Transcript of Hour 2: Remember COVID? (feat. Amin Elhassan)

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

I know that you guys don't want to talk about anything but football, but Amina Alhassen is going to be here in a moment with some of his weekend observations. I still don't think we've gotten appropriately to the story about gator player spits on someone, and that's the reason that they lose as an 18-point favorite to South Florida at home.

We had three spitting?

Spitting incidents last week? Well, four if you count Dak Prescott, if you make it two separate spitting incidents. But yes, it's a little bit strange to have four of these spitting incidents in 10 days.

If you're the Eagles coach in the next team meeting with Jalen Carter, are you like, See what you did? Now the gators are doing it. See the imprint that you have on these kids?

Negative role model.

I don't think that came up.

Be better. It's a coaching moment.

Remember COVID?

Yeah, that's a good-Imagine spitting on people during COVID. It's a good point, but we don't have time for it because we've got to move to all the other things happening all across sports, including- I think you go to jail if you spit on someone during COVID, right?

Actually, I think you would have gone to jail, if not prison. It's always the result.

Yeah, that's true.

Put it on the poll, Juju, at Lebitard's show, Would you have gone to prison if you had spit on someone during COVID?

Well, we can't get to that.

No, we don't have time for that. But if we're going to just glance through tennis and, Oh, what? An all-time great said everyone's better than him now. Okay, let's just move on. How about Nascar? Mike, where's your gear head? Get the gear head, put it on. You'll have one chance at this because we've got too much to talk about today. So you're going to have to do it like they do with the cars in that sport fast.

Okay, Denny Hamlin is the best story in motorsports right now because not only is he suing Nascar, but he's also an active driver, and he's a driver trying to chase down his first ever Nascar Championship. That's right. Denny Hamlin has been a name that you've probably known tangentially with that sport for 20 plus years. He's won Dayton a few times, but he's never won the big one, the big one being a Championship. He won the race yesterday, gave another trademark heelish speech. But there might be anti-hero vibes here for Denny Hamlin because he's trying to reform the sport, a sport that does need reforming. And he's going to do it potentially by winning this championship and demanding he be heard. Here's Denny Hamlin after winning the most recent Nascar Race. You all can boo me, but you can either get on the a bandwagon or you can get run over by it.

You still love the boos? Bring them.

Bring them all.

A lame trash dog.

You think that's lame?

That's iconic.

The guy is suing Nascar. He's like, either get on the bandwagon or get run over it.

Chris, he is in full villain mode. You don't like when a guy is challenging everyone in his sport to a fight?

Just seemed lame to me. Like, Oh, get on board or get You're lame to me.

That is so badass. He's suing Nascar.

He doesn't want to talk about anything except football.

What's a lawsuit about?

Charters. Because they're not- What? Charters? Yeah, we went over this during the Michael Jordan. That Michael Jordan is among the teams suing Nascar right now because the charter system is unfair. You essentially pay a franchise fee, and it puts you in the hole. It's impossible to make money in this sport. Michael Jordan is fine losing money, but he's not being fine with your disrespect. Denny Hamlin is not fine with it either. Now, even though Denny Hamlin races for another team, Joe Gibbs Racing, he co-owns that team with Michael Jordan. So he's trying to win this Cup Series for Joe Gibbs Racing, all while trying to fight for he and Michael Jordan's team to get access to charters and reform the sport. It's incredibly brave, incredibly vulnerable, dangerous even. In fact, some people were having fun with the fact that while he was crossing the checkered flag, the feet actually cut out. So you didn't get a great call of Danny Hamlin winning this race. But then he talked that shit afterwards. Danny Hamlin becoming likable.

Why is he racing for someone else's team? If you own your own team, wouldn't winning a championship for yourself be better than winning one for someone else?

Boring suit.

Oh.

He needs to win as the driver, though, to cement his legacy as one of the greatest of all time.

I want to apologize to you that you get so little support when you talk NASCAR around here. It's NASCAR.

It's a football Monday. It's fine. I mean, charter. You guys obviously dialed in to TV1, the Enjoy Illinois 300. That was the TV1 with sound for me.

I'm going to try with Amina Elhassen here in a moment to keep as much football out of this hour as I can because I'd like to have a show that is a little bit balanced, if we could, on these football Mondays as we get overrun. Insane business decision. Well, what are you thinking? What have you- Football, football, football. What shots have you not gotten off today?

I don't need to get off shots. I'm just here to talk some football. What do you want to talk-Football is back. Thank you, Greg gets it. Football is back, Jack.

Damn right. Do you have anything other than that, though? If you want to talk football for real, what have we not talked about? The Duke is not opi- We talked about the Steelers already.

We talked about the Dolphins.

Not looking to review what we have talked about- football.

We were talking about spitting. We stopped talking about spitting for a little bit. Plenty of college going around. The Shula Bulls right around the corner. We talked about that earlier. It's football to be talked about.

There is, but also there is to be talked about Monday Night tonight. Jonathan Zaslow's meteoric ascent through the priciest places in media entertainment. He is flying first class. Yeah, baby. He is landing in suites. He's sending me photos every time he lands in a suite. I did. He is getting giant rooms on the road because of how good his college football coverage is.

I will be honest, week one, my suite, it was a little too big, but this week, that was the right size suite.

How about first class? What are the first class adventures you've been experiencing? Very few people at ESPN get first class.

So I'm not a big first class guy my entire life, but I'm flying first class now. Mike, I didn't appreciate you trying to call me out on my way to Dallas this weekend.

It didn't look like first class.

It wasn't first class.

Well, it wasn't because I was flying Southwest. I was sitting in the first row.

Was there a reason for that?

No. I mean, it was a direct flight, so I flew Southwest.

Is there a shortage of premium aeroners flying from South Florida to Dallas? It seems like that's a hub city.

At the time I wanted to go.

That's a hub city to hub city. You understand that?

At the time I wanted to go. So I was sitting in the front seating Southwest, but on the way back, I was sitting first class. I wasn't on Southwest. I was flying American on the way back. And I was sitting first class. And let me tell you something. This first class, pretty good. We're about to take off. See, I'm not used to first class. We're about to take off, and the young lady, she comes up, goes, Sir, can I get you a drink? And I think about it for a second. Before take off? Before take And I think about it for a second. I'm like, Yeah, whiskey on the rocks. Let's get after it. Why the hell not?

You're not flying.

I'm not flying the plane. And so I'm drinking my whiskey, whatever. And then 25 minutes later, we're about to take off. She comes up to me. She's like, Sir, I have to take your drink. I'm like, Oh, really? I guess you can't have the drink while we're... I'm not flying the plane. Why can't I drink my drink while we're taking off? Is something going to happen?

Is there going to be like, You got to have your tray tables up. So where does the drink In my hand? Get that armrest, though. They're not strapping my arms down.

They're usually not good with trusting you to do that the right way.

So she wants to take it. I take a huge gulp, obviously, Greg. I'm not trying to let the whiskey go away.

You I'm going to savor that.

It tastes so good when it touches my lips.

Does she even know who you were when she took it from you?

Who cares, man?

That's why she took it.

I don't think she did. Who does she think she is? Mickey Harrison?

I take a huge gulp. It's not all of it. I'm not trying to- Did you make the face?

When you take a big sip of whiskey, No, I'm a grown up.

I'm a grown up. I don't make faces when I drink my whiskey. And so I give her back the drink. It's still a little bit of it left. I'm a little bit annoyed. I mean, it's not her fault, but I'm a little bit annoyed. She's like, Man, I'm going to pay for that drink, and you're taking it from me? I was a little bit annoyed. And then right after we take off, she comes right back up to me and she goes, Sir, what brands were you drinking? I'm going to bring you another drink. I'm like, Oh, hell, yeah. And I told her, Wood for reserve, please. And that's when I realized, Oh, I'm not even paying for these drinks. They're just coming for free. I didn't even know that. And then she comes up to me a little bit after that, like, Sir, would you like dinner? I'm like, What do you have? And so I order some pasta salad. I thought I was going to get some little bowl. She brings me an entire plate. I got this pasta salad. I got a side of veggies. I got another little salad. I got a cake.

This plate was so big. I had to move my iPad off my tray where I'm watching football to make room for this spread that she brought me. This first class is incredible.

What are you, Jed Clampet in Beverly Hills? You've never flown first class before?

I had a great flight home. This was wonderful. Then-look at all privilege. Who?

Look at all privilege over here. He's talking one of the original Beverly Hillbillies, the old guy. But Greg Cody looking down his nose at others because his wife's a law partner, not because The sports writer is getting first-class light.

Did you not hear about the cake? He got cake, too.

Yeah, a little bit of a cake right there. A little bit of a cake right there. What cake?

I don't know. It was some like honey BS. I don't know, man. It wasn't asking. Free cake. Yeah, it was that free cake. First It's the best cake. It's the best cake. And so I ate up all the food, and then they took my tray. And then guess what happened next, Billy? What? She said, Would you like another drink?

What? You said no, thank you.

You're hammered at this point.

You're wrong about that, Billy. I said, Yes, I would like another, please.

So you have taken off, though. You're in your first hour and your four whiskees in?

Yeah, this is like the first 30 minutes. I'm hammered by 45 minutes into this flight. I'm having a great time.

Greg Cody Has the Miami Harold ever bought you a first-class flight?

No.

What are you saying? You've never flown first-class because he's excited about first-class? Why are you first-class-shaming him?

I'm not, but- You are.

You called him Jed Clampet, the original Oh, Beverly Hills building.

I don't even know what that reference means.

I'm so happy for his success. Thanks, man. That sounded incredible. He made first class seem like a place that's goals right there.

I loved it. I couldn't believe it.

Now, are you going to continue flying first class? It depends.

If it's available on the flight, it's not necessarily available on every flight that I choose, like my Southwest flight on the way there this weekend.

Because here's my question. I don't mean to upset you potentially here, but you're not exactly dressing first class. Don't you worry about that? I feel like when you go first class, you have to have a certain look about you. It's not a backwards heat hat and a wrinkly T-shirt. You'd be wrong.

Some guy in business attire with his laptop open, I'm like, This guy seems rich.

I think you need a sport coat when you're going to fly a first First Class.

He knows what First Class looks.

You got to wear a watch.

Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Between all of us, this room and that room right there, who flew First Class this weekend? Raise your hand. Oh, wow. What a shocker. I'm the only one my hand raised. I'm pretty sure I know what you need to do when you're in First Class.

Everyone's wearing a watch in First Class. Nobody else flew this weekend.

This is a great breakdown of SMU Baylor.

Put it on the poll at Lebitard show. Is it okay to fall asleep last night with five minutes left in the Sunday night football game.

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Dan Levatard. My algorithm on Instagram is Dan, it's all boobs.

Stugatz.

It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats. Zaz, were you filling in for someone on Friday who just didn't go to work to cook?

Oh, my God. Yeah, well, I do every Friday night with Amber Wilson. She hosts Amber and Ian on ESPN radio. That's Ian Fitzsimmons. But I do the show with her on Friday nights because we travel and we do the show on location wherever we are. But listen to this, crap. Ian Fitzsimmons lives in Dallas, Texas. Instead of doing his show on Friday night, which I'm glad to do the show, I want to do the show, but instead of doing the show that his name is on, he was cooking for everybody at ESPN Radio at his home, except for me Amber. We're working, and he's cooking for everybody else.

That's how Freddie Fitts does it. Everybody knows that. That's not a real person. That's why you're a bigger star than Freddie Fitts, and you'll always be a bigger star than Freddie Fitts. Amina Al-Hassan is joining us now, and we're always delighted to see him. We're going to get to his weekend observations in a second. But before we do so, what can you update us on the Pablo Clippers beef? We've left this behind, and it's still a giant story. Pablo Tori has the number one sports podcast in America right now because it's such a giant story and because he's so far ahead on this story. I mean, you helped with the initial unveiling. What have you found interesting about over the weekend, Clipper's reaction, everything happening around what appears to be a giant scandal now? Because people are realizing, wait a minute. No matter what your cynicism you have, millions and millions of dollars for a no-show job is beyond the pale on what we thought we were doing, where we were skirting the rules.

Right. I think, Dan, first of all, the the idea that Pablo is just shooting from his hip, which is what many people initially came out, even the Clippers, their first statement said something like, are easily provable or provably false or something like that. Then, as Pablo noted, they put out a revised statement that sounded like the first one, except the words provably false was removed. That's the lawyers. The lawyers got in there like, Buddy, you guys cannot prove that these allegations are false at the very least. Mark Cuban getting in a Twitter fight with Pablo, and then basically Pablo having to bail on the live stream we were doing because Mark Cuban was like, He's ready to go right now. Then Mark Cuban got on and talked in circles. Basically, his main point was, Hey, rich people don't know how much money they have or how much money they're investing in stuff. That was interesting. But the other thing, Dan, was all the text messages I got from people around the league in various capacities, team employees, former team employees, league execs, agents, and all of it was something along the lines of, Yeah, this happens, but, Oh, I think they're screwed.

Because everyone sees it's not just the magnitude of the money, Dan, it's also the amount of stuff in writing that links all these parties together.

Mike, what are you guys laughing about back there?

That Mark even took to social media to be like, Hey, I talked in circles for an additional two hours. Good at it.

This honestly was stunning to watch happen. I don't know if you're I feel like you're super, super informed here, and you can allow people to see inside of what the second episode of Pablo Tori finds out was where Mark Cuban, armed with very few facts, underestimated the amount of information that Pablo had. So Pablo's got all of this information that is not only credible, but just fair fact finding, and Cuban's response is some form again and again of, Well, Steve Ballmer's not that dumb.

But at the same time, almost infantilizing Steve Ballmer. He was a victim he got taken advantage of. Pablo rightly points out, which one is it? Is he Mr. Magou or is he just a guy who didn't do his due diligence because he's rich and he's got other people to do that and they didn't do that? Mark Cuban brings up a story about how he got scammed. It's just like, none of this really makes sense because at the end of the day, Cuban and Ballmer, who, by the way, we need to get to his conversation with Ramona Sherbord, because I was like, Man, you should not have done that. You should not have sat down and answered those questions that prematurely. But then, here's the thing they keep coming back to. Well, these guys are scammers. Of course. Why would they do this? They're scammers. This is what I know about scammers, and really most criminal enterprises. The goal is to make money. If my goal is to scam people, to make money, yes, I'll pay Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes, I'll pay Drake. Yes, I'll pay Robert Downey Jr. Because they're going to go out and spread the gospel and bring me more money.

Why would I pay $28 million to a guy who's not even the most famous dude in his sport, who's notoriously a recluse, who's not going to do anything for me? What part of that helped?

Four times as much as you're paying any and all of the other celebrities who are bigger celebrities and better spokesmen than he.

Yes, it's literally the duality of they're more famous than him and also, oh, they're going to burn a calorie to sell our scam to the world and legitimize it. This guy's doing none of that, and he's not even that famous outside of basketball to begin with. Why are they paying him the most? How does that help the scam? Okay, I get it. They're scammers. You're right, Mark Cuban. You're right, Steve Ballmer. These guys are criminals. They're awful people. They took advantage of people. You need to tell me how paying $28 million to Quye Leonard helped them? Because I can't see how it helped Aspiration one bit.

I want to get back to the Ballmer interview, but before we head down that path, I want to get Zaz's thoughts for Amin and just reiterate that what Pablo Tori finds out is doing, the degree of difficulty on it. He's got these people pinned with facts. They are facts thoroughly reported by the most ethical of journalism, and They're pinned in in a way that makes Ballmer, a bit panicked, have to go on television before he's ready to talk about things he might not be totally prepared to talk about. I just want to point out, again, the NBA investigated some of this stuff. What Pablo did is more thorough in its findings that an NBA investigation that wasn't able to find things like this. I just want people to understand that Pablo's degree of difficulty on this, he's got to have the facts in his corner in order to be as confident as he is.

I would clarify. The NBA did their investigation back in 2019, 2020. These events happened after that, number one. Number two, much of Pablo's are based on aspirations, bankruptcy filing and those documents that we looked at therein. We had access to stuff that even if the NBA had done their investigation in 2021, they wouldn't have had access to any of these documents. There's nothing that would have compelled Aspiration to hand over that stuff as opposed to bankruptcy filing.

I'm saying the fishiness around all the Kauai stuff has led to investigations, and it wasn't able to look like there was this much circumstantial evidence until all of the bankruptcy filings and fraud. Right.

But I think the bigger thing is that the Clippers have been investigated multiple times under Steve Ballmer over these things. That was another thing a lot of people forgot. Deandre Jordan, remember the whole thing with the chair and the emoji war and all that stuff when he was almost a maverick, then he wasn't? Yeah, the Clippers did some caps of a convention during that as well. They set up a side deal with Lexus to pay DeAndre Jordan. The NBA fined them $250,000 for that. So at this point with Steve Ballmer, it's not just a case of, Hey, man, this looks fishy. It's also, You're a repeat offender. This ain't your first rodeo.

Well, except Ballmer kept saying to Ramona Shelper in there, We know the rules. They know the rules. Okay, man, they know the rules, except Uncle Dennis keeps asking for things that are against the rules, and you know the rules, but you got tagged for this in the past already with that Lexus deal. So who cares that you know the rules and they know the rules? But back to the Cuban thing real quick. Cuban's whole MO the whole time as to why he's team Balmer was because Pablo also kept stating his reporting in what is believed to be fact through his reporting, and Cuban's response every time was just, I don't believe bomber's dumb enough to fall for this. And Cuban then went over an old email that His aspirations sent him at the time, wanting him to be an investor. And Cuban specifically says the reason he didn't go along with it was because it was really aggressive and the money raised several red flags.

Why did bomber go along with it then?

Zaz, dude, it was so crazy to hear Mark Cuban make points that were actively working against his argument. When he said that, I'm like, Do you realize what you're saying? You said Steve Balmer is always too smart to fall for that thing or to do that thing. Then you're telling me that these people, you snipped out within one email? Steve Ballmer with the full distance with? Come on. Then Steve Ballmer with Ramona, she asked him, Hey, how do we know you guys are doing? He said, Because It's against the rules. I'm like, That's not an argument. Then he went on. This is my favorite part of the interview by far. Ramona asked him, Have you spoken to Quye? He says, No. She says, Would you like to hear what he has to say about all this? Steve Barber says, No, it's not my business. It's Quye's business. I'm like, What? If you and me, Zaz, were accused of robbing a bank, and I know we didn't do it, or at least I didn't do it, wouldn't I pick up the phone and say, Zaz, isn't this crazy? They think we robbed the bank? Why would I be like, No, I can't talk to Zaz.

That might look fishy. It would only look fishy if I actually did something. He could have lied to me. He could have said, Not yet. I haven't talked to him yet. Then literally never talked to him, but just still say, Not yet. But he didn't. He made it clear, that's not me. That's him. That's the part where I'm wondering is if that's Steve Ballmer's ejection button, which is, Oh, we didn't know anything about it. This is Kua and Uncle Dennis all on their own acting illicitly, which It still isn't a strong enough argument, but it might be the argument he tries to run with.

When he was asked, Why was Aspiration paying Kawhi Leonard to not do anything? He was like, Oh, I don't know. They're scammers. Don't scammers normally want you to pay them to do nothing? Not the other way around.

I mean, let's play this sound for you from Channing Fry. You tell me what your thoughts are here on him reacting with Kendrick Perkins and Richard Jefferson here on the Road Tripping podcast. First of all, why are you snitching? No, Why are you snitching? Who cares? Why are you snitching? Who snitching? The reporter- Who are you? The reporter snitching. No, the reporter's job is to snitch. Our job is to keep it quiet. Balmer didn't tell. Kawhi didn't tell. So Pablo's doing what he's supposed to do, and he's doing an absolute great job, shot him out for this investigation.

Yeah. Channing went to University of Arizona, not known for its academics. Sometimes, some of these things do You fly over his head. He's a bright guy, but I got to blame his education at that point. Now, what are you talking about snitching? Where are we in life? When I was growing up, snitching was if you were doing the dirt, if you're in this thing, that's what snitching is. If I'm also doing this tampering, cap circumvention stuff, I can't be the whistleblower of the source. That would be snitching. But for the rest of us, I'm not doing this. It's not my job to make sure that you're doing all right. If the media's job is as a watchdog, it's to make sure these things come to life.

What's Richard Jefferson doing saying, My job is to hide that stuff? Isn't he a media member now?

Well, he's doing the multiple hats thing. He's bald, so he has to wear hats all the time.

Players want other players to get paid.

Sounds like a bunch of snitches talking to me, pocket watching, Kauai, wondering, Where's he getting all that money from? It's none of your goddamn business where he's getting that money from Pablo. Mind your own business. Where are you getting your money from? Don Libtard.

It doesn't matter anywhere. We could do it in Buffalo or Baltimore, Eva. He said you could do it where? Anywhere. Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. He said he could do it anywhere. That's crazy. Murder. Tell him.

Stugatz.

I had no idea if Mien had that in his locker.

That might be his best. I'm not kidding. That's crazy killer. It's two America's dead. You don't get it?

This is the Dan Levatard show the Stugats.

Time now for a Mien's Weekend Observations.

It is time for it to share his game notes.

No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my voice. I mean.

Weekend Observations is presented by Miller Lite. Dan, my eyebrows are singed. My hair is blown back. And I smell a bit like burnt bacon. Because just like that, make no mistake, my Sunday Mondays are now cooked. Weekend observations will officially be on Mondays from now on, unless they're not. Like next Monday. Tintin and Carl, we need to have a conversation. The Dolphins did something that the Giants couldn't do in five years, made Daniel Jones into a competent quarterback. Greg Cody, stands strong. You double down. You don't let these guys talk you off the ledge. Don't change that season prediction.

He's so homerific.

Here's the problem. Greg, this is what I'll say to you. This is in your support. If anything happens from here on out that continues to be bad, you've already lost the crowd. Everyone thinks you're already a homer. But if anything good happens, you get to be the guy who said, told you so. Told you it was just one game. You don't give up. Hold strong. Baltimore starts its season just like it ended last season. Choking. Jerry Jones needs to check if he still has the receipts. For the Michael Parsons deal. Maybe he could get store credit. You ever do that, guys? You get something like, I made a mistake. You go back, and they're like, Well, we can't give you your cash back. Well, your store credit. Why do people say, Choke someone out with their bare hands. Would it be any more benign if you did it with gloves on? No? Okay. No, that's fair. Benign means safe.

It's a good point. I'm sorry. No, I was just thinking Give us a deck. It's not that the joke wasn't good. You made me think. Yes, we do it with the bare hands because the extra syllabus make it sound like more of a threat.

Is it because I might otherwise do it with a rope or something?

Or what if a headlock?

You can do one of those moves the Mafia does where you're in the back seat of the car and you do it with a wire.

That's a good move.

Always wanted to do that. When you see it, you're like, That seems like if you ever had to.

You always wanted to murder somebody?

No, I'm saying if you had to attack somebody, you're like, From behind, you obviously know what I'm talking about.

I know what you're talking about, but I didn't go to the next place of volunteering that I want to do that to somebody.

It's a hypothetical. If I was ever going to attack somebody, this is how I'd probably want to do it.

I always wanted to do that. You were going to attack somebody to murder them.

We definitely know what you're talking about. That's why we're confused that you're openly admitting you want to murder. It's weird.

Who would you theoretically want to murder?

When you've thought about it, who were you doing it to?

The first person that came to mind.

Yeah, premeditate this, please.

Not that it would ever happen. Just who might it be?

Say it into the microphone.

You have till the end of the segment to take something back, just so you know.

I'm going to use some judgment here and not answer this question. Good idea.

Chris Cody. You're clear now. If anyone gets murdered around you, no one's going to suspect you because you didn't say a name.

Chris, listen to me. Double down. Take a bait. Come back with your top five ways you would murder someone. That's how you do it. All right, I'm on it. Because that's how you win. You give in now, you've lost. You've lost to the terrorist. Jaden Daniels. Effortless. How many people saw that DeAndre Hopkins' shutdown and thought, game over? Winner of the weekend. Me. I am people. Guilty. Good to see Gino Smith picking up right where he left off the last time I paid attention to him. Guy's a winner when I watch.

For those who do not know, Emina Heston, I believe, has the single greatest prediction in the history of this show, in the 20-year history of this show. He got Gino Smith's stats almost exactly right. The season that Gino Smith had that was a season better than any of us thought he would ever have. Almost exactly right. Touchdowns, interceptions, all of it. Yards. Yards. Crazy how close he was before the season.

Just the history of this show, huh?

You got a better prediction? I've rarely heard predictions better than that one.

There's no better agent for procrastination than a random Instagram reel. It's not from an account you follow. Nobody sent it to you. It just appeared, and you started watching. Procrastination.

Instead of doing your work. What did you see?

I saw this whole thing about Cricket. It was a documentary. I didn't watch the whole documentary. It was just a clip of the documentary. But the British dude in the documentary, at the time, they were like, Oh, we're going to make the West Indies team grovel. He used those terms. We're going to make them grovel. And the West Indies team, they didn't like that because there's a white guy telling mostly Black and other colored people that they're going to grovel to the British dude. So they went out and whooped his ass. And I was so locked in. I don't give a shit about cricket, but I was like, Wow. And then I realized, Oh, shit, I have to finish these weekend observations. What am I doing?

My reels are a lot of boobs.

Atta boy. Travis Etienne. Can scoot. Do you guys say Travis Etienne or do you say Travis Etienne Jr? No need for the junior.

We know it's not his dad.

Exactly. If your father isn't famous, I'm not including the junior. Similarly, if your son isn't famous, I'm not including the senior. Talking to you, Marcus Morris. We call him Marcus Morris Senior. Why? Is Junior coming up? He's like three.

Ridiculous. I don't know if any of you had the reaction, not to damper this at all, but when I heard Stingley Junior to the medical tent over the weekend, I had an immediate reflex I don't like hearing Stingley to a medical tent because I associate that name only with paralysis, even though his son is a great football player. Yeah, he is.

Way to damper the mood. Sorry. I knew Sinner was cooked in the US Open final when I saw Drake bet 300,000 on him. Aubrey Graham, the polar opposite of the Midas touch.

Man, he's a terrible gambler. Does he ever win bets? He's terrible. Why does Does he have these giant public bets that always lose?

I'm going to start a news segment on DraftKings where we just bet the opposite of Drake.

It's just crazy, though. How much money has he lost? I understand he's wildly, wildly wealthy, but he loses giant bets all the time, and he can't be making only the ones that he's showing us.

Well, the ones he shows us is the ones he loses. I've never seen him post one, and then he won afterwards. So maybe there's something to that. Maybe Pablo Tori can uncover that. Pablo Tori, uncovering an alleged massive salary cap circumvention story. Only for some people to be disappointed that Pablo Tori didn't uncover the Epstein files. Tells you what run Pablo Tori is on. Ptfo. Steve Ballmer. Staying the clippers abided by the rules because that's the right thing to do. I'll try that next time I pulled over for speeding. Officer, I was doing the speed limit. Why? Well, that's the right thing to do. Never mind, you got the radar gun that got me doing 75. Steve Ballmer. Investing 50 million into Aspiration, who happened to compensate Quye Leonard $48 million. Coincidence. Allegedly. To be fair to Steve Ballmer, 50 million to him is literally worth three cents to a regular person.

That's right.

Pukinakuwa deserves a second song. Yeti, get on that. My guy, 10-day Tony, saying the Giants have the best defensive line in the NFL. Pump your brakes. But also, I hope you're right. If you take Joe Missoula, made him wear glasses, gave him a little more hair, and made him a lot less successful, you'd get Mike McDaniel. This guy, he goes into the press conferences, he always says something weird, and then the team goes out there and lays a fart.

Yeah, it's been really bad.

Dan, you don't You have to be quirky and eclectic if you're not winning. No. We agree to that, right?

And certainly not if you're losing like that.

Joe Missoula hanging on by a thread. We're going to see this year how long the eclectic, quirky, I think of Things Differently bit goes when the Celtics aren't the best team in the conference. Mike McDaniel grew up with Dan Soter. I didn't know that. You guys know that? Did you guys know that? I knew that. That's a yes or no. Thank you. I knew. No. Can't check out on me that hard, guys. Just play along.

I'm sorry. You know what? I mean, I'm sorry. I was talking to Chris about Yeti's got a song about the dolphins that I wanted to play at the end of the segment, and so I wasn't listening to what you were saying.

Please keep There's 17 people in that room.

Streeter, that's fine.

You weren't listening. Chris wasn't listening. Everybody else can't give me a like, yes.

I'm working on my top five ways I would kill someone.

I'm conflicted because-Not you, someone else. Yeah, we're in a room where Chris is actively googling on a work computer best ways to murder someone. It's like, am I now complicit in this?

I'm sorry, we didn't participate. Keep it moving, please. Thanks for not bringing attention to it. Chris Coty, number five.

Sort fight.

Oh, that's a good place.

You would have to win.

Number 4. Number 4.

Number 4, slowly poison them over time. I like that.

Number 3.

That was your way. To choke with the wire in a car from behind.

Yes, that's a good one. Number 2.

Cut their breaks.

Oh. That's a good one. Number 1.

Trick them into entering the lion's pit at the zoo.

Put some thought into this. All right.

Excellent work.

Pride of a lion. I like number one.

Pride of a lion.

Another lion passed this week at the Zoo, Miami. Okay.

All right. Way to bring it down.

I didn't kill it. Chris's friend did. Maybe Chris did. Lions den, yeah. That friend killed the lion. Who saw that coming?

Go ahead, Amine.

Angel Reese suspended by the Chicago Sky for a half. For comments detrimental to the team, they're 10 and 31. Sounds like the team is detrimental to the team. Also suspended for just a half. Either go full game or go home. Cowards.

It's the move whenever it's a good player. You do it for a half.

Yes, but they're 10 and 31.

That's right. They didn't want to give away another game.

Jackson Dard should start. Russell Wilson should retire. Someone threw a green lifeless thing on the field of an NFL game. It's called the Jets. Oh, man, that just killed them.

Yes, that's a good joke. Tore their hearts off. Where is the sex Do we have video of the sex toy landing on the field? There it is. Yeah, there it is. Confirmed. That right there is American football has returned. A referee just throwing a dildo 20 yards.

I just like that it has to be green. You're not doing it right if it's not green.

Going forward, the confirming sound. We need to hear the whole thing because when it starts and it doesn't end, it can be inappropriate.

I feel bad for that official. He has to pick it up.

It's embarrassing. The internet's forever, and now he's just got a dildo in his hand. He's wandering around. I'm him.

I'm like, Can I get a paper towel?

He's at the top of his job, and he can't... Yeah, he needs something.

You hear what I'm saying? Because it goes...

Yes.

Is there anything he wouldn't grab? If he was like, Oh, I can't. I'm not touching that.

Close this out, Amain.

It took not being a jet for Aaron Rodgers to look like Aaron Rodgers. Serbia lost to Finland despite 33 points and eight rebounds by Jokic. I guess you could say Serbia's Eurobasket run is finished.

You lost to Finland. Yeah, see, that's a good joke. Nice, nice.

Yeah, that always helps when you have to point out That's a good joke. People laugh harder then. To get the people upset that I'm doing weekend observations. I get it. We always miss the original because it was better. You ever a bar and found out that your favorite bartender was replaced with a guy named Steve? I'm Steve. What can I get you? Top five things where the original was better. Oli. Jerry Garcia as the original lead singer for the Grateful Dead.

Number five, Chevy Chase as the original Weekend Update host.

Number four, Janet Huber, the original Auntie Viv. Number three, Lewis Wilson as the original Batman. Very, very racist movie, that original Batman. You could watch it on Tubi, I think. Number two, Backrub, the original name for Google. Put it on the poll, please.

I'm not making that up. At Leventard show, did you know that Backrub was the original name for Google?

The number one thing where the original was better, the dinosaurs. The original dominant species that's wiped out by climate change. They're better because they didn't cause the climate change. It just happened to them. I guess Arch Manning had a red dot on San Jose State. Miami beat Bethune-Cookman, 45 to three. Georgia Tech beat Garner-Webb, 59 to 12. Florida State beat East Texas A&M, 77 to three. Alabama beat Louisiana, Monroe, 77 to nothing. Oregon beats Oklahoma State, 69 to three. One of these things is not like the other. Lebron James demolished his $37 million mansion so he can build his dream home. Lebron James living in a $37 million mansion that isn't his dream home is proof that everyone is miserable. We're all in our own personal hell, Dano. Speaking of hell, Art Bryals, those are the weekends.

You ran out of music twice. Thank you, Amine. Good talking to you.

I work hard.