Transcript of Fanhausen (Re-Release)

At Volkswagen, we've really got to know the people of Ireland. Seventy-five years of understanding what you love, how you live, who you are, and the life you lead. So we brought you one much-loved car after another, from the original Beatle, the iconic golf, to today's family-friendly Tiguan, and our all-electric ID range, knowing that whatever you choose, it's you who makes it your Volkswagen. Celebrating 75 years in Ireland. Order your new Volkswagen today.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hey, everybody. Konan O'Brien here, and we're going to try something a little different. In this short time that I've been doing, Konan O'Brien needs a friend. I've just been delighted. I'm having an absolute blast, and it's working. I'm actually making some nice bonds and friendships with a lot of different people. But what occurred to me is all these people have one thing in common, they're celebrities. I thought it might be nice to try making friends with average folk, people out there in the world, civilians, not celebrities. Just talk to the people who make this great country we call the United States, America, or even people from other countries. It doesn't matter. Let's just talk to some regular folk, and then hope, hope desperately that they become celebrities. Oh, my God. That's the concept. What do you guys think? Horrible. Yeah, I'm all in. Why is that horrible? It's very important to me that eventually they become celebrities.

So you don't have time for anybody that would live their whole life as a regular Joe.

As a folk.

Who would do that? What monster would choose that life? No, seriously, I really do. I do want to... And Especially, I have to say, a lot of this comes out of this last year. Let's get outside this bubble, this celebrity bubble that we're trapped in.

I'm not trapped in a celebrity bubble.

No, I'm not even adjacent to. Oh, God, no. I didn't mean either of you. Oh, God, no. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, please. Oh, how embarrassing. I'm covering my mouth. I'm laughing.

Because we don't even do a podcast with a celebrity, so how would we do? Oh, snap.

Snapity dappity. I'm looking at- Outsch, you I'm looking it up.

I am looking it up. Yes, I am a celebrity. I just looked it up. You googled it? Yeah, I am a B-lister, but I am a celebrity. So I'm, okay. I am a solid B. I'm a solid B-list celebrity, and I'm proud of it. If Loveboat were still on the air, I could- I wish. I could potentially be a guest. Not the first guest, but the third guest, who's the comic relief guest who stowed away.

I would kill to see you on Loveboat.

Yes. But anyway, this is something I want to do, and I'm really looking forward to it. I don't know. We're just going to give it a try and see how it goes.

Yeah, this is Konan O'Brien needs a fan, and it'll be out weekly in addition to the regular episode. So just an extra special treat. And we might as well get to our first guest. Are you guys ready?

Yeah. I am very ready.

Konan, please meet Donovan, who is a Minor League professional I'm a real hustler. Wow.

Donovan, very nice to talk to you. Where are you coming from, Donovan? Where are you?

I am in Michigan right now from Montreal.

Do you consider yourself a Canadian? No, I'm from Michigan. You're from Michigan? Yeah. Sorry, I probably said that wrong.

My wife is from Montreal.

Wait, I'm confused already. You're from Michigan. You've married someone who's from Montreal. Yes, exactly.

Okay. I'm in the process of getting my permanent residency there.

Oh, okay. You're going to move to Montreal. I'm going Yes. Okay. Well, that's all the time we have. Thank you. So, Donovan, you are a professional wrestler, is that right? Yes. Okay. Now, help me because I know of a type of professional wrestler that has a character, and I don't know, are you a professional wrestler who's really wrestling and using wrestling moves and it's not that fun to watch? Or are you a wrestler who's also a performer and has a character?

I am a character. Actually, I have a picture if you want to see it. Oh, my God.

That's me. Okay. Well, we are a podcast, so I'm going to describe it. You're demonic-looking. You just showed me a picture of what looked like a very fierce, evil, demonic wrestler.

Yes. So I go by the moniker Very Nice, Very Evil, because nobody likes somebody who's too evil. So I introduced the nice part of it, so then they buy into it and I can trick them. Okay.

Very Nice, Very Evil.

Often I get described if a demon possessed you You, actually.

Oh, a demon possessed me.

If Coan and O'Brien was possessed by a demon, that's what it gets described as, because I'm heavily influenced by you rather than other wrest.

Yes. You mean, of the wrest, I'm the one that's influence you the most? Yes, of course. That's fantastic. Describe then a demonic, Conan O'Brien as a wrestling character. Are you using some of my moves Is it my attitude? Does your character have little beady eyes and thin lips and sharp cheekbones?

Yes. I don't have the height, but I pour teeth in my opponent's mouth to disorient them. Pour what in their mouth? Human teeth.

You pour human teeth into the mouth? What's crazy. I love how people see that and go, Oh, that is so Konan.

It is. No, no, no.

I think it's the presentation because I take a lot of like, Simpson references and references from you and just '80s horror movies. And I pull it all together because these are the things that I like. So I included it into the character because wrestling should be fun. Yes, wrestling- Are you saying it shouldn't be work. No.

Okay. One of your standard moves is to pour loose teeth into the mouth of your opponent to confuse and disorient them. What are some of your other moves?

Kick him right in the mouth. I have the go to Deep, which I call the Good night, Housen. I add Housen. My wrestling name is Dan Housen, and I add Housen to everything to make it all about me.

That's very coding. Okay.

That's very nice, Matt. I love that. You just add a Housen to things, so it's So good night, Housen is like a good night move. Yes.

And I pop them up off my shoulders and I knee them in the face. That's my finishing.

Well, you knee them in the face, Housen. The face, yes, exactly. Sorry.

If I were talking to you, I'd call you Konin Housen. I had Housen to the end of it.

This is fantastic. I'm delighted by you. I'm delighted by this foolishness and that you've, like me, dedicated your life to absolute idiocy. This is fantastic. Now, are you a good wrestler? Are you a good athlete?

Yeah, but that doesn't matter. No one cared when I was just a good wrestler. They cared once I switched and put on makeup and started acting goofy and doing Simpson's references in the middle of matches. And I stole the Mr. Burns hop in. I brought a tiny airplane to the ring, and I told my opponent to hop in, and I had 300, 400 people chatting, Hop in at this guy.

How successful have you been? It sounds like Is this growing? Do you feel like Danhausen is becoming a bigger and bigger character?

Yes, absolutely. Since I've switched this, which is about two years ago and about a year full of doing this actual character, I've been wrestling for eight years. Since I've I switched this, it's just snowballed more and more and more. And now I have a shirt in Hot Topic, and I've gotten signed to a TV company, and they're just like, Go do your weird stuff. Do it. Have fun. Be Danhausen. That's what we need.

I want to be a part of Danhousen's world. Don't you see that, Matt and Sonja? I want to tape a video. I seriously want to do something where you're in the ring and then I appear and I'm either for you or against you. Do you know what I mean? Or you're my long lost son. We've got to somehow get into... I want to get into the lore of Danhausen. Do you know what I mean? I want to be part of it. What would you do with me?

With you, I would call us both legendary late-nighters, for one.

Guess what? There's a lot of those now. There's literally 600 in America, so he might want to come up with something cooler.

This character is all about himself. He's all about making sacs of money, I call them. I carry around a money sac. I pulled it out after I won my contract on TV, and I revealed it from my cape. I pulled a $20 bill, and I said, Look at these millions, and I I'm not into it.

Would we actually fight? First of all, I know how to handle myself. Wait a minute. Oh, come on, Sonia. I'm fairly athletic. I can take a punch, and I I love to fake fight. And so if I entered the ring, would we start out being friends, but then I would think that you had gotten too cocky and I would attack Danhausen? What would happen?

Maybe. I think I do this thing where I try to punch people in the groin right before the bell rings so I can just pin them without doing any work. So I don't think I would do that because people know that I love Konan. As a character, it's very public that I love Konan, and that's one of Danhausen's idols. So I don't think they would think that. They'd probably be taken back if you did it.

Okay, how about this? Let me pitch you this because I'm really into this. All right, so Danhausen, you're fighting your fo. He starts to get the better of you. He starts to win. He grabs the bag of teeth and starts to pour them into your mouth. He steals your sack of money. He punches you in the groin. It's all going badly when all of a sudden the music changes, fog machines go on, and I come down on wires, and it's me, and I'm there to save Danhausen. I think the crowd would go nuts. I hope so. What if the crowd just like, All right, okay, here's Konan, I guess. Let's see what he's got. All right, let's go. If we go early, we can beat the traffic. In my mind before I go on, that's the reaction I always think I'm going to get. If I leave now, I can beat the traffic. I want in on the Danhausen world. I really do, Donovan.

Yeah, I would love that if that's a possibility. That's the ultimate guest for Good Night, Housen with Dan Housen.

You know what? I've always said, if there's a way that I can be involved with Good night Housen with Dan Housen, I want in Housen and right now Housen. Not tomorrow Housen, but today Housen. I'm not fucking around Housen. I'm serious Housen. So let's make this happen, Housen. Let's sign a contract, Housen. I want to get paid, Housen.

Yes, we'll pay you in a wonderful sacks of human money.

There's only one money. There's only human money. No animal uses money. He has no idea. He just knows it gets you power. Yeah. Wow. That's very exciting. Well, you know what? I think you're going to do well. I love that you're going to Canada because I don't say this just to suck up to Canada, but I love Canadians, and I think they're one of the funniest countries in the world. They're really funny people. And they really love nuanced, weird, cookey comedy, and they've always been so nice to me. So I love that you're going to Montreal. I think that's great.

Thank you. Yeah, it's been exciting and a lot of work.

Donovan, you have my blessing, and I will figure out a way to enter the world of Danhausen. I will.

Please do. I would lose my mind, and so would my fans. It'd be crazy. All right.

Well, Sona, make sure- Oh, I will follow up on this. Yes, we'll follow up on this. I'm really excited about it. I will follow up on this.

I'm really excited about it. Yes.

Thank you. Thank you for doing this.

Yeah, no problem. Hey, really nice to meet you, Donovan.

Nice meeting you, too. Nice meeting all of you. Nice meeting you. All right. Bye-bye. Thanks, Donovan.

At Volkswagen, we've really got to know the people of Ireland. Seventy-five years of understanding what you love, how you live, who you are, and the life you lead. So we brought you one much loved car after another from the original Beatle, the iconic golf, to today's family-friendly Tiguan, and our all-electric ID range, knowing that whatever you choose, it's you who makes it your Volkswagen. Celebrating 75 years in Ireland. Order your new Wagon today.

Leanne, please meet Konan O'Brien.

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.

Well, I'm very excited to talk to you, Leanne. Yeah. Leanne, tell me just a little bit about yourself. When I meet someone for the first time, I like to ask just a few questions, find out who they are, where they're coming from.

Yeah, for sure. I'm from Toronto, and I'm actually an engineer. I I went to school. I did engineering in school, and I'm a mechanical engineer. I love to ski. I love to bike. I know you like to bike, too. I listened to your talk about biking recently in your trip to Mexico. That's me. I like outdoorsy stuff, and I like having fun and hanging out with my friends and a good laugh.

You like a good laugh? Yeah. Good laugh is good. Yeah.

I listen to your podcast all the time. I think I've listened to every episode at least once, so I'm a huge fan of your podcast.

Do you get a sense of maybe any mental illness when you listen to the podcast? Why is that your first- May or may not. Okay. Well, I was just wondering if you're obviously a very intelligent person. You're an engineer. What engineering do you do?

I I did chemical and chemistry in school, but now I'm doing mechanical engineering.

But you understand chemistry. You understand chemical engineering. Yes. Have you ever, when you're listening to the podcast, thought this guy, I think we need to regulate his brain. His brain needs some chemical regulation.

A couple of times, but it's okay. You can ask for a podcast.

What you're saying is what adds to the podcast is my mental illness. That's true.

Also, my mom's in the background laughing her head off. I don't know.

That's okay. It's always good to have a mother in the background laughing at me. It adds to the whole podcast experience. She's laughing at me, too. Oh, and look, she's shooting this on her iPhone, which is piracy. That's piracy. I'm going to have her arrested for stealing our copyright. That'll come later.

We fled the country because of that reason, so you're too late on that.

You fled to north of Toronto just because you wanted your mom to record you talking to me on the podcast on her iPhone. That's right. And you wanted to escape any attempt for me to seek retribution. That's right. You thought this through so far in advance. You're so smart.

We have. It was a big move, but you know what? It's worth it. We're nice people, and we're Canadians.

Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah. I've met some of- Now we're American because of the country. Oh, that's right. Good improv skills. You picked up on your mom's mistake. Yeah, mom. Good improv. Cut it out. She put out the information. Leanne put out the information that you fled to Canada. So you can't ruin her improv by denying her information. Oh, God. Mom, They always ruin improv. They always ruin improv.

But I was going to say, too, I know your mom had... I love when you talk about your mom on the podcast. It's hilarious. And how her dryness always sparked your your comedy. It sounds pretty good. Yes. I listened to a most recent episode, and you were saying how she always thought you were pretty crazy.

Well, she always... She would say, My mom's line is, I don't like that even fooling. I love that. She had a good sense of humor, but yeah, she was always saying that to me. And I think that spurred me to go further and further and further. She's a great straight man in comedy, so that helped me. And I hope your mother is helping you in your comedy pursuits.

Yes, she is. Mine are more domestic, but That's okay.

Yes, I understand. Your mom helped you so much with your comedy that you're an engineer. That's all I have to say to you about your mother. It's her fault. You'd be playing in Vegas right now. You'd be in the biggest rooms in Vegas. I would. Oh, no. Your mom had to get in there and go, That's not true. You're from Toronto. It's true. I do love Canada. I've had a very good time. I love myself at Tim Hortons. I love a Tim Hortons' donut and a cup of coffee.

You'd blend right in. A double-double. Wouldn't I?

Yeah. Oh, a double-double, and then I get on the hockey rink and I beat someone to death. It's a good time. I really enjoy myself.

She just got off the ski hill.

What? What is she saying now?

She's Did your mother just spout things in the corner throughout your life? She said I just got off the ski hill. That's what she's saying. Snow skiing, I think you called it, in a bit a long time ago. I don't know where you were, but it looked pretty good.

It was the Olympics. You were pretty talented. It was the 2002 Olympics, and I learned how to snowboard, and I'm still recovering from that. I lost most of my spine, had to be replaced with a coat hack.

But you're here now- With a coat hack.

Yeah, and you're still tall. I'm here now. So that's good. What I'd like to do, Leanne, if it's okay, is I'd like to tape an episode of my show sometime where your mother's in a little inset box randomly saying things while I'm trying to do the show. That would be great. So I'm trying to talk to Hugh Jackman, and she's saying things like, I was on the snow hill.

I'll just be, Chow, chow, chow.

My favorite chowder is corn powder, and it just randomly. Okay, our next guest was in the fly. You know him as Jeff Goldblum, but you know, onions are best on a sandwich. Okay, mom, we got it. But how can I help you, Leanne? I know you have a question for me, and I know I can help you.

Yeah, I just wanted to ask you because I was going to say, so I've listened to the podcast so many times, and I noticed that you're always just yourself, no matter what anyone's saying. And I really like that. Even sometimes it might come off as mental illness, but you continue to do it, and I think that's really cool.

I really like you. It comes off as mental illness sometimes, but I like it. Yeah.

But I just I wanted to ask you if there was any time that you had to pretend that you weren't showing any sign of mental illness, and you had to stray from being yourself. And I just wanted to ask you how you deal with that thing.

I am mostly I am mostly myself when I perform or show myself to the public. But, and Sona and Gorda, you will back me up, I can be weirder than even what people have seen or heard on the podcast. The podcast probably catches it the most. But I go on these riffs sometimes that they start out making sense, and then they get more and more twisted and strange, and they're just not for public consumption. Isn't that true, Sona?

Yeah, I think that you would be arrested if a lot of the things that you said were really- What are you talking about? Claim me an arrested. She's asking if you ever turn your mental illness off, but it's actually much more amplified a lot of times.

Can we just start calling it my gift and not my mental illness?

Sorry, I know. I'm just using what Leanne said. Yes, your gift. Okay, your gift.

Yeah, Leanne, you're getting the sanest version of it. I know. You're getting the most gifty version of it.

I can only imagine.

I am constantly talking and babbling. Yes. I say a lot of words that don't make sense. I have microaggressions.

And macroaggressions.

And macroaggressions, but none of it's really based in reality. I'm constantly threatening you, Mr. Gourly, but I'm not even angry with you. I have no anger towards Matt Gourly at all.

I think it comes from a good place, too.

I do, too. I think my desire to kill and kill again comes from a good place.

Listen to that laugh. It's the Joker. We do a podcast for the Joker.

Yes, Leanne, I know there was a question in there somewhere, but I think you nailed it. I think, yes, has there been a time where I've needed to hide? Yes, there are times where my mind goes probably to a darker place and I edit myself. How about that? That's very true.

Sounds good. But I love how it just seems like you're always yourself. Same with Matt and Sona, and that really shines through in the podcast, and that's really cool.

I would say, that's very sweet. I would say Sona is very much herself. I don't know who the Matt is. I don't know if I can say- I don't either. I don't know. You're a shapeshifter, Gourly. I just don't know. You could be someone completely different. It's like that movie, The Stepfather. I just don't know. You could be a complete maniac, and I wouldn't know it.

Matt I am like Switzerland. I am like Switzerland. I am like Switzerland. Yeah, sticks in the middle.

Yeah, he's like Switzerland, rarely visited part.

That's hilarious. A man and I just went to Switzerland.

Did you?

Yes, we did, specifically and only Switzerland.

Oh, my God.

Isn't that just ridiculous? I'm with you. I'm a mess.

You're not a mess. You're good friends. You know what? It really does help to do this.

That was the most robotic. Were you talking about Sona and me or am I good friends with myself?

That's actually I created that sound bite with my computer. If you listen to it, again, carefully, all I did was press Control D, and it just was like, We are good friends.

You're good friends. Good, good, good, good, good, Yeah.

Then Control Alt J is, I enjoy people.

I am a human.

Control Alt W is, I love children. When my wife and I visit her family with our kids, we stay in this hotel in Seattle, and there's one of those elevators that has a voice, a robotic voice that's telling you what floor you're going to. It's this accent we can't place. But when you get in the elevator on the fifth floor and you're going to the lobby, this woman's voice says, Going down. It burned into my brain. Whenever I'm in an elevator and it starts to go down, I hear in my brain, Going down. I find it very disturbing, and I'm glad I shared it with you. I think your mom's trying to get in on the act again. Is that your mom who just walked behind you? Yeah, it is. She's encourageable. She can't be stopped.

She can't. She's fierce. Also, that's an awesome guitar. Is it a Gretsch behind you?

Yes, it is. Do you know your Gretsch guitar?

Yeah, I want one. I don't have one, but I love to play guitar. That's another thing I love about you. I love to watch you play. I've seen a few videos of you playing, and it's just so fun because it's just you're up there and it looks like you love it.

I love to play guitar. I love it. I really love playing with Jimmy Vivino and guys from my band. We've put out a couple of videos, and I was really proud of it until someone said, Great Viagra ad. I And it was like, look at the older guy bopping out with his guitar, Viagra. That was a torpedo that just blew me apart. I think I almost burned my guitar that night. I was like, I'll never play this again. But yeah, maybe the good news is I'll probably get an ad for Viagra, so that'll be good. Congratulations. It's been very nice talking to you. Leanne, I've loved talking to you and occasionally your mom. Tell her I said, Is your mom still there? She is. She's right there. Hi, Canon. Okay. I'm coming after you. What's your first name? My name's Carol. Carol, I'm coming after you. You've been taping this call illegally. I'm coming after you. I will use the Canadian courts to bring you down.

I'll have bike to Mexico by then, so it'll be tough.

You guys are taunting me. Like, Come and get me. Oh, man, I'm going after this family. Hey, lovely talking to you.

You, too. Thank you No problem.

Bye-bye, Leanne. Take care.

Bye. Bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsesion and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloterov and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at EarWolf. Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer, Erin Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineered by Will Becton. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

At Volkswagen, we've really got to know the people of Ireland. Seventy-five years of understanding what you love, how you live, who you are, and the life you lead. So we brought you one much-loved car after another, from the original Beatle, the iconic golf, to today's family-friendly Tiguan, and our all-electric ID range, knowing that whatever you choose, it's you who makes it your Volkswagen. Celebrating 75 years in Ireland. Order your new Volkswagen today.