Transcript of Why Winning is Hell: Chris Long on Tua & The "Pick Your Opponent" Playoff Draft

We have Chris Long coming up along with the Week 16 edition of the NFL Picks Countdown. So we don't really have a lot of time for this, but can we talk for a second here, you and me? We're people, after all. I want to confess something to you real quick. And I don't want to be a hypocrite because I hate those people who can never let a Star Wars debut go by without announcing to the world, I'm not into Star Wars, or when a new soccer tournament is about to kick off, people who say, I am into real football, fed at soccer. This is not contributing to the conversation. And yet here comes the Grinch in the Christmas season. I feel like I'm about to announce I don't believe in Santa, but I'm just not into this college football payoff. And my team's the number one seed in that tournament. Maybe it's just because Oklahoma v. Alabama looks like a scrimmage, but probably it's not just that. Obviously, I'm going to watch. I like football and I like TV after all. And what else do I have to do with myself? But I think the people who are so upset about the bowl system, they pounded the table forever about the need for a playoff or like the dog who catches the car.

Congratulations. Can you honestly say there's real buzz about the start of this college football playoff? It used to stand out, and maybe the late 20th century debates about who was better between one V2 were a little unsatisfying. But in hindsight, they were better than arguing about which two-loss team deserves a title shot more than a three-loss team does. Now it just feels like a less important version of the upcoming NFL playoff. Which I am excited for and which I don't think my team is going to make. But I hope to be wrong. Let's see if we can figure that out right now. Start the show. Yes, hi, and hello, and happy holidays, my fellow football Americans. Welcome to NFL Week 16. Welcome to the College Football Playoff. Welcome Welcome to Football America episode number 35, or presented as ever by our pals at DraftKings. Draftkings, the Crown is yours. And as we jump in here, appreciate it if you would do me the gift of subscribing to the pod and on YouTube. We appreciate that, and we start out by honoring the player who wore the episode number best, Mike and Gino. Gino and Mike Fuentes.

I got bad news. 35 sucks, at least where NFL names are concerned. Some good luminaries beyond the NFL. But Christian Acoye, I think, is the best ever to ever play in the NFL and wear the number 35. That's pretty grim, right?

I mean, I got some Earl Campbell here, according to the Internet.

Well, the Internet is wrong.

Earl Campbell didn't- Okay, I'm going to go 35.

I think when he was the Tyler Rose at Texas, maybe 35, but he was 34.

I'm going Kevin Durant.

That's a good one. Yes.

I'm going to go for New Genic's number salesman, the Big Herb, Frank Thomas. The Big Herd. Sell me those testosterone pills, Frank Thomas. Let me know. Tell me, I have low T. You stand up there with Doug Flutti and you fix my testosterone with your snake oil pills.

Yeah. Tony Esposido and Tom Barrasso in Puck, two great Hall of Fame. Goaltenders there, Justin Verlander. And do yourself a favor. Next time you see Flutti and the Big Herd out on the practice tea, watch the woman, not the guy's wife, but the other woman. He's like, And she'll like it, too. The wife looks at him, but then there's another woman who's the friend of the woman, presumably, and she starts making eyes. Like, What the hell are you doing? Who are you? Burlives now? Somebody waits for you. Kiss her once for me. What's up with you, you old creepo? Go get your own lady. All right, listen, we have to talk about football here. Let's start it off. We're going to do our picks in just a second here for the most pivotal games in NFL Week 16 that still remain. Before we get to that, pick six presented by DraftKings. Draftkings, the Crown is yours. I'm going to touch down scores to start off with, fellows. Josh Allen against the Cleveland Browns. I think he is now making officially as they also try to secure their spot in the playoffs and maybe have an outside shot at catching the Patriots still.

I think he also understands where he is in the MVP chase. I think they find a way to get him in the end zone. Bizhan. My beloved Bjan, we came up short in the fantasy playoffs, but he's still toiling away in meaningless football now that the cool cats are out of the fantasy playoffs. He'll get a countdown against the Arizona Cardinals. Jameer Gibbs is always good for a countdown, pretty much. He wasn't last week, but most of the time he is. He has the steal colors. He'll get into the end zone there. And then two shutdown throws from Garner-Minshuh against the Tennessee Titans, right? I mean, that feels like a feel good story waiting to happen. And C. J. Stroud, four shutdown passes in his last Two, he'll throw Two, at least, against the sad Vegas Raiders. How say you, fellows?

Listen, Garner-Minshuh, right? A lot of people were saying, Chiefs are in trouble. They're going to win that game. And not only because Tennessee Titans, it's because if I'm going to pick a coach to have a guy like Garner-Minschuh ready to play, I'm probably going to pick Andy Reid. Andy Reid, exactly. So I like that pick. I think someone around here in the office was kicking some suicide pool thing, and I'm like, Bro, take the Chiefs. Tennessee's bad. Garner-minschuh? Not that bad.

Don't forget Garner-Minschuh's College Coach, Mike Leach. So he knows how to sling.

No, and not that bad. He's definitely one of the better starters. But when it comes to pick six, Jamal Chase hasn't scored a countdown in six games.

You're doing the scarcity thing.

Yes, I'm doing the scarcity thing. He caused me a big parlay not too long ago. I'm still getting over it. So this is going to be the year against the hapless Quin Ewer's Dolphins. This is going to be the week where Jamal Chase cashes in.

I'm going to piggybank off of you. I'm going Joe Burrow. Maybe it'll be two to Jamal Chase. Who knows?

Wait a minute. Not piggybacking, but you just said, Gino, piggy banking, which is a new turn of phrase that when you're tailing somebody, I'm piggy banking you. I like that.

You're doing this wrong because you're saying, Oh, man, he said something wrong. You go, No, Dave, I meant to say it because you think I said piggy back, which is also true. But piggy, take it to the bank, Joe Burrell is going to do it. You got to put some pizazz behind it. You got to make people believe your lie, just like our President does. Just talk that shit. But if you're confident about it, they'll believe it. All right?

Incisive political commentary from Mike Fuentes there. Now, let's hear some more incisive commentary on your former quarterback now that he's been benched to. I don't know if you heard the news down there in South Beach, but it's a wrap. I get the sense from every Dolphins fan that the number one emotion is relief That it's now over with. That's the vibe I'm getting from you guys. He really was an atrocity on Monday Night Football in Pittsburgh. There's a reason to watch.

I have a reason to watch now. We can scout maybe the future.

I wouldn't get too comfortable. I feel like this He's owed $54 million next year. You're not going to want to have that money on the bench.

The best way to be okay with that is if you have a quarterback making nothing starting.

But people think that this is like some like, Oh, we're moving towards the future. No, this is don't get hurt. We don't have to pay you $20 million in 2027. He has a clause in his contract that says if he gets hurt, that money is guaranteed for 2027. They're trying to be rid of him after $54 million next year. So while it does give you a chance to see what Quin Ewers is, which he was the highest rated recruit ever coming out of wherever he came from, I don't even But sure, you get to see what he has. But it's also, hey, let's not get to a her, and then it's completely wasted. The funny thing to me in all this is reports coming out that Zack Wilson is frustrated to not be named the starter. And in the words of Jordan Belfort, a la Leonardo DiCaprio, Wolf of Wall Street.

Who gives a shit? I agree with that. And obviously, if you're the Dolphins, I think that what this is a reminder of, that December, especially with that 17th game now, that a lot of these games get super weird, that a lot of teams are trying to evaluate what they have at the back end of their roster. And so they're not really... I mean, they want to win the game, but their goal is to evaluate these individual pieces. It really sets up for some lousy games coming down the stretch. I don't know what you do to fix that. I do wonder if Tua is done. What I think, to Mike's point, I'm not the first one to say this. Yeah, they want to keep Tua healthy so that they can viably move him in the offseason, and we can make jokes about whether or not anyone's going to want him. We saw what happened with Russell Wilson a couple of years ago. There's always a team out there that needs a QB. Maybe it won't happen until August of 2026, But somebody, if the Dolphins are willing to eat a portion of that contract, I suspect that we will see Tua once again.

But man, then again, the devil's damage check of this is, Tua really does feel outmoded. He feels solved by NFL defenses. There's nowhere to really go with him. If Mike McDaniel, who embraced him a couple of years ago and encouraged that contract, can't make it work, who really is out there? So maybe I'm overstating things by saying somebody will be desperate enough to throw him in there, right?

I think maybe as a starter, correct. But for a guy who led the league in passing just two years ago, he's going to land somewhere.

If the Raiders weren't going to have the number one or number two pick, they would take him in a second. They would take him right now.

You think as a backup for the right money, not next year, but the year after that, he'd be perfect for San Francisco. Obviously, with his cap number next year, you're not really going to want to have that guy floating around, which is why I think he'll be right back starting from the Miami Dolphins at the beginning of next year.

Well, that's why he doesn't make sense This is a backup. No one's going to take him on with the weight of that contract. The thing that is also fascinating to me, and I've seen Jonathan Zaslow talking about this on the Lebitard show, and really a lot of people have been belly aching about this, especially if they're Dolphins, Rooters is, and I've always been driven crazy, in the postgame, right out there on the field, right after the stage where Pigskin War was just fought, and now they're playing grab ass with each other, trading jerseys and all that crap. I don't care for that, Tua yucking it up with his old pal. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about a lot more stuff.

That's such an old man take. That is your oldest man take. I just don't believe this ultra Not everybody has this Bradley Michael Jordan competitive streak in them. Some guys just want to go out there and get paychecks, and that's it.

Listen, Iron Chic and Hacksaw Jim Duggan were arch-rivals in the Squared Circle way back when. One loved America and the other one hated it. At least they got arrested, burning tree and drinking beers in their car. But at least they had the dignity to do that out of eyesight of the fans. They didn't go out and do it in the ring after a match. They need a little W-W-E. Listen, you know who is a voice of reason, I suspect, on this? Chris Long, our old pal. Let's talk with him right now. Ho, ho, ho. Hi and hello, my fellow football Americans. We have officially arrived at the holiday season, and you know what that means. It's Dave saying, Ho, ho, ho. Also, family food and football. The holidays aren't about stuffy get-togethers, dinner parties or work parties you have to be at. They're about those unexpected sidequests and spending time with the ones you love, and if you're lucky enough, doing so at a bowl game. I'm going to the Rose Bowl this year to watch my Indiana Hoosiers. Tis Miller time. Tis, always a great indicator that it's the holiday season. Miller is the original light beer.

It's the taste you can depend on and has been trusted by beer lovers everywhere for 50 years, thanks to its clean finish, simple ingredients, an iconic golden color. And this year, there's another holiday we're celebrating. Well, I mentioned the Hoosiers in the Rose Bowl, but that's not what I'm getting at here. It's Miller's 50th anniversary. That's what I'm talking about. And with only 96 calories and 3. 2 carbs per 12 ounces, it's a great choice to let loose without weighing you down like all that food will. The best holiday beers are the ones you don't expect. Miller Light. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlight. Com/fba to find delivery options near you if you want to stay at home, or you can head out the people, and you can pick up some Miller light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. See? Tis. And please always remember to celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Tis 96 calories and 3. 2 carbs per 12 ounces. Hi, hello, and happy holidays, my fellow football Americans. As you well know, the holidays are heating up, and they're doing so even more on Pick 6, DraftKings' newest fantasy pick-em game.

Make your NBA for a shot to win big cash prizes this holiday season. Here's how it works. You just choose more or less on two or more player stats. The more accurate your picks are, the bigger your payout is going to be. It's the upside you'll only find on Pick 6, not those other sites, and it's available in most states, including Texas, California, Georgia, and more. Download the DraftKings' Pick 6 app now and use code Dameshek. New DraftKings customers can play just $5, get $50 in Picks 6 credits with code Dameshek, D-A-M-E-S-H-E-K. Ride the upside. In partnership with DraftKings Picks 6, the crown is yours. Well, yes, it truly is the holiday season here in football America. When this guy shadows our door, it's better than Santa Claus. All right, I don't want to get in any trouble there. Maybe it's not as good as Santa, but just the same. I'm very excited here. He's a two-time Super Bowl champ, a Walter Payton Man of the Year, the king pin of the Green light podcasting empire, a Shecky Award winner as our favorite football-playing guest, and also, as a man of justice, I have to mention this every time we have our Kibitz, the rightful MVP of Super Bowl 51.

After all, he's the guy who drew the holding penalty on Jake Matthews that pushed the Falcons out of field goal range, thereby allowing for the Edelman catch and the comeback and overtime and all the rest of that crap. He's number 91 and number 56 and number 72 and number 95. What in the hell? It's Chris Long. What's the poop, fellow? Long time no see. How are you?

What up? Yeah, you need to remind Jeff Schwartz who drew that hole. Some people forget. I didn't get a Christmas card this year from braided or Edelman or any of those guys. Is that right? Yeah, no Christmas card. I don't know what's going on with that.

Outrageous. I know. Maybe it's because of what you- It could be jealousy. Or maybe it's what you did to them in Super Bowl 50, too. Oh, maybe. Yeah. I remember asking you if If in between those two Super Bowl, actually on the Eve of that second Super Bowl win, if after just teaming up and drinking beers in celebration with Tom braided, if you were going to feel bad, if you had to smack the old man around in Super Bowl 52, you said no.

No, not at all. I mean, it's part of the business. It's part of the business. He's been smacked up before, and honestly, he did more of the smacking in that game. But we ended up with the W. A lot of people were like, Yeah, you guys shut down. You beat Tom braided. I'm like, I didn't beat Tom braided. Nick Foles beat Tom braided because in that second half, we were fighting for our lives, Dave.

You know what? I don't want to get in the wayback machine here about that Super Bowl, but a couple of things. The thing I always point to is sometimes, I think winning the trophy is everything. Yes. Keevy wins in the postseason are more important than just about any other measurement of how great a quarterback is in the quarterback League, especially in this millennium, as important as they have become more so even than they were in the '80s and '90s. I thought that was maybe Brady's greatest job. That roster for the Patriots was bum level except for him. He hoisted them. And as far as that goes, I was told on the Eve of that Super Bowl that people who were close to the Eagles, coaching staff, that everybody on the Eagles knew that you guys were going to win that game. Is that true? I don't mean just like, puff your chest out. No, I mean- We can do it. In terms of Xs and Ls, you knew you had them.

Listen, we felt like we had a better team. Leading up to the game, I can remember incessantly bothering all the guys on offense and saying, How many points can you score, you think? Which is not an admission that, Hey, we're going to get our doors kicked in, but it would be nice to know, what's the magic number? Because I thought that New England would probably be able to score a little bit on us. There's no good match up for Gronk. It It helped certainly when I think Malcolm Jenkins knocked Brandon Cooke out of the game, and that wasn't a dirty player, an intentional thing. It just was a football player, knocked him out of the game. And I think from there, it was like, once we got to the half, You knew they were going to come out of the half with some heat, and they did, and it was hard to get stops. But we're even luckier for just taking the risk we did in the first half, and that was the way we played. I mean, Doug was that guy. So I think it was a total clash of styles, man. That's what made it so interesting.

We were just happy to be there, happy-go-lucky. We weren't picked to be a top 15, 20 team. Our MVP caliber quarterback gets hurt, and we're still here. It's the whole nothing to lose thing that makes you dangerous.

Yeah, it really was magical as that falls in the history now.

It's yesteryear now, dude.

Yeah, but I really do love of that season for the Eagles, and as I've told you before, and I'll say again to anyone within the sound of my voice, for everybody who says, Keep the politics out of football and stop talking. I mean, it's amazing that it is okay to talk about them when they're saying things that you like, but keep it out when I don't like what you're saying. But you putting your... I mean, for real, Colin Kaepernick's back in the news with some of the things that Malcolm Jenkins did his own thing. He didn't take a knee, but he put a fist in the air and then caught heat for that. And then the next week, Chris Long, a white guy, goes over and puts his arm around Malcolm Jenkins as a show of support. And I remember a decent percentage of self-proclaimed football fans said, I'll This ends, that you can't have that crap going on on the sideline. It distracts from winning games and everything else. As we just discussed, you wound up with the Lombardi Trophy. So for all the time, it should have ended that.

Maybe it is true because Harrison Booker couldn't hit the broad side of a barn this year, kicking the football. I feel like we definitely... Everybody's heart was in the right place, man. Just trying to be decent. And that's why some of the praise I got was a little uncomfortable for me because I'm just being decent. And I do think, as you fast forward, 8, 10 years later, we are less decent than we've ever been as a country. And I got two takes landing pretty well this week. I think one of them is that Tua wasn't a starting quarterback, and the other was that I didn't want to go to the White House to meet that individual twice. And I feel like a lot of people owe me apologies for some of the criticisms and the messages I got because it really transcended politics. It is about decency. It's about patriotism. And I don't feel very patriotic right now. I I don't think a lot of people do.

Yeah, and this is a man who is supported, who wore on the side of his hat a bald eagle and a patriot, after all. I mean, what's more American than those two things? Yeah, and I know you weren't trying to be political. You were trying to be supportive of your teammate, but that's what it's all about. And so lovely stuff there. Okay, now let's get a little ugly here. And you mentioned Tua, and now he's benched, and Quin Ewers is getting the start this weekend. And I mean, he really didn't look like a starting quarterback in Pittsburgh and a lot of people... Despite Mike McDaniel, for the last couple of months, even after having been all but fired, it felt like was on track to save his job. But the limitation is the starting quarterback. And then we see on the field as their play off chances go away and all the rest, two are playing grab ass on the field with Jalen Ramsey and laughing it up and everything else in the bigger picture. What do you think about this crap because you're a lovely fella, and we just talk about you get along with teammates and you get along with other football players.

To me, as a football fan, I have to speak up on behalf of fans. I think the NFL thinks it's adorable after the game. Like, These warriors go at it for 60 minutes, but in the end, they're on the same team and they shake hands. That's nice at the end of a playoff series if you're in the NHL. This is different. Stop with that crap. Get some There's a WWE going in there. And don't do that out in plain sight with the red. Go do it in the battles of the stadium. That's your business. No one wants to see that. We hate the opponent. How say you?

Well, I would say fans have less to lose in the situation. It's a weird thing. I can say, Hey, fuck you guys. I hate you. But I'm going to see you again. And the fans, they don't have to answer for that. And the fans also don't have the respect that is earned when you run into somebody at 15 miles an hour for 60 minutes. I'm pretty old school where, Hey, when the game is going on, it is... I don't say the word war because it ain't war, but We're going to be at our throats. We're going to be at each other's throats. I'm all for the violence and everything. It's a beautiful game because of that. It's one of the only places you can really increasingly less so. You can try to not hurt in a dirty way, but you can try to fuck up your opponent. And that's a great thing. And I think what that does is this is the player's take is I don't have anything to prove after the game about being a tough guy. You should be disappointed when you're eliminated from the playoffs. And I think everybody deals with disappointment differently.

Everybody deals with... On the plane ride back, there's certain people that are going to laugh and joke after a loss, and there's There's some people that are going to be dead quiet, and there's people that think it should be like a Morgan there. And there's some people that are going to say, Well, if we were so pissed off, why didn't we play better? And why do I have to sit here and fake an existential crisis because we lost a football game? I think it's a mixed bag. And as much as I've had issues with two of the player and the idea of how good he is or he isn't, him and Jalen Ramsey were teammates before. I think maybe that's the blind spot for him optically as he's thinking, well, I'm talking to an old teammate. And of course, if you've been sitting there spending your hard earned money on going to Dolphins games or buying two of his Jersey or spending on the Red Zone package or NFL, the YouTube or whatever it is, you're pissed when you see that. But you have to understand from the player's perspective is we have nothing to prove.

We just played the game. We're putting our health, our livelihoods on the line. After games, I used to, if there somebody on the other team that I respect, I tell them. And I don't think too many people would have questioned my effort or my commitment to the game. After my last game in the NFL, I cried like a baby, maybe because I knew it was over, it was a damn... I'm in the shower like a damn child. And so it means something, and it hits everybody differently. But when I was on the field after that New Orleans Saints playoff game, I'm pretty sure. It's all a blur. I'm pretty sure I hugged a couple of guys that I respected and told them, Hey, man, way to battle. And then I went in the fucking shower and lost it. So everybody is different. I understand. I understand the sentiment. I do think there's a thin line.

Well, because to some degree, we have to keep you as characters. I also understand you as a human being need to rationalize away the loss, and you can't own it every time you lose a game to a severe degree or you'd be a head case. You can't just torment yourself. I do think, though, thinking of Chris Long nude in the shower crying.

I wasn't naked.

You weren't nude?

No, I went in the shower because that's where nobody is. Oh, I see. You're in full uniform. I pulled a chair up in the shower, and I just lost it. But this is my last game, so I know I'm done. I'm pretty sure I'm done at that point. Yeah, you go in there because you don't want to be in the room bawling, dude. Not that anybody's going to judge you. You ain't the only one with tears in your eyes after your season ends. But I'm a 33-year-old man. And so it's a delicate thing, man. If you're an NFL player and you go in, and I've had teammates to beat the shit out of the bathroom stalls for 15 minutes to the point where I got to go in there and get my buddy, and the coach is like, Hey, you got to go in. There's banging in there. You can hear screaming. You can hear doors slamming, things breaking. Do fans want that? Do fans want us to go-I don't know.

And set our houses on fire and shit? Right. Well, I think it's easier to point fingers. You see that all the time. It's way easier to blame anybody else and to put your emotions, to defer the blame, obviously, as a fan, you're blameless. You just wanted something to happen, and now these guys let you down, so you want them to at least match your Well, I don't think fans know.

I think that's how it is. I think the disk... Here's what hit me, Dave, and I've been trying to say this the right way. Respectfully, I don't think fans know how hard it is to succeed in the NFL and win football games. So when I'm sitting there on the couch watching my favorite team, because I'm the biggest sports fan as everybody, I grew up Panthers fan, pain in my face, used to cry when the Penguins lost. I remember the Penguins lost, I think the Florida Panthers. 1996. Yeah, and I was 11 years old, and I was crying Here I am crying again. Damn, this guy, he can't stop crying.

Went to the showers. Howie's like, Where are you going, boy? Don't worry, old man.

My dad's like, Good. Cry more. You should care.

Take off the You have a sugar sweater while you do it. Yeah.

Yeah. And beat up some of the kids at school, too. I've been a fan, and I know how hard it is to watch UVA basketball, UVA football. We lost UMBC, 16, one seed. I'm enraged, man, and I'm super upset. I have no recourse. I'm a fan. And I also don't know what it's like to be out there that night and feel like, hey, I tried my very fucking best, but those guys were just better. And so I think as a player, you get sometimes as mad as you are, as upset as you are about the game, and as much as it hurts to lose, you comfort yourself subconsciously because you're like, dude, I laid it all out there. These guys get paid, too. And they were just so good today. Dude, recently, I looked back at that 2018 loss to New Orleans. And it's so funny because it doesn't haunt me. This is the year we were repeating or trying to repeat. And we started four and six, and we were terrible. And then all of a sudden, we caught fire we end up in a divisional round down in New Orleans. We jump out to a 14-nothing lead.

The way I remember that game is it was heartbreaking at the time, but in the years after, I forgot about it. It doesn't haunt me.

It felt like you were gilding the lily a little bit there because of out, but if Alshon Jeffrey makes one more catch for you, you probably do beat the Saints. We're going to win that game.

Yeah, and I don't like the whole... Because I didn't like it when the Saints the year before were like, We would have beat the Eagles, the Minneapolis man. No, the fuck you wouldn't. We were a badass group, and it would have been hard to beat us. I'm not doing the, Oh, we should have won it or anything. But what I am saying is when I look back at that game on YouTube, I watched the full game for Shits recently. It was so painful to watch. It was almost more painful than it was to play in it. Because you have this vantage point where it's like, damn, dude. It was 14, nothing. Fake punt, fourth down conversion, drop at the end of the game. I was sad.

Back to you nude in the shower. No, I was going to actually mention that's the saddest football thing since Brandon Frazier and Matt Damon got into a nude fight. Why the director or the screenwriter, whatever, in school ties, of course, I'm referring to when it's been built.

They got in a nude fight?

Yeah, Brandon Frazier, Matt Damon, announced this because he's raw, that that Brandon Frazier stole his girl. And so he announced that, Brandon Frazier is a Jew, everybody, and nobody likes that at the prep school in the mid 20th century.

So this is in the movie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no. I don't mean that they had a fight for their pleasure. I mean, the characters they were playing.

So like LL Cool J and Jamie Fox or whatever. Do you remember the story about any given Sunday? No. They were supposed to be like a fight, and LL Cool J, like, Whoop Jamie Fox's ass or something.

In real life?

Yeah, like a real fight. Wow.

No, I didn't know that.

That's great. I was in a disrobed prison-style fight in college.

Really? With whom? And who won?

Teammates.

You got into a nude fight with your teammates.

It was a Mele, but it was a fist fight, not a wrestling match. But here's the problem. When guys are... There was like a disagreement that spilled over into something more. It was after a workout, and dudes are in the locker room and it's like, you know. You're not thinking about, Oh, all I have is a towel on. I remember seeing Naked O'Liaman, who will go unnamed, fly across the room and do a flying scissor kick into a guy's chest. People are getting punched in the face. There's It's a Mele, man. And the craziest thing about that fight is, 45 % of the people in it were just getting out of the shower. So it happens. Matt Damon and Brenner Frady.

I love the nude fighting as a decision. That's real life, which is I wish there was a video of that, not for perverted reasons. I don't. I think it would make me laugh.

It's way too burn in my brain to see a 310 pound man horizontal to the ground in the middle of a scissor kick into a guy's chest, and I could see the guy's balls. It's just like, I can't get it.

Are they used as a weapon or that's what you go to? No, they're nice. If you're the right endowment, you could use that as a way. You'd choke a guy out with it like, blah, blah, wrap it around his neck like, No, nick Fulls wasn't in this fight, dude.

Oh, no. Okay.

So that's all true. All right, let's move on. Here's another thing. I bring up movies. I bring up movies because, of course, among the the honors that I mentioned at the top there, I didn't mention that you're the progeny of Howie Long, who started the broken arrow, who got kicked out of a moving train by Christian Slater.

This is such bullshit.

It is a shame that it happened. Show business is a rugged business. You talk about football. That ain't nothing compared to the entertainment industry. I recently heard football legend Howie Long say Jamir Gibbs is the best player in football. Your response.

He said that?

Yeah.

I said that, too.

Did you really? Maybe he stole it from you.

Maybe. No, we do talk a lot. Me and dad talk ball a lot. But I think if- And you and I talk balls, apparently. Yeah, evidently. No, I think Jamir Gibbs is now, because of their offensive line and some of the scheme turnover that they had to deal with this year. I think at times, he hasn't been the player he could be in the perfect system. But I think if you're looking at runningbacks in the NFL, if I'm preparing for an offensive player, a non-quarterback, he's as scary as anybody this year. And of course, the caveat is a year like the year where Jamal Chase half the time is not catching the football from Joe Burrow. Justin Jefferson is catching the ball from number nine. Now, he's improving a lot, but that's been hard to get on the same page. You think of some of the traditional best offensive football players. Saquon Barkley is following up his awesome year with a year that predictably is not the same. When you look at Saquon last year, the offensive line he was running behind, and then just the law of averages since 2000, there's a threshold of a certain amount of carries, and I don't have it offhand.

I did this before the season, but there There were a couple of guys that crossed that threshold. It was like Eddie George, DeMarco Murray. Those guys were not able to get back anywhere near to where they were the year prior. It's just like a rule with running back. So I think this year- It's bankable, right?

From a betting standpoint and otherwise, whenever you see that over-under-rush total the following year after 2K, always bet the under, even if it makes you feel like a cynic when you're doing it.

So I'm not saying... I think best player in football is so hard Every year, it's just so much context you got to take into account around every player. This year, it was Pukha for a while, right? And then Devante starts getting some of the target shares. And I think Jamir, there's an argument to be made that he is the best offensive non-quarterback in the league or the most dangerous. There were times where I thought Lane Johnson was the best non-quarterback in the league on offense.

Sure seems like, as you know, the Jenga theory, he Sure. It seems like that eagles offense, Jenga Peace, take him away, and they become very mortal immediately.

He's a big Jenga piece. I think when you look at the eagles, you got two guys on the interior who are awesome players, but were limping into this season. They were limping into the Super Bowl, like Jurgen's and Dickerson. So they've had some injuries. They've had the scheme change. Yeah, it just goes to show every year is different. And so that's the fun thing about the NFL is it is such a team sport. And even when you're talking about individual accolades, it's so hard. You're talking about the MVP. Now, I think Stafford should be the front runner. But you know me, I think Josh Allen is the best quarterback on the planet. And I think when you do the, Hey, is value just who's the best quarterback, who's got the best stats, or is it like, Put Matt Stafford on the bills. How does that look? Put Josh Allen on the Rams. How does that look?

Right. I did the same thing earlier this week with Drake May and Josh Allen. If you want to make a case for May as the MVP, given where that team sits, and if they do hold on and win the East, there's a case there. But If you're talking about straight up value, swap those two guys and see which team winds up better. Obviously, the Patriots would wind up on the right side of that.

I think Drake's the other guy, to be fair to any Patriots fans who are listening. I hear you screaming to the screen. I think he played himself in the conversation this year. I'm also not a guy that really cares about the MVP that much. I know I brought it up, but it's a hot topic this time of year. I don't know who won it five years ago. I don't know who won it three years ago. I don't know how many times Drew Brees won it. I don't know how many times Lamar has won it. I think he's won it twice, but I only know that because... Has he won it twice?

Well, the reason... But I'll tell you the answer to that is largely owed to poor marketing. You have the NFL MVP. It's by far and away our most popular sport, but you know probably who won the Heisman five years ago because it has a cool name. We need a good name for it and a cool statue for it. The Walter Payton Trophy by itself is the coolest trophy going in pro football. It's the only one that measures up with the Heisman. What we need to figure out is Chris Long, and I've done some work in this regard, we need to name the MVP. Make it to Tom braided. I don't care what it is. That's interesting. But if you made a cool eternal trophy, casting that guy in an iconic pose, now it's something you would remember.

Well, I think it's interesting. I think the Heisman to me, and I'm no college football expert, it seemed to me like this year was a down year for the Heisman. How dare you. Not taking anything away from our Hoosier buddy, Mendoza. I thought he...

King dork. I love him.

Yeah. The alternative is this guy, Pavia, who's just like, Hey, bro, enough. All right? Both of them in different ways. Like, enough, man. But yeah, I just look at the Heisman as this... They talk about it differently. It's just hard to compare. The Heisman, you can have a Heisman moment. What's your Heisman moment? We never talk about the MVP like, What's your MVP moment? It feels like the MVP is stats, team success, and who the best quarterback is.

That's right. It all comes down. The people, when they do the thing about Jonathan Taylor's the MVP, come on. I mean, do you pay attention? It's fun for father. That's right. I refuse to engage in any MVP conversation until the midway point in the season. I forbid it here. Also, America.

Also, does it matter if your MVP doesn't play well in the playoffs? I think the playoffs are such a different thing in the NFL than they are in college football. College football playoffs are in their infancy. But college football playoffs, come on. I know, who did I I see yesterday? Joel Klatt or somebody, and I'm not taking shots, but talking about how great the playoffs are in college football. I'm like, no, they're not. They're not. They never have been. They've barely ever been close. They lead the sports in double-digit margin of victory in the playoffs, you couldn't buy a good first-round game for eons. The NFL playoffs are the best thing in major professional I think Stanley Cup, if you're a hockey fan, is incredible, right? And it's a marathon. And I would argue it's just as hard or even harder to win than a Super Bowl. But I think from an entertainment value standpoint, and just an unpredictable standpoint. And that's why the NFL is king. Wild car weekend, pull up a fucking chair, dude. I agree.

I go divisional round, and I would get rid of the seventh team. It's one too many. It's a little exhausting. It's just too much. You don't need... Because the games are so close already that you don't need to throw another team in there to make it more the vibe more of a coin flip. I think the merit of a 17 or 16, or ultimately it's going to be 18, obviously. I think the merit achieved over the course of those four months is enough. You don't need to jam another team in there to muck things up. Because what you want, ultimately, at least in my opinion as a man of merit who believes in merit, I think that you should get buys for winning at least the top two spots. If you throw them all into a jumbal, it leads to a mess, in my opinion.

Well, here's a question that we One day I was looking for something to talk about, and I was like, You know what? And of course, this has gone to shit now in the last couple of weeks. But there was a point this season where I thought Dallas was really dangerous. And there was a point, and I still believe it, that Cincinnati, if you told them, hey, tomorrow, you're in the playoffs, everybody be like, fuck, Cincinnati is in the playoffs? Should there be an at-large bid in the NFL playoffs? And how would you... I love it. Because think about this. Bill Belichick used to say this, and I'm pretty sure he still says it.

Name drop.

No, but he used to say this. It just happens to be my coach and my coworker inside the NFL. So But Dave, it's not who you play, it's when you play them.

Sure.

And I think that's like, and if the hoodie agrees, then most people should probably agree. And I think we all know it to be true. We all know that at the end of the season, some people slide in and you're like, They're not that good anymore. They're not playing well in December. Not to say they shouldn't be in the playoffs. But how about the teams that because of an injury or circumstance in the beginning of the season were dog shit, but then down the stretch, they're dangerous. Are we being too terrible?

Well, that's why college football used to be better, and now that's gone out the window, too. But when you lose a game, even if it's the first game of the season, if you get whipped like Notre Dame or like Alabama did by Florida State, that's it. You have no claim to being in a tournament for the best team because that game counted in the regular season. So I hear you, and I love this broader idea. My spin on what you just said is, how cool would this be? Especially when you only have a number one seed. But you could do this before the wild card round as well. The two teams with buys get to choose who they play.

Oh, yeah.

How about that? These are the teams on the board here. You're the number one seed. The wild card Third Weekend has now finished. You're the number one seed. Go up to the board now, LA Rams, and choose who you get to play. Because that would be such a pisser because you would take the worst team, but now that team would have a chip on its shoulder. Of all the six teams you could have played, you wanted us. Oh, now we're going to give it to you real good for that one, right? How great would that be?

It'd be incredible. It would be incredible.

And the moment of Belichick and Chris Long or braided or whoever going up to the podium, so that would finish Wild Card Weekend. Maybe you give them the night to meditate on it, and then on Tuesday morning or Monday morning, even better, because we're getting rid of the seventh team already. But the morning of, We announced that we are going to play.

That's so good.

The San Francisco 49ers. Like, What? You know you did it.

That's so good. And it makes it harder in a way on the number one team because it feels like a little like, Hey, we just called our shot. Oh, shit. It's the gravity of if you're the coach, that becomes a decision, like an in-game decision or a roster decision. This is a very meaningful real decision. If you pick a team and lose it, it's even worse because you picked it.

That's right. You would have to own it. And a game that you probably see as the number one seed against the worst remaining team probably doesn't feel that juicy. Now it has all the juice in the world.

That's really, Dave, that's good.

See, I told you Chris Long was good. Mike didn't agree, but I thought he was great there. Here's good news for you. More Chris Long coming for you on the other side of the football weekend. More kibbitz in with him to come. In the meantime, Gina, what do you think? Wouldn't that be a great thing if you had the number one seed at the end of the wild card, get to choose your opponent? Let's say the Broncos are the number one seed in the AFC. Who would they choose?

Well, first of all, that's like a made for TV event. Who's not tuning in for that right after the first round of the playoffs? Exactly. Okay. So of the teams that are available, I got to say, man, I'd be rooting for the Steelers to get through that first round, a 41-year-old quarterback against the Denver Pass rush.

I mean, not to throw He wouldn't like that. He wouldn't like that. Now, if Jacksonville, if Denver beats Jacksonville, it would be extra juicy if they took the Jags again because they would have a chip on their shoulder. And that brings us to the NFL games, a countdown. That's what we call it, the Countdown. Down here, the most consequential games in week 16, who's going to win them, and by how much. And it is those Jags playing those Broncos. Broncos laying just three, 46 and a half is the total on this one. I've got a Jags victory recalling, what was it, 1997 when they went in there. Mark Brunell and Company went in there and picked off the number one seeded Denver Broncos with John Elway, one of the biggest upsets in postseason history. Jags win this one, 24-22. Mike Fuentes. How say you?

I don't love the Jags. Everybody knows I hate the Jags. But the problem is that we're at a point here where Denver's one. There's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 games in a row. They can't keep that going. They're not going to go into the playoffs winning what is this, 14 in a row, whatever it is. So as much as I dislike the Jags, I think the Jags are in a groove now. Trevor Lawrence is playing the best football that he's ever played. So I'm going to say that the Jags go up there and find a way to beat the Bo'Nicks Denver Broncos.

That's again from a self-proclaimed Jags hater, Trevor Lawrence's doubter. Boy, now you're making me dreshed in it. The Jags with their turquoise-tongued cat. I don't know what goes on with that. I think America really isn't all that enthused. I think that's why people are not picking the Jags that much because they don't want the reality of the Jags being a real actor come January. Either way, like it or not, they are going to be. If the Broncos win this one and the Texans win, though, that division remains in play. On the number three here, it's the Bucaneers. It's the Carolina Panthers. It's the other south, the NFC kind. The Carolina Panthers, how about this? Minus three, total 45 and a half. I think the Bucs get right here, finally. I think they have circled this two out of the last three games. They catch Carolina head to head. Whatever else has gone wrong in the last month or six weeks is erased so long as they hold on and win the NFC South. They do 27 to 19. Gino Fuentes, how say you?

I think I'm going to agree with you, man. That offense got all its pieces back now. They got Bucky everything going. We saw Mike Evans how well he played in his first game back. And I think Tampa Bay's coach just ripped them a new one after the last game. So I've got to say they react to that. Baker is not going to sit around and take that. So I think he's going to lead them to a victory. So I'm taking Tampa.

All right. At number two, a big game on both sides of the ledger, AFC and NFC, the Pittsburgh Steelers at the Detroit Lions. The Lions, of course, lost Ben Johnson and Aaron Glenn, and desperately need this one. And I have a hunch to the Stealers, no matter what goes on the rest of the way here, are entering a new similar era themselves. Why else would Adam Schefter tweet out, The Pittsburgh Stealers are not going to fire Mike Tomlin, but they do have a significant decision to make early next year based on the option year and his contract sources tell ESPN. Here are the options, here are the possibilities of those sources. The worldwide leader's transcriber-in-chief, last seen running cover for his pal, Sharon Moore, suddenly found God and is now pouring over the fine print in the contract. I don't think anybody thinks that, or like I say, someone told him that. And who would do that other than someone in the Stealers organization or maybe the agent of a coach who wants the gig if Mike Tomlin does go? Add this to the intrig. I highly doubt Ryan Clark, who is tied in close with a number of people in the Stealers organization, would say, I believe this marriage between the Stealers and Tomlin is in the stage where they're both discussing if it's the best thing for them as a couple.

I don't think he would say that sitting on the field in Acrisure on Monday night, if he didn't have conversations that indicated that was the case. Either way, the Lions laying seven, 51 and a half is your total. I think Detroit gets it in a game that they just pretty much got to have to stay alive. 33, 24. Mike Fuentes, how say you?

The Lions started the year 4-1. Ever since then, they've traded wins and losses all the way down. The last game, they lost to the Rams in a high scoring affair in Los Angeles. Now, they're going to be at home in perfect conditions against a Steelers team that we both know is mediocre. Oker at best. So I'm going to take the Lions in this one, but they don't cover because the Steelers find a way to muck games up.

I do want to say, I want to put this asterisk down and not sound like I'm fully glass half full quite yet. The Steelers have to win this one to impress Dave. So extra pressure on you, Coach T and Aaron Rodgers and everybody else. If the Steelers can go up there in a game, like I say, that the lines are going to be desperate to get, if the Steelers somehow win that game. Now I'm a believer that they can do some stuff in January. But as it stands, we saw what happened last December. I know that they survived the Ravens. Some fluke to that one. The two of a game, I think you throw out. You knew that they were going to flop when it was 10 degrees, too. I wasn't going to make it there. That brings me to number one, the Patriots and the Ravens. The AFC North remains in play. The Ravens are laying three. 48 and a half is your total. I say that the Patriots, even after the gut punch a week ago, go up there and win 29, 27. Why? My primary reason? I just don't think the Ravens are all that good.

I don't think they have a pass rush. They don't have a great secondary. And something is off with Lamar. He, I think, is physically not right. That's my pick. Gino, how say you?

I think you're right, man. I think the Patriots have been really good this year. I think it took some Josh Allen magic for them to actually lose that last game. Now, if that score is what you're saying it is, then it's a cover, right? For Baltimore? Or what's the line again? Maybe I didn't hear you right the first time.

The Ravens are laying three.

So you said 29, 27. So you picked the Ravens.

I'm just saying Patriots, straight-up winner, man.

I'm going to say Patriots, straight-up winner, too, but I think it's going to be a close one. I think it's going to be Baltimore covers.

All right, listen. Enjoy it. Gino, Mike Fuentes, soup up there in Seattle. Enjoy the college football playoff. Enjoy week 16. We'll be back, like I say, on the other side with some more noise from Chris Long. Until then, thanks so much, my fellow football Americans. It's been a thin slice of heaven.