Transcript of TJ Oshie, Spurs Force A Game 7, Baseball and Presidents + Fyre Fest Of The Week New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at stellabluecoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of My Take presented by DraftKings, we've got Captain America TJ Oshie on the show talking hockey. We have a Game 7 Spurs-Thunder. The most toxic series in NBA history is going to Game 7. We're going to do some Fyre Fest. We got some other national sports podcast news to talk about.

Christopher Sanchez, the best—

I don't think that's the athlete in the world. I don't think that's the biggest Phillies news of the day.

It might not be, but we'll get to all the Christopher Sanchez incredible— I've been told at gunpoint by Max that we have to lead with Christopher Sanchez. We're not going to lead with him, but we will talk about him.

Thank you.

Uh, and it's all brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Our AWLs know that Chevy Silverado is the official truck of Pardon My Take. That's because Silverado is a truck with grit that shows up every time, built to haul, tow, and take a beating, but smart where it counts with modern tech that makes life easier. Big screens available, camera views that help with towing and parking, and a cabin that feels right whether you're road tripping, heading to practice, or loading up for the weekend. During the season, it's the MVP of the tailgate. After the season, it turns into your training camp truck, hauling gear, tackling home projects, and doing the work that never stops. Because the grind doesn't take breaks, and neither does Silverado. Check out the current offers and build your Silverado at chevy.com. Okay, let's go! Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Friday, May 29th, and we are going to a Game 7, boys and girls. The most toxic series in the NBA is going 7. We're ready.

I don't know if I'd say toxic.

I think it's Oh, it's tough.

I think it's fun. This is good shit.

Oh, it's toxic. It is toxic. You're— how could it not be toxic?

This is— it's just some good shit to watch. Like, this is fun. They're—

wait, but you said you didn't like watching SGA.

I don't. I think, you know, I think when he flops, it sucks ass, right?

But this is like the— between the SGA discourse, Wemby's henchmen, Wemby not going to the— to do media after Game 5, the blowouts. The officiating, it's toxic. Everyone hates everyone. I love every second of it, but it is— it's toxic.

I think it's fun. I think that saying that SGA— I love hating on SGA when he does that. I don't think that's toxic to do. I do think that the series has been fun and that the series has been violent and they clearly don't like each other. And going back to the last game with Wimby ordering the code red and getting in there and saying foul him hard. Knock him on his ass. Jared McCain getting not one but two blocking fouls drawn via his ass, like twerking on people. And the bad blood between Chet and Wimby. And then you go on to X.com, the everything app, and you see guys that you didn't even think would weigh in, like Ty Lawson with a banger tweet like this. 4 things I'd rather do than be a Thunder fan. 1, play hide and go seek with Jeffrey Dahmer in an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese. 2, be a Temu parachute tester. 3, stick my dick in a blender. 4, lick a porta potty toilet seat at Coachella. Y'all are some losers. Just some bad blood. I love it.

And you're saying this isn't toxic?

I love that.

That's the most toxic. Like, you could just admit that it— you could agree with me one time saying that this is toxic.

That Ty Lawson tweet?

The whole thing. That's hilarious. It's a great tweet, but it's okay to say it is toxic.

I guess I don't—

I, I don't know what you mean by toxic because we have people tweeting stuff like that. They want to put their dick in a blender, then be a Thunder fan.

That's sports.

That's the definition of toxic. It's fun. Toxic and fun are not mutually exclusive. The, the discourse is getting insane to a point where Ty Lawson, who I think he has like 5 DUIs allegedly, maybe not all 5, I don't even know what the number is, uh, but yeah, it's okay to be like, yeah, it's toxic. I'm, I'm saying I'm having fun. Yeah, it is toxic.

I think that— I think the discourse is wild. It's, uh, it's, it's crazy. And I'm glad that we get another Game 7 out of it.

Yeah, I mean, it's, uh, yeah, I, I wish the games were actually a little closer. That's the other part. Like, it hasn't been— Game 1, Game 1 was incredible, and then it's just been punch, counterpunch. You thought after Game 5 it looked like Wemby was out of gas. And I will say, like, I, I like Wemby a lot. That's a lame-ass move to not go and talk to the media, especially when you want to be the face of the league, and you will be the face the league and you will probably be the best player for a very long time. You got to just go in and face the music when you have a bad game.

He's a monk. He took a vow of silence.

That is a power move to be like, how are you going to respond to not doing media? I swear the monk outfit in.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, that, that was a good response. But not doing the media is lame.

If he wins Game 7, he can get away with it, right? If he loses, it's going to be a long offseason.

Yeah.

But it's like one of the— like we make— we, we, we criticize Rory when he does this.

Yeah.

Like Rory wants to be the face of golf and then he just doesn't talk. And you're like, well, why aren't you talking? Like, I'm not a big— like, you know, the journalists are like, how can you not talk to the media? We do your job. It's more just when you lose, you got to just face the music. You can give non-answers. Yeah, it's just the act of being there and being like, yeah, I sucked.

Yeah. With Wimby, it's like he's a sore loser, which I think is good that he hates losing this much, that he's going to, like, respond in a way that he'll probably regret later because it means that he cares, at least during the game. Like, he's definitely—

the game—

that he is going to act like a baby and throw a tantrum after it's over. In a way, I like the fact that he cares that much. But then after the game, it's like the bare minimum. Just show up and just like you can give non-answers, right? And you can be a dick at the podium and then everybody be like, okay, but you got— you do have to face the music, right?

It's also if you're a role player, no one's going to be like, how did he not go? Yeah. You know, how did he not get up there and talk to the people? How did, you know, Carter Bryant not talk to the people after Game 5? No, but it's Wemby. He wants to be the face. He's going to be the face of the league. Future face of this league.

You know what's crazy is that the Spurs have almost been better in the last couple games since they've won. Uh, they've almost been better when Wimby's not on the court. They just kind of like, they, they pour it on. I'm not saying that they're a better team without him. I'm saying that they've gone on some serious runs with Wimby on the bench.

I don't know.

They've exploited those minutes.

Sounds like you might be saying they're better.

No, no, I don't.

Yeah, you're starting to.

That's—

then, then we can get the takes going.

I'm not ready to unveil that take yet. That's, that's a bomb that I'm gonna have to save in my back pocket for after they win like a couple championships. Yeah, but the fact is that they did really well in terms of like they extended the lead in the first and third quarters tonight.

Tonight I would say that's, that's definitely the case.

And in the last game that they won two games ago, they had—

yeah, it's game five. They were not— Luke Kornet was a minus and Wemby was a minus. Wemby was, was bad as well. But yeah, no, they were not. They weren't better with him off the court. Game 5?

No, I said this game and the last one that they won.

Got it.

Those two games, they were— they— I don't know, I'm not ready to say they were better with him off the court, but it's— if they're able to extend the lead and not lose any ground at all with Wimby on the bench, then there's no chance in hell they're going to lose that game.

Yeah, Luke Kornet was— yeah, I mean, that game— I think Game 4, Luke Kornet wasn't great either. But yes, tonight, yes, that, that did happen. They killed them.

They—

the Thunders didn't come out in the second half. I thought because it started the game, the Spurs hit 8 threes in the first quarter and it was like, okay, this isn't sustainable. The ball's just going in every single time they put it up. And you thought going into halftime, it's like, this is a, this is a close enough game where if they cool down a little bit, just went reverse. The Thunder just didn't score forever.

Yeah, in the third quarter, the Spurs went on a 20-nothing run. The Thunder did not score for 7 minutes 27 seconds of game clock, 11 unanswered with Wemby Nyama on the bench.

Yeah, so I think it was tonight was when— because I, I know game 4, I'm pretty sure when they won game 4, Luke Kornet was still like a minus and Wemby was a significant plus in the plus-minus, like on court. They were just trying to survive those minutes of Wemby being off the court. But tonight, yes, tonight they were just, they were just better all around. And I I don't know if it's— I, if you had to go gun to your head, I think the Thunder probably win Game 7 because it is like they have felt like they have met championship moments and maybe this was one of those situations where they're like, hey, we know that we can just go and win Game 7. But you always, you never want to play with fire like that when you're in a single game elimination against Victor Wembenyama. Anything can happen. And they get a— they know they don't get an extra night off. It's Saturday night.

I think that the Thunder win and they win easily. Yeah, Game 7.

Yeah, I mean, it has been— this series has been blowouts. Yeah, for the most part.

And we're seeing that a lot. It's like game extended series, but the games themselves aren't particularly close.

Yeah. And you had Game 5. I mean, Caruso was incredible again. That feels like whenever, whenever the Thunder at home, the role players are just awesome. And yeah, listen, I'm just happy we have something happening on the weekend because we had a We're staring at no sports.

Whose line is it anyway? I haven't looked.

I'm going to guess under -6. 5.5, 4.5, 5.5. He's saying 6.

4. I should have gone for—

yeah, damn it. Damn it. We also had the— we're— hopefully this is not the last we'll see the tits, but it could be because if the Spurs get bounced, that's it.

They got— you got to have tits in the finals. Like last year, we successfully bullied Adam Silver over to putting the trophy on the court. Adam, can we get tits behind every coach?

Yeah, Matt, MSG, there's gotta be some tits.

Yeah, do you see these tits tonight? There's some amazing tits.

Yeah, those are some nice tits.

A lot of dudes getting horny about the tits online. Turns out they were— it was actually Max's butt crack that memes photoshopped onto the cleavage.

You guys are disgusting. Disgusting.

The two of you are disgustingly funny.

We like to have fun online.

Yeah, no, you guys are sick.

Yeah. Sick like a sick, sick like a fox.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sick like a fox.

Insert the meme of Kevin Durant with the oxygen going into his nose. Yeah, I'm sick.

No, they're like sick. They're like ill. That's how funny their jokes are.

You looked at a picture of tits and said, you know, would make these tits better if they were Max's butthole.

Great point by Hank.

Well, that's not great point by Hank. Not a good point. Not a good point.

What I— Memes saw the tits and he goes, boobs. And then he took a screenshot and he was going to post the boobs. And then, you know, obviously he had posted the Max Photoshop of the face onto the coach. And I was like, Memes, you know, it'd be funny if we did just a tit swap, a cleavage swap instead of the face swap. And instead of tits, it was butt crack. And then everybody that is like, oh, look how hot those tits are, we're like, actually, that's Max's butt crack that you just got horny to and probably jerked off to.

Listen, PFT and memes. It happens to guys where this series has gone deep. They've stared at the same 4 breasts every single time the games have been in San Antonio. They got a little tired of staring at those breasts and they said, let me just try a dude for a second. What's wrong with that?

It's a scale. You ever hear the Kinsey scale?

Yeah. They were just like, let's spice it up a little and we'll just— we'll just go with Max's butt crack.

Curves are curves, man.

I'm excited for Game 7. The other news is Mitchell Robinson has a broken pinky. Memes, are you— how are you doing?

So this sucks, but, but it sucks if he doesn't play.

Like, I wouldn't understand that. But if he does play and just tapes it up, I don't think it affects his game at all because he can't shoot because he doesn't shoot. He doesn't dribble, right? All he does is play defense. Race. What's he going to miss some free throws?

Yeah, just shoot it with your left hand. Yeah, it is not a bad idea.

It's going to affect the alley-oop with his grip. But how did you say that?

The alley-oop?

The alley-oop?

Yeah, that's a very—

that's the Muhammad Ali.

That's a country way to say the alley-oop.

What was that?

You love to pronounce things strangely, like every now and then. Real bad.

That was crazy, dude. That's the alley-oop.

Bob Bergquist playing fucking basketball.

Yeah, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Skater. Yeah, um, that's a dude that you just— you just described the future Dude Perfect trick, the ollie hoop.

They've done that.

Memes. I think, uh, knowing Mitchell Robinson, he's probably gonna play through it. I don't think he's the kind of guy that would— he would— he would make fun of somebody else for missing an NBA Finals game with a broken pinky. I don't think he's gonna miss this one. I think he's probably gonna shoot it up. It might affect how he's able to grip the ball. The pinky is probably pretty important for that. But yeah, honestly, like, it's his shooting. Who cares if it affects his shooting? It might make it better and he'll still be able to play defense. The only thing that concerns me is the timing of this, why they announced that he has a broken pinky finger right now as opposed to a couple of days ago. So I don't know.

It happened today.

I think it was in the game. No, not in the second quarter.

Oh, okay. So maybe he just waited to get some Wait, he waited to get some x-rays?

Maybe just like rub some grease on it, some, some dirt.

Yeah, that is kind of weird.

A couple of days later, he's like, it's not healing, coach.

They should have done the Sean Payton. They should have announced it right after the game.

Yeah.

Hey, listen, Mitchell Robinson, we, I know we just won the Eastern Conference Finals. Mitchell Robinson, broken pinky.

It's slightly concerning given that I've heard, I've heard a couple of Knicks fans around the office say that they've got the Wimby stopper.

Mm.

And Mitchell Robinson. So I don't know what you think about that.

Are you— does this injury change who you guys are rooting for in Game 7, Memes and Zach? No. Okay.

No.

What if he doesn't play?

He's got to play. He's a competitor.

He will play at some capacity. But what if he doesn't play? What if he doesn't play? We're going small.

But does that change who you want to play?

Yes. That's what I'm asking. We're going small and then we're playing magnet ball. Right. But does it change who you want to play? You have to go small.

It would be better to go.

Yeah.

If we're going small, it's better to go against OKC.

Yeah.

The Thunder have Chet and Hartenstein. So Hartenstein's floater, by the way.

It's nice.

He's so good.

I feel like you're going to want Mitchell no matter who you play. Yeah, we got, we got Hach-Porte.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, let's talk about him.

He's good. Doesn't play much. OK, he's ready to go fresh.

He's fresh, fresh. But you can put OG at the 5. But that's, that's like worst case.

Listen, you're just focused on your Villanova Wildcats. Yeah, the greatest, the greatest basketball program. So Memes and Memes have been fighting today because Memes is trying to basically take Villanova as his school. Max was like, at one point I was sitting there.

I'm, I'm good with me.

No, I know. But he's also kind of—

he's trying to know what you keep being like. No, this is my school. Yeah, right. This is incorrect.

I just Her take is that actually it proves that Jay Wright not that great of a coach.

Yeah.

But then his argument was, well, Mike Brown had LeBron and LeBron and he never won with him, which made no sense.

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. No, that was different argument. I just don't know.

That was, that was the argument.

I just heard a hand slap and Max just said, why?

How did he never win with LeBron?

Remember LeBron pushed him? Yeah. LeBron didn't buy into the system. Yeah. I just heard a hand slap and Max goes, I was a senior when they won the championship.

And he was like, yeah, the '18 championship is mine. I was like, I was there. I was, I was on campus when they won. So it's, it's literally mine.

But anybody, any coach could have won with that lineup, Max. That's what it means.

What are we even— what are we even talking about?

There's so many NBA players on that roster. It's the best.

It's the best college basketball roster of all time.

Agreed.

And they're mine. And they're—

they're all yours.

You guys aren't— you guys aren't even doing it right.

I need you guys in Villanova sweat— sweaters, like classy ones.

Like, I'm in. Memes, the amount of— I have bet on the Jets every single year because of you.

We got the Jets, we got the Villanova.

The thing about Memes, though, is like all that goes out the window once he starts winning. He will not give a shit about any support you gave him in the past. He's going to be like, yeah, that was—

I'm giving him support. I'm like, yeah, let's, let's, let's hop on the Villanova bandwagon.

Let's go.

And he's like, he's like, no, your thing, that's mine.

Yeah, that's your favorite memory.

It's mine.

Yeah, but you undersell it.

They were so good. Me, me, he's a real fan here.

You give memes like a tiny bit of power.

I—

you didn't even watch it.

I watched every single game that I had. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever.

Also, oh, back to my original point. I mean, We have it. It is a toxic series because we have the Underdog getting sued, cease and desisted by SGA.

I agree with SGA on that.

I do too. But that's toxic, like that we're at this point where Underdog is making fake AI ads about SGA flopping and then cease and desisting. First of all, it's a lame move to cease and desist for anything like, for example, a juicy fart that did or did not happen. But yeah, I— SGA, like, they are making money off SGA's NIL and disparaging it.

Yeah, if they're running a contest on their website, that's, that's making fun of his flopping, then yeah, he's got every right to be like, no, you can't make money using images and highlights of me falling on the ground like an asshole. You can't make money off that. I can make money off that.

It's Streisand effect. A little bit, but I think most people— but, but this is where we're at, where we have fake games.

Uh, what do we know about the, about the possible refs for Game 7? Like, if you're the Thunder, is there one guy that you're hoping to see? Is it Brothers?

Do we—

are they hoping that we get Brothers out there? I know that he's got a little thing with, with Dort. I feel like Brothers is the guy. Brothers, if you're Oklahoma City, you want Brothers.

Yeah.

He had his— yeah, his little, his little look at Dort the other night.

That was—

yeah, that was pretty funny.

Dort needs to step up. That's my step up of the, of the Game 7.

I don't know how much he can step up because Dort— the problem with Lou Dort, and I love Lou Dort, Dorture Chamber guy since day one, though, when Lou Dort makes his first 3, you're in, you're in for a long night because he's going to double-check, triple-check, quadruple-check to see if he's Steph Curry that night. And he's not. But he's going to make sure that he finds out if he is or not.

He's going to foul. He's going to— he's going to do dirty shit. He's going to get his hair pulled. He's going to— he's going to be all over the screen. Yeah, I'm very excited to see. I think that there's going to be some fireworks in Game 7. I hope it's a close game. I don't think that will be, but I'm hoping that we get a good quality Game 7.

Also in Game 5, because we didn't talk about it, Jared McCain was very good, started and Listen, there's been some funny discourse. I saw this from Miles Brown. He tweeted after the game, if McCain played for any other team, he'd be a lovable, scrappy dog. But now he's just Hitler's corgi. Talking about him playing on the Thunder. It's pretty good.

Pretty good.

Yeah, he's kind of like a mascot.

Yeah, he is, dude. He's strong. He's like got— he's got ass strength.

I'm telling you, when he— when he threw his ass backwards, like he drew that foul. That was a little much via twerking. That's, that's some next level shit.

That was an old, that was an old Chris Paul, James Harden move where they just get in front of the guy and then you just stop and you're like, oh, that's a foul.

Hit the brakes.

Body on body. But yeah, it's getting physical. We had that foul on that, that foul on SGA tonight, tonight where it was just like a forearm shiver.

It's good. I mean, we got— yeah, there might be just a straight up fight.

Yeah, we're so far gone. Jason McIntyre was like, oh, here goes SGA with his flopping again after he got just fucking dead. Oh, it's great. It's good theater. It's fun times. Uh, Game 7 is gonna be great. And, uh, we just got to get Mitchell Robinson's pinky fixed. How— what is it? What is it? This is such a weird time for you guys, Memes and Zach, where it's like, it's the extended rest. This is going perfectly, but you're on such a hot streak and now you're just not— your team just doesn't play for 10 days. That's, that's kind of a bummer. You kind of want to see him play. Now, if they would have moved it up, they would have started the finals at the same time no matter what. But you're probably like, hey, let's get this thing on.

Yeah, no, this is an extremely weird playoffs for me personally, just because they're so dominant.

You guys have— you guys have more, more like weeks without basketball than with basketball.

The series are coming like bursts, like, boop, series, boop, series. We're just waiting for the next one.

Cute as fuck. Boop, series. I like that.

It's week on, week off.

Yeah. Okay, let's talk some other sports stuff that's going on before we do that.

Jason McIntyre blocked me. Oh no. When did that happen?

Oh no.

What a disaster this is.

Probably sick of you tweeting about assholes.

You probably saw your tits.

He jerked off.

He jerked off and he was like, oh shit, PFT turned me gay.

Mm-hmm.

Better block him so that doesn't happen.

I got to get rid of this. I got to hide all the evidence.

Yeah, it's all right. Hey, listen, cleavage is cleavage if it's a boob or a butt.

Yeah.

The Shea flopping again. Here we go.

That was right after he got got absolutely decked because I tweeted out that clip and I said, what a terrible flop by SGA, as a joke. But I think he might have been serious.

Oh, I think he was because he's been hard on the— there's been a lot of line in the sand.

Yeah, he was—

media members were like— media members have been like, this is what I'm saying and I'm never moving off of this.

Uh, he was being—

the truth is somewhere in the middle.

I, I played essentially— I, I did the highlight of Oklahoma drill. Yeah, it was like, what a flop.

It's been a great series for people recording their TVs. Did you see the clip of the— I think it was just the angle, but it looked like Wemby was pulling Lutort's hair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think he actually was.

No, he did it. He got his shoulders. I know.

But this is— we're living in just basically a beautiful time for people to pull out their camera and take some quick film of their TV and being like, does this— did this actually happen? Are we seeing this correctly?

Yeah, you can make up whatever you want.

It does kind of look like it.

I'll tell you this. If you actually did pull Luke Dort's hair, he would— he would not have taken it like that. No, he would have put a— he would have put his heel into your groin. No.

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We have one of the, uh, entries to the Stanley Cup Final in the Vegas VGK, the Vegas Golden Knights. We're going to talk more hockey with TJ Oshie, but congrats to them. A dominant sweep of the Avs and the Golden Knights are— it's pretty shocking the fact that they have been a franchise for 9 years and this is their third trip to the Stanley Cup Final. They have won one, lost one. This is their third. They have also uh, gone to the playoffs. In those 9 years, they have missed playoffs one single time. It's a crazy run by them too because they've looked so good in the playoffs, and they are a team that, you know, was injured, had struggled during the regular season, fired their coach. If they were in the East, they wouldn't have made the playoffs. Yeah, in terms of points that they had. Yeah, they won 39 games, uh, in, in regulation this year, and It's pretty nuts.

So Caps had more wins than them and they didn't make the playoffs.

Yeah, no, they had 95 points, but the Caps had 95 points as well.

They know how to get it done in the playoffs.

And I—

my big takeaway from this, yeah, the Avs had some bad injury luck. They looked like they were going to be a much better team. I agree with the people now that say that the seeding in the playoffs in hockey screwed up. Yeah, I hate it. I don't like it. You get noncompetitive series the later you get in the playoffs. It should be the opposite. They're trying to do the thing where you have the constant rivalries where you get the same teams playing each other year after year to develop those storylines. That's going to happen if the teams are good enough, right? You're going to get those rivalries if the teams are good enough and they'll happen later on the playoffs where they mean more. The fact that it's, it's reached this point where we're getting noncompetitive series in the conference finals on a pretty regular basis is very bad for the—

the Wild and Stars had to play in the first round.

Yeah.

And they were significantly better than the Knights in the regular season. Yeah. So yeah, and it's, uh, but the Knights deserve a ton of credit. They're a model franchise. There's a, there's some revisionist history going around of people being like, well, the, the, the expansion draft was rigged for them. I, I, our good friend Liam Bluttman, who, uh, is a diehard VGK guy, he's, he's shown me that like at the time of the expansion draft, that was not the take by anyone. Everyone was like, they fucked up this draft, the Knights are going to be bad. And so you can't just go back and be like, oh, well, it was rigged for them. No, they just made good deals at the time, and, and people shit on them, and turned out they built a good organization.

They had Fleury, right? He was, he was, he was in that draft. Yeah, but no, it, at the time, it was remarkable that they made the Stanley Cup Finals.

Yeah, yeah. So they're, they're in, um, and then it looks like the Hurricanes are going Probably.

Yeah.

I don't see them giving up the series to the Canadiens.

And so, yeah, we're going to have a conversation about the ratings disaster because it's two of these markets. I don't really care.

Don't care. Don't— I don't care about that. You think— I mean, the ratings would be huge if it was a Canadian team.

Yeah. Playing the Canadiens come back.

Yeah.

They don't look like— I think it feels like every single game they're getting outshot by like 40.

That's what happens.

That's what happens.

You're just— I'm very—

you gotta shoot the puck to get to score it.

I'm stupid when it comes to hockey, but I do know this, that when you play against the Hurricanes, if you get chances early in the game, you have to score early in the game. And if you don't, then you're absolutely fucked. If you, if you like hit the post twice in the first period and you have these chances that are right on the doorstep and you don't capitalize, you're fucked. You're not going to win the game. You have to score early and then you have a shot.

It looks— Max just gave a look because he's looking it up. It looks like a glitch. They were, they were outshot, uh, last night they were outshot 44-18, and then, uh, Game 3 they were outshot 39-13. What was Game 2? Game 2 was, I think it was 28-12. It's crazy. They're— that's just the style they play. They're just on your ass. So frustrating.

26-12.

And we're gonna, we're gonna talk more with shots in the game.

I feel is nothing.

Yeah, I mean, 39-13 is crazy. Um, so yeah, we're excited. I know nothing, by the way.

I don't even know why I tried to comment on that.

No, no, it's okay. I just saw your face when you're looking at it.

Flared up.

Yeah, you fired up. Hey, Max, you know what you can comment on? Christopher Sanchez.

35 minutes is too far into this show for us to be talking, talking about— not talk about Christopher Sanchez. But yeah, he's a hell of a ball player. He's a hell of a ballplayer. He's going and he's on a historic run right now.

He broke a record that was previously held by a president.

Grover Cleveland.

Grover Cleveland Alexander.

Same.

Yeah, same name. Yeah, basically the same guy.

But, but there was a lot of people, myself included, who saw the stat and was like, wait, was that a president?

Yeah. Every president in the 1800s was actually in Major League Baseball.

Yeah. They know they either played— they either were the captain of, of a 12-0 Michigan football team that beat the YMCA of Detroit, or they played 15 years in for, for Major League Baseball.

They played like 4, 4 years at Yale. But all those stats count as Major League stats because there was no official Major League Baseball. Yeah, they were kind of guys.

They played 4 years at Yale, did 30 years of active duty, and then was the president. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Back when men were men.

Yeah, men were men. And then they died because they forgot to put on a coat in a light drizzle.

Yeah, but also it's kind of some pussy shit if you're going to wear a coat.

Was it— who's the guy?

William Henry Harrison died in like 40 days.

His inauguration speech. Yeah. He's like, no, it's not cold.

Yeah. He was like, I'm not a bitch. I can't be a bitch in front of the people. They want to see me without my coat.

Yeah.

And I'm going to give the people what they want.

There also was— I saw there. I don't know why this popped up in my feed. This is, by the way, this all counts as Christopher Sanchez talk.

We're not talking anything about Christopher Sanchez. I'm waiting for you guys to stop with this.

There was a president that we, we exhumed.

We dug up his bones.

Yeah, because we thought he was poisoned, but it turns out he just— he ate too many cherries and drank too much milk.

Who was that? Was that Chester Arthur?

Maybe one of those old guys. I saw it, but they're like, nah, dude, he just— he just ate way too many cherries and too much milk.

I mean, JFK, lead poisoning. Yeah, so he died.

True.

Technically.

So Christopher Sanchez, he's 44 and 2/3 innings straight without giving up a run. That's a lot of— that's a lot of innings. He hasn't given up a run in the month of May. 0 runs. And in that span, he's gone 8 innings, 10K, 10K, 7 innings, 7K, 9 innings, 13K, 8 innings, 6K, 7 innings, 9Ks. 5 straight games of going— of going at least 7 innings without giving up a run. He's the only person in the past, I think, 100 years to go to go a full month without giving up a run while having 5 starts.

Grover Cleveland did it twice on 2 non-consecutive occasions.

That's not it. That's incorrect.

Okay.

You're just making things up.

You said that really— you said that to a point that I believed you.

I'm just doing historical president facts here. Before the T-man, he was the only guy to get elected twice with a guy in between.

Oh, you're talking—

I don't—

I didn't even know this guy was the president.

You're not saying Alexander.

Grover.

Yeah.

Grover. Grover. Yeah. Shout out Grover. Great record.

That was a really long time, by the way. He wasn't a president.

Stop talking about the president.

You aren't saying his full name. Grover Cleveland was a president. Grover Cleveland Alexander was the ballplayer. And I do mean ballplayer. That's what they were back then.

Zachary Taylor was the Exum president.

Zachary Taylor. Thank you.

Shout out Christopher Sanchez. He's still on this historic run. There's a chance he breaks the whole record.

So there's a chance he breaks the record. That's Oral Hershiser's record.

Correct. He's still a long way away.

That is actually probably the best name in baseball history.

It's pretty damn good.

It's German for liquor poop.

But he's—

I think he's 2 innings— Sanchez is 2 innings away from top 5 and all the other guys played in like the 1800s.

Yeah.

So shout out Christopher Sanchez.

Shout out.

Shout out Christopher Sanchez. Also Grover Cleveland. He was the mayor of Buffalo.

We were told— we've talked way more about Grover Cleveland than we have Christopher Sanchez.

Are you talking about the president?

Yeah, the president. Good for Buffalo. That's a win. Yeah, that's basically a Super Bowl win for Buffalo.

Great.

Oh, they called Grover Cleveland Alexander, was also known as Alexander the Great and Old Pete. And Old Pete.

Yeah, Old Pete. That makes no sense.

Pete, how about that?

Oral was pitching in the '80s, '90s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So Max just said it's not since, you know, the 1800s.

Well, for the Phillies.

For the Phillies.

And Phil— in Phil— fighting history.

Yeah.

Oh, shit. I may have got that wrong. Let me just say this real quick. Grover Cleveland, pretty attractive wife, which that, that wasn't a guaranteed thing for presidents back then. There were some handsome first ladies back then. Frances Folsom Cleveland. Not bad.

Frances Folsom Cleveland.

Good job.

There's also— so Grover Cleveland Alexander's mom was named Maggie Coody. How about that?

Oh, okay.

Shout out, Mags.

Oh, Grover Cleveland died from cancer. I didn't know they had— they diagnosed cancer.

I think it's just like old— like this guy's— he's got the consumption.

Yeah.

He was—

he should have had all those cigars. Mm-hmm. What do you say?

He was 50. She was 21. A little bit of a gap there for Grover.

That's a big time gap. I've tried so hard to do right. He's all right. That's what he does. His last words. I've tried so hard to do right. Not bad. Last words.

It's kind of sad, though.

Yeah. Like, I like—

there's like a but maybe there's a but there that he just—

he died before the but. But I'm really a fucking moron. Mm-hmm.

And but it doesn't always work out that way.

I've tried so hard to do right, but I'm also a hell of a ballplayer. Over Cleveland.

Speaking—

Alexander.

Speaking of presidents, did you know that Grover Cleveland Alexander was the subject of a 1952 biographical film called The Winning Team, where he was played by Ronald Reagan?

Wow.

Who would then go on to become president.

Wow.

For one U.S. president and then portrayed by another. How about that?

And also, did you know that Lincoln's secretary was Kennedy? And Kennedy— Max, how'd you think this was gonna go when you were demanded to have Christopher Sanchez?

I've got another Phillies fact.

I mean, it's—

you guys just don't like talking baseball. You know what, Max, here, I got a question for you. So Christopher Sanchez—

wait, did you— was this—

was this a—

was this a play?

Was it? No, it actually wasn't. This is a true riff between the two of us.

Where did you guys get all this information? Well, started looking it up, but it looks like you guys came prepared with Grover Cleveland stats.

I saw the cherries and milk thing for Zachary Taylor like a couple days ago. That stuck with me. I'm not gonna do that combo ever again. Cherries and milk.

I, I'm not gonna lie, I haven't paid attention to any of your actual Grover Cleveland.

Let me ask you a question here, Max. The Phillies, uh, in the last 2 days, how many games have they won?

Including today?

Yeah. 1. OK, because the Cubs have actually won 3 in the last 2 days. They've won 2 baseball games. And also we beat a pedophile. So how you like them apples?

Well, Philly didn't play today.

You didn't see a pedophile today. Did you?

Did you get him? Did you? Did you out a pedophile? Because the Cubs fan base did. Bleacher Jeff did. What?

White Sox Dave?

That's some—

Yeah, listen, our guy White Sox Dave might have defended a pedophile for a minute before before he knew that he was a pedophile. But yeah, we had a similar Pickensburgh Icy Vert where it was, uh, it was oppressed. It was— I don't—

I feel like that's—

well, the fact that there was a convicted pedophile involved was pretty—

I know, I feel like that's, that's a disservice to Icy, Icy Vert and Pickensburgh. I don't think either of them are, are pedophiles.

No, no, I'm saying in terms of Twitter fan bases being like, we're gonna meet up and fight. Oh, it was Bleacher Jeff and a White Sox fan planning on meeting at Wrigleyville Dogs to have to fight. And then before that could happen, someone was like, hey, wait a second, are you a pedophile? And the guy was like, yeah, I'm not showing up. Yeah, so yeah, that win for the Cubs.

That guy should not—

yeah, no doubt. Yeah, well, I think what he thought in his head, because Bleacher Jeff is a, uh, controversial figure in in the Cubs community, which I have no problem with him because it's like one of those things that anytime you get a, like a celebrity fan, it just, it tickles me. It's like Marlins Man and Fall Ball Guy because he's, he's the one who did a GoFundMe to have people pay for his trip to Japan to see the Cubs play on opening day. And people were very upset about that. That's a situation where just close your eyes, you know what I mean? Right. Don't donate. So people were, people don't, there's a lot of people who don't like Bleacher Jeff. I think the pedophile was like, now's my time to strike. People are mad about this GoFundMe thing. They'll forget about the whole I'm a pedophile. Turns out people don't forget that.

That's the one that people latch on to more so than the other.

GoFundMe versus pedophilia. Yeah, I think that's always going to not go your way.

And I think the other guy deactivated too, which is probably good. That guy probably shouldn't be online.

Yep.

You should probably stay off dial-up, even just log off for that guy. Max, I got another fun Philly fact for you. You want to do two? You want to do—

you, you led the show with this.

Two rounds of Philly facts.

We're weaving right now. We're doing some idiot jazz. Yeah.

No, it's going to come back making me look like an asshole.

No, no. I already made boobs look like an asshole. I'm not going to do that to you too. Fun Philly fact number two.

This is going to be mean.

This is going to be mean.

No, it's not mean at all. The Houston Astros threw a combined no-hitter against the Tampa Bay Rays. How about that? What does that remind you of?

Are you— I'm— wait, do you not remember that we already did this?

Hmm.

Did we? When was that?

Oh, dude, you're getting old, man.

This is bad.

This is bad.

This is my— this is my long day where I gotta wake up.

I wish I could defend you here, dude.

Thursday, gotta wait.

We did a break, moves, and we did the no-hitter bit. Last show?

Thursdays I gotta wake up. It's been a long day.

Oh, fuck.

Did it happen though?

It—

yeah, it happened.

It happened on, uh, it happened on Monday while we were recording, and then we, we said it out loud.

Oh, it was—

and it wasn't, it wasn't against the Rays either, it was against the Rangers.

Oh, I thought it was against the Rays.

Yeah, listen, again, sometimes you swing and a miss, sometimes—

what time did you get up today, Max? Yeah, yeah.

7:30.

Okay.

You probably woke up, took a bath.

Nah.

Spent 3 hours getting out of your apartment.

Walk my dog.

Got married a few times.

Got right.

Yeah.

Came to work.

Couple bachelor parties.

Yeah. A lot of wedding stuff.

I don't remember what happened on Monday. Monday was— that's not even a show day.

Yeah, we did. It has been a weird week.

Yeah.

I spent all of Tuesday being like, are we about to record? Oh wait, we're not recording today. But yeah, we did. We did. We did Breaking News. We were— we were in these seats when it happened.

It's completely gone.

Grover Cleveland, do you think he's got any, like, like, great—

All right, let's get on to the rest of the show.

He does get on the show.

Oh, it was a private life. This is an entrepreneur. But he—

wait, wait, he's— are you serious?

He's not alive, is he? No.

George Cleveland?

No, he said— I'm saying if he has any grandkids, we'd have them on the show.

He's got a descendant, George Cleveland. Yeah, he's a grandson, George Cleveland.

That's a strong name.

Yeah.

Streams on Kick.

Ben Cleveland, the offensive lineman. Wonder if he's got anything. George Cleveland. Oh my God, he looks exactly like him. That's a guy you can trust.

That's the grandson of the president.

Yeah. We got to get him on. George Cleveland.

I wonder. Yeah, we should. We should try to do that with as many different presidents great-great-grandchildren as possible.

It's not a lot, I don't think. Yeah. Okay. I— let's just jump around real quick. I had no problem with J.J. McCarthy. I think they're trying to— they're trying to pin something on Nine that's not fair. If anyone missed it, there was a clip that was mashed up. Kyler Murray and J.J. McCarthy both talking about each other. Kyler Murray said— they were asked like, what's it like? He's like, you know, I've been in the league, I'm a veteran, just trying to help JJ McCarthy any way I can, uh, being a good teammate, all this stuff. Then they asked JJ McCarthy, he's like, it's like being in school, we're just sitting on opposite sides of the room, we don't really interact. What is he supposed to say? You brought in Kyler Murray because you don't believe— like, he's not gonna be like, yeah, I love having him here, the guy who will most likely take my job if things go bad.

I think if you listen to what they both said, it sounds like Kyler Murray gave the politically correct answer that quarterbacks are trained to answer with. And it sounds like JJ just kind of gave an honest answer.

Yep.

That made him sound like a dick compared to what Kyler said.

Exactly.

I think if you were to figure out what the actual truth is, I don't know that they're exactly— I don't think that Kyler is like helping JJ out or like training him to take his job because Kyler is looking at this as his opportunity to extend his career as well. So yeah, it's a— I think you would ideally like your quarterback to be more polished like Kyler, like the way that he answers in an ideal world.

But I have—

but also that was JJ answering. That wasn't Nine.

I also— this is where I have no problem with it because I think we're all hypocritical when it comes to like how athletes talk, where we will be like, oh yeah, JJ McCarthy, this is like bullshit. He's not being a good teammate. And then we get mad when athletes give cliché answers. That's not fair. He gave it. He gave his honest answer. We should embrace that. We should be like, hey, thank you for your honest answer.

I think, I think JJ was also just like describing physically what was happening. He's like, I'm a guy in a room and he's a guy that's in the same room as me, right? Like, good luck proving that one incorrect, right? Have fun with your fact check.

We are actually in the same room.

We're in the same room and we study the same things. We play the same position. I'm 9. He's 5'9" and we're going at it.

That's, that's generous.

Kyler does look a little itty-bitty in the purple.

Mm-hmm. What's going to happen with Josh Jacobs? That's a bad one.

That's a bad one.

That's a bad one.

It's a bad one.

The Chargers are good. Oh yeah, the Chargers are like, I hate the Packers. The Chargers are bad. You can't really make jokes about these charges. Like, if they're true, bad, really, really bad. Mm-hmm. It also like came out and it felt like it was— there was a gap in the reporting, did it not?

I don't know. It just seemed like it happened and then we found out like 2 days later, there are multiple neighbors that were reporting it. It doesn't seem good.

It's bad. It's bad. OK, anything else before we get to TJ O'Shea? What do we got? I don't know.

I don't want to say anything because we probably talked about it on like last Friday.

Oh. I got one for you, PFT. Is our coach leaving?

Yeah, but this is normal.

So yeah, this is crazy.

No, this is, this is how it happens.

Our US coach is leaving?

Yeah, after the World Cup.

This is supposed to be the guy.

This happens like every time.

I don't—

I— can he, can he wait? Can he wait till we compete in the World Cup? Yeah, he announced he's leaving.

He's— he did not announce that he's leaving.

It's a clop.

But he's— so how do I know that he's leaving?

Well, he's open to taking other jobs and AC Milan is considering him.

Dude, does AC— we got the World Cup in 2 weeks.

Does AC Milan play while the US World Cup team plays? Why can't he do both?

He's not— he's not like interviewing, he's not spending time with him.

I was about to ask that same question.

Wait, it just says head coach met with representatives from AC Milan.

Okay, so why are you doing that?

Like Steve Kerr does Warriors and US basketball, right?

But he's leaving. He's going to leave. We're about to play the World Cup. Like, we're about to play in the World Cup.

I mean, yeah, he should be game planning, right?

He's taking me— it'd be like Steve Kerr running a USA basketball, uh, practice right before the NBA Finals. I mean, it'd be like not doing that.

An offensive and defensive coordinator for a Super Bowl team is taking interviews during the week, but he's a head coach. He is a head coach.

That's not— that's not the same as an offense. And this is—

this is more than a team. This is your country, right?

Well, it's not his country. He's from Argentina. So why the fuck?

But he can't wait because—

wait, because this is how it works. Like every other coach— coaches in soccer, they leave after the World Cup. Most of them don't stick around like continuously as—

I understand that there isn't one— he can't wait—

US coach that could coach this team.

He can't wait.

Oh, we've tried that, Hank.

We've tried that a few times. But you're saying he can't wait. He has to take these meetings now.

I don't know when he took the meetings.

I mean, it was reported that he took the meeting like yesterday.

Well, that's when the report came out. I don't think he was necessarily like— he's not flying overseas.

He might—

there we go, Roger Bennett agrees with me.

He might be taking phone calls.

Pochettino meeting with AC Milan is unfair to the US team. Love that.

I think that this—

my instinct's right.

I think that there's a lot of talk going on. Like, the email thing was a bunch of shit. What do you want your coach to do? Like, there's no way that that conversation is going to go well no matter what. Him sending an email versus like making a phone call where the guy's like, oh shit, that sucks. All right, thanks for calling me. I appreciate— like, nobody cares about that. What people care about is once the games get started, getting these guys on the right foot, getting some momentum going. Every coach interviews to take other jobs after the World Cup.

These—

after the World Cup?

No, wrong.

You just said after the World Cup.

Not all the time.

But you just said every coach interviews for jobs after the World Cup. If it was after the World Cup, I wouldn't care.

It depends on what openings there are. If there's an opening, like if Pep leaving or if AC Milan becomes open, those teams interview coaches as soon as they possibly can.

I would like for him to maybe focus on the World Cup.

I don't know. I think it's—

he's supposed to be the guy. I think we all complained about Berhalter.

Yeah.

And said he's going to change this. Pochettino guy is going to change everything. Can you just pretend you want the job for a little bit longer?

I think there's a lot of room to criticize Pochettino and what he's done, and then we'll see how the games end up going. I don't think that that's one of them.

He could just wait.

Wouldn't you rather have a coach that is like so good at coaching that AC Milan wants to hire him? I feel like that's a good—

not even good. They're not even the— Italy League is not even one of the best—

one of the best historical teams in the world.

Yeah, but Italy, the league is down. If he was— if he was going for an EPL, maybe. What do you say, Hank?

This is our golden generation, correct?

Yes.

Home World Cup. Talked about it.

Forever. Yep. Yeah. Our coach is from Argentina and he wants another job.

If we're going to— if we're going to win the whole thing, we're probably going to have to go through Argentina at some point.

What happens there where he has to coach against Argentina? Yeah, it's happened before in World Cups where you get coaches that have to coach against their home country. Like, it's very common for international teams, even really good international teams, to hire coaches that are not from that country.

He'll be coaching AC Milan by then.

We're good.

I just wish we could just focus. I just want to focus.

I want to—

I want to have a good result in our home country World Cup.

Do we even know what the meetings looked like? Was it a phone call? Was it— was it over Zoom? Was it an import? Did they fly over here? Like, that's— I think that's fair to ask, too. If it was like a phone call, who gives a shit? If he's like flying over to Italy with a pamphlet and like, I'm just reading PowerPoint presentation of how to turn around AC Milan.

I just searched him.

Who?

Hercules Gomez. That guy sounds official.

He was on the U.S. team for a while.

Okay, great. He said there are a few truths here. He was always planning to leave despite what he may have said before. Not the first time he's thrown his hat into the ring while managing the U.S. men's national team. And 3, this is a terrible look. Even the Pochettino apologist, PFT, would have to admit it.

I've said that there's a lot of room to criticize him.

This is a terrible look. This Hercules saying it, he's a soccer guy.

I think that, um, let's just wait. If the, if the team sucks to see if AC Milan gives him the job, if the team sucks, he deserves, and US soccer deserves all the criticism in the world because this has been the World Cup that we were supposed to be good for.

I'm with you on the email thing. The email thing's overblown. I don't really care. Like, yeah, they could have called, but like at the end of the day, it's 55 guys who are all in different places. Whatever. It sucks. This happens. This one, I just wish— come on, man, just pretend you love us a little bit longer. That's all I did.

This stuff does happen in other sports too.

And in some head coaches, I don't know how many head coaches before the big tournament— coordinators, sure.

We just had one on the show a couple of weeks ago. Who? Lane Kiffin.

Lane Kiffin had to leave. They told him he couldn't coach. Yeah, that's what we should tell this guy.

He was talking to other people, right?

We should tell Pochettino, you can't coach. You're right. So he agreed with Ole Miss.

So put him on a tarmac.

Yeah. Get him the fuck out.

Get him on two planes.

Go to AC Milan. Go.

Yeah, dude, I, I think let's, let's see what happens. It's all going to come out in the wash in the World Cup anyways. If we don't play well, then it's squarely on him and squarely on the federation. If we do play well, then everyone's going to be like, great job. This is a home run hire. You never know, Chris. I also think that we have a chance where we're going to— we are going to be able to try to bribe and cheat our way through this World Cup.

I love that.

And it could kick ass.

I don't care how it happens. I'd love that. Christopher Sanchez is the only MLB pitcher in the modern era with 40+ strikeouts and no runs allowed in a calendar month. You said that, right?

Sure did.

Yep. I just wanted to say it again so that we can timestamp this as all Christopher Sanchez talk. What? This has all been one Christopher Sanchez. Thank you, memes.

We did 9 and we did—

No, no, no. We started with Christopher Sanchez. I just ended with more Christopher Sanchez. I got to reiterate it. We did a lot of soccer.

We did the most soccer talk we've ever done on the show.

And, uh, the Houston Astros have combined no-hit the San Francisco Giants, much like the Philadelphia Phillies got no-hit by the Houston Astros in the World Series. How about that?

That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

Oh, sorry, it was the Rangers, and it was like 4 days ago.

Funny guy.

We even did the like, Max, when he was like, it doesn't count. I was like, but how many hits they get? And he even said, well, you're like, oh, there's 4. Was there 4 walks or something? You got mad about the walks.

Yeah, that's right. Yep. I remember that.

Yeah.

Too many walks.

Too many walks.

Tell you what, I'm fired up for Joe Scully. That's all I know.

He is playing soccer.

Yeah. No matter, no matter what you think about Pochettino and everything he's doing, he's got the ace in the hole with Joe Scully. I'm just going to also say he's Security Mike's nephew.

Yep. Our guy still on the— so on the text chain from Grit Week, which I love.

He's just our—

he's just watching over us at all times. Okay, let's talk to TJ Oshie. We're going to do some more hockey talk and then we have Fyre Fest on the other side.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very, very special guest. It is Captain America, TJ Oshie. He is, uh, joining us talking some hockey also talking some golf because we have the American Century, uh, golf, uh, American Century Championship coming up in Lake Tahoe after the Fourth of July. And TJ, you're playing in it. So let's start with this because we want— we have a lot of hockey stuff to talk about, but are you gonna— are you gonna finish, uh, maybe top 20 this year? Because I feel like you've been— you've been getting closer and closer, and this is you're now fully retired, you have a lot of time to golf, it's the best event. How is your golf game going? And are you thinking maybe this is the year that we, we get in the top 20?

Uh, I think every year that's kind of my goal, is top, top 20. Um, you know, I think the, the pro-ams come around, I start swinging for the fences, then my back's in shambles by the time, uh, the real tournament comes. Um, but no, it really is the best weekend, like you said, right after, right after, uh, the Fourth of July. I think it's the 10th through the 12th this year. Um, what an amazing event they put on. Actually, one time I was leading after day 1. Oh, and the funny thing about this is I think I ended up being like top 15 or something. The funny thing about this was I had this, uh, core surgery, so my, you know, my lower left ab was kind of, you know, torn off the pelvic bone or whatever. From just from hockey and playoffs and all that. So I hadn't really played golf yet. The first time I actually played a full round of golf was in Tahoe. And, uh, I think that, you know, goes to show what a mental midget I am out there, that I just, I just can't, I just can't figure it out when I'm full strength.

And that time I just, I didn't care. I was playing with the Carr brothers. We were hyping each other up. And after, after day one, I was in the lead.

That was the most hockey tough thing ever, where you just said, yeah, my lower left ab was torn off my pelvic or whatever.

Or just like, I think they call it a sports hernia. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not sure.

Those things after the playoffs, you're like, oh, I need surgery.

Yeah. When they put sports in front of anything, it really sounds less tough. It's like, yeah, I got, I got a sports, I got sports herpes.

Yeah. Yeah. I was talking about turf toe. Turf toe is like the worst name for actual injury because everyone thinks turf toe. It's like, dude, you stub your toe. What's the problem? Why are you out for 3 weeks?

Yeah.

Yeah, we— turf, same thing. I honestly didn't know what it was until like this last year. I was like, this, this toe thing can't be that bad. Like, tape this thing up. But we— now that I learned what it is, we have something in hockey. It's called lace bite, where it's in like the front of your ankle and it literally feels like there's a knife going into your ankle if you try to tie your skates. And so now I realize, like, I sympathize with those guys, especially since they're running all over the ice. We at least get to glide around a little bit.

What was the worst thing you played through in the playoffs where you're like, maybe even like, hey, this is getting so bad, I, I might have to just call it, even though, even though you can't because hockey tough?

Yeah, I think, uh, it was honestly, it was my last, the last game of my career, um, in playoffs, Game 4. I broke my hand in Game 3, um, and you know, when you, right when you happen, right when it happens, you kind of got adrenaline, right? And so like, like, ah, you know, it hurts, but it's it's, you know, maybe it's fine. Um, and then 2 days later, once you're playing, like, it's sore, it's hurting, you know. It was to the point where you get shot up before the game, they try to numb it best they can. The problem was they kind of numbed a couple of my fingers, so holding on to my stick wasn't very, you know, I wasn't very sturdy.

Yeah.

And it honestly was probably right at that point I had my back stuff going on as well, which is what I retired from. Um, so I'm worrying about the back, I got my broken hand And it was really close to the point where I was like, I could, I could be worse off for the team. And so it was kind of floating that line, whereas pain-wise, you know, pain's just, just pain. Like, you just, you just get through it. It's going to end when the game ends. You get some ice, whatever. But when, when you think it could affect the team or you're— there's someone else would be better off in there. That's kind of where I, where I draw the line. Um, and so I was right there my, my last game, and I hadn't a feeling was my last game, so I was like, let's just tough it out for 60 more minutes.

Yeah.

And it was a dirty hit. I remember that last game. It's a very dirty hit. And I, I don't know, if you're, if you're playing out there and you get hurt via a dirty hit, is there more of like, do you want to play through it more because you knew it was kind of a cheap shot?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, you probably want to get back at the guy, right?

Right.

Like, I'm not leaving, I'm not leaving. Uh, and yeah, so the, you know, I don't know if you're referring to like the, the, it was Rempe that broke my hand, took my hand to the glass. Um, Panarin hit me the game before that, you know, that, that stung a little bit.

That's the one I was thinking of.

Yeah, that, yeah, that's something on the noggin. That, that one wasn't necessarily the one that, that did it. It was, it was game 3, the next game. But yeah, that's getting way off topic. But I actually, because, because of that hit, I missed my 1,000th game golf trip and John Carlson's 1,000th game golf trip because that whole summer my hand was broken. I ended up playing in Tahoe, but I wasn't very good.

Yeah.

So you're talking about Carlson. He got traded this year and I sat down, I thought about it, and it's very, very difficult if you want to make a Mount Rushmore of Washington Capitals from that era. From the era that you played in, I don't even know who the 4 would be. Because if you, if you narrow it down to just 4, I feel like you could make a great case that you're leaving 2 guys out. So on mine, I think, and I could be talked out of it, I had, I had Ovi, I had you, I had Karlsson, and then I put Holtby on there. Um, but then, I mean, you could talk about Kuzi, you could talk about Willie, you could talk about Backstrom. Like, there's a lot of guys that would get left off. So like, have you thought about who that, who that top 4 would be?

Uh, if we're speaking just that era, I think it's Ovi, Backstrom, Karlsson, Holpy. I think it's like, I honestly, I don't think it's very close. Um, um, and you could probably argue, I think all-time Caps, I think it's Karlsson, Backstrom, Ovi, and then probably one of the old dogs, right? Um, but But I mean, Carlson, I think, is leading every category possible on the defensive side. So I think he's got to be in there. He actually was in Tahoe a couple of years ago. Man, what a tournament.

Unbelievable. It is the best.

Like, I just keep going back to it because it's the best. And I got the invite this year. And every year you just, you know, you pray that, you know, one, you played good enough. Two, you know, you were a good person to everyone involved. 3, you got the fans involved, right? Because that's, you know, we suck. Like, some of the guys are good, but a lot of us aren't like, you know, really good. They'd probably rather, you know, watch like a PGA Tour event if you're going to watch strictly golf. Yeah, but we're there like with all the fans. You feel— for us, it feels like you're at the PGA Championship or the Masters, you know, for, for our caliber golfer. But the fans are what make it so awesome, especially on 17. That whole Absolutely not.

Yeah. Can we talk a little bit about the Stanley Cup playoffs and what we got going on coming up? Because you've got some insight. You did play against the Golden Knights in the Stanley Cup Finals. It was a great series, 5 games, but they have a unique home ice advantage, I think, with the showmanship and everything that happens before the game. Was that any different for you guys getting ready to play against the Knights? How much time they took before the game doing the, the whole like medieval times celebration?

Uh, I don't— I think in just in general, the, the Stanley Cup Finals is so much different, different from everything else, right? There's so much more media, there's so much more attention, there's so many more rules and so much more TV things that like your schedule's just kind of— it's kind of messed up in general until the puck drop. Um, we were super surprised by Vegas and their fans and the music and everything. In the regular season that year. That was the first year they're in the league. So that caught us off guard. In the finals, I don't think it was anything, anything crazy. If anything, that place kind of gets you jacked up. Like, that's a fun place to play. And so there's some places where maybe it's, I don't know, maybe you get a little nervous or, or maybe the fans are like a little too rowdy. That's just like the right type of like hyping people up where, you know, and it's Vegas, so everyone's traveling there no matter what team you are in, especially from somewhere cold. You're from Canada, like if this is Montreal, people are going to Vegas for sure to get down in the warm weather, especially during the, during the season.

So, um, I don't think they necessarily have an advantage. Um, if anything, at this point right now, uh, their advantage is probably their, um, their leadership and, and the, uh, the guys that have been there before and have done it.

Was that series shocking to you? Because all year it was like the Avs, and I know, you know, Makar was, was out and then McKinnon gets banged up and they were dealing with injuries, but the Avs were the best team you know, it felt like all year. And to, to lose in a sweep, is it just Vegas is playing at that level? Like, what has happened with Vegas in these playoffs? The coach change? Like, what— can you explain that to us?

I think, I think for them, or some teams, and, and we were one of those teams in 2018 when we won, every round you almost pick up a little bit more steam and a little bit more belief in what you're trying to do. Guys change their game or play a certain style and then they start having success and they're like, okay, I'm just— I'll just keep doing this, we'll keep having success. And that kind of bleeds through the rest of the team. And so I think Vegas is one of those teams. I will say I think Colorado was a lot more beat up than, than most people know. Um, you know, but that, that's what playoffs are about, right? You're grinding every night, you're playing through injuries. I'm sure there's a lot of guys on Vegas that are, that are dinged up pretty good. I think if both teams fully healthy, the series is— I don't think is a sweep. I don't think it's, you know, even close to being a sweep. But you can't deny what Vegas has going for them right now and the belief in their system, their team, their coaches. That's the exact same feeling we had after we beat Pittsburgh in round 2, went on to Tampa.

We ended up going 7 in that series, but there was never like any— there was never any panic. Honestly, we weren't worried at all. Like, we were just like, playing our game and we were convinced that at the end of a 7-game series we're going to win. But Vegas is playing on a different clip here. It's going to be interesting to see like who they have to, who they have to play against because that's kind of going to determine how the games are going to go a little bit.

Yeah.

So are the Canadiens— we're taping this on Thursday afternoon. Games— what is it? Game 5 is on Friday night. Are the Canadiens dead though? Like it doesn't— the— Game 1, they win. Then you got back-to-back overtime games. Then Carolina kind of flexes their muscles in Game 4. Does it feel like it's, hey, come on, like Carolina's the better team and it's going to be over in 5? Or is there any way that Montreal can get back in this series?

Uh, well, it feels to me like Montreal, the only way they can get back is if they score the first goal in Game 5. Like, they, they absolutely have to score the first goal, and they probably have to score the second goal too. Because there's no team in the league, not Colorado, not Vegas, not anyone else I would rather— that would be harder to chase from behind than Carolina because they play such a north direct, in-your-face game and their game doesn't change if they're up or down. And so to chase against that is very difficult because you have very little time and space. It's not like a team like, like an Anaheim maybe, or even at times a Colorado that they'll try some plays, they'll get a little risky. That makes them, you know, seam plays through the middle, through a couple sticks. And if they make it, yeah, they're going to get a good chance to score. But Carolina doesn't do that. They just get it deep. They grind you down. That's why you see Montreal barely getting any shots in these third periods when, when they need goals, because Carolina just shoves it down your throat.

And so I don't want to say Montreal is dead. I love what Martin St-Louis is doing there. I respect the heck out of that guy. I think his message is unbelievable and a lot different than a lot of coaches in the league because he's been there before and he's done it as a player, as one of the best in the league. But it just might not be Montreal's time just yet.

So other than like getting an early lead on Carolina, what is the, what is the recipe to beating them? Because you're like, I mean, their forecheck, we were talking about their forecheck is ferocious and they just stay on top of you. Is it, is it personnel or is it a scheme? That can counteract what they're— they want to do and how they want to play aggressively.

So I don't know how in detail you want me to get without like a drawing board, but get it, get in detail. So this is, this is my, my opinion. I played against Carolina in playoffs, uh, the year after we won, and it felt like there was like 10 guys on the ice, right? Um, at that time we were still playing a similar system to we played when we, when we won, and that was teams that forecheck heavily instead of trying to throw the puck by them really fast, you actually suck them in and bring their pressure to you, right? And then you don't make a long play, you make a little short play. So if you could think of a defenseman going back, a guy breathing down his neck behind him, instead of that, that his partner, the D-man, going to the weak side of the ice and making a long play, you go right next to the guy, you make literally— it's like a 3-foot, 3-foot pass. And now you— that's one guy sucked in. Now the second guy is going for the second D-man. Now the centerman supports. That second D-man gives it to the centerman.

Now you just beat two guys in a small little 10-foot area. One of your D-men have to jump by them, and now you're odd-man rush the other way. And so in, in a way, you just kind of suck them in and let their pressure come at you and, and move around them and make small little plays, support each other up the ice. And then when you get in their zone, like, you have to wear them down. You have I know a lot of teams want to shoot a lot. You have to get a cycle game going because the second they get the puck, they're gone. And so that's kind of what, what we focused on. I, I sound like a Band-Aid on this thing because I broke my collarbone in that series, but we ended up losing 7-2. I think I went out in Game 4, but that's, that's the only way I can figure out to beat them. Because if they're on their game and they're all pressuring in unison, it's just— it feels like they have like 3 too many men on the ice. But if you can suck them in, get them off their game a little bit, get them stopping a little bit in the off-their forecheck instead of just rounding and backchecking, you can use their pressure against them and jump by them and work up the ice as a unit of 5.

That's—

suck them and make them come at you and then, and then you can get through. But then I also imagine like if you do commit a turnover as you're trying to suck them in, then it's like like everything's on fire. That's why it's such an effective, uh, team to play against. It's like if you screw up trying to beat them, then you're way worse than where you started off.

Well, that, that's why the short plays help you, right? Because you already have guys around the puck, um, instead of those long plays. If you mess up one of those long plays, like I think it was Lane Hudson, um, in game 3 maybe, kind of made a, a play across the middle. It just jumped on him. It wasn't his fault.

Goal.

But because of their pressure, they turn that over and they score, I think, the OT winner, you know, a couple seconds after that. They score a goal right after that. So, um, there is ways to beat them, but, but they're all bought in and it's, it's going to be tough if they're the ones playing Vegas. Vegas is going to have their hands full.

Is it, is it a mental part then? Because your strategy, what you explained it, I, I appreciate you dumbing it down for us because it makes sense. Like, you want them to almost get over-aggressive, use their aggression against themselves. But when you're trying to beat it with the small passes, is it a mental game where it's like every now and then you see someone open and you're like, I'm going to try this long pass. Now you're basically playing back into their hands where you have to be so diligent and play a certain style for 60 minutes that it's almost a mental taxation on you of like, fuck, we cannot get out of our, our lane here.

I think it's more of a communication thing. And so that's, that's one area of the game, especially my later years, my last couple years, I noticed that these young guys a lot less— I don't know, maybe because they have their head up more than us, but they, they talk on the ice a lot less. And it makes, it makes you almost— it gives you like a brief, I don't know, two-tenths of a second like pause at like, to like, what's this guy gonna do, who's he gonna pass to? Whereas if someone's yelling at you, like, you know, you play like you play pickup basketball or something, some guy screams your name, you're almost like, shoot, I'm going to give it to you, right? Like, this guy, this guy wants it. And so it's a little bit more like that. And then we had, we had calls for everything. Wall was going away from the goalie, net was going behind the net, like the centerman call it for like a centerman pop. There's a bunch of different ways and ways that you can set your feet as defensemen to get these forwards to— yeah, they let them forecheck you.

But don't let them forecheck you and then like kind of round off and, and keep their speed and, and go on the back check. So you can catch them, but it is hard. But communication is more of the thing. There are times where you have to play offense, right? You see a guy open through the seam and he has a chance at a breakaway, you got to make the pass. Um, but you just can't do that every time. Every play can't be long because they're gonna, they're gonna hound you.

Yeah. So in the event that they do move on, do you, you like the Hurricanes' chances against the Golden Knights?

I think it's going to be a little bit of a dogfight because like I was mentioning, Vegas loves to hold on to the puck in the ozone. They like the cycle game. They're not a high-shot volume team. They can play that game, but they got guys like Jack Eichel where like it's just hard to get the puck from him, right? Cole Caufield, unbelievable player and, and so fast. Like, I couldn't I personally catch them. These Carolina guys like are doing a pretty good job, but the smaller guys, the— even the fast guys, you can kind of be physical on them. You can't be physical on Jack Eichel. He's too big and he's too good and he's gonna beat you. If anyone can like, you know, bring pressure to him and find someone to pass to, yeah, um, he's one of those guys. So I think it's, uh, I think their hand— it'll be a lot tougher task for them, um, with this pressure and Vegas isn't going to get caught up in the moment because they got so many guys that won the Cup not too long ago. And so they're, they're used to the moment, so they're not going to be nervous.

They're not going to be shy. Their hands aren't going to be shaky. They're not going to be grabbing their stick too tight, which I'm not saying Montreal is, but they are a lot more inexperienced than a team like Vegas.

Yeah, I took Eichel to win. Con Smythe, shout out Chiclets Game Notes, 15-1, gave that out. Support the boys. I like, I like where their head's at on that one. So I'm all in on the, on the Golden Knights in the in the finals. We'll get back to TJ O'Shea. He's brought to you by Mountain Dew. Summer's coming. I can't wait for Camp Barstool. I can't wait to spend more time outdoors. I can't wait to hit the lake. We got beautiful Lake Michigan right next to us. Nothing better than hanging out a day on the lake. Maybe you take the boat out there and you have an ice-cold Mountain Dew, the refreshing citrusy kick of Mountain Dew. I've got the zero sugar right here, which tastes delicious. Mountain Dew is proudly born in the foothills of Tennessee It's a refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American original. Thinking about going to some soccer games this summer. I hear there's a big tournament in town. I can't wait to check out some soccer over the summer. I'll be drinking Mountain Dew, tailgating with some Mountain Dew. Grab a Dew, tasting great since '48. Now back to TJ Oshie.

Got a question for you about, about Ovi and his future with the team. I know that you've kind of gone back and forth on whether or not you think he's going to come back next year. Have you— first of all, have you talked to him about whether or not he's gonna be back? Is that something that you guys have had a conversation about? And then two, where are we at right now? Where do you think he's gonna— he's gonna end up playing next year?

Uh, yeah, me and O had a couple pops, um, multiple times. One time when he was in Minnesota, uh, for the regular season, and then I did their last game. So we met up, uh, the night before and chatted for a while. And honestly, both times he was completely you know, he would say something that would lead me to think that he was leaving, and then he would say something else that made me think he was coming back. Honestly, and I don't know this, I haven't spoken to him since, since the end of the season, I feel like this time off now and kind of seeing the playoffs and the finals coming around, like, you're so, you're so beat up at the end of an 82-game season, especially as you get older, that I feel like you almost need like a month off to almost miss it a little bit. Because it's been, you know, he's been doing it for so long. Um, and the fact that it wasn't— the fact that he didn't make a decision early, like right after, like a week after he does, you know, he had a chance to do a big press conference, you know, all that stuff, it makes me think that, that there's a, there's a better chance that he's coming back.

And I'm not gonna— like I said, I don't know. Um, we haven't, we haven't talked about it, and ultimately the big man's going to make whatever decision he wants to Um, but I think, I think I personally, and he probably doesn't even want it, but I personally would love, you know, a little farewell tour, kind of like Kopitar did this year. I know a lot of fans in a lot of cities would love to go see Ovi one last time at the Garden or one last time in Montreal or whatever, wherever it is. Um, so I think there's a— I personally lean that he's going to be back, but I have zero facts to, to back it up.

Okay, I like that take. I like that take a lot. Were you the one that put him on a 3-6 Mafia, or how did that get started with the Bands of Maker Dance?

Uh, no, Big Man, he'll just, he'll grab whatever jingle he likes. And, uh, you know, we had JG, he would always say JG Wentworth, or yeah, no, he didn't say JG Wentworth though, but he, in the back of the, in the back of the bus, you know, whatever, you know, he's watching a video, um, you know, Hit Me Baby One More Time came up a couple times. Just like whatever jingle kind of he gets, like he says it but he doesn't know the words, so he makes something up, usually something not okay to say like on air, and, and then it just kind of, it kind of hits. So, um, I think it was, uh, Jacob Chikrin that, that, uh, he must have made a dance move or something. I was hurt at this time on LTIR, so I wasn't, I wasn't in the room for this, but all of a sudden he became Bands, and that's literally what he calls him. He calls Chikrin Bands.

I love that.

That's awesome. I know you're a humble guy, but I have to say, or let me ask this question. You're going to give me a humble answer. I want you to give me a real answer. The Olympics gold medal win this year. You're there. Was there part of you that's like, yeah, all these guys on this team watched me in 2014 and watched that moment and like whether you want to admit it or not, like that definitely shaped the guys who go on to win the gold medal. Did you have a moment to reflect on that and be like, I am part of this? Because you are, whether you want to admit it or not, you are. And I think there's probably some guys on the team that said that to you, but you are. And, and were you able to like have that moment being like, yeah, I was part of this family that has now reached the goal of gold medal?

I, I would say that there was some like things online where they filled up like their favorite Olympic memory type stuff, right? And a couple guys had my name in there. And a couple of guys reached out and then mentioned something afterwards. You know, I sent a couple of guys congratulations texts, things like that. Obviously, the Kachuk brothers, I played with their dad, so they— I saw them when they were little shits in the locker room playing, playing shinny with, you know, a Nerf ball. And so super kind words from them. And I would say I respect the guys that came before me so much and I learned so much from them. That now looking back, I think I can appreciate that, that maybe I played a part in them wanting to win an Olympic gold medal. I think the fact that I didn't win a gold medal, like, just kills me. And so, like, I— the, the shootout to me was— it was just a moment in a game where I, I got to do something I, I loved and was super confident in.

Yeah.

Um, at, like, at that time probably anything, like probably even now I would put myself up against anyone in the world in like a one-on-one shootout thing, right? And so in that moment it didn't feel super big to me because it was just like I was having— I was literally smiling out there. We were laughing on the bench. I was like having a blast.

Yeah.

Um, you know, so the moment didn't feel as big to me as maybe some of the, some of the people that were at the bar at 6 AM that woke up early to go you know, to go with their kid or to celebrate or to chant my name in the— you know what I mean? And I didn't feel that same suspense in the game because I had a lot of confidence in it. Um, but I, I do, I, I do now— I appreciate the fact that, that, that played a factor in, in these kids' lives and, and maybe made them a little bit more hungry to, to play on Team USA and win a gold medal.

Yeah, well, I gotta say, personally, you saved my life because, uh that morning, my friend who owns a bar in Chicago, he opened the bar early. We thought, like, we did like a Barstool event. I thought, you know, whatever, like it's 6:00 AM, like there's going to be like 20 people that show up. It was a line down the block and it was packed. And I drank so many shots that day that I had to be peeled off the middle of the street at like noon. And I made a rule from that point forward I'm never like taking free shots from fans ever again. So you saved my life. Thank you.

Let's go.

Because I— that was a bad path. Like, I, I— it was such an unbelievable moment. And for people who were at Declan's on that, that morning, like, it was just— it's the best. Like, we were in a bar in Chicago and everyone was chanting your name, and you're on the Blues at the time. Like, that's not—

you know what I mean?

Like, that was the moment. It was so fucking cool.

I appreciate it. No, I honestly, after the game, and I had to do a bunch of media stuff and go to like the NBC Studios and stuff, and all I wanted to do, you know, hockey players, right? I know you're at the Olympics and a lot of Olympic athletes are not like hockey players, but all I want to do is go grab like a couple beers with the boys and like kind of celebrate the W, you know?

Yeah.

Couldn't find a beer anywhere. So it was, it was nothing. I think Backus was already sleeping when I got back to the room. So do you remember every single shot that you had in the shootout from the Olympics? Yeah.

Yeah.

What was the thought process like before every shot? Did you know what you were going to do before you started the shot, or were you just waiting to react to see what, what was happening, and then you would adjust on the fly? Or how'd that go?

Oh yeah, can you break it down? Because you could do all 6.

Yeah, you could psych yourself out, I'd imagine, by like overthinking every single shot.

Do all 6. Yeah, tell us, tell us what you're going through your head and what ended up happening on all 6.

Oral history.

Yeah, I can, I can break it down. Um, so the first one was pre-scouted. We pre-scouted. I think that day we had, uh, I think we had pregame meal at the USA Hockey House. House, I want to say. Um, we had TVs with like a shootout loop going, and so while you're eating, you can just watch the goalie and watch his tendencies. I knew I was going 5-hole on the first one. I don't think I'd shot on Bob yet in the NHL up to that point. Um, and so I knew I was going 5-hole. I went first, you know, super— yeah, I was, I was super confident in that one. Went down 5-hole, scored. Um, the second one What was the second one? The second one— so actually, the first time I didn't play in a long time because I was like a fourth liner and we had 4 players on the fourth line. And so, and we went to the third period, the game was tight, we went to overtime. I didn't really— I hadn't really been on the ice for like 45 minutes, right? So my very first time down the ice, if anyone goes and re-watches it, I actually lose the puck on my own skating down the ice because like, man, my stick feels like really long.

Yeah.

And it was just kind of a little awkward. Uh, second time, go down, uh, I, I lost the puck in my move and ended up just throwing it 5-hole. It was a complete panic, not on purpose. Um, and then— I apologize— second one, I deked forehand, beat him clean, shot it over the net.

Yep.

Um, and then the next one, I lost the puck again, uh, threw it 5-hole. Uh, my third one, um, I believe— so now we're on 4. Yep, we're on 4.

It says that in the, the fourth round that you missed high over the crossbar, which you— okay, and then the one after that was, uh, in the fifth round was you went back to back.

Yeah.

And you had it, and you had a snap, like a quick shot.

Yeah, so I, I did a little like the 5-hole move where I kind of like, you know, wiggle my stick in my head a little bit. I was gonna go 5-hole. Um, he closed it up, and then I wanted to deke, and I made the deke and he didn't move, so I just went quick over his elbow. A lot of people make the mistake— I know it's a small screen— um, you don't go for the top corner, you go right over their elbow because that's where it dips down. That goes off the bar, off his back, in the net. Uh, shot 5, I go backhand because I haven't gone backhand yet. He hits it out of the air with the bottom of his stick. And so I beat him clean. My two best moves, I shot over the net, and the other one he batted out of the air with the bottom of his blade. And then, uh, sixth shot, we're going again, and I was like, I might as well go back to 5-hole and see, see what happens. So I, uh, I never planned on going down the ice the exact same way until I went— um, excuse me— until I went the second time, because I figured, all right, I might be going a little bit here, I'm gonna try to get in his head and try to psych him out.

And then I ended up going that in that same route the rest of my career after that.

Did you know that you were going to get called on 4 times in a row? Was that part of the game plan?

No. And honestly, after my 2 misses, I kind of felt bad because like Patrick Kane's over here, Zach Parise over here, who was like my idol that went to North Dakota, and Pavelski is phenomenal at shootout. There's so many guys where like I was like, I, I don't know why, I just felt bad that they didn't get a chance to go, you know?

Yeah.

And so, uh, I actually— because I went so slow and they were kind of rushing us through this, I actually got more tired skating back to the bench because it's Olympic-sized rink. I got more tired going back to the bench than coming back out. And there was one point I finally got on the bench, they had just went, missed, and I like looked at the coach and the coaches are laughing. And they look at me and I'm like, you want me to go again? And they're like, yes. And I think Brooks Orpik grabbed me by the shoulder and like threw me back on the ice. Uh, but it was, it was crazy. Like, we were, I was having an absolute blast out there.

It's, it's awesome to watch back. I just pulled it up, and that, that last one, I mean, Bob's got a— like, have you, did you ever talk to him after? Like, you going 5-hole that many times on him's got to be— that's brutal.

Yeah, well, so this is probably one of the more, most disrespectful things I've, I've done is I think a year later I had a shootout against them and I went 5-hole and scored.

Oh no.

But, and then 2 months after the Olympics, I had a penalty shot. So in-game penalty shot against Jonathan Quick, who was bailing me out behind me the whole shootout. And I ended up going 5-hole on him too. He smashes the, the crossbar with his stick because he was so upset.

Yeah, I feel like they don't do that a lot anymore. It's very rare that you see an in-game penalty shot. Why are refs like so reluctant to call that? I don't know.

I don't know what the— if, if it— there's so many D-man now, they're just such good skaters that like, I feel like guys get caught a lot, like fully caught. Whereas like, my nightmare is not breakaway in, in game because I'm not a very good skater, because I almost know someone's coming to catch me. It was the same in football. Like, if I break free and you're running, the sun's behind you, you see that like shadow catching up to you, like you're just not gonna make it. So I don't know why you don't get penalty shots. I wish, honestly, as players, depending on who the break— who's having the breakaway, you'd almost prefer the, the, the power play over like this guy, like whoever it is going. Yeah, you don't get it. You don't get to pick anyone on the ice. I think it's whoever the penalty's on.

Yes.

Yeah.

With him. Yeah. I just have like a Caps porn related question for you. Can you just talk about like, you know, having a history of, of banging your head against the wall in the playoffs? And what that was like, and then what it meant to finally get over that hump in 2018 and, and finally get it done, and how you celebrated that night afterwards.

Yeah, so it was, uh, I, I came into DC and they had, you know, this problem of not going all the way, right, and feeling like they had what it took. That was the same thing in St. Louis for us. Um, we were always losing to Chicago when they were winning all their Cups, and LA Anaheim and San Jose were, were so hard to play against. And so we had all these and we were just super physical, blue collar, nothing too flashy. And so I had a lot of that heartache I brought over from St. Louis and it was the same thing that they had in D.C. So we go win the Presidents Trophy the first, my first 2 years and we're almost going in thinking like we have to win, we're too good not to win. And there was almost a little bit of that doubt, right, that like if we don't win, in. Like, we, we really— like, this was the best opportunity we're ever gonna have. Everyone was saying that, oh, we hit— those 2 years were Ovi's window, and then Ovi was gonna, you know, fall off. They were wrong about that.

Um, and then, uh, that year it was, uh, Barry Trotz had this meeting with us. I think we're in Colorado, I'm not positive. It was in between periods or like after a game. We played terrible. And he came in and just absolutely ripped everyone in the room. And he started with the old guys. He started with Ovi, then Backstrom, then me, then Karlsson, um, and basically said like, if you don't start defending the way you have to defend, you will not play again. Like, you're— you won't play in the games. And you know, that's for, for guys that are almost always going to get their ice time. For a coach to hear that and like almost hear like the emotion in his voice, like that he's like dead serious. For whatever reason, we just kind of started— we just kind of started clicking and everyone started buying in. And then when playoffs came around, it was like the guys that don't score very much came up big in big moments. The star players that don't usually block shots or backcheck as hard as they can and stop in front of the net. Those guys, Ovi and Kuzi, those guys were doing it.

You know, the guys that, you know, everyone, the goaltending, Holtz was struggling going into the playoffs. And then after comes in Game 3, Round 1, and takes us the whole way. So it was, there was just an amazing amount of joy like when we won the Cup, especially the way we did it because our team partied all year like together. Right? Not like in an unhealthy way, but in a way of like we're always together, we're always doing things together. Um, and, uh, so when we won, like, it was just the same thing. Like, everything was together. We all went to Hakkasan together. Um, I actually tried not to drink that much that night because I wanted to— I wanted to— I wanted to be with the cup when the sun came up. And I'm a bit of a sleeper, you know, if, uh, you know, things, things get out of control, if I sit down, like, I'm, I'm out.

Yeah.

Um, and, uh, and so I, I ended up doing it. Um, you know, I, I had a decent amount to drink, but I— we were sitting in our team lounge, um, Stanley Cup right next to me and Matt Niskanen and our team services guy, our security guy. Um, and we sat there with the cup while the sun came up on like the 20-whatever floor of, uh, the Mandarin Hotel. Um, and so it was just an amazing experience. And I mean, Hakusan too, like always in the DJ booth, yeah, freaking ripping the cup around. So, um, what a time.

It was unreal. So I, I was lucky enough to be in Hakusan, and I thought I was getting kicked out, and there was a security guy that came over me, tapped me on my shoulder and said, go to that guy, because there was another security guy shining a flashlight. So I walked to that guy, and then that guy says, go to that security guy right now. There's another guy flashing a flashlight I walked to like 4 security guys and then finally the last guy says, all right, come right here. And it's me and the Stanley Cup is right there. And it's just, it's filled to the top with beer. And they were like, take a sip. I didn't want to take a sip because like you guys were around it. You guys had just won the Cup. But then I forget who held it up. It might have been DSP's in the picture. I'm trying to remember who else. But anyway, somebody was held up. I was like, it'd be disrespectful at this point. Point not to drink out of it. And it was just an amazing place to win the Stanley Cup in Las Vegas.

I actually saw you in one of the elevators. It was like not too long after the game was over. I think you were going up, back up to your room to get changed. I was on one side, you were on the other side of the elevator. I didn't say anything because you were with your family and stuff. I, I could see that you were like very emotional about how things went. And seeing how happy you were and how much that moment meant to you, like, that actually made me emotional. I was like, this It's just cool to finally see these guys win. And so thank you. This is a long way of me saying thank you on behalf of D.C. for winning that Stanley Cup because it was awesome.

No, I appreciate it, man. We did— we did everything with the fans. We felt— we felt all the love. That's why we were, you know, I don't know how many teams have done it. I guess I don't really pay too much attention, but like, we wanted the fans involved in everything. Every party we had, you know, everyone knew where we were. We'd make sure, you know, for the top of Don Tito's, like, like we saw the fans down there chanting, like I grabbed the cup, we'd go run downstairs and we'd run through the crowd, make sure everyone could touch it. Yeah, it was, it was unbelievable. Honestly, we didn't even know what to do. We were so happy that we were just like, I guess we could just all party together. And, and it was, it was blast.

It's the best trophy to win just because of that celebration like that. That no other sport has that type of celebration that lasts for like 2, 3 days with the cup going everywhere. It's just, it's awesome.

You invented a new way to drink beer. I'd never seen that before. You, you shirt yourself and then drink it right through the— right through the belly.

The Kevin Bacon hollow man, that's what I call it.

Yeah.

When was the last time you did that?

Oh, I did it for, uh, at a charity event one time, um, um, for Lachlan's charity event, Craig Lachlan. Um, and that's pretty much it. Actually, no, sorry, I did it at the American Century the year we won in the summer on the 17th hole. My brother was like, go ahead, do it. And I can't remember who I was playing against are playing with, but they started walking and I'm walking off the tee. I throw my hat, he like looks over at my hat, I pull my shirt over, I start drinking the beer. And I can remember like they— my— the guys playing with me almost were like disgusted, like, what's this guy doing right now?

That's awesome.

But, uh, and then I— and then I actually hit the putt on that hole for birdie with the beer helmet.

Oh, hell yeah.

So give us a target where you finish at this year's tournament. Like, if you— if you reach what place, will you do Bearselli.

You have been top 20, by the way. That's my fault. You— what, one year you finished 11th, so that's my fault.

That was the— yeah, surgery.

Yeah, that was surgery.

What do you think if we get top, top 15?

I think top 15 is doable. I, I actually— do you guys know who Mo Norman is, the old Canadian golfer?

No, I don't know.

I saw it. He's like one of the— supposed to be one of the greatest ball strikers of all time.

Okay.

An absolute character. I watch his YouTube clips. All the time. And they were in time where there wasn't like YouTube, right? So the— it was like in the '90s and stuff. Um, but anyways, he had this very weird way of holding. It's like a single plane swing, kind of what Bryson does, how his arms are really high. Basically your setup is at where impact would be. Um, anyways, I've been trying that out this spring and it's, it's taken a lot of pain out of my back. And so I'm hitting the ball pretty, pretty solid right now. So we'll see, we'll see. Once I get to Tahoe though, So, you know, I don't know, once the fans— I'm a mental— I'm, I'm just—

yeah, I don't have them.

I don't have the mental toughness that the golfers have, you know. It would almost be like throwing those guys in a Stanley Cup game, like they would be shaking, you know, because they just don't know. Um, that's, that's what I'm like in Tahoe. But, um, it, it is so competitive with, you know, Pav, Marty Fish, Romo seems to be getting his form back too.

So Steph, yeah.

Yeah. Staff's back this year. Yeah. Some good 123.

Yeah. It's going to be, it's going to be a fun, fun time. It is our favorite thing.

All right.

I have a couple of quick questions and we appreciate you coming on. Have you ever been sonked by Yance in a game?

I have not.

Okay. Are you sure?

I'm pretty sure.

Okay.

Maybe.

I don't know. I actually don't know the answer to this.

Did Yance tell you otherwise?

No, no, I didn't ask Yance, but I just— I mean, he's sunk so many people. I just— you never know. Like, we need a full list of like everyone who's been sunk by Yance.

I just— I don't think I'm on the list.

Okay. Okay. That's good. Also, you're a very competitive guy, obviously Stanley Cup champion, you know, Captain America.

Why?

Break it down for me. Why are you unable to get the first spot in the pickup line at your kids' school?

Uh, I think, I think it's, uh, I think I just, I just can't get there an hour early, you know.

So you don't want it enough? You don't want it?

I got— it was like 55 minutes early. I thought like, that's— I left my house, I live 3 minutes away, I left my house an hour early and I was still number 5. And honestly, I was there yesterday doing, uh, scooping ice cream for Rupiah Floats for like the class party or whatever.

Yeah.

I walk out, it's over an hour until pickup time. I walk out and I see two cars already sitting there and they weren't even— the people weren't even in their cars.

Oh, they're just camping out and like going for a walk?

They weren't in their cars and you have to have a yellow name tag on your visor, right? So they can like see microphone, like whose parents are there. And so I saw their name. I'm not gonna air it out, you know, for the world to see, but, you know, I might be going through the school directory and send them an email saying, this is like, you're the problem.

You need to just like drop your kids off and then leave your car there for the day.

Yeah, I know. That's the move. I should. I should. I know the curb's red and there's a fire. Like, I don't care. Like, I need to leave it there. I lost my chance though. Kids are getting home today and all hell's gonna break loose.

It's just funny. I don't know why it just makes you laugh because it's very like, Guys retire and then like their competitive nature is like, what do they do next? Oh, they try to be the first in the pickup line for— for like, I've seen it many times and it's just like, yeah, how am I going to channel my competitiveness? I got to be number one. It's—

it's honestly, it's brutal. Like, I don't know. That's what they should have, like some type of game or some type of something that we could do when we retire. Like if you can't skate anymore. Yeah, it's like, hey, look, whatever it is, It can be math problems for all I care. Like, if I could get like 10 out of 10 more than Backstrom can get— if he— Backstrom gets 9 out of 10, like, I'll feel good about myself.

Yep.

But I played the men's basketball league, church league. It's just a pickup game on Saturday. It was like last fall, and it's 4 on 4. You can only play 2 times in a row, and it's like games to 11 by like 2s and 3s. It's like, it's fast, right? And I'm— I mean, I was like boxing out. I was on the floor. Some of these guys are like 60. And, and I went so hard that like as the last couple games, like I felt my back starting to go and I was like, I don't care, like I can't lose these games, right? So I end up going, I think, 8 or 7-0. But like I was on the couch for like a week later because I just, I can't help myself that like I need to win. Um, which is why maybe I just need to bring that to Tahoe or something. I bring it to the Flip Cup game, but yes, you do.

Yes, I got to witness that. All right, uh, last question, Roback question. I'm wearing it right now, roback.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, roback.com, promo code TAKE. Great golf stuff. If you're coming out, you should be watching, uh, the golf tournament in Tahoe, but if you're coming out, get some Roback. Zach, Finish this off with a question for TJ.

How we doing, TJ?

What's up?

What's up, man? I got a quick question for you. As someone who's very familiar, uh, with the ice rink, obviously, I was curious, uh, what sport would you consider harder to master and possibly more impressive between figure skating and sprinting?

Oh, so gosh, so skate— sprinting on the ice?

So sprinting just like on an Olympic level sprinting versus—

yeah, but Olympic level figure skating.

But also Olympic-level sprinting.

Yes.

Gosh, I would say there's probably an insane amount of training that goes into the sprinting, but the things that figure skaters do on the ice, the best hockey player in the world wouldn't even come close. Like, not, not remotely close. Um, I mean, I prefer to be a sprinter over a figure skater personally, but I, I think figure skating at the Olympic level, um, I think it's— I think to me personally it's, it's more impressive.

I appreciate that input as a professional. That means more than you know.

Let's go.

Do we have a bet going here?

Discussions with you guys, and sometimes guys take sides.

You're talking about sprinting on a track, by the way. I A few.

One last question, TJ. Who would you say is more well-known in the global sense? I Show Speed or President Trump?

President Trump.

Okay, thank you. No more questions. This is— we're just getting you involved in all of our internal stupid debates. So you sided with Zach on one of them and then with us on the other.

So we're okay.

Yeah, we're 1 to 1.

That was reverse dunk.

You didn't have to do that. I just wanted to get, you know, we had to get one back.

Have you ever tried?

So we got— let's keep going. Let's— Rubber Mask.

Oh, we don't want to get it. If you were in a, uh, a battle royale and you could pick 4 animals to be on your side, how early would you draft a single hornet to be on your team?

One single hornet?

Yes, one single hornet. Yep.

It wouldn't be in my top 100, I don't think.

Okay, what's the color?

You didn't have to say that. You could have just said no, not my top Not top.

Yeah. No, it would take a while.

You're not thinking about hornets can sting you multiple times. And also if somebody is allergic to a hornet, it's a good move.

Do they not? I thought they lose their stingers.

No, common. That's a common misconception. That would be a honeybee that would die. A hornet can go round after round after round.

What's the color of cheese, TJ?

Orange.

Oh, I don't—

that's not even on the board.

Wild card.

Okay. All right. Here's one.

Wait, cheese?

Yeah, cheese. Cheese.

We had a cheddar cheese.

Yeah, we had a very long and very like mad debate about yellow or white. And I don't even remember which side I'm on.

Is what I mean, yellow.

I think, I think if I, if I, if I really thought about it, I would assume white.

Okay.

Yeah.

Good answer.

All right.

Here's one that you shouldn't answer, but I'm going to ask it anyway. Would you say titty fucking is underrated or overrated?

Holy shit.

I'd say over. Yes.

Everything's coming up max right now.

This is my guy.

As I'm wearing this fucking jersey.

Great. Oh, this is great. Oh man. Well, TJ, you're the man. We can't wait to see you out there. Best of luck. And we're excited. And let's go. Let's go top. Let's go top 10. Fuck it.

Top 10.

Top 10, number 1 on the pickup line.

Mo Norman, top 10. Let's do it.

Yeah, I'm gonna check out this Mo Norman guy. He looks like Rodney Dangerfield.

Dude, he's unbelievable. I promise you, he's unbelievable. He's unbelievable.

It's a great Canadian golfer name too. More— oh, this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got this.

Oh, unbelievable. I'm telling you, it's, it's my entire Instagram algorithm right now. It's just straight into Mo Norman.

I love it. Um, all right. Thank you, TJ. You're the best, man.

Thanks, boys. Thanks for having me.

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OK, Firefest of the week, boys. Before we do that, I got something special for someone in the booth. Oh, Maxwell. A late birthday present. By the way, we went to—

Yeah, PFT forgot.

That's really fucking funny.

He forgot. And also when we went to the bar after The Pugs' first loss of the season, which sucked. Shout out the team we played. They were better than us. The Bouncer wished Max a birthday. A happy birthday.

That's tough.

Really good guy.

Yeah. He was like, hey, he was like, get that guy drunk. It's still his birthday.

Well, I did try to get Max drunk yesterday. So after the game, I, I'm on the text thread. Unfortunately, I've been on the DL for the Pugs. So I sent over payment for beers because when I was on Cadix's team last year, it was like beers after. I'll take care of some of that. I sent over beers after money for you guys, and then Max sent it back to me last night and said I was a bad guy.

Well, we got, we got fucking killed. And you— we did two things. The Pugs are undefeated. We're undefeated. We're undefeated. The Pugs were undefeated, and this was our last game of the regular season. So we have playoffs next week. We were 6-0.

You don't want to be perfect. Agreed.

But two things that went against us last night. One, 1, PFT talked about post-game beers before we won the game, and 2, for some reason we warmed up before the game, which we've never done in the history of the Pugs. And then we got absolutely blasted, and every single person, I would say, had a bad moment. Like, literally, it takes a team to play as bad as we played. It was that— it was just every single person did something at some point where you're like, fuck, I think Hank was all right. Hank was all right.

Yeah, I think Hank—

you didn't drop a ball.

Yeah, yeah, Hank and Colton.

Yeah, yeah, they were—

they were told me the last out. Well, he hit that ball.

He smoked that.

Good, right? Yeah, he did.

That softball.

But we all were— it was, it was a team effort in the loss. And, uh, it did hurt a little bit because in the first inning I got on base and the first baseman was like Hey, like this entire team, we're Badgers. We just graduated. We're huge fans. And then we just got fucking boat raced.

We play softball in a league full of 25-year-old white kids. They are all going to be fans of you.

But I said, but what did I say in the postgame beers? I think it might be time that we start playing more age-appropriate because I think we're, we're on the— everyone on the team is on the wrong side of 30 and we're, we are the slowest team. The speed, the team speed that we play against is shocking. It's really just because they're— we're just looking at our past. We're looking at the same guys that we are, just 10 years younger, 20 years for me. Yeah, either way.

Well, yeah, we can't—

playoffs, it's—

we—

one loss and we're like, I agree, we're like, we're too old for this league.

Yeah, well, it's one loss.

It's good.

You don't want to be—

we can talk to TJ Oshie about this, but you don't want to win the President's Trophy. No, you don't want to be— you want to be undefeated in the regular season.

We said that.

We said that.

That was a big—

like, I've always said that about, about the Dozen too. It's like, you don't want the regular season championship. It only matters in the playoffs. And that's real.

Also, not to—

sorry, but that's fucking real.

Not to point fingers, but I'm pretty sure that was the first time that ump had ever umped a game because I've never seen a field set up the way he set up. The first base was 100 million miles away from home plate.

I love that.

And the pitcher's mound was— I was throwing from 1,000 feet away. I changed the pitching mound after the third inning. Yeah, because I kept on getting called— I missed ball and strike by about 6 inches short. Like, what would you guys say, 20 times in a row? And then finally someone on our team was like, I think the pitcher's mound is way too deep. And I moved it and then I was just throwing strikes.

They didn't say anything about it.

He just set up the field incorrectly.

He's like, you know better than I do.

Yeah.

Trevor Bauer tried to change the pitcher's mound a few times. They threw him in jail for it.

Yeah. It was like the opposite of the Hoosiers measuring the rim. Like if they measured the rim, if they measured the pitcher's mound, be like, see, it's not anything like we've ever played on. Either way.

All right. I won't say—

we're going to the playoffs.

I'm not going to send beer money before games anymore.

We're 6-1.

Disagree with Max's assessment. It makes me a bad guy.

Well, I sent you the Venmo back.

You accepted it first.

Well, I told you— well, I told you at first, I was like, we don't do beers after we lose. We still did do beers after we lost.

They were sad beers.

They were sad beers. And then you were like, well, I'm gonna send it to you anyway. And I thought it was rude. It was rude to decline at that point because I already tried to decline.

I sent it to you way earlier in the day. What are you talking about?

I know, but I tried to say that, well, don't send it to me because we don't do it. Don't send it to me until we win. and you said, well, if you lose, then just send it back. Fact or fiction? Did you say that?

I didn't deserve—

I don't remember if I said that, but I did not.

And then I sent it back and I said, no, I did not accept it. With a no, bad guy. And then you immediately went to the group chat and said, did we win? Knowing that we lost.

I didn't know.

And we didn't, we didn't deserve free beers. Uh, we did actually get free beers because also my best friend owns the bar. So that was, it was sad beers. Shout out, Dave. All right. This has nothing to do with what I was about to say.

That was a— that was obviously getting brought up at some point.

Of course.

Of course.

Of course.

Of course. But it's good to lose as a team. There's no— there's no finger-pointing. We sucked.

And there was— and yeah, there was— there was no internal fighting.

No, we just were like, hey, we suck.

Yeah. Yeah, it was good.

Bad games happen. Except for Hank. He was awesome. Max, would you like your birthday gift?

I forgot that. That's how we got here.

This is a custom one-of-one made by Big Dom. Philadelphia Eagles jersey, and the back, 99 Meatballs.

That's incredible.

Incredible. Shout out Big Dom, what a guy. He sent it to us. Oh, this thing, bro, this thing is— I need you wearing this on game day. He's putting it on. Go, go, go back in the booth. Yeah, no, it's— that's an actual, like, jersey on field. Like, they had— they— he went into the training room and was like, I need a 99 Oh, that's pretty good. He's so pumped to go put it on. Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Tarps off.

He's doing it behind the camera.

Max, step in. Put it on in front of the camera.

Savvy, savvy move.

He's got a private crack show.

He took his shirt off behind the cameras. All right. He's putting it on. Get back in the booth. Let's see it in the booth. Oh, man.

You look like Jason Kelce.

He looks so awesome.

Come on.

This is Jason Kelce.

Come out here and show everyone. Ziff. Yeah, I look really— No, this is how it's supposed to be.

It's supposed to fit that way.

That's how it's supposed to fit. Dude, you gotta be— that's gotta be your big game jersey now.

You can't get grabbed.

I feel strong in this.

You say this doesn't fit.

I think this—

No, no, it looks great.

Yeah, you're big game.

This is like this. If I was— Go, go talk to the mic. Go talk to the mic. Go to the—

If I was shooting up on game day, this is what it would look like.

Go back in the booth. Go back in the booth. You look awesome.

Big gay meatballs.

99 Meatballs is such a good jersey. That's a jersey you see, like, someone takes a picture of it as like, dudes rock. So like, he's— it's, it's Max throwing up on himself at the Link, and they're like, look at this 99 Meatballs guy. Shout out Big Dom.

This jersey is awesome.

Incredible birthday.

Let me see how fat I look. Oh no, I look good.

Yeah, you do.

I look really good.

Hell yeah.

This thing is awesome. I love— oh, what a jersey.

What a day.

This thing's sick.

You know, is there any possibility that if you have a bad game when you're wearing the 99 Meatballs jersey that the jersey doesn't look as cool?

Do we have any pads? I feel like it would look better if I was wearing pads.

I think you might have to start going full pads on Sunday.

Maybe helmet, maybe pants too. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Like, I feel like I'm playing in the game.

Yeah, you look like it. And you're 99 Meatballs. Yeah, I think you got to eat 99 meatballs now too. Hank, you're Firefest.

Did you buy a field goal post?

I said, Hank, you're Firefest. Yeah, this—

well, this, this was like I came into work today and it was like a finance guy and one of like one of the people that manage our building. And they're like, where should we put the field goal post? And I was like, stop it. Like, do you think you'll use it to kick field goals? Okay, in our gym.

Can I sidebar with PFT real quick? I'd like to sidebar with PFT. I'd like to have a one-on-one conversation with PFT. No one else can say anything.

Can I just say, first of all, that this is kind of— I asked for a field goal post 2 and a half years ago and you guys laughed at me.

Well, no, here's the thing, PFT.

You guys, for good reason, you guys said absolutely not. I've wanted— correct. I've wanted to have— that is a Correct answer. And that is the correct answer.

When you asked for a field goal, it was going to be just a, a, a manufactured field goal from the field goal company. This is a field goal post from the San Diego Chargers old practice facility.

Okay.

Oh my God, it's not even the Qualcomm.

It's from the practice facility, San Diego Chargers practice facility. What part of that do you not understand?

If we were just trying to get a field, it's So, all right, so here's what I've been struggling with.

I've been— TJ, the producer, Yak Mostly Sports, has been texting me this because he's been in contact with someone who is trying to procure the field goal post. And I've said no to it probably 15 times. But every time I say no to it, the little devil on my shoulder says, but it would be sweet. And then finally last night he was like, hey, I need an answer. This guy keeps asking. And I was like, wait, actually said no. Hold on. I actually texted him. I said, no, we don't want it. And then I took a beat and I said, we got to have it.

Yeah. I'm glad that we're finally getting one.

Yeah.

I'm very glad.

Max, what's your question?

Where do we— this office is big. This office is not field goal post big.

Max, shut the fuck up for a second.

Yeah.

Big Cat, is it— which post is it? Crossbar, upright, all the above?

It's the whole thing.

The whole thing.

The whole thing. Okay, good.

Does that answer?

Yes. That—

Furthers my point of my question.

This is— I'm telling you, this is going to pay for itself.

Where does it go?

Somewhere. That's a problem for later.

I'm hearing a lot of nos, or a lot of reasons why we shouldn't do things. How about some why we should?

Zach, question: indoor or outdoor? Don't know.

Okay, here's the thing, we don't own the outdoor.

Max, why do you care?

I'm just—

we're just, we're just talking this out.

Let PFT get his field goal.

Let me get—

where does it go?

How about this, what about on the roof and then we put a big net behind it.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm.

You think about that.

Mhm.

We—

you get— the guy gets one birthday celebrated, now he's like, oh, no one can tell me anything.

What if we just put it—

Hank and I are just the adults in the room right now.

What if we put it—

as I'm wearing a 99 Meatballs jersey—

what if we put it flush against an exterior wall? So like almost like super glue it up against the wall and then you can just practice it. It's like like, it's like hitting a tennis ball.

Initially, my ideas were to put it, like, put it in the gym against one of the back, uh, one of the back walls.

Yep.

Would be a good place to put it. Um, that way you could kick off of the turf that we've got, and the turf's getting better. You can put it on the roof. You can put it in the parking lot, which would be cool too.

The loading dock.

Loading dock.

This studio, what if we just had it? I bet you it would—

we should get two.

If we, if we take it apart and put it back together in this studio I think it might be able to fit.

We should get to— we could never heard of one.

Cut it up and just put it— put little pieces in random parts of the office.

No, that's terrible.

45 feet tall.

Is that tall?

It would fit against the back wall of the gym.

Also, we could cut the post or the, you know, the center part and make it just on the ground. Yeah, it's not 45 feet tall. It'd be like 35 feet tall.

Yeah. And then you could just, you could do it like LSU style. You just use the side goalposts and then you just put an H-bar. That way you use some of the entire goalpost space going all the way down to the ground as opposed to starting it 10 feet up in the air.

I think, Hank, the problem that you're having is the problem that you're having is you have too many enablers in your life. Okay. The problem that you're having, Hank, is that we don't ask like what we're going to do with something. We just get it. And then we figured out the rest.

But you're getting something that doesn't even fit.

It does.

Also, on the earth?

In our office, which is the only thing we can control.

I just did a rough math of how much 45 feet is. That's sick. That's about 6 Wembys tall.

Okay, thanks. I didn't realize how tall it was.

But that's so tall. Think of 6. Think about looking at one Wemby and then think of looking at 6 in a row of Wembys.

We also have— we've got a basketball hoop. Correct.

In that gym, 4.5 basketball hoops.

Yeah.

6 Wendy's makes way more sense to me.

You know what, Max? It was your birthday yesterday.

Wrong again.

When we recorded the show, last day we recorded the show was your birthday. I did get you a birthday present.

Field goal post?

No, it's, it's, it's sitting out right by your desk right now.

If there's a fucking rabbit out there.

No, it's not a rabbit. Go and grab it. It's a big tube. It says my name. It says the address.

Can we just go back to this field goal post thing for a sec? Sure. I have another one.

There's actually no present out there. Just want to get him out of the room.

Okay. Nice.

Yeah.

Because that Wemby thing was fucking stupid. Holy shit. Holy shit. Basketball hoop is 10 feet. I think it might be 7.

Wendy's, dude.

So he didn't even get it right. He didn't get the right— the Wendy's right.

No, there actually is one.

Why? OK, he's opening it in here. Just open in the other room. Open it in front of a microphone in the other room. I don't like it. I'm in this room.

There's—

go, go in that room. You can't see.

No, this is a good place.

Yes.

Just, just, just sit. Okay, just sit. Open your present.

Open your present. Sit cross-legged like a little, little boy on Christmas morning. Hank, we will figure it out. And if we don't, we'll just throw it in the river, right?

Yeah, that's what you do.

Yeah. And then we'll forget about it. And then PFT will magnet fish one day and find it and be like, oh shit, I got a field goal post. All right, so, Max, I don't like the shame that Hank is putting on me.

It's kind of a bummer.

Yeah, it is a bummer. He's, he's, he's a vibe killer right now.

Open up.

I got more vibes to kill if you really— I actually wasn't going to bring this one up on the show, but I guess if we're doing vibe kills.

Yeah. So it's your, your best asset. Uh, the vibe. What is this?

So this, uh, Max's favorite baseball player or one of his favorite baseball players. Oh, actually, uh, hung up in a stadium.

Love this.

To commemorate him.

Love this.

It's, it's Jason Werth.

Hell yeah.

Big Jason Werth banner.

That's actually sick.

Yeah. So you're welcome, Max. Happy birthday. I'm sorry that I missed your birthday the other day.

Now he's— and he's wearing his Phillies uniform.

This is the Nationals, Jason.

Oh, okay.

But it's a giant Jason Werth. I know that you love the guy, right?

Yeah.

The guy.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. Pretty awesome.

Max, I also have a gift for you at my desk.

I did get it for your birthday. I'm sorry I didn't show up in time.

Do you not accept it, Max? I'm going to regift it to the Nationals fan.

OK, I have a gift for you at my desk as well.

What's the gift for Max?

I want to go get it.

Yeah, go get a new set of golf clubs while he goes out there.

Left-handed golf.

I'll kill the vibe. Vibes. Uh, go get it, go get it.

Is there actually—

yeah, yes, go get it.

It's also like a tube thing.

Happy birthday.

Uh, tube, it's just tube of meat.

The Boise State turf is an outdoor turf. Yeah, the outdoor turf has those little black beads. I'm aware that get everywhere. That's a problem.

Hey, can I, uh, can I tell you about this new technology they came out with recently. It's called a vacuum cleaner.

Oh, this—

what's the problem? So it's a vacuum cleaner, dude.

Why don't you just tell people, like, if you use— if you use cleats on that turf, you gotta— you gotta take the cleats off before you exit the turf.

Yeah, you gotta know it's that— well, people running the basketball court is going to be black.

Uh, we'll just get Dustbusters, dude. Well, actually, you know what, we'll probably get a Dustbuster ad deal. Yeah, this is probably gonna pay for itself. Also, can't you just take the black beads off potentially? But can you just like not shake it out?

Do you think that would work still? Like, would you be able to run in it? Yeah, if it didn't have the beads.

Why not?

Because I think that's—

I think the cushioning part.

Yeah, I think this is— again, these are problems for, uh, later and not right now. I buy the things, then we figure it out.

I love watching Max open presents.

I could watch this all Okay, what do you got there, Max? You talking to a mic? Is that mic on?

Just work memes?

No, it's not on. Okay, now is it on? No.

Yep, now it's on.

Yep. Okay, first part of the present is—

oh, I just got a text.

Oh, oh, Breaking Moose, Breaking Moose, Breaking Moose. Dom just texted me. Not Big Dom, Medium Dom, my assistant, because he's live listening to the show. He said the part of the turf we are getting doesn't have black beads.

Okay.

Suck my dick, Hank.

Sorry, that's—

Suck it, Hank. I was told—

Shout out PCA.

These ball markers are cool.

What did you get them? You got them.

This is for everyone. This one is right-handed on one side, left-handed on the other side.

Side.

So when you're playing one, one side, you can let other people know also what you're playing.

Nice. Very cool.

This one is a Phillies ball marker with also me in pigtails. Cream Team.

I don't know what this is.

Oh, Wisconsin Lighthouse.

Okay, so these are, these are gifts for everyone but Max.

No, I got one.

No, I know, I know.

Cool.

Here's Blake, your dog.

Now, Hank, did you buy these?

No. Shout out to Lightwork Engraving.

Charge them.

That's cool.

Lightwork Golf on Instagram.

Why is it such a big box for one marker?

This is half Jets, half interlocking fingies for memes.

Oh, nice.

Fuck yeah.

And oh, Duke bounced.

Oh, wait, what is this?

These are awesome.

Oh my God, it's the Braylon Mullens shot. This is awesome.

Wait, this one, it's got— this has Blake on one side and it's got Leroy on the other.

That's awesome, dude. Look at this one. Look at it. It's a brilliant shot.

The Zach one is cream team on one side, and then it's 4 Baconator fries, 20 nuggets, 2 chicken sandwich, 2 concrete mixers, 2 double cheeseburger, 2 large fries, 20 nuggets.

I love it. Thank you, Hank. Incredible. We're just—

it was just the spirit of giving time.

Yeah, this is a great gift.

Yeah, Hank, I got you a field goal Shout out to, uh, it's, it's like, like, L-I-T-E Work Golf on Instagram.

And then, and then more, and then some golf clubs for Hank.

Yeah. Okay.

Oh, there's golf clubs in there.

Oh, that's weird. Yeah, I never saw that coming. All right. So what are the— do you have another vibe killer, Hank? Are you doing your fire?

That's it.

Do you have a fire fest?

Oh yeah, I do.

Okay. OK, give us the Firefest. Are you going to use that blade?

No, probably not. Oh, I just dropped my Stella Blue coffee on the ground.

Oh yeah.

Now we have to replace this entire, entire turf in the studio.

Yeah. Amazon, by the way, 20% off all cold brew for until Sunday. So we're running a start of summer Stella Blue coffee deal. Amazon, go to Amazon. Best cold brew. You put it in the fridge. Fridge and you just have cold brew all week. You get a pitcher, put in the fridge, boom, done. Cold brew. So good.

My fire fest of the week is that— and this is going to be a little, maybe a little out of touch, I don't know. But I, I own a condo and the woman that lived in there previously did a bunch of work to it. Swedish woman. So it's all this Swedish shit that I don't know anything about.

It's like meatballs.

I can't tell you.

Yeah.

Swedish designs. Swedish, Swedish design.

Max just literally— his ears perked.

And there's—

what?

These like automatic shades that you just push a button that goes up, push one that goes down. The other day, the shade that goes up so I can get out onto my balcony, I click to go up, I heard like a little like motor malfunction and it just stopped.

Yeah.

So it's, it's stuck. I can't get outside. I was trying to troubleshoot it myself. I found like a plug at the very top of the ceiling. I grabbed a chair and I was on my tippy-toe on the chair, fell off, which like falling by yourself, one, kind of scary, and then when you can die, when then you realize that you're okay, it's like even more embarrassing.

Mm-hmm. Now, is there any chance that the spiders got into the motor and they're preventing it from rolling up now?

I have not ruling out any options. And then I ended up getting up to the thing, plugging it in, plug it back in, did nothing. So all that, all that effort for nothing. And then I'm trying to basically find this company and get them to come look at it. And it's— it, it was a like 4-hour phone call process yesterday just to get like an answer and hopefully get someone. And I don't know the model, the design, because I didn't install it myself and there was like no paperwork or whatever. So it's like I was talking to the company, they're like, what, what's this?

What's this?

I'm like, I don't fucking know. And they're like, we can look at it, we might not be able to do shit.

I was like, great.

So It's— it sucks.

Do we need to get you a Life Alert? Maybe, in case you start falling.

Yeah, I mean, if I'm falling off chairs, for sure.

How about—

how bad was the fall?

It was—

it was pretty bad. I mean, I was fine.

It was pretty scary in that moment. You're scared. Yeah.

I do think that there should be a service where if you buy a house and somebody has done stuff to the house, like customized it it that you have like almost a caretaker for the house that will live with you for the first week to show you how everything's done.

Or just like a pamphlet. A pamphlet says everything.

A lot of times the pamphlet doesn't— because I actually had— I had a similar situation where my, my curtains wouldn't raise up after like one time raising them up earlier. And then I was trying to figure out how to make it work, couldn't figure it out. And then after like 20 different days of like spending all day on Google people trying to figure out how to work these damn things. There should be somebody that looks after the house that tells you, like, they're a buffer zone. They stay there a week before the person moves out and then a week with you after you move in just to let you know what this house likes, what it doesn't like.

Yeah, I'd agree. It'd be good service. Say you could just maybe have someone learn everything about the house.

Yeah.

Farm it out.

The custodian of the house. Yeah.

All right. Well, I'm sorry for your Your fall, Hank.

Yeah, but then it fall and then my balcony access is compromised.

But again, do you know what fixes all this? Field goal post.

Yep.

So congrats.

Thank you.

I actually— we should maybe just name it Henry Lockwood's field goal post. The fact that you are pretending like you won't be fucking chipping balls through that field goal post within the first week is insane.

You haven't answered where it's going.

We're going to find out.

Yeah, because there's not an answer.

It's called a cliffhanger in the business. Okay. The fans are going to be like, oh my God, I have to tune in for season 2. How tall is where the field goal post goes?

How tall is the gym? The gym ceiling?

It's about 6 and a half Wembys.

Okay, so it should fit.

Fucking idiot.

I was texting Big Don.

Oh, nice.

All right.

PFT.

Cool.

Well, first of all, sorry for initially missing your birthday, Max. I also forgot another important birthday on Wednesday. It was Jaden's mom's birthday. I forgot about that. So shout out, Miss Jackson.

When do you— when you give up?

I've hit so many more. I've hit probably 70 more birthdays than you have this year.

But—

but you've missed way more than I have.

Yeah, he's 100%.

Yeah, I don't think Hank— That's the thing is like if you're not a birthday guy, you usually don't wish somebody a birthday on a day that's not their birthday. That's not a mistake that happens to normal people. But it's happened to me like 6 times.

I did do that to my dad last year. So I feel—

Yeah, that's true. Also, after that episode, we talked about this off the air. We probably should have brought it up on the air. Big Cat and I got a text from Max Holman the other day.

Yeah.

Where Max was like, hey guys, when I go on the road and play in tournaments, I let episodes build up so I don't really stay on top of all the PMTs, and then I catch up all at once. And I was wondering why everybody at the PGA Championship kept saying happy birthday to me when it wasn't my birthday. He was very confused by that, which he then found out after he got back. And then I was like, yeah, Max, sorry about that. I think maybe I screwed up, but it was your half birthday. But that might not be right either. He goes, yeah, no, that's not right either. So yeah, that was pretty bad. That was a bad situation.

It's, it's just, I mean, God bless Max because he is, he's the best and such a good friend of the show. But like, between this and the homosexuals and this and the meatballs and the perverts and the happy birthday when it's not his birthday, we're just— we just put him through hell.

I don't think he minds the perverts, probably.

Yeah, still. But it's got to be a little weird to have like multiple people wish you happy birthday when you're nowhere near your birthday and you can't figure out why.

That's actually like— it would be a good prank to pull on somebody if it was intentional.

Right, right.

But it wasn't intentional.

But now I think maybe you're losing it. It and being like, wait, why are people saying happy birthday with no context?

Yes. So if there's somebody that you hate, just the worst thing you can do is spread a vicious rumor that it's their birthday.

Yeah.

When it's not actually their birthday.

Yeah.

So yeah, I've been picking up the pieces from a lot of birthday mistakes this week.

And then the other Fyre Fest and did Jane reach out and tell and how to find out about his mom?

I just— I saw a lot of people wishing her a happy birthday yesterday.

Yeah.

Now Jane was busy. He was— he was at OTAs. Throwing dots yesterday. Then the other fire fest— this might seem also a little out of touch, but it's, it's real and it's something I'm dealing with. I recently became a pool owner, and buddy, let me tell you what, owning a pool is so much work that you don't think that it's going to be when it comes to cleaning it out. Like, yeah, I got a pool guy, but there's a lot of stuff they don't tell you about that you have to do in between pool guy visits. Like, the pool guy doesn't live at the house. The pool guy stops by once every couple of weeks just to top things off. But you got to like figure out the motors. You got to figure out— it's a lot. It's a lot. And so it's never been something I'm familiar— I didn't grow up in a house with a pool, never had a pool before. I know a lot of people do have pools growing up. This is all completely foreign to me. So I'm just day to day. The pool is like— the pool is my baby.

Like Hank's got his kids on the golf course. I'm just trying to get from sunup to sundown making sure this pool stays alive. And doing, you know, trial and error, figuring out everything that I can to keep this pool in the, in the correct zone.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

What do you say, Hank?

Don't you just— what, you seen a big net?

So that's part of it. Yeah. Getting a net. I got a net. Got a net.

Oh, get the robot.

God, I got the vacuum.

Yeah.

Do you know what, Sharky?

I call him—

do you know what I Here's something you got to probably be ready for with the pool is, is potentially having to save wildlife because I saved a chipmunk's life on Sunday.

I did that. I did that with a frog. But then we also lost another frog. Like, I found a dead frog in the pool too. So it's like, it is really— it's a lot of responsibility. Yeah.

Zach's an expert back here, by the way. He was just saying everything that you need.

Exactly.

What do I need? Because I got the— I got the vacuum. I call him Sharky. I I've got the COVID and then I've got like this pump that's supposed to go on top of the COVID to get rid of water when it rains, but that thing hasn't been working. Every time I try to plug it in, it blows all the outlets outside. So what else do I need?

You just gotta get like the pH strips and the shock and the chlorine, and then it'll tell you how much chemicals to put into the pool. You want to stay on top of that, make sure a lot of people aren't peeing in it. You'll be good.

Is that like that, um, that guy Brian Johnson?

You gotta pee in the pool.

You test it and you check out the biome.

Pretty much, yes. But it's practical here in the pool and not in his—

Zach, let's be honest. Like, my pool has a mandatory you will pee in this pool.

Oh yeah, that's totally fine. You just got to up the shock a little bit.

What's wrong with peeing in the pool?

Nothing.

I've told my kids, like, they'll say, hey, do I— like, I have to go to the bathroom. I'm like, is it pee? And they're like, yeah, it's like pool.

Arizona, I peed in that pool like 30 times.

Dude, I peed in every single pool I've ever been in my entire life. Life.

So you're anti-peeing in the pool?

Growing up, peeing in the pool is ass whooping. Yeah, I'm out on peeing in the pool.

How do they know?

Yeah, it's like, if you're just—

are you whipping your dick out?

No, but if you're like a little kid, you know when they're peeing in the pool.

It's like, what's the problem?

What are you doing?

It's more about like, this guy hasn't gotten out of the pool all day, so yeah, so he must be peeing.

Yeah, but what's the problem with peeing in the chlorine?

Look, I don't see a real problem with that. I just— that's just what I was told growing up. Hey, don't piss.

But like, as far as like a pool owner, what— how does that Your pool, your piss.

Yeah, do your thing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You were—

I—

you were saying that you have to switch things more often if there's pee in the pool.

So the pee can, uh, mess with the pH balance in the pool if there's a lot of pee. So then you just have to add a little bit of extra shock, sometimes a little bit of chlorine. But you'll just take it with the strips, and you can take it to the pool guy, like a pool store, and they'll do a little water test on and be like, here, use this, this, and this. You got too much piss in your pool, and then don't open your eyes for a couple hours.

Balance it out. Yeah. Um, and then Blake is having some issues with the pool too. Like, he doesn't like me in the pool when I go in and he comes over, he tries to like save me and like pull me to shore every time, which I guess is good instincts.

Probably thinks you're a chipmunk.

But he might think I'm a chipmunk. But in reality, when that big-ass dog jumps into the pool and he just swims over to you with his paws, you just get scraped, giant scrapes all up and down your body. So there's a, there's a lot that we're going, that we're going through. But I'm confident that, you know, we'll come out the other side. It's just, you know, I was not ready to be a father to a pool and they don't give you a book when you get one.

Need a book. Yeah, cool book. Okay, my Fyre Fest is— I'm now against my will into Pokémon, and I don't think I have the brain capacity for it. I was thinking about it. So my son is into Pokémon. He wants— he's collecting cards. I got duped, by the way, the first time, which was an all-time— you're a moron. I bought some on Amazon and they showed up, and apparently this is what people do, is they buy the Pokémon packs, the real ones, they take out the best cards and they resell them. I bought the resold one. So I had a pack of just like— I don't even know what a generic Pokémon would be.

Snorlax, Squirtle. I don't know.

Yeah, you just bought a box of bulk. Yeah, that's tough.

So whatever. We got over that. Shout out Spider. He had a bunch of Pokémon cards. He gifted some to my, to my son. But I want to like— when your kid gets into something, you want to share it with them. You want to, you want to be involved in it. It. I just don't know if I have the brain capacity to understand Pokémon, to know what's important, to understand how to play. Like, I have— I'm tapped out.

I got—

I remember stupid sports things. I got, you know, over 100, you know, Grateful Dead songs I can recognize after like the first 3 seconds. I got like all this shit in my brain, you know, stupid random trivia from wrestling in the '90s. Pokémon is just not— I have no space for it.

You got to get into it when you're younger to be able to. That's how I feel about being a car guy. It's like if you don't learn this stuff when you're in your teens or 20s, it's gone, right? You have no hope.

So I don't know, Zach, you're a Pokémon guy.

You got to just clear some cash up there because it will be fun.

But how do I— where do I start? Watch the show.

Yes, the cartoon.

But where do I start?

The show.

The show. The show is a good place to start.

The show is where I should start. Yeah.

I think you guys could enjoy that.

Okay.

Weekend.

All right. So then, but how many Pokémon are there?

There's thousands.

Yeah.

Catch them all.

There's really— there's 151.

What?

Before the expansion era.

Oh, there was an expansion era?

I feel like a lot of the cards your son might be opening aren't going to be the 151 though.

That's when— that's when I was a 151er.

You got to play the games. Yeah.

Get a Game Boy.

The Game Boy. The Game Boy games are so fun.

Pokémon Red.

Pokémon Fire Red.

Pokémon Go to the polls.

All right, this is—

yeah, we gotta get— we gotta get you— we gotta get you on the Switch playing FireRed.

I am in on the card thing because it's very funny. Like, my son is— I got him— Spider gave him all those cards and he went through all of them. And I guess he told me, he was like, a girl in his class is, uh, open for trading high-level Pokémon cards for any cute Pokémon cards. So he went into school today with a bunch of Pokémon cards that he was going to upgrade to the high-level ones. Like, that's fucking good. Good business. Found inefficiency in the market. This chick is just looking for cute ones. You're going to end up with some of the best Pokémon cards there are. So I'm in on that. And seeing my son happy is very fun. But I don't know, I just don't think I have it in me. I don't think I have it in me. You want to show—

we go to the games.

Okay, show. I'm going to start with the show. I'm going to give the show a shot. And then we'll go from there.

You got to get a Pokédex.

The fuck? You guys have listed like 17 things that I have to do.

Got to fill the Pokédex. Now that's going to be a day.

Damn, you got to catch them all.

Maybe Pokémon Go.

Who's about to get some steps in? Who's a bad guy?

Rocket Power or Rocket Team Rocket? Rocket.

Yeah, Team Rocket.

Is Pokémon Go still farming all our data?

Looks like they're blasting off again.

All right, so do I want it? I don't want to do—

that's a personal—

she was a rocket.

I don't know if that's all That sounds—

what age?

I don't know.

That sounds very horny.

I was, I was into it when I was a kid. What's her name? Jessie.

Jessie.

Yeah, that's right. She looks not age-appropriate, Hank. We're looking at a cartoon, by the way. Which one was a rocket?

I mean, Jessie.

Which one?

The one in the—

one's a male, one's a female.

Yeah, you gotta—

that's weird.

We gotta fix the term Rocket that you use.

Her— is her name Rocket?

Team Rocket.

She's literally a rocket.

But is she also a rocket?

Because you've been using it—

you've been misappropriating 10-year-old me, but you've been misappropriating Rocket.

True or false? How'd you feel about Miss Frizzle when you were like 10 years old?

Wasn't into it.

Not into her.

I got—

can't— you gotta try to cancel me because I said that about, uh, Kim Possible.

Miss Frizzle, all the way in.

You were in?

Yeah, all the way.

All the way in.

You inserted Uh, no, but in the bus.

In the what? The bus.

Magic School Bus.

She back that thing up.

She can cast a spell on me.

What's, uh, did she have cannons?

Miss Frizzle?

No, no cannons.

Not really.

She might have had cannons.

No, sneaky cannons. Had to hide them under the romper.

Yeah, I think it was like you got to dress appropriate for school.

I'd like to see Miss Frizzle on a Saturday night. Let's— her hair down.

Yeah, she actually lives in the school. She lives in that bus.

She's wearing a tube top.

Why don't we take this bus inside you for a change, baby?

Okay, Zach, finish us off.

My Fireface this week is a quick one. It's more of a PSA to those who— anyone who grew up playing the game who still continues to play the game. Listen, there's gonna be a time and a place where your friends try to convince you that it's time to move away from the console and go to the computer. Oh, I'm here to just tell you guys, don't do it. I've been in the throes of tech support email hell for the better part of like 9 weeks. I've never felt more disheartened. I've never been able to not play the game more in my entire life. They're gonna tell you to do it and it's gonna sound cool and you're gonna want to be one of those guys who do it. Don't do it, guys. If anybody's— cousins, kids, aunt, uncle, nephew— if you're trying to get them one or they want to get one, don't do it.

—so you're fucked.

I'm so fucked. They had the other day via email, which is actually insane. I tried to FaceTime the guy. He's not into that. He doesn't do text. It's only email, which is an impossible way to communicate. Maybe the worst way to communicate with anyone quickly ever. We're doing open-heart surgery on this computer. I'm not a tools guy. I'm not really a hardware tech guy. And he's like, oh, it'll be easy. Just a couple screws, hand tight, you're good. This is an impossible task. Help!

Yes, help! Help! What game in particular is it?

It's more so the, the computer, the hardware just not working. Okay. So it doesn't want to work.

So you still have the console?

I know it's right next to my bed. It's getting plugged in today and I'm never going back.

Yeah, we just— why didn't you just—

I may burn— I may set this computer on fire and send him a video. I like— like a terrorist. I may like this guy. Oh my. If I could—

oh, I want full docs.

I want a full docs. I think about doing it all the time.

Have you checked your computer for beans? Zero beans in there. Are you sure?

I love that video. Beans in computers. That guy, Ross Creation Rocks.

So funny. All-time video. All right. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to game. Is this why you've been going to sleep early? Sounds silly.

No, that's more of a lifestyle change. Just because I need— you got to do that. Okay. You know, I've been letting people down.

So is there a backup computer you could possibly use?

That is true.

Yeah, like that. Someplace you could stream. That is true. Like in this studio when we want you to stream all your login. That is true.

We're going to stream tomorrow, which is a Friday. I don't— this will come out tomorrow, so it'll be later in the day. So, okay, so tune into the stream. Yeah, but just know if your friend says get a PC, you stop hanging out with that friend. He's not— you're not real friends. Okay, he doesn't have your best interest in mind.

If you're a PC, you, uh, if you're PC native gamer that's okay. It's just about making the transition.

Yeah, it's about transitioning. If you're born that way—

if you're born that way, yes.

Yeah, I think he just says the PC doesn't work, console works.

So, okay, so even if you grew up with the PC, if that's how you've always been, Zach, we'll look down at you.

Actually, honestly, you might have grown up wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might have been guided from a young age. That's on your parents. That's bad parenting. Right. So look, that's That's a therapy thing. That's a trauma thing. You deal with that. We're just talking hardware. Okay, gotcha.

The hardware is the hardware.

Yes. All right. Good Fyre Fest, boys. Shane. Shane. Did you— did you hear about the goalposts?

Yeah, I didn't like some of the people's attitude about it.

Thank you. Thank you. A lot of naysayers. Shane, where do you think we put this thing? Doesn't matter.

Doesn't—

like, it doesn't matter as long as this part doesn't matter. I'm very happy that— the only thing I'm a naysayer about is I'm frustrated that we didn't do this 3 years ago, 2 and a half years ago.

Better now than never.

Better now than never.

Yeah, bolt up. You know how many, how many field goals Nate Cading missed in that thing?

You don't know. Yeah, that's a good point. Infinity. All right, numbers. 11, 56, 21, 5, 13, 11 in a row. Jaylen Brunson, 11 in a row.

It's been a problem. We can talk about later. He's been a problem. 7. How about, how about—

wait, did anyone say 16? I'll say 16. It's what you, what you have to do to finish the job. 15. I want to say no, you have to win 16 games, right? 4x4. Yeah. Oh wow. Means I did 15 in a row. I'm switching to 44.

15 in a row. 15 in a row.

Memes. Winning 15 games will not— 15 in a row. Winning 15 in a row. Winning 15 games total will not get you the NBA title. 15 in a row does. This is guaranteed.

Max, are you doing 44 for how tall the upright is or the Phillies pitcher?

I think you can guess that.

Christopher Sanchez puts respect on his name.

Is that it? 56? No, it's not it. What? What was it?

Is it actually 56?

What was your number?

No, it's not. I can see it's literally 56. What was your number?

No, it's not.

Is it actually 50?

What is your number? It's 56.

What's the problem? Troubled.

I started at 56 and I switched to 44. He switched to 44.

That's tough, tough breaks. Tough.

All right, give me one more shot. You win some, you lose some.

Well, no, you actually never won this. I have. You've never won this.

Who's won this? Uh, me and Jacob.

Not me. Shout out Jacob. Me and Jacob. That's tough.

That's real tough. I've done 56 every single one.

75. Anyone?

75. Anyone?

Anyone? Do another. Yeah, do one more.

That was really tough.

That's really tough. That was really tough. Same numbers. Your number.

But I, I don't— I would have been more hurt if I disrespected Christopher Sanchez.

19. 19. 19. All right. One more.

No. All right. Love you guys. Also, happy birthday, Paul Skeens. Happy birthday to Carmelo Anthony. Happy birthday, JFK. Happy birthday, Mr. President. Happy birthday to Markel Fultz, Austin Reeves, Puka Nakua. And Saturday, happy birthday to Billy Donovan and Manny Ramirez.

My birthday, Joe Namath, Sunday. Nice.

It's not— we have a show Sunday, so— well, no, it's a little bit early. Show comes out on Monday.

It's a little bit— when we record on Sunday, it's technically Monday.

A little bit early to say Joe memes. No, we're in the future. That's 4 days from now memes. 4 days from now. No, 3.

We're— today's Friday.

It's 4 days from now. Love you guys.