Transcript of Dan Eviscerates The NBA Media Over Kawhi Leonard Story | Hour 2 New

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If you've been with us a lot over the last 5 years, you've sort of seen us struggle to get up from a bit of an audio enterprise into a video enterprise that is now going 3 hours live every day. And when I say it's 3 hours, uh, live, I don't think that many of the people who are listening to this sort of remember in all of the changes that happened around here that there was a point toward the end at ESPN for the better part of 18 months or so where we were basically doing 32 minutes an hour. Everything else was commercials. So what you were getting of us was a lot less than what you're getting of us today when we're going mostly commercial-free through those 3 hours. It ends up being a lot more content than what it is that we were doing when we were encumbered by radio. So I remind you again that we're doing this for a while. It's going to be— everything we're doing here between 9 and noon is going to be, uh, live, and it's going to come without the safety net. So what happens is that Jeremy has a bit that he's been bothering me about for, I'm going to say, 3 months that he's wanted to go to, and I haven't gone to it for 3 months.

And then we go to it and the sound doesn't work on it, and I never want to see it again. Now, now I have a, I have a very bad reaction.

Awesome.

To what that is.

Tony sabotaged it.

I don't— Oh, I sabotaged it. Oh, it was me. I don't trust us going to a lefty when I'm doing that. And that's what ends up happening. But part of the fun of live for us always at ESPN, I'm going to say the most fun, the thing that made it most dangerous is that we could sink into the mistakes in a funny way. I'll let you know when we learn how to do that here. When that happens, when we're throwing it to an audio clip and a bit.

Just so you know, back here, the appetite to have fun with those mistakes has always been here. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, go ahead then, because I don't want to do the segment anymore. So go ahead and have fun with what I'm going to call—

Jeremy's so mad.

What I'm going to call this mistake.

No, your tone's great.

Go ahead and have fun with this mistake.

I stayed several hours after the show on multiple days for that.

I wasn't ready to have fun.

And then Dan went into his—

thing, and now let's do it.

You dry humped him, Dan, sent him to the pen. He started warming up. All of a sudden you pull him out of the game.

You're like, what are we doing?

Go ahead, have fun with it. Show me what you got. Show me how you—

oh no, this is helping. No, that's a great way to do it. Just keep throwing your arms in the air.

I'd like to see you have fun with this segment. I not wanted to do this segment for 3 months, and then when I go to it on a very busy day, that's how it goes.

That's all right, all right. Here, let's play it.

Let's all have fun together. Let's have fun.

I'm having fun.

Play it!

Standing at 6'8", £220. Wait, 6'8"? He is the wokest of the woke. An ally through and through. Diversity is our superpower. Climate change is real. Our favorite lefty, Jeremy Tashay!

I got a top 5 female-led comedies from the last 10 years.

All right.

Oh, well, I— Rough Night. Number 5, Girls Trip. Number 4, Lady Bird. Number 3, Bottoms. It's a good movie. Number 2, No Hard Feelings. Number 1, Booksmart.

That's fun.

Are you— are you eating?

Yeah, you told me not to talk anymore, so—

I thought it was part of the bit. You're coming out of the pen, you got chew in your mouth. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was gum.

Yeah, yeah, that was the bit.

I thought you were a chaw dog.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Let's get back to Greg Cody's catchphrases here because we're at number 70, improbably and implausibly, months after starting with number 50. We're now at number 70.

Yeah, not a short bit.

But again, I'm going to say that again because of the absurdity of what's happened here. Months after starting on a top 50 catchphrase list, we are now beginning with number 70.

Yes, the bit that keeps on giving.

Number 70.

Number 70: I'm fuller than Vern Fuller. 69: Where's my click click? 68: Hey Butterfinger! 67: Punt! 66: Scranton! 65: I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger. 64: Georgia! Georgia! 63, I'm the kind of guy that's 62 ballin' the jack. 61, hey hey, we're the Monkees, baby. 60, thank you, Billy. 59, I love 'em like a pet. 58, who made it a salad? 57, we're rollin' now, huh? 56, you're brain beatin' me. 55, let's hear it tonight, let's go states! 54, driver comfort is paramount. 53, dummy up, say bop. 52, catch as catch can. 51, doesn't make it right. 50, so on and so forth. 49, very good. 48, the Little League theory. 47, nice hat, asshole. 46, the others, they all learned from me. 45, don't go showerin' to try to please me. 44, look at that jerk. 43, it's like a packing house in here. 42, what'd you learn? 41, hee haw 3, ba-dap. 40, I'm not gonna take a quiz. 39, sassafras. 38, would we break a window? 37, hello. 36, who won? 35, trailers for sale or rent. 34, you gotta eat a peck of dirt before you die. 33, 3 words, we are the Lobos.

32, you're gonna go to Buffalo with Bernie Parmley. 31, rappy cac. 30, another crisis solved. 29, nice chatting with ya. 28, he ain't heavy, he's my blank. 27. Hey, that's what I'm talking about. 26, my favorite, by the way. 26, who let a pet—

if it's your favorite, why isn't it at the top?

Yeah, you know, a lot of good material here. 20, uh, 26, who let a pet. 25, good on ya. 24, dancing swords. 23, QK, quick crap. 20, hey. 21, blanking it.

And now 2021, what just happened there? Did you just told us earlier that—

What happened?

I don't know. I'm confused on what is 20 and what is 21. What is 22 as well?

Okay, 20. Okay, 23 is QK, quick crap. 22 is bad. Of course. 21 is blankin' it.

Oh, so this is a new one. 21 is blankin' it. Is that a new one or is that— No, you were out last week.

That was last week. Okay. Okay. Now the new ones are number 20 and number 19.

Okay, I have a number of different questions here.

The list feels a little bit degraded because you have so many great ones that are— that were in the '50s, but now they're in the '70s.

Like, I'm the kind of guy left— so many great ones left.

I know, but still, like, I'm the kind of guy that deserves a better fate than 67 or whatever it is.

Yeah, okay, that's the beauty. Isn't that the beauty of lists though? The debate.

Should I make my list for your list?

Uh, you could do that. Take my top— when all is said and done, take my top 70. And rework it into yours.

Wait, do you want to be the righty?

How about this? Would Greg Cody be willing to make it a top 72 list in honor of Richmond Webb, who's not number 72?

Yeah, that's not my best moment.

To move it to 78 after.

All right. All right. So we are now in the top 20 and you're alleging that we're going to stay in the top 20 because a couple—

The final top 20.

A couple weeks ago, a couple of weeks ago, I thought we were at number 11, and now we're outside the top 20 again. I thought we were about to enter the top 10.

Yeah.

What number are we on right now that you're revealing for the first time on The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody?

With— yeah, came out Monday. Uh, number 20. That's a fact, Jack.

What? That's 20! 20? 20? That's correct. Holy shit.

That's the forerunner of all these songs ending in Jack.

How good, how good are the next 19 gonna be if that's 20? I thought for sure that was a top 10 Hall of Famer.

Well, we'll find out, won't we? And number 19, Gotta Wanna Learn, Gotta Wanna Earn. Ooh, I like that guitar riff.

Oh my God.

There's no way those two are at the back end of the 19.

They can't be.

They were gonna be in the top 10 a week ago.

That was gonna make us soar into the top 10 a week ago with like, holy shit, what are these last 9 gonna be? But now we got 19 more. What else does Greg say?

Well, you see what's left over for the top 18.

Only 9 more weeks, allegedly. We don't, we don't know. It might become a top 72.

By Christmas we'll be done.

How long will this bit actually be if we're going 70? It's 35 weeks. We're talking over half a year.

Yeah, that's correct. I'm trying to set the Guinness record for longest bit, longest podcast bit, so on and so forth.

Is it longer than Chris Sims's? Didn't he give us— what was it, the top 70? He was on with us daily for 2 months because he was giving us— was it his top 70 quarterbacks that were better than who? Than Blake Bortles, or what was it like?

I don't know.

I don't remember what the bit was exactly, or the numbers. Does any— can anyone help me with it? Or there's top 70 quarterbacks, and he joined us basically every day. He missed some, so yeah, it would probably be 3 months max. So this is, uh, this is, uh, absolutely approaching on the longest bit in show history, uh, second actually only to, uh, there's never been a 50-50 poll.

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For 22 years on this show, we've debated the greatest athletes of all time. Who's the GOAT in football? Who's the GOAT in soccer? Who's the GOAT in hoops? One thing that we all know is Dan's the GOAT of finding the worst possible take. But there's another kind of MVP/GOAT that doesn't get enough credit. The friend who knows to show up with enough Miller Lite. Plus extra ice because they just know. The one who already has seats at the bar when you walk up, that is a Miller Time MVP. I've been on this show long enough to know that Dan is gonna make everything about his feelings and Jeremy is gonna push back on whatever I just said. But here's something nobody on this show will argue with. Miller Lite is the summer beer, the original light beer since 1975. This summer, recognize your MVPs. We all have that one friend who makes every game better. Now it's time to give them their moment. Head over to Miller Lite's social media pages to learn more about being a Miller Time MVP. You can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time.

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Dan Levitar! I want to address Tony and all men who would wear that shirt in public. Greg Cody! Don't do it.

This is the Dan Levitar Show! So congratulations, Greg. You have now entered the, uh, the, the, the vaunted top 5 of longest bits. And we'll see how much longer, uh, the top 20 goes because it's been amazing. And I encourage all of you to follow The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody, where he unveils these for the first time. Before he gets to here and we get his recycled usages. He gives us the good stuff on the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody.

Thank you.

Possible Jeremy's lefty bit will catch Cody's list.

Yeah, that could last.

Oh, I sure think so.

For month after month after month after month. That would work.

We're just slow playing it.

Yeah, I liked it.

You should play it in slow motion with your voice, like talking very slow.

I want to ask you guys something else from the transactions from yesterday, uh, I, I am genuinely curious here how the American public is going to react to the following, because I haven't quite seen a story happen this way before in my entire journalistic lifetime. And it happens to be that Pablo Torre finds out is at the middle of it. Okay, the reporting that Pablo is doing is so far out in front of what anyone else is doing on this subject matter, covering how much did Steve Ballmer and Kawhi Leonard possibly cheat in Los Angeles, and what can Adam Silver actually do when he works for Steve Ballmer? And everyone's telling you the league wants to keep Steve Ballmer happy because money wins the day now in America, more than ever in 2026. And what you have with this story that is just unbelievably unique is one reporter has all of the information. And so anytime he talks about this, all of the people who are interested— and there are many— go to him to find it because he's the only one talking credibly about this subject matter. So the rest of the media gets to not make a story about what's this punishment gonna be, because it's pretty clear that this is as egregious as anything we've ever seen from cheating and ownership in American sports if it is true.

And Pablo is making the case for it in a way that's bulletproof— bulletproof enough that this company, our company, believes that the fact-based truth of the reporting is such that we're willing to invite Steve Ballmer, if he's got a problem factually with anything that's being reported, to be really threatening in a way that's personally scary to me. Personally scary to me as someone who's responsible for the people here and The journalism has to be airtight when you're going after people who have money to make a mess for you, and it doesn't even have to be airtight when you have to fold your cards like CBS in front of the President of the United States and make a nuisance lawsuit go away for $16 million, uh, when you're in the right on the journalism and you still can't withstand the money pounding you. The reporting that Pablo is doing is vigorous and more difficult than anything anyone in sports reporting is doing. And I think they're gonna end up getting away with it because of the way that things have happened in the last few days where Lawrence Frank, okay, who famously handled the preseason press conference with a butcher's knife after having months to prepare for it, told you a week ago publicly, we're building around Kawhi Leonard.

Kawhi Leonard is a part of our plans. Publicly, he is saying to everybody, we want to keep Kawhi Leonard. And a week later, everyone's like, what? Toronto? Wait, what? What?

How?

We know everything about the transactions. This guy's a universal mystery. He does weird things. He behaves outside of the sphere of everything. Nobody really knows him. He's the most unknown superstar you'll find just about anywhere in sports that isn't from a foreign country. Kawhi Leonard is at the center of what is quite possibly the most scandalous thing you have seen an owner do when it comes to doing wrong, allegedly, as we've seen. And I don't think at this point, given what's recently happened and where it is that they'll try to bury this in the news cycle, whenever they try to bury it in the next couple of weeks, where the punishment is gonna match the alleged crime. Like, because you've got the head of Toronto is the board of governors guy, and he's the guy most likely to make a big giant mess about the fact that Toronto had their star champion players stolen by what, if you believe the reporting, is millions and millions of dollars on the side outside of the salary cap. Like, I just can't believe that the entirety of the media isn't up and down screaming on where is this investigation and what are we going to do.

Doesn't the media love a scandal? Is it, is it that you just don't have enough information and feel uncomfortable just borrowing it from Pablo that you can't report this with the intensity it deserves as you're just sitting here in the middle of the news stream and you just saw that another country got a decorated champion out of nowhere, quietly, and everyone's just sitting here shrugging their shoulders saying, what's the punishment going to be? As it gets delayed and gets delayed and gets delayed and looks more and more obvious like there's not going to be much of a punishment, or not a, not a punishment that matches what the reporting deserves on this.

Well, not a punishment to Kawhi, right? Which, which, I mean, I brought up a few days ago, I I don't know how much Kawhi is gonna be punished. Maybe the Clippers will still be punished, like, whatever, they should be. But it would appear that you can't punish Kawhi now. He's on a different team. Why should the other team, who, by the way, like you said, lost him to said team in LA because of what they did illegally— you can't now punish Toronto.

Well, maybe that part of the trade is to try to make this whole thing go away. I believe the reporting, and it's backed up by Pulitzer Prize-winning reporting. But at the same time, if you're Adam Silver, you want it swept under the rug. And if you're another reporter, if you're an NBA reporter anywhere else in the country, you just got your ass kicked on a big story.

But Greg, Greg, on its face, these details make this one of the great cheating scandals of its time. If it's true, that can't be swept under a rug in the modern age of scandal and journalism. In what world?

I hope not.

In what world, with what moves, can you actually sweep it under the rug? You cannot take the penalizing system of that sport seriously anymore if what happens here isn't a penalty that sort of matches the idea. This would be, if true, and it seems like it is true based on just the facts of the reporting. I'm going to say this part again because I think it's important, because I think it gets lost all the time as people shout fake news, fake news, and nobody knows what goes into the making of the news. Pablo's reporting risking the richest man in sports. If you get anything wrong, anything, drowning you, drowning you with money that he keeps in the guest house of his 50th house. Just, you have to get everything right here, and it's got to be airtight. It is the hardest thing to do, and only Pablo's reporting on it. Only Pablo's giving voice to this. As we've told you now for years, the media is compromised by corporate interests. There is no incentive for today's media that is fighting to get all of the basketball games on their streaming networks. There's no incentive to put pressure on Ballmer.

There's no incentive to put pressure on the money as ESPN drops jobs every day and journalism gets pushed more and more out the door, as they say to themselves, understood. As a business concept. I don't want to do journalism anymore. Why are we doing journalism? Journalism gets in the way of everything. Journalism muddies this up. But the numbers show that everyone goes to Pablo every time he releases one of those 11 episodes because he's the only one giving people the real truth that's somehow in the shadows, that's not being covered in a way that respects the sports fan for the amount of interest and investment that they put into these things. You cannot tell me as much about federal indictments and what it is that Jontay Porter was doing and more, that the richest guy in sports, if you believe some of this, invented some bullshit job in order to get Kawhi Leonard out of another country when everyone wanted Kawhi Leonard, and everyone's just going to shrug and say, "Ah, swept it under the rug. They did it. They got— they fooled us. They did it on a Friday. They did all the maneuvering in front of it that makes him go to Toronto of all places." Who had him in Toronto a week ago?

Who had him in Toronto?

Not even Laurence Frank. But Dan, I think the interesting part about the reporting on this is that Pubble's an outsider, right? Like, he's not an NBA insider. He's not a guy that's connected teams to agents to GMs to the league office. He can sit out from, from behind the wall and be like, all right, I can report this in a way that only I can because I don't need those people to do what I'm doing, right? I can do this completely outside in a silo where if I'm one of the big newsbreakers in the NBA. Like, I need to be making sure that I'm in lockstep with what I'm doing to make sure that I get my story.

So are you guys okay with all that? Because I'll ask you guys again this, as we've built an entire company around the idea— no, we think there's still a lane for journalism. We think, we think as everyone else goes in the other direction and 60 Minutes gets pounded by one of these rich guys, as 60 Minutes gets just to dust, smithereens, because a rich guy comes in and that's what they can do with their money. Tell me what to do about everything that I just presented presented in front of you where if you want real and true sports coverage, they're going again and again to Pablo because they're like, wait a minute, why is this so much different than everything else I'm consuming over here? And I ask you this question seriously: what is the media's job around a scandal when they're compromised with all of the conflicts? If this is indeed just the hypothetical— don't even make it this one— hey, I'm going to present to you one of the great cheating scandals of all time, period. Why is the media not covering in? Like, give me— where?

Because of their partnerships and their conflicts.

Well, I, I would have guessed— is it, is it, is it not because of what you stated you're very afraid of?

These, these companies have so much more money than what we're talking about here, like so much more to lose.

Uh, just to be clear, if we're all Pulitzer winners like you've said many times, can we all get brought into a class action lawsuit? Because if so, they can have my My bullets are— I'm good. I want the smoke.

So I'm talking here to Greg Cody, who cares about— like, I'm going to leave this alone because I know I sound bad, but it's just— it's both genuinely frustrating to me and genuinely confusing, though we benefit from it because Pablo Torre's podcast has the trust of its audience because he's doing the hardest thing the hardest way. Everyone's got a microphone, everyone's got a podcast. Who's going to do it better than everyone else because they're meticulous, There are no breakout podcasts in sports unless you put the Kelseys together and have Taylor Swift involved. Like, that's not a thing anymore. There's just too many people. Podcast business, I've told you, terrible business for all but a few because there are just too many people at microphones. What Pablo is doing is hard to do. So while I sound like I'm lecturing the media, I do understand how it's really hard to have anything on this story. But I've been bothered by it. No one's looking. Like, it's not— there is no one trying. They have given Pablo that corner, and anyone who wants that information— and the numbers explode every time he puts out anything— they're all getting it in only one place.

Do you know how unusual that is when you've got a star of this magnitude, an owner of this magnitude, and what could be a scandal of this magnitude, and you're like, where's the news here, and what are you gonna do? You got— there has to be public pressure to punish for Silver to punish. Otherwise, he's just gonna do what the rich people want.

Is it— is it fair to assume assume that there are other journalists, like NBA journalists— Pablo's not an NBA journalist, you know— other NBA credentialed media, they're afraid of losing their access if they get involved in this.

That's a possibility. ESPN has done some stuff on this, but it is entirely possible that from what I've seen, Pablo's the only person with this type of information. It is— he's won an award for it. I know, but maybe other people are trying and they're not they don't have the juice that Pablo has on this, on this beat.

But that never happens. When all of a sudden there's an Epstein scandal, then all of the reporters gather. When there's a Joe Paterno, Nittany Lion, Penn State scandal, then all of the reporters— no one cedes the corner. And this isn't a small story. You may be tired of it, but it's not—

Yeah, we're talking about two different things. They may not be capable of building on the story, but I think you're absolutely right in pointing out, like, okay, Forget building on it. What's been laid out in front of you, why aren't we doing more with that? Denk an den 31.

Juli.

Wieso?

Last call für deine Steuer.

Oh no, ich weiß gar nicht, wo ich anfangen soll.

Bei WiesoSteuer, das ist wie Steuererklärung, nur ohne Stress.

Ist das einfach?

Klar, macht fast alles automatisch.

Dauert das lange?

Nö, einfach per App.

Na dann.

Hol dir jetzt dein Geld zurück mit WiesoSteuer. Bis zum 31. Juli abgeben.

Dan Levitar. This is the quickest it goes. Hey, this is the quickest it goes.

Greg Cody.

Everybody, this is the quickest it goes. Yeah, this is the Dan Levitar Show. Are you okay with the media being so compromised that the NBA could successfully sweep one of the biggest scandals allegedly in its sports history? Or in sports history, under the table, a no-show job paying millions outside of the salary cap in order to get Kawhi Leonard.

I— look, great reporting and I'm interested in it, but there's just so much overt corruption everywhere that a salary cap circumvention in the NBA don't register.

And fair enough, once you've gotten to the point of Donald Trump getting $2 billion according to him Saying it himself, $2 billion from the office. I guess we are a place— we're at a place where everyone's numb to this. So the pre— what used to be a scandal before in all of America is less of a scandal now, and we're going to go ahead and say we're better with cheating than we've ever been now in sports, right?

We're better, Greg. I think that we're just broken by it, especially with the rich and powerful. They do what they want seemingly with impunity. I understand this is a little trickier because, yes, Steve Ballmer is technically one of Adam Silver's bosses, but he is cheating to get one over on all the other bosses of Adam Silver. Allegedly, this is a competitive advantage, the salary cap circumvention, which other owners would be upset about. I'm surprised that the other owners aren't reaching out to sources driving this too. Maybe they're afraid that it opens up a can of worms because we don't know how, how prevalent this is.

That's the weird thing to me, is that the other owners The other owners should be in favor of, uh, of punishment for this behavior because it cheats them. This behavior cheats the other owners. But it's gonna be up to Adam Silver to do something. When Adam Silver metes out some punishment, then you're gonna see it reported as news by the rest of the media.

Greg, but where is there to punish, right? The Clippers don't have any draft picks going forward. They just lucked into a draft pick with Vít Žižubac being traded where they got the number 5 pick. They traded Kawhi Leonard, so the player's not on the team anymore, the contract's gone. Toronto's not gonna get punished. This is the perfect crime. Right? There is no punishment. Adam Silver can't sit there and be like, yeah, here's the punishment, they don't have draft picks, and Toronto's getting—

Toronto can get punished. There is very recent precedent. Again, totally different crime, but you could argue, even though I would argue against it, the Miami Heat were punished because Terry Rozier got suspended for something that did not happen on their watch, right? The player ended up getting suspended. That player was not available to Miami. His value was totally nuked. So there is very recent precedent that suggests that if there is punishment for Kawhi, it lands on Toronto.

Per Shamshirania, free agent center Nikola Vucevic has agreed to a 1-year, $3.9 million deal to return to the Orlando Magic from the Boston Celtics. But speaking of the Boston Celtics, free agent guard Mike Conley Jr. has agreed to a 1-year deal to sign with the Celtics.

Can I ask you something on the Celtics front? Why aren't they in this LeBron conversation? I understand the fit and I understand LeBron's noted rivalry there. But if they have to move on from Jaylen Brown, they're in win-now mode. Why? Why haven't we heard anything about them?

I don't think that he would ever go play for them. And, and I don't think that that fan base would ever accept him playing for them.

And he, he went back to Cleveland after what Dan Gilbert did.

It's not the same.

He's considering going back to Miami and that relationship until very recent video evidence of him finally saying hello to Pat Riley, was a super frosty relationship. I don't understand. If he wants to win now, I think he can move on. It's not like Boston will be like still booing him.

Well, he's coming off a $50 million a year contract. Are a lot of other teams afraid that he's going to demand that kind of money so they're not even in the ring?

There is no one who's going to give him that kind of money. That, that place does not— I should say, I should say that differently. Absolutely. Any one of the franchises that needs an economic boom and would like to have his last year, none of which he would ever go to because they're small and losers, those franchises would be interested in giving him money just to have the circus show of LeBron in their uniform. But among the contenders, there are none who can give him the kind of money that he wants.

Would have to be in trade.

Yeah, it would be a sign-and-trade. They're trying to find a spot for Jaylen Brown. I'm just curious why we haven't heard anything.

No, the kind of money he wants— he wants to be paid the max. He deserves the max. He's a player who's underpaid even if he gets the max because of what he does to the economy around your business, independent of basketball. He's not going to get what he wants. He's not going to be able to get the maximum amount of money allowable as the oldest player in the league. He's going to have to take a discount of some kind because there is no one to give him the money that he wants.

Theoretically, here in Miami, if the Heat wanted to do that and if LeBron wanted to do that and you attached the salaries of Nikola Jović and Andrew Wiggins, even potentially with a future pick, LeBron could get $46 million, which is $4 million shy of his max.

Yep.

For what it's worth.

And he says he wants the max and he says he will not take a discount and it's not available to him what exactly he wants, which is probably the first time in his career that's happened. Correct.

Yes, and it's also just why it's total bullshit to me, this idea that he's gonna go sign somewhere for $6.5 million. It's never going to happen.

He's been pretty clear on that front that the money does matter. I'm confused by why Windhorse is reporting that the money doesn't matter, because how does Golden State actually make the money to— uh, the, the— Draymond Green frees up some money, but how does How does Golden State put together a contract that would be worth even half as much as the one that Miami could offer?

Uh, they would have to trade someone.

Porzingis, they'd probably have to trade.

No, well, they just signed him to an extension.

No, the way that they restructured his deal is that now that the league year has started anew, he's instantly tradable. They wrote it into the contract.

I'm fine, Mike.

Are you okay? Because it sounded, it sounded like you were running toward a finish line and then your neck got caught on the finish line and it didn't break. The tape didn't break.

No, I laid out so that Tony can make a really good point.

No, but it sounded like you had—

So a teammate does.

But what did it sound like to you, Mike? Because it sounded like—

I was being a good teammate, checking on my friend.

It sounded like someone had grabbed Zazz by the neck while he was talking at the end of his point.

Yeah, that's what it sounded like to me as well, yeah.

Are you okay? Is everything okay?

I already said I'm okay. Why do I gotta repeat myself?

Well, because you didn't say it right the first time, so the repeating of yourself makes it clearer because the way that you said it the first time sounded like you were being strangled.

Right.

Zazz was being choked.

Oh, we're still talking about this?

You were being choked by the same person who left that donut on the floor.

So I have more information on this. They've shown me some security footage and we have two culprits. One of them might be surprising. The other one will not be at all. So who is the betting favorite? Wait a minute.

What?

Well, as I was saying betting favorite, Mike just stared at you. Mike, Mike simply stared at you on betting favorite. If you have to pick a betting favorite, one name on who left the crime scene of, uh, a quarter of a donut on the floor 10 feet from a garbage can, Greg Cody, your nominee for betting favorite would be—

he may be related to me.

I hate it.

Okay, uh, Jeremy, what would your betting favorite be?

Obviously Zazz.

Uh, uh, Mike, who would your betting favorite be?

Dude presently resting his arm on his belly.

Uh, I changed my mind.

Tony, who is your betting favorite?

Gino.

Wow, okay, one off the board. Uh, Roy, who is your betting favorite?

Oh, of course it's Chris.

Yeah, it's Chris Cody for me too. And I have not been given the information. I saw Frankie security here since, uh, since we were at the Clevelanders. Frankie was howling with laughter while he was pouring through the security, uh, because this investigation is going to reveal who the culprit is. Uh, who's second place though? You have everyone to choose from out there. Everyone in the company to choose from. Second place betting favorite to Chris Cody on leaving a donut on the floor like a Wolverine. Roy, who would be your second choice? Probably Zaslo. Uh, and all the entire company, do you have a second choice here? Greg Cody, do you have a second you'd vote for? Because I think everyone's going to find this surprising. I'm already telling you that it's surprising, so you shouldn't choose Zaslo. That would not be surprising.

Uh, I'm gonna have to say Dan Levitard because very often the one who's accusing others is the one who's guilty.

The smelted delta theory.

That's right.

Whoever denied it supplied it.

Yes, exactly. Well put.

Uh, Mike, second place for you on the list of culprits?

Ethan.

Well, out of left field, that one.

I am stunned, uh, that none of us are even close on this.

Rose?

Uh, Oh yeah, yeah, it's Rose.

Yeah, so, so yes, the, the two culprits. We have some grainy, uh, video here from surveillance. We have not used surveillance video since I— Kristin, not Chris— awkwardly hugged, uh, Josh Norman at the Cleveland, uh, but Rose, who— Rose, Rose, yeah, I mean, she can shovel food into her— yeah, into her mouth.

She Or eat, as people say.

No, no, no, but it's a showdown. No, see, that's— yeah, so she's taking a bite of it, seems to be going towards the garbage. Okay, so that's Bruderfeld. So yeah, that's garbage, that's the garbage can. Oh, so we've got more footage here. So I ate that out of the garbage? I don't know where you ate it out of, but there is footage that also accuses you, uh, here as well.

It was hovering over— yes, over the lid.

Yeah, so the top, right? So we just saw a video of Rose throwing away what looked like a portion of a donut. And, uh, it does seem, uh, like we've got more, uh, here that, uh, accuses others. We'll find out because I have not, uh, I have not previewed any of this footage and I don't know what else it reveals. Uh-oh, Ethan, now come on, pick a wedgie. No, so Ethan is around the sink and he is hovering and, uh, oh, he's got the donut box in his hand.

He's looking at the camera. Why is he doing that?

Okay, but that's not helpful at all. Okay, all right, I'm gonna stop. Jessie's walking over.

Is this part of the investigation?

Okay, this, this is—

oh, this is when he discovered, hey, who did this to the donut? Hey, ah, yeah, he's pulling out like, who would be so inconsiderate?

Okay, but here's the thing though, I thought that the donut was placed on the floor because someone had thrown the donut on the floor. It was placed on the floor by others to make the accusation of who left half— who left half a donut in a box that was not eaten. And so now what Ethan is saying is it's clearly Rose, it's clearly 'Rose did that. She left half a donut, but she didn't leave it on the floor. She then took it and threw it in the garbage can. So our investigation is flawed and the police are corrupt.' Why doesn't the rest of the media care about this? It's a big story. All we've done is expose Kristen taking a bite of food.

The only thing that I know is that Chris possibly ate a garbage donut.

Yes, team player. See, it's Quite the conflict. So in, in general, our planning around here, you may have noticed, is a little bit poor. And what it has resulted in is Chris going for the joke of, I need to eat things no matter what. Had one of the best visual jokes you've seen on our show recently where he infiltrated and contaminated what was clearly a crime scene by eating a donut off of the floor. However, it was under— it was over a napkin at the time. What he didn't know is that donut was clearly fished out of a garbage can and then placed on the floor making it dirtier than it even was when it was merely on the floor. Still tasted good. It was strawberry, right?

Delightful.

Still taste the sugar. Do you still have that bacon as your bookmark over there? Do you still—

No way. Oh yeah, yeah.

He's been using bacon. Oh look, this time you put a napkin as a— Okay, but I thought you put it in greasy in Pride of a Lion. So you're saying that's the best bacon you've ever eaten? Eating. Still, 2 hours later, here's the great thing about bacon.

It's wonderful hot and it's wonderful cold. In between, no. I don't like mildly warm bacon. It's gotta be hot or cold. This is really great. Okay, you get no bend, no flop.

Colors like a catcher's mitt.

What, what is the perfect bacon? Can you explain it right here? Yes, thank you, but for the audio audience.

The right texture, the right thickness. Sometimes they can be too thin. If you can almost see through it, you don't want to eat it. Thin! You want this shade of red. You want this shade of red here. The fat line on the corner, you want it to be a combination of crispy and chewy. It has to be that really in-between. Mmm. Oh. Oh, God. Like heaven on earth. Baby.