Transcript of Suspiciously Healthy

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Eugenia Fernández de los Ronderos Jiménez.

That's me. That's too long. Too long. I always get to travel in the customs when I'm trying to get to see my family in the US, but yeah.

Okay. Tell me how to pronounce your I want to make sure I say it correctly.

Eugenia.

Eugenia, I am Conando.

Tell us, Eugenia, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Where are you right now in the world?

Right now, I'm in Madrid, Spain, from my house. I work here as a physician resident in a hospital.

Okay, very good. You work in a hospital and you take care of people. That's very good. I like that. You mentioned that you have American relatives. Is that true?

Yeah. My fiance, he's American. He's Irish-American. Sean Dempsey, pretty Irish I like how your accent dropped on there.

Wait, your fiancé is Irish-American, and his name is Sean Dempsey.

Here in Spain, people call him Cheung-Chang. Seeing if they see it written Because people cannot really pronounce his name.

Yeah. Well, I'm sure anything's okay with Sean.

Yeah. He was my Juan sometimes when he gets tired. Yeah, guess what? He's not going to really say his name.

The Irish, we just don't care. As long as we're welcomed in and someone has something to drink and something to eat, we're fine. Call me whatever you want. That's how it is here. Tell me a little bit, how did you meet this guy?

We met in 2016. He went to study abroad. He came actually to my hometown, Seville, in Spain. A lot of Americans go to study there abroad, actually. We felt in love, but it didn't make any sense. I was 19 and I was studying medicine. After a year, we met again, and that's how we decided, if in one year, we couldn't meet anyone that did that.

That was worth trying. Okay, Eugenia, I don't think it's that you couldn't meet anyone. I just think he was the special one. He was the one. He was the one. I don't think you should go around telling him He's fine. I waited and when it just no one came along. You'll do. You'll do.

He's fine. He got used to the Spanish way of being in a relationship with a Spanish woman, so he's fine.

Okay, well, what are the differences, say, between a Spanish woman and an Irish Catholic guy? What's the biggest difference between you? How have you had to change him?

That's tough because I think we actually have a lot of things in common, like Southern Spanish people and Irish people. But probably the drinking culture, it sounds weird, but we can start drinking at 12:00 in the June 12:00 PM, and then drink at 4:00 AM after being the whole day with our friends eating and everything. But he and you guys struggle with that type of culture when you get smashed in 30 minutes. Hold on a second.

You guys. Well, wait a minute. Hold on a second. Let's clean up a few things here, Eugenia, if that's even your real name. You're saying that you guys can start drinking at noon and you can go to 4:00 AM and it's no problem, right? That you can tolerate it, you're fine, you paced yourselves. Are you saying that what does he and his family do that's different?

I mean, Isalys, Start earlier, way earlier, like breakfast early and finish before lunch.

Okay, Sean may have a problem. Yeah, This might not be an Irish thing. I don't think it's that. He's starting at breakfast, and then at noon, he passes out.

He's been four years in Spain. He's got a rehab since.

What?

Oh, shit. He's been four years in Spain. He's already living here with me. So he came along with the culture here, and now he's totally fine.

We thought you meant he went to rehab, and suddenly we weren't laughing. It wasn't a joke. But now that we've learned he hasn't gone to rehab, we think it's really funny again.

Language barrier.

And now it's fantastic. Now it's fun when you can laugh about it. What about... Okay, drinking aside, what are other things that maybe were different about the two of you? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I think the biggest main thing at the beginning of our relationship was PDA. We don't have that in Spain or Europe. What do you mean?

You don't have- Public display of affection. You don't show affection publicly or you do?

We do, and we don't care about what other people think. It was very violent for him at the beginning. He was raised part of his life in the Midwest. Oh, boy. But then he taught me about that, and I learned to respect it because it's a cultural difference. At the beginning, I thought he didn't like me because he was like, running me.

No, let me explain something to you, Eugenia. I think it is a very Irish thing, which is we are up tight and we don't show a lot of public displays of affection. Whereas, of course, I know it's a... But when I think about Spain, I think of people being very open with their emotions.

And so You don't even know what to do with your hands right now.

Oh, you want me to simulate? You want to sit me in a... No, I don't want. Okay, then. But I think that you're trying to find the word. You can't even do private displays of affection.

He's speaking in Spanish. He's got a flamencoish.

Eugenia, let me explain something to you. I've been married for 21 years, and my wife has never seen me naked. Never. When I take a shower, I'm wearing a business suit. But this is her choice, Well, she saw me once and she said, I demand that you wear a five-piece suit. I didn't even know what a five-piece suit was. But Eugenia, there is a difference, which is we're more repressed. I think- You are. But I've learned. I'm heavily medicated. I also drink a lot. I live now in Southern California, and I've changed a little bit. I think I could talk to Sean, and I could help him with his fear of public displays of affection because you're a very beautiful woman. I think he should be able to embrace you openly. What is that?

You are so awkward.

Oh, my God. It's like you're holding a tuba. That is so awkward. Well, listen, I'm assuming she's wearing a parka. It's cold. Sometimes it gets cold.

Is it a hug? Are you hugging? What are you doing with your hands? What are you doing with your hands?

I'm sorry. I don't know how to act this out. Oh my God. Youhenia. Oh my God. I'm going to talk to- Hugging through your finger. No, you're a very beautiful woman. I don't want to put even on your imaginary self. I don't want to get too close because I think that's the whole me too I'm showing this. I'm showing even an imaginary way, I'm showing a lot of respect and distance. A lot of space. I'm giving you your space.

But anyway- We already told counseling will be good for Sean, I think. Maybe you could show him a little bit the He would show you?

You want me to show Sean, give him some premarital counseling on how to be more affectionate in public? No.

Maybe it could be a two-way relation where maybe your wife will be also happy that he tells you some tips about it since you're also struggling.

No, no, no. Listen, we're not getting my wife involved in this, okay? It's not a two-way if my wife's involved. Listen, Eugenia, I feel for Sean because I know what he's going through. We are an up-type people. What you're saying is, and I'd like you to actually say this, do you think that I could come and help Sean with his public display of affection issues?

I think you'd be very helpful with Sean and his public display of affection issues.

You think I could maybe help him and coax him to be a little more of a Latin lover, so to speak?

Yeah, like a coach. It's like a coaching experience. Eduardo's laughing really hard right now.

That's okay. I'm getting what I need to get. Can you just be someone that can speak the dead language of Latin? No, I know exactly what I'm doing, and I won't be pulled off track. Okay. Why, you idiot? When is this wedding taking place?

It's March 15th, next year in Seville. Okay.

Spain. I'd very much like to be at that wedding.

Oh, boy. You will be very welcome. I don't know what your wedding planner skills are, but I really need help with my Irish-American guests over 30 to navigate the Spanish drinking culture and also Shons of fear of displaying affection in our own wedding.

Okay, this is what I'm going to say. I would happily help plan your wedding. Okay? I would do that. I would plan your wedding. I My only recommendation is that the Irish-Americans are restrained in their seats and that no alcohol is anywhere near them. All the Spanish people can drink as much as they want, but not a drop for these Irish bastards. Not a drop.

Do you think that's an easy job?

I think I can handle it. Let's just say I've been down this road before. I will help you navigate this because- Thank you. I know what you're going through. Clearly, I understand where Sean is coming from. He's shy. He doesn't know about making out in public. What's wrong with that? Did you make up that he's shy?

Yeah, he never said that. He might not be a shy person.

Wait, he's not shy?

He could surprise you.

You think he's going to make a pass at me? He might be I'm funny.

I'm some jokes. They were like, Oh, wow.

I thought you were shy. Oh, okay. No, I just meant physically. That's all. Physically shy.

I thought you meant he's a shy person.

No, I just meant physically shy about public display of affection. If you're not having a great time with her. It's you guys I can't seem to get in sync with. You should try reading the research. What's that? What is this? I don't know what's this.

It's interesting because, for example, in flamenco dancing, it's very expressive type of dancing. When he dances flamenco, he actually does a good job. He expresses himself well. But in other fields, he doesn't succeed as much.

What? What other fields?

Like showing real affection. Like But you said physical affection. In public.

In public, yes. I'm sure. Listen, all Irish men, we're a little stilted and stuff in public, but in private, we are very passionate. Come I am. I'm sorry. I'm going to speak up.

I've never heard that.

What's that?

Never heard that before.

You've never heard that before.

She's engaged to an Irishman.

Eugenia, I'm not sure I can I like this wedding.

That's a beautiful way of PD.

I want to help you, but you've got to work with me here and at least pretend that I'm a very... Just pretend that I'm a very sensual man.

I've seen you in other stuff, and I think you can pull sensual self when you want to, for sure.

Yes. No, it's very true. I can be very sensual when the time comes. When it's time, then I can be quite sensual. When the time comes, When the appropriate moment has arrived.

7:30 PM, time to be sensual.

And see Alice. Saturday night for 10 minutes. See Alice will make sure you're ready when the time comes. All right. Well, I'm going to do my best by you. I really would like to try and help you. I'm obviously much older than Sean. I'm a very old man.

I'm sure you can see- You don't look that old, I have to be honest.

Oh, really?

You keep yourself in good shape.

Oh, thank you. I try. Yeah, you can tell. I haven't had any work done on my face yet.

You look suspiciously healthy.

Conan O'Brien, suspiciously healthy.

Wait a minute. I look suspiciously healthy.

What do you need to look that, John?

What do you do? Do you think that I'm doing something to my face or to my body?

I think it's either Botox or that you're using a lot of sunscreen because of your skin tone and everything, which could be both.

Well, first of all, I will tell you, I've never, ever done Botox ever in my life because I'm a comedian I always worried like that stuff freezes up your face, and this thing's my money maker. Oh my God. But I don't use a lot of sunscreen. I just have never gone outside in my life.

Okay, that explains a lot.

Sexy, huh? Does Sean go outside much?

He does, and he gets burned. That's why he uses a lot of cream sunscreen.

Yeah, it's always good when a man applies many creams.

Yeah, it's not sexy at all to wear cream all the time.

Well, it's not sexy to say, I'll be right with you, Eugenia, for our walk where I never touch you outside, but first, I must apply my creams. That's not good.

Yeah. I wish holding hands. It's actually eye contacting. That's probably the first base that you guys need to cover.

Wait, he doesn't make eye contact with you?

Eye contact, it's hard for him.

Have you had his eyesight checked? Maybe he can't see you. Maybe That's why he's always playing his hand as this. Maybe he's so drunk by noon that he doesn't know which Eugenia to look at.

I love you and I love her.

I mean, yeah. Well, is Sean aware of my Tomfoolery? Has he ever listened to the podcast or anything?

He has, yeah. He went back to you through me. I brought you back to him, and he also is a huge fan.

That's nice. That's important for me to know. It is, yeah. Respect. Because if he's not a fan, I'm not I'm not going to help him.

No. I mean, he can always pretend.

Does he know that you're getting advice about your relationship from Konan on here today?

He's aware, and he wishes he could be here with me, but I think he was surprised.

I I think. Eugenia, I would like to help you. I really would. I'd like to talk to him because as I say, I know where he's coming from. I used to be, believe it or not, I used to be an uptight Irish guy, but I've changed. I live in Southern California, and I've done a lot of work on my body. I've read the Kama sutra. Oh, boy. I didn't know it was the Kama sutra. I thought it was an in-flight manual. In some ways it is. I thought it was what to do in case of a crash. I didn't know why these people were getting together during a plane crash. But anyway. But I feel like I could be. I also would like to get in touch with my... I think I have an inner Latin side, an inner Spanish side that should come out?

I think every, not every, but many Irish-Americans do have a Latin, repressed Latin soul in them. When they release them, it's like a very interesting experience I will get on camera. Yeah. Very good. I'll be recording for you guys.

Well, I do not wish my sensual side to be recorded. We did that once, and it's doing very well in Switzerland. It's It's a film. I'm trying to live down, but I performed well. Listen, I want to thank you for talking to us, and I want to wish you and Sean the best. He's got an ins...Thank you so much.What did you say?

I'm I'm so defeated.

Well, I just looked over at Sona, and this is what she was doing.

Wait, what's wrong with you? What do you mean what's wrong with me? Why are you defeated?

I just don't want to hear so much about your sexual prowess, and I think that it's sad that you're saying so much.

Acting like- I'm only talking about it so much because of my failings. Yeah, but you- Wait, that is sad.

That is sad. You get very squamish when women talk about certain parts of their bodies, and you're going to go teach this guy about how to be more sexual.

It's just funny. Sona is a little extreme. She talks about things that normal people don't talk about. She's very graphic, and I don't get that sense from Eugenia Fernández de los Ronderos Jimenez. You know what I mean? I don't think she's walking around talking about various graphic things. I think she just wants some eye contact and some more a little sensuality from her man. That's all you want, yes?

Yeah, exactly.

Show us again how you're going to hold her.

I'm going to teach him to hold you like this.

Like you're burping a baby. Like a koala.

I'm giving you a eucalyptus leaf. That's the... Yeah. Okay. You went, oh, wasn't that sensual, the eucalyptus leaf?

You learned that in Kama sutra?

It's the special Australian edition, yes. Well, Eugenia, I love talking to you. Congratulations on your upcoming, I love this word, nuptials. Tell Sean that Konan says, Hey, and Konan is going to help him.

Thank you so much, Konan. Thank you so much, guys. Nice to meet you all.

Bye-bye. See you later. Bye-bye.

Adios. Adios. Bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Konan O'Brien, Sonam Obsesion, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Now. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down..