Transcript of Jeff Goldblum Returns (Re-Release)

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this. Hello. My name is Jeff Goldblum, g o l t b l u m. And I'm reading for some of the first name. Oh, yes.

First name, I did it. First name, last name. Empty something. Yeah. And then pause.

Here comes. That's enough of that. And I feel and then and it says here, parenthesis, however I feel. Well, the Madness. Madness.

Madness. Hey. That's the last line of what movie? This is the here, last line of movie. Madness.

Madness. Tell me the movie. Oh

my god. I know that movie. I know that movie. Older movie?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

I can give you a clue.

Yep. Madness. Wait a minute. Is it Madness. Hold it.

Madness. Is it, Apocalypse Now? No.

No. That's the horror.

No. The horror.

You're close though. Yeah. And it has a similar Oh, wait.

It's the last Family Ties.

No. Well.

No. It does. It ends with Madness. Madness. Yeah.

I probably I thought I love that this is the introduction to the show.

We have to wrap up what this movie is and then do the name thing all as 1 giant piece. We're still rolling.

You were still rolling.

Really? Yeah. We can. This has been real. You can't use this as No.

We can.

But give

us a hint on that movie.

Okay. I'll give you a hint. A lesser cast member, Jack Hawkins. Probably don't even know who that

Oh my god. What kind of clue is that?

Okay. Set

A ceramic mug features in a breakfast scene.

There's a clue for you. Know Jack Hawkins. There are those who know very well Jack Hawkins. I'll get and already know this movie. I'll give you the, the giveaway clue.

Bill Holden, William Holden.

Oh,

Starlight 17?

No. Good no. Pretty good guess. It's a kind of a war picture. He does not deliver the last line, by the way.

Oh, a bridge over the river Kwai.

Yes. Bridge over the river Kwai. That was my last Just as he blows up the bridge. Yes.

Exactly. Now altogether, let's whistle the song that is ready?

No. Oh, wait. That's the wrong 1. Okay.

That's it.

I can't whistle, and I don't know that.

You cannot whistle?

I can't whistle, and I Is

that true?

I I know I've never seen

When I was a kid in camp, we used to they taught us these old songs from the fifties as we trudged up the Appalachian mountains, and we had to sing, comet, it makes your teeth turn green. Comet, it tastes like Vaseline. Comet, make you vomit, so drink your comet and vomit today.

That's right. And then

it'd be like, again. And we would do it again. And I climbed the presidential mountain range of seeing that song, not knowing what it was, how it why? Why? Just because

And then you learn later that it was from that movie.

Yeah.

That's funny. That's funny. Hey. Do you know this song? You reminded me of the, song We're on the upward trail.

We're on the upward trail, singing, singing, everybody singing as we go. That would have been a more legit version of the marching song.

Yes. I suppose. Now where does that song come from? Because you've confused us once again.

And also, how do you feel about being Conan O'Brien? Yeah.

My for god's sake, my name is Jeff Goldman, and I feel Uh-huh. Being here with you now as if I'm revealing myself to myself, and and I feel utterly drenched and purged.

It's okay.

You,

now that's from a kind of a an homage to a movie line also. That's not my originality and my,

unconventionality. Turn my podcast into a kooky trivia show. I love it. That's what you've done. I love it.

Alright. Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Testing, testing, bumblebee. Testing, testing. All day long, we sing the testing, testing songs.

3, 2, 1. Why can't

you do anything normally?

I don't know. Why can't anything just be normal?

I don't know. Ask Michelangelo. Here we go. 3. There it is.

The ninja turtle.

Yeah. That's who I meant. Okay. The best of the ninja turtles. 3.

No. Donatello.

Big 1.

I'm a Leonardo guy. Are you? And action.

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend, the podcast that gives and gives until it can't give no more.

What's it giving?

I don't know. It's just regiving. I think it's spreading disease.

Stop. It's

spreading disease. This is a, it's a fantastic episode. I never say that up front. Yeah. But we know for a fact because, we, bring to you today the amazing Jeff Goldblum, a force of nature, a a star.

And I don't mean a star in the sense of a Hollywood star. He certainly is that. But he is a celestial event in my opinion.

He is. Yeah.

He really is. So this interview that we have, I'm told, Matt, that you barely touched this 1. Sometimes you do little edits and tweaks. I do. There occasionally, a guest will be on, and they start to go into, you know, very inappropriate rant, and we have to take it out.

Occasionally, there's, you know, repeated stories or something through just natural conversation that I'll pull out. You're not missing anything as a listener from the things I'm pulling out. Right. But this 1, it couldn't have any editing because it it's music. It's a symphony.

And I also always take out little mouse noises and clicks, but Jeff Goldblum has this repeating feline slurp.

Mhmm.

And it's just

it's just I couldn't touch it. It would be like going like you said, going to Michelangelo and and editing his Sistine Chapel.

Yeah. Well, again, you so not Michelangelo, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Journal.

No. I still mean him,

and he's a wonderful painter. Because he also worked on the Sistine Chapel. Yeah. So it must be tough technically to edit a man who's constantly making low purring sounds. He can't do.

Because how do you you can't do an edit. I speak, and then I stop Yeah. And there's nothing. But Jeff Goldblum, even when he's not speaking,

well, you can do a crossfade, and you can blend 1 sexual grumble into the next, but I would never do that. Like, who am I to censor his sexual rumblings, his subsonic sexual rumblings?

Yeah. I said, love that you called it, first of all, sexual grumbling, which made it sound like a grumpy guy who's in a sexual mood. You know? I don't even know how that sounds. Like, oh, yeah.

I'd like to I'd like to do it with somebody right

now. I have kids today. So much to do.

To do, and I have to do the yard first because, but I'd sure like to do it with someone. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but I'm, yeah, there's not much to say when you have Jeff Goldblum and you've managed to capture a Jeff Goldblum in the wild Mhmm. And you get it to, to talk, it's it's an event. It's a real event.

And to that point, this introduction is about the interview. The interview itself is something like, I I think, 70 minutes long. Mhmm. And we do a segment at the end of this episode where we just talk about how wonderful that interview was. So this is an all Goldblum episode.

Yeah.

It really is.

And you know what? When I say all Goldblum, I don't hear 1 complaint. No. No one's gonna stop me on the street and say that was too much Goldblum. No.

And set your filters, your Goldblum filters to high because you wanna get all the Goldblum as it comes to it. Yeah. Yeah.

Was it 70 minutes just the part where he goes, my name is Jeff Goldblum, and I'm and I I I feel like that alone was

It's incredible.

So the listeners will have already heard that moment.

Yeah.

And that was, I think, 3 minutes and 46 seconds for him to say, hi, my name is Jeff Goldblum. And ultimately, I feel I think he said drenched? Something like like Who knows? Drained and drenched?

All I know is that once it was over, I had no memory of what had happened. I knew that I had, you know, had an orgasmic high, but I didn't know what happened.

Yeah.

And I think I put it out to the listeners. Listen to this Jeff Goldblum interview. And afterwards, I doubt anyone's gonna know what was said.

I don't you guys said so many names of shows and so many actors I had never heard of, and all 3 of you were like, oh my god. That guy was the best. Like, it was just, like, constant splooching over, like, seventies

Okay. Let's explain it again.

Shows. Okay. Come on. You you you're just doing a whole sex thing about grumblings.

Sex a grumpy sexual, guy.

And you're telling me to clean it up

because I didn't say splooge? I didn't say splooge. I didn't talk about

You guys did all the whole

interviews. True. I mean, she's just saying the facts, but it's true. We did.

Yeah. Did you change

that to squeegee and edit? No. So it just becomes squeegee. You guys were just squeegeeing each other. That's to me, it feels robotic.

To each other. I said you were were every time someone would say, oh, yeah. Do you remember this 1 actor who was in 1 show for 3 episodes, you were like, oh my god. That guy was the best guy I've ever heard of my life. That's when I that's when I Who's

splooching around you that talks that way? Never that's not what it's that didn't at all sound like a guy who was about to ejaculate. In no way, your guy who was about to ejaculate

is like, yo, so anyway, I'm gonna go get a sandwich, and oh my god, I just came.

Who the fuck is that guy?

You've been hanging out with Bruno the spoojer? Yeah.

He just has orgasms when he least expects it.

Anyway, so I think what we're gonna do is get a guy in here to rivet the beam. You need a good riveter because the rivets have

to be hot too because they gotta

go into the I beam and oh god. Oh fuck.

Some people have narcolepsy. I got sploogelepsy.

Oh, I got sploogelepsy. I

don't know. This year, I think the Mets are gonna go all the way. I'll tell you what it is. It's in fielding. If you can keep the ball in the infield

oh, fuck. Oh. 0, fuck. Oh, I had to

take my earphones off.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I was

talking about in fielding. I thought I was sick.

Oh, Jesus.

I love this guy. Yeah. This guy, Bruno the splooge. You're listening to Bruno the splooge

on KXW9.

Oh. Alright. Alright. Well, anyway

On that note,

though. Do this. Let's do this thing. Strap yourselves in. My guest today is an actor who has starred in such movies as Jurassic Park, Independence Day, and Thor Ragnarok.

Now he's reprising his role as doctor Ian Malcolm in the highly anticipated movie Jurassic World Dominion. I to say I'm excited is insane because it's beyond that. Mhmm. Delighted, excited, orgasmic. To chat with him today.

Jeff Goldblum. Welcome. Lord, I have to tell you, this is the inaugural podcast in our new studio with a genuine celebrity. We did a little messing around and testing beforehand, but you Genuine. Genuine.

That pronunciation. That's why

I say

you did Music Man at 1,

I

wish I had.

I know

you did wine. I know you. Trumpet, yes. I know well. You know very well you were in that movie.

So listen, I must tell you that, I can't think of a better person to start this off with than you. You know that you and I have something, a certain freeze on. Admit it. Admit it. We have something.

Yes. Yes. We do.

No. And and I will frisson.

You know what that means.

I don't.

I think it's French, and it means we're in constant culmination.

The way you're moving.

Yeah. You're moving like a lady. Lascivious snake.

Yes. Bring

it out in me.

No, you are, I've, I and I've, interviewed you many times. You're 1 of my favorite people to talk to because you have a, an animalistic quality. Yes. And I mean that in the nicest way.

Which animal?

Well, I don't know. It would be a reptile, I believe.

I think a panther.

No, no,

no, no, no. Because it has a long darting tongue. I know that he can hit a fly at at great lengths. You are and and you're a combination of animals. You are a panther, but you are also a lizard.

Of course, the fly, we must add the fly in there. Yes. Yes.

You just reminded me. I had do you remember your dreams? I had a dream last night. I wrote down some of it, but I didn't remember until just this moment. This thing about the tongue, somebody last night in my dream had a tongue that was very, very long, and it came out completely.

It they he

I don't The tongue detached from the mouth to the

It was a detachable long tongue. Yes.

Well,

you know, apropos of nothing. Well, well, of interest to nobody, but, but you just but that's true. And I have forgot that. What the hell am I doing with that? The, yes.

Yes. I I wrote these down madly as I before I forgotten this morning. This is your dream. Yes. 1 of

my dreams. Let me pause for a minute. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Goldblum, esteemed actor, is about to he's relayed a dream that he had last night

Yeah.

And I can see that he's written it down. It looks like in Hebrew. I I don't understand. Your handwriting is very bizarre.

Do you speak Hebrew Hebrew? It's true.

It's very strange.

It's Yeah. Yeah. It is. You can't read that. It's Oh, yeah.

My dad was a doctor like your dad was. Yeah.

It's like Sanskrit. It's crazy.

I inherited his, thing. No. But, that that's what I wrote down. That's right.

Should we hear it? Yes. We hear the dream? Yeah.

You can. But I I I did just remember that, no kidding, that tongue part of it. That was also last night. This this whole there's nothing funny about these, but it may open a portal into our subconscious, all of us. Yes.

That's okay.

So Robert Altman, you remember him? I worked

with him. Great director Robert Altman. I worked

with him a few times. Sure.

Named Robert?

Well, I know. I know. Yeah. I know. Sorry.

In any case, he was he appeared in my dream. We're kind of in a hospital situation or something, and he appeared all of a sudden to my astonishment and delight alive. Right. He's now dead, loatheast several years. And, but he was alive, young and radiant with his I think they were his sons, and they were kinda sneaking him in and out of this thing.

And I said, look at you because he'd I guess, I I intuited right. I inferred right away. He'd he'd he had, faked his death. Oh, yeah. For some reason, he seemed sly and delighted, and and and it was now our secret.

And he said, yes. Be prepared for me to stay at your house. Something like that. And then they left. That was the dream.

That was 1 sequence. That's that sequence. The second sequence was listen to this. I was in some kind of strange, but heavy equipment pod that was that was delivering us up a mountain, off the outside of to view the the mountain. And it was the Alps.

I think it was the Alps or some kind. It's the Swiss Alps.

You're in some kind of craft viewing the Alps.

Yes. And each of us in a separate pod. My wife, Emily, was in a pod a little bit away from me, and we were all experiencing the separate and but we could see a wonderful view of these mountains as they got higher in our and it was like the highest peak on earth. As we got further, we saw these old castles kind of, you know, places, and that was amazing and wonderful. Then we got higher and higher until finally it kinda leveled, and we knew we were at the top of the world.

And then and it was amazing, and everybody was kind of, oh, you know, in awe. And then before it started down the other side like a roller coaster, we were like that, and then it started. And it was a harrowing, you know, ride that seemed like that. I kind of retreated inside an inner compartment in this pod in kind of a bathroom, and then I said, I'm missing it. I thought to myself, I'm missing it.

So I went back up and kinda got some of it. That was it. And then, it was over. We all I missed my wife. I missed the group, and I seemed to be by myself, left behind somehow.

Couldn't find them. So I was, like, left behind. That's the second part of the dream.

Okay. Kind of. Yes. Let me say quickly. Freud had Freud had this theory that dreams have meaning, and we now know that Freud was wrong.

That has no meaning. This is insanity. There's no there's nothing. They'd open no portal. There's nothing there.

Robert Altman returns from the dead and wants to stay at your home, and he's being sneaky, and you're in a hospital. Then you're in a pod. You're observing the Alps. You go up 1 side and down the other after spending a brief interval in the bathroom. What's the last 1?

The last 1, this may make sense of the whole thing. I was doing kind of a talk show or a podcast of some kind. Yeah. It's not curious to think that's already I

guess there are so many. Thinking. None would come to the mind of a

Of course.

Jeff Goldblum. None none like this. This is uniquely tippety toppity. That's how it relates to the second 1. This is the crest.

This is the summit Very nice. Podcastery.

Thank you. Podcastery. There is. We are the summit of podcasteries.

The, and so I but I was gonna perform in some way or being asked to perform. I wasn't kind of prepared or happy about it. And then the woman producer type, you know, laid on me some things that I wasn't prepared for. She said, oh, yeah. You're gonna you're gonna be talking to to, Diane Keaton and Ron Howard, and we're gonna try to get you to get him to dance.

And I said, nothing's right. The microphone isn't right. I have the pen. I have nothing. There's nothing right.

And how long am I gonna do this? I I said, didn't know. She said, oh, another, you know, couple of well, that's altogether. That's 5 hours? That's true.

That's so it's this is like a steady this is like a full time job. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I think so.

Well, okay. I was not happy about it.

Well, I'll tell you what. So you had a dream the night before coming here Yeah. About doing a long podcast Yeah. With a red haired celebrity, Ron Howard, and, Diane Keaton,

a c

a, Sonam of Cessian. Oh. And yes. Yes.

Cessian. Yeah. And then finally, I said there was a guy with great big bushy eyebrows. Let's see if I'm prescient at all. No.

Must be me. I mean, I trim them, but they could comb into my hairline if I needed

them to. No kidding. But he was back. And I said, what's your I said, what's your name? Yes.

Well, I wanna learn everybody's name first and last. He said, last. He was just kind of, you know, taken aback by that. And then I said, yes. There was a big crew around.

And I said, yes. I think I should learn everybody's name. In fact, I think if it were up to me, we'd all be wearing name tags. They seem to be happy about that, and da da da da. That that's about all of that.

That's that dream.

Now listen. Wow. Don't lose that sheet of paper. Okay. Okay?

We can't have that lost to time.

Okay. We need to

frame that. Yeah. That is, you know here's what I'll say about you, Jeff. I never know what you're going to say. I never know what you're going to do.

You are feral. You are a man that runs on instinct. You don't and and you're very much, I think, attuned. You should see the faces he's making right now. You're very much attuned to the universe, and I feel like you are constantly in the now.

Is this correct?

I aspire to presence, and yes, I'd like to be. Yeah. I'd like to be here and now. That would be great. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. And you, that you've made a you've devoted your life to the technology of the here and now, I believe. Isn't that also correct?

Well, I I don't think I have at all. I don't know what you're talking about. I've

You do so. Don't deny

it. Okay. Alright.

By the way, here, this this this, let me mention something. You know, I did there is such a thing as I you you go to I don't know whether you're you go to a therapist and you've talked about dreams or interested in dreams. But there's a kind of there's a thing called dream work. This may be of no interest to you, but there's a thing but it occurs to me. There's a thing called dream work whereby this may not seem like it has any relevance to anything or makes any sense.

But, there are those who think and I did it once with a good teacher, Sandra Seachet, that Laura Dern turned me on to, whom Laura Dern turned me on to. That you you go to bed before the night of a before you need an answer to something. You say, dear inner self, you write a letter. Please give me an answer to something about this character that I'm playing or my life or aspect of this relationship. And you have a dream.

And then you go to this dream coach, and they go and you go, well, here's what it is. I wrote it down. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with the play or but I got and they go, well, not at first, but how about this? And they open you up to consider the possibilities Yes. Of how your subconscious may be informing your activities My and your questions.

What do you

think of that?

My my mother-in-law, a lovely woman and very smart woman, is a therapist. And she mom. Yeah. Liza's mom. And she believes that, dreams have all dreams have meaning.

If you have a dream and you tell her, you know, she starts to pick it apart. I'm often having dreams that I defy anyone to make sense of.

Mhmm.

Because it just seems like random mush. Mhmm. It really does. It's just, and then I realize that most of my life, I'm speaking in random mush.

Yes. Exactly.

Yeah.

That so maybe they're related.

Maybe they're maybe they are related.

Yeah. And you get fertile material in your dream life or not. You know, I I I don't know about this. I'm not advocating for 1. I don't know how I feel about it.

If you tell me dreams are just a kind of a weird, you know you know, discharge of your, you know, nocturnal, you know Oh, no.

There are nocturnal discharges. That's a separate category. Yes.

It is.

Well, there are.

They're just frankly

Oh my. Coma. Yeah.

What's that?

Okay. I just just don't know when you bring them up.

No. No. No. I wasn't gonna bring them up. I was just gonna say it's a common term, nocturnal discharge that and I and I wanted to make sure that people didn't misunderstand what Jeff was saying, that you are separating the 2.

Right.

Yes. Yes. Exactly. And if we were not on air and I were more given to the ribald Or or ribald. Or ribald.

Oh, I don't know.

What do you think?

Well, he said genuine. Yeah.

Genuine. Allowed to I, as the host of the show, am allowed to

Make up your own.

Make up the final laws on all pronunciations. Really? But please continue way.

Well, I don't know. So we well, my point is that I'm not gonna continue into something. That whole thing that I just thought of of

of I

about Love

it if you would. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't be afraid of being rebald. We are all adults here, and, this is just and and I will say this is a safe space.

Yeah. Alright. No. I shouldn't. Well, you know, yes.

Yes.

When I

was young, you know, 12, 13, I think it happened. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's all that's all I'll say.

And, you know

Well, that seems young is all I'm gonna say. Really? Yes. I was 37.

Yeah. For me. Oh,

god. Yes.

Congratulations. Yeah.

So awkward. Really watching them wrap up Seinfeld, and I just did happen. Oh. I'm sorry.

That's that's very good.

Late bloomer, I am. You know, you have

Speak like Yoda.

Yeah. I know.

You're a late bloomer I am. A late bloomer

I am. Discharge late, it came. 3000 years old

I was. Yeah.

By the way

by the

way, I'm such big fans of yours. I've been watching a lot of, not just for my conscientious research purposes, but just for my own entertainment. Often, I go to YouTube and see I've seen hours and hours and hours of your content. Foolishness,

I like

to call it. Everything.

Oh, that's nice. I love to keep you out there watching.

I I

I I real I really am. So I know I know You

know what I think is something that makes me very happy is that none of our comedy was ever really about anything.

No. That's

true. You can see something from 25 years ago, and it doesn't relate to any specific topical thing in the news. And other than the fact that my, my head hasn't rotted yet in those clips, People can laugh at them all over again, which makes me happy. Uh-oh. You you put on your specs now.

Examining my

my right head. Now that you brought it up, you all look great. You know? Just great.

Please. You can tell that this I have 1 of those Irish heads that, bloats as it gets older.

You've said it. I know.

No. I this is true. You know? You leave a gourd you leave a gourd in the sun, long enough, and then you wake Conan, and then winter comes, and you have yourself a Conan. That's what happens all the time.

But, you I will say this. I I love talking to you because you're staring at me, and you're examining every

your glasses. I like your glasses.

You know why?

I I

You know why? We had a conversation. I think I introduced you to these

You did. This company. I will I will admit freely That's amazing. That my style guru and my lifestyle guru is mister Jeff Goldberger.

Yeah. Gonna not be And

I'll tell you why. He is a tall, good looking drink of water, and whenever he's wearing something, I think, well, wait a minute. We have somewhat similar, well, hold on. Okay. Sona's about to really correct me.

Let's say Jeff had been in an accident at some point, then Jeff and I would be very similar. That's all I'm saying.

You guys have very different vibes.

Well, no. I'm I'm not talking about the vibe. I'm talking just about when he is a tall man and he knows how to dress. Right. And I love so during commercial breaks, often often when he was on the show, people always wonder, what do you talk about with people?

I can always tell you what I'm talking about with Jeff. Yeah. Commercial break. I go right to, oh my God, that those shoes. And, you know, I have large feet, and you have large feet.

And he was like, 0, 0, 0,

0, 0, my, oh, my boy. Oh, 0, yes. You're so And then, so I remembered once you came out, and you were wearing these wonderful glasses that that you really carried off well, and I said, I must wear those glasses. Yeah. And I asked you, and you acted as if you were telling me where the secret ring was that would unlock the universe.

You went, 0, 0, 0,

0, 0, my boy. Oh, yes, yes. Jacques, Jacques Marie.

Was it Limage? Jacques Limage.

Jacques Limage, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Jacques, Jacques Limage. Oh, he said, oh, my boy.

I'll call ahead. I'll call ahead. And then you'd describe going downtown, and there's a secret knock and a a corridor and a passageway. And sure enough, they're the greatest glasses.

Did you go how'd you get them? Did you go to see

Jerome?

I went with I went with Sona.

Yeah.

Sona came to me.

To Jerome. This is that studio? Oh,

yeah. Yes.

I'm sure he, greeted you and met you and

showed up with everything. Wonderful. They were, Everybody was wonderful.

But yeah. Yeah.

I mean,

I have done this several times. You once, we were doing something together that was not my project and not your project. We were recording something together.

Remember the day. And I too.

And you walked in, and I always couldn't I could never find jeans. I have a very, unusual build, I'll say. And,

oh my.

Anyway What the sound? Doctor.

What's your inseam? What's your what's your leg? We have a long leg. You have a fine leg, I think. What's your inseam?

I have a very long leg.

We'll say it together. Ready? Here's our inseam. 1, 2, 3. 36.

I'm a 36. I'm a 36. Yeah. What Is it really?

No. I said that. You were 30.

Well, I was afraid. I I I was afraid to go. I have a very thick? I have a long inseam, and so I, Wow. So, anyway, I see this gentleman come in, and he's wearing these amazing jeans.

And I said, oh my god, Jeff, where'd you get those jeans? He went, oh, well, oh my boy.

I'm like, oh, my boy.

Oh, boy.

I said it.

Oh 0, good. Oh, and you went, oh, 0, my boy. You simply must. Oh, and then and then you said and then you said and then you said, I'll never forget. You said, the Shafer Garment Hotel.

That's right. What? And it's this

place. Shaffer.

Yeah.

You said, oh, the Shaffer Garment Hotel. And I go there. And you said, just go. Just go. So I go.

And of course, it's the coolest people in the world, and they have, like, an old denim machine. What?

It's like the John Wick Hotel, but for clothes.

Yes. Yes. It is. It's the John Wick Hotel, except just for jeans. Oh my god.

And how about the hat maker in the

in the

back? There's a guy

there wearing, like, Slash's hat, and he's like, I'll make you 1 of these. And I went, well, I don't know if I can carry that off. There's a dog that's in the store.

Yeah. That's right. You know how I ran into there once? I was with Emily. We went there to pick up a pair of jeans or a hat or something, and, it was just us and Bob Dylan.

Oh my god.

Yes. Because he got his hats from that guy.

Aw.

I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I kept I had really important business. I was talking about a hat, and he came in. And before I could say anything to him, he left. But I think Emily I don't know if she said anything

to you.

Didn't go up to him?

No. No. I wish I had.

Oh, I think I, I I mean, I've told this before, but I met him once. Oh. I got pushed to the front of the I was, I went to see some concert of his, and I was backstage, and someone pushed me to the front of a line, and there he was, the great Bob Dylan. It's my 1 chance to meet him. And he's and he all this conversation stopped, and Bob Dylan looked at me and he went, I know you from the TV.

I heard it.

That's that's true. Yeah. It's true. I know you from the TV. He said, I know you from the TV.

And just then, the other person backstage was vice president Al Gore. And so I all I hear is, I know you from the TV, and then I hear, Conan. Conan. It's me, Al Gore.

And then I'm like, what? This event?

And I go, what? We're all there for a concert to see Bob Dylan performing. And he goes like, I love rock and roll. You know? And suddenly he's talking to me, and I see Bob Dylan scuttle away.

I was cock blocked with Bob Dylan by vice president Al Gore. That's a true story.

If you had told me that that wasn't a true story, but that was a dream you had last night, it would be just as credible. Yeah.

And then, trust me, I wanted to detach Gore's tongue from his body to get him to stop yapping at me. He, no. I'm sorry. You know, all due respect to former vice president and, of course, a leading figure in climate prevention change.

Just another nocturnal emission happening.

Yeah. You know what? He does this to me. Jeff Goham does this to me. He un wrong.

He unmans me.

Yeah. You're just bewitching, and this is joyous.

Yes.

When I'm around you uh-oh. Look and take a sip. Isn't there really something Everything he does is perfection. Yes. You just want to take a sip, and it's like there's a golden liquid in there.

But I know it's just something. Okay. Looks like ginger ale or rum. I don't know.

No. It's, like, green tea that they made for me here. But, I know how you despise, iced drinks.

0. 0. 0.

Of course. I heard that whole I've I've seen every I've heard every episode. I don't know

if we should be excited or

horrified that you're coming. You know our

knowing this.

I know everything. Everything.

I have to say We're terrible people. Jeff. You know, I we really are an awful lot.

You can do better than

us, Jeff. You know what? You can sip any day because everything you might Listen.

Listen. Yeah. Listen over there.

Oh my god.

Nocturnal Mitch. Jeff Goldblum sipping. That's right. Oh my god. You're the best.

You know you know what's interesting to me? There is a, there's a sensuality that you exude Mhmm. About see, even with the smallest gestures Yes. A sensuality. And then I find and I'm quite comfortable in my sexuality, but I find, that when I'm around you, I'm open for anything.

I really am. I I I am. I'm just

saying that.

You're still the same. I'm I'm and and and Matt is as well. We're just up

for it. I'd like to offer myself just a sacrifice in

some way.

Wait. You mean, like, if Jeff invited you to, like, a weird sex party, you'd be like,

oh, I'm

You know how

you know how uptight I am.

Yes. Right? That's funny.

Jeff Goldblum said, oh, this, come with me into this special sanctum, and I want you to introduce me to introduce you to my secret friends, and it's gonna be, but first, you must apply this wax and oil. I would do it. I would do it because he's that

And it's gonna be Diane Keaton, Ron Howard, and Robert Altman.

Yes. Bob Dylan in Elkhart.

Bob Dylan's gonna see me and go, I know you from the TV.

Oh, because I know you in a whole different way.

And then I'm just about to get it on with Bob Dylan when I get to hear, Conan. Conan. It's me. Vice president Al Gore.

Very erotic.

Yeah. Well,

this this little packet that we're in. Don't you love this? Is this the this is the first time. Yeah.

Well, I

love this blue That's nice. Blue velvet

Yeah. Purse that we're in. You know? It's like a sex panic room.

Yeah. What?

I don't know.

Sex panic room. With microphone.

Have you ever been in a sex

panic? That's a sex I have, yeah, I have been

in a sex panic myself. I

know. See, that's the problem. That's why

I envy you is,

is I hate you. I don't think Jeff would ever be in a sex panic.

Jeff Goldblum would never

be in a sex panic. I am in a constant. Even when there's nothing sexual happening, I'm in a sex panic. I'm constantly in my own head.

But he's the antidote because he could be a sex bomb to your sex panic. Yes.

This is not a non alcoholic. A sex

whisper. Yes. Sex whisper.

Sex bomb, Sex bomb. Who who who did that song? Sex bomb. It wasn't bomb, but it was bomb.

Oh, yeah.

Sex bomb.

B 50 twos? No.

It was a big hit in Europe, particularly during these couple years that I remember. Sex bomb. Sex bomb.

You only remember a couple of years?

Got it. No. During these couple this is when it was a hit. He's looking it up. When it was a hit, I I was in Europe making a movie, and it was on all the time, but I don't think it made its

way across the pond.

I know it's a bomb. It's a bomb. Bomb. And there was a video. I'll give you a clue.

That same singer is not unusual.

Oh, Tom Jones?

Tom Jones.

Exactly. Yeah. What James Bond? Thunderball. Yeah.

You have

a James

Bond question. Okay.

Do you know that Johnny Cash did a rejected Thunderball theme song?

I did not know

that. True. Well, he

did unsolicited, sent it to them, and they went, we never asked

for this song.

It was not that song. It was a his own songs.

You know, can I say something? Yeah. And this is to be, because I know a lot about Johnny Cash. I revere him. Yeah.

He sent in a lot of unsolicited songs. Interesting. He was constantly, sending in, like, Prell shampoo, Alpo dog food. He was constantly yeah. He was constantly sending in I've Got A Different Way You Could Go With That Song.

Purina Cat Chow Chow Chow Chow Chow. I can't.

Not true. I believed you for a second. Now I feel really dumb.

Too. Yeah.

I was like, oh, you're kidding me.

The best part of waking up No. Is that it in your cup. You know that sent you. Johnny Cash first sent it in. He did it in a Johnny Cash way.

Yeah. He first sang that song. Look sharp. Feel sharp.

Burn. Down down down a burning fire. I'm stuck

on Band Aid

because Band Aid stuck

on me.

He did the, Oscar Mayer song.

My baloney has a first name, it's O s c a r. My baloney

has a second name. Oh, and you know what? I mean

No. No. No. Why is that why is that?

You know what the sad last thing he did before he passed away was the Carpet Kids jingle. Yeah.

I don't know that jingle.

Sing it. 1800 Cars for Kids, something like that.

Oh, that's funny. Okay. Yo. But I think the Oscar Mayer thing was, I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. I would like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener.

I'd like to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. I'd like to be an Oscar

Mayer wiener. I'd like to be an

Unsolicited. He would just send

them in? I have to. But he did do the thunderbolt. That's how we got started.

Yeah.

I draw dropping mental breadcrumbs. He did send in the thunder, you say.

And it sounds like a typical Johnny Cash song, except it has kinda like John Barry horns in it. It's really something.

I love that. I love that thunder ball. I was right at the right age for that because I'd consumed doctor No from Rush With Love Goldfinger. I was so ready for thunder ball.

Yeah. Ball. Yeah.

That was great.

He is he your favorite Bond of all time? You know say, for me, it's Sean Connery, but Daniel Craig is right Yeah. Is right there with him, and I thought no 1 could do that. Yeah. I thought no 1 could.

Yeah. Sean Connery was so incredible.

Fantastic. When he peaked, when he went to the summit of the Alps, after Thunderball, I think nothing against Sean Connery, those movies. Yeah. It started to

He was phoning it in.

Wither. Yeah. And by the time he got to Jill Saint John and Diamonds are forever. Dies forever. Mhmm.

Yeah. You know, not my favorite.

And ended up never been happier in my life right now.

You're you this is right up your alley.

Is just I'll tell you. Matt Gourley is a Bond fanatic and a huge Jeff Goldblum fan. Yeah. Now he's in a room. They've both come together, and he's having a nocturnal emission.

Oh my god. There's so many emissions happening.

A diurnal emission all day long here. This is

It Really?

Yeah. The what? The what?

Diurnal? Diurnal? The

Oh, is that the daytime? The diurnal? I believe so. Di diurnal. Di diurnal.

Diurnal. Diurnal. Diurnal. I believe I know that song. Johnny Cash first

sent that.

Okay. Listen. You Yes. He's he's submitted all my bar mitzvah salami.

Oh, yeah. You know what you know

what makes perfect

You know what makes perfect

I fell into a burning ring of

It's becoming more Elvis. It's becoming more Elvis than Tony had.

I never said I was the perfect,

you know.

Oh my

god. You know, you are you are a terrific jazz musician, and I'm bringing this up for a reason. I think to understand Jeff Goldblum, which is impossible, but to really understand what makes this man tick, I think, is your love of jazz. You are constantly improvising in the moment and tuned into that crazy galaxy that real jazz musicians are tuned into. And a good friend of mine just went and saw you perform the other night and said that you were fantastic.

Really?

That's very nice. That's very encouraging. Thank you. Yeah. We played the Disney concert hall.

Yes. Oh my god. Yeah. 2 a

couple nights ago. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, am I am I correct that that there's something about music you're I just feel like you're in tune with some jazz musical score all the time. Yeah. Is that do you think that's and then this is a compliment, by the way.

Thank you so much. I like well, I aspire to it. I'm a humble student of jazz and of the technology of presence in all its various ramifications in the podcast world, in the jazz world, in the musical world, and everything. Oh, I had thought, by the way, aren't there has hasn't anybody sung songs a snippet of song about friendship, as you're still looking for friends? By the way, how how many friends do you need?

You've been looking for how long have

you been looking

for friends now? How many have you found by this time? Well, 0.

Jeff, they don't often take. That's the problem. Oh. I am, I don't wear well over time. That's 1 of the problems.

Yeah. But I feel that we are you know, sometimes plants, they have to graft. They have to graft into each other is what you're saying.

Yes. I'm right there with you.

I think we have

We need to graft into each other.

Yes. We need to very, very much. Yeah. But think of do you know any songs about friend friendship?

Well, the the song that, you know, we are gonna be friends, that, White Stripes did, Jack White. Oh. He's a good friend of mine, and that's the song I want. Dropper?

Yeah. He

rolls back he rolls back with Jeff Altman.

Oh, Jeff Altman.

Robert Altman. Sorry. Oh. Anyway,

fall is here, hear the yell.

You sing like a nightingale. I love your voice. When, you know, when you're not doing that, when you're not doing that, you have a beautiful, authentic, conversational, delightful voice.

Can I say something?

You must

I I'm always so self conscious that I put trills and foolishness in there. But you just I never just sing.

You just sang, and I loved it.

Yes. Silent night. No.

He's gonna do a thing.

Oh, is

that You're gonna do a thing.

Holy night. All is calm.

Yeah. He's doing it.

No. It's doing it again, right?

Yeah. You can't take

All is prime.

Try to take all the Can't

do it.

The little brainer out

of it.

Please. No. No. I mean, you can't

be normal.

No. You

were just singing. So sing that whatever you you wanna sing, like the other voice. That that's it.

Let's see.

If you've got a friend.

Oh, no. I can't sing that song.

How about the Jason Isbell song you sang to us that time that

you Yeah.

See? Oh, yeah. What's that? Oh, yeah. How's that go?

It goes, never could be happy in the city at night.

That's beautiful.

Yeah. Yeah. Can't see the stars for the neon lights.

Beautiful.

Sidewalks dirty and the rivers worse. Underground trains all run-in reverse. Nobody here can dance like me. Everybody claps on the 1 and the 3. Am I the last of my kind?

Am I the last of my kind? That's the song.

Very moving. Very beautiful. Boy, you should do you should do a whole album of songs that way. I'd love to hear you do that.

He can't do it.

I can't do it.

That's so cute. Just locked an icon.

I know. Like, can I tell

you something?

Lie when you

tell you something, Jeff? I I I, I couldn't, and I'm supposed to, and I want to write a song with Amy Mann.

Yeah. I love Amy Mann.

I adore Amy Mann, and I'm intimidated by Amy Mann's talent. But, we promised to write a song together. And then the last thing she said to me, I said, yeah, I'll do it. And she said, you know, it's just gotta be something, like, sincere and something that you really wanna say. And I was like, oh.

Yeah. Oh, that's not gonna happen.

You could

do it.

No. I can't. I can't. Sewn it. Will you tell him, please

tell him? I was on the edge of my seat the entire time you were singing because I thought he was gonna go into some bit and, like, do something with your voice.

Things eventually become a bit?

It's a bit. It's a year you're like joking around.

Well, who knows where it will be consumed or how it should be presented, but just for your own just for, you know, just just do it. I'd love to hear it. Just for me Me too. And for someone and for us. I'd love to hear you do it.

And you don't have to jettison your, your your comedic, force of, nature. You could be surprising and do 1 like that and 1 like that and 1 like that. But that's a very useful part of your toolbox, in my opinion, and a very enjoyable 1.

That's well, that's very nice. I'm curious about something because we have so much in common, not just our incredible height and physiques, not and not just our successful incredibly successful careers, both of us, as as as actors. My point is that we both, and you mentioned this earlier, both of us, both of our fathers, doctors.

Yes. Right.

And I I don't know. There's this couple of similarities there. I'm fascinated by this idea that sometimes a salmon just knows it has to swim upstream. I don't know why, but somehow you knew Yeah. When you were a kid Yeah.

A kid. Yeah.

That you needed to be an actor, that you needed to be a performer.

Yep. I did. I did. Yeah. Around 10, you know, we started to go to children's theater, and and I was like, what are they doing?

Who is that? What are they doing backstage? And I'd be very excited, you know, to go. And then around 9th 10th grades, I went to this summer session of Carnegie Mellon University and took real blue lessons. And Right.

And, you know, oh, no. But before that, yes, I went to Chatham Music Day Camp around 5th grade and was in this show. And, my dad had said, if you ever find something you love to do, that maybe is a key to your vocational choice wisely. And that night, they said, so how'd you like that? And I was like, yeah.

Yeah. I liked it. But I kept it secret because there was no you know, and we I kept it secret. I wanted to be an actor. And certainly in school, I was a well behaved, good boy, and nobody would have thought that I would do anything like that, except that I played piano here and there and nobody would have thought that I would do anything like that, except that I played piano here and there, da da da da.

So that was it. Yeah. And he was a doctor, but I must say I don't know

if he What kind of doctor, by the

way?

Internal medicine, kind of a family doctor.

Got it.

Got

it. But, like, you know, people his patients loved him, and he would always kinda keep up on his studies and this and that. And, you know, he liked medicine. But early on, supposedly, the story goes, he when he just wanted to decide what he was gonna do, he was either gonna be a doctor or an actor. He he had the idea to be an actor, and then he stuck his head in the back of a class and thought to himself, this is out of my league, whatever that meant.

So he was a a a doctor. But so he was a little bit tickled when I

Of course. Yeah. Did he and and he got to see you become Jeff Goldblum, the the big deal?

Yeah. Well, not not such a big deal. Not even a big deal now. But he got to see me start to because I think started to happen quickly. He died, like, in 83, before around the time I did the big chill.

But he saw a few movies before that and some plays. And I remember I did a play called City Sugar where I was the lead. I was a radio, guy in England with an English accent, and I did a Steven Poliakoff play called City Sugar. And, and I did it at this off Broadway show. He went to see when he came backstage and he was not like this, he was burst into tears and threw his arms

around me. Wow.

Yeah. Wow.

I know.

I

know. Well, I can't relate.

I don't mean to interrupt, but I just realized something that's speaking of when you knew you wanted to do something. When I was a very young boy, my dad took me to downtown LA because that's where he used to work. 1st celebrity sighting was something being shot, a warehouse door opens up, outruns Ben Vereen, and then outruns Jeff Goldwyn shooting 10 Speed and Brad.

Okay. And I was gonna bring this up that the first time we met, I am was TV was my was our life preserver when we were kids. And my my brothers, Neil and Luke and I, were really into what's the new show, what's the new show, and we're constantly looking for what's the new show gonna be. It was a big deal back then. Now people are bombarded with TV and streaming all the time.

Back in the late seventies, early eighties, you know, it was a big deal. Like, ABC is coming out with its lineup in the fall, and you'd all summer, you'd be excited. You'd hear rumors about what it was gonna be, and CBS is coming out with this, and NBC is coming out with that. And there was this show that we heard about called 10 Speed and Brown Shoe. And I my brothers and I watched it, and it starred Ben Vereen and this guy I'd never heard of before named Jeff Goldblum.

And it was fucking fantastic. It was so good. And I was like, who is that guy? Who's that guy? That guy's fantastic.

And then the show didn't last.

13 episodes is all. Yeah.

It was fantastic.

They were back.

And Stephen

j Cannell did who had done Rockford Files and, many other things. But I remember and what the great greatest American hero

in a year.

Yeah. Well, believe it or not, I'm walking on air, but that's all good. Yep.

Please don't ask me to sing that 1.

William William Catt. Johnny Cash first sent that in. We all we all walking on air.

So I you know, but it's funny that, you we all have it's so funny that you bring that up, Matt, because that is the first time that I met Jeff Goldblum. I'm using your full name Yeah. Just out of reverence. You know, it would have been a couple years into the late night show that I met you, and you've, you know, you've done, I mean, everything. You'd have been in so many great movies.

And all I I went back into your dressing room, and I was like, 10 Speed and Brown Shoe. And I remember you were you were like, oh, yeah. 10 Speed and Brown Shoe. Because I thought you might say, oh, well, who cares about that? You know, I've moved on to so many other things.

And but it was such, it really tickled me Yeah. When I was Oh, god.

A I

don't know. It's like, how old would I have been? 14, 15?

It was like 1980, I think. So you were born in

I was 16, 17, 18,

I saw it.

I was 7 when I saw you guys shooting that, and I just was baffled by the cameras and that you did it multiple times and going, why are they doing it again and again? Why is this like How

did you wind up there? What what where am I?

Worked downtown, and he would take me to downtown quite a bit, downtown LA.

What did he do to your dad?

He was a division manager for the gas company.

Oh, I see.

Well, he also sold drugs.

He major kingpin. Yeah. So downtown, no kidding. And you just happened upon us shooting. No kidding.

And I was I was just blown away.

I remember, you know, it's so funny meeting about these brushes with show business. As we said earlier, I was so far removed from, you know, show business in my childhood, and then I'll never forget my father came home 1 day and he said, they're shooting a movie at our at my hospital, the Peter Brent Brigham Hospital, which is now Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. It's a big hospital. And he said, they're shooting a scene right outside my office. And we were like, they're shooting a movie in Boston near my dad's, like right outside my dad's office?

That's impossible. That can't be. And so, we rushed over there, and it was a scene where actor James Coburn, oh, just has to walk out and open a car door and get in it and shut the door. And, it, and he walked out. They go, and action.

And so James Coburn walks up and he walks up to the car and it won't open, and it won't open. And they go, cut. The car's been someone had locked it with the keys inside. Oh. So then we watched James Coburn just stand there while 3, like 7 guys crowd around and start with a with a coat hanger trying to open the door.

And I gotta find out the name of this movie because I guess you could watch

year would this have been?

This would have been, like, 1971, 72.

Look that up. We could find

out. And, and he trying to un un you know, lift up the door, and they couldn't get it. And I thought,

this is movie making?

Wow. Yeah.

The hell is this?

Well, still, you won't wanna strike by that when you go to, you know, some movie and there's, you know, all the little things going on. Hey. I'll be I love James Coburn. You know, I saw the first run of our man Flint. Oh my god.

Like Flint.

Oh, we're back.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you remember how the telephone rang in Lee j Cobb's office? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea. Okay.

There's was this was kind of almost almost a takeoff No. Yeah. On James Bond, but not really. I mean, it was very silly.

Derek Flint. Derek Flint. Yeah. And And then Austin Power had kind of borrowed some things like that, kind of went went from there.

James Coburn movie.

I've gotta find that out.

I'll bet. I'll let me guess. Let me guess. After that, I think after that, he did a movie called the president's analyst. It it you know, it could

have been that.

Yeah. You know, I remember him talking about it on talk shows. I used to love talk shows. When I was in Pittsburgh, I used to tune in to that's in summer, stay home all day and watch the Mike Douglas show. Go from Mike Douglas to, you know, Dinah Shore and then then then then Merv Griffin.

And he used to come on. Remember, he was kind of a countercultural hippie Yes. Actor then. And he used to come on with a turtleneck, you know, or in a medallion or something like that. And his he used to come on, not just talk.

He wanted to play the gong. And he used to he used to bring on to Carson a big, big gong and go. You know, that that was his act. You know?

We had you know what I love? In the tradition of just to just let people know that we did our best during my late night run to keep the, the madness going. You talk about, you know, how people would just do strange things. 1 of the stranger things we did once was we just put out a salt lick on my show to see if we could attract a celebrity. And then you did it so nicely.

Out of nowhere, just Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, just in the corner, but he does it sort of like a, like a nervous Deer. Fuck. Deer. And he slowly approaches, and I'm like,

oh, looks like looks like Jeff Coburn's shitting on me.

And he came out, and and then he like sniffed. He just sniffed the salt lick, and then you took a little lick. I remember that being 1 of my favorite. Yeah. It's such a stupid I don't care.

So James Coburn played the gong with Carson. Yeah. Let's see, let's see you have Jeff, Goldblum.

What do we got for Coburn?

Coburn is the Carrie treatment. Carrie treatment is a 1972 American crime thriller film by Blake Edwards Baseball Bob. It takes place in Boston. In Boston. Doctor Peter Carey, played by James Coburn,

is

a pathologist who moves to Boston where he starts working. Okay. Well, I'm not

know it, but, Blake Edwards, boy.

Well, guess what? So this is another fun story. My dad's there. I he well, this doesn't happen when I was there. They kept shooting this right outside my dad's window, and he kept thinking, well, I could look keep looking under this microscope for a cure to a terrible disease, or I could go outside and hang out with these movie folk.

So he went outside and he's chatting, and he can't believe it, but Blake Edwards is there with his wife, Julie Andrews.

Yes.

And and a friend of my dad's who doesn't know much because he's always looking at a microscope, is talking to Blake Edwards. And then he turned to Julie Andrews and said

The friend of your dad's.

The friend of my dad's and said, now tell me, miss, what do you do? Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on. And

she said, well, I'm,

you know, an actress as well. And he went, well And then later on, people told him what what he did, and the guy, I think, put his head in a cyclotron. Oh. It's like that scene from Notting Hill when,

you know, Julia Roberts comes in.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know,

Hugh Grant saw

I know that reference. Yes.

Not hills.

There you go.

We're getting closer

and closer.

Was it her reference to you?

Said Julie Andrews, I was like, yeah. She narrated Bridgerton. So I know her.

And you know what? Oh, thank god.

Sound of Music. Sound of Music.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. When the when the, thanks giving day parade, when I lived in New York, we lived, on the upper west side, and my kids were crazy about seeing, you know, the the parade go by. And so I'd always take them. They're little kids to see the parade. And, once I'm watching on the television, and we haven't gone down yet, and the parade is going by, and then they said, and here comes Julie Andrews.

I lost my fucking mind. I'm at the time, you know, I'm I'm whatever. I'm a 40 6 year old man. I ran without my kids. Oh my god.

When I ran all the way down, they were like, where are you going? It's like, stop. And I ran because I wanted to get down there fast. And I saw her go by and I was like, it's Julie Andrews. And I've been on TV at this point, you know, whatever, 12 years, and I'm like, ah, Julie Andrews.

I mean, she didn't see me, but,

amazing. Yeah. Amazing. How about the movie 10? She's in

movie 10,

of course, too. But Sound of Music, I saw when it first came out. You know, it was a big deal around that that year. And I showed it to our kids now. I showed this we showed Sound of Music.

We haven't shown them many movies. I'm gonna show them they've never been to a movie theater, but I think I'm gonna take them to see

Well, your kids your kids are

7 of almost 7 and just turned 5.

Oh my god. Okay. So they're at such a great age. And because of COVID, they've missed out on some of these great experiences. Like, going to a movie theater is so that was the biggest thing in the world that could happen to me was to get to go to a movie theater and see a movie.

Really? Yeah. And so when I say to, you know, anyone in my family now, hey. Do you wanna go see a movie? They're like, I don't know.

I'm like, I don't know. What are you talking about? It's because they can see anything they want at any time.

Right. Oh, yeah. Go to a movie theater. I'm about to do I'm involved in this cycle of publicity for Jurassic Park Dominion. And 1 of the things we're encouraging people to do genuinely on my part is to go out and see it in the movies, you know, of course.

And I made a list because of that. I thought, oh, what are the best times I've ever had in movie theaters in my life? Because it's a, you know, that's a way to to talk about it. And, and so I started to remember, and with the help of my sister too, all the movies I saw importantly when I was a kid. And she said, oh, remember this 1?

And it's been a nostalgia blast.

So these are these are the movies that really blew you away? Yes.

These are the ones we remember. She and I used to go to they used to drop us off to the Leona Theater, this big beautiful jewel box of a 3 tiered movie movie palace.

In Pittsburgh?

In Pittsburgh. West Homestead, suburb of Pittsburgh, not downtown. It's all suburb, but they had this movie there. And we'd go for, you know, 25¢, 50¢, or something, whatever tickets were, get popcorn with butter and salt and then hot dogs.

So Jeff Goldblum is about to read a list of his favorite movies. This is heaven.

The ones that made a big difference that I can remember to this day.

Let's hear it.

Okay. We saw see if see if anything these mean anything to you. The Absent Minded Professor.

Yes.

You know, Fred MacMurray, flubber all that. That made a big, impression on me. The blob Oh,

the original.

Which I've seen recently. Steve McQueen, very good. The his first movie, you know. Now who was of course, you'll know who was in all of these movies, which we saw, you know, we saw whatever they that came to there. But during this period, the 60, you know, early 60, the bellboy, cinderfella, disorderly, orderly, visually, small planet, gated boy.

Nutty professor? Delicately delinquent, rockabuy, baby nutty professor. Yeah. Loved it. Then I got the chance to meet him.

Did you ever meet Jerry Jerry?

I did. I got to meet him. I got to interview him.

Yeah. It's so interesting. Well, we you could talk all about that.

Well, did you meet Jerry Lewis?

Yes. I did. I was going to play his son in that last movie that he did, Auggie Rose. Auggie Rose? Auggie oh, no.

No. Max Rose. Max Rose. Max Rose. And, and so I went to Vegas in order I was almost gonna do it before I got something else and couldn't, da da da da.

And, so I hung out with him in his office in Las Vegas

How was he?

Bonded. Amazing. We could talk for you know? Amazing. He'd made a big he was big in my childhood and during this period.

So I was Massive star.

Yeah. Thrilled to meet him. And he was, you know, as you know him at that stage, great, you know, great and complicated and Very complicated.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But those movies, when we were seeing those movies, big deal.

The do you know what this movie is? The sterile cuckoo? No. Liza Minelli's first Liza Minelli's first movie. She plays a kind of a nerdy girl.

The sterile cuckoo.

Sterile cuckoo who's coming to this.

Terrible name for a movie.

Yeah. It is.

Nobody wants to sterility is never

Yeah.

Something that draws the the masses. Yeah. No.

Come on. Come on. Bring the family. The sterile cuckoo. Yeah.

That cuckoo's not having children.

How about this movie? Who knows this? Yeah. I don't think you will. Georgie girl.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Almost there. Georgie girl

walking down the street. So fancy free was played by

Linda Redgrave.

Lynn Redgrave, whom I I worked with later, believe it or not. Oh, well, Bridge on the River Kwai. We saw the first viewing of a first show, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance? Yes. Oh, yeah.

I love that. Hush-hush sweet Charlotte. Mhmm. How about, you know, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford together? Gay per e, p u r e e, about an animated movie about in an impressionistic style, French impressions about cats.

And I think Robert Goulet did a voice, you know, great Doctor No from Russia with Love, Goldfinger, fantastic Ironman Flint. I have Pink Path of the First Pink Path. Now we

now you have a

movie theater, and there was Peter Sellers never seen before as Clouseau, Blake Edwards. Unbelievable. I remember the the day we saw that.

Those movies changed my life.

Bobby d and I went my best friend went to that theater to see Psycho first

time. The run

of Psycho. Unbelievable. I just spent some time with Jamie Lee Curtis in CinemaCon. You know?

You know

what's so great about, there was a there were all these great they don't do it anymore, but there were these great promotional tricks that they did back in the day to get people to come see movies. And Alfred Hitchcock was a genius at this. Yeah. So when, Psycho came out, he had, like, ambulances outside the theaters, and he very much publicized, we're gonna have medical personnel

Yeah.

Available for people who faint or have seizures during this terrifying movie. And, you know, people went mad for it.

Like a do not be late for this 1. Remember?

He said, don't be late. Let you in after the first. Yeah. Yeah.

We won't let you in.

Tell your friends what happened

to you. And, and and he did all that stuff. He did it with the birds. He did he had all these great I mean, what a great showman he was in addition to being the you know, this incredible Oscar.

Another movie we saw, 1st Run. I love that day that we saw that. But then we went, oh, I had a crush on this girl. And we went I went on a field trip hoping to kinda be near her. I was had not made any headway when we saw Hard Days Night.

Yeah. The, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. What girl did

you have a crush on?

Stephanie Ignatz.

Oh, I

thought you said oh 0, okay. I I thought you meant better person than girl

in the movie. No. Not the movie now.

Those were fellas. They just had long hair.

No. In 9th grade. In 9th grade. No. Stephanie.

And she was going, so I was gonna tag along too.

Have you ever kept up with Stephanie Ignatz?

You know, I,

We have her here today.

Here she is.

A little bit. Oh my

god. Look how

she's deranged. Some 10 or 15 years after this period, we got in touch and we saw each other. She went out to California Oh, yeah. And, you know, I saw her.

Oh, okay. Okay. You saw her, but she didn't see you.

Oh, no.

You followed her from a distance.

Oh, no. No. Not like that.

They they saw

each other.

Oh, okay.

He closes looking like that. No. No.

No. He understands. Oh, I'm making it clear. What I do is I I look them up and then I just, I peer at them Yeah. Through shrubbery from 50 yards away.

Oh, my god.

Yeah. That's my You should

well, they didn't

read. Say, oh, I saw her.

What do

you mean? Norman Bates. Speaking of Norman Bates.

Yeah. I know.

Through a hole in the in your office walls.

Oh. Yes.

Yes. He's got them all over this building.

It's horrible.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I have to ask ask you, speaking of movies, we have to talk about Because in Jurassic Park and this character that you played, Doctor. Ian, what's the last

name? Malcolm.

Malcolm, that's right. Malcolm. Yes. You I mean, God, you nailed that character so much, and now you're coming back, and you're assembling with the same people to to bring this these people back to life.

Yes, sir.

So who else is with you? And this is Laura Dern.

Laura Dern, of course. The great Laura Dern, the great Sam Neill.

Mhmm.

So the 3 of us from the first movie are back together for the first time since then.

Right.

And we're reunited and have something to do with in this story with Bryce Dallas Howard's character and Chris Pratt's character, but also BD Wong is back from the first 1. And, Omar

That's great.

Yeah. Isn't that great? And Omar Sy from most recently and, Daniela Pineda and Justice Smith and wait a minute. Wait a minute. And new new characters, Dewanda Wise, Mamadou Ace, and, and Campbell Scott

Yeah.

Are in this. Yeah. It was an old sermon comes back. So it's great. Think about

I mean, this is something that I think would be worthwhile for you to settle with for a second is that movies were such a big deal for you growing up. You've now been in a bunch of movies, and you think about Jurassic Park.

Yeah.

So many young people, that was an eye opening experience for them, and you were a big part of it.

Yeah.

It's interesting how the the loop closes in a strange way. Isn't it? Well It's fascinating.

I know it's a dreamy life that I've had. I can't believe it. I'm very grateful, and it's amazing that I had got a chance to be in some movies and some movies with people, like I've said, that I saw early on. It is amazing. It's I

have to say that that is something and I brought this up before, but also I've had a dreamy life and getting the chance to just to me, getting to interact with someone I saw on a movie screen or a television set when I was a child. Yeah. Nothing tops that.

Yeah.

And you know, there are all these massive stars that come along later on in life, and and, and it doesn't have the same effect as meeting someone like a Dick Van Dyke or meeting someone who was in a movie and a huge deal when you were a kid like Jerry Lewis, you know, or or, you know, seeing a Julie Andrews on a parade float go by And even though she's 50 yards away, I can't believe that that oh, wait. I saw you there as a child, and now you're still here. Yeah. Life is magic.

Amazing. Vincent Price. We saw some Vincent Price movies. Then I did he was in the fly, the first fly, which I saw back then.

I think I

saw him in a Ralphs later. You

know? God.

You saw Vincent Price at a Ralphs?

I do believe so. I think I went up to him. He says, yes. He was, you know, picking out melons or something from Turkey. Yeah.

He was a big chef, you know.

My god.

It's too bad Bill Hader isn't here because he

does Bill Hader does the best

Bill Hader does the best Vincent Price of all, and he'd be going you know, he I don't do it, but he'd be here doing Vincent Price at a Ralph's. We should remind

him of that. Yeah.

You know

what we should do? We will be seeing him soon. We should remind him of that. Because Vincent Price at a Ralph's, and I used to, you know, when I first moved out here to LA, a long time ago in 1988, my brother, Neil, came out and visited me, and there was a Ralph's across the street, and he kept seeing all these huge star he saw Cesar Romero. Oh.

The Joker. Joker. And he'd be and he'd come back and he'd go, I saw him. And they're like, what is he? He was buying, he was buying dog food at at Ralph's.

He was always going to Ralph's and he would hang out there and he would go right up to them and go, I loved you as the Joker or I saw Harry Morgan from MASH. And I read, you know,

and Harry Morgan.

Yeah. And then he would always tell me what they were buying. You know? He was buying a giant thing of beans. You know?

It always never matched. Like, I saw Cher. What was she getting? Industrial strength toilet cleaner.

0. 0. 0, no.

I never would've never.

She would never.

She would never.

I was so crazy about the fry. I hadn't met anybody famous or who was in movies when I was a kid, and the first couple of brushes I had, who did I first we we went to a on a vacation. And who was staying at this hotel? It was Darren McGavin.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Great.

I was

a nice stalker. Yes. I was

like, oh, do you think we'll see him at breakfast? Why why I I do you know, I never went up to him, but I was just, when when are we gonna see him again? You know? He's the dad. I know.

He's the dad.

In Christmas Story, he's

the dad.

He is. Yeah. But he's also 1 of the great he's also in The Natural. Obviously, he's, he's 1 of the villains in The Natural. He's the little fun guy

in the

And and, and but he, he did, I think maybe my favorite show as a kid.

Karl Kolek.

Was, well, he played Karl Kolek in the Night Stalker, which was the scariest show on television. It only ran, I mean, maybe it ran 2 seasons, if that, it was not a success, but it was such a scary show.

I have that on DVD.

Do you? No. It's it's Oh my god. It's fantastic.

I've never seen them.

I don't know about that.

And,

and Darren McGavin, was was fantastic. And I got to I I don't think he ever did my show, but I got to meet him once. And, yeah, my soul left my body. I was so excited. I couldn't believe I was meeting him.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. So, yeah, I'm back in this movie now and yeah. Coming out June 10th.

That's your that's your from I love that you went so anyway, back in this movie, and, well,

duh duh duh duh duh.

June 10th,

you brought it up. I'm just I love that. I was just trying to remember where we got off that. Yeah. But next on my list was Diary of a Madman, Vincent Price and Tomb of Ligea.

He was he was a big deal to us. You know, some of those Roger Korms. I was a teenage Frankenstein. I was a teenage werewolf. They're 2 high 2 horrible movies, but interesting.

Eguy.

Did anyone ever do I was a teenage teenager?

Oh, that's sad.

I'm just curious. So it would've been it could kinda meta, but I do it.

That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea.

Is it a teenager who then, like, turns into a teenager who's just slightly older?

He's, like, 15 and he turns 17?

He turns into a 16 year old.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. He's a 15 year old and he goes in the corner and it's like, and then he comes out and he's a he's a 16 year old.

He can legally drive but doesn't know how

to Yeah. He can legally drive but he can't, but he has the same amount of acne. He's

got a terrible movie.

I think it's a great movie and I've got the rights. Okay.

No one's gonna fight you.

Yeah. Well, you

you can help.

I remember when TV shows would come out, what you were talking about when, you know, the new lineup. Boy, I loved Friday nights when when Wild Wild West would

be on. Huge.

Oh, boy. Robert Conrad and, Ross Martin who played

Yep. Ross Martin. Damn.

Oh, Artemus Gore. Artemus Gore. Yeah. King Converse. We left

that open for you so

you can take it.

What? Really? What?

No. I I I don't know.

How about Gigot? Nobody knows the movie Gigot.

I don't know. Jackie

Gleeson. Jackie Gleeson. He plays a mute dead, kind of a village idiot. Oh, it's great. The first movie I ever cried at.

Oh, I get it.

It's heartbreaking.

Yeah. I'm crying hearing about it. Yeah. That's, you're mentioning a bunch of movies that had a huge impact that I don't know. You'll know this 1.

Jason and the Argonauts. Mhmm. Yes. Oh, that Ray Harryhausen stop motion stuff. Yeah.

Magical day. Magical day. Vertigo did see the first run of Vertigo. Maybe my favorite Hitchcock movie. Speaking of Hitchcock, you know Vertigo?

I don't it's not my favorite. Really?

Yeah. I'm sorry. It's not

Bernard Herrman does the score. Wonderful music from that. But why don't you like Vertigo?

I didn't say I didn't like it. I just have of the Hitchcock films.

What's your favorite hit Hitchcock?

Wow. It's gotta be Psycho. I also like, Strangers on a Train.

Oh, that's, that's, yesteryear. Yeah. That's in Oh, yeah? Farley Granger. Farley Granger was in that.

I I met Farley Granger.

You can't just say a name twice and have it have more impact.

Yes. I can. Yes.

I can. Farley Granger. Farley Granger. Farley Granger.

I think he's proven that he can.

It'll be great if you I think you'd be a great prosecuting attorney because you'd say, you know, the killer is, of course, Steve Miller. Steve Miller. And people would be like, well, he's gotta be guilty. He said his name twice.

Steve Miller from the band?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I just threw a name out there.

Oh. Yeah.

What's a common name?

He's not suspicious in any way.

He's the

gangster of love. He's gotta be guilty. Oh,

god. That's true. That's that's true.

Stand by that.

What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. What were we talking about? Who's name?

You were you were listening?

Oh, Farley Granger.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know who introduced me to Farley Granger? Shelley Winters, whom I met on, this movie called Next Stop Greenwich Village that Paul Mazarski directed in 1975. Bry, I came out here, and we were kinda palsy, Shelley Winters. Lovely woman.

She was lovely.

Wow. What she was

on our show in the early years, and I loved her because I knew her mostly from Poseidon Adventure.

I know that 1.

That's fantastic. Yes. You know, she was she was the in the Poseidon show, but she was also in, Lolita.

She's crazy. Oh, she's great in Lolita.

She's great in, play Place in the Sun with Montgomery Clifton and Liz Taylor. Spectacular. Hey. Did you ever did you ever meet Liz Taylor?

I did not meet Liz Taylor. No.

I knew I knew Liz Taylor.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah.

What was she like?

Spectacular. Spectacular.

She yeah. She was 1 of those people. There's a there's a it all depends on when you get into show business, and I you know, you need to get in at the I I missed you know, I I I shouldn't say that. I got to meet all these amazing people who then passed away. It makes me sound like a killer.

I met them and then they were gone. Suspicious, But, but before that but I will say that, you know, there are all these great stars that passed away, you know, before I came along in 93. And you think of the, you know, all the great so many great stars from the she had not passed away, but refused to take my calls. Elizabeth Taylor. Yep.

Wisely, very wisely. Blame her.

No. Right. Who were you oh, so Shelley Winters

Mhmm.

Who was in place in the sun. Yep. And also, what did she win the Oscar for as supporting actress as they were called in those days? What did she win for? She won for

Why'd you become an evil German scientist?

What did

she win for? What was it?

Very good. Patch of blue. Oh, okay. Patch of blue with Elizabeth Hartman and Sydney Poitier.

Alright. The the prisoner says, Patcha Blue, and he goes, ah. Okay. You can go. You're the first.

I'm putting that down because I

You can go. You know, so did you did you park your in our lot? Because we validate. Yeah. I did.

Okay. Well, it was Oh, god. The guy completely loses his fervor.

That's right.

Catch a boo. Oh, okay. So you you go out the way. You came. There's a

Oh, good.

Just take

the elevator.

I'm crying.

Do you want me to validate that? Very good. Yeah. I'm adding patch of blue because I'd forgotten it because we saw lilies of the field and guess who's coming to dinner dinner all in the Sydney Poitier category. But in any case so Shelley Winters took me to, Musso and Frank's for the first time.

Oh my god. That is the ultimate

meeting experience. And Farley Granger.

Oh my god. God. Yep.

Wow. She said, get the sandabs. Sandabs are they're known for their sandabs. Nobody else serves sandabs. You know what What is it?

Sandabs. Sandabs. Ed Musso Frank's. You can get the sandabs still. Fish.

Kind of a kind of fish.

Fish that you get. K. It's been fried often.

Fried. The fried sandabs kind of the soul of, a variation of soul, I do believe. Wow.

I just those I mean, I live for those experiences. I live for the idea that you would see an iconic star in a restaurant, and you would end up hanging out with them, you know, someone you grew up watching on TV. And Yeah. I was at a, some restaurant once, and Warren Beatty was at another table. And the next thing you know, I got invited over, and I'm sitting with Warren Beatty, and he's I mean, Bonnie and Clyde was such a huge deal to me.

I saw it very strong with my client.

And and then I'm sitting there with him, and I just can't believe it. I'm supposed to play it cool, but then, you can't because it's too big a moment. Just too big.

Totally amazing. Splendor in the Grass. Even before Bonnie and Clyde, my parents and I went to we were in New York City, and I think we went to Radio City Music Hall, saw the Rockettes, and saw Splendor in the Grass with, him and, I think maybe Natalie Wood.

Wow. Yeah. I saw the Rockettes, but I was 50 yards away. I was in Shrubber.

Oh, god.

Just peering out of

god. Of the catwalk.

I'm the only guy that watches the Robcats from a distance. Hearing trick, you

should buy

a ticket before you throw. No.

No. No. I have my own way I like to do it. It doesn't do anything for me. Yeah.

I gotta wait till all of them come out together into that field, and I'll be behind those shrubs over there. What? How are you gonna get them all out here?

Well, I'm gonna wait about

Salt Lake.

We'll get

them out there.

Salt

Lake. You get

it up.

Look, we I have to wrap this up.

No, you

mustn't. I beg you. I beg you.

I beg you. But Jamie

expects a 5 hour podcast. We can do this. It's okay.

Okay. We'll do it. We'd all need to be rehydrated. No. I just wanna it's my god.

I wanna get the word out. And because this podcast, I'm not gonna brag. You can brag.

A lot of people hear this podcast. 43,000,000, I believe, is the viewership is the what? Don't get it.

In Hawaii alone. And so what I'm saying, that's just on Maui. Everybody looks 5 times at least.

Yeah. I read 43,000,000. You guys

have it? It varies. It's just wildcats. Yeah. It's It's not for me to say.

Let's not fact check that. It's 43,000,000.

Is to say yeah. No reason to look into it. But the point is a lot of people hear it. And so when I say Jurassic World, Dominion, Jurassic World Dominion is coming out

That's true.

And that you are reprising your role as doctor Ian Malcolm, that is going to pack the theaters alone. That alone. That's big.

No 1 else would watch it otherwise.

You're very I appreciate you saying that. Very, very because that's what they've sent me. That's what I'm represent you know, I represent a a lovely company of, investors and people.

You're right. Let's not turn this into a money thing.

Right? No

1 No. Emotionally emotionally, they invested. Colin Trevorrow, the director. Steven Spielberg is still at the at the, top of the pyramid. Yes.

Godfathering this all

the way through. You are the butts and seats of this movie.

Yeah. Yeah. And people are gonna say it. Yeah. Yeah.

I I that's what I that's how I felt. And as much as everyone else was spectacular, but you and 1 of the dinosaurs really, can't remember which 1,

it was

1 of the velociraptors. Yeah.

Velociraptors. It would

be great if you've gotten everybody back except 1 velociraptor held out.

Like, fuck it. The Robert Duvall.

Yeah.

I was just gonna say the Robert Duvall. Godfather. Yeah.

Like, fuck it. You meet my price or I'm not showing up.

That's right.

Can I just take a second to share my notes for this, this episode of the podcast? Yes. Uh-huh.

Yes. Perfection, erotic, ideal. Yep. Wow. There we go.

That was just what today was.

That really was.

Yeah. I got to we should do I have, we have many more hours of

You know, you have to come you have to come back because my time with you is is serious. I'm gonna be sincere, and, it's hard for me to do that, but you're 1 of my favorite people. You really are.

Thank you, Jimmy.

And, I just absolutely love talking to you. And it is whenever we're together, whether it's been on the show or this podcast, it is unlike any other experience I have, and it means a lot to me. And so when I heard that that you were gonna come in and inaugurate our new studio, my head blew up. It exploded.

Well, me too. I've been looking forward to to this terrifically, and, these are my favorite. These are peak experiences for me, and people come up to me on the street anecdotally and say, you and Conan. You and Conan. You and Conan.

See, we gotta do something.

They do. Well, I think so too.

I've been screen tested, and apparently, it's not good. It won't be a film, but maybe an animated project. Something where my face is mostly hidden.

And you're singing authentically a lot. I like that. The, and I just saw a, a documentary about or some kind of thing about talk show, the history of talk shows and the current Yeah. But did you see this 1? There are many others.

Watch those. I love them all. Yeah. And this 1 particularly said, here's why amongst the current crop in the last in the last few decades, co Conan O'Brien reigns supreme. He's cracked the code and why he's at the pinnacle of what this needs to be right now, etcetera, etcetera.

Yep. Well, I I saw it tonight. Comfortable? No. Not uncomfortable.

I just don't believe that that exists. They're talking

about his Conan O'Brien?

He makes a he makes

a good It's an Irish it's an Irish Conan O'Brien. Guy makes

a very good case for exactly why. It's a very erudite and,

There is a guy named Conrad O'Ryan in Dublin who's huge, and he's really cracked the code.

That's very cool.

Well, it's it's true.

It's true.

It's true.

Well, Jeff

And you all together. I mean, I'm really starstruck with all of you. Oh, come on.

Stop it.

Obsessian. Obsessian. You pronounce my name right. Obsessian. I I

there should be a a a

a perfume, not Obsessian, but Movessian. Yes.

I'm wearing

the new oh, Movessian.

What do you want?

Smell like garlic.

Yeah. I was gonna say and gourly. And land girly. Is it what's how do you say what's that vowel exactly? Is it Gore.

Gore. Like gore. Like gore.

Yeah. Gourly.

Yeah. Although when I went to Ireland, they said it's girly. Ah, girly.

Is he really? Yeah.

Well, they were saying, you seem kinda girly. Yeah. I thought, oh, you seem girly

to me.

I said, it's girly. Because, no, it's girly.

No, Justin. We saw you walking down the street, and it was girly.

Well, you 2 you 3 have made me very, very happy for many hours. You will continue to

be You have delighted us, and you're coming back.

I want to. I I want you along with you know, I've seen every single Schlansky.

Oh my god.

Every single Schlansky. Oh. Really?

Really? No. We I laugh out loud

on the news. I've seen them multiple times.

I know. And it's all true. That's the 1 thing. I've been in I've been in the darkest regions, darkest, most remote corners of the world, and people will literally come out from behind the rock and say, Shlansky, is he being real? And I'll go, yes, he's being real.

And then they go back under

the rock. You're never funnier when he's driving you mad. It's

just great.

Oh my God. Great. Well anyway. I gotta get back.

You know what?

I could go on.

Mister Goldblum, mister Jeff Goldblum, you're the finest man that ever lived.

Conan Christopher O'Brien.

Oh my god.

Yes. You are the finest man that's ever lived.

No. You're better. Yeah. Sorry.

You're better.

I'm taking you to a sizzler. We're going there.

Let's go. Langustino. Langustinos. Goodbye. You're welcome.

Oh my god. Oh god.

We have to just take a second here and wallow, in the joyousness of Jeff Goldblum. And we never do this. We we talk to the guests, then we move on with matters. But Jeff Goldblum came in here. He is a just an energy field.

He is calming, but also enervating at the same time. He, you know, he electrifies, solidifies. There's no compromise. I have real nice thighs. He's he's abs no.

No. He's he's incredible. He does it. He's, he's 1 of my I gotta say. And and I was really looking forward to seeing him today and then to see how happy he was to see you, Matt Gourley, and you, Sonam of Sescien.

He knew you as people.

He didn't He's human beings.

Yeah. And and, you know, a lot of celebrities, they come in and they're like, oh my god. It's Conan. It's Conan. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god. And then they

I've never heard that. Yeah. I've never heard anybody say, oh my god. It's Conan.

I'm I know. I keep trying to get them to say it.

I know.

I have a cue card I hold up.

I think

And they and they

Kaleb was the only 1

said it. Testifying. Oh my god. No. But no.

But What's up, buddy? But anyway, no. Murders. Please, murder. When time passes, murders are okay.

Okay.

It's laugh bad. Anyway, my point is that,

you

know, he saw me as a human being, not as some godlike creature. And, and he was so thrilled to see you guys as well. Oh, man.

He's a human electrolyte. He just gives you energy like you're saying. And he and we know that he listens to all these segments and stuff. So this is as much for him that Yeah. How much he loved him.

Jeff, we absolutely love you. We know that he's

a he is

he is he listens to the podcast. So unless he's an incredible con artist who paid someone to listen, because he said, I can't. I can't listen to that crap.

Oh 0, no. No.

No. He he unless he paid someone to listen and take notes.

Put a test in there, Jeff. If you're listening to this, to prove it, come over to my house and watch some James Bond movies.

With me. Oh. What?

Nat, that got sad. Quick.

Just please come over. Yeah.

I know. That's better.

Do you have friends? Oh, god. No. You

don't? No. Not a 1.

That just occurred to me. I don't know if you have friends and you have people that you podcast with and you shuttle from place to place, podcasting with people you may not really know well on a human level, but do you have friends that come over and do the things that you like to do?

Yeah. I'm a human being.

Well, I I don't know. Yeah. I've never heard you reference a friend.

Really think he didn't have any friends?

I you know that I have friends.

Well, now Jeff Goldblum's my friend, so I do have a friend.

Oh, well, now I'm now I'm not sure either. You got? Sure. Yeah.

Jeff, come on. Let's prove these these friends are

all people. Wrong. Thank you.

Your friends are all people you saw on TV and movie when you were kids in your mind. I'm ET. Yeah. Last night, I had, dinner with Gumby. Gumby?

This is supposed to be a Jeff Goldblum praise session.

Yeah. It's true.

I love him so much.

Yeah.

He doesn't have to know who we are.

He's a

man, and he does. That says a lot about that.

Ask you a question. Ladies love that man.

Love him.

And, I understand because, you know, again, we have a similar frame.

Okay. Don't do that. Don't do that.

I don't understand.

Why you go down that road?

No. But what I don't understand like not. I can handle it. I can handle it. Why is it that the that there's a fork in the motor, you know?

It is. Swagger.

Yeah.

Geez.

You know how like at a time, Porsche and Volkswagen had the same engine?

Mhmm.

That's the difference

we're talking about.

It's also it's like

No. I can handle it. I really wanna know.

He is a chill person who seems very comfortable in his skin and very confident. Not that you're not, but it seems like he's been that way much longer than you have. I feel like you've been through a very, like, awkward phase where you were like, oh, I don't like myself. No. Was that that was that was that

was me. But what I'm saying is that it does it does amaze me that he does have something that I wish I had that I don't have.

Oh, me too.

You know? And and, I'm being completely honest. He has he does have an ease, and he's always in the center. He's always centered. Mhmm.

I think that's incredible to be centered like

that all the time, and he's he's like a tuning

fork that's incredible to be centered like that all the time. And he's he's like a tuning fork that's perfectly vibrating with the universe. Yeah. And, I feel like I'm a, you know, like a You're just a fork. Yeah.

Like a fork Yeah. That was eating clams, but someone didn't wash it afterwards, and then it fell in some sand. And it's got some clam juice and sand on it.

That's pretty good. Yeah.

Do you

think we like him because he's nice to us? Oh. Maybe if you tried being nice to me and Matt, then we would, like mom, maybe still not that.

You get a paycheck.

Right?

That's not being nice to someone.

You got a paycheck.

I'm your employee. That doesn't mean you're nice to me.

It's kinda worse because it's like you're paying her to be belligerent.

You The fact that you even thought about Do

you do okay with me?

I do. Yeah. I do.

Would

you say that, I mean, are there a lot of other people just sending you money besides me?

Nobody else is. You're my

Okay. Then I'm a good guy, and I'm your friend.

Can't know. That doesn't sound how nice this works.

What are you talking about?

Jeff Goldblum asks nothing,

and he

gives everything. You are just a paycheck from you you you Why are you pointing me? You profit from me as well. Food?

In a in a roundabout way, I do. Yes.

In a roundabout way.

Full full display.

I didn't realize you were just here on a voluntary basis. No. I've seen you driving. But since the podcast blew up, and suddenly you're driving a Bentley. No.

Yes. You're driving a Bentley on, you know, just on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah. You know? And Classic girls.

Yeah. And and, woah, your license plate suddenly pod king, and you're driving around. You guys have both

Pod King is 7 months.

Yeah. We stay here. Kids wear these, like, crazy satin outfits that you have handmade for them now that the podcast blew up. And so both of you have your lives have been changed by knowing me, which means you have to like me. You have to.

You know that's not how it works.

It should work

that way.

You can't buy friendship. That's not how

it works.

You can.

No. You can.

That's why I moved to Los Angeles.

But you can.

No. You can. Sonia and I are friends. All of

my friends genuinely like me.

All of my friends work for me, and I'm very comfortable with that because if any of them piss me off, I can terminate that friendship very easily.

Wonder why we like Jeff Goldblum more than you.

I still don't understand that.

He's my favorite tall person.

Yeah.

And he just exudes this, like, sense of ease. And you know what? He doesn't have to pay me for me to like him. Yeah. And that says a lot.

This is interesting. I have to look more into this.

Into friendship? Just into the concept of being nice?

He leads with love. You lead with fear. Yes. No. Stalin did that.

Yeah. I know.

He control Stalin.

Stalin. Joseph Stalin.

Oh, so now we're gonna rip on Joseph Stalin. You know, wait, wait. I love how there's no sacred cows anymore. Everybody gets torn down. Everybody gets torn down.

A gold blaze.

And now it's Joseph

Stalin. Enough Jeff Goldblum.

Jesus. No one's safe in this hypersensitive era.

Problem is. He's an angel. Yeah. He's an absolute angel. He's just such a sweet person.

He might be an alien.

He is. You know, he is I you know, we should stick the landing on this. He is, such an unusually he's he's an unusual person. There's no 1 else quite like him, and I do have to tell you that when I in my travels, people always bring up to me, oh my god. I love it when Jeff Goldblum is on the podcast or he's on the show.

He brings an energy that immediately transforms the experience. I think we all are changed by him when we're

in his

he he creates like a biosphere, a Jeff Goldblum biosphere that's very enjoyable. Yeah.

Yeah. And he he remembers everybody. He's just he, like, when he looks at you, he looks at you, and he knows your name, and he remembers you. And that goes a long way.

I don't again, I have a list of all the employees. I can consult. I I don't I can go to Jeff Ross. I can go to Jeff Ross now. I don't need to.

You do.

All I

have to do is go to Jeff Ross or Adam Sachs and say, the guy with the you know, he's kind of a hipster, and he lives in Pasadena. And they'll be like, yeah. Matt Dorely. And I'll be like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, tell him I wished him a happy Christmas. I gotta get out of here.

My helicopter my helicopter's waiting.

It's May. Wait. What?

Yeah. My helicopter's waiting.

That's your helicopter.

My god.

Your helicopter is

ill. Yeah. What?

Wait. What how does the helicopter

No. But mine is different. Mine runs on pure malice. Oh, god. It's very eco friendly.

It's super pervy somehow. Helicopter. Is is wow. Mister O'Brien, you must really hate people today. We've got 600,000 miles.

I just get in it and put an electrode on my head and Flies on. Who are you mad at? And and it leaves a noxious cloud of

just Oh my god.

Yeah. Pure bad intent. By any means. That's what's going on. Yeah.

Alright. Well, anyway, Jeff Goldblum, if you're listening right now

Yes.

Naked in the lotus position as you as you meditate, as he does every night Okay. We love you. We do. We love you.

See you next week at my house for James Bond.

Oh, man. Let's cut

it there. Oh. Okay. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sono Mufessian, and Matt Gourley.

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Will Becton. Additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Brit Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

Call the team Coco hotline at 3234 512821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been 18 Coco Production in association with Eelwulf.