Transcript of Hut, Hut, Straight Up

Mercy is coming to the theater January 23rd. This is the Mercy Corp, powered by artificial intelligence.

Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife. I'm not guilty. You have 90 minutes to prove it, or you will be executed.

He must use the tools. Every camera and cell phones at your disposal. To solve the mystery. Can I see my daughter's socials?

Can you hear that? Someone was in my basement.

Chris Pratt. Maybe she found something she wasn't supposed to. Rebecca Ferguson. You must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next. I have something here.

Oh my God.

Mercy, rated PG 13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. Only in the theater's January 23rd. You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Yeah, what's up? What's your energy today? I don't know, dude.

What's wrong with my energy today?

It's not mindful. It's not gracious. There's no grace in it. All right. Yeah, it's aggressive. You come with your hat down. You know what I mean? Dude, I'm not Taylor Swift. You have to act like that. You know what I mean, guys? What's up? West Side. Inglewood. Shytown. That's where you're from?

You've never been to Inglewood once. Genuinenly.

I know where it is, though.

Where?

It's south from here. Is it not? It's by Watts, dog. I've been to the Watts Towers? No, you haven't. Yeah, that's where I got my water. Have you ever got Watts Water, dude? Mm-mm. Yeah, dude. Is it good? Yeah, it's filled with kratum and all kinds of juicy things.

Oh, I love kreedum. This is a big thing, the Watts Towers. This was built by... People thought they were an art piece, but it turns out-I thought there was water in it.

That's what I thought. Did you think? No, I knew that you thought that.

You thought it was a water tower?

Yeah, I thought it was a water tower. I've never really seeped into the Watts Tower. I was lying.

This man collected-What is that? Loose pieces of the... Because the train runs behind it, right? Isn't it from... He took parts from the train. Then I think the rumor was it was art, but it turns out it's actually the meetup point for Epstein people. Coral steel rebar and wire mesh covered with cement, mortar, decorated mosaic of recycled found materials.

It's one of those Conspiracy Blacks. You know that movie with Julia Roberts? Was that the movie? Oh, the Pelican Brief? No, not that one. I love that. Where Denzel plays the Conspiracy Black. Is that him? Did he ever play Conspiracy Black?

What is Conspiracy Black?

You You know what I mean? Exactly what you think it is. Exactly what you think it is.

I don't think.

Yeah, you go inside their house, everything's tinfoil. You know what I mean?

That's just normal. Yeah. That's conspiracy.

Yeah, but he happens to be black. Oh. Yeah, there's Conspiracy Whites, too.

I got it. Yeah. I think the majority are conspiracy Whites. I feel like more conspiratorial-He can't find that movie.

I think it's called Conspiracy Theory.

You know why Bobby's in a good mood? Do you want to tell everybody? Or should I tell everybody?

Nothing.

Come on.

What?

I'll say it. Bobby has been or has gone on a few-No, that's not it.

A few dates-That's not it.

With Erica Kirk.

She's grieving. To me, I'm so empathetic that I need to hold her. Yeah, I'm grieving With her.

Have you seen some of those videos with her and her eyes and stuff? It's wild, dude.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Man, you're in Canada, another banger.

Yeah. There's only so many movies where conspiracies come up and Denzel's in them.

Really? Did I tell you? That's That's like every movie he's ever done. Did I tell you that we tried to watch Benjamin Button?

You have to watch it backwards. It's better that way. We tried to watch-It's normal that way.

It's so fucking bad. Like, watch it again in this era. I remember back then we were like, Oh, it's wild. It's ground-breaking.

Because when I saw it, I was in the theater, I was like, Oh, my God, we're in the future.

Dude, it's- Remember?

I can't believe it.

It's so bad. I mean, look at the- Fincher. Yeah, but look at it. It's so bad. It's so weird. It looks like he's wearing a Donald Rumsfeld mask. Oh, yeah. It doesn't look real. It doesn't look real. Dude, it's so weird. We tried. Look at that. Look at that. We watched this. This movie won an Academy The War.

Wait, you saw it with whom?

We watched it at the house. It was just on, and I think it was on HBO. Whatever. When they're like... And I was like, This movie was so long ago. I was like, I haven't seen it. I'm going to watch it again. Dude, 20 minutes. I was like, I got to get out of here. Look at that. It was tripping me out. That's insane. How am I supposed to come with that going on?

It's insane. He turned it a Mitch McDonald. It's little Rudy Giuliani. Here's another one, Meet Joe Black.

Oh, dude.

Do you like that one?

I used to. Yeah.

You know what? If I rewatch that again, it's like he's an angel, right? Yeah. You like peanut butter?

Yeah. What is that?

What is that?

What are we talking about?

It's a little quirk. Do you know what I mean? I just- How about almond butter? Why peanut butter?

Why I've seen it, butter.

He's so hot, though.

Yeah, he's still... Have you seen him now? He's even hotter.

He's hotter now.

Yeah. Because I saw some new girl that he's dating. They had a picture of them together on the internet, and I was like, God, it never breaks. Yeah.

Look at him. He was born that way.

That guy is built. He is built different.

Built for speed. Oh, my God. Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom. Look at that, dude. I would just literally... It's like a fucking futon. I would lay on him like a futon. Yeah. Wouldn't you? No, really, Pete. I know you're not gay, but-Absolutely. Would you?

We don't know.

Yeah. If you walked in your house, Brad Pitt happened to be naked, laying on your couch, you would lay her on top of him. That's your instinct.

I'd get naked immediately.

Immediately?

And I'd go, Let's compare bodies. I'm going to stand up Bradley.

I think at one point, I'd be like, What are you doing in the house?

What are you doing in my house?

But you say that after you're naked.

After you have sex with Brad Pitt, you're smoking a cigarette in bed and you're like, How did you get in my house?

Exactly. You don't ask before. Never. Never. You just do.

You just have to let it be. That was from F1. Did you watch F1?

No. But do you think he knows he's hot?

Yes. Brother, do you know you're Asian?

Fuck, I do.

Yeah, well, it's the same thing.

Oh, fuck, it's the same thing.

He knows it. Here's what it is. I forget sometimes I have red hair. It's the reddest hair I've ever seen. But I have red hair. I know.

It's so mutant-like.

He must forget sometimes he's hot, but then look in the mirror and go, I'm hot. I'm so fucking hot.

Every morning, you must look in the mirror and go, I have red hair.

No, I get out of the shower, I see my little red penis and my red pubes, and I go, I have red hair. It makes me laugh. I have red hair.

Dude, the shock and awe of me being Korean all the time. It's shock and awe. I look in the mirror and go, Holy fuck, I am Asian. It's startling because I'm in a white world. I remember around a lot of white people, and then every night, I look in the mirror and go, Look at that.

Look at what's going on there.

No, it's positive. It's not. It's pure negative.

Koreans are the best.

Because I'm not leading man, Korean. Those are hot, right?

You're next door neighbor.

I'm next door neighbor. I'm the guy that you don't trust in the movie. You know what I mean?

Actually, I think you're the guy that turns out to be... You know who you are? Yeah. What's the character's name in Home Alone? That they think he's evil, the guy with the shovel, the old man, but he turns out to be the best. Marley? You're that because people are like, I'm weary of that little Korean guy. But guess what? Guys have got a great heart, great soul. It turns out to be a great guy.

I want you to Google this, all right? Half naked guy in kung fu hustle. I'm that kid. What? In kung fu hustle, yeah. One of my favorite movies. That's a bad movie. No, but that's who he is in the movie. You know what I mean? Every time I watch that movie, I go, I think I'm that guy. It sucks.

Oh, yeah. That's 100% it.

Yeah, that's it. Getting cracked around. Getting cracked around. That's me. Yeah. But somebody has to be that. That's right. When I look in the mirror and go, somebody has to be whatever that is. Someone has to be us. Yeah.

Why not us?

When I look in the mirror naked, when I see my naked body, oh, my God, it's pure shock and awe.

The dog walked in on me, taking a shower. I stepped in the shower and I heard her coming up behind me, heard her chain. I go, Oh, hey. She then looked up and saw me naked and went and walked out. Not happy about it. Wow. I gained a little bit of weight.

You have gotten little.

I'm a little porky. I'm 206 right now. I like it. 206.

Because it thickens out like a football player, almost.

I'm getting a little football. Yeah. Straight up.

I walked in. I know you're going to say something. No. I'm so sorry. Straight up is good.

I have nothing else to say.

Straight up. Straight up. What is that?

Hut, hut. You think they yell straight up?

That's what you just said.

Travis Scott. Didn't I say hut, hut? You did. Oh, you did?

Straight up. Yeah, I thought they said straight up. Straight up. Yeah. Straight up. Isn't it a move that they're saying out loud? No. Yeah. Go to the right. Go around me.

Yeah.

It's not a move?

They're not telling. The other guys are right there.

I know, but it's like him because he's the captain, right? Yeah. He's the leader. The quarterback is the leader, right? He is the captain. Right. So isn't he going, you know what I mean? Natron, go to the right.

No, he doesn't yell out the plays. Oh, he doesn't? Well, then they would know. They're right there.

No, but it's their own code word.

Well, they do have codes. You're halfway-Pelican Town, 260. That's a play. Pelican Town, 260 is a play.

Downtown Magu, turn around. Turn around. Then they're like, Oh, I got to turn around. I'm going to downtown Magu. Isn't that what they do? Yeah. Okay. I don't know football. I don't watch that sport. But anyway.

You know football.

I know the real football. You know football. Yeah. And Arsenal went in 8-4-1. That's why I'm in a good mood. You beat Aston Aston Villa, and they were three punts for all of us. If they had won that game, they would have tied us for number one.

Nice try, Aston.

Nice try, Ollie Watkins. Anyway-aston Villa, by the way, is that a name of a city? No, but it's a team of a football club. It's one of the oldest football clubs. Terrible name. Yeah. Aston Villa?

Yeah. That's a symbol. How British does that fucking shit sound?

Aston Villa.

I play for Aston Villa. How about you? What did you get for Christmas?

Nothing. I'll tell you this. I'm going to say what I was going to say before because of the dog thing, and then I'll go to the Christmas. I'm a little wired up, sorry. I like it. Okay. I love it. There's three things happening. Go. I want you to say all the things that are happening. Give it. Okay. Number one, I walked out a movie last night, and it's like It's Park Chan-Wu, the guy that did Old Boy. I think he produced this movie. What's the movie called? It's called... I had Google. I had fucking...

Wait, but you went to the theater to see it?

I went to the Grove. You know how busy the Grove is right now, dude? No other choice is what-No other choice.

It turns out you had a few, and one of them was to leave.

What is the Rotten Tomat on it?

I never trust tomatoes. 99%. I don't trust it.

I think 99%.

I just don't trust it. It's 98. That's way too high.

Yeah. It's the guy from Squid Games, great actor, beautifully shot. Beautifully shot, right? It's a dark comedy. The comedy really works. They're just so talented, right? Koreans didn't know how to do it. But there's one moment, so I'm going to just tell you, I'm not going to give you any spoilers.

We're never going to see this. It doesn't matter. Really? I mean, maybe.

All right, so this guy, the guy to the right, happily married, two kids. He's a paperman. He works for a paper processing plant, and he's been there for 25 years, makes a good living, and he gets fired from his job.

For stealing paper?

No. For- The Americans bought the company, and they're doing some readjustments. Oh. Yeah. Anyway, there's a point where it's like, he won't get a job. They're running out of money. The first thing they do is they get rid of They had two dogs.

What?

Yeah, they had two dogs. They're like, We can't feed this whole family. How hard is it to feed a fucking dog?

That's the weird- As soon as that happened in the movie, I'm like, I'm out. I'm out. I am out. I'm out.

I walked out.

You got rid of the dogs?

Yeah, and the kids are crying.

They're rid of the kids.

I'd rather give it to one of the kids.

They're so much more expensive.

They're way more expensive, yeah. How expensive is dog food?

I mean, dude, you can get a 50-pound bag from Costco for like 10 bucks.

I know, exactly. I mean, they're not going to be the healthiest food for the dog. It doesn't matter. You can still keep it alive.

It'll be alive. Dude, dogs live on the street. Street dogs.

Whenever something like that happens, a movie where I'm like, I wouldn't do that, I have to leave.

I saw a fucking thread today. Was it yesterday morning or this morning that pissed me off? Someone was like, I don't care. I'll say... Like, hot takes, the shit. I hate it. They were like, Hot take. I don't fucking care. If you're a dog person, you are stupid. Just accept it. I was like, What does that even mean?

That person needs to be- When I say, What does that even mean?

It's because I'm stupid and I don't get it. Because I'm a dog person. I don't trust people that don't like dogs.

I don't trust it either.

It weirds me the fuck out.

I don't trust a president that doesn't have a dog.

He's the only one.

I know. It's crazy. In history. Have a cat, a gerble. Actually, if he had a- A honey badger, I don't care what it is.

Honey badger would be sick.

That'd be sick.

I got my little badger here.

Yeah, and he's gnawing on Steven Miller's ankle. All the time. Steve's like, Oh, oh, oh.

Donald, come get your honey badger. I have to go to school and bring my honey badger.

Yeah, you have to.

I don't get it. You got to have some animal.

Yeah. Here's another TikTok video that I can't watch. When they start, I don't know who needs to hear this. Nobody. Nobody needs to hear what you're saying because you're no shit.

You're no shit.

We don't care about your opinion.

You're a regular guy.

You're a regular guy. You know what I mean?

It's like- You're a regular guy.

Degrassey, the scientist guy. Yeah.

What are we talking? Oh, Neil.

Neil, yeah.

I thought you were talking about the TV show.

Well, whatever.

Neil Degrasse-Tyson?

Yeah, Neil Degrasse-Tyson. You know what I mean? If he says, I don't need... Then I'll go, Oh, I think I want to hear his opinion about this. Or anyone professional, like Scott Galloway.

No, let me pause on Scott Galloway.

No, don't pause on him. Push play.

He says some shit that I'm like,What the fuck are you talking? I know. I love it.

I'm reading his book right now.

He does this whole skip about people are drinking less than they've ever drink, and they're having less sex, and men aren't talking to women, and all this fucking shit. It's like, Is that true? How do we know that's true?

It's called statistics, my friend.

Who's filling out those forms? What the fuck do you mean?

In the Midwest, they do it.

Where? They pull people on the street and they go, Who's fucking?

Yeah. I don't buy it. They don't do it in Studio City because I've been around.

Here's why I don't buy it. We're friends with a young man here. What's your name again? Macone. Macone.

Yeah.

This guy, he's in the height of his 20s. He's in the center of it.

He's not a normal. He's fucking-I know, but he's not an average white dude. He is the most average-looking white dude I've ever seen. No, you don't get about this McCone guy, right? He's a shifter. He's got the gift of gab. You know what I mean? He's slimy. He's got Hollywood quality.

What is... And then what's- To To have him, when I first met him, to just directly walk up to me and talk business is insane behavior.

I'm like, Oh, a little mover and shaker, this little one.

A slimy mover and shaker.

Then he gets in to here, moves up. He's a fucking climber.

You want to fire him?

No, I love him. Okay. He's like a pesty little brother. Yeah, so he stays. But what I'm saying is I'm on to you. But he's not a normal, you know what I mean, average 20-something-year-old man.

All his friends are fucking?

Yeah, because they're not... Have you met them? Yeah.

Half of them are But the ones that he has in Minnesota, those ones, they're not fucking. Yes, they are.

No, I met them. What do you mean? They don't even talk. They're comatose. They're like a catatonic. They're like totem poles. Whenever you introduce me to them, they're like... Well, they're big fans of you, Bob. They're not big fans, dude. Smile then.

Do you ever tell someone to meet you at a nice spot and you never show up?

No.

You've never done that? No. That's like a move that people do where they bail on a date?

Yeah, I can't do that. I've never ghost anybody on a date.

Have you been ghosted, though? Oh, yeah. Yeah, see, that's why it It burns. It hurts, huh? Yeah. But you still remember the person. I bet it sits in your memory bank. You know who did it.

It seems deep in my soul.

You know who Who did it? Yeah, that's why they do it, I think.

You know somebody that did it to me?

I know who it is?

Do you?

No, I'm asking you. Do I know who they are?

Yeah.

No. What the fuck? Who's on first?

Who's on second?

I don't know, dude.

Hut, hut.

Straight up. You're straight up. Wait, who did it to you?

Bickle Room Backdash.

Got it. There will be a college football team that uses Bickle Room Backdash.

Yeah, Bickle Room Backdash. You know what I mean?

Bickle Room Backdash. Up the straight.

Straight up. Then the wide receiver knows what to do. He does. He does a little Bickle Room move.

If you're a college football player of any kind, please use a bad friend's call at the line and let us know.

Bickle room, backdash.

What are you doing? How to properly yell as a quarterback?

Yeah, there's a specific-Blue 42. I got one. I would do this. I would close this one and open this one.

Sing alive.

Sing alive. That's a good one. Give me one.

Air lick.

Don't do this. Don't be hacky about it. Come up with your own.

Imagine if you saw a quarterback at the line and he went, 4, 4, 9.

I would know what that is. Slither.

Slither, slither, slither.

Slither around the defensive linebacker.

That's a slither player.

Yeah, that is. That is.

Oh, it's a hook route.

Yeah, it's a hook route, dude. On both sides, though.

Yeah, double hook.

One hook route is this side. Single hook. Single hook. Single hook is one side. You know what I That'd be fun to come up with us. We should coach a team. Dude, that'd be great.

Let us coach your local team. We should coach an intramural team. We should have a bad friend's intramural team.

Some of my coaching would be direct. It's exactly what it means. Tourette? Yeah. Headbutt the guy. Twice. It's exactly what that means. There's no hidden agenda, right? I just headbutt. You know what I mean?

It's like you got water in your ear. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Finger flick. Yeah.

Right in the face.

Armed finger flick.

Yeah, right in the face. Arm finger Yeah, flick in the face. Then some of them would be like, you know what I mean? Not obvious. A little bit more secretive. Yeah. What is that? What? What was that? Flick of the nose and focus.

Oh, focus. Hey, boogerhead.

Yeah, that's what that is. I get that. Yeah. I think we should do it. I'll do it.

I would love to. We'll draw up some plays. Yeah. With your knowledge of football-Is there plays in baseball? Yeah, I mean, that's a hard... It's not the same. It's harder. Well, there's There's signals from this. You know signals? They do that, the third base.

Yeah, but what does that all mean?

Well, they're signaling to the runner the next move, what the batter is going to do to swing away or to take the pitch or to try to steal the bass. Just look, well, there's a bunch of different signals there, but they all have different signs.

Yeah.

These are pitch calls.

Wow, that's amazing. They don't do this. They use an older hand.

Is that my hand? That's my hand. I'm not kidding. That's my hand.

That's the oldest hand I've ever seen.

I have an old hand.

This is something. Upside down piece. Yeah. This, twice. Yeah. They got to get more creative, dude.

They only have your hand. You have one hand.

I know, but you could still... What about this one?

No, because this one has a mitt. One has a mitt on it.

Oh, it's a mitt, right?

The catcher has one mitt on it.

Do they do this? Yeah. Meaning catch it.

Catch it, yeah. The pitcher does that.

Catch the ball then. You know what I mean?

That's from the pitcher. Yeah.

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Wow.

Would you be a pitcher or a catcher.

Paul. I'd be a catcher.

Yeah, I know. I catch.

I don't pitch. I'm a pitcher. I know you are, dude. I like catching your balls. It's my favorite thing to do. What if somebody has like, Tourette all of a sudden? Not Tourette, but it goes to a seizure. That'd be fun.

That'd be terrible.

Yeah, but he's going, right? He's like, I don't know what to do.

What? The batter? The batter.

They see the coach. You know what I mean? Looking at him like, I don't know what move that is, but I'll try.

Swing away.

Yeah, swing away. What do you think? Yeah.

It feels like that's in a movie. I feel like that's Daniel Stern in a little big league or whatever.

I I feel like gang members could probably do it well.

Hey, still 30.

Yeah.

I can throw up some shit.

Yeah. Hey, dude. You know what I mean? Do this move, right?

Well, they have gangs. They have not gangs, but I mean, in prisons, they have intermural leads in prison. That's the longest yard, man. Yeah. All the hang sides, whoa. Well, let's not throw any of these up. Yeah. Wait, let me see. Compton Crip.

This one I can do. I like it.

I don't think we should do these. Why? On the air. It's probably a bad idea.

Yeah, but this means different than whatever that means. This means antlers. Sure.

Deer Gang.

Or hunters. Let's get the antlers, dude. Deer Gang. You know what I mean? Yeah. What are you?

Yeah. Japanese Girl Gang.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

I'm not going to lie, the hand signals for gangs are incredible. They're incredible. You see them throw them up, you love them. Oh, geek gang. What is that?

Geek gang signs. Now, how could you take okey dokey and turn to a gang sign? That sucks. Because if you're seeing a guy, Hey, Bobby, I'm going to go to the gym, right? And I go, Okey dokey. That's what I'm saying.

It's unfair. Yeah, it's not. You can't see it.

They stole it. You can't do okey dokey anymore because it's a Einstein. Well. Yeah.

You know.

Okay. I know. I understand. I understand it.

A lot of things have been taken over. Yeah, that's true. A lot of things have been taken.

Like the swastika.

That was ours.

No, that was Indonesian, right? It was like Buddhist, almost.

Well, it means peace.

It means peace, right? Yeah. You know it's so crazy? The marketing is great.

On the swastika?

I mean, because to take peace and turn it into a symbol of hate, it's like taking the P sign now and turning into hate.

Well, it's almost poetic. You're taking something that means peace and turning it into absolute hate, which is odd.

Good marketing, that's all.

Phenomenal. Yeah. Good team over there in Germany. So check it out. Where we're branding, we're going to rebrand the peace symbol of hate. Hitler, I love it. Yeah, I got it. Now, give me some fucking math.

Yeah, they did a lot of math.

He loved math.

Yeah, a lot of them did.

If you had terminal cancer and you're on your way out, would you ride the horse? Would you do heroine?

I mean, I would do what the doctor prescribed, but much more.

You You can go street drugs?

I might. I don't know, dude. I might want to face it head-on, clear. Death?

Yeah. What's so funny? Carlos does not want to face it.

Like Ramdass says. I don't want to face traffic. Oh, that's true. Yeah. But don't you want to be in the present moment of death?

No. I don't know. Well, I definitely don't want to die in my sleep.

Jane Goodall.

That's a huge fear.

She died in her sleep.

The ape woman? Yeah. She did? Yeah. I thought she died from an ape.

Wasn't she? Well, the ape was next to her. Probably. I don't know. I don't know if she sleeps with them, but I think she died in her sleep, no?

Famous people die in their sleep. James Gandalfini, John Candy, Keith Ledger, Bernie Mac, Brittany Murphy, Jerry Garcia, Reggie White, William Howard, 10.

Why not die in your sleep?

I want to know it's coming. When I die, I want to go, Okay, how's it happening? Oh, I see. I don't want to go to bed and being like, What a great day.

Yeah.

Honk, chew, honk, chew. And then I never wake up. Wow. I I want to be alive when I'm dead. Hey.

No, dude. You want to be sleep?

Yeah. Well, you sleep so fucking much. It's going to happen. From a percentage perspective. Yeah. It has to be for you. Yeah. By the way, I talked I have a buddy today who says that he's gone up north and eaten Reindier before. Oh, my God. No, he says they're fucking awesome.

This fucking guy does.

What?

You don't eat Reindier, dog?

What do you mean? You can eat Reindier meat. I know, but- No, it looks It's too gamey, probably. No, he said it was actually pretty good because it's fatty, right? Because it's so cold. They have to eat a lot to stuff up for the winter. It's fattier than-Oh, that does look delicious.

Yeah. It's fattier than- I think a Rudolf and stuff. Yeah.

Well, no, Rudolf.

You can't eat Rudolf.

Somebody did. Oh, no. Somebody did. Reindier meat. See, it looks good. Dude, that's like I told you, when I was an Australian, I had kangoo. Phenomenal. I loved it. The guy was like, Yeah, you might not like it, mate. I was like, I'll try it. We went to a little bar restaurant thing, and I was like, I'll have a couple of bites. E ate the whole fucking thing. It was delicious. But they need to get rid of them because they outnumber... Kangaroos outnumber Australians. What is it? It's crazy. I think it's like three to one or something bonkers like that.

How much could you charge for Rudolf's nose to eat? If you actually caught Rudolf, and you're like, Rudolf has one nose, and it's probably original because it's red, bright red. You can probably eat it.

I'm sure you could lick it.

Or you could boil it or something.

What do you think it would taste like?

I don't know. I mean, it's probably delicious. Like candy cane. Just a sugar. Like a sugary meat, like a Korean meat that's been like, you know what I mean? What do you call it? Marinated? Marinated, yeah.

Marinate that nose.

You could probably charge a million dollars for Rudolf's nose.

Well, it's one nose. You'd have to charge way more than that. It's only one.

Or Daffy Ducks, like beek. How How much could you charge for that? Oh, my God. Daffy Duckbeet. Daffy Duckbeet? Right. What do you think?

Yeah. Yeah? It was so expensive.

Yeah. Tinger Bell Wing.

Tinger Bell Wing, dude, it's not a filling, but you could probably charge a good 20 grand for one wing.

It's a delicacy. It's a delicacy.

What about a Mickey Mouse ear? Just one ear.

One ear of Mickey Mouse ear? Oh, my God. I mean, a lot of people would be upset.

So what? But what if Mickey's Walking around with one ear, you know what I mean?

See, we didn't kill him. We just took the ear.

Just one ear? Yeah. Big deal. Yeah. Some Korean guy and a red-eared guy took my ear. I was sleeping. Say that again. I can't hear you. What? Oh, yeah.

Good one.

What is that? Kangaroos. Oh, yeah. It's one to two for every person. Yeah, there's too many of them. It's crazy.

There's too many Chinese. We don't eat them.

We should.

That'd be good.

What is that like the old slogan eat the rich? It was just eat the Chinese. Dude, we went out. We were out. What did you do? We were out in the mountains and there was literally no snow up in Utah. It was crazy to me.

When you say we, who?

My wife and her family.

Great. I'm not accusing you of anything.

You say who was I with?

I was with a whole-Well, you could have been with your family as well.

Oh, yeah. We switched gears. We do the this year, that year. That's all I wanted to know.

What year was it?

It's their year. You're right. But we're no We're no longer doing that again, I think. I think every year from now on, we're going to do double downs.

You got to double down it, though.

I think I got it. My parents are getting older, so I got to do it. I want to see them more often. But we went up there to Utah, and it was no snow. I didn't care. I wasn't going to ski this year. But my God, you feel bad. These people that go up there. Their whole year, they wait to go up there. They get their kids. They spend all this money going on a vacation. No snow. It's rain.

You can't sticky on no snow.

Oh, there was almost no snow up there. You can't see without snow. Yeah, that's what they say. It's a big component.

Why can't you water ski?

The lakes are frozen. Oh, there are?

Yeah. Oh, this is double.

You could ice skate.

There we go. Why can't you do that?

I would love to ice skate with you.

I'm pretty good.

Yeah.

You know what? I fall, you laugh. It'll be the end.

I would love to go ice skating.

I'd love to go ice skating with you as well.

Speed-skating, though. We would race.

Can you ice skate? Mm-hmm. Okay, I can, too.

No. We'll see. Is that Minnesota in you getting you? That still got you? Mm-hmm.

We shall see. We shall see, dude. Dude, I hate your challenging fucking vibes because he's Mr. Sporting guy. What's going on here?

That's speed-skating.

Yeah, I can't do that.

We should try. How funny would we be in those outfits?

Oh, that'd be so funny.

With those long blades on. The Winter Olympics are coming up. Ask us to host something, Winter Olympics. Yeah. Where is it at again this year? Where's the Winter Olympics? In Italy, I think. In Milan, maybe? Milan. How fucking cool. Invite us, NBC.

Remember Leslie Jones did? Look at these motherfuckers skiing in this motherfucker. No, but didn't she do like the Brazil?

Damn, these girls got big old ass. Back to you, bitch.

Yeah.

She had such a crazy pick to host the Olympics. Yeah, there she is. With Al Roker.

Yeah.

Yeah. By the way, this is my petition for comedians to not host anything ever again. What? We're not right for this. We're not. We try to do these things. It's insane. It's insane. Why are we doing this?

You have to edit yourself.

You want to make so many inappropriate jokes. You can't say anything.

You can't say anything.

By the way, we were talking to a friend at the house and we were talking about vegetarian meals, giving you farts. And Portlandia had the best sketch of all time. They go to a vegan restaurant. Have you ever seen this? No. And while they're in the middle of it, the woman's like, We noticed some flatulation. Would you like to go on our fart patio? There's a patio just for people that are farting, and they're in full conversation as they're farting. It's so dumb.

If you do need to flatulate, we have a designated area.

Wait. This is so dumb, dude. Dude, Fart Patio is brilliant.

Wow. A little mustard seed?

Apple for some reason. They They are two of maybe the funniest. That show was so fucking funny. It was like ahead of its time. It was really good. It was so good.

I love him. Armison?

Oh, yeah. I think she's fucking brilliant, too. I mean, they're both geniuses.

Where's the person? I don't know her.

Famous guy drop. Oh, Fred and I. Wait, wait. Fuck off. I like him because I know him.

No, that's not what it is. Is that what I was doing? A hundred %, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I can't say... Let's do a do-over.

Dude, this is so funny. Let's do a do-over. I do it and he's like... He doesn't use it.

I did not do that. Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, did not do that. There's no difference between Fred Armisen, a comedian, that we all know, right?

Snl cast member, legend.

Or Taylor Swift. Different. Different.

Yeah. I've never brought... I don't bring it up. You bring it up.

Yeah. But I'd love to bring it up.

You name drop it.

I don't think so.

Yeah, you do.

I don't think so. Honest, let's analyze.

You fucking name drop people. Yes, you do.

Aside from that, where have I name dropped? Ketis, Michael Bay. You know who from the meeting, the men's meeting?

Yeah, dude, you name drop all the time. Stop it. Stop it.

So do you, though.

No. Yeah, you do. Who? What do I do? You just name drop when I tell you in private, somebody- Tell me a story.

I don't want to bring it up.

Go ahead, do it.

No, I don't want to. Do it. I was at a restaurant and Bateman was there with Jennifer Anaston and this and that, right? You brought that story up.

On this show?

No, not out loud, but to us in public.

So I just said, I tell you in private, and then you bring it up on the show. I literally just said that.

Yeah, but I'm just saying the act of- No, no, no, no, no, No, I just don't talk about it on the show.

I don't name drop at all, dude. Yes, you do. Let's get this over- You're obsessed with celebrity. Oh, God. Portlandia. I love that show. I don't know, Fred. That's what you should have said? Is that what I should have said? I just said, he's a genius, and you go, he's a great guy. I know him. He's a guy I know. We were saying how funny they were.

I don't know. Well, I did a movie with them six months ago.

Another drop. Another drop. I did a movie six months ago. I work.

Is that what that is? Fuck you. Fuck you, dude.

Is that what it is? Yes, it is. You know what?

I don't like that about myself. I'm never going to do it again.

What was the name of the movie?

Is it Out? Green Day's movie. Yeah. Oh, right.

That's a huge one. No, there's a lot of people in that. Yeah. A ton of people are in this movie. What's it called?

New Year's Rev right now.

When does it come out? I don't know. They missed their opportunity. It's New Year's.

Maybe next New Year's. Maybe next New Year's.

I see a lot of clips going viral, by the way, from our good friend, Logic's movie that you were in. Oh, yeah. I like a lot of clips on it. Have you seen this on the internet? A lot of them are being bounced around, particularly the conversation with him and his father because his dad is a crazy character.

Yeah, I'm barely in that. I have no lines.

Shout out Logic, though.

We love him. I have no lines in it. I love Logic.

He's a great dude. Yeah. I was on tour when you guys were filming that thing. I wish I could have come up there.

Well, you know what happened was I...

Spokane? Where was it?

I had a bigger role. I showed up. I had fucking COVID. Oh, that's right. And they go, You can't show up on set. I go, What do I do? They're like, Just stay. I stayed in this hotel room for five days.

I remember you were stuck. That's right.

And then I was flying out, and they're like, Can you just be this background guy since you're here?

Call Santino, background guy. Right here, background guy.

I just did it, but I love Logic a lot. He's a great dude. Yeah, he's a great dude.

You got so much work lined up on the horizon, Bob. I'm so proud of you.

So did to you.

No, I don't.

Well, you decline work.

Decline work? Yeah, you do. No, I don't. There's nothing comes my way.

The stuff that I'm in is bad. I still do it. You should read it first. I don't read it.

If it's bad, don't do it.

But I just do.

I'll tell you. How about this?

You think I read Karate Ghost?

I got something big.

They go, Karate Ghost? Yeah, I'll do it.

I got something big coming up, and I want to announce it. I'm very excited about. I'm going to brag right now, guys. Big time.

Go ahead.

Big time. Go ahead. Huge for me.

Go on.

January, end of the month. My best buddy is going to be shooting a special at the Balboa Theater. Okay. Four shows sold out.

They're not sold out.

Yeah, they are. They're all sold out.

Are they sold out?

Everything is sold out. Bobby Lee Live sold out, Balboa Theater, four shows, My Guy. They're all sold out. I looked, they're all sold out. Click on them, they're all sold out. How amazing.

Okay.

Are you excited?

Well, here's the thing. Okay, I'm trying not to think about it.

What do you mean you're not trying to think about it?

Because I have what I have, right? What? Why are you shaking your head? It's not sold out. Yes, it is. Look at those little blue spots.

Brother, that's gone. That'll be gone in two days. Those are like reserve seats. It's sold out.

I don't care about the back either. Wait, are the Whites the empty seats? Yeah.

Oh, I'm fucked. No, dude, he's kidding. It's the other way around. Get off of the ticket, master. Okay.

No, are the Whites the empty seats? The Whites are sold. Okay, thank God.

No, you're sold out. Thanks to fucking Are the Whites the empty?

Yeah. And only the back row they bought? What the fuck?

A guy who's never bought a ticket in his entire life. Which ones are the ones I have?

Yeah. Okay. Can I just say this about the special?

It's not driving you nuts, by the way, when somebody's in your seat, when you get to a place and you go, Oh, those are our seats. They are and you're like, Yeah, come on, man. Let's not do this dance. They're like, I think... Let me look. Then they look and they go, Oh, you're You're right. Oh, you're right. Yeah, we're way the fuck. We're all the way up there. You're like, You're fucking, what are you doing? You knew you were fucking. I know. I've sat in other people's seats. I've done that before. By accident. Yeah, but when you do it, you get up. No, I've done it for years. We go to Dodger games. We would sneak all the way down. We used to do that all the time. Then when they come, they go, You guys are so sexy. You got it. You caught us. Then get up and go. But you don't do the thing where you kill time and you go, Is this... You fucking know. We sneak down. You know that's What part of the game.

On TikTok, I saw a woman, she was a little drunk, and she sits in a first-class seat. She's in coach. The first-class guy comes up and goes, Hey, I think that's my seat. She goes, Well, I just paid a lot of money for my ticket, and I decided I'm going to sit here.

What? That's got to be a sketch. Talkspace. Talkspace.

I'm going to talk to you right now about it. I've had a lot of trauma growing up, and if I held that in my body... Body keeps the score. Okay.

Body keeps the score.

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But the video that I saw was a white lady. She was a little drunk, and she's just like, What would you do?

If she was in my seat? I'd be like, Oh, ma'am, I think you're in my seat.

But would she gave me.

She's like, I'm not- You're the drunk white lady.

I'm sorry, but I pay for a seat, too. Okay. I just sat here first.

Oh, you sat there first?

Yeah, I got on first, and you were a little late. I'm just going to sit here. You can sit wherever I'm sitting.

No. Okay, so here's the deal. That's my seat I paid for it. Nice. Oh, you don't want to move?

I don't think I'm going to because I got here first.

Oh, you got here first? Yeah. Are you a little intoxicated, ma'am?

Yeah, I have drank some Well, how about this?

You go to the back of the plane to your seat where you belong, and I'll give you drinks the whole flight.

I'm not moving.

I'll give you drinks all flight.

Hey, Red. Can I call you Red? Please. You fucking freak.

Whoa.

You're a red-headed freak of nature.

Listen here, Connie Chung.

Are you racist?

Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Listen, what army is going to remove me from my seat? Ice.

The Red The Ice Army. They did eventually kick her out.

You got it. It's fucking insane.

But here's what I don't get, though. It was a white lady.

Okay.

It could be other races.

You better not attack the Whites.

I know. What I'm saying is there was an entitlement in the video which bothered me.

That white women all are entitled?

No, I'm not saying that. She just happened to be. But when it's mixed with white, it's a little bit more bothersome to me.

Right.

No, actually, if it was any other race, it would be bothered.

You would find a thing to be bothered by it no matter.

Yeah, I think so. But I just wanted to gouge her eyes out.

She's like, I'm not going to move.

Yeah, I'm not moving. It's like, I bought a coach seat, go back.

You know what I mean? Or go, Hey, you can have it. Just pay me the difference in the fair.

Oh, that's it. Yeah, that's it.

Then I'll go sit in my seat. Just give me the cash if you got it.

Yeah.

I'll go do that.

You would do that? I don't think so.

If they had a cash? No. It'd be a fun story for the show.

Yeah, you're flying to Australia.

I mean, yeah, yeah. Insane. Insane. I don't even know if I could do that flight again. I love it down there. It was so long. It was like- It's so long. You feel like you wasted a part of your life. When you land, you're like, I think I'm much older now.

We were on a flight together, both first class. I never saw you the whole time.

Yeah, it was 15 hours.

Yeah, 15. We never even saw each other the whole time.

Because it's exhausting.

Then Bur was on the flight, right?

Oh, yeah.

Bill was on the flight. Yeah, yeah, on a flight. Then it's like, I saw him one time. He was going to the bathroom. I saw him get up, go to the bathroom so I can say hi.

You got up to say hi?

I didn't have to pee or anything. I just said, I'm going to wait in line of the bathroom. When he gets up, he... I want to say hi.

That sounds so creepy. I didn't have to pee. I just wanted to say hi.

Because I knew that what was going to happen, this plane is going to like... Because he was in front of me, right? That he was going to... He gets an escort. A group of people go, Come on, this way.

You know what I mean? It is funny how he does. We don't.

We would never get an escort.

Carlos gets escorts.

Yeah, different kinds. I waited, he got out, and then I said, I was surprised, too. Bill? I Bill?

What's going on? So nerdy.

He said, Hey, buddy, what's going on? You know what I mean? This and that. You know what I mean? But I purposely did that. You've never done that?

To say hi to Bill?

No, just in general. Got up, put yourself. No.

Okay. But I can't believe I haven't shared this story. Tell me. You want the biggest name drop of all.

Tell me.

I think I told you, child in the middle. I got to meet somebody for five seconds.

I know who it is.

I told you, didn't I?

I knew it was about to happen. You never told me that you actually did it. I did it.

I met President Obama. That's amazing. It was fucking insane. My buddy, who's friends with him, was like, Hey, man, when are you back in town from Vegas? I was like, Oh, Monday night. He's like, Do you think you can come see me on Tuesday? I was like, Why? He's like, I'm playing golf with Obama. I was like, No. He's like, I swear to God. I was like, Well, what am I going to do? Say hi? He's like, Yeah, if you'd like, I'll introduce you. I go over there.

Are you wearing a golf uniform?

No, I'm just dressed nice. Okay. Because I'm not playing or nothing. I go over there to say hi, and they're done. I'm hanging around. This was a moment in time that blew my mind. He was like, Walking around the Secret Service. They're done. They're about to leave. Secret Service is everywhere. It's crazy. My buddy sees me, makes eye contact because I told him, I said, Dude, if it's not a thing, I don't want to bother.

You're going to force the situation.

Fuck no. I don't want to make him be like, What?

Yeah.

Who gives a shit about you?

Who gives a shit? Yeah.

Then he looked at me, made eye contact, and he went like this. I'm not kidding, dude.

Well, your friend did that. Yeah, he saw me. I thought Barack did that. No. Dave. No. I seen him on Dave.

Your mind is going to be blown because he goes like this, and he ushers him to me, which was like, I was almost laughing. He's ushering him towards me, like around people. People are waiting quietly, and he goes, I would like to introduce you a buddy of mine, Andrew Santino, comedian, Chicago, Illinois. I loaded this up. I said, Mr. President, it's an honor to meet you. He goes, I know who this guy is. I was like, Get the fuck out of here. He literally goes, I know who this guy is.

Now, how does my Fred Arbison story... Can we fucking compare to that, dude? Are you out of your mind? Fuck off.

It was so good.

Oh my God.

We chatted about Chicago for five seconds, and I said, It's an absolute pleasure and an honor to meet I don't want to waste any more of your time.

You said that?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I said it's a pleasure and an honor to meet you, and I don't want to waste any more.

Were you nervous?

No, because it was like he's extremely disarming. Even though he is this figure.

He's a historical figure.

No, but I'm saying he's so cool.

It's like meeting John Adams or you know what I mean? Or Paul Revere or whatever. I met Paul Revere. Who could say that?

You know what I mean? It's like meeting Obama.

He He was so fast on the horse. You know what I mean? I barely met him. There he goes. Bye, Paul.

I met the horse. I met the horse.

What?

Just meet the horse. Yeah, just meet the horse. No, he was very cool. Just his vibe. He was cool. He was very nice. He wasn't like It didn't feel heavy.

I mean, it's like the difference. You know what I mean? Of caliber.

Well, we're not friends. I just got to say hello to the man.

I know, but the situations that you're in are so much different than situations. You know what I mean? I would like trolls and stuff. That's who I mean.

Well, if you weren't such a fucking recluse. It may be. If you got up, get out and did something, you'd meet people. Okay.

But anyway, so wow. Then you shook his hand? Yeah. Soft?

He dapped me up.

Oh, dude, that's the real shit. Right? Is that the real shit?

That's the good stuff.

What's up?

But you have to be introduced. What? I'm pumped. If you're introduced by a black person.

Oh, your friend was black?

Oh, did you assume he was white?

Yeah. No. Is it something that I know, too?

You definitely don't know this guy. Okay. Is this because you don't have any black friends? Is that what this is?

I have black friends.

Are they all white in your mind? Chippellacy. The guy who you called him like Dasani Jones. You didn't even know his name. You were like, Dasani Jones. It's like, what the fuck?

All right, anyway. Wow, that's a life experience that It was honestly, it was a moment in my day where I was like, this is maybe-It's incredible.

Congratulations. Four seconds of time, and I literally said, I don't want to waste any more of your time. He was like, Oh, man, we got to go. It's all good. But he chatted about Chicago for a hot second.

I mean, I had RFK Junior on Tiger Belly. That's the farthest I think I'll ever go politically. It's a pleasure to meet you, Bobby. Yeah, that's what it was.

No, it was an incredible moment in my life. Wow. Honestly, it was like one of those things. It was fucking awesome. All I wanted to do was say to the guy. Like, Hey, man. Wow. It was cool.

Yeah. Then on the drive home, what were you thinking?

Well, I called my parents. It's fucking… It was cool. It was a cool moment in time. It was one of those. Congratulations. Yeah, it stays with me. It's huge. You know what the best part was? Yeah.

No photo?

That's so funny. You knew what I was going to say. It was great because some people were trying to maybe get a picture, and I was like, He's not going to like that. So they shut it down.

Good.

Not him, but other people were like, No, don't do it. No. Enjoy the moment.

He doesn't want to- He gets pictures probably up the koozoo.

Well, think about this. People take photos of him everywhere he is. You know how many times in public he sees someone? How many people do that all day? Enjoy the moment.

It's a memory.

I was nervous at the very beginning, and then he disarms you. You know what it made me feel You know when you're like, when someone's like, you get nervous before you go on stage and you go, well, I'm anxious. I'm not nervous. I'm just excited. I get like, I want to jump out of my fucking skin. Sure. The moment you get on and say something, it's gone. You know what I mean? The anxiety is gone. When you start doing the job that we do, it felt the same way. Then he got to me and it was like, This is going to sound corny, but you do get why some people fucking get that status. You talk to a guy for five seconds, you're like, I get it. This guy's fucking... Oh, yeah. He's All the things.

You're born with it.

He's got all the pieces. It figured it out.

You got to have the pieces.

By the way, I bet you'd feel that way about any president you'd ever meet.

There's a reason. Yeah, dude. To get there is crazy. To get there is crazy. It's insane. That's the prime level in terms of politics.

Any president you would meet, you'd go, Oh, this is fucking... Except for Ford.

Yeah.

Fuck Ford, dude. Get fucked, nerd. No, you would. You'd feel the same way about anybody. Wow. Yeah, it was wild. I thought I told you.

No, you called-I told you I was going to maybe go. No, you were on your way to go.

Right. I was telling you I was going.

You're not going to believe where I'm going.

But I did say to you, I bet I won't get to meet him.

Yeah, but then I said to you, make sure you call me after you do it, and you never did.

I called everybody else. Yeah, I know.

But I'm the one that would have been like, wow.

Why do you think I held it? For this?

Yeah, for the show. Okay. Wow. I knew you were going.

He goes, I remember. He goes, Hey, where's Bobby? No, he never did that. How fucking amazing. Dude. Also, when he said, I know this guy, I thought, I got this. He's definitely got to be plugged into the internet world. His kid's a director. His daughter is a director, right? Yeah, I don't know. Aren't they both in the business? Yeah.

Malia is a director.

Yeah, dude. They're plugged in.

Well, I just did a show that they produced.

Yeah, they're plugged in, man. They know what's good. I mean, he knows.

I literally thought, when I got the offer for the show, they go, The Obamas are producing it, and I go, I'm in. I'm doing it. It's an offer? They go, Yeah. I show up out in the fucking nowhere land and thinking that they're going to be there. They're going to be there.

It'd be cool if they did.

I know, but they're not going to be there. I When it showed up. It was just a regular shoot with regular people.

Oh, my God. Gifs, GIFs, GIFs, GIFs, GIFs, GIFs, GIFs, GIFs, Django B...

Whoa. Dude. This is what they were talking about. Yeah, it works.

It's just WiFi anywhere. You know what the best part about this is? We bought these. No, you didn't.

I promise.

Who paid for these?

We got it in amount, and it's not going to come from you all. So no way.

We didn't buy this?

Promise, no. No, we made sure that you didn't.

Who How did you pay for it?

7x.

Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, he did.

And so we paid for it. We paid for it.

We paid for these?

No, I'm kidding. This is a great gif. This is very nice.

I don't know how to... Do I just put my PlayStation? It's really easy. It's like setting up an iPad.

You know, I'm nervous about this.

What?

About using these now. Why? Did you see that clip about Kamala and wired headphones?

Mm-mm.

This is going to fuck you up.

Thank you so much.

This is great. Guys, this is so nice.

You can play any PlayStation game that's got the same effects. It looks good.

This is very Very cool, you guys. Thank you so very much. It's really good. Click on this. Listen to this clip. She got a lot of shit for wearing these wired headphones.

Don't be on the train using your earpods and thinking somebody can't listen to your conversation. I'm just telling you, that's a little bit more secure.

She's laughing, but she's very serious. That's the creepiest part about that. She's like, I served on the intelligence committee.

I've literally never heard anyone's music through a fucking earpod.

No, she's saying people can tap in and listen to your conversation. How? Well, because this is Bluetooth.

Who are they? Professor X from X-Men? I mean, how do you do it?

Professor X is down in the subway. He does live in the subway. You know why he lives down there? It's not ADA compliant. Okay, anyway. He can't get back up.

You don't want them then? Once you go down. You don't want those then?

No, I do, man. I'm just having fun on the show. Just having fun on the show.

I thought you were being serious. No, dude. Yeah, because if you don't want them, I'll take them.

Just making a bit for the show.

Okay, good bit.

Yeah, thanks for killing it.

Yeah, I destroyed it.

No, it's okay.

Yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, no. Yeah, good stuff.

You got any New Year's resolutions? This is the thing that people hate it, but we all pretend to do it a little bit.

Well, I'm not... I don't know, man. I don't think I do.

You don't want to change anything?

Not really, no. I think I'm pretty good. I'm on a good path here. That's great. Yeah. You have any?

Oh, yeah.

Give me one.

I hope to find the cure for cancer by March. That kid's bullshit. Did you say that's bullshit? I thought you were being real. I wasn't.

I know, but then I can mix it up.

Okay, then do it. That's what this whole show is, is making stuff. It's what we're doing here, Dennis. Yeah.

Okay.

It's what we're doing here, Dennis. Yeah.

I'm going to make short stilt.

See? Funny. Is that funny? Funny.

Yeah. I think they're too long. When you see them, they're too long. Have them maybe two feet off the ground.

They are too long.

Stilt are too long.

Have you ever seen painter stilt? Yeah, those. Those are tiny.

They have them already, Bob. They have what? Short stilt? No, they're there. No, I'm talking about the way... Oh, that, that. Oh, they're short. Fuck.

Man, your ideas are just getting taken.

They're taken. All right.

What is she doing? Like, Oh, they have just a child on stilt for no reason? And by the way, the mom was like, I know you hate it. Just take the photo.

I'm going to do mayonnaise-flaved yogurt.

They got it.

I don't think they do. They have it?

Yo Mayo.

Fuck. Yo Mayo, they already have it.

God, everything has been on Shark Tank already.

Yeah. Let's think of something else. Let's create something here. Let me think of- I got it. What do you got?

I got it. Yeah. We're going to manufacture. Let's make a shoe company, and we only sell left shoes. No rights.

Oh, that's good.

It's called no rights. You have no rights. You have no rights. Yeah. All the pros and cons.

No rights. That's good. This is good. See if I have that.

No rights. Only left shoes. Just this guy selling his shoes on eBay.

Yeah, he's already doing it, dude.

No, he's just selling.

All right. No, there's a website for just-One foot.

For people, it's just one foot.

Yeah, there we go. They already have it. See, you can't come up with it. All right. How about this? Shards- By the way, that is so incredible because somebody at one point was like, I only need one. Yeah.

Just give me one.

Yeah.

I don't have my left foot.

Yeah.

They call me Loopy. I used to dance in circles.

Shark-skinned COVID mask.

Oh, a shark-skinned COVID mask. I guarantee you. There's no way. They got that.

Shark-skinned COVID mask? They got that. Right here. That's the whole shark head. At sea Canada, they have it.

I got to tell you, shark head is way cooler.

You come over to the other one.

Wait, go to all and see if they really sell it.

Yeah.

Shark skin, COVID mask. No, we could be good.

I think we're good with that. I think we're good. I don't know it's going to give it good protection. But still. Still, yeah. Half a hula hoop.

A hula.

A hula.

Just a hula.

Hula half a hoop.

Hula half hoop. Hula half a hoop. Half a hoop. Half a hoop.

Half a hoop. Yeah.

Like, skip it. Remember skip it?

I don't think it exists. No, there's no-I think we got it. It wouldn't work, though. That's the only problem.

Somebody would find a way.

You need the second half of the hoop for it to work. Somebody would find a way. Yeah.

Well, there's a will, there's a way. Oh, look at this. Go back to that photo. Look at that. It's so beautiful. Martin Luther King. Yeah. I have a dream. One day, my brothers and sisters will be hulu-cooping in the park.

Yeah, zoom in on that photo. Would What is that black kid's thinking?

I can't wait to steal her hulu.

That's what he's doing. That's what he's doing.

He's looking at the camera. He's like, damn, they got me. I was just about to steal that bitch's hulu.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is.

Look at Zumen. He's looking right at the camera. He's looking, Shit, they got me.

Or he's thinking, The bitches I like wouldn't use a hula hoop. They're too fat. That's what he's thinking.

He's like an eight-year-old boy. Mama, why you got me?

I've never seen a Black guy hula hoop.

Can Black guys hula hoop? He's googling. I knew he was going to googling. Black guy hula hoop video.

Yeah.

Okay.

They do. They do? Yeah.

No, let's see it. Yeah.

Whoa. Wow.

Oh, because there's dancing Oh, wow.

That's why. That's why, yeah. There has to be dancing.

Black guys won't hula hoop unless there's dancing, baby.

That's cool, though. He could dance with it. That's incredible. That's so funny. It's so good. Whoa, dude. Yeah. Darnell, I heard your cousin hula hoop.

Oh, but he be dancing hula hoop? He hula dancing in that motherfucker. Oh, get it, boy. Oh, get it. By the way, of course a black guy would make this look cool. Yeah, they look cool. It's unbelievable. Do a white guy fucking hula hooping. Go to white guy hula hooping and watch how insane a regular adult looks when they hula hoop. Yeah, white guy's got to be working out while he's hula hooping.

Yeah, there we go. Oh, yeah. Fuck that, dude. Are yours. That is pretty cool, though. That is pretty cool.

I don't know.

I've never seen a black guy hopscotching. Black guy's hopscotch? Yeah.

Well, they do when they're kids.

No, as an adult.

Adults don't hopscotch.

I hop scotch all day.

You be hopscatching?

Yeah, I be hopscatching all day, dude. What's that?

I hope everybody's having an amazing New Year so far. We love you. We're excited to see where this year goes.

What a great episode.

Okay.

What a good time. Good chemistry. You know what I mean? Back and forth. Cruising. Cruise machine. You know what I mean? What's... We learned all that. Straight up. Straight up.

You know what I mean? I hope everyone's having a great new year.

I don't want everyone to do that. Most importantly, thank you for being a fat friend. Thank you for being a fat friend.