun. Like redecorating another room could be fun. Yeah. And you could make Ruby's old room like a playroom so you don't have to take down the mural.

True.

Free idea.

I don't have that much space, but sure.

Yeah, but in theory, in theory, just to— in theory.

Um, I'm feeling a little self-conscious because like yesterday I, I don't like to wear my shoes on the show like because we sit comfy on this chair and I don't want like my dirty— like I have to commute, like I don't want my dirty city shoes on the chair. And yesterday like the bottom of my socks were like dirty, which is just giving like your underwear is also dirty, you know, like it's giving dirty fingernails. Um, and I'm like And I just, I, I wanna say like I actually buy socks quite frequently. Like I'm always rotating them out. I, I like having fresh socks. Um, and so my socks today are like relatively new, but they're like a little, I was like walking around my house. Um, so I'm just feeling like self-conscious of the bottom of my feet. Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

Like in the clips you could see like dirt.

That's weird.

Yeah, it felt like really humiliating.

I'm sorry you're experiencing that.

So to answer your earlier question, I'm really not doing well.

Oh, I see. And your hair is too long, which is the worst when that happens, and it's too thick and people think it's a wig. I hate that. Me and my 5 strands.

Okay, okay, okay. Strawberry.

That really sucks.

Do you have 5 strands of hair?

My hair is like falling out by like—

really?

A pound. Yeah, it looks fine.

Like, it doesn't look like that.

The hits are coming and they don't stop coming. Like, it won't end.

Oh yeah, it won't end.

I'm like, fine, I'll lose my hair. I'm, I'm prepared, you know, this is my third trip, right? But like, can it end? I'm in my car like opening my window like, goodbye hair.

Yeah, that's like not a problem I experience.

I feel like annoying saying your hair everywhere.

I've had enough, this is my prayer, that I'll die living just as free as my hair. I'm ready to dive in. Are you?

Yeah, I guess. Are you? Are you?

That was like the craziest, weirdest song.

That was a cultural reset.

Coming to the tree, they hung up a man who say murdered three.

Did you see Lisa Rinna was dancing to that song like a couple weeks ago on Instagram?

No, I didn't.

That's funny. Such a spy.

Was it a remix? Because it's not really a dance song.

Um, no, it picks up, but maybe she was dancing to a remix, but like, it's such a good song.

And everyone was like, Jennifer Lawrence can sing.

Strange things did happen here.

No stranger. Are you the man at midnight? Oh, today is April 15th. It's Tax Day, one of the worst days. Um, and definitely, like, I would never encourage anyone to not pay their taxes. You absolutely should. Like, today's the day, get your things in order. However, it's so wrong that there's a however. No, it's— I'm just saying it's wrong.

Oh, it's very wrong.

Um, it's just wrong.

No taxation without representation.

That's what they said in my documentary last night, and then they cut off the beautiful crowns. Correct.

And only hurt themselves.

Oui, ma'am.

Because the king didn't care, you know?

Correct.

The king didn't care if thousands of miles away you don't have crowns on your posts.

Happy Tax Day to everyone, for real.

Happy Tax Day. Without further ado-do-do, it is time for the Fast Five Stories that you do-do-do need to know.

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Thank you, Dr. You're welcome. Our first story: Alex Earle drops footage of herself waking up to Alex Cooper's TikTok calling her out. So Alex Earle, in her first move really on the board of this beef, on the beef board, she posted a TikTok video saying, uh, this is how she woke up on Monday morning after Coachella, and And it's a video that her friends took of going into her room.

Sally and Ashton.

I didn't know who the people were. They're all wearing hoods and whatnot.

Yeah, they're like hungover.

And they go and they wake her up and they show her the video in bed and they record her watching it. Now I just want to say, like, they could have waited till she woke up. Like, I hate people waking up other people, especially for like—

well, yes, but Alex would have watched it on her own. Like, she would have just like checked her phone. And I think they know her well enough to know, either for the vlog or the reality show, that like this is something she would have wanted filmed. I think they like use their judgment to wake her up. And, you know, she posted it and ended up using the video. So I think that they were right.

Yeah, for sure. It just like hurts me.

Of course, Monday after Coachella, like so hungover, broken. It must have been like noon though, because the other girls were up.

Yeah. So what do you make of this?

So she needed to act. And while this isn't like the response I was looking for, it's better than nothing. Although I do feel like time is like a little like sensitive right now. So I think this bought her a little bit more time. 'Cause it's something. I do think this has also furthered a theory that people have that the two are in cahoots, this whole thing is staged, and that Alex is the guest on Call Her Daddy this week. And I need people to stop saying that. One, 'cause it's not true. And two, are like, well, Alex usually drops a trailer on Monday for the episode on Wednesday and she didn't drop a trailer. She did. And it's a guest nobody cares about. It's like some therapist. And that's why you haven't seen it. Like, they're— the episode's coming out tomorrow, like, or today. Is today Wednesday?

Uh, maybe if I'm wrong about this, like, I'm happy to eat my words, but the idea that these two are in cahoots and this is some sort of like brand partnership launch is the dumbest thing I ever heard. And by the way, the dumbest thing I ever heard. They, they did work together, it didn't go well. Why they think she's going on Call Her Daddy to promote Real Activist? Like, why would she ever give an interview to Alex? Like, the time for that passed. That's the big— they're doing blowing up their like this whole thing to, for an interview.

Like, are you guys Okay, Alex's episode is already out, and see, like, it's just with the doctor Esther Perel, so like no one is talking about it. It's so not what's happening. And if you've been following these two relationships from the beginning, which we have, there's no way in fucking hell Alex Earl would ever not only put herself in a position to be interviewed by Alex Cooper ever again, but ever give her the time of day, ever be in the same room. Like, they— it's so real. It's not like this popped up out of nowhere.

Yeah, it's so real. First of all, second of all, she's not gonna like share her big moment with Alex Cooper and give it to her. Like, anybody who's saying that isn't paying attention, isn't a serious person, and is— there's just— they're pickers off. Don't trust them. Like, and that's such like— but people love to say it's fake, it's PR. Like, meanwhile, they think that Jelena Nicolandria is real.

Like, sorry, so fucking true. Oh my God.

So that I won't— and by the way, if I'm, if I'm wrong about that, like, I will eat my words, but I know that I'm not.

I know I'm not wrong because I've been paying attention since day motherfucking one.

Now I did see the video of the nails and the pimple and the girl in the sunglasses, and so I don't think that means the girl in the sunglasses is obviously Alex's friend Laryn. I don't think that this is fake, but yeah, I think she like maybe recorded it sooner than she posted it or whatnot. But she did say happy Monday. So Monday, maybe it was recorded last Monday, I don't know.

But I think it was recorded last Monday and she wanted to post it, but she was like, you know what, let me sit on it. And then she decided to post it, so she just waited till the next Monday. So the video— because like recording a video like that, maybe she thought it was perfect and she didn't want to re-record it.

Like, yep. And, and she just— wait, so you just wait and you do sit on it? You don't just say that at her level? You don't just like rip that and post it?

Yeah, so my only real concern is like, I feel like Alex Cooper posted the video because she really believes that she— like, Alex Earl has nothing on her. Because when you do open— make the video, you open the floodgates. And I think she could— you know, you can always sense like as an internet personality, like when the internet is with you and the internet is not. And we've been talking about how like the internet has sort of decided that like they're over Alex Cooper. And so just putting herself in this position with somebody who's so beloved is a risk. So I can't imagine she would have done that if she has some big dark secret.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't think it's like this big huge thing. I think they work together, it was not a fit, there were small things that happened, and then Alex Earle like left unwell with a bad taste in her mouth, especially when the article came out that they dropped her. Like, then she was completely done. So when she sees things on the internet of people poking at Alex Cooper, she engages because that's how she feels about her. Yeah, yeah, knife, knife, knife. And now Alex Cooper is like, well, what's the big deal? And so it's like, oh, I guess I was just like fucking with you because I don't like you. Yeah, it's not like a big thing.

I think this is exactly what I think happened, and I feel like I'm right. Alex Earl blows up. It's sort of like obvious that one of the next things she should do is go and call her daddy. Alex Cooper never calls. Alex Cooper is obviously threatened by this younger version of her. They're both named Alex. They're both like involved in Barstool.

Like, people who don't know the saga, they can't tell them apart.

Yeah, exactly. They're the same name, same job, same hair, same face. They both have like roots in Barstool, like Barstool Smoke Show, lots of sports, dating athletes. Like they're the same version of each other. And Alex Cooper worked hard to get to where she is, and she sees this young— and she's not just gonna platform her without getting something in return. She's not just the type of woman who supports other women like that. I think that's become pretty clear, right? Like she platforms them so she can benefit from it. So it almost— I remember at the time, it's like, why hasn't Alex Earl been on Call Her Daddy yet? Like obviously Alex Earl would do it, it's a huge podcast. Alex Cooper has her on, but only to announce that Alex Earle now has a show on Unwell, and she's going to be going to the Unwell events. So it's like, yeah, I'll prop you up in benefit of myself and my company as well. I think Alex Earle and her had a lot of the same team members, like we talked about publicist, agent, who encouraged her to do this. Her dad wasn't managing her at the time.

I think also Alex Earle was a fan of Call Her Daddy, so she was very excited to be a part of this.

I think the process of filming their episode together was negative for Alex for a couple of reasons. She was in this deal, she gave it her all. She did like one or two events. Alex Earle starts getting bigger, eclipsing Alex Cooper. Doesn't make sense that she's on this network. Alex Cooper is like, I'm the big dog. No, I'm the big dog. Come to my event, come to my brand. Uh, the publicists, it's getting weird. It's all ego vibes. Alex Earle, I think, also didn't enjoy doing her podcast. It wasn't a right fit for her, not only at Unwell but just as a platform. That's not what she should be doing. So she's hating it, she's hating the company, she's probably giving less energy. She doesn't want to go to Alex Cooper's events anymore, she doesn't want to pose for Alex Cooper's this anymore. And so it gets more and more contentious. And I think they come to an agreement that Alex Earle, like, can stop doing her podcast and whatever. And as they're coming up with a plan for how to announce it, how to sunset it, how to change it, Alex Cooper takes control of the narrative, releases a statement: Unwell has dropped Alex Earle.

Nobody believes it because of all the Unwell shows, that's probably the last one you would cancel. None of them are particularly successful. And Alex Earle's, which wasn't even a terribly successful podcast, was the most successful out of all of them. That, I think, is where they Alex Earl decided she really hated Alex Cooper. Up until then, it was just like bad vibes, egos conflicting.

I'm too big for this. I don't want to go to your event. I'm not getting paid enough. Why am I here?

No, I'm the big Al. No, you're the big Al. No, I'm the big Al. All vibes, all ego, just like, you know, women in the workplace type of drama. But then I think she feel like Alex Earl really— Alex Cooper really crossed the line, just going rogue. They might have had a plan to announce Alex Cooper went rogue and took the narrative, released a PR, uh, press release. We've dropped the show. And it's like, well, excuse me, maybe there was more behind the scenes. I think that that is big picture what happened, and that's very hard to like make a drama video about because it's all vibes.

I agree, there was nothing said or written in an email. There's not gonna be a receipt where like she's being a nasty bitch. Like, I think everything was done very covertly, subliminally. So I agree. So then she posts this video of her waking up at Coachella like not knowing what she's watching and like laughing about it.

She thinks it's funny. She's like, oh, this is the best day of my life. Like, I'm sad.

What did she say exactly?

At the very end she goes— I'll tell you exactly.

She like starts watching and she's like, is it funny?

And she has like a smirk on her face.

Yeah.

Oh, this just made my day.

Interesting.

Let me tell you how many views the video has.

So I'll say it's not like my favorite move. I do think it succeeds in sort of like making a joke of the whole thing. Like, Alex Cooper comes on like so serious, like, parking lot, 3 o'clock, and like Alex Earle's just like with her friends like laughing about it.

So I think Sally commented like, unbothered, hallelujah. Sally, Sally, wait, that literally just made my whole day. That's what she said.

Get you a friend like Sally. I agree.

It's also quite masterful, like, making such a joke out of it. Like, Alex Cooper was so serious talking to camera, and Alex Earle is just like in the house with all of her friends, of which she has so many, which is a criticism of Alex Cooper. She has so many friends, she's so fun, party, and it's like, oh, this like, you know, serious— I do think it is also a good move. However, it's not enough for me. I need more.

Yeah, so it's not the move that I would have made, but she's like younger and, and right, and it's very Gen Z-like. And so it's kind of like funny and it takes like the sting out of it and the seriousness. And it's like, you would have—

but she keeps responding to comments, like, I'm on it.

When we saw the video we were like, oh my God, she's definitely shitting her pants. And now we see, and she's like laughing with her friends. Like, yeah. And that was her real first reaction.

Um, I don't remember. I need an— oh, sorry, she keeps responding to people because people are like, well, this is great, but I still need the tea. And she says, I'm on it, I'm on it. So confirmed, more is coming. This isn't her like official response. And I do feel like she has until the end of the day today, for real.

You think? I think she has till the end of the week. I don't think so, because what if she doesn't release it end of the day today, then it just clock starts tomorrow? Like, you're not going to be like, well, she lost.

No, she hasn't lost, but like, I need to know.

She has till the end of the week. What's today, Wednesday? Yeah.

I will keep you here all night. We can't keep him here past 4.

And then we need the Get Real With Me With Papa Earl.

Sophia Franklin. It could be like the publicist who now only works with Alex Earl. Let's have like a rotating—

yeah. And then we need to talk about Chicken Fry, who has inserted herself into this drama via Dave Portnoy. She messaged Dave Portnoy saying Lix is going to destroy Cooper, and Portnoy shared that with Chicken Fry's blessing. Then Chicken Fry posted on her Instagram that she just got in the studio and like Let It Rip.

Let It Rip.

It's supposed to come out on Saturday. She might release it early. She hates Mean Girls. I just want to say, I just want to say, like, the new, like, I hate Mean Girls is like—

and I do want to say, becoming a trope.

It's like people love the word moist. It's like, okay, very obvious.

Yeah, that's so true.

Yeah, no, I love Mean Girls.

There are a lot of really valid criticisms about Alex Cooper. I don't think you could call her a mean girl because she's like she doesn't talk to anyone to be mean to them. Like, she's very insular. No, the criticism— and it's true, like, all the podcast girlies, like Paige, Hannah, everybody knows each other, everybody's friends with everyone, likes each other's videos. Like, it's very— not to be like so— it's women supporting women. It really is. Like, there's very few beefs within the circle as far as I know. Alex Cooper from day one has, you know, thought she was better than that. She doesn't engage with anyone. She has no friends in the industry. Like, and I do think that that is a very valid criticism of her. I think she also is like a very pro-woman, um, platform and person, but like in a very hypocritical type of way. Gleb.

Gleb.

And what was the other one? Oh, Dakota. Um, I think she's pro-woman when it can—

she wants to walk, but she doesn't talk.

She talks when it's convenient for her.

Yeah, yeah.

And so all these criticisms, I think, like, we could talk about them. I think there's a boatload of criticisms you could talk about when it comes to the Sofia Franklin of it all. But Mean Girl, I don't know. And I think so, I think I'm not— I don't need to hear from Bri. I think Bri is biased because—

yeah, so let's talk about Bri. What, what's Bri's beef? Now for me, it feels like Brianna Chicken Fry should have gone on Call Her Daddy when Zach Bryan—

but she went on Hot Mess.

But she went on Hot Mess.

Yes, with Alex Earl. She went on Alex Earl's podcast. It's probably a very well, you know, good performing episode for Alex.

So did Cooper not want Chicken Fry on, or did Chicken Fry not want to go on Cooper? And if it's that Chicken Fry didn't want to go on Cooper, then there's a pre-existing beef.

But if— yeah, they're both from Barstool, they both are like, you know, Dave's best friend or whatever. Like, I imagine that there's a lot of— like, that's what I mean, she's pro-woman, but every woman she's in a space with, like, she doesn't really work well with.

Yeah.

So I don't think— again, with Brianna Chicken Fry, I don't think there's like a big Alex Cooper fight. I think that like Alex thinks she's too good for Barstool and the women of Barstool, like it's the same thing.

But then Alex signed Grace, so that was like her very clearly, right, right, putting her, uh, stake in the ground and taking a side.

Sorry, thank you for reminding me of that. Brianna definitely hates Alex a lot because of that.

Yeah, that was like just like, you know, dropping Alex Earl, that was like the moment of hatred. I think for Chicken Fry, that was the moment of hatred. But like what preceded that and why didn't Chicken Fry go and call her daddy when the Zach Bryan stuff was coming out? Because that is what Call Her Daddy does, and Chicken Fry had a story to tell. So I don't know, I wonder who was the one who didn't want that.

Yeah. So in terms of people I need to hear from, I will be sad for Miss Chicken Fry, of course, but that's not who I immediately thought of. But like, yeah, give me more context. Alex Cooper is also very— like I said, she doesn't hang with the other swirlies. We know nothing about her. She's not an influencer. She doesn't share her life. Her podcast is about other people. Um, so we actually really don't know anything about her or what she's like or her personal life. So any, any person who can provide context as to personal experiences they've had with her, I do think that would be helpful.

Yeah, yeah. And I wonder what Chicken Fry will say. Maybe she'll share her own personal story because she's certainly not going to share Alex Earls at this point. Like, we're waiting from Miss Earls herself.

But everybody's like saying and doing and not releasing, and I'm tired of it.

Yeah, but it's giving me time to process, you know? Like, I had a migraine yesterday. I wouldn't have been ready.

Oh, oh yeah, that's true.

So I feel like I definitely feel more prepared to— like, and my kitchen's happening today, so like I'll feel like I can watch that.

So, Lix, if you are going to release something, I just do request you either release it like super early morning or like 4 or 5 o'clock so we can digest it. Yeah, go to sleep, and the morning record it.

Yeah, yeah.

But releasing at like 11 between the hours of like 11 a.m. and 2 p.m., not fucking cool.

I know, but she's hopefully on L.A. time.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story?

No, this is the only thing I want to talk about.

Well, this is some adjacent news in a couple of ways. Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue drops a couple new models, including podcaster Hannah Burner, friend of Lix, Xandra.

Lix commented on Xandra's.

Yes, they're cordial.

They're cordial. Um, and I do think like Alex doesn't want to be perceived as like not a girl's girl or whatever right now. It's a sensitive time.

Even if her and Xandra hate each other, like, she's allowed to have one falling out with a person.

This girl, of course, but the internet uses everything against you.

For me, as someone who's like I just feel like very unbiased on the matter. Like, you can have one enemy, like, that's of course a house full of friends. Like, you're a friendly person.

But right now Alex Earle is at a place where like they don't care. Like, no criticisms of her will be tolerated. Like, TikTok loves her. I've never seen anything like it, actually. They love her so much. Like, they have taken her side before they know anything. Like, they love her.

That's beautiful.

But I mean, I love her. I love her.

It worries me a little bit, you know.

I know, because there's only one place to go.

Yeah.

Um, but I will always— like, that's my girl. I love her.

Well, yeah, you're not fickle.

I'm not fickle. I've been a day one Alex Earl, like, mega fan.

And I've been a day one Sally stan, right? I was maging yesterday with the girls. We were talking about this drama, of course, of course. And it was funny, they also love Sally.

She's so cool, dude. She was at my best dressed to Coachella. She's not even a main character.

Yeah, I didn't even know that, like, there's like a Sally, like fan club. I don't even think I'm the president is what I learned yesterday.

Do you even follow Sally, like, on her social—

I actually encountered her social media the other day. I didn't even really know what she looked like. She just, like, cracks me up with her 24-hour birthday. She's like the Energizer Bunny, and she's hysterical, and she's a good friend.

She's a good friend.

And I think that's a good message, like an Energizer Bunny with a heart of gold. So I didn't realize that, like, she has her own stans, and, like, I'm not even the biggest fan of hers.

Do you know about Sally Sprinkles? No. She brings like a jar of sprinkles everywhere she goes and like she puts it in people's drinks, like in their food, like rainbow sprinkles. And now she's gotten like really creative, like finding like crazy colored and shaped sprinkles.

She's such a queen.

It's such a cutie thing to do.

She's such a cutie too. I think she's also short and I think I just like short people. Yeah, I like Sabrina. Yeah, you know, like shorties, we got to stick together like us. Yeah. Um, okay, so here's who dropped Sports Illustrated so far in the next rollout of a month-long rollout of one magazine.

It's insane.

Hannah Berner, Remy Bader, Nina Ogden, new mama. I love that. I know you like— OG, I know you hate her.

And I don't hate her, she's just not my favorite character on Paul America.

Okay, but like, I love them. Okay, Xandra.

Where's Utah?

Where's Utah? And then there was one other, but I need to get the name. But there you go.

Yeah, this is like the influencer sector. They filmed it in Montauk. Like, hilarious. I am so happy for Hannah Berner, but it also makes me wonder, like, what about Paige? What do you mean?

I don't think—

but they do everything together.

Well, I think they have like different paths that they like to walk down a little bit.

They also have different, I think, goals for themselves individually, but also as a duo.

I don't think they always want to be a package duo. I think that like Sports Illustrated is actually very Hannah because she is like an athlete.

Yes.

And so being in the sports world, it works for her. And I don't think like Paige has dreams of like being a bikini model. I think she's got like fashion and business. Yeah. So I think this, this is great.

I'm so happy for Hannah. She looked insane. She had posted that this is like extremely out of her comfort zone, and I don't know why. She's a banging bod. She looked great. This was— I wasn't expecting this like, uh, drop. I didn't know that. I thought the drops were over and we were just waiting for the the COVID so I didn't know a drop was coming, and I didn't know that they were gonna slay like that with Hannah Berner. Like, that was really party.

Yeah, very like exciting and, and something unexpected, and I really do enjoy the unexpected.

Agreed.

Like, of course we knew Xandra would be there. I think Remy Bader was— I didn't know that was happening, but it doesn't feel like so out of left field, so random, you know.

I'm like, that's a great get for her and for them, and it feels very, um, on brand for both of them. Where Hannah just like shocked me, I don't know why.

Yeah. Yeah, in a great way.

In a great way. I'm so happy for— I thought that was great.

Um, and I just need to know who's gonna be on the COVID I know, like, and like, the more girls they put out, like, the more— the higher chance it is of being Whoopi Goldberg, right?

Because just like, by the— by default.

Yeah, no, because it's like, say like there's a million girls in the world, say, and like, Whoopi Goldberg is one of them.

Who did I say it was going to be? Like one of the Olympians. I kind of— I just want to say I think Utah is a great Guess.

For— you think they would put her on the COVID I don't think I'm not on the COVID because she's like not American. People like know her.

Um, well, they should get to know her because she's a great girl.

Yeah. So I just— the odds are increasing for Whoopi Goldberg. Like, if we're on like, uh, Poli Market. Yeah, that's the sort of bet I want to participate in.

1000%.

I think I'm gonna win. Um, but like, seriously, Sports Illustrated, like Tick tock, tick tock.

Get to the motherfucking point.

Like, you're— you bought yourself another couple days with Hannah Berner. Like, I'm sat once again, but let's go.

But let's go. What if we just went?

No, it's insane. We've been reporting on this for weeks.

I can't believe— I thought the drops were over because we stopped dropping.

Better be the most amazing cover.

I just want to say I have kind of high hopes because these rookie, like, drops have been really good. I feel like every time we're talking about, I'm like, oh, I never thought of that person. And they've covered all like athletes, mamas, models. Next one I want like a baby breastfeeding, but like, no, not just— I don't want the baby in a bathing suit. I want like a mom breastfeeding her baby.

That's beautiful. Or a pregnant woman. We have some pregnancy, but put a pregnant woman on the COVID You know, I'm waiting for that because they love to like check a new box.

And so we've got the comedians, Hannah, we've got the influencers, Remy, like crushed. Now just give it like—

also another amazing cover would be Brooks and her sisters. Like the Nader girls would be like an iconic cover.

Has Brooks been on the COVID She's always in the issue, right? And she hasn't been yet, right? Um, yes, she was on the— oh, she was just the most recent, like 2023. Yeah, of course, with the big bangles.

It's okay, but now we're ready. We weren't ready then.

Oh, and then they remember when they had like the 7 women on the COVID the models, not even in bathing suits, in No, I don't remember that. Well, it was extremely forgettable.

Are you ready for our next story that needs to be discussed? Yeah, in a biblical sense. Word on the street is that Craig Conover—

oh my God—

and Kelsey Ballerini are dating. Now this just came out on a random—

I'm literally shaking, like I'm shaking. I need this to be true in such a deeply real way.

So here's the thing, TMZ is saying that it's not true, but that like I don't know that TMZ like knows what's going on in a real way. Yeah, let's talk as if this is potentially true. Now I guess like we could just find out.

I know I actually asked Ben if I could ask Craig and he was like, yeah, but then I just felt like such a thirsty loser and I stopped myself in my tracks. Like, I almost did. I almost— I also like, I also could have texted Kelsey even though I'm much more likely to text Craig, because he's like— Craig is like just like a reality star, you know? Like Kelsey's like a great singer. Um, and Ben was like, yeah, do it. But I had to stop. I had to control myself. Like, I just—

and like, I don't want to know if it's not true. Like, I want—

because I feel like it's not. While I think it is the perfect pairing, I do think that Kelsey is really similar to Paige in a lot of ways, especially when it comes to work. And that was such a source of contention for Craig and Paige in their relationship that I actually don't think it's a perfect match, although I really want it to be.

I actually disagree. I think, I think Kelsey perhaps has been similar to Paige but is like, knows now that she wants to like settle down and get married and have kids like now. So like Craig would be right for that. But I worry that Craig is too similar to Morgan Evans.

Why?

I just feel like they're the same sort of like vibe of like, hey, I'm ready to get married, like wife you up, let's go.

I need them to, to actually like be together forever. I think it's so—

there's actually really cute history here because in the early seasons of Southern Charm there was like a bachelor auction where like Craig was up for a date with him and like she bid on a date with him, $2,000.

Yeah.

And at the time we didn't know who Kelsey was, but she has told the story that she was like playing a local gig and they like production worked her into the scene and had her bid on a date with Craig. I don't think she like won the date, but she's in the show like raising a paddle screaming. So if they wound up dating after that, that would be so perfect. Also she was living like in Charleston for OBX. She's like very familiar with Charleston.

And although it might be like too close to home for the previous relationship— I'm not trying to be a naysayer—

but I do think they're both like at— this could be like right person, right time right now, because like they both want something serious. I think she would be so pleasantly surprised with him because he's not like a philandering piece of shit, you know?

He's so like boyfriend material.

Yeah, he really is. And if she's ready for that, like I think he would love her as well.

And I know that we're like taking this random Instagram account's word for it, and there's no proof, nothing. Do they even follow each other on Instagram? Okay, like, I feel like it's so fake news, like somebody just decided to dream this up and hurt our feelings.

Yeah, it's like I feel like we're being pranked, Craig.

She doesn't follow him.

I just want to say, even if they're not dating, I feel like this might be the sort of thing that like would at least connect them, where they like— some one of them sends it to the other and been like, LOL, and then they could start talking.

And should we talk about how funny this is over drinks?

Yeah, like I feel like this just put the idea in both of their heads.

He follows her.

It was sort of like when Craig and Paige broke up and Rachel and Matt broke up and everyone was like Craig and Rachel, Craig and Rachel. And it turns out they like couldn't date because they like knew each other already. Um, but if they didn't have that pre-existing thing, like, they probably would have been like, should we like go on a date? So I think Craig and Kelsey should go on a date.

I think that if I'm the casting director of Watch What Happens Live, I'm putting them both on Watch What Happens Live at the same time. Like, that's a great way to meet someone. That's how Jenny McCarthy met her husband. No, I've been like really be bummed out No, I know it's not true, so it's like that's kind of booing me back down to reality, but it's just disgusting that it's not.

Yeah, I said on Parks, I'm scared to find out. Like, I want— you should ask Craig, but I'm like scared to find— I want to like live in this bliss.

I know, I know it's not true. That's partially why I didn't ask it.

I feel like they would actually— they're both like kind of sensitive.

Yes, but I'm sure they would really like each other.

Are two people who are both like sensitive like that like supposed to be together?

No, let me tell you, I feel like Ben and I are a great example of like, I'm rock hard and he is so sensitive, and he's rubbed off on me, like made me soft, and I feel like I've really toughened him up. So it's kind of a perfect balance.

Like, what happens when like two sensitives are together?

Misery. Just fucking misery.

Um, okay, let's just like—

oh, please pray to the Lord.

Yeah, let's get to the rest of the story, shall we?

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You're welcome, Turtlesode.

Our next story, word on the street is that Mora and Rob are going to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars.

I also heard Taylor Frankie Paul was set to be on it.

Well, of course she was, and of course she's not. And now apparently they're recasting her with Mora and Rob from Traitors.

Love. I feel like for so long Dancing with the Stars was like the best kept secret. Like, you could not find out. There were no leaks ever. But I feel like now maybe it's because it's so popular, like you can't avoid it. For a while they were kind of like irrelevant, so.

And I feel like these leaks are like good for the show. It gets people excited.

More on Rob is a great, great casting.

Yeah, they're on the Dylan Efron circuit, right?

Like the post-Traders High.

Yeah, where do you go?

What did Dylan Efron do after this?

He's on, um, I think he's going on another show, right? He just like does the circuit and they keep inventing like new shows so you can like just keep doing stuff. It's a never-ending thing on Netflix.

Yeah, like one of those challenge type of shows. It's like a melting pot.

House of Meanies.

Yeah, like the— something like that.

Yeah, so I think he's doing that, and then he'll do—

I'm sure he's doing that. Yeah, I just want to get back into like my Maura Higgins vocal stems. Like, I need her to talk more on public television so like we can have funny things to say. Treyah.

Yeah, I love her. She'll be great.

I think she'll be great. I wonder if she's funny. Like, I know, I feel like she gives me that sort of like awkward, lanky vibe, but I thought Alex Earl would too, and I was wrong. So—

oh, and also, not to bring it back to Lix versus Lex, but like, people are saying also some dramas, like with Whitney Leavitt. Like, Alex Cooper had her on and was like, you should have won. And like, she's competing against Alex Earle.

Yeah, I think people are more, um, hooked on the circus Britney Spears thing. For Alex Earle's, that one theme of one week of Dancing with the Stars was anthems. Like, you choose a song that represents your life, and Alex Earle's was Circus. All eyes on me in the center of the ring, just like a circus. Which is like, it's a popular song, but it's definitely like random and niche. And it was Alex Earls for the moment. And then Alex Cooper did one of her events and made one of her like crazy reels, and it was to Circus by Britney Spears. I don't think that's a smoking gun. A lot of people are like obsessed with it. And I remember at the time people being like, this is a thing for Alex Earls. I actually don't. And I'm like, I just, and I want it to be 'cause I want this saga to be like big and juicy, but I don't, I don't.

I think it sort of just goes back to them being the same person. Big Al, barstool blonde, big boobs, likes Britney Spears, likes the song Circus when they feel like they're in the center of the ring and everybody's watching them. It's so true. That's—

that is a core issue here.

Yeah, like, that's East Coast girls.

Like, they're just the same person.

It could just be like parallel thinking. So I agree, I'm not gonna— I don't think she was like— and, and what would she even be proving with that? Like, I'm gonna copy her dancing in the Star song? Like, you look like a loser then.

And yeah, and not only that, like, I believe the event she was like at making a video was in Vegas, which is like known for Cirque du Soleil and known for Britney Spears. Like, I just think it was a good song choice. I wish it was more than that. Like, I'm with you guys. Like, I want to be—

like, even if it was more than that, like, what is she trying to say? Like, I can play the song too? Yeah, sure, we know. It's just a song. Like, I don't think there's a message there.

And I also think, like, had she known, she wouldn't have chosen the song if she thought— because, like, Alex was better.

Yeah, Alex is better television dancing. Like, right.

And you're making a reel. Like, yeah, you're not the same.

So I think actually choosing it, it's like, oh, I didn't even know she was dancing to that because I'm not paying attention. To her.

Yeah. And don't you feel like Alex Cooper has been like really active on Instagram ever since then?

In what sense?

Like posting like lots of stories, because like I said, she's never shared really anything about her life.

Like, yeah, but she's still not sharing. What did she post? Like, uh, like shit, you know, the dog. Like, when in doubt, post your dogs, Amanda Bhatula.

Yeah, I do want to say though, like, please stop posting your dogs. Like, we don't care.

It's— they're really— people are like hiding behind their dogs, like, all the time. Animal shields.

Just know, if I'm posting a picture of my dog, it's because, like, I have an apology video to post or, like, a brand deal to post. Like, it's filler content.

It's true. But sometimes Bruno is just too darn much. Sometimes other people are posting their dogs like they have nothing to say and they're in a bad spot. If I'm posting Bruno, it's because he's a precious angel who found nature.

Sure, sure.

He found— I only post him when he finds nature's heating pad. Okay, when he's basking in the sun.

Okay.

Bruno, get it.

He didn't come to work today?

No, he didn't. He has a lot going on. He's sort of supervising the kitchen renovations, and he just like didn't want to miss anything.

That's beautiful.

It just felt like an excuse, but whatever. Our fifth and final story.

Mm-hmm.

Cate Blanchett will be starring as Martha Stewart in a biopic movie. About Martha Stewart. So the biopic will be called Good Thing, about the career of the lifestyle media mogul Martha Stewart.

I don't understand the title, but I'm excited.

Good thing.

I love this. Martha's documentary was so amazing. Obviously we know Martha Snoop, you know, she's like the current Martha, but the Martha of yore is one of the most impressive, even beyond like her stint in jail, right? Like she has lived so many lives. She was a billionaire. Then not, then yes. Like, she's so insane. Her documentary was amazing. So her getting the biopic treatment— obsessed. I don't know if I love this casting, I can't lie. I know Meryl Streep is like devastated that she didn't get the role, and I actually think like Meryl might have been better.

Oh, I, I kind of like this. I feel like Meryl would have been more obvious. Also, like, not to be ageist, but Meryl's in her 70s and Cate is how old? Because she needs to be able to play—

are they depending on—

if Cate Blanchett is 56, so she can play like in her 40s and her 60s, 70s.

Yeah, and so true.

I think it just gives her a little more range. And I think Kate, with a little bit of hair and makeup, like, doesn't not look like Martha. I think this is good.

I'm just excited about this. Like, I think we're a little too— we like— people love to make biopics about people like who we don't like. This is exactly who needs one.

Also, Martha's catchphrase is, "It's a good thing," apparently.

Oh, oh, I Is that well known? Maybe it was in like in her heyday of cooking shows.

Just like, how easy is that?

Oh my God, I literally was opening packages the other day and I opened Amazon, a book comes out, Cooking for Jeffrey.

Ben's trying to send you a sign.

I'm like, what is this? And he's like, I just thought it would be good.

He's trying to send you a sign. Are you gonna start cooking for Jeffrey?

Cooking for Ben?

Yeah.

Oh no, I'm Jeffrey Benzino.

You are Jeffrey.

I am Jeffrey.

They don't have kids, right?

No, she spoke about it in her book how she's just like straight up like didn't want— like not— and she doesn't feel like— sometimes people talk about it, they didn't want kids and they go on to regret it. She was like, no, no, best decision of my life. Oh, okay. So I guess— yeah, okay. Like no— like she left no question, no stone unturned.

In her book. Then she should read her book. Why don't you get her— him— her memoir next?

Wait, even though we've been on it so thoroughly, everyone is talking about Lena Dunham's memoir. Do you know anything about it?

Yeah, Jack Antonoff, and there's a lot—

Adam Driver.

Adam Driver, I saw that. So, but he's like a method actor, right?

I don't know, I feel so two ways. Like, I hate Lena Dunham, like, not for the reasons everybody else does, like I hate her because of that article she wrote. Like, that's like plain and simple.

That's the only reason?

Yeah. Are there more that I should?

Just like, why would you like her more so?

I guess she has like a really funny— no, she's really funny. And Girls, I recently like rewatched the first season and she, she had it, right? Like that, the talent. She was the producer, the star. She had it. She's extremely funny. Um, I think she's extremely talented. I think she gets in her own way. And if I could take out that article she wrote about her Jewish boyfriend and, and just look at her objectively, like, I actually think I would like the book. Like, she is kind of underrated.

Sorry.

Oh, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

But I'm telling you, like, disturbing. Like, maybe she had a couple good, like, moments and, like, you know, captured a couple feelings and times correctly, but it's like a disturbing show and I feel like it like opened up a genre of like just gross shit.

Very graphic.

Yeah.

I think overarching, like the story that was told about like female friendship was a story worth telling.

Like, what was the story about the— like, I feel like she had like some funny, you know, quips. She goes to the doctor, she's like, has her clothes on. She's like, that's on my weight. Cause like she has her clothes on when she— she had like, she like had a, like she does like capture like a couple like very real things. Um, but what was the story of the friends? Were those girls even friends? They were all also like caricatures of— I don't know a Marnie, I don't know a Jessa.

So the overarching message is about like that post-grad, like your friend group, and then like years later you realize like you all hate each other, you are not friends, and you don't even like each other.

And so that's the message of the show.

Yes, like they all just really grow apart into people that they hate because like they were just friends because they were in college, like that's it.

Yeah.

And so I do think that like the story overarching of Girls is like a good and relatable and like—

I didn't even know that's what it's about. I've watched the whole thing.

But I think a lot of her ways in which she told that story, and yes, I agree that a lot of the scenes were just like unnecessarily graphic and it did. And because it was so popular, it opened up like the floodgates for other shows and movies to go even further in their— like in an unnecessary way. Sometimes you have to be graphic to tell a story. Okay. And I get that. But you don't most of the time.

Yeah.

Um, and I've heard just really good things about her book.

I'm sad.

Like, I, I don't know if I'm gonna read it, but I've heard really good things. But also, like, her other book, she talked about, like, molesting her sister. So I don't know. I don't know.

I, I have no, like, desire to read it. And Adam Driver, like, threw a chair and he was, like, a monster on set.

Yeah, yeah. She said that, like, he was an abuser. And now a lot of people are saying, well, he played an abuser and he method acts, and maybe it was that. Um, Allison Williams was at an event last night. She was asked about it and she was like, oh, I haven't gotten to that part in the book yet. It was actually, like, a very well answered question, like very media trained.

Yeah, as far as like being a method actor who plays an abuser, that's kind of like a tricky one. Um, and it's like your guys' problem, actors.

Yeah, no, my hands are tied. My hands are tied here.

It's just not my problem. Like, I'm not an actor and I don't— I think you guys are like, what are you doing?

She did say, like, of the, uh, the girls who auditioned for Girls, um, Amy Schumer, she said Allison Mack, that girl from NXIVM. Smallville.

Amy Schumer would have been amazing. The cult.

Yeah.

But she would have played Hannah, right?

Hannah, yeah. I don't know if that's who she auditioned for, but that's the only role that she would be good for.

Yeah, okay, Allison Mack, who else?

And she said that for like a year after that, she kept getting emails from Allison Mack to like join her women's group, which was the cult.

Oh, that's funny.

Who else? I saw it in a tweet this morning. Let me tell you, it was Amy Schumer, Allison Mack, and there was one other. Oh, Dakota Johnson. Who I don't think—

oh, I guess she would have been a great Marnie.

Yeah, but Allison Williams was a great Marnie.

She also would have been a great Shoshanna, maybe.

No, she was obviously going for Marnie. Yeah, what were we talking about?

Not as iconic as like—

no, when we talk about like the, you know, the HBO shows with 4 women main characters. Like, there is a trope. I feel like every couple of years they try to— like, this is the new Sex and the City, this is the new Girls. Um, but like, there will only be one Sex and the City.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think that that show right now, I Love L.A., is meant to be like the Gen Z version of that. Like, you know, I feel like Gen Z would like Girls. I think they do.

Um, oh, Andrew Reynolds' character.

Could only have been played by Andrew Rannells. Like, he is the best actor. He's actually the best part of that whole show. And I think that at first he wasn't meant to be even remotely a main character, but after the first season it was so clear how great he was and how beloved he was that they wrote him in more. That's just a feeling that I have.

Yeah, everyone else is pretty interchangeable. He's so funny.

Agreed.

And that's that. Um, there are actually a lot of other stories today that we'll get to tomorrow. Like, literally Well, I don't want to— I guess I could spoil like tomorrow's show. Like more updates with like Katy Perry and Ruby Rose.

Oh really? I don't care.

Um, no, no, but it's like becoming a thing then. Oh, the NFL reporter like resigning after the pictures.

Um, those can wait.

Yeah, yeah. Some stuff about Kylie Cosmetics that I found interesting. I guess you have to wait till tomorrow. Apparently her, Kylie and Kris are trying to get Jeff Bezos to buy Kylie Cosmetics back from Coty. They don't really like the way it's being managed.

I agree that it's being mismanaged. I don't know if you can blame Coty 100% because they only own half the company, and like, the Kylie— the name of the company is Kylie Cosmetics. Um, but I love that. Like, just absolutely love.

Yeah.

So they're asking, like, so who would own it?

Amazon, I guess. So, but doesn't— does Amazon develop beauty lines?

Well, they were the initial first partner in House Labs. It was so terrible and horrible, it went nowhere, and then it ended up getting resold to Sephora. They repackaged the whole thing, and now it's It's an amazing company.

I would love to be able to buy Kylie Cosmetics on Amazon.

Well, the fact that you actually like can't really buy makeup on Amazon is such a flaw. They—

yeah, it comes like in 3 weeks and it's, it's expired from China.

Yeah, like they have no hold on the makeup community, which is so crazy. Yeah, because you can buy everything.

No, it's so crazy. And makeup's the thing I need where I'm like, oh, I ran out of concealer, I need it tomorrow. Oh, now I have to go to Sephora.

Big, like, big miss on Amazon.

Online isn't like, you know, lickety-split in terms of—

in New York you get mostly same-day delivery.

You can do Instacart.

No, but on their website too. You don't have to do it through Instacart.

You also can't get an Instacart, which is pretty cool. Yeah, I never really like remember that. I just like wait till I'm out of a lot of things and then I place a big order or I go to the store.

I like to do their website more than Instacart because I feel like the Instacart shoppers like don't care if they get my shade right, you know?

And it's like, this is not usable to me.

Yeah, it's like, thanks so much.

Yeah, thank you.

All right, I gotta pee. Love you guys. Thank you so much for listening to the Tessa Money Morning Show. We do the best stories you need to know. We are— let me just check like anything from Miss Licks.

Oh, I feel like I would have— actually, I didn't. I have my notifications off.

Um, no, no.

Nothing. Okay, love ya.

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