Transcript of Sam Morril Says Hitler Would Have Loved Wemby | Hour 1 New

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This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stuckatz Podcast.

This episode of the Dan Levitar Show is presented by DraftKings. Kings. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

We will get to Greg Cody's two catchphrases. We will get to, uh, AJ Brown and Miles Garrett. But first, it's our senior Knicks correspondent. It's been too long since we've had him on. He should be running victory laps. He should be gloating. He saw this coming, uh, from miles away, uh, but everyone rolls their eyes around here when they see him. Uh, do I have this right? Like, he's, he's a great comedian. I love listening to him, but there's something about him that he comes on here, what does he do? Does he upset you guys because he can be a little acidic, or does he upset you just because he's a Knicks fan?

Yeah, he's alright. I think the issue why we haven't had him on is because you went on his podcast and then talked about all your Knicks takes over there.

Yeah, being such a big Knicks fan that you are, making sure you joined as the first person to join his Knicks podcast, we just had to be sure.

I was honored. I didn't know why he would make me the first person. Maybe it's because he's funny and he's bringing me in on the joke on the idea of The Miami guy has been swayed by how lovable this team is. Sam, thank you for joining us.

It's nice.

It is nice to see you. I like seeing you. I don't know what everyone else's problem is with you.

Zads, whatever.

What? What's whatever?

It's whatever.

You know, look at the hat and, you know, the jacket.

It's whatever.

You know, I know. Look, I'll be honest. I'm dressing like a Make-A-Wish kid over here. I'm not happy. And, Dan, you were my first and only podcast. It's my only sports podcast ever. You were the guest.

Uh, no, you and— no, you and Stavey did a great sports podcast. What are you talking about?

That's from years ago. That was from years ago.

Oh, this is your— you're starting a new podcast? Are you starting a Knicks podcast?

I started one and you were it. You were the only episode. I just had to get some shit out.

It was canceled.

Wow. Okay, no, but hold on a second. Hold on. Do you have trouble with joy, Sam? Because like, this all started because I'm telling you that this is as good as this will ever feel for a fan base, what you're presently feeling.

Well, hopefully it feels better. I hope this run isn't over, man. We still got 4 games. So, you know, we got an alien in front of us. He's going to be tough. I know it's going to be a tough series.

You say that, but look how happy he is. But he's happy and he's also anxious, right? Like, you're— are you confident? New Yorkers, New Yorkers like to think they're confident. Are you confident?

I'm confident. But, you know, it does suck when you hear Wemby in interviews being like, I'll die for this. And you're like, we have to get the motivated 7'5 guy. Like, LeBron never talked like this. You know, why couldn't Wemby have been drafted by the Kings or something? He would've committed suicide by now.

So, okay, so you are scared of him for multiple reasons. It's not even just—

Look, his dad is 6'7" and his mom is 6'3". It feels like they did this to us on purpose. This feels a lot like eugenics. Hitler would've loved this. Hitler would've loved what Wemby's doing.

Are you confident though? Like, I know publicly you have to put on a brave face, but what you're seeing is somebody that is coming from a different planet. Like, you're playing— your happiest moment is me— is meeting somebody who comes from another galaxy and is just starting his rise.

Well, that's the tough part, is like during the wins, yeah, you're feeling— you're flying high, you're walking around like New Yorkers are being nicer to each other, crime has gone down. I slow danced with a homeless lady the other day. Everyone's being kind to each other. But, you know, now it's real. And now you're like, yeah, now it's nerve-wracking. It's like, you know, you're happy when you get engaged, but now the wedding's here. And I'm like, damn, I hope this works.

All right, so just so people understand both New York and you, what are your next 36 hours like? Are they peaceful? Like there's nothing in the world you care about, like nothing, there's no one in the world you care about the way that you care about this, is there?

I love this Knicks team very much. I'm stressed. I will be at Game 1. I'm nervous. I mean, no, you can't focus on anything else. It's killed my standup. My standup's gone down the toilet. My sets have been horrible lately.

You're too happy. You're too happy.

No one wants— no one wants to hear a comic talk about how God might be real.

I'm happy. And it's ruined your brand.

Is not a joyous one.

Wait a minute.

It's not good. You know, Things are— I got clipped by a guy on a Citi Bike the other day and I wasn't even mad. I was like, he probably had somewhere important to be. You know?

So God is real because Jalen Brunson's gonna beat the intergalactic alien?

That's my hope. I mean, Brunson, I can't believe people are still hating on Brunson. Like, this guy, Wemby's crying after he won this and he's 7'5". You wanna see Brunson's face? He's just like serious. He's like, "Yeah, whatever. This is what I'm supposed to do." Why is this 7'5" guy more emotional than the second-round pick who was not supposed to be here. This Spurs team is a team full of overachievers. This is— these are three kids who got 1600s on their SATs. They hit three straight years in the, in the, in the top five. We're a bunch of guys who got picked later, other than KAT, obviously, but KAT had his own issues. And here we are. This is a team of lovable underdogs, as you said it, Dan.

They, they are. But straw man, who's killing Brunson? Who's— everybody loves Brunson. Who's killing Brunson?

There's still Draymond still hating. Becky Hammond still hating. She goes, prove it to me. Prove it to me that a 1A guy— I'd love to prove it to you, Becky. I hope he does prove it to you. Shut up. Get over it. Just say maybe you misjudged it. Why can't any of them be like, maybe I was wrong? They all sound like villains. Like he's too little. He's killing people.

There he is.

You're too happy and it's ruined your standup. You're announcing that to the public. Your career has been ruined by this Knicks run.

Yeah, it's over.

Unless they lose, then you're back. Jack.

If they lose, I'm coming back in clown makeup, dude. It's gonna be dark.

Sam, what would you do if you had a show during one of the nights of the Finals?

Well, luckily I have a show only on Saturday, an upstate gig. I would have canceled. I think that's in my contract. If I get really sick, an act of God, or if the Knicks play a playoff game, yeah.

That's awesome.

Are you going to all of the games?

I can't make all of them, but I'll go to everyone I can go to for sure. And I'll be watching everyone.

How does this work with you though? Like, is that an awkward call? Obviously it's a very expensive ticket. Obviously everyone in New York wants to be sitting next to Tracy Morgan. And obviously I would say that you, Ben Stiller, I don't know, what's the Mount Rushmore right now?

Chalamet's up there. Chalamet, very high.

I'm not anywhere near this shit. I'm like second, third tier Knicks fan. But I, you know, I'll, whatever it takes to be in the building. I don't care where I sit.

No, but the thing I was asking you in terms of who those people are people are and how they actually care about the team. I actually care. Ben Stiller's at the top of the list, and I think the way you care about this is unusual. I understand it's a hot ticket, but how awkward is it to try and get into the building? I—

if I— I'll find a way in. I'm not worried.

Do you think you care more than Ben Stiller?

That one's tough.

This is what they try to do. They can't let us have anything. They try to tear us against each other.

Just a question.

I refuse the question.

Okay, you reject the question. He can't do that. He just shut down the question. Uh, Zazz, are you mad at him because you're mad to see the Knicks in the Finals? Like, uh, because you're a Heat— you're a two-time champion Heat broadcaster.

The Knicks have not hurt me in over a quarter century. Like, I don't even have the energy to be angry with the Knicks in the Finals. I, I think, I think Sam's right. There's a lot about this Knicks team that's likable.

There is. Thank you. Thank you. I agree. And you know what? This Spurs team, they're all like perfect. They're all like— they're all achieving at 22. What's likable about that? They're all killing. You know what the Knicks are? KAT is kind of gay. OG is sort of autistic. Brunson's head is too big. Mitchell Robinson's obsessed with trucks. Josh Hart's always eating candy. This is America, this Knicks team.

Jack, what about Landry Shamet? You got some for Shamet?

He's just a sniper, dude. 11 of 12 threes.

No, but get out of here. In terms of all the improbable things, okay, 18 threes and a half against Philadelphia. Landry Shamet is 11 of his last 12 from threes. The most improbable thing is what?

We just got to keep up the shooting, man. I mean, Bridges has been out of his mind lately. I got to give a shout out to Mikael Bridges. Like, he got all the— he gets all the hate because we gave up so much for him, but like We're not here without him. We don't beat the Celtics last year without him. Like, you keep getting better each year with the same core, and Mikael Bridges has been outstanding.

Can you, uh, just— you're good with words, Sam, but I'm going to put you on the spot here. Articulate how you feel about Brunson, because when I tell people— they've been objecting around here about this. I've been saying it for a couple of years. Brunson's going to be the most beloved Knick there's ever been because no one at that size gets to be that, and he's going to have to do it against the 7'5" guy, and there's never been someone in sports that Sam trusts this way, I don't think, where you believe he's going to beat everyone in the fourth quarter.

I mean, hard not to believe. Yeah, he's, he's given us hope. He just, he's got— I got shit for saying this before, but there's a mental toughness that reminds me of Kobe with him. Like, there's like, he's unflappable. So, uh, yeah, I believe, like, I know that on paper Vegas says we're not going to win this, but Yeah. How could you not believe when you have this squad? Jaylen is a silent killer. OG is a silent killer. This team feels like professionals.

But Sam, after they were down 2-1 to Atlanta the last time they lost a game this postseason over a month ago, you were trading everyone, right?

No, no. I was pissed. But I was like, there's no way we should lose this series. There's video footage of me behind CJ McCollum's interview hidden with one of these Nixon Five. I didn't believe we're going to lose.

You're a believer. But when it comes to confidence, I want to really drill down on this. You're not allowed to say that you fear Wemby, right? You're not allowed to say that. If I speak to your darkest fears, you think it's his time and America's rooting for him.

You think America's rooting for Wemby?

Yes.

I think he's incredible. I mean, what do you want me to say? He's a phenom. He's a great player. Yeah. All right. Now pull up the one of Mitch on Embiid, dude. Fuck you, you favoritist.

But neither of these are the Knicks.

Why are you upset?

Sam's still there.

He's a, he's a, he's a great, he's a great player. Am I annoyed that he got drafted to the Spurs? Of course. Yeah. It's not fair that they went from David Robinson to Tim Duncan to Wemby. If Elon Musk won the lottery, would I be happy for him? No. The rich get richer. Fuck them. It's ridiculous. But Is he incredible? Of course. And it's not just him. Kessel's a hell of a player. Harper was, you know, they killed it with that pick. It annoys the shit out of me that Champagny is an incredible shooter. Fucking Darryl Morey. You know what? I've talked to him before and he's a cool guy, but he has made some of the dumbest ass moves of all time. You give away McCain for pennies on the dollar and you cut Julian Champagny, who's a sniper, for fucking Mac McClung? You did it for a show pony? Are you kidding me? Which means either way, if the Knicks play the Thunder or the Spurs, it's, it's Morey's last laugh.

Summer always hits different once the big games start stacking up. Now you've got Finals games on every other night, baseball's rolling all week, racing on the weekends, and suddenly everybody's looking for an excuse to get together. The other night, a buddy texted me, "We've got the game on, come through." I figured I'd stop by for maybe an hour. That was optimistic. Next thing you know, everybody's locked into the game and we're all part of the coaching staff. Somebody's yelling at the ref, somebody else is suddenly an expert on pitch strategy, and nobody's even pretending they're leaving early anymore. It's one of those nights where you take a sip of Miller Lite, look around, and realize, yeah, this is exactly what summer is supposed to be. That's why Miller Lite is always part of these nights for me. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink when it's hot outside, and perfect for long nights hanging with friends watching games. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer. Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly.

Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. The final round of basketball season is here, and only DraftKings has you fully covered. The DraftKings Sports app is now available in all 50 states and includes every market, so you're in on the action at the speed of sports. Sweat every possession of the series, all in one place with one app. New DraftKings customers sign up with code DAN, spend $5, and get $200 in rewards within 21 days. That's Code Dan in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours.

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Don Lebatard. I'm just here to say one thing: the Knicks are back. Stugatz. Tyrese Haliburton, 6 points? Fraud. Everybody was like, yo, he's better than Jaylen Brunson, he's better than— the Knicks should have drafted him.

Fraud.

This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.

Do you think Tom Thibodeau is rooting for the Knicks?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, because he— yeah, I think Tibbs is a class act, and yeah, those are his guys, so how could you not?

You mentioned Darryl Morey. He was on the show with us. He wrote a play, or he wrote a musical, and he did a small bit of it for us.

Do we want to have sex with giants or no? It's between 4 and 6. How to bring the parts into compliance?

I just cannot grasp the mechanics.

I'm confused.

You should be, honestly. But you killed him. You crushed— why'd you crush Morey? I haven't heard anybody— is he's going to get another job, isn't he?

He's a, he's a talented GM. But that pissed me off that he gave away Champagny for nothing because I watch all the games and Champagny hit 9 threes against the Knicks once. I know he's a sniper, so it annoys me that we have to worry about another guy.

Sam, the last time the Knicks were in the finals, you were like, I think 13 years old. How is your emotion right now compared to how you felt with your team in the finals way back then?

I'm more emotional. It's sad that as I get older, I'm more emotional because I should have more to live for, but I guess I don't. This is it. 13 years old. You haven't really suffered enough. And this is— if you're a real— if you're a real sports fan and you haven't won and you've come close and your heart's been broken again and again, You either give up completely or you still somehow find a way to believe. And I'll always— I believe, man. I believe in this Knicks team. And Brunson's given us reason to believe, you know? I mean, this shit ain't nothing right here. This is pretty damn special, you know?

What is that, a magazine? Nobody reads those anymore.

The New Yorker. Oh yeah, New Yorker.

You might as well cover the New Yorker, Dan. I'm sorry, you fucking uncle. I'm sorry, it's not the Miami Herald, dude. Fuck you.

Whoa, I'm a Pulitzer winner. Whoa.

You're very— Dan, I have to give you credit. You're a very good writer. Like, you really are like— your texts to me are in your voice, and I, and I laugh. I, I— can I read one of the texts Levitard wrote to me? Because they're in his voice. You guys text with Dan, so I know you know he does this, but this is my text after Game 1.

This is a betrayal.

This is a— this is after Knicks— after the Knicks— no, this is— I'm saying you're a good writer. This is the Knicks beat the Cavs in Game 1.

And what's the— and what's the context? What am I—

came back in a ridiculous fashion, what, 20 points with 7 minutes left.

What this text— just so I think what he's going to read here is, I am insisting that Dark Sam Morrill feel joy. I'm insisting that the boy who was carried out when Patrick Ewing, when Patrick Ewing missed a finger roll. Is that your first Knicks memory that you were?

Yeah, that was the first one that really hit home.

The first— your first Knicks memory is what?

Hysterically crying in front of my family.

How old were you?

Too old to be crying that much.

Okay, so I was insisting that you enjoy that after beating the Cavs that way, that your team finally winning after 25 years, this is the best that fandom gets.

This is what Dan wrote to me: The game was covered in ghosts, Sam. You've been waiting for us for 25 years. You've been living in the lighthouse, Sam. You are Defoe. Nick's fandom has been dark and bleak. You've been masturbating into a tin cup for 25 years. It has made you the comic you are. Heart made of acid. You text like you speak, which I respect.

It's sweet.

You're a writer.

Sweet text.

God, you're a psychopath.

You jerk off in a cup?

You sent that text at 3 AM, right?

What time did I say? I didn't— I assumed he wasn't sleeping. I assumed that—

It was late. It was a late— it was a late night text.

I assume that after Knicks games you don't sleep.

Dude, I don't. It's— that's the other thing is you're just wired. No one in the city can talk about anything but the Knicks right now. Like, yeah, we're lunatics. Like, you can tell, like, you know, the old scene in Midnight Cowboy where Dustin Hoffman's like so angry and he's like, I'm walking here. That's like— that was before the Knicks won. That's that energy. And now New Yorkers are being nice to each other. Like, you've seen everyone be like waving to each other.

I don't believe you there. I think you're lying. I think you're publicly lying when you say New Yorkers are being nice to each other. Dude, crime is down.

This is— the city is becoming a utopia.

You danced with a homeless woman?

Oh no, I did.

People are not being nicer to each other, Sam. Nobody's being nice to each other.

Everyone's being nice to each other. Uh, the world's becoming— the world is healing itself, and, uh, the, the world will still— will soon heal itself with the laughter and the joy being spread in New York right now. We— I'm— I want 7th Avenue to be on fire. I want— I want this bigger. This for the city.

Bigger Knicks fan, you or Michael J.

Fox? I'll give it to Fox. He's been alive longer. He's a legend. He's a— he's a class act, that guy. I love Michael J.

Fox. Sam, how many times has Dan texted you about Larry Johnson's 4-point play?

I don't actually think you have texted me. That was honestly— but that was probably before the Knicks comeback on the Cavs. Probably my happiest Knicks memory. And I've met LJ a couple times and he's like, he's the coolest man.

But you told him that it was a ridiculous continuation, right? Definitely foul was on the floor.

Did we get away with one? Maybe, possibly. But you know what, you know, the Pacers, who gives a shit?

All right, so we're live all 4 hours today and we are on a lot of mainstream outlets, so I will apologize a little late on how Sam, uh, is, is loose, uh, uh, but can you tell me— the Beatles are litigious. Greg, uh, can you please tell me, as, uh, you have You said the Knicks fan is your most heated rival. You're a longtime columnist. Sam appreciates writers. You've written for 50 years for the Miami Herald, which he just mocked while waving a magazine from a defunct age. A dinosaur. You mocked magazines, Dan. You mocked it. Yes, I mocked those dinosaur papers. Yes, because it died on our watch, Sam. Magazines and people reading and literacy in general died on our watch.

Not the New Yorker.

Not the New Yorker. Brunson's on the COVID But Sam would have for 25 years just about hated everything you are. Right. And you for about 25 years would have hated everything Sam was because you think that the Knicks are the biggest rival the Heat has, not the Celtics.

Right, but I don't root for the Knicks for that reason. I cheer for this final like a fan would. It's the— the TV ratings are going to go through the roof. Knicks, who haven't won in 1,000 years, versus Wemby, the ratings are going to break records. And I think the Knicks winning would be the greatest story in sports, more than Wemby. Wemby doesn't need it. He's 12 years old. He's got plenty of time. The Knicks haven't won since '73. Knicks winning is the best thing that could happen to the NBA.

You heard it there. I mean, I agree. I think we are a historic franchise. It's been 53 years. Like, we are— this is a long long wait for a city that is upset. I mean, think about what real estate goes for in New York, and there's a basketball court every few blocks. Like, we love basketball. So, uh, yeah, we're hungry for this, man. This is— this means more, I think, to Knicks fans. Like, one ring means more than like 3 or 4 to the Lakers, you know, it's— or the Celtics. Like, this is— we need this.

Bigger Knicks fan, you or Turtle?

Ferrara is hardcore. He's pretty hardcore. He's a I don't know, I feel like we're neck and neck. Jerry and I are both pretty hardcore.

Can you explain to people the difference between the Knicks and all the other teams? Like, when you say it feel like 4 to the Lakers, if I tell you New Yorkers, if I say, hey, you can win this many championships in Yankees, Mets, Jets, Giants, or the Knicks can win one, like, in terms of what this team means to this city, it means more than the others, does it not?

Yeah, there's some people who only care about hockey, and there's some people only care about football. I, you know, I like all sports, but I love the Knicks. To me, the Knicks are the most important. So I think a Knicks title— I mean, look, look at the droughts. I mean, the Rangers won '94, which is kind of becoming a drought. The Giants have been— I mean, the Jets and the Knicks are the two droughts really in New York.

But if I— but if I say to you, I don't— I'm asking you to speak on behalf of all New Yorkers, but don't you think that a Knicks championship feels to New York with memories and everything else because it's been passed down through generations more than a couple of Super Bowls, more than if the Jets and the Giants won?

Well, and isn't it the way that The reason that I've had explained to me, Sam, it's because like every basketball fan in New York, like the Nets are New Jersey. Like every basketball fan in New York is a Knicks fan.

The other sports— It's the team that's actually in the city. It's the team that actually lives inside of the city.

But also they're in Brooklyn now, the Nets, but no one takes them seriously. And you can tell that by the fact that like you pull in KD, Kyrie, and Harden in their prime and no one went, no one gave a shit. It was like if Denzel was doing community theater, you're just like, this is sad. That you have this level of talent and no one gives a shit. Meanwhile, the Knicks get Julius Randle, who was killer. We loved him. He revitalized us. And we're— every game is packed, you know. So yeah, it's Knicks or bust in New York. We're Knicks town.

Well, but it also— the thing that I'm trying to make spring from both Zazz and Greg Cody is the fact that if you've been caring about basketball for 25 years, the Knicks have been on the wrong end for a quarter century of all the Miami jokes. They are losers, the doormat of Miami for for 25 years in basketball since Miami stole Pat Riley. Like, it's, it's generations now. But when Allen Houston was making one of the worst memories in the history of Miami sports against Pat Riley— the Knicks have had precious few runs through these 30 years, and right now, Sam, you're up and the Heat down big. And you two who care about the Miami Heat, you must enjoy speaking from on high to them Hey, we passed you over the last 5 years. You guys got LeBron and Wade and Bosh. And over the last 5 years, we built a team that passed your organization.

It's not even like that, though, because like, for whatever reason, if we just got LeBron, it wouldn't have felt this special. No offense. Like, you guys, look, you got Wade too. You have more than us regardless. But like LeBron, I've never been the biggest LeBron guy, so it wouldn't have felt as special to me. The fact that we did— we're doing this with this team we built, this kind of scrappy team. You know, of a— led by a second-round pick who's— everyone says is undersized. It means a lot the way they're doing it. And yeah, the history and the fact that this team killed Brunson's dad. '99. This is like gangs of fucking New York, dude. We're back. It's been forever. We've made two finals in my lifetime. They both were heartbreaking. This is the third one. I'm praying it has a different result. But yeah, I think this is as big as it gets in New York. Like the Yankees have won so many, the Mets have, you know, struggled, whatever. The Giants have done well. The Rangers won in '94, whatever. You can go down the list. But yeah, we need this, I think, as a city.

What would you be willing to give up for the Knicks winning the championship this year?

You name it, dude.

Well, what if you—

well, charity. We're doing something for charity here. We're doing— I mean, you can make donations here to— you can— I was going to say sammoral.com. That is not where you can make donations. I don't want to do that, but I'm looking for the name of it.

What would you be willing to give up? Give me money.

That's what I'm looking for. ProjectMainStreet.org is what I meant to find. Again, construction business, you know, things. Like, my mind, my mind's not here. I confused the Monkees and the Beatles.

So what, so let me just get this straight.

You're saying if the Knicks win, Sam has to give us money for charity for a telethon?

Not us, but if he wins, ProjectMainStreet.org, he makes a donation as part of this charitable telethon we're doing today that he's highlighting. He's our headliner today.

Sam, I'm in, I'm in if they win.

You got me. I badgered him. See, if they win, so, so ask him for an amount.

Half-ass given to charity. Give it because, because his heart's in the right place.

Don't you hate ALS?

I won't publicly say how much I'll give, but I'll give a good donation.

All right, there you go. I badgered somebody into that. Uh, one last question before we let you go. A, a former girlfriend of yours, a Giants-Spurs fan, how would this have gone? How would this have gone if, uh, and have you considered that at all, like the idea that she felt about the Spurs, but she felt about the Spurs the way you feel around the Knicks, correct? That the feelings are equal? Yes.

Yeah, sure.

How would that have gone?

But they won enough.

That's it? They hogged the titles and you're done?

They've had 5 since '99. They're not— no one else in the league is like, they could use a break. We could use a break. We need this.

Yes. All right. But your comedy gets ruined if they win, right?

Yeah, but I'll bounce back. I got a couple months before Europe. I could figure it out. I'll fuck my life up some other way. I'll like go on a bender or something. I'll find a way to come back down.

All right, thank you, Sam. Good seeing you. And I am indeed happy for you.

So let's— Remember, Wembley, eugenics, Hitler.

Yeah, we do remember, Sam.

Don't forget.

Yeah, so thank you. Don't forget that.

Don't worry, it'll be the title of this episode.

Yes, I don't forget that. No, because it's, it's you and dancing with a homeless lady.

Yes, yes.

What song do you think it was?

Uh, well, it's Dancing in the Dark, clearly.

That was a slow song, he said.

New Yorkers are happier and being nicer to each other. Are we believing this?

No.

Yeah. No.

Yeah. No, I am. No.

I am.

Are you? I mean, yeah, a town has juice when you're in—

Small sample size.

When you're chasing a title.

Guys, the mayor got rid of bedtimes for kids. Of course they're being kind of uptight.

He's not in charge of my kids. He's not in charge.

Mine either. Don Libertard. Billy, somebody has written in here, I need way more—

I'm sorry.

I just said in his headset, haven't you been to all of them too?

It sounded like you were speaking aloud. My bad. Totally on me. That's 100% on me.

All right.

Stugatz.

But that goes without saying, right? That it couldn't happen.

Well, now he said it didn't.

He didn't say it.

My apologies.

Greg.

Why Greg? Yeah, Greg.

He apologized.

I mean, Greg, sincerely. This is the Don Lebatard Show with Stugatz. We'll get to AJ Brown and Miles Garrett in a moment, but getting back to the catchphrases, where are you, Greg, on the list? Are we at number 18, number 17, number 19?

Where are we? Um, yeah, number 19 was nice chatting with you, and the two newest ones are—

all right, hold on. So, but just For the record, okay, as someone who has loved and known Cody the entirety of this list— Make him start from the beginning again. Okay, we will do that, but nice chatting with you is a hell of a dismount at 19.

Yeah, chatting with you.

No, I know, I know, but Greg, you've been saying that since I've known you. That's how I signed off with Paul and Young Ron every 2 weeks. To think that Greg has 18 better than that suggests that what is coming your way down the pike this summer, bigger than the World Cup, No, this list is a monster. Like, if you're telling me that Nice Chatting With You is 19, when I think of that one, like, I would assume that's right at the top.

If we're being honest, he probably is 28 better.

That's why the, the list may have to grow from 60 to a top 70.

It's just really gonna—

it just might.

Are you just reporting?

It's, it's out of my control.

Totally in your control.

No, there are forces in nature larger than—

Greg, do you already have one or two more? Like, are— do you have two that could have been in and should have been in, in regretting are not in, and therefore you're going to see if you have 8 more?

Are we— they're coming to me all the time. I thought of one the other day that I added to the list. I'm gonna possibly—

no, so if you're still adding it— see, he just— you just saw what happened there, right?

That's why it's out of my control.

That says you saw what happened there.

How can one that you just think of be better than any of the ones you've already ranked?

I'm not saying it's better, but it's in the—

it's a list.

That's how lists work.

It's in the conversation No, no, no, let me tell you something about lists, okay? If you make a list— been waiting for this— okay, this is your— this is Zaslo's personal list, top 100 NBA players of all time. Yeah, is everybody going to agree with that list and the order of it and the ranking?

Exactly. Sagaki. No, but if I came up with a list of 100 best players and then I remember a player I forgot, he wouldn't just be shoehorned into the top 20.

Yeah, he would. What if you forgot— what if you forgot Elgin Baylor?

Nice chatting with you.

He boxed me in.

I can't believe that that's 19. Like, this is such— this is going to be such a monster list. Sponsors, I'm telling you, there's big money here. Sponsor the rest of this list. The next, the next 19 are going to be beasts because, uh, Greg. Yes. 18 is going to be revealed right now and it's going to be better. You're telling me this is better than Nice Chatting With You, which is, I think, an eternal first ballot Hall of Famer. Okay.

This is my list. I mean, for me, it's one spot better, but some may disagree.

No, but you're respecting your list by trying to make these the best, correct? You know, nice chatting with you, Greg.

Nice chatting with you.

Greg, you've been saying it since I've known you. It's almost your first words in our relationship. Nice chat with you.

Right, it was my first words in the crib.

I'm gonna say the first time you ever made me laugh was when we had a very short conversation. That's when you use it best and you say nice chatting with you and you hang up.

Right.

Is this a bit? Are we actually going to get to the list?

18. He ain't heavy, he's my blank. It's not really blank, you fill in the blank. You know, he— if, you know, I'm getting a, a plastic tub that weighs 40 pounds down from the attic, my, my son Michael is bringing it down for me. He says, damn, this is heavy. And I go, he ain't heavy, he's my plastic tub. That's an example of he ain't heavy, he's my blank.

Okay, one more time, further away.

Now, Christopher did not particularly like that one. He did like number 7.

How can that be? I had a nice chat with you.

Nice chatting with you. He ain't heavy, he's my blank. Okay, it's my first fill in the blank in the list, so it's making history here. And you want number 17?

Not really.

Okay, yeah, I'm kind of with Dan.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm the kind of guy that That's not fill in the blank?

No.

How is this list so bad? How is this list so bad? How can the list—

Maybe the next one's better. I mean, that's the way that lists work. The next one should be better, right?

It should be. Yeah, one better. Number 17: Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

I feel like that's my phrase.

I regret asking—

I say, "That's what I'm talking about." I regret asking—

What do you do?

You just stole one of my phrases.

No, I've been saying it longer than you have.

And you made it sing-song.

It is sing-song.

That's my gimmick. That's what I'm talking about.

That's my phrase.

How long have you been saying that?

My hole in the crib.

Oh, you're stealing my crib line.

Uh-oh, we got a crib off. No, you know what just happened? Just got cucked.

Which one of us?

He took your catchphrase.

That's bullshit.

And you just sat there and watched.

Okay, you say— do you say hey? Because that's a key to this.

I say, that's what I'm talking about.

Okay, you don't say hey. Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

So you just take someone's phrase and put a "hey" in front of it and all of a sudden it's yours?

I had no idea you said that.

As always, driver comfort is paramount.

Bullshit. Ah!

That's what I'm talking about! That's my phrase! Okay, and my phrase is, "Hey, that's what I'm talking about." You can't just take something that I say and make it sing-songy.

Sure I can, and throw a "hey" in front of it. Hey, hey with the Monkees. Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

The Monkees came up with that! What are you talking about? Well, no, that was the Beatles. The Beatles are legit. Who won?

You all did. No, no, who won?

It has to be an elderly lady's voice.

Yes, thank you, it's my mother. She's like 87 years old, sitting on the couch going, who won?

Please stop for just a second. And, um, I'm sorry to do this because, uh, we'll get to AJ Brown and Miles Garrett in a second. The idea— this is stunning to me, Zazz, and you are right to be insulted. Zazz is a radio legend in this market.

Legit one of my top ratings.

No, I'm gonna say top 3. Yeah, the one I'm gonna say, the one I most associate you with, I would say— wait a minute, this is so disrespectful, I can't even fathom it. Like, he is a— Zazz is a radio legend in this market, hard stop. He's 5 signature catchphrases. This, I think, is number 1 for me. What are the 5? Do you have 5?

I know what number 16 is for Greg. I hope it's, hey, Thai food.

If you were making— if you were making a signature phrase list, that would be how long?

If that's what I'm talking about, would be very high on the list.

Would it not be number 1?

I mean, also, you know, bad news for blank.

Yeah, very bad news for blank.

And making it sing-songy. It's not yours if you do that. It's my phrase.

Shortlist by you.

Go ahead. Also, you know, what do you say? That's mine. You can't just add a hey in front of hey, what do you say, and now it's yours.

Wow, that kind of sounds better.

It does.

Yeah, it sounds— hey, what do you say?

What is it?

It's not better.

No, it is.

It's worse.

Hey, what do you say?

Worse. Hey, what did he say?

Yeah, Greg.

Hey, what did he say? That's so good. Thank you.

It's copyright.

Cookie, right?

He's back.

By the way, if I could just tell the audience, okay, because it's happening again. It seems to happen every few days. Yes, I have seen the picture of the cuck command center. You don't have to send me the tweets anymore. I've seen it.

Thank Thank you. Um, it's wrong what's happening to Zazz right now.

Is it?

But our audience— yes, yes, he's got internet shame. You don't even know what we're talking about, right?

You don't know Command Center? No, I don't know what that's about.

How do we describe this to— how do we describe this? So you don't know what's happening to Zazz on the internet, and you don't know what Zazz's catchphrase is?

Are.

I know he says— what did he say? I know that one. That's the only one I associate with him.

What is the difference? I really don't understand how you don't feel genuinely disrespected. Not that he didn't know it, but that he's sitting here putting on his list 17 of your phrases sung by him that none of us have ever heard him say.

No, he does know it. The question is, how did it get in his head? Is it subconscious? Because that happens, you know. That's like someone like Sam Morrow. Like, you come up with a joke, you wonder, hey, did I hear that somewhere? Is that where I got the idea? Is that what happened with Greg there? Or is it blatant disrespect and he's taken one of my go-to, uh, lines for over 20 years in this market? That's what I'm talking about. That's me.

I know, but what about, hey, that's what I'm talking about? See, that's not your line. That's not your line. If— look, I'm taking the high road here, okay?

You're taking the high road?

You very well could have stolen that line from me because I have my wife, uh, either of my sons will testify under oath that I've been saying, "Hey, that's what I'm talking about," their entire lives. That kind of thing.