Transcript of Are We Going to Heaven? | Hour 2

You are listening to the Dan Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App, now live in all 50 states. I saw Spider-Man last night, saw the new Spider-Man.

Which home is it? Is it like coming home, on the way home, homecoming?

This is Spider-Man Homeless. No, it's called Brand New Day.

All right, the, uh, so I haven't seen it. I will see it tomorrow with my kids.

Are you into it?

He's going to the movie theater.

I'm going to the movie— well, I go to movies with my kids. Kids want to see a movie, we're going to go see it. So I'll go. I'm going to hope to stay awake. Uh, but got an early review from one Michael Ryan Ruiz.

I did too.

What did he say?

He said, and I quote, this is the worst superhero movie ever.

He hated it.

He hated it.

Hated it.

He is the only person I have heard that opinion from.

Yeah, me too. I mean, it's incredibly high, 98% on Rotten Tomatoes, like really high scores. Okay, it can't go down that much when it's 98% right now.

Here we go, this is—

6% on Metacritic though.

All right.

One of the worst comic book movies I've ever seen. Brutal watch that can be entirely skipped. Not a single thing of consequence. Happens in this one.

All right, that's not true. It's just not true.

And then he says something about Tom Holland that I will not repeat.

I was in the middle of the movie and he just— he, he sends me a text, he goes, Spider-Man effing sucked. I'm in the middle of the movie and he said that.

I'm—

and I'm enjoying the movie. I liked it.

Why are you checking your texts in a movie?

Because he's not a movie guy.

Uh, that's a good question. I, I, you know, like the phone I pull it out every— I don't know, like every hour during the movies. Are long these days. It's not like you're in there for 90 minutes, you're in and out. Every movie now is 2 and a half hours. And you know, over the course of 2 and a half hours, I gotta check once or twice, make sure everything's okay on the home front. I can't be completely incommunicado.

You going down on the brightness?

Of course. All right, come on. Yeah, come on, man. All the way down brightness, all the way down on the sound. I don't have to worry about the ringer. My phone has been on silent for about 15 years.

I don't worry about the ringer either.

Yeah, I don't have to worry about it.

I don't do that either. But Dad, so go ahead. Are you going to go against— are you glass half full against Mike Ryan's glass half empty?

Yeah, Mike Ryan wouldn't know a good movie smacked in the face. All right. Like, it's a good movie.

Just say you want to check your phone, though. The whole I'm checking in on the home front.

Yeah, I got to make sure there's no emergency. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

When you're out and about, right? Like when you're at work throughout the whole day, are you just like, let me make sure everyone's still okay? Like, you're just like you. Unless you get a phone call like shit's hitting the fan, you assume everything's fine.

And guess what?

The Cherokees are attacking us.

Okay, guess what? I wouldn't get that phone call. I just told you my phone's on silent. I wouldn't get the phone call.

It's been an hour. My family's safe.

Bad to be honest.

Yeah, that's right. That's exactly how long it took. One and a half seconds.

Yeah, you just checked your voice. You just checked your text messages. Or let's be honest, did you check social media?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

What if your wife tweeted to help?

My wife has—

SOS, save us! Iroquois!

Believe it or not, my wife has no social media.

White Tamara's not on the social medias.

Good for you.

Great for me. She has no social media.

You don't know about that algorithm.

She knows about it.

This has become the new version of the 20th century thing was people like, I don't have a TV in my home. Like, well, you're a weirdo then. I mean, what do you mean? You're intentionally trying to stiff arm the rest of society. You don't want to be an active member of what is going down in pop culture and otherwise.

Come on, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. My wife has none of it. It's a good deal.

Let me ask you that. I don't know if being on social media accounts is living over merely surviving, but I'm big on doing the former, not the latter. And I wonder—

just check my phone, by the way. Everything's good.

Oh, thank goodness. When you take a look at the man in the mirror, do you ever ask the question, are you going to heaven?

What?

I've never asked myself—

or just— I'm asking you now. Forget about asking yourself, I'm asking you. You going to heaven?

This is a real question. Yes. Uh, well, okay, so you're going to heaven? Okay, hold on a second, hold on.

If you're going, we're all going.

Hold on a second, we're assuming— I like— we're gonna play Fantasyland where we're assuming I believe in heaven. We're gonna like just— wow. What do you mean?

I wouldn't say that to the rabbi.

Those bonds are not getting—

you're not getting into— right, we're We're not doing the game of— we're not debating the afterlife. We are assuming there is an afterlife, as has been laid out in our culture, in our society, what the tenets are that get you into heaven versus getting sent.

Okay. So we're going to play Fantasyland. Yes, I do believe— I feel like the— I feel like the thing that doesn't get you into heaven is if you kill someone like that.

To me, that's like littering back to back on a highway within 30 seconds.

To me, I feel like if you kill someone, you're definitely not getting into heaven. And after that, it's like debatable. Like, I think you got a pretty good shot.

I think it's debatable if you kill someone. We gotta have a conversation. Like, what were the circumstances?

Yeah, I mean, I guess obviously, you know, self-defense, okay, you know, but accident. If you murder someone, if you— let me do it like that. If you murder someone—

you're saying cold blood?

Yeah. No, no, it could be warm blood. If you murder someone, you're not getting into heaven. But everything else, I feel you got a really good shot.

In this hypothetical, there's someone up there that's kind of looking down and surveying this and assessing everybody. I think there's 3, like, buckets you put some— like, if I'm looking down, definitely getting to heaven, definitely not getting to heaven, and I'm not sure yet. I think that's where I fall.

On the fence.

I think I'm in the where, like, I think he's just like, we could go either way with this one.

Zazz, what if I saved hundreds of millions of lives?

Yeah.

But then I did murder someone. Like, it's off me. Ball's off me, right? Like, I absolutely— it's murder first degree, whatever. 'Even if I get caught or not, but I saved all these lives.' I saved so many good acts.

You didn't do either of those. You didn't do either one of those things, I don't think. Or maybe— I don't know what's in your history, but are you bound for the clouds?

Bound for the clouds.

Well, it's not— I wouldn't put it 100 million lives saved. Oh man, hold on. I got to do some math here. Let's carry the 2. Oh, thank you.

But I would use the same logic.

I don't know if this gets you out— this knocks you out of heaven, but I do think it's very weird. That Amin has for many moons now done a movie podcast, and yet he hasn't seen The Odyssey. Why? Because he knows he'll fall asleep in it.

What are we—

what are we—

all right, Football America, like you've never fallen asleep in that 4 o'clock window.

I've never fallen asleep in a movie. No, I got— I can't fall asleep.

You're the football guy. You've taken a nap in the 4 o'clock window. You've taken a nap in the 4 o'clock window ever.

Never, never. I really don't. I think that—

yeah, but see, that's semantics what Dave is doing now because he lives on the West Coast. There's no such thing as a 4 o'clock window.

Damn it. I'm like Zazz though. I think that people who live their lives by some code that is going to get them into heaven, those people are weird. And people who assume that heaven awaits them, heaven or hell, I think it's got to be kind of like it's going to be not that exciting if when you die and you're like, oh, I made it to heaven. Good. I was hoping that this would work out. Whereas I, and I, it sounds like Zazz, like, if there is a heaven when I die, imagine how euphoric we'll be. Like, what?

This place really exists? I get to live forever? All right!

It's gonna be way better to be in our headspace, right, Zazz?

I just, my biggest question, Dave, when it comes to, again, we're, we're, you know, we're, we're in fantasy land right now. If there is a heaven, my biggest concern, it's not a concern, I guess my biggest question is Okay, there's this idea that you're gonna be able to be around while Amin continues to do math over there. If we're gonna be around, we're gonna get to see again the people who we've missed, right? Like family members or friends. We get to be reunited with them. My big question is, what do they look like? What do I look like? Do they recognize me? Do I recognize them? Did they age all this time? What do I look like to them? What do they look like to me? Isn't that like a valid question? If we're making it to heaven and reuniting with people, what do we look like?

Yeah, maybe God's at the gate and he's like, I'm gonna see— guess what, great news, you're into heaven. I'd be like, hey, hey God, talk me into a little bit, tell me what's in it for me. That's what you're saying, Zazz. Like, I don't— yeah, the idea of meeting up with my loved ones, but tell me more before I sign off and enter into eternal— pass those eternal gates.

Yes.

Oh, good for Amin.

You got the answer. It's yes.

Yes.

All right.

I mean, if it all ended right now. Yeah. A couple hours from now, I don't know. I can't— like, dude, look, we're right on the— I'm, I'm not firmly in the yes, but I'm in the yes. But future events might change that.

Yeah, I really think for me it's about murder. If I could avoid murdering someone, good, you're good.

You're in the clear if you don't murder.

Yeah, I think— you think that again? We're playing fantasy land that heaven exists. Uh, yeah, I think I'm definitely in that.

Okay, you keep saying that.

If I rob a bank, what'd you rob it for?

For my family.

I think I could— I think you could get a pass then.

So let me get this straight. You keep saying fantasy land, right?

Yeah.

Are you implying that you do not believe in heaven and hell?

We're not doing that.

I just want to ask. I want to ask.

Well, first of all, I definitely don't believe in hell.

All right. Okay.

All right.

And, uh, I'm implying that I'm— I'm not implying that I don't believe in heaven.

Well, it kind of feels like—

but I, I am, I am straight up telling you I'm a man of science. I believe in science. I believe in things that can be proven. That, that mean— now maybe there's heaven, maybe there's not. I have no proof.

So, okay, so let's roleplay here, right?

Yep.

Zazz, you die. Oh, it's going to happen. It's going to happen. He dies. We have the funeral. Everyone— White, White Hammer's sad. Everyone's sad. Your kids are sad. And then, you know, life goes on.

And then Zazz was awesome.

Judgment Day happens and you're risen from the grave. You're like, oh my gosh, Wait a second, it's real? And then you get there and it's like, White Tamara, welcome to heaven, here's your pass. Hey, Zazz Kids, there you go, there's one for you, one for you, your grandchildren's okay. And then you say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, big timer, where do you think you're going? They stop you there. He said, I'm with them. And you say, hold up guys, I'll be in a sec, we heard you. And like, ah, I got— hold on, let me look at my notes here, but I'm pretty sure—

yeah, there it is, you're under Donovan Zazzlo.

It says here you are a man of science. Hey, hey, Peter, we got a man of science out, bro. He's about to get into heaven.

I know, I know, and that does worry me. Like, I have thought of that. It should worry you a little bit. That does worry me.

This is my part.

I don't want to get there and they're like, yo, I thought you didn't believe in this shit. Now you want to take part? Like, yeah, that does worry me.

This is my thing, right?

Like, that's why I'm not saying I don't believe in it. I'm just saying I believe in what can be proven.

You said fantasy land first.

You called it fantasy land.

You said fantasy land.

Oh, we're playing this fantasy land. I don't have a man of science. I'm gonna tell you this to everyone. I'm not trying to convert anyone to any religion. I'm just telling you, hey, the religions all say, hey, if you're a good person, you do good things, you're gonna go to heaven. All right, cool. So like the extra act from you as a person who does not believe in religion, does not believe in heaven or hell or whatever.

I do believe in religion.

You want to live as a good person in general, right? As a decent human being. All right, it's just like one extra step to believe believe in heaven. Like, that's— it does not change your day at all. It's just like, you know what, like, like, yeah, I'm in on this heaven thing. And that's it.

That's all you gotta do, right? That's why I'm not gonna sit here and tell you—

you just did. You call it Fantasyland.

You said Fantasyland.

Well, you know, we're living on the clouds, uh, feels a little—

another kind of fantasy land kind of thing.

Delude yourself. I mean, to be a good person, that's the entire thing. The institution of religion exists to control the masses and to give them a reason to behave themselves. Collectively and be members of society or otherwise. You know, 500 years ago, 2,000 years ago, there wasn't a straightforward line when we were subsistence existing outside of a very small percentage of human beings. We were living day to day. You had to go out and get food to live another day. So you needed a purpose to your life that transcended the, the, the, the, the poor quality of life that we have. But As we sit here now, Zazz, I feel like maybe we've put a stink on being a ghost. I wouldn't mind being a ghost.

Oh, being a ghost would be sick. I'll just get to hang around.

Like, if you get that— if you get to pick where you go, like, I would just be a ghost in Pittsburgh and just haunt, you know, PNC Park and Steelers games and Penguins games for the rest of my days. Okay, eternity.

So a couple of things. Number one, you were talking about you know, thousands of years ago, we were living day to day. I said, oh, like someone on Hard Knocks.

Uh, but family's safe, by the way.

Thank God. But a ghost, that's even worse because you know what ghosts are. Ghosts are people like everyone else is in heaven, they're caught in the middle, and then like, they're like, hey, hey, uh, Zazz, you coming with us? Like, I'm gonna hang out here for a little bit. Why are you hanging out in the parking lot? Like, oh, I'm just, you know, I want to go see, do my thing. Yeah, see my family.

Come on now, you know about ghosts.

You were asking me, we were talking earlier about like, look, lifting your window on a plane.

That's—

I gotta see what I'm looking for. Heaven. I'm like, what's that? What's going on out here?

Good point. Good point.

But as a vain person, not a good point.

Good point by him.

I would love to attend my own funeral just to see who shows up. I would like to be a ghost at mine. I want to see what goes down there, and I want to hear what people say about me when I'm not around. And that I would have that opportunity again for for a long time. And then when those people all die off and they ascend to the heavens to hang around the clouds— like, that sounds like a fun experience. No, I'll be hanging around the places I know and enjoyed and just watching games and movies and, and all that sort of thing. That seems— Ghost might be better than heaven.

No way.

Heaven is, is like, is the most awesome place. Anything you want, you got it. Like, oh, I really like some streets of gold.

You ever heard of that?

Jumping from cloud to cloud.

Like, ghost is like, you have to— it's like a movie that you watch that like is about you with featuring people you know and you can't do anything about it. You ever yell at your TV? That's what being a ghost is. It's yelling at your TV all the time.

Okay, now what if you're saying in heaven you can, you can do, you get, you could do whatever you want. What if in heaven you want to murder someone?

Yeah, you can do that.

They don't know. That doesn't happen.

Yes, in heaven, here's the thing. If I want to murder someone, first of all, if I was the type of person who wanted to murder people, probably not going to end up in heaven. Like, oh, so even just thinking about the desire, the desire to murder, of course, that it's an itch that you need to scratch, like, that's automatically— you're not going to—

what you want to deal with? Zazz, of course. Zazz and I are going to be ghosts. A bunch of squares, bunch of self-righteous squares. Oh, I never thought about murder even once. How dare you? Oh, I'm too pure to have ever considered such things.

Feh.

I'm going to be down there. Watch. By the way, Oh, whatever you want. Well, I want to see all my teams win championships. There's not going to be any excitement about seeing that when I wish for it to happen. Be like, yeah, that's what I just wished for, was to see that. That kind of unsatisfying without any suspense.

Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. You know, the Lebatard Show and Miller Lite go way back. Pretty much, I want to say like 95% of our existence we've been partnered with Miller Lite, and we believe in Miller Lite. They believe in us. It's great to have a partner with a product you truly love. That's me with Miller Lite. I love Miller Lite, always have. In fact, I consider myself a bit of a Miller Time MVP. The friend who says, "They've got it, I'll pick the spot, I'll throw the cooler in the trunk, bring some Miller Lite," and suddenly what was supposed to be a couple of hours turns into a whole afternoon. That's me, the Miller Time MVP. And it's great for summer hangs, cools the body down, that beautiful white can. Not much better than an ice cold Miller Lite because it's brewed for taste with simple ingredients, clean, refreshing, and easy to drink in the Miami heat. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly.

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Dan Levitar.

I hope he goes to your town so I can laugh because you think he'll make you a contender.

Who's that impression of?

The sports guy.

Oh, oh, do some more.

What part of Massachusetts is that?

Let me hear some more. Dave Demacek.

I don't do a good Simmons, but that's what I'm doing right now.

That's maybe the worst Simmons I've ever heard. Hey man, that's a bad impression.

I'm the Heat media. This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Yeah, Dave, I get it. But heaven could be anything, right? I mean, always says the Family Guy joke. It's like, that's a boat behind that door.

What's the mystery?

Both the boat, the mystery box could be anything.

Could be anything. What if in heaven you could actually play for your favorite team and win championships?

Wow. Oh, how about that?

Now we're talking.

How about that?

Short-term, uh, victory because like, you know, uh, you know, Chazz Sheen basically showed us the path there. He had any woman he wanted and he could do whatever. And so he had to dabble in homosexuality to feel something, you know? And I think that's where life would take you. Is that what you want to mean? Is that what you're saying?

You want that? You want the same path as Chas Sheen?

You guys want to walk around like thinking about murder, but not being able to do anything about it because you're a ghost. All you can do is boogie boogie boogie boogie boogie and like you scared some people. Congratulations.

That'd be great to be able to haunt people you didn't like. If you want to murder somebody, better yet, just haunt them endlessly. Like just ruin their lives. Not, not once over, like, well, now I killed you and the pain's over. No, I'm going to torment you for the next 27 years, guy who was mean to me in 7th grade.

If you guys could pick your heaven entrance song, what would be your entrance song?

Oh, great question, great question.

What would you do if I sang out of tune?

Oh no, here I come again.

That's Here Comes the Sun.

Zazz, you don't get to play.

Zazz is going to be some Pearl Jam or some dumb shit like that.

I was thinking Fly Like an Eagle, but that's an inappropriate song at this point.

No, you're good.

Fly Like an Eagle, you're good.

Oh, the old one.

Steve Miller Band.

Yeah, okay.

Back.

So I liked Spider-Man. I will tell you though, if you're going to see Spider-Man this weekend, it's really good. Mike Ryan is the only person that I've heard that has a negative feeling about it, and he hated it. But I will tell you this about Spider-Man. It is not like the other Spider-Man movies. Like, it is, it is a serious Spider-Man movie. The other ones are kind of jokey. Obviously the other 3, they're still in high school. This is a serious Spider-Man movie.

That's on me. I meant I Believe I Can Fly.

I was like, Fly Like an Eagle by Seal. Fly like an eagle.

What happened to Seal?

I was thinking of the R. Kelly song. I believe I can fly.

You've been bad all day. All day you've been bad.

I know we're out on R. Kelly, but imagine walking into heaven to that song.

Again, I believe—

He's not walking into heaven.

Sky.

I think about it every night and day. Oh my God, here comes Chris Cody!

Then fly away.

Oh my God, I've been sent to hell and I didn't even realize it.

I see him walking through that open door. I believe I can fly, I can fly, I can fly.

I believe this is what goes on in heaven. No thanks.

Space Jam soundtrack.

No, here I have to do this every single time. R. Kelly comes up because everyone gets really uncomfortable. Oh, we can't do the R. Kelly songs, guys. Guys, the settlement with the victims is he get— they get the money. Anything for his streams, every time you stream his music, he doesn't get that money. The victims get the money.

Oh, I'm back.

So when you say I don't want to play R. Kelly songs, you know what you're doing? You're saying victims, I don't want you to have this money.

Oh, that's really awful. Best remix ever.

Fiesta, fiesta, it's a freaking weekend, about to have me some fun.

Zazz, you know about that? Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.

He's bobbing his head.

He is, he is.

Sounded good in the sex navigator. My son is going to a show this weekend here. My son goes to all the rap concerts, loves rap, loves hip-hop. My son's going to see an artist this weekend I have never even heard of, okay? Do you know who Yeet is?

Yeah, Yeet. I do know who Yeet is.

My son's going to see Yeet. Like what Joe Uso says?

Yeet?

Yeah, I guess. I mean, Tony seems to know. I know. Yeah, he's a rapper, but like his name's just Yeet.

Yeah.

All right.

I mean, Cody also knows ball, I should point out, as anybody who's listened to him take on Tashay in Mr. Lister, TNT. Mr. Lister, Tony, I want to pull the curtain back, if I may. Football America is coming at you on Friday, as it does every week, but we tried to record it yesterday, and after a gangbusters episode, I was informed that none of it recorded. Two great interviews, and really the highlight for me, as great as the interviews were, was Mr. Lister, Tony V, our own Buddy Budowski on Football America. I'm gonna spoil it for you because you're never going to experience it. Tony embarrassed Buddy Budowski. And now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to resurrect this, and I'm gonna call on Mr. Lister. Here we go, Zazz v. Chris Cody.

Let's get it. Wow, wow, I'm ready for this.

We went at this one. Tony and Buddy did this one. All right, and embarrassed themselves both. Tony a little less than Buddy did. I'm gonna do it with you guys now. The category: Pro Football Hall of Famers from the Miami Dolphins. Zazz, you're up first. Pro football, not Ring of Honor in Miami or any of that crap, right? Old jacket guy. And they don't have to be primarily Miami Dolphins, they merely have to have played or toiled on some level professionally. Okay, for the Dolphins.

All right, we'll start out easy, we'll go with Dan Marino.

Larry's on.

Damn, that was mine!

Larry Zonka.

Uh, we will go now with Bob Griese.

I love the vamping that this game leads to. We will now—

Miami Dolphin Hall— we'll go Bob Griese.

So, so we're talking about Hall of Famers here, right? Is that what we're talking about? The way people vamp around?

I'm Dracula in this, in this game.

If we were doing Dolphins Ring of Honor, I feel like I could play a lot better because I know they're Ring of Honor guys, but I don't know which of those guys.

Give us a name.

I'm gonna go with—

you know this, come on, relax.

Go with—

just has to have played a single game with the Dolphins.

Doesn't even have to have been between—

it's bad that you're stumped right now this early. It's bad.

Could have been on the sideline standing there.

It's a bad look.

I mean, this is a shame. Are you— all your days have been spent in Miami, right?

It's embarrassing for you. You know it's your turn, right?

Really? Oh, it's my time?

I thought it's your turn.

Get the hell out of here.

I said I have to give— I gave Zazz— I gave 37 clues to get them to Bob Griese.

Joey Taylor's brother.

Okay, fine. Uh, Zach Thomas. All right, back to you.

Damn.

Okay, I'm gonna go with— see, God, there's so many guys I'm thinking of. I just don't think they're actual NFL Hall of Famers.

Oh yeah, you have so many names. That's your problem, you have too many names. To give you. Which shall you give for next?

Tim Bowens?

Nope.

Tim Bowens.

Love Tim Bowens, but not—

that's what I mean. I, I know all like Darryl Gardner. I can just start rattling off.

You think Darryl Gardner's in the Hall? I love Darryl Gardner. You think he's in the Hall of Fame?

You can't try, Cody.

Embarrassing. He is trying. He's getting them wrong.

What do you mean? It's your turn.

You haven't got— you haven't gotten one. I do. Do I need one more just for the win? Is that what we're doing here then? Yeah, yeah, one more.

You've already won because you went first here, and you know, I, I I'll even go off the board here.

I'll go off the board. I'll go with someone who had a cameo in a Dolphins uniform and is in the Hall of Fame. Thurman Thomas.

Yep. There you go.

Hey, Chris Carter.

That is expert-level performance out of Zaslo. I've been celebrating Tony, and I think I've been celebrating a false champion here. See, you see that when you step up in grade, Zaslo can tick these all off.

Mark Duper.

Nope. I'll go with another one that only played for a few years for the Dolphins, but he was a good Dolphin. Junior Seau.

Very nice.

Zazzlo's hot.

There's another one that kind of fits the way you're describing these guys, much more associated with other teams but nevertheless has a gold jacket and did play for the Dolphins.

Oh, I like that.

Same basic area.

Dante Culpepper.

No, no, now you're embarrassing the show. It was one thing you embarrassed yourself, you've already done that. Now you're embarrassing the show.

Zach Thomas, I'll give you Paul Warfield. There's—

that was my next one.

Interior of the line of scrimmage on the offensive line.

Yeah, I want, I want to get the one though that you're referencing that only had a very— like, had a cameo with the Dolphins. Hmm.

O.J.

McDuffie.

No, this guy scored a lot of touchdowns, was known for that.

Good play. Oh, this is— I'm embarrassed this guy wore a Dolphin jersey. Chris Carter.

Very nice.

Oh, he does.

There's one name out there.

He's so—

you guys, you guys should definitely get this one. And I don't want to say more than what, you know, player, what I— but there's a guy who you should definitely get. Where? Where?

Thurman Thomas.

Oh, for crying out loud, man. You know who else played for this team? Steve Morton. So annoying. He's so annoying.

Dan Levitar.

Analytics have/are ruining the game. We're playing AI hoops.

That's his team!

His team's in the forefront of all that!

Man's ass!

Don't steal my thunder! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Jonathan Sasselow. I get carried away! This is the Dan Levitar Show!

See, Dave, this is how you can't really talk about my champion-ness. When you look at Zazz and he thinks inside the box, man, this is a guy who's just always inside the box. You know where my answers were?

Where?

Don Shula, Hall of Famer, Miami Dolphins.

Okay.

Jimmy Johnson, outside of the box.

That's good. Yeah, that's good.

Jimmy Johnson, you didn't come up with this.

Come on, what are you doing there?

Jimmy Johnson. That's who I was trying to lead Zazz to because now I'm talking to a true expert. You're a paper champion, Tony. Claiming Jimmy Johnson. You didn't get Jimmy Johnson.

I didn't say I said Jimmy Johnson. You just said, like I just said, I said, I said, I said Don Shula, which I did say.

I felt to me like you were also giving yourself credit for saying Jimmy Johnson when you didn't say Jimmy Johnson.

Well, let's go back to the tape.

Nah, sadly we cannot do that. Boy oh boy. Let's, you know, I enjoy Mr. Lister. It gets you right for football.

I like it. I like it. I want to play again next week. I like it. So I saw Spider-Man last night.

Yeah.

Chris saw a movie for the first time.

That's right.

Last night as well.

He's never seen a movie before.

Wow.

Seems like it.

Get a load of this. I mean, what Chris finally decided to sit down and watch last night.

Creed.

Wow.

Wow.

What a film.

Great film.

What a movie.

I found the final fight a little unrealistic with how shut his eye was. His left eye.

Warriors fight through.

No, but how do you like Rocky telling him how many fingers the Doc was holding up? Oh yeah, that's a good move.

That's a good corner man right there.

That was a good move.

It was a good movie though. I thought, you know, kind of similar tropes to the Rocky of like, oh, the trainer gets sick. I found it a little unpredict— like predictable because it was kind of similar to what Rocky's done. But I thought it was good. I'm excited to see Creed 2.

Creed 2 is all— Creed 2 is just wire-to-wire nostalgia.

Yeah, you're gonna love— Drago's back. Yeah, they got Brigitte Nielsen back as well.

Yep. Oh, what a—

and she's divorced from Drago.

So nasty in that movie.

He's an awful ex.

She makes you feel bad for Drago. Drago, who was gonna feel bad for Drago? He's a sympathetic figure.

It's a good movie.

It's a very good movie.

Better than one, is that what I'm hearing here?

No, Creed 1 is—

Creed is better.

Creed's the best one because that's one that Ryan Coogler was like very hands-on, and then Creed 2 was kind of like, all right, I've done what I can. You guys can take it from here.

But when Jonathan Majors comes out in Creed 3—

3, yeah, it comes out of prison.

You're like, who is that guy?

He is unstoppable. But, but Rocky's not in Creed 3, right?

No, he's not.

No. I will tell you though, my biggest beef about the Creed movies, and maybe I'm wrong here, you can correct me, I have a hard time buying into, uh, what's his name, Adonis. I have a hard time buying into him being a heavyweight. He's fighting, he's fighting the heavyweight division.

He's tiny.

He put on the pounds.

But no, but there's— you can't sell that still. He's tiny. Well, Mike Tyson's not exactly tall.

In the first one, he's fighting at 175.

He's fighting in the first one because, like, he's fighting Drago's kid in the second movie.

It towers over Drago's kid, like 6'5", 240.

And guess what? Drago towered over Rocky.

Yeah, but I guess, but I guess I was able to buy Rocky being a heavyweight.

Well, I don't know, because he's white.

I don't know.

I'm still not over— I couldn't— I— the Creed movies are good and, and all of that, but I just can't get over it. When I first heard, oh, they're making a movie called Creed about the Count of Monte Cristo, I assumed it was going to be the prequel. We were going to see—

wow—

his heyday. And I think we've talked about that before. I mean, but that, that would have been—

well, hold on now.

Maybe they do that.

Hold on, Dave Dameshek. Me, you, typewriter. Oh, you're already in Hollywood. Let's go, man. Let's get the pigeon Creed prequel.

I like it. By the time we meet him, he's way past his prime, you understand? Yeah, you know, they, they position him as the villain in that picture for obvious reasons, but you know, he's, uh, you know, uh, the master of disaster. I mean, he, he would win against any of those other Balboa bouts. He would beat Balboa in his prime, Drago in his—

he wouldn't have beaten Balboa from— he wouldn't have beaten Rocky from Rocky 4, Balboa.

That wasn't Rocky's prime. No, no, Rocky 4, he'd retired. He'd already quit. He had to get back into shape.

Yeah, but he went out the top of his game.

No, no, prime Rocky is Rocky 2. Rocky 2 is prime Rocky, right?

My favorite trope, my favorite trope in fighting boxing movies is when during one of the in-between rounds when you're talking to the trainer, the trainer's like, all right, this is the exact move we're gonna do.

You're gonna do this, you're gonna go with the left uppercut.

It happened happens in the first fight in Creed. And then when the next round comes, there's a point when the fight's breaking down and you hear the trainer go, "Now!" And then he does it right what he said, and he knocks him out.

I love that because it's always because the opponent is like, "He drops his left shoulder. You gotta look for when he drops his left shoulder.

Next time go with the upper hook." "Do it now!" As if in real fighting.

You understand though, you understand that, that Drago, what he did that night in Vegas after James Brown sang his song about living in America—

he murdered somebody.

What was the name of that song?

He showed up. Creed showed up for an exhibition. You know, yeah, that's all he— that's all he thought this was about. Drago went in there with mal intent.

Yep.

He killed a man that night. He murdered him.

He's not going to heaven.

That's exactly what I'm telling you.

Wait, but what about—

plus he took the spike.

What about his performance in Creed 2? It's like, oh, I think he's kind of atoned for it.

No, no, nothing's being spoiled for you. I will tell you this though, Chris, in Creed 2, scene, man, where Rocky and Drago meet again, Drago's waiting for him in the restaurant.

Goosies.

It's good shit. It's good shit.

Good part of the movie.

It's really good.

You know a movie that doesn't—

Clubber Lang beat Drago. Now that's the fight I'd like to see. Both of them in their primes.

That is a good fight, but you know, Clubber was not a technical guy. He was just brute force. Yeah. Drago has the power and the technique, and that's what made him especially dangerous.

And the steroids.

I'll tell you what, Drago versus Apollo in his prime, that's a fight I want to watch.

Drago was emotionally weak when the— when, when his home fans in Moscow turned against him. He didn't know what to do with himself. He crumbled emotionally before he physically fell apart.

Who would have won, Drago in his prime or Drago's son?

Oh wow, Drago's son, stacked.

Yeah, Drago would have.

I think Drago wiped the floor with him.

You think so?

Bigger, faster, stronger. Situation? No, no.

I think Ivan would've won.

He was on the juice, man.

Yeah, he was awesome.

Like Messi.

Imagine being Ivan Drago and you think you're the hero of the Soviet Union and then this American guy hits you one or two times and all of a sudden the crowd turns against you and they start cheering for the American. That must have, that must have made, it must have been sick in his balls.

You're, you're, you're looking in the wrong place, Dave Dameshek. You're thinking about how does Drago feel. I'm like, look at this crowd. The ball's on these people to root for Rocky when Mikhail Gorbachev is right there watching, and the Communist Party. Everyone— no one's going home. Nobody's going home.

That's like in Victory when Pelé scores in the bicycle kick and Max von Sydow, playing the Nazi scourge officer, stands to his feet.

He loves—

yeah, he loves the Nazis. But he also— but, but he loves the beautiful game even more. And when Pelé scores on that bicycle kick, he can't help himself. He rises to his feet to applaud with all the Allied fans gathered that day. The Nazis around him give him the stink eye, but good. In fact, when that game ends in a tie and all the, the players run off the field and escape into the streets of Paris, you know what Max von Seidel's getting— two in the back of the head.

I mean, you know about that Nazi scourge I know all about the Nazi scourge.

It is time for a brand new segment on Fridays here, and it is called AI or not AI. Yes, everybody get excited. Yes, yes, AI is very controversial these days because sometimes you'll see something on Twitter, you'll see it on the internet, and you're like, man, I don't know if that's AI or if that's not AI.. So we're going to be able to tell you now. First up here, AI or not AI? Here is a picture, new team photos this year for the Atlanta Falcons star running back Bijan Robinson. The left is last year. I say it the right way. The right is this year. That is Bijan Robinson's new team photo. Chris, AI or not AI?

I'm going to— I think that's AI.

Amin?

He looks like Zangief. I'm gonna go with AI.

Tony?

He looks like Genie from Aladdin. I think I'm gonna go real. Wow.

Dave?

Real.

The answer is AI.

It is AI. That's AI.

Falcons put out this photo, but he had normal hair.

Next up here, AI or not AI. So you may have seen this. Tony Romo. Tony Romo was arrested, all right, and he had to do— because he had to do a sobriety test, he got DWI. Well, you may not have seen this additional video that has been released where he's doing the, the Dak Prescott warm-ups before the game, but hip movement. Romo's doing it in the garage, shoeless, mind you. He's doing it in the garage to show everybody, I'm not drunk. 'Look at me, I'm doing this test right here.' I don't know what you want to call it, but it's not sobriety test. Uh, Tony, AI or not AI?

You know, the cops, they sometimes like to hide evidence, and that's what happened in this one. That is 100% real.

I mean, you mean to tell me we went from him doing the stretches to then all of a sudden he's just arrested and then it just cuts? That's not a continuous video? That is not AI. That is real.

Never wanted something to be real more in my life, but I believe this This is AI, Dave.

AI or not AI?

I'm gonna go that this is AI because it feels to me like Tony Romo did the thing. He duped a lot of people who have seen the video. They're like, he wasn't really that drunk. No, I think it's the opposite. I think he was loaded, but he is a master. He is an expert drinker and knows how to kind of put on a face there. That does not seem like somebody who's trying to be comport— I don't think you break out into the Dak Prescott hit flip.

The answer is A. He did not break out into the Dak Prescott warm-up routine.

Dave, is, uh, is Tony Romo going to heaven?

Got one more for you here. One more here.

Maybe Romo can hang with me and Zazz as we haunt people.

Actually, sorry, we got two more here. Two more here. Uh, next up here on today's debut edition of AI or not AI. Here is video footage taken by Max Crosby in the Vegas Raiders locker room where Kirk Cousins is showing Fernando Mendoza his place. You like that?

You like that?

You thought it was your time, you fucking nerd. Big Kirko still ain't done, dumbass. You better be to ride the bench for another 2 years. We go 7-10 and I make $50 million a year, motherfucker. Roy, is that AI or not AI? Uh, I'm gonna assume that that's, uh, that's AI. Full pads in the normal uniforms, I'm thinking that's AI. Dave, that was the dead giveaway. Dave, AI or not AI?

Well, Kirk is definitely bound for heaven, ergo he would never drop an F-bomb. I mean, it's hard.

That's a tough one.

That's hard.

I'm based on— look, This is the only reason I'm going to say this answer. Based on the videos we saw earlier of Kirk trying to run, I'm going to say that's AI because I don't think he's got that much motion going.

I'm going to go based off the top left corner of the video that says AI, that it's AI.

Oh, dang, giveaway. That is AI, everybody.

Oh yeah, that is AI.

2 and 1.

Got one more for you here to close out today's debut edition of AI or Not AI. This picture here of Allen Iverson. Oh, Tony, AI or not AI?

Uh, he's got the finger thing, that's always a good tell. He's got the triple color—

wait, is he missing a finger?

No, no, he, he always thinks—

good question though.

The elbow— I think that's AI.

I mean, can we throw it back up? Yeah. Let's see here. Okay, the jersey.

The finger is a little bit of a throw-off because it's got tape on it because it looks a little bit like—

but no, real hoopers always knew that AI would, would have the finger. It wasn't even taped, it was actually like a little finger, like the detail and sweatband tattoos.

I'm gonna say this is AI for me.

It's AI.

I'm gonna say not AI.

What?

Wow.

The answer is that is AI. Oh, whoa, it's AI. Yeah, the answer is—

the answer was right there.

That is AI, and that right there is the debut edition of AI or Not AI.

Good segment.

That's a good segment.

That was good, man.

There you go, guys. You know how we do to wrap up a Friday show. All right, everybody out there, they're like, Zaslo, come on, I gotta know, is it a big game? Was it not a big game? That's right. Howdy, folks, welcome to Big Game or Not a Big Game with Jonathan Zaslow. All right, Chris, what do you got for me today?

I found out last night from my wife that this Sunday, her, myself, my daughter, we are going back to school shopping.

Oh wow, that's brutal.

That's brutal. I mean, you're just— you're following them around with the shopping cart. You're they're just pranking this.

How much is that?

Just whipping out the credit card.

Oh my gosh, it's time to go.

Makes you emotional, I know.

Yeah, how do they need jeans every year?

Right?

Choked up. Uh, that's not a big game. Nobody's looking at it. It's not a big game.

I mean, as I mentioned earlier, taking the kids to see Spider-Man tomorrow. Gonna have to fight to stay awake, not because I don't think the movie's good, but because I'm in a movie theater. Zazz, is me staying awake throughout the entirety of Spider-Man with my kids big game or not big game?

Seeing Spider-Man opening weekend with the kids, trying not to fall asleep. That's big game. Big game.

Ah.

Tony, big game or not big game?

Zazz, today is the first day that I'm gonna go home and my daughter is gonna be walking. So she started walking yesterday, so today's the first day that I'm gonna go home and she's gonna be walking.

That's big game, not a big game. Nothing tops that, the daughter's walking. Make sure you put the bumpers on the edges of the corners of the tables, you don't have any accidents, especially on the coffee table. That's a big game.

This is when it starts for you, Tony, like right now. This is when you need to bring your A-game.