Transcript of "RE-RELEASE: Will Ferrell”

Hey there, Will Arnett here. Welcome to Smartless, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and I each week, one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about. And this week is no exception. We get real into it. Most of the time we just mess around with each other and then the guest has to be embarrassed. So let's get right to the podcast.

Smartless. Smartless.

Lars.

Smart. Lars.

Hi.

Hi, how are you?

Good, good. Should we go around the room and just say our names and our roles?

Just introduce yourself?

Yeah, I'm Sean Hayes.

People have been listening to the podcast for a minute now.

Sorry, so we just skip that?

Same three idiots.

Okay.

In the role of Sean Hayes is Sean Hayes.

Should we switch parts today?

Oh, we could switch parts. Ooh, yeah. I'll play Will. I'll play Will.

What about that?

You guys are assholes. You both want to play me?

Let me just ask you a question. Can I ask you a question? I got one second.

Fuck.

Oh God.

Okay, I'm gonna be Jason. So I was, you know, so Um, so now listen, it's hard for me though. So when I look back and I think about all the things that you've done, let's start at the beginning. Okay, so America was founded in 1492.

But what if I want to really be understood? No one, no one understands me in my house. You know, I've got a wife and two girls. It just— they— I start talking, they glaze over. So I really have to fight for attention. I get on this thing, I feel like I've got— I can't— I've got to stop describing my question, right? We've spoken about this before, and I just need to ask the question.

And then Sean— and then Sean's like a golden retriever. Sean comes on, he's like, do you like whipped cream?

The golden retriever.

Golden retriever. Uh, what's your favorite color?

If Will was a dog, what kind of dog would Will be on this podcast?

Oh God, that's a good question. Will's probably like a— like an untrained German Shepherd, right?

Messy, matted.

Yeah, just drool coming out on the sides.

Bad hips like the— like the German Shepherds get.

Yeah, dysplasia.

Yeah.

Jesus, baby. Baby would be like a full-size standard but shaved poodle.

So cold yet fancy and very proud.

Walks very proud.

Very proud.

Oh Lord.

Anyway, let's get to our guest, please.

Yeah, let's do it.

And I'm going to tell you, you guys actually know this person, but we're going to find out stuff that we don't know about this person.

If it's my mom, I'm in trouble because I haven't called her for a while.

Can I just say, if it's your mom, what— careful, this would be such a—

careful.

No, I'm just gonna say it would be such a mitzvah if it was your mom because we could really get into— there's so much stuff about you, and we've known each other a long time, that I want to know.

You know whose mom is not going to come on? Mine, because she's dead.

So that's our first commercial break. We're going to go to a florist commercial break right now.

Sean, by the way, I will say your mom is dead, but imagine if my surprise guest was your mom. That would really— that would be more surprising than me being pale.

Paler than me? My God. Guys, our guest today is from Irvine, California. His mom was a teacher and his father played sax and keyboard for the Righteous Brothers.

Do we get a chance to guess at any point?

No.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, don't guess because it'll I want— he studied sports journalism at USC but ultimately went on to join the Groundlings, and the rest is history. He's got like a million movies under his belt, and I'm sure that's not the only thing. Ladies and gentlemen, William Ferrell.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Jason!

Yeah, there's his headshot.

Jason! Hi, Jason!

Jason, answer the belly.

Jason, it's your mother.

First of all, she's British, Will.

Oh, okay, sorry.

But let me guess, let me guess, and let me guess, and that— oh, what a great booking, Sean. Congratulations.

Um, guys, can I just— can I start by saying I'm so excited to be on The Gong Show podcast? All things you want to know about the new Gong Show. And it is just— I mean, it's sweeping the country, both countries, Canada and U.S.

And, uh, uh, aren't that taking fire?

It's unbelievable. Are you just drinking— is that just medicine out of the bottle? That's what it looks like.

That's a kombucha. I know that because my wife drinks those.

But it does look like a tonic from the old time. Yeah, old-time tonic.

Yeah, and I just— I drink it as a prophylactic. Sure.

Yeah.

Will Ferrell, thank you so much for coming on our little show.

My pleasure.

And we're all obviously such gigantic fans of yours. And one question, you know, you're one of the rare people in this business, and I think I can speak on behalf of everybody, that's, you know, it's really hard to find people like you.

Hold on one second.

Will Ferrell's got a phone call.

Yep.

Tight five, everybody.

Okay, that's a large pepperoni, right?

Uh-oh.

Do you wanna— do you want chicken fingers with that?

Okay, I thought he was ordering. He's taking orders.

Can I get the— oh, all right. Okay. All right, Todd, we'll be there in 35 minutes.

He asked for the address and then he knew the guy, so he didn't need the address.

Hey, hey, keep your landlines, folks. Keep your landlines.

It is pretty strong.

That looks like a banking system collapse. You're going to want to have a What I was going to say, William—

was, Ferrell— was, yes, I always wanted to know, what is that one thing or that one event or that one person that made you want to get in the business and, and pursue comedy?

What was that? Barack Obama.

Correct. But before that, before that—

great answer—

just like a week before that, the one, the one thing, the one person. Yeah, was there like a show or a person or an event or something in your family or Oh Jesus.

Um, this is supposed to be things you don't know.

Here come the waterworks.

Yeah, and we are losing light. We're losing light.

I said I wouldn't cry. You said you wouldn't try to get me to cry, Sean, but right out of the gate. Um, here's the real answer to your, your question. Yeah, I, I enjoyed being funny as a child.

Mm-hmm.

But I was actually diametrically opposed to going into entertainment because I watched my father, the musician, go from job to job and be fired at the drop of a hat. And I thought, that's not— who would want to do that? I'm going to have a job where I carry a briefcase to work.

I can relate to that. I had some of the same fears myself, yet I still went into this non-meritocracy and fickle sort of industry.

You went in early. You were early. You were early child, right?

But you, you, you were young as well. But I mean, not a child, but I mean, you still had a— you had an opportunity to take a different path, yet you didn't. You still— you couldn't resist the allure of, uh, the pancake makeup.

Yeah. So what, so what, what about that though? Floor lights after seeing your dad?

Are there still floor lights? Yep, yep.

They're scoop lights. Scoop lights.

Yeah, yeah.

Scoop, scoop.

Yeah, scoops. No, okay, listen, Will, but seeing your dad do that over and over again and not like, you know, travel, not hold down, you know, a secure kind of job. So what if that discouraged you? What encouraged you?

I just kind of slowly started incorporating the messing around with my friends, which I'm sure we all did.

Just keep it clean.

Okay. Yep. Yeah.

Okay.

You're right. Um, entertainment of my— that sounds weird. Yeah, uh, the massage. No, no, no.

Tickle giggle.

Tickle giggle. You know, we don't— we'd love to have a good gang tickle giggle.

That's it, we got it, we're back on.

No, I just said, I, uh, high school was kind of the moment, even though I wasn't like a theater kid or anything, and I found myself writing what were essentially skits.

But was there like a comedy person that you were like, God, I wish I could do what that guy does?

Or who did you think was funny when you were a teenager?

I, I kind of the typical—

interesting that Will Arnett asks it once and gets a response.

The Pipes.

Yeah, it's The Pipes, exactly.

I just got down to it. I didn't dress it up with a bunch of BS.

Hey, Um, I, I was a member of the Columbia House Record and Tape, uh, club, and one of, one of the items—

oh, you're being serious?

I'm being serious. For $1 plus, uh, postage and handling, which really comes out to about $1.89— that's where they get you.

Yeah.

Um, I got to choose 13.

Still seething.

It was supposed to be for a penny, you got 13 albums, and it's not a penny, it's $1.89.

Okay, it's the handling that's expensive, man.

We don't work there.

It's the postage and the shipping and handling. Yeah, not to mention, if you, you get a— you get one record a month, if you don't send it back within 14 days, you're charged for it. Yeah.

Is that how you still use Netflix?

I'm doing it the original way. Yeah, I never— I still get the discs. I'm not streaming.

I don't blame you.

Will drives by Ted Sarandos' house and throws discs at his front door. Here's your fucking movies. I'm done.

With these. Um, one of my— one of my— was the cast album of Saturday Night Live.

Okay, great. So you always aspired to, to be on the show that you were on?

I guess quietly, yes. Quietly I did.

But that's— so, Will, so you wanted that?

And, and hold on, I'm not done.

Yeah, that's Arnett.

I know. Um, fuck.

Will, can I talk to you privately real quick?

Yeah, yeah.

No, no, Arnett, sorry. Listen. Yeah, listen, Arnett, when the guest is responding to a question, especially one that you asked for Christ's sake. No, no, wait until there's silence, you guys, because silence follows a completion of the fucking answer. Here we go.

Okay, Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Yep. And then, uh, I was also a Tonight Show weirdo. I'd stay up and wait to see who the comedian was. If there was a comedian on that night, I'd watch. If there wasn't, I'd turn it off. Wow. So I was kind of— that's how I—

so those are the guys. Steve Martin, also an idol of mine too, comedy-wise. I just thought Right. So, so dry and brilliant. But what was that moment? So you, you grew up in Orange County, you go to USC, and then you go to Groundlings. What is that gap between when you— I never knew this, like, from when you finished USC to Groundlings, what was that gap? Like, how did you—

So I graduate USC with a degree in sports journalism. So in my mind's eye, I'm going to go work on ESPN.

You know, I'm going to be a sportscaster and Oh, that would have been great.

I, I know, I blew it and, uh, missed it.

In fact, you missed it.

Craig Kilborn brings that up to me every day. Do you guys, you remember Craig Kilborn?

Sure do. Do you have a, do you have an ongoing friendship with Craig Kilborn?

I haven't seen him in probably 15 years. No.

Well, he's on next. He's coming on next.

Come on out, Craig.

You'll see him in the green room on your way out.

Come on out, Craig.

If you were quarantining with Craig Kilborn, that would be it for me. It'd be the greatest. So, so you finish.

So yeah, so I have this— I, I finish and then, um, I start doing my— I mean, there wasn't really a job placement program coming out of college, and so you kind of have to figure out a way. I found like a local Orange County cable access news station I started working at, and I was trying to put together a tape, which I wish we could cut to that now. That—

Oh, we'll find it.

In which, yeah, I did, you know, sort of do some field reporting and you would anchor the news. You'd also work the camera. You would do everything. And there was a light bulb moment in that even though it was this small rinky-dink local cable access, they had legitimate press credentials to all the major sports teams in LA. And at that time, the Rams, the LA Rams football team, were playing down at Anaheim Stadium. And the editor, you know, of the show, which was actually a teacher of the class, it was actually run out of a junior college. He said, hey, we need someone to go interview John Robinson, the head coach of the Rams. Sure. At the stadium after this weekend's game. And 40 hands shot up except for mine.

But you knew him from SC? Yeah.

No, no, I'd never met him. But, but, uh, the point was, here we're— I'm surrounded by these hungry people who were like, I need that interview on my reel. And my first thought was like, uh, I'm gonna have to check out a camera.

Um, parking.

I gotta ask someone. Yeah, parking. I gotta pay for it. I gotta ask one of my classmates if they'll run sound for me.

Yeah, and you don't have a lot of money from— you don't have a lot of money left over from that subscription to all those—

from Columbia. Yeah, no, I'm in debt from Columbia House Records and Tate.

Um, because he's in— he's in the middle of a major lawsuit against Columbia. We are—

we are on the 5-yard line, guys. And if— please have me on next when we finally come to terms. Um, but I'm giving all the money to charity. But God, we're gonna hammer them. Uh, but I had no, uh I had no— I said, this is not a good sign. I should be leaping out of my chair to go and actually get a legit interview with a head football coach from the NFL on my reel so that I can get hired at a, you know, station in Yuma, Arizona. And, uh, I said, if I don't— I don't really have that drive, then this other thing that's kind of still gnawing away at me is I should really be looking into this comedy thing. So I— that's when I signed up for my first class at the Groundlings.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm not trying to prod you into doing it. How soon after that did you kind of braid the two things by working on your Harry Carrey?

Oh, that was— yeah, that was kind of midway. That was a couple years later during the baseball strike.

And, uh, just kills me.

Oh, that was a character you did at Groundlings?

Yeah, yeah, there was— it was the baseball strike, and I used to, uh, I had a job, the art auction house that my then friend, now wife Vivica used to work at. I was the appraisal coordinator at the auction house, which was basically I answered the phones and coordinated appraisals and typed up appraisals. Wow. And was threatened to be fired on several occasions. But I lived close enough home to drive home for lunch and I would turn the Cubs games on during the day. And I had never heard of Harry Carey. And I was like, who is this? Who is this guy?

Yeah, I grew up in Chicago. So he was a part of our lives.

A fixture, right. And so I'm just, I would be listening. And the thing that struck me was listening to a game and listening to this announcer say on syndicated national television, 'If that ball's a strike, I'm a Chinaman.' And, uh, and I, I, I literally did like a spit take and was like, 'Did he just say Chinaman?' And, 'Wait, what? Wait, wait, this is like a guy who's paid to do this?' He's like, uh, and, and so I, I not, not— I just thought, 'No, this is, this has got to be a sketch somehow.' And, and they, they— so I somehow Even though it was a Southern California audience, I wrote a sketch where it was during the baseball strike, so Harry Carey didn't have games to announce, and he would— he had, uh, somehow gotten involved in a play reading, um, and in a local theater, and it was, uh, this, this melodramatic play, and they were just sitting around, you know, let's take it from Act 1, and it was, you know, Perry had lines like 'Goddammit, Carol, why don't you ever look at me when we make love?' And, uh, and I, I— and by the end, by the end of the sketch, the audience was like doubling over in laughter, even though they, they had no idea that Harry Carey was a real person.

This is something that's transcending, you know, uh Yeah, by the way, I'm never knowing that. Of course, seeing you do the Harry Caray character so many times, but the idea of him doing something— it was always in the baseball context, but seeing him doing something that's completely out of—

oh yeah. And, and we had all these other actors in our— we had a really good troupe, and everyone was just playing it perfectly straight. And like, this one actress, Maggie Baird, was literally getting herself to cry while she read it, and And it was just funny to be like, "Your tears mean nothing to me. This marriage has been broken since the day we crossed the altar." You know, and—

Always kind of drunk, right?

Yeah, yeah, just—

And then—

And quaking a little.

And then my friend Roy was the director, like, "Okay, let's stop there. Harry, I don't know if I'm feeling—" You know, just giving the cliché acting notes and like, "Harry, I really want to feel it from you this time, and you're speaking to no one but Carol right now in this scene, okay? Let's take it again." And, and just the starting and stopping of that.

And, uh, did you do Harry when you did your SNL audition?

I did, which was, um, in fact, I tried to do an augmented version of that, and it was so surreal because, you know, you're just in a, you're just in a void. You're on, you're in 8H in the studio there. God, you must have been so nervous.

I would have been just a mess.

I just remember listening Waiting in the way— so you guys all know that setup there, waiting by the page desk outside the doors of the studio and hearing the person ahead of you go through their audition while you're on deck and just looking at all the famous pictures of everyone. Yeah, who had just hosted. And being in the spot, uh, and the place that you dreamed of being, and now you're walking out to a studio that's pitch black except for a spotlight and a camera and a boom operator and Lauren sitting in the shadows, and then you just have to do comedy— or standing— in a void, possibly. Um, so yeah, that was very surreal. I tried doing it. I, I don't know.

Um, Will Ferrell, I also want to know, like, have you ever desired to do anything? I know you wanted to be a sports announcer, right, or sportscaster, but has— if you, if you weren't doing the thing that you're doing, not quarantining, but that in entertainment business, what would you be doing? If you had to pick a blue-collar job, you had to pick, what would it be?

Oh, blue-collar. I was— because I was gonna say I've always wanted to do finance.

It seems so interesting to you.

I love finance. I love figuring out like a second more, you know. Um, sure. I can't even do the bit because I don't even know the terms, but— right, refi. Uh, refi.

Uh, Will comes alive when you mention private equity. It's like, what? Who said—

are you— subprime? Is that still a thing? I, I actually could be a, uh, I could actually be a post person, to be quite honest, to deliver the mail, because I like, uh, like the idea of a route and you get to, you know, have some contact with people and the idea of of finishing a task every day.

Would you be on foot armed with the dog spray, or would you be in the buggy?

I would go foot with the trolley. I'd push the trolley. Nice. Yeah.

Nice. Those are sneaky tricky, those three-wheel things. They will go over on you.

I'm sure they— yeah, in a high wind or—

Yeah. Or if you don't take the letters out, you don't go in a clockwise or counterclockwise rotation. If you take too many out of the left side, it's gonna tip over on the right. And vice versa.

Did you used to do it? Hey, how often did you look out the window masturbating at the postman? A lot or a little?

Only in the summer months when they wear the shorts.

Look at that curve. There's David.

There's David. David, our postman's here. Yeah, David is going to topple. David is going to topple. I'll get the mail.

Hey guys, David's here.

Yes, what?

Wait, cut to the reverse is nobody's there. Nobody's there. He's alone. Hey, Bateman, quick question. 'Cause you did— we mentioned before you grew up in showbiz. We all know that. We've seen the great things. And people who are listening can right now Google up, like, Little House on the Prairie and see cute little Jason Bateman. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Did you ever have a real— did you ever have, like, an outside show business job? Have you ever had, like, a—

I didn't, and I genuinely hate that. I'd love to have had a paper route similar to Dave's route with his— three-wheeler.

But you were working all the time as a kid.

I started at 10. Yeah, so there was no chance to. But I've always legitimately fantasized about waiting tables or bartending. There's something about working for a tip, um, which is sort of like the same thing as I, I want them to like me. I want— this table might need something different than that table. Just sort of like being able to morph into whatever they need me to be.

Um, I have— I do— I will say this, all my quote-unquote civilian jobs I've been pretty terrible at.

So because you didn't like authority or you were just disinterested? No, like slow.

Yeah, just like slow on the uptake. I had a lot of patient managers and supervisors who—

Did you have a lot of job— like, do you have weird jobs in high school that you did?

I, I never— I was doing sports all the time, so I— but I had, you know, I had like the, uh, uh, I worked as a bank teller, um, I was a, a valet, parker of cars, um, And, uh, how are you taking direction? Uh, well, you know, bank teller, you know, there's certain protocols and procedures you have to follow and this and that. And it just took me a while. I mean, the fact that I was handling numbers and money was— it just— I, I was like euphoric.

What am I doing? The finance— I mean, that's—

that led to my love of finance. But I, I once had a, a regular customer stop me in the middle of a transaction and say, "Can you call your manager over?" And I said, "Sure." And I brought her over, and he's— and in front of me, he said, "This guy is your worst teller, okay? And I just want you to know this." And he did in a very calm way. And he was like, "Look, look at him right now. He's sweating." And I literally was sweating. He's like, "He's terrible. He takes forever. He, um, the And, and the manager, to her defense, was like, please, that's, that's not true. And I was like, no, he's kind of right. And, uh, um, and I just want you to know, like, I hate when I have to go to his window. And then he just walked away. And she was like, I'm sorry about that. I was like, you know what, I can't really argue with him. There's, uh, I'm not that great a teller. This was counting bills, uh, counting out cash, or, you know, everything, cashing a check. Yeah. Do it all.

Um, so that guy did you a favor in the long run, right? In a lot of ways. Sounds like you need to pen someone a letter. Well, every time I go—

every time I put the pancake makeup on, and, uh, I picture that guy, and I, I, I say, who's laughing now?

Um, so you still do all your own makeup?

I insist on it. It's crazy. Well, there's allergies, especially in the, you know, post-COVID-19 world we're all about to step into. I will definitely be doing all my own makeup.

So, Will Ferrell, you are one of the funniest people on the planet, if not the funniest person on the planet. And everybody kind of— do you get sick of, like, because now you're a parent and you have to show up to, like, school things and parent things for your kids Do people expect that from you all the time? And what is your reaction?

There is a certain level of underwhelmment. Is that a word? Sure. Yes. Yeah, it is. Now I can tell there are a lot of letdown people continually.

But Will, I will say this. Will, I don't even remember this. A couple of years ago, maybe last year, we were having dinner. Yeah. I was having dinner with Richter and Pete Giles, and you and Viv came in from a school event. Yeah. And with a couple other parents. And Will was wearing his name tag. They're all wearing name tags, and Will says, "Hello, my name is Will," on the thing, which is great. And that's such a testament to what a great guy you are. And it's like, yeah, man, I'm not here. I'm just here because my kids are at school here, and I'm interested in my kids and their lives and their school.

Um, but I'm sure you guys face the same thing. I find more that there's some parents who literally won't say hi because they go so far the other way. Yeah, I don't, I don't want to bother them. So then you're like, hey, how you doing? And they walk right by. You're like, gosh, what did I say something wrong? Yeah, yeah.

And then do you feel, on the, on the opposite of that, do you feel that you have to sometimes lead with sort of a vibe that is less than, uh, sort of friendly or less than sort of solicitous of conversation because you're afraid that if you seem too friendly, they're really going to lean in? And how do you kind of—

I would say no. I would say that I would say at least in the school setting, most everyone is relatively normal. I would say that posture, that's my game face for when I'm on a commercial flight. Right. Just sour.

Don't come near me. I will rip your head off. I will. Not here.

Not here for fun and games. Let's get to flying. Eye mask and headphones.

Will, is there anything that you haven't done that you want to do? Either a role that you want to play or—

Nope. Talk to you later. Totally satisfied. How do I turn this camera off? How do I get out of here? How do I— I did it. How do I—

No, there isn't, because everybody thinks you can do anything. I don't know.

But how do you— You can't give that answer without sounding like a jackass.

Right. Yeah. What would you do if, like, let's say Ridley Scott came to you and he wanted to do King Lear, and he just thought he sees something in you that would just be like an incredibly— It's off-brand and studio's excited and all of those terms and all of that stuff. And the money's just like, like you've never, etc., etc., etc. Does your douche meter go off and say, even though you could do it, do you feel like the audience will never accept it?

Yeah, I think that would be a, um, that would be a tough one to try to convince yourself that you could pull that one off.

Having said that, you have, you have King Lear.

Are you about to— no, Jason, are you direct— are you doing it? No, but you have— but what about what—

in all sincerity, I think you've taken what you do and you've pushed it into so many realistic, dramatic, melancholy things that truly nobody else could do, just like no one else could do what you do in comedy. I really think it's admirable how you are so aware of how you come across, what sort of your goalposts are, and what you're— what you're asking the audience to accept you as. I think is That's a lot of discipline. I appreciate that.

But yeah, I mean, it's fun to do that other stuff, but there are times where I am always on those sets of more serious things going, this is very hard. And this is hard to not look like you're trying to be the actor who everyone needs to take serious. So it's a drama face.

Yeah, it's so It's so tough. Which is so funny because doing what you do, specifically what you do, Will, is so hard. And when I say not many people, like, nobody could do it. And it's so— Working out, you mean? Yeah, just— The way I work out? Well, just lats, the way you do arms and legs. Yeah. Nobody does legs like you. And you've always said that. And thanks for the posts.

You always post them too.

Not a lot of people know that Will trained Reggie Bush. When it came through.

As you see, I'm a fair— I'm a fairly modest person. I think you guys— I think that comes across here, but I will not hold back. No one does legs the way I do, you know?

I mean, leg day's a holiday in the Ferrell household.

Leg day is— yeah, it's just—

now here's the other thing, Will Ferrell, you know, you're, you're also known not only as the funniest person in the world, but one of the kindest people. Everybody in this business always just raves about what a great human being you are.

That's the hard part.

I can attest to that because that's what they pay you for. Yeah, that's the part they pay you.

Very, very sweet. And but so that said, I think the thing I always wanted to know, what really pisses you off?

Yeah, here we go. This is where we start the interview. He's all kombucha'd up now. Do you mean I'm full of—

No, we just want names.

We just want names.

That's Yeah. When's the last time you just screamed your head off and let somebody have it? Yeah, because I can't picture you angry.

No, I don't get— I'm trying to think of the last— I mean, I have screamed before. I have screamed in a professional manner.

Or like in life, or like at home, or like with people and human beings.

What pisses you off? Yeah, home. It's the typical frustrations you have with your children. And for some reason, I'm always checking myself because I'm holding them to some standard that I don't think I was held to. Like, I was— I mean, I did well in school, but I still had, you know, my room was a mess and I never emptied the dishwasher. And but for some reason, I'm just like, you guys. Yeah, you. It's not that hard. We're asking you to empty the trash.

See, if I was your child, I would laugh at that. And put the liner back in.

Put the liner back in. Re-line the trash can. You're not done. It's a two-step process. Right. But that, for some reason, that I get crazy. And then I'm like, who is this person?

Yeah. But I was going to say about holding them to that standard. I, you know, During these weird times we had the other day, Archie, our 11-year-old, was on his Zoom class. Yeah. And it turned out he had his camera off and on the side he was on his iPad playing a video game. So I said to Amy, I said to my ex, I was like, what are we— he's on the thing and blah, blah, blah. And as I was saying to her, like, he's on the Zoom class, but he's on pause and he's playing a video game. Beat, beat, beat. I was looking at her and I go, which I probably would have done if given the chance, and you probably would have too. And she's like, yeah, I totally would.

I know. Yeah, exactly. It was crazy. I don't, uh, I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know why I go there. But, uh, can I— I have one other thing. I don't— on— in a work experience kind of bugaboo. Yeah, I don't love the unit publicist experience on a set.

Right.

And for those listeners who are wondering, there's a lot of times on a production there's a publicist assigned from the studio and this and that, and they're always playing the game of like, so-and-so's willing to do it if you are. And then, right, guilting you.

Yeah, yeah. And they do, they do these wide circles, right? They just do little drive-bys every once in a while to gauge whether you're in a good mood or a bad mood, to just want to kind of run something by you.

And, uh, um And I'm always amazed at— we want to have 20 journalists visit the set and do a 3-hour interview while you guys are filming. And I'm always like, but wait, isn't the movie the first priority? And I'm always like, absolutely, if we have time. Okay, but when do you think will be a good time? You'll have to check with the first AD. Okay, but is there a window? I have no idea. So you're up for it? Yes, if we have time. Okay, great.

So you've signed off if we have time, right?

And then I love those days when there's no time, you just walk by, you go, I'm sorry, there was no time. Will, what was the thing I remember you were telling me once about?

Kind of felt like the same thing. Somebody said to you, hey, we're gonna do a golf tournament Tiger Woods is going to come if you're in. And like, you felt like someone— and then somebody had told Tiger that you were gonna play, and it was like, yes, yes.

Somehow my dad— my dad became— was your dad— my dad somehow became a middleman. He was asking me— he had some friend of his down in Newport Beach who came to listen to him play music, was like, hey, so He's talked to Tiger Woods and Tiger Woods is in for it. If you and Tiger Woods play golf together and they'll raise a bunch of money for charity for another twosome. So you're a foursome together and these two, whoever, you know, it goes to the highest bidder to play golf with Will Ferrell and Tiger Woods. And that he's already reached out to Tiger and it's good to go. And I was like, well, Dad, who is this friend again? And how well do you know him? And he seems like a good guy and And, uh, and I go, well, you know, a lot of times they'll ask one party before they ask the other. And, uh, so maybe I'll check. Let me do some research. And for some reason, some way, I had some way to check to see if the Tiger camp had ever heard of this special charity golf.

Dr. Miller got involved. Dr. James Miller.

And it turns out, of course, Tiger I said, Dad, guess what? Your buddy Tiger Woods, apparently his team has never heard anything of this, and your friend's lying to you. And he was like, how? How could that be? And I said, I know, that's the way the world sometimes works. What kind of music?

What kind of music does he play?

He's like an old-time rock and roll. Really? Yeah. Guitarist? No, he's piano, sax, Hammond B3 organ. Wow.

Wow.

Yeah, let's hear it for the Hammond B3. That's amazing. Um, but yeah, that was my Tiger Woods story.

I, I just, I always loved that idea though. I've thought about that so many times, the idea of like, so many, when they go like, hey, we want you to do this thing and so-and-so and so-and-so are doing it, and I always think back to that story of like And they'll go, 'Ellen, why don't you make sure that so-and-so and so-and-so—' That's how I found myself on an island with Marie Osmond and Kirk Cameron, you know. Oh boy.

I got asked to, uh, uh, play in another charity golf tournament by a friend, assuming that I was gonna play with the person I know, right? Only to show up and be placed with 4 strangers. And these guys were like in it to win it. They're like, hey, hope you're pretty good. Did you end up playing? Yeah, I had to play this entire 18 holes with these 4 guys.

And they wanted to show you how good they were, right?

100%. They're like, we hope you're good because we win this thing every year, and you better be funny.

And you're—

well, and I was— it was early SNL days, so they kind of had heard of me, maybe not. They were like, Is that show still on the air? I didn't know people watched it.

Um, yeah, it's sweet. He sounds sweet.

And then I literally— we, we were supposed to be a banquet afterwards, and, uh, I said, guys, I'm gonna go put my clubs in my car and I'll meet you back inside. Just, just drove home. And did we win? Yes, we won, even despite—

did you really? You didn't stick around for the trophy. I didn't stick around. That's strong. Yeah. So as we say goodbye to you on this pandemic day, what do you do the rest of the day?

Uh, let's see. It's 3 in the afternoon. I'm gonna go, uh, I might go walk our dogs, Peanut and Cosmo. Right?

So that's with a mask?

They'll be with a mask. Um, I'm gonna do a sweep through the house to find where all the devices have been hidden, uh, because these kids are liars and thieves. And, uh, um, so I'll do a sweep and, um, and then Viv and I will start talking about, uh, we, we start talking about what we're making for dinner at around noon every day. So we'll have to start—

you got to build a day around that.

And then it's sleep by 8. Yeah. Jason, have you done— or Will or Sean— well, not to your kids, but maybe to Scotty. Have you ever done a thing where you go, you've so had it with the devices? I've threatened during this pandemic a minimum 100 times to throw the devices in the pool. Yes. I said, this iPad is going in the bottom of the pool if I see it on one more time. Yeah. Yeah.

But then you quickly realize all that means is more work for you.

Yeah, yeah, true. I did throw my, my 13-year-old, uh, uh, Matthias's phone out the window.

You did?

Driving, all of us driving, but it was a real slow crawl, and I, I picked a target area where I knew we could find it later, and I just chucked it out the window and hit this bush, and he literally was like, what is wrong with you? And, uh, he was so shocked that I actually did it. And, uh, typical true to form, we pulled over. He's like, I can't believe it, burst into tears, went back to look for the phone. He's like, I can't find it, I can't find it. I walked right up to the bush. I'm like, here it is, it's right here. And, uh, so that was a great little shot across the bow, uh, what you're capable of, right? Don't mess what I'm capable of. But it hasn't been much of a deterrent. Yeah.

So, well, Will Ferrell, thank you for being here with us. We love you.

You're our comedy hero. Thanks, you guys. So much fun.

Can't thank you enough. Very, very nice of you.

Oh, Willie. Bye, guys. Love you, buddy. Bye, Will.

Thank you, guys. That was so fun. How awesome is he?

He literally is one of my favorite people in the whole world, and I was a little starstruck there for the first few minutes. But, um, God, he puts you at ease, doesn't he? What a nice guy.

You were starstruck when I came on or when he was?

No, sorry, uh, Arnett. Oh, oh, when Arnett was— Yeah, sure.

Good for you, dude. Good for you, dude. I'm just like, I'm a regular guy. I'm very approachable. Ferrell is the best, isn't he? I had the, um, honor and pleasure and good fortune to, to work on a couple things with him, and they were some of my fondest memories because most of the time we just screwed around.

And it's one of those guys who you go, oh, no wonder you're a superstar, because everybody wants to work with you because you're one of the nicest people in business and incredibly talented, right?

Yeah, he's got, he's got that, as you know, you guys know, he's got that sort of that natural timing that you cannot learn. You just have it or you don't. And he has got it in spades in ways that are— yeah, he's got that thing that, that makes him— he's so surprising too. Yeah, he just surprises you with stuff. It's just awesome.

Is there anything you guys, uh, learned about him that you didn't know? Certainly about his dad.

Yeah, isn't that interesting?

And all the sports journalism stuff that he was excited about early on. Right? It's crazy.

I've met his dad a few times, and I guess I didn't really realize his dad was a musician. I don't know how. For the Righteous Brothers.

I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. Uh, I did not know he was on Saturday Night Live. Oh, yeah.

That was— You didn't know that?

Wow. My God. Yeah, no, you gotta go back and look at some of those. But you were—

You hosted a couple times while he was on the show. Yeah, I'm sure.

I never— I don't look behind me. I don't look behind me. I just look forward.

Oh, okay.

So I don't know how that's applicable in this case.

Uh, Sean, I'm very proud of you that you, you got— you got Will Ferrell to say yes. Do you have any sort of, uh, incriminating photos, or does he owe you money, or how did you— how'd you do that?

I have a couple, um, no, I don't have anything. I can't think of anything. Um, okay. All right, guys.

Love you guys. I love you. Hey guys, I just want to say bang! Uh, smart.

Smart. Less.