Transcript of 2024 Memorable Moments: Celebrity Interviews

Hello.

Welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Sorry. We just ate, and there was a little gurgle I really apologize. If you didn't notice it, now everyone's rewinding so that they can hear it. Why am I talking? Can I start over again?

No, I think we nailed it.

Hello, and welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm Sonam Obsesian. I'm Matt Gourly. You're Matt Gourly.

He pointed at me, but at the same time, you took a breath like you were going to speak. That was very confusing. Yes.

Then I don't do this, usually. But, Konan is not here, in case anyone has noticed. It's me talking. I'm Sona. I am not Konan. The reason that he's not here- I've never done this before, but shut up. The reason Konan is not here is he's back east with his family. He unfortunately lost both his parents not that long ago, so he's taking some time away. Matt and I are holding the fort.

Holding the fort is strong. I think opening the fort to invaders. Yes.

I really need him to be here just to make this easier and more smooth. But I like the vibe.

I do, too. It's easy going.

There's just the five of us here. Adam's with us and Eduardo and Bley, and we're just eating pizza, and we're just hanging out.

Last week, we did a collection of notable clips from our segments and intros was just you, me, and Konan. This week, we're doing some notable clips that came to mind from so many wonderful moments this year of the celebrity interviews.

We're starting off with a big one.

What the listener won't know is that we retook this part. In the first time we did it, you said banger. Since Konan wasn't here, I felt the need to point out your hard G.

Yes. I responded by saying, You don't have to. You're right. We don't have to try to fill those gigantic shoes is what I'm saying.

I think that would be good of me to not do that. Yeah.

Then you made a joke about listening It's about later on listening to a clip from Walton Jodgens, and that didn't make sense.

It does make sense.

How does it make sense? I said banger. It would be gawkins.

I'm pretending that there's no such thing as a hard G, that everything's a soft G.

Okay, so I'm going to channel Konan and be like, It's good that you have to explain what your joke is.

We're starting with a banger.

You're French and you still got the hard G in there? I did.

Banger. Banger. Banger. Banger. Banger. Banger.

Banger.

Banger. Hey, that's pretty good. Okay. Here's the clip. Al Pacino.

Let's listen.

It's interesting because you're grabbed by the theater. You're this kid, as I said, who you start reading Chekoff. You start reading the classics, and it grabs you. You start seeing some productions. You get into theater, You have so many go-nowhere jobs just to stay alive. You're delivering papers. You're building superintendent for a while, but not a good one, I don't think. Never. The guy came out and started talking about me a few years back, saying he was a terrible super or something like that.

I thought, Why?

Why would he say that? Who's a terrible super? I'm sure there's a lot around. No, I saw that. It was a really old man who was like, I remember him. He was a terrible super. I'm like, Okay, take his Oscar back. I know. Take away- Fine actor, terrible super. Christopher Walkin, bad mechanic. Robert De Niro, just an awful substitute teacher. It's like, What the fuck? What are you talking about? You come along, you're doing theater, and then this thing that people dream about happens, which is you get noticed, Francis Ford Copp is going to make the godfather, and he says, I want this guy, Al Pacino. The studio says, Fuck you. Of course. We want Robert Redford. We want someone who's been a success. We want someone who looks a certain way. We want someone probably blonde hair, blue-eyed, whatever. I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. I'm looking at you and I'm saying, I'm sorry. They wanted me, actually. My grandmother- I was eight at the time. My grandmother on my mother's side has blonde hair and blue eyes, so Just to note that. It's in there. It's in you somewhere. Yeah, it is. But what I'm saying is- I had to put it in.

They don't want you, and I've seen the screen test where they're saying, Okay, well, how about Jimmy Khan? Is Michael Cole. How about they're trying everybody. They're throwing everybody in there. But Francis Ford Coppola sticks with you. They start shooting, and you can tell, you read in the book, and it's riveting on the set. People are like, I don't know about this guy. I don't know about this guy. I don't know what. And you can feel it. Yeah, well, they were giggling. You heard ginkling? Yes. Here's what's amazing to me. These scenes that I've watched and that everyone's watched in this room 100,000 times that are now iconic master classes in how you play a character, you're doing it and people are going, Oh, man, let's hope they get a real actor in here soon, which is unbelievable to me.

Was it that severe, Cohnen?

I was an eight-year-old kid, but I was there. I had a lot of pull with the studio. I called Paramount, and I was like, I don't think he's got it. Who is this? Eight-year-old Cohnen Brian. What are you at? It'll be a big deal someday, you'll see. Why aren't you using a real phone? Why are you mining one with your hands? Oh my God. It's funny. But no, and The thing is, which is, to me, I look at that performance, and as you say in the book, your concept, which was clearly the right one, which is you got to slowly see Michael come to this position. Then there's the iconic scene where they're all trying to figure out after Veto has been shot what to do, and you are sitting there with your broken jaw and you say, okay, we arrange a meeting and the camera is pushing in. I can't watch that and I can't talk about it without tingling because I think it is a beautiful way to tell a story through acting, but it takes patience. The studio was saying... Well, they wanted to see something else, I guess. Both Francis and I, I I felt that way about...

But we were unable, or at least I was unable to articulate what I was doing, but I was doing that. I thought about it on my long walks in Manhattan. You talk about it, you would take long walks. You'd get the film, but it hasn't started shooting yet. You took long walks? Yeah, I would go all the way from 91st to the Village and back, 91st and Broadway, and I just think about the part. Think about it. I still do that with Rose. I just think about them. And It's fun. It gets me through the walk. You get your steps. I'm glad to know that in Coming Up With Who Michael Corleone Was, you got your steps in. Yeah, there it is. I managed not to get hit by a car. In those days- They should make a Fitbit that tells you, You have achieved the character. 10,000 steps. Stop. Stop working. Stop. Stop now. You've nailed Michael Carleon.

You've got it. Oh, my God. Did you hear I said, Wow, along with myself in the exact same time? Yeah, you did.

I think I saw that. Also, I love that it just cuts to you just so you could say, Wow.

I know. What a dork. But I don't mind because we're in the room with fucking Al Pacino. I know.

Can you believe that we get to do that?

Konan's used to this. You and I, we don't... I mean, I guess you got to being his assistant all those years.

Not Al Pacino. And also not in this atmosphere. I can tell just from looking at that clip how I was feeling, and I was like, just don't say anything. Don't move. Don't do anything dumb.

It was amazing because he's so nice.

I know.

I was obsessed with The Godfather. One of the first movies I saw was The Godfather, too. I begged my mom to watch it at a very young age.

We were three.

It's one of my earliest memories of movies. Really? Yeah.

It's a three-hour-old movie.

I know.

I can't believe that was like, you watched early on. I would never... I don't know. I was watching like, Goonies.

What a treat to be in the room with that guy. I know.

That was really cool.

Sitting across from Michael Corleone. Yeah. Amazing. I know. Then this next guy is no slouch either.

Yes.

Thanks for going along.

You know what? Yeah. Tom Hanks is next. I was walking by and he was just standing in the hallway and somebody introduced me. I think it was Paula who introduced me to him. Then he said, What's the first car you ever drove and what's the car you're driving It was just such a… I'm sure that's a question he asks a lot of people just to- He just had that ready to go? He had that ready to go. It was so cool, but also made me reflect that my first car was a broken down Jetta, and now I drive a minivan. It's like my evolution. Which is a lateral move.

You seem like a Jetta girl.

I had three Jettas before. Really? Yeah. I was a Jetta girl for sure. Is that a compliment? Yeah. Okay.

Let's Let's take- Did you just read the description?

Because I did, too.

Yes, and I think I remember what I say in this, so let's roll it.

You scared the hell out of me. I was on a bike with a friend of mine. That's right. We won't get into the exact... But taking a bike ride with a good friend of mine, Brad, and we're going up this- Piss. Yeah, maybe. And Brad Paisley. Suddenly this car, a Jeep SUV thing starts coming, and all of a sudden the window comes down and you lean out the window and start yelling at me. I did, I yelled at you. You start doing some bit, which was really funny, doing a bit. Then my friend was like, That was Tom. Happens all the time. But you know what? It was like laughing. Like your head just came out of a...

Knock, knock.

Yeah. Or it was like Batman when he was climbing up the side of a building and suddenly a window would open and it's- It's Jerry Lewis. It's Jerry Lewis. It's Tom Hanks. I thought, I live the most amazing life where a darkened window can come down and a goofy Tom Hanks can pop out and yell at me when I'm on a bike.

But think about everybody else, because on that, there's a lot of people that come there to walk that. It's a long, and they're all like bicycle weenie geeks, guys with $6,000 mountain bikes saying, On your left, as they're going up and coming down, but they're going to see you. I mean, you're as tall as Big Bird for crying out loud. They're going to say, I believe I saw Conan O'Brien struggling up to hip.

Have you heard that halfway up that ridge, there's this place that apparently in the late '30s, you probably know about it, right?

Absolutely true.

In the late '30s, some people who were pro-Hitler and pro what the Nazis were doing, so Nazis. Yeah.

Okay, go ahead. As a lay historian, I'll come in and get the record straight. There were members of the party.

There were people who were sympathetic to that cause in the late '30s before America was in the war, and they purchased a piece of land, am I correct?

You are correct, sir.

That they thought would be a place that the Führer would like to hang when and if he comes to America, maybe because he conquered it. I don't the whole story. Do you know the story?

It was owned by the German Bund. There was a period of time, a German Bund. The Bund was essentially, Hey, we're all Germans. We all live America. Let's form a fraternal organization like other nationalities do. I'm going to hope that was before they found out just how bad Hitler was. But I swear I have seen photographs of a fourth of July in the 1930s up there with a fireworks thing, and they would have, no lie, a picture of the founding fathers and a picture of Adolf Hitler, an American flag and a Nazi flag, the German Nazi flag. They were saying, Our country is coming back, et cetera. I just hope that maybe you can get away with that in 1930, but it continued along. In fact, it is now a scout camp, or it had been for a while. I have gone there to scout a location. There was the main lodge. There's tents and stuff like that. But there is a main lodge that honestly looks like a German alpine chalet, that all you have to do is paint it red I put a couple of Haken cruisers on there, and you are right back in Nazyville, USA.

This is a place that in our neighborhood, you go up this, there's this big hill.

Did I say Jerry Lewis also lived in this neighborhood?

Why did you choose to of here, sir? Listen, we have these meetings that are none of your business. No, but this is my story, which is that that was something I've always heard. Then occasionally, you'll find that it mentioned that this piece of land lives and that maybe... Some people get the story, they get it wrong, and they think that Hitler spent time there in his board shorts looking out at the Pacific.

He did come out for pilot season. You know You needed a place to stay.

Six pilots didn't get one of them.

Not a one.

It was almost a seventh friend. But anyway, I'm with my friend once, my same friend Brad that you saw, I'm riding, grinding up that hill on our bikes to just try and get to this. It's very steep in parts. We're grinding along, and then we're these two women, blonde, 22-year-old I swear to God, wearing bikini tops. They just looked like they were just come from a sorority party. They flag us down like they were in trouble. I said, What is it? They went, Do you know where the Hitler camp is?

What? There you go.

Where's the Hitler camp? About that. I went, Oh, ladies. Well, all right.

God, he's still pulling in the trim, that Addy Hitler.

Oh, my God.

He's still pulling in the trim? I know what?

Jesus.

Oh, wow.

Jesus, Matt.

Come on. We are making light of a very, very dark period without a doubt. I mean, you don't want to say, Yeah, come on up. How do you get to Coden's house? Well, if you You've gone too far if you hit the Hitler camp. Make a U-turn at the Hitler camp.

When you get to the Mussolini condensate. Take a left.

Yeah, right past the triangle. But yeah, that's up there.

I'm going to switch gears here.

Let's see how you do this.

I want to talk about the Japanese and Jerry Lewis and 1944.

One other major thing that happened with Tom Hanks that we have to cover is that he was the second but no less significant A-list celebrity to look diagonally across this table from the chair. I'm sitting in right now and Well, Aaron, to shut the fuck up.

That's right.

Bler, what did that feel like?

Well, I always try to- You don't have to shout, Bler.

And shut the fuck up. Now there's three A-list celebrities.

Can I just say a thing very quickly? It's tough for Eduardo and I because we're back, we're out of the limelight.

I've been there a couple of times, I know.

Except I am in direct eye contact with every celebrity.

They're looking at me, really. They're looking at me, really. They're looking at you. Okay. You just might think they're looking at you.

Well, you know what? And they do look at you, but then sometimes they look over at me.

They're probably looking at me still.

They look at you happily, and they look at me like, What's happening over here? So whenever I say anything, it's always they immediately want me to shut up because they want to hear from you.

No, I think there's something about you that makes people think that they could just immediately just be, not shitty, but joke around with you. I'm saying this as a compliment.

You're back cuddling now and I'll take it. I appreciate it.

No, I am saying it as a compliment. I don't I don't think they feel comfortable saying, Shut the fuck up to just anybody. There's something about, I got to stop. I don't know. I'm trying to give them a compliment.

But to answer your question, it's incredible that we get to interact with these people at all. The fact that both Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks told me to shut the fuck up. Amazing. Truly. I mean, life moments. But there has to be a third. Life moments. Well, I think there probably will be. Who's it going to be? We should all take it.

Will it happen organically? Will it be someone that is aware of this? That was what I was going We don't think that Tom Hanks was aware. No, it felt real. It felt real. Telling, Wait, shut the fuck up. But it was such a, what are the odds that they would use the exact same words? Yes. The best part about when Tom Hanks did it is we all collectively celebrated. Yes. That's why a third one is going to blow the roof off this place. I know what you're saying, though, about being in the island. I am in Konan's direct island throughout the whole entire interview, and I find the more esteemed the guest, this is a look behind the curtain here. Oh, I agree with you, whatever you're about to say. The less he will look Look at the guest and the more he will talk to me, which makes me so… Because I have to do that fuel face where I'm fueling him with energy and admiration and likes and laughs. It's not like it's not legitimate, it is, but I'm very conscious of, I've got to keep this I go, and here I go.

It's just a hell of a thing.

Now, see, I feel the same way about the celebrity, and I over did it, I think, with John Mayer, because John Mayer, at one point, stops and he goes, Man, you are really vibing with me right now. I remember that. I was like, Oh, my God, oh, no. Am I screwed up? Because I'm trying to... Exactly the same thing. It's like being under a microscope. And so I find myself, after these podcasts, sometimes, drained.

Exhausted.

Exhausted because you're like an emotional cheerleader. Yes. And not that, again- Your cheeks hurt. I absolutely enjoy being here, but it is like a sending vibes or just giving somebody back good energy. But yeah, I totally agree. But life moments. They were life highlight moments. I I'm anxious to see who's going to be number three.

I am, too. We're going to see. I am, too. This next one was very special to us because Carol Burnet is an absolute legend, and we went to the Four Seasons hotel and got to talk to her there. This is a very special story about another absolute legend, Lucile Ball. Both of these women were formative in my youth for television and everybody else, I'm sure. But this was an incredible day.

I know. This was one of those special days where I was like, I'm going to remember this just forever. Just being here talking to her. It's amazing. I just...

Oh, boy, we better roll it. Someone's going to need to take a break.

I wanted to ask you about Lucille Ball because obviously, growing Coming up, even though the show had long been gone, it was running constantly in reruns, I Love Lucy, and that was the format for the modern sitcom that has endured for 50, 60 years. I know that she was very kind to you. She saw you as, Hey, this kid has something. I like her. How did she reach out to you?

Or how did you meet her? I was doing the off-Broadway show called Once Up On A Mattress, and we had just opened the night before, and the second night, there was a lot of buzz I could hear in the audience, and Lucy was in the audience the second night. I remember I peaked through the curtain, and I said this big shock of red hair, and there she was. I was more nervous that night than I was opening night, the night before, because she was in the audience.Of course, yeah. Anyway, it went okay, and I had this funky little dressing room off Broadway. She knocked on the door after the show and came in. I had this couch and I had a spring coming up. She was going to say... I said, Look out. She said, I see it.

Is it my first rodeo?

Anyway, we visited for about a half hour, and I said, She called me Kid because she was 22 years older. If you ever need me for anything, give me a call. About four or five years later, I was doing... I did a few things, and then CBS was going to give me a special, a one-hour variety thing, if I could get a major guest star. The producer said, Call Lucy. I said, I don't want to bother her. He said, All she can do is say, I'd love to, but I can. I'm busy. Got her on the phone, called her office. She came up, Hey, kids, you're doing great. What's happening? I was just, blah. I said, Lucy, I'm doing... I know you're busy. She said, When do you want me? We did the show together. Then when I got my variety show... Then I did several guest appearances on her later shows, the Lucille Ball show, and when she played Lucy Carmichael and all of that. That's right.

With Gail Gordon.

Right. Then when I got my show, she came on. We traded on and off.

Oh, wow.

This one time, she's on my show, and we have a dinner break before the orchestra rehearsal. She and I went over to the Farmer's Market to have a little... We were in the Chinese restaurant there, and she's knocking back a couple of whiskey sours.

Please tell me it's the morning.

No, it was a night time.

Okay.

At that time, of course, my husband, Joe Hamilton, was executive of producing our show. She now was not with Desi. She said, You know, kid, it's great that you got Joe to handle a lot of stuff for you because when I was married to the Cuban, I Like he's a cigar.

She said, He did everything.

Desi did everything. He took care of the scripts. He took care of the lighting, the camera work. He's the one who invented the three cameras.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a genius. Yeah. Yeah.

And she said, When I came into the Monday morning, the table read, everything was perfect because he had seen to it. And all I had to do is be crazy Lucy. I was fine. So Then we got a divorce. Now I'm going to do the Lucy Karma, whatever it was. And I came in, No Desi, and we read the script, and she said, It was awful. Kid, it stank. She said, Oh, God, what am I going to do? Desi's not here. She called me for lunch, and she said... She went back to her office. She said, I've got to be strong. I've got to be... I got to confront this the way Desi would. She said, So I knew what I had to do. Went back to the table read, and I told them in no uncertain terms how I felt about the script, how we had to fix it. She said, In kid, and she took an L. And that's when they put the S on the end of my last name.

Now, she sent you, I think, flowers every day on your birthday.

On my birthday, and this one birthday, I got up in the morning and turned on the Today Show, and she had passed away on my birthday. And that afternoon, I got flowers that said, Happy birthday, kid. We had a great bond.

Legend.

That's amazing.

Do you remember she came into that room, and there was probably 15 people in that room. She shook everyone's hand, asked for their name, and then after the interview was over, said goodbye to everybody, pretty much by name.

Like a total pro. Also, there are moments when everybody's on their best behavior. We're all dressed a little nicer. We're all not scoofing off.

Usually a president of some kind. Yes.

We had the same amount of gravitas towards her as we would. As well, you should. A president, a first lady. Yeah. All right, this next one is Nisi Nash with a very funny story.

I've always heard it was your idea to put on the prosthetic fake booty.

Is that true? That's a fact. Because you know why? Because the women in my family, I did not see them on TV. You know what I mean? Now, you could buy a butt on every corner. You know what I mean? You can buy one on every corner. But then it wasn't popular to have all of the... You know what I mean? I went to so many booty fittings. You don't even understand. They couldn't get it right because they were It's holding it straight back. I went to my girlfriend and I brought her up there who had the natural slamma jamma. I'm like, You see, you got to start from the hips and wrap it around. I got the booty right in.

It was really I love that you brought your friend in. What was your friend's name?

I don't know if I should say it.

Okay. You just mean it's a compliment. What am I saying to your friend, Hey, come on over here.

I need your ass. I need your ass.

Get your ass over here, literally. Get your ass over here.

Literally. Let me tell you something. That friend of mine, true story, her butt and my up top was how we got to look Prince right in the face. We didn't have tickets to this Grammy party he was at. We went around the side and there was a security guard. I said, Girl, you know what to do. She started walking backwards. I started walking forward. I was like, Come on. And we walked over there, so he led us in the back door. We get in the party, and then we lied and said that I'm always lying to get a job, right? We lied and said she was Prince's cousin. The purple one was behind this door. We walk up to security like, Yeah, we need to get in there. She's like, I'm his cousin. I'm like, Yeah, she's his cousin. He looked at us up and down. He said, One minute. He closes the door and goes, The door opens. It is Prince. He looked at us, and before we could take a breath, he said, Nice try, and closed the door in our face. I said, But we got to see him.

He said, Nice try to us.

That is so cool. I don't even know what that had to do with the booty.

But the point is, it was that same girl's butt. She walked backwards to get in. She walked backwards to get in. But her butt. That's how she got everything in life. She walked backwards. We denied this card. Oh, yeah. Check this out. The card works.

Coden is so jealous right now.

Okay, let's talk about this. I have no ass. There's just nothing back there. It's a straight drop. I'm thinking I should get a prosthetic. Is there something they make for men now?

Make sure it's done right. You should bring a friend in who has the right butt and then have them do it.

I don't know. I don't know what the right butt looks like. You want me to call my friend? Yeah, exactly. You should come. I should say, I want this.

But the point I was making is that that butt wasn't popular back then. That body type, not even the butt, just the body type. I wanted to be somebody that my aunties could look at and see themselves. I was like, I want to look like the women in my family. I have to tell you, so many men met me in life and were so disappointed that I didn't have the thing on. They were like, You lost weight? I'm like, No.

I can go get it. It's in the back of the car.

Yeah, basically. Just keep it with me at all times. You could borrow hers.

Don't they make something for men?

No, I'm just saying you could borrow the one she uses for Reno 911. All right.

Maybe I can... Do you have a name for it? You nicknamed it?

I did not. But my The prosthetic one. I have one that I will wear under the uniform, but the prosthetic one that I wore with the thong bathing suit, that one, somebody stole it.

You bet they did.

It was in a temperature control locker somewhere.

If I knew where that was, I'd grab it. I'd take it on vacation. What are you going to do with it? I don't want to talk about what I'm going to do to it. That's my business. You're invading my privacy right now. I buy two airline tickets, and the prosthetic ass is in the other one. We both have a glass of champagne.

Oh, my God.

Can I tell you, I love Nisi Nash, and I love Reno 911, and I had no idea that was a fake butt until that conversation.

Between that and Konan's story about Prince, which he's told a few times on the show right before he went on stage, the more I hear that little guy.

That little guy? He's very little. He is, I know.

He's just a mischief maker. Someone just told me a story that he was at a huge gala party, just as a guest, stood up on a table and hopped from table to table to table to the exit as if it was just all happening spontaneously. But then if you did any further looking down, you saw all of his people were prepared with their hands clasp together to be his little bridge from table to table to table.

He talked about it before.

With them. This had been planned, but it was all made to seem spontaneous. That's insane. This is also coming like third, fourth degree. Who knows if it's true, but you print the legend.

It's amazing. Oh, man, that's awesome. I loved when Nasty Nash was here because I've always loved Reno 911. Me too. She was just like, she had that energy the whole time. You really missed out. It was so much fun. You really, really missed out. Do you ever- Yes. I hate missing recordings. I do, too.

I missed Billy Crystal, Jon Stewart, because I had to go back and see my family, and you curse your family. Do you?

I really don't have much going on besides this. I really don't miss very many, but I have missed a couple, and I always have a big time FOMO. What's your biggest regret? There was one. I remember I was just like, I wish I was here for that.

Yeah, you're almost always here. I don't have a ton of FOMO in my life. If anything, I have a fear of not missing out. Of not? In a way, a fear of being included.

The Fobj?

Yes, that's the one.

Fobby. Where did the J come from?

It's a soft J. I did not miss this next one, which I am very glad for because this was a really funny guest and a really funny story.

I have to say, when we find out who gets booked on this show, there's an email sent to all of us just being like, this person got booked on this day. It's very rare for me to respond and just be like, I'm really excited, even though I But this one, I replied to everybody on the email, including, I think, probably Serious XM employees and a lot of other executives who don't care about my opinion.

The guest himself.

I was just like, I cannot wait for this episode.

I think you said something like, Little Baby Billy?

No, that wasn't me. I forgot what I said. I can't remember, but I feel like you said, Little Baby Billy. We can find it. I don't know. Yeah, but then everybody else started responding. It's like every single person was excited about this.

You responded, When I saw this booking, I gasped.

That's right. That's what I said.

This is Walton Goggins.

That's anticlimactic.

You've played so many great characters, but in the Righteous Gemstones, I feel like the minute I started watching that show and then you showed up, and I remember not knowing you were going to be in the show for some reason.

The minute you show I thought, you can't do the Righteous Gemstones without Walton Gaugans. You have to have him. Did I tell you this story about the... David Gordon Green was directing that episode, and the very first time you meet Baby Billy, he's in a bathtub. I know this. He's in a hot tub. Yeah, hot tub, bathtub outside, looking out of his land, looking out over his empire. At some point in the scene, he stands up and he's fully naked. And the viewer sees. The viewer sees everything. Then he turns around, he puts on his bathrobe, and then steps out of the bathtub. Well, they call then a body double to do that, who was 17 E6, 78 years old, something like that, to be in the tub.

They flew him in from Chicago. I'm like, How did you...

What's the audition process? You couldn't find him in South Carolina? Really? You had to go to Chicago? So So he comes in and I meet him. You had to go to Chicago to find a dick? Yeah.

This guy's top of his game, you have to understand. Top of his game.

The plastic guy.

I met him on that day, and he was dressed like me, looked like me.

I'm being like, Who are you?

He said, I'm you. I'm your body dub. I'm standing in for you. It's like, okay. Cut to the show comes out. There it is. I get a phone call from this friend of mine who says, Oh, my God, Baby Billy Freeman. I just I can't stand it. I love it so much. Can I just say how good your body looks? I said, What the fuck are you talking about? He's 76.

He's 76 years old.

You think that's my fucking body? True story. I did wonder because the penis is right there. Penis is right there.In high definition.Yeah, that's right.Beautifully lit.I mean, it's a nice It's a nice penis.

I don't know. It's definitely a Chicago penis. It's a Chicago penis.

You can tell. You know what? South Side. Deep dish. That's a South Side penis. Deep dish. Deep dish, South Side. That's a White Sox penis. That's not a Cubs penis.

It does not have a Southern accent.

Yeah. Very Yankee.

What's going on here? What are we doing here down south? Penis, shut up. You're ruining it. I just got out of a hot tab.

Yeah.

Got to get a sausage.

I love him. Did you watch Vice Principles?

Yes, definitely. Can I just say a thing where I, like you, Sono, I love Walton Goggans. He's one of my favorite people. Sometimes when celebrities get here, I get to just say a few words to them as they come up the stairs. I had to tell Walton Goggans this. He comes up, he's very nice. I shake his hand and we're talking for a second and I go, I have to say you have a gin, right? He goes, Well, yes, I do. I was like, My old boss and I, Dan person got very drunk one night on your gin, and it was delicious. He put his hand on my chest and goes, Well, then may I just say you are welcome for your inebriation.

Oh, my God. I was like, Oh, my God. It's like a blessing. You've been baptized in the spirit The Lord.

The most charming man ever. It's just dripping with charm.

Just dripping. I love him. I think I love every single role he's in, and if I hear he's in something, I will watch it.

He's one of those actors.

It's true. Yeah, that's why I watched Fallout, even though I never knew anything about the video game. I watched the show.

And he's very serious in that, right?

He has barely a face. Yeah. He's not totally serious, but he's the villain.

Yeah.

He's the anti. Yeah. But if you haven't watched it, you should. It's really good. Okay. Yeah.

Well, next up are two of the most lovable people that you'll have on this show, I think Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, in a very special circumstance. I think it gets explained in the clip, probably. But what a way to kick off this episode.

I know. We were all waiting for Woody to get here, and he explains it in this clip, right? I mean, that's what the clip is. Yeah.

But I think anybody, even Woody, probably would say it's probably not uncommon to sit and wait around for Woody Harrelson because he lives on a different clock, time zone planet or whatever. But this was a very special reason. Let's watch.

I think we should address the elephant in the room. Woody, we started a little bit later than we thought because you had a bit of a tumble Is it fair to call it a tumble? I think a tumble is a fair term. Yeah. I did go over my handlebars. You went over the handlebars? Yeah. I was honestly and embarrassingly, I was passing this Tesla on the left that I felt was moving a little slow, but I didn't realize he was moving slow because he's taking a left. Yes, and you were on a motorcycle? On a motorcycle. Yes. Is that your primary way of getting around a motorcycle? Well, I always feel like the shortest distance between two points in LA is a motorcycle. So I do tend to take it. But today, it proved not to be so very fast in terms of-Right, because we-ransporting. We lost some time while people were figuring out, are you alive? Your soul had to reenter your body. Yeah. Did you think for a second when you were going over the hood of the Tesla, this is going to be a huge problem, or the whole time, were you thinking, I'm all right?

No, I always thought I'd be okay. I just felt like there was some pain involved. I felt the pain, but I never thought I'd be killed or anything or maimed. Your hand is wrapped up like someone in a tune. That's because I wrapped it. Is this true? You wrapped it. I wrapped it and I thought it looked funnier that way. Let me get this straight. All of your first-day training is helping people in a way that will look funny. It's not going to help him not get infected or anything like that. You didn't set the bones in the proper way. You set them in the funny way. We're in the bathroom and I'm like, You played a doctor, right? He says, Yeah, I also played a lawyer so we can sue the guy. Well, I think it's going to have to be a lawyer for the defense. Because it was not as good with that. Sorry. This is fascinating just to be behind the scenes and know that you guys are both icons. You're on the way to do the podcast with your friend Ted Danson. You wipe out on the motorcycle, you hit a Tesla, you get it together, you come here, you need medical attention.

Ted is the one that helps clean the wound and wrap you? Yes. Why haven't we called a real doctor at any point?

I take Ted Danson over a real doctor. Thank you.

Thank you very much. By the way, his confidence, his demeanor, everything about the way he does it is you feel like, yes, I'm in the best hand. Never doubted. I did have that. I was choking back tears, but I was efficient. First of all, I'm very happy that you're okay. Me too. What I'm scared when he asked me to disrobe, but I'm not going to...

It's for Hygienic purposes.

Hygienic and also tax purposes. Thank you. What protection do you wear when you ride? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you? No, no, no. We're not doing that protection, the other protection. Are you armored in any way? Are you wearing a helmet? I was wearing a helmet. Okay. I actually did help me because I did hit my head, but the helmet, so no problem. Okay. Good. What do you have? This makes me sad, buddy. Really? Yeah. Don't be sad. I am. I'm sad. Sad? Why sad? Well, he could have been hurt. Badly. It makes me sad. Does it inform what you might do in the future? No, that's out of the question, I'm sure. It should. It certainly should. But this is how you are, right? You're living life on the edge. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, right. In other words, maybe I should just slow down in life and just take it a little easier. Hey, you're doing great. You skinned your hand. Man up. Sorry. I'm switched. You just switched. I had my cheering moment. Sorry. Literally 15 seconds ago, you said, I'm so sad, I'm so sad. I'm over it. You're my friend and I'm so sad.

And then you're telling him to shut the fuck up. My sadness didn't play in the room. When he thought about me going slower. My sadness didn't play in the room. That is such a sick thing to say. Such a sick thing to say. Oh, wow. We're here in the ward with the terminally ill children. Hope you guys feel better soon. Tough break. Hey, that didn't play so well. Let me try something else. Hey, Timmy, how long you got? Jesus Christ, Ted. I know what you mean, though, Woody. There's something about Ted. Every time I've talked to him, see him out in the world, I'm immediately I just get this calm. You have a very calming presence. Yes, is some of it maybe related to the fact that you are so ubiquitous and well known? Yes. But do other people say that? You'd be like an amazing therapist. I'm doing these moderate to severe plaxeriasis commercials, which I think tells you all you need to know that under this... I am, by the way. You can calm other people, but there's Nothing, no calmness in the interior. No common me. No calmness in the interior. Yeah.

Now, do you suffer from this malady or is the money just too much to turn down? I live on the edge of fear, basically. Really? Yes. I remember you sitting me down once during cheers, and I think I was about to get divorced or something. He said, Teddy, why are you so fearful? Stuck in my head all the time. That's what I find amazing. You may have fear and all of that, but you take such big chunks out of life. I love that. And yourself, apparently. I lost a chunk. Large month. Is this on camera, by the way? I think we're going to see this. It's comical. That's the thing one of the three stooches would put on their heads. They had a headache. I know. That's great. Does anyone have a nice I haven't seen an ice pack like that in 50 years. That's not a bad idea, though. Does it look cool? Oh, yeah. It looks really cool.

What you can't see is, didn't he also have Have his leg propped up? And listeners can go to the Team Coco YouTube channel and see these clips because often the clips themselves are longer as well than what you're hearing today. But this one, because also they're drinking large glasses of watermelon juice. Yes. Or like strawberry agua fresca or something. It's just a sight. Watermelon juice. They get it for every recording they do of their podcast. They do a podcast here where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, Sometimes, is the title. And yeah, they get these watermelon juice. But they both like watermelon juice? I think that's adorable. I can turn the other one onto it, and then they get it. I bet Woody turned Ted on. I think that's right. Yes. But I will say that they have this odd couple dynamic that is really special, and they just love each other like brothers. It's a good plug for the other podcast because if you like them together, and I can't imagine anyone doesn't, the other podcast is really, really great.

Do you ever, after we leave, are you like, I want to be friends with you so bad? Oh, yeah. Every once in a while someone will come in and they'll leave and I'll be We could have such a good friendship together. I thought about that with Mila Kunis. I thought about that with a few other people, but Mila Kunis jumps out because I feel like we really bonded when she came on here. But with them, I really just would love to just go to dinner parties with them and just be friends.

You know, Woody invited our team, a handful of us went to his dispensary when the show launched.

Oh, really? Oh, my God. I got to go. He was there.

One of my favorite memories that night was, apparently, Woody really loves magic. He had magician bartenders. You'd order a drink, and they'd be like, and then it would appear or whatever. It was really cool, except as the night goes on in an open bar, you just want your drink. You're like, Cool, that's great. You're flipping the bottle around and then fire, and oh, my God. You're like, Cool. That's... Oh, man. Okay. Oh, great. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, man. Okay, cool. Thank you for the drink. We ended up ordering several at once just so you could…

He's not doing those now you see me movies for a paycheck. It's out of love with the girl.

I feel like it's a passion. It was one of the coolest nights. That dispensary is got a whole big garden in the back.

It's beautiful.

We should do a field trip. Really? We should.

We should move our studio to that dispensary and just start recording there.

I would love to.

All right, well, we're going to close this out with the Larry David clip that, man, this whole interview is one of the funiest we've had. Yeah.

This moment is a very curb your enthusiasm, Larry David moment. Very much. You're just like, this would be a plot point in Curb.

You know, people ask me all the time. They say to me, Konan, you know everyone in the business, and I say, thank you. And then they say, Larry David, is he exactly like he is on Curb your Enthusiasm? I say, yes, he is. You are exactly like that guy. You would claim that you're not quite that guy. But the times I've hung out with you at parties, I feel there might as well be a camera recording this for HBO. You are the same guy.

I take that as a tremendous compliment. Yes. You should. Because I got to tell you something, I love that guy. That guy. Oh, my God. I am so in love with that guy. Yeah, really? He's my hero.

Yeah, he should be. It must be nice, though, because you've carved that out for yourself. Then if people encounter you in real life, you don't have to, in any way, contort yourself to please them. You can tell them, I don't feel like taking a selfie. It's not really what I want to do right now. They must love it.

And they laugh. Except a couple of weeks ago, I got invited to a dinner party. Five, 10 years ago, I would have gone, Okay, yeah. Okay. Sounds good. What's the address? Now, this time, I said, Who's coming?

Oh, yeah.

It did not go over well.

The person was offended? The person seemed to have been a little offended.

I wound up not going. There you go. I tried to be Larry, and it didn't work. But by the way, as long as we're on the subject, is it such a terrible question to ask who's going to... Why is it such a secret? Why is that a secret? I don't understand the big secret.

You can't say who's going. Why? I don't get it. Yes. I think you are within your rights to ask who's going.

Thank you.

Because you want to find out. Also, I'm imagining you have enemies. You want to make sure you're not walking into a party.

I just made four more as I walked into the building.

But you want to make sure. You want to know.

Yeah, I want to know.

It's like a mobster who's going to a restaurant, wants to know how many ways are they in, If I'm attacked, is there a way out? You got to know. Exactly.

Because a lot of times, honestly, you'll be invited to these dinner parties and you find yourself sitting next to some insurance salesman, and you're there the whole two and a half hours sitting next to him or her, whatever. It's not comfortable.

Let me ask you a question, and I want you to be honest. You came to my house not long ago. You didn't know who was going to be there. Were you pleased? Were you not pleased? You can tell me.

Well, Were there enough celebrities to make you comfortable?

Did you feel that it was a good environment, a good ecosystem for you?

I need three comedians, and I'm fine.

Do I count as a comedian?

Oh, Cohnen.

Cohnen. Oh, Konan. You're just sad.

You're just sad.

Don't do this to him.

Come on.

Yes, Konan.

Thank you. Well, I wasn't sure. You seemed happy. You seemed pleased. But then at one point- Comedians, comedies, either one, whatever. But at one point, I noticed that you had retreated to a separate area and you were just observing. You were eating your food and you were just observing other people as if you were looking at birds. You were doing little sketches. I wondered if that's normal behavior for you.

I'll tell you what, I I don't like sitting with a plate on my lap. I saw there was a counter, there were stools in front of the counter, and I thought this would be a good spot to plant myself. I planted, and it turned It's about to be a great spot because when people come over, this is what I do at parties, by the way, I always sit. You can't be in the middle of a room making small talk, and then you're your brain is racing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm out. I can't. I got nothing. I got nothing. What? The bathroom? Do I have to go to the bathroom? Do I have to get a drink? Or I know, I'll do TV Larry. I'll do TV Larry. All right, well, it's been nice talking to you. Then you move on. I think people know now that you can't have interminable conversations. They can't go on forever.

There's got to be an out.

You know what?

You're on a podcast right now.

How long is this going You may be done.

This is our special five-hour salute. No, but it's not. It's a special five-hour salute to Larry David.

But I think I have an idea for parties. I have an idea for parties. You have a party sheriff, okay?

Yeah.

He sits. He's in a chair above the party. He's overseeing the party.

Like a lifeguard. Like a lifeguard.

Or he's in another room on video, and he's got cameras on everybody. Like a pit boss. Yeah, like a pit boss. He's seeing the conversations. He's looking at him. He's seeing how it's going. He's looking at the body language. He's timing conversations. Then he sees that somebody's in trouble. It goes, Okay, all right, I got to go. He goes down.

He takes the version by the arm.

He goes, Excuse me, this is over. This is brilliant.

I have to have this. I have to have this.

I mean, this is a great idea. It's brilliant.

It's fantastic. Thank you. I love that idea. I think we've all been there.

He doesn't even pretend to take, Hey, I need to talk to you about this. No, no, no.

No, no. Everybody's aware.

Also, does he flash a badge? Yeah, Does he put up a badge and say, This is over? This is over.

Everybody's aware there's a sheriff. There's somebody overseeing the party. By the way, I think I'd be a good one. You'd be great. I'd like to volunteer. I could do that job. We need a podcast, sheriff.

You could do that.

I definitely could do that job, a party sheriff, for sure.

I have to say, I happened to be at a party with Larry David last week.

It doesn't happen often at all. Maybe never has never happened, really. I did talk to him, and I basically just went up to him and said how much fun we all had when he was here. He was very, very kind and said that this was his favorite, I don't know if he said favorite podcast or favorite talk show he's ever done, which I believe when he says, because I don't think he would just say that to be- If ever there was time, it wasn't going to be mince words. But the whole time in the back of my mind, I was conscious of making sure I didn't talk too long. This being In and out. I'm just going to say hi and then be done because I don't want the party sheriff to get me. What happens when you go too long with the actual party? Who's Sheriff's the Party Sheriff? That's a great question. I think he would have just said, Great talking to you. Thank you. Then time to go. Well, the podcast Sheriff has said it's time for us to wrap this up.

We'll be back next time with Konan, right? That's right.

We'll be back with a regular episode next week. Like I said, you can go to the Team Coco YouTube channel to all these clips in their full length. This has been a fun diversion. We're sorry for the circumstances and sending love to our boss.

Yes, we are sending a lot of love to all the O'Brien and the Reardons on the East Coast. It's all of Konan's whole family is out there. Yeah, it's a really hard time. But also they lived very long, very beautiful lives, made a huge impact on everybody and made a huge impact in their fields, and they're going to be missed. I mean, this is the end of the year, too, really, isn't it?

I know. This is it. This is it. It's the holidays, and everybody take it easy out there and enjoy yourselves. We'll start fresh next year with good attitudes.

Okay.

Good attitudes.

Because we usually have bad attitudes. I don't know.

Why are you questioning?

I'm sorry. It was an odd thing to say. But yeah, 2025, here we come. Happy holidays, Matt.

Happy holidays. Today, Sona. You know you're like my sister.

You know what? I feel like we have a brother-sister relationship now. I think we do. We've been doing this for a while, and you're my favorite part of this podcast. Oh, same here. You know what? Just sitting across and looking at you whenever Konan says something silly.

Which is every three seconds.

Which is all the time. We're just two kids in church just making each other giggle.

I don't know what I would do without you. I wouldn't have made it this far without you.

You would have been fine.

No way. You would have been okay. You're my rock.

Oh, that's nice. I love it. I'm quitting next week. Okay.

Well, so am I then. All right. Thank you to Adam, Eduardo, and Blae. I know. You guys make this happen. Literally, Adam, you make this happen. Yeah.

We have a good team. Yeah, we do.

Why do we need that other guy?

We do. I don't want to sit in this chair again.

No, it's weird.

There's something about this chair that makes me uneasy. I like being over in the corner, just not saying anything. That's right.

Okay. Happy New Year, New Year. New Year. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brenda Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/konan. If you haven't subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.