Transcript of Dan Soder, Knicks Whomp The Sixers, The Hungover Episode, Hot Seat/Cool Throne + FAQ’s New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in espresso, café mocha, and espresso sweet cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at StellaBlueCoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of my take presented by DraftKings, we've got Dan Soder on the pod. Great interview with him, one of our favorite comedians. We talk a lot of football too, which was a lot of fun. Just, this is the time of year we get a little, little, you know, a little hungry for some football.

Talk some ball with him. Uh, we are going to recap a bad night for Philly on Monday night. Max's bachelor party is over, and it's basically like, uh, what Cinderella— Cinderella came, turned into a pumpkin, he's coming back to Earth. This also is going to be the hungover episode. So we had the somewhat drunk episode on Sunday. This is going to be the pick up the pieces. Everyone is, uh, feeling it. We are still in LA. We're getting ready for our live show, and, uh, we got Hot Seat, Cool Throne. We're finishing with FAQs, is that correct? FAQs. So great Wednesday show for you. It's brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Our AWLs know that the Chevy Silverado is the official truck of Pardon My Take. That's because Silverado is a truck with grit that shows up every time, built to haul, tow, and make a beat— and take a beating, but smart where it counts, with modern tech that makes life easier. Big screens, available camera views that help with towing and parking, and a cabin that feels right Whether you're road tripping, heading to practice, or loading up for the weekend.

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And with you.

And also with you.

I love Star Trek. Yeah, my favorite program growing up.

Yes. Uh, boys, we're in LA. We're in a hotel room in LA.

It's gonna be May.

It's gonna be May. Did you see— oh, did you see the Cardinals pitcher, uh, May? And he wears number 3 and he was pitching on May 3rd.

No, I did not see that.

Pretty fucking cool. Wild. Yeah, this is the day 5 of the road trip, uh, the Hangover episode. We got an awesome episode. We have Dan Soder on. Um, we're also gonna do some choose your own adventure because we have our live show tonight. Uh, how we feeling, boys? How's everyone feeling? I'm feeling great.

I'm feeling really good. Yeah, yeah, really good. Oh, Hank, you're probably feeling better than really good. I feel great.

Yeah, I slept, uh, I slept on the car ride from Vegas to LA.

Yeah, we pulled into LA and, um, and I So we took the car ride from Vegas to LA. It was about a 5-hour drive. I expected everyone to sleep. PFT and I stayed up. We ripped, I would say conservatively, 3 hours of Immaculate Grid.

It was about 3 hours. And I told Big Cat that if there was a sneaky GoPro, if somebody had hid a camera inside our car, we would probably be canceled as a sports podcast because of how bad we were at Immaculate Grid. But at one point Big Cat was like, is there such a thing as just like Immaculate Quarterback?

Yeah.

We can do Immaculate Grid just for backup quarterbacks.

Yeah.

'Cause like I think every time we didn't know an answer, we'd be like, Um, did Gardner Minshew play a season with them?

Tommy Pham.

Yeah, Tommy Pham.

Tommy Pham. I was looking for that Tommy Pham.

And then Hank, to his credit, Hank did participate. He's kind of underselling himself a little bit. Hank would chime in from time to time, uh, yawning in his sleep, just the craziest yawns. I know that we've talked about Hank's yawns before. He was letting them fly to a point where, like, you were laying it on a little thick. I don't think those are natural yawns.

He was making— he was sleeping, and I've never heard anyone sleeping make more like bodily noises, because there was at one point he was dead asleep, he coughed, sneezed, and burped all within like a 5-minute span. But he was— everyone was dead to the world, rightfully so.

Hank also did wake up. I don't even think he woke up, he was still sleeping. He goes, "Braxton Barrios." Yeah, he nailed it.

Texan Dolphin. Texan Dolphin.

We—

and so we pull into LA and Hank just goes, "That wasn't that bad of a drive." And I immediately was like, "No, it wasn't." Then I stopped, I was like, "Holy shit." Dude, you were asleep for 95% of that. And we had Max was dead in the back, rightfully so. Zach had the rare— I think PFT asked him when we were at the— when we stopped once, uh, if he was hungover, and Zach was like, I'm still drunk. And he was sitting shotgun just in and out of sleep. Uh, it was a hell of a drive, boys.

It was quite the drive. Yeah, I appreciate you manning that shit, big cat.

Still no glasses.

I don't think I'll ever get them back.

Were you—

did you search for them again?

I went, I went on a reconnaissance mission. I did. And I came back home, no glasses.

What, at what time was your, your recon reconnaissance mission to the cabaret?

Reconnaissance mission to the cabaret was post-show, probably like maybe 2-ish, probably 2 AM. 2 AM. And I didn't get my glasses. When I got back at like 8, but like, time is certainly—

listen, you gotta go, you gotta find your glasses.

I think the same way.

Every ass cheek has to be uncovered.

Zach looked in every, every corner, subjective, every dark, every dark place. Inside that club. Zach, you did a very thorough job. Look, you know now for a fact that like your glasses, they can't be in there.

Yeah, there's no way. And if they are, they're in the, the most hidden spot one could ever be.

Oh, I know a couple of them. Yeah, there's a couple of those there.

I thought I checked all of them more than once.

So Zach comes back, correctly. So you come back, you, after you're done looking, obviously you're mentally and physically exhausted from all the looking you were doing, and you're like, gotta get some sleep, gotta get some shut-eye, we got a big drive tomorrow. So Hank goes, or, uh, Zach goes to sleep in his hotel room And then Dom, Big Cat's assistant, he comes up to me, he's like, let's go, I wanna show you the room right now. I wanna show you the state that Zach's in. So we go in there and Zach was just passed out with his bomb alarm clock firing full volume next to his ear. Like we could hear it down the hallway and you're just not moving at all. But actually Zach, I think we now can say like you have an actual sleep issue if you're not waking up to that. We had to wake him up manually.

I think we knew that.

Yeah, we did know that. We absolutely knew that.

I checked the, some, the app summary for the week. It said I was waking up from alarm less than 1 minute, but then I go back and I see that video and the summary couldn't be more worse or more off.

Yeah, also could have been Dom hearing the alarm and then turning your alarm off.

Dom, if you had to do that, I'm so sorry.

That was also the most excused sleep-in possible because you, I mean, think about all the energy you have to expend to go search for your glasses for 6 hours alone at a strip club.

And when you don't have your glasses, you have to look even harder because you can't see. Yeah, so you're like squinting.

That's all.

Yeah, we saved zero story. We, we've just said, oh, that's not true, that's not true at all.

So I think, I, I think what you have to have, Zach, what we've learned from this week is you need like the best alarm clock for you is another human being that's in the room with you that hears your alarm going off that will then wake you up. I think that's where we're at, where you have to have— I was saying yesterday to Colton, you have— you should almost like have a kid and hope that it grows up to be Bam Margera Yeah, just wake you up every morning by like slapping the shit out of you, beating the shit out of you.

That is one way to get up.

Yeah, but we're all here, we're all live. Uh, and on Monday night, the city of Philadelphia had a little— it was kind of like a wake-up call, like, hey, that was a fun weekend. Max's bachelor party was awesome. Flyers lose in overtime, which they— that they had so many chances. Sixers got Dummied. Max?

Yeah, Silver, you know, that was a scheduled loss. That was an NBA scheduled loss.

I have a question about the scheduled loss piece. There is no, no game in this series that is more than one day. I know. So it's gonna be a scheduled loss series.

It's not a great schedule. It's not a great schedule for the boys.

Yeah. Did you watch the game? I did.

I watched the game. Um, I, I There was a point in the third quarter where, because the Flyers game and that game were going on at the same time, where the basketball game was just completely over. So I switched over to the Flyers game.

I hate it when that happens, by the way. They got to figure that out with like if you have the city has two teams, you have to stagger it.

So I had it on my phone in my as a second screen. But I checked out in the third quarter for sure. There was no point.

What?

Yeah.

How do you feel? Because this is, this is the— I agree that it was a scheduled loss, but it was a loss.

So was game 1 of the Celtics game.

True.

Were you freaking like, get the starters out way before they did?

I actually saw some Sixers fans and like beat reporters being like, low-key, this isn't that bad because much less minutes.

Yeah, they all played like, they all played like 25 minutes. Yeah. And Jalen Brunson was— he could not miss.

There was no one on the planet was stopping Jalen Brunson in that game. He made— he was making every single shot no matter what.

Yeah, he was incredible. Uh, Memes, you, you promised this. You said this on Sunday. You said you're gonna— you're gonna win in 5. You're gonna fucking kill him.

Game 1, we said on, on Sunday's show that it— that we were gonna get smoked.

But so far, Memes is the correct one. Well, the Knicks just collect after Game 3, and they've beaten— the past 3 games they won by 25-plus, and they just have a better team overall. I'm not going to hold anything accountable that Max said on Sunday. He's fucked up.

Yeah, I don't know. There were things that were going— that people were telling me that happened in the show that I didn't remember happened in the show.

Are you getting any backlash for the New York rich, Philly poor?

I don't know.

I haven't really looked at my social media too much the past couple days, to be honest.

Yeah, did you— I know it was a scheduled loss, but like, scheduled— was it even demoralizing how, how bad the loss was?

Yeah, that's kind of—

oh yeah, that was bad, right? There's nothing was good about it except for the minutes. Like, the Knicks just absolutely dominated that game, but luckily the Sixers have shown that they can get smoked in a game and come back and win.

Do you think—

uh, it's game 1 of a 7-game series.

Do you think, do you think Tibbs is rooting for the Knicks?

I think he knows about the— you know, he wants to be back in.

I know. I, I think a guy like Tibbs probably cares about the guys, but like fucking can't stand the jerseys, you know, like he can't stand the ownership. Um, so I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where his heart would be at, but the Knicks look like they do look like they're just gonna— it's gonna be a cakewalk for them to the NBA Finals.

Yeah.

What do you think, Zach?

Uh, I mean, very impressive performance yesterday. They're saying Sixers might take some of their guys out. That is good for you guys. It's a multiple game series. Way to start the series. 40-point win. Love to see that.

39, not quite 40.

That's, that's fair. I rounded up. I shouldn't have done that.

Yeah, I should have done that. That was actually fucked up.

That was fucked up.

That was, that was.

I'll never round up again. They're saying this might be a scheduled loss for the Sixers, which is good. I was curious, will there be any scheduled wins? Because we look great.

Oh, that, that, folks. Was Zach's— we look great talking right there.

We do look good.

Answer the question: will there be any scheduled wins?

I don't know, scheduled wins, because the schedule is in favor of the Knicks, but we'll, we'll have some on-the-court wins, maybe.

Okay, I do— I, I want to clarify, I don't necessarily think that the Knicks are just going to blow through the entire East. I think that the way they've been playing though, like, they have to be feeling good enough about themselves where they have to think like, we might just not ever lose until we get to the Finals.

Yeah, they shot 65% from the field and 50% from the—

said they're playing like that.

They've been doing that like repeatedly. It's not just tonight or last night. It was—

I mean, if that's the case, they're the— if they do that every single game, they're the best team in the history of the NBA.

That's on the cards right now.

That's what we're saying. Yeah, they have to be thinking— it's a perfect spot for New York is actually thinking right now, like, the Knicks, there's a chance that we might be the best NBA team of all time.

What if we never miss a shot again?

That's what they're saying.

They're literally saying that would be impressive and I would tip my cap. Yeah. Uh, Hank, have you decided who you're rooting for in this series?

No, I'm rooting for, uh, I'm just rooting— I actually did come to this realization last night. I am rooting for the home team to lose every game. I want the fans, I want every fan base to be upset at, at, at the games.

So that, I guess, so you're, you're 0 for 1.

Yeah, that would be Sixers or, uh, yes, Sixers in 7.

Sixers.

Yeah, it would be, but you can't have—

no, that can't happen. You have to win one home game. So, but yeah, that, that was what I came to the realization.

You want Knicks in 7 at this point?

No.

Yeah, I don't even— I can't—

but wait, Hank, what if it's a bunch of fans from New York that, that take the train down to Philly, they take over the stadium, and then the Sixers beat all the New York fans in Philly in front of Knicks fans?

I think 7 games. Like, at this point, I'm just rooting for 7 games. Uh, it's the most entertainment. It gives whoever wins the podcast the least amount of chance to win the next series. Uh, as we saw last night with the Sixers, you go 7 games, it's tough to win after that. So yeah, I'm rooting for a 7-game series, and I guess Sixers in 7 because that would mean they win at home or on the road.

The Game 7 would be, I believe, the start of Grit Week. That'd be fun. Sunday would be a fun little wrinkle. Yeah.

And then who are you rooting for the other side of the East? The Cavs. Okay, so you want the Cavs to then smoke whoever wins this series?

Yeah.

Yeah. And then for them to get smoked? Yeah.

No, I don't, I don't really, I don't, I don't. As long as it's not the Thunder, I'm rooting for any, anyone but the Thunder. Lakers, I guess. I mean, the Lakers to win this series. I hope the Lakers win the series.

Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna do a, uh, choose your own adventure in a minute because we have our live show tonight.

They're going to get smoked.

I, I completely agree.

But yeah, it was tough. It's like I was just kind of sighing the whole time watching this game because I want to talk shit, but then it's like there's nothing to be said. Yeah, because we lost to the fucking Sixers.

Yeah.

Is it set in? Yeah.

Well, last night it was like that was the official set in. This fucking sucks. Yeah. And it's like all anyone was talking—

it's where we are.

We're a loser town. It's like we're not playing and we're just talking about—

that's quote unquote—

we're talking about, you know, like Twitch streams and just coulda, shoulda, wouldas and off-court stuff when it's like the playoffs are going on.

Yeah.

That's, that's just a bad spot to be in.

Yeah. Max, have you, like when you were watching the game last night, did you have any thoughts in your head still of like how cool it is that you beat the Celtics? Are you just fully—

I mean, it's tough to think of like anything. It's a Super Bowl.

Yeah.

They got smoked by him.

They got absolutely smoked. There's no, there wasn't a ton of like positives while watching that game.

Yeah.

I'm just wondering if you've like completely moved on from the Celtics win because it was so, it was a big deal for you at the time. Time. Have we completely moved on? Are you still thinking like, that was awesome?

No, that— I mean, it went right— no, I'm over, I'm over the Celtics win. The Celtics win was fun, but now we're, we're trying to win a series.

Yeah, you're in, you're in it. So, uh, the other game with the Timberwolves-Spurs, which was an awesome game, defensive battle in the first half. Second half, it felt like the, the Timberwolves— I mean, the Timberwolves deserve all the credit in the world because they just they play spoiler. I mean, they, they're injured and Anthony Edwards is back. He wasn't 100%. You could tell he wasn't. He actually blamed himself for a couple moments, uh, afterwards in the, in the postgame where he's just, you know, there was like an offensive rebound sequence that he got blown by a couple times. He's not 100%, but this team as a team, they just like— Julius Randle was awesome. They figured out— I know Wemby was incredible in all these blocks, but it did feel like in that fourth quarter they figured out like how to get a couple buckets against Wemby. And it was partially getting Rudy Gobert off the court, but also like keeping guys engaged with Wemby and then finding a way at the rim. And I love like Terrence Shannon's like, I'm going to just keep going. Like, I don't care. He's going to have to block them all, right?

Like, when we got 12, he got 12 blocks. That's an insane stat that he had. Yeah, there are some truthers out there trying to point out some possible goaltends that were fouls and goaltends was a big thing. One thing Wemby does, like he's exceptionally good at, sometimes he'll almost play like matador defense where he'll let the guy go past him and he'll stop. And then his arms are so long that he can then recover after he lets the guy pass him on purpose to, to block the shot. And he was, yeah, he was pinning some balls against the backboard. But the fact that the Wolves kept going back at him and they kept throwing up these shots and they were getting some of the tips and deflections from Wimby that would then lead to open shots. Like their strategy is like, fuck it, we'll let Wimby block his— as long as they don't retain possession, as long as Wimby's not like, pinning them off the backboard, coming down with them, or like grabbing them out of the air, we'll let him block a lot of shots. And, uh, and we just trust our guys to, to make something happen.

They're just reflections. They are dogs.

Timberwolves are dogs.

They're pups.

Yeah, they are.

We, we're calling them the pups now.

Yeah.

A bunch of people online, they were like, hey, we appreciate your support for the Wolves, call them the pups though, because that's— if you're not like it, you can't say T-Wolves, but pups is like the next up-and-coming thing for them.

And Chris Finch is an awesome coach, and like, they, they just— yeah, I, I I think it's anytime you doubt them, I think the Spurs will have some answers. Wemby also shot like shit. Like, I think he was 0 for 8 from 3. Did you see also that moment where he— it was maybe the best non-block ever where he almost blocked, um, uh, Anthony Edwards' 3? Yeah, it's like, how, how is this possible? But it doesn't matter because the Timberwolves have dogs, and they— like Terrence Shannon stepping up in the moment, Nas Reid, Mike Conley, like just guys that have been there, done that, and maybe not Terrence Shannon, but guys who are just not afraid. Jay McDaniels, they're not afraid of the Spurs, and they showed it on Game 1. I will say too, the Spurs jerseys are just incredible. I know they're borderline not even real because of some of the color schemes, but I thought the visual, not only the gameplay, but the visual of that game was sick.

Yeah, the crowd, again, the crowd looks awesome. It's not intimidating, but it makes me hungry. It looks like dessert. Yeah. When I look at that crowd, I think I'm about to dig into like one of those grocery store cakes that they've got the layers that are dyed the different colors. I look at that crowd, I get hungry when I watch these Taco Bell. Yeah. When I watch Spurs games, I get hungry. It's like a Pavlovian thing.

I just—

I think it's going to go 7. I think it's two very evenly matched teams, two very well-coached teams. But that's why we don't count the Wolves out.

Well, and like, you don't know where this is going to go with the Wolves. Again, the DiVincenzo injury sucks. Anthony Edwards, hopefully he can get to 100% at some point in this series. But I like more than anything, and this is going to sound like loser talk, I don't mean it this way because I do think the Timberwolves, like the way they play defense, they can beat absolutely anyone. It is like the last 3 years, like you can't tell the story of the playoffs of the Timberwolves because they just every, every big moment they don't blink, you know what I mean?

Like they just, they're ready for every single battle starting with the play-in game include.

Yeah, but including game 1 last night against San Antonio. And yeah, I think Wemby will probably shoot better, and they'll— and I, I think Wood Castle, uh, I think he fouled out, like, he— that might not happen. So it's like, there's, there's some adjustments, but I also think that Chris Finch is a really fucking good coach, and he's figured out a way to maybe not, maybe not go to it all game, but like, hey, we can figure out ways to maybe score on Wemby when we actually need buckets late in the game.

This is a game where dads will, will watch it, and they'll be like, You got to keep those blocks in bounds.

Yeah.

Swatting it into the fourth row is not doing you any good, son.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Okay, let's do— should we do some choose your own adventure?

Yeah.

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21 and over in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions Terms apply and vary when offered. Max bet and boost vary. Boost only applies to winnings and expires at the end of the last NBA game each day. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Lost, Hank. The, uh, listen, it's, it's tough times right now for the show. We're all, we're all dealing with something right now. It was, uh, if I, if, if we could do it again, we maybe wouldn't, wouldn't stack 5 days in a row. Um, but it was Hell of a weekend.

Listen, I'm actually doing okay right now because I follow doctor's instructions, unlike Max, which is when you come off a weekend like this, you have 2 beers. I had 2 beers last night at Shellback Tavern.

Well, you also didn't go out Sunday night.

I had Shellback Tavern. I drank 2 beers and then I immediately pulled the parachute. I got out of there. I was like, I'm going to go home, go to sleep, get a good 10 hours of sleep in. So I feel fresh as a daisy. Max, on the other hand, refuses to listen to doctor's orders. And every time you're like, just have a beer, dude, he's just like, oh, that sounds so bad. I know it sounds bad, but that's what you have to do, Max. Your body needs you to do it.

You have to do it. We're telling you. Actually, this is an order.

We'll see.

Okay, it's part of your job to drink 2 beers. 2 small beers.

Choose your own adventure. Cavs, Pistons.

Cavs.

Yeah, I got Cavs.

I'm gonna take Pistons tonight. Uh, yeah, I'm gonna take Pistons.

I'll take Pistons tonight.

I'm gonna take Pistons tonight. Yeah, what are the odds? I think they're -3.5.

They are.

Yeah, I'm gonna take Pistons tonight. Feel like I'm going off of just the fact that coming out of that 7-game series against a Magic team that plays really good defense, maybe it will feel a little bit easier to, to play against the Cavs. So that, that might— it might just be like, oh yeah, this was— this isn't as hard as it was playing against this Magic defense. That's what I'm going with.

The Cavs by 3.

Do you know a, um, a crazy stat I saw? That since 2010, James Harden has played more playoff games than 28 NBA franchises.

That's very surprising.

Yeah, I mean, he is in the playoffs every single year, and it feels like every time he's in the playoffs, the series go deep.

They go deep because we remember them. Yeah, we remember when it goes deep.

I would assume the only teams that he hasn't played more than are like the Cavs and the Warriors. And maybe the Spurs. No, Spurs weren't in the playoffs for a little bit.

Oh, you said since 2010?

Yeah.

So, oh, since 2010.

Yeah, Cavs, Warriors, maybe Heat.

Yeah, Heat maybe.

But they— yeah, but they've been the last like 5 years, a couple finals. Still crazy stats. All right, so we have Cavs, Cavs. Max and I are taking Pistons. Zach, you're the deciding vote.

Uh, I think the Cavs will win this evening.

Okay, yeah, so Cavs. Memes, do you have a take?

Who do you want next round, Memes?

Oh, good question. We, we haven't advanced to the next round.

Okay, but the Cavs.

Good answer.

Uh, and then sound like Hank.

This is how Hank sounded after game 1.

I said we haven't advanced.

Then you said Cavs.

You want—

you're thinking about the Cavs, but you haven't—

but if I could pick one to Advance. It would be—

let's get real, you're not losing this series. No, you're the Knicks. You guys have won how many games in a row by 25?

Philly already won.

You guys are never gonna miss a basket again. That'd be so cool.

You have the best starting lineup in the entire NBA.

Defense is on another level.

You said that. I agree with you.

I didn't— you have Mr. Bing Bong. He hasn't even been activated yet. But I, I didn't—

I didn't say the best starting 5.

I think I—

I don't remember what I said on Sunday. Nothing that I said on Sunday counts.

That's ironclad defense. Yes, don't remember doesn't count. That holds up in court.

Uh, Thunder-Lakers.

I think the Thunder going by 25.

Yeah, Thunder. I'm gonna go Lakers, and I'm gonna go, uh, we get the first ever father-son double-double, which should get— by the way, if, if LeBron and Bronny— if Bronny scores double digits, that should count towards LeBron's stats too. So like LeBron should get like, okay, LeBron has 45 points, at least half of them. Yeah, he did half of them, right? Yeah, good point, because Bronny had 10, so we'll add 7.

Yeah, I think we should, we should we should do a live choice for you right now because you made a request for a shirt for tonight. Yes, you got two options.

Do we have—

I wanna—

I wanted to get a, uh, there's two funny options.

Oh, okay. And I'm curious to see which one you got.

So, uh, Dom hit me up and he was like, okay, they've got a youth medium or an adult double XL.

Love it.

And I was like, those are two great choices.

Very funny.

All right, let's, let's do a little fashion show.

You want me to put it on?

Yeah.

Which one do we think is going to look more ridiculous? Because I think that I have a choice. I have a choice.

The, the XL, the double XL.

Yeah, yeah, double XL is the funniest by far because you're gonna— the youth medium, you're gonna like kind of fit in. I didn't mean that as an insult, but he will, he will kind of fit in that. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna make a pledge, okay?

I think it's a youth large and an adult XL.

Okay, I'm gonna make a pledge, by the way, uh, and I will, I will stay firm with this. I am not I think the Thunder are going to kill the Lakers in this series. I think the Thunder are just way, way better. Not— no duh. I'm not going to hold this against LeBron because the Thunder are just that much better of a team. Unless, unless we get a fake LeBron injury, then we get, we get the LeBron injury, and then yeah, that just fits, dude. That just fits.

Wait, come on, come, come show, come show, come show.

That fits. Put on the big one. Let's see the big one.

That one fits.

I don't think this fits at all.

It does.

It fits.

It's a youth large.

It's a youth large. Okay, just for the record, that one fits. He's putting on the double. Do you know what I mean, Hank? Like, if we get— after this series, Shams reports—

if game— no, if he takes himself out game 3.

Yeah.

And then sits game— like, if they get blown out first 2 games Third quarter, Game 3, he like hurts his arm or ankle or something and then sits for Game 4.

And then we get the— and then we get the report from Shams, uh, like the next day saying if they had advanced, LeBron would have been out for 3 to 5 weeks.

Is that an XL or a double XL?

It's an XL.

XL.

Okay, that one— that actually—

that actually looks good. Yeah, I think you fit in every size.

My body type just— I'm like an Animorph. Yeah, I'm like a goldfish. I expand to the size of the tank that I'm put in.

Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean though, Hank, with the, the sham suit. He'll be like, yeah, you know, if they had advanced, LeBron would have been out 3 to 5 weeks, just, just to prove that it was really real. So that's my, that's my pledge, PFT. I'm not gonna hold this series against LeBron unless he does, uh, a fake injury. Yeah, when they're down like 3-0.

Okay, what now? What if Luka comes back like game 3 and then the Lakers go on a little run and the Lakers tie it 2-2? Then if they lose Would you then hold against LeBron?

No, because I think the Thunder is just better than the Lakers. Like, I'm not, I'm not going into this being a blind LeBron hater, being like, oh my God, can't believe you lost in the second round. The Thunder are better than the Lakers. They are much better. Throttle them in the regular season.

Yeah.

And I just expect them to throttle them again in this series.

Okay, so the spread is 15.5. That's crazy. Yeah, disrespect for the GOAT. I'm gonna pour honey on you. Yeah, I'll pour honey on you, goat. And what do they call a goat's kid?

What's the name of that?

Uh, the kid of a goat is called— oh, Billy. The code— oh no, it's the kid.

It's a kid.

Yeah, yeah, the kid. So the goat and the kid, that's disrespectful to you, goat and kid.

What's a baby goat? It's a kid.

It's— yeah.

Oh, it is a kid. Well, that doesn't—

the goat and the kid, that'd be the— that's probably gonna have a podcast together.

Yeah, so we call kids How's that work?

Was a baby kid a goat?

What are the other— what are the other babies?

I know a baby kid, a baby.

I know Joey's a kangaroo, right?

Joey's kangaroo. Yeah, that's probably the best one.

What's— what are the other ones?

Uh, what's a fox puppy? Is a kit— is a fox a K-I-T, or am I making that one up?

All right, I'm gonna look it up. I think a fox— do a little fun. What are baby names?

Baby animal names.

What are baby names for animals? Okay, uh, squirrel is a pup, kit, or kitten. That doesn't make any sense. Termite is larva.

What's a— a whale is a calf.

Alligator is a hatchling. Whale is— a wallaby's also a joey. Wallabies are— wallabies get slept on. They're cute as fuck.

They're tiny, tiny little kangaroos.

Yeah, whales are calves. Uh, oh, a wolf is a pup or a whelp. A whelp.

Yeah, because that's what you call it when they're sucking the—

so should we call them the Minnesota Whelps?

Well, I think they stopped sucking the teat. I think they grab— they're no longer on teat.

Okay.

Oh, wombat's also a joey. Would, uh, we got chicks, obviously. Hell yeah. Um, let's see, what other— zebra is a colt or a foil.

What is, um, what about like a— I'm thinking of the other NBA teams that we can go through to figure out, to make them little. Yeah, which— what would be, um I guess a calf.

Trying to look. A raccoon's a cub. Bear's cub.

Where's a baby Celtic? I don't know. Deuce.

Oh, Porky. He's, he's like, he's like 15 now. Yeah, I know, it sucks, man. They show him like, that kid is way too old now.

Porky—

porcupine is a porcupette.

Okay.

Yeah, a platypus is a puggle. That's a cool one.

What's a— what's a—

a baby pug ever— if Pug ever has a kid, we'll call him Puggle.

Yeah, a little Puggle. Yeah, a baby Nick.

Um, trying to think if there's any other cool ones. I'm looking, I'm scrolling. KB, this is some really interesting stuff right now. I know a monkey's an infant, that makes no sense to me.

What's a— what about a grizzly cub, right? Yeah.

Okay, trying to find if there's any other cool ones. Hog is a pharaoh. You guys got to fill in the times when I'm scrolling.

Okay, what do you think?

A baby goat is also Billy. It's a kid and a Billy.

What about a baby— a baby nugget?

Baby nugget? Mm-hmm. Zach, I feel like that you're— you're a nugget.

Baby nugget, would that be popcorn chicken?

Yeah, that would be. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, nice.

Or Graham.

Yeah, what's, uh, what, uh, the king is a dauphin. Is that what it is?

The dauphin?

Yeah, the dauphin. Whatever. The, the kid that— the fat in France that everyone wanted to kill.

The French, uh, the fat French fuck that smelled really bad.

Yeah.

And they're like, we're probably— we should be done with monarchs after, after meeting this kid.

What's the son, Zach?

A son? Yeah, maybe son. Is it star?

Junior?

Star?

That makes all the sense.

Well, no, star— the sun is a star. So, Pluto. What, did you just take an R off the—

you're— I don't think you're allowed to use that word. I think only stars can use that word.

What about a piston? No, don't have it.

I think it's just— I don't have it. I think it's just a cylinder.

Yeah, yeah, you don't got it, Hank. What about a net? Is that just string? Yeah, like one piece of string. Yeah, lace. Yeah, the laces.

Oh, that'd be very cute mascot, like a little, a little shoelace jumping around.

Single lace.

Hey guys, welcome to the Brooklyn Nets! I'm here to help y'all win a basketball game. Yeah, you gotta throw a basketball through me and win the prize.

That was—

I don't even know.

We're having fun.

We're having fun.

We're having fun right now. We're having a good time. Um, What other— so wait, what? Everyone's, everyone's Thunder. You're picking the Lakers to win this game?

Uh, not really. I'm picking the Lakers to cover. Okay, like Lakers to cover 15.5, and then you never know with Bronny.

You never know.

I'll pick Lakers to win.

Oh, okay.

I don't know, just somebody—

you can't on Friday say I don't know what I said on Tuesday.

I, I don't care about being wrong about this.

Yeah, I mean, none of us care about this. It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know what, Thunder by 35.

Memes.

Lakers by 26.

Lakers by 17.

Oh, I like the Lakers.

You do?

Yeah. Why? LeBron. LeBron's gotta go all the way. He's gonna go all the way. I just want him to go all the way. Is that so that the Knicks could beat him? No, it's just a great story in basketball. Oh yeah, you just don't want to—

you just don't want to play the Thunder. He's thinking—

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, LeBron, we see right through this. Or the Timberwolves. I love— I do like Timberwolves.

Dante went down, would be also a great story if they made it to the finals.

Okay. All right. Do we have any—

do you have any—

oh, I had one other story before, before we do Hot Seat, Cool Throne. Um, Jacoby Brissett is holding out.

Yeah, maybe the weirdest holdout of all time.

What's up with that?

Well, when you're Jacoby Brissett, dude, you have all the leverage in the world. What are the Arizona Cardinals going to do, go out and get another quarterback that will have you win 4 games next year.

It's— they don't mean—

they— Jacoby Brissett don't grow on trees.

No, but credit to him. Yeah, he's just like, hey, I'm going to hold out. Okay.

I think he is.

Is it the most non-consequential holdout of all time?

I think so.

Yeah.

But so which makes it actually kind of cool. So I kind of want to be tuned in on this holdout.

I admire his confidence. What's his— what's his contract like going into next year? Pulling that up right now. He signed a 2-year, $12.5 million contract. Going next year. So yeah, he is making, he's making some pretty good money this year for Jacoby Brissett. We're talking a base salary of $4.8 million and signing bonus of $1.7 million with up to $2 million in incentives next year. Now the incentives, who knows what they are, they might not get hit. But if you're Jacoby Brissett, I think you're thinking to yourself, what's the worst that could happen to me? I don't have to be a starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals next year. Okay, don't threaten me with the good times.

Yeah.

Like that's gonna suck. Next year's gonna suck.

Yeah.

So I think he's like, maybe I can make a little more money, extra couple million dollars here. Or if they cut me, then I'll get signed to be a backup for like $3 million on a team that might win.

Yeah. The, uh, we, it also brought up the, um, so we're, we're, I don't know if you guys feel this way, but the combo of being on the West Coast, having the trip we're having, I feel so like removed from the world right now. So I don't really know what's going on. But so Wake Up Barstool, I usually am on on Tuesdays. There's a group chat for the Tuesday show. Matt, great producer of Wake Up Barstool, put this in the group chat. I don't know what the context is, but I thought I would just read it out loud because I think it's funny. We need to hold this guy to it. This is from Dirtbag Donnie. He said in the end or middle of last season, he said, if Jacoby Brissett finally gets a chance as an NFL starter next year, I'll fill the Grand Canyon with jizz. He deserves it. Has always had talent, been a great pro, great teammate. Everyone loves him. I've been on it over 10 years. Check my tweets. He's a good QB. So Dirtbag Donnie, this is a big holdout for you, dude. Yeah, like huge.

Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of the Grand Canyon, which is— the Grand Canyon is pretty big. I, I've been there, seen in person, and the first thing I thought was like, you'd have to nut about a million times to fill this thing up.

I would say Far, far more than that.

Yeah, I don't think a million times puts a dent into it.

It doesn't put a dent into it. But what— so what he would have to do, this guy Dirtbag—

what, Dirtbag Donnie—

he would have to get just really good at logistics and like start a jizz removal service. Like, you know how restaurants have, have grease trap removal services that come and pick up the oil? Yeah, after they're done with it. Like, this guy needs to start that but for fertility clinics and just be like, you got any expired jizz? And then start like taking it by the truckload to the Grand Canyon if he wants to have any shot at all for it.

All right, so I don't understand, um, numbers past a billion. What, what is a quadrillion? What is that one?

That's a billion with 4 more zeros.

Yeah, but what is it?

Is it—

what does it go? Billion, millions— we really need a math guy.

We—

billions, millions, billions, trillions, then probably quadrillion. Yeah.

1,000 trillion.

1,000 trillion. And how many— how many trillions is a billion?

That's 1,000 billions.

1,000 billions. Okay, got it. Uh, it would take 8.3 quadrillion people to fill up the Grand Canyon with piss. Yeah, so this is so much more liquid. I know, I'm just trying to give us a base. But it's not like—

is somebody gonna be checking every load? Is someone gonna be checking every load and be like, that looked more like piss? Suck it back up.

All right, fine, I'll search what— how long does it take to fill the Grand Canyon with jizz?

It also depends on what, what kind of, uh, what kind of jizz. Like, are we talking about— we're talking about strictly human jizz? Are we talking like we can collect and farm the jizz from animals? Uh, because then we've got a lot of like, you know, factory farm situations. Just hook up milkers to the dicks of the animals.

Yeah.

And then now you're getting like ant jizz because you get fish jizz. Like, if you open it up globally, I feel like we're now in a more manageable situation.

I think you're looking— it's got to be horses. Horses is where you got to go.

Of course.

Yeah, but you're going ants. Ants are doing nothing.

Do you know how many, how many more ants there are in the world than horses? Probably like a quadrillion.

A quadrillion.

Probably a quadrillion amount of ants would equal one horse jizz.

Can you do all that? You know, look up—

I'm going to look up ants next, but I just wanted to— I have a, I have an answer on the jizz. It would take, um, one— wait, 296,000— 100,000— 296,000—

wait, how do I say that?

How do I say that? 296,000 years to reach— to fill up the Grand Canyon with jizz if every dude on Earth was coming into it.

Now, are you asking—

our sound guy's looking at us like, what the fuck did I walk in?

Are you asking AI that? Yeah, because AI is notoriously anti-jizz.

Yeah, that's true.

That's not a— I do want to know, like, how much—

how much do ants jizz?

Yeah, what is the— how many ants blowing ropes— how many ants would need to blow their rope to equivalent one session of horse.

Oh, I like this. The ant's ejaculate is called spermatosa.

So is ours. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I'm learning new shit every fucking second here. I didn't know there was a full name for it.

Yeah, yeah, spermatozoa.

So we're just being— we're being really casual when we say sperm?

Yes, but we're doing the, uh, familiar.

All right, this isn't giving me, uh, this isn't giving me— ejaculate bundles of 50 to 100 spermatosa. That seems light.

Wait, so they got only 50 sperm? That— they probably go like single file out there.

Yeah, that's light.

They're just a dust of it.

But if if their sperm is as big as our sperm, then it'd be like them walking a dog, like their pet. It'd be like the size of a dog to them.

Yeah, yeah, but it's not.

They only come 50 sperm at a time.

All right, so Dirtbag Donnie, you got to just watch out. Jacoby Brissett, hold out. It's gonna be big. I think it'd be huge for you, dude.

I mean, there's— I'll be honest with you, Dirtbag Donnie, uh, this seems like a tough problem to solve. Yeah, I don't know that you're going to be able to like in this lifetime, uh, make enough people come. Yeah, but good luck.

Also, shout out, uh, we didn't— we should have said it for the Knicks-Sixers game. Shout out Timothée Chalamet, real ball, ball lover.

Yep.

Didn't go to the Met Gala.

Yep.

Yeah, do we have a comment about Ben Stiller?

That was gonna be my, my hot seat.

Oh, sorry, we can wait, we can wait, we'll wait, we'll wait.

Let me do an ad.

I don't want anybody to steal Hank's Whose Backs Are Hot Seat, Cool Thrones.

Yeah, let's, let's, uh Let me, let me do an ad.

We're good.

You're right, Max. That was a deep sigh there, dude. That was a deep sigh.

Yeah, it's been a long couple days.

Okay, uh, this episode is brought to you by Body Armor Flash IV. We need some Flash IVs in here. Flash IV is packed with electrolytes, delivering faster, longer-lasting hydration without any artificial dyes, flavors, or sweeteners. Whether you're training, traveling, or just feeling the heat, work hard and hydrate hard with Body Armor Flash IV. Grab it at 7-Eleven today. We're gonna go grab them right now. We gotta get some— go to 7-Eleven before we go to the live show, grab some Body Armor Flash IVs, get ourselves back to neutral here. Body Armor Flash IV, incredible. Uh, whether you're training, traveling, or just feeling the heat, work hard and hydrate hard with Body Armor Flash IV. Grab it at 7-Eleven today.

Henry, uh, my hot seat is Me, Max, Shane, Dante, Jack McCarthy, Chef Donnie.

Why?

We were all Sunday night after we recorded, we went to the club, Loud Luxury, eatin' beats. Zach was there as well. And we took a picture together, big group picture. And I've seen people talk, you know, say the word mogging, like in the past month or so. I haven't, I kind of understood what it was, didn't fully understand what it meant, like by dictionary definition. And then Donnie posted this picture and it really all put it in perspective what, what mocking was.

We were— Zach Mock—

we were smiling. We were, you know, just taking a nice picture. Zach, and I'm standing next to him, bodied, mocked, absolute bodied. I was smiling, just thought we were taking a boys picture and Zach was standing next to me, 10 toes down, mean mugging the camera.

No, not only that, looked as hard as a human being could possibly look. And the craziest part is he did it on like expert mode because he was wearing tuxedo shoes for no reason.

Yep.

And just fucking mugged you with the tuxedo shoes, which looked ridiculous, but it didn't matter.

And just naturally doing the right hand motion.

Yep.

The power hand sign. And then the fact that Zach lost his glasses, that just makes him more powerful because now people see his eyes more clearly. Oh, and they're like, yeah, you dominated that picture.

That was a good— great, great group photo. Special moment.

You know though, you know what you did.

You knew what you were doing.

You know what you did. It was—

admit everybody looked great.

It's just a complete domination.

What were with the shoes though?

Uh, there's just some loafers I like. I like wearing a good loafer out, you know. Yeah, I can't go sports coat because I'll get too sweaty, so maybe we go a little— we keep it a little less casual, go, uh, dress shoe.

Yeah.

Hey, do you have any tuxedo shoes?

Uh, I have, I have a pair of dress shoes and I got a, I got a hopefully getting a tuxedo tomorrow.

Well, no, we all do. All the boys got to get tuxedos.

Yeah, no, I thought that was gonna be like our group activity today.

Max, let's get tuxedos.

We gotta all get—

respectfully passed.

Okay. Yeah, you got, you got, you got bodied.

Just bodied. Like truly, truly, utterly. And yeah, that's, that's what you knew. What you, you knew you were mocking me. No, I thought you knew what that meant and you knew what you were doing.

I thought we'd just take like a good group photo. What a time.

Yeah, I didn't know we were mogging up.

I didn't.

No one else did either.

I just—

the smiles look so bad when you're standing next to a guy who's just fucking—

I might have just caught the smile at the wrong time. Like, I might have smiled late, so then it's hard to time the smile on a photo sometimes.

You had that shit on too, admit it.

Uh, I think— no, a lot of guys have some great outfits.

No, I mean, you got that shit on.

I, I wear the same thing very regularly. Pretty much just this with dress shoes.

How many black shirts do you own?

I got quite a few.

You had to put a number on it.

If I had to put a number on it, probably like—

I'm just watching Zach. Zach's just got a runny nose. I know, it's just so runny.

Yeah, Zach, if we had to—

I want to wipe snot anywhere, I know what to do.

If we had to put a number on how many black t-shirts you have, probably like 80 to 90.

Respect.

Yeah, he just buys new ones. Did you say you just like— you just buy a new black t-shirts every week or something.

They're just like, they're $2, you know what I mean? So you just, it works out.

These are $2 shirts you're wearing? You're buying?

Yeah, I'm just a $2 t-shirt guy.

Yeah.

Wow. So 80, 90, that's nothing over the course of so many months. You just, they, you acquire them like, like being like, I have 90 t-shirts that cost me $180, that's a great deal.

Oh, bar a steal.

Yeah, I agree. $180 is like Some people buy one t-shirt that's that.

Yeah, you go a lot of these stores, you got $40, $50 for a t-shirt. No, that's just— what are we doing?

Yeah, what are we doing?

What are we doing?

For that price you can get 25.

You get, you get a case.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, you did get mugged though, Hank.

Hard.

You look great in that photo, Hank.

Uh, they didn't. No, not even close. People are saying I looked short too.

Oh no, no, man.

No, never wanted—

I got— I took a picture next to our good friend Frank Kaminski. That one was tough. Yeah, I feel bad for that.

Hang out with tall guys, that's tough.

Uh, he's acting hell right now.

Michael Jordan with Charlamagne. Yeah, you skipped the Met Gala, went to Game 1. Ben Stiller did not do the same. I mean, it is, it is, it's as fake as you can be, and it just, it, it's, it's tough. There's no good explanation other than just like you're, you're Your wife owns you.

Wow.

Like, how can you—

how can you— what, guys can't appreciate galas?

Wow.

Well, you can't be like, I'm a die-hard Knicks fan.

Well, what if he's watching on his phone?

You can go to the game. Why? Like, why? Like, you're— it's fine. And that's fine. Like, marriage is, you know, compromise. You got to make compromises. But like, it's— you can't say anything other than just like, what if he was, uh, like—

you watch Ben Stiller shows, right? Yeah, what do you watch? You watch Severance?

Love Severance.

What if he was like out making Severance instead of going to a Knicks game? What would you say?

Totally understandable.

What if the other Ben Stiller was at the game?

It was— that is any or is outie that was at the Met Gala?

Yeah, what if he went— what if he went innie for the Met Gala, left, and then just watched the game?

I don't—

I don't know. I don't—

if you're—

if you have a work commitment, that's fine. That's— that's life.

Everyone should have gone— he should have shown up with his wife just having a leash on him. That would have been a funny Met Gala thing, being like, look at me, guys. Yeah, I'm getting— I'm going for a walk.

Yeah, and like a little Knicks pin and be like, you know.

Yeah, but yeah, he like a little— see, they put down a little Sixers, uh, fire hydrant, he pees on it. Yeah, it would have been cute.

But respect, respect to Shaq, man, that he, he said fuck the Met Gala, I'm going to Game 1.

Did you keep that same energy for Travis Kelce?

What do you mean?

There was a, a viral post going around where Sam Smith looked a lot like Travis Kelce at the Met Gala, to the point where like people actually thought that it was Travis Kelce showing up to the Met Gala like a black peacock dress.

That did make me laugh.

Yeah, it was funny.

Met Gala is just— I— we talk about every year, it's so stupid, it's so confusing, and I just— done with it.

There have to be great drugs inside though.

Ben Stiller said bring it, I know who I am.

Whipped. Yeah, that's—

I That might be his Annie talking.

Yeah, I think so, Hank. I think, I think he literally, he figured out the technology. When is Severance coming back?

Probably never, because it's going to take, oh, 2 years.

Yeah, I don't think they, they didn't know if they were getting greenlit for season 2 to like the end of season 1, so it's not like they, they weren't making it. We're currently on season 3, or see, whatever. They didn't know they're making season 3 until the end of season.

So they kind of want it to be— I kind of want to start doing season 3. I kind of wanted this to be the last season.

I kind of—

I don't want it. It's such a good show.

It's a great show. But if Ben Stiller is smart and he really wants to spend more time at his galas, uh, he could just stop making the show and then everybody for a second would be like, what the fuck, you're not gonna make season 3? But then it will be remembered as a great TV show and leave people wanting way more. Yeah, if you walk away, because like there's a high probability— there's like one show that I can remember that actually ended in a way that fans were like, yeah, that was a good ending to this show.

Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones.

Yeah.

Bram.

Everybody was like, I'm so glad that we were rooting for him this whole time.

And he's got the birds. Don't forget about that. That's gonna be cool. Um, but that's the only one I can think of. Besides that, everybody's like, their favorite TV show sucks the way it ended.

Yeah.

If I'm Ben Stiller, I would just say, I know we're working on Severance. Turns out, because you guys were very mean to me online, we're not gonna do it anymore.

Henry Lockwood shamed me. Yeah. So you know what? No, no Severance for you. Yeah.

Hank, why don't, why don't you go ahead with your, uh, little Barstool production group and you make the last season of Severance, which I would actually love to see.

I would like to see that as well. Imagine though, Ben, what would you do if you woke up, let's say, tomorrow, Thursday morning, and you have 100 missed calls, like 200 missed texts, and you try to figure it out, and it's Ben Stiller has done a press conference and he said, I listened to part of my take on Wednesday and I've decided that there's not going to be any more Severance because Henry Lockwood was such a jerk to me.

I'd say he's soft, and I think people would agree with me.

Oh shit. So you wouldn't— you'd be okay with the whole world being mad at you for Severance not coming?

I, I don't think— I think that'd be misguided anger. I think they should be mad. That'd just be an excuse by, by Still.

What if he threw in some mental health right in your face?

Again, soft.

Okay, okay, okay.

What do you say?

Grow up, you're a New York guy.

Would you ever get mad if any, like, Part of my Take listeners got upset with you for missing a podcast, like, I don't know, do something you love to do, like golf?

No, I mean, part of my Take listeners get mad at me every day. That's true. Like, I'm—

you live in— you live in mad. Yeah, you're born in the mad.

Yeah, that's fine, bring it.

It's actually probably make you uncomfortable if they loved you.

Bring it on. I know who I am, as Ben Stiller would say.

All right, PFT, your hot seat. Cool, Jerome.

Uh, my hot seat is the Toronto Maple Leafs. They're on the hot seat. They hired a new general manager yesterday by the name of John Cheka, and they've lost Biz.

Yeah.

Biz said, I'm out. Now it takes a lot.

Why?

For Biz to be out. This guy used to work for Arizona, for the Coyotes, and he quit one day before the playoffs start. He abandoned the team one day before the playoffs start after saying that he was not interviewing other places. He's also a guy that has— he got the team in trouble back in 2020. They made him surrender like a first and a second round draft pick because he was doing his own private combines for players outside of the NHL system. That rocks. But then he got caught doing it.

That's awesome.

Which was very—

private combines.

And then he lied about it. And so everybody's like, yeah, this guy, he left his last team in disarray. He's like a big stats guy, like a wonder nerd that rubbed all the hockey guys the wrong way. I, I saw one interview with a reporter saying that he went to go interview him inside his office, and he walked into his office and he had 6 computers that were set up all around him displaying live data like it was the stock market. Um, but it wasn't actually showing anything that was connected to hockey at all. He just had like computers that made it look like he was monitoring graphs behind him at all times.

I'm in on this guy. He sounds like a fake business, like, master.

Yes. So, so Leaf fans are very upset about it. That same reporter, also I should say that reporter that told that story, sounds like he's got an ax to grind against this GM because at the press conference with the Leafs ownership yesterday, he asked a question which is basically, I hate this general manager. I asked 20 general managers around the league what they thought of him. 19 out of 20 said that they hate the guy. Your comment, like, that was his question. Love that. So, um, Leafs fans are upset, biz is upset. This guy's got a hilarious track record of thinking he's the smartest man in any room that he's in. You tried everything else if you're the Leafs. Maybe just, maybe just trust the guy.

Yeah, maybe if you believe that he's the smartest man, what if he is the smartest man?

Maybe all he needs is somebody to like believe his lies with him, and then you can accomplish great things. I don't know. Good luck.

They laughed at Sam Hinckley too.

They did. And that man is responsible for the single greatest sports victory in Philadelphia history, right? You did it. Maybe one day the Leafs will also win a first-round playoff series.

Was that something at me?

He's so slow right now. You're so slow.

Uh, my cool throne.

Yeah, no, we weren't talking about you at all.

All right, cool.

Yeah, my cool throne is Supreme Debate. So Big Cat just asked Hank what it was like— would it be like if he woke up tomorrow morning and he had 100 text messages and how long it would take him to like stop freaking out and figure out what was going on. Um, that was my experience on Monday morning. I woke up, uh, I had a text from Big Cat in the group chat that said, congrats, PFT. With absolutely no follow-up to it whatsoever by anybody. And then I had to figure out what Big Cat is congratulating me for. Um, so first off, I go online, I start looking up, uh, did something happen with the Commanders? Do we sign Brandon Aiyuk? Is Jayden Daniels— is he getting married to a, a non-relative woman? What's so exciting that Big Cat is pumped up about? And then I found out that Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith are getting back together.

Yep.

And it's all that I've ever wanted since 2016 when they broke up.

You were the very first person I thought of.

Anyone out there, and it's crazy to me, like we're doing a lot of look back at 2016 moments, doing a lot of like, I can't believe this was 10 years ago today. Like this morning I woke up and I saw a tweet. It was like, it's the 10th anniversary of this banger. And it was Donald Trump eating the Taco Bowl in Trump Tower on Cinco de Mayo.

Dude, that Taco Bowl actually looks awesome.

It did look pretty good.

I would go for a Taco Bowl right now.

So we're doing a lot of look back from 10 years. My big look back 10 years ago is Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith breaking up. Because if you never watched those two together on TV, as Skip said, like they reached almost dangerous levels of debate.

Mm-hmm.

Supreme debate is where they were. And I got, I was fortunate enough to watch them up close in person. I got a live show one time, front row tickets to that boxing match, and it was better than any heavyweight fight. It delivered. Like, these guys, it was their destiny to get back together. Uh, Skip got tired of beating up on Cupcakes going up against Ernestine for too long. So it's like, they're, they're going back. I think they're just doing one show together, but this is how it starts. So like, this is, this gives me hope for anybody out there that's trying to do the parent trap, get mom and dad back together. They still love each other deep down. Like, we did it. We got Skip and Stephen A in a room together. They're going to debate each other.

It's gonna be magic.

And, and Skip's gonna be like, I can't believe I can't believe I lied to myself and I said that debating Shannon was like holding a candle to you, Skip.

Right.

Like you set me off like nobody else. Stephen A. Smith said, it will be me and Skip Bayless reuniting for the first time in nearly a decade. He's got stuff he wants to get off his chest, but what he really, really wants to get off his chest is me. I love that. That's an Artie Lang, Joe Buck special right there.

Yeah.

I can't be any more excited. If this is, I'm pumped. This is perfect television. But we're kind of fucked.

Yeah, because, well, it's only one show.

That's what they're saying.

But it's like, when you get hot, you think it's gonna take like a few minutes for them to get the, you know, like feel it out? Or you think it's gonna be right back to just—

I think that Skip Bayless is so bad at like friendship or like interpersonal communication that I think what's gonna— they're just gonna dive right back into it.

We need, we need like a LeBron buzzer beater on Thursday night.

Yeah, yeah, something like that to really get the—

to really get us going.

Buzzer beater.

Well, no, I don't know, because Skip, he did the masterful thing of like taking the opposite route. He loves Bronny, he hates LeBron. What we really— I think the best scenario would be like LeBron scoring 48, 11 rebounds, 7 assists, but he misses 1 of 2 foul shots. In the last 30 seconds and the Lakers lose by 1 point. That would be the best possible scenario for, for the takes when these two get together.

Yeah, agreed. Okay. My hot seat is first Jalen Brown. So Jalen Brown, we talked about it a little bit on Sunday because he was live on Twitch saying it was his favorite year playing basketball, talking about flopping. He then deleted the Twitch stream. Which that will always work.

And then in the last hour, he has, uh, I think that might have been copyright.

The Twitch stream? Yeah, his own Twitch stream.

He was looking at like highlights and videos.

No, the NBA, they're actually, they're actually pretty good with that. I think they're, they actually let, they, they want people to share their highlights.

You don't know that for a fact.

No, I do know that for a fact. Have you ever gotten a copyright for the NBA? Yeah. No, you haven't.

Yeah, I have.

No, you haven't.

We have. Barceló has.

When?

I mean, many times.

Many times. Too many. You can't just use—

you can't like— they're cool with sharing highlights, but you can't just rebroadcast highlights for your own personal monetization.

His own personal highlights?

No, it was the game. He was just rewatching the game.

Either way, he just—

networks and other people involved. It's not just the NBA.

He just tweeted, clickbait is like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact. 'You all be safe out here.' So true.

What does that mean?

What does that mean?

Click— say it again. Clickbaiting.

Clickbait is like— it's like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact.

'Y'all be safe out here.' Yeah, it means they're, they're using clickbait and they're reaching.

But how is it clickbait when it's his own words?

Because of the way that the article aggregators write things and, and the clips that they use specifically. Context. There's missing context.

So it's like the clipping accounts out there, they, they clip things in a way that removes all the background. So like when Jalen Brown is talking shit about the refs, um, actually if you had heard the entire context of that discussion where he was, uh, talking shit about the refs because he was upset about losing Game 7, then it could have been in a better light. Is that what you're saying? Hey, but I don't think that it would. I think that like when he's talking I mean, he's complaining about the game. I think that kind of stands on its own.

Yeah, I don't love this.

I don't like— I wish that he, you know, maybe took some time off. I think it's still— the feelings are probably still raw for him. And if he had just taken a little time off and then, you know, after a week on the beach or whatever, decided like he still is really passionate enough that he has to go on a Twitch stream, it might come across a little better. But doing anything with the, with the wound this fresh, it never really works out for the person.

I have a question.

Big cat.

In the car ride, for the 5 minutes that you were awake, you said something about, uh, Giannis going to the Celtics.

Yeah.

And then I replied, well, that would be the end of Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown. And then you kind of didn't reply after that. Did you think you were gonna get Giannis without giving up Jaylen?

You never know.

You just thought maybe you never— do you truly never know? A nice package of Sam Hauser and, and, and Shireman. Yeah, we'll get you Giannis.

Yeah, you never know.

Do you want Giannis?

Uh, yeah, I mean, I trust Brad Stevens. If we get Giannis, I like— I'm sure it's—

it would be—

what if it costs you Jaylen Brown?

That would suck.

Knowing Hank, this is now gonna happen. Like, he's gonna trade all the bench in, in they're going to get Giannis, Jaylen Brown, and Jayson Tatum.

I don't know.

I love Jaylen Brown.

I—

and I'm trying to see his side and I kind of like I was trying to see where he was coming from with the best season of his career where it's like, yeah, you know, you can't tie your, your self-worth into strictly into results in that, you know, maybe like what he was saying is like he got to see a lot of the team grow and he grew a lot himself. So he was trying to put a positive spin on the season. It's just tough. It's, it's a tough quote given the, you know, the Tatum injury and the fact that he was like the sole leader of—

careful, it sounds like you're about to flop.

Uh, so I do try to see his side. I kind of see where he's coming from, but again, like, this fresh off of a series loss, it's, yeah, it's a tough quote.

Less than 24 hours.

Um, so, and, and then the other side of me was like, maybe he is Maybe he's trying to force his way out. Like, I don't know.

Yeah.

So I—

can I give you—

I don't think— I, I think Giannis is like everyone says they're like that. He is the key. He is the biggest flopper when it comes to like trade rumors and stuff. Like, true, he always says he's going to be here, he's going to be there, and then he ends up back in Milwaukee. I do think Jaylen Brown and Jason Tatum will be on the Celtics next year without Giannis, but you gotta tweet that tomorrow.

What?

Giannis trade rumors is like flopping for the media, exaggerating contact.

Y'all be safe out here.

Okay.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it is.

Hank, I have a spin zone for you. I kind of mean this about Jalen Brown. Like, is there a possibility that when he was talking about this being the best season of his career, like this was a season where he had to do it on his own and he had to lead the team and he was, maybe he was unsure of himself going into that year because he'd always had Jason Tatum as like, if the relationship was as good as you always tell me that it is, that it was like, that's big bro. You know, we've done— we've always done it together. I don't know if I can step up and fill the shoes of both of us on my own this year. And then he did that, and that's like big personal growth for him, the fact that he was able to do something that he was— he maybe doubted himself.

He proved it to himself.

Yeah, proved it to himself.

Yeah, that's what I was saying. I was trying to see it from his side. And like, again, it's not— the sign of personal growth should not be tied strictly to results.

Yeah, good point. Well said.

Yeah, process.

Trust.

Really well said.

Thanks.

My other hot seat is George Santos because this, this JPMorgan shit, this guy is just addicted to lying. He's the— so they threw out his first, his, what do you call it, lawsuit. Then it came out that he lied, potentially allegedly lied to JPMorgan that his dad died.

Yeah.

And then they found his dad. His dad was like, I'm alive. And then he filed another lawsuit. It's so— this is like George— remember when George Santos just kept on going with the lies and just every week he'd just throw another one out there?

This guy, he has to run for Congress. Yeah, that's the only way out of this.

Yeah, yeah. I actually like— I don't respect it because he seems like, uh, maybe something's going on, not very all there, but I respect the fact that like he's like doubling and tripling down, like I'm just gonna throw more lawsuits at this thing.

I, I did love the like little details that he put in the lawsuit to make himself look and feel feel even better.

Yeah.

He's like, and then she reached down, she grabbed my leg. She's like, you must be a basketball player. Yeah. Because he, he wanted just to seem like he was tall and strong and cool inside the lawsuit that he is filing, uh, for looking like weak and like he was getting like assaulted. He's like, but also she respected how strong I was at the same time. Uh, yeah, this guy's, it, it looks like he's lied about just about everything that, that he wrote down. But, um, I feel like this one's probably getting thrown out too. The, the reason I thought this was always kind of fishy was because like JP Morgan, not sure if you're familiar with their game, they've got a lot of money. Oh, and they've got a lot of— when you have a lot of money, you tend to have a lot of lawyers. Yeah. And, uh, their legal team was like, yeah, we're not, we're not even engaging with this lawsuit at the time, uh, because it's like so clearly frivolous. My guess is they probably did some investigating when this guy followed, uh, filed his complaint with them. Um, also big red flag, I don't think a woman has said cannons.

She would not refer to her own boobs as cannons.

Disagree.

Okay, Nancy Pelosi. That you do.

She definitely does.

No, she doesn't.

Oh my God, you don't fucking wear that bathing suit that Nancy Pelosi is wearing and, and not say to everyone, hey, the cannons are out.

I think she says, I'm bringing the girls out.

No, she— oh no, no, those aren't girls, those are cannons.

Dudes, dudes say cannon, women say—

Pelosi says cannons.

Women are, women are like tatas.

Nah, Pelosi says— when you have what Pelosi has, those are cannons.

Uh, I think I could, I could understand it in that lawsuit if, if he had said like rack. Yeah, like look at my rack.

Yeah, I feel like they just call them the girls.

Yeah, the girls.

Not when you have cannons like Pelosi.

The fun bags.

Fun bags.

I got— let me take my milkers out for you, dude. The milkers.

Uh, all right, my cool throne, two of them. Uh, one is the Chicago Bulls because they might have hired, uh, the correct GM. We will We don't know, but they didn't hire Matthew Lloyd, who was Matt Lloyd, who was there, you know, in-house, like, hey, this is going to be the Reinsdorf hire. They hired Bryson Graham from Pelicans and Hawks, and he was part of the trade. He was on the right side of the Hawks-Pelicans trade when the Hawks fleeced the Pelicans last year, remember? And also seems like a pretty good dude, young dude who's worked his way up like he was getting people coffee 15 years ago. Worked his way up all the way to organization. I don't know, it might not work. It probably won't work, actually, I'll say that. But I like that they hired someone that wasn't just someone they knew and like do the old look down the hallway and hire that guy. Um, my other cool— I can't believe we've gotten this far in the show without mentioning it.

It's not all bad for Philly.

Congrats to Big Dom, contract extension, partner.

Thanks.

We got—

he got extended.

Why don't—

he has a lifetime contract.

Yeah, but he got— no, but it was reported that he was extended. Why?

Yeah, so is he—

if he's on the books, how much is he getting paid? Like, why is every other NFL contract public with money?

No, coach, coaches aren't. None of them are. Yeah, but all—

good try though, Hank.

You're not a coach. You don't want—

no, he actually— I think his official title is, uh, game day coach.

It's senior advisor to the general manager, chief security officer, and game day coaching operations. So there you go. Now you don't want to let Big Dom hit the open market.

Nope.

So you lock them up.

This is why Howie's Howie, because he signs guys before they hit free agency. He takes care of business in-house.

You think Howie's considered trading Big Dom for the right offer? Because if you believe in Howie, Howie, Howie would— he would trade Big Dom for the right offer.

No, he wouldn't.

He loves deals too much.

Did Howie do it again?

Of course. Yeah, you can't let him walk.

Did you send him a text?

Uh, yeah, I was talking to him yesterday.

Did you send him a congrats?

Uh, not yet.

Wow, selfish.

I'll do it right now.

Selfish. That's fucked up.

He sent me— he, uh, he asked me a question that I didn't know how to answer.

Okay.

He said he wants to send me gear, and then he asked what jersey, what jersey number I— I was, I was super hungover yesterday, and he said what number jersey 'Jersey would you want?' And that kind of broke my brain.

Was he asking like customized jersey?

I don't know.

I think you just—

I don't know if he was asking for a customized jersey or like a player on the team's jersey. So I thought about it for a little and I couldn't think of an answer and then I forgot and I forgot about it. I'm now just realizing that I never answered it.

Some options like for what you could get a customized jersey, but I don't know if that's what he—

if that's what he was asking.

He might be thinking of it like at a deli. Deli when you're like, I'll take like the number 2 actually means the Devonta Smith.

That's—

yeah, well, it's not— I know that's not his number. I'm saying like, like the number 1 at a deli is like the roast beef. So yeah, that's a dom. I'll take the number 1. He's like, Jordan Mailata, got it, coming right up.

I think you need to reply 99 Meatballs. That jersey would rock if you had a Philadelphia Eagles number 99 Meatballs.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna ask for that.

Why?

What about one that says, uh, all right, hear me out, nameplate sodas and then number would be 2.

We don't know if that's true.

No, the 2 sodas is confirmed for sure.

It is very much meatballs would be awesome.

I don't know, I don't know.

I would like to see 99 Meatballs. Uh, Zach, finish us off.

Uh, my hot seat this week is going to be, uh, pretty much just, uh, pretty much fat kids. Because, uh, I don't know if you guys saw this, we got some bad news for the fat kids. Uh, presidential fitness test is back. And as soon as I read that headline, I was filled with past childhood trauma. And I feel bad for these kids who are out there right now learning that news. They shouldn't have done this.

Why not?

Because there's one day— the worst week of the entire year growing up is the year when you have to do a timed mile followed by, hey, do these pull-ups that you know you can't do.

Did you have to do pull-ups at yours?

Yes.

Oh, ours was you had the choice of either pull-ups or push-ups.

Push-ups.

We did, uh, push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, and they wouldn't count the jump up, so you just had to goose egg on the pull-ups. That was always heartbreaking.

Yeah, I think it's good this back. I think it's probably fit again.

That's good. But are they— but are they instilling fitness throughout the year, or is it just, hey, take this test once a year remind—

I don't know.

Yeah, that's like, are they actually doing anything to support people getting in better shape? Are they just using the threat of like being ashamed as a motivator? The fear of being, of being like publicly shamed for not doing enough sit-ups?

Because back in the day, I felt like we didn't do any mild training before the time mile. So like, it wasn't like they instilled good values to get there. It's like, hey, today we're bringing out the stopwatches. Get out there and heavy breathe, and that's no good.

What do you guys think you could run a mile in right now? Not right now, not right this second.

Pretty fast, like 7 minutes. I'm retired from running.

7?

7 would be like 7 flat.

You're a beast, dude. 1 mile? Yeah, that would be fantastic. What I said, a mile.

You could, you think in the set, like between 7 and 8?

Yeah, I—

oh, that's it.

I think it's something— I don't know, fucking 7-Eleven, like 7. I don't have an exact second time, but yeah, between 7 and 7 and 8.

I'm gonna—

for 1 mile, I was going—

yeah, I'm gonna start doing Chinese workout again. I've lapsed, but I was walking this morning and there was legitimately— there was 2 Chinese people in the parking lot doing essentially my workout.

That's a sign.

Yeah, and they were elderly and they looked ready to go, so it was a definite sign. Gotta do it.

Yeah, I feel like, uh, You should be able to run. We should all be able to run in the 7s.

Sub-8.

Yeah.

I mean, probably 9 minutes, 55 seconds.

Okay, that's good.

Yeah, probably around there.

I think I'm over 10.

Grit Week mile?

We're tired.

Grit Week mile?

I don't think I'm going to run. Some Grit Week sprints.

I don't think I'm going to run some sprints. Okay, yeah, that's a good idea. Grit Week shuttle run?

Yeah, just like, yeah, 200, 200, 200-yard sprint.

Shuttle run used to be my shit.

Yeah, you'd probably be good at it.

I probably would.

Probably.

That's something that would probably stick to you till the day you die.

Zach, your cool term?

I'm a cool term this week. We're just going to be fans of the anime One Piece because Netflix announced that their One Piece remake's coming out here pretty soon.

What?

Am I bathing suits?

One Piece the— oh no, no, that I could see the mix-up there. No, it's chicken nuggets. Anime manga.

What is it?

What is the biggest anime right now? It's an anime show and a manga book series.

It's called One Piece.

One Piece. Yeah. It's maybe the biggest one in the world. Yeah.

The biggest One Piece?

Because maybe it's the piece, but it's One Piece is the title of the, of the anime.

Oh, so how many, how many seasons of One Piece have there already been?

So they've, there's like, there's like 1,100, more than 1,100 chapters total. This new remake is going to be the first few chapters. I think it's like 7 episodes, 300 minutes total. It's like a remake.

Got it.

You, you an anime guy?

I dabble.

Okay, you know, loves One Piece.

Who?

Trump.

He loves One Piece?

No, I was gonna— Speed. Speed loves One Piece.

Oh, oh, this is a Speed thing.

No, no, it was just a One Piece thing, but, uh, I guess, I guess—

How'd you find out about it?

Uh, my little brother, he's a huge One Piece guy.

Is he a big Speed guy?

Uh, I think he's like an adjacent Speed guy, maybe. He's got respect for Speed's game.

Yeah, yeah, so Speed is a— he loves One Piece?

Sweet does love One Piece, yes.

Okay, did that influence your decision to also give One Piece a try?

Uh, no, I can't give this one to Speed. I'd have to give this one to my little brother Nick.

Okay.

Yeah, right.

Your eyes look so good today.

I appreciate that, big cat.

Yeah, thank you. They really are popping. The glasses—

the glasses got to come back fast.

Are you gonna buy new ones?

Uh, yes. Where I—

what—

I had just gotten those the other day because I got a new, a new script, so those were like brand new glasses. Oh, so that kind of sucks, but I have— I ordered 2 pairs when I got those, so I have another pair.

Okay, good.

But they're not— they're not just— ah, what do they do? I just don't— yeah, I just don't like them too much.

What color?

It's just like, like brownish.

Oh no, you got it. I like those. Yeah, those clear.

That was— those were the mainstays, and the alternates have to become the, the new main.

I'll buy you some new glasses.

I think I'm gonna find them at the strip club there. I'm gonna send in— I'm— I think I'm gonna—

you're gonna go back?

No, I can't go back, but I might have to find some guys who frequent that place. Like, hey, keep a lookout. This is what they look like.

They will show up.

They got to be there.

It would be a great story if somehow they got back to you.

There's a world where they get back.

Pepper and Hippo, please.

We've got— there's no world.

Breaking news.

Oh, breaking news, Hank. Former Patriots wide receiver Stefon Diggs not guilty of all charges.

Nice, good for him.

You want him back?

Depends on the contract. Depends on what happens with AJ Brown. Maybe.

He's a good leader. He's a good leader.

Okay. So maybe.

Okay. Not closing the door on a return.

No.

Never.

Never say never.

Okay, let's get to Dan Soder. We just wrapped with him. He's the man. Awesome time with him.

Before we get to Dan Soder, he's brought to you by our great friends over at BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Life is a journey. Some days feel good, others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you've got it all figured out on your own, or you have to do that. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. No journey should be alone. Having somebody there with you to listen, to understand, support you can make all the difference. Quality therapists at BetterHelp, they have therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct They are fully licensed in the United States. BetterHelp does the initial match work for you. You can focus on your goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and your preferences. Our 12+ years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate means we typically get it right the first time. If you're not happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from our tailored recommendations, and it works. We've got an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very, very special guest. It is Dan Soder.

What's up, guys?

Incredible comedian. Soder Podcast. Go listen to it now. Uh, what's up, dude? How we doing? We're in LA.

We're all ready to leave. We're already—

we're all ready to leave.

We haven't done our actual shows and we're all ready to leave.

I haven't done anything.

Los Angeles, this is what you do.

I just checked into my hotel, woke up this morning ready to go.

That's it. I feel—

I— yeah, I feel— I woke up this morning, I was like, just get me home. Yeah, I'm like— yeah, I'm like the Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Like, someone needs to come and just save me.

We lost a lot of good men at the cabaret this week.

I mean, you guys did Vegas before LA. Really dumb.

That is—

I mean, before a comedy festival, going to Vegas is like when LT used to smoke crack before games, you know what I mean? Where he was just like, I'm out of my fucking mind right now. Yeah, we should have—

we— if our only— our biggest mistake, we should— we should have done our live show on Monday night and just been like, just kept on rolling. Oh, like showing up, just fucked up for the live show.

Yeah, that would have been sick.

Yeah, the, the, the day of rest didn't do much.

Yeah, you guys should have came in like Mad Max with you on the front with a guitar. You guys just come into LA.

In retrospect, like, planning out our second live show that we've ever done as a podcast on the heels of an all-time bachelor party in Vegas might have been the biggest, like, future-you promise that we made that we would not be able to cash in on of all time.

It does sound like Tyson in Tokyo before Buster Douglas.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, no, you guys are like, we're— yeah, we're just fucking the maids. Doing fucking drugs in Tokyo. You're like, this bus driver's about to knock you the fuck out.

My wife always gets mad at me because this is— this happens like all the time to me where it's like if I have one thing to do, I'm like, why not just add another thing? And like, I'm already out, let's just fucking do it all. And then I always get in these situations where I'm like, wait, how many things do I have to do? Well, I'm so stupid.

That's when a woman's intuition's correct.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I was like, what are you talking about? I'm there, I'm gonna want to do this, this.

Yes.

Yeah. And then LA, everything's open. A fucking hour and a half from each other. So you're like, cool, I'm just gonna sit in traffic and be like, I booked too much stuff.

Yeah, yeah, it is nice being out here though. I got to see the ocean last night, which there's something nice about just like looking at the waves. Yeah, looking out into nothing for a while.

Yeah, it feels good.

Maybe that's just like the sign of coming down from, from the weekend. It's like I really like just like basically turning my brain off for a little bit. But it was, it was nice. We went to Shellback's Tavern last night. Uh, Shane ran into James Cameron out in the parking lot. Oh shit, which was great.

Yeah, did all we want to talk about is Avatar?

Shane. So Shane was— Shane, I bet if you brought—

would have brought up Avatar, he would have been like, oh, oh yeah, oh, you want to talk about 4 and 5?

Or just like deep sea diving.

Yeah, submarines.

Yeah, dude.

So we walked past him and Shane had just been to the Chargers team store because that's like the number one thing that he likes to do when he's out in LA is get like some Chargers gear. So he was wearing a Chargers rosary and a Chargers like full poncho, like bright blue. And like walk past James Cameron like his hero was like, hey, how's it going? He was too nervous to say anything because he looked like a clown wearing the Chargers stuff. So I feel bad for him.

Was it the powder blue?

It's powder— it's a powder blue poncho.

Yeah, that's pretty— that's pretty rough.

He's a die-hard Chargers fan. By the way, are you— are you staying at Mike McDaniel's house right now?

I stayed there this weekend.

Can we have a hard— can we have one hard conversation about— and he's your, your very good friend.

He was there last night and we—

yeah, yeah, I saw him last night. One very hard conversation is not that hard, but we're we're going to pretend it's hard.

Yeah.

Uh, he's going to get another head coaching job. Yeah, he's a very good coach.

Absolutely.

Uh, things just didn't go well, you know, at the end.

He got fucked over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucked over.

Yeah. Uh, we got to figure out the joggers situation, Doc. That's not a head coach. You can't be wearing the joggers, brother.

You're, you're living in the past. No, Mike Nolan in 2010 trying to wear— or '08 wearing his suit. You don't—

people forget Jack Del Rio also tried to do that with the leather jacket.

Yeah, Shooter McGavin got fucking taken out with that leather jacket. Yeah, listen, I— if he wins games, he can wear a giant diaper.

That you just said, you just said it though.

No one will give a fuck, right?

You just said it though, because we're a big— like, we're not X's and O's guys. We're like, hey, this guy looks goofy in these losing games, we got to fix it. The joggers, I think, are— they can come out if you're winning games, but to start, you have to go maybe just a regular khaki.

All right.

He's gonna be around Jim Harbaugh enough that he probably will be converted to khakis, because Jim Harbaugh sees those joggers, he might punch him in the face.

No, Harbaugh— this is exactly what he said, and I, you know, I hope I don't give away too much, but I was asking him, because I'm a 49ers guy, right? Yo, I used to watch Jim— me and McDaniel used to watch Jim Harbaugh when he played for the Colts, like, as kids, right? And now it's his boss.

Yeah.

And I was like, Harbaugh's your boss. He said he is the man.

He is the man.

And he said he's the most secure person he's ever been around. He lets McDaniel do whatever, so the joggers ain't going. Okay, okay.

All right, all right. Is he gonna be upstairs?

That's what I'm thinking. You might see him.

Maybe he just doesn't wear anything, dude.

I think he goes hot flare underneath. My suggestion is full, uh, outcast wear the cowboy collar with the ump vest. Yeah, like Andre 3000.

Yeah.

And fucking in the Stankonia.

Yeah, that would be sick. I also, I mean, we know where to get a really nice like neon blue Chargers poncho. If you wore that in the booth, that would be pretty good.

I'd be worried about him if he was in a poncho.

Yeah, we wore like a Chargers luchador mask.

Sick. I'm way on board with that. I'll go anything WWE. I'll— yes, I'll actually push that aggressively today.

Yeah, Harbaugh is the man though, and I, I do think it's going to work out. Very well because like we, like we've been doing this for a long-ass time. I think if, if we, if we die in a plane crash tomorrow, I think maybe one of like the first two lines in our obituaries would be like, those guys were Harbaugh— like Harbaugh liked those guys.

That's it.

Like, I'm happy that he likes us. Yeah, that makes me happy that he's like, for some— we really don't really know how or why, but he's like, I like those guys.

Can I tell you why I love him so much? Is, I mean, number one, he turned the 49ers franchise around. Got us to a Super Bowl. Number 2, he's a milk guy.

Yeah.

And I like how much time— and he literally had a conversation with McDaniel about getting a milk machine in the facility. I love that.

Wait, wait, a milk machine?

Like, you know, those straw— you remember back in like the cafeteria days where that straw coming out, you just get milk? Yeah, he was like, yeah, he's like, we should get a milk machine.

Absolutely.

Yeah, you should.

You should get a cow, just like unpasteurized. I feel like having a cow that's just like out on the field, Harbaugh could probably be talked into like the raw milk phase too.

No, I don't know. You know what?

I feel like that would be a thing where you would feel that way and then it would get awkward. Yeah, we'd be like, what? Yeah, pasteurization is the key to everything. That's the beauty of pasteurization. Yeah, pasteurization, that's, that's law. Yeah, you'd be like into it and you'd be like, that's right, coach.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone's doing, you know, on human growth hormone, Ozempic, Retta, all this shit. And Harbaugh's like, no, all you need is some fucking whole milk.

You need protein, you need milk. Uh, what is fun about about now Mike working with Harbaugh and me being a Chargers fan is I can hit the theme music.

That was our sound— that was our sound guy's phone.

Hit my fucking music, dude. I put the glasses on to give a speech. Uh, as a 49er fan that's now a Chargers fan because of McDaniel, bringing back the "Who's got it better than us? Nobody." Very fun.

Yes.

Haven't, haven't reached for that since about 2014. Yep, very fun to just throw it out randomly.

Yep.

And bolt up. I like saying bolt up.

It is so funny that the Harbaugh's have like a family saying. They're like the O'Doyles. They're just like— their dad just runs around just like, who's got it better than us?

We're Harbaugh's. There's another family goes, Harbaugh's, one of these days you're gonna get yours.

One of these days someone's gonna have it better than you.

And it was, it was Super Bowl against the Ravens. Yeah.

Yeah.

The other Harbaugh had it better than us.

You think they get upset like when they hear somebody that's not a Harbaugh or at least not like Harbaugh approved saying that, like using the family motto?

Oh yeah.

Who's got like if they, if they were to hear some, I know that they had their differences in San Francisco, but like, I don't know, like you hear the, the York family, like if the owner comes down and he tries to start saying who's got it better than us.

Yeah, that's like—

I feel like Harbaugh would just stare and be like, you can't say that.

That's like when people try to rep gang affiliation. Yeah, where he goes, hey, where are you from, cuz? New York? So like, who's got it better? Like, hey, you ain't got a good car.

Yeah, you got any skull? You got any dip on you? I didn't think so. I can't say that shit.

Put a fat lip in and maybe.

Yeah, I can see him doing that, like a Twitch streamer saying it, and Harbaugh's like, who the fuck is this?

Yeah, you can't say that. That's my word.

With his glasses on. Yeah, those big readers looking at his phone.

What is this?

Why is this boy saying this?

But I, I'm looking forward not just to like— I've obviously— I love Harbaugh. We like McDaniels. I like the combination of the two of them. Yeah, like they seem like it's going to be the perfect buddy cop, like completely opposite guys, but I think they'll be able to talk to each other. Like, it's hard to respect anybody that knows football. Yeah, McDaniels knows the fuck out of football, and I think he's also very secure in who he is too. So I feel like it's going to be a very funny— I need them to be mic'd up. I want to Oh, they have to. Documentary about them.

The NFL has to have that coming. Yeah, because either that— if the NFL was smart, they would do exactly— they would cut a trailer like a '90s movie with that, like, he's a no-nonsense guy and he's an offensive genius that loves joggers. Why don't your pants reach your legs? Yeah, your pants don't reach your whole leg.

One of us trying to take off his, uh, Off-White white tags. Like, why the fuck is your tag still on your—

But I do love it. It really is like— it almost reminds me of that, like, a teacher that lets the kid be himself. Yeah, that's the reason he's successful.

Yeah, he's gonna become a butterfly.

Exactly. Yes, exactly.

Was that a sneeze, by the way? Yeah, back there. Yeah, this is like— this is like a World War I infirmary right now where it's like we got guys with no arms. Like, we're gonna, you know, we need more, more morphine in this room.

I will tell you, poor preparation doing a Vegas bachelor party before.

It's the add-on. I did the add-on thing. I was like, well, we're already going to LA, let's go to Vegas.

Was that actually a sneeze? Because I swear to God, when I heard that noise, I thought it was a toaster. It sounded like a piece of bread was dropped.

Something—

oh, okay.

Is that Zach? Can we find out? Zach, what did you drop? No, I was just—

come here, Zach. Come here.

Who is the most miserable here right now?

Probably Zach.

Zach and Max.

Yeah, but Max was your bachelor party, so that's understandable.

Zach, so that was a sneeze?

I tried to hold it in, I really did.

Wait, talk to the mic, talk to the mic.

I did try to hold it in, I didn't want it to get out, and I apologize for the sneeze.

It's okay. How you feeling this morning?

Uh, we're feeling, we're feeling okay. We're feeling okay.

Did you drink last night too?

Uh, no, but I'm hearing a lot of things about that might be the case to recover and feel better. So maybe like 4 light beers as a recovery.

Oh, brother, 4 light beers, you're gonna be good.

That's—

4 light beers, you're gonna be texting people you shouldn't.

All right, then maybe 3. Maybe knock down—

honestly, and this is, you know, I've been out of the game for 13 years, but if you want to go my old diagnosis, I would do a shot and a beer, you'll be right. And then the second light beer, you're gonna feel 10 feet tall.

Okay, so hit the trio: shot, light beer, second light beer.

Yeah, 1-2-1.

We'll do 1-2-1.

Got you.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll go light beer, shot, light beer.

He's just treating us like you're a doctor prescribing you medication.

Yeah, it is medicine. You drink— I think you drink a quarter of the light beer, then you take the shot, then you wash it down with the rest of light beer, then you get another light beer. And then maybe if your buddy comes by, you do a shot with him to get him feeling right.

And I know you're going to want to smoke a cigarette.

Yep. But don't, don't do that.

That will be the thing that turns it all—

that's—

that pushes you right off that same cliff you just climbed.

Yeah, yeah. It's like drinking on antibiotics. Yeah, you are not— it— you're—

it's working against itself. Yeah, I mean, it's been, it's been quite the weekend. Then we got here and we had like some very big NBA games that we like are gonna need to talk about. Obviously some very important games for Max.

Philly got fucking—

and he was just, he was like, I can't go out to watch them. He watched the game under the covers in his own bed last night. He couldn't even muster like leaving the hotel room.

Well, we were watching the Flyers in overtime.

Yeah.

And, and Big Cat comes in.

Yeah.

And starts talking shit to Tommy Pope.

I didn't see they were in overtime.

Who's the locked in on the Flyers. Oh, and Big Cat goes, what's that shirt? And Tommy's like, what?

Yeah, he was like, what the fuck, you going at my shirt? It was all time. Like, I watched overtime with everyone. I was just like, we— I need the Flyers to win.

Like, I—

like, Kittle was like, do you have a bet on this? Like, no, but Tommy's gonna punch me in the face and he's gonna have every right to do so. Yeah, I didn't realize they were in overtime when I walked in.

We couldn't leave the hotel. We couldn't leave Shane's hotel until in between periods.

Yeah.

Where they're like, all right, now we can go to the Hollywood Bowl. Now we go.

Now get in the car. We were talking last night to the— where are you at with the substation as a big 49ers guy?

You know, the substation stuff hit me the way that like QAnon hit poor white trash where I go, I knew it wasn't my fault. Yeah, I knew none of this was my fault.

It explains a lot.

Of course the elite eat babies. Of course there's an electrical substation that's tearing tendons. In my sweet, sweet red and gold because they shouldn't get injured anyways, right? Uh, but then they had like real scientists come in.

I don't know, but I don't know.

I think like, I honestly would— I think it would rule if they like, you know, NFL makes more money than what, an electric company? So move the substation, and then if the Niners went on a run, yeah, you would almost be like, like, I think it might be worth with handling that just for the mental aspect, right, of everyone going, well, that's out now, we can just fuck.

And then you could have like a class action lawsuit against the electrical company.

Santa Clara, you're gonna fuck it.

Yeah, yeah, I told you we had the guy on.

He—

I don't like that you said real scientist because the guy we had on the show was a real scientist. Okay, he was just— he doesn't have a degree. He is divorced, got divorced, and basically was like, now I'm gonna just search electrical subwaves for a living. Uh, we also spent like like, we interviewed him for like 20 minutes, and I think 10 of it was just talking about his In-N-Out order because he's like—

no, the guy's legit.

He's legit. Yeah, he's legit. He's legit. Comes all up.

It's all in the up and up.

Yeah, yeah, I, I buy it. I think it's just a very simple fix for the 49ers. John Lynch should just pay money. How much could it cost to have just like a giant metal wall? Yeah, like tinfoil wall.

Yeah, put a dome around it between this, like Chernobyl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pour some cement on there from helicopter.

I will go in on it. Yeah, I'll pay for some of that brick wall.

Like, I think it needs to— it has to be like tin foil, because like the aluminum that protects you from the waves. Yes. If you just put up like a giant— let's call it like a 50-foot sheet of tin foil up there, and then you can just say that it's, uh, it's all taken care of. Because I do think at this point, like, even if it's not real, now it's in their heads.

Yeah.

And so that could be like— we actually work right next to an electric substation too, and me and Big Cat get kidney stones all the time. Yeah.

So it's nothing to do with our bad diet But being over 40, it's a substation.

If you play football next to that substation, now it's a storyline. It's maybe like, it's in your head 10%, and that's enough to like make you fuck up every now and again, I think.

Yeah.

Or we could just wrap all the 49ers like baked potatoes.

Yep.

In aluminum foil, and then they don't get injured.

Well, you guys also— I— this is a very dumb roster construction idea that I've always had, but you guys have too many good players. Too many good players, they get injured, and you're like, why are we losing all our good players?

Yeah.

You have like a bunch of medium players, and then when they get injured, you're like, all right, fine, we'll replace them.

Yeah, I mean, dude, the, the fact that we were down to like 6th and 7th string linebackers— yeah, for the playoffs— yeah, was like, dude, this is crazy. Yeah, guys that were off the street.

And then the Kittle one was just like, come on.

Yeah, that hurt so bad.

So bad.

It's like, what a gut punch. But beat the Eagles.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Also, that the— in a If you're going to go out in the playoffs the way you guys went out to the Seahawks, that was over before it even started.

Listen, I thought the Eagles were going to do to us what the Seahawks did, which is just run up the middle, bully us, and beat the shit out of us. It sucks it was the Seahawks, but after that Brock broken elbow game in the NFC Championship game, yeah, it felt good to get a win injured over the Eagles in the playoffs.

Yeah, yeah.

So we can just go, all right, now we're even.

Yeah. Fuck, you got your lick back.

Yeah. And then the Seahawks winning it was just like hell on earth.

What do you think about this idea for the 49ers? They, they play their first like 8 to 10 games with their worst players.

Yeah.

So like they get entire offseason where the, the worst players are getting all the reps at ones and twos and trying to get— so your worst players get better. You play those guys until like October, mid— like early November, then boom, they get hurt. Now your better guys are coming in, they're playing.

I think it's genius. Yeah. You just go into Kyle's office and you go Flip it.

I think he's—

take the depth chart and just literally— yeah, wait, that's upside down, dude.

I don't care. Yeah, you guys are having Suckup as your starting quarterback.

He's good enough.

Suckup.

He's good enough as a coach. I think he could probably like eke out— if it's an NFL roster, even if it's like the third and fourth stringers, he could probably eke out a.500 record.

Well, what was crazy is the record that we had with all the injuries immediately made me go, we're losing Sala. Yeah, like we're losing Sala almost immediately because that defense, how well it played with having no Bosa. No, I mean, we drafted Williams to back up Bosa, his ACL ripped. Yeah, it was just like we had no quarterback pressure and they still were a great—

like found a way.

Yeah, yeah, that Bears game, I think we—

that was that Bears, that was the best.

I think that Bears, you know, we lost and I was in Chicago over that. We were visiting, uh, Katie's brother, and I remember being at a gas station the next day, and the guy was like— I had my Niners hat on— he's like, what the hell? And I was like, sorry, man. I was like, I think that might have been our best game of the season. And it was.

Yeah, well, that game, I, I walked away from it because the Bears losing that game like sucked, but it also was like, we were in a shootout, we were competitive in an offensive shootout. Like, that doesn't happen for the Bears, man. This is fun.

You guys are fun as hell, and you guys are going to be be great. Commanders are going to come back.

I think so. Yeah, we was just so old last year. Everybody on our defense was like 35 years old. It was, it was crazy going into that season expecting anything from that defense at all.

Given Jaden Daniels, like a full, like let him heal.

Yeah.

Come back in and be the guy that he was.

Yeah.

Commanders are a team that you're like, could be very fun.

I think they could. It's all about David Blough, our OC. I, I have no idea what he's going to do. He was an assistant quarterbacks coach last year.

That's crazy.

And so he skipped being a quarterbacks coach. We just jumped him up to being offensive coordinator. And I think the theory behind it is like you've seen— I mean, McDaniels was in those pictures of the Redskins back in the day. It's crazy where it's like you got McVay, McDaniels, Shanahan, you got LaFleur, like Bobby Slowik, all these guys that want to be like very successful were in-house. I think Josh Harris, Adam Peters saw that picture and they're like, we can't let one of the— we can't let another picture happen to us.

Sure.

So we got to take our guy that's here right now and move and just give him a shot at offensive coordinator. See what happens.

Uh, I mean, Adam Peters is the man. Yeah, straight up is the man. Was in San Francisco for a long time, but before that, you forget, helped put together that Broncos Super Bowl team, and before that, Patriots. Yeah, he was like a Belichick guy, right?

Yeah, he loves you guys. He loves every 49er. That's the only thing I don't love about him is like you get a lot of retreads anytime there's a 49er that needs a new home. Adam Peters is like, I, I remember that guy, I know that guy. And so now it looks like that's— we're gonna try to do that with Aiyuk, but then The 49ers aren't going to let Aiyuk go. What's that? What's the deal with him? What do you know about Aiyuk? Because it seems like he— I'm keeping an eye on him. Like, he might be just actually insane.

It might be one of those things where if you took a risk on him, it would pay off. You don't know if he's reset because I don't know, you know, I don't know him personally at all. I'm just a 49ers fan. But like, the way it went was, from what everything I've read, he just didn't rehab properly. Yeah. The 49ers like, we're not going to give you guaranteed money. That's what always sucks is when there's like a guy that they draft that gets really good.

Yeah.

And then there's that moment where he's like, I want my big— it happened with Deebo where he's like, I want my big contract. And then I think it's these agents that play these like social media games or it's people around them where they're like, like they're trying to fuck a hot chick, right? Where they're like, be mean to her. Yeah, unfollow her. Yeah, unfollow her and then take a picture with her and her friend.

Yeah.

And you're like, why are you doing this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Speed by their stadium in the middle of the day.

Honk your horn real fast when you drive by her house.

Yeah, let them know you're not thinking about them.

And then being like, money on my mind. Oh, can we put obscure rap lyrics to you being not upset by the team? It just felt like childish.

Yeah.

And it also was like, there comes a point where it's like, well, you got your $29 million a year, so you got it. Now lock in. And when he didn't lock in and was still like, I don't know, you guys were weird back there. Yeah. And then he gets injured and you're like, oh, and he's not even trying to rehab. I understand why the Niners just aren't releasing him. Yeah, you guys want to sign him, right? Give us a 6th round. Yeah, that's all we want.

Yeah, I always wonder what would happen if like if John Lynch just like went up to Brandon Aiyuk, was like, hey man, I'm sorry. Hey, like, I'm sorry, my bad.

Yes, that's all I needed.

Like, he doesn't have to feel it, but like just say it, you know? Like, give the— give the— just, just blanket apology, just being like, I don't even know what I'm apologizing for, I'm sorry. And Brandon Aiyuk's like, and he won't— all I wanted—

Brandon Aiyuk won't turn around and he goes Brandon, I said I'm sorry. And then he turns around and he's crying. He goes, that's all I wanted to hear.

That his agent shows up, he doesn't mean that. He doesn't mean that, Brandon.

Yeah, Brandon, he's not sorry. I have texts from him that says you're a slut.

Yeah. Did you ask him what he's sorry for? Did he explain?

Did he tell you? Yeah.

Oh, you're sorry for what exactly?

Did he pay for your, your speeding ticket?

That is maybe the worst feeling in the world when you throw out a sorry and then, and then you get back like, what for? Oh, and you're like, oh, I didn't think we were going with follow-ups.

I've been hit with that since I was a kid with my mom. What are you sorry for? And you go, I don't know, you've been bringing this up.

Yeah, I thought the sorry button just worked all the time.

Well, I didn't know you're going to be a rancid bitch about this, so I'd probably say I'm not sorry now.

You're supposed to say I'm sorry too back to me. You're not supposed to ask me my actual feelings around this.

I think if you guys got Brandon Ayuk and he like blew up, I'd be like, he got awesome again. Yeah, I'll be great with that.

It is kind of like the girlfriend situation because Jaden and him played in college. Sure, he's like getting back with his ex. Yeah, he's like, things were fun. Yeah, things were fun.

He goes, oh, it's different now. I don't care you got a kid. Yeah, actually, that's kind of cool.

Yeah, Brock doesn't make me feel like you made me feel.

Jaden, you made me feel electric. Yeah, that corny white boy from Iowa, you call that a Dougie? Yeah, you know how to really Dougie, Jaden. Yeah, I don't know, I like am very excited to see what Mike Evans has. Oh yeah, because like we haven't had—

I totally forgot to do something we haven't done. Yeah, this is the part of the offseason where you could throw out a name and I'm just like that.

That's Substation Mike Evans hamstring.

You be quiet about that. Yeah, you be quiet. I just like having a guy that's having practice somewhere else. Yeah, that's so funny. They're gonna actually make him practice at old Candlestick Park where Candlestick Park now. Yeah, this is This is safe. It's out here by the water.

He doesn't even need to practice. I feel like Mike Evans, you just give him the playbook, he'll be fine.

I'm excited though, just to have that threat of like being at the 5-yard line and Brock being like, yeah, go get it.

Yeah.

And him just being able to leap over everything.

It's easy.

Yeah.

So it is. I mean, there's like a lot of fun stuff. It was fun seeing Christian and Kittle at the show last night looking very healthy. Yeah. As a fan, you don't want to, but you're like checking them like racehorses. Yeah. I was looking at Christian's teeth. Like, you look good.

No, but they were, they were like both in great spirits.

And like healthy. And I was like, fuck yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird to be at a show being like, I think the Niners might be good.

Yeah, I'm seeing a lot of good things. Yeah. Um, let's play a game called This Will Probably Get Aggregated because it's a shitty question for me to ask, but I'm gonna ask it anyway.

Yeah.

Uh, why haven't you moved to Austin?

Why would I?

No, I know, I just love this like turf war that goes on in the comedy world. It's so stupid.

We're like, it's such Real Housewives.

Yes. Someone says one bad thing about Austin and it's like Austin rules. Did you hear what they said?

It's very fun. I like going down there. It's got great Mexican food. Uh, Shane has a really cool house that I can stay at. Fuck yeah, you know what I mean? Uh, I can— yeah, Lamar, shout out Lamar. He lives in the pool house. Yeah, yeah. So if I want to go smoke a blunt in the backyard, Lamar's there. WWE, yeah, have a swim, play a little pool basketball. But I don't— all these people that are like, eh, I always hated it when it was New York, LA. It's like it's two different completely fucking— it's two different things, right? But I don't know, I think Austin's fun. It's a fun place to visit. I'd never live there. Is there, is there like a—

can you tell an LA comic right away when you see one on like— I mean, I guess you would know where they live, but like, is there a vibe that's just totally different?

Yeah, for sure. That I will say this, New York comics love to shit on LA comics, but the props I'm going to give to LA comics, they can perform, they perform their ass off. Yeah, like they sell jokes, right? We're out there just standing there tight, just being mean, miserable, just because we're stuck in a fucking locker with other millions of other people. Sweaty locker. But it is like, LA's got great performers and shit, but sometimes their jokes, you're like, that shit sucks. You're like, watch it. Put perfectly, you go, that joke's ass.

That's fucking—

you think it's because they don't have enough stuff to be pissed off about? Out.

I think it's because they're like, yeah, maybe. Yeah, too much pool time.

Yeah, it's just— it's nice.

I went for a walk this morning, it was like, damn, this place is nice.

Yeah, that's why I couldn't live out here. Yeah, I would immediately fall off because I just would be like, do I want to go do spots or just sit in my backyard?

Right, right.

Enjoy no humidity. Yeah, just like a nice weather atmosphere. It would fucking rule. New York, you like go outside and it's either crazy cold, crazy hot, and then there's just crazy around. Yeah, yeah, it's just like a guy shitting in front of my apartment building and you're like, hey, and then you just— but then you go to the comedy club, you go, I saw a guy shit.

Yeah, right, like, ah, yeah.

So I don't know, it does pay off, but I, I get people that move here, but I feel also like if you're a New York comic and you move here, you're like kind of, uh, retiring, or you're like going into the industry like full— like, fucking, I'm gonna dive into the industry, right?

I'm gonna be in movies and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't, I don't fault anybody if they want to get out of New York New York and how expensive and fucking—

do you still live in the city or you live in Jersey?

I still like living there. Yeah, I got like maybe 2 or 3 more years before I'm gonna have to go out to the burbs.

Yeah, yeah. I feel like when you move to Austin, a lot of, a lot of comics I've heard talk about— I used to live there and it doesn't seem like there's a lot of, uh, like real reasons to move out there. Yeah, it's basically like, I want to move there because there's no taxes, and also I think, I think Joe Rogan might see Right? Like, like, if he— if I perform enough at his, at his, uh, venue, then maybe I'll just get dubbed the next guy.

I, I honestly, if this would probably would have happened like 15 years ago, you would catch me outside the mothership right now doing karate moves trying to get Joe Rogan's attention.

Yeah, I mean, it's honestly not a bad idea.

One of my friends— oh, hey Joe, were you just noticing my mongoose style? Be like, you need to come in, bro. Yeah, you're very powerful. And I'd be like, thank you, sensei.

Hiring people to choke out in front of the mothership.

I would honestly say if the mothership wants to have the right rep, do the, the Cobra Kai line. Yeah, where they go, fear does not exist in this comedy club, does it? No, Joe Rogan. Mercy does not exist in this comedy club, does it? No, Joe Rogan.

Imagine like if they— if the mothership became like a a comedy club, like Bloodsport hybrid kumite, where it's like, yeah, you do a set and then you gotta fight to the death.

I'll tell you right now, Tony Hinchcliffe would host the fuck out of it.

Oh, that would be—

one of these guys is gonna die. It's just like me and Judah Freelander. I'm like, Judah, I'm sorry I have to do this to you. Yeah, he threw— he throws salt in my eyes right through my act, completely blinded. I go, dating's fucking weird.

Blind.

We'll get back to Dan Soder in a second. We are brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol. Twisted Tea is the perfect drink to keep the good times going all day and all season long. Whether you're hanging out at a friend's house, catching a game at the stadium or at the bar, or day drinking with friends, Twisted Tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time a great time. We had a great time with Twisted Tea. On Saturday watching Game 7 of Sixers-Celtics. That was a memory that was brought to you by Twisted Tea because it was just great hanging out with your friends, watching the game, great basketball game, drinking some Twisted Teas. I was drinking the, the Half and Half. We had the original out there, we had the peach. We have some great Twisted Tea flavors, so grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. We love Twisted Tea, go get one today. And now back to Dan Soder. Dude, that Frank Dukes guy, that was— that he made everything up, but he think— thankfully he made a great movie out of it.

Yeah, but read his story, it's so funny, dude.

It's crazy.

He's like, I was over there fighting in a death tournament. No, you know you weren't, dude. Also, being like— being, uh, like from— I forget where he said he was. Was he said he was in Thailand?

Yeah, something like that.

Like, if you were Thai and you heard that story, you'd be like, no, that doesn't happen.

Yeah, no way that happened.

That's so—

it's such a great story. Like, I want to give him credit for having an awesome imagination Right.

I'm happy that the movie got made. Like, that would have sucked if the movie didn't get made.

He could have made up the most boring lies about his life, right? And instead he went for like— he wrote a script and then convinced himself that it happened. Like, that— he should get some credit at least for like having a sense of like rising action, like he wrote a perfect script.

Yeah, you know, Frank, you might be full of shit, but you know story.

Yeah, yeah, he does.

You have a good Act 1, a solid Act 2 that builds into an Act 3. Frank, you're full of shit, but we're buying the script. That's great. I don't know, I also like, like a grown man that lies like a 5-year-old where he's like, I fought in a karate tournament and people died. And you go, okay, yeah, right. Then what else did you see? And then a beautiful girl said I was the best at karate, and I jumped and I kicked the bad guy, and then we made it into a movie and everybody loved it.

Yeah, I rode my dinosaur off into the sunset. It's like, all right, cool, buddy, that's awesome.

And also, I mean, if we're talking JCVD movies, shout out Bloodsport, obviously a classic, but I'm a Kickboxer guy. Yeah, I want Tom Poe kicking the wall, making the dust fall, dude.

There's so many— Hard Target, Hard Chance Boudreaux, Double Team, uh, Double Impact.

Was that the one with Dennis Rodman?

No, Double Team.

Double Team was Dennis Rodman, right?

I was thinking of Double Impact where he goes he goes, you of all people know I would never in my life wear silk underwear. You guys remember that one? Yes, yes. I was gonna say the F word, that's what he says. What do you think I am? He straight up says that in the movie. Me, dude, I used to quote that to my best friend all the time. You of all people should know I never in my life wear silk underwear.

That's the only Jean-Claude Van Damme line I Oh man, I got another question that might get aggregated, but I'm gonna ask it to you anyways. Uh, you were in the Epstein Files.

Fuck yeah, I was. Oh hell yeah, eating babies, fucking kids. I'm chock full of adrenochrome. I could fly back to LA from here.

That's what I do every time I'm in LA. If we have a guest on the show, I'm like, I better look up and see if they're in the Epstein Files. You might be the first guest that we've had that's been in the Epstein Files.

Uh, I'm gonna tell you right now, the island— uh, let's talk about the Shark Door.

I think we've had others, but yeah, okay, yeah, I'm doing a mental Rolodex of who we've had.

I want to say Jeffrey kept the place stocked with Capri Suns, with Dunkaroos, okay? Because if you're fucking kids, you're eating like a kid. No, uh, we were— he wanted his assistant. I'm eating Lunchables. I'm having myself No, it, uh, he lived in New York obviously, and always, uh, he liked to go to comedy shows. So they sent him Comedy Cellar lineups. So like me and Big Jay and Louis J. Gomez, Dave Attell, Pete Davidson and I are—

that's—

we're on the same lineup. Okay. Like Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Vos, like all these New York legends.

So when you, when you found out that you your name was there, what was the first reaction?

I wanted the MC to bring me up as at the Cellar, as you've, you've read his name in the absolute box.

And was there ever—

no one liked it. No one liked— the audience did not like it.

But I'm saying like the actual first moment that you found out, were you like, oh fuck, for a brief second, then you really— because then everyone realized it's all his emails.

Yeah, yeah.

Louis, I think, sent, uh, or might have sent just me a text that was like, we did it, we're in the Epstein. And then Pete Davidson sent me a screen grab of the list and he was like, he's like, iconic lineup in the Epstein Files. And I was like, it is actually a really good lineup because Dave Attell was taping a Comedy Central show called, uh, like Comedy Underground on— it was like a show on Comedy Central. And Epstein got invited to that. Uh, so it was all the lineup.

So you had the context. I was wondering if like maybe like your an agent called you and was like, hey, we got a little bit of a problem. Yeah, you are in the Epstein files. Because there's a way it could be phrased where you'd be like, wait, what?

Yeah, but honestly, uh, if I would have still been drinking, I would have been like, ooh, would I get a blackout?

Yeah, right, right, right.

Because I'm such a people pleaser that if I found out a dude was like, what's up, you want to go hang out in my cool— you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy, this rich guy loves me. And then you find out, you go, no. Oh, fuck.

We We had a dinner last night or two nights ago, and it was our friend Jerry O'Connell and then Dante, who's an employee of Barstool. Crazy guy, funny guy, but he's like big conspiracy theory guy. And Jerry just looked at him and goes, Dante, you know, I think Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself just like at the dinner table. And then Dante was just like, I lost so much respect for you.

Yeah, he was so pissed off.

But then I was like, maybe he was just sad. Maybe Jeffrey just woke up one day and he was like, I got the blues.

He goes, I had it all. Yeah. Look where I am.

Yeah.

Was sad.

Yeah, he was just sad.

One guy that was holding blackmail over everybody.

Yeah, I'm just depressed, you know. Everyone gets sad sometimes.

I—

you do wonder if he had a cellmate though, if the cellmate's like, hey, are they gonna kill me too?

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep.

It's like when your mom would come in your room and you're like, I wasn't playing video games. The T-Rex breathing of the guy that Yeah, I don't know, man. That was like funny finding out all the names in it and then, uh, people immediately being like, oh yeah, it wasn't anything.

It literally was just his boring ass emails.

He was just like, oh, I love it, decade, I'd love to go see a show. And then he didn't go, which is funnier because comics— because I guarantee if comics found out he did go, we, our insecure asses, would be like, who do you like the most? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What bits did I do?

You'd be like, oh, I got better bits. Yeah, Epstein's favorite comic. Jeffrey Epstein's number one guy.

The shark door was crazy though.

It was. It's— what else is it for?

I don't know.

It's feeding people.

It's crazy.

It's probably for feeding people to sharks.

It's for feeding people, which is like—

you thought that you— the worst thing you possibly could have thought actually was— he was like a Bond villain. He was like, okay, I'm gonna push— I'm gonna have you stand over this door.

But also kind of a dumb guy reading some of those emails.

You know what sucks about the internet? It is it's— we've all found out that Bond villains are fucking nerds. Yeah, like you watch a Bond movie and Dr. No, you're like, this guy's— but then if he would have been like streaming or at a Dave Chappelle show. Yeah, where he's like, hello Dave Chappelle, and he's like, come on up here man, this is one of my friends, he's a tech billionaire. Yeah, yeah. Oh no, and everyone boos him and he's like, you're mean. Like Elon is He's a— he's a bomb.

Yeah, he absolutely is.

And then he— like, I was gonna say that if you were— if you had a modern-day Bond villain, they would definitely be on social media because they would need everybody to like them for sure, right? They would be like, I've got my own island, I've got my cage of tigers, I've got my laser that's pointed at the moon, but I just want people to like me online.

But really, all I want is to go to the Met Gala. Yeah, yeah, that's all. Also, Elon being like, James Bond, you're totally gonna die. I bet you're real it. You're kind of a fucking nerd, aren't you? Sean Connery Bond, you don't get a lot of pussy, do you? He's like, what do you mean? USA, USA. You're a dumb fuck. I'm from the UK.

You honestly just become Batman. He has all the means, dude.

He would get fucked up first fight.

But what about all like the armor and shit and all the gadgets?

He is built built to be a Bond villain. Yeah, I think you nailed it. Aim a laser at the moon.

Yeah.

And go, everyone follow, retweet me, or else everyone be really cool.

Send me your best memes.

Yeah, I want your dankest memes.

Why are my impressions down 65% this month? I'm gonna point this at Greenland and melt it down.

Yeah.

Why is everyone retweeting Joe Biden? Retweet me or everyone dies, or I raise the sea levels 5 feet. Yeah, dude, it sucks.

It's—

social media has made Bond villains. Fuck the works.

I, I feel like it— for most people, they're— they see a billionaire and they're like, if I had a billion dollars, I would just never be on social media. Like, the whole point of having a bill is to like escape from whatever like day-to-day shit that people deal with. Just go— like, that's when you go and just disappear somewhere. But it's the opposite.

Do you know how fucking likable Elon Musk would be if he just reached out to a bunch of dudes that can't make their rent? Yeah, he was like, hey, you guys, I'll pay your rent for like 3 years and I got you season tickets to the Sixers. Yeah, you'd be like, yeah, fucking Elon, number one, don't fuck with him, dude. They would go like so hard in the paint if you just like go pay for a frat their beer for the year. Well, I have, I have a lot. Yeah, I have a long-standing rule too.

If you're a billionaire and you don't own a sports franchise, you like that— that's the whole reason you become a billionaire, to own a sports franchise. It's like the sniff test of like, that guy you can't trust.

So, uh, I love Nate Barguetzi, one of my best friends, one of my oldest friends. He is in talks to like do some big stuff, you know. I think he's like looking at opening an amusement park. My phone call when I heard that: you need to buy an MLB team and bring it to Nashville.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nashville deserves an MLB.

Yeah.

Yes, and what you need to do is have old Dan Soder and his wife Katie Nolan up in the box making a couple front office moneyball. Yeah, moneyballing the fuck out of this. I'm telling you, she knows every pitcher in the league. We'll get your staff cheap and running. The Nashville Nates. Yeah, the rule.

The Nashville Nates. Yeah, it would be, uh, it really is. You have to correct me. Like, if I had that money, I would buy You—

how cool would that— it's the only thing that— it's the—

it's the last exclusive thing.

Who would you buy?

I mean, I tried to buy the Bears, they would never sell.

You don't know that.

If you got Elon money, like, if you got Godfather money where you can make anybody an offer, like, you know, I'm literally saying, like, what if—

what if Elon was like, I don't know if you guys know this, but part of my day is my favorite thing. I listen to it while I'm programming SpaceX. All my money is yours. Yeah, so you guys each you split Elon's money— obviously you're buying the Commanders wrong.

Wrong! I buy, I buy the Dallas Cowboys and I shut them down forever. I would just guess what? I would sell the franchise for parts.

Hey Seattle, you thought it was tough losing the Sonics? Yeah, wait till I put the Seahawks in London.

But that's so— let's say under this circumstance you can't buy your own team. I think the move would be to do a Sonics or Chargers. I'd buy like the Chargers and move them back to San Diego and just become the king of San Diego and then And everyone's like, this guy is the greatest guy ever.

I'll tell you what I do. I buy the Lakers, move them back to Minnesota. Minnesota's got two motherfucking NBA teams.

Buy the Ravens, move them back to the Browns. I mean, two Browns competing. Browns.

We're literally doing Endgame, unsnapping the fingers. I'll bring in sports franchises. Hey, Colts, Colts, you're back in Baltimore. Yeah, that would be Sick.

Yeah, Grizzlies. Brooklyn Dodgers would be awesome.

Oh dude, the fucking Harlem Giants. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan, but I wouldn't mind seeing the Harlem Giants. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the Expos being back in Montreal would suck for me as a Nationals fan, but like, Montreal should have a baseball team. Yeah, they really should.

That might be the one thing where I understand why, because French Canadians being like, what is this? You are good the first 3 months of the season and then nothing.

Because you—

I mean, people, old heads will remember Baseball season was always— the stories on ESPN were always, the Expos are unbelievable. Yeah, but it was May.

Yeah.

And then they just get the shit kicked out of them the rest of the season.

The best thing that ever happened to them was a lockout year because they were in first place. It was like, the Expos are going to win the World Series.

Yeah.

Then they took it away. It's like, Expos would have won the World Series.

They basically won the COVID championship.

That's, you know what I do with that same series? I go, Matt Williams would have hit, would have broke Roger Maris's record. Because I think, I think Matt would make it up. Yeah, he had like 40 home runs at that time. Yeah, it was like third baseman for the Giants would have broke fucking Roger Maris.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's COVID. You could just say, oh yeah, that team would have won. I mean, Florida State, they put a— they have a banner for basketball. They were number 4, I think, ranked number 4 when COVID happened. They have an actual banner. We're trying to buy it.

That's—

we're trying to become the house of the most, like, pathetic banners possible. That's because we have Jim Irsay actually, before he passed, gifted us the 2014 AFC finalist banner. Winner, like the, the one that basically is like, we lost in the AFC Championship Game. We have it hanging in our office, dude.

That's, uh, when McDaniel first took the job and when he went with Kyle to San Francisco after the Atlanta-New England Super Bowl, I was at his apartment, you know, like the apartment they're running in San Jose, and we were just like eating dinner. And then at one point he goes, you want to see my loser's ring? And they had the NFC Championship ring and he pulled it out. I was like, Yeah, so we keep this hidden because I don't want to look at it. Yeah, you're like, yeah, I get it, but it's sick.

Yeah, yeah, you got to do like a gift card or something, something that's—

you go, whoa, $500 bucks to Lowe's?

Yeah. Oh shit, we're going to Chili's.

I mean, if you don't use it in a year, it's gone.

Oh well, dude, that would be so funny. You lose the NFC Championship game and they just go around giving you Lowe's cards. Hey, good luck. They're doing a lot with lumber now.

He doesn't get enough credit.

He, he did have a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl. Yeah, that's hard against the best coach of all time.

I— can I tell you what's funny is I, um, blame myself because I was watching that in my apartment in Queens, New York, and I went, McDaniels about to get a Super Bowl ring, and then Tom Brady pulled off the greatest comeback of all time. Yeah, I was like, oh shit, oh shit. So yeah, I mean, now I'll just have to win a Super Bowl with the Chargers. Yeah, you got He is super pumped though, dude. Yeah, it's fun watching him.

Well, Justin Herbert is the best.

It's also— you have no idea. This is a guy I've known since we were 12 years old. He's in revenge mode in a way. Yeah, that like, you know how you know your middle school friends were like, yo, that dude wants to fight. Like, he's like ready and all. Like, dude, he's just calling the plays and Harbaugh's letting him roll.

Yeah, this is actually— I didn't even like connect it, but it's funny because the Justin Herbert-Tua thing was a debate obviously.

Yeah, in the draft, for the draft.

And now you have like a common denominator where you're gonna see who you're gonna see They're a rainbow team.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever the stats are. Yeah. But I think it's going to be— yeah, I'm very excited. I'm very excited to go to SoFi and not be a Rams game.

Yeah.

And I'm going to call them the San Diego Chargers.

Yeah, I'll move them back.

There was a, there was a moment, I think, when he got hired by the Dolphins, me and Big Cat were like, we like him a lot. We just don't know how things are going to go. If things go bad, are they going to get really bad? And he answered all those like he was a, he was a good coach. Coach through some really tough seasons where he did not lose the locker room. Like, you can look at that team and say they all had his back at the end of it. So I feel like it's— it was beyond things that were a little bit beyond his control.

You know, people are acting like he didn't almost win a playoff game in Buffalo with Skylar Thompson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just got to work on the cold.

The cold.

Yeah. I've never—

guess what, baby? Yeah, he's in LA because he—

like, you know when you see someone on TV and you're like, that guy's cold?

Yeah.

But he— and then he played in the coldest game in— yeah, people died. I was there.

Yeah, people died in that.

It It was horrible.

Were you, were you in a suite or were you—

Sweet baby, you think I'm freezing my tootsies out there?

Me and Big Cat, we were with the Dolphins.

Get out of here.

We went to a Patriots-Bills game back in like, when was that, 2021, 2022? It was Mac Jones.

It was earlier than that.

It was a, uh, shout out Mac Jones.

Shout out Mac Jones.

Mac 10, baby.

Yeah, he saw a dead body, you remember that? Yeah, that was crazy.

Mac Jones, I saw— so Super Bowl week, I saw, we went to Kittle's party and I brought my friend and Mac Jones there. We were talking and my friend was so hammered, he's like, so where'd you go to college? To Mac Jones is like, we gotta get the fuck out. Yeah, we gotta leave. He's like, Alabama, you ever heard of that?

So we were at this game and it was like, I think the wind chill was maybe 20 below. It was seriously like 50, 60 mile an hour winds where people would try field goals, the kickers would kick in warm-ups and the ball would just fall straight.

It was like, it was a game where they completed like one pass.

Yeah, the Patriots just stopped running the football. And so crazy, it was like one of the coldest games in Buffalo history. Me and Big Cat were like, it's not that bad. We're in the suite. Yeah, we're fully enclosed, which was a great way to watch shitty football was in there. Yeah, but that, that, uh, Chiefs game, that was like— I remember seeing, uh, McDaniel and Tua before the game and be like, they're fucked, they're cold, they can't—

they're just too cold. Sometimes you get too cold.

I get it. I would get too cold.

Sometimes football's that easy.

It's— if you're just too cold, dude, helmets cracked. Yeah, yeah, literally helmets cracked on the— uh, the craziest shit was me and my friend Chad, who we all go to McDaniel's games together because we all grew up together. We were on the field with Mike's in-laws, like, waiting to say what's up to Mike. And the temperature, the thermostat on the field was doing like a time travel thing where it was going like back in time. It was like, it was so fucking cold. The thermostat was like, I don't know what the fuck temperature it actually is.

Yeah, it was crazy. You had McDaniels wearing like 6 layers and then Andy Reid's on the other sideline in shorts.

Oh my God. Loving it.

Yeah, this is like— this is good football.

Yeah, it's kind of brisk.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude, his mustache— do you remember his mustache? It was crazy, dude. It was like, uh, we were in the parking lot, we like wanted to go tailgate to see what was going on, but it was like being in space. So you'd like go out and my friend drove— my buddy Chad and his brother drove from Colorado, so they were there from Denver, and we just get in his truck and warm up and then try to go back out.

Yeah.

And like you would literally get like maybe 10 minutes out of the car and you're like, fuck this, you have to tie a rope around your waist.

I just think— I don't want to go—

you're floating away.

I do feel like cops would like arrest you or like threaten to arrest you if you were outside too long there. They're like, hey, listen, you're gonna die, you're gonna make somebody else.

But it's, it's also like, so the, the Bears playoff games this year, the second one, the Rams game, wasn't as cold as that, but it was like 0 degrees. And you, you feel like it's like the manliest thing you can do is like getting prepared for that. Yeah, like I'm going to war.

You suit up.

No, you're just, you're just putting on an extra pair of underwear, dude.

It's also really funny because you really do, you put on like, uh, almost like figure skating clothes.

Yes, you look like a fucking Stay Puft Man. You go, this is so tight, and then I have my puffy coat on. Like, damn, I'm hardcore.

And then when you peel off, you feel like you climbed a mountain.

Yeah, yeah, it's like all you did was drink 10 beers and sit in a seat.

That's it. I went back to that hotel in Kansas City and like took all my stuff off and it was like, like I climbed Everest.

Yes. Yeah, you got a little sweat going from the car.

Yeah, need some soup.

But I was also furious because I lost a friend up there. Yeah, yeah, because the Chiefs won and I was like, get me the fuck out of here.

Yeah, there's nothing worse than being—

and they're They were mean, dude.

Really?

They were, they were fucking mean, bro. I went to that Bills game when the Dolphins lost and they were like Buffalo about it. Yeah, like they were like, hey, you guys played a good game. Yeah, good luck, good luck. You know, like, I know we're division rivals, but good luck, thanks for coming out. Kansas City was like, get the fuck out of here. You're like, stop being so mean. They were like popping little bottles of champagne and they're like, fuck you. Yeah, we We asked to get, you know, McDaniel's wife was like trying to get to him after the game and we're like, we're just like escorting her, me and my friend Chad, and we're like, hey, how do we get to the— and they're like, what? Just like shitty. You're like, don't be shitty. Don't be shitty. I was like, legitimately, it made me hate the Chiefs. And my buddy Rob works for the Chiefs and whenever I'm in Kansas City, he's like, we got to get you to a Chiefs game. I'm like, no, you don't.

Yeah.

And I don't want to go. You got 2 Super Bowls over the Niners and you beat my friend in the playoffs. Yeah. Fuck you.

Yeah, that's a team that you don't want anything to do.

I don't give a shit about the Chiefs.

Um, do you have— you have a— are you taping a special soon?

Yeah, in June for Netflix.

Nice.

Yeah, so it'll come out like probably beginning of 2027.

What, what number is that special-wise?

Uh, it's my third hour, like official hour.

And is it all done? Like you, you have it?

Yeah, that hour's done. Yeah, that hour's done.

Are you— when, when you're— when you get to the point of the special, you're like, oh no, No, because you, you have to keep doing it, right?

Yeah, I think I'm running it, I'm running it like I got more. I think I have like 6 more shows before we tape it, but it is one of those things where it's like your senior year of high school. Yeah, we're like, I'm ready. Yeah, I'm ready to go. Yeah, but I love it.

I love—

I think it's my best hour easily, and it's been like fun to— I, you know, I did my first theater tour and it was like sick. Yeah, you're just like, oh fuck, but you get up there and you go, am I gonna get back here? Guys, be cool, let me do this again, this is too much fun. Yeah, but I'm gonna— I'm taping in June, and then I'm gonna hit like a bunch of tiny clubs to build a new hour.

Oh nice.

And that's like the shit that you love as a comic, is like growing up I was always like, dude, I can't wait to do weekday shows at clubs and sell out. And that's what's awesome, like doing a Monday and Tuesday in like Winnipeg. Yeah, this fucking rules.

And then after you tape the show, as it's like going through the editing process, do you still keep doing shows with that, with that same material? If you're doing like taping, you cut it?

You like do— like I know which jokes I won't ever do. I won't probably ever do my closer on this hour after after I tape it.

Okay.

Because that was like the first joke that really was locked in, so it's been with me the longest and it's a real personal story. So I'm just like, I can't wait to tape that and then just be fucking done with it.

Yeah.

And taping it in the Bay Area is huge. Yeah. Because we're taping it at this tiny theater that's down the street from the liquor store my dad worked at. Oh, so it's like real cool.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

So it's like fun as hell. When I told the lady that owned the theater that She was like, I definitely bought booze from your dad. I was like, well, he was probably drinking on the job.

Yeah.

Fun thing about him, his coffee cup was probably filled with Bacardi.

That's great. We're just up there for the, uh, for the Super Bowl. We had never like really— I'd never traveled outside of the downtown part of San Francisco.

Oh wait, that's the worst part by far.

Yeah, it's like when people visit New York and they're like, yeah, yeah, they go Times Square is cool, and you go, that's not New York City. Yeah, but finally, like, branched out a little bit. I really like San Francisco.

It's one of the best cities in, in the world.

It's super cool. Like, it's beautiful, especially when you go up north. You go across the Bay Bridge.

So on the other side— yeah, Bay Bridge is over to east, like the East Bay to, uh, to Oakland and stuff. If you go over the Golden Gate Bridge, that's right where I'm taping. Oh yeah, it's in Marin.

Oh, you are? I mean, Marin is like maybe the nicest place in, in the country.

Fantastic. Mill Valley.

And it is where it's, you know, 10 degrees, 15 degrees warmer at all times.

It's the best weather in the world. Yeah, it is sweatshirt in the morning, t-shirt in the afternoon, back to a sweatshirt at night.

That's perfect.

Yeah, it's the best weather.

Yeah.

And it's just like, you know, I was there when I was really little. My whole family is from the East— my dad's family's all from the East Bay and shit. So as a 49ers and Giants fan, I just go there and I'm like angry if sports aren't happening. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, it's such a— so like, I'm gonna go out there to tape the special, but also go, probably going to change to catch as many Giants games as I can.

Yeah, it is an underrated sports city too, in terms of just like success for just about every franchise.

Every franchise has championships. Yeah, except the Sharks. Sharks don't understand. They're gonna be good.

They've been good.

They're gonna be good. They're a fun team. They were really fun with that fucking, uh, young kid they got, Macklin Celebrini. Celebrini is unbelievable. Yeah, because I'm, you know, I'm, uh, Katie's family is a huge hockey family, so I'm marrying into a hockey family, which I never was a hockey guy. So now I'm getting into hockey in a way that I'm like, sharked up. How? No, we're— I'm a Bruins. Okay, I'm going Bruins.

Macklin is awesome though, but Macklin is like—

my dad tried to get me into the Sharks when they first happened. Yeah, when they first came out, because my dad was like, dude, Bay Area's hockey team. But I'm Bruins, baby.

People really do care about the Sharks though. Yeah, like there's a diehard San Jose Sharks.

It's also San Jose. Yeah, everything else, like even though the Niners are in Santa Clara era. Obviously San Francisco claims them, but like San Jose is like, this is our fucking team.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, Zach, you got a question for Dan? Get over here. We introduced Zach to Dan. Hey, hey, glasses.

Oh shit, he just— there he comes.

Oh, there we go, Zach.

What's going on?

What's going on, Dan? How we doing today, man?

Zach, how you doing?

Doing well. Yeah, quick question. I was curious, I heard— I have heard you mention in the past that you do like to hop on the game from time to time. Time, and I was just curious, what are your thoughts on the current state of video games and how— if you think we're in a bad spot right now or not?

Not at all. I think we're— I think it's never been a better time to be a video game player. What are we—

what are we running here nowadays, Dan?

Right now I'm a con— are you a computer or a console guy?

Uh, recently—

I mean, a console or computer guy?

Recently switched to PC, but my heart will ever always be with the console.

Yeah, I'm a PS5 guy. Okay, I play an Arc Raiders.

What do you think about the update?

I don't, I don't really like the new map, but I like that they buffed the Bettina because I got that blueprint. Oh God, you catch me, you catch me topside, I got a Bettina on me. I got that thang on me.

You're just, you're just, you're crafting them.

You got the blueprint. Okay, but I'm in Care Bear lobbies, baby. I'm there to take out Ark. I'm not a PvP guy. You shoot me or try to rat me, I will fucking slime your ass, but I don't want to do it.

So you're going PvE? You want to play versus environment?

I go PvE, baby.

I'm all about—

I think that's what this world needs. More PvE, less PvP.

But the PvP, that's how you— that's how you tune the skills, you know what I mean? I only get so good at looting. Damn, we need you PvP.

Nah, dude, PvP, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm just gonna start shooting everybody. I'm gonna get mad and scream. I killed the guy one time because he ran up on my group, and as I was killing, I was like, why are you making me do this? With my Prox mic, why the fuck you making me do this? Dead. But yeah, Ark Raiders is number 1, and I'm excited for the Wolverine game, and I'm excited for the Halloween game that's coming out. Also College Football 27.

Yeah, can I tell you, I didn't understand anything you guys just said, but I think I appreciate the enthusiasm.

Well, you play college football?

Yeah, yeah, love it.

So this is something that you— so I run a dynasty as you do. Yeah, you always pick a shitty team.

Yep.

So I started with Toledo. Okay, this year for when I, when I bought College Football, uh, 26 I started with East Carolina.

Okay.

Built the Pirates.

Oh, love it. Your logo's so big in the middle of the field.

It's sick. Yeah. Also, their uni combos, unbelievable. Yeah. Built up East Carolina, went to Minnesota because I wanted that Big Ten action.

Okay.

Turned them into a dynasty.

Okay.

Went to Colorado, found myself in Syracuse for a cup of coffee, end up at UMass Amherst.

Well, you went backwards.

Went backwards because I wanted to build them up because I knew it's 30 years and then the dynasty closes, right? So I was like, year 26, and I'm like, let's build up Amherst before I leave. UMass Amherst. Uh, dude, my last game, I'm in the playoffs against Washington. I hold them to a field goal. I'm on the 3-yard line, give it to my 4-star running back. He runs in, fumbles at the goal line. You know how you challenge and you get the fumble back? Yeah. Wouldn't let me challenge. Game over to Washington. Washington, end of dynasty.

Oh, that's like the end.

That's a cut. How long did you sit there with like a blank screen being like, what just happened?

I— mouth open, yeah, going, what?

Yeah, that is literally the ending of Friday Night Lights: The Movie. Yeah, it's, it's— I'm getting goosebumps thinking about that. It was the end of an era for you too.

So let me tell you exactly what I did. Fuck that noise. Restarted the dynasty. Colorado State Rams, bring them down, baby. I'm in my fucking second I won a title, but I've gotten 2 Mountain West championships.

Yeah, but then in your next— I see, I'm sure that you're going to, you're going to look for some revenge against the Huskies. Like you're going to, you're going to try to take jobs that'll put you as a rival. Like you want an Oregon— you're looking at that Oregon job now.

I'm telling you right now, my first thing I did on custom schedules, I want Washington week one.

Yeah, you got it.

And I beat the brakes off.

What, what happens when you try to explain it to Katie what you're doing? Because like that, that she is such a supportive wife. But has there ever been a moment—

She's a coach's wife.

But you got to do a press conference being like, listen, like, all credit to my wife.

She literally will do it.

I'm a great recruiter. I got her.

I recruited her. She'll do a thing where she walks by in our apartment. She'll walk by the office while I'm playing and she goes, what are we doing? We ramming up? And I'm like, oh yeah, we just took— we just took out fucking, uh, Boise State on the blue field.

Start calling her Miss Katie.

Like, Miss Katie, we just got a 3-star out of Mississippi. But you know what? It's funny is, and what I did while I was running the dynasty is when McDaniel was in Miami, he goes into the office at like 2 a.m. sometimes. So if I was up late playing, I would call him and tell him about my recruiting class. I'm like, dude, I got a 5-star running back that I think is going to bite on Minnesota. And he goes, east to west or north to south? I go, pure north to south. Guy that I'm breaking. He goes, yeah, that's what's up. One time he goes, you know, I love speed. I thought about a recruit. He goes, what's his speed? I go, 94. He goes, you know I love speed. It was fucking great.

Yeah, I think I had a different experience because I had a newborn during COVID and I would tell my wife, be like, listen, we got to be— we got to like be attentive today. We got a big game against Baylor. Yeah, I don't really care. Like, we gotta— we got a 6-month-old.

There's a human.

Yeah, yeah, but it's COVID outside. I was like, but Baylor—

but Baylor's good.

Yeah, and I'm the OC at Texas Tech, and I'm trying to get a head job, and we're in Waco.

Yeah, I'm trying to— I'm trying to unlock developmental skills.

Yes. Do you start as OC? That's what I always do.

No, I started as head coach.

Oh, I started as OC, then try to work my way up.

I like that. That's fun, because also what you do is you get guys into the league, so your pro potential is through the roof.

And it's just fun to be— because like, if you start as OC, you can— at a small school, like I went like Toledo to like USC to Texas Tech, all as OCs, and then got my head coaching job.

Do you want to know the game?

It really feels like you earned your head coaching Do you want to know the gayest shit I've ever done playing NCAA?

When Shane, like back in like 2017, when Shane was on the road with me, he loved NCAA and I had 2014 and the Xbox 360 and I would do defense and— or I would do offense, he would do defense and special teams, and then we both recruit. And then one time we were on the road together and I think we were running a dynasty with Colorado and I jokingly but did buy two Colorado Polo shirts, dude. And we hit the road and I threw him one, and I just remember Shane looking down and going, hell yeah, yes! It was like, he was like, this weekend's about to be—

that's not it.

We're in Boston at Laugh Boston, and he just was like, dude, he's just like, dude, all we got to do is play NCAA during the day and do shows at night. Yeah, it was fucking—

that's not— by the way, that is not weird at all because I, I used to dress up in all—

it's so fun—

all all the gear.

It's so fun.

Christmas this year, I was getting the— the teams were sending me the gear.

Really?

Yes, because I was streaming them, so they would literally send it. And then that, like, because it was during COVID too, they would like— the team accounts would be tweeting my results.

Yeah.

And there would be a shitload of people being like, we don't fucking care, we're like, this is loser shit. I'm like, dude, come on.

It's so fun.

So fun.

Uh, this year for Christmas, Kate— I was doing my Dynasty at the time, I was at Colorado. Okay. And Katie was like, I almost bought you a coach's jacket from—

yes. Gato.

And then, but the visor, dude, she— but she didn't. And I told— I came in the room and I was like, just moved us to Syracuse. She's like, you gotta tell me this. I almost ordered you a jacket.

That's hard to be a coach's wife.

Hey, you gotta—

but I do ask up and moving all the time.

So what's funny is the whole reason I did UMass Amherst was I got the offers and I go, we're not going to Troy, UMass Amherst. And she goes, I'd love to go home again.

Oh, that's fucking great.

Do you—

who wins when you play Shane?

Uh, well, the new one, Shane got me when we streamed.

Okay.

Because you know what I did? I changed passing.

Yeah.

And it fucked me up. So I was only throwing shallow. I wasn't doing little drops in.

Yeah.

And he— first game was close. Second game, we streamed for EA. He beat the piss.

Yeah, I think we did a stream right before yours.

Yeah. And then I got him later in the night, but he was drunk because we did a show at Helium in Philly. Went back to his place and we're playing and I beat him and he was doing the Shane thing. He's like, big man, big man beating up on a drunk man like that. And it just took away from the win where I was like, fuck this dude, I'm going to bed, this sucks. And he's like, got you. But he's nasty, he's good at it. But what's funny is people watched me lose that string dream, and I was on the road, and like, people were talking shit to me. Oh yeah, yeah, like dudes I worked with, like guys that were emceeing for me, were like, yo, I heard you're garbage. And so we were at, uh, Arlington— we were in, um, Addison Improv in Dallas, and the emcee was like, yo, I brought it with me. And I was like, put it in the green room.

Yeah, that's right now.

I want the fucking smoke.

Yeah.

And I ran— we did the randoms, I was Duke, and I beat the fucking tits off them. And I was like, that's just to let you know. Yeah, this is what the fuck we're doing. Yeah, you're not that guy, pal. Yeah, you'll watch it on TV speed, then you get in the room, your energy—

Yeah, man in the arena.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, real big man up at the bleachers. Fucking come on down here and get slapped around a little.

Where do you stand on like, like spamming the plays though? Because like, we, we would sit down when we played, I got, I got my ass kicked, but then I was like, I think I can put together a decent game plan if I run these same like 3 or 4 plays.

So I have one of, uh, a mutual friend of Shane and I's, Dez. He's nasty at the game and like, I won't play him because I just know he's Dusty. But then I had like 6 plays for my dynasty that I was like, yeah, these are—

you just learn them. Yeah.

And then they worked once, and then the second time he was like, oh, you're gonna go to the middle? Pick. Oh, you're gonna throw deep?

Pick.

Yeah, it's like, fuck.

Yeah.

And then you get like little kid frustrated. Yeah, yeah. When your plays that always work don't work. Yep. I don't want to do this anymore.

You just keep running it. No, I mean, I— the chat used to just kill me because I would, I would spam. I just ran Shark Wheel over and over. Every time I got in a bad spot, Shark wheel. But, uh, and they make me feel so bad about it. Like, you just run the same plays over. I'm like, dude, I'm playing winning football, dude.

He was calling me RuPaul because I kept running drag routes. He was like, oh look, it's RuPaul's drag route. And then he just fucking have a linebacker pick me. I was getting so mad. Oh hey, RuPaul, you running one of your drag races?

Oh man, so good, so much fun. All right, uh, I got one last question. This has been awesome, dude. I love having you on.

Thanks for having me.

Rohback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. Zach, come back out here for the little Rowback question. I know you got another one. Zach loves video games. Loves video games.

I love—

I love getting anyone to talk his language. Like when you guys were going back with you, I think there was a PvE, PvC.

Yeah, that's like PvP.

It's like, are you playing against the computer? You're playing against other people and other players.

PvP means your other players are shooting at you on PvE is there's like giant machines that you're trying to kill.

Yeah, I do. I, I usually play— so I, I do the flight, I run the flight simulator, and I usually just go PvE because you can design these like really intricate missions. Yeah, you feel like you're doing Top Gun. But then I get into a PvP environment and I'm just getting shot with missiles. I never hear them coming. Yeah, I'm dead like the second after I take off. It's a big boost to my ego, honestly, to play PvE all the time.

Yeah, because you go, I'm, I'm getting something done. Yeah, so I like the teamwork. Hey, we killed that giant robot. Yeah, that might be our future. Yeah, that might be what we're heading.

We're training.

Yeah, so this might be good to take out drones, right? You have to shoot their fucking turbines to get them out. Yeah, we, uh—

have you ever played video games so late that you missed something waking up?

Uh, no, but I have played video games in the evening to where I'm late to shows. Oh, which is hard to be at a comedy club and be like, why were late, and immediately if you're in New York, you go Subway.

Yeah, but the real answer is Colorado State.

I'm sorry, the Rams— the Rams are down 17 in Lincoln and you think I'm not battling back? What, I'm gonna pause it until I'm done telling my little stories? Get the fuck out of here.

All right, Zach, go ahead.

So Dan, I was curious, if we do ever get Grand Theft Auto 6— it's kind of on the horizon, we may never get it— if we do get it, are you hopping into roleplay? Are you hopping into the story Story mode first. Okay.

And then I'll do roleplay.

Then you hop into RP?

Yeah, then I'll do an RP, but story mode first for sure.

And when it comes to RP, are you more of like a— you want to run an honest business like a car dealership or a taco truck, or are you kind of— are you in the streets?

Are you kind of—

I'm for the streets. Okay, I'm for bank robberies. I'm full Michael. Just let me go. Let's go rob some shit. Yeah, I don't want to run an actual business. It always reminds me of the Rick and Morty where he does the simulator. Later, and then he takes it off and he goes, you went back to the carpet store after you got cancer? That's where you think you're like, why are you working at a job, dude? Go get fucking nuts.

These guys are streaming, uh, running a videotape store. Yeah, like a Blockbuster.

Yeah, yeah, the old school one.

Yeah, yeah, we're like, we're slinging tapes, cotton candy, and snacks right now.

Good for you. How's business?

Uh, business is good. We recently, we were waiving fees early on, but like, we're kind of behind the 8-ball when it comes to income, so we're gonna have to start hitting guys over the head.

I like that. And also, maybe Rob a bank or two. Yeah, you also are built—

are you just— you're playing a game where you just dig a hole?

That, that has been completed. Memes dug to the, the depths of the earth in that hole.

Really?

That was it? They were just digging a hole? I'd walk— we'd walk into our studio and they'd just be in the corner digging a hole.

There are, there are certain areas of video games that I just don't go. Yeah, but I will repeat, like, I'll probably play college football till the day I die.

Yes, absolutely.

And I'll run the dynasty and people people go, I'll see you online and get that smoke. You go, nope, because I'm— you know what I'm doing? PvE. Yeah, I'm playing the computer. Yeah, I'm running my dynasty.

Yeah, because playing against humans, just like it— it's— they will spam, right? Right, exactly. They'll spam. And like, I just want to play, and, and I want to— I want to be able to shut my brain off and pretend that I'm the head coach of a, of a college.

Also, I got this freshman Edelman at D-end that is just absolutely ripping. Yeah, and he's a 67 overall. At all, but the guy has 15 sacks.

Sky's the limit.

So what are we doing with the dev trait, baby? Are we up— are we up to a fucking real problem?

You can't walk away from those. Those kids are— they came there not only to, to, you know, win football games, but to become men.

Exactly.

And that's your most important job as a coach. Like, you'd feel bad if you left, if you abandoned your team like that.

You know what you do? You get— you get Katie to start like baking stuff for the team, but it's just you.

Yeah, before the game. Oh, Miss Oh, Miss Katie's jambalaya.

Team dinner.

Team dinner. It's just me, Katie, and our dog. She's a booster. Our dog's the booster. Miss Moodles. We have the whole team over before game nights. Dude, I am absolutely pitching this for like a Saturday.

Yeah.

Team dinner. What are we doing? Wingstop. Team dinner.

Let's go. It's all about camaraderie.

Now I'm legitimately excited to fly back to New York for my dining. Yes, yes, it's like dirty talk for me where I go, who do I have next?

Yeah, because there is nothing worse than being away from it for a few days. You're just like, goddamn it.

And you know what, I was in the thick of Mountain West competition because I beat number 1 LSU because they beat me in the playoffs, and then I beat number 3 Michigan and we jumped into the top 25, and now I'm just housing Mountain West best teams. Yeah, I think we got New Mexico. I think we got the Lobos batting practice now. Yeah, it's just like, let's just get the stats up.

Yeah, yeah, you got to take it one week at a time though. That's how you get caught. That's how you get caught, right?

Like, that's a trap game. Absolutely, dude. Happened to me with, uh, Air Force. Yeah, it's a rivalry game. I'm thinking, were they running the option? Next thing I know, I'm cursing up a storm.

Yep, yep.

Also, have you ever considered, like, do you do the thing where if, if you're getting beat by an Air Force in a game, you're probably favored by like 25 points. Have you ever unplugged?

Uh, you know what is the sign of maturity? Taking the L's. Yeah, it's taking the L's. Because I was a reset guy until my mid to late 20s, and then I was like, no, life's about taking it.

It's also not fun to go undefeated every year. No, it isn't. Like, the, the hardships is actually the fun part.

We lost, we have a loss right now, and I'm like, we're gonna battle back. Yeah, we lost to Nebraska in Lincoln. Yeah, we're gonna battle.

It took me with, during COVID it took me legitimately only like 9 seasons to win a natty. How fun is it? So much better.

Yeah, it's so much— you know what's funny is, uh, when I play, I smoke bowls, and we're in an apartment building in New York, and there's new neighbors across the street, and they're very active in their windows. So I know they just watch me open my little window and blow a fucking cloud of weed smoke out, and I— then they can just see me sit on my couch and do the lean forward. So I've had to start shutting shutting my blinds. Yeah, like I'm doing fucked up shit. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't want these people watching me.

You need to put like a sign up being like, I'm actually a very successful person.

I'm not joking, Big Cat. There was times where I was like, I want to like text them my IMDb.

Yeah, right. Be like, I work, dude, I have a job, I'm like very good at it.

This is me relaxing.

I want to text them and let them know like, hey, we're actually 7-1 on the year.

Yeah, and by I respect Nebraska for their win, but I will see them in the playoffs. Oh man.

All right.

Thank you so much, Dan.

We appreciate it. Thanks for having me.

Everyone get ready for the, uh, special coming out. What do you think? End of the year?

I want to say probably January, February 2027.

Well, hopefully we see you before then.

Fuck yeah.

Come through Chicago.

Absolutely, I will. All right.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, dude.

Dan Soder was brought to you by our great friends over at Noble, Barstool's favorite footwear brand. I'm wearing mine right now.

I am too.

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Okay, let's wrap up the show. We got FAQs, breaking news. Breaking news, I have received the text back from Big Dom before Max because I congratulated him. You still haven't done it. And he said, thanks bro, I appreciate you, paisan. Love that.

Did he offer you a drink? Jersey.

It's all respect. Uh, no, I'll say also Max wants 99 Meatball.

Uh, what would you take in a trade? What would have to be for Big Dom, Max, if somebody called up?

How untouchable.

Untouchable.

Untouchable.

Somebody calls up Howie and they say, uh, nope. You get, you get Josh Allen. It's actually a 3-way trade. You get Josh Allen, George Kittle, No thank you. Trent Williams.

Thank you, but no thank you.

For Big Dom. And oh wait, hang on, uh, the Chiefs want to get involved in this trade too. They want to send over Patrick Mahomes. So you have Mahomes and Josh Allen.

He's 0-1 on his last Super Bowl.

Okay, so nothing. Untouchable.

No, yes, no thank you.

Okay, I would love to see what the contract is then for an untouchable guy. Does he have— do you think Dom's got no trade No trade clause.

It's probably just— yeah, he's never going to be traded. He knows that.

All right, I texted him saying 99 Meatballs. Let's hope we get that. Be great, great, big, great jersey. FAQs.

Uh, Bo and Row 2, what moment—

oh, from tonight—

what moment during the bachelor party did Big Cat and PFT feel like they were too old to be at a Vegas bachelor party?

Wait, this might be a question for tonight's show.

Oh, was it?

If it's Bo in row 2, this one's fine though.

What do you, um, I would say it was—

well, don't you understand that Bo in row 2, the guy is—

the guy's going to the show.

His name might be Bo. He might be in row 2 tonight. He might be. This might be one of the questions that we're having for tonight, but we can answer it.

We can answer it both ways. The, um, I don't know, are you okay? Let's talk.

Let's talk this out.

Why are you making that What did we do?

Submissions for questions for tonight?

No, but for tomorrow's show. We have two shows today right now, recording one right now for tomorrow.

But, but oh, you're asking are we doing questions for the show tonight?

I like—

I don't think we are, right?

Right.

That's where like PFT is saying that as if is that from tonight? Like, I didn't know that was a plan for tonight.

We did have something that we were gonna do for submissions for tonight's questions that we talked about yesterday.

Yesterday.

I don't know if that actually happened.

This is a really well-planned out show, boys. I don't remember that. We'll talk about that off air, but let's answer this question first.

Okay.

I don't know, I don't know how PFT feels. I would say about 1 AM every night.

Um, yeah, I mean, for me, I think it's a pretty easy answer, and that's when we walked into, uh, to the nightclub, John Summit. To John Summit.

Yep.

And, uh, yeah, walking in once, not even when we were at the bar or at, at our table. It was like when you go into the dark to go into the club, and all of a sudden I'm like, I can't really see that well or hear anything right now. Once like 2 of your 5 senses start to go away, then you're like, yeah, I'm too old to be here. I already just gets into fight or flight mode.

Yeah, I, I— you guys can tell us from your perspective, but I feel like PFT and I were like, if you go on a bachelor party and like either the dads come or like, you know, uh, brother-in-law or someone, and it's like, hey look, we're a little older, we're gonna hang until we probably shouldn't be hanging anymore. And then we— I like— my favorite time was we drank all day on Saturday. I had a great time drinking all day Saturday. Then by 1:30, I was like, yeah, you know what, I'm ready to go home. And I don't feel bad about it.

I don't think you guys cared either at all.

Yeah, right? No, it's a great time.

We let the pups go on.

Yeah. So that was— go back to the John Summit moment was— yeah, that was definitely, uh, I, I need to— we need to go.

Yeah, get out of here.

Here. We just, we're just too old for that. You don't want to be that guy at the club.

Uh, what trends would the PMT show have participated in or blasted that occurred prior to the show beginning? Would you all have been T-bowing in the office? Would there have been a version of the Harlem Shake? Oh, curious to know where you all would have been participating or drawing the line on the tomfoolery.

Uh, we would have definitely done, uh, planking. Planking would have been day one. We would have— we were playing— somebody would have gotten injured.

Yeah, I agree.

So we definitely would—

yeah, I got another answer though.

Well, I think, I think we would have done some serious work in the parkour community.

I think we would have had some awesome battles with collecting Beanie Babies, like big time battles, like getting, you know, what was that, what was the one that was like the Queen Elizabeth one or the Diana, Princess Diana?

Oh yeah, yeah, the one that like, the one that Elton John like Blessed.

Like, we would have started it as a bit, and then we would have gotten very serious about it, and our studio would have been full of Beanie Babies.

Yeah, have you seen that picture of the divorce where the judges— that would have been awesome. Yes, when part of my take breaks up, who gets the Beanie Babies?

Like, we're just doing it as a joke, and then like, and then like PFT being like, Hank, look, I got this Beanie Baby you really want, and then Hank getting a bunch over the top.

It would have been cool.

I think maybe podcast.

Yeah, Beanie Baby.

Yeah, maybe we should just do do that.

What about, uh, like if we were in New York when, when hip-hop was coming out for the first time, you think we'd get like some cardboard boxes and lay down, go out breakdancing?

I'm gonna say no.

I think maybe.

I'm gonna say no. What do you got, Max?

Ice bucket challenges.

We did do that.

That was before.

Oh, not, not on the show.

Yeah, we did. Um, what other challenges? There's still, still the one I think about all the time that wish we had— maybe we still can do it in the office— that, that one that was, uh, during COVID where people were trying to, uh, walk up the pyramid of milk crates and just like dying. Yeah, that was awesome.

That was good.

I wish we also had gotten into the golf cart smashing to people thing, which— still time on that. Always made me laugh.

Shrink.

Um, oh no, how do you—

are you, are you enough of a golfer now that you can say shrink to me.

No, no, I mean, I'm joking, but no, I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm in the shrink, right?

We're in the shrink, we're in the shrink blast zone. Yeah, big time. Yeah.

How do you balance busting each other's balls and supporting each other? Any hidden stories about supporting each other?

Supporting each other?

Any hidden stories about support, about supporting your bros?

Wow.

Uh, I mean, if there's ever real life stuff we obviously always have each other's back. I think it's also just a kind of implied we have each other's back.

Yeah.

Yeah, you don't have to like—

I think it's just ball busting is just kind of just never stops. There's not really like a—

it's fun—

a ball busting time versus—

imagine if we did a— we should start doing that, like a nap time, or like once a month just be like, all right guys, let's support each other.

That would be awkward.

So yeah, that would suck.

Everybody go around the room, say something that you love about memes?

Uh, no, but everyone, everyone in this room has been through shit and like known that we're all there for them. So yeah, it's like an implied— it's, it doesn't need to be said, it's just known. Which is, I think, the best friendship you can have. I think if you— if we were like always like, hey man, I support you no matter what, it's like, what are you talking about? Look, that would become ball-busting.

We do trust falls.

Yeah, where you'd be like, wait, what are you doing? Are you doing a bit right now? Where's the camera? Why are you fucking saying that. That would 100— if I walked up to you, Hank, tomorrow, I was like, hey, just so you know, I support you, you would 100% think I'm fucking—

what's happening, right?

And honestly, then if Hank was like, thank you, Big Cat, I really appreciate it, I would think he's doing it to me. No, then you'd be like, that's kind of like sus that you're gonna let another man support you like that. And it would just turn into another thing. The honest— yeah, the, the, like, the, like, honest sappy moments would last probably probably about 2 seconds.

Yeah, we should try it. We should try it once. Just once.

Nah. Uh, all right, last one. I got a question for Zach. Oh, if you don't find your glasses from the gentleman's club, are you going to buy a replacement or stop wearing glasses in memoriam of the lost glasses?

Oh, we're gonna get a new— I gotta replace the pair so quick, we can't do memoriams. I do— I— that's okay. I appreciate that idea. I'll probably be equipped with a new pair of lenses very soon. Moon.

You don't appreciate that idea.

What's up?

You don't like that idea at all?

No, yeah, actually you're right. No, I don't. In memoriam, I don't. I, I would never do that. I'm getting glasses up pretty quick.

So like the day one listeners, a part of my take would, would remember the time that I left my wallet in Cleveland and then the Cavs went on to win the NBA championship. And that was, we said maybe the wallet got things because I could have gone back to get it, but I sacrificed. I said for the city of Cleveland, do you think that there's a chance that since you left your glasses in that cabaret, like, we should bet on the Golden Knights to win the Stanley Cup?

Hmm, I'm in for that.

I'm not opposed to that, but I don't want to take any credit away from the Golden Knights. I would like to give all credit to them.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

What do you got? There's nothing. You guys gotta stop saying cabaret. What, the strip club? No, you, you're the one who brought cabaret in our lexicon. You guys kept saying cabaret.

You Needed.

Oh, cabaret, they're gonna wear pasties. I was like, oh man, it's cabaret, but no, it's strip club. Uh, Big Dom said done, that's perfect for my guy. 99 Meatballs, my guy. Do you think we could sell potentially— let's maybe do this, because I, I think what we've learned from this is maybe we need to get like 4 or 5 extra pairs of glasses, and glasses are expensive. I don't know, I'm not a nerd, so how much are glasses.

I think the visually impaired transcends all sorts of, uh, archetypes of men and women, right? Uh, but, uh, so for just the lenses— so you get the frames, are we talking with the eye test or without the eye test?

Without.

So frames, probably $100, and they charge you like $50 to put in the blue light lens, like $145. Okay, catch a deal.

All right, so we need to buy like 5 or 6 pairs of these, and I think maybe we should put a t-shirt in the Barstool Sports store that just says, I lost my eyeglasses at the strip club, because That could work for a strip club or cabaret. Cabaret parentheses strip club, because that could work for anyone who's like— I would wear that as a guy who doesn't have to wear glasses because then everyone see the shirt and be like, that guy rocks, he lost his glasses at the cabaret.

At the cabaret.

It's a cabaret, the strip club.

I feel like we wouldn't sell too many of those shirts, but it would be funny for the people that would buy them.

We should give it a shot, right?

Do that to the 3 people who might get those shirts. Shirts, they look great on you.

Okay, all right, we'll get that shirt up there. I mean, we sold Not an Intercourse checkmark, so why not Zach's Angels? Yeah, okay.

I lost my glasses between two tits. How about that?

Oh, that would be good.

I think I lost the glasses because of the two tits.

What if it was— what if we— what if the— what if it's, uh, like the Big Dog shirt? So we make like like a, a big dog that looks like Zach, and it says, when the tits come out, the glasses come off. Big dog.

That feels relatable.

Yeah, right.

I got 20/20 vision when it comes to nips. Couldn't see him.

I'm just so happy that you went back to find— try to find him. That's a guy— no, you're like a Marine. There's no one left behind.

No one's left behind.

Yeah, no sunglasses left behind.

I thought there was a great chance I was gonna find him. I really did. And then I never did.

Uh, all right, good show, boys. We'll be back in studio on— oh, bless you. Oh, that was so gross. We'll be back in studio on Friday's show. We will have a recap, by the way, of, uh, the games. We'll actually watch the night game teams. Numbers, I'm gonna spin. I have shadow part of my balls. 11. Deck.dev. Oh my God, Bronson.

Oh, 70.

77.

5.

21.

Uh, 86. Max Colton.

56.

17 for Dom. Spinning, spinning, spinning. 66.

Did somebody say 66?

Nope.

Max says 56.

I thought you said 66. Colton, what'd you say? 69.

Ah, shit. 69, 56. We heard 56, 69 combo. Together, 66.

Love combos.

Okay. Happy birthday to Angel Reese, Sam Decker, and Chris Paul. Chris Paul's 40 today. Happy birthday, Chris Paul. Also Jason Witten and Cam Dicker, Dicker the kicker.

Nice. Good birthdays. Love you guys.

02:46:49

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