Transcript of Rascally Nincompoop

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Nikhil. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hey, guys. So nice to be here. You've been in my ears for so long. For yours. Yours for yours.

We've been in your ears for years. Very nice.

I didn't want to start like that, but it's happening.

It's what happened. And your name is Nikhil, is that correct?

It's pronounced Nikhil.

Nikhil. No, no, no. But most people call me Nikhil. No. I love- That's why Nikhil. I love correcting people on the pronunciation of their name. It cracks me up. No, Nikhil. Nikhil, and right now- Konan. I deserve that. You are in Bangalore, India. Is that correct?

Yes, yes, sir.

I have been to India. I was there briefly for work a number of years ago. Actually, Sona came with on this assignment, and I was in Jaipur, but I didn't really get a chance to experience India as much as I wanted to. It's a fascinating country. I love the people. It is. I would love to go and visit. Tell me a little bit about yourself, Nikhil.

Okay, so I live in Bangalot, India, which is in the south. Most people visit places north. I think you should come visit the south if your ban ends. From the country.

I have to wait for my ban in a lot of countries to end.

It's actually so hard for us Indians to get a visa to come there. It's nice to hear when you guys have some difficulty coming here.

Years and years ago, we did a sketch, and it's all a misunderstanding, but it was a perfectly fine sketch, but one of our writers went there but didn't fill out the correct paperwork or something, so we ended up on some list, but I think it's all being taken care of. So you know. Awesome. We won't even probably mention that. It'll probably won't even come up because it'll all get taken care of. Trust me, I don't think it's a big problem.

Awesome. I am a video creator, and it sounds insane to say, but I'm also a talk show host. I can't believe I'm saying that to you. But I've done 40 episodes of a show called Menu, Please, where I interviewed Netflix stars over a meal. We went to different restaurants, talked about food and about their movie It was a lot of fun.

Well, wait a minute, Nikhil. Nikhil, you are a talk show host. It sounds like you're a very successful one. You've done this show with Netflix stars. It sounds like you're eating- Now, here's the catch.

It was a Netflix India YouTube show. The show was on Netflix's YouTube, Netflix's YouTube channel. But I like to say Netflix because it sounds cool. It was awesome. It was one of the coolest experiences.

Well, I like to say I won an Oscar because it sounds cool, but I didn't. But Nikhil, I would say you are talking to people. You seem to be having success at it. I wouldn't put yourself down, I think. You seem like a very personable, funny guy. I think you don't have to qualify it. You are a talk show host. You're having success.

Fair enough. I am talk show host. It's just surreal to say to you. But one cool thing is you and I have actually interviewed the same person.

Who's that?

It's Virdas.

Virdas, yes, of course.

It's like six degrees of separation except two. It was super cool. I actually asked him what it was like to be on the show. He performed stand-up on your show way back. He just said such great things about you. It was cool.

Terrific, terrific comedian, very talented. Well, see, no, this is us talking shop because we've I've interviewed the same person, and it sounds like... This is something that you're interested in doing professionally for the rest of your life? Do you think? Well, not the rest of your life. I'm not going to do it for my entire life, but I still have dreams. I hope your dreams come true. Thank you. Thank you. Well, thank you for that. I would like to be a balloonist. I'd like to go up in a hot air balloon and travel the world.

Oh, that balloonist. I thought making animals.

I tried that and it didn't work. The kids were like, That is not a dog. I was like, Shut up. You can't hit kids with a balloon, you currently. Still counts as hitting.

You sound very qualified for this job.

Let's keep the conversation on you and not on my crimes. You live in Bangalore, India, Nikhil, and you've had some success doing a talk show. What's your living situation like? Do you live with your parents? Do you live alone?

I currently actually live in a four bedroom house with three other guys. It's a unique situation. I'm currently on the top floor, and we live in lowering degrees of relationship status. I'm at the top. I'm a single guy. Below me, not literally, is is a guy who is in a situationship, one of those things. Next to him is a guy who's in a very nice long-term relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, and below them is a guy who's currently engaged. Oh, it's quite unique, actually.

As you get further down the apartment, you start at the top. The more respectable- You were single. As you get down, the more serious the relationships become. And are your roommates, you all get along?

We do. It's very surprising. There's been no problems except for one guy.

Okay, tell me about this one guy. Is it you?

No. Oh, wait. They probably say that about me. But there's one guy, his name is Jeet, and all he does is he's a serial rascal. Is that a thing I can say? Serial rascal? He's just a rascal. Yeah.

He's like the little rascal. You really blew the doors You can't talk that way. You can't call someone a rascal. His reputation may never recover if this was 200 years ago. No, you can call someone a rascal. That basically just means they're fun.

Amazing. Next, I'm going to call him a Nincompoop. I hope that's what you're doing.

Wow, your language. We're going to have to put a warning on this podcast. It's going to be all beep. Yeah. If you're a child and you're living in 1820, you might not want to listen to this podcast. Although it's still probably okay. Yeah, exactly. N'n'com poup, rascal. Okay, so your roommates, it's a good group. If I visited you, you, me, and the roommates would get along, you think?

100%. There's one tall guy, so you'd have somebody to look in the eye with. There's one guy who's super responsible, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke. I guess you can not do those things with him. There's me at the top, just We're making videos, so I guess we could do that. I'm not very interesting, to be honest. Then there's the annoying guy who we can call an income poop together. That'd be great.

Yes, rascally income poop. We'll call him. Okay, Okay. Will any of your roommates be familiar with me or my work if I visit?

Yeah. One of them, the tall guy, actually, I put all of them in… I spread this podcast like the plague. I've been listening to every episode. Anytime we're doing long road trip, this is what I put on. My favorite is the John Krasinski episode. It makes me laugh out loud. One of my roommates, Anus, his name is. Yeah, he's a big fan. He's asleep right now. But if he knew that I was talking to you right now, he'd lose it.

Oh, really? He's a Konan fan?

Yeah. You didn't tell him? I didn't tell him. He's asleep right now.

He's a big fan of mine. He's asleep right now. You're in Bangalore, India, and you and I are having a conversation and he sleeps not knowing that the greatest hero of his life is speaking to you on the top floor.

That is exactly right.

How would he react if I walked into his room? He doesn't know that you and I are talking. If I were to walk into his room, how do you think he would react?

After his stroke, I think he just, I don't know, hug you. He's a fun guy. He's like one of those extreme polar opposite personality guys where when he's in work mode, he doesn't talk. He just walked through the room and he's just like a white walker from Game of Thrones and he's very focused. But when he's out and having fun, he's just the most fun guy, making everybody just have a great time. I think he turned into that mode after the said stroke.

I like this guy. He's a big Konan fan, and it would be fun to surprise him, I think. Then we could all go out, have a good time. What would we do for fun?

Okay, So Bangalur used to be the garden capital of India. Then it became the Silicon Valley of India, and so they removed all the gardens. But throughout this, it's always been the pub capital of India. We have an insane pub culture here, and I know all of you, Sona, Matt, I know you guys especially will have a great time over here. In fact, there's a pub called Toit over here. T-o-i-t. It's super famous. Thoit. Thoit. Thoit.

Yeah. Thoit. Yes.

All of the above are alarmed by the situation.

You know what I love? Nikhil just got as annoyed with you as we do. He just met you He's in Bangalore, and he went… Right. Yeah, right.

I thought we were all doing the toit. No, you didn't do it. I didn't.

You maybe overdid it. I'll do it with you just to make you feel… Wow.

But The cool thing about toit is, they brew their own beer. I'd love for you to review it, considering you're an Irishman and you guys- I like the beer, sure.

Yeah. Oh, look at you.

They also have restrooms. In front of the restrooms.

Wow, I love a bar with a restroom. Selling point. That just went to the top of my Yelp review. They have a restroom. Eleven stars. Okay, so this bar, please tell me more, this bar, Toit, has a restroom, yes.

They have restrooms.

This is important, yes.

I think it's pronounced toit, by the way. I think it's some French word, all of us Bangaloreans.

No, it's toit. Please. Here, it's so has decreed that it is toit. Anyway, toit. Toit.

In front of the restrooms, they have a portrait of you. What? Every time I go there and I get pissed drunk and I have to go get pissed because I'm drunk.

You have to.

Am I drunk right now?

No, I don't think so.

Sorry, it's 1:30 in the night. I take a selfie with that portrait every time. I have a collection. I have a folder actually on my phone. What? Let's see. Let's bring one up.

Yeah, bring one up. With images of me with-Oh, my God. You Wow. Wait, why is that? That is a- That's a restroom of the- Wait a minute. Why does it say restrooms and then a photo of me?

With a bar now for some reason.

Oh, yeah. No, that was when we were launching the TBS show a number of years ago. I guess I'm flattered that if you go to Bangalore and you go to and you go to use the restroom, is it for the men's room or the women's room? Or both?

What would you prefer I'm gender-fluid.

Wait, you are flattered by this? Don't you want the picture to be more out in the open?

No. I've learned that everyone goes to the restroom, especially at a bar.

Yeah, football is high. It's a perfect place.

It's the most trafficked area. I often, if a place has a photo of me, and sometimes they do, downscale burger joints where I've gone and I've made them put up a picture of me, I ask I asked them to put me near the restaurant. But it doesn't bother you that your picture is associated with people just going peepee and poopoo? No, those are beautiful. That's how we live. I'm sorry that Matt just used those offensive terms. You started with Rascal. I thought I was bad. He's a pirate. Pee-pee, poopoo guy.

You'll be pleased to know the portrait is in between both rooms, so the doors are on either side, if you can imagine. Everybody can see this image when they go to pee.

People associate me with great bladder discomfort. No, okay. You're a laxative. Yes. Maybe. I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued, A, that you have a roommate who's a big fan, B, that there's a portrait of me. I mean, there's a lot that recommends Bangalore. I have one fan, and there's a picture of me near a restroom. What about your career? Are you enjoying your work as a talk show host? Are you enjoying it?

I'm currently between hosting jobs, which means those shows are ended. One of the shows was menu, please. The other was Food Wars, another show where I reviewed fast food. Both of those are over because we've run out of both celebrities and fast food joints here in India. I'm currently, I guess, in a state of figuring out what I want to work on. I'm actually thinking of working on a talk show here in India. The premise of which is I take a small crew, go to enter a stranger's home with their permission, set up over there, and shoot every episode interviewing an ordinary person in their unique house, talking about their unique items and what makes them them. That's the idea right now.

That's a cool I like that idea. I like that idea. The problem is every now and then you'll get people who aren't-Murdered. No, you won't get murdered. But it's like when you do a talk show, there are good nights, there are nights that aren't as good. It's luck of the draw if you're in a volume business. But I like that idea. Who knows? Maybe you and I would come up with some show together. We could do a show.

I I am going to clip that and listen to it every day of my life until it happens.

But it's always possible. Maybe we could think of an idea, something that works where we're co-hosts of some show. We shoot an episode and we get it on the air and we get it out there to the people of India. What do you think of that?

I think that's a pretty bad idea. I'm just kidding. That's the best idea I've heard in my goddamn life.

You really had me convinced it was a bad idea there for a second.

Well, I mean- That would be an honor.

Yeah. We can always think of what that is. We need that right, that spark of inspiration.

What do you call it? Toit. There you go.

Good one. Shoot it from Toit. You could shoot it from Toit. We could shoot an episode of the show. I think at. You've stumbled onto something here, Matt. I have. Yes. By saying Toit, you made it clear that we shoot the episode. We set up in front of the portrait of me that exists. The bathrooms. Between the two, the ladies' room, the men's room. We can interview people going in and out.

Yeah, we can interview people.

We could interview people going in and out, going to the bathroom.

How was your bowel movement? Okay.

Oh, boy.

Well, it would have to be asked.

It was the obvious- No, that's on the way out. You interview them on the way in, and that way the interviews have to be short because they really can't hang out longer.

Yeah, because also if you get them on the way out, maybe they didn't wash their hands and touch them. That's a fecal matter.

Are you touching them?

No. Are you touching them? To shake their hands?

No? You have to. It's talk show etiquette. I guess you have to. You have to shake their hands. Often, I just want to say, in all the years that I did talk shows, which was almost 30 years, often I could tell they had just used the restroom and not wiped their hands. It's a true story. Al Roker, serial offender. Disgusting man. You'd hear the flush and he'd come out just as he was introduced. You could tell those hands haven't been washed. They're dry. Roker, Al Roker.

Like I said, great idea for the show.

I love it that I'm pitching myself to Nikhil in Bangalore, India, and he's not enthusiastic. This is my resting state of enthusiasm.

It's very high right now. Really? You know what?

That could be blood sugar.

I'm so enthusiastic.

That could be blood sugar. You should look into that. You should make I'm sure you- Probably.

It's also 1:30 in the night right now, and I feel zoink but excited at the same time. I feel it's just very confusing and also surreal.

It's a little bit of a fever dream, it feels like, almost, yes.

Exactly.

Perfect co-hosting. I'm intrigued by... There's a lot of things that impressed me with Nikhil. I think that you're a... You just seem like a natural to me. You're very funny, and I think you are a terrific talk show host. I can tell just by chatting with you. Thank you. I'm intrigued by this idea you have for a new talk show in Bangalore. I'm a little intrigued by this roommate who's a fan. You say a You say a big fan?

Yeah, we call him Anus, and we don't know why. It's like one of those names you- Yeah, that sounds like someone who would like my stuff.

Create for your name.

Is that not his name? I thought when he first said it, I thought that was his actual name.

Oh, that's my bad. No, his name is Anirudh. His name is Anirudh, but we call him Anus.

And you don't know why? You don't know why?

No, it's like something that entered the zeitgeist of this house without us realizing it. It just floored in, and we call him Anus now.

I thought it was his name, and I was like, Don't laugh, Sona. Everybody thought it. When we first heard Anus, we all stopped ourselves from laughing. We all thought it.

We all thought it. Nikhil, in a house with all these guys, the one who's a big Konan fan is called Anus. Yeah.

To be fair, he's not let the name stuck yet. When we say Anus out loud, he turns and then he gives this face of like, I can't believe I'm allowing this to happen. When you come here, if you christen him officially, I think he'll stick from then on.

Well, I guess that's a good reason to fly all the way to India, is to make sure that the name Anus sticks. Just recap. Your biggest My man is named Anus, and your portrait is hanging between two bathrooms. This is fantastic, Nikhil. I feel enlightened. I feel lifted. Well, I like you. You're a fine fellow, I think. I do think you've got what it takes. I really do. I think you're a natural. Do you think that I'd be able to help you get your concept for a talk show where you go to people's houses? Do you think I could help you get that off the ground if I came to Bangalore?

Absolutely. I mean, for starters, I'd love to do a full pilot with you, perhaps in your hotel room or my bedroom right here. We could shoot one of these episodes. That sounded weird the way I said it, but the episode will be completely final. No, it's- And not strange at all.

It's totally normal in this business to invite people to do an interview in their bedroom. It's how I got started.

It would be great. It would almost be like training for me. You could be a guest and a coach at the same time.

Terrific. Yeah.

Either way.

What are we doing? Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry, go ahead.

No, you go ahead.

You go ahead. This is my show. This is how I'd be on my show. I'd love you to speak first.

Oh. Well, Yes, I could be a guest. I could also maybe give you some pointers from my almost 30 years of experience. What about my fee? Do we talk about that now or is that something that comes up later?

Later, a lot later. A lot, lot, lot. Just very late.

You're going to do very well, Nikhil. You're going to do very, very well in this business. Thank you. Hey, Nikhil, I like talking to you, and I hope we get to cross paths because that would be very cool. Me too.

This has been a huge, huge honor. It's so nice to meet you guys, Sona and Matt as well. Thank you. Yeah. Awesome.

I really do think we're talking about... I think it's low blood sugar. I really do. You just seem to lose all energy at different points, Nikhil. You have to keep some almond in your pocket. Okay? Chocolate-covered almond.

There's a tip. All right. I'm going to make sure- That's my first tip as a talk show host.

Done. Almonds in your pocket. That saved Colbert. I told him that. I could see him lose energy, and he's been a superstar ever since. Perfect. Saved his career. Hey, thank you so much, Nikhil. Very cool talk to you, and we'll see what happens.

Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye. Bye-bye.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan with Konan O'Brien, Sonam Obsesion, and Matt Gourly. Produced by me, Matt Gourly. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.