Transcript of Scott Hanson, NFL Week 1 Picks And Preview, Drake Maye's Terrible 4th Quarter, 49ers Beat The Timezones Plus Fyre Fest Of The Week New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee. It's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at stellabluecoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's Pardon My Take presented by DraftKings, football is back and the 2026 NFL season is off and running. We're going to talk about Wednesday night's game, Drake Maye's horrendous 4th quarter, Seahawks 1-0, the Rams and Niners in Australia. The Niners beat time and demolished the Rams.

We also have Scott Hanson on the show, brings the energy to get you excited for week 1 of the NFL season. We do all of our picks and preview. We have Firefest of the week. And on top of all of that, new sponsor alert. New sponsor alert, King's Hawaiian. Football is back, which means another season of figuring out what To eat during the game. And this year, King's Hawaiian has what you— what has you covered. Sliders made with King's Hawaiian really are the perfect football food. They're soft, sweet, the perfect size for sharing, not to mention just legitimately delicious. And possibly the best part, everyone loves King's Hawaiian, so it's sure to make the whole party happy. Tune in to later on in the episode because we got some more King's Hawaiian Maybe something that you could think about doing with your, uh, first week of the NFL season. And King's Hawaiian— King's Hawaiian is the undisputed MVP of game day, a clear 1-1 pick as the best slider in football. They are absolutely delicious, cannot recommend them enough. My personal favorite is the original Hawaiian sweet rolls. We have them right here. For more information about King's Hawaiian products and details on where to purchase them, visit kingshawaiian.com. And tell them PMT sent you because we love King's Hawaiian.

They're the perfect football food. Go visit right now, kingshawaiian.com. Okay, let's go. Hey, football guy. Patino.

AWM.

Barnum mindset.

Yeah.

Barnum mindset.

Yeah.

Barnum mindset.

Yeah.

Barnum mindset.

Yeah, welcome to Part of My Take presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Friday, September 11th, and football is back.

So back.

Probably the last time we'll say that.

No, we're gonna say it on Monday. No, but Monday will be Boomers, and then we're gonna say football is back.

Yeah, true, true, true, true. Yeah, football's back, back. We have Our Week 1 preview coming every single game. Scott Hanson, Firefest, a great— I actually was, while we were taping this show, because we taped a lot of it earlier in the day, I was smiling because I was just getting to talk ball with my best boys.

It's so good. Like, we're, you know, we've been doing it for the last month or so, but it's mostly just been using our imagination.

Correct.

It's like, I wonder what the season is going to look like. Max, why is Jalen Hurts not throwing enough picks? You know, like that sort of stuff. Now it's like we got actual shit to talk about, right?

Like Drake Maye throwing 3 4th quarter interceptions and maybe the worst throw of his career that you said that.

Yeah.

Worst game of his career. Worst throw of his career.

Hank, you seem like you almost canceled football season on Wednesday night.

That's what it felt like. It sucks playing the first game of the year and then having that, you know, be the end result. Obviously, this was a Sunday at 1 o'clock game. It doesn't get talked about as much as it has in the past 24 hours, but rightfully so. It was, it was a, it was a horrific loss.

Yeah.

There's no, there's no, there's no two ways about it.

Yeah.

I've got some stats if you want to do by the numbers.

I got stats too.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you go first.

Let's go stat for stat.

You want to go stat for stat?

Yeah. All right. We'll be— the rest of us will be the judge on who wins the stat for stat. Go for it. Who's going up first? Who's got a coin? Flip a coin to see who has to go first.

By all means, Hank, you go first.

All right, here comes Max. He's flipping a Lucy.

I got a Lucy.

All right, flip it.

Heads up top.

Yeah, we understand what heads and tails are for that. Who's calling it?

Hank?

Heads.

Heads it is.

So are you just going first?

Yeah.

For the second half?

Yep.

Okay.

Okay. So I'm defending. I'll take this, this side.

All right. Here we go.

Stat number 1, every pass that Drake Maye has thrown over 15 yards this season has been intercepted.

Whoa.

That can't be true.

3 of them. Yep.

Wow.

Okay.

Hey, the last 5 quarterbacks to throw 3 interceptions in the season opener, Matthew Stafford, 2022, Joe Burrow, 2022, Josh Allen 2023, Drake Maye this year. It's a good, good group to be in.

It's a good thing.

So none of those guys went to the Super Bowl that year.

You're not in this.

Well, no, we're judging. We're judging. I'm just—

PFT wins that stat.

Yeah.

PFT won round 1.

Yeah.

I mean, well, no, that was, that's just an error.

Yeah. That stat also, you listed guys who didn't go to the Gold Star.

Those are the best quarterbacks in the league.

Yeah.

But those guys didn't go to the Super Bowl that year. And they didn't win the MVP that year.

You sure about that?

Yeah. I mean, Joe Burrow's never won an MVP. Matthew Stafford's first MVP was last year. I remember Josh Allen's MVP. Wait, was that 2024?

That was the 2023 New Orleans Super Bowl. It says the Eagles.

That's it.

It's 2024. Fuck.

2024.

Okay.

So, but not Super Bowl.

So MVP.

Max.

All right.

Tie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I still say, I still say PFT.

So that 2022 season was after they went to the Super Bowl.

No, I know, I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, they didn't go to the Super Bowl that year. Okay.

Next stat.

The pick—

That just shows you—

No! You can't interrupt the stat. You can't interrupt the stat. And how is—

Matt Stafford.

Waddle did jump offsides there.

Yeah, Matt Stafford and Joe Burrow both did it. The only reason it didn't happen to Darnold is because he got hurt. But that just shows you, that's just that you get to the Super Bowl. It's kind of a rite of passage. You throw 3 picks.

You're saying Sam Darnold, if he had played the whole game, would have thrown 3 picks? Yeah, without a doubt.

Well, it happened with Matt Stafford and Joe Burrow.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

It's just a Super Bowl stat. You wouldn't know.

Okay.

Okay.

How many times did Tom Brady do that?

He's spicy. I like it.

I got Tom Brady stats. Keep it.

I like it.

All right.

All right.

Stafford stats. Good.

Tom Brady. By the way, you can't jump off sides.

By the way, at this point, you award a touchdown.

Max and Zach. Uh, let's judge this boxing rules.

You know what I mean?

Like, like 10-9, one of them, and then we'll tabulate after. Okay. That was round 1. Okay.

Of the last 22 Patriots opponents, 11 have fired their head coach. 12 have played a quarterback who is backup or benched. Only 5 out of the Patriots' last 22 games have not been against a bench quarterback. or a fired head coach.

Whoa.

Say that again.

It's a lot of words.

Of the Patriots' last 22 opponents, okay, 11 have fired their head coach and 12 in that game played a quarterback who was either a backup or a quarterback who had been benched who returned.

Got it.

Okay.

So only 5 of the Patriots' last 22 games were not against Either a coach who was about to be fired because the team was so bad or a backup quarterback. That was from Scott Kazmaier.

Okay.

Tom Brady, year 3, week 1, had 4 interceptions in the first game and got benched.

Okay.

Okay.

So, so to answer your Tom Brady stat—

Bench Drake Maye? Is that what you're saying?

No, I'm just saying like these things—

We're not judging these things.

I'm hearing bench Drake Maye.

No, it just means that One bad game the first, first, first week of the season.

Okay.

But you're saying that like maybe if you, you bench Tom Brady and he got better.

How did Bench May play in the last game that he played?

The Seahawks defense is phenomenal.

Don't ruin my next stat, Matt.

Yeah, hold on. I'm, I'm, listen, I'm, I'm grading these rounds. That was round 2.

So we're going to unveil the card at the end?

Yeah, yeah.

You got to unveil the card at the end.

Round 3. Drake Maye is the first quarterback in NFL history to play 2 opponents back to back and have the best 4th quarter of his career in the first game and the worst 4th quarter of his career in the second game.

Oh, and then what happened in both those games?

He lost both of them.

Okay. Okay.

Josh Allen in 2023, week 1, had 3 interceptions against the Jets and lost the game.

Wasn't this— you already did that stat.

Nope.

What year was that?

2023. Well, yeah.

Wait, Josh Allen threw 3 interceptions twice in week 1?

Different stat.

Wait, when did Josh Allen throw 3 interceptions?

Well, one, one was a collective stat about the quarterbacks.

No, no, no.

But I need to know when Josh Allen threw 3 interceptions.

Well, the loss of the game was an add-on.

Wait, but you double dipped on the same stat.

And also you might've screwed up my point of not winning the MVP that year because now you're saying it was 2023?

I said that the first time.

You said it was 2024.

No, I didn't.

It was opening night, 9/11. Aaron Rodgers tore his Achilles.

Did he not say 2024 last time?

Nope.

To start the show?

I have a stat.

Okay. So Josh Allen did not win an MVP the year that he threw 3 interceptions to open the season. Okay. Okay.

Halftime show.

Okay.

Max, you're—

I only have one more.

Can I do the halftime? Can I do the halftime show stat?

Yeah.

I'm done with this.

It's bad.

Why?

All right.

So that's a TKO for PFT. In Drake Maye's last 2 games, he has thrown more interceptions than Jalen Hurts threw in the 2024 season.

Okay.

All right. And one less interception than he threw last year. Now we're good.

All right.

What was your last stat?

Just a lot of Patriots fans were liking to talk about AJ Brown finally getting a good quarterback.

This is about the Eagles.

All right. See, everything's about the Cardinals. That's fucked up, dude.

He's hurt. You, you just, you just liver shotted Hank. Yeah, he's out, buddy. What was your last one?

Uh, it's been 5 years since we've seen as bad of an interception situationally as Drake Maye threw on that last pick.

Wow.

Down by 3, less than a minute left inside of the 20-yard line. Last time we saw a pick that bad, Kyler Murray, week 8, 2021, which was, I do believe, Modern Warfare double XP weekend.

Mm-hmm. So, Hank, first of all, you lost that stat off. You gave up. You didn't come out of the— you didn't come out for round 2.

I was— it was the—

I had you rigged. I had you 10-9 in round 2.

Drake Maye's last 5 games.

Right here.

7 touchdowns, 11 turnovers, 7 picks, 4 fumbles lost, 24 sacks, 143 yards lost on sacks, 6 yards per attempt, 5.5 net yards per attempt.

I mean, now he's just being mean. He's, he's, he's cut. He's bloody.

I mean, it's Drake Maye, Josh McDaniels. It was, it was, it was horrible play calling the entire night. It was, it was super conservative. It was tough to watch even before they gave up the lead and before the interceptions.

That was like—

and the sacks are an offensive line stat as much as it's a Drake Maye stat.

If I were Joe Rogan going to the center of the ring, I just put the microphone in PFT's face. He just hit me with another stat. He's like, shout out this last stat.

I can do another one. Okay.

Okay.

Will Campbell, shortest arms in the NFL for an offensive tackle. Drake Maye, smallest hands. Bad combination.

Combination.

I think you went one too far on this one.

That one wasn't— that was more editorializing. That wasn't so much a stat.

The last one before it was really good.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, it's week 1. It's week 1. Yeah.

AJ Brown injury sucks. Sam Darnold injury sucks. Drew Lock, by the way, we should give him a little bit of credit. Like that did— it felt like the Patriots thought they were going to win that game with 10 points when Drew Lock came in and they played that way. They were very conservative. It felt like the end of first half. It just is like, but you can never— the Seahawks defense is so fucking good.

You—

they'll always keep a team, their team in the game.

Yeah.

And this is actually like a legit stat credit to the Seahawks defense. Rhamondre Stevenson, he had 50 yards after contact. He had 1 yard before contact.

Damn.

So he, they were hitting him as soon as he got the ball in his hands.

Yeah.

They're flying. They fly around. They're everywhere. They made the big plays. That interception by Jobe getting his feet down. I know it was a bad throw, but it was also like a very impressive interception.

That is the Patriot way. Do your job.

Yeah. JSN like that. JSN is Everything you want in a number 1 receiver and the fact that he could be quiet for a while and then just one catch and he changes the game. Yeah. Like that's, that's the type of special player he is where he just outruns everyone. They need—

why don't you take off your headphones?

Just, just relax.

You don't like what Max is going to say?

He didn't say anything. He wasn't even looking at it.

He hasn't said anything.

Hank, you guys keep—

week 1.

You got the green dot, Hank. You have to keep the headset on.

It's week 1. Yeah, it's week 1.

It's week 1. Stuff happens. This was a world-class defense. The crowd was fired up. It was, it was banner night. Like the eyes of the world were upon you. Everybody has a bad game sometimes.

It gets better.

I talked to Drake Maylover after the game. I was like, what's the spin?

We employ him. Anyone who doesn't know.

Well, yeah. What's the party line here? I need to know what we're saying. It's kind of similar to what Hank said. Like this is Josh McDaniels' fault. Terrible, terrible game plan.

Terrible.

Yeah. Drake Maylover last night after said, blitz me, I don't care. And just was like, give me everything. It's tough.

Yeah.

Hank, you tweeted after complete disaster, we might be in for a long season. It's week 1. This wasn't a game. Did you think we— I mean, going into this game, did you think you were going to win? Like, obviously you get pumped up for it, but like when you look at the schedule, like that's the Seahawks, that's the— that you're playing in Seattle banner night. the, the best defense in the league. You had to expect that it was going to be a very tough game.

If you were looking at my personal brain win probability chart, it was under 50% to start the game. Sam Darnold went out and it went up to like 90%.

Drew Lock.

I didn't believe in Drew Lock.

Drew Lock threw some darts.

Drew Lock is the rare backup quarterback that is a true gunslinger. You get like long-term backup quarterbacks that are more of the game manager type and they stick around a long time and they, They coast and God bless them. There's a reason why most backups kind of fit that role. Drew Lock is the rare guy that will go in and he'll, he'll put a few balls up to be intercepted, but he'll, he'll throw the fuck out of a couple of corner flags.

Yeah.

Like, I love Drew Lock for that, for— because when you see a backup quarterback come in and they just take checkdowns and they're really safe, it can drive you insane. It's funny that Drew Lock is on the Seahawks because it's actually a bad pairing.

Yeah.

Like the one thing, like if you don't make mistakes with that Seahawks defense, you're going to probably win. He didn't make a mistake. So I guess that's Credit to Drew Lock.

I mean, he had a couple balls that probably could have been picked off.

Yeah.

But that's what you're going to get with Drew Lock. But that's it. Take some shots.

That's it.

Like the Seahawks defense is so dominant that it's like, just don't give, don't give the other team short fields with bad turnovers and they'll keep you in the game and give you a chance.

Yeah. So the, the Sam Darnold situation, not great. I guess it could have been a lot worse. People were thinking maybe it was a broken hip. It doesn't look like it was broken. He's getting all the tests done. You got to be careful. With Sam Darnold, I would say, like, you don't need to rush him back. They've got a brutal schedule picking up in the second half in October. So, you know, get him 100%, then bring him back. And Hank, you know what? I got you. I got your back. I'm going to avenge this loss for you.

Week 3.

I got you. All right.

Thanks.

I got you.

Yeah.

You're welcome.

That's huge.

Yeah.

Good guy.

Hank, what was going through your head when, uh, Drake Maye was throwing picks in the 4th quarter while Stu Feiner was sitting next to you watching promos of himself.

I had to plug my ears like for the last like probably 10 minutes because Stu was just not even watching the game, talking about God knows what. And the game was falling apart.

Yeah. He was saying he was going on a riff about how Drake Maye has half a man's tongue.

Yeah.

I think he's got a normal tongue.

Yeah. I think it was a bad angle on the tongue.

Yeah.

But that's never going to get out of my head now.

No, I'm always going to be like, yeah, you can't win with half a man's tongue. Half a man's tongue.

Tiny tongue.

How are you going to do that?

Can't do it.

All right. So are you feeling better today?

No.

Oh, worse?

Yeah.

Oh, why? AJ Brown. So AJ Brown's out for what, at least 4 weeks?

4 to 6.

High ankle sprain.

That was tough. Romeo Doubs, brutal drop, was nowhere to be found really all game. Again, that might have more to do with McDaniels, but he had a wide open catch, first down, just dropped it.

Yeah. What do you think about— what do you think Eagles fans are thinking watching AJ Brown?

Do we know any Eagles fans?

Yeah. Let's get on the phone with one.

Okay.

Too small of a sample size. I mean, he had 27 yards in the first half, but yeah, it's only half a football. Do you think—

now, you know AJ a lot better than Hank does.

That the underthrow on the flea flicker was horrendous.

Okay.

So what do you think AJ was thinking before Too early to tell.

That—

I don't think that's what you were saying last night, Max.

I didn't say anything last night.

To the underthrow.

I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear.

No, I saw Nate Tice, who I mean, he's a friend of the program, guest of the show, recurring guest. He did. And Nate Tice is one of those guys that everything he says, I'm like, he just made me smarter about football. He didn't— he wasn't excusing the underthrow, but he said a flea flicker like that is so dependent on perfect timing. And it looked like Rhamondre Stevenson pitched it late to Drake Maye. So all the timing was off.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm just telling you what he said. I'm just telling you what he said.

And that sounds like an excuse.

Okay.

Okay.

We won't make it.

All right.

Hey, I didn't say you got it.

You got that guy.

Good thing I didn't make the excuse. I think Nate Theis did. I think you got to hit that guy, but the pitch back was late. Nate Tice made that excuse. Take it up with Nate Tice. He's gonna be like, why did you— there'd be people tagging him being like, they fucking name-checked you.

Every—

we're gonna have him back on this year.

Every now and again we get reminded, you know, we've had a, I think, a pretty successful podcast the last 10 years. We like to think that we're, you know, we know what we're doing, but we get reminded that we're not— we're not on the Mount Rushmore. And last night that hit me right between the eyes. Skip Bayless tweeted out Drake Maybe.

Yeah.

And I was like, goddamn.

Like, that's a— that he stole that from Cousin Sal, actually.

No, no. Skip did that all the way back in Drake Maye's rookie year.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. So there is a big back and forth.

Who's got the IP to Drake Maybe? Last— a big battle on the internet.

I did look deeper into that than I'm— than I'm proud to say. And it does appear that Skip Bayless was first.

He was.

I think they came up with it independently.

That would be very funny if that was a, like, mistype, an autocorrect.

Yeah.

But Drake, fuck, I got to go with it.

Drake Maybe is just a, just a banger of a nickname, unfortunately.

What do you think, Hank? Skip.

Yeah, Skip.

Do you respect Skip?

I respect Skip. Yeah, he's good at what he does.

Troll. The Men's Health article that came out, I thought was actually pretty cool. Drake May does seem like a good guy. He drinks, what, like 5 piña coladas a year?

Yeah, that. So he— yeah, 5 piña coladas, doesn't drink beer, doesn't drink alcohol. I— as much as you want to, like, be like, what a loser, he's an NFL starting quarterback. And I think if you told anyone in the world, like, hey, don't drink any beer, you'd be in NFL. Now, obviously, that's not why he's the NFL starting quarterback, but he's clearly doing something right.

He also said it's because his dad— like, he grew up, he's like, never really saw his dad drink. His older brother doesn't drink. So he's like, yeah, I was just following, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah. My role models.

And shout out piña colada. I was saying I'm a daiquiri guy, but getting, getting like pool or beach drunk on just daiquiris or piña coladas is a top-tier experience. Can't do it every day. I do it maybe once a year, but it is a great— I did it at Max's bachelor party. Just got fucked up on some strawberry daiquiris.

Yeah, you get the mix, you get the Miami Vice going.

Yeah, that's just being like, you know what, I'm going to have 5 of these while I'm at the pool.

It's just—

and then I'm going to get out of the pool. I'm not going to be able to walk.

It's the worst. The worst hangover too.

Oh, terrible, terrible. But in the moment, it's the best vibes.

You have a really good time drinking them. You're basically drinking candy and you can't, you can't be upset if you've got a piña colada glass that's got like maybe the orange slice on it.

Yeah.

And the garnish, like you can't be upset while you're drinking that. You just have a good time. So yeah, I got no problem with him not drinking alcohol. It has worked out really well for him, but I would like my quarterback to have a thirst for champagne. That's the difference.

Good point.

Maybe add that to the repertoire.

Hank, prediction on the— by the way, we should have mentioned this. We did a group bet before the season where we took all of our teams' win total overs. We adjusted some of them. So I think it ended up—

I'll pull it up.

It's, it's all of our teams plus the Chargers for Shane. And it's a group bet that we're going to split. I think we put, we put a decent amount on it. With DraftKings, it was, let's see, Bears over 7.5. So we toggled a couple of them down. Bears over 7.5, Chargers over 8.5, Bucs over 6.5, Commanders over 6.5, Patriots over 8.5, Eagles over 8.5, Jets over 4.5. We thought it'd be a fun thing. We're going to get a big board, track it. Someone is probably going to screw the bet for everyone else. Hank, you immediately afterwards wrote in the group chat like, this bet, like, this stinks. You're like, that was that. It's over. What was the exact thing you said?

This bet is dead.

This bet is dead.

Yeah.

It's not dead. What do you think the Patriots record is going to be?

I don't know.

Why are you this down about it?

Did you watch the game? Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Seahawks are Super Bowl champions.

Okay.

That's just a fact. Bonus point for that fact. Good stat.

I think it's fair to be like—

I don't know how you walk away from that game being like, yeah, we can win 10 games.

Well, you're not gonna play the Seahawks every week. I think the bigger question would be what?

It was Seahawks with Drew Lock.

It was Seahawks, but the defense, I'm saying.

You're saying that like Drew Lock is a pile of shit.

Yeah, that wasn't Seahawks. Seahawks with Drew Lock.

Do you have any existential Questions right now about Drake Maye because it was— no, the playoffs weren't great. And then playoffs were great. We went to the Super Bowl. No, no.

But his play, I'm saying, I can read back the stat of his last 5 games if you want.

I'm good.

He's already dead.

I don't have to answer your question. No.

Okay.

Josh McDaniels.

Yeah.

What I was going to try to come around to is like, I don't think you should. The Seahawks are an incredible defense.

I know.

Yeah. So don't be so down.

Right. Max is being kind of—

I mean, I'm not down on Drake Maye. The team, like, again, like, I don't know.

It's week 1. Week 1 is the week 1. But I mean, the Seahawks, that's a terrible loss. It's a terrible loss.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, 3 interceptions.

So like, but you keep saying like, you keep— yeah, you keep saying like, oh, it's the Seahawks.

Seahawks.

You were winning the game against Drew Lock. You let Drew Lock come back and win that football game. Terrible loss. Week 1 is really what you should be saying right now.

Right.

Not Seahawks.

Seahawks.

Seahawks. You guys are so fucking annoying. It's like, oh, Like, fast forward preview for like 10 minutes, like week 1, not gonna overreact. We're totally gonna— yeah, we do.

Yeah, we said week 1.

And it's also very much a joke.

You just agreed with what I just said.

No, but like you said, there you go.

You go week 1, let's say we're not gonna overreact, but we're totally gonna overreact. And then it's like, I'm overreacting. You guys are cool. Like, how could you just overreact? It's like you guys are gonna do the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

But this is, this is your friends telling you not to overreact.

Yeah. We're trying to be good friends.

Yeah.

OK, thanks, guys.

So we're saying that you're welcome.

This is why you're in that seat. You're overreacting.

Why have a standalone game?

Yeah, it's the worst.

Yeah. The world doesn't need to have an opinion on your favorite team.

Yeah. After week 1.

Yeah. I'm ready to just watch more football this weekend and then, and then we'll worry about this.

Remember the Vikings-Bears game Monday night last year? I was fucking down in the dumps.

Yeah.

Question for him.

Yeah.

PFT.

Henry.

Oh, you're fucking dead naming Henry.

Next week against the Steelers, is that a must-win game?

No.

Okay.

Okay. Start off 0-2.

If you lose, that is Jaguars. That Jaguars must-win game.

Yeah.

Okay.

There's some bad stats though. Like, you don't want to start off 0-2.

I think Steelers is must-win.

Hank. Oh, October 18th. There's 12 o'clock noon game. Jets at Patriots. Is that a must-win game?

Yep.

That's got to be a must-win.

Yeah.

All right. Yeah. We need it. We need 9.

It's time to lock in.

All right.

The other game, the 49ers. I mean, we not, we are not smart people. No one's listening to this show for football acumen, but sometimes we are smart and repeatedly saying it makes no sense what the Rams are planning on doing. flying in the day before and the 49ers have been there for a week and a half. Turns out to be exactly correct because the Rams looked awful. Super team. They looked so bad.

Pooper team.

Pooper team. Stafford looked off and credit to the Niners. The Niners, like their blocking scheme was, was awesome to deal with the Rams front. They, Brock Purdy. Yeah, he had one doy doy play, but other than that, like he looked like great Brock Purdy where he was, you know, extending plays in the pocket, making, you know, big-time throws. The touchdown pass to DeMarcus Robinson.

Yeah.

The Niners are— the Niners are a good team. Like, I don't know, we probably didn't give them enough love going into the season just because they time and time again, they have the top-end talent. It's like, can they stay healthy? They had a couple more injuries tonight. Stribling, I think, is out. That looked like an Achilles. But super team, super team off to a bad start. Turns out maybe you shouldn't try to beat time.

So here's the thing. It was a terrible idea that Sean McVay tried to do. But I have to respect how much of an all-time fuck it move it was.

Yeah.

To just pretend that time zones don't exist.

Correct.

He was just like, you know what, fuck it. We're not going to— we're not going to adapt. We're going to fly in, fly out.

Fuck it.

Not, not only to pretend that time zones don't exist, but To pretend that a 15-hour flight has no effect on a body.

No effect whatsoever.

Like, I take a 3-hour flight and I'm like, I feel like shit.

They—

15-hour flight and you play a football game less than a day and a half later.

15-hour flight with no Wi-Fi.

Is that true?

There's no Wi-Fi on that jet. Yeah.

Did they do that on purpose so people would sleep?

I think that you had to do a tradeoff. And the jet that they got is like the most comfortable. That's— yeah, they had all the lay-flat ones. But that particular model of plane does not have Wi-Fi.

Also, I have a question because I know lay flat— like, I'm a larger man, but I'm not an NFL football player. I barely fit in the lay flats. How did any of these guys fit in a lay— like, how did an offensive lineman fit in a lay flat?

Maybe just like a blow-up mattress that you put in the aisle.

Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

But yeah, no, that's a fair point because, I mean, I gotta be honest, the lay flats I fit perfectly.

Yeah.

That's like snug as a bug.

100% fit like a glove.

Yeah.

No, I'm— when I do the lay flat, it's like either my head is touching the wall or my feet are like, you know, bent.

Yeah.

I can't imagine both.

I can't imagine that Matt Stafford, who had to like sleep in a med bed outside the Rams facility in training camp last year.

Yeah. He could have loved that.

He probably didn't enjoy the old back. Probably didn't enjoy that. But yeah, terrible idea by Sean McVay. We knew it because I guess we're not that stupid where we can figure out, yeah, you probably should try to acclimate a little bit. That said, I think it's going to be better for them on the back end than it is for the Niners, who right now will have to fly back and then get reacclimated to United States time.

Yeah.

I don't think the Rams are going to have to do that. So yeah, you kind of like trade one for the other. But this was, it was kind of a no-doubter. The Niners looked much, much better.

Their run game is always going to be awesome. It was awesome.

And the dump-offs to McCaffrey, the short passing game was great. Deebo looked fast as shit.

He did.

And physical. It was great seeing Kittle out there.

Yes.

That first hit that he took, you could see like some relief when he got hit the first time and he bounced back up. He was like, okay, I'm back in it now.

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy that George Kittle, by the way, and we're obviously very biased because we love him to death, but he— it's crazy. He tore his Achilles and he missed 4 quarters of football.

He tore his Achilles in January.

He missed 1 game. Yeah, because they— he won game. He missed the game against the Seahawks. Yeah, it's fucking nuts.

Give the substation some credit. Yeah, maybe it's not all bad.

He's just an absolute beast.

But yeah, the— there was a couple injuries in this game in Australia tonight, and there's got to be no worse feeling in the world than having to fly back 15 hours with like a torn Achilles.

Shoot me like a horse. That would be like, I'm not coming back.

The boys aren't coming back unless they give you like, you get the good stuff. before you get on the plane.

Yeah.

Then you fall asleep. But still, they usually don't let you fly if you've got like a recently broken bone.

Right.

If you're swelling up, they won't let you do it.

Now, so that's got it.

That's by far the worst flight home I would say would be Landman, who looked like he, he fucked up his forearm.

Yeah. I got a question for you, PFT. Are we going to— if the 49ers lose week 2 and the Rams win, are we going to say the Rams maybe got it right? Because that was part of it. Yeah. That it's going to be hard for the 49ers to adjust back. The Rams will be able to get right back in there because they never change time zones. The Rams are— the 49ers also do get to play the Dolphins.

And then I think the Rams have the Cardinals.

No, they have the Giants.

The Giants.

The 49ers have Dolphins and Cardinals. So the 49ers should be a 3-0 team.

They could be. I think it's really going to fuck with them going back.

But they have, but they have some time.

They got a little bit of time to—

And they have even more time because they're playing the Dolphins.

I think that's, that's probably more likely what this case was. And that's Sean McVay saying, One game. I'm not— this is one game. It's, it's a stupid expansion thing, but it's not—

it's, it's one game, but it's a divisional game.

It does count.

Pretty fucking important.

It does count.

So especially when you have a division that, you know, last year came down to all 3 teams were in it until the last 2 weeks of the season. Right.

Right.

That's not— a divisional game isn't nothing.

I don't think that Stafford looked great tonight. In fact, I think he looked pretty bad for most of the game.

Yeah.

I am willing to chalk a lot of that up to the 15 hours on a plane.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But super team, that status, my ass. Super team, my ass. Maybe on hold a little bit. Miles Garrett absent this game. I don't think he even played much of the second half at all.

Yeah.

Kilometers Garrett, as they call him in Australia.

Aaron Donald, smartest guy ever.

Yep.

Coming back.

There was a guy on the Niners that got cut after he made it to Australia. Or I guess maybe moved to the practice squad.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that, that's fine because the Niners were there for so long. Like I saw guys in tracksuits on the Niners sideline and at first I was like, why the fuck are they there? And then I remembered, oh, they've been there for a week and a half. Rams, that would be devastating.

That'd be pretty bad.

Yeah. Yeah.

They should have actually brought like the— if the Rams were smart, they should have brought a coach they were planning on firing anyway.

That would have rocked and just been like, you're not going to leave him over there.

I also would like to talk to you because like Schrager, I think, said this. The Rams sent a couple scouts over the summer to like test run this.

I've got the, the exact quote right here.

I would like to talk to these people.

Yeah.

2 years.

Yeah.

He said 2 years. This isn't some trial and error approach. They've sent 15 staffers over the last 2 years and have tracked their bodies and sleep rhythms.

That's That's an insane pun.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit. Yeah.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah.

Oh my God. I couldn't even get the P word out of my mouth.

Punishment. You wouldn't do that.

I mean, if we all agreed to.

So what would it be?

You have to fly to Australia. You get to stay there for one day.

You do the Rams trip.

do the Rams trip.

No Wi-Fi on the plane? Oh, I think we'd have to do Wi-Fi on the plane, so we'd have to like update.

I don't know, would we? So they left Tuesday, they left Tuesday, and they, they're getting back when?

I don't know.

Like, I'm thinking about episodes, although it would be funny if you had to do the episode from Australia, from the one day you were in Australia.

Yeah, I mean No, it would be leave Thursday, come back Sunday.

Yeah, I do.

Leave Thursday. I don't know how. Let's not get into the time.

Yeah, we can't do that right now.

But let's put it on the table and we can discuss later.

I think that it was also— I felt like I was feeling some of the Rams' pain because we watched at night here and that game was so goddamn bright. Yeah, that was the brightest sun that I've seen in an NFL game in a long time. I felt like I got jet lag just from watching the game.

Yeah, it was weird. It was also— I, I saw 57 degrees like, man, that's, that's good.

That's good shit.

We're about to have that. Yeah. What fall day do we have to have concerts at every standalone game now?

Is that a rule?

Yeah, I think so. We also flag cucked them. Ours was just a little bit bigger.

It was bigger.

And then I liked it.

The, the people in the stands were wearing like— they all got into the shape of an American flag for a little bit.

Yeah.

Cool.

And also that stadium was just the worst stadium ever football. You're so far away. So far away.

Yeah. The cricket ground.

Yeah. If you're, if you're in the first level, you just can't see anything. So good job, Roger. Thanks so much.

We grew the game today a little bit.

Yeah, we did.

7th, 7th biggest game in NFL history.

What?

7th most people in attendance.

Oh, wow. Okay.

Let's go. We did it. Now, if you're going to have a game in Australia, I feel like this is This was the opportunity for AC/DC to play halftime.

Mm-hmm.

Agreed.

History made.

Football's back, boys.

100,000 people.

Before we get into our week 1 picks and preview, we're going to go through every game. Barry Melrose, we should mention, legend of the game, passed away. Very sad. He was the face of hockey, like, yeah, through and through for a long time. Just the swaggiest, Coolest guy you see on TV. Seemed like everyone, you know, the stories that come out, he seemed like the best guy.

There were years where ESPN had no business or broadcasting interest in hockey whatsoever.

Yeah.

And they would still bring Barry on to talk a little puck because he was that captivating. Seems like a great guy. Never got a chance to meet him. But yeah, Mount Rushmore of TV mullets for sure.

Absolutely.

And yeah, just an all-time All-time hockey guy. So it's very sad. I feel like he was, he was hockey to a lot of people growing up in the United States that didn't necessarily come from a hockey town.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Should we get to our week, week 1 picks and preview? And then we have Scott Hanson.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Okay.

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Picks and Preview is brought to you by our friends at Reese's, and we have the Reese's Oreos Right here. There's something for everyone when it comes to Reese's, and we absolutely love Reese's. Did you put these out, Zach? Zach, did you put these out?

Can't go wrong with the combo right there.

Thank you so much. These are— I like— these are the perfect candy snack, everything right here in this, in this sleeve right here. Reese's and Oreos. It's so, so good. When they decided to do this, I actually like I actually was bummed when they, when they made it because it's like, what else is there in life? This is it. This is a pinnacle. They reached the pinnacle with the Reese's Oreos combo. But Reese's is the 1-1 pick for everyone's Mount Rushmore. We're doing picks in preview. It's our 1-1 pick for week 1. We're going to have Reese's everywhere. It is the Seattle Seahawks of candy. That's a fact.

Great offense. Great defense.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Even if you can't get that, the Reese's Oreo, the backup's not bad either.

Yes.

Have to go with the regular.

Yes. So Reese's, the official candy partner of Barstool Sports. Go get Reese's wherever you shop. All right, boys, it is week 1 in the NFL. We're going to have a full slate on Sunday. I'm so excited. How's everyone feeling?

We're going to go—

so we're going to go through every game. We're going to do our picks. We'll have to figure out a punishment. 2 picks each. How's everyone feeling?

I'm feeling really good. It's the best time of year. This is bar none the best time of year. Everything's possible. Everything's on the table. You have the highest expectations for your guys. Your team could go undefeated. Yeah, for Hank. But theoretically, most people's teams could go undefeated.

Not you or Max.

Well, no, we can't both tie. You could tie.

Yeah, true. Good point.

Yeah.

You could tie.

Checkmate.

You get a point for a tie.

I think Jake Marsh actually had us tying.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Max, honestly, I'll offer you a draw. I will not.

I will not take that. All right. By the way, PFT, thank you for the gift you got me.

You're welcome.

I will be wearing it on Sunday.

You're welcome. I went— I was— I've mentioned this before, but sometimes early in the morning, if you catch me, if somebody sends me a product or something comes across like a targeted ad, if it's before I get out of bed, I am extremely impulsive with my purchases early in the morning. So I got you the, the Caleb and Ben Johnson t-shirt, and then I got Hank the Patriot Stone Cold Steve Austin jersey.

The Caleb and Ben Johnson, by the way, is like a weird mashup where it's Ben Johnson giving the finger. So I think that's the Dikka finger, but then Caleb smoking a cigarette, which is the Cutler cigarette.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's all over. It's kind of just like there's a little— it's almost like a Taylor Swift song where there's Easter eggs to Bears past.

Yeah, it's all over the place.

So, you know, just a little something to get the boys back into the NFL spirit.

I'm very much looking forward to on Sunday morning the text. Hopefully we get it again from, from Boom.

Oh yeah.

From the Swarm that me and Big Cat get, which is just basically wishing us a happy NFL season.

Yeah.

And that's, that's one of the highlights of my year. But I'm, I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

We got to, we got to figure out the TV. We'll get, we're going to go through every game where, where the games are going to be. Should we give ourselves a little warning? And I'm not going to listen to my own warning, but don't overreact to week 1.

I don't agree to that.

Yeah, no, I don't either. I'm just telling me as right now we're sitting here, it's Thursday morning. Come Sunday night when we're recording this show, I will absolutely overreact. But if, if, if anyone wants to like, you know, heed my advice from past me, don't overreact. I was looking at it last year. Week 1, we had the Patriots lose to the Raiders. The Raiders went on to be the worst team in the league.

Yeah.

And the Patriots went to the Super Bowl.

Maybe that'll happen with the Seahawks this year and then the Patriots go right back.

Yeah.

Don't overreact. How about, do you guys remember there was a shootout in the Meadowlands? The Jets and the Steelers played in a shootout and we thought, oh my God, 34-32. That was one of the most exciting games we watched. Week 1, we're like, Justin Fields, Aaron Rodgers, this is going to be— these teams are going to be awesome to watch. Yeah, that didn't turn out to be the case.

It was a sliding doors moment. That was— memes could have had an awesome season last year if they won that game.

Yeah. And then on that Monday night game, Week 1, so this is why I'm really bringing it up because it's a message to myself. JJ McCarthy beat Caleb Williams and it looked like JJ McCarthy was going to be the Vikings future. And now he's QB3 for the Vikings.

Correction. JJ McCarthy lost the first 3 quarters against the Bears. Nein beat the Bears in the 4th quarter.

But the point is, uh, week 1, there will be some weird shit that happens week 1. We'll look back and be like, wow, that was, that was fucking bizarre.

If you were to draw it up on a map, how would you plan out where your team would play in week 1? Because I think, I think the correct answer is right down the dick of Sunday, 12 o'clock, 1 PM games.

I got it.

Yeah. But the Bears have it this year.

Yeah.

Bears at Panthers.

Yeah.

Noon game.

Yeah. Just buried in there.

Couldn't, couldn't ask for a better—

nestled in there.

It's kind of like a spot.

You're in a cozy spot. It's like a nice warm blanket of all the other games wrapped around you.

Like in terms of the national audience, the Bears are somewhere between like the 3rd and 5th most exciting game in that, in that window. I would not want to— so perfect.

I would not want to be first.

I wouldn't want to be— I wouldn't want to be first. I wouldn't be last.

Yeah. You don't want the Monday night game. That's, that's tough too.

You also don't want like the Bills and Texans, that noon game. Like they're, they are the premier noon game.

Yep.

You don't want to be game of the week.

I don't think you want to be Sunday night either because then you're surrounded by a bunch of people that have just won potentially. And then now all eyes on you.

And the story is you.

Yeah.

The story is you at that point for an entire Monday. I think, I think game of the week, Sunday afternoon, not great. Not a great spot to be, but it could be worse.

Yeah. Not great. I think you want a noon.

You want—

You want a noon against a team that you have no—

like, you, you— I want—

yeah, that's exactly—

you have Bears fans, like, enough to get, like, a little bit excited because, like, you know, the Panthers were in the playoffs last year, kind of.

So, so, like, I'm worried about this game. I think the Panthers are going to be, like, a decent team. I'm not saying that the Bears are going to win this game, but it's not— I don't know any Panthers fans in my life. I don't—

like, there's no—

they're not in the division.

Meow Mix.

Meow Mix.

That's true. And the guy who sings, who's fucking awesome. If I had him.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Steph Curry. Yep. Best basketball player ever from Akron.

That is true. I actually did meet him, remember, at Tahoe when Marty Fisher was like, hey, this is Big Cat. And he was like, oh, what's up? And then he just walked away.

Yeah.

So I do know Steph Curry.

Your friend. Your good friend.

Yeah.

Yeah. Just a kid from Akron.

Yeah. Okay. One last thing before we get to the games. I have each team's week 1 record since 2000. Do you guys want to guess who's number 1 and who's dead last?

Best week 1 team in the NFL since 2000. I could, I could maybe make a better guess if it was since 2020. But I'll just go with those same teams that I would have guessed in the last 6 or so years. I'll say the fluffy Eagles.

They are number 1. All right. 18-8. Let's go, Max. New England Patriots are 17-9. I actually don't know if it's been updated since then. since last night, so they might be 17-10. Okay.

All right.

Good to know. And then, oh, that's right.

They lost.

Yeah. For the worst, this one should be easy in week 1. I'm going to guess the Bengals.

No, the Cleveland Browns. Oh, 3-22-1.

Fucking joke. Crazy joke of a city.

They've won 3 times in week 1 since 2000.

That's crazy. And they keep going back. God bless them. I love, I love Browns fans.

By the way, we should give a little context here. Hank is a little extra salty. We obviously already talked about the Patriots game, but he did text this morning being like, I'm injured, I'm not coming in because the Patriots lost. And my assistant Dom, who is a diehard Cleveland, all Ohio Cleveland sports fan, replied, which is very uncharacteristic of him, replied to the entire group chat text with the Rock GIF saying, shut up, bitch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Very out of character for Dom. He doesn't talk in there often.

But I don't think that there's been a more liked message in the group chat.

Oh, it was great.

Like instantly everybody just slammed it. Dom's been feeling himself a little bit recently.

Well, it's because they haven't— the Browns haven't had to play a game yet.

That's it.

It's— they got LeBron.

This is his last week.

Oh no.

Fuck.

Oh, I saw him. He went up to Max the other day and he berated Max. He told Max to lock in because Max didn't know the Sixers preseason schedule. Oh, he was like, if you're going to take— if, if I'm giving you LeBron, if you're now in charge—

Yes, he had him.

And he's yours. I need you to take better care of him and to know the preseason schedule, Max.

He was really mad. He was like, that's going to be the first time. And he was right. Take care of his boy. It's going to be the first time you see LeBron in a Sixers uniform. You got to be locked in on the preseason.

Yeah.

Oh man.

I was like, I didn't say whatever.

Yeah.

But yeah.

So shut up, bitch.

Shut up, bitch.

Yeah. Listen, I mean, I like—

this was also yesterday, NFL opening day. He was yelling at me for not knowing NBA preseason.

Yeah, he's fired up. Yeah. And it's opening day until the Browns play. They're, they're like, they're going to be what, 3? They're at least 3rd to last place.

The problem that you have, Max, and this is, this is mostly my fault. I told, I told Dom like 6 months ago, I said, do not talk to me about LeBron. So he's got to talk to someone else about him. So he's just— I'm happy to have you on. I was like, we're not a LeBron show.

I don't know that he's an ally, though. He's like an overinvolved ex. Yeah, that's like, yes, making sure that you know how she likes— you know, she likes her baths not too hot but kind of hot. He's a medium bubbles.

He's a helicopter mom trying to go out for like a dinner and telling the babysitter like, oh, no, no, don't do that. Like, she's crazy.

She likes her feet rubbed before bed, Max, if you can, you know, take care of my girl.

Oh, do not let— do not let him eat that pirate's booty. I have looked at the back.

I need to know these things though.

Okay, let's do the games. First up, I think this will be a prominently displayed game because it's one of the best. Would you guys agree Bills-Texans is going to be the main TV? Yeah, but this one's going to be a fun game. Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cincinnati Bengals. Bengals are -3.5, over-under is 50.5. Baker Mayfield got paid. Is that good or bad? Because obviously it's good. We're, we're a Baker show. We're happy he got paid. I'm just saying, is it good or bad? Because now he might not have the same chip on his shoulder.

I don't think that that's going to be a factor for Baker.

I don't think they could have.

You know what it is? They did a secret extension.

I know.

So they were working on it behind the scenes. Baker didn't know about it. His agent like kind of kept it from him a little bit. I don't know why that, that all went down that way. But I think that Since it was a secret extension, Baker just might be like, oh, you didn't think I could handle knowing how the negotiations were going to go?

Yeah.

And sometimes agents will do this in the NFL. They don't want to overinform the players about how it's going because some of the offers might be— it might not feel good to hear what the lowball offers are at the beginning until you get to the final number. So Baker's like, what am I, a child? You don't think I could handle knowing what was going on back and forth?

Yeah.

The adults are talking.

Yeah. So now Baker might be just pissed off at his agent. And at the, at the Bucs for not keeping him informed. And again, this is just Baker trying to find something to be pissed off about.

You got to find something.

Got to find something. But yeah, I think if you look at these 2 teams' recent history, Bengals, very slow starters overall.

But they started 2-0 last year.

Yep.

So like, I know that that is a narrative. And I think I'm actually going to go against that narrative now because I, the fact they started 2-0 last year, the fact that They played their starters at least somewhat in the preseason, which they hadn't been doing. And that was part of the part of Joe Burrow starting slow. And also Joe Burrow has just been injured so many times that I think this is the first time he's had an offseason where he didn't have to deal with something. Remember he had the foot. He talked about it. He's like, I'm going to use my legs again. Like I feel 100%. I, that has to count for something. The fact that he's finally had a clean offseason, not an offseason of rehabbing. Getting ready, everything that goes into it.

Had a full camp.

He had a full camp.

Got a full camp going.

Zach, how are you feeling about this game?

I feel good about the game. Baker was pumped up in the press conference yesterday, excited to stay with the team. So I'm not too worried about him getting paid leading to like a lull in the season. A lot of guys are healthy, ready to hit the field. I feel good about the game.

I'm—

I was high and I am high on Joe Burrow this season, but I would like to see the Tampa Bay Buccaneers obviously defeat them.

Yeah, I'm not saying I'm going to bet the Bengals because I think 3.5 is probably too much, but I'm just I expect the Bengals to come out to start the season better than they have. And again, they started 2-0 last year. It was a close win against the Browns. Remember that weird Jaguars game? I just, I think they put a lot of focus on it. And it does feel like one of those years where it's like everyone's kind of, everything's on the table for the Bengals. Like they, yeah. If things don't go well, is Joe Burrow going to stay? I know he said that he wants to stay. is, you know, Tee Higgins, Zach Taylor, all this stuff.

So if you look at the Bengals, they do have that recent history. And if you look at the, the point total, I believe they're 1-5 to the over. So I guess that'd be 5-1 to the under in week ones recently. And they are 1-5 against the spread in season openers. A lot of that does have to do with the fact of injuries.

Yeah.

And just they're notoriously— yeah, they've been getting off to— and then the Bucs, I'm sure you've heard Stephen Che say this, but Todd Bowles, yeah, 4-0 week 1 as a head coach.

They've won, they've won 5 consecutive. So that even goes back to Bruce Arians. But yes, he has said that to me very, a ton of times.

Very much. Yeah. Very much. The one thing I am looking at like this, the total of this game, it feels like it's too early in the season to have that high of a total.

I agree. But I am also nervous. I, I do think both of these defenses are going to be better. Like we saw at the end of last year, the Bucs defense kind of fell off a cliff.

a cliff.

I think they're going to be better. And I, the Bengals defense got better at the end of the year and they added Dexter Lawrence. I think that's going to be better than people realize. Because like, that's, you know, you can always just say, oh, the Bengals defense sucks. I think that's kind of a slightly dated narrative. I expect them to be more middle of the pack defense this year.

Yeah. How's Reuben Bain feeling right now? Probably good because that's a guy I, if I were to pick like a defensive rookie of the year, I think I'm looking at Bain right now. And that might also just be cope because I really don't want the Cowboys to have found the safety of the future. But Bain, I feel like, is just a monster waiting to play.

Yeah, I agree. I agree.

All right.

So what were you going to say, Zach?

Room Bain's ready to inflict pain.

Yeah, he said that.

Ready for pain. He didn't say that, but in the clips I can see it in his mannerisms.

Good.

Yeah, good.

You can see it.

Also, David Bailey exists.

Yeah, I knew. I saw you memes talking with the mic not on being like, what about David Bailey? What about Arvell Reese?

Well, I did, I did. I saw a headline on, on Joe Bucks Fan that just said Reuben Bain wants to create a new level of football. Oh, so that's terrifying. That's fucking terrifying. I'm kind of happy with the current level of football we have right now. But if it's created like Reuben Bain, it's probably gonna be violent. So sign me up.

Yeah, he's wearing the Bain face mask so he could turn into a villain.

Yep.

A new level of football would be awesome.

That's what they said about Travis Hunter too, right? Like he's going to change the entire sport.

Yeah.

Hank, is the— are the Bucs part of your hungry dog?

Nope. What are you doing?

Just getting ready. Let's prep.

I'm doing the hungry dog as we speak.

Oh, I love it. All right. Will you let us know as soon as you have it?

Yeah.

Okay. Next up, Saints at Lions. Lions -7, over-under 49.5. I was thinking about this. This is one of those weird matchups. I don't have any memories of the Saints playing at the Lions and I looked it up.

Yeah, I do.

2020 was the last time they played. Saints at Lions.

Do you know who the leading rusher for the Lions was?

Because this one shocked me and I had memory holed the whole thing.

2020.

It was Stafford versus Drew Brees.

I remember the game.

2020, Saints at Lions. Who was the leading rusher for the Detroit Lions?

Adrian Peterson.

Yes.

Bang.

Fucking insane. I just forgot. I know he jumped around to a million. Oh, there you go. Get the high five.

I never get those right.

Yeah, that was great. I had completely forgot that he was— because he jumped around to so many teams at the end. And also I think he was leading rusher with like 34 yards. So it wasn't exactly a memorable performance. But yeah, these teams, I, I don't have many memories of them playing in Detroit.

So they have played 27 times in the all-time series.

Okay.

The Saints and the Lions right now, it's tied 13-13-1.

Oh wow.

So maybe grudge match. Huge grudge match of the week. It is also a Dan Campbell, not really a revenge game, but he used to coach for the Saints.

Yeah. It's a game.

It's a game. It's a game between—

Every game's a revenge game with Dan Campbell.

Like 2 likable enough teams. I think if you're not in the same division as either one of these, you don't have a problem with either team. We're on game ball watch right now for Kellen Moore. So he's probably— what do you say? Like he gives out, was it 6 or 7, 8 game balls again?

Yes.

I'm trying to remember the interview where Hank farted how many. How many game balls he gave away.

Well, you don't understand. The Pelicans facility was right there.

It was right there.

It was right next to it.

Also, if you saw the chair.

Hey, get in the mix here. What do you got? What do you want?

We're trying to poke you.

Yeah, we're trying to get you up.

Let us poke you.

Get you up.

I'm here. It's week 1, dude.

Yeah, I'm excited. Football's back. Football's so fucking back.

Okay.

Jared Goff, dome.

Yep.

He doesn't play a cold weather game until late December.

Week 17, the Bears. I also, I feel like the, the lot— I'm high on the Lions this year.

Yep.

And part of the reason why I'm high on the Lions is that like before the season is starting, the biggest quote I could find about this game and like from Lions camp was Jared Goff talking about his trip to the Detroit Zoo with his daughter.

I love that.

So that's, that, that's actually a good place to be in as a team. He said, I was blown away by how many animals they have and how big it is. The tiger was cool right there on the glass. The polar bear, the grizzly bears are massive. I was shocked. Maybe I underestimated the capabilities of Detroit Zoo.

Yeah, don't do that.

Wow.

Underestimate that zoo at your own peril.

Yeah, I think he just was— had he— had Jared ever been to a zoo before?

I don't— I think he, in his mind— I don't want to disparage Jared.

I'm going to text him. I'm going to ask him if he'd ever been to it.

But this is— I think it might be flashbacks to, you remember, 2016 when he, he wasn't aware that the sun rose in the east and set in the west on Hard Knocks. In his mind, I could, I could see him thinking that the only animals they'd have at the Detroit Zoo would be like animals that you would find in nature in Michigan.

Yeah.

Like, oh, look, they got, they got the black squirrels here.

I also will say Jared Goff is a Cali kid. I feel like they don't— besides San Diego, I feel like Cali kids, they just go out, they go outside. Yeah, they don't go to zoos.

Yeah.

No. And also, what, what we can say isn't like San Diego. I said besides San Diego, it is the best.

I got to lock in.

You got to lock in.

But you can't say— you can't say California.

Yeah, they have the biggest.

I agree. If you're from California, you should in theory know that, like San Diego.

But he's from NorCal.

It rocks, bro.

But you can't—

NorCal bros are so different than SoCal bros.

There's like one zoo that I know and it happens to be in California, right? So you can't just like, you know, you know, you got to face there.

You know, one zoo.

You only know like one, like famous zoo.

You know, lots of zoos.

So you have the Cincinnati Zoo because of Harambe.

Yeah.

You know, we're talking like a mile away.

We've got 20 zoos on this podcast.

I know people.

I'm saying like nationally recognized zoos.

Bronx Zoo.

Bronx Zoo.

Bronx Zoo. How about that? Yeah. Bronx is—

that's local zoo.

That's an— that's an author.

Zootopia.

That's a movie.

Yeah.

You know, it's not— that's probably—

sounds like you know it.

Zoolander.

Oh, that's also a movie.

Madagascar.

Right.

Mark who? Mark Zumhoff, Sixers legend, legendary broadcaster.

I'll update you if Jared texts me back, but I was blown away by how many animals they have and how big it is. Tiger was cool right there in the glass.

Polar bear.

The grizzly bears are massive. I was shocked. That's his first zoo.

That to me, I'd like to see more NFL teams taking group trips to the zoo.

Yeah.

Before things get— you get to learn a lot from those animals.

By the way, last thing on this game, we are obviously laddering Tyler Shuck.

Yep.

100%.

Oh yeah.

Oh, 100%. I'm also to the moon Tyler Shuck.

I'm also, I'm very high on the Lions this year.

Yeah. I mean, their, their, their schedule is, they should be a team that's in the playoffs and I think they probably will win the NFC North.

In theory, this is like, I mean, the Lions are as healthy as they're going to be all season.

Well, and they, they, they were the team, they were the snakebitten team last year where they lost a bunch of games that were like, how the fuck did they lose that game? Yeah, I think they're going to be really good.

Are the Lions on Crosby watch? Ooh, interesting.

Didn't even think about that.

Like, what do, what do they have to do to get, to get Crosby interested in going to the Lions? And I guess it's not really up to him.

It would have to be the Raiders. Yeah. I don't know what their pick situation is either, how many picks they would be willing to trade.

All I'm saying is they're on— I think them and maybe the Cowboys might be on Crosby watch.

I had a dream last night.

This is the Crosby Show. We'll call it—

this is gonna be really pathetic to say out loud. I had a dream last night that the Bears traded Tyson Bagent for the Seahawks' first-round pick.

Fleeced.

I was like, damn, I like Tyson Bagent. But Gotta fucking do that.

Honestly, please.

First round pick.

All right.

Next up, Jets at Titans. Titans -1.5, over-under 38.5. The Robert Saleh revenge game. Memes?

I know we said we weren't going to do overreactions. I think this is the biggest game of Aaron Glenn's life.

Okay. No, that's not an overreaction.

That's a—

it's because it's not a reaction.

True.

The game hasn't happened yet.

Yeah, I think he needs to prove that he can coach better than the guy he replaced.

It's a over— it's a pre-action.

Yeah, it's a pre-action.

You're over-pre-acting right now. And will you think that it's the biggest game of his life if they lose or if they win or both?

Both. He needs, he needs to win the game.

No matter what happens, it's going to be the biggest game of his life.

Yeah, because if they lose, then in all Jets fans' heads, it's like we, we just replaced Bob with a guy who's worse than him and Bob's not a good coach. So we just have a bad coach.

Yeah.

Right.

This, this.

So losing the locker room potentially.

Both of these teams.

Losing the fan locker room.

Yeah. Both of these teams obviously are not expected to be in the playoffs. You never know what happens in the NFL season. This might be the most important game of week 1 because there's, there's the level of like there could be a devastating loss here. If one team gets blown out, I do think that, which, like, that's devastating.

Whichever team loses, they might immediately go into tank mode, right?

Like, like right off the bat, because they're both eyeing each other being like, we're not as bad as you. We're not as bad as you.

It's going to be a wake-up call for whoever loses this game.

Yeah.

It's a really, really like, like you, in a weird way, you would rather start the season playing the Ravens and it's like, well, we're never going to win that game. We can, we still have a long season. You play the Titans. It's kind of, it's very similar to Raiders-Dolphins. That's a staring match of like whoever loses that game, like you stink, buddy.

Yeah. No, season's probably over if you lose to the Titans.

Yeah. I think they're thinking the exact same thing about, about the Jets. There's only a handful of teams out there that when their logo pops up on your schedule, you're happy to see those logos. And I think this is 2 matchups of 2 teams that are very happy to see each other's logos. And I count myself in that, in that handful of teams as well. But yeah, you can't lose this game, Eames. And you have to get a pick too. There's no better chance, no better venue to get a pick than against Cam Ward. The defense feels good. Like it should be better. You got to set the tone.

I always forget that we didn't have an interception last year.

Yeah. Well, no, you don't because you bring it up all the time.

Yeah, true.

It is the first.

I feel like you guys bring it up.

No, but he brings it up a lot too.

It's a crazy stat.

He literally, when they got the preseason interception, he's like, yeah, we got an interception.

Yeah, fired up. We got, we got a bunch of interceptions.

Yeah.

If our memes guy was not memes and our memes guy was a fan of a different team, I think that individual would probably be encouraged to make a lot of stats that said things like, this is the first week 1 game of a team that intercepted 0 passes last year. Like everything they do for the first time this season. That was the first Timeout by a team that intercepted zero passes in 2025. I think that would probably happen if it wasn't you, Memes.

Yeah, probably. I might have some in my drafts that are like that.

But the good thing you got going for you, Memes, is the Titans have their new jerseys. And I think like whenever you wear a new jersey, I don't take you as a real football team for a few weeks. You know, like this is a made-up team, but we can maybe sneak them.

What if everything's different in these jerseys? Have you thought about that?

Yeah, true. I took the Jets in my Survivor League.

It's ballsy.

You like that, Memes?

I love it.

Yeah. The Jets, I think the Jets are going to be good.

Memes, I kind of, I kind of like the Jets this week too.

I love the Jets this week.

I love the Jets this week.

Oh man.

Oh no.

We all love the Jets.

I have my most boring stat of the week.

Okay.

You ready for this? No, that's not— that's too exciting of a sound. We got to think of a more boring sound for the most boring stat of the week.

Okay.

The Tennessee Titans are traveling 18,157 miles this year.

Whoa.

What did you get? Like a magazine with like the information on teams traveling? This is your new—

No, I literally saw one graphic of travel stats. This year. So I actually compared that to last year for the Titans and for the Patriots.

We're going to get even more boring.

Yeah. No, no, you did this for a lot of teams.

No, it was literally these 2. The Tennessee Titans total travel distance in 2025 was 18,157 miles.

All right. That's crazy.

They're traveling the exact same amount of miles.

That's why.

Back to back years.

That's why.

That's pretty fucking wild.

That's why.

Apologize for doubting the stat, Hank.

That's not a— that's not a boring stat.

I didn't say it was boring. PFT did. You apologize to yourself.

I'd like to apologize to, to the listeners for underselling just how exciting that stat would be. Play the sound again, Big Cat. Pretty good stat. Okay.

Memes, you're going to win this game.

I think this is, I think there's a top 3 game of the week.

Um, okay. I disagree.

I think for you.

No, I think for everybody. Just like last year, it's gonna be the same thing.

Okay, sell us on it.

High scoring.

Yep.

Both defenses could be bad. Yep. That's pretty much it.

Okay, I'm seeing more than, more than 2 games that are better.

Name them.

Chiefs-Broncos.

No, Patrick Mahomes washed.

Okay, Texans-Bills.

Defense, defensive game, probably like 13-10 final score.

Okay. Bucs-Bengals.

Great game. That's, that's one. That's one.

Vikings-Packers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, another low-scoring game.

Commanders-Eagles.

For the podcast. Great.

All right. We're done doing this. All right. Ravens -3.5 at the Colts. Over-under 47.5. The Baltimore Ravens. Lamar Jackson is 20-6 against the spread on turf in his career. If you want a stat, that's a good stat. I am, I'm high on the Ravens this year. We do have a brotherly battle going on. Did you guys see this? Declan Doyle, new OC for the Baltimore Ravens. His brother, younger brother, Dylan Doyle, is the Colts defensive quality control coach. And when they asked him about it, Declan said they haven't talked. He hasn't talked to Dylan for a while. He said, I love my brother, but it is what it is. That feels a little, a little much for a week 1 game where your, your brother's not even the defensive coordinator.

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

We haven't talked in a while. Like, we're like, we can't talk. We have to end this relationship.

Enemies.

Yeah.

No, you're defensive quality control.

And no relation to Jack Doyle from the Colts, I'm assuming.

I don't think so.

Different Doyle family.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, Lamar Jackson loves playing on turf. He loves playing at the Colts as well.

Yep.

It's a good stadium for him to run around. Also, I believe with Lou Anarumo defenses, Lamar Jackson tends to feast in the past. So I like the Colts. I am high on the Colts this year. I don't know about week 1 though.

Yeah.

I feel like this, I think I might be taking the Ravens in this one. But also I believe that there is a new This Is Our Colts that just came out. From Seth DeFlo Erskine's.

Okay.

And he's got a very special guest.

What do you say?

Do we want to listen to it? It literally just came out. He's been teasing it all week.

Are you guys ready?

Yeah. It's the Purdue Varsity Glee Club.

Oh my God.

Wow.

Okay.

I love it.

I love it.

So that was the—

shout out, Seth—

Purdue Varsity Glee Club was the special guest. I like—

those guys get a lot of pussy.

We just got done telling you that we like the Ravens in this. I might flip.

What? What, Max?

Did you guys know you could go JV in Glee?

Wait, it's JV?

This is varsity.

Oh yeah, true, true. The implication.

Yeah, JV freshmen.

Those guys actually probably do clean up.

I think I actually—

I'm not lying. Like, they definitely clean up at a place like Purdue.

It's like Purdue has no—

everything is the opposite. Yeah, but they—

yeah, they might clean up more than the football team.

I agree.

I'm pretty sure Purdue was like 85% male.

It's— you got that from me. It's like 60%. I have maybe made it seem like that. Yes, yes, I've made it seem like it's like all an all-male college. But I think these guys do. I think these guys are the cock of the walk.

I'm looking at the, the glee club in the background. It's, it's all dudes in the glee club.

Yeah, but you don't think there's groupies?

There might be like a female— what do they call it? The corral? I guess if it's horses, yes.

But then they step into the nickel club. What's a female club?

The she club.

Yeah. The I have a headache club. Okay. 59%. Yeah. So yeah, I've got—

basically 85%. Yeah.

Basically.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, I'm glad that we watched this because I think I'm changing my pick to the Colts.

Okay. Yeah.

Also, before we started taping, I did log on to the Colts website. Because I was not sure if I had season tickets or not. Ah, this year. Do not have season tickets.

Okay, good.

Good. So we don't have to give any tickets away.

There we go.

Are you sure? Yeah.

I mean, I just looked at my account.

I got a lot of Akron season tickets.

Yeah. I just got Akron parking passes in my mailbox.

No one gives a fuck about Akron or wants to go to the football games. Oh God.

Yep.

Like that.

That's, that's more shots. Did you guys see we had, we had our quote of the week. You want to get the quote of the week sound, Hank? Print.

Whoa. Okay.

The parentheses.

Okay.

Okay. Quote of the week comes.

We should have put that in the audiobook.

That was, that was a deaf child.

Was that, was that like, was that open parentheses or closed parentheses?

I was, I was opening and closing. It was like print the print.

Okay.

All right.

We'll open it before he gives.

Quote of the week. This is quote of the week from Roquan Smith. He said Lamar Jackson and the Ravens offense can beat defenses with their run game or go bombs over Baghdad. Actually, it's not the quote of the week.

Great song.

It's a clarification of the week. Can you give us a sound for that? Great sound. This is clarification of the week. So Roquan Smith said we could beat defenses with their run game or go bombs over Baghdad. Then he later clarified. He was referencing military history, not OutKast lore. So I don't know, like he was actually talking about literal bombs over Baghdad.

That was a close one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody for anyone who was getting confused, he could have been talking about Andre 3000 and not Colin Powell.

Yes.

So I—

so not great song because he was talking about the actual—

it is a great song.

Yeah. But he was talking about the— There's your clarification of the week. I just love that he like was like, Just so we're clear, guys, the very popular song that would make this lighthearted and very fun, we're not talking about that. We're talking about death and war.

Yeah, I like this from a defensive player. Yeah, good clarification from a defensive player. If this came from a running back, offensive lineman, wide receiver, I'd be like, that's kind of fucked up what's going on. But the fact that he plays the position he plays, I think it, it's helpful that he meant war.

Yeah.

Yeah. Really, really helpful. All right. Before we get some more games, PFT, you want to talk about King's Hawaiian real quick?

I'd love to talk about King's Hawaiian.

Our favorite.

It's the best. What do you think is the toughest part of football season? It used to be figuring out what to eat on game day, but not this year. Thanks to King's Hawaiian. It's the best slider in football. They have it all from original Hawaiian sweet to savory butter and pretzel sliders. You can literally make anything on them and you know it's going to be delicious. I personally love the original Hawaiian sweet. They make the best buffalo chicken sliders and I make the best bacon cheeseburger sliders on their original slider rolls. You crush about a dozen every Sunday.

Hank, they even have a salt salty version just for you.

Oh, awesome.

You could make a ham and cheese slider on the pretzel slider buns. That sounds delicious. You're a salty guy.

You'd love them.

And I love ham. I go ham.

Whatever you're craving, King's Hawaiian is the best slider in football for a reason. They elevate game day. They're sure to be a crowd pleaser. So before next game day, go pick up King's Hawaiian and make the best slider in football and make it all season long.

Okay. You guys ready to get back some more games? It's just so much fun talking ball. I'm just so excited reading like all this stuff and just getting excited about everything.

It's a lot. And I'm so happy for it.

I'm so happy for us.

I can't wait for the—

I love this for us, for that moment.

And it's every year at 12:20. When we're in the middle, we got all the games going and we're just going to be overwhelmed by football.

We should take a picture. We should take a picture 5 minutes before and just say, I love this for us.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm booked and busy this weekend.

All right. Falcons at Steelers. Steelers -3.5. Over-under is 42.5. Tua. Tua.

There's some, some new news coming out about Tua.

I saw it was a Florio.

It was a Florio. It was a Florio on The eve of the season opener. Yes. Florio takes to the, takes to the airwaves and puts out a report that if things don't go well for Tua, even as early as week 1, he might get cut.

Yep.

That is not a good spot for Tua to start the season at, is under threat of his job before he takes a snap for the Falcons.

No.

So Tua is— it's actually, if you want to spin zone it, it's like maybe this is a Maybe this is a good way. It's like almost a MrBeast challenge, like be good at quarterback or lose your job. It's kind of fun.

Yeah.

You know, like, like actually lose your job, not just lose your job playing quarterback, lose your employment status with the Atlanta Falcons.

Yeah.

It, it could be motivating. It could be motivating.

It could be. If from what you know about Tua, do you think that it will be?

No, no, no, no. Tua, Tua. He said that he— the expectation I put on myself is to go out there and score one more point than the other team. I feel like you could maybe do more than just one more point. Like, you know what I mean? Like that.

I get it.

One more point is the bare minimum, but—

Shoot for the stars.

And if you miss, you'll be a moon.

I think shoot for the moon.

Well, you're kind of right.

You miss, you'll land in the stars. Never made sense because stars are so much further away.

I think that's what screwed me up.

Yeah, you were actually right in screwing that statement up.

Right.

But Tua, shoot for— let's try, let's try scoring 2 more points.

Yeah.

Than the Steelers.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

If you're wrong by 50%, guess what? You still win.

Yeah. He also said that I don't have anything to prove to anyone on the outside. You actually do. You definitely have a lot to prove to all of us.

Probably every other team too.

But then again, Tua, he got paid. He got paid and he had Tua on for a long time.

Yeah.

I do think Kevin Stefanski, from his quotes, I think we're going to see a lot of run game. I'm excited to see him unleash Bijan. And it's going to be— I, like I said, I'm not high on the Falcons this year. I'm high on Kevin Stefanski as a coach. I'm high on the Falcons, like some of the talent they have going forward. It's just, I don't know what the quarterback situation is going to look like.

Yeah, it kind of strikes me almost like their quarterback situation going into the season is what we found out about the Michigan quarterback situation after week 1.

Right.

Whereas Stefanski is like putting this out there and has no idea that his, his job might even be in jeopardy right now. I'm very excited to see what the Steelers offense looks like.

Yeah.

And it's a very low bar for you to convince me that it's different from years past. All it takes is really just one play.

Yeah.

If they have one play like a deep cross across the middle and Aaron Rodgers hits DK in stride, I'll just think it's a completely new team and they might be an explosive offense this year.

Yeah, I'd agree.

Now, if it starts out the first pass that he throws is a, like a dump off on 3rd down to Jaylen Warren, at that point I'm just going to book it and say this is the same Steelers that we've seen.

Yeah.

6 Falcons just waiting to tackle. It's, it's that, that will bother me. And I hope Jersey Jerry will agree with us when we say, hey, that's bad.

Yeah, no, he'll be the first person to say it.

I also think Aaron Rodgers, like some of his quotes, I think this actually might be the end. He said something like, it was something about how it's, it's more than just football and winning games. Who's going to be there at your Hall of Fame ceremony? Who's going to carry your casket? The relationships.

Yeah.

I don't know if that's a good or bad quote when you're going into a season. Kind of is like kind of sentimental about his football career before he plays a season.

Who is he saying is going to carry his casket on the Steelers?

I don't know.

He said, yeah, well, I don't know if it's Steelers or somewhere else. Maybe it's Mike McCarthy. If you just get out, out of this, the money and the accolades, you're missing the main point of this whole thing, football. And that's the relationships. Who's carrying your casket? Who's at your Hall of Fame speech?

I mean, I would want Mike McCarthy to use my casket as a motivational tool, like smash a casket to get the boys pumped up with a sledgehammer before the game.

Also, can I, can I say right now I apply? I'll carry his casket.

You would be the guys from Uganda.

I'll do it.

Dancing with it.

No.

Yeah.

Me and Rodgers, we're good now. It's, it's so, it feels like years ago that he was on the Packers, doesn't it?

It does. It's been, it's like It's a—

it does feel like a long time, even though it's been only, what, 4 or 5 years?

But it's going to feel more like it because he's back with McCarthy. Yeah. Like seeing those 2, like staring at each other. It is going to be weird to see them like getting along. Yeah. And collaborating on shit.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be— it's going to be very interesting to see the Steelers offense. I'm excited about that. And then also Mike Tomlin kind of got in on dunking on Tua too.

Okay.

So Mike Tomlin.

Oh yeah, I saw that.

Made a comment about like, His ass might get fried.

Yep.

So things don't seem to be pointing in the right direction at quarterback for the Falcons. But I do think, I think they could surprise some people this year. I mean, Bijan is like, he's, he's the best.

Surprise how?

I think that they might win.

It's going to be worse than you thought?

No, I think that—

That'd be a funny surprise.

If it's all about like if Penix can get back. Yeah. If they have somebody besides Tua playing quarterback, I could see them winning 9 games.

Because that could be like, Tua could be worse than I expect. That would be a surprise.

How would that be possible?

Oh, he could definitely do it. What if he throws 9 picks? That would be a surprise.

Yeah.

A hilarious surprise.

Shoot for the Grand Canyon. If you miss, you might wind up in a toilet.

Oh man.

All right. I like to— I like the Steelers. This is the Steelers-Falcons is my sucker bet of the week because I just— I'm going to bet the Steelers and it's probably— oh, is it?

Oh no.

Falcons part of your underdog? Can you tell us who else is on it?

It's Falcons, Jets. Who's the third?

Commanders?

Fuck no.

Giants, New York.

Wow.

Oh, leaving you something for the end of the night.

I like that. Everyone, everyone, myself included. Cowboys, Cowboys, Cowboys. This is their year. I think the Giants. Big Cat, super high on the Giants.

And the Cowboys.

Meme, super high on the Giants.

Depending on what week we're talking about.

And I'm just a sucker for, for a shitty lefty.

Yeah.

Oh, for Tua.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Did you see her singing at the Grand Ole Opry the other day?

No.

Stella Luckett. Shitty lefty.

Yeah.

Oh yeah. I like her. She's good.

Oh, cool.

She's not shitty.

Industry plant.

Yeah, that's true.

I still don't really understand what industry plant means.

It's just the music industry is literally like the music industry is a garden.

Everyone's a plant, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But also, like, is it just that your dad was a billionaire?

I found out more about it yesterday. So she got started. She became popular because she had 15-second snippets of her songs that went viral on TikTok all the time. OK. And then after that, she made an album. I don't know if she had a full song before she had or if she just wrote the like 15 seconds. Yeah. So everyone paid attention to her 15 seconds on TikTok. And that is where the wealthy father could probably come in because you can get your daughter signed to some sort of big representation deal that has connections that push your shit to the top of the TikTok algorithms. Hey, you might want to play this song.

And I think her music is catchy.

And well, yeah, the music. Well, isn't it? Isn't it just Noah Khan?

Because, yeah, she copies other hit songs, which again, music industry is—

that is literally the music industry.

Beatles.

I like it.

Yeah, you can just relax, dude. I get it.

Why don't you marry her? It's been a while. It's been a while.

Yeah.

No more marriage.

I'm done.

I just—

I'm still married.

We should— we should say calling her dad wealthy is wrong. He's— he started Groupon. He's like a billionaire.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wealthy would be— yeah. Like, oh, he's, you know, got $20 million. He's got a nice little house in Lake Forest. No, no, they're, they're still lefty.

Industry plant.

Again, don't understand. If you like the music, you like the music. Who the fuck cares? But it is fun to just say industry plant without like— it's very loaded and I don't really know what it means.

There's definitely— there's got to be some NFL players that are industry plants for sure.

Yeah.

Well, there's definitely industry plants like in the broadcasting world.

Go on.

Collinsworth's son, Noah Eagle, like that shit is, you know.

I think there's a difference though between nepo and industry plant. They can be related. Like, I think she's an industry plant because her dad had the money.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah. Yeah.

Industry plant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like they put the money to boost her and, and basically buy her way to that.

Ross Tucker, industry plant.

She was— her dad wasn't in music.

Right.

Yeah, I misunderstood industry plant. No, that's— I misunderstood nepo for industry plant.

Cream team. You come from a long line of cream teamers. Okay, Bears.

I did say, by the way, I did see—

Owen's the man, by the way.

He's part of this.

He's a silent member of the cream team.

I did see an accusation that Zach is industry plant the other day, which is a very funny— that's honestly a compliment to you, Zach.

I'll take it.

Zach, what is it about you?

What is it about you that you think that these things happen? Like, do you remember when we I had to genuinely ask you, like, have you been in prison? Because there was like someone in our office was like, Zach might have been in prison.

Well, that— that was thrown because of the tattoo. Yeah, it is a prison tattoo.

No prison on body or prison time spent. I'm so far on the side.

But like industry plant prison, like it's kind of funny that you get these things thrown at you.

The Venn diagram doesn't make much sense to me, but you roll with the punches.

I got it.

Well, I got to tell that story because I was telling it to someone else and it just makes me laugh because Roan, one of my good friends and he, or he called, he talked to PFT and he called me and was like, dead, dead serious.

I had one conversation with Hank. Like, I don't, I don't think he's been in prison, but Roan thinks like, definitely he might've been in prison. So like, should we?

But Roan's also like a very sarcastic, like ballbuster. Like a lot of the conversations are like tongue in cheek and like, we're joking. And it's like, I was like, surely he's not serious. He's like, no, Dead serious. Like, we got to check on HR because like those are like gang prison tattoos. And I was like, you're joking, right? Like, this is a joke.

I could see Zach.

He's like, no, I'm dead serious.

I can see him playing a video game. And then one of the guys in the video game is in prison, has that tattoo. And Zach's like, I like that tattoo.

Hey, we're taping part of My Take right now. When you started the rumor that Zach was in prison because of his prison tattoo, were you being serious? Well, I just figured that he did time. I feel like with those specific— those specific markings have like a very significant, uh, gang suggestion.

And I would check—

have you guys ever seen his elbows? I would check his elbows for some kind of like spiderweb tattoo.

Elbows are clean.

Because we were just randomly— we're doing the— we're doing a, a week 1 preview and we got on to the, the idea of industry plants and Zach's being accused of being an industry plant. And then I brought up, I was like, Remember the time when I had to ask you if you had been in prison? And yeah, it's like the beginning of The Departed when they put him in prison for a little bit. So he has a good backstory. Yeah. And check underneath his shoulders. If there's, if there's stars on the front of his shoulders, he is a Russian disinformation asset. Just check him.

Just keep an eye on it. I did notice that he has a teardrop. But I think the teardrop might be chocolate syrup.

Is the chocolate syrup filled in? Yeah, maybe that just means that it's a homie who did something.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Hey, Roan, good to talk to you. Just maybe cook up in the next couple of weeks just another wild tale of Zach and we'll get it going.

Oh yeah, maybe.

And maybe you won't even see it coming. Yeah, it gets implanted from the back end. Enjoy the episode. All right. See you.

Bye.

Why would I want to get industry planted into prison?

That'd be bad.

It's like the worst place to get planted.

No, that's what they did in Blackbird.

In the movie New Guy.

Got the guy.

New Guy.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah, they sent him. He was a nerd in school. Then they send him. He goes to prison. Then he comes back, changes his hair, takes off his glasses.

Cool guy.

She's all that.

I love the idea of Zach, like, living out Departed and he's He basically, they had to send him to prison, then send him, I guess, what would it be? It would be, you're maybe, maybe you're doing this to then take down another podcast.

Oh, it's a long game.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Bad Friends. Like if we started a fake rumor that you were going to date Rudy from Bad Friends.

Or like the Russillo Draft, I go over there and then take him out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. All right. Back to games. He would fuck you up. Bears minus 3 Panthers at the Panthers over-under 46.5. How many times are they going to show the trade graphic?

Yeah, a lot. I twice, once before the game, once during the game.

If there's a blowout either way, they might show it as well.

Yeah. So you got Caleb, Darnell Wright, DJ Moore, Luther Burden, Tyreek Stevenson, and Torrey Taylor for Bryce Young, essentially. Who do you think won that trade?

I want to say the Bears. I'm not going to— I'm biased here. You guys can, you guys can say who you think won that trade.

I'm going to wait till all the facts come out.

Okay.

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Darnell Wright just got a big contract extension. Luther Burden. I, I said this, I believe on Wednesday's show. This season is, I'm going into it knowing that the defense is probably not going to be good unless there's an absolute miracle. So like the regression conversation, totally agree with it on the defensive side. I need the regression not to happen on the offensive side to be a success. So I need it to be progression on offense. Like there's a world where the Bears don't make the playoffs, but they're a top 5 offense and our defense is so bad that I can almost like, I would be very upset, but I could deal with it. The world that would be an abject failure of this season is if the defense is bad and the offense is also bad. That would be a problem, a step back.

Now, how would you feel if we look back on this game and the defense gives up Oh, but, but you create 3 turnovers.

If we give up 400 yards to the Panthers offense, we're going to be in a lot of trouble. I, both sides are going to look and be like, it's, it's actually a, it's, it's kind of a game within a game. It's almost like the Jets and the Titans game where the Panthers offense is looking at the Bears defense like, we got to get them.

Yeah.

And the Bears defense is looking at the Panthers offense and be like, we, if we can't stop them, what else? Like what happens when we play some like explosive offenses?

Yeah. I'm just, I'm wondering because that to me might be one of the more frustrating positions to be in where you're not sure if your defense is good or not, or if you're just really lucky at creating turnovers.

Well, I will say, I do think there is some, like this used to happen with Lovie Smith teams where it's like, oh, the turnovers, turnovers. Like there is a way to coach it. I do think Al Harris does do that. Like, I think he's very, very good at coaching playing on the ball and getting the ball and taking the ball away. I do expect— I don't— I'm not like going into this season being like, oh, the defense might be good. I think the defense— I'm going into the season being like, the defense is not good. Just how not good is it? If that makes sense.

But this— I feel like you might be able to— if you get a lead in this game.

Yeah.

No, I think— I think the defense might look good.

I think we're gonna be a fun team in the fact that I think A lot of these games are going to have to probably be shootouts.

Yeah.

And so Caleb looking, taking that next step forward, Luther, Roma Dunze, Colson Lovin, who I think is going to be an absolute superstar. These are the things that need to happen. And it starts with, with this one. You got to do it. I mean, the Panthers, like, I don't think this is an easy game because the Panthers aren't as bad as they have been. And yeah, but I like, we started with this whole entire conversation. I'm excited that this is the game we start. That's a perfect time, team, everything. So it's not overlooking the Panthers. It's more just, I don't have to deal with any Panthers fans in my life.

So David Tepper, he addressed the media for the first time in a very long time and talked about expectations for the team and for its quarterback. He said, I'd like to see us string together 2 winning seasons together for the first time in this franchise's history. So that's this year and next year.

Wait, that's true.

That's success.

That can't be true. Is that true?

It sounded like something that's not true, but I thought back the Cam Newton era. They got to the playoffs at least once with a losing record.

They went 15-1. They fall off that bad the year after.

I think they got to the playoffs with at least it was .500 or maybe, maybe a losing record. Because Ron Rivera, I think he's the first team to ever get 2 different teams to the playoff with losing records.

Oh my God. It's true.

Yeah.

The best they did was they had 2005 when they went to the conference, NFC. They went 11-5. The next year they went 8-8.

Yep.

That's, that's crazy. I never realized that.

Pretty crazy, right?

Holy shit.

Yep.

And they're not even— yes, they're not even doing it this year. They can't even complete it.

They can't do it this year.

So they can't complete it.

No, that's even though they went to the playoffs last year.

Yeah.

They had— they have to do one winning season right now and then another winning season next year. Then they'll have 2 in a row.

Okay. So that's a high goal.

High goal.

Why didn't he just say, let's get a winning season, then we'll deal with next year?

Because he wants to. Or just like shoot for the moon.

So that is the confusing part because they went to the playoffs 3 years in a row. Yeah. They went 12-4, 7-8-1, 15-1. That's basically 2 winning seasons in a row.

It feels like more than— honestly, it feels like Yeah, kind of like a dynasty at that point.

Okay. Next game, we're going to the Bills at Texans. This will be main TV. Bills -1.5, Texans at the Texans, over-under 44.5. Josh Allen, it feels like Houston is a house of horrors for him.

He's never won in Houston.

And we've also had some like bad moments.

He—

remember last year he got absolutely smushed. That was the game that we did the case race and people People, Texans fans were very upset at us for that. Remember that?

Yeah, we were hammered.

We were so hammered. We got to do a case race again. Yeah, DeMeco Ryans' defense have given him problems.

I don't—

this is my I don't know game. I have no idea. I, I kind of lean the Bills, but I have no idea. Like maybe this is just—

We don't know what it's going to look like. We don't know what Brady's offense is necessarily going to look like in it. Excuse me, in its entirety with DJ Moore.

I don't know what—

I think it's gonna be good.

Jim Leonard's defense is gonna look like the aggressiveness, like they're not gonna be as maybe vanilla as Sean McDermott had it.

I think I would take the Texans just based on the fact that Josh Allen's been in hell when he's been in Houston, 0-3 in Houston. He did beat the Texans in 2021, 40 to nothing at home. And I believe this is a true stat. It's been 20 years since the Bills have won a game in Houston.

Wow.

Long time. I do like the Texans in this just because It feels a little bit disrespectful.

Yeah.

That the Bills would be favored on the road against a team that, that kind of beat the fuck out of them last year.

Yeah. I don't really— I guess maybe people are just like, we don't know what to expect from CJ Stroud. You know, Jayden Higgins got hurt. So now it's just Nico Collins. What's the— what's the Montgomery— like everyone knows the Texans defense is going to be there. They're fucking awesome.

Yeah.

There's dudes everywhere. They don't even have to Like, DeMeco Ryans doesn't have to do exotic shit. He just can be like, our guys are better than your guys.

Yeah. Will Anderson called it an AFC Championship preview. Oh, or an AFC Championship type game, I think is what he said.

Okay.

I need to figure out what CJ Stroud's doing with his thumbs and his eyes before games.

Yeah.

Is that a mental reset? Is that resetting the neurons? What is he— is that strictly just for eyes? I would like to know as well, because whatever he's doing, I'm like, I see somebody doing that. It looks like they they're onto something. I want to know what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you guys see also Sean McDermott doing a couple— we gotta have Sean McDermott on again now that I think he's been doing a little bit of media. But he said that part of what he's been doing since he got fired by the Bills is talking to people that were in the building and being like, what, what is the stuff that I never— that I didn't know? What's the stuff that never got elevated to me? Which that has to suck.

Yeah.

To just basically be like, what was everyone saying behind my back? That's the most That's got to suck.

I think that's the most fired football coach move.

Yeah, I respect that.

No, no, you have to do it.

I'm not saying that it's not the right— it's the 100% right thing to do to get your blind spots, figure them out.

He's doing it.

I'm just saying on himself to, to have to like go back and have people be like, yeah, we thought this when you did this. That's got to just— you're basically— that's torture. He's going to be better for it, but it's torture in the moment.

Now, if, if like He hits you up and you're on the Bills. That's got to be uncomfortable to be like, hey, here's honestly what people said about you.

Right? That's what I'm saying.

You think that people— you have to know somebody that would be honest and willing to share that.

That's what I'm saying. That's— that is— that has to be just not a fun—

there's always those people that want it, that want to feel like they want to let you know, though.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I guess my moment—

We should actually have him on and tell him what he did wrong. on our interviews with us, what we thought about him.

Yeah. How come you didn't bring up the 9/11 thing with us?

Yeah. Why didn't you talk about that?

Yeah, he's probably busy today putting together a PowerPoint or something.

Do you think anyone said to him like, hey man, the 9/11 thing was a little weird?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, no, I'm sorry.

I mean, maybe not. It didn't, it didn't come out until like years later.

Right.

Which would probably imply that it was somebody that was no longer in the building that I don't know, it feels like maybe That should be your sign as a head coach. If you make a 9/11 comparison in a positive manner and nobody checks you in that moment, you're surrounded by yes-men.

Yeah. But also, Hank, he kind of got the backlash for that. Do you think that like some— if you ask someone like, give me the honest truth, they're probably like, well, he already knows about the 9/11 thing. They're probably not going to say it again. Right.

It gets thrown in there like, yeah. And the 9/11 thing.

Oh, it's like a— Da da da.

Like, yeah. Oh yeah.

And that whole like 9/11 thing, that was weird.

Some people did some things is what you're saying.

Yeah.

Yeah. OK, before we get to afternoon slate, Twisted Tea. We love Twisted Tea. Football season is back. It's the moment we've all been waiting for. Football season is back in full swing, which means we'll be posted up with an ice cold tea until further notice. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea, 5% alcohol. The Twisted Tea Party Pack has a little something for everyone. With original, half and half, raspberry, and peach. It's got the refreshing taste with a little kick, no carbonation, and goes down smooth, making it the perfect drink to keep the good times going at the tailgate all day and all football season long. Whether you're tailgating at the stadium, crushing teas in your man cave, or grilling out with your friends, Twisted Tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time a great time. We love the half and half, the original. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep it twisted with Twisted Tea. Okay. Afternoon, boys. Dolphins-Raiders. Raiders -3, over-under 40.5. Clint Kubiak's already kind of pissing me off.

In what way?

Well, the whole Brock Bowers thing. That was crazy.

That, that is weird. The report that came out yesterday being like, he's— Brock Bowers needs a little trim, a little trimmy of his meniscus.

They treated it—

no big deal.

They treated his knee like it was a sideburn.

I said it was a haircut. He described it like it's not a big deal, just needs to take a little off the top.

Right. So yeah, Clint Kubiak did a press conference, said that everyone's ready to go. They asked specifically about Max Crosby and Brock Boesky. He's like, he's good to go. Hour later, oh yeah, actually he had a little minor surgery. He's not good to go. That pisses me off.

It was just a little cleanup though. That's the thing. It's no big deal. And he should be back. He shouldn't miss more than like a few, maybe 4. Yeah, maybe 5 weeks. Why is everybody freaking out?

Why is everyone freaking out?

It's not a big deal. Stop saying it's a big deal. It is kind of a dirty move to pull.

Yeah.

I don't want to make like gambling seem like it's the end of the road, but the league—

fantasy.

Yeah, fantasy. The league does have a shitload of gambling sponsors and they're like, hey, sign up for this, sign up for that. And then they have an injury report that's supposed to be legit.

Yes.

And then it seems like this is certainly something they knew about.

Yeah.

Did you guys know a fun little fact about the Miami Dolphins? They're the only team in recorded history to have more— they're paying players more that are not on the roster than players on the active roster.

And it's mostly Tua.

Tua.

Yeah.

Tua, Tyreek Hill. I think, I think there's some Minkah Fitzpatrick in there.

there.

What is Tua, like $54 mil?

Yeah, $54 mil. Yeah, there's a lot.

There's a lot.

So $183 million going to dead cap players that are not on the active roster, $104 on the roster.

What would you guess since 1999, these teams have played a bunch. They played 16 times since 1999. What would you guess The record is between the two of them.

16 times?

They played 16 times.

Since when?

Since 1999.

How could I make— how could I tell you the stat where both teams somehow have a losing record?

It's actually not. One team's been dominant.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

All right.

I was surprised.

Uh, the Dolphins.

Dolphins fucking own them.

Yeah.

13-3 against the Raiders.

Wow.

I'm going to, I'm going to guess that's probably their best record against any team in the NFL in that time span.

That's crazy.

I do think, I know everyone's saying that the Dolphins, the roster is not looking good.

Well, it's young.

At all.

They have in their secondary starting, they have a combined 17 NFL starts total. And 11 of the 17 are from one guy, JuJu Brown.

But I think, I think being young in this situation is actually not the worst thing. I think you're going to find some guys that can play and also they don't have any bad memories of all the dumb shit that that organization has done in the past.

Yeah. I mean, it's better than just keep doing the same thing over and over and, and not getting anywhere. Yeah. So yeah, I agree with that.

And I don't know if it's just the, the coaching that he had last year, but I'm kind of high on Malik Willis just over, certainly over where he was a couple of years ago.

Yeah.

But like, I don't think he's a bad quarterback at all.

No, I agree. Not having the same talent around him that he had on the Packers, we'll see what that looks like. But I agree. I mean, he was, he was dynamic when he came in for the Packers.

Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know what the, the offense is going to look like in Miami, but if it's anything like the Packers offense, I think it's a good fit for him.

Look, and if you want to, if you want to know how far Malik Willis has come, remember 2 years ago when he played, I think he had to start like what was like week 2 or 3 and you're like, Better bet against Malik Willis no matter what. He's come this far.

Yeah, true. Yeah, he's won me over.

Yeah. By the way, I missed a game in the early slate, but you're going to love, Hank, that I missed a game. The Browns at the Jaguars.

That's early. Okay.

Yeah. So we could talk about that right now.

Yeah.

Browns and Jaguars. Jaguars -8.5, over-under 39.5. Not to, not to toot my own horn, but in terms of predictions, Looking good right away. My least improved player, Deshaun Watson, got arrested for or got stopped for speeding. He's somehow becoming a worse person. So that's a pretty good start.

Son of a bitch.

I think he was going like 20 miles. It wasn't that bad.

It was 86 in a 60.

He was going—

You've definitely gone 80. You may have gone 86 in a 60 today.

Okay.

So Max is Deshaun Watson defender.

Yeah.

Wow.

Got it.

Wow.

86 and a 60 is not that bad.

I haven't seen you this fired up about it in a long time.

Okay.

Well, you were just trying to do victory laps on Tua. No, no, no. I said— And then I saw it and I was like, this is nothing.

Through 2, like, least improved player. And that's a hard thing to do because he's really, really bad in a bad person.

That's a big improvement from rub and tugs.

No, no, but that's my point.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who's saying he stopped doing that?

I don't think that this is behavior. This, he was not leaving a rub and tug. You're not driving 20 miles an hour.

You know, he's going to one.

He's stressed.

You know, he's going to one.

What if he's going to practice and he can't wait to get there?

I'm just saying he, he could end up being like, if he just starts picking up—

It's an improvement from Myles Garrett.

Tickets left and right. He's just a worse person.

Myles Garrett is a, he's a fast driver. But again, I think that goes back. I don't, you should never drive over the speed limit. I think having a defensive lineman going fast is one thing. Having the quarterback going fast, that's another.

Mm-hmm.

You got to take that position by position.

186 in a 60. It was school zone.

No, it was not.

Was that LeBron's school that doesn't exist?

The school right next to the highway.

You guys, I remember I saw your tweet. I was like, holy shit, what did Deshaun Watson do? And then the more I read it, I was like, there's got to be more.

I'm not saying it's crazy. I'm just saying that he, like, 24 hours later, he's just adding another thing. He's not a good guy. Maybe starting to think he might not be a good guy.

So you're saying if you go 86 in a 60, you're a bad guy?

I didn't say that. I said I'm starting to think he's not a good guy.

They say he's a bad guy.

I mean, he is a bad guy.

I'm gonna start keeping track of all driving infractions.

Okay.

I did.

He is a bad guy.

Bad guy. This isn't a good example of that.

No, but it's It's when you have the other stuff you added on, regular citizen going 86 and 60.

It's like, it's like this is the final straw.

Yeah, right.

I put up with a lot, Deshaun.

Yeah.

And you know, the small stuff adds up too.

Correct. Correct.

I think the Jaguars are not getting any respect or talked about a lot. I think they're going to be really good this year. They could win the South. I think Trevor Lawrence is going to like— it's going to keep going forward. Also, if you saw, if you're a conspiracy theorist, the Super Bowl graphic, Trevor Lawrence was closest to the Super Bowl, to the color of the green type thing. Yeah.

Yeah.

This is so— these 2 teams, you might not remember too much about the Jaguars and the Browns playing against each other, but that is the Bottlegate game.

Yeah.

From 2001. It was the Jaguars. They won 15 to 10. And Every Browns fan threw thousands of plastic bottles onto the field. And that's why—

scumbags—

that's why at NFL games, we're not allowed to have the bottle caps on our bottles anymore.

Animals did it again. Hank just did it again. What was that look?

He stared at you.

I looked over. You were talking.

What do you mean I was talking? I was not talking. You just like in the middle of when they were saying, you just looked over so slowly and gave me the most menacing look. Why did you do that?

We have to get menacing.

I laughed so hard watching that clip again where Max is like, I'm not gonna fucking back down.

We gotta get the divider. You guys aren't allowed to look at each other during the show.

I just don't know why.

We need to put a cone on, on Hank.

It's bad. Yeah.

Why did you do that, Hank? Show me the look.

What was it about the, the bottle story that told you this is a good time?

This is crazy that I have to do like the— like Max is, Max is just not locked in. And you were talking, you were saying something when I looked over.

Me talking about going 100.

Going 100 miles an hour.

I like to go fast.

Okay.

Sometimes PFT says something that makes me laugh and I look over to see if I'm like-minded. And PFT was like, oh, everyone remembers the Bottlegate game from 2001. And I was like, well, we're not 100 years old. So I looked over to see if Max was thinking the same thing. And then he was like, You gave me the meanest look of all time.

It's like, all right, no, you guys gotta lock in.

Yeah, we gotta lock in.

We gotta lock in.

The Bottlegate game is actually— it's, it's a big moment.

No, I know nothing about it.

It's in American history. No, because Max, you're not allowed to have bottles.

Just the way you said it was funny, where you're like, oh, everyone remembers the Bottlegate.

Yeah, you've always wondered how come they won't give me the tops on my fucking bottle when I get out of the concession stand.

Yeah, scumbag Cleveland pieces of shit.

It's because of a Browns-Jaguars game from 25 years ago. That's why.

I'm just— yeah, yeah, no, you're right. That's on me.

Lock in.

But also lock in, lock in.

If that happened in Philly, they would have built statues of the people throwing the bottles. That's, that's where my head's at.

Yeah, that makes no sense.

Yeah, they continue. They would have been throwing them at kids.

Yeah.

Or Santa.

Hmm.

That would have made more sense.

Throwing them at kids?

No, of PFT saying, oh, if you knew that was in Philly, they would have been— but to make statues, what does that mean?

I said if that happened in Philly, they would have, they would have applauded it. Like, hey, look at us. We made the rule.

No, actually, that's that. I'm going to side with Max. That's very wrong, PFT, because they only make statues of fictional characters.

That's true.

Yeah.

So this actually happened.

Yeah.

It's a metaphor. So if this happened in Draft Day, the movie, and then they make a statue of all the fans throwing bottles.

This is rivalry week between you two. It's got to, got to amp it up.

Grudge match.

Got to amp it up.

It's too early for this. It's too early for rivalry.

Bet you wish you were playing the Panthers at noon. Max is going to stay nice and calm.

I would love to be playing.

I can't wait to see how calm you are on Sunday.

I'm not going to be calm. I never said I was going to be calm.

Okay, back to the afternoon. Sorry for that brief Jaguars-Browns. Got a little heated there. Packers at Vikings. Vikings -1.5. Over-under is 46.5. What do you guys think? Kyler Murray, do we think he's going to be— this is it for Kyler, right?

Yeah.

Like, he's got to be good.

I mean, to unpack the analogy a little bit more. Some people are foster parents for dogs. Some people are adoptive forever homes for dogs. And I think that the Vikings— I think KOC is good at taking dogs, rehoming them. Might have grown up in a bad environment, quarterbacks that might have had a bad experience, teaching them, hey, this is how you go to the bathroom in the house. This is how we eat calmly. This is where we sleep at night in our crate. This is how we walk on a leash. Teaches them how to be good quarterbacks. So the next place that they go, they're awesome.

Yeah.

I don't know that he's great at selecting his own purebred quarterback, right? Like he did with JJ. I think that this is a great spot. It's good. It's a perfect spot for Kyler Murray. I don't know that it's a perfect spot for the Vikings to be in.

Yeah.

But I think that he's going to get the absolute best out of Kyler Murray that he possibly can at this point, which I think should be good enough to be a pretty good team this year. Yeah.

I mean, listen, you also like there's 2 parts of the game or 2 sides of the ball. Like Brian Flores against the Packers offensive line that is maybe going to be the weaker part of their team. That will be interesting. Who's going to step up and be the Packers like best receiver? Is it going to be Matthew Golden? Is it going to be Christian Watson? I don't know. Josh Jacobs isn't playing. So this might be a good time to get him, you know, like this might be the time. Tucker Kraft is, is, is back. Micah Parsons is not going to be back for another 4 weeks. Like this is the time.

Yeah.

If you're Kyler Murray and this Vikings team to play the Packers.

Harrison Smith back.

Harrison Smith back year 15.

Yeah. He just decided, I think that it was a plan all along. He's like, I don't want to do training camp and preseason.

Yeah.

I'll just come back.

Yeah.

He's probably earned that at this point.

Hmm. Okay. What do we got? Anything else in this game? Overs 21-4 for the Packers when played as— I don't like that stat. Cancel that stat. Matt LaFleur, 17-4 against the spread first 3 games of the season. That's a good stat. Comes out strong. This is going to be a good game.

Very good game.

Yeah. And Kyler's going to look so small.

Yeah.

Tiny, tiny, tiny Kyler.

I went back to how we reacted when we first saw Kirk Cousins in the Vikings uniform. We thought he looked small in the Vikings uniforms. Kyler is going to look itty-bitty. He's going to look so cute.

He's going to look so cute.

I would love to see Kyler wearing a guardian cap. Big purple helmet, tiny little purple uniform. It'd be adorable.

Yeah.

What do you think, Hank?

I think it'll be, I think it'll be cute. I think he's going to be good.

I think he's going to be good-ish. I think, which could be good enough.

Yeah. That's kind of where I'm at.

Good-ish could be good enough for, for this Vikings team.

Is there any, um, oh, when GTA comes out though, This, that's when you, that's when you flip on the Vikings.

Yeah.

I feel like Kyler is going to be—

well, it's never coming out.

Is he a GTA guy? He's got to be, right? Like a gamer of his level, no matter what he likes to play, he has to—

everyone's a GTA guy.

Give yourself 2 weeks for GTA unless you like playing video games that are out.

Yeah, but everyone, everyone that— yeah, everyone played GTA in their life.

When's it coming out?

They got pushed again.

Yeah, they pushed it again.

Again? Wait, was that a recent push?

Recent push.

How recent?

They got guys who used to work on the dev team coming out and being like, hey, it's not coming out when you think it is. They also had a guy like holding the game for ransom. Did you hear about that?

Yeah, that was kind of wild.

Do you think there is anyone on— is it a situation where we're getting close enough that there could be a kid whose like parent worked on the— on it? And now the kid is like old enough to work on it? It's like, how long has it been?

GTA 5. It's been more than, more than like a decade.

Okay.

So maybe so.

Yeah, we're getting kind of close.

And there's like no incentive for them to really even drop it because every year is GTA's highest grossing year. Yeah.

Since launch, which is crazy.

Unreal.

Yeah. I feel like whenever that comes out, pencil Kyler in for a, for a down week.

Yeah, I'd agree. Okay. Before we get to Commanders-Eagles. We've got a special delivery from King's Hawaiian. Chef Greg here.

Here we go.

Greg, thank you. What do you got for us here? Talk into the mic and tell me. You're talking to Hank's mic. Yeah, Hank's mic. I'll take this. So what I just handed you is, uh, our take on a Chicago Italian beef, number 34.

Love it.

A little bit of sweet Italian for Walter. Sweetness Payton.

And then—

Love that.

For the Commanders.

Yeah, hog slider. You got 5 Pork deli meats for the linemen that did Joe Gibbs proud.

Love it.

A lot of—

thank you, Chef Greg.

He said 5 different pork deli meats, uh, for the hogs. We're eating major tutty today.

And I got a lobster—

I got lobster rolls.

You got lobster rolls? All right, these are incredible. So King's Hawaiian is making the claim that they are the best slider in football, but Eli isn't buying it. In fact, he's settling, uh, setting out on a full-blown mission. To prove that he is the real best slider in the sport. No matter how hard he tries, Eli can't outrun the undeniable truth. King's Hawaiian will always be the best slider in football, whether it's at the stadium, the tailgate, or at home. No football-watching experience is complete without King's Hawaiian sliders. Chef Greg hooked us up here. King's Hawaiian sliders are undefeated on game day. For more information about King's Hawaiian products and details on where to purchase them, visit www.kingshawaiian.com. These are incredible.

This is the best lobster roll I've ever had.

Just hit it again, Chef Greg.

This is really good.

I got roast pork sliders back here with broccoli rabe and some sharp provolone.

Really good.

This is absolutely delicious.

This beef is so good.

I love any, any deli sandwich that's got all the Italian meats on it. This has all of them and nice little hibiscus flowers on the side here.

You know what this is? So good. You think what I'm thinking? This is out of bounds.

It's out of bounds.

Out of bounds.

I know an Italian that would love yours, PFT.

Yes.

Who?

It relates to this game. Yeah.

Big Dom.

Mm-hmm.

All right. Well, thank you to King's Hawaiian. Incredible sponsor. We're gonna be doing more stuff with them all football season. Go get them today. They're the best, the absolute best. And get some sliders. Chef Greg makes us some incredible sliders.

Okay.

Game of the week, Commanders versus Eagles. Boys, how are you feeling? Are we feeling good?

I'm feeling great about it. I can't wait to watch my favorite team play football on Sunday. Commanders fans are going to take over the Hard Rock in Philadelphia again. We got to.

Hell yeah.

You got to, you got to storm in and take that shit over.

That worked well the last time.

You got to take it. Well, there were some fumbles.

Yeah. There was a fumble. If you change everything.

3 fumbles. Take over the Hard Rock and then stop fumbling. That's my, Those are my 2 big keys to the game.

What, what are—

all right.

So I'll start with you, PFT. What are you expecting in terms of this game? Like, if you don't win, what are you looking for?

I'm looking for everybody to be healthy and I'm looking for it to be a competitive game.

Okay.

That's what I'm looking for. Really, it's— we don't know what to expect out of either offense because we don't— Mannion and Blough. Yeah. It's like, who's— we can expect these guys to be going head to head for the next 20, 30 years. And this is just going to kind of set the tone for it.

Yeah, I agree. Max, you—

I'm going to say right now, I'm not going to overreact to anything on Sunday, but I will overreact big time if they lose this game, especially if the offense looks bad.

Okay.

If they lose and like the defense doesn't look great and the offense looks really good, I would be better with that loss because it's like, OK, I think the defense— like, there's enough talent on the defense. Vic Fangio has been— has earned our trust. Like, they'll figure it out. If the offense comes out and looks at— looks like it did against, you know, maybe the Bears game last year, that'll be a huge red flag and I will be overreacting.

OK, what do you think? Is there any distraction in this game because of that rat snitch Emmanuel Achiuwa? Who again, we, the Giants are the team.

I thought we're going to do the Giants preview later.

Yeah, that's true.

Any— no, we're focused on football.

The NFL is investigating Big Dom.

Emmanuel Acho is an absolute loser who goes to the teacher at the end of class and be like, hey, you didn't give us any homework. Like, sorry. He allegedly, if this is all true, he's probably lying anyway. And it's probably not even Big Dom. But why would you be mad about a guy who helped you out? Yeah, I think it makes no fucking sense. Why would you rat out a guy who helped you out?

Max, I'm gonna just give you— allegedly, if that's true, I'm giving you some advice. The line from you should just be, he's a liar.

Yeah, he's a liar.

He's a liar because he is a liar.

There you go.

And it's also a fucking fender bender. Like, who gives a—

See, now you keep talking.

Liar.

As your attorney, if I was your lawyer, I'd punch you in the face right now.

Oh yeah, just shut up. I'd put you in a Hannibal Lecter mask.

His lawyer.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up Friday.

And he's a liar.

My fender bender is not the issue.

Oh, what's the issue?

What's the issue, Hank?

Something—

falsifying police reports.

Sounds like you're siding with Emmanuel Acho.

Yeah.

Sounds like you're a loser.

Are you a loser? No, I believe, I believe, I believe Emmanuel Acho is a liar.

I'm just pointing out, like Max saying, it's a fender bender. Who cares if it were true, which I don't think it is? I think Big Dom's a stand-up guy.

Also, I don't think Emmanuel Acho was ever good enough for team security to step in and falsify a police report for you. If you have that position, you save that for people that actually contribute to winning.

Mm-hmm.

Emmanuel Acho, he just wants his— he's the worst. He just wants people to start keep talking about fucking Emmanuel Acho.

Yeah.

And we're not going to talk at all about fucking Emmanuel Acho. Never.

Yeah. And it never even happened.

Right. And he's a liar.

And he's a liar.

And if it did happen, it's a fender bender.

No, it didn't even happen. I don't even know why I entertained the idea if it did happen, but didn't happen.

Right.

Okay. So realistically, I am looking for the offense to look good. I think that it might look really good. I think Jayden Daniels, he's as healthy as he's been since the start of last season. And he did have a few good games last year when he was healthy. I think that he's going to remind a lot of people who he is. Yeah, that's what I think. I think the bad man might be back. I think that he probably doesn't even have the internet. So I don't know that he's even experienced what the last couple of weeks have been like with people making fun.

Why does he have the internet?

He seems like a guy that just doesn't go online.

You think his mom says no screens in the house?

I think she has the internet for him.

That's pretty good.

I think, I think that, I think that he tries to log on and she's on the phone.

Yeah.

And, and she's like, sorry, Jayden, you can't phone.

I'm talking.

What's the deal with the offensive line? How's that situation looking?

Great question, Max. Thanks for asking that question. It's a fine offensive line. This, all this shit, I got so triggered yesterday.

It's a final.

That's why these motherfuckers at NFL.com— and you're not supposed to get upset about, about power rankings. Yeah, I got very upset about power rankings. They had the fucking Commanders second to last in the NFL because of one tweet about one bad practice that Hank amplified on a national sports podcast. It was one bad practice.

You made this story.

And Hank, I told you at the time, and, and you didn't clarify your report It was just about all backup.

Not my report.

It's your fault, Hank.

No, you reported on the podcast. Therefore, it becomes your report.

I read the tweet as was written.

Minus context.

I read the tweet as was written.

You omitted the context that it was a backup offensive line featuring even some third stringers.

That should have been said in the tweet and I would have read that.

I tried to inform you of the context. Hank declined to apply the context to me.

So on the podcast, the context was there. So the people writing this report heard the context.

But Hank, you know how many Hank stans there are out there? They only listen to what you say.

Yeah. Hank, you did this.

So you're saying the people at NFL.com heard the report only on this podcast?

Yes.

And ignored the context that you provided?

Yes.

And it's my fault for reading a tweet as written?

Yes. You are the media. You have a bigger responsibility than that. Like there's a lot of people out there that listen to this.

I'm not a journalist.

Well, I think some people would disagree with that.

Who?

The people at NFL.com that use you as a source.

You seem like a journalist.

The entire explanation for ranking them 31st was because of a bad practice.

Yeah.

That was that huge spread.

That Hank spread that then was followed up by a bad preseason game. Not even talking about a regular season. We're talking about a preseason game. In that game, 40 of the best players didn't even play. And that's the reason why the Commanders are the 2nd worst team in the NFL. I think that they're, they're going to surprise some people. I think the offense is going to be back and really, really good. I think that the defense might confuse some people because we've got a new defensive coordinator that seems like the new Exotica King. You're going to have, here's my prediction. You're going to have guys coming from directions that you didn't think guys could come from. Oh, like he is going to load up that box. It's going to be crazy.

They're coming from everywhere.

Where are they coming from?

All different.

Left, right, middle.

Every time you turn your head, there's a guy coming and it's going to be— you're going to say, please stop. Yeah, I need to stop. Timeout. Too many guys are coming at me.

So you're telling me on Sunday I'm going to be like, these guys got to stop coming?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're going to take off your glasses because they're going to come then.

So I'm going to be watching this game and be like, these guys are coming everywhere.

I'm drowning.

I'm drowning in come. No, no, no, no, no. Guys, you're drowning in guys.

I'm talking about blitzes.

Blitzes.

I'm talking about sending guys from different angles, right? Getting in the box, sticking your nose in.

They're going to come from behind. They're going to come from in front.

Penetration.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Penetration like you've never imagined.

Jalen Hurts turns his back. Oh, the guy's going to come from behind.

Yeah.

That's it. That's it.

He shows his ass. Guy coming.

I do think that there's going to be a lot of guys coming. I do. Yeah. Because Durante Jones, he seems like maybe the next iteration of Dr. Heat. maybe even a mad scientist type defensive coordinator.

Yeah.

So I'm looking forward to what he's going to do with that because this is a defense that is not going to be one of the best in the league, but maybe we can thrive on turnovers and guys coming and guys coming from directions that you don't expect.

If you lead the league in guys coming, you will definitely, you'll at least, you'll at least announce your presence.

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to, it's hard to ignore that.

Yeah.

Right.

So yeah, I do think that the defense won't be as good as the offense, but I think it could be serviceable. And it's like the— it's a hallmark of a coach that's really desperate to change something up, switching from like a 4-3 to a 3-4 because they did a whole offseason of study and you realize you might get more turnovers.

Yeah.

In a 3-4, we've heard a lot of football guys kind of go down that road before. And that's kind of what Dan Quinn's trying to do with the defense this year. It was terrible. Historically bad last year. I think if we had an average defense last year and Jayden was healthy, it would have been a perfectly average team. Instead, it was the doomsday scenario, which I don't think that we're going to get 2 years in a row. And I think Jayden's healthy and I think he's going to remind a lot of people that the bad man's still here. And also a little fun stat.

He's the bad man?

The bad man.

Okay.

In this, in this monologue that I'm giving, trying to pump myself up for the season, he's, he's a bad man. The last time we had a rematch, a Super Bowl rematch in week 1, Dan Quinn took a team to the Super Bowl as a head coach.

Oh, and we have a Super Bowl rematch because that already happened.

Because that already happened.

Right.

So if that, if that holds, if that pattern holds, then yeah, look for the Commanders in the Super Bowl this year. Don't ask what happened in the Super Bowl.

Right.

But still.

But still, he got there. So that's, that's where I'm at.

Now, I'm excited to watch with you guys.

In reality, the Eagles are probably going to win 35 to 10.

No, don't say that.

That's just kind of what happens. And the Eagles, Jalen Hurts especially, great week 1 quarterback.

Eagles are a good week 1 team. But we got to see. It's brand new offense. Could take a little bit to, you know, get situated.

Yeah. Yeah.

I couldn't think of the right word, but whatever.

It's fine.

That was close enough.

The Penn State all-time leading rusher is going up against Saquon Barkley this weekend. Pretty cool.

That is pretty cool. Yeah, that's correct. Yeah. All right. Last Sunday afternoon game, Cardinals and Chargers. All I got for this is Jim Harbaugh's quote, which was so fucking awesome. He said, it's September. It's time to play our first game. And I support no cause, foreign or domestic, other than the greatness of The Los Angeles Chargers.

Yep. That is— yes, that is Harbaugh's annual quote that he's given, probably going back to when he was in San Diego.

Yep.

But he, he looks at a football team as a sovereign country, as a nation of its own, and he is their leader. And he takes an annual oath of office every summer before it starts. I was talking to Sam Schwartzstein about this a while ago. That's like his favorite thing to say. Yeah. Is foreign and domestic.

Yes.

This is a must-win for the Chargers.

Do we all agree?

You got to win this game.

Yep.

Yes.

Have to win this game.

Yep.

Have to win this game. I'm excited to see Mike McDaniel, how that looks with Justin Herbert and that offense. Jim Harbaugh did say that Mike Patino reminds him of a young Jimmy Harbaugh.

How about that?

Yeah.

He carries around a pencil when he's around McDaniel.

Yeah.

Just to write down his quotes.

Yeah.

And then they followed up and asked, did you ever dress like Mike Patino?

You know, he said no.

I think that's probably fair to say.

I love that.

Absolutely fair to say. Jeremiah Love's RB2, which I don't think matters. I think Michael Ford even said like, don't even look into that. I think he's going to— I think there— it seems like the Cardinals are going to try to use Jeremiah Love a good amount, but not too much. Because why would you waste him in a year that probably is not going to end up in the playoffs?

Mm-hmm.

So get him ready, get him going, but don't, Don't have him be like a 250-carry guy.

Yeah, this is— it is though a must-win for the Chargers.

100%.

Without a doubt. You have to win this game. I asked Blutman, Liam Blutman, if he had any fun facts about any players because he just remembers everything that's ever been said about any player on any college broadcast ever. In this game, he said, Dion Henley's dad is Eugene Big U Henley, who was the leader of the Rolling Sixties Crips. in Los Angeles.

That's pretty cool.

So that's pretty cool. That's his fun fact of the day.

That is very cool. All right. Should we do Sunday Night Football and then we'll do some picks? So Sunday Night Football, Cowboys at Giants, Giants +3, over-under 48.5. This is Hungry Dog, you said?

Mm-hmm.

Dak does own the Giants, it feels like, doesn't it? He's— I saw the stat. This is actually the 13th time that the Cowboys will begin a game again the season With the Giants, they are 11-1 in the previous 12 games. And Dak, in his career against NFC East foes, is 37-10 straight up. So he's good against all the NFC East.

He is. Yeah. Do you know, do you know how long it's been since the Giants have scored a touchdown in a Week 1 game?

Hmm.

3 years.

It's been 4 years.

4 years.

It's been 4 years.

Damn.

So 2022, I guess 4 years as of right now, but just, it would be just barely over 4 years if and when they do score their first touchdown.

Okay. So we're looking for a Giants touchdown.

We're going to get one. We're definitely going to get one this week.

OBJ.

Yeah.

The catch rematch.

He looks great.

How many times are they going to show that catch?

At least once. Has to be. I was in the car for that.

For that catch.

I don't remember where I was going, but I was listening to it on radio.

How did they describe it?

They were just like, oh my God, I can't believe he caught it.

It's pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was pretty much it. I just remember like them getting home and being like, oh shit, that was a sick catch.

If that catch happened right now, how, how much attention do you think it would get?

A lot.

A lot.

The same amount?

Yeah.

As it did before?

I don't remember. Does that catch Was it incomplete?

No, it was, it was, it was an and one. Yeah, it was an and one. Yeah. I'm just thinking that because we've gotten kind of desensitized to one-handed catches and there's been a lot of, yeah, like really incredible catches. That catch, we talked about that catch for like a week nonstop.

I think it was, yeah, it was the number one topic.

Well, Sunday Night Football. That was why I feel like, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Should we do our picks? And we also have to do our parlay, right? So DraftKings, DraftKings, the wait is over. Football's here. No, and so is DraftKings. DraftKings Sports app is now live in all 50 states. That means from Texas to California to Florida, every fan is in on the excitement. And this September, DraftKings is giving customers the opportunity to get boosted every football game day. That's right, every game day all month long. DraftKings customers can get a football profit boost. One app, every sport, all 50 states. New DraftKings customers sign up with code TAKE Spend just $5 and get $200 in total rewards within 21 days. Includes all markets. That's code TAKE in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours.

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Touchdown parlay. Let's do that first. So me, Hank, PFT. If someone doesn't get it, they're subbed out and Max is subbed in.

Hank?

I, I was going to take Jeremiah Love until you just talked about it. And now I'm, I'm scared. I'm going to go DeVonta Smith.

Okay. DeVonta Smith.

PFT. I'm going to go Aaron Jones.

Aaron Jones.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm— you guys want to get— you want to get a little crazy or no?

Do you want to get—

do you want to get a little crazy?

Get a little crazy.

All right. It's not that crazy. With Brock Bowers out, I'm gonna go Michael Mayer.

Okay.

Yeah.

So those are all afternoon. Wait, do we have a night game? Shit. We don't have a Sunday night.

$10 pays $242.76 for that parlay. Whoa, whoa.

Should we do our picks? What are we gonna do for punishment? Do we have any ideas? We can always decide a little bit later. We could always run back, drive to LA.

Drive to LA was kind of fun last time.

Yeah, we could also—

for the night in Memphis, that was bad.

We could also rollerblade to San Diego.

That was my idea.

Oh, mine was also something with rollerblading. Okay, just rollerblade week.

Only roller.

Get around on blades.

Yeah.

Oh, man, that sounds kind of cool.

I said to memes that for the next— for the entire offseason, the loser has to mukbang every time they get fast food. Make a video of yourself mukbanging.

What is mukbanging again?

It's literally just eating a meal and then describing what you're eating.

And you place it out in front of you. You've seen them.

You put it in front of you and you're like, I'm going to eat the fries now. These are fries from McDonald's. That's crispy fries.

Got it.

Wow.

Shock o'clock.

So every time you get fast food, got to make a video.

Okay.

What about a bobblehead week? You just wear a helmet and a Guardian cap all week.

I like that.

Not a bad idea.

I thought of a chain-together scavenger hunt. Oh, so second place and last place goes on. We— the 4 winners give clues to people. Let's say Jerry O'Connell. You have to find Jerry O'Connell in L.A. He has a key. He gives you the key and a clue to the next key. And then so on and so forth.

I was thinking, what about who, you know, depending on who it is, they have to and maybe like even get like prosthetic makeup to a celebrity that they look the most like and then go walk around the Hollywood Walk of Fame for like 3 hours. And take pictures with people.

OK. OK. What about losers or loser in second place has to fix Jerry O'Connell's driveway?

That's not a bad— I was going to say, get the actual—

like, you have to get cement and like mix it.

I was going to say loser just has to stay at Jerry O'Connell's house, but also fix his driveway.

Yeah.

I feel like fixing the driveway.

Oh, it's doable.

It's definitely already fixed.

Okay, then maybe you have to break it.

You have to break it and then fix it and then refix it. Yeah, I like that.

Okay.

The second place person gets to— has to break it. The last place person has to fix it.

What about the second? What about the last place person has to fix Jerry O'Connell's driveway while the second place person has to swim consecutively, can't put their feet on the bottom of his pool? I would much over Tread water.

I would, I would die.

Yeah.

Tread water.

That'd be hours.

Yeah.

Water.

No, I don't think that's possible.

I kind of like the idea of maybe a sleepover and fixing.

Don't sleep over.

Dom just said drive the O.J. pursuit, drive the O.J. pursuit route in Vanny, same speed.

That's just driving, isn't it?

Yeah, but that's going pretty slow.

If the Broncos are in the Super Bowl, then maybe.

Yeah.

I don't like that.

Did Dom have to mansplain something to you?

He was like, can I explain why I said that? I said no. And then he—

And being the shut the fuck up bitch.

And then he just proceeded to explain it while I was standing there.

And I was like, I thought it was pretty good.

I don't know how to explain it.

It was like Hank was being a bitch and I wanted to tell him to shut up.

Oh, okay. Oh, by the way, breaking news. Breaking news. I can report that that was the first zoo Jared Goff had been to as an adult. He said over 20 years. Crazy. So that was why he was just like, whoa, this is crazy.

That is kind of animals everywhere.

Said it rocked, though. Said it was awesome time. He said it was a good zoo.

Let that be a lesson. Zoos are for adults too.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Like, you probably have a pretty big gap in going to a zoo between being a kid and maybe having a kid that it's like, I didn't go to a zoo.

I've been to one zoo as an adult.

Was it fun?

Great time.

Yeah, zoos are awesome.

You wanna know where it was?

Where?

California.

San Diego. San Well, okay, so you didn't— you buried the lead there. I specifically said San Diego Zoo.

Take that out.

You live like a half mile from the Chicago Zoo.

Never been. Actually, I've walked—

I've—

yeah, I've never gone inside of the grounds of it. I've seen some of the animals walking through the park, though.

You've stalked the perimeter?

Yeah. If you walk around the perimeter, you can see some of them.

So you're like, oh, I'm getting some free looks at these animals, even though the zoo itself is free.

Well, I just haven't like gone through the effort of going into the—

Yeah, because that's how they get you.

Yeah.

Once you get inside, then nothing is ever free.

See the popcorn?

True.

Do they have all that too?

Yeah.

Popcorn, pretzels, everything.

Salt pretzels?

Yeah. Really good ones.

Airbrushed t-shirts.

Really good. A little choo-choo train that you get to drive around.

Aren't as big here as back in—

whatever.

It's fine.

Okay. Some also additional clarification on the Falcons-Steelers game. Tua has hurt his back.

Oh no.

So there was a report that he grabbed his back and then sat down on the grass at practice. Doesn't sound good. Cooper Rush, I think, took every snap of the ones. So we might get Cooper Rush against the Steelers this weekend. And if so, maybe a good move by Tua.

Yeah.

After being, you know, threatened with his job.

He's like, fine, I won't play.

For a bad performance. He's like, fine, maybe Maybe I'm just hurt.

Yeah.

And so fuck you, pay me.

Smart move. Yep. All right, picks. Everyone's got to pick a spread and an over-under. 2 picks a side. Let's start with memes. So we'll just go in order from that way.

Memes.

I will go with the Pittsburgh Steelers -3.5.

That feels like that was a layup for you with the Tua news, although I think you'd rather have Tua start.

Yeah, for sure.

If you bet Steelers, you'd rather have Tua start.

Yep.

No?

Yep. That's what I was thinking.

Yeah.

Now Cooper Rush stinks too.

He had that one game, dude. Watermelon game. That was the watermelon.

It was 10 years ago.

It was not 10 years ago.

Yeah.

No, Cooper Rush doesn't just stink.

Blatantly was not 10 years ago.

8 years ago?

I don't know how many years ago it was. Don't ask me about the years.

All right, Max.

I'm going with the Jets plus 1.5.

Jets plus 1.5. Okay.

I'm going to go with the Ravens minus 3.5.

Okay. PFT. I am going to go with— I'm going to go with the Houston Texans plus 1.5.

I'm going to take—

is it—

what's the line right now on— I'm seeing conflicting lines. I want to make sure I'm exactly right. I would take Cowboys -3.

I'm going to take the Browns +8.5.

Ooh.

And Stinky.

And, and I'm going to take the under in the Cowboys-Giants 48.5. Okay.

I'm going to take the stinkiest one. Tune into Barstool Sports Advisors back Friday. Dolphins-Raiders over 40.5.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gross, right?

Yeah.

You like that?

You like how gross I got?

Oh, no.

Yeah, I got dirty.

Yeah. Where are those points?

Well, you look at me like that for memes.

That's a terrible over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why I like it. That reaction is why I like it. No business going over.

Yeah.

No business. Team stink.

I'm going to take the under in Chargers Cardinals, 47.5.

I like that.

I'm going to take the over in the Jets Titans, 38.5.

Ooh, you're getting stinky with me.

Stinky.

That's not stinky. Those are just 2 high-powered offenses. We're betting on teams.

Max.

Okay, I'll be taking the over 46.5 Bears-Panthers.

I like it.

I now have to stall. Okay, because I wanted the Jets-Tines over.

Oh, that's also a Jets term is stalling. You don't want to do that. It's a little aviation humor. Try to keep up, memes.

The Buffalo Bills, Houston Texans over 44.5.

All right. We're off and running, boys. We're off and running.

Can't wait.

Let's get to our interview with Scott Hanson. Jacks us up for some football. Gets us so excited. PFT, before we do that, you got a quick ad?

Before we get to our good friend Scott Hanson, he's brought to you by Chevy. We love Chevy here on Part of My Take. They are the full back of trucks. They're the official truck sponsor of Part of My Take. They're the truck that got us to and fro the Super Bowl in Los Angeles last time it was there. They got best-in-class standard torque, the most functional bed, and advanced tech. It's football guy approved. So whether you're grinding through the week or if you're gearing up for kickoff, there's one ride that's always game ready. That is the Chevy Silverado. Silverado keeps that heartbeat strong. It is the heartbeat of America. So if you're towing, if you're hauling, if you're tailgating, Silverado will let you show up strong and tackle any task. Check out the current offers on the 2026 Silverado at chevy.com. That is chevy.com. The heartbeat of America. Chevrolet. And now here is Scott Hanson.

Okay. We now welcome on a very, very special guest. We are so excited for football to be back. It is host of Red Zone, Scott Hanson, the man. Uh, he's here with Lowe's, which I, I, I walked into the office, uh, I think it was yesterday, Scott, and I just saw on the ground, I was like, oh, there's a Lowe's Chicago Bears toolbox for me. I'm not a tool guy, but now I might have to be.

Dude, it's a, it's a receptacle. Find something to do with it, even if it's not a wrench.

Yes, these things are—

these things are awesome. First of all, Big Cat and PFT, it is great to be back with you boys. It's been several years.

I know.

Since we've been reunited. And Happy New Year to one and all. Um, yeah, let me talk about Lowe's real quick and then we're gonna get into all the football, I'm sure. So yeah, I'm partnered with Lowe's again this year, and Lowe's has your— their Earn Your Sunday campaign. The concept is this: we all got stuff around the house we got to do, whether it's a tiny little project or a massive renovation. Well, the concept is you go to Lowe's during the weekday, you get your tools, you get your supplies, you get everything taken care of on Thursday, Friday, Saturday so that you have earned your Sunday and can plop your butt on the couch to watch TV for, let's just say, 7 hours of a Red Zone Sunday, and you have earned your Sunday. And Lowe's has partnered with some of the biggest names in the game to get that messaging out there. Dak Prescott, Christian McCaffrey, Justin Jefferson, uh, Jordan Love is new this year. And new this year, a rookie on the Lowe's home team, one of the greatest defenders of his generation, Myles Garrett, will be featured in some of the marketing stuff.

So yeah, it's gonna be a fun campaign. And beyond that, you just said it, Big Cat, the toolboxes. Check out this.

Yes.

The folks at Lowe's, honestly, the folks at Lowe's love football the way you guys and I love football. So they want fans to all, you know, to get into the spirit and whatnot. They partnered with Kobalt to make these mini NFL toolboxes.

Yes.

It's a steel toolbox just the way you would have in your shop or garage or your basement or whatever. All 32 teams available courtesy of Lowe's. You go to lowes.com and check those out.

All right.

So Scott, I love it. And you're exactly right. Like there's always some things you got to take care of on Sunday morning before you get and sit on the couch all day. What's your Sunday morning look like? Because you're, you're West Coast time, right? So what time are you waking up on Sunday before we just rip some red zone all day?

Yeah. So the problem with me is I get so worked up and you guys know my energy. I can't go to sleep on Saturday night. The night that I need the most rest, I can't do it. I've been studying NFL facts for an entire week, all day on Saturday. I've got— for those watching and not just listening, I've got my media wall over here. I'm grinding on 5 college games.

Hell yeah.

Uh, all every 3 hours, I got the best 5 college games on. I got my computers going on, getting all my notes. So I can't go to sleep on Sunday. I get to sleep maybe around midnight, maybe 1 o'clock. The alarm is set for 4:30 a.m. Pacific time. I'm in Los Angeles. 4:30 a.m. Pacific time.

I usually—

my body wakes me up around 4 o'clock, 4:15. I don't even need the alarm.

Mm-hmm.

Jump into the shower. I don't drink coffee. This energy is natural. Don't need the caffeine. Head into the studio. I like to be the first one in there a little after 5 a.m. I get the same salty, dense protein breakfast from the chefs at the network so I can retain water, so I can famously not go to the bathroom for 7 straight hours. We have a production meeting. We go over the last little things. We rehearse the top of the show right before. And then you guys watch Red Zone, you know, the countdown clock that we start like 15 minutes before the show with the NFL Films music.

Yep.

When you're watching the countdown clock, Uncle Scott's in the men's room going for the final time. Shutting it down, and then it's the willpower of a ninja and focus on the touchdowns for 7 straight hours.

That's, uh, it's my favorite time of the week when I see that clock, the red zone clock, for the first time in a year. I can't even describe the feeling that it, that it puts in me. Just excitement is an understatement at that point. And then after the game—

Can I, can I ask you something? I gotta ask you a question. Sure, put you on the spot. Do you remember the first time I was ever on your show?

I do, yeah.

Do you remember the first question you ever asked me?

I don't know.

Big Cat, you remember what PFT asked you?

I would imagine it was, do you ever, do you ever piss during the, during an NFL Sunday?

No, you guys were so keyed up about Red Zone and the greatness of it. I remember the verbiage because I now have the best answer. It stunned me at the time. Shocker that PFT stunned me. The first thing you ever asked me was, Scott, When, when you went to the Octobox for the first time, did it move?

Yeah, it moves.

And I'm like, what do you mean?

Did it move me emotionally? Did it move me? Yeah, I was a little slow on the uptake, but after all these years, I have an answer for you, BFT. It moved so much it needed to fill out a change of address form at the post office.

It does.

It's the best. It's so exciting.

It does move. And then when it's all over, I gotta take a nap. It's—

it's—

yeah, you know, there's a lot of similarities there. At the end of it, when the day is over, do you just crash? Do you— is it just you hit a wall, or do you have to wind down?

Dude, I'm, I'm a nut job. So I, I, I finish— my bladder is so well trained. When I finish the touchdown montage, right, the music video with all 60-whatever touchdowns on it, I pop my earpiece, I take the microphone off. I don't even have to go to the bathroom then. I go take my makeup off, get out of my suit, jump in the car, drive back home here to my place in LA, and put on Sunday Night Football. But then, I showed you I got 5 TVs. Sunday Night Football on the big screen, that's a 70-incher. These are 50-inchers flanking here. I'll put NFL Network highlights show on there. ESPN's highlights over here. Over on the far screens, I'll have news and then like a movie, Marvel movie or a Star Wars movie on mute that I've already seen before, and I can still have all of that stimulation. And that's how I unwind.

Yeah, after—

More TV.

Yeah, yeah, I love it. Sure, that's a perfect Sunday.

That's undoubtedly why I'm single and no one will ever have me as their, as their husband.

Listen, that's That's a perfect Sunday that you just described.

Yeah.

I also, it's dawning on me now, you might be the only person, and correct me if I'm wrong, who isn't upset when they do— because we gripe about this all the time— when the NFL does a schedule where it's like 8 games early, 3 games late. That's probably good for you to be able to pace the day. I hate it. I think it always leaves us wanting more in the afternoon, and if one or two of those games are blowouts, We're just stuck with it. That's where you come in and you can, you can get us back and forth. But do you like that, or would you like there to be more even on a Sunday?

Yeah, so, uh, I reached over here because I just grabbed something to show your audience here. Uh, when the schedule release comes out, I always say this: all politics and schedule releases are local, right? The coaches look for who do we play week 1.

Right.

The players look for the bye week or cold weather games in December, right? The Red Zone host looks for—

Oh, you have it.

The splits.

Yeah.

Oh, you've got all that.

Uh, Week 1 early window is 8, late window is 4. I literally make this on the day the schedule gets released, and obviously we got some blanks because of the flexes and stuff that happened. In mid to late December there. But that's, that's how I look at the schedule. And, um, 4 games in the late window is fine.

It's fine.

It feels slow. 2 is death.

Death.

Yes.

Okay, so you agree with us. So, all right, so that's good. Like, I see the 7-3 Sundays and I'm like, man, I wish we had an extra game there because you just run the risk of like, if one of these games is a blowout.

Yeah.

And it always To us, our Sundays are similar to yours where we all come in and we're in the office and we have all the games on. And it's like the anticipation and excitement when the first games kick off and you ride that wave and then that— and then you crash a little bit at the end of the witching hour.

And then the Cardinals come on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then the Cardinals are getting, you know, 20-pieced and the Seahawks are beating up on someone and you're like, man, I want it. I want another game.

I stand up for the entire early window. I, you know, when that crash hits, when you're on the couch, maybe, you know, catching some Z's or whatever, and maybe some of the higher profile teams are playing in that late window, I sit down for the first time.

Yeah.

And when I sit down, the energy kind of changes in the studio, I think a little bit.

Yeah.

I mean, we ride it as best we can, but But that train's down the tracks, guys. I'm sure you've explained to your audience why it's that way, because people tell me you've got 12 games on RedZone Week 1. Yeah, why isn't it 6-6? Let me just explain it if the audience doesn't know it.

Please do.

The reason is because the NFL wants a pseudo-national game in the late window. We all notice that the game in a 3-game late window in the middle of October is going to feature— I don't want to name teams that are lower.

Cowboys.

Yeah, well, it's going to be your low-profile team in a smaller market versus low-profile team in a smaller market. Same, same. And then Giants-Cowboys, right? Bills-Chiefs, right? With Romo and Nance, or Nance or Romo or whoever is broadcasting that. Kind of stepped on that one a little bit. Um, you know, the national game, and they want to deliver one huge audience to a swath large swath of the country for their partnership with CBS and Fox. So that's why there is lesser inventory in the late window.

Yeah, it makes sense. Here's what I'm gonna complain about when it's on, because we, we just want more football.

And also, my dream, my dream would be to have slightly staggered, uh, start times like college football, where it was— we had— we're in Central Time in Chicago— like a noon kickoff, a 1:30 kickoff. So you'd You never stop, you know, like there will always be that random time where one of the games will go into overtime or weather delay and you'll get that like bonus game in the afternoon. It's like, oh, this game's still going on. I love it. So I wish we were a little more staggered.

Well, they did create the Sunday morning specials for us. Here is the entire NFL schedule in, uh, in grid form. The white and black Rectangles are red zone games. That's Sunday, 1 o'clock, 4 o'clock. Any color on there is a standalone national game or an international location broadcast. So that's a visual representation of what it, what it looks like.

Did you make that yourself or did you have somebody print that up for you?

Uh, one of the great chaps at NFL Media Research kind of puts that out for us. I'll send an image online or send it to you if you like it. I love it. Yeah, yeah. I laminate mine because, you know, I live by it for the next 5 months.

It's great. Yeah, we got a guy like that here, Jeff DeLowe. He puts everything in grid format, laminates everything. That's how he keeps track of everything. I think you and him will get along really well. I want to go to something that I hear all the time about you, which is like, all right, just in general, there should be a red zone for blank. It's almost like you can take any sport and people are like, oh, there should be a red zone for hockey. There should be a red zone For baseball. Um, how many different sports and things— I mean, like election night, I've heard there should be a Red Zone for election night. How many different ones have you been pitched, and are there any that you would actually be interested in doing if somebody could put them together?

That's a great question, and I think I've heard all of them. Um, I've actually participated in some. I am, I am the primetime host of Gold Zone for NBC and Peacock for the Olympics every 2 years. I did the Paris Games for, uh, summer and then just did the Milan-Cortina Games. And Gold Zone is what you think it is. It is Red Zone for the Olympics, right? 30 different events going on in 15 different venues. Let's take you to wherever. And, and that's fun. It's a little harder to memorize Ishaaslava Skidishvili's stats than it is, uh, Patrick Mahomes's, but Gold Zone for the Olympics has been a good one. The other major team sports though, guys, it's not conducive to it.

Yeah.

The secret sauce for Red Zone honestly is the 40-second play clock, because I can get you to Dallas and show you what Dak Prescott just did and sneak in a Jordan Love highlight and then maybe even something else from Detroit or wherever and get you back for the next Cowboys snap and you didn't miss anything.

Yeah.

Baseball can't do that. Basketball, hockey can't do that. Um, college football now is very intriguing.

Yeah, yeah.

And especially with the NFL. I don't know if this is super publicly known, but with the NFL-Disney merger, uh, Disney ESPN got the rights to the RedZone brand. So if they want to start College RedZone and call it College RedZone, They're able to.

I'm in.

Yeah, I'm in. Yes.

Right, right.

Yes.

A little different feel because you don't— when you bounce from Lions-Packers to Giants-Eagles, right, it's, it's big, big, all that. You might be bouncing from Michigan-Ohio State to Akron versus, you know, Mississippi State.

Yeah, yeah, somebody better.

Yeah.

But, but fans would find it and it would— I think it would find an audience.

Yeah. How, how are we doing this?

You guys got any suggestions? Because if it— hey, I'm looking at Green Zone here. If it makes money, there you go. Yeah, like, I'll try out for it.

Yeah, college football would be great. Uh, I would, I would love to watch that. Baseball is very tough to do. I think basketball would be interesting just— yeah, because like, you know, like it's almost like the March Madness, you cut in live of, uh, how it used to be when, when, like, way back in the day when you only could watch one March Madness game and they would cut into it. But yeah, football is built for it. How are we doing, Scott? I know the last time we had you on, uh, I might have had a gripe or two about, uh, gambling etiquette. How are we doing with that? I know that most people don't care, but I do think there is a, you know, there could be a blowout and, and you're not giving us the same juice when a score happens that hits the over or score happens that covers a spread. Like, those are, those are important.

Well, look, you guys knew when it was years ago when, when we had that discussion, I had a little bit of handcuffs on because the NFL hadn't embraced gambling yet. Now the NFL has multiple gaming partners, and of course, you know, the, the tail follows the dog. I'm allowed to say things more overtly than I would before. I will say this, and we were presented by DraftKings Sportsbook for the last few years, right? The title sponsor. Um, I will look at something when a crazy play happens at the end of a game. I'll look at my, my right-hand man Tim Golanians, and I'll be like, was that— off camera, off microphone— was that a bad beat? Because I wanna, I wanna say something about it. Like, I don't gamble. I don't even look at the point spreads, to be honest. I don't want that in head. But if it's on the backside where I know my audience is howling about it at home, like, oh my God, they kicked a field goal, they could have just took a knee and they kicked a field goal instead and that pushed it over or whatever, I want to, I want to at least give a, a nudge nudge wink wink.

Yeah, we're with you, we understood what that consequence was, right? You kick it over to—

yeah, that's what we need.

Yeah, yeah, the spread zone.

Yeah, but I'm not gonna— but, but it's not gambling zone. It's not, you know, agreed. It's, it's not, it's not gambling zone.

Which I like because I, I think that people should be able to watch football and if they don't gamble, they should have an outlet that does not focus on that because they'll be able to— 100%, trust me, if you were gambling on the games, you can figure it out on your own if it was a bad beat.

Okay.

Yeah.

If there's a 35-3 game, 35-3 in the 4th quarter, we're not showing it unless a guy does a cartwheel, a 360 spin, and lands backwards in the end zone. We're not showing a play from that game. Well, but if that game is 35-3 and the number is 38.5 and the other team decides to boot a field goal at the end, it doesn't mean anything to any football. But I get it. It's, yeah, you know, significant to some, as our friend Scott Van Pelt says.

Yeah, football first. And then whenever there's, you know, a moment that looks like, hey, this doesn't matter, it does matter to some. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

All right.

I think you've done a better job.

Big Cat, Big Cat. Yeah, you of all people. Yeah, know how influential you are to Red Zone as an entity and a production. You know what I'm talking about.

Are you saying Witching Hour? Witching Hour was Francesca. I will not, I will not take credit for it. You pushed it. You pushed it. I might have. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And it is, it's truly—

yeah, we have the actual I told you that I will— I'll call it the witching hour next week, run it up the flagpole.

And it is, it truly is. We say it in the, like, in the Gambling Cave, we will get to that moment on Sunday. We'll be like, here we go, witching hour. And you'll just feel, like you said, the energy shift where games start to flip and, oh, this team looks like they're in control and now they're not. And it's like anything can happen in the witching hour. It really is the most chaotic hour of everyone's week.

It's the best. Yeah, it's the best hour in sports TV. I mean, I— if there's a better one, show it to me because I'll, I'll watch it. But yeah, it's, it's the best hour in sports TV. And, and hey, props to Francesa. I've heard his soundbite of being with Brent Musburger and Jimmy the Greek and all that back in the day and whatnot and, and doing that thing. And props if that's where it came from. But yeah, it's in the, it's in the zeitgeist now. It's not going anywhere.

Yeah, I think we gave it some, some turbo juice to, to, to bring it to a new audience.

And it does. You do You, you say it at just the right time. Yeah, every week it does feel like that's right when I start to lose. I hear you come on the screen, I'm like, this motherfucker.

Everything goes to shit right when you say it.

Yeah.

Can I tell you that we have a bit of a formula? We don't do the witching hour by wristwatch.

I know. No, it's not. Yeah.

This is probably the first time I'm saying this in public, so this is good.

I love this breaking news.

Yeah, it's not— don't— it's not—

No, I know, I'm very interested.

No, no, this is breaking news.

Do you want to guess as to how how we determine when we should say the witching hour. Do you want to guess?

I would imagine it's something about however many games have to be in the 4th quarter, basically.

Okay, if we have an 8-game early window, my producer and I— shout out Todd Mossberg, Mossy, great, best in the biz— uh, Mossy and I will be like, all right, we got 8 games, 4 of them have just hit zeros at the end of the 3rd quarter. Or one's already there. When we get about half of the games in any given window into the 4th quarter or at the end of the 3rd quarter commercial break, we're like, let's start, let's look, can we call it the witching hour in the next 90 seconds or so? But what we're trying to do on the backside, because when we do witching hour, I go to the scoreboard. Ladies and gentlemen, 8 games going on across the National Football League. 5 of them are one-possession games in Detroit. in New England, in Miami, in Atlanta, and in wherever, Kansas City. And it's the witching hour when wins become losses and losses become wins.

Boom.

We want to cut to one of those games that's a one-possession game. Yeah, in the fourth quarter. So our director, Dustin Stern, has to be looking at the off-ramp for the witching hour. You would think it's just a simple thing that—

No.

Yeah.

Get into the fourth quarter. No, it's, it's a— it is air traffic control trying to line up all the pieces to the right Right place, but that's how we call the witching hour, how we determine what it is. Yeah, I am told there are text threads across the world, and the NFL imports Red Zone to every country that gets NFL football. In fact, it's the number one way to watch football in a lot of foreign countries.

Shout out, Hank.

I'm told there are text threads around the world that explode when they say, if you're doing laundry or whatever, get It's to the couch. Yep. It's called the witching hour.

Yep. Yeah, sitting on the couch watching TV is our number one export. Yeah, as Americans, and we're damn proud of it. Hell yeah, by the way. Like, that's, that's what we do better than anybody.

We're the best. We're the best in the world. Come at us, bro.

How sick were you at changing the channel with a remote back in the day? Is this something that you always, you always had that skill?

You know, the first NFL RedZone episode ever, I called my mom up and I'm like, Mom, you know, I'm hosting this new show, RedZone. I think this could be a vehicle for my career. So she only watches football like when I'm involved with it or something like that. So she watches and she's— and I call her up, I'm like, isn't it awesome? Isn't it sweet? We jump around. She's like, Scott, you act like you haven't been doing this since you were 5 years old. She goes, you don't remember? You would watch the living room television with a game, then you would drag your dad's TV from the den with a cable swinging behind it. And try and get a different game on that next to the family room TV. And then you'd go on the radio. I'm an old man, so I'll go back to when you were finding games on radio, try and get a different game. And then you'd have a magazine and a newspaper in front of you the whole time. And you would say— I'm like, yeah, you know, that's right, Mom. I actually did used to do that. So yeah, I guess I've, I've always been slick with it when it comes to football multitasking.

Yeah, you're a demon. And, and every year there's, you know, the NFL changes, which is what makes it so beautiful, why we love it so much. Are there any names that are keeping you up at night? Any new names?

How so? I missed it.

Any new names, like player names that you're going to be called to say on the spot if they score a touchdown?

Stand by, stand by. So me, Mr. Laminator, your buddy Lowe— what was his name?

Yeah, Jeff D. Lowe.

Yeah, Jeff D. Lowe. Yo, Jeff! Yeah, okay. No, I actually know Jeff. But Laminate, here's your first round of the NFL Draft, right?

Yeah.

Yep.

And who have I, who have I been stuck on? The, the Penn State guard, first pick of the Baltimore Ravens, Vega. I got my phonetics over on the other computer here. Ione, I forget his name. Yeah, there's a couple of first-rounders that I know I'm going to be doing. They gotta make plays for a little while. Uh, the Arizona State offensive tackle, uh, Iyenna Chor.

I—

oh, I gotta, I gotta— yeah, I got, I got work to do.

It's preseason for, for Red Zone too.

Preseason, bro, and I will be there. Or, or I'll just say his first name if I have to.

Yeah, yeah, initials work too.

How, uh, is there a certain team that you like in studying and everything that you're like extra excited to to have, you know, this season and be like, this team I expect to be explosive?

Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of teams. It's the NFL, so nobody knows nothing. If you would have had me on this show 365 days ago and I go, guys, guys, I got this, I've run the numbers, it's Seahawks-Patriots in the Super Bowl, right? So, so yeah, you look at me like I'm nuts. So nobody knows nothing. However, Teams where the offensive talent seems to outweigh the defensive talent are grist for the mill when it comes to red zone. So I'm looking at the Dallas Cowboys. When they're on red zone, they're on national TV as much as you can be, right? But when they're on red zone, Dallas, although their defense should be improved— the Cincinnati Bengals are a team that is going to score 31 points a game. Whether they give up 30 or 32 points a game is the question of their win-loss record.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, Detroit Lions, a little bit like that. They're Their defense suffered, you know, tons of injuries last year, but the offense is capable of putting up numbers. I kind of look at those teams and I'm like, yeah, we're going to see them on red zone, in the red zone, on offense, putting up numbers with some exciting fantasy players. Should be kind of fun.

Yeah.

Do you have—

Bears are in that category, by the way. Bad defense, good offense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They lived on turnovers last year, bud.

Yeah.

And that's cyclical. We all know that's cyclical. You cannot expect that to happen this year, although they're ahead of schedule by all accounts. Yeah, it'll be a fun year in Chicago.

Do you have any, uh, any statistics for the red zone, for like the players' names that you've said the most? Like who scored the most, the most red zone channel touchdowns? Because we've got some great players obviously that have played in the NFL since you've been on the air, but I think a lot of them, they end up playing a large amount of primetime games. Yeah, uh, for national audiences, that sort of thing. So I was just curious if you, if, if there were any deep dives And like, uh, you know, uh, deep statistics about the best players in the, the 1 PM games.

Yeah, I, I'll have to hit up— I don't have the answer off the top of my head, and I don't have any, uh, stats right available to me right here, but Tim Golanians, Brian Larabee, my right-hand men that literally sit next to me with their computers, they have spreadsheets going back years, and they could tell you how many touchdowns were scored in week 4 of 2012, right? Um, the players' names, I think Tim maybe did it. I want to say it's like Derrick Henry is up there. Um, CMC is one of the leading touchdown scorers we've ever had because we started in 2009. This is season 18 for us, so you got to think of longevity of career and an excellent player over the longer course of that. I think it was Derrick Henry is the player that scored the most touchdowns on NFL RedZone over the course of our— course of our show. I'll check though. Rob Gronkowski was up there for a while. The Patriots always had tons of primetime games. Yeah, the usual suspects, quite frankly.

Yeah. Well, Scott, this has been awesome. I got one last question for you. It's a Roback question. RHOback.com, promo code TIG. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. aerobac.com, promo code TAKE. Your excitement has me just like, I, I'm ready to go.

You—

that's what you— yeah, dude, that's why you're so good at your job. You sound like football. Like, getting you— you're just being on this show right now and just being excited has me just fucking amped up for that first Sunday. I've thought about it. We actually are, uh, in our gambling cave. We, we are getting new couches, and I held off putting in the new couches until The, the first Sunday. So we're gonna have a whole experience of like, hey, we're walking in, a little makeover. Yeah, it's, it's a special day.

I gotta get in there someday. I'll never get in there on a Red Zone Sunday, but if, if there's a March Madness or something, I will get my butt there. I would— I've watched your socials. Yeah, I would love to do it.

It would be awesome. All right, Zach, you're up. You got a question for Scott?

I do, Scott. I do have a quick question for you. Uh, with almost 2 decades of Red Zone coverage under your belt, have you converted any other aspects of your life to like strictly, you know, highlight bases?

Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Um, what sometimes— this is so bizarre— sometimes if I'm not much of a cook, but when I cook, I'll look at my stovetop with 4 burners and I'll be like, oh, quad box. Honestly, like, like stupid stuff like that will hit me. Uh, I do a lot of shout-out videos like on Cameo and whatnot, and I get asked to do like bachelor parties and weddings and stuff like that. So NFL Wed Zone is a term that I've coined that, uh, and there was a woman who incorporated allowing her husband to watch Red Zone in her wedding vows during— at the altar, right? So it's, it's seeped into every area of my life and a lot of, a lot of fans' lives too.

I love that.

Yeah, good one, Zach. I like that.

I love that. Good question, Zach.

Well, Scott, thank you.

Scott, good luck this season.

We'll be watching.

Uh, we love everything you do, and, uh, thanks for coming on.

You really do sound like football. It's like, it's like the Pavlov's dog thing. Like, I hear you and I want pizza, and I, I want to be like screaming at a TV somewhere. Like, I, I'm back in. I'm back in.

12 days, boys. 12 days.

Yeah, I love the tweets too. The 2 Sundays. 2 Sundays. Oh man. Gets me fired up. Football's back.

Thanks, guys.

Thank you, Scott.

Scott Hanson was brought to you by Morgan and Morgan, also sponsoring Firefest of the Week. It's important who you hire. If you want a job done right, you got to make the right hire. If you need somebody to kick a field goal, maybe don't hire a defensive back to do it. They might be too athletic, won't be able to kick the ball correctly. You don't want to make the wrong hire. It can be disastrous. But that's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. And if you're ever injured by the negligence of another, Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury firm for a reason. They've been helping people with their own firefests for over 35 years. Over 100 offices nationwide, more than 1,000 lawyers with over $30 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. The fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com/pmt or dial #LAW. That's #529 from your phone. That's forthepeople.com/pmt. Or you can dial #LAW. That's #529. This is a paid advertisement.

All right. Firefest of the week, Hank. Yeah, you got anything good?

Yes, decent, decent one. Yeah, Tuesday night, Barstool After Dark. We did a field goal kicking stream.

Mm-hmm. You were great until you got injured.

Yeah, I was like probably over 50% in my first 20, probably. And then I got, I got dead foot. I like hit a nerve or something on the top of my foot. Yeah, essentially how I described it is like if you, you know, tap your left foot, tap your right foot, I could tap my left foot. I could not, you know, lift up my toes with, with my right foot. I could lift my knee. I could walk fine. But it's like, you know, if your, if your—

Your tootsies.

Hand falls asleep, your leg falls asleep, like you can, you know, it's there. But I couldn't feel anything on my foot, uh, specifically like lifting up my toes, my tootsies.

Yeah.

And I was driving home afterwards. It was late and I pulled into my building Into the garage, slowed down, and I like, you know, went to go transfer from gas to brake. And I— when you— I realized this after the fact, but obviously like driving is a lot of just lifting up your toes, switching from one to the other.

That's a fact.

And, uh, I like— my, my, my brain was like, hey, lift up your toe. My toe was dead. My foot was dead. It did not respond quick enough. And I like I was going slow. I was going like 5 miles an hour, but I did not stop quick enough and just like, I budged. I hit my garage. I hit the garage of my building.

And then—

With your car?

With my car.

That's crazy.

Car was fine. No damage to my car.

Just ran into something in the parking lot.

The garage, the garage went up and then it wouldn't come back down. The guy that was in the garage was, was, was, you know, freaking out. The maintenance guy had already left. Spent like 45 minutes with him trying to figure out how to get the garage door down. And then I was— and then the next day they fixed it. But I talked to my building like, oh yeah, we have the garage people coming. Also, there might have been some damage to the roof, so we have the roof people coming.

Oh no.

We'll let you know what the bill is. But later, like, the garage people came and fixed it real quick. I have not gotten the bill yet, but I don't think— I was worried they're gonna have to like completely take the garage down, put up a new garage door. Like, there was no visual damage to the garage door. But it just wasn't— it was not like— it's an automatic garage and it was going up and it was not coming down.

So you hit the garage door and broke the garage door of your building with like hundreds of people in it.

For like probably— it was fixed the next morning.

Like, it's like if I broke my garage door, the only person who'd inconvenience is me and my wife.

Well, there's 2 garage doors. Oh yeah, there's an in and an out.

But no one could go in.

Well, no, some— I get it's happened before where they're doing maintenance or whatever, where like they just, they turn it into a, you know, in and out. They just— everyone had— everyone comes in, everyone goes out.

They combine it.

But the next morning everything was fixed. So it was not— I was, I was worried that it was gonna be like a long-term, right, damage thing. And I was gonna get—

I was gonna—

People would start talking like, who did this? Oh, it's a guy with a dead leg.

It was only like 8 hours, you're saying?

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

So it was like, it was like 11 o'clock at night. It seemed basically like the, by the time the maintenance guy came back the next morning, like it was, it was fixed pretty quickly.

So why again did you drive into your door?

Dead foot. My foot was dead from kicking.

I have a video of it right here.

Did you think about taking your other foot and using it on the brake?

In hindsight, I should have done that.

How did you get home?

I can lift my leg. So I just wasn't, it was just like, I wasn't When I was driving, I was lifting my leg and I just, you know, kind of— it was a— it's a short turn.

This might be what happened with Deshaun.

Yeah.

Look, look at the video that he sent to me. You can see his left foot. He can— he can tap it the whole time. And then he tries to go to his right foot.

Nothing.

Yeah, but he lifts it.

Yeah.

Now, can you tap now?

Yeah.

So that's the best he could do with his right foot.

Yeah. So Hank, the feeling has come back.

As someone who's kicked some footballs in my life before, what you're describing is not like— it's not super uncommon, but you usually have to kick a lot more than just— how many did you kick?

Like 11 for 20?

11 for 20?

Yeah.

Pre-dead foot. Yeah.

And it's not like a nerve. It's just, it's just like your ligaments are tired. Your foot was just tired.

Yeah.

I'm not a foot-based athlete. I never played soccer. Never played football, never kicked in my life. So I kind of knew I was going to be bad at kicking. And I was actually pretty good until my foot died.

You were 11 for 20.

Basically as good as Max is what you told me.

In the beginning, yeah, we were like neck and neck.

Is that true, Max?

Max was actually pretty good.

We all were.

Max was pretty good.

I was okay. Hey, record, I've also never kicked kicked a field goal before in my life.

Hank, you were so lucky that Rico was there.

But yeah, I mean, even if Rico wasn't there, our team would have won. Like, I was getting them in the, in the, in the, through the uprights.

I guess we'll never know.

Until my foot died.

Yeah.

But the last, yeah, the last 30, I was, I was, I was still trying to kick them. I was being a warrior.

Probably—

You are a warrior.

Made it a lot worse.

You must have been doing some weird form. Like, I don't understand how that happened. Like the— what were you doing to get that result?

I was hitting— I think I just hit like, I don't know how, you know, the nerves on the top of your feet work, but I was, I was hitting—

he's got weak—

my legs are cooked right now.

You were kicking, you were kicking toe balls. I was trying to kick like a kicker.

He's got weak ankle muscles. That's the— there's no nerves. He didn't hit a nerve.

Yeah.

His foot's just weak.

Yeah. The feeling is back.

We're recovering.

Yeah. Well, no, weak feet. Weak tootsies.

Yeah. I'm not a— I'm not a foot-based, foot-based athlete. Never will be.

20 kicks.

You're not into feet.

20 kicks. 11 over 50%.

Over 50%.

Until you got hurt.

Until the deadline.

But then you kept kicking. And those stats unfortunately do count too.

Right.

But not, you know, it's all asterisks.

So what are those stats besides breaking one garage?

I'd have to look it up. That's what we're talking about, getting into some deep numbers here because most people just take the original 11 for 20 when Hank was— before he hurt himself.

Right.

It was like 11 for 50 or something.

11 for 50.

Yeah, I think it was about 11 for 50. So yeah.

So you didn't make another kick?

22%.

No. And you broke a garage temporarily. Yeah. Temporary break. All right.

Let's see.

What was the number?

Go back.

So you, did you stop kicking? Oh, so you were 11 for 46.

So you—

My foot died.

Wait, 11 for 46?

Yeah, he was 11 for 20.

That's 26 kicks of heart. I was kicking with my heart.

Can you go back a little more? Do you make sure that he was actually 11 for 20?

I don't think they were updating it.

They weren't.

Oh, actually, I have no idea.

Yeah, no, they were. You weren't. All right. So he's 3 for 14 there.

That's before you hurt yourself.

That's before you hurt yourself. Okay.

3 for 14. That's unfortunate that we found that.

Yeah.

3 for 14. I'd like the narrative that, but that also means that he made—

oh wait, no, you can't go from 3 for 14 to 11 for 20. That's actually impossible.

Yeah. That fuzzy math. But it does sound like Hank got better. The more hurt he got.

Yeah.

You just weren't hurt enough, buddy.

So, so you weren't hurt for 3 for 14, correct?

Yeah, but it took—

I had never kicked before, so it took me like probably 5 to—

I was also 7 for 9 at this point.

Okay.

Oh, 3 for 6.

Okay.

All right.

So maybe then that's when I got hurt. Yeah.

That's when you got hurt. Oh, we got to see. Yeah. The stats on If they updated them. All right. There you go. Right there. That is 3 for 11. Okay. You're getting worse. And then you were trying to find it.

Oh, here we go. Here's one. Where'd it go?

Where'd it go?

There we go. 6 for 21. That's not bad. So 11 for 20 was not— was never, never happened.

That was rough. Yeah, that was—

that happened to be just one over 50%.

So we're just thinking back to the first 6 kicks, literally the, the first 6, you got 50%.

You were 3 for 6 and then you're like, oh, my foot died.

Yeah.

Again, just from overuse from kicking the ball 6 times.

But then, yeah, like 25 kicks of heart.

Of heart.

None of them made and a garage.

Yeah.

And then you drove into your house and possibly a roof.

Yeah.

How did you damage the roof?

I don't know.

Like, yeah, we got the garage guy coming in, the roof guy.

I was like, I think if you—

I'm about to like be buying this building.

If you hit the garage door hard enough, it might just send it up into the roof.

Yeah.

Reverberated.

Yeah. So no one could leave. You, you trapped everybody in your—

oh, there you go. That was your 11. 11 for 36.

Well, that was post-injury.

Yeah. Yeah. That's when it was all hard.

Yeah.

But you had been walking around telling everyone who could hear 11 for 20.

Yeah. Ish.

It is true.

All right.

PFT, what's your Firefest?

I've had a pretty good week. Mine is the other side of that coin where I feel like dangerously good. It's been probably 3 years since I've kicked a football, maybe 2 years. I feel good after that Tuesday night stream. To the point where like I'm ready to get back in the lab.

Yeah.

Back feels good. The fact that I survived that entire thing without pulling something again, we're stacking small victories right now.

Yeah.

But Rapoli, pick up the phone because I'm—

go.

I might not be Mr. 35 anymore. I might be Mr. 34. Fuck it. Maybe Mr. 35. Give me some time. I'm back. I'm back as a kicker.

Are you worried about a dead leg?

No, my leg feels great.

Okay.

My leg feels— it felt stronger.

But I'm like, see, like, I didn't participate in the stream and I'll never kick a football again after hearing what Hank went through.

I mean, yeah, it's deadly. Yeah. All it takes is one wrong kick and then you're a menace behind the wheel.

You're doing a 5-hour—

finished 84 for 87.

Damn.

No, pretty sad.

Now, granted, they were— they were the old extra points. So 20 yards.

Still.

But still, like, I feel like— and I wasn't— I wasn't trying to kick it too hard. I think that most of those probably could have been good from 30, which sounds awesome to say. I think I can get 35, maybe 40. You get me back in the gym, get the back still feeling good, I might be fully back. Now, this is a very dangerous thing for me to say because there's a chance that like next week I— yeah, I tear a quad. But we're feeling good.

Rico went 7 for 70. I was just about to say it. Thank God for him.

7 for 76 is so good.

That's so funny.

Chat thinks 11 for 46 isn't really that bad in comparison.

Yeah, you did okay.

Okay.

My Fire Fest.

It's—

listen, football's back. Excited for football to be back. I'm trying to plan to not gain weight this football season. And I know that I'm already losing the battle because last night we had wings. Tonight, I'm sure we'll have something else and pizza. And I had a couple of ice cream balls and ice cream. I don't know what we're going to do, but we got to figure it out. Max and I were talking about potentially doing like dog fences, the electrical dog fences where we just fence off the kitchen and put on the collars. Because the problem is I just stand up, I go take a piss, boom, blackout. I've had 10 wings.

So Sometimes I do a thing where I go, I'm, I'm like, oh, I'm going to go make a coffee just so I can stand in there and pick while I'm making the coffee.

Maybe we need to put the food somewhere else.

I don't hate that.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe like put it somewhere that's in the back, in this back kitchen, harder to get to.

I love that idea. Yes, I love that idea.

Yeah, that's actually what we should do.

You have to make an intentional destination to the kitchen.

There's no really—

you never, you never casually Walk past it, right, by accident.

You have to be going to the ice cream machine to get the food.

This could change our, our, the future of our lives.

I completely agree.

Just one little switch.

Tell Jack McCarthy that's the one right now.

Right now.

What memes?

State your case.

It's not gonna work.

Why not?

It might work for Max.

I don't know why he said it.

Why is it not gonna work for me?

You—

I've seen the way you eat.

You pick it. You just grab—

no, I did on the— yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

But if there's not pizza, you'll just go candy or snack.

Oh, you know, they'll just eat.

Yeah.

No, because I got to open.

No, you'll find a way.

Now it's probably not going to work for either of us, but I like trying it.

We just need to take out all the food in this office.

What if we play basketball before Sundays?

I'm down. Listen, I'm going to try to get on the treadmill before kickoff. I've been I've been going to the gym for over 2 and a half days and I feel good. I feel really good.

I was really good about going to the gym when I got back from the honeymoon and then the kicking happened and my legs have been in shambles ever since. So it's like, I'm not going to the gym when I'm already this sore.

I just would love to just do one football season where I don't gain £15.

You can do it. We can do this. I'm going to be in the best shape of my life by the end of football season.

Same, same.

I swear to God.

Same.

Wait, what the fuck? What is he listening?

Who?

He's— Jack is being— did you text him?

Kick him out. Kick him out.

I just said we've made a decision about football food. And he says, nope, your fat asses can just not eat it. It's staying up, up front. Learn self-control, fatties.

Okay. Well, tell Jack, get ready to learn. Fired.

Jack has a spray tan. Yeah.

Tell Jack Jerry's got something in his car he'd like to share with him.

Yeah, we can go. We can go talk to Jerry if you want to play that game.

Yeah.

All right, Zach, finish off.

We could just put hoodies on, though, just to speak to that.

Dude, that's the problem, Zach. I know hoodie season is— I'm about to buy a bunch of new hoodies and then I'm like, Oh, I'm fine. You can't think like that. We got to stay in front of it this year. Stay in front of it. What happens is this conversation always happens in like November where we're like, oh, it's gotten so bad. Let's get in front of it.

And speaking of hoodies, what if we just crank the heat up, wore hoodies? It's like a sauna. Yeah, we're like wrestlers.

Yeah.

Don't hate that. It's like watching football.

How do we get in front of it?

Basically a workout at that point.

Yeah.

And we We quit after like 3 weeks, dude.

Yeah, we're not doing that this year.

That's the problem. He's getting married.

But that's the problem is we keep doing weight loss challenges. Why don't we just change our habits?

I think the food going in the back is huge.

Huge. There's no way I'm walking back there.

Food's going. He keeps saying no. He— I don't think he has the right to say no to this.

Not to me.

That's what I'm saying. Right.

Okay.

Zach, how did he How did he know that?

I think he just knows that we're just talking about—

But he knew exactly our plan.

Yeah. All right, Zach.

My paraphrase this week is, uh, I've been looking into being a bike guy as of Tuesday, really.

Motorcycle?

No, just like pedal bike or electric bike, because I had a pretty sobering moment in rideshare that reminded me that strangers are strangers and you shouldn't trust everyone that you just take a ride home with.

Okay.

Had a great day at work. Great week, really. So this isn't too much, but hopped straight into the rideshare. Took a couple minutes to go around the office where I got my backpack, and then the driver was just watching pornography. Oh, so it's pretty uncomfortable.

What kind?

I just saw like just flash of sex and that was it.

Was it on a phone?

Yeah, just on a cell phone. And then he kind of shuffled. I thought about making a joke about it. I was like, let's be lighthearted. And then he just started talking about Messi to Soldier Field. So we got past it pretty quick, but I might just be out of rideshare for a little bit.

So when he started talking about Messi, were you like, just put the porn back on, dude?

I don't hate that move because he was talking about really excited.

Yeah.

Then the draw is Soldier Field. Something to think about.

But—

So, Zach, you've just had 2 times in the last week and a half where you have just been like sex has been thrown in your face and you're not a sex guy.

Yeah, one physical though, one just like virtual. Virtual, that's okay. It's whatever.

But yeah.

So you're gonna—

do you know how to ride a bike?

Oh, definitely. Well, I mean, I haven't done it in a while, but yeah. What do they say? It's like riding a bike. You always know how to ride a bike.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they say.

They do.

I think that's what they—

You haven't done it since you moved here?

Maybe. What? Probably not.

When's the last time you rode a bike?

I can ride a bike.

Are you sure?

I don't like where this is— yeah, definitely.

We're gonna need to—

we're gonna need to see you ride a bike.

I might go one hand, you know, I might be able to do tricks on it.

What about one hand is not hard?

You're like, you like have to be able to do one hand so you can tell people behind you where you're going.

Yeah, signal.

Well, I've never done like transit bike riding, so like I never had to experiment with the signals.

Did you— but regardless, that's not a trick.

That's an extreme trick. I was just talking the You know, one-handed.

What is this, the X Games?

You ever seen the one? Yeah, or the four-leaf clover. You ever done the—

what's that?

2 off top, feet off the pedals.

You do that?

No, but you've never seen that move?

Yeah, I've seen it, but I— yeah, it's a great video.

Okay, so you're going to start biking so that you don't accidentally—

oh yeah, this kid.

I remember.

You don't get accidentally hit with porn anymore. That's the— that's the mission.

It was more so just a reminder of like, oh, you're too comfortable just getting in strangers' cars.

That was the Rizzler. Yeah, that was the Rizzler.

That's an all-time bit.

Fucking badass. All right, so you're a bike guy.

I— are you—

very important question. You know what this question is?

Probably not. Maybe.

I mean, I think you should.

I think I should too.

What's it going to look very funny? Yeah, but safe helmet or no helmet?

People can't drive here.

I think you need to wear a helmet.

I'm definitely gonna wear a helmet.

Listen.

Can we put stickers on your helmet?

Yeah, there's space on there.

Okay.

We could like, we could come to an agreement.

Get him like a shark helmet or something. Something really cool. Oh, helmet with a visor. Yeah, you need a helmet.

You think tinted?