Transcript of Mom's Car: Monica Padman

Hello, and welcome to Mom's Car. Today, we have the Duchess of Duluth, Monica Lily Padman. She joins Aaron and I today to really educate us on all the fun to eat places in Los Felice that we're not stopping at. Please enjoy Monica Miniature Mouse, Duchess of Duluth, Padman.

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You know what's funny is I always donate my clothes to Salvation Army, but then I buy them.

Oh, you buy them like that.

Then I buy someone else's. And I love the thought that someone's going to like my T-shirt that I don't like anymore. They will. Yeah.

So It's sustainability.

Then I get someone else's that has a picture of a beach or something. I'm like, Oh, like this? No.

One person's trash is another person's treasure. They say that.

That's what I'm famous saying. I have a weird experience where it's like, I'll give away a bunch of stuff, and it's nice stuff. I've given Jordans to the Goodwill. Sure. Then I have this weird desire that I hope they know that it was expensive or a $350 sweater. It's important to me that they know they got something that's normally $3. 50 for $2.

It's not very Buddhist.

It's not very Buddhist. And why does it matter? But can you relate to that? I do. You go like, Oh, I'm giving this $1,800 purse to Goodwill. I I sure hope they know what they got. Yeah.

Or it's fun for someone who has no idea and really just likes the way it looks. And lucky them, they got a $28,000 purse.

And maybe that's the best case. They don't even know what they have. And then they're walking around with the Berca bag. People are like, Oh, my God, I love your bag. Where did you get it? Those are hard to get.

That would be cool.

Where's our first stop? Well, we just drive around, Monty, and then it'll tell us.

Look, it's lunchtime.

It's a good time for this. It's lunchtime.

It's lunchtime. Prime time. Prime time.

Let's see if we get one. Oh, my God. We're just going to ride until we get a dingles?

Yeah, and sometimes we just post up at Sunset Junction and wait. I've told you a lot about this. This has broken a lot of my assumptions. Oh, yeah. My first assumption was like, oh, food delivery is pretty pricey.

This is a cute restaurant I like to go to sometimes.

La Foodi?

Yeah.

What's it called?

Lou Piet. It's French, and on the inside, you feel like it's Christmas time in Europe.

Oh, and the food's delicious? Yeah, it's good. Do they have a French onion soup?

I don't think so. Do they have French fries? I don't think they have any of those things.

They're French dressing? Oh my God, no. What if everyone in there was French kissing? Who have you invited to French kiss your waiter?

This is fun because I feel like while we're waiting, I can just tell you all the places I like.

I already anticipated this. Yeah. Sincerely. But what's counterintuitive is like, okay, yeah, people without a lot of money are using delivery service. I thought it was going to be delivering to a bunch of rich people. Not the case. Secondly, I would think, oh, I'll go hang out where all the restaurants I eat at. Most of the times we get a dingle, it's a weird duck restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard.

Wow. What's the most tempted you've been to eat one of the items?

We picked up Lucifer's ones.

Yeah, that smells real good. I can tell you the most untempted I was. Actually, they were both with joy.

Well, Jackie, too.

Was it Jackie? Yeah. There was one that smelt like a file of garbage. Oh, yeah, that was with Jackie. It was assholes inside of a bag, leaking assholes. Oh, God.

So we got the asshole sampler. Yeah.

Then someone else fucking ordered a bunch of whole ducks. I was like, Oh, I'm going to stop thinking about that duck in that bag.

Was it cooked or what? Yeah. Okay.

But we were confused because they don't sell duck wings. They sell chicken wings. But they take the wings off, but they give you the feet.

There's no trace of the wing anywhere.

Oh, my God.

They get it out of it. It might be like bad luck or something.

Yeah, it probably is bad luck.

Okay, so we're going to do a moral dumbfounding question, which we like to do, and then a listener question. Okay. Let's do a listener question.

Guess what else you would think that we'd be busy because it's lunchtime? Oh, we're not.

It's the slowest time of day lunch. Oh, my gosh.

It's the only second slowest of dinner.

They're trying to figure out what is the sweet spot.

That's interesting. Because I do think here in LA, people don't have regular jobs, so their eating is off. They might eat lunch at 4: 00.

They had breakfast at 11: 30, dinner at 9: 00.

There's no real lunch hours here.

What's the hardest time to make a reservation, though, at one of your restaurants?

That's a good question. Seven? Yeah, probably seven. I like to get a 5: 00 PM. I like to be in and out by 07: 00. Really? Yeah, I like an early bird. We do that, too.

It's better What are the advantages? It just takes less time to get your food?

No, you can just go to bed early.

Oh, right.

You can get in your bed, watch the Pit or ER. Or both.

I love this store. Are you watching Pit?

The Pit on Max? Medical drama.

Oh, no, no, no. No, Wiley.

He's so hot.

He's still so hot, right?

He's so hot.

He went from cute to hot.

What if we run into him on our drive? I hope so.

I hope we're delivering a big duck to him.

Big armless duck.

I would only duck with him.

He probably knows about the wings because he knows about anatomy.

He probably grows wings in a garden. Okay, we're going to hang for a minute? Yeah, we're going to hang for a minute. All right, Monica, you're going to love this one. This is from a listener. To move or not to move. Hey, Volner Boys. I'm a 39-year-old Volner boy living in the South, and I'm very inspired by both of you all's willingness to show your emotions. I'm writing because I've been considering making a move to a bigger city where women would be more attracted to my sensibility. It's a hard decision to make because I have planted roots in my hometown, but I can't seem to find love here. I don't think it's anything physical. I'm 6 One, athletic. Not that I believe them, but many people have compared me to Ben Affleck.

Is this a meet cute?

What?

Hold on.

Oh, my My last girlfriend would get uncomfortable when I would cry during movies. This is a joke.

Or when we would have a disagreement. I tried to rein it in, but I just can't. I'm wondering if you guys think it's time to try another city. I'm very drawn to LA because of the food and outdoor lifestyle. I'm a Shameless Sun Worshiper, but New York is great, too. It's my favorite city to visit. I'd probably I live there, but I tend to get nauseous from all the commotion and tend to vomit a lot while I'm there.

I can't imagine there's anyone out there looking to care for so much who is always throwing up and crying. Please help.

You wrote this, Dax. You wrote this. You did this.

I'm embarrassed because I believed it until the very end.

Good. That was my goal. He said a couple of things, I'm like, That's too much. The Benaflack thing, I'm like, I might tip it. But the fact that he said, not that I believe them. Is your basement flooded for this guy?

I'm actually so sad that this person isn't real.

Oh, my God. I was like, I want to write a fake question for Monica. I couldn't think. There's a lot of different ways to I move cities into my pants. He gets nauseous. All the commotion.

Rying and puking.

I vomit a lot.

I doubt anyone wants to care for me.

I was like, Oh, New York is not a city for him.

Oh, I'm so sad.

You know what's funny? As I was writing it, I also had this thought. This could offend you, but I was like, even if this was real-Go ahead.

Yeah. Yeah. Even if this was 100% real.

Yeah. I was like, I don't know that Monica would jump at this.

But I was. You were jumping. I was. I was like, Oh, my God. This could be such a fun- Crazy twist. Circle, big twist. I did my husband for your show.

Delivering food.

I'm so special. Really, you're just tricking me. I might need to frame that. I can't imagine there's anyone out there looking to care for someone who's always throwing up and crying.

But try to imagine your heart is that it's dead real. Are you actually going to send them an email?

Yeah, I think we would here devise a plan.

When we'd be up for it.

Yeah. 6'1.

Ben Affleck.

6'1 athletic Ben Affleck?

I was toying with the idea of saying when I said that I've put down roots here, I was going to say, I have a pretty successful pottery shop. You would fill in the blanks and think he makes really cool coffee cup mugs.

Oh, like trinkets that I love.

Yeah, like mugs.

Oh my gosh. What other stuff you love. Okay, so this was a good test. This is like you creating my perfect man.

Everything you think you want, and here it is, will you pursue it?

I didn't love the part that he couldn't rain it in when he was crying a lot. I do want him to be able to rain it in a little bit. Red flag. That was a little bit of a red flag. Okay.

You could build on that.

I can't believe I didn't get it when you read, I'm a Shameless Sunworsher.

I got so nervous because I was looking for you outside and I said, Were you sunworshipping? I was like, Oh, shit. I shouldn't have said that. I just wrote that. That's going to tip it.

Did you write it just now?

On the toilet before we left. I thought of it last night, and then we got home so late. I didn't do it. Then, as you know, I took a nap before work.

I feel sad with myself because you're right. He sounded great, but when he threw up in New York, I was out.

Because you love New York so much.

He can't. I mean, that's embarrassing.

But he loves it still.

But he's throwing up everywhere.

He just needs you to care for him a little bit.

I think you're confused about my desire to care about anybody. That's not what it is.

That's your own pro claimed.

No, they have to be sick.

Yeah, he's very sick from all the commotion. No, he's a baby. He's psychosametic. He's weak.

Yeah, that's a weakness.

That's the problem with vulnerable. Where is the line? I know. You're free to cry and vomit if you have a flu.

Yeah, I love that.

But if the commotion sometimes makes Yeah, don't mention anything. No, get through it. Fucking shove your feelings right down.

No, he can talk to me about it. We can discuss it. But just don't throw up on the street.

It's not in the street. It's just he's like, Oh, I think I need to Stop back at the hotel.

I can't stop. I'm on a mission there.

If I would have said I love shopping, would that have been too much? I love shopping for luxury goods. People are always mad at me because I spend so much on luxury goods, but I can afford it, and I don't have kids.

But I want them.

But I am toying with Buddhism, so I might say goodbye to all this, but probably not.

I mean, in real life, who do you think is my perfect partner? If you really had to create him, who you really think would be a good partner for me, not who I would want. Oh, man.

Like a famous person?

It could be that or just creating the characteristics.

That's really hard. I always just go to whoever I love. I would go, Oh, you and Nate would have so much fun married. You and Aaron would have so much fun married. I just end up thinking whoever I'm in love with, it'll be a great match for you. Yeah, that'll work. That'll do. But it is weird. If I had to pick... Oh, except.

Yes, three dollars.

Three dollars. Three dollars. Don't worry about it. What?

We're only going to go downhill from here.

No. We're going to barbecue and rice. Have you ever been here?

No, I haven't. Not yet.

Maybe this will tempt your palate. This could lead to a list of to-dos for you, money. Yeah. My problem is I get stuck in ruts. I know what I like, and it's hard to go somewhere new when I know I could be going and getting something I love.

We're different that way.

This is your hobby.

It is. It's something I enjoy finding new places and new things. I have trouble with it. You do? You're a creature of habit? Yeah. Well, it's counterintuitive because in life, I'm safer. I'm a creature of habit. I like safety and things I know.

You watch the same thing because you know how it ends. You like knowing how things are going to go down.

Right. But in exploration of cities or food- That's where you let it Yeah, that's where I get kinky.

Yeah, that's your kink.

I'm kinking at eating tasty food. I'm so kinky. Yeah.

I got to find a guy that loves kinky.

I am kinky because I was down for all the vomit for a second, only for a A second. Only for a second. Vomit crying. Only if he's sick.

Some crying. Controlled crying.

Crying if it's- Except for once, he couldn't reel it.

That's too many times.

Once is enough.

I do think it's really tricky. I think we're telling boys, I have the full range of emotions that women have, but I don't know women have caught up to that.

But can I tell you something? If my girlfriend was also so overwhelmed by New York that she threw up everywhere, I can't go to New York with her. True. That's just a person thing. It's right up there.

Oh, on the corner. Oh, World Famous Barbecue Rice Bowl. Yes. Shit.

So what happens now?

You guys hold tight. Yeah, Aaron runs in, grabs the rice. I don't think it'll It was far because it was only three bucks.

Oh, my gosh. This man is eating it?

Yes.

And he's wearing a Muay Thai shirt. Oh, I shouldn't be pointing.

He and Matt might know each other from Muay Thai.

I wanted to ask him if he likes his food.

I was going to admit to you that When you're talking about your watch thing.

The Cartier watch I wanted.

Right. That was too much money. Yes. I was not judgmental, but also I didn't want you to buy a watch that expensive. Really? Yeah, because I want you to save your money and invest it. To be safe.

That's funny. That might be because you... Well, a few things. One, you feel paternal. But two, and I want to relieve you of this, I think since our job is together, the money, if it runs out, it's on you to make sure I still have some or something. Is that a part of it, maybe?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, but it's not. Just so you know.

Yeah, I guess that's none of my business. All to say, I had had the same exact moment the day before. I just recently was like, I got to sell, and I'm going to, I got to sell some of these fucking vehicles. You are? Yeah, I got to get rid of some of these motorcycles. I don't know what car I'm going to get rid of, but I have too much crap. I got to get rid of it.

Oh, Buddhism.

Yeah. And then I met my dad, Tom Hansen, for dinner at Katsuya, and he was in a brand new AMG GT. It was so sexy, two-seater sports car. And that silver, that Mercedes Silver, that's from the wing that you love. It's so sexy. Oh, wow. And at first I was like, who cares? I'm not that interested. And then he was getting in and I said, Do you like it? And he goes, yeah, it's good. I go, is it fast? He goes, yeah, it's fast. I said, it's not as fast as the wagon, right? The AMG wagon that we both had. And he goes, Oh, it's way faster. I'm like, No, the wagon is supposed to be the fastest. And he goes, No, this thing has a nine speed and 600 and some horsepower. I was like, Oh, fuck. Hearing those numbers Yeah, you wanted it. Like your watch, all of a sudden I was like, I got to have this car. If I can have this car, why wouldn't I have this car?

I know.

It took over all my thinking. I was like, You cannot buy another car. I don't care if you have a billion dollars. You're not allowed to. Because all you do is worry about it and don't use it. The watch, you're going to wear it sometimes.

I know. Well, actually, the watch was an interesting thing because when I was talking to Anna Jess about it, Anna said I could buy it. Okay. So I was like, I'm going to buy it because Anna said I could. Yes.

And she's reasonable.

Yes. But then she said, But what you can't do is go on your walks wearing it. And I was like, Fuck. That's true?

Monica, I do better at this normally. I don't know why. I'm so engaged in your stories.

I tell good stories.

You do. You're one of the great storyteller. That's actually true. On paper, your stories are boring. And they're riveting. No, I'm telling you, they're absolutely riveting. But on paper, if it was a pitch to a studio and you're like, Here's the situation. This woman cannot stand these people that hang out on the sidewalk when she's walking. They would go, No, there's no story there. But there is a story. You just haven't heard Monica tell it.

That's true. So she said, You can't go on your walks with it. And I was like, That's right. I can't. I would feel so scared on my walks wearing a $30,000 watch, but then I will never wear it. The point is that I would wear it as a daily watch, but that includes my wags. Aaron, I almost bought a $30,000 watch. I'm getting I didn't. I didn't buy it, and I'm not going to. I've decided definitively I'm not going to. But Dax, you've owned some expensive watches.

I have one expensive watch.

And that's how I feel. I could have one expensive watch.

Yeah, but you're not going to like this. But I personally don't really have a ton of faith that that Cartier watch is going to accrue value. I don't think there's a good enough history of Cartier's doing that. My one really expensive watch is one of very few that has just gone up every year for 25 years. Right. So that one, I really did feel confident that, Oh, I'm just getting this in a pinch. I can definitely sell it and probably make a good deal.

But these are lies we tell ourselves.

You're right. I'm never going to sell it. My kids are going to probably find it in a box of shit when I die, and they'll have no idea what it's costing. Someone at Goodwill will buy it for $13, and I'll be beyond the grave going, I hope they know they have a fucking Rolex Paul Newman.

Do they know what they have?

That's a panda.

Yeah, exactly.

No, none of it means anything. You can learn it, but you can't internalize it because I had the experience of going to my dad's house after he was dead. Head. And just you look around, you're like, none of this has any value anymore because there's no one here to care about it.

Yeah. With the fires, we had to think about all of that lot. What has real value? What's meaningful? What are we packing? I'm packing a note that Delta wrote me when I had my seizure. That's what matters.

Erin, did you have to clean out anything of your dad's when he died?

Yeah.

Did you take anything?

Yeah.

All his money?

All that It's funny. He had some things from Vietnam, like his dog tag.

That's cool.

Military ID. That was fascinating to me.

We've arrived. And by the way, Dax, can I say we're at someplace cute?

We are. And is it Leevette door? It is. I'm not even going to get to meet Ky, which I would love to because what a cool name. Maybe I'll knock on the door. Maybe we should just risk getting fired.

Oh, could you get fired that way?

Yeah, they could complain, right?

Oh, yeah.

I wonder what you'd have to do. They get fired.

I think this is Ky. I think this is Kai. I think this is Kai.

Oh, you know what? I'm guilty of that. Having two deliveries at once from different places. Oh, yeah.

We've got that there. Oh, and then there's a third delivery person behind us. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is it really going to the same place?

Well, let's see.

This is very... You should ask them, How many deliveries have you had?

What if the door finally opened and then just weed smoled and all the money out of there because the person had the money? This is a delivery person as well. Oh, my God. Please go to the same house. It is. Okay, we go three for three? Oh, He's taking a picture just like I did.

Good, you did. Good job.

Yeah, I took a picture. I got to know what this girl is doing.

Get out of there. What is her ride?

She's going to take all that food to a second location. A restaurant. Back to the restaurant where she bought it from. Wow. That would be an elaborate system as you hate waiting for food, but you love eating at the restaurant. So you get a Postmates to your house, then you Uber to the restaurant.

Oh, yeah. He's got a big... Oh, that was-Groceries.

Yeah, grocery delivery.

That's probably the dessert, ice cream and stuff.

Yeah, big tub of ice cream.

So you have your dad's dog tag. That's cool.

Yeah. I can't think of really anything else besides that?

The only thing I took is all my dad's AA coins.

Right. Oh, yeah. And you gave me one, which I have, by the way.

That's really sweet. Yeah.

In fact, I owe you probably three more.

Can I have one?

There's no five day coin. They don't make a coin for five days.

I like this street a lot. So I go to this place, L&E, right there.

What do they specialize in?

Oysters, It's very cute. They have a happy hour upstairs. That's part of your kinkiness. Oh, man. Well, yeah. Aphrodisi. Yeah.

I'm not going to say they get all horned up.

I've never experienced that from oysters, by the way.

I'm such a perv. There's nothing fucking gross than oysters to me. I've stared at him on a menu for 10 minutes thinking, it'd be worth it to feel really horny. Oh my God. Which is so weird because unless you can do something with the horn, why do you want to feel? But I do want to feel horny even if I don't have That is weird. Do you have that area? Do you like being horny? Yeah, like being horny? Yeah.

Even if you can't.

I mean, I guess you can always masturbate. I don't get a horny to masturbate.

I do.

Oh, that's awesome.

Don't you when you go to a hotel or anything?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. I do. As soon as I walk in the door, actually. You're naked? Yeah. As I've said before, yeah. Close the door with your deep. I eventize it. I get bear naked. I use lotion, which I never I've ever used. And I make a warm towel for myself before I start that I put on the night stand. Oh, man. I do everything short of putting music on. Sure.

And light candles.

I pour a big bath for myself.

Have either of your wives walked in on you masturbating? Oh, wow. Or girlfriends, I guess.

Yes. That's a great topic, Monica.

Girlfriends have.

And did it go poorly?

No.

Did they join in?

One time, Ruth, he was like, Well, she was real busy, you could tell. And I was like, not busy? Yeah.

Well, you're getting busy. Yeah.

I was busy in a different way. She's on a meeting. Making money.

Yeah, making money.

For the family. That was Jack at noon.

During the work day. Primetime business hours.

Most people are getting paid. She I was like, All right.

Yeah, this is really weird because I'm obviously so open, and I, of course, am not saying I don't jerk off, but I am embarrassed to be caught jerking off.

Right. I could see that.

Are you embarrassed or no? You love it. A little bit.

Look at this. No, I don't love it. No.

Look at this. Juicy.

I'm somewhere in between.

Sausage.

I always think how sexy I am when I'm jacking off. I know we've discussed that.

So I'm like, Yeah.

I guess I want to get caught. But it depends where I'm at in it. If I'm just starting.

I want to get caught by someone that doesn't know me that's attractive because I think in that moment, yeah, that I would look sexy, too. Of course, it would just be terrifying. Sure. But I don't really want someone that knows me to walk in. What are you doing? Are you a creep?

Yeah. Oh, my God, ding, ding, ding. This is where I get waxed.

You want to pop in?

I do need to pop in.

You could hit two birds with one stone. We'll just bring all the equipment in.

Isn't it cute? It's a store up front. Wow.

That's quite a job. Just one pussy after another, you're seeing.

I know. God.

There's no male waxers, right?

I've never seen one.

Would you allow a gay waxer male?

A gay man?

A gay man. No. A gayman? No. Because he could just be acting gay.

It's not even about the sexuality.

Like if we were to... It's not. I mean, the thing is, of course. Hi, sweetie. Hey, we put on a I hate to say that everything is about the sexuality when I'm meeting you anywhere.

Well, no, because if it was a gay woman, I wouldn't care. It's something about a man near my vagina that I don't want unless I've decided I want.

But it is interesting because, yeah, it's so weird. I would, of course, rather have a girl wax me than a man.

Yeah, I would never have a man wax me.

Really? The notion of pulling my pants down in front of a strange man and then him applying wax all to my mom's pubis.

I would way rather have a woman. But it's for the same reason. It's because men might lose control at any moment and behave horribly. Pretty much just a woman to do her job.

Even if they kept it together, God knows what's on the side of their mind. They're like, Click, click, click, click, click for later.

Exactly.

Taking their time might take longer if a guy is waxing you. And he's really getting in there. Yeah, he's really taking his time under the guys who are being thorough.

Also, taking your time is the last thing you want. You want that done so fast.

You want to keep walking, basically. Take your pants off and never stop moving.

It's awful. I'm considering getting laser, but I'm also scared of that because it's so permanent.

It's so permanent. And then, yeah, what if this guy from the south likes grass on the field before he plays ball?

People from the south tend to.

They're notorious for it.

But they don't really care, right? Don't most guys just take what they can get? I like both.

Yeah. Both are very exciting. I know. I think for our generation, it's specific, though, because I grew up looking at Playboy. That's the first time I saw women naked. Right. And they all had hair, bouge. It represented womanliness. That's a mature, fertile woman right there. Exactly.

Not a baby. Yeah.

And so I very much have that seared into my head. I don't know what Gen Z's relationship with it is.

Yeah, good question.

I can tell you my children think pubic hair is disgusting, and it is.

Yeah, it objectively is pretty cool.

But I like it, too. I did, too.

I remember when we were 20-ish, girls started shaving, and that was my newer thing because I do remember you.

But it started with just a strip.

Yeah, the strip. Landing strip, classic land. I know that was exciting for people. Because it was new. I remember at one point, I comment on a certain girlfriend's. I was like, Oh, no, there's no shaving going on. You're like, Oh, really? Don't you want that? I'm like, Oh, no, I love it.

I love them. Yeah, you like it wild?

Yeah.

I guess it's wild.

It's wild.

There's something primitive about it. There is.

That's a great way to say it.

Is it making a comeback?

It is, it seems. Basing that on I'll see movies and girls are having some Bush, and they're younger, and I think, Oh, cool. It's coming back.

Yeah, I think there's this train of thinking that's like, if you are removing all your hair, why are you trying to be a doll or a baby? That's weird and probably not what you want. So some people think that.

Well, there's a tactile appeal to it when it's completely bare.

Yeah. I mean, I like it bare. That's sweet.

That's like a cheeks, someone's cheeks. Not a baby's, but an adult woman's cheeks.

We got to be careful to say not a baby's cheeks. If you walked in on your girlfriend masturbating, would you be upset You were in the house.

Oh, why didn't you let me-Exactly.

Why didn't you just decide to have sex with me?

No, I would just be so happy they're horny. That's all that I think is cool. Oh, good. You're horny. You'll want all kinds of things.

Sure.

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Okay, we're going to take a real question now. I promise I didn't write this one, but I did go through them and think what ones would Monica and I debate about.

My husband started TRT a few years ago because of low testosterone. This led him into the world of bodybuilding, podcast, etc. He started-You wrote this one, too. No, no, no. He started bodybuilding and has been at it for about three years. I hate it. I love that he has a thing he does that makes him happy, but I can't get past the connotations and the vanity of it all. I know it's completely my issue, but it's weird going from a man who didn't give a shit about this world to a pre-workout-loving meat and rice eating stringer wearing bro. For context, we are 41, and we've been married 12 years. Have two boys, seven and nine. I do a lot of running and sometimes triathlon, so this is not against working out. It's specifically bodybuilding and how involved it is, and I cannot let it go and be cool. And that was from Kate Marihue.

Kristen Bell.

I. K. A.

Kristen Bell.

She changed a couple of details, but I hear her in there. Gosh, this is tricky. I mean, I get it. I think what she's feeling is how I would feel, which is I don't even know you anymore. That's what's underneath it. Is I thought I knew you. You didn't care when we got together. You were this person, and now you're changing. That's scary in a relationship.

I agree. That is inherently scary because who are you? But then the real personal thing is, and does this different person still like me?

And do I like this new person? Yeah.

So there's probably two different things. Is she repulsed by muscles? That's an issue. And is no longer physically attracted to them? That's one issue. Let's just pretend that's not the issue for a second. So this new person has this new pursuit, and I didn't even know they had it in them. And then what else is next? You're unpredictable now. Exactly. And it's scary. The things I think are perhaps not fair are the pieces she uses to build the argument instead of what a very vulnerable thing is that's going on. I don't really buy vanity as a thing. Everyone's vain. It's like, what version of vain are you I don't know if I buy the vanity part. I think that's an easy thing to... It's like a moral sin to be vain. But it's also bullshit. We're all vain. We're all looking in the mirror. We all care how we look. We care how we dress. Anyone that does triathlons, they get it. They're in to challenge. Yeah. So I want this challenge. I want to rise to this thing. I've set for myself this goal. So that should be relatable. I don't see any difference between bodybuilding and doing triathlons.

I do, because there is a culture around it. It can be, not always, but it can be bro-y and douchey. And it sounds like that's what she's saying. Like the podcast, he's really immersed. The string wearing. Exactly. He immersed himself in this culture more than just he wants to be fit, but he wants to be one of these types of guys.

If I'm being dead honest and I was her, I'd be embarrassed to be moving through the world with a bodybuilder as my partner. Yeah, me too. Just truthfully, I don't think I would love how it reflected on me or what people would assume. Oh, that's interesting. Oh, she likes Jersey Shore meatheads? So that's something to contend with. Is it about you don't like how it makes you look, which is very complicated I'm not willing to say it doesn't matter.

Back to the thing we were talking about earlier with my Southern gentleman. Yes, soulmate. That it's really hard for men, for my soulmate, and that it's hard for men to walk this line because we are asking now for men to be feminine and masculine and this and that and all the things, and that's really hard. There is something about carrying so much about your body that it almost feels feels effeminate.

Oh, yeah. This is what Erin's original criticism of me being obsessed with my body at a young age. It's like, that's what girls do.

Right. Girls are obsessed with looking a certain way. Yeah.

Having a flat stomach. And it felt very feminine for Aaron, right? A little bit, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's interesting.

So you're consumed with it. And I get it. I think in many ways, Aaron was way more attractive having a belly than me not having a belly because I thought about it.

Anytime anyone's just fully consumed. There's something a little unattractive about. I don't know.

You'd have to actually know how it's affecting you. Is he unavailable because of this pursuit? Is he not present as a dad and as a husband been. And so there's a theoretical version where he has this whole thing, but it has no impact on her. He's squeezing in these trips to the gym on his lunch break at work or whatever he's doing, gets up so early. If it's not affecting you and you just really I have a lot of judgment about it. I'm in an interesting place in this conversation because obviously I work out a lot and I take testosterone. I don't listen to a bodybuilding podcast. I love bodybuilding documentaries. I would never want to look like a bodybuilder. And I guess for me, it's like, why would you care if I'm pursuing this goal of this body, but I'm doing every single thing I've always done? It has had no actual impact on in a relationship other than just you don't like the idea of it.

She made it sound like he went from doing nothing, sitting on his ass thing. She seems to exercise and do her thing. She's probably wanted him to take part in something together with her. Instead of going for a walk with her, he fucking went this route, spends maybe less time there.

If you're a jealous person as well, it'd be hard to not make the conclusion like, Well, if you're putting all this time into your body, you're going I don't want someone to appreciate it. I know we got a ride.

Where are we at? Where are we going?

Do you know this place?

What's it called?

Oh, it's 600 feet from here.

Oh, this is amazing.

Vietnamese.

Vietnamese. Okay, of course. And Thai Kitchen.

I just think in a situation like this, you have to spend almost way more time thinking about all the ways you're affected by it to really figure out really what is the core issue so that you can address it. You just can't go in and go like, I don't like that you go to the gym.

Yeah, but I I need to think back to what I said at the beginning. I think it's more about identity. In her head, she's probably worried that he's taking on this new identity, and it's not one that she would have maybe chosen to be with. Sure. And now she's in it. She has two children with this person. That's also probably a piece of it.

If I had kids-Well, and if you had boys, are they going to want to be just like dad?

Exactly. And then what are we telling them about what our bodies should look like and what's important? That gets complicated. I think she's probably struggling with, now I'm married to this type of guy.

Twelve years later, a big life change like that.

Yeah, it's big.

Yeah, but let's just say for a second, it was that she's just nervous he's changing. She doesn't know what she's going to have and if he'll be around. And she could say that and leave bodybuilding out of it. So it's just like, I'm afraid of change. You're a different person. I don't know about saying that because then he'll say, I'm just a bigger boy. Just huge. I'm just jacked. But you could comfort someone and go like, Honey, this in no way leads to me wanting anything different in life. I still very much want you. I still love our kids. You could address that and reassure that. But if it's just a simple request to stop doing this thing you love.

I mean, look, as we have learned on this trip, I love eating. I love going places. I love restaurants. And if I was married to someone, and that's what we did. We went out. That's part of our life. That's part of our fun. And then he decides to become a bodybuilder. He can only eat protein shakes and chicken breasts. And that is affecting my life. That's affecting the relationship. What we do together is totally shifted. That sucks.

See, that to me is defendable as a topic to bring up. You go like, We used to do this, and I enjoyed it so much, and now we don't. So how do we fix that? As opposed to just like, you quit bodybuilding, that'll fix itself. You got to address the specific things that are coming up that have changed that are not working for you, as opposed to just the theoretical umbrella of bodybuilding.

Bodybuilders, am I right?

Oh, my God. They're all the same.

They're all big. I'm trying to make it an equivalent. If Kristen all of a sudden decided showers are bad for you.

Well, she has decided little things. She decided, I'm not shaving my armpits or my legs anymore.

Right.

But you didn't care about it. She didn't consult me. It's in a sanctified space that I can't even bring it up because it's under the umbrella of feminism.

Of course. She can do what she wants with her body.

She doesn't have to participate in this pageantry, so men like you more. And I agree with that. So what am I going to really say? And I don't care enough. Would it be my preference that there's scraggly hair coming out of her arm?

Look at all these suckers trying to find parking for their delivery.

I hope we meet some other delivery people when we drop it off.

I hope this person also ordered a dozen. I really wanted to be to my house one of these times. My sister just ordered it for the children.

Yeah. So this is a good example. But also, what if it was more extreme because you didn't care enough about it?

Yeah, I don't really even care. But you would probably care. I just go like, Oh, I don't know that I would do something stylistically or esthetically and not ask her. I wouldn't go get a nose job and get a tiny nose before I ask her how she would feel about that.

Of course. You didn't ask her when you started to bulk up because also you did?

Yeah, I said to her, Hey, I've always said if I got a Marvel movie, I would get I'm a trainer. I would do all the shit to do it. And I've been waiting as an excuse for that to happen. And it was during COVID, and I was like, I'm never going to be in a Marvel movie. I will have no excuse. If I want to experience it, I just am going to do it. What do you think about that? So right there is probably this is a different scenario. This dude probably didn't ask her, so she felt...

Left out, abandoned.

Yes, or a part of this huge decision. And she said, I don't care unless I noticed that you start acting differently, more aggressive or something. I want the right to pull the plug on the whole thing. And I was like, yeah, great. And then that hasn't happened. And then in my defense, what happened in those pursuing four years was you have Atia's book coming out. It's just more and more science is now on my side that a good muscular body is going to be healthier metabolically, and it's probably a great decision as you decline. That you're starting with more. So now it all worked out. So I got lucky in that the popular wisdom of the day happens to be that, yeah, being strong is a good thing because I could see her saying, in the absence of that, okay, you did it. Now what? This is you for the rest of your life. You're going to work out six days a week. But she, too, likes to work out.

She's now taken on some of it, too, after you.

And reading Outlived.

Right. But I mean, you brought her into that space, I think, and she's She decided to take some of that on. But what if she decided-She wanted to become 400 pounds? Right.

Did people make that decision?

No, but for the sake of this, I'm willing to pretend that she makes that decision. That one's tricky, but I guess this bodybuilding thing is not too dissimilar. There is a weight of muscle that's unhealthy. You start cannibalizing your organs. That's a well-known condition. But I would, of course, have on my side, I would be able to say, at this BMI index, scientifically speaking, you're shaving 20 % of your life off at the end, and we want you to stick around. I don't know that that would be entirely honest.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can mask it as health. Yes.

But the truth is- And I think people do do that. They're not really being honest about the real thing that scares them, and they just mask it under that.

Well, which I like that this woman is not saying that. She's not like, And I'm worried it's unhealthy. She's like, I don't like it.

I think you're right. I just think it's more of who is this person? Even more scary, she might be okay with this version. It's just what's next?

Yes, where will it go?

Yes, this unknown fear of like, Well, I thought I could have predicted how this person would have done it. What is it? Nine. We're approaching the location. Well, this city is full of delivery folks. You, PA.

That's all that's happening around here.

It's like there's one legion of people in their house and the other legion of people is out delivering stuff to their houses.

Meet at Dora. You are meeting them.

Okay, I'm going up to 507. I'm going to climb five flights of stairs. This is what I was telling you about, Monica. They don't ask you how in shape you are.

Oh, yeah, that's a factor.

And not everyone can take five flights of stairs.

No, they can't.

It's a weird line to get in the place. I know. This is exciting.

I'll take a dime bag and-Yeah, I might come up.

Something's going on there, right? I might come out with a lot of stuff.

God, you got to be brave to be a food delivery.

Well, luckily, I am.

Yeah. Oh, look, they met him right outside.

Oh, he didn't even have to climb his stairs.

He has I just climbed a few stairs on these trips. I would give him that.

Oh, my God.

They were standing right there.

Tell us about her.

She said, For Rachel? I said, Rachel B? And she said, Yep. And I said, Here you go. And she said, Thank you. And then she looked at me a little bit weird. Okay. And then she went inside.

And she's like, We should have printed-You are handsome. God, are you a bodybuilder?

You've been working out. Your wife is so lucky. I've been looking for a man who knows how to build his body. I'm going to go left here, too. This is where we pick up some action. The places you don't think anyone goes to.

This is near where you told me about the tire guy.

Oh, yes, exactly. John.

John.

Oh, right up here. American Tire centers. So to put a bow on it, what's your final recommendation? Mine is to just really explore what's going on, maybe a little more. Forget for a second whether you have a good argument, whether it's a stupid activity or not. Right. Let's say it is. But I think just trying to really figure out what the key fear is that's happening, and then share with your partner what your fear is, and give them the opportunity to comfort that. And if that doesn't work, then I guess we're dealing with something else.

Divorce.

Divorce.

I think it's a conversation that you have. You're vulnerable, and then you say, I'm scared that you're changing, and I don't know if it will stop.

Maybe you agree to some boundaries. I don't know what that looks like. You touring for shows doesn't work for our family, or if it's too much time, or if he's really into bodybuilding, he's probably on real anabolic steroids, and I don't know if his temperament is changing.

Yeah. I mean, also, look, listening to all these podcasts, not to be a hypocrite, but it changes you.

Yeah, people have gotten sober from our podcast.

Yes, and that's a beautiful thing, but your mindset can fully change when you are listening to something nonstop. And so I understand understand a fear of like, that's all you're consuming. That's scary. Maybe there's a boundary of like, can you just promise me that you'll diversify some of the things you're listening to? Oh, guess what we're close to? Baskin Robbins? Cara.

It's Bask and Robbins. It's really That's really a bigger question of how much autonomy do you have in a marriage.

Yeah, I know.

Which is hard. Kristin could write in, and it would be a very easy to defend position where she'd go, My husband's into racing vehicles. We have a family. My girls love their dad. I don't know why he needs to risk his life doing this. And that's such a legitimate-It makes me feel really unsafe. And that's a really legitimate fear. And then I would have the opportunity to go like, Well, look, they don't die riding vehicles. Could I get paralyzed? Maybe. But I've been doing track days for 19 days. People definitely die. No, no one's died at a track day that I've been at in 19 years.

No one heard about somebody. At a track day, but not on the street.

You could get hurt. I have been hurt. But yet my defense would be like, This is who you met. This was my passion. And I didn't false advertise. And it's really important to me. I get so much spiritual action out of that. It's part of who you are. You're asking me to really give up a big chunk of who I am. I have an air suit, so when I crash, the thing will inflate. That's an improvement. What things am I doing to be safe? I've stepped down from a thousand to a smaller bike. I did do things, not even with her asking, but post-accident. I did some things.

Yeah, I don't think you can ask someone to change fundamentally for you. I do think it's different if you're mid-marriage. She didn't sign up for this. But also people are people. They get to make decisions about their life.

Yeah, in a dream world, you get to try a lot of different things in life, and they might seem scary or out of character, but I think I certainly want to do as much stuff as possible on my little trip. Agree.

Change is good sometimes.

A real hard The one is when people get sober.

Fuck. Those relationships are impossible. I've noticed.

Especially being used together.

Yeah.

Brie and I had definitely had other issues, but that wasn't easy. We had been drinking together for 19 years. I mean, nine years. And all of a sudden, I don't drink when we go out to eat. And then even worse, what was true to me was I didn't mind if she had two glasses of wine, but if she had three glasses of wine, we're having a different experience experience. Yes. And it sucks that I had to go join this version of it. It just sucks for both of us. It's not fair to her. And for me, I don't want to be at dinner with someone who's a little drunk and isn't going to remember much of it or is feeling overly emotional, which hasn't been warranted without alcohol.

There was people who have written in about that. Oh, really?

Oh, God. I mean, I tend to think in that case, even though you're right, it's not fair. But if I was married to someone and they got sober, I would have to change my lifestyle. Maybe not be completely sober, but know that I care about this person's well-being, and me drinking a ton around them is maybe not the best In my defense, I was like, Go out with your girlfriends and get hammered.

If we're going to spend the evening together, and one of us is a little drunk and the other is not, it's not terribly fun for me.

It's a tough sedge. That's the definition of a sticky sedge.

That's a cat's two-two, as I say. What does that mean? I say that a lot, right?

Yeah, and I don't get it because cats don't wear two-tos.

No, it's catch-22. And then I used to say catch-22 because that sounds funny, and you still actually know what I'm saying.

Okay, yeah.

Oh, that's a real catch two two. That sounds fun. Yeah, that's cute. But then over the years of saying catch two two, it became cats two two, which sounds like a kitty cat's two two.

Exactly. And that's not a thing. That's not a thing that they do.

They don't Although they definitely wear two twos on Instagram, but most don't.

Oh, my God. Our phones are going to be just last in with cats wearing two twos now that we said it.

I would love to see that. Although I have a hunch if they exist in Kristen would have already sent. You know I'm on a text chain with Kristen and Aaron, an Instagram DM chain. In these two of animals.

That doesn't take much part in.

So much. I can't tell you how many. I'm just like, I'm not sure why I'm on the text chain. You guys do not need me on this. Is it animals? Just enjoy your animal. What is it?

We do send a lot to each other without you as well. Oh, you do? Okay. But I think it's become, we both think you need to see. I'm sure you don't. You don't feel the same way. But it's also really funny to me. I know when she's sending something, I'm like, This is really funny she put it on the one with the ex because I'm not going to fucking hate it.

I don't hate it. It's hard for me to watch them. I'm like, Oh, it's another animal doing They're minutes long. Maybe three minutes before the animal does something interesting.

Erin, you sent me a funny DM the other day of a picture. What did it say? Monica let me in your pussy or something. Oh, yeah.

I'm on a gym. I forgot about that.

Yeah, it was such a good gym. What was that? Let me look for it really quick.

It says, Let me in your pussy? Put me on that change.

This one I'd love it.

See? It says, Monica, let me eat you out.

Let me eat you out. It was like, A tag? Someone tagged it?

Yeah, someone graffedied that somewhere.

Well, Moni, we love you. Thank you so much for coming. Love you guys.

This was fun. It's fun, right? Yeah, I'm glad we delivered some tasty treats to people.

Did we make two or three deliveries?

Two. Okay, great. How much money total today?

Let's see. No, we're at $4. 65.

Oh, my God. And we spent an hour and a half.

We were working it. I wonder if the girl, Rebecca B, though, will inside and then give me more of a tip. I hope not.

Oh, because she knows it's you. Yeah. What if she gives you $1,000?

I'll drive back to her house and give her $1,500. That would be a good trick to fuck with me, actually. I don't know.

Maybe next season, you guys, you can get the things, and then when you drop off the food, you leave $100 in there.

Just leave everyone the cash.

If enough people watch this, I'll commit to that. I love you. Love you.

Oh, man.

What a date, guy.