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Transcript of A Bigger Richard Lewis: Wednesday, September 25th, 2024

The Toast
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Transcription of A Bigger Richard Lewis: Wednesday, September 25th, 2024 from The Toast Podcast
00:00:00

Good morning, millennials.

00:00:06

And welcome back to The Toast. Happy Wednesday. It's Hump Day. Very appropriate because sitting next to me is a person I hump all the time. It is my husband. Yeah, that's right. Special episode alert. Special episode alert. Bunch on the pod. Bunch on the pod. It's my husband, Ben Soffer, a boy within the job, host of The Good Guys podcast, founder of Spritz Society, LLC, Incorporated. Hey, Ben, how you doing?

00:00:28

Hi, darling. That was a wonderful intro. I am doing splendid. How are you?

00:00:32

I'm doing good. I'm so excited to have you here with me today. For anyone wondering, we had said that today's episode would be audio only. So today's a busy day for Jack. She's coming to New York for literally five minutes. She's on her way. I didn't want to overwhelm her. And I love podcasting with you. And it's been so long since we've had you on the show. So I said, Jack, you relax. You do what you got to do. Buong, stepping in.

00:00:51

I'm always here to step in. Always here, always ready, willing and able.

00:00:55

Always here, always queer.

00:00:57

Yeah, sure. Okay.

00:00:58

That works. Before we dive in, we have so much to catch up on between the two of us being married, being power couple. Lovers. Lovers. We also want to quickly make space, hold space for the fact that today we are announcing something very exciting. If you were able to come see us at the Girly Swirly's Night Out this summer in New York and the tri-state area, you know how much of a blast it was. We were so excited to announce that we've added a show. And this show, it's Girly Swirly's Night Out. It's Gizmo. But it's a holiday extravaganza, a holiday spectacular, because it is taking place December eighth in Hollywood, Florida, at the Hard Rock Seminal Casino, where we have been so many times. We love that casino. Oh, my God. And when they were like, They want Girly Swirly's to show up.

00:01:38

By the way, we love that casino. But do you remember why we don't love that casino?

00:01:43

I do. But I don't want to say anything negative.

00:01:45

No. Things need to change. They don't give free drinks.

00:01:49

By the way, it has been a really long time since we've been there. Maybe they change their policy.

00:01:51

I'm just saying, Claudia and I used to go. We were these gambling addicts. We'd go to the tables. We didn't care how much money we lost. We'd make friends. And when you're spending that cash, you expect a vodka soda.

00:02:04

It's true.

00:02:05

You expect a vodka soda. Nothing. You have to go to the bar and pay for your drinks. That's it.

00:02:09

I'm holding space for that. Maybe they've had a policy change in recent years. We haven't been to that casino in four years.

00:02:14

All that I know is that they're not coming for the tables. They're coming for you. So it's fine. But I can't hear Hard Rock Seminal and not think, no free drinks.

00:02:22

It's really exciting. December eighth. So tickets go on sale tomorrow at 10:00 AM for Patreon members. If you're in the Patreon, you will get a code. You can get access to tickets before everyone else. And then it will go on sale for everybody else on Friday. So stay tuned. Just check our Instagram for all the links and things and countdowns to make sure that you don't miss it. December eighth, Hollywood, Florida, at the Hard Rock Seminal Casino. I am so excited to bring Jisna back to be doing it with a holiday flair. And I know I can't have a Christmas tree in real life, but maybe we can have one on set, on the stage.

00:02:51

And it's just so legit playing at a casino. I know. You've done it before.

00:02:56

Well, you just did it at Atlantic City.

00:02:56

I was going to say, Oh, Jackie has. I was going to say Jackie hasn't done it before, but she has. Are you going to be there? Of course, I'm going to be there. Have I ever missed a show? Yeah. What show? Name it. Yeah. Ben is literally Sutton Strack. He literally drove these animals to every single show. They're on stage. I don't even get a thank you. Thank you, Ben, so much for driving us to every show.

00:03:17

He's literally Sutton Strack. Name them. Nothing. Name them. You're literally crazy. So that's the big announcement.

00:03:26

Yeah, I'll be there.

00:03:27

I'll fly the plane. Listen, I have to do a job and promote. If you could Shut the fuck up. That'd be great. That is the announcement we've been teasing for a couple of days. Take me to Florida. Be sure to be there or be square. Now the promo is done. Great.

00:03:40

Be there or be square. I'll be there because I'm always there.

00:03:43

Oh my God. Victimentality.

00:03:46

I'm always there.

00:03:47

You're going to be joining me on the toast to, obviously, uncover the Fast Five.Oh, yeah.That goes without saying.

00:03:52

Big time.

00:03:53

But before that, I think it's high time we caught up because we've been through a lot. We have. Since the last time you were on the toast. I'm not entirely sure when that was. Yes. But let's talk about the biggest thing going on in our lives right now.

00:04:04

Yes. Gilmore Girls. Yes. Love. Oh, so good.

00:04:07

We went on this journey together, and you... Tell me your... Because I turned on Gilmore Girls, and you knew the theme song. And then I meant to record this, you guys, but I forgot.

00:04:15

If you're out on the run.

00:04:18

On the road.

00:04:19

Is it being horny and so cold? Yeah. All you have to do is call my name and I'll be there. On the next train.

00:04:32

So I asked Ben, actually, at home, because we talked about you on the toast. And I said, Ben knew the theme song to Gilmore Girls. I think he'd watched it before, like with your sister. And then Jackie said, No, I feel like Ben grew up in a Carol King house. And I said, Ben, did you listen to Carol King growing up? And you know what, Jackie, that's right. What did you say? Yes.

00:04:48

Yes. My dad had one CD that he would play in the car, and it had James Taylor, and it had Carol King. He loved both of them. That's really cute. So I have those songs memorized, and this is one of the songs. Never saw Gilmore Girls. Maybe I saw an episode or two. We've been trying to start this fucking show. This is the second time. For a long... I feel like it's more than that. Second time. And for whatever reason, the heart grabbed this time.

00:05:11

The heart grabbed this time.

00:05:12

But really, Gilmore Girls is about nothing.

00:05:15

Yeah.

00:05:16

You could miss an episode, come back, nothing's happened.

00:05:18

Sometimes Ben's really busy, and I'll watch an episode, and he comes back, and he doesn't know.

00:05:22

And Claudia lately has been falling asleep at 9:45. So I want to finish an episode. I'll watch an episode. Then she wants to rewatch it the next day. It's your fault. You I fell asleep. I shouldn't be punished and have to watch the episode twice.

00:05:33

Let me tell you, Gilmore Girls is a perfect show to fall asleep, too. It's warm and cozy, and there's a nice soundtrack. It is. And you know if you fall asleep, you're not going to miss anything. It's been lulling me to sleep. I like it.

00:05:42

Is it crazy to think that Laura Loreley. I'm the same age as Loreley. She's a 16-year-old daughter.

00:05:48

Oh, in the show? Yeah, she's 32.

00:05:51

That's crazy.

00:05:52

It is really crazy.

00:05:53

That means that you... Sorry, I think they know that you're 30. I don't think that they know. You would have a 14-year-old daughter.

00:05:59

Obsessed. Oh, my God. We should have gotten pregnant at 16.

00:06:01

Honestly, best friends.

00:06:02

1,000 %. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it is. Who's your favorite character?

00:06:07

Who's my favorite character? That's a great question. Sook Yee. I am Sook Yee.

00:06:15

I think Sook Yee is my favorite character, too. Although when I think about shows that we watch and love, like Young Sheldon, there's so many standout characters who are the best, right? Obviously, George Cooper senior. I don't feel like in Gilmore Girls, there's a standout character who's the best. Everyone's piss me off. Loreley was pissing me off the other day. There's not an obvious best character.

00:06:34

No, but Sook Yee is like... She's up there. She's a sweet woman. Yeah. Sweet woman, chef.

00:06:39

You are Sook Yee.

00:06:40

Her relationship with her produce manager. Jackson. That is just like, I need a produce manager. Would you be my produce manager?

00:06:47

You need a produce manager? Why? So you can fuck her?

00:06:49

Would you manage my produce?

00:06:50

You need a produce manager?

00:06:51

I'm literally asking you to manage my produce.

00:06:54

Do I not manage your produce? I literally went to the kosher grocery yesterday.

00:06:56

I'm just saying if I called you and I said, I need an out-of-season carrot, carrot from Alaska, would you go and source it for me? Because I'm just saying that Sook Yee's carrot manager, Jackson, would source it for her.

00:07:06

Okay, let's play out that conversation. Ask me.

00:07:08

Claudia, do you mind- Shut the fuck up. See?

00:07:12

I need a produce manager. You're bossing me around. I have a full-time job, bitch. You're crazy.

00:07:18

You're crazy.

00:07:19

How are things going over at the Good Guys? If you guys don't know, Ben hosts a podcast with Josh Peck of Oppenheimer Fame, and it's one of my favorite podcasts. You guys have such great guests. I think this week, the episode came out with Mike That's a good situation, right? It did. What did you think about him?

00:07:32

I really liked him. He's just like a... He's a star.

00:07:35

He's impressive, too.

00:07:37

But through and through, he's like an entertainer. He showed up just smelling like an entertainer, wearing glasses, Versace shirt. He just is always on. Even on the good guys, where I wear literal shorts and show my mangina. Like, he's here.

00:07:52

Wait. You know, your clips always come up on my TikTok.

00:07:55

And there's a lot of leg.

00:07:56

I want to talk to you about the fact that you sit on the good guys. How you're sitting right now. Your left ankle is always propped up on your right knee, which gives a doorway, an entry to your mangina. And you insist on wearing shorts so frequently on good guys. What the hell is that?

00:08:12

And sometimes you don't even wear shoes. I've I'm recently barred from wearing shorts. I think that's...

00:08:17

Who barred you? Josh. He is so right for that. It's insane.

00:08:22

Like the moose knuckle in sport. Honestly, I really barred myself. There was an episode where my shorts were so high, You could literally see my nutsack. Romeo was jealous. He watched and he's like, Dad, that's not cool. You cut off my nuts and then you're showing your nuts.

00:08:38

It's the craziest thing the way you dress on your podcast. You forget it's being video-recorded, too.

00:08:42

The thing is, it's not that. It's like, I'm just so comfortable. Me and Josh are so cozy.

00:08:46

It's true. It's very fraternal.

00:08:48

Yeah, we have a great time. And if you haven't listened, you just don't get it, okay? It's true. You just don't get it. We're so cozy. It's so fun. So, yes, sometimes I'm recording at a home studio, and I forget to put on shoes. It's It's not intentional, but now I'm here at the Toast HQ.

00:09:03

Dress to Perfection.

00:09:04

Dress to Perfection. Pants, sneakers.

00:09:08

Spritz merch.

00:09:09

Yes. I don't know if people can see. Spritzing down south. Almost sold out. Get it while you can.

00:09:15

One of my favorite things that you and your work husband, Josh, decided to do was to have your listeners be called morons. I think that was a joke that you started, but people really took it seriously. The way that people come up to me, they say, Oh, my God, I'm a toaster. I love the toast. Literally, someone will come up to me and Ben, and I'm like, Who is this man? And they're like, I'm a moron. And I'm like, Excuse me? Literally the other day we were leaving corners to a restaurant. This guy comes up, Hey, Ben, I'm a moron. And I'm like, Okay. It's actually the funniest thing in practice. I don't know if you thought it through that people would come up to you and then identify themselves This is a move on. No. It is seriously top-tier comedy.

00:09:48

There was a mid-50s woman yesterday. I was leaving the supermarket, and she literally yelled down the street, I'm a huge moron in a toaster. Screamed it. And it just came from the fact that everybody takes themselves a little bit too seriously. It's true. We absolutely do not take ourselves seriously at all on the Good Guys podcast, and we feel that we're all morons, moron included.

00:10:08

Now, in the spirit of that, because I'm being such a good wife now, letting you promote your podcast so much. Thank you so much, darling. One of my favorite things that you do on your podcast is a What are you nuts moment, where at the end of the episode, you remark on something you saw this week that was nuts and made you say to yourself, What are you nuts? What are you nuts? So I'm going to put you on the spot because I didn't tell you I was going to do this because I just thought of it. Tell me a What are you nuts moment from the last week that you want to share on the podcast.

00:10:28

Okay. Honestly, this morning.

00:10:29

No. I have to. No, you can't because the other day, you saw something and you wrote it down, and I thought it was so funny. Fine. Let me look. It's actually... Ben takes What are you know? It's really seriously. We'll be walking around or we're out to dinner, and he'll start typing away on his phone. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, What are you know? It's a moment just came to me.

00:10:47

Yeah, no, it's important. I did tell this one. You mean the one about the restaurant? The restaurant? My friend met a girl at a restaurant. Yes. You guys, wait. Okay, I told this- This is funny.

00:11:00

And we didn't even talk about because this takes place at Corner Store, which is this new restaurant in the city that I was raving about on the podcast. We went on Friday, right? The following Friday, Taylor Swift was there.

00:11:10

Kill me. And also now, Margot literally texted me to get her a reservation.

00:11:14

Well, Margot asked, How do I get a reservation?

00:11:15

I said you could probably do it. No, by the way, I can't. Really? Yeah, they're slammed now. We got in early. Too early. I think maybe we can go back.

00:11:23

Oh, you just can't do like friends and family.

00:11:26

No, it seems difficult. I tried. I absolutely tried. You did. I did. Okay. So I told this What are you Nuts on the Good Guys podcast, but for people that did not hear it.

00:11:33

It's actually so funny.

00:11:34

I like the amazing husband. Honestly, I don't get credit for this move that I am. We heard about this restaurant, Corner Store. Claudia is a very particular person. When she goes out to eat, we need to make sure that it's great ambiance, great food. Otherwise, she's not going to have a good time. And by the way, that's true.

00:11:50

I had a lot of pressure for this particular evening because we were going out to dinner with the Taylor's and Ryan. We haven't seen them all summer. Absolutely. I was going to be this big love fest. So I needed good cocktails, good ambiance. I wanted it to be sceny. So who knows more about the landscape of New York City than Ben? He's like a socialite. You're always networking, going to fabulous places. I never leave the house. So I put it on you. I'm like, You go find the best restaurant for this Friday, Saturday night. Oh, Friday? Saturday. Saturday dinner.

00:12:12

So you know what I did? I went with my friends two days earlier to scout the location. See, was the food good? Was the vibe good? Is this a good enough restaurant? For agreed, a very important dinner.For the girl he signed out.Me and you, the Taylor's, Brian. Go to corner store, three of my friends. Fantastic food.

00:12:28

Like, truly-He's raving about it in the chat.Un.

00:12:29

So unbelievable food. I go to the bathroom. My friend Gabe follows me to the bathroom. He's behind me. We're walking down the stairs. All of a sudden, Gabe falls down the stairs. I don't know this part of the story. Gabe's on the bottom of the stairs. And there's a girl behind him, and she goes up to him and is like, Are you okay? You just fell on the stairs. And even though he's probably dying from internal bleeding, he's like, I'm fine. It was nothing.

00:12:51

He's like a single, handsome guy.

00:12:52

I'm great. There's a line for the bathroom. They're single stalls. The only thing maybe I could complain about. About the restaurant. Just saying.

00:12:58

I agree. Okay, come on.

00:13:01

And they're talking, they're hitting it off. They exchange numbers. They exchange numbers. They're going to see each other again. Three days later, this is now Sunday or even Monday, four days later, Gabe gets a text from this girl, and she says, Hey, you at Corner Store? Why the hell would he be at Corner Store? What are you nuts? Why would he be there? He doesn't live at the restaurant.

00:13:26

It's weird to text the guy that you met at a restaurant.

00:13:29

And say, Are you still He's not a waiter. Why? Oh, wait.

00:13:33

Maybe she thought he was a waiter.

00:13:35

No, he was wearing a suit.

00:13:36

Wait, that's actually so funny. Why would he be there again two days later? Why would... Just because she was.

00:13:41

Hey, you at Corner Store? No. I'm at home. I don't live there. What are you nuts?

00:13:47

That is such a good What are you nuts? It's actually like, look, you're really weird thing for that girl to do.

00:13:51

So strange. You here? No, I'm not here.

00:13:55

What are you nuts?

00:13:56

No, I'm not here. Do you have one?

00:13:58

Oh, I'm sure that I do, and I'm sure it's about you because you're always being insane. What has Ben done recently that is so crazy?

00:14:09

Maybe I cooked you dinner or-No, no. Drove you places. I don't feel like you do that a lot. Or told you I loved you.

00:14:15

A lot of crazy things. I will tell you the funniest thing. This is three weeks ago, okay? Me and Ben are supposed to be meeting somewhere. I call him and I'm like, Hello, where are you? And he picks up the phone and I could tell he's in the car because he's shouting to the speaker. He's like, Hello, Claude, you're on speaker. I'm in the car with Alex. I'm like, Who? And she's like, Hi. I'm like, Who the hell are you in the car with? What whore is in my car? And Ben's like, Yeah, it's Alex Cornisheli. I'm like, What? The famed Food Network chef, our queen Alex Cornisheli. And I had forgotten. I was like, because I didn't know where you were. You were like, I never listen when you say where you're going. You're like, I want to work. Understood. And he was like, I forgot he had been filming a video. And it was like, we were this thing we were really excited Alex Gornisheli. And not Alex Gornisheli, casually being in the car. What are you, nuts?

00:15:04

No, she needed a ride home. Oh, yeah.

00:15:06

I'm a chivalrous man. And then I found it interesting. We were supposed to be somewhere. You were late because you had to drive Alex Gornisheli home. By the way. And that's my beef with Alex Gornisheli.

00:15:14

I'm just saying I would do it again.

00:15:16

No, that was really generous, but beyond unnecessary. Was she carrying a lot of heavy things? It doesn't matter.

00:15:21

It doesn't matter. She's a queen, and she agreed to platform me.

00:15:25

It's true. She agreed to slum it with-Do you know what this does for my celebrity chef career?

00:15:29

It was so true. Career.

00:15:30

No, it was huge. And it turned out she was super cool, right?

00:15:33

Amazing. She'd honestly be a great podcast guest for you.

00:15:36

Oh my God, I have so many questions for her. She's so fun. Yeah, she's a part of Food Network. When I think about the heyday of Food Network, she was on it, and she She's still killing it.

00:15:45

She's been on Food Network for 17 years. It's like such a dream. And she's done 600 episodes of Chopt.

00:15:52

Oh my God, right. Chopt is her thing. Yeah. Do you think she ever feels bad being mean?

00:15:57

No. Would you?

00:15:59

Yeah. You would be a hilarious guest on Chopt.

00:16:00

I don't think you would. You wouldn't feel bad.

00:16:02

No, I would like to be on Chopped Junior.

00:16:04

Got it. So you could yell at some kids? Yeah. It's not enough just to yell at grown adults. No, no. It's not fun. You want to yell at the youth.

00:16:12

It's not fun to pick on someone your own size.

00:16:14

No, I would love to be... Oh, that would be really fun.

00:16:18

You should put it on your mood board for 2025.

00:16:21

Okay, it's on my mood board. I feel like you could get there. It's on my manifestation board.

00:16:23

I could if anybody worked hard. It's so unfortunate that we do have to get into the fast five. No, we don't have to. When you have anything else you want to chat about?

00:16:31

Yeah. When is the sun going to come back out? New Yorkers, we've been missing sun for three days. That's a what are you nuts.

00:16:36

So funny. I was on the podcast yesterday and the day before talking about how glorious it is. I love it. Every day I'm working from home. I'm doing my reading. I'm watching Gilmore Girls. I'm making beef stew. I'm loving it.

00:16:45

It's funny. I don't wake up. It's not funny, but on these days, and I'm telling you, I know you're going to be bored to sleep, and then you're like, Okay, let's do the fast five. It's my eye color. Green eyes. There's something different with the sun.

00:16:59

Well, that's true, by the way. It's not like something you just made up. It's true? Yeah. People with lighter eyes experience things differently when it comes to sunlight.

00:17:05

There you go. So I just don't wake up. If the sun doesn't come out, I don't come out. I'm like a zombie.

00:17:11

Maybe you should do cocaine.

00:17:12

Okay. Is that the move?

00:17:15

I don't know. That's what celebrities do.

00:17:16

By the way, sure. Okay. And should we another What are you Nuts? We're on GoPuff the other night looking for snacks. There's fentanyl test strips. Oh, my God.

00:17:26

That was crazy. We were being really fat. We were like, We need a A really good treat. We ordered chipwich.

00:17:31

All I wanted was an ice cream sandwich, and I met with a fentanyl test strip.

00:17:36

And you just remind me, I saw somebody smoking out of crack pipe on my way to work yesterday. There you go. I meant to share that on the toast, but I completely forgot. This city. This city is in disarray. It's UN week. Like, literally police escorts down every avenue, every street is closed. It's gridlock. It's insane. It makes me so mad. As if I didn't already detest the UN, denying the rape of Israeli women, not acknowledging October seventh. Like, deeply problematic in its way. But the way they personally offend me once a year. The UN being in New York City, an already busy city. Why?

00:18:06

Why isn't it on Roosevelt Island? They could take a little boat there.

00:18:08

Why isn't it in Idaho? They have space. We'll share that, of course. And also it's an international organization. Why America? Leave us alone. And go put it in Singapore.

00:18:16

Agreed.

00:18:17

Every country is represented. Leave us the fuck alone. Agreed. Oh, my God. And you just know these diplomats who think they're so important. They have eight car police escorts. If they walked in, if they dick-slap me, I would not even know who they are. Nobody knows who a diplomat What I'm mad at is, put them in a station wagon. Make them take a yellow cab.

00:18:34

Dickslap.

00:18:34

Yeah, that was really crazy. That was really crazy of me. Sorry. Something came over me.

00:18:40

That is one of the grossest expressions I've ever heard.

00:18:43

I mean, you said P-U-S-S-Y five minutes ago, and I didn't call you out for it.

00:18:47

By the way, I say P-U-S-S-Y because you've indoctrinated me to say P-U-S-S-Y. I grew up in a household where we did not say P-U-S-S-Y, and now our current household says P-U-S-S-Y. So if I'm going to say P-U-S-S-Y, it's because of you. In our household, do I say dick slapped?

00:18:59

No, but I just want to respond to the allegations made against me really quickly. I didn't grow up in a house that said P-U-S-S-Y as a dirty word, and I've said this on the toast before. We grew up in a house of all girls, so it was very body positive. And when describing, we sometimes call it smushky, we sometimes call it pussy, but it wasn't disgusting, like pornographic. It was sweet, like a little pussy.

00:19:20

Understood. I'm just saying on my podcast, we don't even go near those words.

00:19:24

Of course, you're two men. Good luck.

00:19:26

No, we don't even go near your penis. Nothing.

00:19:28

Oh, please. Do I say the craziest shit on your podcast?

00:19:30

No, we don't even say sex. We say canoodle.

00:19:33

That's embarrassing. You shouldn't be proud of that. We are.

00:19:35

We're a family-friendly show. No, you're not. That fat chains.

00:19:39

It's so true. Okay. We have to. You are here to do a duty, and the stories are actually really good.

00:19:46

I know, but I'm having so much fun. I know, but we can continue the fun. Yeah, no, we can with the Fast Five stories.

00:19:52

Here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know. Oh, wait. Here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know before When you wake up and take a bite out of your morning. Toast.

00:20:07

Got you.

00:20:09

He didn't beat the croonch this time. I tried to. And you never will. Today's episode is brought to you by State Farm. Thank you to State Farm for supporting The Toast today and a lot of days. So we know that the tosters can agree. Nothing feels better than a personal win. Like when you get a final piece of furniture delivered and your apartment is finally complete, it truly feels like a home. Maybe you hit a personal best in a workout, you're running a 5K and you slammed the results. Whatever it is that you define as a personal win, who's right there beside you at all times? Jacks and I, but also State Farm. So with the State Farm personal price plan, you can create an affordable price just for you. When you bundle home and auto. So celebrate by breaking out the confetti and those happy dance moves and talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the State Farm personal price plan. So what's so great about State Farm is no matter what gala you are, are you a claud? You live a very high-paced, fast life, and you love to be technology swirly and just Talk to your State Farm agent on their app or on their website.

00:21:02

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Com/toast code toast to save 10% on apparel. Pxgaapparel. Com/toast code toast. That's code T-O-A-S-T. Pxgaapparel. Com/toast code toast. Today's episode is also brought to you by Dr. Teels. It's time to recover and it's time to relax, and it's time to do it with Dr. Teels. Dr. Teels is different. Bath products that really are changing the game. For me, I've been a loyal Dr. Teels customer for so long, and I'm so excited that they are sponsoring the show now. I'm a bath girl. Everybody knows my bath time Q&A. I take a bath every single day. The products that I use are important to me, and I do a lot of research, and I absolutely love Dr. Teel's. Their Foaming Bath, their Epsum Salts, are powered by magnesium and essential oils. So a variety of their other wellness products, too. But I love that they're powered by magnesium and essential oils. I take a bath, obviously, for cleanliness. But I also take a bath almost every day, especially if I'm working out for recovery. I find that a hot soap with their Epsum salt and their magnesium and their essential oils really makes me feel better when it comes to recovery and soreness.

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00:24:33

I tried to.

00:24:34

Okay, first up, the ongoing story of P. Diddy, which has been discussed here almost every day. Things keep coming out, things keep getting crazier. And his kids have actually released a statement speaking about the, what they're calling, Conspiracy Theories, especially as it relates to their mother, Kim Porter, who passed away a couple of years ago. And of course, her death is now just being called into question because it is definitely suspicious given what's come out about P. Diddy thus far. Totally. Sean Diddy Holmes' children broke their silence Tuesday following sex crimes arrest earlier this month, but the kids didn't mention the accusations against their father. Instead, the Holmes kids put out a statement, condemning horrific conspiracy theories swirling about their late mother, Kim Porter, the disgraced hip hop mogul's ex. They said, We've seen so many hurtful and false rumors circulating about our parents, Kim Porter and Sean Komes' relationship, as well as about our mom's tragic passing, that we feel we need to speak out, the kids wrote, so it's Quincy Brown and Christian Jessie and Delilah Holmes. They all wrote in a joint statement on their Instagrams on Tuesday. So Porter, who was a former model, dated P.

00:25:30

Diddy from 1994 until 2007. On and off, they had a son, Christian, who's now 26, and twin daughters, Jessie, Delilah, who are now 17. The children's statement comes after the publication of a typo-written memoir that claims to have been written by Kim Porter before her death in 2018 at age 47 as a result of low bar pneumonia. She allegedly died of pneumonia. But this 47-page memoir is rumored to be coming out that she wrote in the days leading to her death. It's all very unverified, but the siblings have bashed the so-called memoir, which is a, excuse me, 59-page book, self-published on September 6 under a pseudonym by a self-described investigative journalist, and they are saying it is 100% fake. Claims that our mom wrote a book are simply untrue. She did not, and anyone claiming to have a manuscript is misrepresenting themselves. They all posted this on Instagram. I'm interesting that, and I think that it's totally valid to be fiercely defensive of their mother. And very interesting that their statement didn't really say, Her dad didn't do what he's being accused of. They really focused on their mom, which is obviously a good thing.

00:26:33

How old are they?

00:26:34

They are between 17 and 26.

00:26:37

And she wrote this. They claimed that she wrote this book in 2007?

00:26:42

They claimed she wrote it when she passed away in 2018.

00:26:46

Oh, in 2018. Okay. So maybe they would know. I was going to say it's possible that she wrote something and didn't tell her kids.

00:26:52

Yeah, of course. They said, We ask that everyone please respect our mother, Kim Porter, and hold her legacy in high regard so that she may rest in peace. It's what she deserves. We love and miss you, mommy. So the statement was actually really heartbreaking. Just completely focused on their mother, which I think speaks a lot about P. Diddy, that they released a statement and didn't even want to defend and be like, He didn't do it.

00:27:12

What can they say? I know. There's nothing to say.

00:27:14

I feel like it's just the tip of the iceberg with P. Diddy. I don't even want to know what's going to come out. To me, it reminds me, obviously, a lot of Jeffrey Epstein, where this very powerful person. And don't you feel like people who aren't in Hollywood and they just consume celebrity content, everybody feels like there are all these conspiracy theories always. Theories about Hollywood, how everyone's a pedophile and things like this make those conspiracy theories feel really valid. And with the Jeffrey Epstein thing, it was the same thing. Every powerful person, politician, rich person is a pedophile, and they go to pedophile Island. And you know what? It was making those conspiracy theories look true. And we were all excited for the Jeffrey Epstein thing because we're like, this trial is going to blow the lid on every powerful person, politician, businessman.

00:27:52

And then they buried it all.

00:27:53

And then they killed him, which was obviously suspicious. And then there was never like, Ghislaine Maxwell was going to sing for her supper. She was going to release the list.

00:28:01

That never happened. No, never happened.

00:28:03

And now I'm feeling like we're all feeling the same way with P. Diddy, right? Everything's going to come out. We're going to know everybody in Hollywood, all the actors, filmmakers, physicians. We're not. We're not. We're not. Something's going to happen. They said that P. Diddy's on suicide watch in prison. Something is going to happen. It's giving Epstein all over again. Wow.

00:28:18

It's fucked up.

00:28:19

It's fucked up. That's a really brilliant analysis. Thank you.

00:28:21

And all that I keep thinking about, maybe it's because of the alcohol of it all. Where did Sourak go?

00:28:26

No. Well, that's also what I was thinking about this morning. His His business portfolio was beyond impressive.

00:28:33

And of course- Beyond impressive.

00:28:35

He's P. Diddy, and you think music first, but I think that's like one-ninetenth of his wealth.

00:28:39

No, he is so rich. So wealthy. He is so successful and built incredible businesses.

00:28:46

But on what? On the backs of sex slaves.

00:28:49

I know.

00:28:50

He's literally disgusting. The hate I have. It is surprising, though, that he's actually in jail. I don't know. I feel like celebrities always get... And they held him without bail. So he's literally Like, stuck there, obsessed.

00:29:01

And did I hear that the suicide claims might not be true? I had read something like he was suicidal. What are you reading? I don't know. I thought that I read that he might not be suicidal, and somebody just said that.

00:29:12

He released something. I read the prison put him on suicide watch.

00:29:16

And then didn't he come out with a statement saying that he wasn't suicidal?

00:29:20

His lawyer has been releasing statements just affirming that he's guilty, and they're really looking forward to their day in court. I'm sure you are. Nothing's going to happen, I'm telling you. I'm excited I'm excited about this next story because we did our homework last night, and we attempted to watch Ellen Degeners as a new special, which I've been really excited about. I think the concept of going through a major scandal, going radio silent, and then doing a Netflix special as a comedian, a special being like, This is my last one. I think it's a great way to maybe get back public favor. But also it's a great way to go out. I loved the whole concept. I thought it was brilliant. Me too. And I thought the special would be good.

00:29:51

Me too.

00:29:52

We watched it last night. It came out yesterday. It was actually unwatchable. It was actually not funny.

00:29:59

And we gave it 35 minutes. We didn't give it five minutes.

00:30:01

It was an hour and 10, and we were just bulldozing through it. It was so bad. I looked at the clicker, it was 35 minutes. I said, We've done enough.

00:30:07

And in case you haven't seen it, the first 15 minutes, she's talking about a car.

00:30:12

Oh, my God. It was like such bad stand-up jokes. Ben thought that she was being bad on purpose.

00:30:16

But then- She wasn't. But then the next 15 minutes were about chickens. And then she got into, Oh, by the way, yeah, I was- Canceled. Canceled. But it's been 35 minutes.

00:30:28

She started talking about the cancelation at 18 minutes, very lightly.

00:30:31

Like a touch. And then she started talking about how she just bought chickens.

00:30:36

And I tuned in to find out what her take on the situation was. Is she claiming that she wasn't mean? And she was just made into this villain because she's a woman? Is she claiming that she was mean and she's reformed? And we never even got there. I don't even know what the message is.

00:30:51

Well, what I took away from it was, one, that she thinks that she was totally bulldozed because she was a woman. She's a woman. But she also was almost blaming the network for putting her in charge.

00:31:02

Making her like a monster.

00:31:04

When she should never have been in charge. She made a comment that was like, Ronald McDonald isn't the CEO of McDonald's. Implying that she is talent and she never should have had the ability to Be a boss. No, to be a boss and to boss people around. And that her version of boss- Which, by the way, I feel like that's a valid statement, but good luck at the time, putting a CEO on top of Ellen, giving Ellen a boss.

00:31:26

I'm sure that was not even an option.

00:31:27

No, it's not that. It's like, if you actually felt that way, Then tell somebody.

00:31:31

So the overall, this is what likes being pitch depressed. Ellen Degenera says she's proud of who she's become after being labeled as mean in her toxic workplace scandal. So her Netflix special is called For your approval. And the former talk show host told an audience that she's proud of who she's become four years after she was labeled as mean, and she was accused of leading a toxic workplace. Here's what she said, When you're a public figure, you're open to everyone's interpretation. I'm sure you've heard the saying that what other people think of me is none of my business, because people will say all kinds of things, and you have no control over that. But you know the truth, and that's what matters. She A knowledge that her career in comedy forced her to care what people think as a way to gage success. Ellen admitted that she's done. She's done focusing on what other people feel about her, especially after allowing the mean label to consume her. Here's what she said, If they like you, you're in. And if they don't, you're out. And I've spent an entire lifetime trying to make people happy, and I've cared far too much about what other people think of me.

00:32:17

So the thought of anyone thinking that I'm mean was devastating to me, and it consumed me for a really long time. And after a lifetime of caring, I just can't care anymore. So I don't. But if I'm being honest and I have a choice of people remembering me as someone who is mean or someone who is beloved. And then she made a stupid joke. I choose that, someone who's beloved. The thing is, when the special started, they did this montage, this timeline, and we weren't really socially conscious. I wasn't watching The Ellen Show as a kid. I wasn't alive. So you really do forget the magnitude of her impact as a woman in comedy, as a gay woman. I actually had like, chills at the beginning. I thought it was really amazing. I was so ready for her to take her power back, give this bomb ass special. I wouldn't have cared if she went up there and was like, Yeah, I was mean. Everybody can eat my ass. I would have had more respect for her saying either I was mean, too bad, or I wasn't mean, and I'm being taken down for X, Y, and Z.

00:33:10

She didn't really say anything. Even after reading this article, I don't understand what the point of the special was. It was such a bold choice to make a special. I feel like, what? I think there are people who hate Ellen, and there are people who are like Ellen, and I don't think this should move the needle for anybody.

00:33:26

I also just don't know why it wasn't funnier. She's very, very funny. I know. So I don't know why she didn't just make it like true stand-up. Tell jokes, remind us how funny you are, and then we don't really care if you were mean or not. If you're so funny, you could just be hilarious.

00:33:40

The bit about the Windchill, White Birds was like a personal low.

00:33:43

It was 16 minutes. It was terrible. It was terrible. I was shocked. And it was so low-brow. And the crowd was annoying me. The attempt at relatable humor. The crowd was annoying because they definitely picked-They definitely gave tickets to major, major superfans, which is good.

00:33:56

They wanted Ellen to be comfortable. I totally get that. It makes complete sense. They were clapping at everything. They clapped for everything. She wasn't being funny. She wasn't saying anything crazy. The first time she even brought up the fact that she was a daytime talk show host, three minutes of clapping. Boring. The special was too long because literally, we had to wait for everyone to stop clapping and cheering. The thing is, there are Ellen superfans, and there are Ellen haters, and this piece of content moved the needle for nobody because she didn't say anything. When she started saying, I could say things as a woman boss, but not as a man, that's not what it was. Okay, please. That's not what it was. That's not what she was being accused of, being a little nasty. It wasn't that she was accused of being mean. I like how she... It's actually very smart for her to brand her scandal as being called mean. She wasn't mean. She was literally the worst boss on the planet, borderline abusive to people. Please. It was very smart to rebrand.

00:34:45

I was just being called mean. Is it controversial to say, though, that I don't care?

00:34:50

No, I don't care either. I think if you're funny, you're funny. I don't think it diminishes the fact that her show brought joy to so many people. They did such good philanthropy on that show. It was funny. It was whatever. Yeah, the woman behind the show, I wasn't a fan of Ellen. I liked her show. But as a human being, I wasn't a fan of her. So I didn't give a fuck what she was like as a human being.

00:35:07

And the way that she was taken down, honestly, when I think about it, it is insane. That's what she-I went back on. You know how many Instagram followers she has? How many? 140 million.

00:35:16

There was a time when the Ellen show and Ellen tube and all their different brands, and they gave little shows to Sophia Grace. And apparently, kid, it was a billion dollar media empire.

00:35:27

And they took it down like that.

00:35:28

It was actually really crazy. It's You know it all started from one tweet. Crazy. Reply to this tweet with your craziest Ellen Degenera encounter. And weirdly, a million people in LA, people who worked for her, people who served her at restaurants, everyone had crazy things. She must have been really fucking out of control.

00:35:44

She must have been mean. Yeah. She must have been mean.

00:35:46

So I wish she just said that.

00:35:48

Yeah, I mean.

00:35:49

I wish she would have said, Yeah, I'm fucking Ellen, bitch. I was the first X, Y, Z. And you know what? It got to my head. I'm a human being. I think actually a lot of people, and she almost said that because she was saying how her name was on Every building in the lot that she filmed. And she implied, How could I not have become a monster? And I wish she just leaned into that. I think there's something relatable. I was kicked out of show business for saying I was gay on my show. Not only did I come back, I came back as the biggest bitch on the planet. I was literally the biggest show. I had everybody up my ass. How could I not have become a diva? I just think if she humanized it a little bit, people maybe would have... Yeah, you tell me a regular Joe Schmo doesn't get the power that Ellen gets, and they don't become an animal, too.

00:36:29

She did, though, tell some crazy stories in those 30 minutes. About what? About how she would... She loved playing pranks on celebrities when they come on her show.

00:36:38

Yeah, that was her thing. She would scare people.

00:36:40

But she also played pranks, apparently, on the people that worked for her. And there was a woman that worked for her that was apparently petrified of snakes. And she would ask somebody to-She asked the building contractor to build a panel. To hide snakes in the ceiling. Big snakes. Okay, but like-It's cruel. It's weird. It's cruel. It's cruel. It's weird. It was weird. It was weird. And if she's telling that story, that means it's nothing in comparison to the other stories. So true. So I don't know. If it was funny, all we'd be talking about is that it was funny. It's so true. But because it wasn't funny, now we have to talk about the fact that maybe she's mean. I don't know.

00:37:17

The thing about when you're a stand-up comedian, but then you get to be a daytime talk show, she said she had writers, right? So you're very comfortable not writing your own jokes. And that's not to say anything everyone. Jimmy Fallon doesn't write his own jokes. All these huge, huge, huge people who get huge for comedy end up in positions where they don't have to write any jokes. Other people write jokes for them. So I do wonder if she worked with writers for this show. I'm sure she did because she had a lot riding on this. This is the last year I've ever hear from me. And it was just not funny. And there's no excuse for that.

00:37:44

It was just long winded.

00:37:46

It was bad. It was low. To me, the Wind shield Wipers, I keep bringing it up because it's reflective of how elementary, like Wind shield Wipers.

00:37:57

And so long. Yeah, you guys.

00:37:59

And we only watch 30 minutes.

00:38:01

So long. You can make elementary relatable jokes. I don't know if you told them. I spoke about it on Good Guys that we went to Sebastian Manescalco. I did. And his opener. Did you talk about his opener?

00:38:11

I did. I said it was a funny thing I ever did.

00:38:12

His opener was a hoot. And he told this joke about hotel room towels.

00:38:16

I said it on the podcast.

00:38:17

And it's just like, that's elementary. You're talking about towels, but it's so funny and relatable. And he told it in one minute.

00:38:24

And the way his accent is intonation, his physical comedy.

00:38:29

There's a way to joke When you talk about windshield wipes and the fact that you can't turn them off in 30 seconds and make it relatable, when you drag it to 16 minutes, you've lost me. It was bad.

00:38:39

That's what's going on with Ellen. A lot of hype for the special, and I think it really fell flat. And so far, what I've seen is people agreeing. I think it's a mistake because I thought it was a really bold choice, a bold way to come back. And it could have been great, and it wasn't.

00:38:51

And now people honestly might remember her for not being that funny.

00:38:54

It's true. Is that better than being remembered as being mean? No.

00:38:57

No, it's not. No. No. No. No.

00:38:59

I am going to move on to the next story, which is about dancing with the stars, which is having an amazing season. I feel like they flopped for a while, and now they're really coming back making a lot of news. And last night was the first elimination, and Anna Delvey was eliminated, which is not surprising if you saw the performance. I don't think she had a ton of... It's a combination of you need to get good scores, and then you also need to have your fans calling in for you. Who's her fan? Correct. So I think her actual skills were not great. And then, of course, I don't think she had big social media following, calling in to vote for her. Apparently, her partner, Esra, has revealed that last week after her first dance, which was met with a lot of criticism because it wasn't technically amazing, she cried in the bathroom. Anna Delvey's dancing with a star partner, Esra Sosa, revealed that the fake heiress had a hard time dealing with the backlash over her general casting on the show. In a TikTok video shared Monday, the dancer thanked fans for showing him support.

00:39:50

So much love after this season. He said, On my end, I was feeling so much positivity, but on my partner's end, she wasn't receiving the same. I think the hardest part of my day was after our press line. She was reading in the comments, and then we couldn't find her. They finally found her in the bathroom, and she was crying. Sosa said he had never seen Anna Delvey show so much emotion, and it broke his heart. As her partner, I just want to give her the best experience she could possibly have. And knowing that that was not the case, it really did break my heart. Delvey, as we know is the fake era. She spent time in prison and then got cast on Dancing with the Stars. Now, I think it's so crazy that she can survive prison, but a little social media backlash gets her. And that's the crazy thing. We're always talking about when you're getting canceled or whatever, you have to really experience it to know how fucking horrible it is. It literally can be earth-shattering, and it sounds better than it is. And this is somebody who literally went to prison but was crying in the bathroom because of comments on Instagram.

00:40:42

Is that crazy?

00:40:43

It is crazy. It is crazy.

00:40:44

I'm glad that she got sent home. I don't think Anna Delvey should be famous. I don't think she's a role model, and I think that she's literally a criminal.

00:40:52

I was going to say, I just don't really understand the casting. I know. It's weird, and it's pulling it straight. Do you mean all of them or just her? I don't understand dancing with the stars in general anymore. It used to be these fun... We get to watch stars dance, and now it's like we get to watch these weird, irrelevant or- No, I actually think this season, and they've been getting a lot better.

00:41:14

So it used to be people on their way out of Hollywood, a last stop, or up and comers who maybe we hadn't heard of yet. And I feel like this year, they did a really good job. A lot of really relevant reality stars, influencers, actors, athletes. Danny Amandola is on it.

00:41:31

Oh, I didn't know that.

00:41:32

Yeah. I feel like this season is actually really good. Brooks Nader, who's the current Sports Illustrated model. They really have, I think, done a good job of casting relevant people. They always have people from The Bachelor. So Joey, who was the most recent lead.

00:41:45

So then the Anna Delvey casting was probably so that we'd talk about it. It wasn't for her.

00:41:49

It was for them. No, and we are. And we are. But it's just like, I'm so over the Anna Delvey lore. Me too. It's like she literally stole. Yeah, totally. Not to be such a moral high ground person, but why are we putting this person on TV? I don't know. And I just find it interesting that literally, I think Dancing with the Stars broke Anna Delvey. Prison couldn't, but Dancing with the Stars did.

00:42:07

Yeah.

00:42:08

And I was like, Would you rather? Because obviously, getting cast on Dancing with the Stars is a huge opportunity. Millions of people watch it. But going home the first week is so embarrassing. And last night, not only did Anna Delvey go home, but so did Tori Spelling. And I think getting kicked off the first week is actually the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to your human being on the face of the Earth.

00:42:28

Because to what you said, it means you can't dance and you have no fans.

00:42:30

So would you rather get cast on Dancing with the Stars, but get sent home the first week or not get cast at all?Not.

00:42:36

Get cast at all.I.

00:42:36

Think so, too.

00:42:37

Yeah. Because then all that it proves to you is that you have no fans. I don't even know that I have no fans. I'd rather live in Lawnerland and think that I have fans.

00:42:45

I would actually cry. Yeah.

00:42:47

Because it's fan vote, right?

00:42:49

It's both.

00:42:50

But the fans can keep you in. If you have an overwhelming amount of fans, you can stay on the show.

00:42:54

But if your dancing sucks, you'll get far with your fans, but it won't take you all the way.

00:42:57

But week one.

00:42:58

Week one, yeah. They want people engaging on social media, calling in, making waves. They always cast an influencer. Charlie Jamilio, I think, came in second. Yeah. So that means you have no fans and you can't dance. Yeah. Well, that's sad. It's just sad. That's sad. I know.

00:43:15

We don't need that sadness.

00:43:16

No, we don't. Today's episode of The Toast is brought to you by GNC. If you're on a GLP-1 medication for weight loss, first of all, I've been there. The journey is a journey, and GNC can be there for you during your time of Not a lot of people talk about the GLP-1 fatigue as a side effect. You can really feel very tired, and that's totally normal. And today, we're going to talk about tips to fighting that fatigue. So fun fact, did you know that being dehydrated can leave you feeling fatigued? I don't need to tell you how to hydrate, but if you struggle to drink enough or you hate drinking water, getting that level of consumption is just not an option like it was for you. Liquid IV Hydration Stick packs are a fabulous option here. They will hydrate you better than water alone. I specifically love the lemon lime and the acai flavor, and I obviously get mine from GNC. I get all my wellness products from GNC, So staying on top of your hydration will definitely help you with that 2, 3 o'clock fatigue crash in the middle of the day. Resting your eyes, which is obviously not the same as a nap.

00:44:07

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00:45:09

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00:46:11

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Fattie 15 is made from patented pure and oxidant resistant C15 powder, which is derived from plants. They work in multiple ways, C15. It repairs age-related damage to cells, protects them from future breakdown, boosts mitochondrial energy output, and activates pathways in the body to help regulate your sleep, mood, etc. So Fattie 15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore It's where your long term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90 day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15. Com/toast and using our code toast at checkout. That's F-A-T-T-Y-1-5. Com/toast. Our code is toast, T-O-A-S-T at Atty15. Com/toast. Our fourth story. Okay, so the Kelsies are making a lot of news. I don't know if you're hearing, Travis is not playing his best football. He talked about it on his podcast episode, just being like, Listen, I got to do better. He acknowledged that it's not... People were calling for him to retire. It was really dramatic.

00:47:59

Maybe he's distracted.

00:48:01

Wow. Okay, so we were saying yesterday in the podcast, I love that people aren't blaming Taylor because that's like such low hanging fruit, like woman-hating type shit. And you just did that. So apologize.

00:48:10

No, I'm not blaming her. You literally brought up his podcast.

00:48:12

Apologize.

00:48:13

No, because I didn't say Taylor. You jumped to it. It's you. What do you mean by that? I was talking about his podcast. You can't be a podcaster. I just think, I guess maybe you can.

00:48:22

No, he has an FX show with Ryan Murphy coming out called Groteskery. I just feel like he does the most. He hosts Amazon Prime, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Creator? He has this podcast. He's in a relationship. It's a lot. I said that yesterday that it's a lot of opportunities being thrown. He's in every commercial on the fucking planet.

00:48:36

And he's making so much more money for everything else than football. It's so true.

00:48:39

$100 million podcast contract.

00:48:42

And you don't usually see athletes taking advantage of these opportunities until they're done. Tom braided is now taking advantage of all of these opportunities now that he's retired, like his deal with Fox and all this stuff.

00:48:58

You know he's one of the investors in Noble?

00:48:59

He's an He's an investor in everything.

00:49:01

That's why it's so popular. They've sponsored the show, and we were saying, everyone's talking about Noble right now. Doesn't it feel that way? And that's because literally Tom braided is a part of it.

00:49:07

You know he's an investor in Hero Bread?

00:49:09

You're lying. No. Wait, Tom braided is obsessed with us. All this brand sponsored our podcast.

00:49:14

Wait, I didn't know that. Tom braided is a serial investor, and he puts his money to work and is going to make a money. That's really smart. And when I think about it, though, I don't know another athlete that is doing irrelevant things while still playing to make money.

00:49:31

Is doing irrelevant things?

00:49:33

Yes. It is not relevant to his on the field performance.

00:49:36

Doing different things.

00:49:38

Doing different things, not irrelevant. When I think of a Stephen Curry, what he's promoting is- Basketball stuff. Is basketball stuff.

00:49:45

No. Travis is doing State Farm, Pfizer, commercials, a million brands, then also acting, then also hosting game shows.

00:49:55

Which are things that you do when you've retired. Yeah.

00:49:57

Podcasts.

00:49:58

You can do commercials, and I even I think the podcast is fine, but the hosting shows, it's distracting.

00:50:03

The acting is crazy.

00:50:04

It has to be distracting.

00:50:05

So they're making a lot of news, one because of all that's-That said, what week is this? Three. Everybody needs to calm down.

00:50:10

Everybody needs to calm down.

00:50:12

But he's making a lot of news because of the poor performance, so to speak. But also because he has this show coming out and his mom was on the red carpet answering a bunch of questions. So his mom's making news because she gets asked about Taylor a lot. And I think that she comes off rude a lot. It's not the first time. She was asked on a red about Taylor. She was like, Oh, it hasn't been that long. I don't really know her. But she just is this regular woman who wants to not be asked. Do you know how nervous she probably is to say something wrong? And so people are like, There's bad blood.

00:50:41

About the most famous person in the world. I don't wish to be Donna Kelsey being asked that question for one day of my life. So true. What a hard job. Because no matter what she says, even when she says, I don't want to answer that, there's bad blood. But God forbid, she says something, and Taylor's camp gets upset, and it hurts the relationship. People shouldn't be asking somebody's mother about their future daughter-in-law. Their future daughter-in-law. It just shouldn't happen.

00:51:11

Now she's making news in a positive way. So Donna Kelsey is the sweetest response. After a fan confuses her for Taylor Swift's mom, Andrea. Now, if you've ever seen the two ladies side by side, I'm going to flip this. They are literal twins like blonde Bob Queens, moms. And somebody on social media confused them. So Donna, who's obviously the mother of Travis, was recently confused for the singer's mom, Andrea, in a post on social media. One of Swift's fan accounts shared a photo on Twitter of Andrea arriving at Our Ahead Stadium, sporting a pin that said, In my '87 era, which is obviously referencing Travis's number. And actor Mark Hamill replied to the account's photo, #IloveTaylorSwift'sMum. Another user shared, #DonnaKelsey, This is the sweetest thing. And despite the fan confusing her for Swift's Mom, Donna, Donna responded, Love you, too.

00:51:59

Oh.

00:52:00

Literally, these two are twins. And I think it makes sense why Travis and Taylor got along so well. They both love their mom so much, and their moms are actually carbon copies of one another. Who do you think your mom looks like? Who's her celebrity, Doppelganger?

00:52:15

Should I have one? That's a good question. Probably Marilyn Monroe. Facts. Yeah, that's what I'd say. A thousand %.

00:52:23

That's what I'd say. I'd say the same. Yeah, me too. Who does your dad get told he looks like? Because he literally is twins with Margaret Joseph's husband, in Joe Bedigno. I literally can't even look at Joe Benigno when I see him because I'm like, Oh, my God, you are my father-in-law.

00:52:34

He looks like a lot of people. I think that he looks like a larger, recently deceased Richard Lewis. Not the larger. Richard Lewis is one pound.

00:52:43

Your dad listens to everything you do. He's going to listen to this episode. It's Philly's going to be here. I apologize.

00:52:48

He's larger than Richard Lewis.

00:52:50

Wow. I'm telling Bruce.

00:52:52

Okay, you tell him that he's larger than Richard Lewis. He also looks like... Who did we say that he looked like recently?

00:52:59

Oh, we were watching something. Oh, fuck. What were we recently watching? Gilmore Girls?

00:53:04

No. He doesn't look like anybody in Gilmore Girls.

00:53:06

No, no. But we said that guy looks like your dad.

00:53:07

We're watching Desperate Housewives.

00:53:09

Desperate Housewives is what we were watching, right?

00:53:12

Yeah. I don't know.

00:53:15

Carlos?

00:53:17

No, definitely not Carlos.

00:53:21

Carl?

00:53:22

No, but any handsome man with thick frame glasses and just lush hair.

00:53:25

And like salt and pepper hair. Lush. Lush. It's true. Wow, I can't believe you called Bruce hot.

00:53:30

No, I called him, quote, bigger than Richard Lewis. Richard Lewis died at 70 pounds. He was the skinniest man I've ever seen. I'm just saying- And rest in peace.

00:53:38

Your words have meaning. What?

00:53:39

Like just a visionary. Your words have meaning.

00:53:43

A comedic genius. And I bet your dad is listening to this sobbing?

00:53:46

I'm sure he's not.

00:53:47

Bruce, I think you're beautiful.

00:53:48

You are beautiful. You are beautiful. And larger than Richard Lewis.

00:53:52

You are beautiful in every single way. These are two things can be the same.

00:53:56

Yes, words can't bring me down.

00:53:59

This is Bruce's anthem. Oh, no. So don't you bring me down today. Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

00:54:08

I am, but I'm sad because that means that the show is almost over.

00:54:12

Oh, and that means you're going to leave me like you always do to go to work.

00:54:14

Literally, you're leaving me. I'm saying here. To go to work. Where the hell are you going?

00:54:16

And we haven't done this in a while, but because we're recording in person together, I think we should sing the-It's the final-Fifth Story song. Sure.

00:54:22

It's the final story. It's the final story.

00:54:36

You called your father fat and compared him to Richard Lewis. And that's a magic number. Are you ready? Yes. Big news. Central Perk Couch from The Friends set has sold for $30,000. They did an auction to celebrate the series's anniversary, and one of the big ticket items on the 30th anniversary auction included Ross Skeller's This Geller Cup Trophy. That sold for more than $9,000. So on September 23rd, Warner Brothers, if I knew that this was happening, I might have been on something.

00:55:07

It's probably better that I didn't know. Thank God you didn't know. You're talking about junk that I buy.

00:55:10

Wait, you want to die? What? So the couch sold for over $30,000. No, not over. $29,000.

00:55:16

Read some of the other items.

00:55:17

$250. Wait. It's a replica.

00:55:21

What?

00:55:21

Yeah.

00:55:23

It's a replica?

00:55:25

Including a replica of Central Perks' iconic orange couch. By the way, you literally could just go to a a couchmaker and ask him to make you an orange? Show him a picture.

00:55:32

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm in shock. I was about to say that that's a waste of money for a smelly old couch, but at least it would have been the real couch.

00:55:39

Nearly 15 times its original estimate of $2,000. That's how much a couch costs. It's like an ugly little couch.

00:55:44

Was this for charity?

00:55:45

It doesn't say, which I find weird.

00:55:47

I'm sure it was for charity.

00:55:48

The one with the 30-year anniversary auction, that's what the auction was called. They sold 110 pieces of memorabilia, many of them for well over their anticipated sale price.

00:55:56

I'm sure it was for charity. And I'm sorry, I'm onto these charities Charities.

00:55:59

It doesn't say anything about charity, which is so weird.

00:56:03

It definitely was. Hold on. Let me know when you're ready for my groundbreaking thought.

00:56:12

I just want to know. It doesn't say anything about charity in this article. That's really crazy.

00:56:18

It has to be for charity. They're not doing this for profit.

00:56:20

Let me tell you what I sold before you tell me your crazy thought, okay? Okay. The Geller Cup, which is the trophy from Season 3, sold for $9,100, which is 30 times the estimate of $300.

00:56:32

Is it a replica or these are real things?

00:56:35

I feel like this one, it doesn't say replica. I feel like that would be the real one.

00:56:37

Okay, because I don't care how much it costs to make it. If it has the value of being Ross's Cup. But if it's a replica, then this is a different story.

00:56:45

Monica Geller's Striped Brown Season 9 shirt, one of the many clothing items worn by the cast, sold for $2,200. A blue cashmere sweater worn by Chandler, sold for $6,500. Rachel, Jennifer Anaston's sweater from the episode, the one with the truth about London, sold for $6,500. That's really crazy. Ross's Apartment Dresser. That's not even like a-No. Important. They're just in the apartment. $10,000. What the hell? Props like the Warning Bulletin with a police sketch of Joey, sold For $520. That, to me, is more iconic. Ross's Dresser, who gives a fuck? That's really crazy. What were you going to share?

00:57:23

So we think that this is charity.

00:57:25

I just want to say it does not say charity, so I'm not going to assume charity.

00:57:29

Okay, So if it's not charity, then somebody's having financial issues, that they're doing a yard sale and taking all this money.

00:57:37

It's low-brow.

00:57:38

It's a little weird. Unless. But if it is charity, I'm on to these people. They're going in and they're paying $30,000 for a replica, okay? And then they're writing it off.

00:57:47

Yeah. That's more likely what it is if it's for charity.

00:57:50

But isn't it crazy? Yeah. Just like now, you just get a nice write off against your taxes.

00:57:56

Well, it encourages people to do philanthropy.

00:57:58

I guess.

00:57:59

Would you say you're a particularly philanthropic person? No, because your wife does everything for you, and I'm always the one doing it.

00:58:03

No, I actually think that I'm an incredibly philanthropic person.

00:58:05

What was the last cause you donated to?

00:58:07

I donated to... Shit. Oh, literally last week. Last week? Yeah, when have you? When was the last cause you donated to? Mine was last week.

00:58:20

I literally donate on a weekly basis to different causes. Was it last week? Mostly Jewish ones.

00:58:24

Was it last week?

00:58:26

No, it wasn't last week.

00:58:27

Last week when we launched Lemonized Tea by Craig Conover. Oh, yeah, you did.

00:58:31

He's got me here. But that was your company.

00:58:33

We donated a portion of all merch sales, like this Spritz Society, Spritzing Down South sweatshirt, to Hope For The Warriors. Yeah, that's a good one. Which is a lovely charity that Craig-Works with. Works with. And it's all about the veterans. And I had an opportunity to go and meet some of these veterans at a golf tournament in August. And all I have to say is support Hope For The Warriors.

00:58:56

Yeah. Okay. You got me there. Although your company did that. I mean, a You write a check from your personal account.

00:59:01

I think it was Gift of Life. I don't remember when it was.

00:59:05

Gift of Life? When? Yeah.

00:59:07

I don't know. Like a year ago or something. That's something. Interesting. I do my best. I also help in real life. I see a little lady, she needs to be crossed. I cross her. I see a dog in need. I help him. I see trash on the floor. I film it on Instagram. Then- You complain about the mayor.

00:59:32

Podcasting with you has been nothing short of a dream.

00:59:34

It has been stupendous.

00:59:36

You are an absolute star.

00:59:37

Thank you for having me, darling.

00:59:38

Thank you for stepping up when we needed you most.

00:59:40

Anytime.

00:59:41

You guys, thank you so much. We're back with Jack tomorrow. Don't worry. So thank you so much for listening to the Test. My name, I'm ready to share with you. We are. Well done.

00:59:57

Love you. Bye..

AI Transcription provided by HappyScribe
Episode description

Diddy's Kids Break Silence After His Sex Crimes Arrest (New York Post) (24:34)Ellen Degeneres Says She's 'Proud' Of Who She's Become After Being Labeled as 'Mean' in Toxic Workplace Scandal (Page Six) (29:32)Anna Delvey Cried in Bathroom After 'DWTS' Premiere Backlash, Partner Ezra Sosa Says (Page Six) (39:02)Donna Kelce Has The Sweetest Response After a Fan Confuses Her For Taylor Swift's Mom Andrea (People) (47:48)Central Perk Couch Sells For $30k, Other Friends Treasures Go For Thousands at Auction Celebrating Series' Anniversary (People) (54:47)The Toast with Jackie (@JackieOshry) and Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) Lean InThe Camper and The Counselor by Jackie OshryMerchThe Toast PatreonGirl With No Job by Claudia OshrySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.