Transcript of Local Hour: The Weak One Of Week 1

I'm worried, Zazlo and Cody, that we've got too many people here today and too much show, and we've already started with Sparks because... Zazlo, could you tell what Greg was mad about? Why he stormed from the room?

It's fairly obvious. He's upset that... I'm not trying to talk as if you're not in front of me, all right? But Greg was clearly upset that none of his topics were on the billboard for the show. There's a lot to get to today. Greg specifically is upset that none of his topics are on the billboard.

Well, I'm not throwing anybody under the bus, but I do spend 15 or 20 minutes the morning, the very early morning before coming in here, to write out my topics, and I send them. Now, in fairness, I didn't know Roy was going to be in that seat. I did not send them to Roy, so part of that is on me. But they need to be distributed and represented accordingly.

I saw his rage that he wasn't properly represented in the meeting when with a sports weekend like that, you don't need anyone to come in with any topics. It's fine. We can talk about anything that happened this weekend for four straight hours.

I'm not going to let Dan do this today. This is a big Monday. Dad, I'm sorry. I did not put your topics on. That is a thousand % on me. You work very hard on those topics, and I should have had them up there as soon as you were in here. Who are you? That's on me. We're going to have a great show today. I love you so much. I love working with you. I love spending time with you. You're a great person. Wow.

Who is that person?

That's an accountable Chris Cody rising up the executive ranks at Metalark by taking accountability for places where he has been a bad leader or a bad organizer.

Dan, he said that so you can move the show along and get to football, not so you can stay there. So you can get to the football.

The show hasn't started yet.

The shit stirring as the heat got zero votes to make the play.

God, I'm just over this guy's topics.

Wait a minute. You were just nice to me.

I just can't with you.

It's a lot of of the topics on the board, though.

Greg, you would admit, right? Oh, my God. Greg, you would admit. Look, I've never seen that Dolphin game before. In my lifetime, I've been watching this team for 50 years. I've never experienced that game. I've seen him lose 62 to 7. But what happened yesterday puts the Dolphins so far behind the best things happening in that sport that I could do four hours on the Dolphins or I could ignore them all show today.

If you did a 1 through 32, let's say Dolphins are 32, right?

I mean, everybody played close games yesterday, except the Giants, the Jags, that game. All the games were close.

They're only a game back in the EFC East.

They're two-point favorites. They're two-point They are two-point favorites this weekend.

If it wasn't for a miraculous comeback, they would have been first in the EFC East this morning. Things are looking up.

They are two-point favorites against the Patriots this weekend.

And what does that tell you? That's worth exploring.

The whole league sticks.

The whole league sticks. The whole league is the greatest thing we've ever seen because I certainly went into that final game last night saying, Okay, well, clearly the story tomorrow is going to be the four-time MVP. Jets, Steelers, the lowest total in the sport goes way over, is the highest scoring game because, holy shit, wait a minute. Do the Jets and Steelers have offense? Because we know they both defense. So that was pretty good offense happening to pretty good defenses. Oh, no, that's not the biggest story. The biggest story is going to happen is the punctuation to the evening when the Ravens, the most flawed, great team I've ever seen, that happens to them more often than it happens to anybody.

I love when that happens to them.

I love it. You have to love it. It happened to them three times more. No other team in the sport has had it happen even three times as much as it's happened to Harbaugh. Eight times a 15-point lead in the fourth quarter.

I love watching them lose like that.

And talk about two great offenses overcoming two pretty solid defenses. That's another example of that, even more so for me than Pittsburgh.

All right, we're going to have to start with the Dolphins, though. Go ahead. Start the show.

This episode is supported by FX's The Lowdown, starring Ethan Hawk. Allow us to introduce you to Lee Raybon, a quirky journalist/ rare Bookstore owner, unofficial truth seeker who's always on the tail of his latest conspiracy. This time, his most recent exposé puts him head to head with a powerful family that rules Tulsa.

Meaning only one thing, he must be to something big.

Fx is the Lowdown premieres September 23rd on FX. Stream on Hulu. Oh, folks, football season is here. It's your season, your shot. The NFL is rolling, and every countdown brings you closer to a payout with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. From first TD scores to anytime props or even the rush of live in-game betting, every snap is a chance to win. New customers, this is for you. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Use code Dan. That's code Dan to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you place just a $5 bet. Plus, over $200 off NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. In partnership with DraftKings, the Crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800 Gambler. In New York, call 877 8 Hope & Why or text Hope & Why 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg. Org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resorting, Kansas, fees may apply in Illinois. 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook. Draftkings.

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Football is back, Jack.

Oh my, we've waited for so long. We're so damn excited that we put it in a song. No need no check downs. Give me big hits and quarterbacks. Keep your fantasy team from falling off the track. Football is back, Jack. Whether on the ground or through the air, when the chips are down and you throw a When your team is primed and on the hook, it's four to 10, you refuse to buck. When the shoulder pads and helmets crack, that's how you know that football is back, Jack. Let me hear you say, Football, football, football. Football is back, Jack. This high is wild and out of control. And we're going to ride it every week till we reach the Super Bowl. No need no check downs. Give me big hits and quarterbacks. If you say this game's the best, I'll say it's a gag. Football is back, Jack. Football is back, Jack. Football is back, Jack. Football is back.

I really did think that I was going to start the show today with Jet Stealers, four-time MVP, Aaron Rodgers. What was that sound? What happened?

It's the dolphins. They do it to me. Sorry, that was me.

No, there was a yeah there. Is that the end of the song?

I don't know what that was. I was trying to just cover it up.

I thought there was a child somewhere in the studio. It sounded like Rose. Okay.

Well, Depech Mode, enjoy the silence, fake out.

I thought I was going to start the show today, four-time MVP, Aaron Rodgers, 60-yard field goal, Jalen Ramsey at the end of that game. I didn't think anyone would feel worse today than Garrett Wilson. I thought that's the person in the sport who was going to feel the worst. Oh, my God, I dropped the ball. I don't know how the kicker from the Browns spells his name. How do we spell that last name for the Browns kicker? Misd it. I think that guy was going to feel really bad today. And then Jalen Ramsey does that to Garrett Wilson. And I thought that was the best game of the day. And then the night game happens. And what happens in the night game, and I gave the stat poorly before. So this has happened to the Ravens. They have lost eight times since 2021, when in the game at the end of the game, they've got a win probability of over 90 %, like they do last night in the fourth quarter where they're up 15. And Derrick Henry doesn't fumbly I don't like that. Derrick Henry is averaging 10 yards of carry. There's no way the Ravens can lose that game.

They kick the Bill's ass up and down the field.

When he fumbled there, the first thought that came to my mind was, I don't think I've ever seen Derrick Henry fumble.

It happens very infrequently. It happened once last year, and I reacted as if Chewbacca had run across the field. A space alien had appeared because Derrick Henry doesn't fumble. He was averaging 10 yards of carry in that game. Ten yards of carry Derrick Henry. Everybody knows he's going to get the... How is that person still doing that? He ran through the SEC like that, and I'm like, Well, that's going to carve up his body. How is that person still, Earl Campbell and Ricky Williams, and faster than everyone else at size that's not normal? How is that body not breaking down?

I did a lot of thinking to myself last night during that game, you'll notice. I also thought, Derrick Henry might be the best running back ever. I don't know that that's a crazy thing to say because when is he actually going to slow down? Because if he keeps doing this for years and years- It's just lunacy, okay?

At that sport, disposable position. The Ravens got him cheap because it's a disposable position. Marion Barber, if you run like that, your career will be over in three years. If you are Sean Alexander and you run like that, you can't keep running like that. You cannot keep being more physical than all the young people in that sport.

Yeah, at that size, too. It's carrying your own weight. Like, Marion Barber was a very violent runner, but carrying your own weight, falling down when you're that big at that position, that also takes a toll. He's just unprecedented in that way. I understand why you want to talk about Derek Henry, but from that game, it was pretty obvious to the eye how overwhelming Baltimore has that offense. They are so talented. You just have DeAndre Hopkins as a ball-winning role player on that team. And you just look at Buffalo and you're like, There is quite a gulf in offensive talent between these teams, but they have that quarterback. And he was unbelievable. And really, where the game might have been won, I know there's a 15-point comeback that everybody wants to talk about, their execution at the end of the first half, when you look at that game in totality, those are just incredible winning plays by Josh Allen, who might be the second-greatest quarterback of all time, just unlucky enough to be playing in the same generation as Patrick Mahomes.

All right, I'm going to slow everything down here because when you say unlucky enough to play same generation as Patrick Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes empirically Yards per attempt. Since he lost Tyree Kill, only Daniel Jones throws the ball less downfield than Patrick Mahomes every time he drops back. So whatever you're remembering about what Patrick Mahomes was with Tyree Kill, since then, he does not throw the ball down the field. And you've seen what's happened to the Chief since then. Everyone's caught up to them. They're not going to win all those one-score games anymore because they can't get the ball downfield. But in the breaking up of the Chief When Tyreek Hill was saying, We can win seven, eight championships, him going deep all the time, and then he comes to Miami. Miami takes the two years that are left of his prime, run through his body. Now, what I saw yesterday was, and I am not being prisoner in the moment with this, even as Zaz says, Derek Henry, best running back ever, and Mike's here, Josh Allen, best quarterback ever. I'm saying that Dolphin game, I've been watching Dolphin football for 50 years. It's a horror movie.

I've never seen that game before. It's not your dad complaining, they can't stop anybody. No. Snuff film. They could not stop Daniel Jones and the Colts empirically, as the Colts looked the best offensive football team there's ever been, statistically, that touches the ball seven times, scores seven times, because the Dolphins can't stop anybody, and then Tua is terrible as well. Zazlo comes in here today, comes in here today, guys, on fire and wants to blow the whole thing up. That's right.

You have to, yeah.

I'm glad you said that. We're starting the show today with truth bombs. That's a good place to start on a Monday. I'm firing Mike McDaniel. I'm not someone who fires the coach. I'm not someone who takes the lazy approach and blames the coach. Oh, this is on the coach. No, no. I've seen enough at this point. When you look at the Dolphins, is there any part of you? And we can take all of us here. And now we had eight months, eight months to wait and look forward to yesterday. And all of the talk, all the conversation around Mike McDaniel, all the criticism, all the noise, all the culture talk. And that's the very first game. That right there, there is no way that anyone He can look at Mike McDaniel and say, That is a coach who could take you to a Super Bowl. You cannot make that case. And if that's the case, what are we waiting for? I get rid of him today. You can't have all offseason, and that's what you put out there. I get rid of him today.

Zazlo also says it's over for Tua.

It is over for Tua. And the reason that I say that is because I think that we're going to look back and we're all going to remember that game yesterday as We can now... Tua is super polarizing. I've been in on Tua. You're either in, you're out. Very polarizing. I think we're all going to look back one day and we're all going to remember we were all on the same page after that Colts game when it comes to Tua. There was something wrong with him yesterday. I don't know if it's because of the injuries that he's had in the past or whatever it is, but that was a really bad quarter.

That's the worst game I've seen him play, and it's not only the worst game I've seen him play. There are some others. That Dolphin game felt like all the games when two was out and they have to go to the backup quarterback and you know they're not going to get any offense. Let's examine this for a second because I'm not being prisoner in the moment when I say that Dolphin game has never been played. It's not something any of us have ever seen. Greg Cody has been covering the team forever. You've never seen that game. Let me give you some of the stats, okay? Because they were the only team beaten like that yesterday, the only one in the entire sport, and it was Daniel Jones. Unstoppable Daniel Jones. You can tell me all you want about he's going to be improved in that offense and everything else. There was no pass rush, there was no coverage. They could not stop a team that was unstoppable for seven drives.

We also are not mentioning and haven't taken into account that they were playing for Jim Mercy. That's true. So there was a lot of emotions running high yesterday as well, Dan.

So some stats for you. Thank you, Billy. The Colts were winless in their last 11 home openers. The 43 yards the Dolphins had in the first half is the fewest since 1991. The Colts hadn't scored on the possessions that way. The 15 play drives, they had three 15 play drives. They had five all of last year. All of last year, the Colts had five. You tell me if you guys have ever seen that Dolphin game ever played before, where you can simply not stop someone and you know you've got no chance of coming back, you're down 30 to nothing. Every game in that sport is close and you're down 30 to nothing and no chance of coming back.

It's a team that, like I know Greg was saying in the week leading up to yesterday, how Dolphins, you look at the schedule, that's a game you got to win. I'm not going to say the Colts were bad. Colts were an average team last year. You have to take that into account where they lost that way to an average team last year who, by all accounts, was being quarterbacked by a bad quarterback. That's why I think we've never seen what we saw yesterday.

I was in Jacksonville when they lost 62 to 7 in Dan Moreno's last game. I'm not going to call it the worst Dolphins performance ever. I am going to say, and I wrote in my column, I was as vicious as I can possibly be about that performance. It was inexcusable. It was subputred. Every worst fear of a Dolphin fan not only came true, but was magnified. I'm not going to equivocate how awful the Dolphins played. As I wrote, they were the week one on week one. But I'm also- That's good.

That's a writer.

I like that.

You're a writer. He liked it so much that he waited for it to land and then stumbled over his next words because he's like, Yeah, I said it right.

When I quote myself, you know I like the line. But I'm also not going to over-see, I knew we were going to get this today. Okay? I knew what I was- What tipped you off? I knew what I was walking into. The fact that, Fire everybody Fire to a Trade this guy. Mcdaniel's out. I was actually making fun of that in the column about how this stink is so colossal- Zack Wilson is decent, right? That it's going to be major over... Yeah, Zack Wilson went in in a garbage time, which describes the Dolphins and Tyreeks.

I think we should add a seventh offensive specialist. Bobby Sloick, not enough. We brought in so many coaches. They got you figured out, Mike McDaniel. They got you figured out with this offense. Show me something.

Okay, so this is to figure It's been crazy. Another specialist. The way we analyze this sport is crazy. Hey, when Tyreeks is faster than everyone else, the dolphins have great offense. And when he's not, oh, they're fragile. But you guys are funny in that Billy and Greg said, Must win, week one.

Well, it was. I'm sticking to that. This season's over. I'm not Zaz- It is over. I'm telling you right now. Season's over. It's over. No, it is.

Obviously not.

You said it was a must win.

Yeah, it's over. And they lost by 25.

Allow me to explain.

Do it into the mic, maybe.

I said it was a must win from the standpoint of energizing a blase fan base, which they failed miserably to do. But when you all say the season's over, comical excess, comical overreaction. It does not surprise me in the least. In fact, I would have predicted that Miami would be a slight favorite at home against New England next week. Even bad teams tend to bounce back., particularly in a home opener. Dolphins have won several home openers in a row. The idea that the Dolphins are going to be one-on-one a week from now is not the least bit improbable. I think we just have to not fire everybody and not do anything so drastic after even the worst performance.

But for you to go from must win, Greg, and me to be here saying it's not the worst thing I've ever seen. It's just I've never seen that. They lost 62 to I think they were up early in that game. I think, did they score first? No. It wasn't what that was. I understand that the Jag's offense, but we're talking week one on must win. Brunell was so good. After that game, and it's so calamitous that anyone who watched it can tell you for that day, Oh, that's the worst team in the league. The Dolphins are the worst team in the league. I watched the Saints. I watched the Saints Carolina was pretty bad.

The fan base is really upset. Dan Nourly tweets, Offense clicking, defense clicking, dead owner. So jealous of the Colts today.

Don Lebatard. We got to go back out there. That was big. Wake them Uh-oh.

He doesn't want to be bothered anymore. Now it's getting tense because he didn't need that as a result. He needs something that happens.

You can see him mother-effic. Can we bother? Are we bothering you right now?

Turn on your microphone, Greg.

My microphone's Come on.

Stugats.

Paint the scene.

The paint the scene is I got to go to work. Good night.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Andrew Locke made a comeback yesterday.

Thank you for bringing this up, Dan? We have video. Espn did these original... I don't even know what this is. Some documentary where they're just a day in the life of Andrew luck. You know what made me smile on a dark day with the dolphins? It was that. I know we have it. We're going this video ready, but this is just Andrew Luck. If we were doing a parody of what Andrew Luck's life is like now, this is what it would be. Hit it, guys.

This place, it's magical.

A nerd.

What a great life I have. I get to ride my bike to work every day.

That is like a spoof. They're messing with us. If you told me that that was Mike Ryan who was doing that, that he was in costume, and that is perfect. That's spoof. That bicycle, that helmet are ridiculous.

Do you really-The electric bike, by the way, cheating a little bit.

The colds haven't looked as good as they looked yesterday since that guy. It's magical.

Why Why is Greg screaming nerd at him?

Come on. He's not wrong. Let's play the full thing again. I need this again in my life.

I mean, it's really good. The helmet is what you'd imagine it would be. The music isn't even something that we created. It's just the soundtrack in his head. This place, it's magical.

What a great life I have. I get to ride my bike to work every day.

Of course, Andrew Luck, when he makes a left turn on his bike, he does the hand signal. Of course he does. Of making the left here. On your left?

Yeah.

On your left. That's not Saturday Night Live?

Right? Mike Ryan, are you jealous of the way that he says magical when talking about Stanford and goes and gets it from the Flemming part of his joy? It's magical.

I'm jealous I didn't think of this. I get to ride my bike to work.

But that bike, if you had thought of it, tell me what you would have put on that bike. Maybe one of the little bells? What would you have put on that bike?

That's all it's missing.

But that bike is the safest bike that's ever been ridden.

Well, the front looks like it's for a child to be sitting, and he has children.

Give it to me again. Give it to me again.

That helmet. Place. It's magical. What a great life I have. I get to ride my bike to work every day. I get to ride my bike to work. Andrew Locke did not wear a helmet that thick when he was playing football.

I think that video should have ended with two Hell's Angels running him off the road.

It's magical.

Why? Stanford seems lovely. He seems happy. We're laughing at this man's happiness.

No, I love him. No, jealous of his happiness. Look, he's got it figured out. On his very safe bicycle, no one is going to do to him what could have happened to Pennex at the goal line if Pennex weren't an extraterrestrial. There was so much from yesterday's football to talk about. It's magical.

They're O-2, by the way, Stanford. It's magical now, but buddy, you have to start being a little stressed out here.

Billy's team, look, I don't know. Billy got a lot of text this weekend. We're not going to do a lot of college football today, although I suspect we'll make fun of the Gators a little bit. What happened to them? But Billy, I imagine you got a lot of texts when your team, the FIU, Golden Panthers.

Yeah. Like the Cardinal, the FIU.

Are down 10-0 at number 2, Penn State, deep into the third quarter.

They had a chance to take a lead 3-0 at the beginning of that game. Willy went for it. A fourth down within field goal range, Willy went for it, which, by the way, I cosign on that because I was texting along. They They didn't get it, but I was texting along and said, You know what? You're not going to beat Penn State playing scared. Got to go for it there. Now, granted, when you end up losing 35 to nothing, we're not going to have garbage time points, but whatever. When you end up losing 35, nothing, three would have looked nice in the scoreboard.

That was a good How was it going by FIU?

Hell, yeah, it was. You're kidding me? That was awesome.

They got some push early on.

I was getting text from people I haven't heard from in some time saying, If FIU, they cover the spread, they should cancel school on Monday. Let's go, Monty.

Am I the only one who does?

Everyone was watching that game for some reason. I didn't understand it. So many people were texting me about FIU, Penn State, YSS.

Am I the only one who knows that they didn't score?

Yeah, and?

It is a little odd. It was a good game. Everyone just remembers that it was tightly contested for about two and a half quarters.

Not two and a half. They were down 20 nothing with five minutes left in the fourth. It was a close game.

Did they lose their vote?

Everyone's super jack to score zero points. Anytime you can score zero points at State College, you got to be fired.

Has anyone ever been pleased with their performance when scoring zero points?

It's sad. It is. And nothing personal, Billy. You guys are all miserable people.

For me, it's very personal.

When you're excited about losing 35 to nothing, that's a bad sign. That's A. B, you don't think Penn State led up a little bit? They could have won 50 to nothing if they wanted to. Come on.

I mean, they were pouring it on at the end. They were going for style points.

Because they couldn't get them at the beginning of the day.

Yeah, they were trying to score touch downs with a left. It was James Franklin doing his absolute best, James Franklin.

I don't want to bury Billy for being excited about his team that scored zero point.

A bunch of people that don't want to be happy here. That's okay.

Greg, it was 35 nothing. But in the third quarter, it Everyone was asking, Billy, Is your defense good? That's the number two team in the country. It was squeezed over Arch Manning in front of the... Right behind the defending champions. We're all assuming that's a good football team. Fiu goes on the road, and they're down 10-0 and in the game in the third quarter.

This is a great example of the one reason why I prefer the NFL over college football. In that game, there was zero chance FIU was going to win that game.

Well, FIU played closer to Penn State than the Dolphins did to the Colts.

It was like Bethune-Cookman against Miami Hurricanes. It's just a matter of how badly are they going to lose. Did you hear what Billy said? Yeah, I did.

Because you're in here defending the Dolphins today.

It's a non-sequitor. I am He's not defending the Dolphins today. You did.

You said that Mike McDaniel should get promoted.

Greg, this is where the flames are on this. Pete Prisco, CBS. The quote, The problem is Mike McDaniel. I think his seat just got really, really hot, and all the realies are capitalized.

Like both of them are capitalized, all the letters. No, no, no, no, no, Coaching for his job, but nobody expected the heat to be turned up this high after one effing game. I wrote all that. I am not apologizing for the Dolphins in any way. What I'm doing is getting over the overreaction that, hey, because they lost this game the way they did, McDaniels has no future with this team. Two is done.

They've gotten progressively worse with Mike McDaniel. From year one to right now, they've gotten progressively worse.

They were pretty good in year two.

I understand, but from one, two, three, four, now, they've gotten progressively worse. Yeah, right.

If you want to judge this season by one of 17 games, you're welcome to.

That's all we have. I do think it's fair to say with eight months of prep and with you saying and Billy saying, it was a must-win game, even though I laughed at you guys about the absurdity of that. To have the game played that way, again, everyone's watching, that's the worst team in the league. They cannot stop the Colts. It's empirical, and it hasn't been seen in the league in a long time. That team had Peyton Manning. It's been like a decade since they had that drive efficiency. No team in the sport scores all seven times. It touches the football. That's not a thing.

I couldn't agree more. I want to quote myself again because you guys are saying things that I wrote as if I don't believe in all that. I'm quoting myself. I mean, seriously, Miami had an entire offseason, a whole training camp, and then a full prison to come out like this?

What was that? Is the this capitalized?

The this is in itals. I love Itals. Itals. Oh, yeah. I love altite itals. The Lord's font. Because I picture the reader obeying the ital and going like this?

Put it on the poll, please, Juju. Our italics, the Lord's font. Just a quick correction.

I think I only lost 34, nothing, not 35, nothing. Billy, I'm sorry.

Billy, I'm sorry they urinated on your joy that way.

That's fine. Shula Bull is this week. Joy? Greg's worried because he knows what's coming for FAU this week is Shula bowl. Fau, FAU, and I'm on the call, so I'm going to be talking a lot of shit to you, Greg, Cody.

The prestigious Shula Bowl.

Urinated. What gets you happy at this advanced age in your life?

Everything gets me happy. I got a big grin on my face.

Urinated. There was a lot of pro-FIU spin on that, and I think we just helpfully pointed out zero points were scored.

Zero points?

I got to be honest with you. The fact that you guys are this worried about FIU's successes or failures is more telling on you than it is on me. What are you guys afraid of?

Dad, can you believe Billy?

Why are you afraid to schedule FIU, Mike?

Billy being a homer.

I'm going to schedule him since you lost FIU, if I remember correctly. Yeah, that's what's happening. If I remember correctly, I also would say FIU and UM have one common opponent this season, Bethune-Cookman. Fiu won that game 42 to nine. I believe you guys won what? 45 to 3? Not that different, those two teams, I would say.

Don Levatard. Football. Football. Football. Football.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

I don't know how good or bad, obviously, FIU is at offense.

They have a guy named Chainsaw. What are you talking about?

This is a Billy Gill specialty. That's not defense. This is his beat, and so he can tell you how good they are at offense. They have a Blades. But I assume that they had zero points in that game in the third quarter because- Because they were going for it because Willy said, You know what?

Foot on the gas. We're not going to let up. We're not kicking field goals. And they didn't score the countdown, but they also didn't settle for field goals. That's right.

They said, We're not kicking field goals because we're not scoring any point.

We don't want to score.

I assumed- I feel for all of you.

Honestly, you guys are sad, pathetic people. Your team scored zero. Zero points. How'd you have to?

Yo, I don't know why. We're not talking about UF, all right? We're talking about FIU right now.

Okay, hold on, everybody.

My Ls one.

Sorry, you went to Santa Fe.

I'm just saying, FAU, big win yesterday. Who? Or Saturday, Whatever the hell it was. Who'd they play? I can't remember. Some bad team. Famu, I think. A&m, the tough rattlers. But FAU was a big one.

Why are you disparaging FAU?

Foul out on the proud. I'm not. The L is one big. They're either 2-0 or 1-1. I got to look that up.

I'm sorry I brought this descent of football.

I don't think you are. I think you're happy everyone's fighting with each other. I don't know what it is. We play Andrew Luck, he's so happy, and everyone's laughing at him. Then we start taking shots at each other's success successes or non-failures.

You're coming at me right now. Can we hear it again? No. Which one? Andrew luck? Yeah. Go ahead. Play it again. This place, it's magical.

Is it?

What a great life I have. I get to ride my bike to work every day.

It's honestly how I imagined his life was, all of it. I imagine that that's what he was doing in retirement, an old-school educator driving Riding his bike to campus to live the rest of his life without concussions. It's magical.

I'm just going to say it out loud. Riding your bike to work is not even close to as good as driving your car.

Especially in a suit.

Car is so much better than a bike. Nobody has a choice. Do you want a bike or do you want a car? They say, You know what? I'd rather have a bike.

You really got that off your chest there. The game for the Miami Dolphins, and I will get off this subject. I will get this sent off of me in 10 minutes, and we will talk about the rest of the insanity that was yesterday and the weekend. But you guys see that Orioles game? It's a good Orioles game. There was so much in the weekend. They were one out from being no hit, and then they scored four runs to beat the Dodgers.

It's football.

It's Orioles game. Yeah, you can cuss. What's happening right now?

Ridiculous.

We will put the Dolphins, if not the season, this game in the garbage bin within the next 10 minutes. But these are some extreme opinions here that Billy and Zaz are having after week one, and I believe they speak for the fan base. Your son is in. I see him nodding vigorously on, This season is over. This team is done. There's no reason to put any hope in this particular basket. Also, injuries yesterday along the offensive line and at corner, the two positions, they couldn't stop anything with those guys on the field. A real apocalypse yesterday could not have gone worse.

Their only NFL corner gets hurt. Their new offense alignment gets hurt. Waddle turns into a piece of glass again. Every time he gets tackled, he's hurt.

It's ridiculous. And John O Smith, the ball's bouncing off him, and the Steelers are winning the way they do. And Jalen Ramsey at the end of that game finishes the Jets.

And who forced the fumble on Tua? Xavian Howard. Everything went wrong for them yesterday.

Steelers are done, by the way. What? Yeah, Stealers are done.

Who had a better weekend, FIU You are a stealer.

Hold on a minute. Let's put a bookmark in that one, Billy. I want to get all the Dolphins stuff out of here. I want nothing but Dolphins. Purge yourselves. I want to be done with this. I do not want to talk about this team all season. That was an Apocalypse. It's the worst thing that can happen. Zazlo is here and he says, Two is done, McDaniel's done. You can argue if you want, but it's like, The game yesterday does not provide any rebuttal to what it is that Zaz is saying. Hey, Coach, this thing-Unrebuttalable. This thing Unrebuttable. This thing collapsed on McDaniel yesterday. Their two-point favorite next week and against the Patriots.

Welcome to the NFL. You look like shit one week, you win the next week, and all your fans are going, All right, okay. We had a bad first game. Now we're back. Okay, calm down. I'm just saying I'm predicting that's what's going to happen.

But, Greg, that's the reaction if they lose 26, 24. Not like that.

None of the fans are going to have that reaction you just portrayed if they win next week against them again.

None of them. Okay.

Greg, there's no dispute on what I'm saying. You can say one game at a time. You can say the NFL is unpredictable week to week. If what we're looking for is what will the Dolphins look like next week, what they just looked like is as bad as it could have looked. Yes, it is. I don't know how you have it being worse. The first half is something that hasn't happened to them offensively in 30 years.

When you say, I don't know how you have it worse, I don't have it worse. Quit trying to say that I'm a apologizing for that performance. It was so putrid that the 30 to 8 score flattered the dolphins.

There's nothing that could have happened yesterday.

Their performance was worse than that score.

Nothing could have happened yesterday to push you off being optimistic.

Tua gets injured. Tua also gets injured.

I'm not optimistic about the Dolphins.

You just said they're going to win on Sunday and everything's going to be fine.

I said I'm not the least bit surprised that they're a two-point favorite because that's the way the NFL works.

The line went down since I said it. One and a half.

Okay, there you go. New England might We're going to be favorite by next Sunday.

A lot of action on the Patriots.

Yeah, but that one and a half you told us last week really means that the Patriots are one and a half point favorite because you get three points when you're at home. So the Patriots are technically favorite.

Well, we'll see at kickoff. We'll see who's favorite.

Maybe the Colts are just the new Chiefs.

It's possible.

Have we thought about that? No. Daniel Jones, the new Mahomes.

Daniel Mahomes.

That would make me feel better. If they turn out to be a 15 and 2 team, I'll be like, Okay.

No, there's no feel better on, They have the ball seven times, they score seven times, and Peyton Manning didn't do that in that uniform. I don't know. We knew defense was going to be a problem. And then you're saying to yourself before the game, if we want to do analysis, Hey, their front seven might cover up the corners they don't have. They got the worst corners in the link. Oh, my God. There's no pressure. Oh, my God. Oh, Daniel Jones is just going to do whatever he wants all the game. And they're not going to be able to stop them in any way in a way that has not been seen in Dolphin football All in my lifetime covering them. And statistically, when you go through the numbers, there haven't been a lot of football games where any offense has ever looked as good as Daniel Jones did yesterday, not because Daniel Jones is so good in his first game with the Colts, because the Dolphins looked that bad. It could not have been worse, I'm telling you, unless Tua had gotten a concussion.

I just don't know how you come back from Greg. One of the biggest problems with the team last year was it felt like the rest of the league had caught up to make Daniel in the offense. We'd like to do the haul, he's not making adjustments, this, that. All right, week to week basis, I guess. But at least here before this season, you have an entire offseason to do something different.

So I wrote It felt the same as last year, where the offense is totally inept again.

Now look, maybe Cole Stevens will be good this year. They were terrible last year.

Well, wait a minute. Time out. They were 8-9 last year. But their defense was terrible. That's not terrible. But their defense was terrible. Don't talk like they were 3-14. They were 8-9. They missed the playoff by one game.

I think their defense is doing 29th last year, though. Again, maybe their defense will be good this year, but that was a terrible defense last year.

Okay, It was a very bad defense last year.

That's why I'm totally out on Mike McDaniel at this point. You can't have the offseason with all the chatter, and then this is what we get right out the gate. I don't have any faith in him being being able to solve the problem.

Let's bring in another specialist, I think.

The blame starts with Chris Greer, who knew four months ago that he had an awful cornerback situation and didn't do anything to fix it other than signing the Ghost of Rasul Douglas just before opening day. That's a big problem. The offensive line has been a problem for years. Everybody knows Tyree Kill is getting slower and probably will be traded by midseason. There were problems that they failed to address that don't come right to Mike McDaniel's lap.

What do you do with all of this? Tua finished with a QBR of 2. 7 out of 100. Mcdaniel entered the season as the betting favorite to be the first coach fired, and now that rises. We're in agreement on that, yes? Right before the game, Tim Reynolds, four minutes before kickoff, my official Dolphins prediction, 11: 06, wild card. Admittedly, I'm not the brightest dude sometimes, but I think they're better than most people I expect. At this point, okay, and I watched the Saints play yesterday. At this point, there is no team in football. I watched the Carolina Panthers play yesterday. I saw the New York Giants play yesterday. I saw the Titans of Cam Ward play yesterday. There is no team in professional football that had a more apocalyptic beginning than the Miami Dolphins yesterday. Correct. They looked like a minor league team trying to play professional football when you paired it against what was happening in the rest of the league. All of the close games everywhere. Everyone is a bounce away, except in this one place where you're just seeing every single time it's Colts marching down the field and Dolphins being more inept than they've been since 1991.

Eleven of the 15 games were one-scored decisions. The Dolphins unequivocally played the worst of any team on opening day.

They didn't lose a preseason game.

Right. In the perfect season, Dolphins had a losing record in the preseason. Exactly so. But the question going forward is, are we burying the entire season based on a terrible- You said it was a must win.

So what has to happen?

I said it was a must win, not for the season, for the confidence and faith of the fans. It was a faith-quaking performance. If you're a Dolphin fan right now, you guys are the majority in saying, Trade him, fire him. You guys are the majority.

Did you see the rumors of who's going to replace McDaniel?

I'm trying to be the VOR here.

Gruden.

Oh, God. Let's do a top five quarterbacks that Chris Cody, your son, is ready to replace Tua with right now if he could get the option of replacing him right now.

First, I got Oli. These are ones that I feel like are obvious.

Are these guys who are available?

No, I mean, are just quarterbacks in the league that I just right now give them to be over to. I like it. These first ones, Oli, are obvious. I don't think I'll have any pushback here. Drake May, Michael Pennix Jr, Kam Ward, and Bo Nicks.

Hold on. Hold on.

Drake May, Michael Pennix Jr, Kam Ward, and Bo Nicks. Those are O-L-I. Those are just easy. I would do that right now.

Kam Ward was getting hit yesterday, man.

Number 5, JJ McCarthy. Haven't seen him yet. I'll roll the dice.

He's literally never played a game.

Number 4, Aaron Rodgers. I'll take one year with Aaron Rodgers, and then I'll take Nussmaier next year. I don't give a shit. Number 3, Justin Fields. I said he should have been the backup a year ago. He looks better than Tua did. Number 2, Joe Flacko. Same thing as Aaron Rodgers. I'll take one year with Joe Flacko. Give me Nussmaier. I'm done with it. Joe Flacko is better out of the pocket than Tua is. I'm telling you. Number 1, Archmanning. I'll roll the dice. I don't give a shit.

He's done with Tua. He can't play Cordyback right now. He will. Next year, I'll take him. What about Tana Hill? You didn't mention him. He's out there.

I would sign him for Archmanning right now ahead of Tua.

Bull take out of you.

Did you know Tana Hill was a wide receiver in college? Tana Hill?

Tana Hill's out there. Available.

He has toes for.