Transcript of Pablo Torre Wins Yet Another Award | Postgame Show

That's right.

That's wrong. It is wrong. It's Thursday Thunder presented by DraftKings Sports.

DraftKings, the crown is yours.

Juju, go ahead.

Against the Thunder.

Get 'em together, Roy. I love it, man. Thursday Thunder, we back, man. The W is back and so are we, man. First leg, I'm going with Marina. Money Mabry for 3 rebounds tonight. Y'all, y'all think little sis ain't finna get 3 rebounds? You out your mind. Next leg, the Windy City, hailing Sid the Kid, aka Sidney the Kidney Taylor, for over 2 threes tonight, man. Come on, at least 2 threes Scooby snatch for sis. And last leg, come on, man, I'm one with the biggest, the baddest duck of them all, Sabrina Ionescu, for over 3 threes tonight, man. Let's get this money tonight, fellas.

That's a duck, man.

Juju is scouring, uh, the W, and you can find his work on Good Follow with Trista. But he's looking for market inefficiencies. He's trying to find the places where people aren't paying attention, and he's been pretty good at this. He gets a lot of these right because he is scouring the market. He doesn't actually want to disappoint you. Before we get to Juju to defend, uh, Bills jerseys against the haters because Josh Allen is doing, uh, the same thing. But I think Juju is one of the haters. And before we get to the polls as well, I wanted to ask Amin real quick, what was your update on theme songs from yesterday that you thought we didn't get to that we needed to get to because, uh, we left some meat on the bone there?

So first of all, thank you to the countless DMs, texts, emails, carrier pigeons I received from people telling me, you guys forgot about this, and people I haven't heard from in years. I got Jerry Jerry Greenberg hit me up. Like, I'm like, I haven't heard from you in years, man. Jared Greenberg?

Yeah.

No, no, Turner, sideline reporter, Turner Sports.

Yeah.

So now I have a confession. I have a confession.

Okay, all right.

A lot of these songs that I was bumping up on the list were like very popular, famous samples. That were sampled in popular rap songs, right? Cam'ron had the Magnum P.I. one. Busta Rhymes had the Knight Rider one. So I'm like, I was cheating a little bit with some of these, right? But then, and I thought to myself, is that why I'm holding them in a higher regard than Gilligan's Island, right? But then, Juju, watch this. I found out that there was a very, very popular song that sampled Gilligan's Island. You guys know what song it is. Dan won't know 'cause he not cool like that. Gator boots with the pimped-out Gucci suit.

I got no job, but I stay fly.

That's Gilligan's Isle!

Can't pay my rent 'cause all my money's spent. And that's okay. Da da da da.

How much gas do I have in my tank?

Got a quarter tank of gas.

In what kind of car?

In my new E-Class. Thank you.

But guys, That's Gilligan's Island. Y'all knew that.

I thought the Dan won't know was unnecessary there.

You know what I thought was unnecessary?

Those gator boots didn't feel like it was necessary.

You know what I thought was unnecessary? You taking out Howie Mandel, Mark Ruffalo, Steve Buscemi, Tony Romo, all in one show.

Uh, before we get to Juju, uh, Zazz, can you just please tell us— and I'm sorry I didn't have more time to get to this— why are you fighting with your wife?

I mean, I'm off.

It's not a fight, you know, because you refuse to do something she wants to do, right?

I rule with an iron fist, so it's not a fight, okay? But my wife, you know, she, she loves— we go to concerts, or, you know, we like getting tickets and doing fun stuff. And we're sitting on the couch last night, a very uncomfortable couch, in the Zaslav mansion family room, and she says, hey, do you want to go see Cirque du Soleil? And like, we've seen Cirque many times, right? Haven't been in a while though.

So much that you call it cirque.

We've seen it many times. So she says, do you want to go see Cirque du Soleil? I'm like, no. And but I said it defiantly like that. Again, I rule with an iron fist. And, and she's like, why? I said, I just don't want to go. And she, she beat me down, beat me down like she wants an explanation. And finally I just owned up to it. I said to her, go, because I don't understand the story. Like, I just sit there, I'm confused.

I don't know what the hell's going on.

So I don't want to go to Cirque.

There's a story in Cirque du Soleil.

I mean, that's what they tell me. I'm sitting there all confused and shit.

You usually walk in a room like, whoa, where am I?

Yeah, I can't follow along.

The story's confusion. Everybody's always confused in these things. What do you guys look like? That's how every Cirque— Confusing. What are you confused by?

Someone's always in peril. If someone's in so much peril, how about we do less flips and figure out the situation?

And then the people come over and like, take you by the hand and they're doing—

They don't help either.

Someone's getting kidnapped. Blind leading the blind.

How about let's ring toss it?

It's enchanted somehow.

Zazz, I got a question. Is that the same Zazzlo Mansion that's featuring the Brad Williams couch? Listen to his podcast, Height and Babble, and see him on tour. The couch brought to you by Brad Williams.

No, I mean, I don't have that couch yet. Listen to Brad's podcast though.

I'm embarrassed that no one in our audience has bought this beggar a couch yet.

Like, somebody get these beggars out of here!

Whoa, get what out of here?

I'm not gonna do that thing. Is that hard? I mean, he knows the name of the Tom Cruise movie. I know he does.

Get Zaslo a couch. Somebody just buy him a couch so he can stop using this platform to beg for a couch. You're pathetic.

Stop it.

Is that movie called Digler?

It's the cheapest—

poof.

It's the cheapest form of your radio career there. Two decades begging our audience for a couch. Knock it off. Before we get Juju, and I'm sorry to do this to you, there was a top 5 list evidently associated with the Means theme song update.

No, not associated with the theme song update, but top 5 list answering Mike's Effortless Cool list that seemed to be completely out of the—

it was white. Yeah, it was white.

Very, very Caucasian.

But there was a woman on it, so I get points.

Well, guess what? I've got an answer to that list, and this— here we go. No, uh, olá! Bernie Casey as Jack Slade in I'm Gonna Get You, Sucker. Number 5, Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57. Always been on black. Look, number 4, Billy Dee Williams in Empire Strikes Back. Number 3, Pam Grier in Foxy Brown.

I see what you did. Foxy, appreciate your work.

Number 2, Denzel Washington in Training Day.

Easy.

And the number 1 effortlessly cool person in movie history, Blair Underwood in Crush Groove.

Put on the poll, uh, was Blair Underwood in Crush Groove the most effortlessly cool performance in the history of cinema? Uh, much different list than Mike's list, different perspective. Uh, Juju, uh, how do you feel about the controversy that has, uh, Josh Allen defending the jerseys of the Bills, the new jerseys of the Bills, against, uh, the haters?

Look, man, my brother Josh, man, he living so such an up life. Him and Haley just had the baby. He He's just living life so well and so up that he don't realize how ass these jerseys are. He's just like, oh man, this represents us. He's just saying whatever. And I love my brother Josh, but it did make me come up with a top 5 current most asses jerseys in all the sports. Top 5 asses right now for you.

Asses— how are we writing that? What's the word for the podcast description? Asses— A-S-S-E-S-T— asses, the most ass. John Stockton jerseys that should feature an ass on them.

Yes, O-L-I, because they bought them out for no reason last year with Aaron Rodgers. Steelers and them damn Goof Troop yellow jerseys, don't do it no more now. Strike 12. Also O-L-I, Milwaukee Bucks with the Cream City going across the chest. Disgusting. You think that's plug, bro. I'm not putting Cream City across my chest ever. And last, OLI, just the, uh, New Orleans Pelicans, man. It's just simply ass.

All of their jerseys, all of them. They can't get one right.

Should it feature a pelican's ass? Should instead of a pelican, should it feature just pelican's ass? It is a small ass.

You want a big ass on there? Number 5, The Tampa Bay Lightning TBL jerseys.

Looks amateur. Why does that look so amateur?

Bruh, because it is. It's amateur hour in Tampa Bay right now. Whoever made them jerseys, they're champions. Do a better job.

They're, they're, they are a symbol for strength in the sport. That's a terrible jersey.

Yep. Number 4, the rollout of the LA Rams Teen Wolf Edition jerseys. Wow, look at my boy.

It does look like Tim.

No aura.

Good reference.

He is no aura in his body. Yeah, the white was a little better.

I know, I was looking at my top 5 list.

Number 3, the Charlotte Hornets Mango Mother Truckers. Who is this team?

This ain't— this is not helping. Canipple, this is not helping you.

They told him sit that way but look over your shoulder.

And, and let's make Grant Williams We're gonna make Grant Williams the star.

Grant Williams clearly looks like he doesn't want to be there. They're making me do this.

It's my inspiration. You ever see The Girl with the Pearl Earring?

Number 2, the Golden State Warriors UPS brown mother truckers.

Those are bad.

And they shouldn't have done that to Draymond. It should have been anybody but Draymond doing that because he looks like a UPS driver.

Who's about to say— who's about to sneeze?

And the number 1 most asses jersey currently being worn, the Kansas City Royal City Connect jerseys. P.U.!

Yeah, it looks a bit—

what is that?

It looks like those are as weak as hell, those ice cream dots.

It looks like the imaging for those ice cream dots. Can you put brown in a uniform and have it be an epic uniform?

Like, are there Cleveland Browns home set.

The old school Padres. Brown. Brown's tough though, right? You have to be a little bit.

Jim Brown was O.L.I. and it was just as a Cleveland Browns player, not in a movie role.

Yeah. Before we get to the polls here, Juju, do you have any post-show awards for anybody?

Oh, yes, sir, man. Start. I'm going to kick this off with the Wet Sausage Award, man. My brother Pablo Torre, man. Salute to my brother, man. What a brave admission. My boy came on and let us know, right? Also, I like to give the best Zeus impression to my brother's ass, man.

Way to go, congratulations. That's how you do it.

I like to give the low blow award to my brother Amin El Hassan for that art or conversation snafu. Yeah, low blow right in the nuts.

Good job.

Very low, right in the gonads. I also like to give the Top 5 List Award, most consecutive fire Top 5 List Award, to my brother Mike. Come here, come on, bro, take a bow.

Yeah, a lot of white people on there.

I also want to give the Two Birds One Poop Award to my brother Chris Cody, man. Wow.

All right, were you talking to the chat from the bathroom?

You know, I'm always talking to the chat. Me and the chat locked. I'd like to give the EP Award today to my brother Roy as well. Come on now, Roy.

Thank you.

I appreciate keeping them folks together. Thank you. Thank you. And lastly, I want to give the didn't want to be mean to Tony Romo— Tony Romo nor Mark Ruffalo nor Howie Mandel Award but still found a way to do it Award to my brother Dan. Good job, Dan. Good job, Dan. You're always awkward.

Yep. Thank you, guys.

You're welcome.

No awards for Tony.

No awards.

Tony is award list today.

It's tough to be in this corner. Yeah, I said 6 words all day.

I'm sorry, Tony.

Just like Zazz.

The less annoying than Jeremy award.

Less annoying than— Oh yeah.

Oh, you did it.

You did it, Tony. Hey, my brother Tony don't need no award when you're that handsome. When you're that handsome, you don't need these awards.

You're a handsome guy.

Good job.

There is something deeply unfair about Pablo doing the amount of work he did on that story, and the only thing anyone remembers from his appearance on the show today is how much he likes a wet sausage.

It's crazy.

Uh, what are the poll updates you have for us, uh, Juju?

More insufferable, and I promise to God this has never happened on the history of our show. Dan Levitar or the Philly radio guy?

A Philly—

Philadelphia radio guy. 50% of the audience says Dan Levitar and 50% of the audience says the Philly radio guy. I love a wet sausage. Fatter, Dan Lebatard or the Philadelphia radio guy? 52% of the audience says Dan Lebatard. I love a wet sausage. Do you love a wet sausage? 72% of the audience says no, they do not. I love a wet sausage. Did Nucky make you want to have a decanter? 65% of the audience says yes, he did. I love a wet sausage. And last poll: is Dan Wetzel the heir to the Wetzel's Pretzels empire? 75% of the audience says yes. And those are your polls. I love a wet sausage.

Tony, so just for the record, you got 6 words today, but those were the 6.

I dominated.

Thank you. Good night, everybody.