Transcript of Hour 1: The Rattling Skype Call

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What a day in Kingsport. Wow, thank you. Someone's calling us already on the Zoom. Was that Skype? Was that a Skype call?

I like that as a rejoin.

It was quite unsettling. Anyways, the universe already ended. What year is it? The universe already ended. We're just living in its echo. Hey, great day in the NFL yesterday. Those games, bears, bangles, chiefs, bills. Zaz, you saw those games?

Of course, I see everything. Oh, my.

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Awesome. That's a tremendous read by Mike Ryan.

Look, I navigated adversity there.

You did?

With no penalties.

Why did I say one time?

I don't know what I'm doing.

He goes, One place to go. I go, One time.

Are you Wyclef?

Wyclef, Cody.

I meant one place. I was trying to Bowie Mike.

One time.

Yeah, Bowie. No, I'm Wyclef. I'm gone till November.

Zaz, your kid, it cost him a lot of money, didn't you?

Oh, man. So yesterday, I got home from Jacksonville, yesterday, late morning, yesterday. I was at the world's largest outdoor cocktail party.

They don't call it that anymore.

Yeah, they changed it.

Yeah, but you know what? You know what? Make my own rules, Mike. That's nice.

That's an unfortunate call that Florida got there. That was a catch.

Right. Which was clearer, the foot on the plate in the World Series or the no catch?

That was a clear catch. It seemed like a catch, right?

They got it wrong.

It was also a clear out at home plate.

Yes, it No, we have video. We have video of the planting foot of the planting foot of Will Smith behind the plate. You guys don't- Very obviously, it digs right into the plate. I also cannot believe we are in the third hour of this show, and the The only World Series game seven that we have discussed is whether or not this play was safe or out when there were some of the most amazing moments I've ever seen in a baseball game.

That's great, Jeremy. We can circle back to it. You interrupted Zazzo, and I don't like that.

Thank you, Mike.

You're respectful.

About time somebody said that. So I got back from Jacksonville late yesterday morning, a couple hours out. I'm sitting on the couch in the Zazla mansion family room. I'm enjoying a little football. I like that the dolphins aren't playing, so it's a nice day. And my son sends me a text message. I haven't heard from him all weekend. He's almost 17. He sends me a text message. All it says is, You're a terrorist. It's all it says. He's calling me a terrorist. Extreme. And I'm thinking about it for a second. What terror have you reined? And then I realized what I did. At a start, I go, Oh, no.

What did you do?

So my son was in a survivor pool. A lot of money All right. It was one of those survivor pools. There was about 170 some odd people in it, and it was $100 per person. You do the math, grand prize, $17,000. Holy hell. Yeah, $17,000. And going into this week, the 170-person pool was whittled down to 20-something. Oh, no. And he's one of the 20-something. Oh, no. And so earlier in the week, he's trying to... And he's planning. He's planning, all right, if I do this here, I do this next week, I do this next week. Oh, no. And I'm like, Don't plan. You just got to survive week to week, all right? Just take the best team possible. Do it next week, the next week, all right? So my son says, he goes, I want to take the Ravens over the dolphins. And I'm like, No, it's the road team. They give up the terrible defense.

What do you know?

Well, that's really what it boils down to is, I don't know anything about sports. Yeah, of course not. I'm steering him off the Ravens on Thursday night. It's weird. Weird things happen Thursday night football. He's like, All right, well, who would you go with? You say it, Chris, who did I tell him to go with? Had to be the packers. Had to be the packers. I steered him in the direction of the packers. I put two and two together, and that's why he texted me, You're a terrorist.

That field goal must have been a stab in the heart.

$17,000. Oh, my God.

I felt bad. You know what? What's more egregious? To tell him to pick the team that ended up losing or to talk him off of picking the team that ended up winning? Right, I did both.

Have you been helping him every week? Or is it the first time you came in here?

No, it's the first time. No, because every week, I'm like, Hey, did you survive your pool? And every week, he comes to be really proud. He's like, I know what I'm doing this coming week. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. I'm like, All right, sounds great, Good luck. And then this week, finally, because it involved the dolphins, and I feel like I know something because I don't even follow sports. I was like, No, don't do it. It was the first week I gave him advice.

Osama bin Zazlun over here.

I had spoken to him all weekend, just you're a terrorist.

Yes, you are. You are of the highest order.

I felt bad.

You should be on a watch list.

It's a lot of money.

I want to see what he planned, and if what he planned goes accordingly and he wins out. Oh, my You owe him $17,000. You do.

That'll be interesting, right?

Because he picked the Ravens this week. That's what he wanted to pick. You talked them off. He wanted to pick the Ravens this week. He wanted to save the packers. Text your son and tell him, Hey, who would have been the next couple of weeks?

Show me the plan. I will.

Get the plan and let's put it up there and let's see what happens because if he does and he wins out, you owe him $70,000.

In cash. It's a lot of money for a 17-year-old. It is.

I would not feel comfortable with my kid having $17,000 just out of the blue.

He's not going to walk around in his pocket. What do you think is going to happen?

What do you think is going to happen?

He's going to put it in his bank account.

You think he's going to put it in a bank account? Have you not been 17 before? What's he going to do?

He's going to have it under the mattress?

17 years old, I would have been doing so much ignorant shit with that.

I want to make it clear, $17,000. A lot for any of us, would be really nice to have $17,000.

I know, but we're adults. 17 years old, you give me 17,000 dollars.

That's like a million dollars.

Exactly.

Just have a bar mitzvah. Yeah, he must have thought it's an incredible amount of money that his father just-I'd be like James Franklin planning a wild trip.

You see him, Tony? The vacation? The post-firing vacation.

Me and Tony-Not as good as what I'd like, though.

We love talking about the rich coaches with their like, We just got fired.

It's the dream, get fired from a power four.

Everyone thinks their life stinks. I have no job now. I have all this money, and We saw he was at... It was at Greece. He was on some lake in Greece.

Brian Kelly has $54 million. That's what I'm saying. Think about the trip you're planning. I was like, You know what his Fridays used to be like? Hold on, let me watch some more film. Hello, are you up? Oh, no, we have to do this. Nothing to do. Now, Friday?

You just said exactly right. Realistic credibility and get reckless. Here is something we like to call reckless speculation. You're good. It works. I mean, go.

Brian Kelly is having a time of his life. If I'm Brian Kelly, I've got all types of performers over like I'm Paul pierce, just living my life on a live stream, asking them what website you came from.

Paul pierce has been celebrating operating that one championship since.

Man, if you're Paul pierce, you've got to say to yourself that I didn't want to talk about Paul pierce right now. I got distracted because I had to hit the button. If you're Brian Kelly, though...

Paul pierce right now.

Paul pierce is like, What?

If you're Paul pierce, you're like, Why is he even talking about me? But if you're Brian Kelly...

You guys that suck.

You got rattled just like Mike earlier.

I did get rattled because I...

One time.

Now, do it with a Skype call. And your world being over.

I love that ringtone, man. Being a fired coach with a buy-out. The dream. But that's how you know they're sickos. I'm like, Why would you ever I don't need to go back? You give me $54 million right now.

James Franklin in his first interview the next week after his fire says, I can't wait to get right back in the mix.

I will walk away. I swear to God, you give me $54 million right now. I will quit on the spot. Just walk out. I'll walk to the airport. You see what I mean? You got 54 million. You can't take an Uber, though. You got to walk to the airport. Like Midnight Run? Yep. Barefoot. I'll do it.

You know the way, though. You got there pretty fast. Yeah.

You'd be so tired.

It's traffic. I'm fast in the traffic. I'd be tired. You know what else I'd be? 54 million dollars richer. Come on, man. Why do you all feel bad for these people? For any of them? Yeah, I know Dan sits here trying to humanize people. Today, we're doing something different. The substitute teacher is out of control. We're dehumanizing people. We're going to dehumanize these They're riches, man. What are we doing? What are we doing?

You're complaining, Oh, you're sad.

You got fired. It's not fair.

I went to the national championship game last year. Well, yeah, guess where you went now? I'd rather be in Greece than the national championship game. How about that?

Mykonos is great this time here, brother. Oh, my God. I know you've been to Mykonos, Mike.

He went to the game before the game. Whatever. It's your Orange Bowl.

Give a shit where he went. Do shit where he's at now. An interview the next week?

Yeah.

He out of your mind. Yeah.

Now I see why he didn't want to come to our show the next week.

Of course, because he's still trying to be serious. Oh, I have a job to do. I don't have it yet, but I'll do it. What happened in the World Series?

There we go. Circle him back. The Dodgers threw $300 million out there in the final headings of Game 7 of the World Series, and everyone's supposed to say, Hey, this sport's okay.

Hold on. Yoshinobu Yamamoto doing what he did, going from a game 6 start the night before where he gives up one run in six innings and they win the game, to come back out the next night and dominate a Blue Jay's lineup that had been great. I'll pull up the stats in just a second. The difference between when they were facing every other pitcher on the Dodgers and facing Yoshinobu Yamamoto is extraordinary. I believe he gave up two runs in 17 and two-thirds innings, and otherwise, they scored 31 runs in the series or something like that. I'll gather the numbers I have a theory, by the way.

The whole pitchers can't pitch back-to-back days thing. It's all bullshit. They'll get hurt in the long run. These guys have successfully negotiated. They're talking about load management in our sport. They got a whole position. All you do is load manage. I pitched two days ago.

I can't possibly-I'll see you in five days. I'll see you in a week.

It's like, Honey, can you open this jar? No, I have to pitch in three days. I can't use this at all for anything.

They could pitch two days later. The starters can't start two days. You can't expect to go six innings two days later. You could pitch two days later.

You're going to play the sport, play the sport, man.

You're going to get hurt if you do that. That's the way these guys are doing it.

Now we care when they get hurt, huh?

Yeah, they invest a lot of money.

Kwhi Leonard is very intrigued now. Kwhi Leonard is very intrigued now. Now it matters. I never had an issue with. He might get hurt.

17 and two-thirds innings for the Blue Jay's offense against Yoshinobu Yamamoto. You're just said Yamamoto. Two runs. Blue Jay's offense versus every other Dodger's pitcher. 56 in a third innings, 32 runs. That's the difference. That's why he's the MVP, because not only did he have that type of dominance, he gets three road wins. Three road wins. He gets the game 2 win, he gets the game 6 win, he gets the game 7 win. That is one of the best World Series performances we've ever seen. From a pitcher, maybe Madison Bumgarner is the only other example that we can look at this century. You have Randy Johnson, there's other great ones.

But Josh Beckett. Man. You're preaching to someone who saw Randy Johnson pitch 800 times in a five-game session.

I thought you were going to say, Hit a Bird.

And that, too. You know the most incredible thing? I bring this up every time when we talk about this bird. It didn't get hit and then fall down. It disintegrated. Like a cartoon It has to exist. It just feathers. Like Davy Doug getting shot. I've never seen anything like it since.

It's incredible. I'll tell you, though, that World Series Saturday Night, man.

So good.

If I'm a Blue Jays fan, I I really question why I care about sports. I'm being serious about that because if I'm a Blue Jays fan, I'm obviously, I'm catatonic. It's the worst moment of my life, and I don't even know how I'm going to recover. It's as brutal as it gets if you're a sports fan. I really do. It makes me... Everyone's like, Oh, game seven is the greatest thing in sports. It makes me question why we care about sports when that ends up being the end result, because all of those people there in that stadium, and all over the country, for that matter, it was the worst moment of their life when that game ended. I don't know how you come back. I really felt bad. I don't know how you come back from that as a fan.

I'm not a guy watching Maple Leaves.

Low blow.

You have the play at the plate inches away from winning the World Series. It's the worst shit. Vlad Jr. Just misses having a walk off.

They were two outs away from the World Series, and Alex is like, All right, it never even happened. Why are you pooh-poohing?

He just missed it.

This World Series is going to have a pretty big impact beyond just what we saw there. I know that they had superstars in this game that will help grow the game. But Tim Kirch, and I saw his postgame comments about how the Blue Jays might have changed the sport forever. I mean, go figure. Guys at the bottom of the lineup just trying to put the bat on the ball. They're a little bit of a throwback team, and They have some of these new school elements where you have guys just taking porn hacks at the top there. But the roster construction around Toronto does give people a chance, even though you ran into a $2 billion roster.

But also the old-school method, bunting the guy the 11, giving away the out. That's, I think, the lie. I'm sorry.

What hacks did you say?

Porn hacks.

That's what I thought I heard. I felt so good for those people. What was it early in the game when you get the three run home like, Oh, my God, they're so happy. They're so excited. This is so cool. And for it to end the way it did. That's the worst, man.

That's the worst, man. Miguel Rojas.

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2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Levatard.

Always good to see everybody despite the fact that everyone appears to hate me. Stugatz.

I love you, Woody.

That's on you.

I don't know you that well.

They said that you both suck ass and were bitten in the ass.

Those are both things that you were accused of during this. You're rough day for my ass.

You're rough day for my ass. You're rough day for my ass. That's the situation.

Ask. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Not even the most brutal Championship lost over the weekend.

Oh, what happened? Oh, my gosh.

He got his gear head on. I know you guys weren't watching the Cup Series finale from Phoenix, but Denny Hamlin, story lines galore. Racer for Joe Gibbs Racing, owner of 2311 Michael Jordan's team that is presently suing Nascar. His dad, terminally ill, never has won a Championship, Denny Hamlin, and it was all right there for him. He's basically the Buffalo bills of this sport. He has won damn near 60 times, won at Dayton multiple times, but he has never won a Cup Series Championship.

I'm never going to understand. He races for one team but owns another?

It's crazy. Anywho. Guys dominating the race at Phoenix. Dominant. Leading lap after lap after lap. There are only three other drivers that are eligible to win this Championship in this race. You have Kyle Larson, you have William Byron, and you have Chase Brusco. Brusco has a bad car, battles, but doesn't figure into the finish. You have William Byron, and you have Kyle Larson, teammates at Hendrix Motors. Denny Hamlin dominating. He's four laps away. He is leading the pack by multiple seconds. What happened? William Byron blows a tire, and it brings about a caution. Denny Hamlin has to change all four tires. So it goes in the pit. Kyle Larson takes the gamble, was basically on two bad left tires. The entire final stage of that race just kept changing the two tires on the right side. You go to a restart, Kyle Larson holds position. Denny Hamlin, devastated. He found a way to look crestfallen with a helmet on. That's hard to do. And you had one of the It was really gripping television.

Did he do something wrong? Could he have done something different?

Did nothing wrong, man. It's just how random that sport could be. Kyle Larson, he wasn't leading any laps. He was a lap down at one point. It was an incredible comeback for Kyle Larson. But Denny Hamlin, you feel bad. I'm a big Kyle Larson fan. I'm rocking the five right now. I was rooting for Denny. I was rooting for Denny Hamlin because of all the reasons that I laid out, I wanted to see the Frane's family hand him that Cup Series Championship. I wanted him to finally get that monkey off his back and win a Cup Series Championship. Instead, what you had was absolute joy on one side of the split screen. And damn near the saddest an individual has ever looked in their entire life competing in motorsports.

You know what they say? I do. Them's be the brakes. Get it? Like in a car. Breaks be R-K-E. It's a Nascar joke. What do you guys know about funny?

You've been out to that race in Phoenix before, right?

I have, yeah. It's fun, man. Going in person is fun.

I mean, there's a time in that track, there's one section where dog legs, where you can get seven wide. You had one of those restarts there, and it allows for something random. But if William Byron never gets that flat tire, Denny Hamlin finally gets to win that championship, and you have one of the cooler celebrations and cooler moments in sports this year. Instead, your heart breaks for the guy.

See, as you ask the question, this is why. This is why. That heartbreak sets the tone and gives it a texture and a patina that is only... You only get it in sports. You can't get it from fiction. It's the only way you could do it from live, uninterrupted drama. Think about it like this. Think about how San Antonio felt when Ray Allen hit that shot. That sadness is, I would say, equivalent to what the Blue Jays felt with Denny Hamlin felt.

Another game. Spurs and that's what I hear.

What you were saying about Blue Jays fans, Denny Hamlin, it was pulsating off of him. Why am I doing this shit?

Well, but at least it's his job, all right? If you're a fan, then it's really, why do I care about this? Why am I letting this ruin my life right now? That's how I felt for the Blue Jays fans. You know how awful those people feel, man, when they're leaving the stadium on Saturday night?

I think Mike Noah is awful. I felt terrible for them. Mike's pretty familiar how awful they are.

Yeah, no, my life is over.

Well, there's also not a world. 32 years, man. There's not a world where any of them are watching Miguel Rojas, right? Because Ohtani is up next. So you're all thinking like, Oh, God, with two outs, it's going to be Ohtani. What are we going to do? They're going to get Rojas here. And then Miguel Rojas joins Bill Mazarowski as the second player ever with a game tying or go ahead homer in the ninth ending or later of a winner take all game in the World Series. It was so improbable that he would play the type of role he did. He didn't play for the first five games. And then he comes in a game six and has that scoop at second on the double play that almost went underappreciated because of how great it was that the play was made in left field with the jump that was made. But for him to have that scoop and then hit the homer and then be the guy at second base with the infield in to make the throw home that gets the runner at home.

After tripping, too. Because he had tripped and fallen back and then gained his composure and threw it back.

It was so cool to see a guy who started his career with the Dodgers, has just basically been a role player his whole career, was elevated to a leadership position in Miami. We all know that that ended in an ugly way if you listen to the show with how it went down with Jazz. But for him to now end up back in LA and to contribute in that way after not being a piece of that team throughout most of the postseason, it was so improbable. It feels like baseball is the only sport where that specific thing happens.

Is there anybody who woke up, forget woke up today, who last night, or Saturday night, excuse me, was like, Oh, my God, I've been saved. More more than Quique Hernández? Because that MFer almost blew the whole thing.

You don't think he catches it?

Absolutely not. Really?

Sometimes those guys pull that out.

. Will he maize over the shoulder?

But they look a little... Usually, if they can get a glove on it, they catch it. He was turned around. I'm with you.

So lost in the sauce, man. I love it.

The center field is just like, I'm running over you right now.

You could see the look on his eyes like, Oh, shit. I don't know what I'm doing. And then collision course. Oh, my God.

To the point that Mike was making, they threw $300 million in the last couple of innings. The guys that really stepped up for the Dodgers were the guys that weren't paid all this money, right? Miguel Rojas is not paid a ton of money, hit the home run. Will Smith, who's probably the MVP if it wasn't Yamamoto, with how good he played, caught basically eight games worth in seven games. And then on top of that, Báhez, who couldn't get the bat on the ball to save his effing life, makes one of the most incredible plays flying over from 100 yards away in center field to make a grab, basically mossing his own player to get that catch. That was huge.

No doubt. But also $300 million.

But also, Mike, $300 million, but it took extra innings in game seven for them to beat.

And coming back in game six.

To me, I'm always a believer. Number one, super teams are good for sports because it gives you- The Dodgers are definitely really good for baseball. They're good for baseball. Really good. They make you tune in. And by the way, you're not just tuning in because you're rooting for them to lose. You're tuning in because pretty damn interesting, seeing the dude that pitches 10 innings and knocks out three home runs.

Yeah, but you got to keep in mind that game seven probably does not happen without that ground rule double on game six.

I hate that rule, the ground rule double. You're telling me that's their rule. But that outfielder, he can't grab the ball out.

No, you can't.

Hands up, buddy.

They teach you that in Little League.

You even play Little League over there.

Grab the ball. You can try to, but if it stuck- Try to.

He can't get out. You're kidding me?

What should happen if he tries to grab it and can't?

Then you put your arms up.

You didn't even try.

No, that's not how it works. I clearly know that's not how it works, but try and get the ball out. Why can't you get the ball.

Get the ball.

You're taught, throw those hands up as soon as you see that ball stuck because you can end up in that specific situation.

It's an advantage for the fielder in that spot then. Try and get the ball out.

Isn't it more of an advantage for the runner? Because if you're out there-No, the runs would have scored. But I'm just saying you're fumbling in the thing.

One of the runs would have scored.

I don't know, man. My point is this. Number one- I can't get it.

I can't get it.

It's just wild. The manager of the Blue Jay says, I've been here for years, never seen that happen. And then it happens in one of the biggest moments.

That shit happens.

I don't think I'm using hyperbole when I say-Devons be the breaks? It feels like it was the greatest World Series ever because look-We were talking.

I can't think of a better one.

Game one, nobody expects the Blue Jays to win, and they went at what? Five once. It's like, Oh, my God, Blue Jays. Maybe they could do this. Then you get to game 3, and it's an 18-inning game, and the Dodgers are up to one, and they got the next two games at home. But oh, no, the Blue Jays win both of those games. Then you get the finish to game six, so the Dodgers 4, so game seven, and just an all-time classic game 7. It It feels like the greatest World Series ever.

2001 was pretty good. Yankees lost, but it was a fun series. And again, that last game and seeing those assholes come on the mound and then seeing Mariano Rivera, and that's supposed to be that's it. Mariano Rivera, you're entering the same man.

Well, Byung-Kym, for that matter, too, was the best closer in baseball that year. And he blew, what, two games? I think that series?

What are outside influences that heightened the game? The Yankees became America's team.

Oh, it was 9/11.

Cubs, Cleveland was pretty huge. You had both teams going a very long time without winning a championship. There's a rain delay. Was it the whole series?

Was it the major drama of that whole series?

Brother, you're asking me questions that I can't answer.

It's a seven-game series where you have the Cubs as this team that hasn't won in 108 years. So there's drama inherently with every single pitch. But that was the difference in this series to me was everyone who we spoke to, like Tony, you're watching this with baited breath.

But he got somebody unlocked in.

Because every single pitch felt like it was such an important... Well, yeah, of course. But there was such an important moment with every single pitch outside of once it became 11 to 4 in the first game. It felt like the series could swing at any given moment. To watch the Dodgers go into Toronto and do what they did with Yamamoto being this huge piece, to think that Shohe Ohtani started multiple games, has, I believe, three hits in the final game of the series in game seven, starting on the mound in that game, has a game where he reaches base nine times, the first player in any game to do it, has three home runs in the series, and he wasn't even the best Japanese player on the Dodgers. That's how great Yamamoto was.

It was wild after the game to see Aarod at the desk when they get Ohtani there for an interview, asking him for an autograph. It's seeming like it's Aarod here, and he's just like, This is a moment here. I think it was his card from his onset. It was just some card, but it was really cool seeing him.

You know what? If I could just add real quick, that Cheater sucks on that part.

It still sucks. It sucks, right? Let me say that about that little A-Rod story. You know what that was, right?

You're A-Rod?

You can do this at any time. You're A-Rod. You can do this at any time. I'm going to do it in the middle of the broadcast.

It was at the end of the interview when they're saying bye, and it was just more like, I want to I can't document this.

So they're going by, you mean the part where they throw to a commercial or someone somewhere else, where then he could just wait, Oh, show me before you go. Can you sign this? No, I'm going to do it while it's on camera. You don't want to miss it. You know why? Because he's trying to have A-Rod. It's like passing the torch or whatever.

Get out of here. It seemed genuine to me.

None of this shit...

A-rod? I know, and I get it. A-rod is the least genuine, but just that moment, it seemed like he was just like, This is really cool.

What did Jeter have? Just a sourpuss face on the side? Yeah, basically. It's not that good. Yeah.

Hey, watch yourself, man.

That's the captain, man.

We did three in a row. You did two, we did three.

Pretty much.

Not even that good.

You guys weren't doing that. You want to stack it up. You want to stack it up.

Asterix in the 2020 years, too.

I was a shortstop, but that means I'm good at everything.

Pretty much.

Half of a championship.

Also, he had the thing where he fell into the thing and he cut his face. Remember that? Derek Jeter.

I didn't even have to do that. I could have just caught the ball and not fell over.

No, man.

Project Wolverine.

Sure.

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Dan Levatard. My algorithm on Instagram is Dan's all boobs. Stugatz. It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Enough baseball. Are you happy, Jeremy? Enough baseball.

Are you happy? There's never enough baseball. Not with that series.

That was enough baseball. This baseball talk is over. Man. Tony, what happened on the train?

Was it really for real at the end of the season?

Listen, I know that a former cast member would do a segment called The Pickle, and I'm going to revive that segment.

Move it yourself, Pickles. Oh, yeah? Really? How much? 2. 99.

That's a hell of a deal.

I'm going to bring back The Pickle. Here it is. Let's go. All right. I've got a bit of a pickle. You know I'm a public transportation man, man of the people. Sometimes the train giveth and Sometimes the train taketh away, gentlemen. I was in a bit of a rock in a hard place situation where I was on the train, packed, on the way home, and I'm sitting there and I'm like, The guy in front of me smells terrible.

Oh, he stinks. He stinks.

He stinks bad.

Like B-O or fart?

Like, all of it. Just not good. Just not good, right? The problem is, lady behind me, so I'm standing up because the train is packed. The guy next to me, he stinks. She thought it was you. Lady behind me, too much perfume. So I'm in a rock in a hard place, and the pickle is, do I lean over to the guy that smells like shit? Or do I lean into the lady that's got a little bit too much perfume and it's actually tearing my eyes. We just got tear gas on.

Give me the tear gas. Yeah? Yeah.

I was stuck. So I was trying to hold my breath. But imagine it's a 17-minute train ride from government center down to Dateland. I can't hold my breath for 17 minutes.

There's nothing worse than having to smell the B-O. There's nothing worse.

Yeah, no, but it was packed. Mike said, Switch cards. Switch Cards. Here's the thing. The moment I get out of that cart, they're going to close the doors. They're going to zoom off. I can't have that.

I need a ticket. Number one. Number two, the other problem, you're on a seat. Switch cars may not have a seat. Might have to stand for that 17 minutes. You got a seat.

You can go in between the cards, too.

No, I don't like doing it in between the cards thing.

You can't risk the seat. You feel like it's a final destination scenario?

Yeah, again, that's just subway over in New York, different story. You can get in and out. All the time. This is the Metro of Miami, baby. I don't know if people can go through that.

You ever watch Under Siege 2, Dark Territory? I haven't. You can do it with these.

Is this a thing? When we were kids in high school, riding in between the cars was the coolest thing. You're not just passing between cars. You used to hang out there. The reason why they have all those signs. You were dangerous, man. Yeah, but the reason they have all those signs on New York Street subways, you're not allowed to go. It's because of us, our generation in high school. We were just there hanging out. Cool kids. You know what? Here's the best part, Mike. Having conversations. But all the conversations, Have to be like this. Because it's so goddamn loud. You're outside of a train in a tunnel.

You guys are so cool.

Yeah, man. You guys are taking the two perfumed old lady over the B-O guy. Absolutely. Guys in here?

It's fairly obvious.

No one's taking B-O, Tony.

I think Underseage 2, Dark Territory.

Juju, put it on the poll.

How about Underseage 1 when Erica Elenill came out of that birthday cake?

Juju, don't I don't want to talk about that.

Incredible.

That is incredible. That is a Where Were You type of moment.

We don't talk about that enough. No.

Juju, put it on the poll.

I found myself.

Would you rather lean into the guy with the B-O or lean into the woman with the too much perfume on? Way too much perfume. Way too much perfume on.

It was tough, though. I decided to stay in my center. Wow. Yeah. I didn't go one way or the other. I stayed in the center and just tried to... Every time the door would open, I'd go...

I don't imagine Sagal in Underseage 2. He's like, Imagine my luck.

Again? Or he's like, It's happening again.

Like John McLean? Well, yeah. Or Sandra Bullock in Speed 2 Cruise Control. She's just like, How often?

Trying to go on a cruise.

I mean, I'm taking unconventional methods of transportation here. How does this keep happening?

I think it's more about Liam Neeson in taken. I mean, at some point we got to realize, buddy, you're a bad father. How about you protect your family? Why are they always getting taken?

He did bring his daughter, the bear, taken three, right? The panda bear, he knocks on the door and she opens it. It's just a panda bear. And then he... Because he's a hell of a dad.

He got a kid of a dad. Ultimately, the wife got killed.

At least with John Connor makes sense.

He's not his wife anymore.

Ex-wife. With John Connor, it makes sense because we know time travel is real. So you might as well take as many lottery tickets as you can to try to kill Mike, I showed my kid's Edge of Tomorrow.

Oh, how about that movie?

Live, Die, Repeat. No, it's always Edge of Tomorrow. Show them Edge of Tomorrow.

How about Live, Die, Repeat?

And then we went back to back.

But how about Live, Die, Repeat?

I will never acknowledge that name.

Live, Die, Repeat, such a better name. Live, Die, Repeat. Lift I Repeat. The Edge of Tomorrow? Yes. The Edge of Tomorrow. What does that even mean Edge of Tomorrow? I don't know what Edge of Tomorrow means. Around Midnight?

What does that mean?

Exactly. It's like tomorrow's about to happen, but it never happens.

But I like Live, Die, Repeat.

Because you're edging.

Because you're edging.

Exactly. Well, call it edging. Edging tomorrow.

Edging tomorrow.

Okay.

One time.

Dems me the breaks. But we went back to back. You know what we did after Edge of Tomorrow?

Speaking of going back to back, those Dodgers, huh? No.

Groundhog Day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Groundhog Day. It hurt me. Kids like Groundhog Day better.

Really? It's just easier to understand.

Tomorrow is easy to understand. Not if you're a kid.

No.

Kids are stupid.

It's the edge of tomorrow. What do you not get about that?

It gets a reset. Every time you think it's tomorrow, no. You wake up, it's Today.

It's today.

It's Groundhog Day.

Well, that, too.

But then when you go to sleep and then you wake up and it's the same thing, right? That's the difference.

This one, he's dying.

You know what I'm fascinated by? Franchises that make a boatload of money overseas that don't make any sense to have sequels here in the States.

Like the Dodgers.

Now you see me.

Now they got number three. Now you see me. Now you don't.

Why are we doing this? Because it's a big franchise overseas. Europeans love magic.

Can I mention- The Chinese love magic.

Can I mention this Jesse Eisenberg? He's willing to do all these Now You See Me movies, he won't return for the Facebook movie?

It's a little while. I guess he knows that no one in the States is watching it. It's like the A-list actors that went over to Asia to film a commercial because they never thought that the internet would be a thing.

You know when his career started to go downhill, right? Was when he did Batman versus Superman: Dawn of Justice. That little end credits. The red coats are coming. He went from the hot Hollywood actor, quirky, but does traumas and all that to, You're just a joke.

He had the career come back, though. With what? With the award season. Kieran Culkin, one best supporting actor on that movie about the young Jewishmen going back to tour the sites of the Holocaust. That was a little career comeback for him.

Speaking of young Jewish men, I did compile a list because Nobody Wants This on Netflix just came back, which is a movie about a rabbi.

It's a show, Jeremy.

Oh, yeah. Tv show about a rabbi.

I thought this was the list. Nobody wants it.

No, but that's what I meant. I swear, dude. No, nobody wants anything that I do.

I thought you were like, I have this list. I know nobody wants it.

Well, nobody wants this either. No, because when you hear it, you're not going to think anything of it either. But the whole premise is that Adam Brody has this this young woman, Kristin Bell, fall in love with him and realize that she really loves Jewish guys. I compiled a list here because that's the premise of the show. Top five Jewish actors that millennial non-Jewish women have developed crushes on that made them go, Huh, maybe I have a thing for Jewish guys. Or you could look at this as the top five Jewish actors that Jewish men hope to be compared to on a first date. There you go. For millennials, and this is particularly for young millennials, Gordo from Lizzie Maguire. Any of you? No? All right, we'll move on. No. Speaking of Social Network, Andrew Garfield. He's O-L-I. He's M-O-T. Simply because you're surprised that he's M-O-T. He's in the tribe.

I didn't know he was M-O-T. He's in the tribe.

Paul Rudd, O-L-I. He's just too handsome. He's just too handsome, and no one really associates him with being a Jewish guy. This is my Paul Rudd question. Here's one for all ages. Jeff Goldblum.

I would have to agree.

He's had multiple generations of non-Jewish women go, Hmm.

How about Jeff Goldblum in the fly? Good performance.

He's shredded in that.

Brundlefly.

Picking off his string of nails.

Looking like Julian.

Number five. Dave Franco. Not James? Specifically, Dave. We don't like to acknowledge that one. Number 4, Max Greenfield. For those of you who don't know who that is, Schmidt in New Girl. New Girl, there you go. I mean, come on. He's the ultimate example of-He's a Tired? Playing it, yes. And Goldbloom? Absolutely. Because Goldbloom, we're talking different generations here. I am talking specifically millennial women because that guy really plays into all of the stereotypes of being Jewish, but also he welcomes everyone.

Go back to that other picture you guys had up in the preview, please. Because that guy that you showed right before McClanefield, that guy looks exactly like Kevin O'Connor with a wig on.

That's Gordo.

It's Kevin O'Connor. Number three.

Jason Siegel.

Strong. That's more of a you're funny and you make me laugh crush.

What are we known for? Number 2, Adam Brody playing the Hot R by right now.

Good comeback by him.

And, of course, the OC.

Love the OC.

That was the original moment.

You know about the OC, Tony?

I don't know about that OC. You know who my OC is?

Who? Pick one.

Mike McDaniel.

There you go.

Number 1. Andy Samberg. What? Andy Samberg. I've never... From the day he joined SNL.

Never stop, never stop. Big sex symbol for you.

I promise you, you don't have to ask me. You have to ask Shixas who are into Jewish guys. Andy Samberg? Question mark?

No, Zack Braff, huh? You got to pick an OC.

You got to be great with that.

You got to go Mike Mallarkey. You got to give me something.

I wanted to say Kevin O'Kunal. I forgot about that, too.

Another head coach. You had the good OC line. You just needed a coach.

Look at that guy.

Andy Reid. Donny Dribble, jumped to throw the pass.

He's like, Oh. And all of a sudden, Zaz Cup baseline. And I was like, Where is he?

He stayed in the corner.

Just petered out with Mike McDand.

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