Transcript of Creeps for Christ

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

Ready? One, two, three.

Patriots, gay triets, they triets, black triets, and brown triets, and all of the people that sit around and support this fleabag, Cancels, McTaco Tits, can do what, Pumps? Fuck off. Pumps, what have you had it with?

Okay, what I've had it with is when people park directly behind my driveway. If you park behind my driveway, you have over a 40 % chance that I'm going to ram in to the side of your car. I've done it three times to my neighbor, and I'm like, Obviously, I'm at fault, but it's like you assume the risk. You parked your car back there. It happened to me this morning. I'm pulling out. My car throws me into whiplash. It breaks so hard because there's a fucking car sitting right where I I pull out of my driveway. The whole street's empty. Every single piece of street is available to this person. It makes me so fucking mad. I just want to go slam their tires with a crowbar or something. I guess the windshield with the crowbar, a needle with the tire makes me- Whose car is it? I have no idea. I have no idea who it is.

Let me get this straight. Like, your driveway, it's parked in the road where it's impeding your ability- Yes. Why don't you call it tow truck?

Well, I don't know. I didn't even think about that. I didn't think about a tow truck. I know it used to be my neighbor's. After three times having to get the car fixed, they figured out, just put it in your driveway. But I don't know who this person is. My guess is that somebody that's at my house spending the night with Luke, if I'm guessing. But I don't know. But a tow truck, that's a great idea.

That's interesting. So you Do you think it's your son, Luke's friend impeding the driveway? It's a guest at your home?

I think, but I'm not sure because they are upstairs and I never thought.

That changes things. Then that burden goes on. Yeah, then that burden goes on Luke to be a good caretaker of his driveway.

Well, it's time for Luke to go back to school. He's been home five weeks. It's time for him to go back and be a college student again. Everybody's gone.

You just get so- Have you had it with Luke?

Had it with Luke, and I love him, but it's time to go home. I know.

It's time for you to That is so funny. Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with.

Okay, lay it on me.

You go to a restaurant. It's pretty crowded, but you can see there's two or three tables available. You don't have a reservation, but this isn't the type of restaurant that you really would make a reservation. So you get up to the Hostess stand. In my opinion, Hostess stands are over complicated. They've added a lot of people, a lot of steps that don't need to be there, but that's another episode entirely. The hostess says, We have a 3-4 minute wait, or maybe a 5-10 minute wait. Can I get your phone number? So I'm like, Yeah. Here's my phone number. And then they say, Okay, we'll text you when your table's ready. Great. So get the table a few minutes later, eat. Everything's great. Everything was perfect. The wait was only 5 to 10 minutes. Got a great table, got a booth. Of course, I'm not a nut that sit on the same side of the booth with my husband. We said opposite sides because we're not freaks. And leave. About five days later, the restaurant violates the, We'll text you when we get your table, when your table is ready, and they start texting me. Yeah.

They're texting like, Wouldn't it be great to come back for lunch and try our lunch special, Yack, Yack, blah, blah. And then I get another text a couple of days later. And this is just these unsolicited emails that have now morphed into unsolicited text, that have morphed into spam calls where people get your information and force the capitalism upon you. I'm all for regulated capitalism that keeps people safe. And I'm talking about regulation. Related people, not the Trump, corporate dem style, like a real safe market for us to be in. I like good shit. I get it. What I don't like is forced capitalism, where it's forced upon you. If I I want to go eat at a restaurant, I want that to be my decision. I want to decide to do it. If I want to go shopping for a piece of furniture or an item of clothing, I don't want your business to email me about it. I want it to be my decision. The constant terrorism through our devices after they've mined our information to schlep their shit on us, I've completely had it. Now I'm at the point with my cell phone where I hate this number because this This phone number is associated with a bunch of fuckery.

There's a bunch of people that have this phone number that I wish didn't have it. There's a bunch of people, businesses that have this phone number that harass me. The same goes for my email address. So I think I'm going to go off the grid. I think I'm going to go get a new phone number, and I'm going to get a new email address, and only going to give both of these things to five people.

Here's the thing. I will just make this argument. Yours is one of the few phone numbers that I have memorized because I knew you before you just put the name in. So I would really be sad if you got a new number because I actually know it. Number two, that might be a new thing because I've given my phone number before and I haven't gotten follow-up text. So this is just the next wave of harassment by these people. But I'll tell you what, I would never go back to that restaurant again because they violated what the custom was. You want to text me when the table is ready? Great. That doesn't mean I want you to remind me five days later to come eat there. I really like their Salads.

I really, really like their salads. They're really, really good. Really pisses me off that they engage in making both great salads, efficient, hostess Stan, waitress was 10 out of 10. And then as a side hustle, They're into text terrorism. And I'm just beside myself. Don't text me about your restaurant when I'm not in the restaurant. I'm trying to get less text messages. I'm trying to get this device to go off less. I want less interactions on this device. I gave you my cell phone number because I thought, Well, that makes sense. I don't have to carry on with those vibrators around. There's big circling things in the restaurant that goes off. Here, this will go. That's great. Text me when my table is ready. I'm into it. It's a bait and switch. It is. It was a ruse for their later onslaught of texting terrorism. Yeah.

And it was calculated, I bet. I bet they knew going in, We're going to file this number away, and we're going to get her again. But I will say, I have noticed with people that I perceive to be really cool, mostly millennial age, They always have two phones. So that would be a sign of- I'm going to be cool. You're going to be cool. I think that makes you cool. Like smoking good in the '90s.

But I think what I'm going to do just for spite moving forward, I've already started doing this with retail stores. When you go up, they'll say, We need your email address. I'm like, I don't want to give my email address. Well, then you won't have the receipt. If you need to exchange it, I'm like, I'm not going to exchange it. I just want to purchase this item. I don't want any record of it that it was me. I just want to purchase it anonymously. I want to anonymously purchase these leggings. That's all I want to do. That's all I want to do is anonymously purchase. I've been really standing my ground on anonymous purchasing. I think the next time I'm at a host to stand and they We need your phone number, I'm going to say, I'm sorry, I don't get my phone number out. Then the hostess is going to be like, It's not her problem. She's making minimum wage or he. And so I don't want to be a bitch to them. But I'm going to say, I'm sorry, I just don't get my phone number out. And then they're going to hamster is going to start running.

What are we supposed to do when your table is ready? And then, I'm going to have to come find me because I'm not giving you my phone number because the last time I gave you my phone number, and this is probably a conversation I have with your manager, not you, you started texting texting me like we were friends about your lunch specials, and I don't want to participate in texting with robots. I can't do that. I don't want robots auto-texting me a very unoriginal message that goes out to thousands of other suckers that gave their phone number out. I don't want to be a part of it. I want no part of this texting terrorism.

I think that's a good rule. I don't want a part of any mass texting. I don't want a part of any mass emailing. Anything you're going to do in mass, leave me out. I want no part of it.

Bulk mail. I mean, you still get all that snail mail, bulk mail? Yes. Put a sock in it. Put a sock in it. I can't take it anymore. All right, welcome to I've Had It. I am Jennifer.

I'm Angie, H-P-I-C, B for beaver.

Kylie is here.

Kylie, there she is.

Hello.

There she is.

What's been going on on the World Wide Web.

I've got two incredible reviews for you. This one is five stars. And Kels, Echo, and Ash writes, Thank God it's not just me. I've Had It is the podcast equivalent of exhaling after holding your breath for, ChexNotes, several decades. Jennifer and Pumps articulate the rage, absurdity, and deep exhaustion of existing in the modern world with a precision that feels almost illegal. Every episode makes me laugh, nod aggressively, and think, Oh, thank God it's not just me. What I love most is that they don't just complain, they validate. They name the nonsense, roast it lovingly or not, and somehow make you feel lighter afterward. Their voices matter, their perspectives matter, and honestly, they make the internet feel survivable.

Wow.

You know, that's crazy. I mean, number one, thank you for That's very thoughtful, very well-written review. But so, listener, I have to let you in on, when you make a product, a podcast or this video podcast, and you can't hold it. It's in this cloud and it goes out on the internet and it just goes out there. A part of it doesn't feel super tangible. And what makes it feel tangible are reviews like that. I was on the subway yesterday and there's only one seat and this guy sitting next to it. And there's only three quarters of a seat, but I just left the gym. I'm like, You've got this, sis. You just burned 500 calories. You can slide right into that seat. Do it. So I slide right into the seat and I look over at the guy next to me because I know he's probably going to think, God damn it, why couldn't you have just stood up? The reason I couldn't stand up is because I did a lot of squats, but that's neither here nor there. And the guy turns and he looks at me. He goes, I love your podcast.

And I go, Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I was afraid you were going to think I was a freak for squeezing into this seat. He was like, I was so glad you did. And so when you hear that, it's so helpful because, God, some days it's really hard to get up and process what's happening in this country. And I'm always in a bad mood on IEP news because all this shit really pisses me off. The human rights violations really affect me. I'm very empathetic about them, and it's been a lifelong long thing of mine to stand up for the marginalized and that they're accelerating the beating down of the marginalized and watching it happen. It just puts me in a really bad mood. So I told the guy in the subway, I was smiling because I was so happy that he let me squeeze in and he was a fan of the pod. And I go, Hey, by the way, I'm much nicer than my online caricature in person. And he goes, Oh, girl, we know that. You've got to be mad about this shit. You've got to be. And I'm like, God, I just feel like when I'm filming all the time, I'm mad.

But at my life, I'm a really happy person. But when I'm specifically talking about this Trump regime, and the racism, and the homophobia, and the indiscriminate killing of people, and then the people celebrating it, it just makes me so fucking pissed off.

Yeah, no, I completely agree. And I like that. He says, I'm not the only one. I think that's a huge advantage of the podcast is you find a community that you're like, Oh, I'm not the only one. I don't feel so isolated related being a blue dot in a red state or anything like that. So I think the community part is my favorite part of our podcast.

Okay, this one is five stars. More good news. It says, My Safe Place, and MJPJ writes, When everyone around me tells me to calm down or asks, why are you so upset about what is happening in this country? I turn on you guys, and suddenly I'm surrounded by like-minded women who know just how screwed up this all is. Thank for helping me realize that I'm not crazy. So pretty much exactly what you were just saying, Jen.

That's the worst part right there, minimizers. One of the under-talked about forms of abuse are the people who, when you were feeling massive emotions about injustice, minimize your concerns. And being a progressive person in a red state, I would be like, I'm really I'm worried about our gay brothers and sisters. I'm worried about the increase of this. And there's just a minimizing, a dismissive form of it. And that's a real form of abuse that doesn't really get talked about. When people minimize your feelings that are very sincere about human suffering. And this is something, I think, in white circles that happens a lot when you have a white person who is using their allyship for good. And it rocks the boat of Why everything's good for all of us? Why are you so worked up about this? And they minimize, or they tell you, We just disagree politically. When everybody knows, it's a lot more than that. And so I think it's a time when we see all of this mass abuse happening, when you have people in your lives that are really hurting and really feeling this, meet them with their pain, because it's difficult watching what this government is doing to people, and the horror and the terror that so people feel.

A friend just sent me a copy of a text message. Who's an American-born person, brownish skin. Grandparents were immigrants here from Latin American country a couple of generations ago. And the screenshot said, When people ring my doorbell, I don't answer my door. I hide in the closet because I look brown, and I don't know if it's ice or not. That's heartbreaking. So this shit has happened happening everywhere. And when people meet your outrage at these injustices with minimization, their minimization of it is an extension of the abuse. It's more insidious. That statement, silence is complicity. That is so true. And that is an area where white Americans really need to dig into because we excuse a lot from other white people. And that excusing behaviors that no other sect of people could ever get away with is your answer to the question, why does Donald Trump never get held accountable? Because millions of little, a thousand little cuts happen all day, every day, where we let our white peers, friends, family members get away with racism, dehumanization, and it's a cultural It's a cultural problem. It's a cultural problem. And you cannot minimize people's feelings about it because that person's feelings are correct.

And the minimizers are never looked happily upon or reported robustly on in history books.

I agree.

There's a quote going around that I've seen a lot lately, and it says, Nice people made the best Nazis. Have you read that? It was a woman that lived, and she said, My neighbors, they were the nicest ones. They just wanted to stay happy. They didn't want people to be upset and just keep their life going. And the mean people made the best resistors. And I just think that's the same thing. You could be upset about something, and you'll hear someone say, You just need to not worry about that. You need to try to find happiness and just move on with your life. And I think it plays into that.

I think that is so true. And this is a very important point that you make, Kylie, because I feel when I'm around people that make space for this, I physically feel it. It's not a place in which I can flourish, and I cannot stuff down these feelings inside of me and make excuses for polite people for the sake of being polite. But this is a real sin of white culture. We oftentimes never call out our own, and it's created this atmosphere. And I think the words that we're looking for right now are righteous indignation. You should never be able to grow if you are a person that is for equal rights and for human rights, your being would not grow in racist communities. Otherwise, you're a fraud. And so we have to instill in people around us, in our communities. Human rights are non-negotiable. We care about human beings more than we do people. And I care about being impolite to stand up for the marginalized more than I do your feelings. Fuck your feelings. That's how I feel about it.

Now, I was talking to a MAGA family member last week, and I was like, I'm just really... This upsets me. And of course, it was the minimizing, not really minimizing, just glossing over and I go, Why aren't you upset? I would think you would be upset about this. And then, of course, there's just no answer. Well, it's just not as big of a deal as you're saying, that thing. But I think that's what my standard line is going to be. Why aren't you upset? Why are you not upset about this? I know we've gone over it with the Alligator, Alcatraz. You weren't upset about that. But why are you not upset about American citizens being murdered by their government?

A Christmas miracle has taken place. So we decided to go do a live show in Atlanta on January 31st, and we were for sure like, the ticket sales are going to be lackluster. Nobody's going to become, I'll be damned if it didn't sell out in a couple of days. So the organizer was like, you should do another date. And I'm like, it's a pretty big ask. Pretty big ask for two old broads like us. So we added an additional day. Ticket sales were getting about close to halfway, February first center stage in Atlanta. And it is also a matinée because we are going to normalize matinées. We are going to normalize a reasonable start time. We're not going to start a show at 8: 00 or 9: 00 PM. No. It's past bedtime. Wake up the next day feeling hungover, strung out. Why did I hang out with all of these radical leftists, antifascists? We're not going to do that because we're pro-matinée, we're pro-democracy, we're anti-Maga, and we're antifascists.

Come see us. It's going to be so fun. I love getting together at a live show with all the people. It's such a community.

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Okay, I'm going to switch gears just a little bit and do some news stories. A very specific millennial name has been declared as the new Karen. So people are trying to move away from Karen. According to TikTok, Reddit, and the broader Internet, Jessica is now shorthand for a very specific type of person. They post long rants about minor inconveniences on social media, are always deeply convinced they're in the right. Even when they're not, they say things like, I'm not trying to be rude, but...

It does sound like me, except for posting long rants.

I was going to say the long rants- Minorverbal.

No, minorverbal. I mean, honestly, you spot it, you got it. I mean, I have a lot of grievances. This podcast is nothing short of a very long rant. Sometimes the listener It's Jennifer confused with Jessica, and they'll call me Jessica. Here's the thing, though. I will go to the ends of the Earth not to be rude to people that make minimum wage. I'm the type of person that will not recline my seat on an airplane out of respect for the person behind me because I am so anti-entitlement. I oppose that so much, and I know what it feels like for me when somebody reclines the seat. And so I golden rule that. And so the whole white woman trope of white women being super entitled, treating their pets better than they do minorities, thinking their little darling is the best on the planet, not caring about anybody else's children, being shitty to service people, always reclining their seat immediately. That's a real thing. And I know these people. It's a warranted... You see all of the Karen's gone wild and all that stuff on TikTok. I mean, it's a really real thing.

Yeah. No, the Karen's gone wild. I'm not surprised the Karens of the World United to switch the name because they're just... I mean, and I'm a slight Karen, but I like to think I'm a Karen for good. But when you see that shit on the internet, it gives me like, The icks. It makes me nauseous when I see how rude people are, people that are just trying. Like you were talking about in your habit, it's not the hostess's fault. She took your number, but it's not her fault or his fault that they text you five days later. They have nothing to do with it.

Okay, I've got some listener voice memos today.

Oh, excellent.

This first one is from Austin.

Good morning. This is Austin, one of the gay triets, just calling in to report a couple of new grievances in which I have had just this morning. It is barely 07: 00 AM, so that tells you how my day has been going. So I'm listening to I've Had A Podcast as I drive to work, as I always do, because I have no hobbies.

And as I get to, I was like, I'm going to treat myself to a cold brew this morning at Starbucks.

I drive over there and I get my little coffee, and I pay for it whenever I'm at the window. Mind you, I've had a podcast. It's still playing. It's the new episode from just this morning.

And as soon as he goes to hand me my beverage, Jennifer is talking about panties and dildos, and this guy can hear it.

He smirks a little bit, too, because he could hear it. I'm like, Good Lord, what's this timing? It's terrible. That's my first part of this, had it. The second part is I ordered a tall coffee, which, as you might know, is a very small cup of cold brew. Not that much. I wanted a big one this morning. And then I turned around and said, Can I get a straw? Actually, I would like to have straw because I want to kill turtles. And he hands me the biggest straw in the United States of America. It's longer than the Florida panhandle. The fuck it's hanging on the cup? It's longer than twice the cup, twice. I've had it with that. It's such a great point that I think about all the time, but I've never brilliantly articulated, like this fine gay triad of ours is that was listening to me rant on about panties and dildos, which I'm sure was a very important point that I was making, considering the subject matter. However, this is a real thing that happens all the time. I am the resistance to Stanley Cups. I am the resistance to performative hydration.

When people have to be drinking liquids all the time, I think I have a a very storied history on this podcast of saying, This is not normal. Exercizing and flexing about being hydrated is a mental problem that you need to go address. There's a lot of things that you can be performative about, but being hydrated should just be a bare minimum thing that people do as human beings. I always order small beverages intentionally so that I'm sending the message out to the world that I oppose all of this performative hydration. Then he's right. This little cup in this giant straw, and the scale is so off because I think from the top of the lid to the top of the straw should be maybe about three inches. And so I think you should scale out the straws for each size of cup because it really ruins the experience when you have this little cup and then you have this straw that's for a big gulp, which in no other country does anybody can go into a store and buy that size of beverage. That is exclusively an American thing. That does not exist in Europe.

That doesn't exist in Asian countries. That is an exclusively disgusting maximalist American thing, these big gulp type things. And the straw scale, it always pisses me off. I'm so glad he brought that up. That's a great thing to bitch about.

Yeah, for sure. I always get the big cups, so I haven't noticed the straw. What I've noticed is when you get a big cup and they only have a little straw. So there just needs to be straw We're all scaling. But here's the thing, you're saying dildo and panties. Every time you say panties, I don't know why, but there's something in me that bursts out laughing every single time. Just the way you say panties. I can only imagine when you're just going through the drive-through and somebody's saying panties and dildo, don't you know the person that was serving him was like, What in the fuck is he listening to?

Yeah, that's a weird shit that guy's listening to.

This guy's a weird out here.

It's a weird shit. All right, Kylie, who's next?

Okay, up next, we've got Gia.

Hey, girlies.

It's Gatri at Gia, again, calling from New York. I have just had it with these MAGA Republicans not being able to grasp the concept that us, and when I say us, intellectual beings, not an occult, do not ride or die for these corrupt politicians in the way that they do. And all we're hearing as the Epstein list comes out, and we all know that Trump is on it, their excuses will, What if Clinton's on the list?

Okay, then lock his ass up, too.

They think that we're so ready to go to battle for these these politicians. I don't care who is on it.

Lock them up.

And they will just make any excuse to ride or die for this absolute citrus circle focus that wouldn't even spit in their direction, quite frankly.

I completely agree with her. If there are Democrats in the Epstein files that knew about, covered participated in child sexual abuse, pedophilia, arrest them, completely arrest them. We are not the party of pedophile protectors. That's the MAGA Christians. The MAGA Christians are the pedophile protectors. These are the people that hypersexualize children at a very young age when they start talking to them about their sex lives via purity culture before they even have hormones. These people hypersexualize children. And so when they hear about this with these teens, these girls, the sexual abuse, children's sex lives is ubiquitous in the white evangelical Christian movement. It is the weirdest child sex cult on the planet. And if any Democrat participated in it, charge them with crimes, expose it to the hilt. And here's another thing to Gia. We criticize Democrats, just Democrats that are nowhere near the Epstein files, like Chuckles and Hakem. Like, put up an opposition. This whole idea that you have to just blindly support the front runner in your party or blindly support every single member of your political party just shows that you are a part of a vive mind and a part of group thinking.

You have no individuality or critical thinking of your own. But one thing that I think Democrats should really accelerate right here on is the weird, creepy, because it's the evangelicals that are excusing this, Moses Mike Grinder Johnson, Big Christian. These people are fucking weird with their kids. It is the weirdest shit I have ever seen in my life. So it makes perfect sense to me as somebody who grew up in the Bible Belt, that these people excuse everything that Jeffrey Epstein does. It doesn't shock me in the least bit because these people are really weird about kids and sex.

Well, it's almost like there is, and I'm basing this off having grown up super evangelical. When you see a man has been accused of raping a woman, the immediate thought is, Well, what did she do? What was she wearing? Well, it doesn't fucking matter. None of that matters. If somebody raped somebody, it doesn't matter what they were wearing, the length of their skirt, and all that. And I just remember my grandparents were super into the PTL Club, which you probably... I mean, it's Tammy Faye Baker, but they had a time share at their place where they were doing all kinds of crimes, corruption and all that. And so I saw how they excused the behavior of Jim Baker, that he lived two different lives. And you see it with Catholic priests. They excused the behavior of the priest saying it's isolated. And so it's almost like, growing up in that culture, you're conditioned that it has to be the fault of the victim, and/or it's expected, and you just move on and you say, I've been forgiven, and so that's fine. Everything goes away without any accountability. And so that's where I see it coming from, just from my upbringing.

As an observer to the evangelicals in my life when I was raising kids, they're fucking weird with their kids. They talk to them at a very young age about purity culture at a time where that should not be introduced. There's very weird sexual boundaries with evangelicals and from my observational points, that just blew me across the room. And coupled with when you're starting to talk to a kid that hasn't had hormones yet about their future sex life, and you're already pre-spinning it is shameful, and you're making it your business, you're removing autonomy and privacy from a person's being. It is a form of abuse. And the evangelical movement, white evangelical mega church movement, and the acts of child abuse that occur are staggering, in my opinion. They emotionally blackmail kids to believe that if they think about making out with somebody, that that's lust, and that's from the devil, and they're going to burn in hell. That's just incredibly abusive manipulation to tell a child that is experiencing the flatters of hormones. The parents acting like a child's sex life is their business. There's just so much there that I think is so profoundly disturbing that creates generational problems.

You have this whole group of people that are completely immune to this. It happens in their churches, it's happening in their government, and they couldn't care less about it. It is place where these child sex crimes breed and people cover up for them, and people look the other way because they've been sexualizing children from a very, very young age.

Yeah, well, in terms of autonomy about sex, I had zero. It was always my mother's business what was going on with me, to the point where after I picked up my wedding dress and I lived with my now ex-husband for a year and a half, She never one time called there, so she knew on every level. She asked me if I was worthy of the white dress. I know I was grown at that point, but that's fucking weird.

It is weird, pumps. It's It's weird.

Why have you never asked my child that.

Healthy adults do not talk about their children's sex life with them. A healthy adult that is advocating for their child would explain to them about what happens when you make out with people, and it's normal. You can get disease, you can get pregnant, and would talk to them about consent. Beyond that, anything beyond that is engaging in massive boundary violations, abuse, and parents injecting themselves into their child's bodies and taking them over like that. They own them. Like Moses Mike Grinder Johnson, marrying his daughter, you guys, listener, we covered this on IAM News, but they had a purity ceremony where he goes to this ball with his daughter who doesn't have hormones yet, where they perform a marriage where she marries her daddy, and he keeps her virginity until he gives it to her husband. So they've completely taken all of her autonomy. And this is mimicked through these daddy-daughter balls that they have in the South. And it is a very bizarre exploitation and manipulation and ownership of little girls. And it's so important when you're raising kids to teach them about their bodies. Around two or three year old, psychologists have noted that around two or three years old, they're abundantly obvious of private parts, and their privacy should be respected.

But in these evangelical cultures, there's none of that. It's the weirdest shit you have ever seen in your life. The normalization of making your child's bodies and their sexual journey, your business, and something that you own and you marry, and then you give to somebody else, is so fucking weird. And so the fact to go on with Gia's call, it surprises me zero as an observer of evangelical families and the lack of sexual boundaries with their children, that this same group is completely looking the other way to Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, and all the other pedophiles, because it's not weird for them, for children to be sexualized, because they start sexualizing them very early on in a projection to the future way, which is so toxic and unhealthy, and completely abusive to that child's agency and autonomy.

Well, and there's just so much shame heaped on, especially little girls, about sex. It's just this whole thing is fucking gross, and I can completely concur with what Jennifer said and say that I lived it, so I know what she's saying.

I'm sorry, Pumps.

No, it's fine.

I mean, honestly, I mean, think about- It's fucking weird. Now you say you're asexual and you're this attractive. But seriously, let's dig into it.

It's surely there's a link.

A hundred % there is. You're an attractive woman that should be at least having sex once a week, and you've sworn it off for the rest of your life. And your sexuality and your sex life has been somebody's business before you were even aware that there was a hormone in your body. And look at how that's played out. It makes me sad for you.

I never thought about therapy about your sex.

But seriously, think about it. It was always somebody else's business your whole life that now you've sworn off sex because it did never feel like yours.

Right. I mean, that's sad. It is sad. I want you to get laid-pumps. Pardon?

I want you to get laid, pumps. It's sad. It's really sad. I think if after this part comes out, there will be tens of thousands of women that were raised in white evangelical circles that will say, Oh, my God, same thing. I don't enjoy sex. I did it, and I didn't know what it was about. But think about the trauma. I think about you. You're just a little girl who probably want to color. You probably want to play. You remember how before we had phones, you'd make hop scotch on the sidewalk, would run around neighborhoods on our bikes. And then you get home and somebody's talking to you about sex, which is this far off weird thing. And your preacher is talking to you about it, a male preacher talking to little girls about their virginity. That is some creepy ass fucking shit right there. These grown ass creepy preachers talking to a little pumps about her future sex life. That is fucked up. I mean, it is so fucked up, and these people do it with impunity. Yeah.

Can attest. True.

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Yes.

What about you? You grew up in an evangelical mega church world.

I grew up in a- You got a puberty ring. I did have a puberty ring.

But you wanted it.

Yeah. It was more of like all my girlfriends had whatever. But I will say my household and the church I grew up in. I grew up in a, you don't talk about it, to where you don't address it. It doesn't exist, which also is unhelpful in a certain way. It's got different demons to it. It just didn't exist ever. I've never had a birds and bees talk.

How did you know about the purity ring and all that? Just peer pressure?

Well, yeah, that was more of a peer thing. It was very cool to have one. The Jonas Brothers had one. You know what I mean? So I knew about- The Jonas Brothers had.

What did I think that's right.

Yeah, one of them, he was famous for having one. Purity culture definitely existed. It's not that I didn't know the standard that was expected out of a Christian woman to not have sex. But my household, we never spoke about it. So that was a whole different thing of figuring it on your own, add the gay in. It's just you just got- Oh, God. You're figuring that shit out. I remember, Jen, you have a similar story with a boyfriend of yours. But my first girlfriend had super, super Christian parents, talking tongues parents. And anytime we would hook up, there was a lot of guilt to where you just stopped. So I think it's similar to pump story of that was ingrained in her and to where you just don't want to do it. You want to stop doing it because it's just this mental fucked up thing.

Yeah. So my first boyfriend, his parents, dad was a former Baptist preacher, and all of my peers were... I was on cheerleading squad, Palm Squad. All of my peers were super into purity culture, but they'd already lost their virginity. My parents, the atheist parents had said, Look, at some point, You and your boyfriend who will remain nameless, you're going to get closer. You're probably going to want to have sex. Here's the consequence. I wanted to crawl in a hole and bury dirt on top of me when my parents were talking to me about this, but they did it anyway. They talked to me about consent. They spoke to me about STDs, and they spoke to me about the consequence of pregnancy. And there was never any shame. It was a foregone conclusion for them as they projected to me, This is normal. And I was 16, 15. So all the girls, the evangelical Bible thampers, cherries were popped at 14, 15 years old, right? Because they were trying so hard not to do it that they did it. And so I was one of the last chips to fall. And I I don't think it matters what age you do as long as it's consensual.

I'm not trying to flex on that, but I just think it's an interesting component that these people think that the atheists are the most morally depraved and don't have any more. And I was the last one to fall, because my parents spoke to me candidly. I wanted to make sure that I loved this guy. We did the deed, and it was great. Not the first time, it's never that great. It was the first time, not good. You're young, it's exploratory. It's these feelings of these hormones and this newness of all of that. And this boyfriend of mine was tortured. Tortured. His mother once caught him beating off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog. This was before you young listeners, the internet and pornography on the internet. So young boys had to find their porn via catalogs, lingerie sections. His mother, grabs it out of his hand, names him. They're down in prayer and all of this shit. And I just never... I remember one time he was like, Okay, we have to stop. I remember thinking like, Why? Why would we have to stop screwing? What does that do? I mean, cherry's already popped.

Right. That's out of the bag. But it was just all of my evangelical friends had always this dark passenger in the car with them of all of these things that they were worried about that were insignificant, that doesn't make them a better person that cares for other people more. My dark passenger has always been, that doesn't feel right that this person is getting taken advantage of. And that's my atheist home that I was raised in was more about being a secular humanist, like caring for other human beings. And my peers, my evangelical friends, were always so concerned about virginity, and then they were going to be born again virgins, and who was saved, and who wasn't saved, and who attended church, and who missed church. Stupid superficial shit that didn't matter. Who's tithing? Who isn't tithing? And then on top of all of that, they were really the meanest people I'd ever met. There was a cruelty in just beating people down. They were always punching down. Look at this person's appearance. This person's kid isn't cute. It's always just this punch down. It's never a lift up, only lift up for the people that they personally liked.

If you were outside of that personal inner circle, then it was, We're going to punch down on every fucking one of you. We're seeing this. We're describing a microcosm right now that all of us are familiar with in Bible Belt States. So many listeners are going, Yeah, that's exactly what they're like right now. This is happening now nationally on a national scale. I understand, and I know you two do, too, the psychology behind it because it's so worried about what people down the street are doing. Who gives a fuck? Mind your own business. Who gives a fuck? And you know what? Somebody's a cross-dresser, somebody's trans, somebody's gender fluid. Who fucking cares?

Why do you care?

Okay, we'll do one last voice memo. This one is from Sarah.

Hi, friends. My name is Sarah. This may honestly be a bit of a repeat for you guys, but if you want to browbeat to death with me, let's go. Because I have had it with being invited to events that I have to either pay to attend or bring a gift to. So a little backstory. Last year, I had a friend that had a baby and got married all within five months of each other. So it was the baby shower gift, the bridal shower gift, the wedding gift, the bachelorette party, the day of gift. It was just a lot. And now I I thought I was over the hill. It's been about six months since then, but now the one-year-old's birthday party is coming up, and I get an online invitation four months in advance, by the way, to attend this one-year-old's birthday party. And what I have had it with is it says on the invitation that the host, the mother, will cover chips and soda, but would appreciate it if someone would volunteer to bring food to the party like an appetizer or a dessert. And that is not all. It went on to say a bunch of other bullshit, and then at the end it said, Also, we will have her piggy bank there.

So if you feel inclined to fill it with your spare change or one to five dollars or anything else you're comfortable with, we would appreciate it to grow her savings account. So not only if I accept this invitation to the party, do I have to bring a dish, a present for the baby. Now I have to grummage through my couch cushion to bring spare change so this baby can have a fucking savings account? I've had it. I don't know what I'm going to be doing on that date in four months, but I can confidently tell you it will not be attending that one-year-old's fucking birthday party.

This is why I started off this episode that my number one goal is to have less activity on this device. I want I want less interactions, not more. I want less. I don't want the superficial fluffery of that bullshit in my life. I would rather have two real interactions per day than have to deal with that shit. And the robot auto text. I oppose gatherings. That is a reignited a grievance in me that I've lost track of during Trump's reign of terror in 2. 0. And I just wish we could get back to really hating on this type of shit again because we're so busy fighting fascism. But there's just a lot of fuckery that goes on with this stuff. And it was our bread and butter when we started this podcast, when Joe Biden was present, we'd have to worry about a bunch of this shit. We could really be the petty twats that we were born to be. It's important to me that sometimes we get back to our roots and we talk about these narcissistic party throwers that do this shit. And it makes me say I've had it with people and I've had it with gatherings, and I've had it with breathing, and I've had it with marriages.

All of that makes me very angry, and it feels good to feel that anger again. I'm welcoming it.

Yeah, no. I've never... Like, Kylie can speak about me. Every five minutes, she's spending money going going somewhere for a destination wedding or a bachelorette party, and she has to wear certain colors and all that shit. And then the kid thing, I think there was a Sex in the City episode where Sarah Jessica Parker was like, I've gone to all this shit. I've paid for all these other people's, and I'm not married, so I'm having a single shower. Everybody can bring me something because I've given the wedding gift, the baby gift, all the gifts. But here's the thing. It's just so off-putting to me that you would have a one-year-old party, it invites four months in advance, because it's hard to make an excuse four months in advance, but you can bet your sweet ask to find an excuse. I'd find it.

I guess I would. Let me just tell you something. I like sex in the city, I do. But just hearing you repeat the plot that she had a party for herself, a shower for herself, that she felt so entitled after having gone to all of those, that she was going to decide to be a part of the problem. I would have a protest sign, even if you did this, at your front door, in strong opposition, Abolish showers. All showers. I would pay protesters to join me. I would pay them.

Well, the Democrats, they have tons of paid protesters.

So it would be easy to find them.

Yeah, that's funny. Wow, that That's taking it to a whole other level. The gift and the savings account. Wow, wow, wow.

All right, listeners, let's get back to some of our original bread and butter grievances, while at the same time we fight fascism because we're good enough and we're smart enough to do both. All right, Pumps, tell them.

We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday.

I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gay-triots, innatriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called iHip News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minutes hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America always served with a side of petty grievances.

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Please go rate, subscribe, and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps, what does an angel say? Caca. A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca. That's it. That's the patriotism that this country means right there.