Transcript of K-Pop, Automated Referees, And Mr. Fantasy | Hour 2 New

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. I do want to address something positive from the basketball last night. I mean, James Harden was horrible, okay, but the Detroit Pistons have now won 5 in a row, and they, they were dead in the water, down 24 in the third quarter in Game 6 at Orlando. They've won 5 in a row now. And are looking every bit, you know, a team that can come out of the East now. Cade Cunningham, I'll tell you, I love watching him play. He is awesome. And when you think about it, like, nothing— he is unflappable. Nothing seems to faze him. He has the same attitude the entire game. And I really got to give him a lot of credit because you go back just a couple years ago, I mean, that team lost, what, 29 in a row? I was like, whoa. I mean, like, think about that. He's the best player on an all-time awful team, losing 29 games in a row. And now, 2 years later, he's still the best player, but a team that could win the Eastern Conference. I feel like you don't get that very often, where you're a, a great player and the team is just horrible, and then in pretty short time, this is a contending team.

Like, I, I really enjoy watching Cade Cunningham play.

No, he's spectacular. Remember, a lot of people thought he was going to be the MVP up until his lung collapsed, pretty much, and that kind of had to take him out the running. And he might still be it, I guess. I don't know. But yeah, no, it's—

it—

you're right, that's very rare to see someone who was around for the worst of times to be around for the best.

Historically bad.

Especially when the best of times happens literally 2 years after the worst of times happen. I'm still I'm not prepared to call them the team to beat in the East, even though they are the 1 seed. I still think the Knicks are better than them. I think the Knicks are better prepared and deeper, and they've been more impressive consistently throughout the Eastern Conference playoffs than the, than the Pistons have. But for certain, I have to imagine staring death in the face and not dying has to give you some sort of different level of confidence and belief that you can see it. And it also helps that they're, you know, they're going up against a team in the Cavs that in the recent history, people are looking at as, yeah, it's a little bit of a soft team. But again, I urge everybody to remember, it's the playoffs. They won the first 2 games at home, and now they're gonna go to Cleveland, and we'll see where it goes.

Well, that's my biggest pet peeve in the NBA playoffs, where— I'm sure we're getting this all over the place today— where Pistons are up 2-0, series is over. Series can't be over until we allow Cleveland to play a game at home. Now, there's a difference between—

first thing, home team loses. You like that saying?

No, I I don't like that because of the home— Toronto and Cleveland series never started.

Started.

Never happened. Never started.

Toronto's still waiting.

There's a difference between the series being over because Detroit's up 2 games to none and I think Detroit's going to win the series. Those are two completely different things.

I, you know, we always try to apply this is true in that sport, so therefore it must be true in all sports. I think that home court in the NBA playoffs is the most important of the four major sports as we sit here in 2026.

Taking weather and football out of the equation?

I think it's been the severe weather and both teams playing in it. Even that, I think that the numbers indicate that it's kind of getting pretty close to a wash. Obviously, if you're favored by 9.5 points because you have home— you have home field advantage, it shouldn't be a stunner that that team actually wins. But yeah, I think the numbers kind of bear out that home field advantage in pro football at this point is negligible. I don't— I think in hockey that's true.

Yeah.

Baseball, who cares? That's right, the starting pitcher. So it would be only be the NBA, right?

Yep.

He's at it again.

Oh yeah, you're smitten with Skip Bayless.

Oh my God. Wow.

We can all learn something from him.

Uh, Skip: I'd rather be a Cowboys fan than a Knicks fan.

Wow.

Such a good show. Much better than what we're doing. In fact, leave us. It's okay. We understand.

Can I tell you something Cowboys-related that I was galled by? And I think you, Mike Ryan, were too. Zaslow, we— Football America is coming at you in a matter of moments. As soon as this show ends, look on YouTube and/or wherever you find your podcasts, and there you will find the new episode of Football America. We did a deep dive. It was a special occasion because I was here in Miami, and as it happens, I still am. And so we did a special Drip Drill with Mike Ryan, Mike Parker.

We changed it up, started talking uniforms.

That's right. And we brought fellow fashionista Meen Elhassan in, Pulitzer Prize winner, and we talked about uniforms, the whole thing. We ranked the best uniform. Do you know what Buddy Budowski, producer supreme, said his favorite uniform is? The Dallas Cowboys.

Why?

I don't— their pants don't match their hat. I mean, how can they be in contention for best uniform? I was outraged by that.

Yeah, well, sparks flew. Don't give away the goods.

Football America Today.

Football America Today, yeah, it's a good one.

So last night the Thunder took a 2-0 series lead. They beat the Lakers by 18, and the main story coming out of this one is the same story that's really been for the playoffs so far, which is the Oklahoma City Thunder get away with everything. A ton of complaining about the officiating. We do this every single year in the playoffs, whatever team it's gonna be. We do this every single year. It's Oklahoma City this year, and there was a really weird scene last night. Like, so after the game ended, Austin Reeves— Austin Reeves is on the court confronting referee, who is probably the crew chief.

I've never seen this.

Well, yeah, like if you're watching on video, here's Austin Reeves confronting John Goble. This looks like it's actually in the middle of the game because you can see the clock up there. There it says 5:53. So that's actually in the middle of the game at a timeout. And he says something to him along the lines, if you're reading his lips, uh, you can't talk to me like that, that's bullshit. And then as he walks away, he calls him the word that rhymes with, uh, stussy. So I mean, that's the one I would have gone with. All right, well anyway. Uh, so you got that video right there where he's complaining.

He was right there, see, where he's complaining about the officiating.

And then after the game, even more bizarre, the game is over at this point and Austin Reeves, surrounded by what looks like the entire Laker team, has confronted John Goble and he's just laying into him. Why is the official— why is John Goble even standing there? I mean, and taking it.

Insane visual. The whole team gathered around the officials.

And I would also say this is something that's happened in the NBA over, you know, last however many, 10, 15, 20 years. Guys like Austin Reeves, a good player, alright, but why does anyone on every team get to dress down the referee? I feel like it should only be the captain, only the best player should be able to have this kind of extended discourse with the referee.

You know, in soccer they have an armband to let you know who the captain is.

In hockey you got the C.

Have that in basketball, so it's hard to tell because sometimes the captain is a guy who doesn't play a whole lot.

All right, but you know, the guy coming off the bench is not the guy who should be reacting and arguing with the official.

But that's not Austin Reeves. He's not a guy coming off the bench. He's one of their best players. He's, he's a good enough player to, I think, advocate on his behalf towards the referee. The irony is I think the conversation was centered around the way John Goble was addressing Austin Reeves. Austin Reeves did not appreciate that.

And do you remember the play?

I don't remember the play. I know that I listened to the postgame presser and he said basically the way he saw it was so disrespectful. I was like, I wasn't disrespectful. I've said way worse things in the past to referees. This was relatively calm the way I was talking to him. For me, him to talk to me in that way was beyond, you know, crossed the line. And the big thing he said is like, and I think he knows it because He should have teed me up.

But I mean, what— but again, it was over a jump ball. And if you look at it, it looks like nothing happens. Yeah, I can't under— I can't grasp what the— in the— the— his foe who is aligned around the— around the jump ball is to his right. Then he moves his spot to the other side of Austin Reeves. And that was the thing that set Reeves off.

Goebel apparently then turned around and yelled at him, probably some effect of, you know, stop moving.

And that apparently felt disrespected, just the way he delivered the message.

Look, I don't know what Goebel said to him. I know that players get into it with refs all the time. And Dave, yeah, that's a call— he was arguing a call. It happens all the time. That's not the point. His point is the way that Goebel spoke to him crossed the line of decorum. And that's what that scene at the end was about. Like, you don't— you don't talk to me like that. You can— you can call whatever you're gonna call, but you can't talk to me like that. We've had this in the past.

I—

when I worked for the Suns We had a player, Zabian Dowdell, who had the referee call him a bitch. And we're like, yo, regardless of what Zabian, whether he argued the call where he was like a kind of like a journeyman guy. So is he relevant enough to use kind of Zazzle's terminology to argue the refs? Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. But the point is that does not allow for the refs to carry themselves with no decorum there. And that's the part that this whole argument is about. It's not about, oh, was that a jump ball? No one cares. That's just one of many calls that players argue about during the game.

It did 12 minutes on would you rather be a Cowboys or Knicks fan. 12 minutes.

This is, this is iron sharpening iron, Zazz. This is a test. You're— we're in the crucible right here. This is difficult to try to conduct the conversation while Mike Ryan— this is what he's doing. Do you see this?

Yes, I'm texting all my friends.

This is him challenging you to raise your game. I'm not going to—

Is that what you're doing, Mike?

I'm not going to give you my eyes, ears, or any of my attention until you earn it over Skip and Stephen A. Hey, Steve. No, no, Stephen A, please. That's all you need to know. That's all you need to know. If somebody says to you in your life, what if I said to you, hey, Johnny, would you go like, no, no, he just— it's Jonathan.

He just pointed at Stephen A and said, don't you disrespect Paul George like that.

Chris, can you give me Austin Reeves? Austin Reeves, not Austin Rivers. He's in a beef with Draymond right now. Can you give me Austin Reeves after the game?

I felt like I was respectful to all of them all night. I mean, there's a million times in the past I've said way worse stuff. Um, and when we were doing the whole tip ball, but they were switching spots, I wanted to get on the other side because they had a guy on the other side who was just trying to keep an advantage. And, uh, he turned around, just yelled at me, yelled yell in my face. I just thought it was disrespectful, you know. The whole time that was going on over there, I don't think he said much to them. I hope Ben nothing stepped in and said something. But, you know, at the end of the day, grown men, and I just didn't feel like he needed to yell in my face like that. I told him that I wasn't disrespectful. I told him if I did that to him first, I would have got a tech. I feel like the only reason I didn't get a tech is because he knew he was in the wrong. So, uh, yeah, I don't— I just didn't— I felt disrespected.

Okay, first of all, if I would have done that to you, I would have gotten a technical foul. That's right. He's the referee, right? He's above— you're not equals. Oh, he's above you. So yes, if you would talk to him like that, you would get a technical foul. That's correct.

That's his point, is that if it's not like, oh, it's not fair, why, if I did it to you, he's not saying that. He's saying if I had done that, I would got a technical foul. But I didn't do it, and hence I didn't get a technical foul despite me telling him this was very disrespectful. I thought—

I, I took it as him saying, I can't talk to you like that, so you shouldn't be allowed to talk to me.

He shouldn't talk to him like that. That's, that's right. Like, he shouldn't talk to him like that. But the point he's making is, as I'm pointing this out to you, if I was disrespectful the way you were, you would be teeing me up. So the fact that you didn't tee me up as I'm pointing out this disrespect to you indicates, you know, I'm right. You know, I'm in the right here.

But he also says earlier than that, I've said a million things worse than that in other games. Yeah, I'll bet he didn't get a million technical fouls.

Well, also, I don't know if Austin knows this. This might be helpful for him going forward. Uh, this isn't just a random game. This is, uh, round 2, game 2 of the playoffs. What are you doing, Austin Reeves? It's like talking about the ballroom while there's a war overseas somewhere. What do you What are you focusing on, man?

Mm.

What?

What?

What? What?

What?

The other night I was staying in. At least that was the plan. Then the text from my buddy Eagle Eye comes in. Mike, we've got the games on. I say, yeah. I grab a pack of Miller Lite and immediately my plan's gone. Now it's playoff basketball. Every possession feels huge. Baseball's on another screen and I somehow care about that too. Everybody's got takes flying. Nobody's watching just one thing. And we're all way more into it than we ever expected. It was one of those nights that you take a sip, you look around, and you think, "Yeah, this was the right move." That's why I reach for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients, just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975, and it still hits different. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time! Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Hey, Roy, buddy. Yo. You know that energy shift when the game gets good and everybody all together in unison knows to stand up on their feet?

Oh, absolutely, Mike. Yeah, you've been at many big-time sporting events. You know that moment quite well. That's what it's like when you take your first sip of Cuervo. Oh, delicious. It's the signal that says, we're not checking the time anymore, pal. It's when small talk turns into stories. Cuervo, man, it's that high-five-a-random-stranger effect.

That's right.

The game is popping. You're hugging people you never met before. That's the kind of energy that Cuervo brings. It's so smooth, so delicious. That's the Cuervo effect. Keep it Cuervo.

The NBA playoffs are here, and DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA, brings excitement to every game all postseason long. When the lights are brightest, the best players in the world show you exactly who they are. Playoff stars turn it up round by round, and DraftKings turns it up with them from the first round through the finals. Bet player props, bet live, and stay in the action the entire time. New DraftKings customers bet just $5 and you'll get $100 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code DAN so you're ready for the moment. That's code DAN. Turn $5 into $100 in bonus bets instantly. In partnership with DraftKings, the crown is yours.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or 1-800-MY-RESET. New York, call 877-8-HOPE-N-Y or text HOPE-N-Y. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas, wager tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21 and over in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bonus bets expire 7 days after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Limited time offer.

Dan Lebatard. My algorithm on Instagram is, damn, it's all boobs. Stugatz. It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.

Oh, he didn't come out and say, guys, assemble media.

I got something to say.

They ask him the question, he's answering.

Open a meeting, confront the referee.

The whole game surrounding the official after Game 2 of a playoff game, that's wise? That's focusing on what matters?

What are they supposed to do? The game's over. Exactly.

Not bellyache about the officiating.

He didn't bellyache about it until they asked him about it.

Oh, but they only asked him about it because of the scene that he made.

That was bellyaching. What we saw on that court with everyone, that's bellyaching. I don't know what bellyaching is if that's not every player surrounding the ref.

Yeah, like if he, if he doesn't do that at the end of the game, the media is not confronting Austin Reeves about it.

What are you guys trying to protect the referees from having someone have a conversation with them? No. Then what's the deal?

When have you ever seen an entire team surround the officials after a game?

So go, go be mad at the team. Like, he can have that conversation. He can have that conversation. You could be mad at LeBron and Jackson Hayes for, for hanging around. Maybe they want to make sure their teammate doesn't do something crazy like slap a referee or whatever. Like, the presence of these people is not somehow an indication that you guys are worried about the wrong thing. That's kind of ridiculous. The game's over. I'm gonna say what I have to say. My teammates are here to make sure nothing gets out of hand.

And LeBron created another legendary meme.

Did you—

I mean, did you see just him nodding?

Oh my gosh, the internet's having a field day with it.

It's my favorite thing. Someone said it's like, oh, when, when my girl is arguing doing with the front desk about a hotel reservation. Yeah, that's the best one I've seen so far, just nodding along.

I mean, to be clear, if you are a referee, you are a weirdo. Have you ever met— when you were growing up, Zazz, ask the kids as you're driving on the— on your, uh, on your road trip this weekend, ask them, any of you aspire to be a referee? Any of you want to grow up to, to, uh, lord the rules over people better at a sport than you?

I'm not—

you got to be a weirdo, chip on the shoulder. I want to be one of the guys, oh, I got drafted last one too many times in pickup basketball. Now I am going to get my revenge by officiating you. I'm going to call foul on you.

I'm not going to stand here, Dave Dameshek. I have many friends who are NBA officials, both past and present, and I won't stand here as you besmirch them, call them losers and weirdos with chips on their shoulder.

I didn't say losers, I said weirdos.

Weirdos with chips on their shoulder. That's not true. These are people who love the game and there's a role for everybody and someone has to do that role and they do a good job and also many of them Former players, pretty good players. Leon Wood was in the NBA. Heywood Workman was an NBA player. So don't do this. Don't take your anti-referee thing that you got from the NFL because your guys are lawyers and plumbers and shit on the weekdays, and then come, oh, oh, wait, I got a game today. I gotta fly in and do my game. Now I'm gonna go back to my job lifting weights. I'm Ed Hochuli, and then also litigating. That's your NFL biases. Don't bring them over here. It's a My NBA Sandbox, Zemeckis. Pulled surprise winner out.

Enjoy them while they're there because they ain't going to be around in about a decade or so. I mean, the writing is on the wall. On the wall? Either way, I think that we are going to look back on the era in which we sit and say, what the hell? That must have been bizarre to be watching baseball games with the K-Zone and you pitch after pitch. Football, you're absolutely right. You can go back at the suspended sort of reality in which we're asked to live in is that we can all see in HGTV like, oh, he did get both feet down and he did control that, that pass, and it— that exposes the NFL official, sure. But every pitch in a baseball game, you can see if they got it right or wrong, and yet we have to defer even though we all see the same thing. That was in the rectangle or it was outside the rectangle. What? We don't want to hurt these old guys' feelings though. Let them call ball or strike. Let them say ball or strike. You can challenge it. What the hell are we doing? We are going to look back in 10 years and say, what the hell kind of behavior was that?

Who— we were deferring what, to their feelings?

Because they have—

these umpires' egos are going to be hurt? Guess what? Get ready to stand behind there to call the occasional play at the plate. That's about the only value they'll have.

So Dave, I just want to be clear here. When the— because, you know, I don't know if you've seen this, they've got a Colin Cowherd app that AI's Colin Cowherd sports arguments for you. So when our jobs are replaced by automation, are you going to be having the same sort of vigor and, and, and energy and happiness about the elimination of our jobs? Those people have mortgages. They have children that are going to college. They're just trying to make a buck, an honest buck in this country where people are losing their jobs every day. And here comes big elite Dave Damashek and his friends Elon Musk and Sam Altman, and they want to make sure we're all out of a job.

That's right.

And that's why Spirit Airlines— and I just spit everywhere— Spirit Airlines is out of the running because people like Dave Damashek want big business.

Pro automation. Let's hear about a human sport.

Answer your question. No, I will not be as excited.

Jeremy, I bet you like the SunPass. All right, I bet at one point you missed the little toll workers. I bet you're okay with SunPass now.

That's a— uh, first of all, there are still people who get to work at the SunPass tolls because not everybody has a SunPass.

Do you miss throwing the coins, the quarters into the bucket?

It was funny. Like, shoot it.

Like, I did like that.

Can you go follow through?

I mean, but why is this taking 20 minutes? Just drive on by.

That's right for that.

But like, Dave is so right though. 15 years from now, we're going to be like, wait, so there was one year in between?

You'll miss it.

We had—

No, you don't get that.

It's going away.

They touched their head.

You're ridiculous.

Zaslo just said, no, no, he's not your equal. He is your superior. The player answers to the official.

The official is in charge of the game.

Yeah, it's still a level. There's still respect. Then they need to be right. The standard that, well, human error is part of things— not with officiating. We are challenging ourselves, or the professional athletes out there doing it are challenging what they are capable of. Can they complete what they are efforting to do? That is not the standard for the referee. It is to say he violated the rules in his attempt to accomplish this. That's it. Get that right. It is not the same standard of human error.

That's why—

it's a job! These people are the most excellent in the world at their job.

They had to work through several layers of whatever their sporting league is. If you started as a referee and you were doing high school refereeing in football, you worked your way through to get to the NFL. If you were doing it in the NBA, you started at a level and you worked your way through. If you're doing baseball umpiring, you work your way through. You're one of the best in the world. And yes, In anything there's gonna be human error. Tony earlier this week said, "There's gonna be a great day today on Saturday." That's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing when we have human error.

Not in the bottom of the 9th of the World Series.

And guess what?

You can challenge it because we have the automation to back it up.

But this is just like the self-checkout line.

You know what I do?

I steal from the self-checkout line.

No!

Because we cannot— accept this automation in our lives.

It's taking over.

Oh.

Hold on a second. You go to Publix and you're stealing?

That's absolutely right.

Teach me. How do you do it?

You weigh like, you know, you get 5 tomatoes, you weigh 4 of them. You get, you get a little soda, you put it on the bottom of the cart.

This lousy son of a bitch.

And you walk out.

You know why? It's, it's my automation tax. You're going to take away jobs from working-class people who are just checking out?

You're stealing from our failing farmers. Stealing from who?

You're also a coward. Stealing from who? Like, do half that you put—

you pay for 4 of them. Right. You get 1 for free.

I might steal an avocado on occasion.

Come on.

No, what it really ends up being a lot of times, if I'm being very serious— You're not showing up as a boss.

I'm— I—

okay, first of all, you're not going to— you're not going to take away more jobs.

Get 10 and pay for 1.

Okay.

Now you're sticking it to them. I've done it.

Robin Hood?

Sure. Hey, I don't see you doing it. I don't see you doing anything about automation. All of you are just advocating for more of it. Like, oh, throw this AI slap here. Oh, get rid of the umpires.

What are you doing? You're a human being.

But oh, it's okay because, you know, the kids, they'll deal with that later. It's ridiculous. You've gotten to live your dreams and you're just, you're just happy to get rid of it.

Can I make an admission? I want to reveal something. You know, it's a big day for reveals.

Are we doing reveals?

Big week for reveals. Chris revealed whatever he revealed. Jeremy just revealed something right there. I got to reveal too. He went, look, pull back the curtain. We have a whiteboard, has all the topics, right? The topics that we're gonna talk about, right? One of them says K-Zone slash ABS, and I thought it was like a K-pop group and someone had great abs and we're gonna talk about it.

I'm like, what?

Who put on this K-pop thing? K-Zone.

I mean, it probably would have been me.

Doesn't K-Zone sound like a, like a K-pop group?

I have a shirt, uh, Bookchambi Project Main Street is raising money for Lou Gehrig's Day ALS, which is coming up June 2nd, and we all have these shirts. And I had it laying around my house a couple of days ago, and it says in big bold letters, End ALS. All right, I think Roy wore it here a couple of days ago. Yeah, my very big letters, End and underneath it, ALS. My wife got home, she goes, why are we ending owls?

Oh, we are making fewer of them.

You think we're just killing owls? We're getting rid of owls? That's what you think that shirt is?

That's what you're going to want next. And once you kill all the jobs, you start— I pick owls and you go alphabetically.

I picture Jeremy walking out of the grocery store like he did after that interview he did, where it's just like a nice fist bump, like, yeah, I saved— I don't even know what you're saving, but you're trying to save humanity.

Bundy, Jefferson, right? Harrington.

But you want to end these guys?

All these guys, get them up out of here.

Wow.

Yeah.

All right, Michaels. Don LeBattard.

We have a photo right here. If you can see in this photo with my daughter there, I'm pointing exactly to the point on the Stanley Cup where it says, "You suck ass, Stugatz." Wow. Right there. They engraved it? Yeah, they got it engraved right there. It says Chris Whittingham Sucks ass.

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stewgads. Chris has a very, very fun new game that we are going to debut now, everyone. Chris, you want to let everybody know what it is?

Yep, it's called Fun or Terrifying. I'm gonna play a video here for you guys and we can just kind of watch it and react together. This is a hot air balloon going over the Serengeti. It's super low and it looks terrifying to me. This is not fun, this is my nightmare.

What is the Serengeti?

It's like in Africa, right? It's like just like the—

don't shame me, who cares? Why do I have to know the Serengeti?

You don't have to, but I'm explaining it to you. It's just the—

why?

It's wildlife. There's hippos that could kill you, there's lions that could kill you.

Everything.

And this, like, people are what look like, what, 100 feet over? Maybe it's the depth. It's hard to tell, but it's like, I'm asking you guys because this is probably very expensive, very cool thing to do to some people. Not for me. This is terrifying.

Chris, there's another name for this game. Not fun or terrifying. It's— what?

Yeah, but I'm white. I would say I'm pushing back off that though, because I'm white and I think this is terrifying.

Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna go fun. I, I think I would do that because you're not very high. I don't want to go very high, but I think I'm gonna go fun there.

For me, the higher the better here.

Like, I don't want to be 50 feet above all these damn leotards.

You're worried about a hippo jumping up and trying to get you?

It's just— no, I'm worried about it having to make an emergency landing, and all of a sudden I'm terrified.

All right, but the same thing would happen if you're higher up.

But then I could at least have a longer fall. We could get away from the hippos as we fall.

Don't ask him follow-ups. You know that's unfair.

All right, I'm going fun.

Mike and Amin, uh, speaking all this talk talking about being high, there is a gigantic joint standing right behind you guys.

A cyclone. That's it.

Oh, is that what that is? Dave, are you in on this?

Unibrow blunt.

Dave, you ever been in a hot air balloon?

No, I would never. I mean, I would never even be in that position in the first place. I would never. My wanderlust is gone at this age.

You know about that wanderlust?

I have no interest in traveling to exotic lands. I, that And if I ever was interested, that has come and gone.

Have you been in more hot air balloons or tanning beds?

Oh, you need to see Vietnam before you die. Nah, I'm okay.

Is—

I think tanning beds.

Wander Franco's full name Wanderlust Franco?

Was that question random to you, Mike? Sorry about that.

It's a little random. Answer is Vietnam question though.

Ask again, I'm sorry, I didn't hear.

You simply must see exotic Egypt before you— before it's too— no thanks, no, I'm all right. Just let me know, just show me the pictures of it, I'll just take a look at yours.

Zazz, not all segments are winners. We tried here.

No, I think we'll give it another try another time.

What were you trying to do with the tanning bed?

I'm not out on fun or tanning beds.

I was trying to get them to tanning beds.

Yeah, I mean, oh yeah, that is it. It did, it did come up, it did come up previously. Who do you think, Cody, has spent more time in a tanning bed in his life? Dave Dameshek or Jonathan Zasla?

I would imagine Zas has never been in a tanning bed, and you live in California, so if you made me play this game, I would think you have been in more tanning beds.

Yeah, I believe you maybe bowed to the societal pressures of Los Angeles.

You just have— you're a little darker, so you just look like somebody who has tanned. I could argue Zas has never tanned.

Yeah, look at Zas's skin. Skin tone. He can't even tan even if he wanted to. Also, big-ass head. How's he gonna fit in the tanning bed? Like, it won't close.

That would be tough to negotiate your head through the tanning bed space.

You will be surprised to know that I have done tanning beds several times. Why?

Are you able to get onto a plane with your head? Like, when that— because that hole is a little—

what are you asking me?

I don't know.

He's asking you if you've been able to board a plane because he questions whether or not your big-ass head fits.

If your head didn't fit in the tanning bed, then how's it going to fit been on an airplane?

Yeah, I have been in a tanning bed several times. Uh, early 20s.

Can you wait?

Was this like a radio sponsorship thing?

No, not— it was before I was in college.

Oh, early 2020s.

I thought it was 2020.

Santa Fe.

Speaking of radio sponsorship things, another Sidano video has dropped. I'm gonna go effort that right now before the end of the show.

All right, so I've never been— to answer, I've never been in a tanning bed. I have dignity. And why would LA me living in LA now mean I would go to a tanning bed? The sun's out there. Why would I need the fake thing when I've got the real thing over my head?

That's fair. It hasn't stopped everybody else in LA.

That's right. Everybody I know, it's a steady flow of people going to the tanning bed every day.

All right, well, while Amin is efforting the latest Sidano video walking around in a robe— by the way, I've never worn a robe in my life in any setting. Really? I have never put on a robe.

Not even when you're being a cuck?

All right, I already told you about that.

You can just open it up.

I—

you know what, Jeremy, I was just about to let you talk about something that you would want to talk about. So instead, because Jeremy comes in here on a daily basis wanting to talk about things that nobody wants to hear about, so instead of that, we'll allow you— give us a couple of topics and we'll pick which one. We give you a little bit of a time. To talk about.

Okay, all right.

How many you got? 3 max. Okay, I got 3.

I can give you 3. All right, so let's start here. Ashley Padilla. Y'all know about that Ashley Padilla?

I don't know her.

Ashley Padilla is currently emerging as one of the all-time great SNL performers.

Was that you who compared her to Kristen Wiig?

I did.

A few days ago?

I did.

That's a loco thing to say.

I know it is. She is at the beginning of her career. She is still just a featured cast member on this show. She's amazing. So I'll stop right there. There's also a new film coming out called Last Dance. Not what you think it is. It's a new film about a composer who invites his daughter on a gay cruise in the Caribbean in 1991 while retreating from the reality of his AIDS diagnosis.

Okay, story, all I need to know. Okay, next.

You wanna know about the stars?

Next.

Actor named KJ Apa from Riverdale. He's got an alternate identity as Mr. Fantasy, a musical artist, and he recently called out Mr. Fantasy saying he's a liar.

Dave, the vote— which one?

Can you go 0 for 3?

You can.

I mean, guys, Rachel Zegler's in that movie I was talking about.

Horrible, horrible.

Talked about her a lot.

I—

one of the great young actresses of our time.

Sometimes the hate will win in my heart.

Super talented.

I would like to hear because I already hate that guy.

Terrific vocalist.

Whoever that guy was who has an alternate—

Oh, Mr. Fantasy?

All right, go ahead, Shane.

All right, KJ Apa, there's a show called Riverdale. You're on the clock. All right, so Mr. Fantasy is this alternate identity that came out on TikTok about a year ago, and I think it was May of 2025.

But we don't know who his real identity is. Well, what do you know? I like that we barely know who he is, but he's like, hey, guess what? If you like this, I don't know who you are. Well, you don't know who I am.

Get a load of my alt ID.

Old enough.

A fool.

I, I, again, I don't know who—

Jeremy, you're losing your time to Dave.

KJ Apa is an actor who was in the TV show Riverdale. Um, it's the Archie Comics, if basically the Archie Comics were also—

20 years ago.

So as the cyclone comes through here and is spinning around, Mr. Fantasy is essentially this, this alternate identity. Everyone was like, oh my God, who is this person? I don't know who this person is. And then ultimately people started to figure out through context clues that, wait, I think it's this actor KJ Apa from Riverdale. And so over the span of time, he has refused to acknowledge. But recently there was a new music video in which the other stars of Riverdale, including Plantation's own Camila Mendes— okay, Cami Mendes, graduate of American Heritage Plantation, she was in the music video. So were the other members of this show. But it didn't make any sense because Mr. Fantasy can't possibly be KJ Apa. And so KJ Apa says, mm, you know what? I'm gonna call you a thief and a liar. But we all know that KJ Apa is actually Mr. Fantasy. It's a really cool thing that's happening in pop culture.

Amin's taken 4 naps in the last couple of minutes.

Mr. Fantasy's super cool.

All right.

You should look.

He looks ridiculous.

I think Mike was right. Put on Skip and Stephen A.

It's good music.

Dave?

You really don't want to know about Rachel Zegler signing to WWE with AEW?

No, we're good. Thank you.

Thank you. Your time is up.

Adrian Brody?

Your time is up. Uh, Dave, today is your last day with us. You've done that. Let's give it up to Dave real quick for spending the week.

A toast to Dave!

Coming—

oh, a toast to Dave! Okay, brought to you by Cuervo.

Yeah, all right, toast to Dave. How about that? Uh, Dave, you've done a wonderful job. We've enjoyed having you in. But, uh, last night— I was good, just about to say, speaking of toasts, you got lit up last night, huh?

Well, it wasn't my fault. Our pal here on the other side of that door, Zaslo, Cynthia I went up to get my tacos, as I do when I'm here. I love that they have delicious tacos here at the Elser. And I went up there to get my standard fare of tacos, and Cynthia was there. I found her seated at the bar, and I joined her. And the next thing I knew, we threw it on real good. We threw it on real good, and we went name by name through the company, and she told me the truth.

Wow.

About everybody. And then, as if I needed to punctuate it, I went down, 'cause I didn't have, they were like, "Oh, kitchen closed." I'm like, "Kitchen closed? We've been boozing so long, I forgot to order my tacos." So I needed to get food. So I went down to Vice Versa, and hear me now, believe me later, the best pizza I've had in the last 2 years, consistently coming out of Vice Versa on the first floor in the lobby of the Elser. I had been eating the spicy pepperoni. But then the bartender said, do me a favor, do yourself a favor, try the clam pizza. And I said, clam pizza?

What does that mean, clam pizza?

Clams. You think there's clams on it?

That's what I would go with.

Right.

What are you laughing at me for?

Because I think they figured out what it meant when clam pizza meant— Clam pizza that had clams on it, you know?

Oh yes, I know now.

Right.

And, uh, and then the next thing I knew after that I was seated atop cloud nine eating my clam pizza, and I barely was able to return to planet Earth in time for the show. Clam pizza, spicy pepperoni pizza, a toast to you, Vice Versa. Nay, to Cynthia, a delightful companion to bend the elbow with over and over.

Keep it queer, though.

Do you feel like you learned a bit about everybody on the show that you needed to know about?

I did.

You got the gossip on everyone?

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna side-eye a lot of you now. You just talked about the firefighter for the whole time.

Is that what I'm imagining.

That's right. So what is Chris Cody's—

what?

But seriously though, what's his deal? Really though, why? Why Chris Cody? Why?

I have no idea, dude.

Guys, as promised—

wait, oh, I thought you wanted to talk about how Skip has LeBron as his 9th best player ever, behind Bird, behind Kobe.

Guys, as promised, the second Sidano video has hit the internet.

Oh, here we go.

Now he's selling flowers. Check it. And if you have a busy lifestyle like me— just give me one second— if you have a busy lifestyle like me, right, where I'm traveling all the time, where, you know, when I come to the office, you got to talk to different people— just, I'll be right with you. All you got to do is do what I do.

Good for him.

I just love him shilling for all of these things. He's like, he's like, for Mother's Day, like that, uh, car shield commercial with Stephen A. in it. Like, I just see, I see Sedano there. The only thing that's missing is the bathrobe. I wish he had worn the bathrobe.

Who's his agent?

Oh man, Stephen A. is selling like Shawn Michaels in a WrestleMania right now. These facials, look how serious they are.

That, that's the, that's the key. You know that this is an important conversation just based on their facial expression.

This is Dolph Ziggler. Type selling.

He's doing the like rest his chin on his hand, just kind of like nodding along, eyebrows raised.

He's looking away, by the way. You see how— like, here we go, the wide shot. He's not even looking at his glasses.

No, I think he's checking his nails.

Checking his nails.

Oh, oh, this is great.

We are so bad.

That's Flair Steamboat.

How are we supposed to compete with that?

Don't we punt?

Chris, show me your belly button.

Sedano. Did you notice the beige linen suit? That's Damashek's future. I'm following his lead. That's where I'm headed. Maybe as early as next week, there will be a whole new Dave for the world to see. Dave, the one who wears t-shirts and ratty old flannel button-downs and everything else, that's a Dave of the past. It's the dawn of a new Dave. Fancy Dave. Old Dave. Elegant Dave. Classy Dave.

Keep going, you got more adjectives.

I mean, I don't have to claim every adjective.

Affluent Dave.

If that's the implication.

You got like 30 more seconds.

If that's what you take from it, I think that you'll be picking up what I'm—

Asshole Dave.

Yeah, maybe, maybe. As long as you don't say Ass Dave. Dave the Ass. I don't want to be Dave the Ass. I would much rather be, given a choice, I'd much rather be known as Dave the Asshole. That means I have gravitas, that maybe I could one day sit and say ridiculous things with a serious face to Skip and Stephen A. Steve? No, no, Stephen A.

Special shout out to the clones. Good luck. Let's go tonight.

Big one.

Very big night for all of us here. Cyclones! George Cloney in the house today.

Cyclone!

Come on now.

Hey, shout out to everybody, always makes me feel so welcome here, uh, especially Kristen and Cynthia. But Zaslo, you're in the tough chair, man, steering the ship here and everything else. Point guard, you're like—

here's the tough chairs.

You're more, you're more Steph Marbury than you are John Stockton. You can score, but you also distribute.

All right, so there you go, Starberry.

You got a big guy hat too.

Let's bring aboard Juju today for a very special edition of Friday Thunder.

Yes sir, man. Salute to all the big dogs out there who became millionaires last night because Thursday Thunder struck and hit again. And guess what? We back, man. The WNBA season is kicking off, so you got to know I got a couple picks for my ladies. Starting out first with Queen Wilson, AKA Big Asia. We going for 20 points, Scooby Snacks, at least tonight. As well as second leg, we going with at least 10 rebounds for my sister as well. Salute to Bam. Moving on to the next leg, Alyssa Thomas, AT, for 8 6 at least, man. Lock them in. And you got to know, before I get out of here, I gotta show some love to the home team, man. Tomorrow, the Atlanta Dream money line against the Minnesota Lynx. Lock it in, man. Salute.

Juju, speaking of the Atlanta Dream, you know about them Meebounds?

I know about them Meebounds. I can't wait to see them. I hope I get one of them rebounds, you dig it?

All right, there you go. Angel Reese now, Atlanta Dream, big star there.

Teemu Salami.

Yep.

Do you guys see the big birthday, uh, that old, uh, Carter gave for Asia—

for—

excuse me, what's going on here?

I don't know, what are these words?

Juju, you know what I'm talking about, right?

What?

Yes, sir. The best gambling week ever known to man. History. No one has ever seen this type of precedent. So, as you were saying, Juju, you bet on that Pulitzer?

Salute to George. Speaking of which, with the Pulitzer, uh, and of course the Cyclones, this could be a, uh, a once-in-a-lifetime thing that happens tonight, right?

I mean, Yeah, no, I mean, look, I'm already the first Sudanese Pulitzer Prize winner ever. Now there's a chance that I could be the first Sudanese Pulitzer Prize winner who was also a Highline winner.

So, battle court. All right, battle court champion. It's never happened before.

You have a piece of this action. I mean, I didn't really—

Yeah, we all do.

You can be a battle court champion. It's the show owns the team.

Yeah.

Holy hell.

You're in on this?

Feel what it feels like to be a winner for once.

A champion.

Are you going to be watching? You can watch live.

Oh no, because they don't let lefties, so I don't feel included.

Damn.

I mean, why would you know what kind of just right out in the open discrimination against my people? What?

What?

What?

What? What?

The other night I was staying in. At least that was a plan. Then the text from my buddy Eagle Eye comes in. Mike, we've got the games on. I say, "Yeah." I grab a pack of Miller Lite, and immediately my plan's gone. Now it's playoff basketball. Every possession feels huge. Baseball's on another screen, and I somehow care about that too. Everybody's got takes flying, nobody's watching just one thing, and we're all way more into it than we ever expected. It was one of those nights that you take a sip, you look around, and you think, "Yeah, this was the right move." move. That's why I reach for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975, and it still hits different. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.