Transcript of The Gospel According to Grifters

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

Ready? One, two, three.

Patriots, gay triets, they triets, black triets, brown triets, and everybody who tries to oppressed those people can- Fuck off. Welcome to America's Top DEI podcast. We have our Pulse on America over here, and I've had it. All the Democratic strategists, you want to know what America thinks, you're in the right place. Quit being pussies and fight.

Yeah, that's a great- All right.

Pumps, what have you had it with?

Okay, what I've had it with is how... I feel exhausted because of all the lying and gaslighting that's coming out of this administration. I'm so tired of it. I was gaslit in my marriage, and that was before I even knew what the term was. But it just... I don't know if it triggers me more or if everyone feels this way, but it's like, I'm tired I'm tired of facts being ignored, facts being misstated. I'm tired of people looking at my face, particularly political leaders and FBI directors, fucking lying to my face like I'm dumb. I've had it. I've had it with gaslighting. I would much rather somebody tell me the unvarnished truth, even if it's hurtful, than lie to me. And I just feel like, I don't know, I just feel defeated in that it continues to happen, and it's so fast, and it's coming so fast, and so many people believe it. So I just feel like we're in an abused state as a nation, because we're just constantly being lied to, and we're just gaslighting, gaslighting, gaslighting. And I feel defeated.

I think that's their tactic. I know. But I do think that it's the part that makes me me crazy, is that I get that there are screwed up groups of people that want to do screwed up things. It's the people that buy into it. And if you look at, I always look at our state as an example. You look at our state and how, now that it's had Republican supermajority rules on the books, they've ruled everything in the state for close to 20 years, how everything has plummeted while at the same time, governor Dipset. Listeners, we're in Oklahoma, and his name is Kevin Dipp, but he's a real dipset. He runs around telling everybody we're top 10 state. Yes.

I see that on the Internet, and I saw it on a TV commercial the other day, and I was like, What? In what? In being racist and cruel? Is that it? Is that guns having more rights than women? Is that what you're talking about? But no. I mean, it's just there's no such thing as truth anymore.

It's crazy. I'm with you that I would rather hear the worst case scenario. I would rather it be facts. But I think that some people, like their whole identity, sadly, they've been indoctrinated via their churches and then different political silos and cultures, where not believing it or questioning it is too painful for them because their whole identity is wrapped up into it. Imagine the guy that he gets up in the morning and he wears Patriot deodorant, Patriot panties. He puts on his Patriot top, and he's got stickers on his truck, American flag stickers, thin blue line sticker. He's got I'm a big boy stickers. I'm a man. Truck nuts and pictures, stickers of assault rifles. And he lives in, works a decent job in some small town, America, and he never gets a raise. And his boss just told him, I'm sorry, you're going to start paying more for your insurance. I can't cover it. But his boss just bought a bunch of new jet skis and a monster truck and some other red-neck shit, right? Some new guns. And You bought into this thing so much so that your panties are Patriot panties, that they have a lot of these people checkmated.

They make it a part of their identity. Like, Josh, my husband, and I were talking about this the other day, and he was like, He was like, I just don't get people that are so beefed up on patriotism. Because when you think about it, it's like, Yeah, we're Americans, and I'm proud to be an American, but I don't think about it that much. I have to think about it a lot lately because we're doing terrible things around the globe, like denying the poorest children of the world medications and food. But I don't wake up every day and go, blah, blah, blah, cis, boom, blah. I got to get my Patriot panty thong on, slap my ass and look at it before I walk out the door.

I've got to salute myself in the mirror with a flag.

It's fucking weird. It's weird. The weird... Like, he's Patriot, and this Patriot shaming that goes on on the right, like you're not a real American, or you hate your country. And it's like, I am a real American, and I actually love this country, but it's not my identity. Yes, I'm an American. It's my nationality. But I don't wake up every day and just be like, Fuck, yeah, let's go USA, and sing the national anthem and shit. It's just There's Patriot shaming going on by these literal faux patriots.

Well, and here's the thing, too. When you look at the reason people love Donald Trump and think he is a patriot, it's because he got on that American flag and he dry-humped it, and they were like, That's my guy. He's the one. That, to me, I just- What's fascinating about that whole thing is, I have never I've heard an American President shit talk the country as much as Donald Trump.

America was dead. Well, just for over 10 years now, he has shit talked it, a shithole, said the White House was a shithole when he moved in there in Trump 1. 0. He talks just really disparagingly about Americans, about American policies, and not in a critical way, like a constructively critical way. Like a politician could come in and say, A lot of our foreign policy created decent destabilized countries that now we have to accept those citizens of refugees because of American provocations abroad. That's a constructive criticism. His is just like, basically the USA sucks, but also Wink Wink, I dry hump the flag. Right. Get your Patriot panties and check out my new flea market attire, the new Patriot man bra.

Did you hear that Trump is or see that he's bringing back Trump vodka, which has already gone bankrupt. That's the latest script.

Imagine, here's what's going to really just be so nauseating. If we ever make it through this regime, all of the patriots, the Republicans that are in the news punditry, and the next President, let's say they're a Democrat, and they shit talk Trump or shit talk anything, when they get on with their American lapel pins in their suits and they said, I think this is just beneath the dignity of the Oval Office, I am going to lose my mind because they will do it. They will do it. And they will not feel any sense of hypocrisy in it.

These are the people that still refer to themselves as the party of family values. I'm just like, of all the things you can say, that's not it. That is not it.

It was a pro-life party.

That's the biggest bunch of horse shit I've ever heard in my entire life.

It really is, especially Especially when you tackle on the ever-growing evidence of all of these grinder surges and outages at the RNC, and now at Charlie Kirk's funeral. And you have all of these DL, Magga demon queens that pray to Jesus, dry-hump the flag with Trump during the day, and then they're out at night doing gay stuff. Yeah.

Eaten some ass.

They're eating ass. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with digital I call small talk. Okay. I don't like small talk in general. One of my problems when I go to places with you, and Josh has started this, too. Both of you say to my face, Oh, I hate small talk. I want no part of it. And I'm like, Perfect. You're a great companion to date for me. And then we go to these events, and every body language in me is turning, heading... Yeah, nice to see you. I'm doing the hand. And you're going in asking 75 follow-up questions, and Josh is now doing this, too.

And here's the thing. Josh and I both will bond over, we're going to be in and out, we're not talking, and we're the worst offender. I don't know what it is. If it's hypocrisy, if it's projection.

I think you genuinely, in your mind think that you dislike small talk. But once you get a taste of it, it's like crack cocaine.

Here's my thing. I find weird stuff interesting.

Oh, I know.

So I'll ask a question Because I'm just like, I want to know this little bitty part about it, but you can't ask that little bitty part without the full context coming out. And so what I need to do is deny my curiosity and just stick with not asking the unanswered question.

I mean, that- So anyway, that's verbal small talk that I'm on the permanent record here at this podcast, I think from very few episodes of being against. You're on the record of being against it.

While being the worst offender.

While torturing me all the time. But the digital small talk, and it comes in all forms: text messages, emails, and DM's. Like, I just feel like sometimes there's just a lot of digital small talk that's unnecessary. And I find myself sometimes in text exchanges with people, where I'm sending the signals of a thumbs up, like a heart, like thumbs upping the message, not even a heart, a thumbs up, and trying to get the conversation to come to a conclusion. And it just keeps firing up. I mean, they're raring to go, and they're wanting to have this whole digital small talk conversation, and I'm so uninterested in it. I can't do it anymore. I'm just at the end of my ropes with small talk, both Verbal and digital.

Yeah, I think, especially with DMs and stuff, people sending you reels.

I quit checking DMs, just in general, because I feel like sometimes I like to... Sometimes It's a little... Okay, I like a little bit of digital communication, but once it's come to a conclusion, it needs to conclude. It's people who keep the small talk going. But then when I get to my phone after we're filming or I'm working on a design project, I've got all these emails, I have text messages, and then it just seems so daunting to go to the DM box. Yeah. And it's just a whole other set of shit that I had to check. And so I'm taking a DM vacation. Good for you. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I'll open up the top three.

Yeah.

But everybody in my family jokes around now because we have a family DM in Instagram, and now they're all like, Mom never checks her DMs anymore, and you didn't see this meme or that meme. And I'm just like, I'm just out. Out on them. Nobody's sliding into my DMs.

No sliding for you.

All right. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer.

I'm Angie, H-B-I-C.

Kylie, what's going on with the lesbians? The lesbians are good. We're keeping it gay out here. Oh, good. I've got two reviews for you today, and this first one is five stars titled My Husband Said He'd Marry Jennifer. And Gambit writes, My husband confessed he'd marry Jennifer in a heartbeat, and I can't even be mad because same. Pumps as my spirit animal. Jennifer is my husband's backup win. And together, they deliver the perfect cocktail of wit, rage, and hilarious. Jennifer and Pumps don't just host a podcast. They run the emotional support hotline for modern adulthood. Thank you for ruining every other podcast for us. That is really exciting. That is so nice. What's so great to know is if Josh and this hypochondria continue, we can jump into this, and it wouldn't be a thruple with you, and there'd be quadruple?

No, but here's the deal. Maybe you could switch her for Josh. You could take her husband.

I wouldn't do that to her.

She might be loving the nerve. What's it? Florence Nightingale? She might just be all up in that.

With the hypochondria? I don't know. He said he was going to go get a hearing test. I haven't asked the results. Have you asked him?

No. I was going to ask him because I've been having headaches because of my eyes, and I was going to ask him if maybe his headaches were because of his eyes. But I thought... I mean, I literally I really thought in my head, if Jennifer heard that I asked about this, she would murder me. If it gave him one more reason to bitch about his headaches. So I just didn't.

Kylie, who else? Okay, we've got five stars, titled Five Stars. And they were, I I listen to each show, and my husband will often look at me and say, Are you crying? I don't know why this show makes me so emotional. It's so refreshing to hear real conversations between smart, respectable women. Sometimes I feel like an alien in this country. So thank you, ladies. That's so nice. That goes back to what Pumps was saying about feeling like we're getting mass abuse right now. We are. And when you hear empathy or people being open-mindedness and advocating for all of the people that this administration is bullying, it's something we just have to continue to do. It's so important that we keep the culture of that alive during this and never obey in advance.

No, no, no, no. And have you noticed an uptick on people being ugly to other people? You're not an American. Speaking English, if you want to live in America. I feel like I'm seeing that more because Trump not only is doing that, but he's emboldening other people to be horrible people.

All right, let's move along and let's discuss with the listener what happened at the dog school yesterday.

Oh, God. Why do you have to bring that?

I'll set it up. Pumps and I both send our dogs to Doggy Daycare because we run America's Top DEI podcast, have our pulse on America, and are ready to advise Hakeem Jeffrey's and Chuck Schumer whenever they're ready, as to how they can turn the ship around. Right. Nonetheless, the dogs go to the dog school. I have two Frenchies. Pumps has two Frenchies and a Shaved Siberian Husky, which is not to be confused with her vagina, which for the long term listeners will know that sometimes those things are I forgot about that. The Shaved Siberian Husky, the actual dog, and the Shaved Siberian Husky, your beaver. Anyway, so we both go to pick up the dogs at the same time, and my dog's like her a lot, and her dog's like me a lot. And so they hadn't seen each other. And the dogs have been to school together, but they all come out and they're all super excited. And I'm petting on her dog. She's petting on my dogs. And then we walk outside, and it's a rush hour at the Doggy Daycare. And there's this really nice woman who's a really good pet owner.

She's a good American. She's a real American. She's a patriot. She's probably a patriot, and not in the obnoxious, fake way. But she just... I mean, she looked like a pretty earnest person. She was so nice. She didn't deserve what happened to her. So we're outside, and Pumps and I, of course, were like two Bulls in a China shop, just still yaking and talking. And we'd been together the whole day, but we're still yaking. And all of a sudden, her French Bulldog, Oliver Glizzard, violently attacks the dogs of the before-mentioned nice, normal woman. And he doesn't just like... I mean, it's a Napoleon complex. These dogs are five times the size of him. And he is just being a total ass twat. Oh, it's horrible. He goes crazy. So then we get him back together with pups, and she's, Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So this woman and I were parked by each other. So then we start walking. Oliver escapes again. He takes out of his leash. And he goes in for the second attack on these dogs. And then her puppy is running into the street. And there's about seven people at this point involved.

It was so terrible.

And then tell me what happened when you got to the doggy daycare this morning.

Okay, first of all, it was absolutely horrible. I'm getting sweaty just thinking about it now. It was so horrible. Anyway, so I pick him up, I have him in a... Not a chokehold, but a bear hug when I walk him in. I left the other two dogs in the car, and I walk him in. Here comes the girl that works at dog school that doesn't like him. And I know she doesn't like him. And here's the deal. I don't blame her. If I worked at dog school, I, too, would not like him. But she's no nonsense. She walks out and she's like, We're going to have to make some changes about Oliver. And I was like, I want to A hundred % no. Inexcusable. I'm so sorry. I'll bring him in holding him, or I'll bring him in on a harness because he was on a leash and not a harness. And it was horrible. I had to text the owners in a... It's just been... And I was really upset about it. I'm even considering the three-week ship him off to training thing. I mean, it was bad.

It was bad. It was really bad. Yeah. It was really bad. It was I think he's acting out.

That's just how he acts around other dogs. I told you, he did that to that neighbor, my neighbor in the neighborhood, where he knocked him down off of his feet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so that leads me to... I just want to highlight potential dog goals. And what I have here is a story I want to share with everyone, that there is this Frenchie in China, okay? And he goes viral for collecting plastic bottles. And shops even save their containers for him to go get the plastic bottles. And this dog earns money each month, including income from his online videos, and they range between $420 to $560. So this Frenchie has pretty much the same DNA as Oliver Glizzard. And I just want to show you all the video. And for a listener, I'll just I'll describe what you see.

This French Bulldog earns over a thousand Yun per month collecting plastic bottles. His name is Shia Bay, which means Lil White. When he was six months old, he picked up a plastic bottle and a stranger gave him a small piece of meat for it.

So then he started a lifelong interest in bottles.

His owner, Mr. Jong, takes him on walks around the neighborhood in Guangzhou, Kantan province. And although Lil White started it, Mr. Jong encouraged this behavior by rewarding him. As they walk, Lil Lill White finds and grabs bottles and brings them back to his owner's burlap sack. He collects bottles three times a day, morning, noon, and evening for about 20 to 30 minutes each time. Some neighborhood shops will leave bottles out just for Lil White, and now he's five and a half years old, and he's already become an online sensation on Douin, too. It's reported that Lil White can earn a thousand UN per month from bottles and an additional 2,000 UN per month from sharing videos online, but he doesn't seem to understand the numbers well. Mr. Jong said he didn't expect Lil White to become so popular. He just wanted to film his hard work for fun. But now that he's making money, he plans to spend it to rescue and feed stray animals.

I love this type of post. I do, too. I love that Lil White is so ambitious. I do, too. And he goes out and he gets his little plastic bottles, and the owner just wanted to film him so he could show off what a good little worker Lil White was. And here we have Lil White that's out there. I talk to my dogs about this all the time. I'm like, look, guys, I've been on Instagram, and we've got Frenchies that are skateboarding. We have Frenchies that are surfing. We have Frenchies that are doing all sorts of activities. And so today, after school, I think it'd be fun to share with them about Lil White, who earns his keep. He's a working dog, both as an influencer and as a custodian, and a recycler. Yeah.

I mean, he's for everyone. And it makes me realize how bad Ollie is. If you can get a Frenchie to do all that. I mean, I've got a real problem on my hands. There's no doubt about it.

Well, I think you need to be a pack leader. That's what I was saying. What have I been saying ever since?

No, I know, but I don't... Here's the thing. By the time I got him around, I should have probably disciplined the car, but my heart was racing so fast that I probably let it... I mean, not probably.

I did just- So there were no consequences for the double No, because I was just so relieved to get him in the car to drive off that I was like, I mean, seriously, my heart rate was up.

My heart was pounding. So no, he thinks I'm rewarding this behavior.

Okay, one more story. Our listeners of the podcast are going to love this. We make claims all the time, and then the science seems to catch up with I've had it. You all know we've claimed for a long time the following: People who constantly hate on everyone and everything are high IQ individuals. So Listeners, we've been saying, shit talking together and hating on shit is a bonding experience, and we always thought we and our listeners were smart. Researchers found that individuals who frequently express dissatisfaction often display advanced critical thinking skills. The report indicates that these individuals tend to analyze situations deeply, noticing flaws and inconsistencies that others overlook. While their behavior is often perceived as negative, scientists argue it may stem from heightened awareness and intelligence. And to that, I will say, guilty as charged. Listener, the hot book of the summer. I have it the wrong way. Take two. Listener, the hot book of the summer is now the cool book of the fall. It is in Trump's America, I can tell you with absolute certainty, the best book that has ever been written. And believe me, a A lot of people are talking about it.

Everybody's talking about it.

Everybody's talking about it. It took us one day to write it. On day one.

Because we took a cognitive test and it was book, write, done.

All right. Anyway, please buy our book. It's a great way to support us. It is a really fun read for the fall. Curl up with your pumpkin spice lattes and just enjoy living the American dream in Dipset Trump's America. All right, listen, our fall is here and the kids are back in school. Vacations are over and it's time to start the cozy part of the season. I want to introduce you to Bombas. I mean this. I have a pair on my feet right now. They are the most comfortable socks on the planet. They also have slippers, tees, and underwear. You cannot go wrong with Bombas.

I love my Sherpa-lined Sunday slippers. They're They're fantastic and cozy. I love them.

The best part, listener, for every item you buy, Bombas donates one to someone experiencing homelessness. Over 150 million items have been donated thanks to customers. With their happiness guarantee, if you're not 100% into what you got, they'll make it right. No risk, all reward. Listener, head over to bombas. Com/hadit and use code hadit for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S. Com/hadit. Code: hadit at checkout. Listener, one of the tools I've personally seen make a huge difference for business owners is Quo, formerly called Open It's the same great business phone system you've heard me talk about before, just with a new name. Here's why it matters. When every customer conversation matters, you need a phone system that keeps up and helps you stay connected 24/7. That's why you need Quo. Quo, formerly known as Openphone, is the number one business phone system that streamlines your customer communications. It works through an app on your phone or computer, so no more carrying two phones or using a landline. With Quo, your team can share one number and collaborate on customer calls and text like a shared inbox, so anyone can jump in and keep response times fast.

See why over 90,000 businesses trust Quo? Again, that's formerly open phone. Get started free, plus 20% off your first six months at quo. Com/hadit. That's quo. Com/hadit. If you have existing numbers with another service, Quo will port them over at no extra charge. Quo, no missed calls, no missed customers. Patriots, Gatriots, we have a guest today who I'm super excited about. He's a comedian, and he is the author of the book, Separation of Church and Hate. That sounds like a great idea. A political commentator, serious XM host, and son of a Franciscan brother and Catholic nun. That's fascinating. Let's welcome to I've Had It, John Fugelsing.

Hello. What a great pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Hi. Hi. All right.

I just want to say that study, that smart people complain more, that study was garbage. I found so many flaws in it. I am so hung up on just what a shoddy piece of work that was, and I'm happy to complain about it for the entire interview. Really bad scholarship. I mean, I found so much wrong with it, but welcome.

Exactly. All right, John. So we like to, obviously, shit talk. And so right out of the gates, we just want to ask you, what have you had it with?

Oh, my God. Well, this book is about how I've had it with right-wing Christians. Oh, God. Me, too. Retarding that their movement has anything to do with the actual teachings of Jesus. The full title of my book is Separation of Church and Hate: A Sane Person's Guide to Taking Back the Bible from Fundamentalists, Faschists, and Flock-Fleasing Frauds. Because as you mentioned, I was raised by a couple of ex-clergy. I was taught to believe that Christianity was about the stuff Jesus talked about, love, empathy, service to others, uplifting the less fortunate, fighting for the marginalized. Pay your taxes, welcome the stranger, individuals and nations, care for the poor, care for the sick. He commands it, Matthew 25, don't execute people, don't trust people, praying in public to be seen, all the stuff Jesus talks about. And a lot of us were raised believing it was a movement about empathy and love, and we grow up and it's become this right wing click that's tax free and fights to persecute gay and trans people, fights to persecute migrants, fights to criminalize abortion, none of which are anything Jesus ever talked about. And we got a whole generation of people who were raised religious and now consider themselves spiritual because they're turned off to the hypocrisy of mean, cruel, right-wing religious people.

Kids aren't abandoning religion because of God, or Jesus, or Santa Claus, or Noah's Ark. They're doing it because of these douchebags with a mouthful and a heartful of hate. And it's embarrassing. I got tired of seeing my parents' religion used as a cloaking device for all this mediocrity and cruelty. So I wrote a book for both atheists and believers about all the issues that divide us and how if you are arguing with a Christian fundamentalist or a socialist, even if you're an atheist, Jesus is probably on your side, and it's all the arguments the right wing uses and Why? On policy after policy. They use this Jesus as a prop to get elected. They'll worship him, but they do not follow him. And if they're going to try and force their narrow right wing version of Christianity on all of us in our public schools, on our airwaves, we're allowed to call them out for not really following Jesus. They're devoted to a lot of crap they pretend he said, but the actual stuff he said, that they call woke. And I'm sick of it. And that's why Donald Trump is President. And so I wrote a whole book about it.

And it's not about hate. It's about how to actually use humor, nonviolence, and the damn Bible, because it's time to thump Bible thumpers with the Bible and take it back for the nice people.

So are you a follower or an atheist?

I am not an atheist. I do believe in God. I even identify with his moot swings. How could I not believe in God? You got to blame somebody, am I right? But I used to, when I was a kid, brag about how Christian I was, and now I say I aspire to be a Christian? Because it ain't that easy. Jesus's whole movement is about humility, and picking up your cross, and alienating your society because you're going to fight so hard for the marginalized. That's the whole message. It's not about total right-wing domination of your school board.

I want to offer an alternative here. So I was raised by atheists in the buckle of the Bible Belt, and I don't need a book full of contradictions to inform my sense to fight for the marginalized. You do not. You don't have to have... I feel like sometimes more than anything, when I talk to Christians, I have to have such a regressive conversation. I agree. They believe in this Iron Age thinking, wherein the God of the Old Testament, that guy was a real freak.

The fundamentalists believe this, yeah. The liberal and moderate Christians are just out there not being a dick to people. But the fundamentalists of all the world's religions believe in the angry, alcoholic step God. Who hates it? I'm sick of it, man. I'm so tired of it. And you're right. But you see, atheists are right. You don't need a book of rules to be a good person. But the reality is, this is our society and the entire history of Christianity since the Romans took it over and it stopped being the brown-skin Jewish Carpenter's message of love and acceptance for the poor and became an imperial religion that will dominate and slaughter people. But it's okay because we'll force you to be Christian, and then you're saved. Let me ask you this. Go ahead, please.

So you know how everybody, like all the Christian nationalists, their big thing is we're a Judeo-Christian values because they can't sell Israel under the bus. So it's always like, Judeo-Christian values, Judeo-Christian values, we have to maintain them. And I'm like, that is such a bizarre thing to not evolve. Every other form of study evolves and changes and gets better. And so in my opinion, the Ten Commandments, there's a lot more that can be added to that that don't involve God's ego. It feels like this desire to conserve this Iron Age mindset- That's authoritarianism. Right. That law and psychology and everything else we should evolve past. I think the same thing about the Constitution. We haven't amended it in a very long time. I think it's crazy that South Dakota has two senators, and they have not very many people there. And then California has two senators. And so I just think that whenever we're trying to hold these rigid things in place, when we have evolved and we more studies and more data- Right, but they're both the same.

The Electoral College and organized religion are both examples of how the minority controls the majority and uses sacred texts that can never be questioned to control the majority. It's the same thing. It's all authoritarianism, and it's all bullshit because it's all the opposite of the stuff Jesus talked about. They want to say Judeo-Christian values, not because they care about Jews. Half of these people are rapturephiles. They want the tribulations to come where half the Jews will die and the other half will force be made to convert. They love Jews that much. They don't care about that. They say Judeo-Christian in many cases because they prefer some of them Old Testament laws over all that love and acceptance of Jesus. These are the guys who quote Leviticus to justify cruelty to gay people, even though that's the book God gave the Hebrews when they were escaping bondage, Jesus brings a new covenant. You get to eat bacon now. You don't have to be mean to gay people. But again, they'll pick and choose the parts of the Bible they want to follow, which everyone does. But the fundamentalists do it to justify cruelty. And I got to remind them 10 times a day on my Serious XM show, Leviticus 2010 commands you to stone adulterers to death.

I'll let you work that out with Donald Trump. I'll let the Secret Service know you and your rocks are on your way. They don't believe it. They weaponize parts of books they don't believe in to hurt a minority that Jesus commands them to love.

I completely agree. I was raised evangelical, and my- Bless you.

She made it out.

I made it out. Right on. But what upsets me most from a personal level is the lack of empathy I see in family members. And when I say, What would Jesus do in this situation? And it's an immediate, Oh, well, he'd be for this. And I'm just like, That's exactly opposite. So what do you attribute that to, and what is your response to that? Trying to change it.

I attribute that to two things. They don't read the Bible, and they're counting on you not having read the Bible. And that's it. Because Jesus of the Bible was a peaceful, radical, nonviolent revolutionary, hung around with lepros hookers and crooks, never spoke English, was not American, was anti-wealth, anti-death penalty, anti-public prayer, Matthew 6: 5, but never anti-gay, never anti-abortion, never call poor people lazy, never fought for tax cuts for wealthy Nazarenes, never said torture's okay in some situations. He was a long-haired, brown-skinned, that's in Revelation, brown-skinned, homeless, community organizing, unarmed, anti-slut-shaming, authority-questioning, authority-challenging, Palestinian liberal Jew. But that's only if you believe what's really in the Bible. So anyone who's trying to link Donald Trump to Jesus, they haven't read the Jesus parts, because the only way you can follow both Trump and Jesus is if you haven't read either of their books. Those guys have nothing in common, except they spent a lot of time around prostitutes, and they both used ghost writers. That's it.

Let's talk about the part about Jesus speaking out against the accumulation of wealth, number one. And the second part of that is him speaking out against public religiosity, because these are the two things that as an atheist, raised around this. I've never found anything about Christianity attractive. My mother made sure I wasn't indoctrinated, made sure my mind stayed open. And every Christian I met just further exacerbated my secularness. And the two things that all Christians that I've met that are Americans in this part of the country, we live in Oklahoma, seem to have in common is a worship of wealth and overt religiosity, public religiosity. It's very well known in Oklahoma or Texas when you meet somebody, well, what church do you go to? They think it's their business. It's a very toxic culture where people don't mind their own business.

I grew up half Southern, half Brooklyn. I'm very used to it as well. I'm a fan of the show, by the way, ladies. Thank you. I'm like a total fan boy for the YouTube Rock stars right now. It's really fun to be on here. Look, the Bible has a lot to say about poverty. It bluntly commands generosity and justice and compassion towards the poor, and it doesn't ask nicely. God commands lending to the poor without expecting repayment, without ever causing interest. It was charging interest on the poor that made Jesus do the whole temple freak out. In Moses's law, you have to have a Jubilee year every 50 years where all debts are forgiven to reset economic inequality? I mean, Jesus commands individuals and nations to care for the poor in Matthew 6: 5 and says that individuals and nations will be judged, heaven or hell, by how well they care for the poor and the sick and how well they welcome the stranger. And throughout, Jesus warns you about these people who pray in public to be seen. He's not against praying in church. But Matthew 6: 5, he warns to not trust anybody who pray in public on the street corners so they can be looked at.

I think about this whenever I see Mike Johnson on his knees in the well of the house. The guy could have gone into the back room and prayed with these other congressmen in private, tastefully, but they don't want that. They want to show off. They want public displays of piety. Jesus literally says in Matthew 6, that when you pray, go in private and pray to your Father in secret. And that's what he says right before he teaches the words of the Our Father. They don't teach that in Christian school. And again, I think if you're opposing Christian nationalists, fall back on Jesus. That's it. Don't fight them. Make them argue with the Bible. Jesus and God command us to welcome the stranger. God commands us in the Old Testament to treat the alien as one of our own. And Christ says that nations will be judged, heaven or hell, by how they welcome the stranger. So when your uncle racist is over, just say to uncle racist, why should I listen to you and Donald Trump and ignore God and Jesus?

This is why I think politicians like Andy Berchere of Kentucky or James Talarico from Texas are going to have so much credibility reminding these rural and suburban religious folk what they're supposed to advocate for. I think that they are such credible messengers They're not going to listen to me. I'm a crazy atheist.

They're not going to listen to me. I'm a comic.

But those two messengers in the Democratic Party right now, I think, are some of our most important voices. And what impresses me so much about each of them is some Democrats Democrats, centrist Democrats, have flirt with throwing trans people under the bus. Oh, yes, they have. And neither Talariko nor has Andy Berchere done that. In fact, they have said, My faith instructs me to accept them. My faith instructs me not to judge them. But I wanted to ask you this. So we had Charlie Kirk's funeral, and obviously everybody knows nobody likes gun violence. Most of all, liberals were not into guns or gun violence.

You like how they're blaming the woke gun control people?

I've never shot a gun in my life.

I'd love to hear a Democrat point that out. Go ahead.

Did you hear how they were signaling? I think that what a lot of these Republican Christian nationals' politicians do, John, is they Christian signal. They say, The Lord this or Jesus that, and they Christian signal so that they can disguise the fact that they're advocating for the accumulation of wealth and for fucking a lot of people over. But at that funeral, I can't remember which speaker it was, But he was like, And the Lord put this person in this cabinet position. The Lord put this person in that cabinet position. And the Lord made sure the bullet missed Donald Trump- Blaspheming, blaspheming, blaspheming.

The Lord wanted that poor bastard behind Trump to catch a bullet in the head in front of his kids. That's what they're saying. The Lord wanted Cory Quimperator, whose name they've already forgotten. They can't remember that guy's name. Just like Ben Gazzi, they forget the corpses when they're no longer useful. When anyone says that, they are saying God wanted that man to die in front of his kids so Trump could come here and rape USAID to kill thousands of kids overseas. That's the message they're giving. There is no right wing Christian argument for any of this, and you're so right about the funeral. And you're so right about Talariko. And I would also add a Buttijaj and, of course, Reverend Senator Warnock to that list. They're really on it. You don't have to believe in the Bible as literal fact to call these people out on their crap. And atheists can do this. A lot of atheists who have family like this that they still love do this all the time. In the case of the transgender people, I mean, literally, Jesus's whole message is to uplift the less fortunate, right? That however you're born, it's not your fault, and maybe you're born a certain way so God can reveal miracles through you.

I hate to get all conclave and shit, but that's what's in the book. So real masculinity is not beating up on a powerless minority with a high suicide rate. Real masculinity is uplifting the marginalized and being strong for them, which is also a great feminine trait as well. But their whole deal is power. They don't give a rat's ass about the teachings of Jesus. They don't care about religious freedom. They don't care about Satan. They don't care about abortion. I'm talking to politicians now. They don't care about abortion. They don't care about illegal immigration. They care about power. That's it. That's the creed. If they wanted abortion to end, let's have more birth control. Let's have more sex ed. Let's drive the numbers. They don't want it. They want the controversy. You want border crossings to stop? Start locking up every white person who hires an illegal immigrant. White people put the help wanted sign at our border. Start putting them in jail. We never do that because we need this workforce. So they're not serious about anything. They just want power. And Donald Trump seduced the right, not by promising to do anything Jesus did.

You ever hear Donald Trump talk about, I'll help the poor like Jesus. You ever hear Turning Point USA talk about the importance of helping the poor? No. It's all about power. They don't care about Christ. They care about conservative Christian domination. That's their real religion. And so it's really easy to call them out because they're frauds. They don't use the book. And I wrote this book. So even if you don't believe in the Bible, you'll know on Whatever topic, feminism, immigration, abortion, the exact lies they tell to assume this control over our culture. If more of us could call this BS out, they wouldn't have this as armor, and you wouldn't be able to have this lecherous, adulterous, stealing from vets with a fraud online university, having cops beaten for a lie on the Capitol's steps, clown with all of his makeup like an old tragic drag queen as President. He got it because our Christians don't give a rat's ass about what Christ said. But a lot of Christians do, and a lot of atheists are better Christians than the so-called Christians, because they're fighting for the least of us.

I agree with that. Have you been able to figure out when God and guns became synonymous? Yeah. Okay. I don't understand that.

I do a whole chapter about this, and about violence, and about toxic masculinity, and the ones who worship dude bro Jesus, the scrapped alpha bro's for Christ. I think in the 1970s, it really began when guys like Jerry Falwell, before they had latched on to criminalizing abortion, which again, the Bible never forbids. But that's how they took over the party, and they began to associate gun ownership with good stewardship, with good citizenship, that it wasn't just a right, it was an obligation for good people to do. And I'm not against owning guns. I think most guns and ammunition should be free for American women, and maybe for altar boys, too. But what we've gotten instead is this corrosive culture where there's 110 guns for every 100 people in our country, and they are fighting very hard for mentally and emotionally unstable 20 something men to have easy access to products that are designed to kill lots of humans really fast. There's no Bible justification for any of this. When gun violence is the number one killer of children, more than car accidents or disease, and it's because the Christians won't allow an up or down vote without a filibuster on high-capacity magazines, I mean, why can't we tackle a guy when he has to reload after 10 shots?

Why do civilians need to fire off 30 rounds without a break? The expanded background checks, that's more popular than Christmas. 90% of us support that. We can't get an up or down vote because of the Christians. I don't want to hear from any of these guys that they're pro-life when they are fighting every day to make sure the next Salvador Ramos or Robin Westman or Dylan Roof or any one of these guys can easily get their guns on military hardware and slaughter American people. It's all a business. It's all about power. They are not practicing the rules of Christ. If you care about life, if you care about children, then you want to make it a little harder for an emotionally unstable 20-something white guy, because that's always who it is, to easily massacre lots of Americans in a short amount of time. They're not pro-life. It's all power.

It really is. It's so gross. So one thing we're really into that I'm really into right now is I have this hypothesis that in the MAGA movement, you have a bunch of emotionally stunted, broken people with inner child issues and a lot of suppressed sexuality. And we have some data coming in on this. We know that Grinder was overloaded during the RNC. We know that after Charlie Kirk's funeral, Grinder had a massive, massive usage strike. We know that podcasters, right wing podcasters like Benny Johnson, gets targeted ads for gay cruises while at the same time, espousing Christ's Kingdom and all this crazy-ass bullshit, right?

Oh, yeah. Homophobes like it both ways, don't they?

Yeah. So I have this whole... I feel like there is a group I have DL, down low, DL demon queens in the MAGA movement, a lot of these men that I've identified as candidates. And this is just my opinion. This is my hypothesis. Please. I support it. I will never obey in advance and not talk about this.

That's why your show is great. I endorse outing people who legislate against LGBTQ citizens, by the way. I do, too. If you're an artist, if you're an actor, you're keeping a private fine. If you're a country singer, you're not going to keep it, fine. But if you're actively making life harder for kids, fuck you, man. Let's get your name out there.

I agree. If you're passively in the closet, that's your business. That's not my business. But Moses Mike Johnson, who talked- Jesus never minds sexual sin.

He minds it's hypocrisy. Exactly.

Tell me about Mike Johnson. Moses Mike Johnson. Moses Mike Johnson, he's the guy who said, while there's cameras running, Yeah, well, God woke me up, and he tapped me, and he said, Wake up, little buddy. You're going to be Moses. Then poof, I'm speaker of the house. I mean, he's just delusional, right? Yeah. So he Or a good liar, right?

Or a guy who's just playing to simpletons.

Yeah. Actually, growing up in the Bible Belt, I think he legitimately thinks this. I have so many friends that have delusion about this stuff. They believe in spiritual warfare. My friends in high school, they really believe in this shit, talking all this crazy shit.

They really believe that we have to arm ourselves and ignore everything Jesus said about nonviolence for Jesus. It's all power, insecure men.

But Mike, Moses Mike, as I like to call him, he has all these pray the gay away camps. His wife has pray the gay away camps, the porn tracker with the son. If I had to bet my French Bulldog's lives on it, I'm going Mike for sure.

A hundred %.

Then we go on to JD Vance, who is a failed drag queen. We all have photographic evidence of that. As Pumps points out- That's the important thing to drag queens, madam.

I'll have you know that. I got to stand up for my people, too.

And he changed his name him three times as an adult, which that's really weird. But the biggest evidence I have for him, aside from the eyeliner and us being one news cycle away from a full-blown smokey eye, is that you may remember back when he was calling Trump Hitler. I do. And talking about how dangerous Trump was. And he was chubby, and his hair was messy, not dressed too cute. And then he goes off to Peter Thiel, who we all know is a sociopathic, anti-Christ gay man.

But Actually very healthy and normal Peter Thiel. Nothing weird about it. His hard drive must be clean. Don't worry. Exactly.

So it goes off to what I call Peter Thiel's gay camp. And then he pops back out, and he looks like he got queer-eyed. I mean, it's just You can go down the list. Everybody knows Lindsay Graham is gay. So one of the things I've had it with is- South Carolina, by the way. I've had it with the Republican Party acting like they don't have a bunch of gay men in their party.

And I just- Don't forget Ken Millman, the RNC chair was gay, and in the closet, everyone knew it. Totally.

I forgot about that. I remember him.

And that was when they were in 2004, when they were using gay men- On the ballot. When George W. Bush had lied America into war, and we had body It's coming home every day, and it looked for sure, how can this guy get reelected? And Karl Rove made the entire reelection campaign about marriage is under attack. And Dick Cheney betrayed his daughter. Dick Cheney didn't give a damn about his daughter and sat silently while they spread this, and it worked. I wasn't shocked when Trump went last year, because 20 years ago, we saw the example of a President who lies to Americans, and Americans get killed, and they reelect him anyway. That's what happened in '04 with Bush after the war. That's what happened with Trump after lying to everyone through COVID. But with the homophobia, first off, there's no part of the Bible you can use to say that being gay is wrong. Let me say it again. There is no part of the Bible anyone can ever use to say that being gay is wrong, because nobody follows Leviticus, nobody follows Deuteronomy. Saint Paul is not actually talking about gay people. I point out in the book that Jesus does come out and say that gay men are born that way in Matthew 19.

I would argue, I go deep on it in the book, the famous story of the Roman centurion, when Jesus heals his sick slave and the Apostles are all upset, well, why would a occupying military officer seek out a local homeless Jewish mystic faith healer to come to his home to heal a common slave? What do we know the Romans? They left their wives at home and they took special boys on the road. And in the original Greek, the word used was not slave. It was pais, beloved boy. So Jesus, who turns nobody away, you could argue credibly, healed an occupying military officer's male lover. I bet the Apostles were thrilled about this. Again, homophobia is incompatible with the sermon on the mount. Nobody follows Leviticus. You have to stone people to death for working on Saturday. If you... Fuck you, Nascar, right? They don't believe it. And any politician who's telling you that being gay is a choice that must be resisted, probably has some experience resisting it. Totally. And it's going to be a pleasure watching this last generation of closeted, shame-filled gay men die off in our lifetime, Because young people are not born programmed with this shame today.

Listener, do you ever go to the doctor and you just feel like there's something wrong? Something's not quite right with your body. You're not sleeping well. You have brain fog. You go to the doctor, they do blood pressure, and they're like, you're completely fine. Don't worry about it. You're like, at that age where I want a little bit more micromanaging about my health. This is why Pumps and I are so obsessed with Superpower. Superpower actually sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab. It's one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, way more than what you'd usually get, which unlocks so much about your own body. Here's the best part. Superpower used to cost $499, but right now it's just $199 for the full experience. That's more affordable than anything else out there. Other testing services charge $500, $1,000, sometimes more for similar or less. Know your numbers with Superpower. Listener, head to superpower. Com to learn more and lock in the special $199 price while it lasts. After you sign up, ask how you heard about them. Please make sure to mention this podcast to support the show.

Your biology decoded, your blueprint activated with Superpower. This ad is brought to you by Veeve Health care, the makers of Apritude cabotegravir.

You never skip your SPF, and you carry hand sanitizer like an accessory. But what are you doing for HIV prevention? One way to help protect yourself from HIV is Apritude, a prescription medicine used to reduce the risk of getting HIV in adults and adolescents weighing at least 77 pounds.

You must be HIV negative to receive Apritude and get tested before each injection. If you think you were exposed to HIV or have flu-like symptoms, tell your doctor right away. More HIV testing may be needed. Aperitude does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections. Practice safer sex to reduce your risk. Get Apritude as scheduled. Missing increases your HIV risk. Don't take Apritude if allergic to it or taking certain medicines that may interact. Tell your doctor about your medical conditions, liver problems, and mental health. Serious side effects include allergic reactions or rash, liver problems, and depression. If these occur, get medical help right away. The most common side effect is injection site reaction. Bring your A game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at appertude. Com or call 1-888-240-0340.

I'm sitting here thinking, there are people in my life, maybe I could give their book and it would change. But then I think about how generational the indoctrination is. I mean, their grandparents, parents, my parents. So what do you think a realistic... Somebody like me that wants to go and talk to somebody who is super... Like Jesus is the best thing in that they follow Jesus, and they don't see the irony. Yeah.

I want a book for you.

It's a lot. So what do you think the realistic expectation on how you deal with this? If I just plop the book on her lap, No, I don't recommend that.

My book is not for people. My book is for people who have to deal with these people. Fundamentalists will not like this book. They will hate you for giving it to them. They will not read it. Maybe some will just to make a hateful review on Amazon, but they're not going to. Now, Conservatives are another story. I'm not talking about the haters, just nice conservative people, right? Conservative Christians, they're often more liberal with kindness than actual liberals. And so throughout my book, I'm checking in with the Conservatives, Christians, and the atheists who are reading to make sure they're okay with all this Jesus shit I'm laying on you. But here's what I found out, okay? You won't convince them. You probably won't be able to talk anybody out of the matrix. All that spiritual growth has to happen on your own. And Donald Trump is going to make it easy for a lot of them when this whole thing goes up in flames. But What I found is this, we can't hate these people, right? For most of us, they're not nationalists or fanatics. They are our relatives we still love, even if they're crazy, or our coworkers, or that douchebag from high school who can't spell your, but we're still friends on Facebook, right?

So So what I find is if you engage these people on what the scriptures actually say, they won't agree with you, but they may appreciate you took the time to engage them on their own turf. And if you go back to the central values of what Christ was about, not spirit of Christianity, but Christ in the Book, and the things that Christ demands. Look, Matthew 6: 5, he lays it out, Individuals and Nations, four criteria for heaven, not hell. Take care of the poor, take care of the sick, welcome the stranger, and be kind to those in prison. Nothing about screaming at women outside clinics. Nothing about hate in the Muslims or believing in the talking snake or giving money to your church. It's those four criteria. And I find if you talk with them about what Christ actually says, don't fight. Just ask questions. Christians. You can build a bridge there. They'll appreciate it. And I just believe you get farther telling your uncle that Jesus wasn't an immigrant-hating homophobe and showing him in the scripture proving how Jesus was not an immigrant-hating homophobe, then if you just give them the finger and call your uncle an immigrant-hating homophobe.

Again, it's a guide for people who have to deal with these folks, okay? And spiritual growth is not to be met with smug liberal I told you so, but we have to fight for them. We have to hope that they wake up out of matrix, but we can't hate them, but we have to beat them. We have to beat them with nonviolence and democracy and humor, and we got to use scripture, too, because this is what they use as camouflage. The Democratic Party and the media are terrified. They will not touch religion. You all know it very few will. So it's going to take regular folks over the dinner table on social media in the workplace to convince these people that hate is not a Christian value.

I've been saying this when we started the podcast, and for a very long time, America has a crazy Christian problem, and the Democrats have to address it. The Republicans brought Christianity into, just like you said about Croll Road, put it on the ballot, and Dick Cheney betrayed his daughter. I remember that so well. I had the John Kerry sign in my yard, the whole nine. You got it. I've been saying the Democrats have got to address it. They're the ones that brought it in. But I have to say, I do think having credible messengers, like some of the Republicans we were talking about, but I also do think that the Democrats could run somebody super secular and maybe a bluer district to start the language that showing by example that, especially if they ran against a far right winger, to say, Look, I don't know where this person gets all this stuff, but they're supposed to be caring about the poor, and they don't. We have to start drawing these comparisons, start contrasting, because Christian Nationalism is so dangerous and has been so detrimental to our state. We're ranked 50th in education. It's ranked 50th place in the whole United States for women to live.

And what's so bizarre about this- Yeah, but you're fixing your Ryan Water's problem.

Congratulations on that.

Governor Stitt, he's this big Bible thumb and evangelical. When he won, he said, I want to dedicate every square inch of the state to Jesus. And since the dedication, he's eroded and harmed the neediest Oklahomaans. And he's even refused school lunches, federal money for school lunches for children, just unrestrained cruelty that he gets away with because he Jesus signals and Christian signals. And so many people in rural Oklahoma, the only social structure they have is their church. Correct. That's all they have. They don't have anywhere else to go except for their church.

And those churches are getting smaller and younger people are abandoning them because of this. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

But these politicians have exploited them and weaponized their faith against them. And it's so It was tragic to see how many people vote against their interests. I remember in 2004, my husband and I were driving to... He's from a small town in Oklahoma. We were driving out there and we stopped this rural gas station, and there was this woman. She had probably about five kids. Car was a total clunker. You could tell, this is well below the poverty line. Kids didn't have shoes on. You could tell she was struggling, this woman. She had all these kids, and the car wasn't working well. And she had a Bush-Cheney sticker on a car. And my husband was like, that is just fucking unbelievable.

But that's how religion does it. That's authoritarian religion. And again, that is using fundamentalism, right? It's probably because of abortion. Abortion is how they done it. For 45 years, two generations of Christians have been raised in a country where they vote against everything Jesus ever talked about to criminalize abortion, which Jesus never talked about. I have this conversation with our MAGA brothers and sisters all the time on my Sirius XM show. I always say, give me one own teaching of Christ that Donald Trump, or MAGA, or the Republican Party have fought for in this century. Chapter and verse, please. One. I don't get real answers. I get abortion, and I explain the Bible is not against abortion. God asserts a fetus's property in Exodus 21, and that a woman's life has more value in his eye than a fetus. That's why Jews don't ban abortion. That's why abortion is legal and free in Israel right the fuck now. Jesus is against the death penalty, of course. Never mentioned abortion. They don't follow him. Second most common answer I get is, Well, Trump has a strong border. And I'm like, No. God and Jesus command us to welcome the stranger.

You guys call them illegals. You're the no room at the end, Christians. You reject God and Jesus. You're not fans of the book. You found a new Messiah. He's a racist landlord from Queens. And the third answer I'll get, and this is true, I swear to God, Trump moved the US Embassy to Jerusalem. And then I have to politely explain, at no point in the Gospels does Christ state an opinion on the United States or where their embassy should be in the year 33 AD. It doesn't come up. It's not there. They're making shit up. They reject what Jesus commanded. They'll fight like hell for stuff they think he talked about. And that is how the Republican Party, post-civil rights, has manipulated two generations of white people, and it's led us directly to Donald Trump. A bastardization of Christianity is how they suffered all these people by throwing out Jesus and replacing criminalizing abortion.

I would say the bastardization of Christianity, plus the worship of unrestricted capitalism. Both of those things convening at the same time.

That was 100 years ago, too. That's always. That's what Jesus people are about.

Because so many Jesus people, they love supply-side Jesus, Capitalist Jesus. Okay, John, I could talk to you about this forever.

You guys are too much fun, man. I know. I'm going to bankrupt.

I want to play a game with you. It's called Had It or Hit It. Oh, my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had It. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. John, Had It or Hit It, suburban parents.

Let me just say, I grew up in the suburbs, all right? And I've had it with my suburban parent friends who keep calling me all the time, and my rural parent friends, just because I live in the city, and say, Oh, Don't you feel bad that your kid doesn't get nature? If you're going to live in a city get this? Don't you feel like you're cheating your young by raising them in the city? There's no nature. Don't you wish your kid... Don't you feel like your child is going to never know nature? And I'm like, What are you talking about? New Yorkers are around more nature than anybody. You in your comfortable suburban house, and you go into your garage and into your car, and then you go to your job or your church or your school to avoid nature. You know what we do when it's 109 degrees or minus nine degrees or when there's a high pollen count or a hurricane or a noroaster or a blizzard, we walk in it. We make our kids walk in it. My child gets so much nature. My kid sees more dogs in a day than yours does in a month, more rats in a day than yours does in a year, and more roaches than you will see in a lifetime.

Mike, we have so much nature. We walk down the sidewalk and see poop on the ground, and we don't know what species left it. That's how much nature we have. We have so much nature. It gets into our house, so we have to hire exterminators to kill all the nature. I was in Central Park with my kid, and we saw two rats eating a bagel while a duck and a raccoon watched. Don't tell me about nature, suburban parents.

All right. Had it or hit it, the R-word.

Oh, man. Okay. So these adults over the age of 14 who use the R-word, there's levels of cowardness and punching down and being a pathetic beta male. And then there's this. This is why fucking Lenny Bruce died. So dude bros with a podcast could say retarded? Really? Wow. Wow, you free speech heroes. I worked in special Ed. I paid my way through college doing special Ed. And a lot of people in your show probably have folks who have developmental disabilities or developmental delays or whatever tasteful words we're using to describe people born differently in this decade. Made, right? These cowardly bitches who are coming out there saying, Retard, retard, retard, making their friends laugh. And you see this in comedy clubs, too, making fun of the homeless, right? Like punching down, punching down on developmentally disabled kids by using a slur. And here's the deal. None of these cowards would ever use that word if they were at the Special Olympics. They wouldn't say it at the Special Olympics because deep down, they know it is a shitty ableist punk-ass choice.

No, I agree. When people Pumps and I have this conversation a lot, where when people use the N-word in safe spaces where they know they can use it, but they wouldn't use it around a black person, that person knows they're fucking racist. We know a mutual racist. And she's like, No, this person doesn't think they're racist. I'm like, If they don't think it's racist, they would say it in front of black people. This person knows for sure that she's a racist. If you can discern when and where to use it, you know it's wrong, in my opinion. We have to hold them accountable.

Correct. And I'll fight for their right to say it. I'm not a fan of censorship. Go ahead and say it. White people want to say the N word in public. You all go right ahead. The market will decide. That's all I can say. But yeah, it's just punching down, man. It's really lame. And I'm trying to make a list of all the great men in history who use the word retarded as a slur. And so far, I'm stuck on number one. It's just punk ass bitch behavior, man. Just be better, guys.

Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, Tylenol.

I don't even know. I'll hit Tylenol because I've had it, and I didn't give birth to anything wrong. My God, this is how bad they want to distract from covering up child rape and sex trafficking. That's all I can say, man. Rfk is out there talking about health, and he's breathing and sounds like Dark Vader's sleep apnea machine. I mean, my God, you notice how it's not easy to make Dr. Oz look embarrassed. But the other day, Dr. Oz looked as embarrassed as I looked that time I had to interview Dr. Oz TV. I mean, they're going after Tylenol. How much do these guys hate pregnant women, exactly?

How much do they hate pregnant women? And I think it's so sad for people with autism. The unspoken thing that's going on right here is a lot of MAGA parents, liberal parents, apolitical parents have kids that have autism. Correct. This administration is actively demonizing this, that's something that has to be prevented and something that they want to make a registry for. And that's the underreported part of this.

We're going to make you It's something wrong.

We're dehumanizing people that have autism right now. The government is.

They are. We found the cure to you. And again, these godless motherfuckers lied about it being vaccines for so long because they punched down. But this statement about Tylenol It wasn't just deeply insulting to pregnant women around the world. It was profoundly insulting to autistic kids, autistic teens, autistic parents, everybody out there who's getting great grades in school or working and paying the rent and being functioning members of society. But they're different. And we know that fundamentalists are afraid of things they don't understand. It was a gigantic fuck you to say that all the autistic Americans, that something's wrong with you, but we think we found the cure. We can't fix you, but we'll fix others coming before. And again, Man, it's just like, it's all to distract from child rape. You will not hear them talk about Tylenol again. They will not try to ban Tylenol for pregnant women. This guy is programming a reality show. And if we're talking about whatever stupid fucking thing he said yesterday, we're not talking about the Epstein tapes. That's all it's about. Tylenol is going nowhere.

I was just going to say, and if all the drugs, I mean, Tylenol is the one everybody wants the least.

If you hurt yourself...

I mean, it's like, if I sprain my ankle or am I at the gym and I'm like, God, a girlfriend, I'll be like, Hey, bring me an aspirin or whatever. And she brings the Tylenol. I'm like, I don't even know if I want to swallow it. I mean, it's just so much work. So I'm just like, all the things.

And again, as I'm sure your listeners know, I mean, Advil was created in 1955. Autism was first diagnosed and separated from schizophrenia in 1911. I mean, these guys are idiots, and they can't do baby.

And it's cruel. The conversations to all of our listeners that either have autism or have family members or loved ones That's the unspoken thing that I want to give you guys a shout out, because that's the cruelty of this administration. All right, had it or hit it. This is the last one. Had it or hit it, church camp.

Church camp. I want to give you a I have answer on it, but I can't. I've never been to church camp. My parents didn't want me going to stuff like that. My parents were very big on Gandhi and Dorothy Day and Dr. King, not so much being told that Jesus likes you better because you put a tree up in your house once a year. So I hesitate because I'm sure there's a lot of great church camps out there that aren't shitty. So I'll say I'll hit it.

I have an alternate.

Because I don't want to judge large groups of people I know nothing about. That's how you know I don't vote for Trump.

Yeah. No, I agree. I agree. There's a lot of church camp stuff in Oklahoma. And of course, whenever you have religious organizations and children, you know what happens.

The fuckery. You're talking to a Catholic. You're talking to a Catholic. That about celibacy. Let me tell you, the first Pope, St Peter, was married. All the priests and popes and bishops could marry for over a thousand years. Pope Innocent II, made celibacy the law at 1139 AD, not because sex was bad, not because Christ a bachelor. The church didn't want priests leaving land and wealth to their kids. It's all about greed. Couples taking marital advice from men in dresses is not based on anything that Jesus ever talked about.

That's interesting. John, I think you're such an important messenger right now. I want all of our listeners to go get your book, Separation of Church. And hey, I myself am going to get it. I am, too. I'm excited about it.

We just hit the New York Times best seller list for the second time. Congratulations. This is the Daily Show, and we're number eight on Amazon today. I'm coming for you, Kamala. I'm coming to you. I'm seven behind you, Kamala. I'm coming. I'd love to send you guys copies of the book because I am a fan of the show. I subscribe and I love what you all do.

I love it. Okay, well, thank you so much. I love that there's a place for me to align with radical, caring Christians, because in the Bible Belt, I've always been the Satan atheist, even though I think I'm a much better Christian than all of my Christian friends.

Some of the best Christians I've ever known have been atheists, and some of the most godless heathens have been pious, loud believers. You're in good company. I'd love to have you guys come on the Series XM show some evening to- I would love it. Talk about the very fine work you all do. I consider this to be a ministry. You guys are so funny and so tight And you keep it so balanced between politics and culture. It's really, really... I just admire how you structure the whole show.

Thank you. That's such high praise. All right. Well, have a great day with all of the nature surrounding you in New York City. And we will happily I'm going to come on your show, and this was just such a joy.

You're going to go to some right now. Thank you. And peace to your listeners. Peace.

Bye. Well, he's just as sharp as a tag.

God, I love him. And you know what's so funny? Is he notes more Bible verses and application than 90 % of the people in Bible study. There's no question. And I've done the field research on that. I know. Including myself, who was in it.

I mean, he's very smart, and I think that he's on to something that you and I have been talking about, and it's we have to address the crazy Christian problem. Absolutely. It has got to be addressed because now they're mainstreaming it. I mean, that Charlie Kirk funeral was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen, to see all of the entire President's cabinet engaging in all of that spiritual warfare talk book.

Oh, yeah. I mean, Paula White's at the White House selling blessings or whatever for $1,000. The grift and in the White House above the oval office, that's how separation of church and state we are.

Okay, listen, John has a top selling book that's on the list. Ours is not on the list because we've done the math on it, and we have a lot of subscribers, both audio and YouTube. And the sales are good, but we want to be on that fucking list.

Or get banned.

Yeah, or we want our book to be banned by the Trump administration. So please, listeners, go to the... Click the link in bio, buy John's book, but also buy your mama's book. All right? Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. Pumps, tell them.

We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I'm had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, innatriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called iHip News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minutes hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You get your podcast and YouTube.

Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, pumps. Pumps, what does an angel say? Caca. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca. That's it. That's... Caca. That's the patriotism that this country means right there.