Transcript of Hard Knocks: The Best Reality TV Show of All-Time? | Local Hour

Chris, I'd like some help here with your father and the entirety of what we're doing, allowing your father publicly to age with grace as a professional sports columnist. Something happened at the end of yesterday's show, and I believe that as the week goes on and as a show goes on, your father's stamina, judgment— some things happen toward the end of the week and toward the ends of shows where he gets a little bit sloppy. I don't— have you noticed this? Because he's working a lot of the week, end of his life. Well, Whoa. He's working a lot.

He's working towards the end.

He's—

yeah.

Thank you.

Put the microphone in front of your face.

Thank you for— towards the end.

I like the 14th hole.

Where do you think you are, Greg, on the golf course of life?

Okay. All right. 2 times. I'm not going to live to be 142. So it's the second 9. Let's see. Where am I going to be? I'm an optimist. I would say 13th or 14th hole.

There you go. That's what I said.

He's on the green.

Yeah, I am on the green. Uh, well, but I'm going to 5-putt just to elongate the hole. Attaboy.

Yeah, well, I, I think he's closer to the clubhouse than you guys think he is. And now who's the jerk?

Okay, okay, I know what you're getting at. I misspoke and I said Cleveland Indians. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! This is all—

you're ruining the joke. I wanted to play the sound. Your, your stamina and your judgment's already off today. Look at what happened at the end of yesterday's show.

Mets at Indians. You couldn't find— you could—

Guardians.

Or Guardians. Oh boy. Oh, come on. Okay. Oh, come on. All right, my bad. Yeah, big deal. That's it? It's a play on for me. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

For you too.

St. Louis game, but it's a Cardinal sin. Oh boy.

Well, it sounds like you realized that that was a mistake that you made. I'm not sitting here trying to castigate you for it. I'm trying to mock you for it, but not castigate you for it. It sounds like in the tone of your voice that you very well realize that you've made a mistake.

Mets at Indians. You couldn't find— you could—

Guardians.

Or Guardians. Oh boy. Oh, come on. Okay. Oh, come on. My bad.

You sound so annoyed when I correct you.

You're like, oh, he doesn't—

like a very dismissive, like, oh, all right.

What are you guys doing? You guys are doing the thing where you're trying— this guy was apologetic. He made an honest mistake.

Thank you.

Right? And you guys like, oh, you made a mistake, and now you're trying to put some extra stuff on it, I won't stand for that. You know what it reminds me of? Like, remember like a couple years ago, I would say homeless and Mike would say, "It'll call unhoused," and Mike would get so mad. I'm like, I'm not kicking a person on the ground and spitting on them. I just used a word that, by the way, I would think that most of them don't give a shit about because they've got bigger problems than, "Wait a second, did he call me unhoused or call me homeless?" But you guys get on this trip, and Greg, I'm not gonna let them do this to you.

Thank you.

He made an honest mistake, and then when he realized it, He said, "Oh, my bad." And you guys want to make a joke out of it. How dare you?

Oh boy. Thank you, Amin. I also don't think it's age-related just because I misspeak on a nickname. And Guardians, parenthetically, Guardians, bad nickname. OK? Commanders, not a particularly favorable nickname. Oh boy.

Greg, did I ever tell you what the idea I had from a caller one time? It was me and Zach Harbaugh on Mad Dog Sports Radio. I said, "Callers, if you have a problem with them changing their name, the Washington Football Team changing their name, call in and you tell us and we'll hear you out." But I guarantee you there's no legitimate answer you could give. And the first caller said, what if instead of changing the name, they change the mascot to potatoes?

Oh boy.

So now they're the Washington Redskins Potatoes. And we were like, you know what?

You got it.

The first caller.

One of the things that just happened there is you said that Greg Cody said my bad. He did not.

Oh boy.

That's what he said. And while you were talking, before you finish that story, Tony said to me while you were talking, and this is how Amin ages, he's telling the redskin potatoes story on his 7th time on his 7th platform.

My bad. You are listening to the Don Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app, now live in all 50 states.

I have an objection to one word that Adam Schefter had in his news release about a change in Dolphins leadership.

Oh boy.

For those of you who do not know, Tom Garfinkel, the CEO, the vice chair, the president of the Miami Dolphins, or he was until yesterday when he stepped down after what Adam Schefter called 13 transformational years. What kind of years?

Transformed.

Transformed what?

The stadium.

In 13 years, the stadium? Okay, because he does run the stadium as well. So is that what we're talking about, the transformation of the stadium? Because it doesn't say in the news release that he's in charge of the stadium. It says that he's in charge of the Dolphins.

They're taking a victory lap on all the F1 and tennis stuff. I get your point that it has nothing to do with on-field success for the Dolphins.

Right. I agree with that. But the guy who's replacing him, Sillman, has been—

He works hard.

He's been the behind-the-scenes guy, like doing what an owner does. Like, he's been the ad hoc owner for a couple of years now. I think Sillman, more than Ross, decided that John Eric Sullivan would be a great general manager and made sure he was hired, for example.

I want to talk Dolphins with you guys for a second. Chris Cody is trying to figure out ways to be interesting interested in the Dolphins this year. And I have a way, but I don't want to embarrass Amin right now. I did not have time to ask him whether he's okay with us showing his lower body.

Oh boy.

And how he's decided to come into work today.

I wore shorts, basketball shorts. If that's a problem, Jonathan Zazzle can never work again.

No, they're not just shorts though. They're, they're, well, they're Dolphin shorts or they're Dolphin-colored shorts.

Flint Tropics.

They're Dolphin-colored shorts. And you were wearing them also with flip-flops tops and socks, uh, and so, uh, I've never seen Zaslow do that exactly, and I just— it's not a problem, I just wanted people to see that you just— what you— what your lower body looked like. Is it— oh, would you stand behind me? Are you— well, are you willing to do that? Oh, thank you. We've taken a photograph of Amin here whether he knows it or not.

Those—

do those— or don't those look like dolphin shorts to you, Greg Cody?

Uh, no, they look like the original ABA Miami Floridians. Shorts, I would say.

I love that that was sincere. I love how sincere that was, number one. Number two, Dan, it is partially my fault. I watched Hard Knocks last night, and so now I'm in the mindset we're coming back to camp, we're going in, we got our backpacks on, we got our shorts. If you're Derek Hall, you have a ridiculous monster truck because you just signed a new deal. Hard Knocks season, baby.

So let's talk about this for a second because the champion Seattle Seahawks of Sam Darnold That's an incredible phrase.

Even he can't believe it. He said it last night. He was like, someone said, "Hey, how's it feel?" And he's like, "Oh, that's right.

We won the Super Bowl." The champion Seattle Seahawks of Sam Darnold are featured on Hard Knocks. Uh, Greg, uh, how do you feel about that transformational show? Because, uh, I've got to think that it's the most successful reality show in the history of sports, right? I don't know what else is in the conversation. For pseudo-reality reality show. NFL Films always does this very well. The Netflix shows that you would think would catch on— Quarterbacks, Receivers— do not, have not. They don't have the cultural pull that Hard Knocks does as the first one, as the institution, as the standard setter. But in recent years, we've gotten so much access that the product has been somewhat diluted, less interesting. And I don't know what you guys think was the worst one, but the Giants, uh, 10 years of nothing for the Giants, of uninteresting. I put that very high on the list. I mean, what is your appraisal of episode 1 of the Seattle Seahawks Hard Knocks?

Well, Dan, I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place because this is the first Hard Knocks we've ever had with the reigning Super Bowl champs.

Usually bad teams.

Usually a bad team. So it's a very different vibe. We're getting an insight into kind of what a title defense looks like and excellence, right? And this is a team that's expected to be one of the best again. So I was kind of like, "Okay, what's gonna happen here?" I also think that— teams that have their shit together, probably less likely to do clownish things. And so I went into the episode with that kind of trepidation. They gave me some moments, but as it goes, as a first episode, a little bit on the dull side, but I see a lot of potential. We've got some characters that have been introduced that, like, okay, yeah, this guy looks like he's gonna be funny for the entirety of the series.

Uh, Greg, how do you feel about Hard Knocks, the evolution of Hard Knocks? Do you watch it at all?

I'm not a voracious watcher. I'll usually watch the first one or one or two, Uh, not— I'm not dedicated to it, but I understand why it's popular. And it's a phenomenon to me because when, when the 7th-round pick gets cut in training camp, nobody really cares. Nobody even knows his name. We figured he wasn't going to make the team. But when we see him getting cut, when we see him called into an office and getting cut right in front of our eyes, that's a soap opera. That's what we want to see. All of a sudden We feel sorry for that kid. Oh my God, I feel so bad. And but my thought is why they have to do that on the air and make, make the kid feel even worse.

When I think Hard Knocks, I think of the opening scene. I mean, what they hit you with, what was like the opening where the music where you like get like 30 seconds of just a normal scene and then the music starts to come in.

What'd you get?

So, so to give people some background, the opening scene of Hard Knocks, this is like Chris said, the most important scene because it sets the stakes for the entirety of the series and the season. Right. My favorite—

And the football season in general is now arriving. It's back. It's approaching now. This is the signaling, sort of ballet in the air, slow-motion filming of things tells you football in slow motion is about to return.

I have goosebumps just you saying that.

So my favorite one of all time, and this is not an endorsement of the team or the individual or anything, I'm just saying that my favorite moment was the Raiders when Chucky was the head coach. Gruden comes in and he says, "Everyone here's got dreams. We've all got dreams. I wanna play in the Super Bowl." I want to play in the Sugar Bowl. I want to play in the Rose Bowl. I want to play in the Super Bowl. Right? But I'm not about dreams anymore. I'm about fucking nightmares. And then they hit the music. And he starts just going in. And I was like, I'm in. The Raiders are going to go all the way based off of that one speech. My goosebumps are jumping right now. Like, that's to me, that's it. It's the— we're building, we're showing some little stuff, and then someone starts to really focus in the intensity and the music kicks in and then you get the dun dun dun and the drone shots and everything. And then the Hard Knocks with the da da da, and it's always like a sprinkler or something going in the background, right? That's, that's what we're up against now.

They had a lot of potential because their opening scene, Dan, was them getting their rings. Ah, no, I'm just saying, like, I was like, oh, this is cool, they're showing us the ring. It's the most technologically advanced ring ever. It's massive. Wi-Fi technologically. Yeah, it's— it— no, it opens up and it says Super Bowl champs on the inside. All sorts of stuff, right? But that's fine. That's fine. I'm like, okay, cool. So then the— Greg, the rings are presented to the players not like usual, like the owners, like, all right, here's your ring, Sam Darnold. Everyone's sitting at their banquet seat tables and they— they came down from the heavens.

I'm sure they did.

They came down from the heavens.

What do you mean you're sure they did?

I mean, it's such over the top. I don't want my ring to be technologically advanced. Lower down. Yeah, I don't want it to be lowered from the heavens toward me. I don't want it to be the biggest ring ever. So gaudy, I'm embarrassed to wear it. The whole idea of Super Bowl rings and that culture of Super Bowl rings is a little—

If you're giving out 70-plus rings, you had to screw up one of the seating charts, right? Where one lowers down and they're like, my name's not— this says this is supposed to be someone else.

I just feel like you got to have trouble finding a Seahawk that you wanted to make.

No way.

Your Seahawk.

There's no way they nailed that. They had to screw that up.

Oh, boy.

So they didn't mess it up because it is assigned seating, but there was a funny moment where everyone opens the box and picks up their ring and you get shots of everyone like, whoa, whoa, and Sam Darnold dropped his. And then he sheepishly looks back at the camera as he like scrambles under the table to pick it up.

So you're anti-Super Bowl ring? Those are hard to win. Sam Darnold had to, you know, do a little bit of Shawshank Redemption climbing around or crawling around in some sewage before he got his to fall down from the heavens like rain.

I'm against championship rings in general. If Zaslo has two of them, that makes my case for me. You know, it's not just the players and the coaches who deserve the rings who get them. Just about everybody affiliated with the organization, including the radio guy, get one. And I think it demeans the value of the championship ring, not literally, but figuratively.

Well, the ones the players get, though, are better than all of the other ones.

I'm sure they are. But everybody gets the replica championship ring. So if everybody gets it, how exclusive is it? The fact that they all have to be bigger and gaudier than the last one is just— it's a little off-putting to me. It's one of the benefits of sports that I don't particularly agree with. Can't anybody be modest? I would give a lot of credit to the team that wins the next Super Bowl and somebody goes, you know what, we're going to give you a nice championship ring, but it's not going to have to weigh £5 and be as big as a small television set. It's just not. We're gonna, we're gonna reverse that culture.

Why is the broadcaster getting the ring bad? They work for the team.

What'd they do toward winning that championship?

They're part of the organization.

Yeah, they described the action.

Right, boys hoist babies.

Exactly. You're right.

I mean, they don't hoist the babies.

They describe the people. So they contributed then to winning that championship. You get on— you can honestly say that? Yeah. Wow. Okay. All right. I think that's a ludicrous opinion, but that's okay. Oh boy, you be you.

Thank you.

Dan, I'm gonna support Greg on this one. Where do we stop with these rings? 'Cause the ring now, it's a two-finger ring now. That Seahawks ring is so big you gotta wear it on two fingers. Like you're Radio Raheem from Do the Right Thing.

Let's see if we can find on the internet the David Sampson Marlins ring, because that's the gaudiest I've ever seen. I don't know if anyone has tried to top that one, because, and maybe you guys can look it up and show me or find things for me, one gaudier than that, but it is the size of his hand. Like, it's just a ridiculously sized ring.

Small hand. That's just because his hands are small. Thank you.

Uh, his hands are small, but it's still a human hand. It is a human hand on a, on a small person, but not a little person.

I assume bigger, faster, stronger with these rings, so the fact that you're telling me an 03 ring is the gaudiest is— it's hard to believe.

Right, I would think so as well, except this one is so gaudy that I don't believe that anyone after that has had that little taste. Uh, maybe that much ego go, but not that little taste. I believe that, that— because that's where I said that's too much, and it's the last time I said it. I haven't seen another one since that I've said that to. When the Los Angeles Rams won their Super Bowl a couple of years ago, their ring featured a twist-off, twist-off top of the ring, uh, revealing a mini stadium of 20 carats of diamonds. And the Kansas City Chiefs ring also had 530 diamonds, no twist-off though.

When you look up the word ostentatious in the dictionary, you see a photo of gaudy Super Bowl rings of a size that I would be embarrassed to wear in public. The Oklahoma City Thunder's championship ring had a championship ring inside of it.

Roy wins.

Put it on the poll at Le Batard Show. Did you know that the OKC championship ring had a championship ring inside it? Also put it on the poll at Le Batard Show. Did you know that the Rams championship ring had a stadium inside of it? Don't do it.

Twist off.

Dan Levitar. I want to address Tony and all men who would wear that shirt in public. Greg Cody. Don't do it.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

The Seahawks one is designed that when the sides pop out when you hit a button, it looks like their stadium. I mean, I— like, if it wasn't for the fact that it was so massive, I would think it's pretty cool, but I'm with Greg. Like, where does it stop?

Thank you.

Uh, look up for me the costliest ring. Certainly somebody has done some reporting around how much some of these things end up costing, and the things that you guys are describing, uh, when I say I checked out after the Marlins ring, uh, I checked out after the Marlins ring. So I have not paid attention to a single championship ring since then, but you can see on David Sampson's finger there, though it is a small finger, that it takes up more than half of that small finger.

Although he's obscuring his collar, it is the size of the knot on his tie. Like, if that was his tie knot right there, perfect size.

So we will look up some numbers here and see if we can get some consensus. But, Greg, you have an ally in Amin, and what you guys just described to me sounds like rings that are much larger than the Marlins ring that I was talking about. Hard Knocks, just to Marvin, marvel at what NFL Films did, what pioneers they were and are, and, uh, how artistic they made football. Greg is making fun of the idea that broadcasters can contribute to championships, but I will say flatly, NFL Films has contributed to how it is that the NFL has grown and is received, because what they make is better than what everyone else makes on these subjects. You tell me why Netflix can't get anyone to watch their quarterbacks' show or their receivers' show, or No one is talking about the, the reality shows that are, uh, coming after NFL Films and Hard Knocks in sports. Uh, and I also want to, uh, ask all of you, what are the best reality shows of all time, and where does Hard Knocks rank? Like, it's at the top of sports, that's not up for dispute, I don't think.

I don't know what you put in second place. I don't know in sports what's the reality show that you would select that you would say it has to be a distant second, but I don't know what would be in classification to compete for one of the top 10 reality shows of all time, but I do think that Hard Knocks, uh, can qualify.

Hard Knocks is probably number 1, but if we're talking sports only, N1 Mixtape Tour. Wow, that was a great reality show because we got to see how those guys lived. They're like, oh wow, they're in a bus the whole time? They don't even get to fly?

They don't shower?

What's going on here?

Uh, that'd be a good second place, uh, nominee. Uh, what are some of the other reality shows? Greg, you're not really a reality show watcher in general.

I'm not. I, I do think that Hard The Bronx is the king of that hill, but for me—

Just in sports, it can't be the king of the hill. Like, Real World, what do you guys think of— like, that's an original, so that, you know, Real World is one of the first and it's a pioneer. I don't think it probably doesn't hold up still, but you'd have to classify it as one of the best.

Quite the opposite, it holds up tremendously because it shows kind of these are people who were not exposed to other opinions like people are now today. We're all on the internet, we know what people think, and with the opinions that vary or not. Real World, it was like, yo, imagine if you didn't know how other people thought and you thought you were just saying some regular stuff, and meanwhile this culture clash is happening in real time. I think Real World would actually be a real refreshing rewatch now because of that, because of, oh wow, we are so desensitized to the idea of other people.

For me though, in terms of Hard Knocks, I think it needs a reason to watch it beyond just the behind-the-scenes generalities. Necessarily. Like, it needs the, the Jon Gruden, the colorful head coach, or it needs the controversial player, the Aaron Rodgers, or it needs the great training camp battle. Like, I think Cleveland would have been a great choice this year with Deshaun versus Shador for the quarterback start. I don't just automatically watch it because I like the behind the scenes.

But when you say, though, that it needs something extra, is being a champion not enough for you?

No, no, I think Seattle's a dull champion.

OK, but Cleveland's not a dull loser.

Right. Yes.

Really?

Yeah.

This is what I'll say, Greg. I agree with you. You need some character, but a lot of times it's not even someone that we know. There are so many people we discovered through Hard Knocks. True. And you're right. You're right in that that person had to have been a colorful person. Because there have been years where everyone was like, just showing up to work. I don't care if you're the best player in the league or whoever. That's boring. Greg's right. You need entertainment from the characters. But I disagree in that it doesn't have to be someone famous or that we've heard of. So sometimes, you gotta just watch the show, and then you learn to fall in love with some of these characters.

But here's where I would correct you, though. Uh, this is what I think is the magic of NFL Films and how they walk this line between being a partner and not being so invasive that they're actually getting people mad who work in the NFL who don't want their secrets exposed. They'll make people interesting who aren't that interesting. Like, they'll create some of the drama. They'll find the guys— if I put 70 people in a room, they'll find the ones that have something to tell the story around. And it's why it is that they're so good at it. I'm gonna ask the question again. Netflix had access to the quarterbacks, like, and it's done nothing. No one is talking about it. It's at least in part because the quarterbacks aren't interesting, so they pivoted to The receivers, and they went and got Kittle, and, and they went and got some of the people that are interesting, and still no one's talking about those shows on Netflix. I hear next to no one having the allegiance to it that they have to this show, which is— how long has Hard Knocks existed? Because it, it really is a transformational television show.

Are we considering competition shows as reality shows? The American Idols of the world, the American Ninja Warriors of the world? American Idol's right at the top.

But that's not reality— that is that reality television? That's just sort of game show Jason. No, it's a game show.

It's not—

that's taped and different. It's different from a game show because a game show is I watch you compete and that's it, whereas these shows, American Idol, American Ninja Warrior, Survivor, we get to know the characters. We get to— so I don't get to know people on Jeopardy. You just, hey, you're a software engineer from Pasadena, and then, all right, answer the question. Whereas I'm learning about David Samson and how everyone hates him at his job.

Yeah, but those are made made-up sports. Those are contrivances. The NFL is real, right? I mean, I think there's a big difference. Like, like, I don't watch American Gladiators. I don't care about that. I don't care who wins. I don't care who's competing. The NFL, I watch. I devour every Sunday and Monday and Thursday and maybe Friday.

In the sports realm, F1 was very popular. If we're going outside sports, best reality show ever, Jersey Shore.

Okay, you say that, but let me just throw some your way. Top 10, Real Housewives. Got to be top 10.

Absolutely. Master franchise.

Survivor has to be top 10, correct?

What, the, the big one that forced networks to all say we need our own reality show?

Uh, Vanderpump Rules.

Ah, I feel like now you're getting the others.

Uh, America's Next Top Model.

Yes, big time. That was a big time show. But although in the grand scheme of things maybe muted after some of the stuff that came after it, but in its moment it was massive.

So if you can help me fill out the top 10 here, uh, you mentioned American Gladiators. I have seen a couple of documentaries about American Gladiators, and I've told you guys this before, I'm gonna say the year was 1991. I think American Gladiators had a better rating than NFL football.

We're gonna have to fact-check that one, boss.

Well, uh, look it up because I don't think I have this wrong. I found it that kind of shocking that American Gladiator was doing a number at its peak because I'm watching a couple of— I watched a couple of different documentaries that were done at about the same time on American Gladiators, and you're— I think I've I got the year right when I say it's 1991 on what the ratings were of American Gladiator, because I know that the reaction to that is to recoil. You've got to think that that's, uh, wrong or absurd. I thought it was wrong or absurd, uh, as well, but it was doing a monster number.

So our preliminary research here reveals that it did outrate some NFL regional broadcasts. So not the national one, but the, hey, everyone's watching Giants versus Cowboys— unless you're in Phoenix, you're watching Cardinals versus like those ones, yeah, they would outrate, but we're still searching. I don't want to give a definitive yes or no yet.

No, thank you for that. And I want to ask you guys something else as you go down the path of searching for this. I'm sure most people have noticed what I'm about to say. Google stinks now. And AI has really contaminated the search engine in a way that makes me long for a romantic day when the search engine was clean because of what artificial intelligence has done to the search engine. Decision that makes it a little harder to— for you guys to find things quickly than used to be?

Well, here's the deal.

The—

what happens is, and I know everyone's used Google, so we all kind of see this. When you Google something now, the first response at the top of the page, which used to be, by the way, a sold sponsorship spot—

like, all those first links you used to get, that's still there, just below the ad.

Yeah, but like, it used to be the first ones were a bunch of links. You're like, oh, that's what I was searching for. Like, nope, those are people that paid for their sites to pop up first, and so the click-throughs and all that. But now, because Google's really pushing its AI, which is called Gemini, the first answer you get is Gemini's answer. And I'm not a huge AI guy, but I'm gonna tell you this: of all the AIs, when you ask it a question, Gemini might be the most unreliable of them all. It's just coming— someone proved that if you just create a Reddit post and talk about something, Gemini will immediately seize on that as, oh, there it is, there's the answer, and it'll link your, your Reddit post.

But isn't there a disclaimer attached Don't they actually say may contain errors?

Yes, they do. They do say that.

Not helpful to me.

But nobody cares.

Not helpful.

It's not helpful. Yeah, may contain errors. I now know that everything I'm looking at on the internet may contain errors.

You should put that on our show.

Good idea. That is a good idea, actually. That is a good idea. In fact, I'd like to stamp it over the imaging of the show. Just may contain errors. Just a stamp that goes diagonally across all of the show's imaging. Can you guys work on that and just put it behind me? Just make may contain errors.

If I may, Dan, a little bit of adjustment. I would say most certainly contains errors. Too long. How about this? How about this? Likely contains errors.

Uh, may contain likely, because maybe, maybe not.

And I think we're a little bit on the wrong side of that. We're on— we're more on the likely side containing errors.

That's fine. I don't want to go that far. I just want to warn people and then let them be discerning or not discerning.

Surely contains errors. Count the Oh, Count the Dings, patreon.com/countthedings. That's a great one. We should have that on the screen, patreon.com/countthedings, and then it should be a clickable link. Even if you're watching on your phone or your iPad, you can click the middle of the screen and then it'll go to that link, wherever that goes to, patreon.com/countthedings, and you can find all sorts of great things like ad-free episodes of Cinephobe and Here's the Science, live watch-alongs, rewatching, discounts on live show tickets and merchandise, and much, much more. Access to the Discord server, patreon.com/countthedings. Other things. Hypothetically, of course.

Oh boy.

May contain errors is all I want.

Okay. Down, Levitar!

Can't wait for 39.

Yeah, I can't either. 40 comes first.

Do you know what 40 is yet?

Not yet.

What are we doing? Greg, did you just laugh? Did you just laugh out loud at something Lewis said in your ear?

Greg Cody! Yes, I couldn't help it. It was funny.

Yeah, but thanks, Lewis.

Gagging the goose. Of course. Choking the frog. I mean, there's a million of them.

Of course.

Half of them would sound dirty if we keep doing it.

This is the Dan Levitan Show. Chris, how were you going to get yourself interested in the Miami Dolphins this season? Because you say you got goosebumps on your arm. Because you've got the sprinkler at the start of Hard Knocks, and Amin says that he still is moved by Jon Gruden's speech of, "Many of you have dreams, but I'm here for the reality of nightmares." And his nightmare is they signed Antonio Brown, and then he left the league in disgrace and now works for Barstool. That's what happened with that pregame speech, where he just sort of was banished from the league for an assortment of email. How are you going to watch the Dolphins this year?

Very, very skeptical, with a skeptical eye, I would say, Dan. I am going to watch— I'm basically watching the Dolphins through the Reuben Bain prism this year. I will— I think they should have taken him. And so every video I see coming out of Tampa Bay with his family all around, he just seems like that dude. So I'm going to be watching Caden Proctor the way that I watched Paul last year. Like, I'm just going to be like, you better be something. I better see something from the jump with Caden Proctor. Because if they screwed up, if Reuben Bain is what we all think he's going to be and they did not take Reuben Bain, this is just a terrible start to this organization's regime. And I am, I'm already nervous because Reuben Bain looks like that dude.

I'm on record saying the Dolphins are going to be better than expected, which is a low bar, but I think they will be.

It's a rhetorical trick by you, frankly.

I think, um, I think— well, ding me then. Um, I think that if you're a Dolphin Dolphin fan, you can't lose.

All you're gonna do is lose.

I know, but here's what I mean. If you're a Dolphin fan, you can't lose. If you're as bad as people say, only favored in 1 of 17 games, then you're going to get the number 1 draft pick. Or even if you get the number 2 or number 3 draft pick, you're going to be able to draft your franchise quarterback or the person you hope. But if you're an optimist, you're allowed to think, you know what, we got a pretty good quarterback, we have one of the best running backs in the game, we have 3 great offensive linemen, we have a defense that's better than average except for cornerback and possibly safety. Um, so I think they're going to be, you know, I think you can root for the number 1 draft pick and you can also root for better than expected. So I don't think it's a totally lost season if you're a Dolphin fan.

So the secondary is not good, you don't have to worry about them, but the other 2 levels of defense you can, you know, fixate on that.

Very much so.

And then 3 of the offensive linemen are good.

You said 3 are great, which means you're putting Caden Proctor already be great.

I think he's going to be great. I don't know if he will be as a rookie. And also, I think the coach and the GM, the new regime, had a good offseason. I do. Overall, just— that's a consensus of opinion.

For the record, though, that consensus of opinion that you speak of and many of the things that you just said flatly or so, we have not seen them do anything on a football field for the Dolphins. Like some of those— Like, the regime that you like, I've got no proof yet.

Of course, it's the offseason.

Well, but you say of course it's the offseason, but you just told me Proctor's going to be great. And okay, like, if your proof is—

okay, well, look, there's a reason he was drafted before Reuben Bain. There's a reason half of the league passed on Reuben Bain. I'm not saying Reuben Bain's not going to be a great player, uh, and, and I'm looking forward to seeing Carson Beck play Thursday night in the Hall of Fame game. Reuben Bain may be great, but you know, you can't say right now that he's going to be great any more than you can say Caden Proctor's not going to be great or is going to be great. Let's see.

All right, so Chris was watching Reuben Bain on the NFL Network, and his family gathered around as he was being interviewed. I'm ready for it, man.

I'm happy.

I'm excited.

I got all my family members here. They walking through the background.

This group back here, come on over here.

This entire—

Every player, entire contingent behind me is Reuben Baines' family. And if you couldn't tell, they're not saying Tampa Bay anymore, they're saying Tampa Every player can't get that many field passes, right? That's just like a first-round pick type thing.

Wait, were they saying Tampa Bane?

Yes.

That's why I like that. I like that.

That's on shirts and everything.

Well, it is, it is a good nickname. And, uh, Roy was telling me that, um, the, uh, nickname for Giannis and Bam that they're trying to get off of the ground— is it ESPN that's trying to get it off the ground?

Yeah, it was a graphic that ESPN had. The caption said Brothers of Destruction.

Destruction.

How do we feel about that? Because it gives WWE vibes for The Undertaker and Kane. Yeah, very AI, that, uh, that photograph of the two of them.

Uh, Brothers of Destruction. How do we feel about Brothers of Destruction as a nickname? It doesn't really— it, it rivals in terms of being bad. I think it rivals yesterday's The Schnoz as a nickname.

How dare I, I don't like that applied to basketball. I think that's a great— Brothers of Destruction is great for football or WWE, uh, not for basketball. What are you doing?

Yeah, uh, Derek Hall yesterday had a t-shirt that said Manager of Violence on it, and I said, that's a cool t-shirt, but it only, only applies to football. You can't wear that in basketball. Manager of Violence, right? But for football, it's a perfect shirt, Dan, for Bam and, uh, and Giannis. How about this? Instead of Brothers of Destruction, let's go back to Succession, call them Destruction Brothers.

Oh boy.

See, they have Bam as Undertaker and Giannis as Kane. I'd have it the other way. I know I'm nitpicking here, but I would have Giannis as the Undertaker.

Does this work for you guys though? Like, I, I think it's pretty, pretty long one. So thank you. Yeah, may contain errors. Can Eric Reed say that? The Brothers of Destruction. It's a little long.

Can he?

I don't know if he did say the man with the hold an arm.

Yeah, that's true. That won't work, Brothers of Destruction. It'll be on a t-shirt.

What would it sound like though if Eric Reed tried?

Chris, thank you. Hold on a second. Greg, how did you not see—

yeah—

that your son was tossing you an alley-oop there to do your Eric Reed impersonation using Brothers of Destruction? How did— just explain to me. You've spent a lifetime together. You would think you have a lifetime of chemistry together. How did you not see that your son was just lobbing you the request to do your Eric Reed while using the Brothers of Destruction.

I don't like the impersonation that Greg Cody does of me. I don't appreciate it at all. And the Brothers of Destruction, I don't know about that. That's the fourth or fifth best nickname that I have seen in the last week. It doesn't work for me. They're both going to be alley-ooping and slamming and all this. They're great individual players, but Brothers of Destruction? No, that's not going to work. Back in my back in my day, you didn't do that with two players who were playing hoops. Thank you. Bom Eric Reed.

Oh, the velvety voice of one Gregory P. Cody. I'm Jason Jackson, Jason Jackson.

Eric.

Whoa. You know what you guys have now done, right? The last 3 and a half minutes are gonna be the roundtable discussion of Cody. Tony Fiorentino and Jason Jackson and Eric Reid. I would just like them to— the three of them, I want to see and hear the three of them break down this upcoming Miami Heat season. Jason Jackson, you are the greatest of the hosts. Eric Reid doesn't mind in this particular instance allowing you to set the table on Tony Fiorentino, Eric Reid, and Jason Jackson discussing this upcoming Miami Heat season.

Oh, luxurious introduction by the magnanimous Dan Le Batard.

We're looking forward to seeing LeBron come back in the house and hearing all the fans boo him.

Elwick.

A very limited Fiorentina.

Mike does this impression.

Did you want to ask— did you want to ask Elwick something or you didn't want to ask?

Oh, Elwick.

I made him Elmer fud.

All the boisterous bellowing coming from the bowels of the American Airlines Arena. That's not the name of the building anymore.

We're gonna miss Tyler Herro's defense. Not really.

Good point, Elwick.

Thank you. Tyler Herro put up 40 or 50 threes a game, but you don't see him on the other end of the floor.

I gotta tell you though, I'm just bubbling at the possibilities of the lengthy Giannis Anadokoumpou seducing the Miami crowds with his athleticism.

Oh boy. I'm gonna introduce a new saying this year. I wanted to surprise you all, but I'm gonna give it to you now. Kaboom is now kabam.

He already does that. Atwick.

That's right, I did begin that earlier. I'd forgotten that. My bad.

The Eric Reid is so rusty, Greg, that you have had trouble summoning any statistics because what you love about the Eric Reid impersonation is that it's just got minutia of statistics in it that don't make any sense and always make it laughable, but you haven't been able to summon a single statistic as you try to do both the ad-lib of the character and the statistics.

Bam Adebayo had an 83-point game. It was the first 83-point game of his career and only the zeroth— yeah, 83-point game of all time.

Let's throw it to my boy Jeremy Tashay, who's sideline right now. Cash money, what you got for me? Thanks, Jax.

I want to say that I want to do more with the sensual Jason Jackson character, but it's redundant to call him the sensual Jason Jackson character.

Jake Jackson feel nasty.

He's the nastiest. People don't have any idea how nasty he is.

I don't see how they couldn't.

They don't know.

Listen every Sunday, 10 AM to 1 PM Eastern. It's startling.

NBA radio.

It's startling during church time to hear undulations of sensuality with my basketball brush. I would get.

To every man, woman, and child, I say welcome.

Elwick.