Transcript of Rudy Loves Chocolate

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Probably one of the funnest birthday parties I've ever been to.

Was it one of the most fun birthday parties you've ever done? Yeah. There's Chef Yune right there.

He was out of pocket.

What did he do? He didn't do anything wrong.

He tried to squirt stuff in my mouth.

Well, he had a Socce squirt gun. Yeah. He had a little Socce squirt gun. Show the Socce squirt gun. He let me You don't play more Saki. There's Max getting it right in the mouth. That had Saki and Super Soaker. Super Soaker, by the way, invented by a black guy, we learned. Stolen by a white guy. Wow. We learned that.

We learned that.

But show the one of me. He let me light the grill on fire. Huge. Come on, come on. More, more, more. He kept yelling. Come on, more, more. I thought it was like three on fire. Then he goes, Saki squerk on, and he unloads maybe 16 ounces of-Wait, he started the Palestine fire. Sexy. You'd Oh, Yul. Yul, Yul, Yul. He hits himself in the face. He has flaming rods, and he hits himself clean in the face. Not once there, but he does it twice. He did it right after this. Do it again. Right in the face, twice.

But I told him Three times. I go, I'm sober. The fourth time, he's like, You want to relapse? He didn't listen.

Relax, work on. He was so fun. That guy was one of the most fun times I've ever had in my entire life.

I was threatened by him.

You loved him.

I made an announcement. I remember, I go, Don't replace him with me.

I said, Are you busy? Do you want to do a podcast?

Because he had real good energy.

Great comedic timing.

Yeah, good comedic timing. I've been a little off lately.

There's me getting scored. Wow, what a silhouette. It looks like someone's pissing in my mouth. Internet, take this and run with it. Yeah. Take this and run with it. Carlos also did not get scored in the mouth. Carlos, of course, is our Halloween. It's our spooky Halloween episode. You got a Halloween song prepared, Bob?

Huh? Bum I'm ready for your lyrics now. Oh, I'm not. No, I'm doing the beat. Let's see who goes first. Scary Halloween. Scary Halloween.

Scary Halloween.

Scary Halloween. Scary Halloween.

Who do we have in the studio?

What the fuck are you? What the fuck are you?

You don't just get to moan. She thought it was a native chant.

Yeah, she's a party girl.

She was going to do a haqqa there. You know she's a party girl? Yeah. What's going on with you? You know what's so funny?

Going out with all these Black guys. Yikes. Bum, bum, bum, bum, going out with black guys.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, sleeping over We're at a black guy's house. Bum, bum, bum, walking out of the house like she just rode a horse. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bow-legget, bow-legget. Jules, Jules, Jules. Jules, what have you been doing?

I've just been-Are you dating someone new?

Is that what's going on?

Just seeing a couple of people.

Yeah.

Every time, though, she's just like, Look at this guy. It's this gigantic, handsome black guy every time.

You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh? You like your chocolate milk?

I love chocolate.

You love chocolate. Fantastic.

How come I never see Asians in your little rotation?

I've done Asians.

Yeah, I know you have. You've moved on? Yeah.

Moved on, moved up.

Try something else.

Yeah. Yeah, you got to try other stuff. That's Carlos's life motto. You got to try other stuff. I do agree with that. Honestly, we're not going to be able to hear a word What is that? You're going to say.

Take that fucking thing off.

What is that, by the way?

It's a furry mask.

It's like something a shooter would Google at night. My favorite thing is you pretending like you already didn't have that costume. Oh, it's a order of furry. Yeah. Like that wasn't in your closet.

I've always wanted to try it since I saw it on Entourage, like 15 years ago.

Who did a furry on Entourage?

Drama has sex with a girl.

Who's a furry? Yeah. Shout out to the furry community. Dude, I met me and Dorosa in Vegas, met these three beautiful sweet women who were dominatresses, and I wanted the downloan. She was like, I'm a big fan. Where's Bobby? First question out of everybody's mouth. Where's Bobby?

You're doing with Shane?

Yeah, Shane. I did a couple of shows in Vegas. Yeah.

I have a photo for you.

What is that?

We'll show you a photo. Okay.

I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas. Shane, just phenomenal, dude. Their venue was unbelievable. What is that? Oh, it's a photo of me and Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift, yeah. You're friends with Taylor Swift?

Oh, yeah.

You guys.

He's high class now, elite, elite.

No, we went to the football game. It's funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me. The Times of India.

Oh, the-Oh, whoa.

Once you've made it, you've made it, man. Taylor Swift's surprising chat with Andrew. Surprising chat with loser ugly Ginger Boy, Andrew Santino, Chief's Game. Sparks his Wedding Disk. Yeah, this was the most misinterpreted thing I've ever said. I said, I I had said on part of my take, I had said, they were like, Oh, are you going to go to the wedding? I was like, Dude, I don't know. I also don't want to talk about it. I was like, Leave me the fuck alone about this.

But that photo, though, so you're mid-smile. You're looking out. You have your her finger here. She must have said something funny. Say what she said. Come on.

If you think I'm going to let you bear me in.

What's the finger about, though? I'm sure I was-I'm trying to cover your mouth.

Yeah, I was covering my mouth. I was saying a racially charged joke to her, and I was trying to cover my mouth.

Yeah, and she's in myth saying a punchline or something. It was a punchline. Look at your face. You've never laughed that hard in front of me, ever. What do God What is she saying that's going to give you that reaction?

I actually don't know. Look at that face. I don't know the moment in time.

I've never seen you make that face. What?

What does she smell like?

Yeah, what does she smell like? Tell us.

Why don't you guess?

Okay, Rose, matcha. Rose hips. Yeah, rose hips. Rose hips. Yeah, you know what I mean? Soft-serve matcha.

That's just your favorite. That's why you're saying it.

No, just on the pits.

It smells like a global superstar would smell.

Whoa. Bottled that up. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, But they let me in. Wow.

Anyway. What was I saying? You broke up my brain. What did you break up my brain? What were we saying? Oh, these dominatrice. Oh, yeah. Joe and I go to get pizza after the Gillis show. We go to get pizza, and these three women... Dude, this is crazy in Vegas. It was the marathon, the four aces, the WMBA team's parade for winning a championship, Emo Fest, which you would have fucking lost your mind.

I love Emo Fest. Dashboard Confessional is my favorite.

Well, Blink played with Panic at the Disco and, I don't know, three other bands. We meet these three girls, and I was like, Oh, did you guys go to Emo Fest? She's like, Kind of. We did something else. I was like, Oh, what did you do? She's like, We're dominatresses. I was like, I am She was so fucking curious about. I want to know. I was like, What percentage of men do you actually hook up with or who just wants the game? She's like, It's way low on actual sex.

I got tied up once.

Tied up is nothing. This is like, kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress up in different outfits, spitting, kicking. I go, How many guys get genital mutilation? She's like, A ton, a high amount of people. Like, razor blaze to the- Anything. Kick, pull, squeeze. What about shitting? These were not Shia's girls. These were not Shia's girls.

They were not German. These weren't German girls.

They weren't German girls. We came to Vegas for a little fun. Little poopy poopy. Circus, circus, poopy poopy.

Would you ever get that done, though?

Brother, no. Get tied up and-I don't like... No. Why not? I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed.

Really?

Okay, a minute, maybe a full minute, not even a minute and a half. No, I don't want to get hurt while I have sex. That's not for me. I respect it.

I do easy mode first. Yeah, dude. Yeah, don't go full-blown masterclass.

My play is the first guy, the first avatar.

Like an MPC?

Yeah, the simple MPC. This is me. Yeah. That's who I am.

I've been willing to get tied my hands behind my back.

You're this MPC.

Yeah. My leg's tied like this, right? And just a light smack on the cheek. I don't mind. And then I'll go, you know what I mean? Turn it up.

Turn it up.

You got to start with one.

You can't start at nine.

You can't start at nine when your first time getting tied up. That's nuts. No, I go, Okay, do that, right? Just a little, fuck off. And then level two is what? Two cheeks.

Double, double.

Two cheek it.

Two cheek it. Maybe she chokes a little bit.

Right. And then maybe stick a toothpick inside the penis hole.

No?

No. What level is that?

That's level five or six. You're skipping level.

I'm skipping levels?

You don't go from pop, pop, or penis. No, no.

It's twist my nips.

Twist nips, twist nips.

I'm not talking about my Japanese friends.

Carlos likes, by the way. Carlos is Is a nip twist. But she was fascinating, dude. I was so intrigued. I was like, I want to know everything about it. The one girl was very shareable. The other one was like, I'm eating my pizza. Leave me alone.

I wish I was there.

You would have loved it, dude.

I would have done it. They were rad. How much money do you think?

She didn't tell because I didn't want to ask her about finances. But I imagine... Because I did say, How expensive does it get? She's like, Well, some sessions are in the thousands. So in the multi-thousands. Why am I... Yeah, we have one right there.

But do people orgasm or are they just the pain?

It's not about coming. God damn it, that's the best part, no? No, no, no, no, no, It's good. Can we get you a dominatrix and you'd be down to... Sure. We're going to film it. Okay. You're really down to be on cam. Depending on how far it goes. I also met a guy-Level five, toothpicks in the-No, I don't want to do anything. I also met a guy this weekend who in this familial group of friends that I guess we had met before. He works in porn. He started off as a filmographer. He started off as Macone, a shooter. Now, I go, You ever get in front of the camera? He goes, I've been doing it lately. I go, little tiny Filipino guy. I go, What's going on with that? Who is it? He goes, Yeah, it's cool. I go, What are you doing? He's like, I'm the cuck. He's like, I don't get to penetrate. I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated in front of me with the girl.

What? Tell me. Explain.

He's the cuck. In the video of in a porn where it's like, he's cucking. He just stands there and watches. That's not him. But he just stands there and watches.

Can he play with himself while it's happening? No. Oh, man.

That's like the punishment.

Can he stick his finger in his own? He can do nothing.

I go, Do you ever get to do anything? He goes, No, I just have to watch.

That would be me. I'd just be like, with one finger in there.

One finger in your ass.

I wouldn't even go up and down. I'll just stick it in.

He was great. He was very interesting. Wow. Very interesting stories I met. This weekend in Vegas was interesting little-I wonder what that...

But it must be arousing to watch.

I don't know. I think the goal would be to not get into it because then you're really in character. It's about the pain of it all.

Yeah. Some guys, they like to watch their wives.

That's what cucking is.

I'm just explaining to the audience. No, but I mean- You're explaining to one of my family members who watches the show weekly?

My aunt is like, Thank you, Bobby. A hot wife is a married woman who has sexual relations with other men with the full knowledge and consent of the husband. This is the opposite. They call them hot wives. A hot wife is a woman who has a cuck husband, and it's all good to go. Consentral non-monogamy.

I want to be with an ugly wife, so I can do it. I'll be the hot husband. You don't think I'd ever be the... I don't know, buddy. You don't think I'd ever be the hot husband? I don't think so.

Yeah. Not in this lifetime.

I can describe you the woman.

I believe in reincarnation. I do think in your next life, you could be. But I do not think that's in your cards this time around. Oh, boy. That's a compliment because you date women much more attractive than you.

That makes me so upset what you're saying. Shrekking. You're Shrekking. I'm not Shrekking.

You're even Shrekking all day. You're Shrekking. You tell me you don't date women out of your league. That's insane. That's all you do is date beautiful women. That's all you do. That's a compliment, but it's a back-ended one.

It's still back-ended.

But it doesn't matter. Every guy we know dates women out of their league. Do you know someone that's with someone that's on their level of looks?

Yeah, you're right. I don't want to name names. I know a couple of guys with girlfriends I'm like- Who are? I'm not.

But I had a magical little weekend in Vegas. It was wonderful. It is an interesting city.

Is it dead, like they say?

No, fuck, no. What do you mean? I just told you how many things were there. Like, literally, the marathon, Emo Fest. Every hotel was packed, sold out. It was Look, it's probably also because it's high season right now because it's getting shitty in other parts of the country. People want to go get away. Vegas was perfect weather, and the shows were fucking incredible. We were gambling with Shane's dad, which was the funniest thing in the world, because Shane gave him a little bit of money.

I met his dad. I like his dad.

Phil's the fucking greatest man alive. He gave him a little bit of money, so we go down and sit at the table, and Shane was like, I got to go to my room to go get money because I have cash in the room. I was like, Well, we can just give you cash. He's like, No, Phil, I just gave you cash. He just gave his dad cash. He had just given it to him, and he was giving me some. His dad was so funny. He was like, No, I'll give you a little bit. He was holding out on giving him money. Shane was like, Are you fucking serious right now? I just gave you that money. But he gave him a wad of money. I think he just handed it to him. He was like, Dad, go gamble. He was holding back on it. But dude, Shane, on fire. Yeah, he's- No, he was winning money. I lost all my money. At the very end, he goes, We got to go. We were going to go to this other thing. Then he goes, Just put whatever all in. I was like, All in. I go all in and I'm excited.

I get 20, I get two face cards, and I'm like, We're winning. She flops out 21. It actually hurt. He was like, You're good. You don't care. I was like, No, it's okay. It was all the money that I put down, but it's okay. It doesn't matter.

Did you ask me about my weekend?

Well, I'll act the same as you just acted about me explaining what happened in your weekend. Here, what happened in your weekend? What did you do?

Nothing. No, I I did the Irvine improv. Again.

Orange County's Finest. Yeah.

Can I ask you this, though? Okay, so I have a real problem. I need your advice. Yeah. I don't want this to be taken the wrong way. Okay.

How many black guys have you been dating?

Just two.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

No Whites?

No Whites.

Good for you. Good girl.

I've been a black guy where I have a lot of entourage now.

Well, How many people are you traveling with? Because I called you from the hotel room. Yeah. I talked to... It was you, Ramsey, Cat Bird. Luke. Luke. Yeah. One more person.

But then Gilbert, Alex, my guy, showed up, and a couple of assistants from the agency. But here's my problem with it.

Mr. Hollywood. Really? I come with an entourage, I'm Hollywood. Cut to the Taylor Swift photo.

I come with an entourage, I'm Hollywood.

Go to the Taylor Swift photo. I come to the entourage, I'm Hollywood. I didn't bring an entourage. What? I didn't bring an entourage.

With Taylor, the world is your entourage. You've never heard that quote before?

No, but I got to tell you, you better use that. It's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. World is your entourage.

The world is your entourage.

So what? You had about eight, nine people in the-Right, but my problem is, and this is fine, I can afford it, but... You're so annoying.

That's so annoying. In the In between shows, it's like, I need to eat. Yeah, I do. So everyone goes.

Everybody's got to go eat.

No one has money.

No one has money. Well, dude-No one has money. You're taking door guys from the store. I know. Of course, they don't have money.

Then all of a sudden, it's like, I'm fine. But I'm like, there's all these... I went to this Korean restaurant, which is pretty good. There's a Korean restaurant next to the Irvine Impro. It's called Galby Social Club. Close.

They're right there.

It's literally right next to the... I'm like, Let's go to the Galby. You're going, and then they have these packages. You know what I mean? Yeah.

What meats do you want?

There's a feast package. Sure. Usually, I'll take one of that, But now it's like, Yeah, I'll take five of that. Yeah. It adds up. It adds up, too.

It adds up.

People are feasting.

They're doing the Trump feast.

Yeah, throwing, you know what I mean? Boogey in their mouth. Oh, boogie. Playing little Yeah. Marinated.

Then they're ordering more.

More steam dags.

More steam dags.

In my mind, I'm calculating more steam dags. That's fucking 1995 there. You know what I mean? Saki, drink, on and on. You get the bill and You look around the table and they all look like little orphan Annie's friends. Yeah, meek. All over twists.

May I have another, sir? May I have another bowl of poach, please? One more steam d egg, please.

Yeah, right. Then it's just like, you got to do it because Why don't you tell me how much it was?

That many people? What is the bill for that many people?

It's not that much. Like I said, I can afford it.

You can. You did it, so that's what happens.

But you have no problem with it.

There is a code of stand-up.

That's right. Let's go to the code.

You are supposed to pay for your openers. Yeah, because you have the money and there- Everyone from CA, come down. No, okay. Wait, Wait, wait, wait. Come on down. You know what I mean? With the agents, by the way, the rule is the hierarchy pays. The agents, when they show up, they should pay.

It wasn't the agents, it was the assistants.

Then you got to pay. I got to pay. But if the agent shows up or someone at the agency, they pay because-I love them, by the way.

Thanks for showing up because it makes you feel good that the company is coming out.

I don't want anybody to show up ever to my shows that's at my agency. Please don't ever show up.

Come on down. Go to his shows.

I prefer no one to come. You know what I want?

But go to Arby's before and then.

I want my host, my feature, and that's it. I don't want a bunch of people.

I feel good. I wanted her to do it.

You like the entourage. No, it gets you off. You like that. You enjoy that thing.

Then all of a sudden, a guy has three other friends. They came to the show, comped.

Sure. Comped. They're not going to pay for that. Fine.

That's fine. But then they're like, Can they come? And you're like, Can they come?

Yeah, let them come. Everyone wants to come. Let everybody come, right Richie? Yeah. Say, Let everybody come. Let everybody come. Clip it. Honestly, dude, you got to do it. What's my opinion? You wanted my opinion? Do you have to do it? Yeah, you got to do it. It's the hierarchy of pay. Those that make them... And by the way, then when you're with other comics, we either swap, I'll pay, you pay, or you do credit card roulette. So one of us has to throw our credit card in a hat and usually make the server pick it. Then they pick it out, and then whoever gets hit, gets hit.

Have you ever picked up the tab?

No. Oh, my God. Have you ever picked up the tab? I don't even think she pays for gas. Sometimes with my friends.

No. Really? Sometimes. Let me ask you, in your friend group, do you have the most money? I don't think so. Really? I've seen your friend group.

Let's go out to eat dinner.

Yeah.

Gremlin.

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I never I don't know.

Sometimes. How about this? When you're going on on dates now- Oh, I don't pay. You cannot pay? No, I don't offer. Do you offer half? You don't even do that? No. No, thank you. No, thank you. Has any guy ever said, Do you want to split it?

No, but that would be crazy. I would just leave.

I saw a video the other day.

It was empowerment right there on full display.

A TikTok where a guy picks up a girl for his date and the girl brings her son to get a free meal.

How old is the kid?

He's five years old.

That's okay.

If you picked up a girl With this kid.

Five years old is cute. Five is funny. You know what, by the way? You use that as ammunition. You joke with the kid, you say funny stuff, you make faces, you make him laugh. She loves you more. That's a home run. Okay, I guess.

A strategy. Yeah, you're right.

But by the way, five, six, the He got off. If she brings a 10-year-old, that's bananas. Yeah. He can stay at home alone. Ten? We started being home alone when we were eight. You're fine. There's hot dogs in the fridge.

Do you remember I was dating?

Yeah.

I remember she came out with her son.

That kid He was 30.

Yeah, no, he was 12 years old. Right.

That's over the breaking point.

Then he goes, When I pick up from the air part, all he could say is, I have a short throat.

He has a little short throat?

Yeah, no, sore throat.

Oh, I thought he had a sore throat.

Yeah, I have a sore throat, right? We get to my house and I go to DoorDash and I just go. I have a sore throat. Yeah.

I can only eat caviar.

I said, Hey, kiddo, what flavor do you want? Egg I don't care. I gave him every brand.

Well, that's a problem.

It comes to my house. I give him packets of it, like bags of it. He sticks in his mouth and he goes… It He pits it on the floor, right? Denied. Then I go, Pick it up. And he goes, You pick it up. He goes, I go, Pick it up. You pick it up. I go, Pick it up. She goes, You pick it up. You know what he did? I picked it up. Yeah, he did. I fucking picked it up. He never had another bag again. I still have those fucking things in my house.

He's got a bag of story? Yeah.

Ever since then, I'm like, no more kids.

Yeah, you got to cut it off. Yeah. But five or six is cute, and you use that. You ingratiate yourself to the kid. Then it's going, Oh, he's a nice guy. He likes my kid. If the kid's funny, you might have more fun with him than a date.

She would have to be... Carlos, back me up on this. Yeah, they got to be hot. They have to be the hottest thing.

Look, not in the dating game, but I got to tell you, there's probably a lot of five-year-olds I'd rather joke around with than some of the girls that you date. They're annoying, right? Some of them are for sure. They're annoying, right?

I could see your face.

Some of them. I'd rather chat with a five-year-old about trains and monsters.

I remember one time I was with a girl and we were in Vegas or something. You literally called because I was gone. I went to the bathroom and said, You I got to get the fuck back here. I go, Why? I go, You said, So and so is fucking annoying.

You can't leave me alone with these people. I don't know what to talk to them about. I feel more comfortable with a kid. We can joke around. I can make a fart noise. That's 30 minutes right there. I start doing and they're like, Ah, they lose their mind. I can't do that to your date.

I had this one girl. She had to come back and apologize to you for being rude. Do you remember that? Because she was a huge fan. But then she was like, But when I meet him. A fan of No, bad friends. Not a fan? Yeah. She said, When I meet him, Andrew, I got to have confidence. You know what I mean? I can't be a fan girl. I'm like, No, just be yourself. I go, Just be your fucking self. She goes, No, I have. Then when she met you, she was a fucking bitch. Super mean. Yeah, she was like, Hey, what's up? In my mind, I'm like, What are you doing?

Not the move.

Yeah. Then 10 minutes later, she had to come back up to you and go, Hey, I'm sorry about my attitude.

At that point, I was already out. You were I'm out. I'm out. Yeah. I'm out. This is my point. Look, on new dates, new dates, bring a kid, ladies out there.

Yeah.

I don't have a kid.

Yet. Mark my words. No. Yeah, it's coming for you. But you're up to no good.

If you went on a date with a guy and he had a couple of kids, would that turn you off or no?

I think right now it would.

Why?

I just don't want to deal with kids.

Yeah.

Yeah, but what if you met a guy? Okay, look, you're 23? Yeah. What if you met a guy that's 28 and he has a kid?

Then no.

Here, look, ages 20 to 29, which is your age range, approximately 24% of black men in this age range have father to child. So a quarter of the men that are going to take you out have a father or have a child. So you're going to meet a guy who's going to have a kid. You're going to have to decide at some point, what are you going to do? Are you going to fall in love with this man and be the new mom?

No, I don't want to be a mom.

Well, I'm just telling you, statistics are there. Ever. Yeah. 35% of non-Hispanic Asian men.

I want to be like you, Tito Bobby.

Explain to me what I'm like.

Single and just old and just like...

Yeah, I'm single and old. Single and old. Do you say I want to be like you?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Really? Yeah. I influence you in that way. I think so. Yeah, my lifestyle.

You are a life coach. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, you are. Because last night I was just like, I'm just going to play Dying Light Part 2 till 5: 00 in the morning.

How'd that go? Great. Completed it.

No, it's impossibly. There's so many side missions. You can't beat it. It's on and on. It's the dumbest game. At night, have you played Dying Light? No, not yet. At night, it's the most terrifying.

What about Silent Hill?

I couldn't finish it. I couldn't finish it.

I started watching the BTK killer last night because everyone's been sending me that it's you. I know, dude. You saw the BTK killer. The drawing is you. Have you seen the drawing? I know. Go to BTK killer drawing.

I get a text. Please don't. I get DMs and text about it. All day.

Look at that. That's 100% you. That's so obvious. Richie, that's so obviously you, though. It's like, who's that? That's Bobby Lee.

Yeah.

Did you watch that BTK killer?

No, but I'm a big fan.

It's tragic, dude. It's awful to watch. Who's here? It's heartbreaking. Who is here? Who's here? Do we have a guest. Spooky. Spooky. Spooky. Spooky Flames. Spooky.

Spooky Flames is here.

Spooky Flames.

Dude, you look like you just got off a meth binge.

Yeah, it looks like somebody extinguished your flame there.

What's going on, dude? You look wild-eye.

Oh, I don't know.

Your eyes are so blue.

Yeah, your eyes are blue.

Okay, thank you. Thanks. Beautiful boy. Thank you.

How's it been going? Real beautiful. Good. Is this your Halloween costume? We asked you to come in costume.

Yes. It's like the Project X outfit.

Oh, it's what you wore in the movie? Yeah. Oh, my God. Is that exactly the clothes that you wore in the film? Yes.

Well, I in a different jacket, but pretty much.

Can I be honest with you, bud? It's not even a little bit like it. Wait, zoom in. Look at how young you are. How old are you there?

Eighteen.

Wow.

How old are you now?

33.

Is that Do you have good memories of Project X?

Yeah.

You do. You have good memories of that.

That was filmed near here.

Yeah? Yeah. Do you still get residuals from that movie?

Yeah, pretty small, but yes.

What's an average one from that film?

I think probably like 3,000 a year.

That's not bad. Yeah, not bad. Free money. Yeah.

Then Dumb & Dumber.

No. What?

Is who you all are dressed as?

No, Ben and Jerry, the Ice cream.

Ben and Jerry, the Ice cream. Okay. Yeah. I'm Chunky Monkey.

Yeah.

Who are you?

Meg. Okay, Cool. It's not all part of the same theme. Like, those guys are not part of Ben and Jerry at all. Can you guess what they are? What do you think Carlos is?

Oh, Sonic.

Yeah.

Yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Look who's right next to him. His tails right there. That's Richie's tails. Richie, what do you think Richie is? I don't know. Karen Carpenter. Karen Carpenter, yeah. Then who do you think is in the back there? Who do you think is in the back?

He told me Groucho Marx.

So you already got tipped off. Yeah. Well, can you want to lie and retake it again? Yeah. Who is that in the back?

Someone with a mustache.

You started off right. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. That's actually Hitler. That's Hitler before he shaved it into a little tiny... So Hitler, actually, that's actually outfit that he was known for the most. Then he shaved the little tiny mustache here.

The art school one.

This is art school Hitler.

Oh, you're the art school Hitler, dude.

That's art school Hitler. That was art school Hitler before he got denied and really changed his thought process about the world. But there he is. That's Art School Hitler.

Is that him as a kid? Yeah.

Do you think you could, at that point-Look at that. Whoa. Look at those legs.

But as a kid, do you think-It looks like Pete. You'd be able to change his mind? If you ran into Hitler, you had a time machine, you ran into Hitler that was nine years old, do you think you could be able to change the direction of his life? What would you say?

That's a really good question. What would you say? Hi, little Hitler.

I can't do the...

Okay.

Hello, little Hitler.

Hello, Chinese boy.

Already, it's hard. Yeah. Well, I'm not Chinese. I think you're just I'm from a different… But we're all human beings. We're all the same.

You're all from China as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, I get it, but it's like I'm Korean.

Rice man.

You know what? Calling derogatory words…

Tiny little rice man, tiny little man.

Anyway…

No, I like you. You people are okay. You're not so bad.

I think all people are equal, no?

All people are equal? Yeah. Not all.

What do you mean?

A few people don't deserve the same things as me.

I see. Well, let's go through the fucking groups.

Sure. Blacks, Jews, Asians. Yeah?

All equal with you?

They're equal on their little plane.

Oh, so you're in a different category?

Yeah, we're superior.

Okay.

No, you killed that.

I would kill him.

You can't flip that guy. I don't think it was born. I don't think he was born like that. I think something tragic happened. I think he was probably molested in art school, which is why he had this whole weird art school thing. He He was molested, and then it was his rage against the world. Was Hitler molested? Got to be.

Was he gay?

Got to be.

No, Hitler wasn't gay, dude.

He wasn't cool enough to be gay. Historians and scholars have found no credible evidence that Adolf Hitler was sexually molested. Rumors circulated after World War II. These were largely for propaganda purposes and have been discredited. I like how they discredited. They had to go out of their way to find out. They're like, All right, who molested Hitler? He had a harsh relationship with his father. Dramatic episodes. Yeah, I think he had something to fuck up. All right, raise your hand if you molested Hitler. Guys, come on. We're not going to get back to painting until you guys tell me who did it. We want to do water colors.

Listen, I think he was born that way.

You really do?

He's probably a sociopath.

No, because something had to have happened to him, dude. I think we're all born pretty clean and good. Something cracks a human. Something breaks. Every time you watch these true crime documentaries, has something really bad happened. Dax, has anything really bad happened to you in your life?

Not like that.

See? Yeah. That's why he's high functioning normal adult.

But someone didn't say Something I'm thinking the other day about often serial killers are bed wetters to an older age.

When did you stop?

I did until too old, but not anymore, of course. Maybe nine or something.

Nine?

It's pretty old to wet the bed.

Yeah.

That's older than the kids that women bring on dates with Bobby. That's pretty... Nine is old.

I can imagine him coming downstairs in the Exorcist. He just pees on the floor.

The triad was proposed in '63 by psychiatrist J. M. Mcdonald, based on the observation, small group of nonviolent patients who had made threats. It's a misconception that serial killers are bedwetters. That's not true. Okay. To the McDonald triad. So that's not true.

And then getting a head injury, right?

What? A head injury. Head injury, molestation, both physical and sexual abuse They all have a lot of that stuff in common.

But if you look at our society and then you look at how many serial killers were in Sweden or Thailand, you're talking about low numbers, like three, four people throughout They brought up their history.

Well, the highest concentration of serial killers has got to be from here. It is. Well, we're number one. Thousands. We're number one again.

But why here?

I don't know.

Because we have the most head injuries.

What?

We have the most head injuries. You think so? A lot of doctors dropping babies. Studies suggest a correlation between head injuries and serial killing. It's not a direct cause, but there is a tie. I wonder what the other one is. What's your favorite breakfast, Jules?

Rice, eggs, and seaweed, and kimchi, and spam.

Google that and see if that's a serial killer meal. That sounds like one.

That's exactly what I like.

What do serial killers eat?

Is it like a mixed stuff?

Yeah.

What is that called? Is that called the dish? Do you have a nickname of something? I don't think so. Serial killer is a variety of foods. Zoom in. There's no single serial killer diet, and there should be. That's a new diet plan. You want to have a ripped body, you got to have the serial killer diet. The last meal is fried chicken, French fries, onion soup, while another one requested steak with baked potato.

I've been thinking about domer lately, but I don't know.

No, we're not going back down that rabbit hole.

We have some famous horror movie scenes to bring back.

I'd love to bring a scene. I'd love to do a script reading. Let me see Dax.

Also, since we have a professional actor among us, Dax. Factor.

Yum,yum, fall.

Always feels like a reset. It's back to school. It's football is here. It's hockey is back. Basketball is back. Base is coming to a close. Busier routine, shorter days. It's a hard time to find time to cook. Who's got time to cook? Not me.

Me either. It's hard to cook who has the time. But if you want a quality meal, go to Factor. More variety, more meals. Choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood They have good food choices like salmon and shrimp with no extra cost.

I love salmon. They also have GLP-1 friendly meals and new Mediterranean diet options, which I love. Get your fish, baby, packed with protein and good for you, fats. They got global flavors. They even Have Meals. Now from Thailand for the first time, and Bobby, China. They have China as well. 97% of customers say that Factor helped them live a healthier life. Feel the difference no matter your routine.

Eat smart at factormeals. Com/beck. Code badfriends50off and use code badfriends50off to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

That's wild, man. That's code badfunds50off at factormeals. Com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for a year. Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Do you see one that you want to do, Jules? I mean, you love scary Movies. What about seven? The scene from seven. Yeah, let's do seven. Who are you going to be, Jules? Mills or John Doe?

Mills.

Okay. You're John Doe?

You're going to be John Doe. No, you got to be John Doe. I don't do stage directions. Okay, please. Okay, go ahead.

Who's Mills again? I don't remember. What? Who's Mills?

That's Brad Pitt's character, right?

Then Dax, you are Somerset in this scene. Okay.

Remember Somerset? You're an old black man.

You really got to turn on that voice. Yeah.

All Is it Morgan Freeman? Yes, it is.

Have you ever seen the movie? Okay. Even better.

Marshlands, early evening.

Here he comes. That's what?

Stop.

You're Kevin Spacey in this. That was my Spacey.

Okay, my bad.

He was talking about a boy he met at the bar. Yeah, extension.

Here he comes. Extension, Marshlands, early evening.

Here he comes.

What? What?

I wish I could have lived like you.

Shut up. The fuck you're talking about?

Do you hear me, Detective? I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you and your pretty wife.

What?

Tracey.

What you fucking say.

Too Asian.

Read the whole thing. Yeah. Mills freezes. Turns to Do. Do smiles. Somerset is close.

It's disturbing how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.

Somerset starts running towards Mill.

Throw your gun down.

Now, that is Morgan Freeman. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Give me to me one more time.

Yeah, you're also screaming it.

Throw your gun down.

No, that was loud. I understand that, but you know how far apart they are?

Yeah, you're yelling.

You're literally a quarter of a mile away.

Go for it. Yeah.

Throw your gun down.

Very good. I visited I brought you home this morning after you'd left.

Mills is filled with aching terror.

I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man.

Somer set this 50 yards away in closing.

Throw it away.

Louder. Throw it away. Louder as you can. Yeah.

Throw it away.

It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir. Her pretty head.

Mills.

Mills raises his gun in the air.

Mills, gun in the air.

No, no, no. Give me the gun.

What's going on over there?

Summerseer throws his own weapon away.

Put the gun down.

Show me the box. What was in the box?

Because I envy your normal life.

Put the gun down, David.

It seems that envy is my sin.

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?

I just told you.

You lied. You're a fucking liar. Shut up.

Cut, for a second. Just cut for a second, right? I think you subconsciously know that there's something terrifying in the box. I think you do know that it's your wife's severed head.

So you're angry.

Much more panicked.

How would you feel if someone had a severed head of someone that you love?

Scared.

Scared.

Yeah. And pissed.

And mad.

And mad.

Rage. Well, imagine if someone came to you in the desert with a box and Tito's Bobby's head was in there. How would you Mad. But not with a smile.

Yeah, I don't think that I would be a good example. I think- Somebody else. No, I'd be mad.

Yeah, mad.

Issa, your sister.

Oh, Issa's head is in a box.

Yeah.

Okay.

No, not in a happy...

Yeah, while you're smiling.

The smiling is crazy.

Or let's go back to, It seems that envy is my sin.

It seems that envy is my sin.

What's in the box? What's in the fucking box?

I just told you.

You lied. You're a fucking liar. Shut up.

It's what he wants. He wants you to shoot him.

No, no. You tell me that's not true. That's not true.

Become visions, David.

She's all right. You tell me.

He's crying at me. Become wrath. He's crying at this. She's crying at me.

I'm crying?

Yeah, crying rage.

Become wrass.

Tell me she's all right.

Are you laughing?

If you murder a suspect, David.

No, no.

She beg for her life, Detective. She beg for her life in the only life of the baby inside her.

Somerset slaps John Doe across the face.

Shut up.

Mill's face lid fills with confusion, then a wave of horror. Doe's eyes register shock.

He didn't know.

Mill raises and lowers the gun a few times, sobbing.

Give me the gun, David.

Mill turns the gun on John Doe.

David, If you kill him, he will win.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Dude. Dude.

Morgan Freeman would be jolly.

He would be jealous. That was so good. Dax? Hello? Okay.

Very good. Thank you.

Very good. Good stuff. Very good stuff.

Those are very good.

Very good. You want to attempt Blue Velvet?

I don't think so. It's a good seed. Do you miss acting? It was good. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, it was good. Do you miss acting?

Yeah, Yeah, I love acting.

We got to get you back. We have to write a movie and get Dax in it.

He's got to be the nemesis, though.

You have to be evil.

You have to be evil.

Would you play an evil guy? What's the most evil thing you've done in your life?

Killed a fish.

Purposed?

Purposed, but because my grandpa had left, we went fishing, and you know you have to kill the fish after you catch it.

You don't have to.

Well, I couldn't get the hook out of its mouth. Then he had left to go help my mom. Then I had to kill the fish with a rock.

Carlos, will you Google serial killer tendencies ties with killing fish with rocks? Is there a tie to-Well, check if it's while people are fishing. No, that doesn't matter. I think we got Two well-known serial killers, Jeffrey Demeran and Albert Fish, have documented ties to killing fish and other small animals.

But I didn't like it.

It says right here, Neither of them enjoyed it while it was happening. They were fishing with their grandfather.

Did you cry while you're doing it?

No, No.

They show tendencies to not cry at all while they're killing the fish. Did you feel anything at all? Yeah. What did you feel?

Terrible.

Studies show the word they use is terrible at the beginning, but then sexual arousal when it's over.

Did you have an erection? No. Okay.

Most of them can't get an erection, it says here, because of the terror. Wow. Do you think you may have some serial killer tendencies?

No, but that maybe aligns.

So yeah?

Maybe one, maybe singular.

I think he's the opposite of a serial killer. I think he's a good guy.

I think your heart is so pure. Well, he could just be a regular killer and not realize. No, he's not a killer.

I think you're a sweet guy.

Thank you.

Dax is also a party guy. I've seen him a lot in parties that I went.

Okay, what party did you go to where you saw Dax?

The Zack Justice one and another Another one and another one.

Oh, that's true. It was my friend Ryan's birthday.

You went to that? Yeah. A lot of influencers people there? A lot of young people.

Who invited you? Zack.

Because you know she's on his podcast now as a permanent.

I see that. Yeah. I see that on the internet.

Wait, how do you feel about that, Andrew?

You're a bad friend. Then you do Tiger Belly, then you do Trash Tuesday, then you this. You're a pod hopper, if I'm being honest.

Yeah, let's be no loyalty.

No, you're a pod hopper. Look, there's a pod hopper right there. Oh, my God. Yeah, look at that. There she is pod hopping all over the place.

Pod hopping all over the place.

Look at her. You're a pod hopper. It's actually not a good thing to be.

It's just family podcast, Tiger Belly.

You pod hop with family.

Look at this.

More You're evil pod hopping. Yeah, that's what's evil, is pure as pod hopping. Yeah. You stay loyal to us, but no, she's pod hopping.

She's pod hopping, dude.

Are you and Zack just good friends? How do you know him?

Tito Bobby.

Right. So you introduced the pod hopper, too. Yes, I did.

Well, it's your fault. He swooped in. Pod hopping. He pod hopped.

Mrs. I don't feel like podcasting.

I had to force you to do it.

Yeah. Now, pod hopping.

Now, anyone ask, you'll do it.

How excited are you about the Dodgers? Oh my God, incredible. You're such a big Dodger fan.

I am.

Where are they now?

World Series.

Can you name some of your favorite Dodgers? Yeah.

Freeman. I like Freddie Freeman. I like Shohe. The best. That other... That game that he played last Friday.

The best game. It's probably the greatest-in the history of baseball. Are you a big Dodger fan, Dax?

As big as like any other team.

That's not an answer.

That's not an answer.

That's like when you say, Do you like food? They're like, I like food like people like food. They're Shohe. So handsome.

He's handsome. Kim Dung is. Elitist. Big boy.

Big boy. He's a big boy. That's what she goes to, right to big boy. He is a big, big boy. That's Japan's finest export.

He has Pearl Harbor energy all the time.

Well, it's Payback, baby. Payback. That's his girlfriend? Yeah. Right there?

That's Wife.

Oh, Wife, sorry. Mamiko. What is it? Mamiko. Say it again. Mamiko. Very good. You don't have to... It's not Hello Kitty.

Do you think in his head, though- She makes me look tan.

That's what I like about Japanese women. They make me look tan.

Do you think in his mind, he's like, I shouldn't marry because now I think I could get a white pussy? No. Do you think or not?

That's what you think. No. Dude, he's from Japan. Bob's mad now. He's from Japan. His favorite... I think Japan, he represents He's got to have a Japanese wife. Yeah, he has to. He has some dumb American wife. What a waste of his time. He's got some bozo, goofball. He played in Orange County before. Imagine if he was with some Orange County girl, some Laguna Beach chick.

You'd be bomb. She's very pretty.

She's gorgeous. She'sgorgeous. Gorgeous.

Yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful Japanese girl.

What's the way you laughing?

Because I know you have that mindset of holding out till you have to succeed a lot.

What are you talking about, dude?

Because you can get the hottest girls when you're at your richest and most famous.

I know you actively seek that.

Because I would, too. I get it. You've said to me an Asian-American at their highest pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. You've said that. You've said that. You've said that as a successful Asian-American, the pinnacle is getting a hot white girl.

It's called playing in the Playing in the Snow.

Playing in the Snow. Snow Bunny Life. Yeah. You say that, dude. Don't pretend like that's not true. Is that not true?

No. It's not. Okay. Acting. Would Have you ever date an Asian woman?

Yes.

Have you?

No. I've been on a date.

With an Asian? Yeah.

You can't take this the wrong way, please. You seem like you do like Asian girls. Yeah. Okay. You've got I like Asian girl, white guy energy. Yeah.

It's almost a fetish.

Oh, no. Like a tech guy.

Yeah. Sure. Do you like Dried Squid?

I've never had that.

Okay.

Seaweed. We watch What do you watch?

I don't know.

He doesn't watch it. Do you watch it?

Sometimes.

What's your Google history? I mean, your Pornhub history.

The feds probably know. Yeah.

What were we talking about earlier? Really?

It's uncomfortable? Yeah. You don't want to talk about that. It's so funny because I know you now. Pretty well. You don't like to talk real private stuff. True. Yeah. You want to protect some things about your private life. Yeah.

Why is that, you think?

I'm just too timid talking about porn on a podcast.

I agree. It's stupid. We shouldn't be talking about it at all. Okay. I agree with you.

I agree, too.

Say, It's stupid, guys, to talk about this crap.

It's stupid to talk about this crap. Let's talk about something smarter.

Thank you.

Oh. I see.

He's right. Give us something smarter. That is true. What would you like to talk about that's more intellectual?

You know much about the A1 atlas meteor approaching Earth?

Yeah.

Is that what it's called, A1? Yeah. Tell us about this comet that's hurling toward Earth.

It's risky, but people aren't too worried.

What's risky about it?

That it could collide or something.

But do you think it's an alien spacecraft?

No.

Okay.

We have another a way to test intelligence. I have a Halloween Trivia game.

Let's see how smart you really are. How do you...

Do you yell it out or do you just raise your hand? It's going to be like the old days.

It's point-based. There's 25 questions. We're all going to go in order of that. Everybody gets to buzz in and go first. But we'll start with you being able to go first. But I mean, do you want to buzz in or do you want to go everybody equal gets a first question? Everybody Equal. Okay, I'm not going to plug in because you're not going to see this.

So it'll just go down the line. If I don't get it right, then it's your turn.

Well, you guys will all guess because some of them are going to be multiple choice. Not multiple choice, but question one, what is the most popular Halloween candy?

What's the most popular Halloween candy? Bobby, you're up. What do you think?

Fuck, that's a good one.

Fuck, man. I know my answer. We have to go-Candy corn. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Candy corn? I was going to say candy corn. Guess something else. Huh? Guess something else.

Well, that's the one I wanted. The game's not good that one. Okay, cool.

I mean, you guys can both guess Candy Corn. Then if you both are right, you both get a point.

Yeah, I think that's good. Rudy? Candy Corn is my guess.

Ruty? Candy Corn. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?

I would say that's a good one.

I would say that's a good one. Okay, we do Candy Corn, they do Cups.

They're correct.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

One point for Rudy, one point for Dax.

That'll piss me right off.

That pisses me off, dude.

What was Candy Corn originally called? Andrew Starts.

What was Candy Corn originally called? Yes. Candy Corn was originally called Witcher's Toes. Bitches Toes. Really? I don't fucking know. I have no idea. Pumpkin Fingers.

Pumpkin Fingers.

Body Parts, that seems to be the theme. Candy Pyramid.

Candy Pyramid, very specific. Harvest Candy.

Harvest Candy, that's actually good, too.

The answer is chicken feed.

Chicken feed.

Next one. What candy is given to soldiers in battle in the Korean War?

Ketamine.

In the Korean War?

Starting with Rudy. Methamfetamine. What candy was given to soldiers in the Korean War? I think I know.

Sugar, the Sugar Cane Candy.

Sugar Cane Candy. Herses.

Herses.

I'm going to go with Herses.

I'm going to say Sugar Babies.

Tootsie Roll. Fuck.

Damn it. These are You're hard, Dan.

This is one where you have the opportunity to get three points.

Dax, you're up first.

Or two points or one point. What are the top three most popular Halloween costumes for dogs? For dogs? For dogs. For dogs? For dogs. Lady Bug. Lady Bug? Scarecrow. Astronaut. Me? Yeah. Sunflower.

Vampire.

Mommy.

Toto. Zombie. And butterfly.

Ghost.

Ghost.

You forgot about Ghost? How did we get it?

Firefighter.

Firefighter? Yeah. That's so funny. No, you mean Dalmation?

Yeah, Firefighter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I get it. I get it, too.

Butterfly, too.

What are the three?

Pumpkin.

No one of us. Hot dog. None of us.

And Bumblebee.

None of us.

It is still two to nothing. I mean, one to one to nothing to nothing.

Bumblebee over butterfly or lady bug? Bullshit. That's what it says.

Fuck you. Okay, let's go.

Where'd you get this off? A truth Social?

I pulled it from a bunch of different sources.

Okay, go ahead.

I only make bugs, Bumbblebees.

In what American state is it to be a priest or nun for Halloween?

Bobby starts. I know what it is. Oh, I already know.

Kansas.

Now that I think, I was going to say Utah. I don't know. Name any state. Tennessee. The good guess.

Arkansas.

These might be too hard. This is Alabama.

No, he was close. Give him a point. He's close.

No, you don't know.

We need to start racking up points. Yeah, he's closest.

Alabama and Arkansas are neighbors. That's close. Okay. What? We were nowhere fucking near it.

Okay.

A pumpkin is a fruit. True or false?

True.

True. True.

You got to go against the grains, kid.

False?

It's true.

It's true. It's true. Idiot. No, no. Idiot. Idiot, idiot.

Bobby and Rudy tied at one point. Nice. Andrew and Dax tied at three.

Let's go, bitch.

Dax, which famed horror actor performed the monolog in Michael Jackson's Thriller? Vincent Price. Bella Lagosi.

Emril Lagosi.

Sorry. Oh, God. Why did you say Vincent Price?

I remember there's that deep voice in that song. Yeah.

I don't know. I'll say Vincent Price. I'm going to copy you.

I'll copy you, definitely. Vincent Price is correct.

Yes. Very good guess.

Cool, thanks.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I'm getting out now. I'm getting out now. There's no way to come back.

Yeah, there is. Hold on. There's enough questions where you can tie.

Okay.

The standing right now, Dax and Rudy are tied with five. I have 4. Andrew's with 4, and Bobby is taking up the rear with 1.

You're always taking it up the rear.

His tone, dude, he can no longer be the question guy.

Richie should be doing it.

Richie, can you take over?

Richie, take over.

Richie, take over.

Richie, it's going to hurt.

I think it's his negativity. He's embodied Groucho Marks right now. I don't like it. Richie, you take... No. Richie takes over. Richie takes over.

Yeah, go ahead, Richie. Yeah, Richie, go ahead, bud. All right, how many Halloween movies has Jamie Lee Curtis appeared in? The closest. Okay, Rudy.

Perfect.

Six, two, one.

One.

Seven. Rudy gets it again.

Oh, my God. Don't look at me, dude. I'm in the last place. I don't remember. You go against what I'm saying.

I don't remember at all.

In twilight.

No, you shot Richie. Richie, dude. In twilight. Richie. Richie.

All right, Richie. All right. In twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Never seen the movie.

In what year?

What year? Closest to the year.

Rudy's up for it.

No, you don't even say Closest to the Year. You say Closest to the Year, Richie.

Closest to the Year. Yeah.

Like 1720?

1820.

What's the question? Richie?

In twilight, what year did Edward Coleen turn into a vampire?

In the movie, his character.

You already guessed. 1720, and you guessed 1820 something.

1820? 1650.

I think 1514.

1918.

Oh. That is Dax. I've never seen the movie.

Rudy has the opportunity to tie here.

Stop, for a second.

The last question.

Here it goes.

You have no control. Can I ask you something? Richie does a question. I don't want to hear your voice.

All right?

I mean, how many times would I tell you? It's just irritating. I don't know what it is. I think that's why I'm losing.

That's why.

I think that's why I'm losing. That's why, yes. I don't want to hear a word from you. I love you, bud. But Richie, from now on, I'm so sorry, guys. I'm sorry. He's the reason I'm losing. You're fucking... Go ahead, Richie.

Don't worry, I'm your good luck charm here. How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice? What? Say it again. How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice? Okay, Dax.

Start. Ten.

17 minutes.

28 minutes.

Seven minutes.

17 minutes. Bobby gets it right and wins the game.

I told you. Good luck, Charm.

How did he win?

No, he didn't.

Dax still wins. Dax won.

Final score, Bobby Lee, three. Andrew Santino, five. Rudy Giuliani, six. Daxflame, seven.

Happy Halloween. You're no longer welcome on the show, Dax. You understand me? Yeah. Don't come in here in your way. Okay. You're supposed to throw the game for us.

I'll give a point to everyone.

So that gets you down 6, 5, 4.

Next time we do a game, right? Here it goes. No more dates and square footage. Of a fuck of an area. That's insane.

There was no square footage.

Or feet of anything. It's insane, right? From now on, it's just fucking facts.

Facts, yeah. It's only facts.

You didn't get the facts one, right? Whoa. You got the guessing ones, right?

Yeah.

I think you ruined my Halloween, dude. This is the worst Halloween I've ever had. Come on. Yeah, I'm being real. You ruined everything.

Any candy that you're excited about getting this year?

No, because I have access to all the candy I want.

Not me. This is the only time here I'm allowed to have it in the house.

Really? What are you looking forward to?

The Reese's peanut butter cups are shaped like pompkins. That's one of my favorites. What are you excited about this year?

Snickers.

Don't. No. Don't do it.

What?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

What?

Dax.

Nerds, gummy clusters.

That makes sense. I do like that.

I like sour gel or some sort.

Just gel? A packet of sour gel? I went to...

In Burbank, there's a horror museum.

I'm sorry. Rudy with the Snickers. It's right there.

It's veiny.

Yeah.

I mean, last year-Reminds you of something.

Snickers, but I only like the king size.

You're fucking perv.

You're gross. Perv. You don't even like Snickers, you pervert.

I went roller-skating again last night by myself.

Why are you doing that? I don't know. Invite someone to come with you. No. Why are you going solo skating? Because what if you fall again and get hurt?

I did fall a couple of times. Then I fell once, I got up, and then there was a... He happens to be black. He has a referee outfit on. He goes, Keep it moving.

Yeah, well, you can't hold it.

I'm like, I literally got the wind knocked out of me. Give me a second. Keep it moving.

Well, you got it. You got to get up and go, man. There's a whole thing going on.

I know. You got to put your thumbs up to see if you're all right.

Were you okay?

When you slam, you I'm not going to go like this. It's so humiliating.

That's how they know you're not hurt. I'm okay.

Was it your first time since the incident?

No, I've been going by myself.

Training. Yeah. It's never going to happen again. You're never going to fall again on it.

It's the most lonesome human experience you could ever have.

You put on headphones?

No. I'm just skating around. There's this 90-year-old Japanese man. He's one foot backwards. Wow. Yeah, he's killing it. It's just like, I'm going to... This is my life.

You're that guy.

No family, nobody.

Stop it. You can invite so many people that would love to come skate with you.

No one's going to go skating on a Monday night.

You should have asked Mama.

I'm not going to go with your mom.

Why not?

She would fall over like a coconut and it would explode on the fucking... Coconate meat all over the place. There's no way.

Coconate skate sesh. Yeah. Coconate skate sesh.

No, there's something... I like it because it... It's like when you watch a movie by yourself and stuff, you're like, I'm okay being by myself. I don't need anybody. I don't want to be in a situation where I'm like, I need somebody to make me feel whole. I want to be able to do it on my own. It's a little depressing, but I got to get prepared because I don't have any children. It's like I have to be prepared that...

You're going to die alone?

At the end, you know what I mean? It's going to be...

We're all going to die alone.

Well, you're going to have friends and family around. Will you? Yeah, that Japanese man from the roller rink, maybe.

He'll be long gone, my friend.

Oh, yeah. But right, Dax, what do you think?

The dying alone?

No, but I'm just saying, do you feel comfortable just being by myself, eating a meal by yourself?

I do, but it sounds like you're not sure about it.

Oh, wow. Explore that.

Would you rather be alone?

A lot of the time.

Do you long for a partner at all?

Yes.

Yeah. Are you on the hunt?

I did go on a hinge date last night.

What are we talking? Where'd you go?

To a bar.

What bar?

Bigfoot Lodge.

I love Bigfoot Lodge.

A beer.

What did she order? They. Sorry. They.

I think she went by she.

Okay. What did she order? What did she, they order? She, her, they? Cider. A little cider?

Yeah.

Give me the conversation. What was it?

What things do you do for fun?

Were you intrigued?

Mm-hmm.

Was she pretty?

She was pretty.

Were you looking pretty?

I don't know yet.

What did you wear?

A black shirt and some jeans. That's pretty. Thanks.

But you always wear, you mean? Yes.

Did you make a move? No. You give her a hug? Yes.

Now, do you make a move when you see a sign? Is it a gut instinct thing with you? What is it?

It's really hard. Yeah, first kiss is such a hard thing to know how to do.

Do you ever ask? Do you just go, Hey, I want to kiss you. Yeah.

Have they said no?

No.

You've never said no?

This guy closes every fucking thing.

You're a closer, dude.

You're a fucking closer. Say it to me. I'm a pretty girl. Ask me for a kiss. I had such a fun time tonight.

Do you want to kiss?

Oh.

That's how direct you are?

That was pretty fast. I guess so. I mean, I'm wet, but that was fast.

You know what? That's interesting. I don't do that because I'm too scared. To ask? I honestly believe that I had to have a couple of signs before I go in. What are the signs? I have to know if they're like...

What? A baseball sign? Yeah.

No. You. No. They have to be touching me a lot.

A lot of touching.

Right. Then it's just the way they look at me.

How do they look at you? Oh, I see that. That's a white girl. Yeah. She is.

You know what I mean? Then I'm like, I think it's on.

What's your signal to move in for a kiss?

I can't tell. That's why.

So you say, Can I have a kiss? Yeah. Or would you like a kiss? How do you phrase it?

I don't remember the last. I think the last two times were they actually asked.

What did they say?

Should we kiss or something?

Do you say yes right away or do you go, Sure?

Yeah.

You say, Yeah, I want to. Have you ever said the words like, Have you ever said I love you to somebody? Yes.

You've been in love? Yeah.

And what happened?

We broke up.

That's what happened. That's not funny. Why do you think you broke up?

Well, I think she just wasn't sure what... Like, needed to figure out life or something.

She did? Yeah. Because you've got to figure it out.

No, but I didn't feel like I needed to break up.

You said, You said to her, I love you, and then she said, Let's break up? How fast did that?

Oh, not in the moment.

Oh, okay.

Because she had said it back before. Yeah. What do you mean? We had been saying it for months. Who said it first? Me.

Say it to me.

As if you're her back then?

Anybody.

Someone I love? I love you.

I don't believe you. I don't believe you.

I don't believe you either. Do it again.

You want me to do it to you?

I'd love to. Lock me in the eyes because don't dart your little eyes away. Look at me eyes.

I love you. Who's she? Who's that? Wait, who is it?

I'm Chang.

Bitch.

Hi, I'm Chang. Come me again. Come me again, Dax.

I love you.

I believe it.

I believe that. You like Chang better than the other one.

Yeah.

You want to kiss? You do have an Asian fetish.

What?

You want a kiss?

Oh, yes.

Do you go closed mouthful or would you open?

Closed.

What if she tries to dart her little tongue inside your mouth?

What do you do?

Then I would just probably accept that.

Yeah, you got to take that.

I feel like guys have to to her and not the other way around. Of course.

But why? Because we're lucky they want to do stuff with us. That's insane.

So you instinctually know, Okay, this is her style?

Because you've seen guys. You look at what a man looks like. Why would they want to do anything with us? It's insane.

No, but in terms of when you first lock lips.

Have you ever seen you naked, you fully naked in the mirror?

Oh, yeah, it's horrifying.

No, I'm not seeing you. I just mean men in general.

Why are you guys whispering? What are you whispering?

I called you an incel for saying that, and then he said you were a performative male.

It's just back in the room talk, back in the classroom talk.

But we can see you.

Yeah, it's like in school. They can see it.

It's like, I'm a performative male. What does that mean, Macombin?

Pull it up.

When you pretend to be reading or crying in your car or something, pretend to be deep.

You're macho. Yeah.

Performing a thing.

So he's a performative male.

It's like a meme now on the… Bobby's exactly that meme. Guys are trying to look mysterious.

Oh, yeah, I'm performative. I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm performative.

There are worse things to me. I think it is negative.

It is a negative thing. I can't see. There will be revenge.

Do you all have first kiss advice?

Yeah, I do. Get permission. People usually say, Start slow. Go as fast and hard as you can. Tongue. As much tongue, and you hold their ears. Grip their fucking ears.

No, I'm not even-Imagine it's honeycomb and you're a bear.

You're a bear.

All right. You got to see a beehive? Sniff them first. You open up a hole, you stick your fucking bear tongue in there, and you get all the honey.

Sometimes in the middle of the kiss, go.

Yeah, like a bear. Like… Yeah.

Yeah, be a bear ghost.

Is that a bear or no? I don't know. Really? Close your eyes. You're in the woods. Okay.

It's a ghost of a bear. It's a ghost bear. Obviously, a ghost bear. Kissing advice. Let's give him kissing advice at the exact same time. One, two, three. You got to go-You're going to do a whole sentence?

You're going to do a whole sentence?

Just on the count of three. We give him advice at the same time. One, two, three.

But more like...

Whoa.

More I like how to initiate it rather than the mechanics of doing it.

All right, so see if you can pick it up. We're going to do it simultaneously. See if you can pick up some notes. Ready? One, two, three.

You got to lock eyes with them and then grab the back of her head and then you just dart your face right into the face. Hold the back of your head. Then you open your mouth and you dart, dart, dart, dart, dart And then say, Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Say it louder.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Do it like Morgan Freeman. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Very good.