Transcript of Hour 2: Too Many Dogs (feat. Jessica Smetana) New

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast. Jessica will be here in a moment as soon as we get her internet fixed. At the moment, you can see her frozen on the screen, mortified at the very idea that her internet is frozen. We will get that unfrozen in a moment, but we will have for posterity her erisada, is the word that I would use in Spanish. Good word for me. Just filled with an uncommon terror. I want her to settle debate for me that I just heard in the eating area because Louis and some others were complaining about a dog being in the studio. But before we get to that, I'm surprised Sam Darnold, specifically, isn't doing more of what Ernest Jones IV is doing when he's in front of people and trying to rally Seattle at the Championship parade. Nobody believed in us, obviously. So Ernest Jones IV has some words for the people who are doubting still to kill the mighty champion Seattle Seahawks.

Shout out to these badass mother who played this game the right way. Not only do we have the best defense in the world, we got the best team in the world. Quite frankly, if you got anything to say for my quarterback, you got anything to say for my defense, you got anything to say for my own line, and you got anything to say by the city of Seattle, I got two words for you. You.

Yeah, not the most subtle of the two words. Behind him, there are guys with solo cups and middle fingers. There's also somebody pantomiming the spanking of another person. Let's see, if you changed the two words, what would it sound like if you diluted slightly the two words?

Shout out to these badass motherfuckers who played this game. The right way. Hey. Not only do we have the best defense in the world, we got the best team in the world. Quite frankly, if you got anything to say for my quarterback, you got anything to say for my defense, you got anything to say for my own line, and you got anything to say by the city of Seattle, I got two words for you.

Pipe down. The pipe down doesn't really work as strongly. Mike says Boomer, say it with your chest. Say what you mean, pipe down? He meant, he meant bleep you, and he said, Pipe down.

May I just add to my original point? I don't like just merely dipping your toes in the water and having to put together context clues as to what you actually mean. I got zero respect for that.

I got that from you earlier in the show.

I felt like I was very unclear when I called them a You weren't.

The conversation in the eating area about Ethan's dog, it reminded me. I having Willow around. I liked it when Jessica's dog was here, but Tony's making faces now. I heard a lot of slippery slope. What if we all brought our dogs in? Would you like that then, Dan? If we all brought our dogs in? Obviously, I would like that slightly less, but I think I would also- Down one.

Let's do it one day.

I think I would also like that. But, Jessica, what are your thoughts as Louis and others complain about what they say is the Amin complaint? They don't want Ethan's dog out there. The dog is also a begger, same way Willow was, more than Willow was, actually.

I felt like it's the third time this week that he even brought his dog here today.

He's doing it a lot. That is correct. But it's causing office tension that's not my office tension. Jessica's biased here, obviously, but I feel like people had fewer problems with Willow than they do with this animal. What's this animal's name? Percy. Malley? Malley, you think is this dog? No, no.

Like Mike Malley? I call it Malley. No, I call it Malley after Malakai, Tony, because the dog is named Percy after Percy Harvin. We settled that whole Florida thing. Mallekei responds to Mallekei.

Dogs are dumb. You can go anywhere near their name and they'll respond.

Hi, my baby Malley. And wags her tail rolls over on her back.

What are your thoughts here, Jessica? Welcome. Any admonishments that you want to send the group here? Who is a.

I agree. They're definitely a.

Okay.

I don't like to use that I don't know the word. I think it's derivative. I do.

It's accurate.

That animal, though, does look a bit disheveled. Percy looks a little bit like Percy's been beaten down by life a little bit.

I mean, it's walking on a torn ACL because the owner just is a reckless person.

Jessica, are you following the Winter Olympics here? I can't get anybody around here interested in me.

I'm not done with the dogs with the exposed asshole. There I said it.

You're putting me in a bad spot with the dog thing, Dan. I got nothing on the dog.

She said that dog's asshole rubbing up all over the couch. If you want to bring Percy in, either a diaper or have the tail go down. I don't know how you do that. Maybe a brace, but exposed assholes, I don't like it.

They sell these things, I think, on Etsy for cats that cover their bord holes. They are a little like... Their what? You know how horses... They're butt holes, Tony. They're butt holes. Okay, you said bord. I don't know what that means. A bord hole. How horses have the little blinders that they put over their eyes sometimes so they can only see. They can't see. They have that, but for cat butt holes.

Is it a slippery slope? How many dogs is too many dogs in the workplace? Because I don't feel like one is. No, Tony, you're saying one.

One is enough.

Put it on the poll. Make the question in the poll question, one, two, three, or over for. How many dogs is too many dogs in the workplace?

Can I just say really quick in my defense, Stan, about this whole dog thing? We had an agreement with the dog thing because we didn't get our schedules until Sunday night. If I needed a dog walker, it was generally too late to schedule earlier in the week, and that's when I would bring Willow into work. It wasn't because I didn't feel like it, but Ethan knows he has to be in the office every single day. So there's a little bit of a difference there.

But wait a minute. I thought you were proudly bringing your dog Willow into an office that welcomed Willow, regularly welcomed Willow. I didn't realize that this was the blame that needed to be filed at Carl because he's a bad scheduler. I thought Willow was always made to feel welcome here. You brought Carl into it by saying you were scheduled on Sunday night. I didn't bring Carl into it. I wasn't even thinking about Carl. I haven't thought about him since he broke a bottle over someone's head in one of those intros, in Jeremy's head. The idea that a dog would not be welcome in a workplace is not something that I had considered.

This may be my last day here. I will say the office was very welcoming of Will O'Dane. She was welcomed back every time. But it was very nice to to have somewhere to bring her early in the morning when Lehman was off shooting his fancy schmancy documentary. So thank you to everyone for being very welcoming.

I thought Amine was the only one with the objection, but now I'm learning Tony is all upset about this, too. He's just pretending.

He doesn't actually care.

It's just a big-ass dog. I'm sitting on the sofa, the big-ass dog. Instead of sitting on the sofa, what Willow would like to do, we sit on the two-inch portion above the sofa and sit there like a boa constricter across the entire sofa. It's like, Come on, dude. Give me a.

The sofa was clear. Something we're not considering is that leaving your dog home is an option.

No, not for nine hours.

Dogs get left at home for nine hours all the time, every day.

All right. Well, Willow can't stay at home that long. She has to go out. Do nice doggy. Some people say, Do your stuff. Some people say, Take a dump.

She has separation anxiety, right? Nine hours is too much. She just needs a long time.

She needs a walk.

Are you following the Winter Olympics? I can't get anybody in Miami interested in the Winter Olympics.

It's honestly disgraceful, Dan. We recorded mystery Cradle already this week, and other than Chris Cody, I couldn't get anyone into it. I've been watching it nonstop. I thought this was a sports show, okay? It's February. Football season's over. We've It's not like some sports going on, but not a ton. This is wall-to-wall sports. From the minute you wake up in the morning, it starts, and then you get to watch it all the way through primetime at night. Sometimes you get to watch stuff twice, which is awesome, and you already know what's going to happen, which I like later on in primetime. But apparently, no one in Miami gives a shit, and it's terrible.

You like that? I thought most people didn't want to know the results. I thought one of the great joys in sports is not having the result in hand. When I was in New York, Hank Azaria has this habit of avoiding all things so that he can watch sports results the following day without any access to the internet because he doesn't want to know the result, and the game gets ruined for him if he knows the result.

But Dan, he's also incredibly rich and doesn't really have to work. He can do whatever he wants and then watch the game the next day. The rest of us have to go throughout the entire day, talk to Mike, Hey, Mike, he just told me the Canes got fined 50K for the court sauntering. How am I supposed to know that if I want to wait till tomorrow? Did you know that?

You can get fined $50,000 for just merely sauntering onto the court, unsure?

I did not know that. I can't believe you got fined for that. It was the most peaceful, slowest, indifferent court malingering that I've ever seen.

I think we waited for UNC to leave the court.

That's why if you're going to break the rules, respect to these Winter Olympians that have broken rules because that's been a big headline, you just got to go all out and break the rules. If you're going to storm the court, have some conviction behind it.

What story should we be following or not following when it comes to the Olympics? Because I am legitimately surprised that you're saying the result in hand is something that makes you enjoy it more. I thought you want your surprises there.

I'm not exactly saying that. I'm saying that sometimes you get to, since there's so many things on in the morning, sometimes you see a result, and then when they replay in primetime, it's one of the big events that they're going to reshow you. Like when the US Figure Skating Team won gold, I had already seen the final skate from the star US Figure skater, but then I got to watch his program again in prime time. So I was surprised the first time it happened. You know what I mean?

I think the problem for Miamians is we just don't have connection points in doing the things that they're doing.

I don't have connection points to any of this. I grew I live in Chicago, and I've snowboarded twice in my life.

But it's cold over there. Yeah, it's cold. I don't know. I've been in a bobsled before. I thought we killed it. We kicked ass that one time. That was pretty easy, actually.

I don't think that many people have connections to it either, Mike. I think the Winter Olympics are typically... The US, in particular, doesn't even have that strong of athletes in a lot of the sports. A lot of the sports are being dominated by Norway and Sweden, and Switzerland, and Finland, and the US US is like, Yeah, we got someone in the mix, but they're not a favorite for it. There is a lot of this that is totally unfamiliar to, I would say, most people.

I love when the figure skating commentators turn into Tony Romo, and they're like, There's a big one coming up right here. This is the one they got to land. Because they know the whole program ahead of time. They know when the big jumps are coming. That's one of my favorite things when they start to predict what's coming next.

Would you guys do me the favor, please? Because I don't actually know the history of this. How much older are the Summer Olympics than the Winter Olympics? Because I thought the Winter Olympics, when she mentioned Norway, the thing I thought of is, I assume that the history of this, and this might be totally ignorant, that the history of this is the Winter Olympics get created because a bunch of people from Norway can't win the Summer Olympics. So they have to develop a bunch of events that are not unlike the triathlete, the moment that the Kenyans all started winning the marathons. They're like, You know what we're going to throw in here? Cycling and swimming, too. I bet they can't win at everything. And we're going to change this event so that we can have more people win it.

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Dan Levatard.

I don't like smetty either.

Stugats.

Women stay home in the kitchen where they belong.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats. Summer is 28 years older, so seven Olympiades.

Okay, I assumed that it was older. I thought it was much older.

The Winter Olympics is pretty old. Actually, Dan, I was watching the opening ceremony with my mom, and she was very confused, I think, and was tearfully telling me that the Winter Olympics didn't exist when she was a kid, and they only had the Summer Olympics. And then I was like, I googled it. I was like, No, Mom, you just Mandela affected yourself. Apparently, there have been Winter Olympics since 1924, and they actually were... That was part of the opening ceremony, was they went back in time to the '20s and came all the way forward to the 2020s.

What a liar. So did you enjoy going to the Internet and exposing a loved one as a liar?

No, she's deaf. She wouldn't have heard me anyways. It's fine. I just let her have that one.

Do you have a top five list for us that might be Olympic-related, or can you throw one together off the fly because you're an amazing Ad Libber?

I can I'll give you the top five worst story lines of the Olympics so far because there's been a lot of drama, Dan. Some funny drama and then some pretty serious drama, including today, a Ukrainian skeleton athlete who was DQed for having a helmet that had photos of deceased Ukrainians on it that were killed during the invasion from Russia. He was told he couldn't wear it, so now he's disqualified. I read that in the Wall Street Journal this morning. There's legit I don't think that deserves that. I guess that was like an OLA.

It was OLA, yeah. But I feel like we need to do this better because that's also a sad one that shouldn't have been. It is sad, yeah.

It made Boomer Esaison cry.

Yeah, you can't do this. No, it's horrible. But there are a lot of things that I have been following that have been quite controversial this past week and quite dramatic, to say the least. So I'll start with number five.

But this is controversial and dramatic or worst stories?

We'll go with all the above. Okay. These aren't your heartwarming ones because you could get that top five list anywhere. There's a lot of those.

Okay.

Number 5. This happened this morning. This American snowboard cross athlete got disqualified because he bumped into the guy behind him somehow, and he ended up having this huge come from behind finish. So spoiler alert, if you're going to watch that tonight, and I'm sure they're going to replay it on the main show. But they claimed that it was intentional, so he got disqualified, whereas there's unintentional touching between snowboarders that you don't get suspended for. You get a yellow card for it. So they completely disqualified.

I'm sorry to do this to you. Tony, you want to teach her how to do this? She's out of practice on the top five. She's got to come in and give us a couple of words and then explain the story so that he- So you basically say headline, sounder, then you explain. Somebody got bumped. Snowboard, came from behind. It's just for the timing because Chris is- Now, what happened was there's a snowboarder, and he was driving down the thing, and then all of a sudden, he got hit by the thing.

I'm playing double Dutch here.

Jessica, he's distracting me because the whole time, he's waiting to hit the fanfare, and you're just explaining the story.

The guy who doesn't even know when his mic is on is telling me how to do a top five list.

Who's that? I agree.

Okay. I'm just saying we need something quick on the top end.

I thought you were going to make a spoiler alert because I- No, that was bad, too.

That's tricky.

That was bad, too. So God's never got that one right.

Yeah, it's tough. Number four.

Biathlon.

There you go.

It's actually two I don't like it.

I don't like it one bit. We're dancing.

Don't like it.

Is the French biathlete who won yesterday was actually convicted of credit card fraud against her teammate a couple of years ago, had to serve a suspension for it. Then when she also claimed, Dan, that she doesn't remember committing the fraud, she was like, she like, blacked out. She like, doesn't remember actually doing the credit card fraud, which is a great excuse. But anyways, very like, not nice. Don't steal your teammate's credit card and spend a bunch of money on But then when she won and crossed the finish line, she shushed the crowd. It's like, Wait, but you're the one who's… You're the baddie. I don't…

Biathlates. I don't know about it unless it's a girl, and we like that. It's okay.

Number three.

Okay, this is a male biathlete, so.

No.

Fanfare. Yay. That's the most sufficient that Joe Zagaki has ever been.

No. It's Zagaki He has never been that outrageous. No.

I don't know why he's giving me death, but honestly, this is a terrible character.

Number three.

You guys might have heard about this guy who was begging for his girlfriend back after he won Bronze the other day, and then his ex-girlfriend, I should say, clearly was not very into it. It was pretty pretty.

He won Bronze, but what if he won Gold?

He cheated on her, right?

He cheated on her and then was like, I really effed up. This has been a horrible week for me, and I want her back so much, and I hope she comes back. I made a huge mistake. And did this all publicly. So publicly revealed that he cheated on this woman who I don't think her identity has been revealed, but she did an interview and she was like, Yeah, this has been a tough week for me, too, and didn't need that.

Number two.

So this was a pretty controversial ice dancing result, Dan. The United States ice dancer is the favorite student goal.

Chris, that was your goal.

That was on you.

That was on me. She paused in the middle of the thing.

I was like, Why'd she stop?

She paused for you. We need sky judges. She slowed it down for you, Chris. That was her trying to help you?

They lost to a French team. Legitimately, this French team has... There's a defector article about the transgressions of this French couple, and people should read that because it is like there's legitimate abuse allegations involved. But the American Ice Dance team, their married couple, Madison and Evan, Choc and Bates, they're one of the best in the world. This was their moment to finally get an Olympic gold medal, and they didn't do as great in their... There's a short program in a rhythm dance in a free skate. They didn't do as well in the first one, but it was really close going into the longer skate. Then they had an amazing free skate, and it had tons of points. It was like their season best in points. Everyone was like, All right, they're probably going to win the goal. But then the French team went next, and the French team French team, Dan, they effed up their twizzles. They effed up their twizzles, okay? This is important. And they still came in first and won the gold.

Put it on the poll, please. Did the French team eff up its twizzles at Lebitard show? Number one.

Number one, this is pretty obvious. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. Lindsay Vons crash on Sunday. It was horrible. I don't know if you've seen the picture of her in the hospital recovering from her surgery.

Horrific. It looks like a good mech set.

Apparently, I was deep in a Reddit hole at 4: 00 AM reading a bunch of doctors analyzing what this fracture is like. Apparently, that is some stabilizer that stabilizes your femur to your fibia or something like that. She's had three surgeries, and she's probably going to need more. It looks really nasty, and I feel awful for her. I was up at five o'clock on Sunday watching it live, Dan, and the build got to it was really exciting. It was just so... They were building towards her. She was the 13th skier to go down. The American was already in first place, Breezy Johnson. It was super dramatic. She's on top of the mountain. She's doing deep breaths. It's like, silent. And then 13 seconds in, huge crash. Dan Hicks is screaming his head off. You can hear her screaming in pain. It was awful. It took 20 minutes to airlift her down or airlift her up, I guess, and then down to a hospital. It was one of the most brutal things I've ever watched.

So You got up at five o'clock in the morning just to see this live. You didn't want to know the result. You wanted to be there and experience all of that as it happened, and then were quickly horrified and had your day ruined.

It was a tough way to wake up. I mean, not as tough as the day she had.

Yeah, that's brutal. I want to get to some other things with you, but before we do so, your halftime, Super Bowl halftime thoughts as America is arguing about halftime things.

To be honest with you, I was a little disappointed.

Uh-oh.

Easy. Uh-oh. I was a little disappointed, Dan. Look, I've been a fan of Bad Bunny for a long time. I watch all the videos. I see what he wears when he's in Puerto Rico. I see the shorts. I see the little dance move he does. You guys know what I'm talking about. He came out on stage at the Super Bowl. Full long sleeves, pants. Thought we might maybe get a costume change. Keep in mind, us straight women are coming up the most feral January of our lives in the wake of the Heated Rivalry series coming out. I thought maybe we'd get to see a little bit of thigh.

Yeah, she's right.

Well, the thing is, when he does the jump into the La Casita and then comes out, he's going to attend a wedding. You can't be at a wedding in shorts and a tee.

But he's wearing gloves and he's not showing much of any skin.

He's not giving anything there. Dan, do you wear skin at a wedding or no?

Well, he's a fashion icon, though. Sure. Okay.

Lizard Man, do you put on your skin suit for a wedding? Do you?

I don't think Lizard Man. I don't think that's necessary.

Well, he asked if you wore skin.

It was more making fun of Teddy's question.

Would you make fun of Lady Gaga's dancing?

Me? Yeah. I mean, honestly, I thought it was great, but I did. Five Inches in the scene wouldn't have killed anyone.

No, that's not true. She preferred this halftime show, this alternate halftime show. Welcome to the Turning Point USA All-American Halftime Show. This one's for you, Charlie.

When I look this next, I want a good friend of mine by the name of Cope Ford. I know something I don't know.

So they could say what was on their mind.

This is what's on mine. My name is Keith.

There's a folk that's sitting in your house somewhere that could use some dusting off.

I don't doubt that.

There's a man Who died for all our sins. Hanging from the cross.

Please no more. Jorts and multiple mic flips.

To be fair, though, at 55.

He got up there. He got up there.

In all serious- He loves that The fact that that was covered credulously by mainstream media outlets is embarrassing. Everyone should have said from the jump, this is full diaper baby Conservatives having a temper tantrum about bad money and just called it what it is and not been like, Here's a legitimate entertainment option for halftime, because that was... Well, come on. What are we doing?

It was for Charlie.

Was that a question? Was the gag the audience?

Statement?

Is that a statement? Declarative.

Do not hear Brixton Brinley.

Lee Bryce has something going on with that beard. I'm looking into it.

Okay, you keep an eye on it. All right, I think you've made your accusation public now. I think Jessica is the only one around here who likes mascots more than I like mascots. Admittedly, I like them more than anyone else here. Do you have any mascot news for us? Anything in the mascot kingdom that has gotten your interest lately?

Well, as a mascot lover, Dan, maybe you could tell me why Otto the Orange was being scalded at the Syracuse basketball game last night, because I saw this video this morning of him being just dressed down by this woman, and I have no idea why.

And he puts his hands on his head like, Oh, no.

Well, he's holding his tiny baseball cap because he's clearly being punished. He's being reprimanded, but he also seems playful on the front end, and his face doesn't change. He seems to be smiling the entire time, so he doesn't seem to be that upset by what's happening.

I don't know about that. What is this person on the right doing? Playing piano or something?

What's going on? Might be a Bongo segment there. You know the Bongo's on the halftime show. You're like, Oh, I love that.

A slow Bongo play. I got it. I got it.

A slow Bongo play. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I ended up looking like Lady Gaga, though, at the halftime show.

Put it on the poll at Lebitard's show. Do you love to pantomime the Bongo's on the Jumbotron? Yes or no? Check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echos, with Mike Golick Jr. Jessica, thank you for being on with us. We appreciate the time.

You guys should watch the Olympics. Bye.

This is not an echo chamber.

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Okay, Nikola.

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Mr. Shirt, if I may say for a second. Miami, they were simulating the Snap count the entire game, and they were clapping at the line of scrimage. And the only thing I want to see clapping are them cheeks on Mrs. Met in my face, Mike Shirt. All right, so that's one thing.

Stugats.

They're a bunch of cheaters, Dan. You know who should be cheating? Mrs. Met on Mr. Met. He can watch if he wants.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Is the James Harden thing in Cleveland going to work?

No, it can't.

He had four blocks in one game. What?

What? It can't. It can't work then. It can't work. You take Cleveland, and then you take James Harden, two teams and a guy that can not perform in the playoffs, and you put them together, and then you think that two negatives are going to make a positive?

It's crazy enough that it might. I got to say, it's going a lot better than I I thought. Now, I know the playoffs are a different game. I know that, but I got to eat it a little bit. This is a better fit than I thought.

So Donovan Mitchell needs the ball, and Evan Mobley is not presently playing. And in Evan Mobley's absence, Jared Allen is an improved player. This is always something that's interesting to me when the fourth and the fifth guy become the third and the second guy, and then I expect the team to get worse, but I realized the third or the second guy is better than I thought he was. We cannot dispute this, right? No matter what your criticisms are of MVP Hall of Famer James Harden, not having Darius Garland available in any meaningful way to this team for the last couple of years in a way that make it better. If I eliminate that and add James Harden, I am better. Hard stop. That's not going to be subtraction. No matter what you think of James Harden, he's going to be better than the remains of Darius Garland, who has given them nothing. That team, I have told you the last few years, cannot beat the Knicks the way they were formed. Mitchell Robinson eats up their front line. They have no chance against the Knicks the way that they were formed. And I don't think the Knicks are the best team in that conference.

The Detroit Pistons are far and away the best team in that conference. But I believe the audience at large believes in the Knicks more because the Knicks have two stars you've heard of, and that's the only reason that they're doing it. They're doing it because they're believing in Jalen Brunson and Carl Anthony Towns for some reason more than they're believing in Kate Cunningham and the rest of what it is that the Pistons have.

So your analysis about the Knicks and Cavs and the match-up issues that Mitchell Robinson in particular presented, it's on the money. But James Harden has that skill set that could actually do something about that.

I'm thinking that this is something that can make... Well, will make Cleveland better, period. Will it make Cleveland better enough as Windhorse sits here in Wonders aloud on ESPN. Hey, LeBron and Cleveland are an option after this season. He's saying Cleveland is absolutely a place to watch for LeBron here next season. I'm wondering if Cleveland has solved some of its organizational and architecture issues because they've gone out and in exchange for Darius Garland, gotten a Hall of Famer who can score.

Absolutely. They've improved. If you look at player A and player B, and Darius Garland and James Harden, yes, you have improved. But they were almost a 65-win team last season and got smoked in the playoffs with basically the same team. When the playoffs come, Evan Mobley, his health is going to be a question mark. Jared Allen is going to get played off the floor. That's just what happens when he's there, especially with guys that he can't guard in the Eastern Conference. There's going to be one ball. James Harden and Dalvin Mitchell are going to have to fight for that one ball, even though Harden can play point at some points, and he's great as a lob threat. Something's got to give there. I don't feel like James Harden is the answer.

He might not be the answer, but you're not going to be able to do a lot better than that in the discount, Ben. In terms of what you could have brought back for Darius Garland, there's not a whole lot of help me more now that you could have gotten than the guy they got for Darius Garland.

Yeah, their fans probably want a championship answer. Maybe this isn't an answer, but it seems like it's certainly a solution in terms of some of the adversity they meet come playoff time.

To your There's no point, though, there was nobody better that they could have gotten for a Darius Garland that hasn't played in eight months. Hold on. The bongo is in front of us. There hasn't been a player for the last eight months as Darius Garland, who hasn't played, basically, even though he was an all-star. To get James Harden for that guy is an absolute steal for the front offense of Cleveland.

I want to play. I thought, go back there and play with them if you like. I thought that when Cleveland got to the playoffs last year, I thought that they were going to be better. I thought that the New York Knicks were not going to be the matchup problem for Cleveland that they ended up being. To my way of thinking, the Cavs should have the best roster in the conference. If I say to you, who would you rather have James Harden and Donovan Mitchell or Karl Anthony Towns and Jalen Brunson as your two best players, don't you take the former? If I just say, I'm giving you two players, you're starting. Now, I know there's more to it than this, but Evan Mobley, when he gets the ball, is a really exceptional player, and I don't like Bridges. I don't like Josh Hart, whoever it is, Ananobi, whoever it is you're making the next third best player. I don't think he's as good as Evan Mobley.

You're 100% right. If you look at the two, but if you extend it to three, They may have the best three in the Eastern Conference. If you look around, obviously, Tatum is not there. You look around the Eastern Conference, like Yannis is basically out of the picture. Who else do you have?

The Cavs also have a Merrill three-point shooting. They have just a lot of stuff that I would want. I know people are saying that they're tired of Kenny Atkinson, but it's legitimately confusing to me the way that team has gotten worse. Look, when Mike starts complaining about the Miami heat, and I just think about how hard it is to stay up there, I really thought the Orlando Magic were doing the kinds of moves that would make them make the ascent that Detroit has made, where they can also be a problem for the Knicks. I thought that the things that Orlando did, when you look at what's just changed, look at what has changed in, I'm going to say, the last 18 months since a Mikael Bridges cost you five first-round picks, a Rudy Gobert cost you five first-round picks. A Desmond Bain, when you're the worst. The Orlando Magic were the worst three-point shooting team in the league. What do they do? They give up a bunch of future for Desmond Bain. They're a play-in team. They are not going to make the improvements that need to be made in order to knock off the Knicks, even though I think they present match-up problems for their Knicks with their youth and their length.

But every time Benchero plays and Franz Wagner is not out there, Banchero ends up making them That's the issue, right?

Their foundation, their idea was correct. The foundation of what the Orlando Magic are built on is a player that is inherently super flawed in Paulo Bancero, who is not super efficient, who will take it on himself to out shoot the team from that game. It's a tough situation when you got Franz Wagner, who I actually really like, who I think is a good second piece. He's in and out of the lineup, always hurt. But the foundation is Bancaro is an officer. He's going to be an officer for 10 years. You're looking around saying, he's okay, but he's not great.

One of the things Things, though, that's happening for James Harden, which we were talking about earlier as it related to Kyler Murray. Man, when it comes to hope, another man's trash is a new fan base's treasure. They're falling in love with the beard in Cleveland because of what he represents. Did a beard give away. They knew what they had there was not good enough. Can you guys find for me the photo that I believe is shocking of James Harden without a beard? Because you will understand why he wears that beard that way when you see without a beard because he's doing something stylistically and optically to just hide everything that's going on with his face. But he is somebody who is embraced in Cleveland now as if he's the shiny new thing who represents, Oh, this is going to change our team. Do you understand? As if. But do you understand that the rest of the country is looking at what Cleveland just did and making the obvious jokes about, Oh, what could possibly go wrong in ingredients? A team has trouble in the playoffs is adding the player most associated with payoff trouble in that entire league.

In fact, who's second now? Now that we've gotten rid of Carmelo Anthony- Playoff P. Okay. Yeah, I guess we're still counting on him some way.

Cp 3? Play more games in Tyler Hero this year.

There is no player in the sport associated more now with payoff failure than the one Cleveland has added, and yet he represents hope to Cleveland and the novelty love the beard because what's more exciting than a scorer? What in that sport gives you more enthusiasm than a guy that you know can make 10 threes in any game and can get all the threes? A high energy white. You said that in the wrong voice. No, no, no, no.

I remember the Birdman acquisition. Nothing gets you ready for the home stretch like a high energy white. Ask Cleveland. They know all about deli.

A high energy white, though. I feel like that should have been delivered in the Zagaki voice. No, no. Why not? No.

It's a serious take. That's why I'm like, Dude, the magic of March Madness. What is the secret sauce? We've been telling you, white guys. And high energy white at the right time, right around that deadline can change fortunes. And it's certainly ignites a fan base.

Can you guys please help me with my new transition into more football talk and going from a high energy white into just football conversation with the Jason Garrett. Palette cleanser there at your leisure, please. I just need for a transition, Jason Garrett staring at a camera, making love to the camera, and that gleaming sparkle of a tooth. Jeremy, as you run back in here-Lewis loves you right now.

Yeah.

It was a great idea to have a video queue up before we play another video. That's right. We're certainly capable.

I did inform him of that, though. So let's play the Jason Garret tooth, please. Thank you. Miles Garrett and Micah Parsons are getting into a back forth about who's better. I want to start with Micah Parsons. I think we all agree, right? There's no dispute about this. No matter how great you think Micah Parsons is, the general consensus, to the degree that you can get a consensus on anything in conversation these days, is that Miles Garrett is better at this than Micah Parsons. That's not much of a slight on Micah Parsons, but Micah Parsons obviously does not believe that. So let's hear this back and forth, please.

Cowboys, packers, we all know the truth. All them Cowboys fans don't love you no more. That record is only going to stay for so long. It is still currently my time. Because I still do things that none of you all do. Who's none of you all? Just because your light is brightening itself doesn't mean mine is dimming in any way. I'm just saying I played 13 games, so obviously, I'm getting to the quarterback. In 13 games, I had 18 sacks. What do you want? I need a whole season. Whole season statistical categories. You ain't playing a whole season. We lost half our starting lineup and still made the dance. Yeah, and when you had your full starting lineup, we punched you all in the mouth. How many games you all win? Five. Hey, guess what? We're doing the same thing.

That was great.

They're good talkers, the both of them. Micah Parsons enjoys. He's unusual in that not a lot of people are doing what he's doing. I know podcasts prolific everywhere, but there aren't a whole lot of other cowboys who are that interested in the off-field life of creating content that they're doing as much in podcasting as Micah Parsons is. But if you want to hear some more sound on this before Miles Garrett starts dunking on him with better arguments. I'm sorry, Micah Parsons legitimately thinks he's better. Listen to this sound.

Because I still do things that none of you all do. Who is none of you all? You, Will, Rest of the League. What? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Thank you, bro. Hold on. What are we talking about? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yes, that record stands, and we're not taking that away. There's nobody in the league who can line up from left to right and play every position as if they got paid at that position. Facts. I have a sack at every spot across the line. You can have a second. I'm talking about truly play it at my weight. I can't be 240, bro. Facts. That's not what I'm asked to do. I actually got to set the edge. No, I- Play the run. Hold on. Get to your fail. I get those, too. Well, you got four in the last two years. That's cap. That's cap. That's cap. All right, Look out, look out, look out. That record is only going to stay in for so long. It is still currently my time.

Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right?

Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is one when it hasn't hit triple zero.

Always drink your Jägermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion.

Everything else?

Everything else.

Wearing clean underwear every day?

Well, that's just a personal decision.

Brushing your teeth?

Obviously smart, but not a rule.

Never PP on an electric fence.

Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely, Jägermeister must be drank ice cold. Or don't drink it at all. Damn, that's cold. Exactly. You're finally starting to get it.

Drink responsibly. Jägermeister L'Core, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jägermeister US, White Plains, New York.