Transcript of Jimothy the Raccoon & The Dunkin' Raccoon Square Off | Hour 1

Summer is pretty much my favorite time to be a sports fan. The biggest soccer tournament of the summer just wrapped up, baseball's on every night, racing never takes a weekend off, and my calendar basically revolves around first pitches, green flags, and whatever game everybody's texting about. I realized I'm the MVP of my group. I'm always the friend that says, "Hey, I've got it. I've got a place, I've got some ice cold Miller Lite, I got the TV, I got a big comfy blue leather couch, come on over." That's the behavior of a Miller Time MVP. I almost never watch the big ones alone. I'd much rather be with my friends. And if I am alone, we're texting, we're sipping on our Miller Lites, toasting the day, toasting the big games. For me, Miller Lite is just a part of a big game routine. It's brewed for taste with simple ingredients, clean, refreshing, and easy to drink, especially in the Miami heat. It's a true American pilsner and the original light beer since 1975. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

You're listening to the Dan Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App, now live in all 50 states.

This episode of The Dan Levitart Show is presented by DraftKings Sports. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

You feel good about yourself?

These guys back here.

What do you mean? It was like a Christopher Walken type delivery.

They were doing that thing of like messing with me right before I went.

And I'm rattled.

And it worked.

Presented by DraftKings Sports.

His hands are so small.

Vince Goodwill of ESPN is reporting this morning— what do you say, I'll allow it— is reporting this morning that LeBron James has been trying to push for Cleveland to acquire Kyrie Irving and that Dallas and Kyrie both declined. Wow.

Hmm, hurtful.

So that kind of feels like Kyrie rejecting LeBron for a second time, right?

I feel like Miami can make the Kyrie thing happen, but man, this is, you know, This is interesting. Are we to believe— if we are to believe the Kyrie Anthony— that does give more credence to what Shams rejected, which was, you know, the reason why in part this is taking so long is LeBron is giving teams ample time to acquire Anthony Davis or Kyrie Irving.

Oh, he said Anthony Davis or Kyrie Irving?

Yeah, well, that was one of the reports, but it was dismissed by Shams. But now you have something with this Kyrie news with Vince is a reputable reporter. That does give credence to that theory. Kyrie can be had.

I, I just, I just, I do find it curious Dallas wants to keep him.

I, I do find it curious though that, you know, a 42-year-old man is like, I'll come there if you get Kyrie Irving, who you can never count on. You could, you just can never count on him being there for playoff stretches.

The way Dusty May talked about Kyrie Irving after seeing him in a workout, like, I don't think Dallas wants to get rid of Kyrie either. And I do, I do wonder sometimes, right, like when talk about reporting, sometimes information gets to people multiple weeks after it was real, and it doesn't necessarily mean that it's false information. But the whole, oh, he wants the Warriors to trade for Anthony Davis, that could have been true a few weeks ago before they came out and said they won't be trading Jimmy Butler. Wanting Cleveland to trade for Kyrie could have been true a couple of weeks ago before it was made clear that they wouldn't be doing so, or that Dallas had rejected it. So all of this information can always get to reporters a little bit later and start to leak out, because now it's, I can confirm through multiple people they were trying to make that happen, and we're trying to come up with the reasons why it's taking so long, even if that's not really what it is at this point.

I just think that we are in an age— the last decade, the prior decade was about teams that never won a title finally getting over. The Cubs and the Capitals, and now the Knickerbockers, I guess, are a carryover from that. But right now it feels like we are in an age of reunions. Patrick Kane getting back together, nostalgia. Patrick Kane is going back to the Blackhawks. Point Break is back in the theaters, or it's coming back to the theaters for its 30 or 35th anniversary. Chris Russo now wants to make football picks with Mike Francesa. All of this going back home, prodigal son stuff, it makes all the sense in the world to me that LeBron, after this, after all the accusations— and I still continue to be baffled by why he is so demonized in a world of actually atrocious people— but okay, LeBron is maybe a little bit, uh, phony, and that's the, the charge that people put on him all the time, is that, is that he's, is that he's a phony. This would be a sweetheart thing to do, to go back and finish where it all—

Oh, stop. But, but he already did that once. And, you know, we have claim to that too. He did his most winning here. He played his best basketball here.

There is—

this story arc does exist. And I'm with you, like, the going home stuff, play— even with The Odyssey.

Yes, but what a movie. I'm seeing it again today.

I know that it's in vogue, but this is what I'm talking about when it does come to what I think is a legitimate anti-Miami bias is there is a return arc to Miami as well.

And golf too.

It was on his list. And also, look, in oil, if you want to play with Kyrie so bad, the Mavs were on your initial whiteboard. Like, when you're doing your decision-making, if Kyrie were that important, why is it reported that the Mavs are out of this?

Why would Dallas want James Harden? Like, of course Dallas said no. To a James Harden-Kyrie Irving swap. Why, why would that— why would anyone, any team, want to give up a good player? That's assuming Kyrie Irving is still going to be good. Why would any team want to give up a good player for James Harden? Like, you're just going to outright sign James Harden, you're going to keep James Harden, you're Cleveland. I understand that, but it's like, hey, this is going to help us get better, let's bring aboard James Harden. Why would you do that?

Any chance, any chance LeBron is saying, I would love to be in Cleveland, but I really don't want to get dragged down by James Harden in my final season?

Yes. Well, then why wasn't it mapped out before the entire offseason?

You think it should have said on the whiteboard, no James Harden? I'm with you.

I mean, like, things have happened. If Cleveland were the choice and we're all asking these very obvious questions—

Cleveland could still make moves. Miami's the only team that can't make moves anymore.

Well, remember, Rich Paul did hype up Darius Garland and Cleveland not having Garland anymore.

He's a clutch guy.

As a negative.

Nice.

Yeah.

Parenthetically, Negative, right?

He's a clutch guy, but that's also—

as you said, zaz and tache, as you pointed out, what Miami offers is him being the number one option. Yeah, with the ball in his hands, with the game on the line. And if he goes to Cleveland, that would be— I mean, what a slap in the face. Yeah, LeBron great, but, uh, James Harden gets the last shot.

Back to Miami is such a cool story. It really is. And, and that's the, the his height of infamy. I think it's a, it's a cool story for him to return to Miami and try to do it with that group.

That was—

there was a lot of animosity there to undo that. Like, we've already seen the Cleveland thing. And I do think if he goes to Miami, like you guys say, it affords him the opportunity that no other team affords him. Any of these other teams in the mix is, you know, who's— whose hands that ball is going to be at the end of the game. He can still be the man.

Uh, let's move on to some, some important stuff here, and that is that we have multiple raccoon stories.

Yeah, we do. Have you guys seen Jimothy?

I have, yeah. He took the internet by storm last week.

Yeah, Jimothy is my new favorite creature. So you might remember Punch the Monkey, you might remember Mudang. It's when these tiny animals sort of capture the hearts of, of the internet, and now it's Jimothy the raccoon. So in Seattle, in town in Seattle, there was this video that went viral, um, of this very strange looking creature.

The hell is that?

It's a beautiful little raccoon.

Beautiful. Timothy, your definition of beautiful.

Yeah, so he has some sort of disease where his spine is a little bit smaller, and so everyone was losing their minds over that video of Timothy. And then old videos started to resurface. So there's a second video of Timothy the raccoon as a little baby. So this is from like a year earlier.

It looks like he's missing half his body.

It looks like he's missing half his body. He looks like a cartoon character. He looks animated. He's been everybody's favorite thing on the internet. He's adorable. And what— where this video came from is—

but he's got rabies.

But the story that was amazing about this— that's like an adult-sized head of a raccoon on just like this tiny little baby body. And, and the best part about it was that this video came out afterward because there was a guy who was like, wait a minute, I know that raccoon was going viral. He used to live outside of my house. He would walk up along the fence with his family. He had even, uh, in an article that I read, dug holes under the fence because Jimothy would fall off the fence so often because of the weird shape of his body when the rest of the raccoon family was up there so that he could get across. He dug little holes underneath the fence for him to be able to go through, and then the neighbor chopped down the tree and they left. And now this was like 5 blocks away from where he lives that this second video went viral, and so everyone's been trying to find Jimothy. He's sort of frolicking throughout this Seattle town. One of my favorite things is when people come together over a tiny little animal, and this is such a great example of it.

And to me, that's worth a toast.

Yeah, wow.

Worth a Toast is presented by Cuervo. Keep it fun, keep it Cuervo, keep it Jimothy.

Wow, giving it up for Jimothy. All right, love him. Okay, uh, but that is, that is the first— yes, Mike, we are toasting. Yes, Mike. That is the first though of multiple raccoon stories we have, right, Chris?

My raccoon story is way cooler.

Is this a new Friday raccoon stories?

Uh, just animal stories. Could be.

I'll have one for you later.

Could be.

Oh, a Friday thing for us later, Tony. That's interesting. All right, so this raccoon story is more up my alley. This is a guy that— this raccoon, it's not a guy, it's a raccoon. He's realized that if I stop this Dunkin' Donuts drive-through— we're gonna pull it up here and play it for the audience— he goes to this drive-through, he blocks the line so no one can get through, and the only way he leaves is if they open up and give him a donut. He reportedly goes here daily, and it's a thing where the line gets backed up, and they're like, all right, we gotta get him his donut. So they open the thing, they give— they hand— they see here, they're handing him a donut. He stands up, he takes a bite, he's like, all right, see you guys tomorrow.

Whoa!

And it is just a thing, like a daily tradition that— I don't know if this is good. They're setting a thing here. All of a sudden they're gonna have like a line of raccoons. Yeah, but this is way cooler. I like my raccoon better than Jimothy.

But aren't they afraid of rabies?

I don't think they all have rabies.

I think they do.

Nope.

Wow, look at that, he's just chilling there.

He's going with a vanilla frosted. Do you think that's his preference, or do you think they just give him like the oldest donut around?

Well, yeah, like I wonder if he ever shakes them off where he's like, that's, you know, you got any crawlers back there?

That literally happens. My insane wife loves to, uh, maintain, uh, some sort of animal sanctuary in our backyard birds of every stripe, of every feather. She literally has now taken to feeding the squirrels, and a couple of the squirrels come by every morning at the exact same time. It's, it's wild that it hap— and they come, and now they have gotten, like you say, they've gotten picky. They don't take everything. She gives them the kids' leftover breakfast stuff very often, but only some of the fare do they care for. Some they just give the hi-hat to and leave it out there for the other creatures, and then they wait, and then they carry And then they run right back up the tree with it, with a half-eaten granola bar, right back up the tree. It's wild.

My raccoon is going to die early though, right? That's way too much sugar daily for a raccoon. That can't be part of—

it's not— die earlier than Jimothy? Jimothy looks like he's got some issues.

Let's see who you got. Let's put it on the poll. Who lasts longer, Dunkin' Donuts raccoon or Jimothy?

Yeah, put on the poll who lasts longer. You know, just do what Chris just said.

Good work. Summer is pretty much my favorite time to be a sports fan. The biggest soccer tournament of the summer just wrapped up, baseball's on every night, racing never takes a weekend off, and my calendar basically revolves around first pitches, green flags, and whatever game everybody's texting about. I realized I'm the MVP of my group. I'm always the friend that says, "Hey, I've got it. I've got a place. I've got some ice-cold Miller Lite." I got the TV, I got a big comfy blue leather couch.

Come on over!

That's the behavior of a Miller Time MVP. I almost never watch the big ones alone. I'd much rather be with my friends. And if I am alone, we're texting. We're sipping on our Miller Lites, toasting the day, toasting the big games. For me, Miller Lite is just a part of a big game routine. It's brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Clean, refreshing, and easy to drink, especially in the Miami heat. It's a true American pilsner and the original light beer since 1975. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer. Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time! Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Dan Levitar.

I've never stepped foot on that campus.

I—

if you told me right now your life depends on it, go to Santa Fe University and just, just, just take a picture.

Jonathan Saslow.

I would die. I don't know where it is.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Okay, that reminds me, by the way, so like the, the raccoon there, Chris's raccoon, we'll call him Chris's raccoon, is just getting free food from the drive-through at Dunkin' Donuts every day. I used to do this when I was in college. This reminds me of something. I used to do this when I was in college. I already told you guys I used to steal—

Hold up a line until they gave you a donut?

No, but I already told you guys, you know, when I was in college, used to steal the deli meats.

Were you in college?

Uh, yeah.

You haven't cleared that up yet.

Yes, I used to steal deli meats from Publix.

Santa Fe? When?

No, I never went to Santa Fe. I already told you I have no idea where Santa Fe Community College is. I don't have a clue.

It was explained to you.

But We used to go to the drive-through at, you know, wherever it could be, Wendy's, whatever, in Gainesville at University of Florida.

Ah!

Because that's where I attended. And we would be in the drive-through. We make our order, right? A big order. And you drive up to now the window to get your food. Not where you give the money. That's the first window. The second window is where you get the food. But we would leave— I'd leave a little bit of space you know, between the car, between the driver's side.

You would hit the hole?

Can you just let me finish the story? I— you'd leave a little bit of space.

You were in college.

Between the driver's side and the window where they pass you the food. And the reason for that is because we would have another car that was already chilling in the parking lot, and one of our friends would run in between when they're handing us the food, all the food. That's why I leave room between the driver's side and the window. He would run through and snatch all the food and run into the car, run into the car that was parked, and we'd be like, oh my God, what happened? What was that? And then they would have to obviously give us our food, and now we had double the food.

How many times could you pull off this caper?

I mean, you can go to whatever fast food place you want, you know.

Scammer.

Oh my god! Where did that guy come from? It's really stupid. It was hard though because you would only be able— you would have to wait for the bag because if you make the run when they're just giving you like the drink, it's like you can mistime it. But it's like, we're just a soda, you know? You, you got, you gotta wait for them to actually hand the bag. All right, and you gotta leave enough room between the driver's side and the window so your friend can easily run through and get the— oh my god, where'd he come from? But where's our food? Give us our food. You get double the food. Yeah, I know, right?

It's criminal, but it's, but it, but it's a savvy play.

Well, I'll let you know, Wendy's is still open today.

They're doing all right. They used, we used to call that hitting the hole, right? Because when you get the, the running back, yeah, you get the ball and then you got to hit the hole. I didn't do this, but I was a part of a car that did this one time. Not that, something different we call fire in the hole. Do you know about fire in the hole?

No, what's that?

Oh man, I was, I did not like fire in the hole, and I want, I want everybody to know this, I did not do this. This was a friend of mine. So we would go through the drive-through, we get our food, we get our drinks, we're ready to go, right? Hey, you know what, can I get one cup of water please? The person would give us a one cup of water, the driver, not me, I was in the back seat. And then the driver would look over and be like, what's that? And the person would go, what?

Fire in the hole!

Take the water and gun it.

I agree.

Into the store?

Gun it into the store.

That's terrible.

I agree, it's terrible, but It happened, and I was, I was a part of it. I was, I was an accomplice, and I feel like getting away with it.

But what end though?

What was that?

What was the, what was the goal?

To completely soak the drive-thru worker. I don't know.

That's awful.

I don't like that, but I— I'm saying.

I don't care for that.

That sounds like some stuff you can only get away with if you're—

White.

That's truly awful.

I got bad news for you. The guy was—

White.

No.

I don't, I don't like your story. You see, for me at least, what we were doing was wrong, but not hurting anyone.

All right, he was black.

Whoa, take it easy over there.

That's what LeBron would be doing to the city of Cleveland. Same thing, like, hey Cleveland, come here, come get close, open the window, come here, come here, like, take that again, I'm going to Miami. That's exactly what he's—

fire in the hole. You got to repeat fire in the hole though.

I'm, I'm a little taken aback by your story, I gotta be honest.

Again, I didn't like it, but I was a part of it, and I want everybody to know that, hey, I feel sorry.

So, so Cleveland's the market that gets jerked around if he picks another team, right? It's, it's, it's totally unfair if this happens to Cleveland, he picks Miami. But if he, you know, has Miami on the line for 2, 2 weeks with, with a history of its own, but he picks Cleveland, that's totally fine. That's very good.

No, Tony is your representative. He is the Miami representative and he's trying to have it both ways. My friend threw a cup of water on the guy. I didn't care for it, but I was there and I'm, I'm—

Dave, what do you want to do, get out of the car? Citizens arrest him?

I don't know. You're having it both ways. You're saying you're telling a delightful tale from your youth. It was out of bounds, but nevertheless, you recalled it. Something last week that now you ascend up to Mount Pius to say, oh, by the way, I didn't care for that, by the way, 10 years earlier. You're cashing in on the story. It was also stiff-arming it.

It was at the Taco Bell on Colonial and Alafia next to the—

Something tells me that night, though, you didn't say, I don't stand for this.

No, I was a quiet accomplice.

Uh, you see this, this, uh, this came out I guess earlier today. You know how they were moving that, uh, college basketball, that Duke-Michigan game was originally going to be at Madison Square Garden in December, but because between it's Duke, it's ACC, it's Michigan, it's Big Ten, and it's Madison Square Garden that has its own broadcast partners, they had to move the game and it was going to be played at Lone Depot Park here. Well, now they've canceled it altogether. That kind of sucks. Hmm.

I mean, it would have been a weird fit.

I thought it'd have been cool to go see Michigan.

Yeah, it would have been cool for us. But admittedly, like, I would say other college basketball markets deserve that matchup more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Weird spot in a very weird spot. Stranger venue.

Yep.

Very weird spot. But I don't know. I would—

well, it's very— the weird venues that are just a part of our lives for the last few decades are these are the tournaments in Puerto Rico and in Hawaii. And we just sign off on them because it's a nice little addition to the programming. For a sports fan. But really, why, why do those things exist? Why do they have tournaments where college teams fly off to a distant land to perform their, their, their basketball?

I mean, I used to love the stories, you know, the Hurricanes back in the day, they would— Hurricanes basketball would schedule those tournaments, you know, like, you know, the Bahamas, Atlantic City, Perry Clark at the craps table in the middle of the night.

It's as much as NFL football has a monopoly over Thanksgiving, it's also not Thanksgiving to me if there isn't two mid-table teams in the ACC playing in a ballroom somewhere in Bahamar.

It's so true. And we all know— I assume everybody knows what Chaminade is, right? Because of one of those tournaments.

Everybody—

well, maybe nobody does because you're all too young. Chaminade beat Ralph Sampson's Virginia, I think, in like 1982, and people still point to that to validate the existence of those tournaments.

Chaminade down here was Dan's high school, right? I believe so. How about that?

Dave, you also— why do they call it preseason tournaments?

Right.

That always bothered me because these count. It's regular season ball, but they call them preseason tournaments. And we just—

only do they count. They're overly important when it comes down to it. In March, they look back to like, yeah, but you lost to Baylor on November 29th. Like, what the hell are we referencing?

They need to stop calling those preseason tournaments. It's confusing.

Dave, you are still on the East Coast. Our visual audience can see you are not in your normal home studios, but you, you were a man about New York City this week, right?

Oh, what a time I had. Have you ever been on the air? They don't put the magazines anymore, the airline magazines, but they used to have back in the day the perfect 48 hours in blank. I had the perfect 48 hours. In New York City. I flew in, I went straight to the Bronx to catch the Yankees play the Buccos with my old pal Pulaski and his son Mo. We had a delightful time as Merlin Valdez, the breakout star of the National League in 2026, hit a home run. All right, the Pirates lost, but no matter. I jumped back on the train, I went home, I had a late night drink with my wife who was away, who was waiting me back in the hotel. Woke up, I went off, it was rainy out. I went to the MoMA.

Why?

Because I'm a fancy man. And I looked at artwork and I went along with me, I carried an umbrella. Not one of the kinds, the modern ones that you push the button and it's short and it extends out. I'm talking about the one with the handle and it's wooden and all. And I walked around New York City and I realized as I made my way, I was a better man thanks to the old-school umbrella, and I now am toying at least with the idea of becoming a full-on umbrella guy. 'Cause Kane, I feel like I would have to limp. You're jauntier when you walk the streets. You kind of like— I was doing unironically like Gene Kelly. I was kind of spinning the umbrella as I walked down the street past strangers. I, in fact, by the way, as a side note, as I made my way through the streets of Manhattan, I looked through a picture window of a department store And they had a dinette, you know, kind of thing set up there with a plate on the table and the napkins and everything else. And a woman, as I was just standing there watching on the corner, a woman came over and she opened up a bag and she opened her bagel with cream cheese on the plate of the department store display and ate her bagel just straight off of that.

No, no, no. I don't think that kind of stuff is the best. I, I literally have a photo of it. I literally have a photo of it. But then I went, so I went there and the wife and I went out for Italian food at night and we made our vigorous love. It was just a per— it was just a wonderful 48 hours.

How do we know it was so vigorous? Like, is there ever a time it's like, this was just not vigorous enough?

If you have to ask, Zazz, I don't know what to tell you.

Did you lay bare?

I was bare where it counted.

Ah, keeping the old socks on.

Socks on, booning it.

Oh man, socks on.

Well, I mean, in a hotel, you know, you should always, that's what Mo Damashek, my mother, taught me. Always make sure you keep your socks on. Not for the lovemaking, she didn't say that, but in a hotel, you don't take your socks off.

Wow, so that was your distinctly New York experience?

That was it, that was it. But I might, I really am thinking about that. Here's what I did. With the umbrella. When I got back to the hotel, I was, you know, it was a little rainy and everything, and, uh, but I, I, you know, I wrapped the thing around it so it wasn't open. Obviously I'm not a slob. Um, and I went to the elevator, and instead of pushing the button with my finger, I used the pointer on the umbrella. Oh, it was great. I just like, you know, I did like that. I might, I might just— I know in LA it'd be a weird look because it really, it doesn't rain out there, But man, what a cool move, right? I thought about 20 years ago that it would be neat to be a yo-yo guy, like just walking the streets.

You were wrong.

Always with the yo-yo. Ultimately, I agree with you, but I think an umbrella might do the trick. How say you?

Making vigorous love after an Italian meal.

That's a choice.

I may not have done them in sequence. I may not have done them in the same order that I just explained them to you. Maybe.

Too much cheese for me.

A distinctly New York experience. Good for you. Have I ever told you the first time I ever went— my first ever New York City experience?

I don't think Italians ever stop Chris Cody. I'm gonna go on the record.

I ever told you my distinctly New York City experience? More cheese. First time ever in New York. Tony, do you remember the first time you were ever in New York?

Yeah, I do. My parents took me. It was 2008. And I remember walking by the, uh, where the Twin Towers were, and I was like, whoa, that's where it happened. It was still like all messed up. That's my biggest memory.

It's probably like around 2008 for me too, the first time, maybe a little bit before, the first time I ever went to, uh, New York. And actually it was a little bit before that. And my, my girlfriend, who is now my wife, it was, she took me, she was, she's a veteran of New York City. I mean, she, she went to school up there for a little bit. And so we went to, uh, went to go ride the, ride the subway. I'd never ridden a subway before. All right, so I was a little bit nervous because you hear— yeah, you do, you hear stories, you know, it's 20 years later, still happens. It's safe and it's dirty and, you know, but well, I know that now, okay? I'm talking 25 years ago. Making it clear, I, I— there's nothing wrong with the— I love the subway now, actually. But that was my first time on a subway before, and she knows I'm nervous about the whole situation. And I swear All right, we get on the subway, we sit down, the doors close, we're about to leave. Buddy stands up in front of the whole train.

He's right next to me.

It's never good.

Buddy stands up. He has an announcement for the entire train. He's right next to me, right next to me. And he has to announce to everybody that he's HIV positive. And this is the first time I've ever been on a subway I'm nervous as it is, and I was so shook, just completely shook. Like, why does he have to make the announcement? I don't know. And it's happening like on my lap. Everybody, just want everybody to know, everything's okay. I'm HIV positive.

This woman who set out her bagel on the dinette display, I don't know if she was HIV positive, but it was definitely disgusting.

It's a nice neighborhood you got there.

I think you're really gonna like the coffee table.

She opened, she opened her bagel on the thing and just like with cream cheese and everything.

Do you—

is that what you did? Did you think that you— were you walking down the street like, oh, there, there's a place?

Were you nervous snapping the picture? Like, did you want to be incognito? No, I'm gonna take it.

Insane woman eating a bagel behind a sheet of glass. Yes, I was petrified. Uh, much like Tony, I disapproved. I didn't say anything though.

Dan Levitar!

DJ Laz is playing Gulo in the back room at Pitbull.

Here's Dave Demacek and he's like, "Hey guys, Pittsburgh, uh, alright." Everybody's like, "Who the fuck is this guy?" Dave Demacek.

He goes, "What TV's the Penguins game on?" Who the hell is this guy?

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Mike, uh, you— I know this is something you and Dave are both into. You see the Los Angeles Rams' new uniforms.

They—

it's not every day that a team announces two new alternates so close to the season, Dave. This is a bit of a surprise. Now, we—

these are good-looking uniforms.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's easy to tap back into the, uh, the, the retro look. We always assumed we'd one day see the all-whites from the, uh, the Deacon Jones era back there. I think the surprise here is the classic soul. Dave Dameshek, these uniforms are getting a lot of feedback, man. I think the Rams can wear a different uniform every week. They have so many options. What do you say about these new uniforms?

And of course, let's also remind everybody, I think it was last week, right, Dave? Where— and I'm in total agreeance with you— where you don't appreciate all the different kinds of, uh, jerseys. Like, we're specifically talking about the NBA, right?

I, I resent it. I understand that it makes them a lot of money to have various jerseys you can sell, and I am resistant to it. I do guess I kind of get that if you don't love one, maybe tomorrow you'll see one you do, and so it's a chance to try to please everybody. Um, these particular ones, my issue is fundamental. Soul, the Rams color, the gold that they wear is highlighter gold and I— or yellow, and I don't care for it. And so it's hard for me to really vibe to any of these uniforms. The bones of it though, if— if you made the, the color a little richer, the gold a little richer, I'd be all for both of these. I do think that by letting go the Fearsome Foursome red and white uniforms and ceding that to the Colts, it's weird to now jump back in decades later and declare, yeah, we're going to do that again. I know they kind of dabbled with that when they returned from St. Louis to LA. They did a little bit of that, but I think that ship should have sailed for them. How say you, Mike Ryan?

It's a drip drill for us.

Yeah, I thought that they were also going to go with the, the look on the left, the Fearsome Foursome look as their full-time look, because as you mentioned, when the St. Louis Rams came over and they were playing in the Coliseum, they had really downplayed the gold aspects of their uniform. The Ram horns on the helmet were often white, and it seemed like they were going in that direction. And then they went with like the, the classic when you close your eyes Rams look, which I think was a right idea. They have updated last year's set It was probably a little too busy. Bone wasn't super popular of a color and they made subtle tweaks to it. So all new uniforms for the Rams, their main set, these alternates. Again, it's, it's pretty uncommon when a team rolls out two alternates. Last year they had the rivalry set, which was like a midnight black type of color. They got a lot of cool looks. The Rams are really—

Oh, that black one was an atrocity, Mike. That black one with the blue and gold shoulders was, was a hideous look. What wasn't, though, is look at Dave. Dave's at the MoMA there looking at a Picasso. Again, fancy man.

See, I know I see a couple of Rams logos over there. The Rams can lay claim among the upper echelon of NFL team helmets. I think so. It's a beautiful helmet.

It's good. Whoa, that's good.

They are the OG. I don't know if everybody knows that they are the OG team to paint their helmet. To have the gall to go from the blank palette to putting that horn on there. They initiated all of this.

Really?

And so, so I honor that.

I don't—

I—

it's the color. I mean, it's hard to— it doesn't— here's the, the problem with the Rams getups. They don't complement whoever they're playing. They don't look good against almost anybody, right, Mike? That's the value.

No, I just—

a hard disagree. I'm a, I'm a big kit clash type of guy. I like to turn on a team and see different colors on each side of the field.

If both are wearing colors like it's arena football?

No, no, no, no, no. I like to see a kit clash, and I think like the white tops, gold bottoms look good against basic green and gold.

Because I hate that crushed jersey bullshit.

That NFC West is usually good for some striking contrast, and I love contrast in a matchup.

Color Crush. I don't do that.

Color Clash.

A kick clash.

I think—

yeah, I think you're—

don't all uniforms clash?

No, no, no, there's not.

They would be wearing this.

No, there's some brutal matchups, dude. There's some brutal matches. I think Bengals-Browns is a horrific watch.

Color Rush, right?

Right.

Yeah, the worst uniform matchup with standard getups. I mean, when you start getting into the alternates, you're, you know, the Nobody's going to look good playing against the Seahawks when they wear the head-to-toe neon green or anything like that. The worst one we've seen, I think what you're getting at, Mike, is when the Chiefs wore their red pants against Arizona, who wore their all red. That is—

yeah, why, why do that? You have the white pants in your locker room, just put on the white pants. Give us a nice little kick clash.

Jeremy, I think I was mixing Candy Crush And that's right. And color rush.

Yes. And the color rush, by the way, the one I immediately think of is that incredible Thursday Night Football game between the Jaguars and the Titans.

Terrible.

When the Titans were in all light blue and the Jaguars were in all khaki. Like, that gold was awful.

These rules are pretty obvious. There needs to be a uniform commissioner in the NFC. In the AFC West, we occasionally run into—

Needs to be. I have a I appointed myself that 20 years ago, right? But what are you talking about?

Let me give you an example. The Broncos wear orange at home. If the Chargers ever make the decision to wear their yellow pants at Mile High, why do that? Crazy. Give me a starker contrast.

I agree.

You have blue pants, you have the white, all-white look. But why, why are we going with colors that are way too similar? I hate this when, when teams that wear red play teams that wear orange. We run AFC West, you know what the NFC is. The AFC West is a difficult difficult division.

Oh, they—

what?

No, no, no.

In terms of just contrast, Dave. In terms of just uniform contrast.

But we declared the AFC West 6 months ago—

top to bottom.

Yeah, top to bottom. Best individual uniforms.

Yes.

Right.

Top to bottom.

Different conversation.

Yes. But I'm talking about when I sit down to watch a game, I like to be aesthetically pleased. Last year we had the throwback Seahawks uniforms against the creamsicle Tampa Bay Buccaneers, all whites. That game popped. It was a great— it was a terrific game. But also part of what made that experience, whether it be subconscious or right out there in the open, was how beautiful it looked. Football can be a beautiful looking game.

Why people do this thing of like— I think it has to do with this, uh, this, uh, fraudulent version of machismo to— I don't, I don't look at uniforms. I don't know anything about uniforms. You don't You have no opinion on which uniforms you like and don't. You stare at them for 3.5 hours, but it renders no verdict in your brain. You don't vibe to one or the other.

I—

it's funny you say, Mike, because the— they just announced, the Bucs did, that they are bringing back the Creamsicles, the head-to-toe white, I should say, against the Chargers. Retro against the Chargers, which is a bad move. No, good.

No bad move. The Chargers do that. Do the Chargers have a throwback? In their arsenal because they—

they know. But what, what they'll wear is if they wear the blue jersey with the— they— and the white pants, it's going to be too much white.

What they can do—

too much white.

Uh, you're probably not a fan of their Old Navy look, but they could—

they could—

oh no, see, that's— no, that's wrong.

I love the number 5 on that uniform. They could also go all blue, like all powder. Yeah, they could go all powder blue. The good news is the Creamsicle Orange Uh, in all whites, they look spectacular. You have a built-in contrast, especially with that beautiful white shell.

And that's what Mike is getting at, is the ultimate— Mike is, correct me, well, at least in my opinion, the best matchup you can see. I'm not talking about the individual. Raiders have the best uniforms in the NFL, maybe in sports, against the Kansas City Chiefs when they wear the white jersey and the red pants. You can't do, you can't do better.

It's gorgeous. And while I'm not a fan of of the, uh, the Cowboys uniforms. I think they make very little sense. When you get 49ers-Cowboys, especially that 4 o'clock window, there's just something about it.

Zazz, are you lost in this conversation?

No, no, I'm enjoying— I'm enjoying the conversation. I'm not lost. And I'll admit, I mean, those old 49ers-Cowboys, uh, clashes, it reminds me of the '90s. I like when they wear those.

Bears-Packers, Bears at home. Yeah, God, that looks good.

Yeah.

Absolutely. I'm allowed to just— the teams that look good against everybody. And then not coincidentally, they have the best uniforms. The Niners, the Raiders, the Steelers, the Colts.

Yeah.

I mean, those are your best. Those are the best uniforms.

Where are the Dolphins teal in this?

Well, they get in their own way. I have my moral issues with their— whoever decided, whatever it was 15 years ago that they— at a time when They're making movies about CTE and otherwise they took the helmet off that dolphin. Makes no goddamn sense. Well, I don't know what the thinking is there. I feel also the old ones are the best.

I feel pretty confident in saying this out there. There are enough context clues with what they've told retailers, with the fact that this design has been around a lot. My bold prediction is the current look of the Miami Dolphins, the current primary looks, this is the final season of that look.

You think so?

Yeah, they are going to retool their uniform.

That's big. Well, retool, does that mean go back to what we all want?

Everybody wants that darker, richer teal color from the throwbacks. I'm not sure where they're going to go, but this current set with the lighter aqua color and the logo, I think, I think all that's getting revamped this offseason, this upcoming offseason.

We still need to get to the bottom of the mystery. Those are among the great uniforms and one of the great logos in sports. But who the dolphin in the helmet? The helmet has an orange M on it. What team is he on? Because he's the logo for the Miami Dolphins, but he's not on the Dolphins. He plays for a team that has an orange M on the side of their hat.

He plays for Miami.

I have news.

Okay.

The Chargers have already announced what jersey they will be wearing against the Buccaneers when they wear the white green jersey.

The full ensemble. The full ensemble.

The full ensemble. White helmet.

Okay.

Yellow top.

White pants.

No, see, they botched that.

Ah, they ruined it.

Why would they Why would they do that? Why would they do that? A yellow top against an all-white team. So this is the uniform that Baker's wearing there.

Look at that.

Why would they pick that look? This is why we need a commissioner.

I do think this is— so this is the Charger Power set that they have. And I do think that what this is, is this is an alternate that they have that goes back to the '70s as well.

So why would they pick the alternate that is hardest on the eyes to discern away from all white?

I think thematically their whole premise is they're going with their most '70s look versus the Buccaneers' most '70s look. I don't disagree with you. I think that would be way better.

It's not their most '70s look. It's not their most '70s look. They should wear the powder blue.

That's right.

Gold pants.

And that's as close as you're going to get to something that's palatable. They shouldn't have done the— the original sin is the Buccaneers deciding among whatever their options were to do it against the Chargers. They were set up to fail.

That's a huge disappointment right there.

Look at you caring about contrast.

Yeah.

You've just been cucking this whole segment, Zazz.

How dare you. Jeremy, uh, reminds me to ask you, tell us a little bit about where you're gonna be next week.

I will be at Camp Fiesta next week. That's the shirt that I'm wearing. I gotta thank the audience. We brought it up on Tuesday, um, and you guys have already donated almost $2,000 to Camp Fiesta. It's a 9-day sleepaway summer camp for children with cancer. If you go to campfiesta.com/donate, that's how you can donate. But I cannot thank you guys enough from the bottom of my heart. I can't wait to be there. I'm so grateful, about as grateful as you guys are going to be that you don't have to listen to me long-windedly talk about the Marlins next week.

We also love Camp Fiesta.

Camp Fiesta is a great cause. I believe in it. I donated to the cause and our audience, while $2,000 is great, I'm a little disappointed. Our audience usually comes correct.

Oh, let's get another push.

Come on.

Thank you, guys.

Tell everybody again, let's get one final push.

campfiesta.com/donate.

Thank you.