Transcript of Jessica Critiques Dan's Dog Behavior | Hour 3

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Have a number of things that I want to get to here with Jessica. There's a quote all over my televisions here from Josh Allen that doesn't understand some very basic principles. He says, quote, if you knock enough on the door, it's going to open at some point. That's not true in any way. No, that's just simply not factually true.

Knock on door shall be open.

No, sometimes you can just keep knocking and there'll never be anybody home.

There's never anybody, especially nowadays, a lot of that, unless you're a SWAT team, then you gotta use that.

Yeah, how hard are you knocking?

Uh, Jessica, among the examples that we've had around here for somebody who looked old prematurely, uh, which of these is the most shocking from among all of these names? That Kelsey Grammer was 29 when he was on Cheers, uh, Cliff in Cheers. John Ratzenberger was 35. Jason Alexander was 30 at the beginning of Seinfeld. Archie Bunker was 46 on All in the Family. That might be too far before your time. Which of those is most shocking to you?

I think the first one with Kelsey Grammer, because 29 is— I mean, you're, you're in your 20s. That is, that is youthful. And if you go back to early Seinfeld episodes, Jason Alexander actually doesn't look that old in the first season. Like, you can see the youthfulness He just doesn't have a lot of hair.

Jeremy and Amin both making sour faces at you right there, questioning your take on Jason Alexander.

Looks youthful. Youthful.

I don't think he looks that old in like the first couple of seasons. I just, I don't. I mean, I think in general everyone looks younger now as they get older versus 30 years ago. I think younger people looked older back then, probably from the cigarettes, Dan.

I don't know.

I mean, who knows? Modern medicine, what the deal is. But I just think everyone kind of looks a little bit younger now.

Uh, put these on the poll, please. Are you shocked that Jason Alexander was 30 at the beginning of Seinfeld? Are you shocked that Kelsey Grammer was 29 at the beginning of Cheers? Are you shocked that Archie Bunker was 46 on All in the Family? All of those are, uh, shocking to me. Uh, the question I wanted to ask you, bringing you in from something that we were doing earlier in the week, you are a fellow dog lover with me, and so I'm curious because I felt very alone here at the number of people who thought that it it was okay for, uh, my— the people in my building to just allow my dog to escape even though there are all sorts of sensors and doors that have to be open in order for that dog to escape. What were your thoughts on what happened to me when I felt the full-blown panic of the McRib being released?

My first and only thought, Dan, was only you. Only you could lose your dog in an apartment building. Like, this is just something that could only happen to you.

I mean, I, I like, I like, you live somewhere where it's like, hey, if I want to leave this place, I could just leave. I just got to wait for these doors open, I could just leave. So I gotta ask, man, what are you doing to make sure your dog is hemmed up, or is it just a free-range dog?

The dog has never been out in that elevator without a human being because that elevator is rarely opening on our floor for any reason. And furthermore, The elevator is separate from the apartment and the doors to the apartment are usually closed unless there's a sprinkler system going off flooding the apartment that has my wife running around with buckets and garbage cans and she's in a panic.

I love that you have to specify that there is an elevator that is outside of your apartment because you are so rich that I was assuming the elevator just went straight into your apartment and that would have also kind of explained it a little bit better. But that is a great, uh, detail from you, Dan. But again, This could only happen to you. And if I'm that guy on that elevator, unless this dog is under £20, unless it's like one of those dogs you could just scoop up and like put in your pocket, I'm not messing with this dog. I am just letting it mind its own business. I'm minding my own business because I don't know if this dog's gonna bite me. I don't know if it's gonna get mad and do something crazy to me. I'm just gonna let it be. The—

Jess, the dog, by the way, has no collar because apparently Dan lets the dog after a long day at work loosen up and just take it off. Why the collarless?

Totally nude dog. Our dog's nude at home too. I mean, but we also have a door between our apartment in the hallway, and then there's elevators, and then there's more doors. And the thought of my dog somehow ending up all the way out on the street in New York is unfathomable to me. So many things would have to go wrong for that to happen.

The only thing that I think this guy did wrong is, is you have to when you get into that bottom floor and get out of the elevator, I am making sure somebody who works at this building knows that I found a dog alone. Like, I'm not just gonna keep about my day. You have to say something to someone at that building that there's a dog here.

I thought you were going to say the only thing that guy did wrong was he didn't say sup, like, when he got on the elevator, like, yeah, what's up, dog? Because I thought that was a little rude. Like, it could have been like, sup.

Yeah, unfriendly.

What's going on?

What I'm gonna tell all of you is that isn't the only thing that guy did wrong. What he did wrong is open the door that has sensors on it and let my dog into traffic.

It's still your fault, and it only could happen to you.

Is the dog okay? That's the first thing to ask.

Uh, we already did this show on Monday.

He's a good boy though, we all agree.

Good boy.

Uh, he is not a good boy. He was— he crossed several, uh, streets and ended up at a restaurant kitchen eating potatoes. He is not a good boy.

How'd you find them?

Running around in a panic.

Did this show.

I know, but like, I get it, but I'm just saying like the idea of a collarless dog.

I believe that's why I was panicked. And the reason the collarless dog is collarless and totally nude, beyond that the dog prefers to be free and I like for the dog to be free, is there's no chance of that happening. There's no circumstance under which that can happen.

None. There is. Apparently there is. Tone. Fine.

You can't let my dog into the street. It's a busy, trafficked street. You can't just open the door when there are locks and sensors on the door.

This guy thought, like Chris said, this is a rich dog. This dog's probably going to Pura Vida, gonna get a Miami Vice smoothie and chill, maybe some oatmeal chocolate bites. Like, this dog knows what he's doing.

What time of day was this? What time of day was this?

2 o'clock, 3 AM.

Okay, I don't know why that matters, just felt like asking.

Your dad just wanted to make a 3 AM joke like that.

Just where's the leash? No leash law.

For no reason. He made it 3 AM even though—

Also, imagine if this guy, if it is in the middle of the night, like this guy, who knows, maybe he's drunk and he's just like, what's the—

what's that?

Not the middle of the night. It's 2 PM. I thought we'd established that.

I heard it. 3 AM.

3 AM.

Yeah, me too.

And Dan, so the dog came in and like knocked on your door one day like Dan, can I talk to you for a second? Like, I'm really not liking the dress code. I, I just feel freer when I don't have this thing around my neck. Come on, we're in Miami, man. And you're like, you know what, I'm gonna allow it. Is that how that conversation—

Valerie, Valerie likes that all of the animals be as free as possible.

This dude is throwing everyone under the bus. The man in the elevator, my wife, everybody, the dog.

It sure as shit wasn't me. I wasn't home when the dog escaped. Like, it can't be me. It's not allowed to be me.

Levitar shirks responsibility for dog's evacuation.

Question mark. You got to put a question mark at the end of it, Greg.

Yeah, that's true.

I think what's worse, Dan, is if your dog had escaped but then got out on the wrong floor and was just trapped on someone else's floor and you couldn't find him for a really long time. That would have been scary too.

Well, I couldn't find him for a really long time. I was running around in a sprint, running around all of the stairs. Hurry! And running through the floors, and I was I was wearing dress pants. I was like, I'm sprinting through the streets trying to find the early.

Oh my God, you guys, he was wearing dress pants. That makes it so much worse.

You had to be sweating like a pig, huh?

I like the idea of you running around just yelling, "Early!" Early! And some other guy says, "See, honey, not just me." Oh my God. Oh, you missed the nude food segment, Jess. You would've loved it.

Jessica eats steak with her hands, and one of the things we were talking about before you came on here is that there's a restaurant that is open on Mondays, uh, one day a month, first Monday of the month in Hollywood, Florida, where diners eat steak nude. And it's a real thing, and it's legal, and I just didn't think that that's something—

well, whatever you want, Dan. It's not just steak, it's a steakhouse, but they have all different types of foods on the menu. So Jess, uh, You got, for a single man, $250, single woman, $150, couple, you get $300. Basically the dinner served, all you can have, but you're nude.

Yeah, if I'm eating steak nude, it's in the privacy of my home and I'm not telling people about it. And it's usually once or twice a month.

How did you feel about the Steelers opening up camp and Aaron Rodgers and Pat McAfee starting camp by—

What?

Put me out of my misery. Okay. There was a story in ESPN yesterday from Brooke Pryor about Mike McCarthy's motto for the season and the t-shirts that he handed out to the team. Dan, what do you think of when you hear the term tempered? Like, what is being tempered when you hear that term tempered?

Someone's passion, someone's rage, someone's— what is being tempered? What do you think of as being tempered?

Tempur-Pedic mattress.

Greg, that's exactly where I was going with this.

That's a bad slogan. Are we in agreement?

Like, wow, I was gonna say tempered expectations. That's something I think about, being tempered. But he went with tempered, I think, to reinforce the making of steel. You temper steel to like harden it and to toughen it. Um, you also temper eggs if you want to cook them really slowly. That's besides the point though, Dan. But I think tempering something like, I'm going to temper my expectations for the season because the slogan is tempered. And it's just not sitting right with me.

It's terrible.

What is it?

Bad. It's a bad slogan.

What if he's sincere, though? Hey, guys, like, let's temper expectations. Our quarterback is 50 years old and he thinks Anthony Fauci is a fraud.

Yeah.

My expectations could not be more tempered, actually, for this season because of Aaron Rodgers. So I guess it is really fitting for Mike McCarthy.

So tempering steel. I don't— I'm not even totally sure what that means. Don't you sharpen steel?

Like, isn't, isn't tempering like— I think it's like heating something up. So like when you're tempering eggs, if you're making like a pudding or something like that, or like a custard, you're pouring something hot into it while you're whisking it so it cooks it without it curdling and becoming like scrambled eggs. And I think it's probably the same process with steel. However, you know, unfortunately my grandfather, who was a Pittsburgh, lifelong Pittsburghan, Pittsburgher, Pittsburgher, is not alive, so I can't call him and ask him the intricacies of making and tempering steel, Dan, anymore. But that is, I guess, how a process in which steel is made harder.

Yeah, tempering steel, that's how you make the steel stronger so you don't break it.

Indication, indication of a bad inspirational slogan when you have to explain it to this degree.

Dan Levitar.

I heard that as a woman faking pain. I didn't think that sounded real. I really didn't.

You know, it was not fake. It was in no way fake.

You can spot a woman faking it.

Great, Cody.

Yes, I can, Jess. I've been married 40 years.

This is the Dan Levitar Show. Put it on the poll at Levitar Show. When you think of Mike McCarthy, do you think of eggs and custard? The Kyle Shanahan story, Jessica. What are your thoughts on everything happening around Kyle Shanahan?

Yeah, my thoughts are that this news story from Chicago in which WGN accidentally, it appears, put up an AI photo of Kyle Shanahan as Mitch McConnell with former Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao.

Oh, no.

Is the funniest thing to come out of this.

Oh, no.

Yeah, we have a video.

This is something that is actually a— so wait, WGN is not exactly small.

WGN Superstation, it's literally in the title.

How about those Cubs, by the way, Dan? They did beat the Dodgers last night. Schubel's debut with the Dodgers.

What a bum. They—

this, this picture is— someone made this picture and put it online, and because there are all these conspiracy, conspiracy theories flying about Shanahan and the accident, and so they photoshopped or AI'd him over Mitch McConnell with Mitch McConnell's wife, and this ended up on the news. Not good.

And not sure how much you've been following this story about Niners coach Kyle Shanahan. Yesterday he made his first public comments since a car crash 2 weeks ago that left him in some really bad shape. Uh, the team didn't announce it until last Saturday, 11 days after it happened.

Yeah, I don't know why there's a laugh track in there either. I've been trying to figure that out for the last like 12 hours. I was like, maybe this was part of some sort of like local news sketch, but I, I, it's, it's very strange. But shout out to WGN. How about my cubbies?

May contain errors.

Uh, do we have any proof that Mitch McConnell is still alive? Do we have a picture? The other—

that's good.

Other, other than the picture, do we have any actual proof that Mitch McConnell is alive?

What do you need? What else do you need? Dan's got the picture. I've actually seen the, the Galaxy Brain picture of Kyle Shanahan sitting next to Mitch McConnell sitting next to his wife. All three of them in the same bed.

Jessica, have you heard about this Akron football season ticket giveaway? Akron football, it's a little bit hard perhaps to keep up with the big schools when you are Akron football. So they have to get creative. Maybe on a Monday night, serve some steak in the nude or, or allow an idea or allow a fan perhaps to, you know, call, call plays.

Yeah.

So they have this. Lottery going right now. It says make history and be the lucky season ticket holder to design the opening drive of the home opener when Zips football hosts Robert Morris. Robert Morris is an FCS team, so like it's the opener against a team that's not a D1 FBS team, they're a D1 FCS team. So like, okay, that's, you know, maybe, maybe you let your fans have a couple plays in that game. I'm assuming if you win this, you are just like sitting in a, on a call or in a meeting the week before the game and like talking to the staff and then you're scripting it together. But the like real crazy person in me is thinking, wow, what if they are just giving a random guy like a headset on the sideline and handing him the playbook and saying like, go for it? Because I— Dan, I thought about it. Flea flicker, flea flicker, and then on third and ten, I'm gonna do some sort of screen pass, like make the defense think that we're gonna punt, and then fake punt on fourth down.

If you were to have a single play that you were allowed to call in any kind of football game, everyone's going with a trick play, right?

Gotta go hijinks.

There's just— there's no one— if you're only allowed to call one play in a game, A, there's no one who's calling a running play, correct?

I might call it double reverse right up the A-gap, but it's the final play from Remember the Titans.

It's, it's going— someone is going to try some gimmickry. It's never, it's never going to be just a common play, correct? There you go.

Annexation of Puerto Rico.

Yeah, I'm just— I'm so I'm so excited to watch this first drive against Robert Morris now. Like, I'm, I'm locked in on this.

I want your thoughts here, Jessica, before we talk about Cleveland and its new nickname for its WNBA team. I want to play for you a mistake that Greg Cody made at the end of yesterday's show and just get your ruling on this, please.

Mets at Indians. You couldn't find— you could—

Guardians.

Guardians. Oh, boy.

Oh, come on.

Okay. Oh, come on. My bad.

So I'm taking from your head dropping into your hands that Greg's mistake there. What kind of fine does he deserve for that particular mistake?

Oh boy.

$5, $10.

Oh boy. I said, oh boy.

Yeah, he took responsibility.

Yeah. And oh boy.

Yeah. But when I get in there with Guardians, you hear a very dismissive, like, oh, okay.

Yeah. Bad nickname. My bad.

Okay, then maybe $50 for that.

All right, $50.

Let's play it back for her again and just dissect it real quick and see, because I thought there was genuine shame there. I didn't think he was actually dismissing you.

Mets at Indians. You couldn't find—

you could—

Guardians. Or Guardians. Oh boy. Oh, come on. Okay. Oh, come on. All right, my bad.

Oh no, that was problematic. Zagacki saying, oh, come on. I'm back down to 10.

My bad.

It's an accountability. He took an accountability on it.

Thank you, Amir.

Maybe 2. Cleveland, the new name for its WNBA team. How we feeling about this?

I like it. It's the Sirens, Dan. Okay, so this is something I read about yesterday in the Detroit Free Press. Apparently there's this guy in Detroit who owns a bunch of lapsed trademarks for old WNBA team names. So Cleveland used to have a team, um, back in the like late '90s when the WNBA started, and it folded in 2003. And they were the Cleveland Rockers, and it was like rock and roll themed. That was their logo. Very cool. Everything looks cool again. From the, from the '90s. Like, this looks so cool to me. Anyways, um, but this guy apparently has a— some sort of women's basketball. Like, it's unclear, like, what level of competition it is, but he has the rights to the Detroit Shock, which— Detroit is a new expansion team that has not announced what their new name is going to be yet. But he also apparently has the Cleveland Rockers name. So part of this whole lead-up into this announcement was, are they going to go back to being the Cleveland Rockers? Who— like, the Cleveland Rockers not sort of the same as the Detroit Shock. The Detroit Shock won championships and they were like a pretty like iconic successful team.

The Rockers, not quite as much, but it's like, okay, are they gonna go back to the Rockers? Are they gonna do something different? They've filed a bunch of trademarks for other names, like the— I can't actually— I can't even remember what they were, but other things besides the Sirens that were not the Rockers over the last like few months. Ultimately went with the Sirens, which I love because we are in a total mythology maxing vibe right now this summer and with the Golden State Valkyries as one of the new expansion teams in the WNBA. And I love it. I like that we're doing something different. We're not just doing animal names, but I want to know what's going to happen with this new Detroit team now and if this guy is going to sell the trademark or how. I actually don't even really know how any of that works. I'm not a trademark attorney, Dan. I don't know if you know that about me.

I do know that about you.

It would be kind of shocking, no pun intended, if Detroit doesn't take the old name back, I think.

I have to tell you why I hate the nickname Sirens. It's because the mythology, like half bird, half woman. I think for everyone who hears the word sirens and thinks of the mythology, there's 100 people who hear the word sirens and think of you're in an emergency situation. The cops are coming. You just called an ambulance. Sirens to me is something you don't want to hear. And so for that reason—

It's a tempered situation?

I think it's a— yeah, it could be. I think it's a bad nickname. Well, Rockers, I think, is good. Cleveland Rockers.

But they do have a siren, the mythology siren, in the logo.

I know, I saw it. I saw it.

Does the word siren for loud beeping noise come from the Greek mythology siren? Yeah, I assume that that's the etymology for that. So, um, Greg, I hear you. I think maybe it could be a double entendre, perhaps. There is a PWHL team called the Sirens in New York that I think there's— theirs is like the hockey siren and also the mythology siren. And so maybe perhaps they will incorporate that into here. I think one of the issues with this name, which I like personally, and I like the logo and the branding, is that I have found through the internet over the last 24 hours, um, namely on Reddit, that a lot of people don't associate Cleveland with water or the Great Lakes.

Mistake by the way.

Which is kind of surprising to me. And so they're like, I don't get it. The sirens are like, you know, they lure sailors into their cave and kill them. And I'm like, yeah, well, Lake Erie is pretty creepy. That logo is appropriately named Erie.

I really like that logo.

Just first of all, there's a huge opportunity here for the sirens that if they're up going into the fourth quarter of a game to play the— well, not, not just that sound, Jimmy, but to play the clip of the old man saying, call an ambulance, call an ambulance. But not for me. Oh, we gonna kick him up. But the— I had a serious question for you, Jess. Is the guy who owns all these trademarks, is it the same guy who owned the Comets? Because that happened to the Comets too, when they're like, yeah, they're moving back to Houston, they're moving the Connecticut Sun to Houston, and like, the Comets are coming back. And like, hold on, we don't own the Comets name.

I don't actually know if it's the same guy or not, um, I don't know that. I mean, I, I was reading this in the Detroit Free Press and it only mentioned Cleveland and Detroit, so we— I guess we will find out what the deal is there.

Uh, check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echoes with Mike Golick Jr. You'll be happy to know WGN has told TMZ, quote, on Wednesday's WGN morning news show sports segment, we mistakenly aired a photo of Kyle Shanahan, coach of the San Francisco 49ers. The photo was an internet meme and not authentic. And we apologize for making the error. It was not intentional. So we're glad that all that—

With the laugh track?

Yeah.

Was the laugh track? What was the deal with that?

We're going to have to ask more questions there. But Tony wants to, on the way out, Tony has something for you here. Let's go out to Tony and find out what it is that he would like to talk to Jessica about. Let's go out to Tony, please.

Jess, hey, yeah. No, it's a beautiful spread we got here. They actually allowed me to have a little sneak preview. A beautiful croissant sandwich with some divine eggs here. I'm going to take a little bite.

I'm going to take the toothpick out of that. Yeah, no, I did.

I did. It's a choking hazard.

Luckily, I don't. Yes, there it is. Let's pixelate those nipples there, please.

I had to put the couch cushion in front, Dan. I didn't want it to be full frontal.

Small cushion.

Thank you.

Right on the crotch.

Yeah.

Is that Chardonnay? Looks good.

Let me— I'll give you a little sip.

Hold on.

Getting some good ASWM here.

Oh, beautiful.

Why is Tony naked?

French in nature, just like Cody.

We do that every Wednesday. Every Wednesday.

Oh, boy.

Thank you, Jessica.

Good talking to you.

It is.

Bye.

Can I come back now, Dan, or do you want me to smell the rest of that?

Come on back.

It's a great visual joke for the audio audience that cannot see that he's naked, that Tony is naked and eating a croissant that's been there for 3 hours as part of the eating area experience.

Um, it's a nice restaurant.

I'm glad we did that with Jess. Yeah, glad we have HR here.

I mean, oh boy, what do you mean? We— she's just— we're talking about a nude restaurant.

Hey Jess, we got something for you.

He's having—

cut to Tony naked.

Something specifically for you, Jessica. Tony's got something for you. Here's naked Tony.

The boner and ribeye.

Now here's, here's how you, you, you get navigate the situation, Dan. You say, "Jessica, we have something for you?" question mark. And now you're safe. The question mark does all the work.

Saves everything.

Down levitar. Is there Back in My Day?

There is, actually.

What?

Were you not gonna tell anyone?

It's a Tuesday.

Wait a minute.

You guys, guys.

Why would you let them do this to us?

It's a Tuesday. Greg Cody, here's your guy.

Greg Cody with Back in My Day.

Shit, I hope I— okay, here it is.

Sorry.

Adultery.

That is—

for this one, this is the Dan Levatar Show.

We should have had a question mark Just over Tony's private parts there, just a single question mark, uh, just covering the, uh, nether regions of Tony. I still can't believe that I, I am now telling you guys that I feel like just as a content play, I have to go on one first Monday of the month to that restaurant. Yeah, well, I've Well, and I think we need to have a company dinner there.

Wow. Okay, now you've crossed over to—

I've heard worse ideas.

Yeah, just you and Valerie. I think that'd be good.

No, you and Earlie.

Can I update you, Dan? We have on our video from yesterday updated what it says. It no longer says ESPN is dead, question mark. No, that video says ESPN is dead, but there's a line crossing it out. And right underneath it, it says ESPN forever, exclamation point. So we'll see what happens now.

Now, see, exclamation point. That's a statement.

Yeah.

That's like unequivocal. My opinion is that ESPN forever versus ESPN forever? Question mark. Now it's back.

And yeah.

And then the sirens are going.

Because you guys are excited about football, because you guys were watching Hard Knocks and it signals the potential return of football. I think we may have shocked some people by telling them there's a game tomorrow night. Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Did you know that there was an NFL football game tomorrow night? No, I didn't think that most people knew that. I have a handful of football stories and I want you guys to choose from among them. So I've been trying to get to this for 2 days, but we've had too much good stuff to get to any of this. So now I'm finally getting to it. The offerings are the following. Okay, Jalen Polk has retired from the Saints very early in his career. He's only 24 years old. He was the 37th pick in the draft a couple of years ago. He has a total of 87 yards and 2 touchdowns touchdowns in his career.

What was that first name for Polk?

Jalen.

It's Jalen.

Well, it's got an apostrophe.

It's a fine $5.

It's, it's got an apostrophe.

Quick with that, Greg.

But it's got an apostrophe.

Jalen spelled like a thousand different ways. If it was J apostrophe L-Y-N-N, then Jalen. But J-A apostrophe L-Y-N-N, clearly just going for a unique way of doing Jalen, right?

$10.

Yes, for fighting it, right?

The maximum fine is $5.

Me maximum.

The, uh, the maximum fine is $5. So that's one story that you have, uh, for an offering. Another story that you have as an offering: Jadavian Clowney joining the Texans, who already have two of the top 10 pass rushers in the league in Danil Hunter and Will Anderson. Uh, that's another story that I think is interesting. Deebo Samuel, a 1-year deal with the 49ers for $7 million. What are you shaking your head about him.

What does this Deebo guy want, man? Honestly, like, what was happening? He forced his way out, right? And then he goes over there, he doesn't fit in, he comes back. You can't come back, can you?

You can't come back.

That one's pronounced Debo.

Uh, @LeBittardShow, uh, okay, you can't come back, can you? @LeBittardShow. Also, Travis Hunter, uh, says that he's heavier but quicker, and I don't know if that is physically possible, but he says he's £10 heavier and he's moving around like he's lighter. And then the fifth story in this five-pack of stories is Justin Herbert behaving on the field in a way that I rarely see a quarterback behave on a football field, being amorous and lovey-dovey with, with his fiancée. Let's go out to Tony here in the other room where he is eating a stale croissant from 4 hours ago.

Still not still in the nude.

Tony, which of those stories are you most interested in?

You the only one in the restaurant?

Yeah.

I'm the early bird special here, Dan. I'm waiting for everybody to get over, Greg. Dan, I have both. I want to talk about the Justin Herbert Madison Beer one, but I also want to talk about the whopper, okay, that Travis Hunter put on. I got heavier, but I'm also faster. I've heard a lot of whoppers in my day, Dan. I have a 5-pack, a top 5 of whoppers I've heard since that article.

Okay, we've got a new, the rarest of things, a new top 5.

A new top 5.

Yes, a new nude top 5.

I think I'll sip from the White Zinfandel here for a second.

Okay. So also another story for your perusal is Zay Flowers getting a 4-year, $140 million extension that makes him the 4th highest paid wide receiver in football. A lot of people are questioning that contract, but Mina Kimes is saying the contract makes sense. She says that since he's been drafted the last, the last 3 years, he ranks 5th league-wide among all wide receivers in target shares. He's the focal point of that offense.

Yeah, he's a Lobo. So we've vetted him. He's, he's good.

All right, Tony, get us started here. This is top 5 Uh, whoppers in sports.

Yeah, top, top 5 of the whoppers I've heard lately. I was thinking about the article, I was like, man, this feels like a bit of a whopper. Number 5, yeah, these are only 10 milligrams, bro. They're never 10 milligrams, they're always higher than 10 milligrams. Number 4, Tony Romo saying he was going to go visit Grandma and Grandpa.

Please pixelate his nipples.

Oh, hold on, I can— I think I can move. Oh, this one's out now. Wait, Okay, how about that? There we go. That's better. Talk about a whopper. And you know it. Number 3, when they told the Shohei Ohtani didn't know English. I saw him with Cameron Brink in the box. He had her smiling and laughing. He's not talking in Japanese. Let's be very clear there. I mean, can you back me up on that?

I 100% back you up on that.

She's not laughing at anime. She's not laughing at Japanese stuff. Like, he's talking English. Come on. What are we doing? All right. Number 2. After an argument, when you ask your wife if everything is okay and she says yes. Whopper. Things are not okay. Things are never okay. Number 1, and this one, Dan, I feel like you have heard also. Cuban day laborers telling you that when they were in Cuba, they were doctors. En Cuba yo era doctor. You're like, no, you were not, dude. You're laying tile. There is no chance in hell that you were a doctor whatsoever.

Dentist. I got dentist too.

Any sort of thing you needed a degree and you went to school for, that is not true. You're cutting the grass. Yes, you cannot be a doctor at the same time because you would have been a doctor here if you were a doctor over there. What are we doing?

Uh, it is not— it is not always a lie, but it is often a lie. It is more often than not a lie. But since you mentioned Cubans, uh, that's a nice sound of you drinking the white Zinfandel while nude.

Delectable.

You were spending time with your dad, uh, last night, and I sort of want to explain to the group here— I mean, do you know— do you know Tony's father? Because Tony's father came up with all of us and is a, uh, is sort of the original Cuban sports radio gasbag in this market. English market media. His father's an entertaining personality, uh, it was very good at radio, uh, and it must be, uh, fun spending time with him because he's also extraordinarily chummy. He's affable and people really like him.

People—

Tony works hard.

Uh, the people, uh, like that he slaps them on the back and is just a lovable character. What did you glean here, Tony, from your recent time spent with your father?

So we went out to, uh, to a dinner where he noticed somebody from a thousand years ago, whether it was like Coral Park in high school or like sometime in the early '90s, and he's like, I don't really remember this guy's name, but I have to go say hi to him because he definitely sees me and knows who I am. So I don't remember his name, but I gotta go say hi home. And then he said something that made me laugh because, much like Chris and Greg Cody, my dad has these go-to phrases when he knows somebody by face but not by name. He'll call them a certain nickname, and he has about 5 or 7 of them that I put together on a top 5 list of, of things that my dad, who, when he doesn't know somebody, what he calls them. So are you ready for this?

Oh, this is, this, yeah, this is a game we've played versions of this game, but we haven't played the Spanish version. Like, we've never And I've got— I'm going to write a couple of these down because I think I've got a good one here. I think I've got number 1. Okay, I'm going to write it down.

Oh, you think you have number 1? Number 1 is an easy one, but it's— but I don't know.

Okay, I think I've got number 1 and I'm going to show it to Greg Cody. Can you see that on the piece of paper?

Don't say it out loud.

Don't say it. You can see it. Okay.

100 people rushed to a microphone and let Greg say, don't say it out loud.

I know. What do you think I am anyway?

Uh, how, uh, any OLI?

We've got 2 OLIs and then the 5. So OLI, we'll run through really quick. The first one is macho. Dímelo macho. Yeah, just, just man.

I've also got another one. I'm gonna write another one here for you that I don't think is number 1, but you will, uh, you will see. I think he's gonna say—

don't say it out loud.

Yeah.

All right, second OLI, jefe.

Oh wow, that was my number 1.

Really?

Oh wow, jefe was my number 1.

It is a great one.

Jefe. Well, you didn't think it was is that great, Tony?

You put it all—

No, but it's all alive. But it's something that my dad says.

It was a great one.

It is great. But the thing is, I've got 5 better.

It's, uh, jefe is boss in Spanish. Go ahead, number 5.

Number 5, coronel.

That's awesome.

Your dad calls you—

If my dad doesn't know your name but he sees you in some sort of stature, like, I know this guy from somewhere and he's important, coronel, which means colonel.

I don't know, it is strange. It's strange that he's giving him a military ranking but Not the greatest of the military rankings.

Coronel, that's number 5. Number 4, and this one's funny because he's done a lot of stuff in the Hispanic Christian radio community also. And this one, I've heard it throughout my childhood, Barón de Dios, which translates to Baron of God, inexplicably.

Yeah.

Just Barón de Dios.

I might be in trouble here with my other one if we've gone to— I did not have either of these in the top 5.

No, these are out.

These are outliers, Dan. This is— that's why my dad is so unique, because he doesn't just follow the path. He does the path, but then does his own thing.

I didn't even know God had barons.

Yeah, love Baron. Baron de Dios. All right, number 3, doctor. No medical title needed. It's just if you know— if you've seen my dad and you know him and he doesn't know your name, he might call you Colonel. He might call you a doctor.

So you're saying that it's a number one whopper that a Cuban person who came from Cuba says that he's a doctor, but if your dad doesn't know his name, he is saying that he is indeed a doctor or a colonel. Or a baron from God.

Yes, a baron of God.

Excuse me.

Number 2, Monstro. That— this is one where it's specifically if I have friends that are bigger in stature, my dad will call them Monstro, which means monster in English. So he tells them, mi Monstro, and he gives them like a big handshake. And it's always to the side, like my dad goes in, then sideways handshake like that.

Like he's shooting someone.

Exactly right, like it's like right here and then he switches it at the end of it and then gives a good grip and calls them monster. And number 1, and this one could have 2, this one could have like an extra additive, like you want the cheese, but no, no, I'm gonna add a pepperoni on top, all right? Number 1 is Etreya. Oh, wow. Number 1 is Star. He calls them Star, but this is the additive. Super Etreya. If my dad really likes you, he doesn't know your name. Super Etreya. And then he gives you the handshake that's to the side.

So I got this wrong here, Cody. Give what I thought was gonna end up on his list.

Pretty much.

Oh, primo's a good one.

I thought primo's a good one too.

Primo's a good one too.

Tony, an excellent list. Thank you. Make sure that those nipples get warmed up.

I remember watching Scarface the first time, went around calling everyone primo, primo, primo.

You did that?

I saw Scarface in college.

Oh, yeah, man.

What are some of the ones you use in English? What are some of the—

Chief.

Big guy.

Yeah.

Boss.

Big guy. Boss man.

Big guy's good.

I'll give you one from Sudanese Arabic. Captain, which is kind of like coronel.

Champion.

Ooh, campeão is a good one too, Greg.

Colonel is like fourth place finisher.

But Dan, imagine the, the just insanity of calling somebody colonel. It's crazy.