Transcript of Kyle Schwarber In Studio, Hank Forgot About Joel Embiid, Ryan Whitney Calls In To Explain The Beer Chug NBA/NHL Playoffs + Hot Seat/Cool Throne And Listener Submitted FAQs New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at StellaBlueCoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of my take presented by DraftKings, we've got Kyle Schwarber in studio. We taped it last week, so no, he will not be talking about the firing of Rob Thompson today, but great, great interview with Kyle Schwarber. Haven't had him on in like 7 or 8 years.

Just awesome to catch up with him. He's the most beloved athlete on this show because we've passed him around team to team. Uh, we're gonna talk NBA playoffs, the Sixers-Celtics. Game 6 is happening. The Knicks womp womp the Hawks. We have Monday night action that we're gonna get to. We have some hockey talk, Hot Seat Cool Throne where we talk about everything, and then we are going to finish with FAQs, and it's all brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Our AWLs know that Chevy Silverado is the official truck of Pardon My Take. That's because Silverado is the truck with grit that shows up every time, built to haul, tow, and take a beating, but smart when it counts with modern tech that makes life easier. Big screens available, camera views that help with towing and parking, in a cabin that feels right whether you're road tripping, heading to practice, or loading up for the weekend. During the season, it's the MVP of the tailgate. After the season, it turns into your training camp truck, hauling gear, tackling home projects, and doing the work that never stops because the grind doesn't take breaks. Neither does Silverado.

Check out the current offers and build your own Chevy Silverado today at chevy.com. Okay, let's go. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Wednesday, April 29th, and PFT, they forgot about Joel Embiid.

The two greatest words in the English language: Game 6.

Oh, Joel, can't wait.

Game 6.

They forgot about Joel Embiid because he was—

I didn't.

He—

everything he was throwing up there was going in. And the Sixers kicked the shit out of the Celtics in Boston. Hank, I have a very simple question to ask you to start this whole thing. How much blame do you put on the uniforms?

I don't like those uniforms, but I've— we've talked about it a bunch on the show. I don't put that much blame on them.

Oh, I put a lot of blame on—

they can't—

they— they— those aren't playoff uniforms.

You can't hit threes.

A franchise like the Boston Celtics, those aren't classic uniforms they can pull from. Yeah, take either one.

Like Adam Silver said, they have two uniforms.

That's not a playoff uniform.

The Sixers just pull their old uniforms out. The Celtics don't have old uniforms, right?

They don't need them.

I know, I agree with that.

Beautiful class.

That's an Adam Silver, you got to wear three jerseys thing. That's not the Celtics. Their problem was they can't hit their shots, hit any threes.

I think if there were better jerseys, they would hit their shots. How about that?

Hank, question for you. Did you forget about Joel Embiid?

I overlooked Joel Embiid, I'll say that. I thought you know, he was injured. He wasn't 100%. He— him being back was actually going to hinder them like it did last game. And I was wrong. He was dominant tonight.

Trivia question, Hank. How many points did the Celtics score in the fourth quarter tonight? Was it A, 10 points? B, 11 points? C, 12 points? Is there a D? No, that's it.

D, 14 points.

I'll go with C. It was—

no, it was B. It was 11 points.

Yeah, I mean, they didn't—

I needed them to score 14 to get the over.

Well, then I'm happy they didn't.

Oh wow, that was mean. Why are you lashing out at me?

Because if we're going down, we're all going down together.

Uh, I do have a serious question though. So Thursday night, obviously everybody, every AWL out there is looking forward to the potential of Game 7 on Saturday on Max's bachelor party, which we've got— we're gonna have 3 D'Alente brothers going up against Hank and Jerry O'Connell potentially, and I floated the idea to Max.

I think if it goes 7, we got to bring the streaming back. No.

What are you talking about?

The game's going to be on at like 10 a.m. Vegas time.

Is that true?

Yeah, it's going to be like a noon.

You think they do a noon game?

Oh, maybe not. It depends on how the other series go.

I think we're going to be so drunk by the time Game 7. Yeah. All right.

All right.

Yeah, we might have to break the clips, though.

Correct.

Clips for sure.

Clips could happen if there's a Game 7.

But Hank, when it comes to Game 6, Is that a must-win for the Celtics?

No, it's not.

I—

my—

like, oh wow, Max, is it a must-win for the Sixers?

Uh, yes.

Wow, he wants it more.

Game 6, he wants it more.

Get fucked, Hank.

The Celtics are going to win Game 6, but the only reason that, like, I've— I'm resigned to the fact that they're not is that Game 7's on the horizon. We talked about it when the series started. Celtics should blow them out in Game 6, but somehow they're going to lose and we're going to Game 7.

Well, tonight on the PMT group thread, you referred to tonight as the finale. Finale of this series.

No, I, I, so, so what did that mean when you said that? So PFT, to answer your question, I thought the Celtics were going to win. I was anticipating a win.

This was halftime. You said it's the finale.

Finale. Do you know what finale means?

Yeah, I will again, like, I, I, it means the end, the last of the last— that was gonna be the last game of the series.

Can we all be honest with ourselves here? Can we all—

now I know what's going on. This conversation, I will say that, like, yes, that's, that's honest.

Hey, can we have an honest conversation about what's gonna happen in Game 7? Yep. We're gonna get hyped up. We're gonna get hyped up. It's Max's bachelor party. We're gonna be drunk all day. We're gonna be having a great time, great vibes. It's everyone's— everyone in the cabana is going to be against Hank.

No.

Who? The Don.

Oh, the Don. I forgot about the Don. All right, so Don and Hank, but the Don might, he might be like, there's a Game 7 tonight.

Oh no, he's already, he already texted.

Oh yeah, don't disrespect the dog. I'm not, but that was disrespectful. No, the Don, the Don in Vegas is a different beast. Yeah, that's a, that's a fact.

Yeah, and the Delantes are gonna find that out.

But I'm just saying, like, the Don, I watched the Don in Vegas. He's got, he's, he's, he's the king of Vegas. Yeah, that game might not be the most, but you're right. The Don, the Don is a weapon. Absolute weapon. We're going to get hyped up. Vibes are going to be incredible. Everyone except the Don and Hank are going to be like, come on, Max, you can do this. Max's brothers are going to be there.

My brothers, Jerry O'Connell, is going to be bang-banging in Hank's face.

And then the Suns are going to win by 50 points and it's going to be not even competitive. And we're all going to be like, well, that sucked.

This is what I have to say, and I don't want that to happen.

Truly, from the bottom of my heart, do not want that to happen.

The Celtics are going to win in 6. The Celtics are going to win in 6.

That would be great.

We all know this.

The Celtics are going to win in 6.

I get excited now, but you know, you know, you were just talking about the fucking next series game plan with memes.

I—

whoa.

Yeah, don't bring me—

I started this, that conversation with memes. They had Cat on the TV and I said this isn't gonna happen. I literally started a conversation and said this isn't gonna happen. So why would you have the conversation?

But by the grace of God, see it.

If you didn't say by the grace of God, memes.

I did say, I was like, this isn't gonna happen, the Celtics are gonna win. But if it does, Cat wouldn't be able to play in the series against the Sixers because Embiid just dominates Cat, and Mitchell Robinson is very good against Embiid. That's all I said. That's just analysis. That's talking ball.

Well, no, what it was—

that's belief.

That's talking ball. That's belief.

It's Max using his imagination. He's like, if it got there, then I could see that happening.

I started the conversation by saying it's not going to happen.

Can't make believe anymore.

Memes, fact or fiction?

Did I start the conversation?

I'm just saying Max was, you know, resigned to the fact that the Sixers were going to lose the series.

That made me be like, oh, Max believes.

You forgot about Embiid.

I also— is that the— you forgot about Embiid? I forgot about the Don. I can't believe I forgot about the Don. You're fucked, Max. The Don has got powers, dude. The Don's got powers that we don't even know about.

The Celtics are going to win in 6, and that— and the— but, but by the grace of God, if we get to a Game 7, the one—

no one wants that.

The one difference is gonna be Hank versus Max. That's, that's a battle that Hank wins 10 times out of 10. Hank versus the DeLente brothers trio.

Yeah, but what about the Don?

Yeah, but then I get 3 DeLentes on my wall.

It's even—

take them all out.

You're gonna be just a good— like, yeah, you're gonna be surrounded by Italians.

Oh yeah, we're gonna— oh, and my brother the Don. I know you think I'm a proud Italian. Wait till you meet my brother.

I have my—

my brother—

was that a threat?

My brother specifically requested for the Eagles Italian flag hat on the side that, that Big Dom and Sirianni wear. And I got Big Dom to send me one. I gave it to him.

Shout out Big Tom, man. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah, it's like the Jokic brothers coming at you. I think that it's going to be—

it's going to be great.

It's going to be great. I've, I, I've—

no, it's good.

I've got to see the Atlanta Hawks watch a basketball game before with Joel Embiid playing and hearing them yell, come on, Joe, come on, Joe, at the TV over and over.

It's—

it actually They do inspire him. I believe that Joel Embiid can hear the Dellintes through the television if they're all in the same place. And I think, Hank, you are not mentally prepared for the image of Jerry O'Connell wearing a Speedo with Max's face on it, probably getting like semi-erect.

Mm-hmm. No, not semi.

Screaming. Well, he'll be like, I swear to God, it's usually bigger. Guys, zoom in. It's bigger. And he's going to be in your face. He might injure your eardrum again.

But I don't want to—

I am a peaceful person. The last thing I want is war. War is bad for all countries involved.

You always say that when it comes to Liv.

And this is about—

World War II.

This weekend is a celebration of Max. And like, it should be all good vibes and all for Max. And like, the last thing I want is for this to happen. But as Max said, if by the grace of God it happens, I will— it is war and we will be going to war and like, we're going to smoke Max and his brothers. And the vibes are going to go down for a little bit. But that's just that, that I don't want it to happen.

But oh my God, it feels like that's what's going to happen. Hank getting all three DeLentes and Jerry O'Connell in one full swoop. He's going to—

it's not going to happen. So the Celtics are going to win.

We might just have to end the bachelor party.

Well, there might be another game 7 on Saturday too, right?

No, Hank is right. Like, this is going to be war. This is like, this is like the Tupac night in Vegas, but for podcasts.

What if we just ended the bachelor party if Hank won? We're like, all right, we're done. Party's over. No dinner, nothing.

Yeah, I mean, we're going to be on a billion.

We are going to be on a bit. That's the thing.

It's like we are going to be—

yeah, we're— if it's a night game, it's a fact we're going to be on a billion.

If it's a night game—

there is no night game, but yeah, I'm saying like East, East Coast time. The later it is, 4 o'clock. Yeah, yeah. And the Derby, everything's gonna be happening all at once. Oh man, Max, you gotta win on Thursday.

I will say, smallest spread of the series by far.

Oh, what are we looking at?

DraftKings is starting to give this series a little bit more respect.

5.5.

5.5. And Embiid's— his appendix seems to be feeling better game after game. He looked more comfortable tonight.

You forgot about Embiid.

We didn't hit any shots. Like, it's, it's fun for the Sixers to get their hopes up.

It is.

We didn't, we didn't hit any shots.

Yeah, but I mean, that's, but that's a different thing.

I know, I know, I know.

Derrick White, there's problems.

Yeah, there's something going on with him. I think he's just like being very tough and it's going to be one of those things where like a report comes out after the season. But something, something's not right. Something's not right. No, I, I'm giving Derrick White the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think he's, he's not 100%, right?

But if this was a Sixer that was having a mystery illness, like you, you'd laugh at Embiid's injury. Yeah, you're not us.

Well, no, Embiid would be like, oh, I have a, I'm hurt, but I'm still gonna play.

And then like, that's what you're saying that Derek White's doing?

No, he's not saying he's hurt.

Right. Okay.

But also Embiid wouldn't say I'm hurt, but I'm still going to play.

He'd just be hurt.

He'd be like, I'm shutting it down. True, Max.

Not true.

But we're— are we just not going to talk about one of the biggest possessions of the game?

Yeah.

I mean, Embiid went out with an injury and Andre Drummond hit a 3.

That actually was ridiculous. I wish watching in the cave together where you guys That was big. Scared to show up.

Drummond, an impactful 7 minutes from him.

That was an insane 3.

Yeah, that's, that's my guy, Drummond. He can do that shit. Other series memes.

That one's meme.

Zach, what happens? Pasta.

Game 6.

And that was our hockey recap.

Shout out to Whitney.

Yeah, Whitney cursed the, cursed the Sabers with his very slow beer chug.

Ah, that—

not a—

no, no, no, no, no. PFT, what— I appreciate you doing that to try to shield our good friend Ryan Whitney. Calling it a very slow beer chug. He like— he was like fondling the saber and looked like he was also choking at the same time.

So to me, it kind of looked like he was like playing it like an instrument, like he was blowing out into it. I don't know what he was trying— some guy— listen, some guys are chug guys. He's not a chug guy.

It looked like he was— maybe you couldn't see inside the can and he was just like, you know, sometimes people will do that where they like put a bottle up to their mouth but don't drink it, but make it look like they're drinking.

Yeah.

He looked like he was trying to just like make the look that he was trying to realize that the saber was clear.

Yeah. Yeah. I think the offhand also screwed him up. He like kind of lost balance somehow with his offhand. It was so— I texted Dave right away. We got to release a statement. Like, it's—

it's—

this is bad.

He was cupping balls on the saber.

And it's so funny that it's— it's— I mean, Buffalo, there's actually some energy in there tonight. And it's like, if he—

what do you mean, actually?

If the Bruins win this series, what are you talking about? Because he went there and wore the jersey and did the— like, it will be the funniest, the funniest storyline of all time.

Yeah, watch it again. See what I'm saying about his offhand? I don't— it's like a chewing gum and walking thing. He can't pump the crowd up and drink at the same time.

It's fun.

He got all out of rhythm and he couldn't figure it out.

The physics, like, he just has it—

he has it like—

watch, watch, the beer is going down.

His left hand, like, stop moving.

It's not even really a physics question, it's just when you drink a beer, you have to, you have to tip the beer up. Yeah, I guess that's physics, but it's just, if you've ever, if you've ever drank a bit, you know how gravity works with a beer.

Oh man. Yeah, the Whitney curse might be real. And it's funny because, you know, he went to this game and then the Oilers are up 3-nothing in the first period. Just like that.

I texted Dale, whatever it costs to get Whitney in the building for Game 6, he has to do it. Because it's in Boston.

Yeah.

Whitney's got to go.

Yeah. He was part of the Blade Gang. He looked awesome.

It was a great goal by Pasta too in overtime. Sick finish.

Yeah. And the Wild, big win.

Sick finish.

Big win. Wild are one away. All right. So the Knicks, Zach and Memes, very impressive game.

Got it done.

Jalen Brunson was phenomenal. Do we feel like all is right back with the world right now? It's like, hey, You're better than them. Just finish this off.

Yeah, it was just absolute shit kicking.

It feels like the end of Game 3 is the start. I saw you saying that because there was like tears and shit after Game 3. Yeah, someone dropped that report of the Knicks locker room like right after the game. They were crying after Game 3.

Yeah, so they say.

What, um, what's the schedule if you both win on Thursday?

Saturday.

Saturday's game 1.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I don't know.

Does anyone know?

I didn't look that far ahead.

I can look.

I'd love to see it.

Yeah, I don't know how that works. Let's see it with Jerry between May 2nd and May 4th. Memes, what are your thoughts on—

on that?

Would be max projecting that Cat's about to get his shit pushed in if it's Sixers against the Knicks.

I just want to make it past this round. You guys can beat the Hawks and then we're going to beat the fuck out of whoever we play. Zach, you've been— Zach has actually been correct about this series after Game 3 and the not getting a shot off. Zach was like, it's a 7-game series, boys. Don't worry, this 7-game series, this series now is always supposed to be right. Tune-up series, get right. I mean, just Boys are back in physical. It was great to see tonight. Can't wait.

It's a 1.5-point spread for Thursday. The Knicks are better than the Hawks, so by 1.5 points according to DraftKings Sportsbook.

Okay.

I mean, I, I guess, yeah, I mean, whether, whether it's 6 or 7, I would take the Knicks if they play in Game 7 in New York.

I can tell Hank's worried. Hank's officially worried. This is, this is Hank's worried face where he gets like a little grumpy. A little short with everybody, grumpy, but he puts— it's a different cocky Hank than what we usually get. This is the cocky Hank that you can tell he's projecting a little bit.

Pressure is a privilege, and I'm excited for the opportunity.

Real piece of shit cocky Hank.

You don't find out who you are until you're backed up against the wall.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's when you find out— that's when you get championship DNA. That's when you have to pull.

You're right, PFT, but he is on the ropes, but he doesn't admit he's on the ropes. We know.

I just said it.

No, no, no, but you don't. You have to beat it out of him. In your In your heart of hearts, you do not think the Celtics are going to lose this series.

We're going to Game 7, but we're gonna fucking kill them. We're not losing this series, right?

So, but he—

Game 7, anything can happen, man. It's Game 7.

That's why it's the best week of the year.

We— I mean, we haven't talked about the fact, like, you, you talked at length about the 3 DeLentes and Jerry O'Connell on your wall. Like, what happens if Saturday happens and you lose? I—

you're right, I haven't talked about that. I haven't even thought about that. And I won't at all. Nope.

What are the chances that you would go home?

I would. I don't know, because I have not. You want to say you wouldn't, but you might.

You might have. If you got 3 D'Alentejo, like everywhere you look, you're in a funhouse mirror of Italians. And every time you turn around, they're in your face. Just, oh, yeah, you might. You might leave. I wouldn't blame you. I—

yeah, they're going to win.

They're going to win on Thursday. Celtics are going to win on Thursday. What are we talking about?

What's the best outcome for the podcast? Obviously a Game 7.

Game 7, something super controversial happens. Maybe like one guy, like someone gets kicked out of the game and then a heartbreaking buzzer beater.

Or we've seen the playbook of Hank beating me a million times.

Yeah. Your bachelor party. No, no. The best for the podcast would be Max having like the best bachelor party of all time.

And that like just having the best day of all time until they lose on a buzzer beater. That would— if we're being honest, we've seen this happen before and it kind of fucking rocks when it does happen.

No, but also Max beating Hank and then Memes beating Max.

That'd be good.

That'd be a hell of a twist.

That would be good.

The scriptwriters, you'd have to tip your cap on that.

But I also love seeing Memes beat Hank. That's the thing. Back-to-back years being both.

Yeah.

And still, mm-hmm.

I'm excited, boys. This is good ball.

No matter what, I just— I need Game 7. I need it so bad.

Maybe dueling Game 7s. Although, yeah, yeah, that's too much.

Too much ball.

That might be too much ball. That would get us very exhausted.

Nah, dueling Game 7s.

And then where would we find our energy? Spurs.

We should invite Josh Allen.

Spurs.

Spurs.

Done. Series done. Trailblazers, thanks for coming out. You won one game.

Yeah.

Wemby was hurt.

Good job.

Who cares?

Wemby got pissed about the league's concussion policy. I didn't know Wemby had that dog in him like that. Yeah, he's like, the NBA forced me to be a pussy.

Yeah, he's a football guy.

I didn't want to be.

Yeah. He's a true footballer.

That's what I'm saying. I think, I think the Thunder might— they might have their hands full with the Spurs.

Yeah, but remember, it wouldn't be for another round, right?

In the Western Conference Finals.

And then the last two things before we kick it to ourselves, talk about some of the games on Monday. We have the NCAA is pretty much officially expanding to 76 teams in the tournament. I think we all are in agreement that it's a bad idea unless it was to get more of the mid-majors in. But we know the truth is that's not what's going to happen. It's going to be a bunch of 500 SEC and Big Ten teams.

I thought about it more. Yeah, that would be the one acceptable way, but it should just go back to 64, if we're being honest. Yeah, I don't like 68. Never liked it. I don't give a fuck about the playing game. A 64-team bracket is perfect. It's clean. Keep it there. But we're fighting against the windmills. So, you know, died.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's 6 games today. So it's 6 games Tuesday, 6 games Wednesday would be the new format where they, they, they change it to 24 teams play in the playoffs.

I hate it.

Hate it.

It was all 16 teams, I think, 2 15s and then a combo of 13, 11, 12. Like, it's stupid. I hate it. Yeah. Unless again, if they, if they actually expanded it to include some of these good mid-major conferences that end up only having one bid, I'm all for it. But we all know the truth to it, and it's gonna suck. And we're gonna get the Auburns, we're gonna get Indiana, and like, uh, I'm talking about obviously this last year, a bunch of these teams that were not good, but because you have 76, you have to do it.

Yeah, even if it's mid-majors, that's, that's the best way to do a bad thing. Yeah, but it's still a bad thing.

Correct. I don't want it.

I, I I don't want expansion. Nobody except for, I guess, the conferences want expansion. And well, no, the coaches broadcast. Yeah.

And the coaches want it because the coaches all like you make you, you have a better chance of making the tournament. You have a better chance of keeping your job.

But I think a lot of coaches would be honest and say that they, that we don't need to expand it.

Yeah. No, no. But I'm saying like the coaches will all use this to their advantage. They'll be like, yeah, you know, went to the tournament 3 years in a row. Right. But you, the fucking. You were the last 13 seed that had to play in the play-in, right?

But the real driving force is not the coaches behind it. It's like, yeah, it's the money that goes to the, to the conferences, to the schools. And, uh, yeah, it's, it's nobody— the consumer does not want this.

And honestly, I'm gonna have to start budgeting now because they just added 2 more full days and I'm gonna lose money. Like, just, I'm gonna be— Thursday's gonna come around and be like, I'm out. Yeah.

And it's, it's tough that time of year when it comes right after conference championship week.

Yeah.

And if you were lucky enough to win conference championship week, you have to try to let that all on the line for, for the playing games. It's just hard. It's tough.

That's going to be the longest week of our lives. Yeah. Holy shit.

Is there a way to stop this?

Worst week of the year.

Worst week of the year.

It's just— it's going to be— it's just not going to be the same. And it'll never be the same again.

Just got to—

you realize we just watched our last true NCAA tournament ever.

Oh, and Duke didn't even make the Final Four.

Oh, yeah. We did just watch the last one.

It's too many teams. And then the NBA also had to do some logistics shuffling around. The thing that, that Adam Silver hinted to us last week on the pod, we're doing a 3-2-1 draft.

Yep.

So the draft lottery is going to be some teams get 3 lottery balls. The bottom, what, 4 teams? So it's 2 lottery balls. It's so it's punishing the worst of the worst.

The worst.

I think it's the bottom 3 teams and each 2. Yeah, yeah. It's, it's 1 through 3 get 2, 4 through 10 get 3. And then 11 through 16 get 2.

Yeah.

So, and there's now 16 lottery teams. Um, and there's also the rule that you can't finish top 5, 3 consecutive years, I believe. I think you— or you can do it 3 consecutive years, you can't do it a 4th, and you can't get the number 1 pick back-to-back years. Is that correct? It also is not official. This is just a proposal.

Yeah, they're floating this out there.

You were right, but then I don't know about the back-to-back number one pick. Yeah, I don't know about that either. They have that in baseball, which I don't— I don't hate. Like, you can't— in baseball they changed it so that you can't get like the number one pick like 5 years in a row. Yeah, no, that, that makes sense.

No team would be able to win the top pick in consecutive years or be able to win 3 consecutive top 5 picks.

I nailed it. I nailed it. I was ready.

Also would not be able to protect picks in the 12 to 15 slots going forward.

I guess the only thing I would ask is if— yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

As long as this doesn't—

where are the unintended consequences? I can't figure it out, but I'm sure someone's going to find a loophole. Some nerd's going to find a loophole and it's going to be like, oh, fuck, we should have thought about this.

Well, as long as it doesn't take effect this year, I'm OK with it.

Yeah, no, it doesn't.

OK, good.

So you're good.

Good.

Where are the unintended consequences? Would it be like if you trade your first round pick, you would tank even harder because you wouldn't want— you'd want to get 2 instead of 3? Do you know what I'm saying?

If you wanted to fuck the team that you traded.

Well, and also if you didn't want to have the clock set. I don't know how it would work if you— if you— if— all right, so let's say the Wizards trade their first round pick.

Yeah.

And if the Wizards get the first pick and they've traded it, would that make it ineligible for them to get the first pick next year.

I don't think— if it, if it conveyed to somebody else, I don't think that they would get—

because no, because they technically won the lottery, right?

Yeah, but that seems like something that there would be either way.

That would be the one unintended consequence because then the Wizards would then try to tank even harder to get only 2 lottery balls instead of 3, right? But on those— on surface, it does kind of like— it will make teams at the bottom a little more competitive at the end because why wouldn't— why would you want to have one of the bottom 3 records.

There would be some awesome games the last like 3 weeks of the season.

Yeah.

Between some really, really shitty teams. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be fun.

Yeah, I think, I think it works. I don't know. Someone's got some nerds going to find a hack for it and be like, they didn't think about this.

So where's, where's the line between getting, getting the 3 lottery balls and the 1?

11 through 16. OK, so 4 through 10 is 3.

The losers of the 7, 8 playing games get 1 lotto ball.

Correct.

OK. All right.

Correct. So yeah, it expands it so that— yeah, I don't know. Maybe I think someone's going to find a loophole. You know they will. Yeah, there's going to be a nerd.

To me. Okay, here's what the loophole might be. It feels like if you're in the play-in slot, you want to lose that game.

Well, oh yeah. And also, if you're the— if you're 11, 12, 13, 14, you're going to be tanking hard.

Yeah.

At the end of the season. Right.

I think so. Yeah.

You'd be tanking for your 3 lottery balls because I think— and then you— and then if you're in, if you're already secure in that 4 through 10, you'd be tanking as well to not get up. So yeah, it's just, it just, it shifted tanking.

I'd have to look at the numbers, but just based on math vibes, boy math, if the loser of the 7-8 playing game gets 1 lottery ball.

Yeah.

Each lottery ball seems pretty valuable.

Yeah.

So losing— I feel like losing that game would be of higher interest than it is right now as we currently stand.

Correct.

And like I said, it's, it's no matter what, it's gonna be better because the odds are flattened significantly. But at the last 2 weeks of the season, if you're the 11th worst team, you are going to tank really hard. And if you're the 10th worst team, you're also going to tank really hard because you don't want to win and get to the 11th. So that will be where the tank— it just shifted the tanking to basically teams 8 through 12 are going to tank their asses off. Yeah, down the stretch. Okay, we figured it out. Well, it took us a little talking. Anything else? What?

Diego Pavia.

Yeah. Congrats, Diego Pavia.

Raven.

Raven. 3-year contract. 3-year contract. All guaranteed?

I probably doubt it.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably.

But still, good for him. Good for him. He didn't even have to try out, right? I don't think so. They're like, we love you.

He was going to try out and they said, no, we'll just give you the contract. That's why I'm expecting probably none of it is guaranteed.

Are you scared of that, Hank? He's your guy.

Yeah, I'm happy for him.

Okay.

I mean, I wish. Yeah.

Congratulations to Diego. I can't get over the Whitney.

I know.

It's just going to— it's going to—

it's like he did it on purpose.

But he didn't. In fact, it was the artist.

Yeah, he was trying me hardest. He was actually trying to amp them up. Memes, do that again. What you just did. Yeah, there you go.

Mm-hmm.

You do it.

Do it with the water. Do the water.

Yeah.

Hey, it's a new trend. He was like Whitney.

But then, no, this arm. He lost use of his left hand. I love that guy.

Why don't you give him a call?

Hockey player?

Yeah, let me call him real quick. I love that guy so much. He really is the best.

We got to get somebody to teach Whit how to open up that throat and how to skate through the people.

It's fucking Merle's and Ryan Whitney skate like rollerblading down the highway. They both play in the NHL.

These guys can't even fucking skate. I know they both play in the NHL.

Hello?

Hey, would you like to make a statement? We're taping Pardon My Take right now. Would you like to make a statement?

I made a statement on my Twitter handle where I can go through it again.

Okay.

Sitting here.

I'm sitting here with Merles and Meems.

Okay.

Was handed a Buffalo Sabers sword going out to the outdoor party outside the KeyBank Arena. Filled with a beer, went out, apologized, crazy pop from the crowd, chugged it all over my Sabers jersey. Kind of embarrassed, I'm like, oh shit. I come off the stage, the MC of the events like, dude, these things you can't chug out of them, you have to drink it slow because you can't chug, they end up spilling, it's impossible to chug. I said, oh, all right, well, I wish you told me that beforehand, MC guy. I have a chug coming up first TV timeout. Now, I didn't know, I didn't know basically the balance level of like going non-chug to like going really slow, right? Like there's an in-between. Yeah, I would— I was on the— I was on the other side of the hard chug where at one point, I mean, it's balancing like, like, like a boat would on the ocean. And the one picture where it's going the opposite direction Actually, while chugging, I was like, oh man, this isn't even like— there's nothing even coming in my mouth right now. That doesn't sound great with this.

So I finished. Now here's what happened. I scored before, and I'm like, thank God. Oh, I'm going on the big screen with a goal. Here's another part of this. How the fuck did TNT put— why was this on TV? It was a TV timeout. I think Biz made them— made sure TNT knew I was going on then because I had told Biz and our agent, oh, it's at the TV timeout, first period, first one after the 14-minute mark. He probably told TNT. I've never seen one of those on TV. So I, I went back to the seat with Murr. Murr was standing next to me going, what was taking you so long? What was— he's on like, dude, I got caught between— I didn't get to drink my beers because I was waiting for him to finish it. So I said, what was taking so long? I'm like, dude, I got caught between the not chug and spill and like a really, really, really slow chug. And then, um, yeah, man. So then I all of a sudden, like, the texts are— so there's no service that you can't like get the Twitter up, and but I got texts coming through.

I'm talking I'm talking 100 a minute. What the fuck? What the fuck? What was that? What's going on? And I'm like, what? How all these people? What's going on? Well, boom, I see Portnoy's Tweet. I said, oh my God, it was on TV. I gotta see how did this look. Did it look that bad? It looked worse than I ever— it looked worse than I ever could have imagined. I called my wife after. She goes, you looked— she said, you looked like one of those things outside of like, we will buy the gold, like a car wash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's like, your arm looks like one of those flappy arms.

Yes, I was trying to pump up the crowd while doing the job. That's where you— that's your left hand. I think you lost your balance. Like, your left hand just stopped moving, buddy.

I went to the bathroom. So then I go to the bathroom and there's an Indian guy in there and he's like, hey man, what was up with that chug? I did one earlier out of the sword and it went all over my jersey and everyone was like, oh, you can't chug out of those, it's like a known thing in Buffalo. And the guy goes, man, you gotta own the spillage, man, you gotta own the spillage. And I said, you're 100% right. Right, dude. I think of how much better it is. Buffalo wins that game if I just go straight north to south and it's—

yeah, all over. Yep. It looked like you were having a medical emergency.

And really, the spill wouldn't be that bad. I think the spill is the lesser of two evils.

We got Uber Eats coming. The Oilers are up 4-1, thank God. But, uh, but the, the— I was, I was the Josh Allen thing of the spill. I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. Oh, just a disaster. Just a disaster. Now I'm from Boston. I can't stand the Bruins. Never have liked them. And now it's like Dave wins everything. I'm from Boston. I'm going against my hometown team. Like, I don't know if Buffalo's winning this series.

Yeah, no. No, they're not. No.

Wait, you did it.

You got to get redemption in Game 6 at the Garden.

Hank's trying to get you to go. Hank wants you to go because he thinks you're bad luck.

How good would redemption be at the Garden?

You want me to go then?

No, he thinks you're bad luck for the, for the Sabers.

Oh, no shit, Sherlock. Yeah, yeah, going to another one of those games. Isn't even leaving Buffalo. I said, yeah, we get some plans and we get some plans in store if this thing goes— when this thing goes 7, for Merle to address what happened and, and really fix it. But thank God the Oilers are winning. But what a night, boys. I was— we were, we were rollerblading on the side of the highway like 13 hours ago.

It feels like a month.

Hey, I had the internet by storm today.

Yeah, you sound like Mincy.

And then, and then I'm the laughingstock of the internet a minute later.

How are you so drunk when you didn't drink any beer?

I'm not drunk at all, buddy. We had, we had 2 beers with the Blade Gang. Yeah, and went to the, went to the, the pre-game outdoor fest party. I, I chugged a beer that half of it went on the Sabers jersey and then went inside and like sipped on a beer till my tongue turned around the world.

Hey, Whit.

I haven't even drank.

That's the worst part of all this.

Hey, Whit, what do you say to the haters on the internet that saw the clip of you skating along the highway and said these guys can't skate?

My skates were two sizes too small and I played it up. I played up the effect a little bit of being the bad skater guy.

Gotcha. Gotcha.

It was a funny look.

Yeah. Oh man, Whit, you're the fucking best. Yeah, I'm gonna watch that video like 100 more times tonight. I just can't believe it.

I'm not gonna lie, boys, I need the Sabers to win this series.

Yeah, you're gonna be like— because it was all fun and games, like you talked shit about the Sabers, but then you went and owned it. You're a man of the people.

Let me tell you, a lot of people listening to this, city of Buffalo, I, I— after the game, I— okay, so Pasta got the puck, Molls Pasta got the puck. I go, let's go. I'm not kidding you, as the puck touched the backhand of his stick, I go, let's go. I was down the stairs before the goal went in.

I knew it.

Grapen up the Sabers things that we drink out of. Oh my God, we need to go. And, and, and, and I get outside, I'm like, because I'm like, dude, somebody's gonna slap me. And, um, the friendliest city in the world. Yeah, I had 50 people after the game Be like, thanks for coming to the city. I'm like, oh my God, these people are— they're like Midwest people in Buffalo, you know.

They're the best people.

Great people.

Yeah.

I couldn't believe— I didn't have one person say something to me like rude.

Well, not rude, you know. I never—

one person chirped me. Every person, can we get a pic? Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. And then after the game, I'm the reason, and they're still saying thanks a lot, Whit. Thanks a lot. It was okay. Bad Chuck, but you'll get him next time.

Great crew.

Just a great city.

Oh. All right, well, well, thank you, thank you, Whit. I mean, I— you, you, you provided— I had tears in my eyes. I had tears in my eyes. So I appreciate it. And we got, we got a statement out. I texted Dave right away. I was like, we got to get a statement out there. Like, this is a problem for Barstool.

I think he does like— uh, Meme said, he goes, he does like 2 of those a year, man.

Yeah, no, these are only for real things. And that, that chug could have taken us down, but thankfully we, we disavowed.

I think Tommy Smokes got right on it.

As the guy said to me in the bathroom Man, you gotta own the spillage.

Yeah, you gotta own the spillage. You gotta own the spillage. All right, I'll talk to you.

It was a bad look, but the weak chug is way worse.

All right, go Oilers!

Fuck you.

All right, bye. All right, that was wet.

All right, now they're up. Yeah, they're up 4-1 now.

Yeah.

Okay.

God damn it, he's so fucking funny.

Just gotta own it. Just take the spillage. Just take the spillage.

Someone, someone said he was like— someone was like, I, I I know this is HIPAA, so he can't answer, but like, was Whitney having a stroke? Like, actually having a stroke?

Yeah, just like a— just a moment of fugue state.

Yeah. All right. Let's get to— we'll kick it back to ourselves in studio for Kyle Schwarber coming up, which we taped last week, and Monday night's games. Okay. Before we get to Monday's games, DraftKings, the NBA playoffs are in full swing and the intensity isn't letting up. Every night delivers high-stakes drama, clutch performances, and unforgettable moments you'll be talking about for years. And with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA, your winnings get a boost every single day, all playoffs long. Playoff stars turn it up round by round, and DraftKings turns it up with them with a profit boost available every single game day from the first round all the way to the finals. Bet player props, bet live from the opening tip to the final possession. Every bucket, every dime, every clutch takeover matters, and only DraftKings Sportsbook keeps boosting you all the way through. All DraftKings customers can enjoy a profit boost every single day throughout the playoffs. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. Use code TAKE to claim your profit boost. That's code TAKE to get a boost every day of the NBA playoffs in partnership with DraftKings. Gambling problem?

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Max bet and boost vary. Boost only applies to winnings and expires at the end of the last NBA game each day. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Crown is yours. Okay, we're going to put together a parlay for Wednesday night NBA action. I'll start. Donovan Mitchell, 26 points.

Spider.

I think the Cavs got to win that.

They got it.

They got it. That might be a whopping, actually.

I like— I like Shingun, 10+ rebounds. He's going to get a double-double.

Okay. We're going a lot of shots.

We're going player props.

Yep.

I'm going with my boy. Oh, Marcus Smart.

Okay.

20+ points, rebounds, assists.

I like that. Okay. I like that. So go to DraftKings Sportsbook, bet with us, and use code TAKES to get a boost every day of the NBA playoffs in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. So Monday night games, I for one am happy that, uh, well, happy's the wrong word. I— we're a football podcast first.

Fact.

I love college basketball a lot. I dive into college basketball in January, February, March. Um, and then I, I love watching the NBA playoffs. But the long way I'm making this point is I'm kind of happy that I didn't have any expectations on the Detroit Pistons as the 1 seed because I didn't watch them during the regular season because holy shit, that team is dogshit.

Okay, I think I've got a good way to describe this matchup because I was thinking about the Pistons last night as I was watching them lose to the Magic again, just looking like a disjointed team. I think the Pistons are a really shitty good team. And I think that the Magic—

Mm.

Yeah.

Is a really— Wait, no, no, let me— I flipped it. I flipped it.

I flipped it.

Listen, it's confusing because when— I got this.

When you watch a game like that, it's hard to figure it out.

The Pistons are a really shitty good team. The Magic are a really good bad team.

Okay.

That's how I think this matchup works out. I think that a really good shitty team beats a really shitty good team. Yeah.

I just was, uh, I— the Pistons don't know how to put the ball in the hoop, which is a really important part of basketball. They didn't score for the last 5 minutes. Tobias Harris missed that open 3 when they were down 2, where I was like, ah, that's it right there, perfect.

He does it every time.

He ends up with 20 points. Then you look at, you're like, oh yeah, you didn't hit any big shots. There was a sequence, and I say sequence because it was actually more like a 3 minutes of the game where it was just a trade-off between, uh, Suggs missing a 3 and then Beef Stew Isaiah Stewart getting an offensive foul on a pick. And it was just going back and forth like that. It was so hard to watch. I feel bad for Cade Cunningham because I know people are gonna dog on him. There's 2 playoffs in a row that he has, you know, maybe not been able to elevate. He is also obviously coming off of a collapsed lung, so I'm gonna throw that out there. That's not fair to fully judge him. It's not like he came into the playoffs 100% healthy. It's also not fair because he's just got dogshit teammates, and Jalen Durant is like, he, he's unplayable. No one can make a shot. Cade Cunningham has to start all the offense. He looks gassed at the end of the game because he has to start all the offense, and a collapsed lung, and a collapsed lung.

I just don't know, like You got to get— they got to get someone who can make a shot.

Yeah.

So I feel like after, after the injury, it was a different team. Yes.

Well, the problem with the Pistons is like, first, just to set like the expectation, they won 14 games 2 years ago. So the Pistons, they turned it around. They're not— now they've got the expectation because it feels like they were the team that really gave a fuck about the regular season. And the East is not very good this year. It's like the Knicks, they could be okay. Celtics, they could be okay. But like, it was a down year for these. We can agree on that, right?

It's been a down year for these for a long time.

It's been a down— like, couple decades for the East.

Yeah, like 30 years.

Yeah, I'd say like since when, like at the end of the Bulls dynasty. Yeah, it's been about a bad 30 years.

That's not a knock on this. I mean, the Celtics won an NBA championship. I'm just saying, like, in terms of depth, the West is— is— has been deeper for a long time.

The Bucks did win. That's— that's a fair point.

But you'd agree the West is deeper.

Sure. Yeah. Okay.

But so like, it's not a knock on you.

It's— yeah, good job, Hank. You are a world champion.

What, what are you talking about?

Of course.

Yeah, but he, he took it, he took a personal offense.

I don't know why he would take it.

Absolutely.

You know what he sounds like? He sounds like an SEC fan, right?

Yeah, that's exactly—

yeah.

Oh yeah, you're rooting for conferences. You're rooting for conferences.

It's a little early in the day to piss Hank off, so I'm trying to just like ease him into it. But we can agree that it's been a down year for the East, right, Hank? At minimum, down year, down season.

Yep.

The Pistons really were the ones that cared. They wanted to be the number ones. That was like a big point of pride, which makes sense after coming off like 2 years ago, they won 14 games. It is a big point of pride to be like, yeah, we're the 1 seed in the East now. What a great turnaround. That doesn't change the fact that they're a very flawed basketball team.

Yeah. And I, I, uh, I don't know how they didn't get another shooter because like they knew it at the trade deadline that they were going to potentially be the one. They are the one, but like a top seed. Windows are, are fleeting in sports. They just got no one who can shoot. And the Magic again continue to be— I, I do think it's just partially is the Pistons aren't as dog shit as I'm making them out to be. This— the Magic are a really bad matchup in the fact that they're tough and they're tall and they're finally healthy. Although Franz Wagner gets hurt again, so you just get to do the whole thing over with, with the, like, the will he, won't he play. It was just a tough, tough watch. I mean, Suggs— credit to Suggs. He just kept on shooting. I think at one point Robbie Hummel said, he was like, I don't know why he's not following through.

He went— he said like 1 for 13, right? Yeah.

He's like, he's not following through on his shot. Yeah, he took 11 threes. He made one of them. Good.

Keep, keep shooting, but follow through, please. But it's not like, it's not like the Magic are an outstanding team. I think they're a great matchup.

They're tough. They're a tough team.

They're a great matchup. They, they, I mean, Paulo didn't look great either. And I was thinking about Paulo too last night. If you were to do a redraft right now, like draft every player in the NBA.

Yeah.

Everyone's a free agent. Where does Paulo go? Does he still go top 10?

I was going to say like 15, somewhere around there.

Yeah.

I think Vercillo, we're going to have Vercillo on because he's coming for the combine in a couple of weeks. I think he said, I think I saw that he said that he'd take Paulo over Or was it Cade over Jason Tatum? I can't remember which one.

We should just do Apollo draft.

Yeah, he's 23. What? He's only 23? Yeah, I know. He— yeah, he is going in. He's a very, very good player. He has potential superstar level to him.

You probably would have said like top 7 going into the season, right? Top 8?

Yeah, yeah, he's— he would still— he'd still be up there, but I, I—

off the top of my head, once you do the draft, it's like the age is where you really have to—

age is definitely not top 10.

But these 20—

all right, make your list.

Yeah, but give me a list.

Make your list.

Wemby.

Okay, easy. Wemby.

Luca. Luca.

Yeah.

SGA, easy. SGA. Jokic, easy.

Tatum, easy.

Brown, easy.

Giannis. Yeah, uh, Giannis is getting old. Giannis is getting— if you're doing ages, Giannis is almost— I think he's 30.

Would you take Giannis?

I would.

That's where it's like, if it's—

people are so triggered by the word draft and I'm excited. Yes, I would take Paolo. Uh, Maxi is old, dude. It's glass.

Paolo is bad.

Maxi.

Yes, Maxi.

How many?

Yes, Maxi.

How many names?

Not Embiid.

Harden.

Not Harden.

Uh, Edgecomb.

Why not Harden, dude?

Would you take Edgecomb?

If Wow.

Why? Why not? Why wouldn't you take— Edgecomb had a better year than Paolo this year at 19. If you're—

oh, I'd take Ant.

Yeah, Ant for sure.

Um, would you take Brunson? Yes. I wouldn't. Oh man. Scottie Barnes.

CJ McCollum.

Scottie Barnes. Future face of this league. I think he's probably in like the 20 range.

Yes, I think he's in the 20 range now that we're saying it.

15 to 20.

This is going to trigger people. We'll settle with 20. You know what, actually, let's not settle with 20. Let's settle with 50. Let's say he's the 50th best player just to get everyone upset. Chat, I have, I have a—

if they win this, if they win the series and he goes on to have a good showing in the second round, like, that is a direct— it's going to be a direct referendum on Paulo. Yeah, he's going to start clawing his way back up.

This— yeah, this— yeah, and this season has been weird for the Magic. They had very high expectations, got injured a lot. Um, I have a crazy stat. I'm sure— I don't know if you guys all saw it, but this should help out Pistons fans that are probably in their feels right now. By the way, did you see the Piston fan waterboarding himself after the game?

Saw that. Respect. Soggy sorrows.

Respect. That's big-time soggy sorrows. But here's the stat that maybe you can be like, hey, maybe this is, uh, the world's working in a certain way. April 27th, the Orlando Magic went up 3-1 against the Detroit Pistons. The Magic won Game 1, the Pistons won Game 2, the Magic won Game 3 and 4.

Mm-hmm.

April 27th, 2003, the Orlando Magic went up 3-1 against the Detroit Pistons. The exact same day.

Okay.

Exact same sequence. Magic win Game 1, Pistons win Game 2. Now, the only problem for this stat, which is a crazy stat, that it was literally 23 years to the day the Orlando Magic go up 3-1 against against the Detroit Pistons. The only problem is the coach for the Orlando Magic at that time, Mr. 3-1, Doc Rivers. So that's going to be— that part is tough.

That is tough.

Also, you need Doc Rivers to coach the Magic.

Also, the Pistons then had a little bit more talent.

Yes, they did.

Yes, they did. With the Wallaces and Tayshaun and Rip.

That was Chauncey. I remember being like, oh, Tracy McGrady finally got a first round.

Yeah, that was—

that was a big—

that was coming out year for him. He's going to do it. Turns out didn't work out. But yeah, the I still don't think the Magic are great, but they've got this matchup down pat. Bain looked good again. Yep. They added another shooter in Ja Morant.

Yep.

I love that. I mean, the gun thing, that'd be funny if he got a suspension for a game he didn't even play in. Yeah, but I love that Ja Morant and Jackson were there. That was cool.

Yeah.

Like that was a cool thing for them to— you don't see that very often.

Yeah, I liked it a lot. Shame on the producers, actually. I love what the producers producers did. But like, John Morant's got to go home being like, they— the one, the one time I brought the gun out. Actually, probably was.

No way that was not the one time.

I need to see the all.22 on, uh, and like.22 caliber on John Morant for the entire game.

He brought, he brought like the, the Rambo clip with his ammunition around him. He was shooting that thing all night.

Yeah, but it is very cool for him to be there and be like, yeah, still got a lot of, lot of love for my teammate. Uh, good for the Magic. Bummer for the Pistons. Yeah, I don't think it's over.

It depends on Franz. If Franz plays, I think I would say it's over. If Franz doesn't play, then yeah, there's— because it essentially comes down to neither team can shoot and then you— and then you take out Franz who can shoot. It's like, oh shit, now the— now the Magic are the Pistons right now.

They're the same team.

They're just looking at each other.

Spider-Man.

They only have to beat themselves once. Yeah.

Uh, okay, Thunder finish off the Suns. If you just listened to us talk about Paolo being the 50th best player in the NBA and got triggered, just remember we are a ball knower podcast because we were the first to report last year that last year's Oklahoma City Thunder were probably the worst Oklahoma City Thunder in their dynasty. And this year they are. I mean, that was a non-competitive series. SGA was averaged 33, 8, and 4 in this series. They're just so good. The whole team, everyone can shoot, everyone can defend. It's, it's nuts to watch. They're, they're so much better than everyone. I don't know if they'll lose a game before the Western Conference Final, maybe one. I think we said it, one and a half. Like, I don't—

I just—

they're just so good. And I— the, the Suns didn't have a bad— the Suns had like a nice little season where, you know, they, they put it— everything's kind of falling apart for them the last few years. They put it back together, get back in the playoffs. But you just played a team that is significantly better than you and everyone else.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't watch this game because we made a promise to you guys to not watch the game, the Thunder and the Suns. You can only keep so much information in your brain at any given time. But yeah, we were right about the Thunder. Well, well ahead of time. Yeah. So I'm glad. I'm glad for, for the United States, for America, that the series is over so we can move on to more important things.

Agreed. Do you want another crazy stat? Crazy stat number 2. Since March 17th, um, SGA in the fourth quarter in overtime has missed one single shot.

Yeah, yeah, I saw that one.

That's fucking nuts. He is so good. And I know I'm not— I think I'm done with the foul baiting thing. I don't really care anymore because I— the, the moments I watch of this series, he's just, he's just so much better than everyone. He's the best player in the world.

He didn't really have to do it this series. You'll be back. You'll be back. We'll get you back. I don't know.

Oh yeah, he is the best player in the world.

Million— he is the best. Yeah, yeah, I said last on, um, on Monday's show, people got up my ass about that. He is— he just is— he is— he's the MVP. He's the best basketball player. He doesn't need to do the foul baiting stuff. He didn't really have to do it this series, and, um, good for him. I hope he continues to not do that, but I doubt it.

Also, the, the Suns— if you're a Suns fan, you could just say, uh, maybe they just ran out of time because they lost game 1 by 35, they lost game 2 by 13, they lost game 3 by 12, they lost game 4 by 9. They were it like probably 4 games away from maybe winning one.

Yeah, Devin Booker was really coming.

They were just getting— they were just getting it, you know, closer and closer and closer by fractions. Um, all right, so, and then Thunder— or sorry, uh, the Nuggets survive what would have been a disastrous 4-1 loss to the Timberwolves. Their role players showed up. Jokic had his triple-double, played well. And there— but it was their role players. Like Jokic had 16 assists because guess what? Cam Johnson and Spencer Jones and Christian Brown all made their shots. And now we go back to Minnesota. It feels like to me this is their last stand, the Timberwolves. They got to win Game 6.

I would say Game 6. Yeah, that's a must win. That's the one that you would circle. You hope that you get a big game from, from one of your role players. I don't know if you're going to get another Io game like you got the other night. No, I don't know if that's even possible for him to do ever again. But you got to hope that somebody does something and plays out of their mind, just catches fire. I don't know who that guy is going to be. You might get the Nas Reid game. Yeah, I love Nas Reid. So maybe, maybe it's going to be him. Yeah, they had to win it, obviously. I thought the most impressive play of the night came from Rocky, the mascot of the Denver Nuggets. Did you see his shot from half court?

I didn't.

He was on top of 3 ladders. I think it was 3 ladders. Like, this dude was probably 150 feet in the air. Threw the basketball over his head backwards from half court.

What a stud.

Swish. Rocky doesn't get enough credit for being an absolute stud of a mascot.

What a stud.

And then he dapped up Grant Hill shirtless. And Grant Hill, you could see Grant Hill was ready to risk it all for Rocky. Rocky's been working out.

But hell yeah.

Yeah, they, they— this is one of those series where like we— I could very easily see the Nuggets coming back, obviously, because the Timberwolves are depleted right now. And then we're going to be like, watch out for the Nuggets. They just came back from 3-1. They're on a roll.

And Aaron Gordon's got to get healthy for me to say watch out for the Nuggets.

Aaron Gordon is not Michael Porter Jr. No, that's what we've learned.

He's, he's not. He's got it. He's got to get healthy. So, and I don't think he can.

They miss having Michael Porter Jr. in that role. He provided a lot.

Well, no, Aaron Gordon's better than Michael Porter Jr. in my mind, but he's just hurt. But he hasn't been playing.

But Michael Porter Jr., he would, he was a great role player.

Yeah.

Those Nuggets teams.

Yeah. If the role players play well, they, they, yeah. No, I'm still not going to say watch out.

Out though.

Oklahoma City's gonna go to the NBA Finals unless there's a catastrophic injury. They're going to the NBA Finals. Yeah, they're probably going to win the NBA Finals.

Yeah, I would agree.

So, uh, what was that face, man?

Well, no, maybe the Spurs. Maybe the Spurs.

Lakers get healthy.

Love it. I like this discourse. Lakers get healthy.

The brown— I mean, the Spurs have their number.

Lakers get healthy. Watch out.

It would be fun. It would be fun to see LeBron. It would be so fun to see LeBron go on a run.

No, come on. And you know he could do it. Oh yeah, I forgot you're a LeBron stan.

I'll just—

let's just say, you know, he can do it. Like, but, uh, do you know what my spin zone is now, uh, with LeBron? Because it's like, you know, the discourse is gonna— is gonna get even more overwhelming that he's the GOAT over MJ. I'm just going strictly with LeBron fans are so sad that they can't enjoy LeBron like I enjoy LeBron, and all they have to do is— all they can do is think about MJ and the GOAT conversation. Like, LeBron has an incredible game and they immediately go to Twitter talking about MJ. It's sad. It's pathetic.

I—

me, guy like me, I just enjoy LeBron's greatness. You watch— I don't even talk about the debate.

You watch LeBron and then you go to Twitter and get mad at the people that love LeBron?

No, I— no, I watch LeBron and just enjoy his greatness. I don't even comment on it. That's how much I love— that's how much I love watching how great he is.

I don't like you just brought up this conversation on this show, right?

Exactly. No, I'm saying though, I just love it.

Yeah, it's great.

It's how much I love watching LeBron is I don't even have to comment about how great he is.

Right now you're not commenting on it.

Exactly. I'm not. I'm not because you're not enjoying it.

You're not triggered.

I'm enjoying the greatness of LeBron. Maybe LeBron fans should try that, Zach. I like to comp LeBron to LeBron. He's been so good in the league so long that you just go LeBron on LeBron stats.

Which era of LeBron would you have as your GOAT?

The current—

whatever LeBron's still in the league because LeBron just keeps getting better.

Like, this LeBron, the LeBron that's, that's throwing alley-oops to his balls.

Yeah. Never seen it before. We'll never see it again. Yeah, we might see it again. You think we'll see it again?

Yeah.

Also, remember, it was a layup. It was, I guess, modern medicine.

Again, you think LeBron's got a few more seasons in him?

What if we get both sons? I think what's his name, Bryce Maximus, he's going to have some work to do. Oh, actually, maybe not. LeBron just drafts him. Yeah, I think if LeBron's still playing, he just goes to the Lakers just like Bronny did, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. 3 James on the court. Either way, I'm confident in this spin zone that it's going to work out for me, that I'm just going to keep saying that's pathetic that you have to— you have to— you have to do this debate. It's pathetic. Just enjoy LeBron's greatness like I do. Max, any comments on your Phillies? Firing their manager.

I love Topper. He's a great guy. He was really good manager for these, these Phillies the past couple of years. Had to be done with this roster. You can't be the worst team in baseball. A change had to be made. Alex Cora reportedly denied the opportunity to coach this team. And to that I say, I don't fucking blame him because this is one of the oldest rosters in the league and they're in last place. What What manager would be like, oh, this is a situation that I would love to like attach my name to for the future of this franchise?

I get it.

Dave Dombrowski is a terrible, terrible general manager that is now just everywhere he goes, he just decimates franchises. And it's happening right, right now in Philadelphia.

Would you say that maybe he's not a terrible general manager?

Terrible. He got to the World Series and But, but he just puts them in a situation that like he went to the Red Sox. The Red Sox were 10 years of irrelevance. He did it to the White Sox. The White Sox were 10 years— or not White Sox, Tigers. Tigers. I get the White Sox and Tigers mixed up all the time.

Very different. Yeah.

Not that one's an animal, one's a sock.

Not that different.

Well, no, that one's actually multiple socks.

Like one is a living, breathing animal. The other is not.

You just get them confused because of their, their play-by-play announcer, Jason Benetti.

That, that I have no idea what that means.

OK, by the way, shout out to the White Sox. I went to the White Sox game on Saturday. The Campfire Milkshake is everything that you thought it would be.

I saw that.

It is so good. It is unreal.

Good.

It's incredible.

Yeah.

So in summation. Oh, by the way, Kyle Schwarber interview, which was an awesome, awesome interview. We taped it last week. Just so everyone knows, it was taped last week. I think everyone saw when he was here with the Cubs.

Yeah.

Do the math. The manager gets fired, but that has nothing to do with the interview. The interview was awesome, but just want to set that standard.

So is Alex Cora just being a vulture right now? Is he just circling Citi Field? Yeah. Is that pretty much his game plan? Yeah, I think so.

Do you, Max, do you think this is firing— firing your manager, do you think it salvages the season at all?

I mean, it doesn't hurt. Like, like when we fired Girardi and brought in Rob Thompson. Whatever year that was, the Phillies went on a run. So you're trying to do whatever you can to spark something in this clubhouse to turn it around. But like, yeah, it's— I get, I get that it's still only April, but you're 9 games back in April.

Just win it, win it, win a sweep, a series.

It's, it's tough to win a baseball game.

I know, but I'm saying if you could sweep a series, you'd feel great. I guess that would— that's all it takes. Sweep a series. I guess, sweep a series.

I don't know.

Would you say firing the manager in baseball is the most inconsequential move that you can make in terms of the four major sports?

Basketball.

Basketball.

Firing the head coach is less consequential. Yeah.

I feel like the manager in baseball, at least because you're, you're with them every day and lineup changes.

There's a lot more.

I think it's more so just like it changes the mentality of the clubhouse.

Yeah.

Which is what you need.

It makes everybody feel bad that they got their boss.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Honestly.

Yes.

Yeah.

Like, great shot. I hope you're happy with yourself. Yeah.

And baseball is such a mental game that, like, one, one thing like that could really wake up a— wake up a ball team.

Do you think that maybe the, the assistant general manager for the Eagles stepping away from the Birds, he's got a new project in mind? You think he wants to go manage the Phillies as a general manager? Am I breaking this news to you for the first time?

Yes.

I don't know.

You're talking. Yeah. Yeah.

Eagles kid. Eagles assistant GM.

And was he hired? Was he hired when he was like 12? Yeah, he's— he looks young and he's been there forever.

And, and I don't know if you're fucking with me.

No, no. Hey, well, I am fucking with you.

He has not expressed interest in the Phillies job, but he says that he's stepping away from the Eagles for like a new challenge.

Oh, fuck yeah. Phils. That sounds great.

I got a prediction. I think the Phillies are going to go on a little bit of a run. Look at their schedule. Little bit of a run.

Max is out.

A little bit of a run. I would like them to. I mean, I'm not saying this. I'm not saying the season's over yet, but it's like, okay, it's just the team's so old and the guys were— Trey Turner has been such a fucking disappointment.

Whatever.

It's disgusting how you speak about some of these guys.

Yeah, it is.

It's absolute trash. It's trash.

It's rubbish.

Show some appreciation. The guy got you to World Series, man.

It's Fleming.

In better news, the flyer, you're still fired up.

Yeah, that was also tough. You also could be in the midst of a meltdown there and fired up.

You should think about retiring from sports because all your teams right now are breaking your heart.

Yeah.

The Flyers, I don't—

All 4 teams have made the playoffs in the past calendar—

in the—

no, not calendar year. In the past year.

Think about this.

Think about this.

In the past year, all 4 teams have made the playoffs.

And you lost the press. Icy Lib. Yeah, lost the press.

Yeah, Pittsburgh was ready to go. We got to get this going. We got—

but Pittsburgh won't go to Philly.

I know, that is why I— I— Pittsburgh has to go to Philly. Yeah, like he has to go to Philly. But also Icy Vert has to— like, after the press-off, he's got scoliosis, dude. 2 out of 3, the Penguins have won. You got to shift the momentum back.

Pittsburgh's got to go to Philly for the press.

I know, because people are saying Pittsburgh loses because he tried to call it forfeit and, and that he won the second press-off. But I don't— I think the second press-off has to happen in Philly. If Pittsburgh shows up and Icy Vert doesn't for Game 6, then I'll give it— award the press-off to Pittsburgh.

Did you see the guy with the sign last night?

What'd he say?

I don't know, it was just some guy that was holding a sign. I think it came from Pittsburgh. And then, uh, this one Flyers fan was walking by. He had like a side of the face slash neck tattoo and got in his face, and then the camera just cut away. Oh, we don't know what happened after that, but you can, you can extrapolate based on when the camera cut off.

We also had the meltdown of all meltdowns, uh, on Sunday night, which we recorded beforehand, but the Oilers losing in overtime and Whitney just not understanding how a puck works.

All right, he brought up a good point, which, which, which was a throwback to this podcast.

What, the parallax effect?

Yeah, I told him about that. Yeah, I had to sit Whitney down. I was like, Whitney, I got something for you.

Oh yeah, he tweeted after. I knew that. I was like, there's no way he came up with this himself.

He was tweeting it like as I was explaining it to him because he was so excited that he had something that he could fall back on. Now, the parallax effect is a real thing in hockey. Yeah, there's a, there's like a video that you can watch on YouTube if you look up the parallax effect. The only problem with this, and I intentionally didn't tell Whitney this until after he tweeted it out and he got his hopes up, the camera angle that they use where it's just slightly behind the crossbar in the crease, that actually hurts his argument with the parallax effect. If it had been an angle that was in front of the goal, then that might have helped him.

I was watching the game. Max, you were there. Hank, you were there. We were watching the game after we recorded. And God bless Ryan Whitney because he was— it was awkward being in the room. He was doing a selfie video being like, how could this be a good goal? Well, all of us were sitting there like, dude, that was definitely a good goal. And I get it, you couldn't actually see it because the skate was above the puck, but everyone who's got a brain was like, yeah, that's a good goal.

He—

and I'm not saying Whitney doesn't have a brain, he literally was just every fan trying to cope in that moment. I drove him to his hotel after, it was just like Yeah, man, sorry. Like, that sucks. I think he finally realized he came, came to grips with it. He's like, yeah, that was probably it.

Well, you know how you were saying the other day that if you're, if you're crying about unwritten rules, you're the loser after a game? If you've got Ryan Whitney crying about the laws of physics after a game, he's a— that's a, that's a losing cope argument that he's got.

I appreciated his, his, his fervor though. Yeah, that was, that was exactly what every fan of the Oilers was going through in that moment, basically screaming about how you can't actually see it. Knowing in their heart of hearts that the puck went over the line.

Yeah. When Witt is appealing to Neil deGrasse Tyson, he's lost. Yeah. Just count that as no.

Zach just made a pretty good point back here. Okay, Zach, would you like to share with the class?

Things did take a turn once you put the jacket back on. Oh no.

I just did the Grinch smile.

Oh no.

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

You said—

Yeah, you said you'd never do it.

That's brutal.

Do what?

You said you never wear the jacket again.

When did I say that?

I don't know. Zach told me you said that you'd never wear it again.

I don't remember saying that.

It felt like it.

That doesn't sound like something I'd say. I might have said that. It just felt right. I was trying to support my boy Whit when he was in the studio, and then everything just fell apart for him.

Damn it.

Which sucks.

Yeah, it was great having Whitney. I'm rooting for him. Yeah, he was out when we were watching because I know he mentioned it on the podcast, but watching McDavid, he pointed it out. I love watching games with guys like Whitney who like can explain shit to you, but he pointed out the exact moment where like there was a point where McDavid had a rush, would have probably scored, but didn't have that lateral side to side to side quickness. He's missing a little of that and he got stonewalled and it's just like shit. And he's right at that moment when he's like, that's a goal if if he's healthy. So it sucks for the Oilers right now. They're in a bad spot, down 3-1. Um, okay, I guess actually we already talked about the— we'll see because we'll— the start of the show, we had to bring that up though. Let's do Hot Seat, Cool Throne, and then let's get to our interview with Kyle Schwarber, which was an awesome, awesome interview. Uh, this podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US.

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In Excel, it generates insights from your data. And in Outlook, it cuts through the noise to get you up to speed faster. The apps you know go further with Copilot. Learn more at m 365copilot.com/work. Okay, hot seat, cool throne. Uh, hey, before we do hot seat, cool throne, quick announcement. Uh, we are one week away from our live show Tuesday, May 5th in LA. Go buy tickets. 10-year anniversary. We got Jerry O'Connell, we got Rosillo, we got Blake Griffin. It's gonna be a great live show. Come out and hang with us. And we're also going to tell stories, uh, about Max's bachelor party because we're not going to be releasing the live show. So we're going to tell some out of— we tell some out-of-pocket stories.

And Max's parents are going to be there.

And Max's parents—

we still got to— no, no, they're not listening.

We got to figure out—

they're going to listen to every, everything that we say now. They're going to know every place that you got robbed.

Mm-hmm. What's that? Every spot is just not— every spot by Jerry O'Connell is what he meant to say. I didn't say Jerry O'Connell. Come on, Max.

That is just not going to happen.

We should— we actually should do the thing where we put the noise-canceling headphones like you see people wear on game shows when they can't hear the answers. Yeah, they should have to wear those in certain segments.

Yeah. And also we have our book, The AWL. I think we have the final day. If you preorder the book and you write— we've tweeted the submission form, we put it on all our social. We'll do it again. If you preorder the book and prove that you preorder the book, you can write a paragraph and we're going to pick 5 people to be in the book. One AWL did point out to me, which would have been very funny if we had just done this and that was the book. Just the entire book was just the AWL's writing, like sucking our dicks. Yeah, I mean, I just didn't write a word.

We should have been way easier. Save me about 60 hours in the last week.

Yeah. I'll tell you what, though, PFT, because we were— we submitted our book for final edits. As much as it was painful writing it because we procrastinated severely and we— PFT and I wrote basically the majority of the book in the last 2 weeks. Finishing doing that feels incredible. Yeah, I've had so much free time. And by free time, I mean no free time, but free time where I can just sit and like watch playoff games and scroll Twitter.

No, it feels really good to have it done. I actually didn't mind the process. I didn't mind the writing of it. It was mostly just like finding the time and then having that time be dedicated and just doing any task in your head.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like the part of writing. It was, it was cool because I got to think back over the years and remember some stuff and dig into some stuff that I hadn't really considered, you know, since like 2017, 2018. So I appreciate that. It actually like made me love you guys even a little bit more because I got to go down memory lane a little bit.

Yeah, but it's just more that we're children.

Yeah.

Like I, any task. Oh, I have to do that. Right. I got to put my shoes on. No. All right, Hank, hot seat, cool throne.

My hot seat is the World Cup.

Why?

Every—

just every—

I mean, soccer in general is a joke, but every story that comes out about the World Cup—

wait, wait, wait. The World Cup's in the hot seat because soccer sucks.

Well, it's just like every, every news story I see about the World Cup, I'm like, yeah, I'm happy I don't like soccer.

Okay.

Also tune into our live soccer stream that we're doing today.

Wrong. Eh, eh, eh, so not live.

Very not live, Max.

Oh, great.

I knew that.

Not live as possible. I knew that. It's dead.

It's deader than the World Cup.

Yeah. So set your calendars for—

No, we should not talk about that because you get an eh.

Okay, fine.

But yeah, soccer is a fucking joke.

But, but, Hank, I agree with you. And this World Cup does seem like it's more fucked up than most. But just when you're going into it, think about the same way that you think of like, you remember when the Olympics were over in Sochi? And when, like, the World Cup was in Qatar last time, there is a— there's a big, big audience out there that really wants to hear how shitty everything is about the World Cup because FIFA is— they're the most corrupt organization in the world. But also people love to read stories about how bad everything's going to be.

And it seems like everything is really bad. They're covering up like the, the logos. Like, you see Mercedes-Benz, like they have to cover up the logo on the actual stadium because it's not an official FIFA sponsor.

Oh my God.

Uh, they're charging like insane.

That to me is actually like the one that I don't care about that at all. Like, they're char—

but the, the charging of like the trains and, and just right transportation just to get to the World Cup. No tailgating. Like, going to the World Cup is impossible because of the tickets are so expensive. Just everything about it seems like an absolute nightmare. And it seems like day by day there's just more stories coming out. So just in general, yes, hot seat World Cup. I'm more will come up.

There will be. It's— it is— it sounds like it's gonna be like the least fan-friendly possible event that you could ever imagine. I mean, like, I think it's $250 for parking at one of the games. One of them was $500. $500 to park at one of the games.

And can't tailgate.

Obviously, a lot of the stadiums you cannot physically walk to. Although I did see— and I hope this does happen— I saw like some British fan group saying like, okay, they're gonna charge us $150 to walk. Walk from New York out to the Meadowlands. We can just walk. We can just walk. We're not going to take the train. It's all highways. I would actually like to see like a big group of British hooligans just walking through the tunnel. Just walk the entire highway.

Do the— what's that mall called? That mall's sick.

American.

Yeah. American Dream. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just tailgating at American Dream.

Yeah.

I want to be sick. Yeah. A bunch of shirtless soccer hooligans just walking the Lincoln Tunnel.

My other hot seat is tiramisu. Oh, I thought this is a cool story.

The—

in the UK, they set the new world record for the longest tiramisu ever made.

How long?

How long?

It's like 4 football fields long.

Wait, you mean like soccer or American football?

I believe 4 pitches long. I talked to our tiramisu expert. He said it's kind of bullshit record. It's not— it's not actually one big tiramisu. It's just a bunch of tiramisus next to each other.

I think they did this with a cheesesteak a few years ago. Yeah, they claim it to be a world record, but it's just a bunch of cheesesteaks next to each other.

I'm not— I'm not a fan of this. I agree.

This is not a tiramisu.

It has to be one long tiramisu that's connected the entire way through.

So, yeah, hot tea tiramisu.

Okay.

You really know tiramisu, Hank.

Yeah, I thought I was going to put it on my cool throne and then— and then I talked to the expert and he's like, no, no, no, no, no. It's bullshit.

The expert being Shane.

It's a bullshit masseuse.

Mm-hmm. It's a bullshit masseuse.

My cool throne's Younghoe Koo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So last year against the Patriots, he had that field goal where he just missed the ball, kicked the ground, didn't make contact with the ball. I think he got injured too. And then a story came out yesterday that there was a man in Kentucky that laughed so hard at the botched field goal It triggered a seizure which sent him to the hospital. But at the hospital, doctors discovered when they were like going through him that there was a tennis ball-sized brain tumor.

Mm-hmm.

And then they were able to, you know, find that, remove it, and it was deemed not cancerous. So that missed field goal might have saved a guy's life.

That is—

I love this guy laughed that hard.

It's awesome.

He—

yeah, the field goal was so terrible that I mean, it was a bit— he passed out.

That funny.

And now, yeah. So now he's got a horse running in the Derby.

Does he?

Yeah, the guy that— so the guy that passed out, that had the seizure, they found that he had a tumor inside of his head. And so now that guy owns a horse. I believe that the horse's name is— hang on, let me look this up. So I was just reading about how he should name it after—

yeah, name it Amani.

Yeah, just Koo. What is it? Further Ado. OK. Yeah. So I believe he is a part owner of Further Ado, who's running in the Kentucky Derby.

Further Aku.

And I think, yeah, I think, I think Koo might be going to the Kentucky Derby.

Hell yes. Yeah.

As a Colonel, we have the opportunity to nominate another, another person for a Colonelship.

Mm-hmm.

I feel like Young Hoku.

I'd agree.

Should be a Colonel. I'd like to nominate him.

We have Randy Moss on Friday for all Kentucky Derby stuff. So we'll ask him about this. If the brain tumor guy's got a chance. In life.

It's a good story.

And also in the Kentucky Derby.

Yeah.

Okay. PFT. That's it.

No, that's it.

No other hot seats.

Anything else?

No other hot seats.

Love?

No. Live? What about it?

Laugh?

An event canceled?

Postponed.

I think.

I think it's the city of New Orleans. I mean, the city of New Orleans is known to be corrupt. I think they're taking advantage of Libs.

Yeah, sounds like it.

Lib, uh, New Orleans said they're going to cancel the event until Lib figures out their financial structure.

Okay, what does that mean?

I don't know. Uh, but Lib has already put a bunch of, like, they've already spent a bunch of money in New Orleans, paid New Orleans a bunch of money. It's kind of a bullshit move from New Orleans.

Okay, so, okay, so Lib is— but they're, again, it's not—

they're saying it's going to be postponed.

Yeah, it's not bullshit, it's postponed.

You know some— you know people that live, right? You have a contact?

Yeah.

I would like you to start getting— well, no, I mean, we went out a couple of times. I don't know if that person is still there. I would like you to start getting like official propaganda talking points whenever we bring up Liv. I'd like you to come like ready to go with the Liv spin on it. You know what?

It's insane that Liv has never paid this podcast.

Yeah.

The amount of press that we give Liv. Is worth so much money and we haven't gotten a dollar.

Although now maybe not, because we're just—

the NBA's never paid us, NFL's never paid us.

Like, LIV is not the NBA or the NFL.

It could be.

We're the only ones talking about LIV.

That's not true. Holding out hope.

Yeah. I would also say that most of the stuff that we've said about LIV has not been great.

No, we got the number one LIV fanboy in the world.

Should be paying Hank specifically.

Correct.

Maybe they are.

Yeah, they probably are.

They should be.

Okay. PFT.

Well, LIV should be releasing a statement today. Is there a statement that's out?

Not that I've seen.

Well, hey, so I'm reading this from NOLA News. They reported that LIV postponed the event, not the city. The league notified state officials on Friday they want to pivot from the June 25th tournament scheduled for City Park's Bayou Oaks Golf Course, potentially reschedule smaller exposition-style tournament this fall. So they're just pivoting.

Pivoting.

It's not even a postponement. It's a pivot. New Orleans in June.

Oh, so they're smart.

Man. Okay.

Yeah, it's too hot.

They're just pivoting.

PFT.

My hot seat is farts. There's a great study that came out yesterday. Let me ask you, if you were to guess, would you say that men's farts or women's farts smell worse?

Women don't fart. Yeah, but when women do, they smell worse.

What was that, Hank?

Women don't fart.

Women don't fart. That's a fair answer.

No, women do fart. They just save it up so much that when it comes out, it's gross.

Max, what do you think?

I think that makes sense what Big Cat just said.

Because I'm farting all day.

If there's like the slight inkling of a fart coming from my butt, I'm letting it rip.

Right.

Like if like women are like, oh no, I have to fart, I need to I need to save everything in my body to make sure I'm in a good spot to let this fart out.

Yeah, they have to go to like a hermetically sealed chamber.

Speaking of, can I— hey, can you set me up? You know how we have the on-air signs outside of the studios? Can you get a fart sign outside of my office? No, because there's times when I have the door closed and I'll just let it rip and then someone will walk in. I'm like, don't come in here. I need— I need everyone to know. Come on. Why can't you do that?

You have to get it synced up to your body.

Well, no, there's just a switch and I'll flip it. I'll be like, I'm about to rip.

Oh, yeah, because I know when I'm about to rip. Or you get a button that just locks your door from your, from your desk. Like Matt Lauer had one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zach, what do you think? Men or women?

I kind of, I kind of agree with the women talking point of like they're letting them bake, you know?

Yeah.

Almost fine aging them. So when it rips, could be catastrophic.

It's concentrated.

Yeah. All right.

So they did a study on it and the results might shock you. Women, their farts smell worse, but they don't let out as much gas per fart. So it's like super not shocking at all. But what we said, well, you were talking about like saving it up for a long time.

Yeah.

When you let it out. But, but men, when they fart, when they fart one time, they let out a bigger fart. Women, when they let out a fart, the volume of gas is smaller, but it's super, super constant.

But isn't that because also men are just bigger? We're just fucking diesels. It could be.

Yeah, because we got our bodies like process the gas maybe better. Yeah, you might say.

No, that makes sense. But yeah, when a woman farts, it's the most disgusting thing in the entire world. When a guy farts, I— it smells good.

Yeah, my farts, my farts are actually the perfect amount of fart. But yeah, uh, So they did that study and it came out and now women are trying to— they're calling bullshit on the study, basically saying, well, dudes are gross or they smell worse all day long because they're constantly farting.

All true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But your farts smell much, much worse than ours.

Stop farting.

Yeah. So deal with it.

Yeah.

Then my cool throne is Aaron Rodgers. Yeah. Because he just got— did he sign the tag thing? No, he's been issued a tag.

Steelers have issued like a for right of first refusal, where if he plays, he has to play for them. Otherwise another team would have to pay more.

It's the very rarely used right of first refusal tag.

Basically human. Yeah.

Yeah. Basically they're just trying to make Aaron just say that you're going to show up. That's really— it's kind of a simp move. I mean, he is on the Steelers part. They're— they just want Aaron to, like, issue one statement being like, I plan on playing for the Steelers next year.

Correct.

Then they can forget all this. But yeah, it's a right of first refusal tag. Where I think it comes with a baked-in 10% raise. Okay. For him. But then if another, another team can offer him a contract, then the Steelers can say, yes, we'll take it or no, we won't take it. It feels like the Steelers are just doing everything trying to make Aaron— like, like in the draft, they got another quarterback.

Yeah.

They just, they just keep doing moves hoping that he's going to say, correct. Yes, I will be your quarterback. All right. You can stop worrying.

Yeah, please. Okay. My hot seat is Spotify playlists.

Hmm.

Being public. There might have been a Spotify playlist that was sent between two alleged lovers that was called, uh, Turning the Corner, I believe. Turning the Page. Turning the Page, allegedly, after four losses by the Tennessee Titans in 2022. Um, this story just will never end. I don't know what else to say.

There's a big footprint out there.

House Party, My Love, Pump It Louder, Raise Your Glass, Pink. Kind of a shitty playlist, if we're being honest.

I haven't— I didn't know that making playlists for people was still a thing.

I didn't either. But it's very funny that this now is another, another chapter in the Rossini-Vrabel lore as we got shared playlists off a losing streak. So we do shout out, by the way, David Cavucci.

It's Foil Ball.

Yeah, yeah, Foil Ball. I know. They're just like, hat tip, dude. I don't know how you did this, but you did it. And hat tip for you. Incredible.

For your ball does good work. Yeah. Go read Foil Ball every now and then.

Yeah, I followed him immediately. I was like, this guy's on to some shit.

Yeah. It's— I didn't know that you could share a playlist like that or like create and curate one for somebody. And I don't think I've done that since middle school. No, maybe, maybe freshman year.

No, dance the night away. Van Halen.

Yeah.

And then there was— I did— I see that maybe some of them were confirmed, played in a practice.

There was a report that on Vrabel's birthday, he had his own special playlist going.

Was that Turning the Page?

I don't know if it was a Turn the Page playlist or not. Wait, is Turn the Page on there? Bob Seger? No, it's not.

Not a Seger bar.

I haven't looked this up, but since they didn't put Turn the Page on there, I don't think it can turn the page. I think they lost the next game too.

They might have.

I don't think that stopped the losing streak. You have to have turned the page on the turn of the page playlist.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. OK, so that was my hot seat, my cool throw. And I got a couple. One is a clarification.

Clarification.

I don't know if I misspoke, but I had a few people saying, I guess maybe on Monday's show I said I opened my roof.

We said it back here. Yeah, when you said it, we were like, does he have a rich—

why don't you guys say anything?

Because we're like, dude, how rich is this guy?

No.

So yeah, why did you say that's what a producer is supposed to do? But then I clarified the way you said it.

We were like, holy shit, he's got it, he's got a sick roof.

Yeah, I did like Jim Irsay. People thought I was opening my roof to my house.

Yeah, Jackie Kennedy did that one time.

Yeah, uh, no, I have A lot of people in Chicago, I know PFT has it, I think.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Do you have a roof deck?

I do.

Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't know what I was going to—

Yeah, no, I know PFT has that. Other people in this office on top of the garage.

Yeah.

Because we have alleys here in Chicago. On top of the garage is a roof deck with— And so when I say I open my roof deck, which I should— I think I missed the word deck. When I say that, I mean I took the covers off the couch and took the COVID off the TV and turned on the TV. That was me opening my roof deck for the spring. And when I say I did that, my wife did all that. So that was the clarification.

Clarification. Yeah, I knew what you meant at the time. I said it's like, yeah, opening your roof.

I—

when you said I was— yeah, he means that like he has mentally allowed himself to spend time outdoors, correct? Yes.

It was literally turning on the TV for the first time since like in, in November, you put the covers on the couch, you put the COVID on the TV, and you're like, I'll see you a little bit. I'll see you in a few months, boys. Opening the roof—

a retractable roof— that would be sick, though.

It would be cool.

Now, here is where it gets a little confusing. I do actually have a pergola, I believe it's called. The roof.

The roof.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The thing that goes over pergola, and that is retractable, and that I can hit it with a remote.

Okay, so you got temporary shade.

Yeah, they can be set up and it goes like that, you know, like it doesn't go— it doesn't— it's not two big pieces that go back. It's a bunch of little slits that go like that. You know what I'm saying?

Right. Is that open?

Yeah.

I didn't open that.

Okay, so your roof's not open.

I haven't opened— I, you know what, I'll tweet it like Jim Irsay. When I do open that for the first time, I'll be like, open in the roof.

The roof is open, but shade—

you're going to want the shade.

Yeah, dude, listen, there's nothing I just can't— If you haven't— PFT's talked about it at length, but like being able to watch TV outside just makes you feel like a better human, even though you're doing exactly the same shitty thing that you do when you're sitting inside.

Yeah. When I, when I watch like a daytime baseball game out on a Saturday, I feel like I'm going camping.

I watched the entire World Series on, on my roof deck and it was incredible.

Yeah.

I'm like, this is just the best.

Nothing like the great outdoors. Yeah. I'm on a sofa.

Maybe a hammock, watching TV, maybe get it, maybe get a sweatshirt, smoke a little weed, watch some TV, like, you know, 9:00 PM, a little chill in the air. And you're like, wow, really did it today. Really fucking did it.

So in the great hammock debate of 2025. Yeah, I would.

Shit.

What?

Hammocks.

Hammocks.

Shit.

I love hammocks. I went up to my rooftop soccer in preparation for opening up my roof the other week. Week. I went up there. Whoa, dude, I looked at the hammock. Hammock's in bad shape. Hammock. I don't think it survived the winter. I think I might have to— that might become firewood now. Yeah, we might have to sell it for parts.

Yeah.

So RIP. Might have to get a new one.

RIP. But yeah, that's, that's just a clarification. My other cool throne is Michael Rubin because he moved his Fourth of July party so it wouldn't conflict with Taylor Swift's wedding. What a guy. Has nothing to do with the fact that a bunch of celebrities wouldn't go to his Fourth of July party. And then also maybe he wants an invite to Taylor Swift's wedding. Well, I got to be honest, I didn't read the article. I just saw that he moved it. What a guy.

We know that he's available that weekend.

Yeah, exactly. He would like to be invited.

Michael Rubin. Now I think his calendar, it is free.

He didn't want to conflict.

Should we get him to Max's wedding?

Yeah. Oh, Max, you should probably move yours. You're conflicting with Taylor Swift. You didn't think about that? What if you get invited?

I don't want to say exactly. I don't want to. They're just stealing my whole flow bar for bar. Yeah, we got engaged the same day and we're getting married on the same.

Oh, man, it's insane.

Yeah.

You're that much of a Swiftie.

It's bullshit.

It's bullshit.

Oh, also cool.

Although technically I'm stealing theirs because they got engaged before me.

Oh, okay. Uh, cool. Day after, cool throne. Also, uh, Duke, because Cooper Flagg and Concanipple finished 1-2 in the Rookie of the Year, so they must have won the title last year.

Really good team.

Really good team, right?

Has that ever happened before?

No, they didn't. Oh, they didn't?

What happened?

They lost.

Did they have a big lead?

I forgot, it was a long time ago.

Did they make a year ago?

Did they make any field goals in the last 8 minutes of the game? Surely they made a field goal in the last 8 minutes of the game.

Who's to know? Who's to say? It's like Will Chamberlain's 100-point game.

We don't— we didn't have any video.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Go ahead, Zach.

But they had really good backup. So the team after they left.

Yeah.

Probably did better.

Mm-hmm. Zach, my, my hot seat this week is going to be a Klay Thompson and Magnus Dahlen because there may be trouble in paradise. I would say.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So I read something online. And apparently this goes back to like a couple of years ago. Did Klay Thompson have a cheating book that he would keep like details of every time he cheated on his girlfriend in?

I didn't see that.

I might have gotten got on that, but it looked real.

I have a question, Zach. Megan Thee Stallion is a beautiful woman. Bullshit that Klay cheated.

Is there—

how am I gonna say this? Is there any responsibility to have a wet-ass pussy all the time? She's saying wet-ass pussy, right? Uh, no, different. Uh, that's not Megan Thee Stallion. No, different, different artist. Yeah, that might— that's Cardi B. I thought that was Cardi B. And okay, yeah, actually, yes, I, I retract. I apologize for that. You're definitely incorrect. So a song, Wet Ass Pussy, like, yeah, but that's like if I had, if I had a song, I hit all my parlays, like you would think then I gotta, I gotta hit all my parlays, right?

I think that's also—

what are you shaking your head, Max?

It's also on Klay because if you're Klay, it's your duty to keep that pussy wet.

This has got Taylor Swift written on it.

I'm asking questions. I'm not, I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying Megan Thee Stallion. Again, I'm I'm Team Megan Thee Stallion.

Are you saying because she didn't that—

No, I'm asking if you do have to— if you, if you, if you make the song Wet Ass Pussy, does the pussy always have to be wet ass? It's a, it's a, it's a— we're like Plato and Socrates here. We're just asking philosophical questions.

It has nothing to do with—

she doesn't—

I don't know. I'm asking. I was just asking.

I'm thinking maybe it might be too wet.

That—

God, see, PFT, you're right. That's, that's also what I was thinking.

Let's think about this. If it's too wet, maybe Clay can't What happens to clay when there's too much moisture? Turns into mud.

Also.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, Splash Brothers, wet ass pussy. That's just water everywhere. That's a tsunami, right?

That's actually a drowning hazard.

Yeah. Memes, what? Put on something.

Memes have to put on a snorkeling outfit to go down on.

We're just asking questions. No, the mud line was good. Yeah, the mud clay. All right.

So, yeah, I did find this. So, Clay, there was a cheating diary that Clay kept in 2019. So his ex-girlfriend posted this online, and it's just got Clay talking about every girl that he slept with while he was cheating on his girlfriend at the time. And he kept it like handwritten in a journal. Oh, yeah.

So I'm team Megan Thee Stallion. I just want that on the record.

Didn't sound like it.

I was asking a question, Max.

We got to the bottom.

You can't— you are—

you were also asking a question when you were— when you were questioning Wrong.

Yes, wrong. I was demanding. I'm not demanding to see wet ass pussy.

I might. So also, let's think about it, because like the pussy might have been wet at the time when she wrote wet ass pussy.

Right.

But maybe that's on Clay for not keeping that pussy wet ass.

Yeah. No, this is Clay's fault. I'm— we're team Megan Thee Stallion. We want to put out a quote card. Part of my take, team Megan Thee Stallion, 100%. Disavow Clay.

It's like with, you know, unless the pussy was— with great power comes great responsibility. So if you're Clay, you have a— it's almost like you're a custodian of that wet pussy.

Yeah, right.

Keep it going.

Oh, man.

Keep that shit flowing.

Clay is a weatherman today.

Megan, if you want to come on the podcast to discuss, we'd love to discuss intricacies of your pussy. But like, respectfully and in a—

oh, it's all due respect.

All due respect. In a pro-feminist way.

Yeah.

Like, I want you to feel empowered discussing your vagina in intimate details.

We're putting all due respect is a coverall for everything we just said. The last 10 minutes has been under the bylaws of all due respect. We're doing VAR. All due respect. OK, Zach, what was your second one? Try not to get us in trouble on the school throne too. I got you. My cool throw-in today is going to be Dave Portnoy because you say he's living his dream. Oh, you got a horse in the Kentucky Oaks. Kentucky Oaks. Yes. Yes. Very exciting. I tried to do a little bit of research. I wasn't able to find any gray that ever won the Oaks. And the last gray to win the Derby was 2005. So it could maybe be some history in the making. It's pretty nuts. I was talking to Dave about it on Sunday, I believe. But like, this is why you get in the game. Like, this is the biggest weekend in horse racing outside of like having a horse in the Breeders' Cup. Like this is it. Like, the Kentucky Oaks is a big, big deal. Friday before the Kentucky Derby. It's awesome. So hopefully it wins.

Yeah.

So it's his dream. Hope we get to see it to fruition. Pretty sick. Nice suck-up there. I can pivot. You guys see the fight with the Rangers fan and the Yankees fan? Yeah. Absolute ass-kicking.

Yeah. High Ground wins.

I agree. I think somebody hit with a beer bat. Mm-hmm.

That's tough.

It's tough.

Yeah, it did. It was like a beatdown with a bat where the guy was like on the ground.

Yeah.

Which honestly, like, it's more emasculating than it is painful. Beer bat. Like, it's made out of plastic, so probably doesn't hurt that much. But if you, if you get your ass kicked and then you're getting hit in the face with, with an empty beer bat, it's not good. You just got to, you got to crawl away.

It's no bueno. That's no bueno. No, no, no, no, no bueno. Is baseball the number one get into a fight in the stands?

Sport?

No.

Raiders.

Well, Raiders games. Not anymore. Yeah, true. Raiders and Chargers games when they were in San Diego. That would be awesome.

I would say just football in general.

Yeah.

But if Eagles games, if you look at like baseball has so many more games during a season, there's probably more fights, a lot more fights during a baseball regular season than football. But per capita, yeah, you go to an NFL game on Sunday, you're, you're looking at going like 8 rounds.

Yeah. Also baseball, like a lot of games aren't sold out. I feel like if you have the ability to move seats, you're not going to get in a fight as, you know, you're not on top of each other, that sort of thing. Okay, let's get to our interview with Kyle Schwarber. Reminder, we taped it last week when he was in town to play the Cubs. Great, great interview with Kyle Schwarber.

Before we get to Kyle Schwarber, he's brought to you by Jose Cuervo. When Cuervo enters, every moment gets better. You find yourself in the center of the dance floor. You can't help but stand up and high-five those around you at the game. The room reacts like it just got the same text at the same time. You stop checking the time and suddenly small talk escalates to laughing so hard you can barely catch your breath. That is the Cuervo Effect. Signal everyone understands. A moment that anyone can join and a good time that just grows. With José Cuervo and Kyle Schwarber is also brought to you by our great friends at Aura Frames. Aura Frames, the best gift that you can get your mom. I got my mom an Aura frame, uh, 2 years ago for Christmas. Sits in her living room. She loves it. It's the perfect gift. So this Mother's Day, frame what makes your mom special with Aura frames. You can add as many photos and videos as you want. You can keep adding from anywhere at any time. Add a message before it arrives. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very, very special guest. It's been 9 years, but it is Kyle Schwarber back on the show in studio. And in those 9 years, I don't think you realize this, that this, this might be the, the most welcoming interview you'll ever do in your life because you are the, the most beloved, universally beloved athlete on this show.

It's true.

Because you got Cubs, me, PFT Nats, Max Phillies, and then Hank Red Sox. We're literally the Kyle Schwarber podcast. Yeah, we've been passing you around. You are our favorite. Like everyone, if we have a big fight about something, we can all agree, well, like, Schwarber's the man.

Well, I appreciate that, and part of it's my fault for stinking for a little bit, but now, you know, but get passed around. Yeah, but happy to be here. Yeah, I mean, like, it's funny, we were talking about 9 years ago that we were just sitting on the table out there in Mesa, right behind the practice field.

Yeah. Yeah.

Talking about it all.

You were. And you— I remember, I think, I think you were the— we got Theo with the mean tweets. He fell for it, but you didn't. So that was credit to you.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, yeah. I know it's great to have you back on. I was just going to ask you, like, if you, if you look at where your career has gone so far, and you see those teams like and you go to the Hall of Fame, are you going in as a Nat or a Red Sox?

That's a great question. First off, I hope I make it there. If, if that would be awesome. Not really banking on it, but.

Oh, you're selling yourself short. You're—

yeah, I mean, I'm just like, yeah, I'm—

I don't know. I'm— no, but to Big Cat's point, like, you are a guy where even though you have been passed around this podcast and we've all enjoyed it, we, we don't want to let you go. Like, I feel like you're a guy that every team wants to stick around, but for whatever reason you did it. Now you've got your forever home, it feels like, in Philly. But you're just like the funnest player to watch.

Well, that's a compliment. Thank you. I mean, it's, you know, I always say, like, I always just try to be me. You know, I'm never you know, at the end of the day, we get to play a game. And I know that there's a lot of money at stake and there's a lot of different things. And we play to win championships. Like, that's, you know, something I learned, you know, from the young age, right? Like, I've never, you know, going and starting college, right? Like learning how to win in college. Then you get drafted, you know, I make— you make the playoffs your first year. won a World Series your second year, made the playoffs pretty much every year except one.

Mm-hmm.

Like, you know, that's why I play. Yeah, it's, you know, being able to have that World Series in Chicago and to see the, the pandemonium, the madness, the, the parade, just everything. Like, it, it gives you goosebumps. And that's what, that's what drives you. And, you know, even those losses in the playoffs, You know, they— doesn't matter what year it is, it hurts just as much as the year before. And that's what keeps driving you to get back to those situations and to get back to those spots and to try to see if you can know this. Something changes. The next thing you know, you're finding yourself in a position to hold up a trophy again.

Yeah, I don't think people realize that. You mentioned being in the playoffs every year but one. I was— there's some— there's some Kyle Schwarber stats that are pretty shocking and not like shocking. I expected out of you. But when you do, like, picture the history of the game, you know that you have the most NLCS home runs all time.

It's good stat.

Yeah.

You know that you have the most postseason home runs by a left-hander. Did you know that?

Yeah, I knew that one.

Yeah.

And Reggie Jackson, Mr. October, is second, which is— that's pretty insane. Mr., like, literally Mr. October. You have 5 more than him now. That's a pretty good stat. Most postseason leadoff home runs. So, yeah, you've been in these big games and you've delivered in these big games.

Yeah, I, I, yeah, I don't, I don't know, man. It's like, you know, that's— I always say postseason baseball is like the most purest form of baseball because no one really gives— are we allowed to cuss?

Yeah, fuck you. Want to?

Okay, perfect. No one really gives a shit about if you're hitting.400 or if you're hitting nothing, right? It's about did you win the game? At the end of the day, right? And, you know, you play a course of 162 games throughout the year to put yourself in that position. And, you know, it's not like we're collecting the paycheck in the postseason, right? You're playing for something bigger than that. You're playing to be, you know, win baseball games, you're playing to be remembered. And like, that's— it's such a cool format. And, you know, it's a tournament style, right? It's, it's not like the best team always wins. You know, it's not like the team with the best record is going to go out there and win the World Series. I think that's why it's, it's such a cool thing that you get to go out there and just worry about trying to win a baseball game versus how are you doing right now? How am I hitting? Am I having good at-bats? Am I doing this or that? No, it's about like, all right, I just got to figure out a way to try to help help us win a game right now.

Yeah.

How many, how many times when you, when you hit a home run, do you know, like, the second it— the second, like, you make contact?

I can't say. I would say very high chance, probably like over 95%. That's so sick.

So it's got to feel the best feeling when it's just like—

Yeah, I mean, I had one last night, actually. I thought, like, I mean, I stood there and I was like, man, I crushed this ball. And like, saw, you know, normally you see the ball get small and, uh, it gets small. And then the wind was kind of— wind was blowing in and I was like, man, that ball's gonna go out easy. And then all of a sudden I look at it like I'm hitting like the jog running and our first base coach starts giving me the go, go, go. I'm like, What's happening right now? And, you know, it— they review it, they call it a home run, they review it, call stands. It was going to be a really hard one to overturn. And then I actually had one in Colorado this, uh, earlier this year. I mean, I absolutely smoked one. I, I stood up on it, started hitting the jog, bat flipped, you know, like I don't do any fancy bat flip, but like, you know, it's what I do. And I mean, I was like guy was like a foot from the wall.

That's crazy. So it does happen every now and then.

It does happen. It does. But you know, for the most part, I know, and the ones that probably that I think I have, they're more likely than not going to go out. Yeah. Right. Like I'm not the guy who's going to sit there and be like, ah, is that one, you know, go out?

Right.

Like, no, I'm busting it. But you know, most of the times I really get it. I'm like, ah, that's cool.

It's a no doubter. Yeah.

I mean, in addition to all those, the, postseason stats that Big Cat brought up, also the postseason All-Star Game stats.

Oh yeah.

I don't think those will ever be touched. When they put in the rules for the swing-off, were you like, well, that's just the Kyle Schwarber show.

Yeah, they did it for you.

Yeah, that was like, you know, the first guy ever not to get a hit in the game. And then all of a sudden you get a trophy at the end of it for, you know, this happened, the go 3 for 3 and BP. So, you know, like, it was awesome. Like, it was a cool thing. Like, it was interesting because So I'm going back. So the first All-Star Game I was hurt, I made that was in Colorado. Then I played, I was in the LA one and they ask you like the manager would come up, be like, hey, you know, if we tie, the game's tied, we're going to do a swing-off. Will you do it? You're like, yeah, no problem. And you never really think it's going to happen, right? Doesn't happen in that one. And then same thing, go to Atlanta last year. And they ask you again, hey, swing off. You're like, yeah, I'll do it. And you're sitting there watching it. And I mean, 9th inning, I'm— or 8th inning, bottom 8, like we got a pretty good lead. I'm on deck, 3 outs. So go in, just go down to the cage, might have had a water or two and, you know, thinking like, oh, it's over with.

And then you come back out, you're like, bang, tie ball game. You're getting a bat off for Earl Stratman. Then you're like, oh, all right, strap it up here. And we don't score. And then it's the swing-off time and you're like, you're interested to see how everyone's going to, you know, do with it? Like, is the guy who's going to be into it? And, you know, from the get-go, right? Like, both sides came out of the dugout and both sides were into it. The fans were into it. You're like, okay, right? Like, guys are going to take this really well. And just happened to go 3 for 3 and got everyone pumped up. And you have P. waiting in the wings who had a pretty good game already. And you know, don't, don't have to get to the last hitter. We win it right there. And it was, it was a pretty cool thing. Yeah, it really was. It was right. Like you got Derek Jeter giving you a trophy there at the end, right? Pretty cool moment. Never, never really met Jeter until, until then. And, you know, it's something that you're going to be able to tell your kids one day that, hey, you know, I got to do that.

First one to do. It was pretty cool.

Yeah, it did feel like an event that was built, designed specifically for you. Like when it was like, oh, Kyle Schwarber is going to be representing his team, the swing-off. It's like, well, they're going to win. It's that easy. That's what he does.

Yeah, that's facts. So the last time we had you on obviously was after the World Series, and a lot has transpired since then. I do have a question about the ending with the Cubs and, you know, going, you know, to the Nats and the Red Sox and the Phillies. Was there a moment where you— not a crisis of confidence, but you're like, am I— is this going to actually work out? Like, is this because, you know, in your career you started as a catcher, don't, don't play catcher, play outfield, DH, all this stuff. And then you had the COVID year was weird. Wasn't your best year. Was there a moment you're like, fuck, is this, is this kind of it for me?

Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, You can even go back to like 2017 where— so '16 we won the World Series, um, you know, didn't really— didn't play, right? Just got to play in the World Series pretty much, had 2 games, and you're on top of the world. And then you, you come back for that next year and you know, your mind's thinking like, okay, right, like, I, you know, I still got this, right? Like, I just played in the World Series, we won it, and didn't have many at-bats. I, you know, you're confident. And the next thing you know, you find yourself batting like 170 at the point. And I got sent down to AAA the year after winning the World Series. And I was like, man, like, you know, What's— there's a lot spinning through your head, right? And you're like, what's going on? Am I good enough? Am I this? Am I that? And it's just like, you know, my— this is the way my brain works. So it's like, well, you know, I gotta get to work here, gotta figure it out. And, you know, spent like 12 days in AAA, and I mean, spent a lot of hours just early on the field just trying to figure it out.

And, you know, I know it's, it's a short span. But, you know, from winning the World Series to them being in Triple-A hitting.170 and then, you know, you're trying to figure it out. And then luckily, you know, me and Andy Haynes were down Triple-A. He was our— he was a hitting coach in Chicago for a while, but he was the hitting coordinator. And, you know, John Maley, Henske, you know, they came up with a really good plan, worked it, you know, just kept working, working, working, got back. And then, yeah, you go to 2020 and it's just kind of always been like the— it was, you know, kind of ebbs and flows in my career in Chicago where I wasn't always consistent, wasn't playing great. And then you get the 60 games. I didn't play good for 60 games at all by any means. And, you know, you get let go and your mind starts kind of spinning again. You're like, man, like, where is this going to take me now?

Where—

what am I going to do? And, you know, just a lot of different things, I think, because, you know, you're, you're in Chicago, you know, you came up with a lot of great people and now all of a sudden that's going to be taken away.

Yeah.

And you don't know. It's kind of like the great unknown out there. And it just so happened to be like the best thing ever for me. Where it's like you get that time to kind of— it's a fresh start, right?

Right.

It's a one-year deal, but it's a fresh start. And I ended up in arguably probably the best place for me, which was Washington at the time, where it was actually still a really good team. And I got the opportunity just to go out there and play. And I got the work with Kevin Long, Pat Rossler, David Martinez was manager who was my bench coach in Chicago. Playing with Trey Turner, Juan Soto, Scherzer, Strasburg, Ryan Zimmerman, Jordy Mercer, Josh Harrison, Alex Villa. Like, I can just name all these guys. John Lester, right back in Washington that year, just like an unbelievable group. Josh Bell. Like, I can just keep naming dudes left and right. And that whole, you know, atmosphere, that whole scenario where you know, I got in with a really good hitting coach, really good hitting coaches, really good staff, you know, really good players. It does kind of put me in that mindset to where, all right, like, yes, I'm getting back to work, and it kind of took it away from yourself, right? Right. The more that you think about it yourself a little bit is when things can really go downhill.

Besides, when you're really just focusing and buying into everything goes into your team, that, that's when I feel like you're going to get the best out of yourself because it doesn't really matter at the end of the day what I'm doing. Like, I just want to win baseball games because I know if we win baseball games, that's put— that puts us where we want to be at the end, right? And I got that. And, you know, it was awesome. We had a good team, and then all of a sudden everyone gets hurt. I, I blew a hammy. I think Trey Trey Mai got hurt. You know, we were banged up that year. And then all of a sudden we were literally like 4 games out of it. And we had this big road trip right before the trade deadline and we're going to play Baltimore before Baltimore was, you know, really good. And we get swept there. We're like, ah, this is probably it. It's probably it. And we go to Philly, like maybe if we sneak out like 3 of these games in Philly and, you know, I got to go back to Washington for MRI on my hamstring.

Like, yeah, it's about the trade deadline.

Yeah.

All right. And, you know, sure enough, Max and Trey get traded first to LA. And then I got a call that night at like 11:00. It's funny, the Cubs were actually coming in town in Washington and I was going to go see a couple of people, I think a couple of coaches. And I got the call like 11:00 at night. Hey, we're trading you to Boston. And like, that's another great thing that happened to me. We're just getting traded to a contender team that was in first place at the time. And, you know, a lot of different circumstances. Never played first base before. Going to go over there, stand at first base and— but just awesome time there. You know, we went on a deep playoff run. It didn't work out. But then, yeah, I ended up finding a forever home there in Philly.

Yeah.

How did you decide on Philly? When it came time to it?

Yeah, I mean, it's like it was kind of easy for me because it's like free agency is like, it's interesting, right? And this free agency was obviously different than the one previous where, you know, you just got non-tendered and you're looking for a 1-year deal. Like this, you know, you're going to go look for multi-year deals and everything like that. So, you know, your agency and yourself, your family, you like come up with this list and you're thinking, looking at teams that you might fit on, right? And you have this big dream that you're like, oh, like it's gonna work out just like this, and never happens that way. And, um, but like the one team that always was on that page and I stuck out was Philadelphia. And I was like, you look at the roster on paper, you're like, man, like it's a really good team. Like, yeah, it really is. Like, and, and that year in '21, you know, they had Bryce won MVP and they had Wheeler who arguably could have won the Cy Young that year where he finished second. And it was like, man, like this very interesting team and have conversations, figure it out.

And then it's just like, yeah, like this is going to fit, this is going to work. And then you know, obviously there's a lot of different things that have to line up and you're questioning if it is going to line up. And then it's like, it's this wild a story. So I got a phone call with Dave. Oh, hello.

Yeah. We're trying to remodel soon. Max won't let us.

Sorry.

Yeah. But, uh, and Hank, they're pieces of shit. We literally told them, I'm not joking. We told them like, uh, the, these shelves are a problem. Everything keeps falling. And then we have You guys happy? Schwarber almost got concussed, Max.

It's a big—

I apologize.

Okay, thank you. I'll wear it.

Why have you never—

he was about to tell a great story and then he got concussed.

But that's hands up. So my wife— we're— so it's the lockout year and this like lockout gets lifted and we're in March and my wife's pregnant with our first kid. And so I get on this call with Dombrowski and kind of just lay it out there. And it's like 10:15 at night and go for like, you know, 20 minutes, whatever it is. Get off the phone, you know, agencies kind of going back and forth. And all of a sudden they call, they go, hey, we got you know, this is the deal. And I'm like, yeah, we're doing it. 479. And, you know, bang, about to celebrate a little bit.

Yeah, life-changing money.

Celebrate.

Yeah, right.

And then not even 30 minutes later, my wife's water breaks.

Oh, no way.

Yeah, thank goodness I only didn't have— I didn't have too many. So, you know, through the bag together real quick. She's screaming at me, why didn't you have your bag ready? I've been telling you to have your bag ready. Yeah, I, you know, forgot. And just thinking about baseball stuff for some reason and throw the bag together. We get to the hospital, call the Phillies like, hey, the, the physical is going to have to wait a little bit. And so we go have our first kid. Everything went great. Get to Philly the next, you know, we, we get home. I think we're at the hospital for 2 days, get home. Next day I fly to Philly, physical, get passed, back down, spend the day with them, and then I'm in Clearwater the day after. That's crazy. Without, without them. So it was just a, it was a wild turn of events there, but ended up definitely finding the right spot.

Shout out your firstborn for being like, I'm not coming in this world unless I'm super rich.

Exactly.

He's never known it.

All of our kids have no clue.

Yeah, because I mean, obviously you made money this start of your career, but it's different. This is like real money.

Yeah. Life-changing stuff, right?

Yeah.

You doubled your career earnings, I think, with that first year.

Yeah.

Philly.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. That's—

and your kid was like, fuck that, I'm not gonna— yeah, I'm not gonna be broke. Yeah.

You can definitely point to that day and be like, that, that is probably the best day of my life.

Exactly.

That's pretty cool.

Exactly.

That's awesome. The, uh, do you, do you look back at the— I mean, I unfortunately hold a lot of like anger that the Cubs didn't keep you. It sounds like it actually was like a situation that was better for you long term, that you would have maybe not had the same success if you stayed in Chicago. Was it still shocking though? And I do blame Theo. The video, I don't know if I ever told the story. So we have a very good mutual friend and you reached, what was your, what was the 10-year service time? So they did a video of a bunch of people being like, Kyle, you know, congratulations, like, on 10 years service time. So I was on it. And at the end of my little part of the video, I'm like, fuck Theo for not keeping you. And literally the next video was just, hey, it's Theo Epstein. It was perfect. It was so perfect.

Oh, man. It was— that was definitely funny. Definitely. You got a big laugh. Yeah, but you got a big laugh out of the room. But No, I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone. I mean, at the end of the day, like, I always tell people this. The shocking part of it all is, you know, I was just going to be going somewhere new. It's just like, it's like you win the— like, you win, you win the World Series, you have a great group. We always, you know, it felt like family. And now it's just gone. Right, right. Like, okay, that was the shocking part. But like, at the end of the day, it was my my fault. Like, I had 60 games, I didn't produce in 60 games. And even before that stuff, it wasn't like I was the most consistent player ever. And there was a lot of good memories, right? And for me, it's like, you know, Chicago is a big foundation of, uh, you know, what I am now. But then there was a lot of lessons learned in my time here. And being able to move forward and do all that, all this, all this cool things I've been able to do in my career.

It's been awesome. But no, there's no grudges. Hold on.

I'll hold on.

Yeah, I'll just hold grudges. You know, like I always say, I think like the more shocking thing was just like, you know, all those— all the other guys were gone.

It's crazy how quickly it all kind of— and it also is crazy looking back and being like, like you're the guy left standing in a weird way. Like your career and what you've done since then has been insane.

Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, for me personally, it's like, you know, I just found the stride and just been able to keep going with it. And, you know, I know there's, you know, looking at a lot of other guys who have left and And you look at Javi, Javi's, you know, getting his stride over there in Detroit, which is awesome to see. That is awesome. Yeah. Like that guy's one of the most electric players in the game when he's going, you know, Chris is obviously dealing with a lot of different injuries and it's just, you want him, you know, it's, it's, you just want the best for that guy, right? Like you don't want anyone being hurt. Like I hate the hurt factor.

It's terrible. It sucks what's happened to his career. I had a question about Javi. Javi. I have a theory that like in every team sport, and baseball's, you know, one of them, where you, you need at least one guy like Javi who's like maybe gonna do something that's not the most fundamentally sound baseball move. But it also is like you need someone who's kind of got that energy that will like charge the team every now and then. You can't have more, you can't have too many of them, but that role is a specific role that Javi played so well.

I mean Javi is like, I mean, those years that we got to watch him where it was like MVP caliber player.

Yeah.

Outrageous.

Yeah.

It was awesome. It was like the— he's like the best instinctual player on the field I've ever seen. You know, not even just like when it comes to hitting and fielding, like the base running. It's crazy, right? His base running is outrageous. And everyone wants to talk about like fundamentally sound. Like, watch this dude run the bases, watch his turns, watch how he goes first to third. Like, that's fundamentally sound. Like, this dude, like, I remember watching him, we were doing a base running drill and he's talking about like, hey, like, yeah, we always hit the inside part of the bag, but like, when I hit the inside part of the bag, I'm trying to go like direct line step. The second base, like take away that big, you know, you loop out that big loop from running. I'm like, man, like, and it doesn't make so much sense. Like the tags, right? Like it's the best tags in the game.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

Slides.

The slides.

Amazing.

You know, obviously makes sick plays, you know, hits pretty cool-ass homers, right? Like you see him hit a 100 at his head, you're like, whoa.

Yeah, the fundamentally sound was probably more the, the at the plate.

It's like, yeah, whatever, right?

But you need that kind of guy.

Like, that's baseball, man. Like, that's the best thing about baseball is that there's— you're not gonna have a lineup of the same people, right? Right. Like, there's gonna be— you need that diversity in your lineup. And, uh, that's, you know, that you know, Javy, sure, like he might swing at a breaking ball that was off the plate and whatever, but also too, he might just touch the breaking ball that under the zone by a good amount and poke it out to center field. Yeah, right. Like, or he hits a, you know, like I said, the 100 ball above the zone by this much and it's gone. And, you know, that's— that was just— it was just so much fun to watch that dude play baseball. And I'm excited to see him you know, get, you know, find his stride again. He was back in the All-Star Game last year and, you know, they're, they're finding their way in the postseason. Like, and I know when he's in that environment, like, and he's in those postseasons, he's thriving.

Yeah, that was the nicest way to say I'm a fucking idiot. I appreciate that so much.

I think he was doing the—

that was such a nice answer.

If you know enough about the game of baseball, he actually is fun.

He was like, so You just dunked on me with a nice smile and then picked me up off the floor and you're like, here, it's okay.

Who would you say?

Because I think you probably played with the two best sliders in modern baseball. Trey Turner, I would say.

Oh yeah.

And, and Javy. So which one of those two is a better slider?

I don't know. That's a great question.

Great question.

It's a, it's, it's probably like, that could be like a really good poll debate. Like Trey looks like like Legolas, you know, like Lord of the Rings. Like when the dude's just walking on top of the snow and everyone else is like knee deep. That's what he looks like when he runs. And when he slides, it looks like he's like hovering above the dirt. And then he like— there's that cool slide where he hits like— it was against the Phillies. I think it was in like '21. He slides in the home plate, hits like a stand-up back turn. It looked like he was doing a little moonwalk, like Michael Jackson moonwalk. And I was like, what's that like?

Yeah, yeah. How can you move?

What I'm used to fucking sliding, it hurts.

Yeah, right, right.

Like, this doesn't feel anything. Yeah, they're going, ooh, replace your divot, please. Yeah, right. Like, ooh. But like, when he does it, it doesn't even look like it hurts. Yeah, but like, and I mean, Javi too, man. Like, like, just like the insane swim moves.

Yeah. When you do the fake out, when you pull his arm back.

Yeah, I tried that once and almost blew out my left shoulder. Never doing that again. Never. I'm going feet first in that bag, and if I'm safe, I'm safe. If I'm out, I'm out.

That's perfect.

Is it okay if we talk about maybe a not so great memory for you?

Which one?

So in the World Series against the Astros, we're going to go—

yeah, let's do it.

I have an important question for you.

Yeah, this is an important question.

Did you guys, did you guys get no-hit hit against the Astros?

Oh, I thought we were gonna go somewhere, but yes, we did get no-hit.

So the Astros threw a no-hitter.

Yeah, so it was combined no-hitter. Yeah, so no, put the headphones on.

Yeah, you're gonna have to put the headphones on. We've had a lot of fights about this.

This is an ongoing debate.

We think that came out—

you guys got no-hit since you guys didn't get any hits that day.

Max thinks that's not a no-hitter.

Combined no-hitter is not a no-hitter.

But you— but did you get— you guys didn't get a hit, right?

No, we didn't get a hit, right?

So that would be a no. Another way to say it would be no-hitter.

Yeah, but it was a no-hitter, but it was combined.

Like, combines don't count.

Max tries to call it— he says it's a zero-hitter.

Yeah, because it's not a real no-hitter. No hit. Like, it's not.

Yeah, I mean, this is when we have our guest on and we just do an argument we've been having for 5 years in front of you, you know.

It's not the traditional, you know, when people think of no-hitter, you know, people think of the starting pitcher going out there and going all 9 without giving a hit.

Right.

Giving up a hit. But also, too, it's like, you know, you ever played the game like Immaculate Grid?

Yeah.

Right. Like when it says like no-hitter.

Yeah.

You can put in like a reliever.

Yeah.

That was a part of a combined no-hitter.

Yeah. That's what we go.

And so like, yeah, I mean, it was a no-hitter.

Yeah. You got no hits. It was.

We got no hits.

Yeah.

After we just went out there, if you had gotten one hit, it wouldn't have been a no-hitter. I'm sorry, Max, if you realize that if they got one hit—

why are you saying it to me?

Because you're the one that's denying it.

Everybody else is like, yeah, it's no-hitter, dude.

Yeah. Even the guy who was playing in the game says it was a no-hitter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is tough.

This is—

this is— this is tough for my argument right now.

It was. Yeah, that was unfortunate. Where I actually thought you were going to go with that question was me trying to bunt with two strikes.

Oh, yeah.

World Series. Yeah, I don't even know if you would have.

That's a good, that's a good question. If you would like to ask that question to yourself, I would, I would hate to get the answer.

What were you thinking when you already hit a home run in the game?

Yeah, great question.

And it's in the, what, 8th inning with 2 strikes against Brian Abreu. Why'd you bunt and foul it off straight back and walk back to the idiot like a dugout? Like, or walk back to the dugout like an idiot? Well, good question. You know, in the moment, if you go to the HiHome feed, you know, we could pull it up. It'd be great. You know, going up against a pretty nasty guy, didn't see it great. And I'm like, man, you know what? Like, all I got to do is just touch this ball. I just got to touch it, put it in fair territory, get the first base.

Because they got the shift on, right?

Yeah. Yeah. The shift was still a thing. I think we were down 3.

Yeah.

And with 2 outs and I'm like, Reese is swinging it. In all reality, terrible idea. The worst idea I've ever had, I think. There's been a lot. I mean, like, this is the best part. Like, I love like watching all the things I screw up on. I was just saying, I love laughing at it because I'm just like, what am I doing?

Yeah.

Like, what was I thinking? Why did I think that was a great idea? Right now to do that. And it was a terrible idea. Like Astros fans still like wear me out about it.

Yeah.

Like going like, you threw in the towel. Like, no, I wasn't throwing in the fucking towel. I was trying to find a way on base.

Yeah.

Let's try to get on base for this 2-run homer. But like, it just didn't work out. And it was a bad idea at the time, or in all reality, bad idea. But it was a great idea in my head in, in that moment until it didn't work out. Yeah.

If we're doing bad ideas right now, do you want to do the same? Um, you want to do the same question yourself? Why you dove for the ball? Will Wilmer Flores hit in the 2015 NLCS?

There's a lot of those. That was about a lot of them, man.

I was like bleachers for that game, and I think it was— I think it was game 4.

Talk about a— talk about a fun place to learn how to play the outfield.

Kept on going forever, and I was with Dave and KFC. KFC's a diehard Mets fan, and they just both looked at me because it was game 4. It's like, what was that? I was like, listen, yeah, I still love the guy.

There's a lot of that.

Yeah.

I mean, hell, I had a double error.

That had to be the worst feeling though, to have the ball just keep going.

Yeah.

I think you got to fake an injury next time. It's like, I know you don't play the field, but like, that's, that's a total fake injury because then people can't be mad at you. Like, if I were in your shoes in that spot, I'd get carted off. I would just be like, I'm so injured.

Oh man. So like, dude, there's so many different places. Great. So a lot of people don't know this. So Lester's last start in Chicago in 2020. So Rizzo's like, dude, we got to, we got to do a video for this guy. And we talked about it on, you know, they, they got their, their podcast going out with 10 Years. But and So Rizzo's like, man, we got to, we got to do this, this video for him. And he goes, he goes, he does like the light bulb clicks off in his head. He's like, I got it. I'm like, what is it? Tell me something good. He goes, we're going to make a video of you making errors, diving around everywhere, not catching balls, and we're just going to have them cut to Jon and he's going to have the ass, you know, just yelling, yelling everything on the mound, looking at you like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, uh, so we ended up getting this video all cut up, you know, like, and don't get me wrong, I made plenty of errors for John out there. And, uh, you know, it's great. Like, there's the ball, like Curtis Granderson, there was a ball, like it was in April, Christian Yelich smokes one that I'm like, man, this ball is going to be like close to ball and like all reality and the wind's just howling and all I had to do was to stand where I was at and I would have caught the ball.

I'm running back, I go, oh no, you know, slam the brakes on, come back in, clank, face hits the ground, like what, what am I doing? You know, then like the best, like truly the best error I think I've ever had was, I think it was Pierce Johnson's debut and it was against Milwaukee in 2017. This is, you know, great time. Just punch right in the dick, you know, like you stink, like I'm stinking personally, and you're going out though. It's pouring on us and, uh, the wind's howling. It's like gusts, everything. It's pouring on us. So ball gets hit up in the air. I just come running in and Javi's playing short And Javi's like 10 feet, 15 feet over here, and the ball is going to be like over here. And I'm like, well, looks like I got to call it. I go, I got it, I got it. Put the glove out, ball— seeing like 3 balls. I'm like, please choose the right one. Bang, clank. Nope, didn't choose the right one. Uh, ball rolls on the dirt. On the infield dirt and it's first and second or maybe— yeah, I think it's first, second, or guy on first.

And like I said, it's pouring, so it's like a, it's like a mud bath out there. And I pick it up barehand. I hit like the Superman, like, flip play. Going to be a nasty play if I would have hit him in the chest. I threw it in the right field. Just pandemonium, snowball fight, people running all over. All around the place. I get up, I mean, I am drenched in mud, like just like ultimate defeat. And the best part about the whole thing is like right after that play, umpires go, ah, put the tarp on, put the tarp on. I'm like, I'm fuming, I'm fuming. I'm like, you fucking kidding me? I just did all this. I just did all this for you to pull the fucking tarp now.

Oh, I'm watching.

Oh, dude, I'm going back and I go back. It's the best thing ever.

The flip was going to be nasty. Oh, and you're so muddy. You're so—

it's like I'm like, I be— I'm like, I'm going to have to get a new uni or like go back out for the resumption of this. And I mean, I'm sitting there, I go, I'm yard sale and throwing my glove, whatever. I get in, sit in my locker. I'm like, man, I feel like I got like 40 eyes just looking at me right now. There's not even 40 dudes in this room. And I just happened to like, I'm like, all right, enough. And I just look over and Rizzo's just side-eyeing me. And he just breaks out in laughter. I'm like, oh, thank God. Oh yeah. Thank goodness someone laughed.

Oh, having to go in the dugout after on a rain delay after that error. That's brutal. Yeah.

Yeah. That was, that was a low point.

Yeah.

It was a low point. But you know, it's like, in all reality, right? Like I, that's why I think it's great. Like I can, I love looking back and I love laughing about it because it's like, you know, it's baseball. It's baseball, dude. Like, you know, I, I mean, I messed up and it's funny.

Yeah.

You know, it's funny. Yeah. It's funny. I messed up. It's not funny in the moment, but like the more that you're, you're learn, you learn in your head to like not beat yourself up and to keep like just replaying it, replaying it, replaying it. Right. Like the beat now to like just now where I'm at, it's like I've learned just to be very objective in like how I think. Right. It's like how, okay, why'd I mess that up?

Right.

And then, okay, how am I going to be better off for it? It's just like being at the plate. All right. Like, you know, there was a span last year where I was literally, I think I was 0 for 20 last year, 0 for 21. And I don't even think I could be, I could be mad. Like I was swinging at the pitches I think I should swing at, taking pitches I think I should take, hitting the ball pretty hard. There's a couple of bats in there. Sure. Whatever. But I mean, I don't even think I can be mad at myself. And then next game, go out there and hit 4 homers.

Yeah, right.

Like, you know, it's, it's just like the nature of the beast. And the more that you can kind of like stay objectively, objectively in that mindset besides just really, you know, beating yourself up from the inside that the game, you know, one, it becomes easier to play, right? Because there's plenty of times from the inside I was just beating myself up from the inside where I'm just like, man, you know, I stink, whatever it is. And, you know, the doubts start creeping in versus, you know, now it's just like, okay, like, you got to learn. You got to learn from your good days, got to learn from your bad days, especially your bad days. And how are you going to be better off for that moving forward?

Yeah. Do you think you're a good perspective?

You think you're ever going to get a chance to avenge your at-bat against Kyle Williams, though? The position player on the Braves struck you out.

Oh, Luke Williams. Yeah.

Luke Williams. Yeah.

He, uh, former Philly too. I had spring training with that guy.

He gassed you.

Oh dude. He gassed that thing. I mean, it was like probably 67, 72 maybe.

Yeah.

It looked like 105. So it looked like 105, dude. I'm telling you. And he painted. And I'm like, I'm like thinking I'm going to be swinging at a pitch like this far off the plate away because like, there's no way he's going to fucking throw inside right here, right? He's just going, you know, and I'm like, I just got to protect from the umpire trying to, you know, punch me out. First off, I shouldn't be in 2 straight count against a position player. What am I doing right?

And with the cut that you took on when it was 0-1, I remember the second pitch you tried to hit that ball 600 feet. Like, I've never seen you swing harder. And he got you with an efas on that one. Oh yeah, it was like 55.

Yeah.

And it comes back, gas inside.

Yeah.

I got a really weird thing against position players. It's, it's, it's so interesting.

Yeah.

I just, I stink.

The pressure's got to be—

because I think it's not even me thinking about like, I better not strike out here. It's just like, dude, I've tried everything. I mean, everything. I'm like, I'm gonna, you know, be flat. I'm gonna catch out front. I'm gonna let it travel. I'm going to swing up, I'm going to swing down. It just never works. It always is the same thing. A sky-high pop-up.

Yeah.

Right to the left fielder.

Yeah.

Always a sky-high pop-up or a sky-high pop-up in the infield. And I mean, even like go back to that 4-homer game, I had a chance for a 5th off position player.

Yeah.

And the whole stadium's up there cheering. And I'm like, I'm like, all right, like, this is the time to do it. This time you're going to break that. You're going to break that, you know, this little run you got of not hitting a homer, even really having a hit off position player. Nope. Sky-high, sky-high fly ball to left field again.

Well, all right. So we did some bad memories. What are your top 3 postseason home runs?

Oh, man.

Because that— I mean, you've had so many.

Yeah.

And so many awesome ones.

Yeah. I would say number one, probably my first one in the wildcard game.

In Pittsburgh.

Mm-hmm.

Suck my dick, Pittsburgh, when he yelled that in the tunnel. I don't know if that's true, but I've heard that.

No, I don't think I did that one. I don't think I did that one.

There's also, you were so jacked up that you went in the tunnel and just started screaming to yourself.

Maybe, I don't know.

Hit that ball a mile.

It was a fucking tank.

Yeah, I mean, it was like, it was just like, so like backstory preface, it was like Liriano, it was Liriano and Cole that year were like the 1-2, and Cole's obviously the one, he's, you know, first round pick, you know, Pittsburgh guy who got drafted by the system, and Liriano is free agent, whatever, and he's just having a good year, and I think he pitched unbelievable against us that year. And they had like 2 lineups for us because they didn't announce who was starting. You know, I'm playing against Cole, I'm not playing against Lariano. So you're kind of just sitting there staring at your phone waiting for them to send out who's starting. And you get the text and it's Cole. And then it's like no sleep. I'm like, I'm just sitting there in this, in the Fairmont, like, oh, like, what's about to happen? You know, what's this game going to be like? You know, first play, whatever. And then, you know, get a base hit first at bat. And it's like, I just like replaying the at-bat. I just remember, so Dexter steals second base on the first pitch. I'm like, in all my mind, I'm like, I'm just going to get him over third base.

And I swing over a couple sliders. And then all of a sudden he threw me a heater away and I poked it down the left field line. So I'm going to my second at-bat. I'm like, I'm I got it. Like, I'm sitting on a slider right here. I'm just going to sit on a slider this whole at-bat. And I get like heater ball, changeup ball, heater right down the middle, 2-0 strike. I'm like, oh man, like I took a heater right down the middle. I hope he doesn't think I'm sitting on a slider right here. But I'm like, I'm staying with it. Then bang, slider, homer, crushed it, right?

Crushed it.

I think 450 feet in the water.

Yeah.

Yeah. So that was cool. And I think you can't not say the Budweiser, the Moonball.

I was at that game.

That's a cool one.

Yeah. Against the Cardinals.

Yeah.

My—

I mean, a couple in Philly where, you know, like the World Series, like I would say, just Verlander after a no-hitter, right? Like you know, there's— it's a little, you know, little tense, whatever it is, right? We just went from, uh, Homer Fest in game, uh, what was that, game 3, I think, you know, we were hitting McCullers, and then we go game 4, no-hitter, then game 5, you know, you lead off the game with a homer. Like, that was pretty cool. Yeah, like that, that was pretty cool. But, uh, and then like, I grand slam in Boston 3-0, you know, felt like that place was going to fall down. That was pretty cool. And obviously another one too, like the one in San Diego where when we were at the Phillies, hit it all the way in that upper deck up there. Yeah, that was pretty, pretty awesome.

How big—

pretty cool.

How big did the ball look during the 4-homer game?

It looked good. It looked good. Yeah, it wasn't speeding up, you know. Yeah, it was weird because it's like, you know, like I said, going back 0 for 20, it was funny. Bryce, we're down in the cages and, you know, Bryce, you know, we always, you know, we're always talking crap in our, in our locker room. And he goes, man, I didn't realize you were 0 for 20 right before the game. Yeah. I'm like, yep, 0 for 20. He's like, man, I didn't realize. He was like, man, I didn't realize you were going that bad. I was like, yep. And you know, sure enough, homer, first at-bat. He goes, see, told you. You know, just messing around with each other. Then next one, guy hangs a curveball, hit it down. And then third one, poke it out the left. And then The fourth one was a former teammate, Wander Suero. I played with him in Washington and I remember I'm like, man, I'm just going to take one. I haven't seen him in a while. He throws me a pitch I should have hammered. And I was like, man, that was the one. And it's like the, you know, get the two strikes and the way the mind works, right?

It's like, I'm, you know, you're not even thinking about a home run, right? You're just thinking about like staying, staying through the middle of the field, whatever it is, and you get a changeup and you stay through it. And it goes, you know, besides like if I'm up there and then you go to that fifth at bat or the sixth at bat, technically off position player, you're like in your head, you're like, man, I got to hit a homer, pop up to left field.

Yeah. Like you got to have just a regular Joe, like an average dude that throws you batting practice occasionally. Get Max to do it. He'll do it.

Oh, I was trying it all down there. I was like, hey guys, throw me a lot of balls.

Yeah.

In the cages. I'm throwing me some live balls. I'm going to get ready for this. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it because my dumb myself asked how many people have hit 5 in a game before.

Yeah.

And it was just like complete silence.

I was like, ah, okay. Yeah, you're on the precipice of history.

Yeah, it's just a question. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that, that history, if that did happen, that would have been— there could have been an asterisk by it just because it was off.

No, no, absolutely not. No way.

Listen, if there's no asterisks next to a no-hitter that was thrown by, you know, combined, uh, pitchers, then no. 5 home runs off a position player, that counts. I'm sure Max has like a million questions. They're probably— come on, you ever watch the, uh, Chris Farley Show on SNL where it's just like, hey, you remember that time that you hit that home run? That was awesome, as a question. That's probably what these are gonna be like.

I mean, that's been the whole interview. Yeah, because we love you so much. So, fair point.

Again, Max, I'm sure you got a million questions.

Uh, I got a couple, not, not too many. I don't want to take up too much of your time. Um, so you, you've had a couple runs here in Philly, a couple playoff runs, and there's been like, you know, different expectations going into each year, different vibes going into each year. It does seem like the best run that we've gone on was 2022 when we didn't have the highest expectations compared to some of the other years. Like, how does that like affect like the ball, like the locker room, like going in? Because there was something about that '22 team that felt different.

Yeah, I mean, that's a great question.

Great question.

Going back to '22, you know, I don't— I think that the expectation wasn't there from a fan base just because the year previous it was, you know, I think it was, what, 81 and 81?

Yeah, not great.

And coming into that spring training, you looked around, you're like, man, we got a good team. And no one knows it. So like the expectations are already there in the locker room. And there was a lot of different things that we had to fight through that year too, where, you know, Skura breaks his thumb, Harp, you know, he tore his Tommy John, and then he also came back and he got hit, broke his thumb that year too. And missed some time and a lot of different things that we had to fight through. But then like we knew, like in the back of our heads, we're like, man, like once we get the full strength, because I even think Wheeler started late too that year and maybe Ranger got hurt. We were just in the back of our heads going, man, like once we get the full strength, like watch out, like watch out. And we get the full strength and it was a funny Philly story. This is awesome. So that year, I think we— I forget where we were. It was near the end of the year and we come— we're coming off a road trip for our last home stand before we go hit 10 games.

And I don't think we finished. I think we might have got swept on the road. And, you know, we're all pissed off, whatever it is. And We land in Philly or get on the busses and it's like 3 in the morning and we see like, so we pull out this gate and we see someone standing right there and like, man, what is this? And then all of a sudden this dude just whips out a sign, holds it up, says like, same shit every year, we deserve better. This guy waited until 3 AM for us to get back just for that.

Just like, it was so silly.

I mean, I love, like, we all, we were all laughing. Like, it was, it was awesome. It was funny. Yeah. Yeah. But like, it was funny, you know. And then we, we play the homestand, whatever. And, uh, we go on the road again. It's 10-game road trip. Go to Washington. I think we lose like lose the first one. I think we ended up winning 2 out of 3. Uh, go Chicago! We didn't play good in Chicago, but like, there was a race between like the, uh, I think it was the Brewers and us, and Miami is out of nowhere just gets hotter than a piston, and, uh, they start beating the Brewers, and we're like, man, we got a chance. And then we get to Houston you know, shocking. We played Houston last series of the year and ended up playing them in the World Series. And all we had to do was go win one game, win that game. And, you know, we were like, all right, here we go. You know, on the, on the St. Louis, you know, go win the first two there. Then we're on to Atlanta. You know, Atlanta, I think just won the division.

You know, we, you know, it feels like we always played them tough. You know, it's always close games. Then we go in there, we win the first one, then we come back home and like, funny, like, cool, cool moment, right? Like, so we went to the Eagles home opener that year and we're like, man, this place is a mad box. It's crazy. It's unbelievable. Like the electric atmosphere. And we come back off the road and it was almost a month that we were on the road. And then it's like we step out, you know, obviously we're all excited. We got the postseason stuff going flying around. We're taking BP, everything. And then it's time for the intros and we go out there and we're like, whoa, it's like an Eagles game in here. This is awesome.

Bang, right?

Like, this is, this is amazing. You got the whole stadium just killing dudes, killing dudes from Atlanta. You know, like Ozuna steps up to play, you got the whole stadium going up there saying what they're saying. Like it was like, you're like, whoa, this is awesome. And, you know, this— we were playing great baseball. We win that series, you know, San Diego, go out there, you know, split. And then we're like, we're just not— we know we're telling ourselves, we're like, we're just not going back to San Diego, you know, like we're not going back to San Diego. And, you know, we didn't. Bryce hits that homer, like, wow. Wow, what a moment. Like, yeah, that's like, like probably one of my favorite moments of just sitting there and just watching baseball where it seems like cinematic kind of, right? Where, you know, we're all just, we're all, you know, on the top rail, right? And it just feels like it's something, something's going to happen, you know, like he's, you know, he's not going to get out, but you don't know it's going to be that. And the ball leaves and then it's like drizzling on us.

Like, it's so fucked up that game where like it felt like it started raining on us, but it only rained on us when we were pitching. Like, Sear's out there getting soaked. Like, you know, he's got no grip on the ball. He's throwing things all over the place, can't find the grip. Then it'll just stop raining when they're pitching. We're like, what's going on here? But, you know, then it starts drizzling again when we're going and we get this rally going and Harp, this, you know, hits this ball cinematic feel and you're like, whoa. And the whole stadium just erupted. It read on the seismic, like earthquake scale. Yeah, right. Really cool moment. But like the answer to the question, the expectation's always there for us. Like we know the group that we have and we know what we're capable of doing. And, you know, sure, like, you know, to start this year off right, it hasn't been the greatest start by any means. But also, too, it's like there's the— you have to keep a perspective in your head of, okay, like, just because we haven't started off great doesn't mean that we don't have a good team, right?

Doesn't mean that we don't have a great team, right? Like, you know, rocky roads, whatever it is, you just got to keep your head down, keep fighting, taking things on the chin. And there's going to be a light somewhere down at the end of the tunnel. You just got to find your way there. You know, you got to keep going. You got to keep playing. It doesn't mean that we quit. We're never quitting. It's not like the sense of urgency that's always there. It doesn't matter. I said it doesn't matter if you're on a 20-game win streak or if on a 20-game losing streak. There's always a sense of urgency because there's a game to be played. Tomorrow. Right, right. Like, and it's, you know, our sport's so unique where we play so many of them and we play them on a, on a pretty much a daily basis. And, you know, the, the, the, like, the roller coaster effect that we say, like, you know, don't, don't ride that roller coaster because that roller coaster could be dangerous, man, where, you know, for, for a player where it's just like if you're going good, right?

Don't get too high because, you know, next thing you know, be 0 for 20.

Yeah.

You know, or you're 0 for 20. Don't get too low. This quote, the best quote, Reece Hoskins, let's make it to the box. There's always a chance. There's always a chance if you make it to the box.

I like that.

Right? Like, so don't get too high. Don't get too low. Keep going. Keep your heads down. Take it on the chin. But just know that the work that we keep putting in on a daily basis is going to translate. It's going to translate. And the next thing you know, don't let the Phils get hot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There you go, Max.

Let the Phils get hot.

I love that.

So we feel— we feel we're going to bounce back this year.

Yes. All right.

Yeah.

Yes. You have another one.

Phillies fans would say it's not over yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's early. It's early.

Let's get to the box, Max.

Do you have another question?

Yeah, I got— I'll do one more. Last year, historic year.

Should have won MVP.

Should have won MVP. Would have been, would have been fantastic.

Maybe because I bet on 90 to 1.

Yep, we all did. There, there became a point last year, like, you were, you were playing so well and the home run number started to, you know, really get up there. So then it started to become, oh, this is a historic year, a historic year, where it was like, is he gonna get to 50? Oh, we got to 50. He still got this many games left. And then it's like Oh, is he going to catch Howard? Is he going to— is he going to get to 60? Like when— how, how difficult is it to like not think about that when you're like getting to the ballpark every day being like, I'm in the middle of something special right now. Like I have to not think about things that are like out of your control.

Yeah, it's, it's another great question, right? Like everything's like all learning experience, right? Like never hit 50 before, right? Like, it's just like the first time I ever drove in 100 RBIs, right? Like, first time I ever— I was staring at 99 on that board, and you know it. And then for some reason, there's, there's like some— there wants to be some mental block. Like, why? Like, what is this, right? Like, I've taken how many at-bats in my life? Like, just take your but for some reason it just wants to stare you in the face and you just got to overcome it somehow. So like, I mean, it was funny, like the first time I ever drove in 100, Rojas on first, he steals second, they throw it in the center, he gets to third base and I got a guy on third base, less than 2 outs. They bring in the infield. I'm like, man, all I got to do right now. I'm sitting there talking to myself like, all I got to do is this, this, this, this, this, that. I'm like, you know, sitting there, whatever. This is not in the moment, this post.

But, you know, I end up capping a ball, like squibbed it right over the third baseman's head. Like if he was just playing normal, it would have been a nice, like soft chest-high throw. Right, right, right. And just because they were in, it goes over his head. It landed in the infield and you get 100. It was like, whoo. You know, the weight falls off and, you know, it's funny how the mind works. You know, you're just sitting there and you're looking back, you go, man, why was I thinking like that?

Right?

Right.

Like, why am I trying to tell myself, do this, this, this, this, that, right? Like, no, like, I've done this plenty of times. I've driven in dudes plenty of times. Just do what you always do, you know? And then going back to the last year, right? When, you know, it's a story. There's plenty of times. So like I hit 50. I mean, I was sitting on 49 for a little bit and I was like, man, like, and then you hit 50, you're like, phew, feels like a weight gone off your shoulders. And you're like, man, like, why was I thinking like this? And then it's like, okay, we get to the end of the year and didn't think it was going to be possible. But then all of a sudden you have the 4-homer game and then you pop 2 more against Miami. You're at 56 and like, man, got 3 more games left, might have a chance here. You know, it crept in my mind. I, you know, for— I'll be the first one to tell you, definitely crept in the mind. And it's like looking back at that, those 3 games, and I love watching those at-bats.

I'm like, man, those were awful at-bats. I'm like, all because something was in your head that probably shouldn't have been in there.

Yeah.

Besides just going in there and just really focusing on whatever you need to do. Stick your bats, man.

Yeah.

And, you know, it's like I said, everything is a learning experience. Yeah. And it's like, man, like, I, I look back at some— I was like, man, like, I've never really played the game because we were already clinched. We were everything. I think we already had the— it was like we had the 2 seed. I was like, man, like, I didn't enjoy playing those last 3 games like that. Like, I, me personally, I didn't like like, it just felt weird to me because I never really thought about something like that. I'm like, man, like, I was like, this— make— made a promise yourself, like, I'm just never gonna think, like, think about any of that stuff, right?

Yeah.

Like, I just need to go out there and do what I do and worry about what you always worry about. Because when you do that, you're obviously pretty damn good. Yeah, that's what I always tell everyone. Like, you know, we're all here for a reason, right? Like, like, you don't need to go out there and tell yourself to go do anything. Right? Like that just brings in the little devil on the shoulder. Right? Like we're all really good. Yeah. So let's just continue to be yourselves. And I guarantee you more times than not, it's going to work out more. Right? Like the work that they're putting in, the work that they're trying to do to get better, whatever it is, like, you know, everyone has success, everyone has failures, but you have to go out there and say like, man, like, I need to go do this. I need to go get this home. I need to go hit a home run, man. I need to go get a hit. No, you don't, because now you're just telling yourself something you've never told yourself before. You were going good, right? Right. Like, like, it's, it's just funny how the mind works.

That's just the way I think. It's like, it's just always a good reminder, like, just be yourself always in those moments. And, you know, all the experiences leading up to those moments are key and they're vital because you've been in those situations before and you know how to, you know, know not what to do and just be yourself. You're going to be good.

Yeah. All right. We got a couple last questions. It's been so much fun. Have you, have you, you haven't met Steven Che, the commish?

No.

He's here.

What's up, commish?

Commish is here. He's got to turn it on. Yeah. What's up, Kyle? Nice to meet you. He's also, he's also like a now diehard baseball fan. I don't know I don't know if you followed any of that.

Yeah, really?

He picked up baseball last year, 20 games into the season. Never watched baseball, never rooted for a team. He's rooting for the Cubs with his son. He's— it's very funny because like even last year, I think he went to the game that they did like a big ceremony for Rizzo. And after he was like, he was like, dude, was that Rizzo guy good? And I was like, yeah, he was good.

So he's Congratulations.

Yeah, thank you.

Welcome, welcome to the, uh, I have some questions about the, the game since I'm new to following it.

But, um, you, you're a DH now.

Yes.

You used to play some catcher.

Long time ago.

You're sitting down, you're squatting for— sorry, I'm getting, I'm getting realtor calls left and right. Um, or Hank is calling me actually. That's fucked up.

Good start, good start.

You got this, Steven. Steven, stay— So you played some catcher.

Yes.

What is the etiquette for gas? Because you're crouching, you got your butt almost as wide as possible for half the game. But there's a guy you need in your corner directly behind you. So what happens if you have gas? Do you have to get in front of it and apologize? Or do you just kind of let it go and hope The wind takes it. We've got some guys in the studio too that don't hear it. He asked, what do you do when you fart when you're—

Yeah, I mean, like, there's definitely like, for the most part, you're like, if it's happening, like you're trying not to like, you know, poop on someone, right? Right. Like you're not trying to, you know, the umpire is just like right behind you, but But you know, there's times that this happens, man. I will say there's just times it just happens and you know, you're just like crossing your fingers. You're like, yeah, just me.

Yeah.

Please don't smell. But yeah, I mean, there's times that let it go. But most of the time it's like when you're, you know, guy hits the ball and you're trying to back up to play the first base, you just let her rip running down. It's like, you know, you're like, good baseball question.

What about umpires? Do umpires— do they— do they have gas too?

I'm sure they do. I've never experienced, though. I mean, they are human. Yeah, but I've never had an umpire— like, I've never had an umpire— like, I haven't really smelled when I'm hitting. It's funny. Like, I never really thought about it.

Yeah, it's a lot.

I never thought about the, like, sniff. Yeah, right.

Yeah.

What is that? I thought about that. But, uh, yeah, I'm sure it's happened. You know what's funny? It's like there's like the viral video. What is it, like Adam Lind?

Yeah, yeah.

Like baby powder comes out of the— oh yeah, I like— I should ask him that question. Yeah, he's, he's our AAA hitting coach. I need to ask.

Yeah, you gotta.

Like, did you actually fart there? Like, did you just have so much— because don't get me wrong, like when you load up on some baby powder or some Gold Bond, whatever it is, right? Like it's gonna sneak out of there. It can fall out. It's gonna sneak out. Yeah. And, uh, you know, I just want to know, like, did you, did you, like, I want to know, did you actually, like, let it rip? I'm gonna ask him.

Good question, Shay. Thanks. Yeah, way to go. Um, well, this has been awesome, Kyle. You're the best. I have one last question. Rowback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. It's actually not a question, it's a story I remember that I doubt you do, but it was— I already knew that you were the man, and I already was like, this guy, fucking love him forever. Uh, but it's just a funny anecdote. I wonder if you remember it at all. We went— I was lucky enough, CubsCon after the World Series, Rizzo was like, hey, come out, we'll have dinner with the whole team. I was literally sitting at a table with the entire team. I was sitting next to you, and, uh, we all got— we're at a steakhouse, we all got our steaks and you got a salad and you were just like under your breath, you're like, Theo's fucking making me lose weight. This is bullshit. You were eating a salad and I was like, I fucking love this guy. This is so relatable. Like someone being like, you got to lose weight.

I don't know if you remember it, but I was—

true.

Yeah.

So true. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Where were we? I can't remember that.

Uh, it might've been Chicago Cut, maybe. But yeah, I just was like, I love this guy. Like, yes, dieting sucks.

Yes. Normal people shit right there.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah. But you gotta do it. Yeah. You know, like, uh, especially for, you know, obviously us where it's like, you know, you gotta, you gotta stay in shape guys. Right. Like, yo, but, uh, it was just funny, like that whole thing where it's like, dude, like, so I was a catcher, right? You're burning calories left and right. Then all of a sudden you get to the big leagues. I'm not catching anymore. I'm just playing left field. I'm just eating the same way I normally would. And also I'm like, dude, you're fat. Like, dude, like, you got to— so there was like, yeah, I guess you got to figure it out. Eat different. Yeah. It's like at the time it's like I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, we literally all got our steak. You got a salad.

It's like, this is like, man, like I'm watching all these These dudes are sitting down eating a nice bone-in filet right now, and I'm sitting there crushing a chicken Caesar salad. This sucks.

Also, congrats on Indiana football. Wow, that was awesome.

Wow.

Are you guys a football school now? Yeah, I think so.

You got to be. Yeah, I didn't know Cinderella story. No, that's not a Cinderella story.

It's too bad Cadek's not here right now. I'm sure he'd love to meet you.

Yes. Yeah, it's been awesome, dude. He wanna, he wanna Yeah, he had a good run there in the playoffs. Yeah, that. But watching his videos online, he was, he was, he was everywhere.

But something.

Yeah, but yeah, dude, like going to— so I went, we went to the Notre Dame game when they, they got beat in the playoffs their first year in the playoffs. And, you know, it was like, man, like, it's a good run, you know, like, don't know if it's going to happen again. And then like, you know, you're still following and you're like, man, they look good. They look good. They look real good. They look holy shit. Like they look real good. Now they're, you know, I remember the Penn State game.

Yeah.

So my sister, my sister's getting married and it's— so we're in the wedding. It's like time to go to the venue and we got the game on at their house while we're waiting. I'm like, and it's in the fourth quarter with like a minute to go. I'm like, do we got to go? Like, yeah. So I'm like, all right. I'm turning this game on the car, literally pull up into the, into the venue on the, on the touchdown throw. Like the most, like, I can't believe the guy even got his foot down. Yeah, it was like the craziest thing I ever seen where it looks like he's going to step out. He somehow turns and the foot that was out of bounds was the one that actually touches inbounds.

Yeah.

I'm like, what's going on right now? And So then Ohio State game, Big Ten Championship, watching with my boys and, you know, growing up in Ohio, right? So like I— all my boys are Ohio State fans and, you know, I grew up watching Ohio State football. Yeah, you know, I did. And, you know, it's funny because it means something a little bit different when it's like the school you went to. Yeah. And you, you know, and it's like You're all in. This took all the Ohio out of me. Yeah, I'm like, no, let's go. And, and they were probably so cocky too, man. And we go in there and, you know, what a game. So I'm like, man, this is going to get real. And so I get a call from the assistant athletic director who was our radio guy in Indiana, baseball radio guy. And he's like, hey, uh, you know, the Rose Bowl, he goes, it was great, you know, we're obviously going to the Peach Bowl. He's like, do you want to be the, the captain out there that stands next to him? I'm like, fuck yeah, yeah, I got a kid coming, I gotta figure this out.

So, uh, talk to my wife, I'm like, hey, like, they, they called, they want me to go out. She's like, all right, go. So I go, take my brother-in-law. I'm like standing there on the field, I'm just looking around, it's like 90% Indiana fans inside there, which is awesome. And, uh, here comes the dudes, you know, captains. And I'm like, man, like, I'm thinking like, what am I gonna say to these guys? Like, you know, like, first off, you know who the fuck I am. And second off, like, what am I gonna do? And I look at these dudes and I mean, you know, I'm 33, man. Like, these dudes are what, like 20-year-olds?

Well, Indiana, like 25.

Easy, easy. But it's within the rules. But these dudes come up, they're massive. I'm just looking at these dudes in their eyes and I'm like, man, I know exactly. I didn't say this. I'm like, man, I know exactly how you feel, but I'm so jealous because you guys actually get to go hit someone and we got to try to hit a baseball, right? That's getting thrown at us.

Yeah.

I'm like, I'm not going to say a fucking word. So like, I just, hey, good luck. That's it. Fist bump. I'm like, I'm just going to stand here and act like I'm invisible. And, you know, go out there, win it, and then we go to the national championship. I took all the roommates and—

Oh, hell yes.

Yeah, that's incredible. Awesome. Great experience. I mean, sitting on the 50, I mean, hell of a game. Miami had an unbelievable defense. I mean, that first drive when they pop Mendoza right in his chin, I was like, oh boy, yeah, we're going to be in for one. But and like this, like the, the other cinematic play that they're hopefully they build a statue of, like, The fourth down run, spin, move, jump, touchdown, right? Unbelievable.

So you would recommend that to everyone else, to have your college win a national championship?

Oh man, would I ever. I would have never thought it would have happened in a million years. For Indiana football, I would say you're crazy, dude. I bought the season tickets when I was a freshman in college and I like showed up, where is everyone? They're all just over in those fields right over there tailgating. Where is everyone? Like, and then this— yeah, to see it now, you're like, wow, that was so cool. Sig's got those guys rolling.

Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Yeah.

Well, Kyle, you're the man. We love having you here catching up. Best of luck. You are the number one athlete on part of my take, just so you know.

Thank you, guys.

We always got your back. I guess you'd have to complete the whole, like, Infinity Stone. You have to play for the Mets, which I don't think you're going to ever do. So That's memes as a Mets fan. So just stay away from the Mets and then, okay. Yeah, you're good.

Wait, can you confirm like you will, you will never play for the Mets?

Huh?

Will you promise that?

Me?

That you won't ever play for the Mets?

Yeah, sure.

Okay. There it is. Done. Sorry, memes. You're out. All right. Thanks so much, Schwarbs.

All right. Thanks, guys.

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Okay, let's wrap up the show. We got FAQs.

Henry, book coming out. Has there been any old memories or stories? We kind of talked about that. Has many old memories or stories have been brought up while writing chapters that have caused issues amongst the group? Thinking about if I brought up 10 years of history with my friends, something negative would come up eventually. Love you guys.

No, no, I don't think so. I think it just brought up anything the opposite.

Yeah, I know. It actually was the exact opposite. I was like, damn, I— time I'm not high right now, but I feel high saying this. Time just makes no sense to me anymore. It just— it's partially because of COVID fucked my ability to understand time, but also just the fact that we've been doing this for 10 years and it's just, what the fuck? Yeah, it's just crazy. It's just the whole thing just makes no sense.

Crazy part about time is it doesn't stop.

I agree.

Can you give the origin story of Soggy Sorrows? We all know what it is, but why was it?

I think I remember.

I think, I think back in like 2016 or 2017, we said everybody bring 3 new segment ideas for the podcast.

We should do that again this summer.

And I— yeah, we should. I think it was Hank, by the way. We have to make a friend.

Oh, yeah. No, I've been— I've been— yeah, I've been— I got my eyes on a guy.

I forgot.

I forgot. Zach, pick a— let's, let's say put in, put in the note to remind us a week before. But let's say July 24th. So the week before that. Nope, sorry. July 29th, the week before that. Remind us to all bring 3 new segments. Okay. Can do.

Sure.

Yeah.

So yeah, we did one of those and one of us, I don't think it was me. Was it Hank?

I think it was. Was it the double doink was the first one?

No, but somebody suggested that we just— when we get sad when our team loses, that we just pour water on ourselves. And we're like, that makes sense.

Was it— what was the first one?

Trying to remember. The double doink was awkward because it was kind of like the Wisconsin where like it was— you were so mad.

It was—

but I had to be like, hey, you gotta get sorry.

Sorry.

Imagine the double doink happened with Max.

It wouldn't, it wouldn't have happened.

Yeah.

Yeah, it would have gone in.

Yeah.

Cody Parkey.

It would have gone in.

Hank, you had one, didn't you?

I had a bunch.

Like real early on. I feel like there was a really, there was a very, very small Soggy Sorrows that you did for like a regular season loss. Yeah.

Like that kicked it off.

Maybe like a heartbreaking, like come from behind loss.

They tried to make me do it for Gordon Hayward.

Yeah.

I actually— oh, speaking of which, I mean, we're taping this in the morning, but there might be tonight. Yeah, Sixers.

Oh yeah, fuck, that sucks.

You guys are already the number one sports podcast, but what's one metric or milestone for the pod that you're all looking to surpass? What's the next giant hurdle for PMT in the future? Is it numbers thing or is it something qualitative? I think I would like to become the first sports podcast to do a live show at the YouTube Theater. Oh, we are going to get a plaque on Tuesday, May 5th.

Everyone buy tickets.

They're giving us a plaque, which I—

yeah, love.

It's a true where were you moment.

Yeah.

In history.

A billion, a billion streams on Spotify would be cool. I think we're at 500 million. Yeah, we have the 250 out there and I believe we're close to 500 million. That's going to be pretty nuts when we get to a billion.

I can't wait for a 500th episode. That's going to be a big one.

Yep. I think at this point we're kind of like LeBron, like the longevity thing, you know, get our kids podcasting with us. Yeah, yeah, that might be it actually. My kids someday being like, hey, it's time to go to work, you're podcasting.

No, okay, so it's like the alley-oop. If your son gets the lottery ball, yeah, that will be a true like, okay, I've done it all moment. Moment.

Yeah, if my son—

what is this video you just sent, Max?

What?

Uh, that's my live reaction to the double doink. Oh, speaking of which, I think that was like the first reaction video I ever filmed. I took my shirt off immediately out of excitement, and then I— and then I took this video.

Were you recording as the kick went up?

No, it's just—

it's just right— it's just right after. I, I don't know why I took that video.

Max, speaking of which, I just realized we— our good friend Todd McShay did send us a video of— so why don't we play it? Do you have any others? I'm emailing it to you, Max. Do you have any other questions?

The last one is just what happened to those fake science mats you guys were getting, the ones that Tua got and his teammates?

I gave one to Chef Donnie. Chef Donnie?

Yeah, it's just Chef.

I might take the other one.

And I have one in my garage for Stella that I haven't— I got to use. Yeah, I mean, they— Chef Donnie, Chef Donnie believes in it.

He's—

Chef Donnie gets naked, gets on his mat every single night, does his little sleep workout. So yeah, it works. If it works for one person, then I'm happy.

If you believe in anything, it works. Yeah, that's just kind of how it works.

All right, this is Todd McShay for being wrong about Cole Payton.

Well, yeah, for being sad that Cole Payton didn't go in the first round.

The fifth round, or he went in the fifth round, not the fourth round.

To the Eagles.

To the Eagles. Okay.

Soft benching for Jalen Hurts.

Todd, by the way, looks really good. He does. I'm not going to cry for you, big cat. I'm not going to cry for Cole Payton. I'm not sad. You know, there's nothing wrong with late round. I mean, yeah, he looks like Tebow and I get it. It's come from the left side. He's got some tight upper body. And he was like a running back, a fullback for the first couple years. Cole Payton can play, man. I'm not sad. Did you see Ty Simpson? He did. Huh? Look at that hair. What about that backwards hat? No one had Ty Simpson at 13. I don't get any messages from you saying, send me a video, you nailed 13 with Ty Simpson. But here I am. Yeah, it was, it was rough. But you know what's not going to be rough?

When the Eagles have a quarterback from North Dakota State.

They finally get the right one from North Dakota State. His name's Cole Payton, and he takes over as a starter in 2 years from now.

And I'm going to get the last laugh. Yes. And so is Cole.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not crying. Yeah, that would be sick, Max.

Can you imagine?

Would that be so sick, Max?

2 years is a long time from now, right?

But when that really— if Cole Payton was awesome, It's not that long at all.

Remember what you did 2 years ago?

Yeah, 100%. I remember what I did 2 years ago.

So long ago.

Drafted Jayden Daniels.

So yeah, so long ago.

Yeah.

So long ago. All right, good show, boys.

Colton, the future.

Numbers. 11. 5. We're going to get this.

11. 56.

77.

15.

30.

If I get this, this is going to be a good one. Second time before anyone gets one.

That's it. I've got one.

Jacob.

Jacob.

Sushi sounds good.

He casted Jacob off.

I mean, he barely— it was a light love tap.

He posted a picture.

He got that bruise.

He got fucked up. We almost lost him. Oh, hurry up, Shane! Hurry up!

Hurry up, Shane!

24. Hurry up!

Hurry up!

Hurry up!

Hurry up! 37. 37 and 12. 37 and 12.

52.

Ah, so close to 56.

One more.

Yeah, one more.

One more.

56.

77. 50.

Why do you keep doing 77?

I don't know. I did 23 for a really long time and I got it.

So you like BJ Edgcomb?

Luca.

Or Luca.

Yeah.

Damn, two 2 77s. That's a 40-something.

It's a 19. 19. Not even close.

Anyone 19?

Max doesn't know how to read.

It's tough, it's so far away. Yeah.

All right, see ya.

Love you guys. Happy birthday to Barbaro the Horse. Uh, happy birthday to Jay Cutler.

Yeah, Cody.

And happy birthday to Justin Thomas. Mames?

No, I'm glad you got that one.

Got which one? Jay Cutler. Happy birthday, Jonathan Toews. Oh, Jonathan Toews.

Okay.

Does everybody, does everyone in Buffalo know the words to O Canada? Like, dude, does every hockey player know that?

Buddy, yeah.

I mean, do you not know the words to O Canada?

No. Why would we? We're Americans.

Oh yeah. You guys are so fucking hardcore. Why don't you enlist in the army then?

What? What the fuck, dude?

The Canadian?

That was— that was— why don't you learn how to talk?

It'd be a mountain.

Who doesn't know the word? So Canada.

I don't think a lot of people probably don't know the word. So Canada.

None of us do.

You guys aren't hockey fans then?

No. Why would we learn the words? That's the most—

learning the words? I never learned the words. I just know it from hearing it so much.

Oh Canada, our home, native land.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Stand beside her and got—

I actually, I don't know, I sang it once, remember, at the Rough and Rowdy in Providence. They pelted me with beers.

You probably, you probably know more than you think.

I do. You're right. Oh Canada, our home and native land, true, thrice refined in all our hearts and mind, from fountains unto fountains The bar is always on.

Free.

Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Oh yeah, we know all the words.