Transcript of #3145 Below Deck Med S10E15 Part 1: F Boy Cryland

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens.

Well, hello, and welcome to What's What Happens. I'm Roni, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

Hi, Roni. How's it going? Good morning.

Yeah. What are you doing? Is it podcasting? I was like, Well, that's quite an assumption. No, it is a good morning. How's it going with you?

It's going well. I'm going to have to rearrange some shelves in my refrigerator because I'm afraid that a recent rearrangement put my eggs too close to a cold spot in the fridge that's causing them all to crack in the curtain. It's very frustrating. That's the day I'm having. What's What's going on with you?

You're freezing your eggs or what?

Yeah, there's a cold spot. They get scared. I think it's like the airflow is not good in this fridge, and so the eggs… I don't know what's going on with this fridge. You know what? That's what I've got to say. It's all junky at the moment. It's too cold for its own good. Eggs keep on breaking because they're freezing over despite the fact that I raise the temperature. I'm not having it. I'm not having it with this refrigerator anymore.

Well, I wish you the best with that one.

Thank you.

Speaking of cracked eggs, below deck Mediterranean, everybody. First of all, we move to a new network. We're on ACAST now, so some of you might be wondering what happened to the ad-free feed, which was on WNDRI. We're going to I'm not going to move that over to Patreon, but it's going to take us a couple of weeks to get it settled. But that will be on Patreon. You'll be able to subscribe at Patreon and then put the RSS and whatever podcast feed you like. Patreon is also where you get our bonus episodes. This week, we're going to start talking about traders, which comes back this week. It's also where you get videos of these episodes, Krapp and on Demand, which run right now, everybody. Go over to Patreon for that stuff. Today is below deck, Mediterranean. Now, we were on vacation last week during that episode of below deck, and we're not going to do full coverage. We'll just tell you what happened. Basically, we didn't find out who shit in the shower and shoved it down the train, which was a ripoff.

We all know who did it. We all know who did it.

We all know who did it. He knows who did it. But I don't like mystery shows that end like that, that it's like, Well, it's up to you guys. No. Don't make it this whole big thing in It's this whole big plot, and it's all over social media. There's news stories about it, for Christ's sake. It is in the news. It's like, Venezuela, who shit in the toilet? I mean, who shit in the shower? That's what's in the news. Then you just say, That's it? No. I need more from you. Bravo. Below deck.

Bravo knows. There's cameras all over that boat. They know who went in at what time. This is not a mystery. They are protecting the guests for whatever reason. I don't know why they decided to protect the guests. I don't know. Are they afraid of being sued for documenting that someone went into the shower and shot in the drain? I don't know why they're protecting anyone on this.

Why are they protecting anyone? I don't either. Start protecting poopers, okay? Also, we've been getting a lot of DMs and messages from people who work in hospitality in all kinds of places. Vegas. I don't know, just lots of places. I don't need to go through every individual email. But lots of stories of people doing this, just pooping down, shoving poop down drains. I just have to say, humanity Stop it. Just stop it. Enough already.

Poop in the toilet. Poop in the toilet.

If you poop in the shower, pick it up with your hands and put it in the toilet, and then wash your hands in the shower and stop being disgusting.

Exactly, because you're already sulleying one appendage by jamming it down the drain with your foot. I don't know how it's any different than doing it with your hand instead and putting it into the toilet. Don't be ridiculous. Try not to be a barbarian, especially if you're on a yacht.

Right. We didn't know who shit the drain, but we do know who shit the bed, and that was Joe. What a loser. What a fucking loser.

It was, by the way, this was... Well, he's a piece of shit. But by the way, the postproduction just must have had so much fun doing this episode. I mean, for such a sad episode, it was a very sad episode. This was V coming back on her, on her birthday, and she wants to celebrate the death of her boyfriend, this guy, Bon, who she really loved, who drowned. And the way they just keep cutting back to Joe crying, crying. He's not crying because Bon died. He's not crying because he feels bad for Victoria. He's just crying because he feels like the piece of shit that's in the shower drain. Because for one night, he couldn't just keep it together, and, out of respect for V and her birthday and her boyfriend dying. He just couldn't even do that. So he's crying for himself and crying because he knows he looks like a shit on TV. I don't even think he feels bad about doing it. I think he just feels bad that it was caught on camera.

Right. Because he was coming back with his Bravo like, I'm Joe Bradley 2. 0, and trying to pretend like he was a different person and blew it. He knew he was going to be getting mean comments on Twitter or whatever on Instagram. And so he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Also, sobbing like that during someone else's funeral or memorial service is just so gross. You're such a gross person, Joe.

Exactly. Meanwhile, V is crying because this is a terrible anniversary. You also have Cathy, who just I found out that her stepfather died the night before, and she is a wreck, a full wreck, and Joe's going to cry. Joe's going to act like he's the biggest, victim of something terrible happening to him. You know this was he was crying about himself and not for V because, spoiler alert to this episode, when V ultimately breaks up with him, not a tear is shed. He is not crying over the dissolution of that relationship. He is not crying that she doesn't want him anymore. He's not moping around. There's not one sense, not one shred of remorse, and there's not one instance of sadness. But in the last episode, it's nothing but that because it's not about being the last episode. It's about his self-image. He's such a garbage, garbage person.

Yeah, garbage human. So gross. We pick up in this episode, and also that whole episode, I mean, that whole bond thing was really sad. I don't know the whole… The whole thing of my boyfriend died, so I'm going to cry on Instagram. That's so weird to me that people do that. But I guess that's just modern times, huh? It's just like, I'm crying. Hey, guys. There were scenes I've heard her being like, Hey, guys, it's me. I'm going to feel things today. Then she would go back on Instagram and be like, Hey, guys, it's me. I'm crying. I'm crying, guys. Who does that? Why are you doing that? Stop doing that, Vee.

I always think it's weird.

Just everybody stop because I know that people do that now. But that's like shitting in the drain. Just stop doing it.

Close Well, I think it's really weird when people go to funerals, and then they take selfies at the funeral, or they take a picture with people. They're like, Look at us, crying. You're like, Why are you… But you're using this as social media content. I don't know. It just seems like a weird thing to advertise, and people do it all the time. They'll be standing there, or sometimes they'll even be smiling like, Hey, and you're like, You're at a funeral. What's wrong with you? But you know what? I think I I will say that if someone is crying on Instagram over someone who passed, if this is their way of eulogizing them, that's fine to me. But I think that people's behaviors with social media and funerals are really strange. I'm not going to lie. That's just not where I'm trying to do a selfie or not try to be like, Here's my outfit of the day, or, Look at us. I'm also not trying to advertise how sad I am, meaning that, Look Why don't you look at me, morning. It's one thing to get on social media and express sadness for a person and pay tribute, but, Here's a picture of me standing in a suit at the cemetery.

Why are you doing that?

I don't know. I don't know yet. It's weird to me. Social media, I don't want that on my social media. Or people gym selfies. But we could be here all day with that.

I'm okay with the gym selfies if they look good.

But constant. I know this guy on Facebook who every is putting himself shirtless on there. We see. You know what I mean? We see, Congratulations on your protein, bro. Congrats on your macros. I guess that's my request for the world. I have three requests for the new year for people. Don't shit in drains and leave it there. Don't take off your shirt every day for no reason and talk about your macros, and also stop sobbing. All of those things on social media, please. I guess the shit in the drain wasn't social media, so that was a little off, but still, you get- That would be terrible to do on social media. To me, that's equal as to just sobbing on social media. I don't want to see it. They're all things that I don't want to see on social media, so please stop it.

My wish is still the same. It's pretty much all of what you said. Plus, I don't need to see your baby next to a little chalkboard that says how many weeks old they are. Sorry, I just don't need to see it.

I don't-Okay, so poop and drains. Give me an Egle. Shirtless macros, sobbing about dead people and your fucking baby and how many days old it is. We don't care about any of those things. You know what? Just stop using social media, everybody. Just go buy… Everybody buy a Kendall and just do that.

I care about the one… I I care about the one year. I care about the 18 months. I care about annual things. Here's where I will be okay with it. If you do take that picture because you want to chart the growth, take a bunch of the pictures, take 20 of them, and make a carousel. It's just one Then we can swipe through and it'll be like a flip book. Then we see the baby getting bigger. But if it's just like, Okay, here's week three, and the baby is next to... You put out the little board that has the little letters on it that says seven weeks. I'm like, This is immaterial to me. I get this. I say this as someone who puts up a picture of a cake, and I know people are like, Why do I care about your cake? I get it. I'm not saying I'm not- Well, you can eat the cake.

You can't eat any of those other things that we talked about. You know what I mean? You You can't eat babies. The cake is aspirational. You can't eat the poop in the drain. You can't eat somebody's gym selfie, and you can't eat somebody sobbing. But you can eat a cake.

Yeah. I feel like with the cake, it's like, I didn't think this was going to work out, but look, it actually worked out. I know you could say that about a baby, but I feel like the baby almost always works out. I'm just going to… The baby is always going to be a baby. Not really. It's not like you're going to give birth to a box.

Actually, speaking of working out, whether it works out or not, babies actually, obviously, don't work out a lot of the time, especially once they hit teenage. Start posting their fails as children. That's what I want to see. I'm just saying if you're going to get birthed. My baby hit somebody with a rock today in second grade and was expelled. That's what I want to see on social media. I want to see your terrible parenting come to fruition. On social media.

I'm just saying.

You'll get my life there.

I'm not saying babies. Yes, there are many… It's much harder to give birth to a baby than it is to bake a cake for 35 minutes. But what I want to say is that you always know… You're not going to be like, I'm giving birth to my baby, and then tire pops out. It's going to be a baby. But with a cake, you just really don't know. It's like this craziness with a cake.

I don't know. I don't know if you've seen some of these kids on my timeline. Because I'm sure nobody planned that one. All right, let's get on with it. We pick up where we left off with Joe sobbing in the bathroom for himself and going, What man am I? Who even am I? Who doing this? Stop acting like this was five seconds of you just deciding to drunkenly make out with You were up that girl's asshole the entire day, and the day before that. Stop it. Stop. At least, Kizy.

That's the thing.

I feel like Kizy's even getting more shit because of girl code and all that, which I get. But Kizy's at least honest. She's like, So what? I liked him, too.

I actually have to say, in a weird way, I respected Kizy more than Joe in this situation. Well, not by much, but I agree with you. I think I feel like-Making respect is a stretch.

The effect is not a word.

But I get what you're saying. I'm more like, I went, Oh. When V had her, once she processed and started circling around to everyone, and because he was like, Yeah, I'm not going to apologize because I like him, and we've always had a connection. We just decided to kiss. I mean, it was definitely bitchy, and it was mean, and it was a violation of girl code, but at least she was like, she wasn't trying to soften it. She's like, This is just where I stand, whereas Joe is just full of bullshit and lying. They both are lying. They both are lying and acting like this was a spur of the moment drunken thing, and it wasn't. We all saw. Everyone saw. Now he's sobbing. Part of the problem also with his relationship with V is that it never was a proper relationship. It was definitely a Madonna horror complex situation going on where because she had a trauma in her past, he treated her like she was some special porcelain doll that could not be, had to be, you have to wear special gloves with and she's so delicate. It was just never going to work out because he was never really seeing her as just a full-fledged human.

He just was treating her like this special thing that if he could treat this special thing well, it's like that science experiment. The project you do when you're a kid, when you have to take care of an egg. You ever do that?

Yes, I failed it. I'm sure that's a shock.

I killed the gigapet.

I killed the gigapet, too. I kill everything like that. But yeah, I think you're right. I think he was doing the thing where it's like, Okay, I need to repair my reputation this season. I'm not only going to be a good, quote, unquote, boyfriend to somebody, I'm going to do it to somebody in need. It's like emotionally crippled. You know what I mean? Emotionally hurt in some way that is I'm trying to make me look even better. I'll get more points because she's mourning.

Yeah. I think he actually also believes he will be mature. If he can do this, he will now know that he's mature. We see this with every single fuckboy on all these is that they try to have a very serious relationship where they play house, essentially. You know what? They play house. They play house. That's what they do. They think for a moment like, Oh, because I'm in this relationship, I am therefore mature enough grown up. It's like, no, because the patterns continue on. That's exactly what happened here. But this just had that extra layer of him being like, Victoria, you're so special. Victoria. You're like, Shut up, bro. You're You're doing this not even because you're really that even attracted to her, I believe. I think you're doing it because you want to just improve your self-image, both to the world and to yourself.

Yeah. How much could she possibly care, too? Because they've been together for five seconds. This whole thing is just magnified because of the dead boyfriend stuff. Also, he's like, You're the only one, Victoria. You're the only one for me. I want nobody else. Nathan is also getting on my fucking nerves this episode with his like, Oh, what a day. Roll a I don't think I've loved anyone this fucking much before, to be totally honest. I can't believe Gael. Poor Gael. What have I done, Gael? You were about to fuck Kizy five seconds ago, and the only reason you didn't was because the bed wasn't free. So let's stop acting like you've come upon this huge thing, too. I thought there was going to be this moment in this relationship where I was going to start rooting for Nathan again. Nope, I'm just rooting for her to run, and I'm so upset that she got pregnant. Wow, what a crutch and burn that was. She went Nathan got pregnant from this guy, and then all this other stuff happened after. It's like, Oh, that poor girl.

That poor girl. Yeah, I actually would… I was into this narrative, and I would have totally fallen for it because I was really growing to like Nathan this season. But really, all his Islamophobia was so off the charts and crazy. It's just like, Oh, man. You're just trash, aren't you? So I can't root. And also, I feel like it wasn't addressed. You ghosted her. You ghosted her for five days. That's so inappropriate and so wrong. I don't know why she didn't really grill him about that. Maybe they already had that grilling. But why you can't do that to someone and then expect them to just take you back just because you keep on saying that they're the love of your life. I mean, if they were the love of your life, why did you do that? I don't want to hear some cliché story about how your parents got divorced. Your sister and her fiance broke up, and so therefore, you lost your faith in relationships. Come on, get out of here.

He lost his faith in relationships because the brother-in-law backed away from him after he divorced his sister. Now he- Yeah, of course. Now he ghost people.

Oh, come on. Shut up. What is it? He's like, They discontinued Crystal Pepsi, so now I don't believe in love anymore.

No, get over it. People stop drinking Zema, so I'm done with relationships. I just don't trust anybody anymore.

What about the Zoom? Who has a great alternative? And now there are no alternatives.

So he's going on and on about, Oh, Gail. This is Gail's last night. She's leaving tomorrow. Oh, the amount of emotions just going through my body is now insane. I want to see if we can try and arrange meeting up afterwards. I just want to make it work. Yeah, you want to arrange for her to stay where you are. Nowhere in this were you saying you're going to go where she is. I noticed.

I noticed that, too. I was like, Why are you not... Why is your pitch to say, wherever you are, I'm coming to you? Not be like, Why are you making her rearrange her schedule and her living situation for you?

Yeah, exactly. Then Josh, the fucking clown chef who I still can't get behind. I don't care what anybody says. He doesn't seem like a mean person. I don't hate him, but I cringe. I cringe hard. My butt hole cringes. It clenches. He's like, he sings. He pulls out his guitar and sings an off-key. This is a ballad of Nathan and Kael. Will we stay together? Or will one of them bear? Will one of them bear? Please die. Please die. Please let this musical career die, and the clown career. And cut your hair and shave your mustache. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.

Joe has finished crying, and he's like, Bee, you want to come talk with me? He takes her upstairs, and she's like, Are you okay? He's like, No. He goes, How do you believe I'm a nice person? I try and do good in the world, but I've got this sense of failure. Like, I failed Victoria. And being honest, do you have that sense of it, or is it the awareness that you have?

You did fail, you fucking loser. That's why you did like that.

You know what? It's a really good way to get a sense of failure is failure.

I believe that I'm a good person. You're not a good person. Even believing it is just lying to yourself. Stop. I believe I'm a good person.

I believe I am. I'm just trying. And notice the way for the rest of the episode, especially after they break up, every time he frames the situation, he puts himself in this passive mode, which is what all the fuck boys do. They always say like, Oh, you're trouble, or this always happens to me. He puts himself in the passive mode, and he almost makes himself. He almost makes himself be like a better person. He makes himself sound like a better person. Like, he did something noble by trying to date B and then failing at it. He pushed himself out of his comfort zone as if he went skydiving for the first time.

I was just trying to get that graduate degree, but I couldn't get there. It's like, no, you weren't.

I tried.

I tried saving all the people from that burning building, but my arm was burning. I had to get out of there.

I tried the pickleed herring. I tried the pickleed herring for the first time. I wasn't something I normally would like. I didn't like it, but I tried it. It's like, no, don't get credit.

I tried to save the orphans from the bus that was about to crash into the tree, but then I made off with the kizzie. What can I tell you? I've got a penis that won't stop.

So, they go upstairs to the deck to talk, and he's like, Come over here. He's talking all quiet, and he's all nervous, and he's like, Oh, okay. Everyone's watching downstairs on the closed circuit TV, and he's like, Well, you don't have to be all proper about this. It's all good. What's going on? He's like, So, well, because I've got something to say to you. She's like, What? I fucked up. As in, When you were gone, me and Kizy, I was super drunk. We were in the Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi? Sounds like Kizzie. So naturally, something's going to happen in there. We were talking, and then we walked down. Hildi and I, I kissed her. I put me lips on her lips. That's all that happened. I can't remember anything, you know? Just what I got told. I don't know anything, what happens. I don't even know who Kizzie is.

Yeah. He's like, I hate you. Meanwhile, Kizzie's watching this on the TV, and everyone's groaning like, Oh, my God, why is he doing this? Because he promised that he wouldn't do this today. Asia was like, Don't do this today. This is a meaningful day. Have your moment another day. This is not your day. Of course, he can't help himself. Yeah, he can't. He jumps on it today. They're all groaning watching this, and Kizzie's just rolling her eyes like, Oh, jeez. Also, I don't know, I think it was the other episode where Kizzie says to Asia, she's like, Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm going to tell. I don't know what I'm going to tell her. What do I tell her? Asia goes, Just tell her, Sorry, I'm a stupid bitch. How about that? That was gold. Anyway, he continues on with his monolog, and he's like, I hate cheaters, even though we're not in a relationship. I've just got to put that in there. No, we're not in a relationship. But you did say five times, I don't want anyone else. I'm all in. I'm all in. I'm not really sure what you call that language, sir.

Okay, but it's not a relationship.

You're the one selling the dream, okay? He's like, I'm not going to buy in this in two weeks or whatever. I'm This is going to end in two weeks or whatever. You're too special to lose you, you know? So, over a drunken kiss, I mean, no disrespect to Kizy, but she means nothing to me. And you're something special that I haven't had for literally years. Ever since that time, I got defraudded by a man I wound up eating baguettes in the middle of Spain. So, I just feel like I need to say this to you.

Forgive me. I was overweight for 10 minutes. (laughter) Um, I love that Kizy has to hear over and over in this season. She means nothing to me because she's had to hear from every guy she's tried to bang this season. Well, there was Kizzie, but... Yeah, gross. Not Kizzie. Really into you. I just love that she has to sit at home, hopefully with Tommy, cuddly and watching that over and over again. She's like, okay. V does the cool girl thing where she's like, okay, I appreciate that. He's like, okay. She goes, But would you do it sober? Okay, then. If you wouldn't do it sober, then that settles it. Just don't do it again, all right? You were super drunk. What am I going to do? I mean, okay.

I was like, What the fuck, V? Have some standards. I was like, think about the fact that he did this, not just that he did it, but he did it on the Eve of your birthday, on the Eve of the anniversary of your boyfriend's death, which is a really important thing. He doesn't know how you're going to react. At worst, it'll a total violation for you, and it's going to be a stab on a day where you've already had the biggest stab of your entire life and how cruel that is, and you're just going to let him off the hook. I was so upset. How many times? I was trying to do mental workarounds. You know what, though? I love that. She's like, Well, I was like, This guy, I don't really care. He's all contorted. If she knows it's not serious, she's just going to have fun. She doesn't care really about this. I was trying to be like, Maybe this is empowering the way her approach is. But ultimately, I was like, This is shitty. I was really so happy that she processed and changed course.

I actually liked this reaction better, but I wish it had gone a little further. I liked it because she's crying over another guy. She's talking about how much she loves the other guy. She just spent the whole day on Instagram talking about how much she loves that. She just spent today talking about how much she loves the guy, which is right. She's not wrong for doing that. Joe is just some loser that she's making out with on a boat. I don't think she thinks of it that seriously, but I wish she had been like, Okay, listen, I get it. You're a fuck boy. You made out with a girl when you were drunk on a boat, but I don't want to hang out with you either. Gross. Instead of being like, Okay, it's cool. Let's get back to making out and go party. But I think that she would have been able to continue this had he not continued to be an idiot the rest of the day. I mean, they leave this, and then they go out, and he's still all over Kizzie, and Kizzie's still all over him. I mean, those two are fucking Shameless.

Like, they're Shameless.

Exactly. That is the thing. I don't know. I wanted her to… I really like your take for what her reaction would have been a really satisfying reaction, which is like, Okay, that's fine. I don't take this seriously, but I also don't appreciate how careless you were with my feelings just now, so bye. Because that's ultimately what it was, is that, yeah, they might not be in a deep relationship, but the most vulnerable she's going to be, and she's in such a fragile place, and he doesn't really know how she's going to be. She doesn't know how she's going to be. The one-year anniversary, the death of the love of her life, and he's going to commit a big betrayal to her when she's already emotionally vulnerable, and you just don't know how that's going to go. As it happens, it wasn't too bad. It was more or less fine, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that at all. It's just so reckless of him, and it's so inconsiderate and so self-interested. I think it's just obnoxious. That's what I wanted her to be upset about, was that, wow, you didn't think about how this, how something like this could affect me coming back when I come back to the boat, in my most vulnerable state I've ever been in in my life.

That's I think it's just tricky with people. It's like you've barely been dating, and you know this guy's a piece of shit, and Asia told you multiple times this guy's a piece of shit, and you still went ahead and did it. It's like she knew and she'd been warned. I think she's in a tricky position because if If she does get upset and starts crying, it's like, How could you? She looks like a fucking crazy person because why would you be that into… I mean, even though he just totally did you wrong, it's weird to be feeling that deep about someone that you know from everybody else on board is a fuckboy and did exactly what everybody just told you he was going to do. I feel like it would be weird of her to freak out. You know what I mean? It borders on weird later to me. Borders. I think she handles this whole thing really well, actually. But I think it would have been too much for her to freak out. I just wish she would have dumped him right here and there because the rest of this is just embarrassing. Like, easily forgiving him.

I get why she's doing it, too, because it's like, forgive, forget. I'm not thinking about him anymore. I'm thinking about Bond, whatever. They go out, but, oh, my God, these two. I mean, they show you exactly who they are. Again, they go out, and they're immediately all over each So, Kizzie tells her in the van, Oh, no, no. She's talking to Cathy and her, and she's like, Listen, I didn't know Joe spoke to you, and I wanted to speak to you earlier, but I feel like a shit friend. You are a shit friend. What do you want her to say?

You're a shit friend.

Yeah. So then they go to the other van.

This is not the only shit friend thing you did to any of these people on this boat, by the way.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. To be fair, at least you're a shit friend to literally everybody, including You treat yourself like shit, too. Then they go to the van where Joe is, and he's like, I don't know if I can sleep tonight. Oh, you'll sleep just fucking fine, I'm sure. Then we go back to Kizy and V, and she's like, Well, I feel like a bit of a… I I feel like a bit of a C-word. She's like, Well, it's too fucking late now. She goes, Well, I'm sorry, though. I feel like an asshole. She's like, Well, I don't know if he's taking the blame for you, but he said, I don't remember because everyone had to tell me about it. Yeah.

And Cathy, Cathy is sitting there next to them, and she's like, she has her hands up on the glass on the window. She's like, Get me out of this van. I don't want to. I don't want to be here anymore. So, kids, he's like, Yeah, me kissing Joe. And then the guilt that came from it, Joe kissing me. It was just a lot. And V is just like, . Yeah, Joe kissing me. So Cathy's just in total hell with these two. And because he's now doing this whole thing of like, I just wish I had to speak to I wish I could have spoken to you. I wish I could have told you. And V is like, Well, why don't we talk about it? That was the one thing I was like, Hey, could we not do that? That was the one thing we talked about. She said, I know. I'm really sorry about that. I'm just really, really sorry. But we were both really drunk. And, again, we saw a clip in here somewhere where there really was a scene where Victoria was like, Please don't go after my guy, Jolene. But because he's afterwards, and Kizzie, they get to the bar and everything, and Kizzie and Joe talk to compare notes.

She was like, He took it like a champ. She believed the whole story.

He's like, Oh, well, we're going to still be friends regardless of what happens. She goes, Yeah, I hope so. Also, I think the way that Kizzie's thinking of it is like, I had my claws on this guy first, and then you came along, and then you went for this guy. I had him first.

That's also because she calls Dibs on everyone.

But she calls Dibs on everybody.

Yeah, exactly. Because it's like she didn't have him first because he got on the boat at the same time. They both met him at the same time. Right, but she was hitting on him first. Well, maybe she went in her mind.

But in her mind, yeah, I'm saying. I feel like she probably feels like that.

She feels that way 100%. She feels like, or she feels like she's entitled to have a shot as well. She didn't get her date. She didn't get her one-on-one date with the bachelor. She feels like she's entitled to have that moment.

Yeah, because she did it with Max, too. Remember when Cathy's like, Oh, I like Max. I like Max. Then Because he jumps on Max in the hot tub and makes out with him. It's like, I just told you I like Max. She's like, But I had an energy with Max. She's not a girl's girl. She jumps on him first. She's like, Well, I already had dips on Max.

Yeah. She's pretty obnoxious, I have to say. Everyone's dancing, everyone's having fun. Nathan is just like, love bomb and gale. He's like, I love you. I love you so much. I can't imagine life without you. It's almost like, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever met, and I just can't. You're the thing that I love the most in this world. She's like, Okay, okay. Basically, she's like, Are you for real? Are you for real? She's like, How long is the question? How long before you bail on me? He's like, Forever. I swear to God, I love you forever, girl.

Yeah. She's crying, you know. And he's monk herring all over her. And then we go to Max and Cathy kissing, and Joe and Victoria Victoria are flirting. No, he's like, Victoria, I've got a hat on. Your hat. Look at that. Why do I want that? And she kisses him, and she's like, I'm the full package, baby. And they start kissing, and I start booing and shitting down a drain. I know. I'm posting babies on Instagram. I'm putting my shirt, shirtless selfies on Instagram. I'm just breaking all my own rules.

So, Gail and Nathan go outside, and Nathan's like, You have no idea how seeing you has made me feel.

She's like, I 100% believe you. That's how you feel.

But the thing is, you felt that way before. But I generally cannot connect emotionally to anyone like I have with you. Honestly, I don't know. When we met, I had my mind made up. Honestly, I love you to bits. I'm in love with you again. I love you again.

She's like, Oh, a bit of time. If you met and you had your mind made up, then why did you ghost her? That doesn't make any sense. Exactly. She's like, Oh, but I've hated you. The second I broke down my walls, you hurt me so much. And not only did you hurt me the first time you hurt 's again, ' 's again, ' ' and he will do it again. What are you doing? What are you doing? Why do I have to drive my fucking antivan to a fucking yacht to save all of you people? You should know better than this. This is 2026. Have you read no books? Have you watched no TV shows? These are fuck boys. Below Deck has been on for 19 years. Like, 37 years, okay? This show predates all of you. You should know better.

It's a show about men who cannot deal with permanence, which is That's why they go onto a boat and sail around the world and do not have to deal with the everyday rigors of being in the same place called a house or an apartment. So, yeah. So he's now- I found a girl, and the girl is the sea. So, I'm doing my Nathan thing, which is that when he tells a story, he leans forward onto his knees and he bops his head left and right. He's like, Yeah, a year ago, I think I self-sabotaged myself and Gail's relationship because everyone I've ever loved was pulled away. My parents' relationship ended, so my dad pulled away. My older sister and her fiancé's relationship ended, so they pulled away. Also, I used to love getting Mrs. Butterworth's, but now I haven't been able to find it in stores. She pulled away for me, too. Molly McButter. Great, great seasonal. Gone. Where's love?

Yeah. She wants to believe him, but it's only been three days, and she doesn't want to be naive. He's like, Well, we were made for each other. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl, but it's not up to me. He's just like, whining and moping, and she's crying. Then inside, V and Joe are kissing while everybody's dancing. Kathy is telling V, Oh, you guys have never looked closer. She's like, Yeah, he was really straight up and honest about it. But for like, Kizy, I feel like she specifically talked about this situation with me, and she still did it. We see a flashback of that. Then- By the way, I just want to say, as a student of Love Island and various other TV shows, if you're the second one in, it's not even a Love Island thing.

This is actually something that This is something we've observed many times in Real Housewives. If two people have done something shitty together that affects a third person, the second person to have the conversation about it is the villain because it'syou're, you're, you're too late. So, even if they're both equally complicit and equally contrite, if you're conversation number two, you're going to get hit with the shit stick. Think about Real Housewives of Orange County. When What was it? It was that Heather and Emily had both said that they don't trust Tamara. So Emily tells Tamara this first, I just want you to know. I'm just being honest with you. I said, I don't trust you. And then Heather's like, I don't trust you. But Heather was the one who Tama got mad at the most because Heather told Tama second. So in this case, you have Joe. If Kizzie had gone to be first, I guarantee, I don't guarantee, but I think that Joe would be in a lot more shit than Kizzie is. The lesson is, don't let someone go on the apology tour before you.

Yeah, always be the first to apologize. Anyone with a sibling- He's the first. Anyone with a sibling knows that. Anyone who's ever fucked up and tried to… That's how you blame your sister for shit. You have to go first. Otherwise, you're always the villain. That's why my sister is always in parental jail, in prison, because I always beat her, even though I was always the one doing shit wrong.

You have to be first because the first one gets the badge of being honest and forthright. They came forward first, and the other one doesn't get that credit. If anything, it's like, Oh, well, you only said something because the first person said something. Even if it was pre-arranged, as it actually was, I think Asia told Kizzie, or someone told Listen, let Joe have the conversation first, then you have the conversation. I'm not standing up for Kizzie, but I'm just saying it's funny. Kizzie gets burned by this because here, Via is like, Okay, I'll let Joe off the hook. But Kizzie, she's the real problem. They both should be in the problem zone.

I'm just saying. Yeah, but I've thought that when I was watching this, too. Like, Okay, so now, of course, it's the girl's fault, right? Because it's the fuck boy, but you're going to go after the girl, even though they're equally culpable. But I think it's fair to go after the girl because they were friends, and that's their friends, and that's different than a boy. Girls know that boys suck, right? They should always be able to bond together. The guys are the ones that suck, but we should be there for each other. I think it hurts more when it's a friend who does that to you than a boy because you expect it from someone. They had a conversation about it. Yeah. But, yeah, fuck Izzy.

That had an explicit conversation. Yeah. Fuck Izzy, for sure. I'm just saying it's so funny how… You got to be first. If you're an opportunity to do the Apology Tour, you might as well just not even bother apologizing at that point. Yeah, you're right. Because it's never going to be accepted.

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Now she goes outside, and Kizzie and Joe are dancing. They're doing ballroom dancing practice, and he's lifting her up and shit, and they're flirting and giggling. V is like, Yeah, if I were Joe, I'd be walking on big shells. Like, what the fuck? No, you just showed, you just lied down and wrote, Welcome, all over your chest. They're not going to treat you with respect now. Being cool and forgiving shit is not how to earn respect. You need to watch more prison movies. You need to shank a bitch because... You need to shank two bitches because... You do. Yeah, you just showed them that you can be walked over, and now they're going to literally do this in front of your face. The nerve of people. The fucking nerve.

Joe's priority, tonight, is you are by Vee's side. You are puppy dog, whatever she needs. That's it. You're with her. You are holding whatever bag she needs to hold. You are getting her all the drinks. You are treating her like a princess But what happens is not only are they dancing, whatever, after they're done dancing, Joe and Kizzie have this conversation where they're very close to each other, and he keeps on saying this bullshit, regardless of what happened, your friendship is very important. She's like, I love having I want to keep you in my life, and I want to keep you in my life as a mate, and I think that we've got a great friendship, and there's no point in ruining that. He's like, Victoria, she's cool, and you're too cool.

Wait, wait. I have to stop you. Because while they're doing this, V literally comes up behind him and grabs his butt and passes really close to them, and they're doing this right in front of her, and he's like, Victoria, oh, yeah, she's cool, but you're too cool. You're too cool.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He says, She's cool, but you're too cool. You are more interested in reiterating that you want to keep this friendship going. Well, obviously, we know what it really is. It's like, I'm keeping an option in my back pocket. But he would defend it as saying, No, I really like her. She's like a mate. She's like a friend. But what it reads to me is that he is putting more energy into making sure his friendship with Kizzie is still okay than he is with making sure his situation with Victoria is on state.

He doesn't care about his friendship with Kizzie. He's still going to fuck Kizzie later.

I know, but But you should not be happy in this conversation with her right now. Why are you sitting here talking here and analyzing the status and prognosis of your friendship?

Yeah. He's like, Well, I think you're me in girl form. She says, Oh, people say you get sent the girl, a boy version of you to bring you karma. I'm your karma. You're each other's karma. You're both fucking disgusting. Good luck with the rest of your lives. That's great. Now it's time to go back to the boat, and Kathy and Max are making out in the van, which I can't I'm going to spare the time for right now.

Max drives me nuts. I'm sorry. Max annoyed me the first time he was on the show. He annoys me the second time. I like Kathy so much, and I can't stand that she's into this guy. He is the biggest twerp. He's so annoying. Oh, my God. I don't like watching the make-up.

So, Cathy, Max, Joe, and V are in a van, and Max is like, Oh, I was really scared for you to leave the boat, Kathy, and I to spend emotion to all you because I was petrified. Joe, do you remember how mad I was? Yeah, you were mad because you had to work.

I remember. Yeah, that's what it was. You weren't mad that you couldn't be there to console Cathy. You were mad that you had to move chairs around at a lighthouse.

No.

So, Max, he's like, I was deeply frustrated with Nathan before, but that really put the shit on the cake. For the rest of the season, I'm going to prioritize the happiness of Cathy. Yeah, I prefer her as a Too soon. Can we not talk about shit on the cake after we just dealt with the whole shit cake episode?

Thank you very much. Too soon. Too soon, babe. Bedtime, and Cathy makes a little fort for her and Max, and she goes, You know this doesn't mean we're shagging, right? And he's like, Yeah, we are more intelligent than this. Then they go in, and you just see the the seat blowing back and forth, and here like, Pound, pound, pound, pound, pound, shit on cake, shit on cake. They're having sex, and then Nathan and Gael go into he convinces her to go into a guest cabin.

Then at this point, we see V and Joe go into their cabin, but now the ick is starting to settle in for her at long last. She's like, I'm really hot. Can you sleep on the upper bunk? She doesn't let him sleep in the same bed, which is, I think, more awkward than the show gave credit for. That's significant, I think.

Yeah. Then Nathan and Gail go to the guest cabin and they're talking and more the same shit. He's like, Don't leave. Please, I can't do it. We'll just stay in Europe. Barcelona, please. As they make up. Now, the next morning, everyone… Listen, can I just say, I have no respect for literally anybody on this boat right now. Cathy's better than Max. Although Cathy deserves it. She just had a huge loss in her family. I don't blame her for letting off a little steam. But still, gross. Nathan and Gael. Gael, it's really tough to root for you. Nathan's a piece of shit. And then, Kizzie and Joe and V. All of it. The season needs to end. It's episode 15 and is showing no signs. End it.

I love this season. I think this season is so good.

I think it's been good, but I'm at the point where I want everybody to be drowned over. I don't like those. I want everybody… I want everybody… Probably that's a bad choice of words because of what actually happened in the show. But sorry, I didn't mean it like that. But I want everybody to kick off the boat at this point. Yes. Into a deep I am into it.

I have no respect for a majority of these people, but I'm really, really into it. I think I'm just in such a place of like, I know, I know how dark things can get on this show, AKA, I remember last season of Below Deck that was so wretched. Like, probably, I think it was the very worst season of Below Deck I've ever seen of any franchise. And so for me, I'm just so happy to have a really good, solid season of Below Deck Med. It's just hitting me just right. I love it. I'm so into the season. As we said here, being like, Fuck Kizy. Fuck Joe. I'm just smiling on the inside like, Oh, it feels so good to say these things. I feel these things about a Below Deck episode. So, yeah, I'm into it.

For me, it's crash the boat. I meant to, but I… Just crash it. They all start waking up in the morning, and Cathy's like, What are you laughing at? He's like, Oh, because I'm happy. I really like you. So now we go to Asia and Kizy's, and Asia's asking what happened. Kizy's like, Well, I spoke to V, and she was actually like, so fine about it. I mean, I'm sure it still wasn't nice, but… Nailed it. Really?

Really? Well, good on you for telling her then. And now we go to V and Joe in the cabin, and Joe's like, Can I come down? Can I have sex yet? She's like, Okay. He's like, What's up? She goes, Well, I've decided I'm going to talk to Kizzie again because I forgave her last night. But I think forgiveness was granted too easily. He's like, Oh, oh, oh. V is basically saying that last night, she didn't want to feel hurt about it. She thought, maybe it was an ego thing or whatever. I think she's basically like, I just… She clearly just wanted it to have a fun time. She did not want to have drama. But then she started to think about it, and she realized there's a lot of underlying layers. She's like, People say you're not your words, you're your actions. That clearly speaks volumes to me, which is funny because I said, speaking is really not as important as actions. But you know, you get what I'm trying to say here.

Joe's… She's like, What are you afraid to say? Was it an accident? He's like, Yeah, it was an accident. It was an accident. Asia is talking to Sandy, and she drops something. Sandy's like, Oh, God. She goes, I'm going to do the floors. Don't worry. She's like, Do I seem worried? Do I seem worried? Come on. Me and Captain Sandy. We got to dream here. We got to dream team. So, Vee leaves Joe's cabin, and Nathan and Gail come out, and Gail's packing up her stuff. Asia sees Nathan, and he's like, I'm not okay. She's just so amazing. Oh, God. Oh, God. Now, Gail is time to say goodbye. She's saying goodbye to everybody, and everybody's crying, and everybody's so sad she's leaving. Which, by the way, she might be brought right back on this boat because Max continues to fuck up. I wouldn't be surprised if they just, you turned her right around and brought her back.

They actually should have just… They actually really should have just done that because Asia is like, God, I wish Gail would stay longer. Everyone wishes Gail would stay longer. And Sandy is like, Oh, God. Thank God, Gail was available. She could just pop right in, okay? She just did us a solid. And I'm just so grateful. I wish I had another cabin to keep her. Well, I wish I had two cabins, one for Gail and one for Little Bear. Oh, God, I love that dog. I got to see him on my phone.

Gail's telling us, Oh, in such a short amount of time, Nathan's definitely broken down my walls. Which is funny terminology because you know he's a big proponent of the wall. Nathan's like, Oh, see you soon. I think we're supposed to be feeling things, but all I feel is like, Oh, God, she's pregnant with this man.

Oh, God. The baby's coming. Baby on board. Baby boasting.

You step on these boats and you never know when the next time you're going to see each other.

Could be in a year, could be in a month, could be in two weeks, could be in three days, could be in, I don't know, two weeks and 10 days. Okay, Gail, we get it. You just don't know when you're going to see him again.

Just go. Just go. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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