Transcript of Bobby's Flu Game w/ Tom Segura

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.

We're bad friends.

We'll have to make an announcement. Good to see you, Tommy boy. Hey, buddy. Good to see you, too. I'm doing my first special this Friday.

We've talked about this for years.

How exciting is this?

We talked about it for years.

No, but we've really talked about this for years. Thirty years.

Yeah, pink face.

Pink face?

I mean, your face is so pink. What are you trying to prove, bud?

Is my face pink?

Yeah, but yours is naturally pink. Thank you. That's unnatural.

I'm flush from the whiskey.

Yeah. Okay. He's Asian. He breaks out like you guys do when he has whiskey.

Why did you come at me so aggressive?

You know what else he has? The Emperor's from Star Wars. Look at it.

He's an Emperor, you think?

Yeah, like the Emperor. Right now, dude, Tom Segrer has Emperor eyes. Look at that.

He's calling you Sheev Palpatine. Yeah.

Why did you come at me so hard?

Yeah, what What is that about?

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm called for and unnecessary.

This happens every time I see you.

No, it doesn't.

Every time I see you.

No, it doesn't.

You come at me with some insult, and then you go, My bad, dude.

It is my bad, dude.

But wait, why?

Were you Insult me all the time.

When is the last time he insult you? Either publicly- It's your attitude.

It's an energy insult.

It's energy insult.

You don't have to say words, dude. I can feel it. I'm tired of it.

You know what happens?

That didn't happen at all.

This is self-sabotage because he has a special coming up and he goes, I don't feel well. No, so what happened? He's mad at you.

Yes, he's doing the things.

No, here's what happened. Carlos, he's doing all the shit.

Here's what happened. Okay, all right. All right. So all my reps are like, You got to put your reps in. I said reps twice.

All your reps? Oh, the reps doing your stand-up reps. Yeah.

My representation said I have to do a lot of reps.

Repetitions. Let me just help with clarifying for the audience.

Thank you. Anyway, so I did Bakersfield in Fresno over the weekend. I just was around too many people.

Then I wake up-Humblbragg about the tickets he was selling.

Really, 750 people? That's not a lot.

That is a lot.

Anyway, I wake up Monday morning with a sore throat and body aches.

Do you think it's from the shows?

Yeah.

Do you think it's from the shows?

What do you think, Tommy Boy?

He thinks he got me with Tommy Boy.

You got COVID. No, I took a test. I don't have COVID or the flow.

Do you think, perhaps, did you see a female friend over the last couple of days?

I did not, no.

Look at me. I've been celibate. Look at me when you do that. Did you not? I'm a celibate. Did you not see a female friend?

No, I did not. I swear to God, I didn't.

You swear to God?

Yeah, because I'm saving up my come for the special.

For the special?

Because that's the closer. They said they have to save your come.

You know what? Can I tell you something? I mean this in all- Like fighters do it.

I heard, so I did it.

That's the best advice. You should save your Qi for sure.

I did, and I am.

Yeah, but keep it saved. For how long? At least through the special. Yeah, I am. Okay.

Of course, I am.

Don't make kissy faces with anybody.

I'm not doing any kissy faces, dude, like Rocky did.

Yeah. Is that how he ended up losing in that movie?

I No, he didn't save enough. I don't have a choice. Yeah, so he did. I tapped Adrian a couple of times before he was fined.

He did. Yeah, that's true.

Can we start over?

Yeah, you guys need to do a start over. Can we start over?

No, we're not starting over.

We're going to put that in, but you need to start over this relationship because That's what I'm saying. I was an old friend of ours. It feels strange to do that.

He trusts like a CIA agent now lately. We're almost dressed the same. I know. All right, you're right. Let's start over.

Okay. What I was saying- Welcome to the show.

Yeah.

Before You look real good. Thanks, buddy. So do you.

You were stuck in the Caribbean?

Yeah. How did you know?

Because I've never been there, and some people get to go.

Is it the Caribbean or is it the Caribbean? Yeah, I can't believe it's the Caribbean. I'm being honest, is I'm a fan of Caribbean. It's the Caribbean because it sounds cooler. Comedians Tom Sgroer and Christina Pasetsky stuck in the Caribbean due to Venezuela-related-My favorite thing is that- That angle, by the way, that's insane. It looks like you guys are being interrogated.

All we did was We got a call from our podcast producer who was like, Hey, you're not back, so we can't record an episode. Can you just put a video together for the podcast audience? Yeah. Then people sent me. They're like, Oh, you're on TMZ? I was like, For what? They're like, For that video.

Oh, that's who picked this whole story up?

How did they get it?

Because it was... We just posted it.

They posted it on Instagram.

Yeah, just like, Hey, we're not doing a podcast this week. We're stuck. Then TMZ was like, They're stuck. Then the only thing I heard from people was, I hope you fucking stay there.

Who would say that?

You wrote that a few times.

I know, but aside from me- That is a very huge comment.

Wait, go back up to just the way that TMZ title sings, go back to the title, is, Stranded in Paradise. Maduro's capture, shutdown, flights home.

It's so ridiculous.

Okay, so we got Tom Seguro and Christina Pizzisky, and they're stuck. They're stuck?

Stuck, stuck, stuck in paradise. Don't feel bad for them. What I was trying to say, and you came at me.

Came at him again?

About my pink skin and all that shit. Was just that for years, we've been talking about you doing a special, and I was just saying that I'm so excited and so happy that you're actually doing it and that fans get to see you do your standup now in a special. I think it's amazing.

We're so happy. We're excited.

Not my full potential because I'm not feeling well.

You're fine.

You're going to feel so good. You're going to feel so good. Let's get you an IV Let's get you.

I did IV yesterday. It didn't work shit.

No, do it again. Have you done NAD yet?

I have ADD. No, NAD.

Yeah, Michael Jordan's flu game. Probably one of the greatest. He scored 38 points battling the flu, or it was going out the night before in parting. But even still, the Irish flu does get me. So this could be your flu game.

Tell me, explain it to me.

1997, game five in the finals. Jordan had the flu.

Basketball.

Oh, yeah. Michael Jordan. He was the Michael B. Jordan. Oh, okay. No, Michael-Not Sinners.

This is a fucking-It's not Michael B.

Jordan. No. Okay.

This is the flu game, and he had the flu, and he performed unbelievable. It's as if the gods were like, You're going to be okay.

Because it's what happened. It's that he is God's choice.

He's God's choice, and you're God's choice as well. And your special is going to be perfect.

You're going to be amazing in this, dude. You're going to be amazing in this.

Okay. Flu game.

Believe it, this is your flu game.

Never even heard of it. This is the flu game. You never heard of the flu game? No.

June 11th, 1997.

Tell me more about it. June 11th. Tell me more about it.

It's legendary. It's legendary if you- Is there a diarrhea game? There is a diarrhea. It was. The flu game is talked about more. The diarrhea game.

It is?

Yeah.

Paul pierce had a That's right. This one's a little bit more prominent. Then there was an AIDS game. So Magic had an HIV game.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that game.

That one, you know.

That's a scary game.

Wait a minute. Is there a name yet for the special?

Yes.

What is it? It's so good.

Finally.

It's perfect.

Why not? Why not?

You don't like it? I love it. And you're shooting in San Diego?

In 3D, yeah. 3d, 4HD, the whole thing. Dolby.

They're doing it in an IMAX.

You want Dolby? You can see it in an IMAX. I got Dolby, dude. Laser. And where is this going to air? Laser technology.

Where's this airing?

Hulu.

Hulu.

Fuck. Yeah, Hulu. Hulu.

Hulu. Right on Hulu.

Yeah.

That's amazing, dude.

You don't think I deserve it?

I didn't say it. Yeah.

You're so aggressive. It was so condescending what he just did. No, he just- He's successful. He's successful. He's conquered the game, dude. He's on top. Just shut the fuck up, dude.

See what he's doing? Wow.

All right. I also came here.

Yeah, you came here what?

To say thank you for doing season one of Bad Thoughts for Starting Season 2.

It was a fun experience. Thank you so much for having me.

How long have you been awake?

I've been in bed for 24 hours. Can I tell you, all you need to do? I've seen this on TikTok. I've seen this on TikTok. This bit right here? No, not this bit. It's the white man's. I know you're half Peruvian, whatever it is. I appreciate that. Yeah, but it's your hand domination. Oh, hand domination. Yeah, you're doing that. Yeah, he makes me fold You're trying to control the conversation. I understand what you're doing with your hands, and I'm doing it back. You're seeing it through it. I'm seeing right through it, dude. Okay, go ahead. What are you going to say?

This weekend is going to be fantastic for you. These next few days, all I hope is that you actually listen to your body when it says it's time to rest, get your rest, get your fluids, eat your food, feel good. On Friday and Saturday and however many shows you're going to tape, you're going to feel great, man. It's going to be You know Tom, I have to be honest with you.

Let me be real with you, dude. You've been a friend, a real comrade. I apologize for being so negative. I appreciate that. Yeah. When I was talking about your pink face and your Emperor eyes, it's just an observation.

Because they're blue? Or is it because of the holes?

No, it just looked weird. Oh, okay. Yeah, it means so... Fuck you, dude. You, dude. What do I have to do with it? You're with him, dude. You're in that room with him. I've been sitting here. How long have I been sitting here?

Ten minutes.

Yeah, I've been sitting here. You're cackling. You know what I mean? Sandy kids.

Do you know that over the last few years, a few times, he has graced me with his presence to come on shows with me? Yeah. I've invited him. Yeah. Do you know that every time he gets introduced, it is just like, thunderous.

Thunderous. It's crazy. Thunder.

The reception this week.

Yeah, it's unbelievable.

That's what it's going to be like when the special comes.

That's going to be the exact same thing. People are going to lose their minds. They are going to lose their minds. I know that. It's going to be fucking great. I know that as a fact. You know what I take- Hold on. The Whites are talking. Okay. We're proud of him. Yeah. We're very proud of him.

To get a little guy like this up there and doing his thing, it's going to be fucking amazing.

Now, do you feel a little bit better? Yeah. You're getting hyped up.

I sure do. I feel jazzed. This is a look. Let me tell you something. Whatever you're doing, dude, fuck off. Go back to Austin. Go back. Come on. Yeah, I'm tired of it, dude.

Why are you tired of it?

I love you.

I love you, too. When does it come out? Do you know when it comes out?

In November.

Oh, so you got some time.

We need... Yeah, we need research.

It's going to be some research.

Okay, here we go, Mr. Director.

Well, first of all-It says Mr. Director.

Andreas is back, and we want to welcome back our old friend, Andres, who hasn't been around. Andres. You guys can speak in tongues like you guys do. You asked for the bathroom key. How did he say it to you? What did he say?

Tengo que mear.

Tengo que mear. Yeah, where's the Mayo? Yeah, for favor.

It's right here.

You're feeling a little bit better now?

Are you directing it?

No. No.

Louis Katz. Louis Katz, the legendary Louis Katz. I do know Louis Katz.

Louis Katz is going to do it.

Fantastic. Fantastic. Did you consider it for no?

I can say it. I'm happy. Not even.

By the way, I've seen that movie. It's a great movie. It's great.

I did consider it. You did? Yeah. He just doesn't know my act as well as Louis does.

That's not why.

Yeah, I need performance notes.

You wanted a comedian to do it.

Can I just throw something in here, though? Was there no thought of reaching out to me?

Yeah, interesting. You would never direct my special.

Why would I not direct your special?

You would never do it. Why? Why would I ask and get rejected by you?

I would never reject you.

Oh, so what would you say? I call ding, ding. Hello. Is it your mom's house?

Yes.

Is it the corporate center of your mom's house? Yes. Can I get linked into the Tom Segar, the President, please? Sure.

Yes. Hold on a second. Hello. This is the second assistant. You're going to talk to the first assistant?

Yeah. I'm Bobby Lee. Have you heard of me? Yeah, I know. But I'm friends with Tom.

Okay, I'll send you over the first assistant.

I was already at the first assistant, and he sent me to the second assistant. I need to talk to Tom. Okay. He's not picking up my phone calls.

Which Asian is this?

I'm a Korean. Hold on. Yeah. Did you see Asian or agency? Asian is fine. Anyway, I know. When I talk to Segura? Is there somebody closest to Segura I could talk to?

He loves Grandma Kim's. Hold on one second. Then they pass you through. Hey, Bobby.

Hello, Tom?

Yeah. Hey. What's up, man?

What's up, man?

What are you doing?

Groovy.

What are you calling for?

What's up?

What's the call for?

I just want to see how you were.

Oh, I'm good, man. How are you?

The dogs?

We don't have dogs.

I'm sure you will. I'm sure you will, dude.

My son's allergic. I thought you'd do that.

Yeah. How are the kids?

They're good. They're allergic to dogs. Christina? Alive and well.

That's fantastic. Wow, what a show you're running. Thanks, man.

Yeah, thanks.

Tired of talking to me?

Not at all.

I could hear something in your voice.

No, bro. What's going on? How's Andrew?

He's fine and dandy. He's hanging out with his friends, Taylor Swift and Barack Obama.

Shit. Is he friends with them?

Yeah, he's different level. Is he there? He's not around, no.

Hey, Tom, I'm here. Andrew, everybody.

Hey, buddy. He came out of nowhere, bud. Hey. Hey, dude, where are you?

I picked up the line upstairs.

Oh, I see.

You know what's going on. Bobby, you can hang up.

What's up, dude? What's up, bro? Nothing. Bobby was going to ask you if you'd direct a special. What? He was going to ask you to direct a special.

Why the fuck He's not on the phone anymore.

No, he's not.

I'm still here. Oh, hey, Bob. Hey.

Shit. Hey. Can you...

When is it?

Oh, it's going to be January 16th and 17th. That's right.

I have a stool sample thing I got to do for my guest.

Yeah, you told me about that. I don't know.

Can you move that?

I don't think you can. I don't think you can move that. You know what I could do, though? I could ask.

Yeah. Ask who?

I'll ask the doctor. Okay. If the doctor says no, the doctor comes first.

Okay. You have any suggestions of somebody that could direct it, you think?

Have fun and do your best.

Will you consider it, Tom?

Bob?

See, that's what's going to happen.

That would have never happened.

That's why I don't call.

You know this.

Yeah, you would have done it.

In a heartbeat.

Wow. That's nice to know.

But I will say this.

I think Louis Katz is super talented. He's the man.

I do think he's the man. He's going to make something glorious.

Because He's so hands-on.

Rookey quarterback.

24/7.

It's a big risk. But I like it. It's smart. No, he's great. Get him out there on the field.

He can play.

He's going to be great. He's going to play.

He's going to play well.

Although the other day I go, Do you have any audience shots? He goes, We're not doing that.

I'm on his team. I don't like him. I don't like him. You don't need him.

Sometimes you have one locked off just for edits, right?

Just because you're like, I want to jump. He's doing it now.

I never liked it. Why does your audience need to see the audience?

I did I did not know.

Who do direct yours?

I don't remember.

But you have different people doing it in different shows?

The Glorius Brandon Dermer did it. Our good friend Brandon Dermer.

Dermen did one.

He did White Noise.

Oh, he did? Yeah. Amazing.

Yeah.

And Homefield Advantage. Who How many shows? You have different people?

I've had for the last two, I had Ryan Polito, I had Jay Karras do one, I had Rami Hashash do one.

How many have you done? Four? Six. You've done six specials already?

Yeah.

All Netflix?

All were on Netflix, yeah. Yeah, wow. There's one out right now, man.

There's one out right now. What's it called? What's it called? Teacher.

Teacher, yeah.

Check it out on YouTube.

It's on Netflix. It's on Netflix. Bobby, you got it.

Netflix, YouTube, whatever.

We're on YouTube.

Not whatever. Yeah. I'm sorry. I can't make a joke to the king. Premier League, you know? Oh, Premier League.

He's in the Premier League.

Yeah. I'm in the third division. Yeah. I see.

What are some of the teams that we're aligned with?

I'm Portsmouth. Exactly. Yeah. Very good. I'm Coventry City.

You know teams?

Yeah, I do.

He's a big soccer fan. Are you really a huge soccer fan? Yeah. Arsenal.

I'm Cardiff.

I can name a lot. Do you have an all-time favorite team?

Arsenal FC.

That's your squad?

Bleed Red.

Do you don't have a tattoo of them?

I don't. I'm going to get one, though. I Bleed Red, though.

Do it tomorrow, dude. Do it for the special.

You should do it for the special, actually.

Get an Arsenal tattoo for the special.

And then under it, right, finally.

Where do I do it?

Under the Gooner canon.

Under my eye?

Oh, my God.

That'd be cool, right?

That's a fucking fantastic idea. Yeah, like a canon because that's-Yes. Who's your favorite player of all time?

Probably Thierry Henry.

Get that on the other eye.

But Henry's Today is here, Arsenal here.

Then you lock in on Friday, Saturday. Yeah.

I feel like the focal point, there needs to be something here, too.

Maybe a soccer ball.

Maybe. Maybe something different, though, like something I'm into.

Video games?

That's right.

A bed. Put a bed up there. No.

Korea? No. Ghost of Yotai.

Ghost of-What did you just say?

What did you say, fuck? A gigantic watermelon you'd like to-I didn't understand. We're just like, show it down.

A gigantic watermelon?

Yeah, people get nice to harvest.

What? From Stardew Valley. From Stardew Valley. Now I get it. Oh, fuck. Very funny.

Good slam. That's a good slam, dude. Very good. Why? Because I like farming simulation games, you fuckface? I love to plant. All right. Okay.

Isn't it funny that he'll plant on a video game but never in real life? Yeah. It's fascinating.

What about Boologui? Right here.

I love the meat. Yeah. That's you.

What o'mer in It's not just brekkas, that's the right it is. I do, too.

They don't have watermelons, then they have- kimchi, kimchi, kimchi. They're summer melons.

Kimchee, Okay, if you were going to do a Korean food on your face tattooed for the rest of your life. 100% kimchi.

I mean, kimchi. A bowl of Bibimbap.

That would be the foundation of it all?

Yeah, I would do a bowl of Bibimbap.

Not kimchi. Wow.

Bibimbap is an interesting dish because it does symbolize my life. It's a mixture of things. Go on.

Layers. What? There's a lot of layers.

I just said it.

Do you have a top one or two LA spots?

Oh, yeah. Korean spots? Yeah. Parks. Well, I I went to park Sunday and yesterday, by the way.

Both days? Yeah.

Chosun, Gobi. Yeah.

I go to Chosun, even though we saw... The last time I was there, I saw a dead body in the front, so I haven't gone.

In the front, meaning the lobby, the host stand?

Just sitting, laying there in the front of the I was in the entrance area. Dead? Yeah, she was dead.

They die all the time.

Yeah, they are dead. It's Korea town. They had the white thing all over her. I was smoking a syrup by the curve.

She's dead in the restaurant?

Right out front. Right out front of the restaurant. I was like, Look at these old people gathered around in front of the thing. I was making fun of them. Then somebody goes, I think that's the family. I'll go, Fuck, my bad.

Wait, did they go there?

Did they bring her there? It was like an old Korean group that went in. One of them died, and it was outside the rest.

That's crazy. What a great place to die. Yeah? You would love to die.

I have a photo of it somewhere on my phone. I took a photo.

Are you a Big garlic fan?

Yeah, I'm a Big garlic fan. Why do you want to know? Why would you ask that, friend? I'm going to give you my best spots. That's what you asked. May?

What are they?

Dude, what? What are they? I'm going to tell you. I like Chosan Parks. I like this place called Gavin.

That's the place that we went to in the alley. In the parking lot, it's in the back. Park in the back.

Oh, that's Augusty Gopchang?

Yeah, Augusty was good.

But that's a late night spot.

Augusty what?

Gopchang. It's more of a late night spot. You know what I mean? Okay. I like Soopulji. Soopulji? Yeah. Why have you gone?

I don't think so.

Yeah.

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So funny. I Piss me off. I had one of the best meals of my life with you. Really? In Vegas.

Where at?

At the fucking... Close to Andres.

Yeah, that was his Bizarre Meats was there.

Was. But I booked a hotel room because I knew that that was there. You did not? I did. There? Yeah. Oh, my God. I checked in. I was going straight to Bizar Meats. It's not here anymore. It's not there yet. Why?

What hotel was it?

He used to have Bizzar Meets at the Sahara.

Sahara's closed, right?

No, I was just there.

He was just there, but it seemed close. It's no longer there.

I thought they closed that fucking thing down.

No, it's still there.

Yeah, the rooms are like 16 bucks a night.

But that was one of the best meals I've ever had.

Dude, I have to say this. Last time I went there, I went there a few weeks ago, like a month ago or so for F1. What was that? No, two months ago, I guess, for F1. I texted him that I was there. Jose Andres? Jose Andres. He was like, Oh, I'm here. Come by one of my restaurants. We went by, and this guy... By the way, you know that he is just the most, not just amazing chef an amazing person? This guy does World Central Kitchen. They feed people in everything.

Philanthropic.

They're almost there.

Philanthropic. Yeah.

But it was there. He took us, gave us everything that that the restaurant makes, every dish, and then goes, Let's go to my other restaurant. We were keeled over. He's like, Let's go to my other restaurant. We go to the second restaurant with him. Jesus. He feeds us absolutely everything on that menu. To the point where we're like, I think we're all going to throw up right now.

Too much.

Then he's just the greatest guy. I cannot say enough good things about this guy. He's an incredible dude. As a restauranteur, as a chef, and as a human being Jose Andrés is top of the fucking- And as a philanthropist. As a philanthropist, yes. But you're almost there.

Ibiriko Ham? Yeah. You like that stuff. You guys love that stuff.

Where are you from in there?

I'm from Galicia. You're in Galicia. I have a similar story to that. My friend Frank took me to a McDonald's.

What did he give you?

He's a manager. I got a double powder cheese.

Did you tell him-Then we went to the Arby's.

If the fries-Wow, I was like, This is too much, Frank.

Yeah, Frank went over the top.

If fries aren't hot, do you ever go back and I go. 100%. 100%. Yeah.

I need these hot.

I need these hot.

I need fresh fries.

I say that in the window. Can I get fresh fries, if you don't mind? Yeah. I'll pay for it. They need to be...

Yeah.

I want the fresh fries. You can heat them up with your eggs the next morning and they're really good. No.

In a pan. In a pan, okay. Not in the microwave. Not in the microwave. Everybody learns that. The time you go home and you take out your fries and they suck and you put them in the microwave and you're like, These are fucking worse now. Yeah, and the pan is the way to go.

With your eggs?

Just what? It was like a breakfast. It was like, A little breakfast potatoes.

I took you to fucking Bizarre Meets US.

I know. I just said out loud, it was the most amazing experience. It was me, you. I forgot who was there, but a bunch of people. The bill must have been a lot of money. We just ordered.

Well, Jose Andres took care of it.

Yeah, whatever. Actually, no. No, he didn't. Really? Yeah, because I remember Tom paying for it.

Invited you to the restaurant then made you pay.

No, when I went this time, he took care of everything. But that time-Oh, back then.

That weekend was probably one of the best weekends of my life, even. Because we did that big show. It was me, you, Shane, Bert. Yeah, at the MGM Grand. At the MGM Grand, and that was really fun. That was powerful. Powerful. Yeah, powerful show. Strong night. Anyway, thank you for that. Thank you for a TV show. That was fun. Yeah. Thank you for a lot of things, and I appreciate it.

I love you, Bob.

I love you too, man. What's up?

Does the aggression stop?

I have to go to therapy to see where where my hostility is.

I'm going tomorrow. Yeah.

Are you? I'm going tomorrow.

Really? You have therapists here? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Guys got them all over the place.

You have what in Austin? You have two?

No, just LA. Yeah.

This is where they are.

They're here. Have you been with this person for a long time? Long time. Yeah. I've been with mine for six, seven years now. Oh, I've been longer. Oh, really?

Yeah.

It's so funny because they won't hang out with you outside of the thing.

That's not a thing that you.

I've asked. You want to go get a bite to eat? No, we don't do that.

I found myself. Have you ever asked your therapist to watch something you've done?

Yeah, would they say no?

No, he did. And then I was like...

Oh, no. I don't like the idea of knowing me at all. I prefer them to not be familiar with me in any way, shape, or form.

I go, I talked about this thing in the... I don't know if you should watch it. And then I guess I was implying, but I didn't directly... And then he came back. He's like, Yeah, I watched it. And I go, What? He's like, That's so good. I was like, Shit, you sound like my mom.

He did a good job, buddy. Good job. I don't want them to know anything. I want that to be a complete disconnect. I want it to be like- Yeah, but he's checked out your shit. No.

You don't think so? It's easy to find, man. You don't think he has that list a little bit?

No, but I think it's more like two different cultural circles.

You know what I mean? What do you mean? He's a minority?

He's gay. He's gay. Is he gay? I don't think I'm his flavor of lifestyle. You know what I mean? He likes high art.

We all like high art. You like a high art, right? I'm a high art guy. Yeah. I don't know. I've been a mama.

You've been a mama? Yeah. Yeah. Done the mama? No, I think he probably has a more intellectual consumption of his... I don't think he likes fart.

Sounds like you're his therapist.

I am.

You don't think your therapist is like fart humor?

I don't think he likes what we do. I think this would be something he'd go-He's like, This is some low-brow shit. Yeah, he'd go, This is nice for you. That's good that you-It's good for you. It's good for you to do that. Yeah.

I hate it when I'm in a situation where someone recognizes me and then an old lady will go, I'd like to check out what you do. Oh, a nightmare. I always go, You can't. Please don't.

Yeah.

Please don't. You will hate me.

Like on a plane? Yeah. How do these people know you? Then you go, Well, I think they know me from there's a podcast.

What is it? Yeah.

I'm always like- Do you say it? I don't even say it. I say, Well, my name is Jason Bateman, and it's called Smartless.

Yeah, my name is Doug Sheppard.

It's a great show. We talked about that before. None of those guys, they all got it.

Congratulations for Amy Poehler for winning a GoldenUnbelievable.

The podcast, that was good. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

That's not good. Congratulations.

What would your speech have been if you won a podcast?

They'll never nominate us.

No, no, no. They'll never nominate us. No, I know. But in a hypothetical fun world, what would your speech be?

I would nominate you guys. Thank you. What? I would nominate you.

What would your speech be?

Okay, Bobby and the winner for the best podcaster of the year, Bobby Lee.

This is the bit I would do. Me? Oh, that's good. I would take my time. Oh, yeah. I would take my time. Take your time. Yeah. Then I would walk the opposite direction of the stage. Funny. Yeah, it's funny. Funny. I would go as far as I could until somebody turned me back around.

Turn you around and then they go, Say something.

Then I'll just be confused. I'll go toward the stage. Then I'll probably give- The music starts playing, you're off.

It'd be great if that took up your whole time.

Yeah. I think that's what I would do. I take up all my whole time just getting up there.

That's very funny.

That's the funniest way to do it. But if you had the mic.

See, that's what I'm saying. I'm trying to avoid it. So go ahead.

You're going to talk about the situation in Iran, obviously.

Yeah, you have No, I'm going to have a be good pin.

Check this out.

Outrageous.

Are you going to thank your- Anyway, thanks for the award.

Yeah. Thank your crew for all the support.

No way. Yeah, I want to thank. Hey, well, first of all, I don't even know why was this even a category? Smart. Yeah, it's the Golden Globes. I thought it was higher-end shit here. Yeah. But, Hey, Nicki, what's up? I would call her out. Yeah. And if she pretended, If she pretended-It's nice to meet you, Bobby. If you pretended that she didn't know me-I had never met that man. Yeah, it would be war.

Yeah.

I'd be like, I just don't even know this. But anyway, you would have to get the award because I wouldn't get it alone. It would be with you.

No, it'd be Podcaster of the year for sure. You would get it. It'd be you and I. No, you'd get it.

No, they don't do that. They nominate shows.

Would you want Andrew to speak?

Yeah, you do the speaking.

Thank you, Jews.

Yeah.

And then you leave.

That's That's a win-win. Patch. Yeah.

Touching all the bases there, man.

Be good. We're good. We carry both.

Yeah, we're both.

Give it a message.

But then there's a secondary interview. Now you're off the stage, and now you're on the backstage red carpet thing with the backdrop, and they go, Bobby, how do you feel? You just won the Golden Globe.

I go, I have to pinch myself every day because I'm just living in gratitude.

Oh, you do one of those. Those are good.

You don't I like them.

Yeah, those go a long way.

I'm afraid that I would probably edit myself because I don't want to say anything too crazy.

I'd have been like, I'm just happy that we beat two bears. It's just a big win for us.

They weren't even nominated. They weren't? No.

Oh, okay.

You would do that in the moment?

Oh, yeah. We would do that in the moment.

Just a little play.

They weren't even... You know what I mean? Yeah, remember when they made fun of you on your own show, when they came in to do a swap?

We remember those guys.

We remember.

Wow. This is what you would lead with. Yeah.

You'd have to.

You have a golden globe right now.

You got to give our fans what they really want, man. It's not about the globes. It's about our dogs, our fans, people that love us, and that's why we love them.

Yeah. We make it. We fuck up your names.

Oh, that's good.

Benny Krieger. Small Goodman.

Yeah, Benny Krieger.

He's really good. Benny Krieger. Yeah. And Larry Sagara. Larry Sagara is very talented. Have you seen that show? I wasWhat's called? What show? Darkness.

Dark? Not even a play on words. Dark sketch. Dark sketch. Dark sketch.

Really good. Yeah, really good. Really good stuff.

Really good stuff.

What's your speech?

First of all, I can't even- You got to do it now. I can't imagine being nominated.

Me either.

I would never consider that.

Because you have to fill out. I bet you because you have to fill out and you have to pay them.

You have to pay, yeah. You have to pay to be nominated.

I'd be like, I'm not paying that.

Well, those companies, they get paid by Spotify and One Dry and these podcast companies. They pay for the nomination. Yeah.

How much is it?

I don't know. No idea.

Yeah, but they were never going to nominate us because they're going to nominate the people in their ecosystem.

I would have said something like, honestly, and I mean this, I would have been like, Bobby Lee should have won this award. No, you wouldn't. Yeah, like when Ving Raimes did that for Jack Lemon, he was like, This is for you, and I'd cry, and then I would have just said, I would have talked about you, probably.

It's amazing that Joe wasn't nominated, though.

Actually, from what I saw, I didn't ask him this. I didn't talk to him. I saw that he wasn't with what withheld himself from being even nominated.

Yeah, he doesn't want to do that.

That is the last place on Earth.

Yeah, he doesn't want to do that, man. He's not interested in it. Yeah. It's just not fitting for our comedy podcast. I think that's what it is. They wouldn't put us over there.

We should make our own award show.

Do it. Do we need one?

For our people.

For what?

We need a gathering. Here's what I'm saying.

This is what Skankfest is for.

No, it's different. That's different. We want a gathering of just all of our... We're dressed up, we're in a tuxedo, mini red carpet, and just to be around our friends and family and to go pat his shoes on the bat and go, You did a good job on two pairs that episode, whatever.

Yeah, is that what you want?

Not really. That's your birthday party. That was my birthday party.

Yeah, I dressed up. You had a birthday party?

Yeah, bowling party. Bowling party, yeah. It was amazing. You were invited.

That's good. What's good? That's good. That's good. That's good. What you're doing. You don't fucking live here.

I would have flown here for that. You would not. I would have flown here.

In fact, can I say another thing? I ran into you. I ran into you. I was with a girl. Open it up. Open it up. Yes. It was interesting.

What was interesting? What?

What was interesting? It's just you and Kirk coming out of a… I mean, SUV, beautiful one. You know what I mean? You guys are just buzzed. It's just full of life. Sure. You guys were giggling, too. You guys giggled out of the fuck SUV.

Well, we probably took something.

Yeah, whatever.

But you guys You know what I mean? There were some other people there. I'm like, Hey, Bob!

You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm like panhandling out there.

You're with a girl.

Oh, yeah, with a girl. Yeah, you're with a lady. You're with a beautiful girl. Yeah, with a beautiful girl.

He was with a beautiful girl, and he was like, Hey, fucking...

Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

I said that to her.

You said...

You do say that to her a lot. Be cool.

You looked at us and you were like, Oh, be cool.

Oh, yeah. Because you guys say outrageous things. When I'm with a girl, people say... Not you, but in a comic, people say outrageous things.

Not me. I'm always good around your girl.

I'm really good.

I know you're the best. Yeah. No, Tom, you're the best. I love it. And thanks for doing this, dude. I'm beyond. Thanks for doing this. I don't know why whenever I see you, I'm a little hostile. Very. Even a little. But we had Native American seances before? Yeah. In Canada? That's right. We've experienced that. Have you experienced that with Tom?

I have not. Our relationship doesn't really go to the depths of Native American seance. Yeah. But it will one day.

We did show shows together. We've done a television show together. We've done Native American seances. We've done sponge baths. We've done all this shit.

Oh, we've done a lot of stuff. Yeah, sponge baths. What else do you need? Yeah, not much.

Where's the negativity coming from?

I know what it is. What is it? I love him so much.

He always gives it to me, man.

I love him so much, but then there's a part of me that just can't give my love, and so I attack.

Yeah, what is that?

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

Can you Did you bring that up in therapy this week?

Yeah, I didn't think I'd have to bring it up. I'll just run into somebody and I will attack them.

I mean, you must have seen this before.

He's never done this before.

No? With nobody? No.

I've never done it with him.

You don't do it with him? No. Because you feel comfortable enough with him.

No, I'm scared of him.

Oh, you're scared of him.

I mean, you know. Yeah, I always get-He's a temperament.

What is this saying? Is this a personality disorder? Oh, I just think he's self-sabotaging his relationship with you.

Interesting.

He's therapizing, but that could be part of it.

Do you fight with Bird at all?

I wouldn't say we fight. No, we don't fight. Yeah. No.

Yeah. Disagrements?

Sometimes, but we have a pretty good style of communication.

They don't even speak anymore. You know this, right? They're not talking. That's what I meant.

Yeah. You guys don't talk often?

They don't talk at all. He cut him off.

No. We go through the assistance. What's he saying?

No, but I think you guys have your podcast together.

Not anymore. Bert slept with Christina.

Well, he did. He did. Yeah. If that happened, what would you do? Oh, my God. No, but what would you do?

Great.

That wouldn't be your first reaction.

Probably.

It would be like you'd be confusion first. Let's go through the feelings.

Confusion would be a little confusing.

Confusion first.

Yeah, confusion first, right?

Yeah, confusion.

Panic.

Yeah.

Anger.

There'd be some humor to it. You would probably laugh. That probably laughs. That's probably the second. I can't fucking believe this shit. It's crazy. Then how? How and when? Well, physically. Why? Why? Yeah, how, when, and why? How? The answer is basically. Who?

I would be the answer? Who? I would understand the how, which would be he would be on his back.

That's how.

That's just math.

When. Where's the when? We don't know. Wednesday. On Wednesday, okay. Who, Bert? Where? House. House. How? Yeah, how. On his back. When? Wednesday. And why? What's why?

They have this chemistry.

They have this chemistry. They have this chemistry. I was for it. That's crazy.

Are you still with that chick that I saw you with? When I was with Kirk? Yeah. That's your chick?

She's somebody I'm seeing.

I mean, it was a while ago, so it's a long time.

Somebody I'm seeing.

It's It's been a while.

It's been a while. It's been a while. You'll see. Is that your girlfriend? Bobby Lee. You have brown eyes now.

Is that your girlfriend?

It's somebody that I am seeing, Tom. What the fuck are you getting at?

I don't know this lingo.

It's somebody that I like that we're seeing. I don't know what it is yet.

Andrew.

Bobby is afraid of getting too close to the sun. I got it. You know what I mean? He's cool on the beach.

I saw him. This was like a year ago or something then.

Well, he doesn't want his heart broken. I got it. I think that's what it is. I think that's more what it is. He's afraid of getting his heart broken. I've been ripped apart many times. He's been shredded up.

I've been out there in the wild. You got to be ripped apart, dude.

You think this could be the one?

I don't know. But let me say something. It's going to take a while for my wounds to heal. My wounds are healing. Let it heal first.

He's in a healing phase.

I'm in a healing phase, yeah.

We respect it, and we really want to let him be in his healing phase.

I don't know if you know this, but as you get older, it doesn't mean as much.

It doesn't mean as much?

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How old are you?

Older.

Yeah. Late '40s?

I guess, yeah. '46. Yeah.

One day, the fire will diminish.

In life?

No.

In the PP.

Yeah, in the PP. Yeah.

Bluechew.

That's why we're sponsored by Bluechew. You don't have a problem in the Saki Sacaloo.

No, but I just wanted to try it.

You haven't tried it before? No. Yeah, me neither. I have. I mean, it's a lie.

I've had many. Does it help?

It does. The erection lasts a little longer than I expected. Shit, what am I going to...

It's going to happen here.

What?

What?

Well, you go to your hotel. You still have your house No, I sold my house. Yeah, go to the hotel. When you...

Good advice, man. What? Just go to the hotel.

Go to the hotel, dude.

Hunker down.

Yeah.

Get room service and hunker down, dude.

Don't go to the... Go to the smokehouse. Yeah, don't go off for dinner.

Yeah, go home. Actually, definitely go to the smokehouse. If you're going to go somewhere for dinner. Hunker down.

I'm ready.

Yeah, you're going to be fine.

Do you watch movies? You go to a movie theater anymore or no?

I've done that.

What?

What? Did he just return back to Earth or something? Do you go to movies? Yeah, he goes, The fucking Movies?

Yes. I can't see this man going, Come on, Christina, we're going to go to the Lemley and watch so and so. Wait, why?

I love movies.

Okay. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?

That's a good question.

Yeah.

It's been a minute. I saw the naked gun thing in theater.

Yeah, that was fun. Did you see One Battle?

I just saw it two days ago. I saw it in a home theater. Yeah. I thought it was fantastic, by the way.

I love it. What a great movie.

I thought it was fantastic.

Fantastic movie. What was? One Battle After Another.

Fantastic.

You didn't see it.

What? Yes, I did. We spoke about it.

It's all great. I cannot stop thinking about Sean Penn in that thing.

He's fucking unbelievable. I hate to do this back to the award bullshit, but if he doesn't win anything for that, I have lost hope in all sorts of-Fucking. Because he's incredible.

He's incredible about it.

He's incredible about it.

He's Rippin' Deeters at the table.

We have-That guy's the man.

He's ripping heaters at the fucking table. Ripping darts at the table. You know they're like, Sean, you cannot smoke here. He's like, Fuck you.

The thing is, sometimes I realize this with greats, it happens in comedy and it happens in acting, it happens in music. You get so used to it. You're like, Oh, yeah, that guy. You've known it. Then you see something or you hear something, whatever again, and you're like, Oh, yeah, that's why we talk about this guy. This guy's fucking incredible.

Yeah, he's incredible.

Since he was a kid, he was incredible. Yeah, Which is even more impressive. It's not like there was like, Oh, he popped off when he was 45.

He's been- Even as Spicoli, when you saw that as a kid, you're like, That's something different.

Yes.

Mr. Hand. He embodies. You know what I mean? He's not doing a sketch. He really He bodies Spicoli in that role. If you watch Mystic River, is that the movie? Yes. Oh, my God, dude.

No, everything he did. Incredible. If that guy signs up for your movie, it's something special.

Yeah.

His-wait, Wait, do you go to the movies? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy's a cinophile.

I'm a big movie guy. I'm a cinophile.

What have you seen recently?

I walked out of that.

The Korean movie?

Yeah, what's it? One Chance. Oh, no other choice. I couldn't get behind this character.

Well, what's another one that you saw that you liked?

I saw Predator Badlands.

You liked it?

I thought it was great. Really? I thought it was really good. You liked it?

Yeah. But no other choice you left?

About 80% of the movie, I was just like, this character is so annoying. I couldn't do it.

He gives away his dog. That bothered you.

Yeah, that bothered me.

We shouldn't spoil it, but we just did.

It happens early on. Yeah. Don't you? Yeah, okay. You'll see it. You never walked out of a movie, Tom?

I've walked out of multiple movies.

Give me a movie that you walked out of.

House of Gucci. Oh, shit. It's an absolute piece of shit. Really? It's fucking terrible.

You would do the theater to watch it? In the theater. Yeah. And you were by yourself?

I couldn't believe they paid people to be involved. The performance that this fuck gives in this movie. Who's that? Who's that? This fucking fuck on the right here. Adam Driver? Yeah. Oh, my God. Where you're like, Could you not hire a dialect coach? Yeah. He was like, Papa, I love it. It ties. It's so bad. It was so bad. Who was that girl? That's Lady Gaga. That's Lady Gaga. I think it's Ridley Scott directed. You realize this thing happens with directors, that if you have a certain level that you achieve and no one can say shit to you, That you just make the scene's over, you're like, What was that scene all about? I could not feel like a bigger waste of film.

I think you should be more collaborative. I would listen to an actor like, What do you think? You know what I mean?

I thought this was terrible. Those guys don't want to be told shit. Terrible. They've done so much. I saw another fucking show from Ryan Murphy. I get previewed called Beauty or something, and it's about beautiful people. Once again, he has managed to sexualize everything under the sun. It's like this motherfucker.

When I was-He hornies up everything. Because I love his American-American Horror Story? Or Monster.

Oh, yeah.

There's the famous serial killers. The Versace one, fantastic. I think he did... Didn't he do Domer, too? Wasn't that his? It's really good. The one he did about the Menendez Brothers. Oh, Menendez Brothers. I'm watching it because the Menendez Brother one, I'm I'm like, I feel like I know some of this story pretty well. Then I'm like, What's up with these guys and their cocks being out? It's like, Oh, it's Ryan Murphy. Oh, wow. Everything sexualizes the shit out of the guy.

He hornies up fucking everything. He wanted to see their cocks, and he was like, Get those kids to get their cocks out.

Then they're sitting there in the speedos in the pool, and you're like, This is the story of the Menendas, bro?

They shot their parents in the fucking face. He's like, But show their cocks one more time. One One more cock shot. One more cock shot for these guys.

Is that Ryan Murphy? Yeah. Power gay. He's a power gay. I love the power gay, don't you? What did you say? The power gay's?

Power gay.

A gay with a lot of money.

Yeah, it's the best.

You mean Hollywood? Yeah. It's a whole industry.

I told you there was a power gay outing every Friday at the IHOP.

It was a power outage for the gays?

Why does he look so mad in his photo?

Not enough cock in front of him.

Every Friday night, I would go to the IHOP in West Hollywood. Every Friday night, it be Brian Singer, Spacey, all the Power gays, and they're just like...

Power gays combined with our forces.

At the IHOP at 2: 00 in the morning. We will suck all of the cops. I always wanted to just listen in. You know what I mean?

They were just talking about fucking. Do you think they would hit on you? What? You think they would hit on you? No way.

We need one of you. We haven't had one of you.

Yeah, dude, I would rip it.

You know what I mean? How's your dick feel?

I don't feel anything yet, do you? No. Yeah.

It takes 30.

No, I think you need to see something. To elicit it. To elicit it. Yeah. So maybe then we'll see something. That doesn't do it. No, fine. Yeah, that does not do it.

Yeah, that jacket's gay. Yeah.

So that show, Beauty, is not going to be good, you're saying?

No, I'm not saying that. The guy is very talented. The point I'm making is everything he does, it's like, Sexy, sexy, fuck, fuck, come. It's like a teenage boy. Yeah. Everything about it, it's like, In that tits or dick, come and come. Everything has to be that. Even the trailer, you were like, Jesus, fucking Christ. That's all it is. It's hyper sexualized.

That's what he's known for.

It's hyper sexualized. It's like you got to tone it down. Yeah, look at it.

When you're like, This is the Menendos, brother.

Yeah, dude. No, it was a gay porno.

But he's a talented guy.

He is talented.

Very talented.

That doesn't take it away. Let's give him that. I said he was very talented.

Well, there's a... Both things can be true. Yes. At one time. The guy is dreaming of cocks 24/7, and he's very talented.

You're getting that body, huh? Me? Yeah. No, your body is getting pretty good.

Yeah, he showed me before. Yeah? He goes, Don't tell Bobby I'm showing you, but he showed me.

From what you look like 15 years ago- That's a different statement.

It's much better than 15 years ago. It's still a pile of shit.

No, but that's only in your eyes. I've noticed that about me when people go, You look great, and I see myself in the mirror. It's a nice cock shot. That's a really good thing. Yeah.

Then I think the guy strokes it, too.

You're thinking about killing mom and dad? It's like, what? It's literally this. What's the conversation there?

You're like, I remember the Menendez brothers story, and then the guy's like...

Can you imagine if your brother walked in, you'd be like, Dude, get the fuck out. It wouldn't be like this, Hey, man, we ran out of soap.

I think it's a different guy.

Is this a different show?

No, it's not his brother.

Oh, it's just a different guy? Yeah.

That guy's black.

Yeah, see the- See the shadows.

See the reverse shadow then.

You realize, too, that you're like, that Rhymer is like, You're going to be Lyle Menendez, and you're like, Fucking sweet.

Amazing.

He's like, All right. You set it up, you kill your brother, you kill your parents. You go to the gym, you're jerking off.

What?

After I kill my parents? Yeah, right after. He gets really hot and heated. No, that's how the interview went. He goes, How do you feel about going to play? They're out of coffee. How do you feel about playing Lyle? The kid's like, I'm so excited. He's like, That's great. Can I see your cock? It's for the show.

Oh, it's It's for the show?

It's for the show. We need to make sure that your cock is just like Lyle's.

I don't remember that in any of the materials.

It was in every trial. They talk about his cock in all the trials.

I guess I haven't read the trial.

Yeah, we did a lot of research. Okay. I'm going to have to see your cock.

Right now? Here?

Yeah, right here.

At Denny's?

Yeah, at the IHOP on Santa Monica.

Okay. I never saw that. No, me neither. No, that Menendo thing.

I didn't see it.

You saw it? Yeah, it's hot. Yeah, it's Long story short, we love all his stuff.

He makes great stuff, man.

He does.

Would you do Cock Out in a movie?

100% would.

Why not?

Papa Bluetooth. Yeah. Fluff it up. Who doesn't fluff if they're going to be on camera, Cock Out?

Oh, brother.

Well, mine would be green for the green screen. Right. Yeah. Do it in post. Do it in post. Yeah, that's what me. You better do this on post.

Would you do Cock Out? You did butt for your show.

I did Butt. Yeah. I would do Cock With a fluff amendment.

Yeah. Well, you got to get final cut.

Give me time before every take to fluff.

Can it be the fluff? You could be the fluff. Yeah, I'll be the fluff. Yeah, I just show up.

That's your gay nightclub name is Fluff?

Yeah.

Asian fluff is here.

What would you need me to do, though, if I was your fluff? What's this? Just a little tick. Okay, a little tick. A little tick. Okay.

A little smack, maybe? Yeah. Just get the blood But maybe the blue shoes enough. Yeah, maybe.

I think it's got to be.

Or show me photos.

Actually, mine is actually... Let me see.

That Ryan Murphy photo did it. Menendez scene really kicked it up in full gear. Leave that photo up for him. Yeah, just put a shirtless boy in front of an American flag for him.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah. I got nothing right.

Either do I. I got nothing either.

The pipes are old. Let it get down there.

I want to ask you guys some advice about shooting my first special, all right? Right before you go on, are you nervous?

Yeah, I think you should have. It's healthy to have some nervous because it's meaningful to you. It's meaningful to you. You should have some nervous. But you also know that you've done this a fucking 10,000 times. You're going to kill it.

More.

More.

Okay. Okay, so that. Then have you ever messed up on a bit like, Oh, my God. Yeah. Then what do you do?

You're going to tape another one, right?

I'm doing four.

There you go. Okay. You don't have to think about it.

So that? Yeah. Don't forget. And then rhythm.

Here's the other thing. Don't forget this. You can piece together different shows, dude.

You can put four shots. You can cut it up.

Four Shots is a lot.

It's a lot. Yeah, you can cut it up. One of the shows I'm going to go wild.

Do you know which one?

The last one.

I was going to say, Don't do it for the first one.

Yeah, the last one, I'm going to go crazy.

Can Can I tell you something else? There's nothing wrong. I said wrong because I was talking to you. Nothing wrong with looking like you're actually trying. You know what I mean? Some people are married to the idea of making sure they're cool or whatever.

Oh, no, not me. I'm going to be sweating.

Trying is not a bad thing.

No, I'm going to try.

Have you ever seen this guy? He tries. I've never seen you not try. You've never mailed it in.

Yeah, I'm not going to mail it in.

Well, so it's not your style anyway. You don't mail it in. You always give... You give a performance, whether it's five people or 5,000 people. It doesn't matter.

I'll tell you this. If you feel great after the first one, cancel the final three.

Are you being real? No. You know which money it is?

Yeah. Don't do that.

Yeah. My set design, I got it all. Did you do a set design on yours?

Do a couch and...

No, I mean... Some people just use it like a drape or whatever, a curtain.

What do you have?

A forest.

A little Zen garden.

Like a Zen garden.

Nice. He's going to rake in the middle of it. He does a little rake.

You have some Feng shui shit.

Yeah, the bond the tree, the whole thing.

That's tight, dude.

I got one fly in chopsticks. It's going to be great. That's fucking great. Yeah, I want to catch it.

Are you doing the headband?

No, I'm not because that's racial.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. You have a Netflix special? You want to promote that?

Yes, dude. I'd love to. This special is called Teacher. It's out now on Netflix. Please check it out. It was super fucking fun to do. I shot it in Milwaukee. Yeah, it's number 6. I'm thrilled with it.

Amazing. It's awesome.

Also the second season.

Second season of Bad Thoughts.

Bad Thoughts is going to be coming out when? Summer?

May.

Oh, my God. In May. Fast.

The movie?

The movie is done. I don't know if it comes out.

Kirk Fox, Franky Quinones is it. I know that.

Franky Quinones is in it. Luke Wilson, Tim Balts, Arturo Croso Castro, Genesis Rodriguez, myself, and Raul Trujillo. Fucking incredible. Amazing.

Please go watch Teacher on Netflix, please. And also, Il Tigre coming out and Bad Thought Season 2 in May. The Kid is a Netflix machine, ba-dum, if you will. Will you say, Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend. But what I'd like to say, my daughter gets to study. Semester-betrag, laptop, books, software, mobile, internet. A master is really expensive.

Tell her, she can get it back.

You mean, you're getting a fee for a fee? But she doesn't earn it.

No, the magic word 's 'Lustvortrag' makes her just with 'visosteuer'. And when she then works, it means, kaching.

That's possible?

Safe. 'Visosteuer'.

Get your money back.

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