Transcript of Ryen Russillo In Studio, NFL Schedule Release, Zoo Trades, Playoffs And Fyre Fest New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at StellaBlueCoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of my take presented by DraftKings, we've got our good friend Ryan Rosillo in studio. Great time with him. We have the NFL schedule release, which we hate this whole slow, slow roll process, but we do have some primetime games, some games we're going to talk about.

Football's almost back. Football's almost—

I've got my own schedule release, Big Cat.

Okay.

Anyone, anytime, anywhere.

There you go. Nice alley. Back Valley.

You know, it doesn't matter.

Yeah. Valley, Cali alley. It could be here.

It could be anywhere. It could be. It could be Odessa, Texas. It could be T.C. Williams High School. I'm going to show up and kick some china. China.

Fuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going to talk some playoffs and then we have a Fyre Fest. Uh, contentious one. And then we're off to Grit Week. So before we do all that, Chevy— our AWLs know that Chevy Silverado is the official truck of Pardon My Take. That's because Silverado is the truck with grit that shows up every time, built to haul, tow, and to take a beating, but smart when it counts with modern tech that makes life easier. Big screens available, camera views that help with towing and parking, and a cabin that feels right whether you're road tripping, heading to practice, or loading up for the weekend. During the season, it's the MVP of the tailgate. After the season, it turns into your training camp truck. Hauling gear, tackling home projects, and doing the work that never stops. Because the grind doesn't take breaks, and neither does Silverado. Check out the current offers and build your Silverado at chevy.com. Okay, let's go! Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Friday, May 15th, and football is back.

We did it, guys. The offseason sucked, but now we have schedules to look at. Um, just go through a team schedule right now, you're going 11-6.

I, I'm, I'm happy that we've all come to the same conclusion that, uh, the schedule release is, is is way too overhyped and annoying and that the leaks are annoying and just fucking give it to us.

Yeah.

If you're a real diehard like we are, the real schedule release is the schedule release for the schedule release. Last week when they said, hey, the schedule release is going to be next Thursday, that's when real football guys get excited. Have you heard the new slur that's going around? No. The S slur, the Shieldy.

Okay.

It's a lot of college football fans. If you only pay attention to the NFL, they start to call you a shieldy.

Oh, I like it.

But this is a big-time shieldy holiday. It's a Thursday. But this, um, yeah, I don't really— I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's— if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

Are we— I would— do you think we're in the majority when we're talking like this? Because I like— I like looking at the Bears schedule, but I'm not going to get so excited about schedule release day that I'm like, oh man, like I have to— like when I see it, I'm gonna look at it and then I'm gonna, I'm gonna do like a quick win-loss in my head and then I'm gonna probably look at it again in August.

Yeah, I mean the only thing that you really look at is where the bye is going to be and if you have any international games that Hank is going to watch and primetime and how many primetime games you have.

Yeah, NFL just tries to make everything primetime that doesn't— like if this got it, if it was 1 o'clock It's a better just during the day thing.

Yeah, actually, they should do it during the day to let everyone have a little time to fuck off from work because it's not a prime time.

Who cares waiting all day for the release of a schedule?

Yeah. So we are taping this in the afternoon, but we have the majority of the schedule. Hank, congratulations. You're opening the season.

Yep.

That's Wednesday night.

Yeah.

I thought that was going to be the Bears.

I was wrong.

I think Kirk actually had it first. He reported it before anyone else. This is— this is schedule release reporting season 2. Are you nervous about that game against Seahawks?

No, excited. Revenge.

Instant revenge. Yeah, actually, I like the momentum that you guys have going into the game too, because Drake Maye had the most passing yards ever in the fourth quarter of a Super Bowl. Exactly. Just ran out of time. So now you're built. Now that momentum is carrying into the first quarter of week one.

And then we have the Australia game, which we knew about the Rams and the— you're such a piece of shit. There's so many international games this year. It's crazy. The, the Rams and the Niners playing in Australia.

The Australia game is crazy. I just want to say one last time. Yeah, and I'll probably say it again. It's crazy that we're asking the 49ers and the Rams to fly all the way to Australia.

I agree.

Play a football game and then fly back. Yeah, that's insane.

It's nuts.

And then, Hank, what are you— you're scoffing again.

Why are you—

they're sitting in first-class planes, 18 hours.

Yeah, maybe less than that from the West Coast, but it's a long flight.

All right, Hank, so all right, so the rest of the rest of week one, sitting for a long time traveling. The rest of week one One is the Dallas-New York Giants game on Sunday Night Football. Then the Monday projected game is the Chiefs and the Broncos. Should be great. Will Patrick Mahomes be playing? Will it be Justin Fields?

I think Patrick Mahomes.

I do too. Hank, since you love the international schedule so goddamn much, what was your favorite international game that's been released without looking at your phone?

Patriots-Lions.

Okay. Where are you guys playing?

Germany.

Where?

Come on, Hank, you got this.

I don't fucking—

Hamburg? How do you not know?

Munich?

Yeah, there we go. Great. Second best?

Uh, probably the one in Rio de Janeiro.

Which is Broncos? No, it's actually Brazil.

Brazil?

Yeah. Oh no, it's not. It's, uh, Ravens-Cowboys.

Hank, what was your favorite international game last year?

Oh, good question.

You love all of them.

So probably that Colts-Daniel Jones game.

The Colts-Daniel Jones game. The one where Daniel Jones played for the Colts.

Yep.

And who did he play against?

He just— he played so well, I don't remember who he beat.

Did the Colts— did the Colts have an overseas game last year?

Uh, yeah, they did. They played the Dolphins. Maybe they played the Falcons. That's the Daniel Jones bloody mouth game. Yeah.

Um, Yeah, exactly.

Are you excited for the Madrid game week 9?

Yes, of course. Who's playing?

I don't know.

I thought you would have memorized the international schedule.

Why would I do that?

Listen, I was going to bite my tongue. Not breaking news. You, the fans of the show, you guys, football is back. You love to say that.

It's May 14th. I don't give— like, I don't—

I'm excited for— I'm excited to look at it, like you said. I'm not gonna think about the schedule for another 2 months.

Yeah, at least it's a, it's a look at it for 3 minutes and then forget about it.

Yeah, I do like it the way that college football does it though, where they say, hey, just so you guys know, in, in 2042 we're gonna have the University of Washington doing a home and home with Wisconsin. Yeah, or not Wisconsin, that wouldn't work right now because, but with like Miami. Um, and then you now you have like 15 years to buy the hotel rooms. With the NFL, they should do— they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day.

Yep.

For the entire offseason.

Yep.

And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball. Yeah, roll the ball out there. You do have to go through it, though. And then you look at your own team schedule and you say, we got screwed. It's always like you're going to— every team's going 10 and 7 or 11 and 6.

Yeah.

But you have to look through, see where you get screwed. So do you want to go around the room and say, where we think our grievances are going to be.

Yeah. I mean, I, I, I don't like that the Bears have to play Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.

Yeah.

Just one or the other would have been fine.

Although I'm going to say something nice about Roger Goodell and the NFL. The Thanksgiving Day schedule is fucking awesome. Oh my God.

So we have that.

It's the best day of football, I think, maybe ever.

It's Wednesday night is the Packers versus the Rams. Then Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, is Bears-Lions, Eagles-Cowboys, Chiefs-Bills, and then Friday is Broncos-Steelers. That, that will be great. That'll be great. Good job.

Like, the day of Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's the best day ever.

That will rock. Uh, but yeah, I, I, I, I would have preferred the Bears not to play on both of the holidays. Yeah, one or the other would have been fine. I actually like the Thanksgiving— I like Thanksgiving early game. That's actually a fun game. To participate in.

We're probably going to be— except for the Eberfluss flashbacks, we're probably going to be deep frying a turkey at that.

Yeah, yeah. Eberfluss 2 years ago when I sat in my garage for like an hour and a half because I was just like, I was so fucking mad. What are your grievances?

My grievances are starting the season off going back to back on the road divisional games. I don't like that. Going to the Eagles, then going to the Cowboys and then following that. I think actually the Commanders have a pretty tough opening 4 weeks where they go to the Eagles, to the Cowboys, then they have the Seahawks at home, and then they got to go over to London and play the Colts. And we all know how Daniel Jones plays in the overseas game.

This would be really funny if we got any of this wrong, but we are going off of this guy Ozzy, who seems like— I'm rooting for him to have it all right.

Are you talking about the NFL nerd guy?

Yeah, this is his spreadsheet right here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's awesome. I want him—

looks great.

Yeah, I want to go back. I do want to cross-reference his prediction when he did the mock schedule, and I want to see how many of these he got right.

Yeah. Grievances, Hank? Any? You haven't even looked.

No, I've looked.

Okay.

There was nothing that popped out as like a grievance, though. I mean, the Germany game is awesome.

You got to play good teams.

We have a bye. Yeah, we got to play good teams. We get the Jets, which is a nice layup, Week 16, leading into the Broncos and the Dolphins. So we got like kind of 2 easy wins and then a tough challenge week 17.

The one nice thing that we have is the Eagles Monday night in Chicago and the Patriots Thursday night in Chicago. We can go to those.

Yes, that's going to go to those games.

We'll be attending both those.

Are you going to the Thursday night one?

Yeah, that's because we can get back. We can get back in 20 minutes.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was my— that, that was my biggest takeaway from the Eagles schedule is that I was excited that not only can we go to that game, but it's Monday night, so we don't have to record.

Yeah.

So we can actually enjoy it.

Enjoy it.

Yeah.

Have fun.

Talk about, talk about brewskis with the boys. Yeah, yeah.

And I think I'm foreshadowing for later, later in this show.

I love brewskis with the boys.

I'm gonna try to make that road trip to San Francisco in October if it doesn't conflict with NBA opening week and you go see, uh, Monday Night Football. And that's gonna be fun because in the big bell bottom, in the big bell bottom, because I feel like that's when San Francisco is the nicest, right? October. Well, it's not San Francisco. Yeah, yeah, Santa Clara. Yeah, but that's when it's the nicest out there, right? I don't know.

I think it's always kind of—

Wizards, Wizards could have a huge game.

That's what I'm saying. If that's opening week of the NBA, I might not— I might not even watch that.

You can't miss a Wizards game.

What do you guys got in the booth? Any, any issues? Any, any grievances? Eagles have 7 primetime, 7 primetime. Bears have 6.

Yeah, it's way more primetime than not primetime games for the Eagles. Open, open to a lot of scrutiny, but that's not true.

How does your schedule open?

That math doesn't check out.

I want to see how your schedule opens. What are the first like, you know, how many games are in a season?

17, Hank.

I should have said way more primetime than 1:00 starts.

Got it.

Got it.

Okay.

That's fair.

What are the first like 6 games that you guys have?

We are— I am actually rooting for us to get this all wrong.

Home, home, home against the Commanders, at Titans. At Bears, home against Bears.

Thing is, people listen to this and not know until the season starts.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, we—

it's a pretty tough start. I mean, at Titans, you— I want to think that that's okay.

What week of the season do you think you'll be like, fuck Sirianni?

Never.

That's what I was trying to get at. It's like, what's the toughest 3-game stretch that you're looking at?

Toughest 3-game stretch?

Yeah. Probably that middle, the, the, uh—

Schedule's not too bad.

Bears have honestly schedule actually, and I'm looking at it right now. It's going to be a tough schedule.

Maybe at the end of the season we go at Seahawks or home against Seahawks, home against Texans, at Niners.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, or at Bears, home against Rams, London against Jags.

That's what it could be right there. Like Sirianni might get left on the tarmac.

Yeah, he's not coming home.

Yeah, just leave. Your Philly fans are gonna be like Leave this guy in England. Mm-hmm.

What about you, Memes? Jet schedule, it's only like bits and pieces have been released, but it's like 1 through 4 is out.

Start with Titans and then you go to Packers.

Home against Packers.

Home against Packers.

That's what I said.

Packers, Lions, Bears. So it's a mini gauntlet to start the season. Yeah.

And Zach, we have a Sunday night game, Zach. We do.

Bucks versus Bears, a little bit of primetime action going.

Yeah.

Before that Sunday night game, we have double divisional games. So my headspace going into that Sunday night game will be very dependent on how the two divisional games go beforehand.

Yeah, that's an important little stretch there. Yeah.

Carolina versus Atlanta.

And then— wait, is that— oh, that's Sunday night. So we have to record. We can't go to that game.

Sure.

Okay, that's enough schedule talk, right? We're good.

I think we're good.

Yeah, I think we're good. We're good.

I got nothing else to say.

Okay.

It's the schedule.

It's schedule. Schedule happens.

You already knew who you were playing and where you were playing. I like—

I like when Max says that. It feels good when he's had that take and it's a strong take.

Anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Yeah.

Except just like overseas.

You're basically just checking to see when you got primetime games.

Yeah.

So you're checking to see if you're going— if you are someone who is planning travel you're planning your travel today. That's like when, oh, okay, we can go to this one.

That was what I said. That's the only thing I was excited about is we— I can go to the Bears game.

And we already knew this, but there's games every day of the week except for Tuesdays. Mm-hmm. And if you look at the Thanksgiving schedule, I don't know if you— so we looked at that Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. It's Goodell's masterstroke, not just with how good the games are, but every single game is on a different network or provider.

Mm-hmm.

Every single one is. And he checked all— checked all the boxes. Yeah.

I am going to have to— PFT, I am going to have to like perfectly time my turkey at your house.

Yeah. You want to start at halftime?

I don't know if it's start at halftime or start in like the end of the first quarter and then leave at halftime.

So you take it home, but then you're going to— you're going to have to like carve it up and eat it right when you get home. And then that's going to be—

yes, start at halftime. Yeah, I'll come over at halftime.

Okay. Yeah, that works.

Damn.

That's— I mean, these are the problems we have.

Thanksgiving games, you know, it's hard to predict when it goes that far in the season. I'm excited for those Thanksgiving.

Oh, this would be great.

Didn't that happen with Christmas though this year?

What?

I was like, oh my God, greatest fucking Christmas schedule ever.

Yeah, that's what I just said, is that it's—

no, I know, I know.

Yeah, yeah.

The only thing you can really like predict of the schedule is like the international games are gonna rock.

Yes.

Yeah, I want detailed notes on— maybe we'll do that this year.

Maybe you didn't even remember.

Maybe when we do— maybe when we do—

what are you talking about? The bloody mouth Daniel Jones.

You just said Daniel Jones.

Colts.

And did they play a game internationally?

Yes.

So was I correct by answering that? Yes. It was the bloody fucking mouth game. Daniel Jones.

Yeah. I think we got to pick one game this year.

What if I just go to all of them for the whole season?

Do they have good golf in Spain?

I'll find out.

Okay. We should pick one game, PFT, where we agree to not watch the international game and have Hank give us the full recap.

Okay.

Recap. I think maybe Bengals-Falcons.

What's the—

Madrid? Oh no.

Oh.

Oh, what's the slate?

Uh, I— there's a couple. I mean, you, you play in London. The Cowboys and Ravens, I want to watch that. The Eagles-Jags, the Texans-Jags, maybe Texans-Jags.

Texans-Jags sounds pretty good.

Texans-Jags.

What if I just go on an 11-week international game trip?

It's a lot of time to spend away from your kids.

I can bring them with me.

No, I think you'd have to mimic how they do it though. You'd have to fly back immediately after the game. So you can see the rigors that the NFL athletes have to handle.

No, because they don't— they, they like the Jaguars stay there.

You picked one team that stays there. Everyone else flies.

They're only playing one game.

Everyone else flies back.

I would, I would love to give a detailed presentation on pros and cons of each city. Something about—

okay, okay, I'll think about every city.

Well, think about 11. I'm willing to show how much I care about these international games. And I think the only way to do real journalism is to go and feel it and take it in yourselves. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, maybe I come back after 11 weeks and I'm like, you know what?

Okay, how about Madrid? Yeah. Vikings-Niners, Mexico City.

Done. See you. Have fun.

Okay.

Australia is awesome.

I'll go to that.

But it's a Sunday night, so. I have to come back like right after.

Yeah, right after.

Yeah, that's how that works.

Ah, okay. You— the PGA Championship has started. Shout out our guy Big Dom. Incredible voiceover. What?

Incredible.

Yeah.

Before we squashed the beef, I probably would have said other things. But now that we squashed the beef, it's like I kind of love— like, damn.

Good thing we squashed the beef.

What a fucking legend.

Right.

He crushed it. 10 out of 10 performance.

Would you like to see him do more?

Yes, he should.

Yeah, he's a star. PJ Prottner.

He's like—

his contract negotiations are leaked. Like, he's— he probably has paparazzi, like, following him.

I'm sensing some sarcasm here, Max.

Good day from the course. Yeah, really good day from the— I mean, these greens are tough.

The greens are tough. Bryson had that one hilarious putt that he just, like, touched, but that's Bryson. He's just so strong.

Can I just—

works out so much.

Can I say one last thing about Big Dom? Because I did text him congratulating him. I was like, that was a great voiceover. And he said, thanks, crazy. They kept asking me. I never played golf. Never will.

Well, that's awesome.

That is good. I like that a lot.

Never will.

We have a new star, though. We have a new star that we need to talk about on the podcast.

That's football guy.

Yeah, that's a football guy. Hank wouldn't understand that.

No.

Yeah, you don't get it. You don't get it.

Never golfed, never will.

New star Garrick Higgo. Garrick Higgo from South Africa. Yeah, he slept in. Well, not really slept in, but he misses tee time by like a minute. And so he's penalized 2 strokes. He actually shot, I think, a 69 today, right?

Yeah, 1 under.

So pretty good, all things considered. But then he gave the most hilarious press conference of all time afterwards. And it reminded me a lot of this guy, Zach, that we have here. Like a mix between Zach and Luke Kwon, the way that he was talking about sleep or missing his tea time. Try to follow these, these quotes because he really makes a lot of sense when you think about it. I was there on time, but the rule is if you're 1 second late, you're late. So if you think about it, I was there on time, if you know what I mean.

Hmm.

What do we mean? What do we mean by that?

He was there on time.

If you think about it, if you know what I mean.

I'm thinking about it. Sounds like he was there on time.

Well, he said the rule is if you're 1 second late, you're late. I was obviously on time. But late, one second is tough to define.

I think when he, like, I think people are like, oh, how do you miss your tee time? Like, like a normal person where they're just like, are driving up to the course and park and aren't there in time. He was on the grounds. He was there and prepared and ready to golf. He just wasn't in the exact zone you need to be at the exact time.

But that's crazy.

I know, but that's what I, that's how I interpret what he's saying.

Yeah. That is crazy.

I was there.

That he was there, but he wasn't.

Well, he was obviously on time.

He'd be tied for the lead right now if this didn't happen.

Zach, thoughts?

These things do happen. It sounds like he was actually just there.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Hit with the zone.

Yeah.

What he said, 1 second is tough to define.

Like, uh, like chalk lines?

Are they like—

is it just like the physical hole you have to be at?

Oh, we should, we should make a zone for Zach.

I'm curious about the zone.

Yeah, zone by his desk.

Is it like he has to check in, punch the clock?

There may be checkpoints throughout the way, like, hey, I'm this guy, keep going a little more in the cart. I'm this guy.

Is he tagged? When is it geofenced? He like enters the area and they get a notification like, next golfer has entered the tee box.

Do you think when he hits a checkpoint, he gets like— he's established that checkpoint, so like he can't go back to the start?

Tiger can go back there for like safe save, right?

Tiger struggles with checkpoints. Mm-hmm.

Tiger's back. Yeah, he's very back in America.

Can you define one second, Zach?

Partial makes up a minute. So it's like, you know, building blocks of a minute.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The building blocks.

Building blocks of a minute.

Yeah.

I mean, can you define time, PFT?

No.

Yeah.

What? Like, who's to say what's on time and what's not?

Time is life.

It's relative. Like, literally, like, ask Einstein. He'd be like, well, 1 second on Earth is— somebody could be in a spaceship, it's like 500 light years away, and they blink their eyes, they come back to Earth, everybody's dead.

Yeah.

So think about it that way.

Every second on one planet is a year on another planet.

I think every second—

song Interstellar.

I think every second here is a gift when you're around, Hank.

Agree.

Facts. Being with you Time doesn't exist.

Yeah, there you go.

First of all, I love this guy's name, Garrick, Garrick Higgo. It sounds completely made up. And then just him refusing to take any accountability afterwards was awesome. So shout out Garrick Higgo.

We're rooting for him.

Yeah.

Rory was bad. Blister, blister, blisters got him.

Mr. Blister.

And then Brooks, good start.

So Brooks, he, yes, partially good start.

I mean, great.

No, great start.

Great start.

Yeah, great start. But minus 1 after, after the first day is not good. He's not— he's like not dead or anything.

No, no.

Best tee-to-green in the field.

That's what I'm saying. Like, his putting— his putting was terrible.

Okay.

And so he said, I feel good. Every round just seems to be the worst I can shoot. The putter is absolutely horrendous. Ball striking is absolutely phenomenal. That's been the story of the year.

His new putter—

he's just got to figure out the putter. Once he figures out the putter, then I feel like unstoppable.

Yeah, he was 172nd. If he could just be 72nd, rolling, winning.

Do you have any tips for him?

Uh, just, you know, put the ball in the hole. Confidence.

Keep the ball in the hole.

You see Blockie?

Legend.

Yeah, Blockie stud.

You see that putt that he made, then he pretended to have a heart attack? Yeah, that's just classic Blockie.

He should do the hamstring, Justin Jefferson.

Oh yeah, when you, when you get a ticket for a Blockie round, it's not just golf, you also get an improv performance.

Oh man, Blockie, I mean, he He knows how to get the people going.

Whose drive is it anyway?

Blocky.

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The Cavs. James Harden. Big game James. Are we, Max, are we currently rewriting the narrative on James Harden?

I have— I am bad at writing narratives.

Okay, rewriting though. You're bad at writing them, but are you better at rewriting them?

I'm bad at all of them. I am dumb. So probably what if I say yes, that means no. If I say no, that means yes.

I'll root for James.

I have no problem rooting for James Harden. I'll say no. I'll say no. He stinks and he's not Big Game James.

What if James Harden just like, what if he just does it? What if he does it all?

It's perfect. I think that, I think that right now where we're at with James Harden is the exact spot that we need to be in for him to have another all-time Big Game James game.

I would say so.

And so the, he, he played pretty well last night. We'll get into a little bit with Rosillo, um, down the stretch. I actually, I don't think he was as good as, as the box score will tell you that he was, if that's all that you saw. The end of that game was absolutely insane. The Pistons kind of giving it away and then the Pistons at the very end, you could have made the argument that there was a foul at the very, very end of the game, which could have had the Pistons win in regulation if they went to the foul line.

Yep.

But then you had Mr. Brothers getting on the mic, getting a lot of screen time. That was good for America, I think. And Max Struess, dog. Max Struess. Also, Charles Barkley wants to fuck Max Struess. I don't know if you saw the postgame. With Sir Charles, uh, but he was just like, Max Struess, that's a good-looking man. Yeah, that's a very, very good-looking man.

And he's right, he scored, he was 6 for 8 from 3, he was rebounding. That, that, that, uh, play sequence when he just stole the ball from Cade Cunningham after the inbounds, like, the Cavs— the Pistons did have that game and the Cavs just wanted it more, like, they just fought harder at the end. And then overtime, it just felt like they had the wave of momentum and it took him there. And the Pistons, again, like, especially with Duncan Robinson out, they just don't have any scoring.

Yeah, that was score— that was tough. So he had— is it back issues? Yeah, not good.

They just don't have anyone scoring. Jenkins was like a good change of pace going to the rack and stuff, but still, it's just like Kate Cunningham has to do it all. They just feel like a very flawed team. The Cavs, I, I don't really know what to, to make of them other than I they have enough guys that are— they have guys that can actually, like, if they need a big bucket, James Harden, Donovan Mitchell, Max Strus, Evan Mobley, like, they have guys who can do it.

So I said that I like the Cavs. Memes told me that it was impossible for them to win on the road, but this is— oh, it is their first win of the postseason on the road. But I was told that it was strictly impossible for them to do that.

Memes, every reverse jinx I'm using has worked.

Oh, this is it.

There's a ball game.

Oh yeah, you're welcome, Cleveland.

I did that.

Why?

Uh, I just want the Cavaliers to win.

Oh, you want to play the Cavs?

Yeah.

Okay, but wouldn't you have rather the Pistons won last night and then the Cavs win at home and then it goes 7 so you get even more time off? Mm, yeah.

No, I, I want to see the next play.

Cavs can still win in 7.

Yeah, no, I know, but it's more like they do win at home. They haven't lost at home, right?

They haven't.

They haven't. Do you want to— you want to say—

I don't know how to— I don't know how to reverse jinx.

So the series finally started because the road team won a game.

The playoffs finally started for the Cavs.

Yeah, playoffs officially in.

Yeah.

So now from this point on, now we start judging James Harden.

Yep.

Based on his playoffs.

That's fair.

Appearances. Uh, memes. I, I love And Zach too, I love how confident Knicks fans are. To be fair, you guys have every right to be confident because you've looked awesome and these two teams don't look like they can beat you. Um, but it, it doesn't scare you how confident you are and how, how certain you are that the Knicks are going to win in the Eastern Conference Finals? It does. I mean, these, these teams are both talented.

I'd rather play the Cavaliers because we, we get to it with Russillo. The Pistons have like a, a +89 point differential against the Knicks this season.

Okay, that's why I would rather play the Cavs.

But also the minutes played between the two teams, that's why I'm not really that scared.

Zach, how confident are you?

I feel good about it, but it is, uh, you know, one game at a time. You won't get too far ahead of yourself. Anything can happen. But from what I'm seeing, the guys feel good. So if they feel good, I feel good.

All right, then you feel good.

I think, uh, I would like to play the Cavs as well though, to, uh, piggyback on that. I would like to play the Cavs Friday night.

We're going to find out if we're going on to the conference finals because we got both games Friday night. Weird off night tonight. Um, by the way, the, the Avs, uh, Wild game was incredible.

I mean, tough, tough for Minnesota fans. Brutal for Minnesota fans in a In a couple decades of tough playoff losses for Minnesota sports fans, that is right up there with any one of them.

And Biz is literally dancing on their grave.

He's so happy.

Yeah, his head is spinning.

He hates Minnesota.

Uh, McKinnon was incredible. I mean, he was incredible all series. He's been incredible all playoffs. He scored in 6 straight games, and that goal he scored, uh, at the end of the game was unbelievable. Like, that— it was basically like the Wild had it and they just They let— they let go the rope.

Pretty much the same shot that he had in the Olympics, except there was a goalie that was in the way this time. And he made this one. And then after the— after the game, he was also mad at Biz too. Yeah, he was, because Biz put on the snorkel.

Yeah.

And he was like, hey, that's not very funny. I'm not answering any of your questions, Mr. Biz.

Yeah, I'm a mermaid.

Let me—

leave me alone.

I was playing. Yeah, I was playing snorkels.

I, I'll contend. I think that might be the best the best way to win a game, both in a series and like the way that the Avs did it by coming back and winning in overtime. But to win a game in 5— in a series in 5 and not have to go back on the road has to be the greatest feeling ever.

Oh, it feels especially on a weekend.

Yeah, like Game 7, like winning Game 7, obviously awesome, but it's probably an emotional exhaustion. The Cavs or the Avs basically canceled plans.

Do we want to—

they got to cancel all their plans this weekend.

Do you want to say congratulations to the Colorado Avalanche on winning the Stanley Listen, Nathan MacKinnon right now is +200 to win the Conn Smythe. That's— I'd like to say congratulations to the Avs.

It's a pretty good bet if you're a betting man, which I am. Yeah, congrats to the Avs.

You did it.

Choose your own adventure. Who do you— who won the Sabers game?

Sabers.

Sabers?

Yeah.

I think the Ducks won the second game.

I think the Sabers won too.

I think the Golden Knights won.

Oh, so that series is over.

Yeah.

Good recap.

And the Sabers.

The Sabers won.

Yeah.

Okay. Maxi Hawk— Maxi Pucks.

I wonder how I did on my predictions in the first round.

Probably great.

Probably awesome.

Probably pretty good.

You know Puck.

You do know Puck. You know Puck big time.

Fired up. I have watched less, less hockey recently because the Flyers are no longer in it.

You're no longer fired up.

Yeah.

And also, like, once I But once it looked like they had no shot of beating the Hurricanes, I got less.

It is true that when you don't have a team that's in the Stanley Cup playoffs, you watch all the games. And then when you do have a team in and they lose, you just, you say, fuck hockey for a few days. It's like, I can't even look at ice. I don't, I don't want to feel cold.

I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not really gonna say that. I think I just kind of, the NBA started to heat up a little bit. So I kind of remembered basketball exists. Yeah.

I had a stupid idea. This is about horse racing, but I feel like It's a stupid idea that's worth saying out loud so other people can tell me how dumb it is.

We, by the way, we will have Randy Moss on back for the Belmont when Golden Tempo races again. I talked to him. He was like, yeah, he'll be, he'll be back. He was— where our schedules were kind of fucked up this week, so we missed him, but he'll be back for Belmont.

So this isn't, you know how we used to do drunk ideas on the show? Yeah, not a drunk idea. This is a sleepy idea. So like, I woke up in the middle of the night and I had to pee, and then when I went back to bed I thought about this idea. So just sleepy idea. Why doesn't the Preakness— because they're getting fucked and they've been fucked in the years, in the years past when the Kentucky Derby winner does not race in their race.

Correct.

Why doesn't Preakness just say screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like 3 weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You want to play hardball and then the Kentucky Derby goes 3 weeks before that until it gets too cold.

Until they come all the way back around the schedule.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, you want to play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball.

Yeah. Let's play some hardball. It sucks. I hate it. Yeah, it's, it's just, it's so shitty. The Triple Crown. I like rooting for the Triple Crown. It's like a, it's a fun thing.

Yeah.

And it's just ruined.

I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the Derby. No, you got to run in the Derby.

Got to do the Derby. Hey, Hank, do you have anything to say about the big trade? Oh, you don't know about the big trade?

Oh, breaking news.

Oh my God, Hank, how do you not know about the big trade? This guy pretends that he's, he's, he's paying attention to everything.

Yeah, Mr. Boston.

Why don't you, why don't you guess what the big trade is? Breaking news. Well, guess what the big trade is.

That was a clean move. That shouldn't have gone unnoticed.

Guess it.

I don't know.

Fucking New England Revolution. Like, no, bigger.

Yeah, bigger.

Boston Common Golf.

No, bigger.

The—

there's got to be Live, right?

No, bigger.

Yeah, way bigger.

The big trade we're talking about here is—

oh, the Gorillas.

Yeah, we've got a Gorilla trade. Have you guys all seen the Gorilla trade? The Boston Zoo, the Franklin Park Zoo, and the Pittsburgh Zoo have swapped gorillas. So gorillas— gorillas— Frankie, Pittsburgh's 7-year-old male western lowland gorilla, will be heading to Boston. And in exchange, Boston will send 33-year-old Little Joe the silverback to Pittsburgh.

And Little Joe escaped one time.

Did he?

Yeah. I got to look that up. This actually might be a tall tale.

I think this might be a good— I was reading more about this, which is probably pathetic. But I think it's— I think, I think Boston got fleeced.

No, he didn't. No, no, no, Boston fleeced Pittsburgh easy. Boston got younger.

No, no, PFT. So I was reading about it. Frankie got traded. 7-year-old Frankie got traded to the Boston Zoo. He's going to just be chilling with a bunch of other dudes.

Mm-hmm.

Little Joe got traded to Pittsburgh. Because he's going to be mating and making new gorillas.

So that's great for Little Joe, like Pittsburgh, because if I'm Little Joe, I want to get out of that locker room. I want to get to a place where my talents will be used.

But, but Pittsburgh is thinking about the future of the franchise.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So like, I see from Little Joe's perspective, he probably forced this trade. Like, Little Joe probably demanded a trade so he could go somewhere and start to fuck again. And now he's in He's in Pittsburgh and that suits his skill set.

But Boston got fleeced. Boston should have traded for a female gorilla to make more gorillas. Instead, Pittsburgh's the one that's going to be making more gorillas.

But are we sure that Frankie is a boy?

Frankie's a boy and Frankie's just— it literally said they're like, he's going to go hang with some other dudes.

Okay, well, so Frankie's 7 years old, so Frankie is an upside pick. They're getting younger.

I don't know if Frankie can fuck.

He's a nice piece.

I don't think— I don't think they said that Frankie's just going literally to like he's going on a bachelor party. That's what I read.

I think they're taking a 33-year-old, getting him out of town, hoping that Frankie will step up.

For what, though? He's hanging— all he's doing is on a boys trip sometimes.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah, but because you're going to try to make new gorillas. Little Joe's going, he's going to make some new ones.

Sometimes in the NBA, if you have—

so you don't have to build from within the farm system, you're in a win-now mode. Pittsburgh's in a, in a long-term— they're building for a decade of time. What are you talking about? He's old, but he's gonna make new gorillas.

But not— maybe those gorillas won't be—

what is a gorilla's life expectancy? Long.

No, seriously, long. Unless you're Cincinnati Gorilla and then you get shot and killed.

Yeah, you know, this is a credit to Boston, great sports town. Uh, in 2003, Little Joe escaped and attacked a girl and its babysitter. Yeah, so you're getting rid of a locker room cat and they didn't kill it.

Didn't kill it.

They just subdued it, as you should. Mm-hmm.

Life sense often extends into their 50s, so Little Joe's got another like 10 years of fucking.

I just, I like this move for Boston. I think that the GM— who's the GM of your zoo? Danny Ainge. Danny Ainge did it again. Like, when the Boston Zoo calls, don't pick up the phone because you're about to get fleeced.

See, I see it the other way. I think Pittsburgh has got a nice— they're really setting themselves up for the future because Little Joe's gonna be making some new baby gorillas.

I think that a 7-year-old Western lowland gorilla. If all goes according to plan, if you have a good structure and a good, good training process around them, that gorilla is going to become the silverback. And then that gorilla in charge of repopulating— and nobody can until they do.

Frankie, who gets high praise from his keepers for good vibes, joined a recently formed bachelor group with two other male gorillas. Pittsburgh Zoo explains that as young male gorillas mature, they reach a point where they're too old to be juveniles but too young to be silverbacks. Usually they band together with other blackbacks. These bachelor groups allow non-breeding males to live social lives. These guys, you guys living together? Yeah, yeah, this is ultimate guys boys trip. Yeah, they're basically haven't found themselves yet.

It's like Little Joe, it's like when we brought— this is like us bringing Jerry O'Connell into the fold. Like Frankie's gonna show up and be like, I never want to leave you guys, you guys just get to hang out all the time.

Yeah, so Little Joe's showing up to Pittsburgh, there's two females, he's he's about to bang. And there's two young— there's two young baby gorillas. The move comes after Ivan died, so the, the father died and Harry died, so two dads died. Now Little Joe's going— he's doing a gangbang.

So Little Joe is— but he's also going to be the stepdad.

No, the dad stepped up.

Dad that stepped up twice. Ideally twice. Ideally. And we don't know because Little Joe sounds like he's got some, you know, wild hairs in him. He's had some issues and some character concerns and distraction issues.

They say that he's actually kind of chilled out, though.

Well, I hope so, because I don't know if they've got a locker room like they do in Jersey.

Intelligent and gentle. I know Little Joe's got it. He's— I mean, he's— he's going to get to do two chicks at the same time. Whereas Frankie's just going to play beer dye.

But is—

beard dye in Franklin Park sounds fantastic.

Is Little Joe like— does he— is he a 5-tool player like that? He's going to show up, be the stepdad, and also fuck?

I think so. I think he's got it all. He's walking into a ready-made family.

Baby mama drama.

It is a lot of pressure. It's like, yeah, if you don't, you don't win now. It sounds like Pittsburgh's in win now mode.

You know, it never has drama when you drink beer.

No, Pittsburgh's not in win now mode. They're going to make new ones. They're in the long, long haul. They're going to make this guy—

this guy's got to be a stepdad. He's got to be a father. He's got to be—

guys are seeing everything wrong. They're making a gorilla factory. In Pittsburgh.

I'm—

all I'm saying is if you, if you got a great veteran presence in your locker room, you don't get rid of them.

And if you have—

they didn't, they both died.

If you have two gorillas, you don't have one.

No, I'm saying that Boston got rid of Little Joe. Like, if, if he was a great gorilla, they would hang on to him. You don't let a gorilla like that walk in free agency or in a trade situation.

I don't know, upside for, for Frankie, I guess, but I, I'd rather have more gorillas.

It tells me that, that Pittsburgh's farm system.

We got one for this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we should. Memes, can you take care of a gorilla?

Did you guys see that? There's a baby. There's a baby rhino at Lincoln Park Zoo. So cute. Saw him in person on Sunday. So fucking cute. He's like 2 months old. Go check him out.

What's his name?

I actually don't know his name. It's like £100. What's his name?

He was—

it was— I want to just pick him up and smooch him. Hazina.

He is pretty cute.

Yeah, isn't that— that's a cute little baby rhino right there. You know, tell me that's not— tell me you wouldn't want to take that baby rhino home, Hank. Tell me, tell me, tell me. You're not gonna tell me, are you? Look at that.

Yeah, it's adorable.

It's not that adorable.

Oh my God, he doesn't even have his nose horn yet, Hank.

That's a cute baby rhino.

Oh, that's adorable.

Fuck yeah. Yeah, who's the Adam Schepter for Zoos?

Yeah, I want more Zoo trades.

Megan Swift is the one who broke this, dude.

It's so funny. I want like future draft picks, like everything. How does it even work? We should probably get a Zoo guy on. Yeah, we should get— we should do it. We should do a PMT trip to the Zoo.

I'm down, I'm down. And yeah, underneath I want Megan Swift's replies to be like, uh, no, yeah, fleeced, or like Announce a giraffe to the San Diego Zoo.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fire the GM for the Pittsburgh Zoo.

Yeah. Philadelphia does it.

Howie. Yeah. How's he going to fit in the offense?

Yeah.

Philadelphia's got a good zoo.

Do they?

No, it's a zoo.

All right.

I feel like it's like the San Diego Zoo and then everyone else.

San Diego is pretty good.

I've been to the San Diego Zoo.

Awesome time. It's really fun.

Kansas City, surprisingly good zoo.

I've been getting— I've been on a hot streak.

I like the Lincoln Park Zoo.

Yeah, I've been on a hot streak. I've been— I think like the last one I take my kids to the Lincoln Park Zoo a bunch and I've been on a hot streak. I've been seeing all the animals. They've all been out.

Yes.

Polar bears the other day.

That time of year.

So the giraffes, the muskrats, everything.

I like the— there's snapping turtle up there.

Yep.

That snapping turtle rocks.

Yep. Some awesome animals. Okay. Anything else? Any other news? Any other sports or— oh, I had a quote that I wanted to read you guys. It's actually the first time that I have lost confidence in this team. The quote goes, I'm not thinking about how I could have ate more. I'm thinking about how I could win 8 more. Do you know who said that quote?

I know that Joey Chestnut.

No. Nice guess, though. That was SGA.

Yeah.

Yeah.

SGA said that.

Yeah. I'm not thinking about how I could have ate more.

Yeah.

I'm thinking about how I could win 8 more.

That's fucking hard.

Come on.

Yeah, that's a, that's a great quote.

That's a— I don't know about that. They made me nervous. It made me nervous.

If he's got that much time to, like, think of quotes like that.

Yeah.

Like he's, he's up to something.

Yeah. Okay. Anything else? The new congrats PFT, the Jaden Daniels on the quarterback 3 season.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited kind of for that to see what gets put in. I'm pretty sure with that series it's like everybody involved has to sign off on everything. So, um, I guess it'll be inter— actually, no, I'm not interested in it because you're reliving a bad— it's a bad season. It's a really bad year, and it's just going to be him rehabbing from like a million different injuries.

It's actually— it's Cam Ward, Baker Mayfield, who got injured for half the season, Joe Flacco, and Jaden Daniels. Joe Flacco is the only one that's going to be somewhat happy. Yeah.

Yeah, true. I think Baker will be okay because they started off really good.

Yeah, but he got hurt.

So like the first few episodes will be great for the Bucs.

I'm—

there's really nothing about last season. You know what, I'll watch the one that has the Chargers game. That game was awesome.

Yeah. Okay, let's get to our good friend Ryan Rosillo.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very, very, very special guest. It is our good friend Ryan Rosillo in studio. Perfect timing for you, Ryan, to be here. He's here for the NBA Combine. Everyone go listen to the Ryan Rosillo podcast. He's got a bunch of people, players, executives from the Combine. But perfect timing for you to be here because we're taping this on Thursday morning. There are no games Thursday night, which is the first break we've had in NBA playoffs and I think since the start. And is Big Game James back?

Yeah, I kind of wasn't like ready to start with this.

Yeah, no, but we have to because James Harden. Here's, here's what I'd say in defensive—

isn't James Shields Big Game James?

No, he was.

We were joking the other day that like everyone who's gotten Big Game James has never been big in a big game.

Yeah. Look, he's been really good since that fourth quarter of Game 3. You know, he, he put together like a really good stretch of like 9 straight points in that one, which they desperately needed. His entire Game 4 was really good last night. I don't know that I thought the entire game was great, like his entry passes in the first half. Like, that's my issue with him. It's like, hey, man, there's like a playoff intensity and pace, which I think is always like the biggest disconnect. Beyond all the other things that we want to talk about with his significant playoff drop-off. But last night with Mitchell not playing well, all the points off of turnovers, which again, he was, he was guilty of. But look, I just have a super hard time with the way he's officiated. And I thought Detroit, Detroit's a mess offensively as we saw. But yeah, I don't care. Like I'm not doing it. I'm not, I'm not giving it to you today after game 5.

You should be happy actually that he won, that he's been playing like this because it just sets up for him to be in a game 6 or 7 that he's going to fail.

I mean, look, it gets so bad with him that I'm like, well, I expect there's going to be some kind of 30-point game. Yeah, I mean, he's got the ball in his hands the entire time. He's a terrific shooter. He's a great passer. I mean, he had some dimes in Game 4, but you know, even I couldn't help but like, at the end when he needed the free throws, it's like he missed 2 of the last 4 because it's like, that tells me there's just something about him that's got his own rebound though.

He did because Cunningham didn't box him out.

Like, because you know what he was thinking? He's like, there's no way James is going to try for an offensive rebound. And honestly, it just bounced right back to him.

Yeah.

And then he misses another free throw. But he— look, he was really big for them because the Mitchell part of it just wasn't happening until Mitchell hits that 3 in the right corner. But, uh, I thought the officiating last night was terrible. I normally don't say that after a game. I mean, at one point I think it was like 17 fouls on Detroit and 9 on Cleveland. But Cleveland deserves to lose on top of everything else. Like they can't figure out anything once Cade gets double and, and Duren is killing them. Like think about this. Reed is their third string center. I don't think he'd played any minutes.

B-ball Paul.

Yeah. Sorry. And then he plays all the fourth quarter and then all of overtime. So you're going into your 61 team who's a one seed and you're going into overtime playing your third string center because you're all NBA center. Which I don't know if he'll make third team All-NBA. I voted for him. Can't do anything in this series.

Yeah, I actually thought that James Harden, if you look at the stat line, 30 points, it was impressive stat line.

They needed it. Look, he deserves credit. I'm just not going to sit here and be like, hey, he's— I mean, some of this stuff gets ridiculous.

Well, at the end of the game, he tried to give it away. Not to say anything about the free throws, the missed layup. And then he did the foul baiting thing, bringing the ball up the court, slammed on the brakes, trying to draw a foul, end up just falling on his ass and then doing like a soccer throw in. Over the half-court line, turned the ball over. Like, he made his share of, of really stupid plays. But I agree with Big Cat that this is actually— it's, it's a perfect setup because now we've reached the point where we're like, I think James Harden has finally figured it out in the playoffs. And we forget that we've said that probably 9 times.

Yeah, you're getting, you're getting the best set. Like, James Harden playing in a Game 7 is exactly what you want.

Yeah, this is it. This is it. And, and you know what, even if he's somehow it comes through, I'm sure he'll figure out a way to get to Game 7 against the Knicks.

Yeah.

And then, and then we'll get to judge him.

Yeah, whatever is gonna— like, even when it's going bad, as bad as it was, like, I think in the first 2 games, if he's not James Harden, you bench him for Dennis Schroeder. Yeah, you would just go, hey, we need somebody with a little bit more energy and more intensity who's like a little bit more alive here, because it's just— I mean, there were stretches in Game 1 and 2 where I'm like, I cannot believe this is like It's not the makes or the misses. It's not when he doesn't want to shoot, you know, because there's that when it happens. There's just the floating of like, what are you— where are you going?

It kind of rocks, though. It's like, uh, it's actually great in pickup. It's actually when you kind of fall— I think what happens to him is when you, you know, when you go on a long drive and you, and you just forget that you were driving, you know, you get there and you're like, oh shit, I've been driving for 3 hours. I think that happens to him when he starts dribbling sometimes, where he's just dribbling and he forgets—

perfect—

he forgets that he's dribbling and he forgets that he's in a playoff game. And then he just keeps dribbling until he turns it over and he's like, oh shit, I forgot I'm playing a game right now.

I get so mad at the officials just because of not like even the specific team last night. Because, you know, this deep into the playoffs, these are the best officials. And whenever I'm prepping for the draft and I'm watching all these college games, I'm reminded of like, thank God for NBA officials. And I think to be fair to them, think of the times where you're at home and you're like, I can't believe they called that. And then you see the replay, like how often they're actually right.

Yeah.

With the call where you're like, oh, that guy reached in like that was stupid. But The two Harden— well, there's, there's probably like more than four, but I'm not going to take the full hour doing that.

You, you still owe me a cut-up, a highlight reel of all the James Harden miscues. You said that that would be on my desk, Ryan, and it wasn't there. I was going to break it down.

Yeah, but you caught me like you asked for it, I think on like a 3-game day. And then I had to go back and like look at my timestamp notes.

But you offered it.

I didn't. I didn't.

Yeah, I was passionate that night.

We're in the car and we were leaving the live show that we did. And it's not like I was like, hey, Ryan, can you make me a mashup of James Harden's worst plays? Ryan, you said, I'm going to send you a highlight reel of everything that James Harden has done for the last 2 games and it's going to blow your mind. And I was like, I can't wait to see that. And you're like, it'll be on your desk. And then our listeners, they expect me to dive deep.

I've had people come after me for it. I was walking around town and I was like, oh, here we go again. They want fame. You're paying a fame tax. And it wasn't that at all. It was like, where's PFT's Harden clip?

I need my breakdown. I do think that the way this is shaping up, If you, if you've talked to a Knicks fan, they're dangerously confident.

Like, they should be confident because if you go back to the regular season games and, you know, you try to like figure out, okay, what really matters. And then you look at the lineup stuff like it's going to come up with San Antonio and OKC and you're like, okay, it's 4 of the 5 when San Antonio's away, but OKC completely punted. I think they were like took out their top 10 guys in that 5th game, which I'm just so tired of like that gamesmanship stuff like Detroit did it to OKC and it's like, this is a number 1 seed versus number 1 seed regular season game. Like, this game is supposed to be the headliner. Like, NBC had a stretch where I think like 3 straight big-time headliner games, one of the coaches was like, hey, don't be great, let's just fuck with the other team and not play anybody tonight. So having said all that, it was hard to watch Detroit-New York and not feel like, hey, Detroit's physicality and their defense messes up New York in a way that feels very real. And so if you're a Knicks fan and then watching last night going like, I hope Cleveland wins this based on what you saw in the regular season, and that just kind of speaks to like how weird this Eastern Conference is in general.

But it's such a weird conference.

I know. And it does feel like it's also the conference of teams that were like, the Pistons are a try-hard team. And I don't say that in a bad way.

You're totally right.

But they're the try-hard team of the regular season. Celtics were kind of the same way where their bench was deep and like, I don't care about benches in the playoffs. And so the Knicks have the most talent. So it shouldn't be a shock, right? Like they have the best starting 5.

They do. But then you can dig into like some of the net rating stuff that was crazy because Minnesota's 5 guys, when they were healthy, those 5 guys played more minutes than anybody else. All right. It was like 200 more minutes than the Knicks lineup of the 5 guys. So you think of like, okay, that's the most played lineup. New York's 5 guys, the second most played lineup of any team in the league this year. And Minnesota had an incredible net rating, you know, even Atlanta once they got the McCollum in there, like that was a crazy net rating. And then you're looking at the Knicks, you're like, why is it only +2 on the season?

Right?

Like, that's like there's all sorts of lineups that have these incredible, like +13, +17, 5 guys that teams will tell you, like, hey, if we get those 5 guys in there in a series, like we're a different team, like don't worry about our depth. And with New York, I'm like, man, why isn't that number better? Like, what does that tell us about this group? And then the way OG was playing before the hamstring injury, I was like, like, you know, I liked him and I was just falling in love with him because he was making every single shot.

Right.

And he's so versatile defensively. So then you start going like, all right, you know, am I actually like collectively unimpressed with everyone in the East? But to the point where you go, every one of these fan bases should think they have a chance. You know, obviously Philly being eliminated now, but maybe that spoke to them going like, hey, Boston, was that messed up that you guys look that good?

Yeah.

Then New York reminded you that you actually still aren't that good. So I don't blame any Knicks fan for having confidence through the roof and then feeling even better that Cleveland's up 3-2 because Detroit's offense to get these next two, like, just let me just throw this at you. A number one seed with 60 wins that if Franz doesn't get hurt, loses in the first round.

Yeah.

Okay. And they still don't know who their closing five is, whether it's they want to go Asar and give up the offense or if they want to give up the defense and go with Dennis. Duncan was hurt last night with the injury. But Duran is, is your guy. And then you're like, we're going to play B-ball. Yeah, he can't play like that. Speaks to them going like looking down the bench going, is there any combo we can have right now? And as much as we all love Reed, like he's driving into Tobias Harris and then Jared Allen's there to help, or he's driving into Allen. And if Asar is playing, then Mobley now is on Asar almost all the time. It was hard in the beginning of the season or the series. And now Mobley's like, this is awesome.

Yeah, yeah, you don't have to do anything.

And even if you're boxing out Allen, if you're Dern and you're boxing out Allen and you guys are fighting, then Mobley gets just to walk over and grab the rebound. So Cleveland's talent's better. Like, this series, I, I really think Cleveland should have won pretty convincingly because of this offensive flaw that Detroit has had all season long.

Also, Max Struess.

Max Struess was awesome last night. Oh, so I put him ripping Cade on huge.

Yeah, that was crazy.

Like, it's an awful— I love Cade. I think we all like Cade better, but the turnovers with Cade, um, they— he's got to clean it up.

Yeah, the one thing I'll say about the Pistons, because it has been tough to watch the entire playoffs, is that I do think Cade is a, you know, generational guy. He's gonna be a— yeah, he, he has the makings of a superstar. You just got to build— like, you've, you've, you've stamped that part. The hard part's done in that Cade is the guy. You just have to build around around him. You have to find the combination, and that's really just— you have to find guys who can score.

Yeah, look, I give Sarudi credit because we were talking about Game 5, we were just hanging out during the tapings yesterday, and he's like, you know, this is what Jaden Ivey was supposed to be, this off-ball, on-ball guy. Like, when you think about him in college, and especially like NBA front offices before the draft, you're like, man, if you watched his international stuff and like when he's playing with those guys, like, he's just so dynamic and you in theory have him play off the ball. Like, if you're doubling Cade and you had this really good version of Jaden Ivey, that's exactly what they need. They need somebody who's off the ball that can create. And Dennis is an incredible story, but he's probably a backup. He's going to play a long time, which surprises people, but it's like, hey, you have to bail us out. Or Asar, who's not really going to take it off the dribble, he's certainly not going to shoot it. Harris had like 2 good looks where if he had hit one of them in Yeah, during regulation off a double team when they went 1-4, like maybe they win the game and you still are sitting here.

But like, there are— you need multiple guys in these playoff possessions that can make something out of nothing. And they have 4 guys standing around.

Yeah. I'm glad that we have you on the show right now because it looks like we might be dealing with maybe a doubleheader of all-time rest versus rust discussions the way that these series are going. So we're going to have 2 teams that are going to have swept and be sitting on their hands for a while, and then a team that goes either 6 or 7 games, you know more than anybody, you're a gym guy, you know that there's a fine line. Your muscles, they need rest, right?

Like they do.

A good night's sleep is also a form of its own workout if you want to maximize your gains.

That's what they say.

But then you go too long and it's atrophy. So when it comes to the NBA, how does, how does that relate to your experience, Ryan?

Ah, well, I worked out this morning at like 7-something and I was not ready, so it wasn't a good night's sleep. I would have liked to have slept better. I would have liked to have gone a little bit later. I would have, but I got invited on this big podcast.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, no, I appreciate it because it was immediately— I was like, something's wrong. And I was like, what hurts? And you were late, but yeah, yeah, and I was late too. Um, I feel like San Antonio needed to be challenged more than OKC did. You know, OKC, this is embarrassing. Like, their second best player, unless you want to say it's Chet, let's just say an All-NBA caliber, like a guy that was flirting with being considered a top 10, top 15 player because of Jalen Williams' defense. He's played 2 of these 8 games. They haven't needed him. They are throwing in guys in the second half that you're like, is he even going to play in a close game? And then they'll come in and just make it. Like, I don't even know if McCain actually plays in the Spurs series. Series. Yeah, I mean, probably does at some point, but because they've already been through it, you know, the Dallas loss, which maybe is their playoff seasoning for a young group in '24, running through everybody last year but not in a dominant way— like, they still had the Game 7 series against Denver. Who knows what happens if Halliburton doesn't get hurt in game— like, we kind of look at OKC as, oh my God, it's like, man, they had like a couple series where you're going, I didn't expect this, certainly against the Pacers.

Um, So now that they've been through it, I don't know that they need it as much, even though the two teams they played clearly had no chance. And this version of Minnesota, even though a lesser version of Ant, no DiVincenzo, they're trying to figure it out. They've kind of shortened up the rotation. I think the fight that this series is, that these guys are really physical and to see the way you've got two rookies, right? You've got Carter, you've got Harper. You've got a second-year player in Castle. These guys are just up for the physical challenge of what Minnesota is in a way that's really impressed me. Even the Game 4 thing is really cool because they ended up just going to your sleep point. They went back to the hotel in Minneapolis and were like, let's just sleep here tonight and then we'll wake up late and then we'll go back instead of just immediately leaving and landing in San Antonio like 4 a.m. So I think they needed it. So it's not a clear, hey, OKC is going to win because they had all this rest. I think San Antonio needed to learn some stuff about themselves that they weren't going to learn in the Portland series for their first time ever going through it.

So even though it's going to go longer than maybe you'd expect because of the Game 4 situation, I think there's a benefit to it for them because all of this is just like still new.

Yeah.

Are you a little nervous if you're OKC? I'll read you a tweet, though, from, from one of the best NBA Brains on Twitter. This is from No Tech Ben. He said, only two guys to beat OKC in a championship round the past two years are Wemby and Giannis. There's a specific archetype that is their kryptonite.

Wait, say that again.

Only two guys to beat OKC in a championship round the past two years are Wemby and Giannis.

Are they talking about the, the cup?

Yes, that would be the NBA Cup.

Yeah, I don't know.

Their kryptonite.

I mean, let's—

facts are facts. They lost in the championship last year to, uh, Milwaukee in the NBA Cup Final. They lost in the semifinals to the Spurs.

Like the Buffalo Bills of the NBA Cup. Yeah, like people are starting to ask questions about the book.

The blueprint's out. Yeah, when the stakes get highest in the single elimination.

Yes. Yeah, single elimination, there could be some issues there. Yeah, I hadn't really thought of that at all.

You don't respect the NBA Cup.

No, actually we had that on Wake Up Bar Stew Steven Che kind of brought up a similar point being like, because I, I believe that the Spurs, I mean, yes, of course they could win it all, but you got to go through it to then win it all. And Steven Che was like, what about the NBA Cup? Do you not respect the NBA Cup? And Ryan was just like, no, I do not. Like point blank, do not.

It's going to be, hey, 4-1, you know, in the regular season. And, you know, to kind of that Knicks-Pistons thing where I don't want to watch those games if they're playing each other and say like, and again, Pistons got some work to do for Knicks fans even have to worry about it. But like, I saw real things in that that worried me about New York. So I've got to remember that, you know. There'll be these games in a regular season, like, don't forget what this felt like and what this looked like. And there were times, like, OKC had a game against Houston, I remember, where I was just laughing going, they can't start their offense. Like, OKC, whatever they did out of the break, they're like, hey, let's let's take their soul right now defensively. And OKC can do that. They didn't even shoot it well in the playoffs last year. That was the difference where they would just have this kind of 12-0 run where you're just like, we can't do anything against these guys. This sucks. And OKC normally does that to other teams. And San Antonio in that game, I felt like was— it was the one time I'm like, man, they're making OKC look like an OKC opponent here.

Like, this looks really, really hard. And even if you want to get into some of the lineup stuff, like Wemby's most minutes played against OKC in any regular season game this year was 28 minutes. It's like 21, 21, 24, 26, 28 or something like that. So they weren't even using like a full 35-minute version of him. And I've had times this year when I've watched them going like, I kind of want to be the guy that goes, you know, in February, you know what, I've seen enough. I think Wemby's that special that they're going to still be able to be OKC, because it's not like OKC went through everybody last year like Golden State did when those 5 guys were all right.

Yeah, right.

I mean, Wemby's been— he's been so impressive this year. It's been unreal. The, the best—

he's the best watch in the NBA. Yeah, I'm telling you, after that first quarter the other night, I'm like, what's more fun than this?

Yeah, there's nothing that's more— like, you see something with Wemby that you have never seen. Like, watching him play is— it feels like how You know, like when you were a kid and you were playing koosh, like with like a koosh basketball set or like— oh yeah, basketball set above.

I thought you were going to talk about weed.

No, kush. Shut up.

Yeah, yeah, because I know— well, I know you don't like weed, but I'm not a drug guy. Not drug, but you were with us at the bachelor party.

Confirmed, not drug guys. No, but you remember when you were—

I was so confused multiple times that I was like, I don't know What's going on, right?

Why is it just leaving the room to the other room?

Well, I, I had to use the bathroom a lot.

Yeah, is there a suite on top of the suite?

I've got a small little bladder, it's shrinking.

I feel like— don't worry about Rosillo, he's taking notes.

Also allergies, the desert, lots of, lots of allergies.

Yeah, but like, why is this guy napping? That doesn't make any sense.

You remember like, yeah, being a kid though and playing like Nerf basketball with a hoop above the rim and how, how low everything felt? That is how— that's how when he plays basketball in an NBA court where it's like, oh yeah, he's just gonna step around people, not really leave his feet, throw the ball down into the basket. So like, he gets credit for a lot of dunks, but he's just like throwing the ball down on half of his shots that he's not dunking. And then his defense is just absolutely incredible, to a point that we've never seen anything like it before. And just the steps that he's taken this year, he is the most fun to watch. I want him— I want the Spurs to keep advancing because I want to keep watching Wimby and like maximizing my years where I'm rooting for Wimby, because there will be a tipping point where I say this sucks, this is bad for basketball, he's too tall, it's not fair.

Like UConn women's hoops.

Exactly. So Wimby, I want to maximize the time that I have, like actually rooting for Wimby and actually feeling good about watching Wimby on TV because I'm, I'm right in the thick of it right now. And you think they have a real chance to beat the Thunder?

I do, but I'm not going to pick them.

Okay.

Yeah, I've basically— and I wish I had something cooler to say other than, hey, OKC's been through it a little bit more and this is just the way this whole thing works. But I'm just like, don't fall for it. Don't fall for the regular season part of this, even if it feels like, you know, Wemby's kind of this unsolvable thing. And you're right, because I was thinking about it last night, like the timeline of a star and what we do to these guys, right? Like where it's, it's so much fun and everybody loves them in the beginning, you know, like even Ant, although Ant's probably, even though he was hurt here, and I don't think anybody should feel bad about Anthony Edwards and be like, hey, we have to reassess this. But basically what happens is like if you're really special, And I'm not talking about like that second tier of star who gets to kind of hide and doesn't take all the shit of like the top 6 or 7 guys.

Like a Mahomes in the NFL.

Yeah. Can kind of under the radar.

But like the Mahomes, I'm saying the other way, like Mahomes, we all loved him until we didn't. Until it was like, okay, he's done this too much.

But at least he backed it all up. Yeah. So that's the difference in the NBA. There's a lot of times where it's like, hey, I think this guy's really, really special, but now it's year 7. And now we just have to shit on you. And if Wemby, say, goes like the first 6 years without one, which seems unlikely, but it's still a lot, you know, whenever you're sitting there and I remember like being on some of the debate shows and somebody across from you would be like, well, I don't think this guy's ever going to win a championship. And you're like, okay, that's a really powerful statement. And the odds are in your favor to do it. But you're— you don't— you don't know that. But I can't argue with you and say, yes, I guarantee this guy wins one. Wemby feels like it's a guarantee at some point. But say they don't get through OKC this year. Say he's hurt again because I still feel like he falls down so much that it scares the shit out of me.

Say people figure out he's French.

Yeah, that'll— there'll be some—

but that happens, people are going to turn.

But it also depends where our relations are. Yeah, because remember like early 2000s when it was like, let's call them Freedom Fries and stop ordering Gray Goose at the club?

Yep.

You guys know what I'm talking about. I know exactly. I was It wasn't— yeah, it was fun. 7 minutes and a half.

Did you freedom her?

I freed her.

Yeah, we freed him last night. Um, I, I do think that with, uh, with the Spurs— tell me if I'm crazy to think this, it might be prisoner of the moment— but throughout these playoffs, I think Dylan Harper might be the best guard that they have.

I even wondered, like, if there were some Castle possessions where they could give a few more to Harper and then Castle once the game got tied. You know, San Antonio blows that lead and Minnesota's coming back because they're a tough fucking team, man. The mentality of that team's terrific. Champagny hits a 3 and then Castle just goes in his own little 6-0 run where he just dropped the entire toolbox and was like, I'm going to do all these different things because I'm with you. Like Harper is so good and he's working some really good defensive players where I think even they're a little surprised because it's so smooth. You know, Castle is not smooth. He is like rough. Rough course sandpaper and then it works. And Harper's just like, oh shit. And then he finished on the other side and all this different stuff. I thought like, is it too much to ask for him to be the guy to close out some of these games? I mean, what he did in Portland in that one game, it's like, all right, yeah, I'm a rookie and I'm going to close out a playoff game and just be completely unstoppable.

I mean, it's stupid how good and comfortable some of these young players are, but I'd imagine Harper, like the progression of this team is that Harper has more of these possessions that Castle has now. But I don't mean that as like a knock on Castle. It's just that really good—

I just think Castle's such a good defender that that's the underrated part. That like, they're both— he's—

I voted them all defense.

I think second team defensively.

Yeah, I don't think he's gonna make all defense, but I think Castle's on-ball stuff, because he's gonna use all of his fouls. Yeah, and he fouls so much that they're kind of like, we're not going to call these. Watch Castle off the ball. It's crazy on like a really good offensive player. They had him playing against Jokic in one of those last regular season games. That was the awesome Spurs-Nuggets one.

He was taking down Randle too. Yeah. I mean, like it's, you can put them anywhere.

And we saw him live when we went to the tournament.

Yeah, that's right.

And you were like, that guy in 2 years is going to be this.

On the Spurs.

It's crazy. They've, they've nailed it. I mean, they have.

We have 3 guys under 21 with those 3 guys, Harper, Castle, and Wemby. Yeah.

And then Carter Bryant, who probably could have the ball a little bit more, comes in. And he's like, oh yeah, I'll just be a 3-and-D guy. Like, obviously until I get my rookie extension, I'd like to get some more shots and some more stats and all that kind of stuff. And then he's totally bought in. Like Shannon went at him and he was like laughing at Shannon. And then he had a play where like he and Randle slammed into each other. Like whatever the scores are and who's hitting shots and all that stuff, the, the, hey, your first time through and Minnesota's now made it pretty deep the last couple of years. And these guys have been around for a while. Like, is a young team going to respond? Are they going to keep looking back to the bench? Are they going to keep looking at the refs? And instead they're just kind of looking at the opponent going, we're not intimidated by any of this stuff. Yeah.

All right. I got a quick, let's play a game of are they screwed?

Sure.

Lakers.

No, because Luka is there. And I, you know, you're thinking about that trade going like, imagine if this were Davis, LeBron, Reeves eliminated in the second round. And you're going like, what do you do now? What do you do now?

So the keys to Canard.

Probably, but he's a free agent.

Oh shit.

Yeah.

We're going to have to max him.

Who knows? Redick's like, if I sign you for a huge number, people are just going to say that you remind me of me. And I don't, I don't need that kind of controversy.

Yeah.

They're not screwed because they have Luka, but I mean, they have a ton of work to do. Smart's a free agent. I mean, Ayton has a player option for $8 million.

He stinks.

I wouldn't think they'd want him to pick it up. You'd think he'd still be able to do, 8 million somewhere else. And then it's like, hey, can I just go to a bad team where I can maybe play like 40, 50 games? I get to wear some of like my fancy shit.

Yeah, play some video games.

Right, right. Like, can we just do like 50 games?

Yeah, get 14-10.

Yeah, right.

In a 30-point loss. I can't—

I couldn't believe like Lakers fans— and it also speaks to like how much like you're just not watching a ton of Portland if you're a Lakers fan last year. And then I just go, look, he's not a foxhole guy. Then he I think he was like making 79% of his shots. And off of Luka, like, his job should be super easy. He should be able to get 50 points, just stay engaged and catch all these lobs. And he's got great touch. I mean, there's a reason he went 1. He's an incredibly talented guy, but he's just not a foxhole guy at all. And then Lakers fans finally were like, oh, maybe there were some points that were made here that were fair about him. I don't know what they're going to do with the LeBron thing. I can't imagine that he was just going to retire in secret.

It.

Yeah, doesn't seem like that'd be him.

He doesn't want to be on the Lakers anymore. You see that whole the story about, uh, them giving the ball to JJ Redick for his 100th win when LeBron had the most wins in the same game?

I did. Um, I, I just don't know why he cares about a lot of this pointless shit, right? Because somebody had to care enough to make that point to the reporter and then be like, use it.

He likes to say— I think he likes hearing himself say Hey, you know, I'm a bit of a basketball historian. I think he thinks that that adds like a little bit of panache.

I always—

more behind LeBron James.

Part of it I get because they're chasing this one guy. So it's almost like every single thing is like trying to stack an extra little chip to get somebody. By the way, I don't know that I've ever met anyone that's neutral on the MJ-LeBron thing. Have you ever met anyone that's ever changed their mind?

No, no. Minds will never get changed. That's the beauty behind it is like you say you're open to changing your mind when new facts come out. But no, I mean, the longer LeBron plays, the more he gives you the stats that you can then use against him. Like, he's the first guy to get swept in 4 different decades.

Yeah, but I don't even— I don't care about that kind of stuff.

It's almost become like, what's your favorite, like, flavor of ice cream? It's like, are we going to argue what you like versus what I like?

Yeah, and we're kind of doing it right now. Yeah, I think it drives him crazy. I think that's kind of like, even after The Last Dance, like, I think there was a lot of— I don't want to call it propaganda, but floating out. Like, there was one time when he had said, hey, I won the two toughest championships in NBA history. We talked about this in Wake Up Barstool. And '16, I would give him that comeback. Like, I think it's the toughest one I've ever seen. Um, but I don't think the bubble one was tough, even though I acknowledge it and think it's a championship. You guys are dicks about it.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, no, for some people it does count.

Yeah, for you, it's fine.

For me, no, no, no, no, no. On the roster. Yeah, it does count.

We went down the roster on Wednesday.

He went through who gets it.

Yeah, there was some halves given out? There's some half shares. There were some full shares.

I think this year was actually pretty drama-free considering, but there's, like I said, I just think there's a lot of like public messaging, a lot of PR with him. That's kind of a waste of time. Like he wasn't one of, well, I thought he was actually really good in the playoffs. Right. But he knocked over something. It was like, he is, no one's ever been a better third option. No one's ever accepted their role better. And you were like, well, of course, like it still should go through Luka.

Yeah.

Like when Luka's right, this is, this is one of the 5 best players in the world. You know what?

So you're right. People don't change their minds about it, but I think some people should. Like if you compare it to political discourse in this country, you have, there's actually a market out there for somebody to be like, I've been a, a Jordan guy my entire life and they left me behind. And now I'm a LeBron guy and I'm reformed. I've changed my mind. They went too woke on me with Jordan.

Reagan did it.

Yeah. Saw that clip after the, uh, After, after the car race win.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I saw that. And you know what? At this point, you drive a man so— the Overton window has shifted so far on Jordan that now I find myself without a party and I have to be a LeBron guy. Yeah, there's a market out there for a guy like that.

Yeah.

What did Ralph— who's Ralph Nader NBA?

Oh, the Green Party. They're probably J.R. Smith. Yeah. Yeah. J.R. seems like he would be.

Might be Kobe.

Yeah. Hmm.

Getting votes.

Yeah, but I think that's too many—

Shaq?

Too many votes.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who that would be.

Oh, maybe Jokic.

Durant?

Durant?

Yeah. What is KD going to do? What are his options going to look like this offseason?

Look, their whole thing is— I have their GM on in like a couple hours, so I can't wait for that. But it— Their big thing is like, if we had had Fred VanVleet, we would have been fine. Now, not fine like, hey, we're going to beat OKC and San Antonio. But it was pretty clear. And this is where like the playoffs exposes your stuff and like doesn't— you can't lie anymore in the playoffs. And you're like, okay, the Amen Thompson point guard thing like isn't a thing. Reed Shepard, who I still really like. It's a lot to ask when you didn't really even want to play him because he may can't stand his defense, even though I think there's some things that he holds up better. But again, if you're going to pick on somebody, you're not going to pick a man over Reed, you know, to ask him to be like, hey, run our offense in these playoff games. Like, that's not going to look great either. And when they play Shingun and Amen together and then Durant's just fucking miserable because he's like, Amen's guy doesn't play him if he's outside. And then if Shingun's outside, nobody plays against him.

And then Durant, you know, I think part of his frustration I would understand, but I also think there are other times like, why are you bringing the ball up and walking right into a double team 30 feet away from the basket? And then like nobody's respecting anybody outside of you because they just don't feel like you have real shooting. Even with somebody like Tari Eason, his first half of the season, he just was on fire and then it fell off a cliff. So I understand him looking around and going like, hey, I can't be asked to bail us out of every single one of these possessions despite how great my resume is as an offensive player. And like, what a matchup. I mean, remember when he's bitching about the Lakers double-teaming him?

Yeah.

It's like, no shit, man. Like you're going to get doubled. Like look at the matchups here. Of course, like the playoffs, you start selling out a little bit more with your rules going like, let's really try this. You know, it's back to that Mobley-Assar thing where you just go, what if we just have Mobley on him and he never plays him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

If he hits a shot or two, fine. But now we get to play against 4 guys with 5 and the extra 5 is a former defensive player of the year. So I imagine because he's already gotten the extension and everything that the whole thing is it'll be so much better when Fred is back and don't worry about it because I don't, I don't think he's gonna want to say like, hey, I need to go somewhere else again.

Oh, it'd be so funny.

You guys are rooting for that.

It'd be so funny.

I mean, yes, I am.

Absolutely.

Ron Rossello was brought to you by Microsoft and we'll get back to him in just one second. We gotta tell you first about something that helps people focus on what's most important. Microsoft 365 Copilot. What if you could add an AI assistant to your work without leaving your workflow? Well, Microsoft Copilot is built into Microsoft Word, Excel, and Outlook. It works where you work. It helps you do more in the apps that you already use. In Word, Copilot helps turn scattered notes into a first draft. In Excel, it generates insights from your data. And in Outlook, it cuts through the noise to get you up to speed faster. The apps that you know go further with Copilot. You can learn more at m365copilot.com/work. M365. Copilot.com/work. And now more Ryan Rosillo.

What about the Nuggets? Are the Nuggets screwed?

No, I don't think they're screwed, but the Aaron Gordon not being healthy thing back-to-back playoff runs here.

It's not great.

Yeah.

I mean, he was, he was really hurt last year. And I mean, you want to talk about somebody who's playing hurt because sometimes you get pissed.

Yeah.

Like the team gets eliminated. It's like, you know, that guy's ankles actually was— and you're like, I couldn't even tell, man.

Aaron Gordon, you're like, oh, oh, when he's running around with his hamstring last year, what are you doing?

Even this year when it was like he can't even jump up to contest that, like if anybody's going to jump up and try anything, it's that guy. So I think Cam Johnson's year was generally a disappointment. And then Christian Brown in the playoffs, but he's under contract, wasn't great. They had, they had real depth this year, man. They had depth that you felt like, okay, this is going to be able to help them stay competitive in those few non-Jokic minutes. In the playoffs because, you know, the regular season numbers, whatever, like he's going to take off his normal sub pattern, but he's going to play more minutes in the playoffs. And that was something during the regular season that was like a big improvement for them, even if a couple of the other guys I thought were like a little down. But, you know, they're not a team that's known for paying the tax, which is incredibly unfortunate. Like if you're going to pay the tax, it should be when you have one of the greatest players in the history of the game.

Yeah.

Yeah. And then, I mean, what's your official prediction what LeBron does this offseason? Where would you, you know what, I'm not even going to say prediction. I want Ryan to use his imagination. Where would you like to see LeBron next?

Where would I like to see him? I don't know that I care enough to say like, I'd really like to see this. I mean, if he cares about money, it'd be funny just to be like, all right, go to Chicago then. They've got all the cap space.

Finally do it from that summer.

Right. Is that the way to surpass Jordan?

That would be very Jordan.

Play for any other teams. I wonder where else to go to try to match Jordan.

So leading question here by PFT.

Yeah, I know.

I can figure. I love the Jordan Wizards years. I got to see it live.

They were great.

I, I have a hard time believing that he wouldn't work something out with LA.

Yeah, but think about JJ Redick got that, that, that ball, that game ball. Ball. That was bad.

You think Redick would just go, hey man, here's the ball?

Yeah, here, you know what, you have the ball.

Yeah, I can't imagine Redick caring.

Scribbles over it.

Yeah, that'd be awesome. Just duct tape. Yeah, to LeBron.

It makes me wonder how many balls LeBron has at his house. Like, how many, how many meaning—

hundreds could—

does he have if he's that fired up about this one?

I know, because I used to get annoyed about the Emmitt Smith thing. Yeah, I was like, you're gonna keep all of them? And I don't know why it bothered me. And maybe it's because like if you, you either love the Cowboys, you hate the Cowboys. And granted, I was a kid, so I was far more irrational about stuff. I was like, oh, you're going to keep that one? I'd be like watching a game at home.

Yeah.

There's some trainer writing it down.

Yeah.

It was like number 3, 11, 17.

Speaking of, do you want a gift?

Sure.

I got you a gift.

It's going to be hard to compete with this. Sarah Walsh 50th birthday.

Yeah, I mean, your purse that you've been walking around with has been pretty nice.

And now I got dressed pretty gay this week.

Wait, you looked hot.

Put on the coat and the glasses. I think people need to see this.

Yeah, sure.

I thought that Ryan was—

zero hesitation—

I thought Ryan was Pitbull when he walked into the office this morning.

Well, and you could also say, because it's not like you're single and lifelong single and live by yourself, so it's not— people aren't asking questions.

He came in with a—

like, when Ryan— when Ryan came in today, it came— he came in with a presence. It was like a— it was almost— it was almost like a wind came with you. Oh, all right, sit down. We'll do the rest of the interview with that.

Can you do the model pose like you did when you rocking that Rosella hoodie?

You just looked awesome. You look awesome. I told you this was on the live show, so we— people didn't hear this, but But I said, like, when we were at the cabana, your, your body looked awesome.

Thanks, man.

You had your shirt off and I was like, damn, what kind of glasses are those?

These are Louis Vuittons.

That's nice.

Yeah.

Ever heard of them?

Really nice.

I would like your gift. Yeah.

I mean, obviously this isn't going to go well.

No, I actually think it's going to go pretty well.

You can see you guys. So my expectations are somewhat muted.

Well, listen, hey, hey, I don't know if you know this, but I You know, you're— the show you do, Ryan Russell Podcast, it is recorded and people can listen to it. So when you said— I think the exact quote was, Big Cat, what a waste of a great frame. That one hurt a little.

You know what, though? Nothing. Nothing has worked. So nothing has worked so far. So sometimes you need tough coaching. You know, I remember—

call me fat would have been better. Your disappointment when you said the exact quote, what a, what a waste of a great frame.

I also think that, so like, that might be—

I've said it a few times.

Billy football take too. I, I think he said the exact same thing.

Kyle and Sruti both gave like a oof, like not like a—

there's like, yeah, you know that that's bad. Yeah, there's like no one says anything and they just go. But I also— you think I'm saying it to be insulting?

No, you're trying to motivate me. Yeah, and I appreciate that also. Also, I, I was a little upset too because the life advice— you guys had a life advice where it was very funny. It was a 41-year-old dude who— that was why this came up, the frame thing, because the guy said he had a comp of my body. But the 41-year-old dude married a 29-year-old girl, okay? And the 29-year-old girl's youngest brother, 23, yeah, kept calling him a pedophile in the group chat. And you guys took it way too seriously. That kid rocks.

You think he's awesome?

Yes.

Call his brother-in-law a pedophile and be like serious about it is funny as fuck. Uh, yeah, I didn't think of it that way at all. Oh, I want to hang with that dude.

Yeah, because I— all I could think of him was, was that he grew up thinking everything was terrible and like you could put some label on everything. Like, he was raised by Twitter so that he was like, I can't believe my brother-in-law is a pedophile. Yeah, dude, you gotta relax. Like, you know, when people—

oh, it's funny.

Yeah, but just there's certain things where it's like, some of these— the power of some of Categories have been ruined because you're saying it about like anybody.

Yeah.

No, but that guy, he might be right. You don't know.

He's married to basically a 30-year-old.

Yeah.

But then it's kind of funny that his wife was 30 and he's 11 years older than her.

Yeah.

But think about what, what about when the guy who wrote in when he was 22, his wife was what, 11?

That wasn't the email.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, the 22-year-old, either way, when I heard him say that, when you're like, he keeps calling me a pedophile, I laughed so hard. That guy is fucking funny.

Did you ask when they met? That's how they had met?

No, they had met 3 years prior. So he was 38 and she was, I think it was 38, 26, and then 41, 29.

But, but to like, think, think of like everyone's like on a group chat with their family to think about a 23-year-old male, like being on a group chat with his family and being like, yeah, your husband's a pedophile is very funny. It's really funny until it's actually real though.

Like, I'm Imagine being the guy who emails in and his brother-in-law is calling him a pedophile, like, to everyone.

Yeah, you should go with it.

Okay, but how would you— like, if you actually were the guy who emailed and you—

I'd probably talk shit back to the 23-year-old.

I'd be like, I'm picking your sister up from school, hang on, I'll get back to you in a sec.

Yeah, or I'd be like, hey dude, you're, you're pretty obsessed with, with, uh, me being a pedophile. You got something you want to tell us?

Like, virgin.

Yeah, you're— well, no, just like, maybe you're thinking about pedo— how often do you think about pedophilia? Yeah, just reverse it on them.

Meg would do an intervention. That would be an awful great prank, though. Interventions with people that don't need them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Golf trip.

True life. I'm addicted to calling strangers pedophiles.

Yeah, just keep doing it. Either way, I thought that kid rocked. So, all right, maybe a little off on that one, but life advice, obviously everyone listens to Ryan Russell Podcast. You ready for your gift?

I am.

You— I'll preface this gift with saying If you—

looks already looks damaged.

Well, I opened it to confirm it was it. If you don't want to bring it home with you, I will find a place for it here that we can celebrate it.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This looks like it might be awesome.

Yeah, it is awesome.

All right.

Because I know you've been on this memorabilia.

Yeah, I have.

Crazy. Is this a flag of Sri Lanka?

No, no, it's way better.

Is this a sail? I don't have a sailboat.

It's way better. You can bring— maybe you can use the sail for your boat.

Oh, no way.

Yeah. Say, say it in the—

it's a banner. It's pretty damn cool, right? Furling banner. It says, it says the NBA Finals.

The NBA Finals. It's 14-foot, uh, long banner.

This is an awesome gift.

Yeah, but which finals is it?

Good question.

Bubble?

No, you know which finals it is. That NBA Finals banner hung in the concourse in Phoenix, Arizona for Chris Paul's only NBA Finals, which he lost, by the way.

Up 2-0. Giannis hit every free throw.

You're pretty excited about that.

Yeah, I mean, I noticed the purple, so I was a little No, wait, so why do you have it?

I bought it for you.

Well, I appreciate it. I'm going to send a picture to Chris Paul right now.

Yeah, well, be careful because it might— he might relapse because when he got that, he was like, I'm kind of addicted to going to the finals. So he finally cold turkey got rid of that. If you send that back, he might backslide.

Would you want me to hang it here or do you want to take it home with you?

Oh man, I don't know. I'm trying to think which room it works in.

It's 14 feet.

What if I hung it out outside. And like, that would be cool when people drive by Manhattan Beach because different people have flags on their houses and stuff. And then I was like, I can't tell if that's— that might actually be hilarious.

Although, like, he's just a Finals guy.

I might have to put like a sea anchor in behind it with the wind we get down there.

All right, you can decide. It is a gift for you, but if you don't— because it is kind of an annoying gift.

This is a great gift. This is a great gift.

Yeah, this is one of Chris Paul's only finals.

You want to talk about like, I have this this little briefcase from Sarah Walsh that I've said is the nicest gift anyone's ever given me. Now I feel like number 1 and number 2 are right next to each other. I'm not even sure what number 1 is.

Ryan, what I think you should do, at least for, uh, the podcast that you put out during the NBA Finals— the NBA says they're going to put the Larry O'Brien Trophy on the court to give it like a little extra flair— you should just have that in the background of every podcast during the Finals. Yeah, only during the Finals. Yeah, that way people know.

Yeah, I'm gonna take it. Okay, all right. I love the game. We could have Dom ship it to you so you don't have to put it in bag. Yeah, because, um, I don't, I don't know how I would fit it. They'd be like, hey, you can't have any of your clothes. Yeah, what if I wrap myself in this?

That'd be pretty cool.

I think you could make a suit out of this.

Oh, a little photo shoot for the NBA Finals.

Uh, wait a minute though, why did Phoenix get rid of it? So why was it available?

I found it on eBay. To me, that's— that out of all the things that we've gotten at this office, I think this is the most impressive one that Big Cat's gotten, because I don't see a lot of teams getting rid of like NBA Finals participant banners.

Do you think—

issue? Well, no, no, this wasn't— it— this wasn't like a banner that was— this was a banner in the, like, concourse.

Okay, I got you.

Like, you could— this is, like, probably outside of, like, 104, 104, 105.

It's still Suns in 104.

Yeah, there you go. But yeah, it's, it's a cool banner.

It's an awesome gift because I was never going to play in one, likely. So, yeah, never say never.

Let me see.

That's an awesome—

I'm gonna see if he, uh, put any other details. This banner was hanging at the Phoenix Suns arena for the NBA Finals. Phoenix Suns or Milwaukee Bucks. Yeah, it's beautiful. Used in-game. Love it.

I'm really appreciative. Yeah, seriously. I'm going to hang it in the backdrop of the pod for NBA Finals.

Great. Chris Paul to sign it.

That would be cool. I don't think I'm going to do that.

Got Andrew Luck to sign the semifinal banner.

The AFC Finals.

Yeah.

He was like, yeah, I'll sign it.

We want to get every— we want to get as many people in that game to sign that banner.

Yeah.

I actually feel like that, that banner went from being probably worthless to a very valuable piece of NFL merchandise.

Oh yeah.

That'd be pretty crazy if your whole long play was to buy these things that you can't believe exist and then you guys kind of raise awareness and then you're just flipping these things.

Oh no, they're— I mean, well, Hank's sitting in there. He doesn't see the vision. But I, I have no intention of selling any of these things. But like, a Buffalo Bills stadium trough that also was in Barstool HQ would go for more money.

It would. I'm not going to sell any of these, but yes, I think that would be if things went bad, you know. Yeah, they're like, those guys are getting a little old for some of those jokes.

Yeah, then we just start to just rip it off.

Yeah, yeah, selling everything, just doing all memorabilia flips.

Yeah, they're, they're getting a little old to say the 23-year-old was cool to call his brother-in-law a pedophile. Well, I didn't think of it that way.

He thought that he reached out to Ryan because he's like, you're right. Yeah, he's like, Ryan, this is a, an NBA draft preview. You're doing a lot of scouting on 19-year-olds yourself, so maybe I can— I've got a similar problem that you can help me with.

I know I'm getting too nice though as I get older.

Yeah, no, I, I saw it as this guy, this kid is just like, he's a ball buster to the, to the extreme level.

I guess maybe I took it personally because if I do get married, it's probably gonna happen to Being a pedophile? No, younger. That wasn't what I was— a younger lady, likely to be a little bit younger.

I don't want to say like, what is that, if you went older? But maybe May-September relationship.

May-September?

Yeah, you know, May-November, that would— you would describe some, some older couples like that. If the guy's 60, the lady's in her like late 20s, that would be a May-November relationship. But you are looking maybe for like a May-September.

I see what you're saying there. Yeah. I remember I just— I was in Vail once and I saw some old guy just ripping darts in a ski outfit and it was clearly his second wife. He was a little bit messier than maybe I'd want to be, but it was a little early. He's still in a ski outfit and he just— I was like, is that guy got it all figured out? You know, because she looked great for him.

Yeah.

You know, but I don't know. Yeah, maybe that's why. Maybe that's why I didn't go there, because I was like, I'll likely be 10 years older if I ever get married.

Yeah.

You know what I would like to do at some point with your permission? You know how like some people have— they've got pacts where it's like, hey, if we're both single when we're 50, we're getting married, that sort of thing.

I'm not making a pact with you.

Not with me. But at some point, like, is there a date where we can do the Ryan Rosillo dating show?

Yeah.

No, I think you'd be a catch, Ryan.

I don't know about the Ryan Rosillo bachelor party.

We were thinking about doing that with my college buddies, or they were like, can we just have a bachelor party even though you're not engaged? And I was like, yeah, probably. I mean, so basically you'd have an excuse for—

yep.

And they're like, are you going to tell your wives that I'm not— that there's no wedding invite, save the date or anything coming? And they're like, we'll just say that it got called off and everyone will believe it because it's you.

That's fucked up.

That part's messed up.

Because one guy like was like, we're just going to say it was called off. And I was like, well, you know, like, you think it's going to be challenged?

Red flag comes out.

Yeah. I was like, oh yeah, that's— I was like, that'll be an easy sell. And then guys are like, come on, let's do it. Like, let's— it's been forever. And then they were kind of like, if you had gotten married in your 20s, that bachelor party would have sucked because we would have all had to pay for everything, including you. Um, but now, like, I was like, it also starting to sound like I'm gonna pay for all of it now, which is not what's supposed to happen.

No.

So I'll tell you what, you guys are invited to my bachelor party.

Oh yeah, nice.

For a wedding that's likely not gonna happen.

Okay.

Yeah, it's right.

Yeah, it might. You never know.

Yeah, never say never.

Uh, I did the Drop a Pin pod, and I admitted, like, sometimes I wonder if I do the travel vlogs because it's an excuse to be by yourself. Where if I just did the solo trips without any documentation, then you'd be like, hey dude, this is getting old.

Yeah, it's a bummer.

Yeah, do you not want to share some of these experiences with somebody you care about? And then it's like, well, I've got to take notes, I got to figure out what the spice trade was from the 1400s, so I don't— I can't— I couldn't have anyone here. She's like, oh, are you outlining day 4 again?

I'm working.

Yeah, I'd be like, hey, have to make it, make sure we see these waves. It's going to take us 6 hours to drive there. And she'd be like, can we just stay an extra day here and get brunch maybe and sleep in? I'm like, no, the tides are perfect today.

We're on a schedule.

Yeah. So like, I, I'm just admitting it right now. That's exactly why I do this.

Yeah, but there's nothing wrong. You don't, you don't have to have any— like, there's nothing wrong with wanting—

St. Barthélemy wasn't— they were like, this is fucking— I was like, I'm just telling you guys because you're my friends. St. Barthélemy, I was like, this is fucking stupid, man.

Yeah, that's a very like— you should be here with sexy place to go. Yeah, that's like a romantic place.

Yeah. So I'm admitting there's nothing wrong with traveling alone. Some people like it.

How about for 15 years to numerous exotic places?

If you like it, it sounds like you enjoy it.

I do.

Like he's kind of telling us something right here that maybe that's like—

I'll admit I've gotten— I've walked around a couple villages in the last couple of years going, hey man, what are we doing?

Yeah.

So I'm just sharing that with you.

Okay. Yeah, well, hey, listen, PMTBachelorParty@gmail.com if you're interested. Ryan Rosello, hit us up. That email address is still being monitored. Ryan, listen, there's a big question out there that's on everybody's mind. We've talked for long enough without discussing the Washington Wizards on this podcast.

I love how in you are. Do you have any XLs from that gear?

They sent me all mediums. It's crazy. Why?

I've seen your thighs.

Yeah, that's a good point, Ryan. Uh, right after Hank and I made our bet, a giant box got put in my lap of, I think, every piece of merch that the Wizards have ever put out, which is incredible. So shout out to them. I made a bet with Hank the other day, um, because he's stuck in an old mindset of like, you know, the mid-'90s, mid-2000s Wizards where he doesn't think they'll ever do anything good and he doesn't understand the new regime. Um, we made a bet that the Wizards are going to finish, I think, in the top 8 8 next year. And now this is assuming that AD sticks around, which I think he is, and it's assuming that they, uh, keep the number 1 pick and they don't trade it to the Jazz and they have Dubanza, which is the assumption right now. But with that, I think that they're going to be a top 8 pick. Hank does not think so. Top 8 seed or top 8 seed, sorry, top 8 seed in the East next year.

Does that mean they have to like make the— could they be a 10 seed win the play?

No, no, but they could be an 8 seed and lose in the playing, right?

Look, if those two guys are healthy, they should be in the top 8. Thank you.

Thank you.

And the thing is, I actually like some of the other guys. Like, I think Sarr had a really good second year. Um, I really like Keyshawn George. Um, I think Trey Johnson was one of my favorite players in that draft class. Blough and Bubb are kind of like a weird, like, which version of it do you want? And it's like, if they were just a hybrid person, then it'd be like, well, that's impossible, at least with science now. Who knows? There's a lot of things that I like from like a competitive standpoint. And when you look at the East this year, like how crazy it was, which kind of gets us back to where we started with this whole thing, is Detroit makes this monstrous leap, but then you're like, okay, but were you a full kind of your tryhard part of it? Which I think Charlotte also was, is like you're playing kind of your peak all regular season, right? And then it gets exposed a little bit when there's like another level. And I think for Detroit, it's It's not so much that they tried too hard. It's just the offensive thing, right?

So the Celtics thing is kind of weird. The Sixers thing is always weird. The team that made it to the finals is missing their best player. So they end up tanking a year after being in the NBA finals. So that's crazy. Cleveland pivots midseason into something that never works during the playoffs historically, but they might be in the Eastern Conference Finals. I already mentioned Orlando, who I think should have been a top 4 team, but they're a fucking mess and they can never stay healthy. And they bring in Bain and they're actually a worse shooting team, which doesn't make any sense because I think Bain It's been great for him. So when you run through all of it and I'm still leaving out like, who knows what the Heat's going to look like. Yeah, Heat are always good for whatever. Like I didn't mention Toronto. Like I don't necessarily love the construction of the roster, how much they've spent on some of these guys. But if they're to your Cade point, like when we're done with this, let's not knock Cade if they don't get through this because I think we're all realizing like, hey, Cade could end up becoming the best point guard in the NBA.

Some of the stuff that I worried about with Scottie Barnes of like, what is he— Future face of the league. How many guys are eligible for that?

I think it's just Scottie Barnes. Future face of this league.

That's just the— we just say that quote a lot here because of the coach.

Yeah, I know.

Future face of this league.

Max, you say it.

Max, you say it.

Wait, put that phone on real quick.

I knocked him over. You do have a— I didn't know Max had a dark—

oh, he loves it. And Max does it best.

Yeah. Future face of this league.

That's really good. That was so good. I love Scotty Barnes even more after this whole thing. So Toronto's probably good for, you know, a couple, um, I don't know. I mean, maybe there's a tweak here or there. The point of the point of this whole thing is there's stuff in the way, but if the '26 season told us anything is like, you can't really eliminate any of these teams other than the Nets, the Bulls. You know, yeah, you know, Atlanta, Atlanta's 5 is good. They'll be, you know, you can't just sit there and say, hey, everybody's going to be better.

No. Yeah, yeah.

There's Pelicans unless they move conferences with AD and Trey, even though, look, Trey's not exactly my favorite. And you get something like, you know, you get kind of like a Dylan Harper season out of who the number 1 pick ends up being. I don't think 8's crazy.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't think it's crazy.

I mean, that might not happen, but I don't think it's crazy.

Yeah.

It's not like you're saying they're going to be a top 4 seed. The one argument you can make is AD gets hurt.

AD gets hurt.

Or he demands a trade.

But I always say like, if he's healthy, I've said if he's healthy, probably 500 times.

Yeah.

But that's half the league.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I think that they're going to be fun at the very least. And I was telling the guys about this, about how historically they've been. They've been over the course of the last like 50 years. So they haven't won 50 games since 1979. I can't believe that the Wizards have never been to a conference finals or won 50 games in a season since the invention of the 3-point shot. Think about that.

We won the—

we won the championship the next year. We won 50 games. I think we lost in the— in the finals the next year. And then the year after that, they put in the 3-point shot and the Wizards, the Bullets at the time, Bullets were just not prepared for the 3-point shot and we never got back.

So are you saying they've not embraced analytics?

We had not yet, not, but now, now we are. Winger, Steve Kerr is saying get rid of the 3-point line.

Winger, who I like a lot, we had him on the pod. He's an awesome basketball guy. Tons of respect. It doesn't mean that you just get to fix everything immediately. I also wonder why the Dubonca thing has become like consensus the way that it has this week. Like I feel like it's, I just wouldn't, I don't know anything, but I'm just telling you like I don't, Peterson is so much better than Dubonca when they played against each other. And if you don't believe me, which is fine because I kind of like prep late for the draft, but Gavone, who's really good on this stuff, like he had a clip that came out this week with Zach Lowe where he just goes, hey, I've watched him play like 8 to 10 times in person. I've never once thought Devonta was better than him. And I know the Peterson season is crazy in regard to everything that happened. I don't believe the creatine thing at all because it'd be like, hey, what's wrong with you? Oh, I started taking this supplement a month ago. Okay, well, hey, you could be the number one fucking pick in the NBA draft.

So how about we stop taking the supplement or find a different creatine? Like, that doesn't make any sense that it would happen all season long and like, hey, we figured it out now, everything's fine.

Fine.

Just not going to take, I'm not going to take this stuff. Micronized. We're out on it. I just think that Peterson, like to just turn the page on this the way the consensus kind of has that it's like, oh yeah, it's just AJ and they're going to take him. Now you may take him because I wouldn't blame any GM for being like a little scared.

Yeah.

You know, of going like, this kind of scares the shit out of me a little bit.

Yeah.

If I'm going to be wrong, like I want to be wrong because AJ ends up not being a great player. I don't want to be wrong in 3 years where Peterson isn't playing. It's like, hey, dickhead, you know, like Markelle Fultz.

I mean, yeah, that, that was, that came out of nowhere kind of. But yeah, where you said they're not playing. Yeah, right.

There was that shoulder thing that some people tell you if you had seen him play before he had that shoulder injury, that they were like, hey, there's a reason why, like, teams still believe in him as the number one overall guy. So I'm only saying that is like, I'm surprised that as soon as the lottery was drawn, it was the Wizards. And it's like, people are ready to make a jersey for AJ and they still may end up picking him. I just would think it's I would feel like it's a challenge for a front office to turn the page on Peterson that quickly.

Yeah, I would agree. I don't have it set in stone as being AJ. I think that also people are looking at the roster of the Wizards and saying AJ makes more sense right now. But I don't think that that should actually impact. If you really believe in a guy, go number one.

That's where I think you make the biggest mistakes in the draft.

Is drafting for fit?

Yeah, it's like Marvin Williams. You know, he's just like, hey, pick the best guy.

You'll figure it out later if he's the best guy.

Guy, right?

Who do you think is going to have the better career, uh, Acuff or Wagler?

Wow.

Because Acuff does something like right now that immediately translates where you just go, okay, he's going to get by everybody all the time. And yeah, I know he sucks on defense, but some of the stuff I think is— I think it's really fixable, especially like with big-time scoring kids. They're like, they've never really had to play defense their whole life. But there's other teams that just think like it's so bad. Uh, you know, Wogler's thing was that he was like in control of every possession. And I don't want to compare him to SGA, but there's some SGA type stuff where it's like he keeps the possession alive beyond his own shot decision with him, where there's a composure to him, but it doesn't look— it's not physically as impressive as other guys, which is kind of SGA's downfall is that it doesn't ever look as cool as Ant doing something. Way more efficient, historically efficient for a 2 guard. So people get into like the aura thing being like a knock on SGA, which I kind of get, but it's like, I'd rather have that though. And I think Wagler has some of that stuff in where once they just gave him the keys to that team, like that guy was unbelievable.

So I'm going to go Wagler.

Okay.

Okay. All right. You got to go, Ryan. Last question. Roadback question. rhoback.com promo code take 20% off. off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. Put on the headphones, Zach.

Oh yeah, sorry, Zach, I went headphones free on this one.

Yeah, you did. You raw-dogged it.

What's going on, Ryan? How are we doing today?

I'm great, Zach. It's so good to see you.

Great to see you as well, my man. I did have a quick question. With you being a well-traveled man, this may be some life advice. Was there a particular country where you found was like, this made sense to find a life partner there, or is that something you think should be done domestically?

It's a great question. It's a great question because I thought about it. Like, when I went to— when I landed in Reykjavik, I was kind of like, I was like, man, it's 3 hours to Minneapolis. And I was like, and then you just go straight up to Reykjavik. I was like, this is like less than 5 hours. I was like, if I meet somebody here, this isn't even that bad of a commute. I mean, granted, you'd be saying like, oh, I'm gonna go see my girlfriend in Iceland, right? And you'd be like, you couldn't. You live in— you live in Los Angeles, man. Like Reykjavik. Yeah, outside of Reykjavik, the western fjords. I don't think you're gonna find a lot there. But I, I really think it should be done domestically because then I feel like, Zach, I just don't want you to be used for your citizenship.

I'm not entirely opposed to that, but you're right, I probably shouldn't be like a green card target.

But you're not opposed?

Not 100% opposed, you know.

Yeah, like, I haven't been to South America though, so I'm sure, like, my mind—

that's where you were kind of going with that, Zach?

I don't hate the idea. Like Colombia, maybe?

Yeah, this is what Jersey Jerry warned us about. Italians aren't going to exist anymore because they're all attracted to Colombians, and now you're next in line, Ryan.

Yeah, I feel like the Colombia thing is, is over because everyone talks about it.

I could see that, like, oversaturation in the market.

Yeah, Zach, memes, thoughts? I miss my Colombian girls from Vegas, from the strip club.

We're not really—

we've said that a couple of times. It's like, I miss my Colombian girls.

It's just a big weekend. It's just a big Colombian weekend all around for us.

Yeah.

Max, especially.

The problem is, is like, if you're going to these hot Instagram spots, like, they're just as unapproachable as like going out in Manhattan and fighting over nines for with financial guys.

Yeah, but Zach is a— he's a— he's an attractive guy.

No, he's a demon. I get that. But I just like— there's, there's a language barrier thing. So I don't know. You know, it's just tough. Like, I remember walking around this one town in the south of France and I was like laughing out loud about how hot everybody was. And I was like, you're not going to do anything about it. I was like, of course I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm just going to go home. Like, hey, how's it going? I'm solo and I'm a little bit older than I look.

Good question.

Do you like film?

If we're going domestically, Ryan, not to branch off a little bit, if we're going domestically, not online, where we— where's like where the—

here, right here, you are in it. I'm telling you right now, Chicago is the most attractive slash approachable, uh, ferrosex of any major city in the United States. And I'm telling you right now, like, you don't have to deal with the Northeast thing. You don't have to deal with the Southern, why aren't you marrying me in 6 months thing. You don't have to deal with the Southern California thing where it's like, hey, you're nice, but a linebacker in the NFL is also DMing me. You know, you are—

God, it's that—

you are in Chicago. And if there's one thing that is consistent about this place, Midwest values, Midwest sensibilities, and girls that are cute that you can actually talk to.

Yeah. And you're— I mean, he knows he plays a little coy. He needs to get in his DMs. I guarantee you they're lit up.

Up right now.

I appreciate the advice, Ryan, more than you know. Thank you.

His eyes are incredible. I get lost in them.

Soft eyes.

Yeah.

Caribbean.

It sounds like Zach's thought about that very question before. Like, what, what nationality would you be most attracted to?

Yeah, I'm sure if— I, I feel like romance could be like a global thing, so I just wouldn't sure. I figured I'd ask a world travel mate.

Yeah.

Yeah. Germany though.

Germany?

Yeah, little village.

That might—

I like a guy like—

yeah, there's, um, I'm telling you, when you're attracted attracted, you're just attracted and you get through those barriers.

Love transcends language, is that what you're telling me?

Yeah, basically. German, little German villages, guy like you roll in with those shoulders.

Uh, all right, Ryan, you're the best. Everyone listen to Ryan Russell Podcast, uh, and I— you want this?

I want it.

Fuck yes.

I did 6 shows, I wasn't able to do mostly sports.

Oh, that's tough.

I know, it's tough. I didn't hear from those guys.

Yeah, they didn't even try to Thank you. No, who's in charge over there?

I have no idea.

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Okay, Fire Fest of the week, Henry.

Honestly, nothing to report. It's been, it's been a good week. Weather's, weather's coming Weather's coming.

Weather's coming.

Summer's coming.

Now, what do you mean by that?

Hey, I mean, like, it's sunny out. It's— it stays light out till past 8 o'clock, which is just the best.

Can I— can I throw something out there?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm just— maybe this is just me losing my mind a little, getting old, whatever. It feels like it's lighter way earlier.

Yeah, like, I noticed that yesterday.

I know, I know, I know. Obviously, no duh, dude. That's what happens when we switch the clocks, all that shit. But it feels like even more earlier than usual.

I agree.

I've been waking up at like 5:40 and been like, what, did I sleep in?

What the fuck?

We got like one more month, right, of it getting lighter earlier and staying light later.

Yeah, it did.

So we're not even done yet.

Something's up with the sun. Something's going on with the sun.

What do you think?

I don't know. I— the sun. I'm on to you, bro.

Well, this is— it's the second sun. You guys know that, right? They replaced the sun back in the 1970s.

By the way, no fallout from my alien talk the other day. They didn't do shit.

Yeah, they're waiting.

Maybe you're an alien.

Yeah, true.

This is actually making more sense now.

Clone.

Uh, Groot Week next week. Super excited for Groot Week. And yeah, there's— I got nothing. I really racked my brain, but I got nothing. I was just, you know, it was a long week last week. I was happy to be back. I feel good, feel healthy.

You're finally over— because you having to go from Max's bachelor party, LA live show, to then a wedding, like, I don't know how you did that.

No, it was a lot.

My—

I, I pushed my body to the absolute limit, but then I, I came back Sunday, potted, and then Monday I just went to, you know, just— there's a, there's a Russian bathhouse in Chicago, just went there sweated for 3 hours, feel like I got all the toxins out of my system.

And then— and now you get to see your kids today on Friday.

Yeah, yeah, I got— yeah, I got— I got visitation today.

I don't know if you know how we do this show.

No, I know, but yeah, yeah, Daddy's home.

Mhm. Yeah.

Do you think they remember you?

I hope so.

Long weekend with— you're going to see—

they're probably going to be upset with me. It might not go well, but you're not going to recognize them.

You're going to be like, I've been gone for so long.

I know.

I feel— do you feel guilty?

Yeah, I feel terrible whenever I go this long without seeing my kids. It's like I can't sleep at night.

But when you see them, like the second they see you, it's all worth it.

And yeah, you just never want to say goodbye.

Is it like a—

I might just be there for— I might spend 10 hours with my kids.

It's like a military homecoming.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Should have Hank hide in a box, roll him out to the first tee box.

His caddy sees him when he steps out of his car and goes up to him, just jumps in his arms.

Missed you.

Okay.

So you just— your life is awesome.

Yeah. Listen, we do— we do like— it can't force a fire fest. I have them a lot. I got nothing this week.

Okay.

Good.

We won softball.

Yeah. Yeah.

I had fun.

Yeah. It's a great week.

Yeah.

I also love that. That's like your number one priority. Like your priority. Like everything went good this week. Well, my softball game.

Well, usually like things that— things that happen outside of work. That become Fyre Fest. Like, I didn't really do anything. Like, I was relaxing outside of work this week, and the one thing we did, we won.

So yeah, cool.

Handily hit a dong. Yeah, he did.

Nice. I saw that on the recap inside the park.

Who had a recap?

The, uh, Quigley's little robot.

Are they all inside the park?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

No, this one almost left.

But, but would this have been a home run on most ball fields that have a fence, probably, except for Fenway. Just because it was so— yeah, the monster would have gotten it. Yeah. All right, cool. Sick.

Yeah.

Hey, my firefest of the week, I don't really— I'm kind of with Hank on this, but there is something. There is something because I've had a pretty good week. And again, like, Grit Week coming up next week, I'm so excited. I'm actually just— I'm so excited to drop the first interview.

I'm also so excited for Vanny Woodhead too. Yeah, that's going to be— we haven't been in a Vanny Woodhead in a long time.

It also feels like doing Grit Week this time of year feels correct.

Yes. Yeah. And one It does.

One of my favorites.

Makes it more exciting.

I don't know.

I guess you're the same way.

No, because when we do it in August, there definitely is a feeling of like, OK, we've had a long— you know, we packed some things into the summer, especially last summer. Like we did this, this, this.

This is like a kickoff into something.

Yeah, I'm excited.

One of our group Fyre Fest could be that Max is being a big pussy about Fanny Woodhead.

Yeah.

Terrified to ride in a van.

He's being a baby.

He's being a big baby.

It's not true.

Yeah, you are. You're being a big baby. You're being a bigger baby than, than Buddha Ben was.

He doesn't understand how many hours are in a day.

You called me into a conference room freaking out that we were not going to have enough time to drive.

I still don't think—

I still don't think you don't understand.

You guys just love scheduling things and don't think about time.

It's Grit Week, buddy. You got to fucking— if we don't sleep, we don't sleep.

You got 24 hours in the day.

Should we do an all-nighter?

Yeah, we probably will.

Okay, okay, good.

See the difference?

You guys are going to be fucking cranky.

I'm excited about it.

Hell no.

Hank, Hank, What happened? Hank didn't get breakfast one night.

Hey, well, guess what, bitch? There's a lot of Waffle Houses, so we can hit those.

Love it. Yeah, that might be a group fire fest if PFT announced he's going to eat every meal at Waffle House, which means we have to eat every meal at Waffle House. Oh no, great idea.

Oh no, it's a great idea.

Well, I would like to get some— I mean, we're going to New Orleans. I'd like to get some—

oh, you should do gumbo.

Yeah, gumbo.

Last time I came back with a kidney filled with gravel.

That's grit.

Yeah, that is. Or I could just eat grits every meal.

Yeah.

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that out loud. That's a mistake to say it out loud. But I do love Waffle House. But yeah, our group, Firefest Max, is being a big baby about Grit Week.

I'm just—

I'm just being a producer and trying to actually plan.

And you guys just be like, oh, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this.

I'm like, we don't have enough time in the day for all this.

The answer is always yes. Yeah, you know that.

Down to vibe big time.

I'm not—

Grit Week is one week. We just got to fucking do it, dude. Sack up.

Sure.

Sack up.

I'm going to do it. I just wanted to make sure that everyone was aware of how—

I'm aware how big of a baby you're being. Yes, you've done a very good job. Someone's got to do it.

Someone's got to do it.

How cranky you've been.

You've raised a lot of— yeah, good awareness to that. The actual Fyre Fest that I was going to go with, I realized that I have lost— like, I was smarter when it came to most things when I was in 8th grade than I am today. And—

Oh, definitely.

I was thinking about like, obviously math, like 8th grade me would run circles around my brain today when it came to like any sort of math problem. But science too, and understanding how to do like, how to set up any sort of a science experiment to figure something out. Because I've been trying to sort this out. I actually dove into it with like a pen and a paper this week. I want to do an experiment. And maybe you guys can help me with this. It could be, I think, a good experiment we could do together as a group. Group, or we could do it in, uh, like a Barstool After Dark setting. But the bottom line is I went out, I bought, um, I bought breathalyzers, like keychain breathalyzers, and I brought that along with us to Vegas so we could like— I had Max blow into it a few times. Good numbers by Max, by the way, on that breathalyzer. Um, but it's been my quest to figure out what that golden ratio is for how good you get at a sport, determined by how slightly buzzed you are. So like when you're playing beer pong or you're playing darts or you're playing a game like that, maybe even golf.

My hypothesis is that you have to be between like a 0.04 and a 0.06, and that's when you achieve like the best results.

Yeah. I mean, this isn't new. Yeah. When you play beer pong, like you can— you suck when you're sober.

Exactly.

And you get— and then you get good and then you get bad again.

Exactly. So it's been— it's been discussed before. But now that I've got the breathalyzers, I want to do like a scientific experiment.

You got to get real breathalyzers though.

Where we— well, yeah, I can upgrade. I can always upgrade the breathalyzers, but I want to do like an actual experiment. And I've been trying to figure out how to set up the experiment and it's escaping me and I can't, I can't nail it down. My idea was like you shoot 100 shots sober, then you shoot 100 shots after you've had like 2 beers, then 100 after you've had 4 beers. But then you might also get better because you've practiced shooting 200 times.

No, I don't think it's 100 shots. Yeah, it's like it's, it's playing a game. It's like, yeah, like 10 shots and then have a couple beers, then 10 shots.

Yeah.

Yeah. You can't, you can't do— if you shoot 100 shots, you're going to be better on the second 100.

Right. And then I think we need like a big sample size of people that would be engaging in this.

You actually know, you know what you can easily do is you could just do 100 shots sober, another 100 shots sober, another 100 shots sober. So it establishes like where, where you get better just baseline sober. Yeah. And then add the drinking.

Then you add the drinking because then, then you'll have a good sense. Yeah. I feel like this would be a good Barstool After Dark stream though.

Yeah.

I feel like this is— I want to do some scientific work on this and see exactly like where the human body peaks physically. Mm-hmm.

I like this. The, yeah, the idea of getting like an 8th grade you being smarter. I'm like, I'm like a year or two away from my oldest son being smarter than me. And I'm terrified of it when they're teaching math in a totally different way to shit. I don't even understand.

Like, imagine, imagine trying to help with Algebra 2 homework.

No, no, no.

Like trigonometry.

I took Algebra 2 in college.

No. Yeah, yeah, no. Um, okay, my Fire Fest is, uh, sitting right here in the studio because if you listen to the Ryan Rosillo interview, I gifted him the NBA Finals flag that hung in the concourse of Chris Paul's only NBA Finals. I was really hoping he wasn't going to accept the gift so I could hang it in the office, and he has accepted the gift. This is just— I guess this is what, what being a good friend means.

Mhm.

Because I was, I was really hoping he'd be like, nah, I don't want it. But he wants it, so I got to find another one.

It's really nice.

Do you think he knows that you wanted that and so he's just—

I made it pretty clear.

Do you think it's—

maybe.

No, I think he likes it. I think he wants it because it's a cool-ass thing. Like, that's a cool thing to have in your house. NBA Finals banner.

You think Ryan Ursilla is putting this up in his house?

I think he's going to put it up behind him for the NBA Finals. I do I do think he will do that. Then maybe he'll send it back.

It's not going to fit.

Yeah, dude, he's got it. You don't think he's like, you've never seen—

oh yeah, yeah, yeah, in his house.

And then awesome.

And then, and then keep it in the box.

You know, he might send it back. That's, I guess, my only hope. Yeah, but he also might— it might be like next to his Christmas tree where every year when the NBA Finals comes around, he goes to the garage, takes out his NBA Finals banner. We'll get another one. One.

Yeah, yeah, we need another one.

We definitely need another one. And then my other Fyre Fest is Max is mad at me because we are undefeated in softball. He yelled at me on the sidelines.

Why would he be mad at you?

I thought you guys were joking.

No, he's mad. He gets mad. He's mad. I understand why he's mad, but also, yeah, why is he mad?

I don't understand.

I told him he swung too hard and he gets mad whenever I say he was—

well, Big Cat's like the 9-year-old baseball coach that knows nothing about baseball or swinging it or swinging a bat. So he just does like the squash the bug when he's never played a day of baseball in his life.

Okay, that's not true. I definitely— I played all the way through when I was 12 years old.

Yeah.

To hold on, we're not playing baseball. And that's my whole entire point. No, it's not. The whole point is it's a 16-inch softball. If you swing as hard as you can against a 16-inch softball, it will always—

I have been the best hitter for— I had one bad game and now Big Cat's like the, the—

No, I just said, I just mentioned that you were swinging too hard.

But, but you say that to everyone and it, and it drives everyone on our team insane because every single person on our team insane because everyone— We haven't lost.

Yeah, but then we have innings where everyone fucking tries to hit a home run and they hit a pop-up.

But you, like, you saying that, you, you think like no one is trying to get out.

This is— you know what this is?

You know what is true? Like, you know nothing. You know nothing.

Do you think I— who's— have you— have I played more 16-inch softball than you in your life?

It's swinging a bat. Who has swung a bat more in their life?

It doesn't matter.

Times a trillion.

16-inch softball is not baseball. Did you swing too hard last night? No.

Yes.

No. What did you go—

that is—

where did you go?

You know, 1 for 5.

Any home runs?

Yikes.

Yeah.

And he popped out to the first baseman twice.

OK, you know what this is?

Here's the thing. I am so much better than you.

I never said you weren't.

So I know what I'm doing. You do not.

Well, last night you didn't.

I—

yeah, I'm not going to have a good game every single game. I also make every single play.

You were great in defense. You could hit a line drive like laser every time.

I, I was— the problem was I, I was getting over-ansy and I was not letting pitches— Hank, you know, I was not looking at pitches. I was swinging at pitches that were, that were going to drop before the plate. That was the problem. I was not swinging too hard. There's anyone here. Here's a lesson for all the kids out there.

Yeah.

Youngsters.

Anyone who tells you that you swing too hard is a fucking loser.

Swing the fucking bat.

Swing the fucking bat.

Except when it comes to 16-inch softball, because the ball moves differently.

Hit the fucking ball. Swing it.

Hank, you know what this is? This is AJ Brown. And this is Nick Sirianni over here. That's exactly what you're saying.

No, because Nick Sirianni's played a lot of football in his life.

But again, it's not baseball, you idiot. It's fucking— it's the same fucking thing. It's not.

Yes, it is.

Nick Sirianni was never in the NFL.

It's not.

He played all through college.

It's not.

But you're—

he didn't play through— he played through 12.

You're being a little bit—

well, I know a lot of 16-inch softball. You're forgetting that part. It's a fucking bad 16-inch softball bat. You're being like, for 20 years, a little bit of a diva designated hitter.

No, no, he's not the coach. Big Cat is not the coach. He's another player on the team.

Oh, so now, now you can't like accept any coaching points though?

Yeah, he's not a coach, but he's still giving you coaching tips. Yes, because he knows better.

It wasn't even a tip, it was just— he's— I— it was actually just a statement. He swung too hard.

But every single thing, like, Big Cat is the, the vibes that Big Cat brings when—

oh, shut up—

we have a bad inning, it's the fucking worst because no one else can say it, say to him because it's all—

yeah, first of all, I, I haven't, I haven't said the swing too hard. And last season I said it because the entire roster had never played 16 softball before. And the first game, every guy got up and tried to hit as hard as they could, and they all popped out. And I was like, guys, 16 softball is not about swinging hard. That's what I said, and I was right. And we're playing better now.

Fuck with that.

This is— it's the Eagles, because like, your team's winning. And you're just making it a terrible experience.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm competitive. I want to— I want— I want my—

my—

my— we hit her to fucking rock it.

Yeah. You know how I do that is I swing the fucking bat hard.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm not— I'm not going to go up there like a pussy. I may as well go up there right-handed.

There's something to think about.

Memes and Hank, you guys were there. Do you think he swung too hard last night?

He definitely swings too hard.

He did.

I'm the best hitter on the field.

He made awesome plays in the field. He actually made a play. He made a play. He made a play going back and catching like a Willie Mays catch and then threw the ball back and the guy didn't move off of third base and he goes, I respect his arm. And I was like, fuck yeah, do you do? Fuck yeah, you do.

So yeah, it's, uh, we gotta get you a book to read in the dark.

4-0 though. Yeah, 4-0, 4-0. He did Italian hands at me, that's how mad he was.

Well, I mean, he went like this. Annoying when he does it.

Oh, I like it when he does the, the Wizard of Oz argument hands where he starts shaking his hands like this. Yeah.

Also, for the record, last night I know that it annoys Max, so I was gonna say it no matter what. Like that one, I was gonna—

it annoys everyone. I'm just—

I don't say it to anyone else anymore. I don't say it to anyone else. I said I— the only thing I say is hit the ball on the ground. And that's a fact. Hank, you play 6 years softball now. If you hit the ball on the ground, usually good things happen.

If you're right-handed, yes. Left-handed makes that more difficult. It's a lot easier to make the play unless you're fast.

When we have our worst innings, it's because we just all try to hit.

You're right in the air.

No, I'm just saying, like, yeah, yeah, listen, we're 4-0. Like, we, we, we, we're trying to break up—

don't try to break up this team.

You're the one who breaks up the team.

I'm not. We're 4-0.

You're the one who breaks up—

how am I breaking up the team? We're 4-0.

Like, I only said it to you last game, and then you just like to make content out of it.

It's only you. You keep saying everyone. I only said it to you because I—

because I told you to stop saying it to everyone because everyone else was getting pissed off that when you— that you were saying—

I only said it to you, and I only said it— Hank, is this true? I don't know.

Yeah, pissed off. I think you're the only one that gets hacked.

You don't talk to the guys like I do.

Oh shit, but I only said it one time last year at the first game.

That's a lie. Oh my God, Hank, that's a lie.

One time, maybe a couple times, because we fucking hit it, Hank, in the air.

Admit that he's lying.

I said it a couple times.

You did it like 3 games last year. A couple, a couple times a game. No, no, a couple times a game.

So everyone hates me on the team is what you're saying? No, you're pretty much— you're saying that they hate when you— I don't know.

I don't talk to the guys.

Memes, you talk to the guys. Everyone's complaining about—

Does Memes talk to the guys, Max?

No, they like you. Okay.

They—

but they don't like when you're like, who? When you're like, stop swinging.

Name names.

Everyone.

Who?

You— Hank's everyone. Memes is everyone.

I'm—

no, you're the one who's trying to bring this team down.

No, I'm saying you said everyone and I have two guys sitting right here who have no problem.

I'm not—

Shane almost quit last year because you kept saying it.

No, he didn't. He did.

Yeah, he's pissed.

He was really that pissed?

Yeah.

Shane also wears two batting gloves.

Not anymore. We shamed him out of there.

I think you get the most mad by far. And then you were— sure.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you were, you were yelling at me last night because I'm the only one who's gonna say anything.

What you're not understanding, because he's taking on all the complaints from everybody, all the guys on the team. Got it.

I also haven't said it year. I literally said it the first time last night because Max did swing too hard. I've not said it this year.

Memes, does Max swing too hard?

No, Max can do whatever he wants.

He's so good. Sounds like everyone's intimidated for Max. Sounds like everyone's afraid to say anything to Max.

We've had two games this year where nobody hit except Max.

Yes.

And he won us the game, so he could do, he could do whatever he wants.

Can't wait to eat grits next week.

Big Cat and Hank did scoff at lineup before the game started. I mean, if we're just doing complaints, I mean, whoever made the lineup put our best hitters at the bottom of the lineup, and I don't know, we run—

they— I think I'm—

I was hitting 5. I'm not one of our best hitters.

The person who put him— that was Brian's the one who made the lineup, and he put himself at the bottom of the lineup.

Sometimes it's good to have like a second leadoff batter at the end.

No, he said that he just wasn't hitting well, so he wanted to punish push himself.

I also just like to scoff.

Yeah, true, you are a scoffer.

Scofflaw.

And we are 4-0.

Yeah, you would, you would think that we haven't won a game.

Yeah, that's not true. I, I said we were 4-0.

It's the Eagles.

Two things can be true.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You guys are the worst 4-0 softball team of all time. The vibes couldn't be worse.

Screaming at me, he was like, yeah, never played baseball. Oh, because I said you're, you're such—

you're being a baby You're a fucking baby. We were up 8 runs and you're like, hey, man, you really got to stop.

I actually— that's not true.

That's not true.

I said it after because I knew it would piss you off. And I said you swang too hard.

We got a baby.

Well, like, how was that? How was that good for the team?

Well, it was just for you. I didn't say to anyone else.

Yeah. How was that good?

Because don't you want to be funny? Don't you having this conversation, Max?

Don't you want to be not funny? I was laughing.

There you go. Everyone ever— I talked to everyone on the team. They laughed.

Now you don't talk to the people on the team like Max does.

Big Cat has got beers with the guys one single time.

How many times you got beers?

Every single game.

Okay. And I fucking— I have 3 kids and I got 18.

Yeah, I'll get here.

Thanks, guys.

Sorry, I've only played 3 games.

Thanks. Got 18.

So I've missed beers 3 times. My bad.

Hank's got 18 kids.

I mean, why would I get beers anyway?

Look at Hank in the fucking— with the fucking thing around.

Hank, why would I get beers? Max told me that everyone doesn't like me.

Yeah, that's not— that's crazy.

Why would I get beers?

I said people don't—

I wonder if there's probably a group text.

Oh, definitely, definitely.

He can't be like, you know, you should— you should chug slower.

Yeah, actually, you never chugged in your life, dude.

You'd enjoy that beer more if you drank.

No, Big Cat's much better chugger than me. I wouldn't tell him how to chug.

I wouldn't get upset if you did.

Yeah, you would.

No, I would say I would just be like, okay, I'll chug faster. That's why. Also, 16-inch softball is not baseball.

That's productive.

I think it's actually bad.

No.

Yeah, bad spot now.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. What you just did is you just wrote— you just ruined our our best hitter because now I'm going to be up there. I'm just going to be thinking about you.

I like it. He's Ricky Henderson now. He's talking third person.

Oh, I never said—

I never said my name.

I know, but you refer to yourself like, you know what you just did? You just ruined our best hitter.

Yeah. Yeah.

Meaning you.

He just did. Because now it's going to be a thing and I'm going to like pop out in the first inning of the next game and I'm just going to look on this on the bench and he's going to have this stupid— I might not play. I might. I might be done because he's going to have this stupid fucking grin on his face. And I, and I know it. He has the same fucking grin every single time. He doesn't even say anything.

And that's what— Oh, now I can't exist. Oh, Hank, I understand what you're saying now. I can't even exist. I can't even— I can't even enjoy being out there with the boys.

I may as well— I'll just be designated fielder next game. I'm not going to hit.

That's a lie.

All right. Well, I mean, both of us are out because I— everyone hates be on the team. So I'm out.

I said everyone hates when you tell them how to swing.

That's different. That's different.

I know this year I actually agree. You haven't— you haven't done it this year because I told you not to do it.

And he said, yeah, listen, bitch.

So you're the coach.

Yeah.

So sounds like I can take coaching, but you can't because you told me not to say it anymore. I stopped saying it. That's true.

I told you to stop swinging so hard and you're going to keep swinging.

That's one of them is not coaching.

You can't— I'm coaching Which is that he heard criticism and he adapted with it.

Correct.

You hear criticism, you cover up both ears and you're like, nobody's better than me.

I'm the strongest boy.

It's me, Max. I'm so strong.

Big Cat is—

I hit a home run with poopy pants once.

I did do that. Max, I think you're really good at softball.

No, I'm done with you.

I think you're really good at softball, dude. Dude, you are— you're fucking—

next Fire Facts, Zach, what do you got for us?

Finish us off.

Uh, my Fire Facts this week's gonna be a quick one. I'm, uh, I'm just, you know, I'm 3 days into a lifestyle change and I just can't stop thinking about knish. It's kind of consumed me. Uh, there's a deli down the street from my house and I was opened up to the world of knish probably about 3 weeks ago. It became a mainstay. Uh, honestly almost thought about converting because it's my— it may be my favorite food of all time.

It's so good.

It's one—

it's really good.

What is it? Because I don't even know.

I don't really know what's in the middle. I do like the savory. It's like a meat situation and the potato on the outside.

Sometimes it's like potato with dough around. It's like a— almost like a fried pierogi or like a— like it's— it's a bread and then potatoes in the middle or meat. It's good.

They're like maybe baseball-sized. You can get a tray really quick from this place down the street. And I just— I keep thinking about them like late night, and I don't know if it's an issue or how I'm going to overcome this. And I kind of wish I never ran into them.

It's like a— it's like the cousin of a pierogi and the cousin of an empanada.

You said Convert. What is the Convert to? Yeah, I was going to say, I don't know, just delicious.

Yeah, you might. I mean, it'll solve itself on Saturday, right? They won't be open.

Yeah, they do have weird hours, which is not my favorite part about it. Like sometimes in the middle of the week they'll be like, oh, we close at 3, which I didn't really see coming because there was a couple days where like towards the end of the day, you ever look forward to something when you get home? Yeah, I was looking forward to like, oh, I'll get a 5-pack when I get home. This can be fantastic. And they were closed, so I didn't really know where to pivot from there. I probably can get over this hurdle, but for right now I'm absolutely in the knish zone, and that's my Fyre Festival week.

I do love that every culture has figured out about like their version of this dish, like the kolache or the Hot Pocket. They got the knish. That looks so good. So are they potato knishes? Do they all have potatoes in them and then something else?

From my experience, all potatoes on the outside and then inside like meat.

I don't think I've ever had a meat knish. I've only ever had just the potato one. It's like the ones I had are like mashed potatoes on the inside and then like a fried made some sort of dough on the outside.

Do you dip them?

There's sauce on the side, but I have yet to dip.

See, that's— I would, I would start to explore the sauces. That seems like an entire new lane too.

I feel like the sauce could take away from the integrity though.

Just raw dog in the knishes?

Yeah, when they're warm.

And honestly, when they're cold, they do look pretty good.

You've never had a knish, PFT?

I don't think I have.

They're a big, long, big Long Island thing. There's a lot of good knishes in Long Island.

Yeah, my mom would make them and stuff them with cheese. Really good.

It does look good. I've been a big pierogi guy. I'm a big kolache guy.

Best.

Nothing better. Maybe, maybe knishes.

But all the filled foods are bad for you. Some of the filled foods are the best foods and they're bad for you.

Gushers.

We got to pivot. We got to find a way.

Yeah.

And it starts here.

How many knishes are you putting down a day?

Initially, it was just 2 with the sandwich, but then I just start— the sandwich is okay, so I just started ditching the sandwich and just going a 7-pack.

A 7-pack of canishes. Yeah, but they look pretty big.

One meal a day, just, you know what I mean?

Yeah. So when you're—

yeah, breaking news.

Big Cat has texted the Spring Pugs and said, I just want to apologize. Max said everyone on the team secretly hates my guts for saying don't swing too hard last year when a lot of you guys were playing 16-inch for the first time. I'm really sorry. Won't ever do it again.

That's, that's coachable.

Max has replied, I hate this guy. I think that was, that was supposed to be in your separate group text, that with the one with the guys you actually talk to.

Oh, the separate group text is firing off right now.

Oh yeah. Oh, that's—

I'm—

was that Hank? I mean, like, oh yeah, I apologize. Yeah, like, my bad. Oh, Hank loved it. Our thumbs thumbs up and thank you. Appreciate that. I feel seen.

Wait, I'm about to— I'm about to lob a grenade in here.

This is where this is just in the group. Yeah, well, he was on the roster. He just— yeah, it was something.

I retired. I did Aaron Rodgers. Retired before the season started.

Jack wants to know if you can chew nab with him after. Absolutely not. No, that's my guy. Yeah, one time he told me he swung too hard. I just asked, uh, Quigs's bot that he has in there if there's a second group chat without Big Cat.

Let's, let's see what AI says about this.

Oh, there we go. He responded. No comment on the second chat question yet. Big Cat definitely overcoaches, but he's not buying the beer, so we tolerate it.

Is that true?

I don't know. I paid for the team. Big Cat paid for the league, so yeah, he can overcoach. I don't overcoach. I just—

but Gibby just said he did.

Yeah, because last night All right. Good show, boys. We— oh, Gibby replied. Big—

you already said that this chat's— this bot sucks.

Big Cat, don't sweat it. Max needs to hear this more than anyone. Stop overswinging. You're right last year and you're right now. He went 2 for 2 for infield flies yesterday trying to kill the ball. That's the problem. Give him the same advice.

That's AI. Chat.

I also keep trying to get the AI chat to call 911. I keep trying to command it and Quigs gets freaks out every time. Uh, okay, good show. Numbers. 11. Shane's on the team. Shane, everyone hate me on the team.

I see this is where you just, you just change what I say.

Does everyone hate that I, I told last year, I told them that they swung too hard I haven't heard anything about it till— I haven't said it this year.

Yeah, I didn't.

I didn't say it like maybe a couple of times. Yeah, a couple of times last year. I did not say it.

I didn't say it a couple of times. Hank, if you listen to what Hank said, he said you said it a couple of times a game.

No, I don't say it. I think I said it a couple of times a game. I only played spring last year. But it's also like what I'm just saying out loud. Don't swing too hard.

Who cares?

You can just not listen. Except Max does listen and gets mad. Yep.

I'm happy that you just ruined our team. We're probably not going to win another game.

This is great.

I'm happy you do this every year. I did not do this every year.

I did this last year.

Oh yeah.

Well, how did I ruin the team last year?

We would—

oh, you want to ask Tom Ley?

Yeah. And then we won after that. No, we didn't. Yes, we did. Oh, Big Cat wasn't at the game where Tom took a tumble. Thank you.

That was me.

Yes.

Thank you.

But also, so Well warranted.

Thank you, thank you. Looks like Max is an untrustworthy narrator here.

Looks like Hank ruined the team last year.

Yeah, so take it back, Max. The comic fall was not me. I did not bring that up.

This is the one thing that we do without content, and then we just have to make it content every single day.

This is barely content.

It's an argument between the two of us.

We just did the last 20 minutes. It's an argument between the two of us.

You won 18-6. I made every single play on the field.

I went 1 for 1.

5, and it's like, I went, I did this, I did that.

Yes, because he is the one criticizing me.

I'm not criticizing you.

What do you mean you're not criticizing me?

I said you swung too hard.

Like, what the fuck is that then? How is that not fucking criticism?

Our numbers 77.

I'm quitting. I'm done.

I'm done. No, stop, stop.

I'm done.

Walk away.

Quit.

What finals? Is this 21 finals?

That'll, that'll show coach that I'm serious.

I'll quit.

Yeah, he's not the fucking coach, PFT. He's not the fucking coach. 56.

Oh, anyone got 3?

Is that you?

What'd you say? I mean, did you say 3? All right, damn. 11.

Switch it up.

Let's see one more.

3, 3.

21, 21, 21.

52, 52. No one? Happy birthday to Ray Lewis, Emmitt Smith, Ryan Leaf, John Smoltz. And then Saturday, happy birthday Gardner Minshew. Happy birthday to Janet Jackson and Megan Fox also on Saturday. Saturday. Shout out Megan Fox. Memes.

I got nothing.

Yeah, that's right.

What murder?

Gotcha.

Murder? What murder? He was a good guy.

Love you guys.