Transcript of Hour 2: Landman Don't Miss

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This is the Dan Levatore show with the Stugats podcast.

The University of Miami can beat you more ways than any team in college football. They are the best team in college football. It's, Oh, you can't play with them. They can beat you with big plays now. They can beat you with defense. They're not going to do all of the dumb things. They are the balanced thing that doesn't exist in a sport that's gone true parody.

Miami looks like they can beat anyone in the nation.

It's the most complete one I've seen since the 2001 one. Just complete. More ways to beat you.

Miami's got to stay healthy. But the neutral field this year in the national title game is in Miami. It's fixed.

Have no question that when Castellanos is being pressured 31 times and Beck is being pressured six, it's fixed.

He was brought here to win national championships. You know who said that? Mario Cristobal. You know who says that privately? Mario Cristobal. So when the standard is a national championship, you can't be going around saying five and oh, everything's fixed. I think you can say the major problems facing this program are fixed.

It's not just, Hey, finishing the top four, and you have to win one game, and you're in the championship anymore.

I think we're aware of what the standard is. Okay. Miami looks like they can beat anyone in the nation.

I can say nothing bad about this team right now.

This was not Rick's football team that got in the top five. I doubted that team all season long. I never thought that team had the best players. What is this shit that you guys are talking about?

Ben Luisvilla and Luis Villiers, and they're not going to beat the keys. The Ks are going to beat the shit of this team today.

I'm telling you that right now. We spent seven minutes on this show yesterday talking about Mario Cristobal's confidence in the way that he's walking around. I mean, are you kidding me? Did you not hear him interview?

The way that he is presently carrying himself in interviews is as a man who is really confident in the players that he has.

He was really kind to me. He gave me a lot of time over the weekend as well for ESPN, and he... Obviously, it has a lot to do with the current state of the program. I mean, he was really nice and really forthcoming with me.

Mario is so confident in his team right now.

He can't even convey publicly what he thinks of his team.

It's one of those situations where he has to be careful what he says publicly because I just think he's supremely confident.

I think Mario Cristobal has shown over the last three years. If there's a problem, he'll solve it. Check out the hook while his DJ calls it. Mario Cristobal isn't going to shut you the hell up until he wins the National Championship. That is correct.

That is correct.

That's cool. But I would say that yesterday's college football talk, as it pertains to Miami Hurricanes, was just an embarrassment. But I don't go to you or Jeremy for ball. That's not what I did. I don't. You embarrassed yourself. It was terrible.

Yes, but your- I got reached out to by a dozen people.

I was told last week that Carson Beck is better than Kam Ward, potentially, and I have not seen anything like that.

I don't think anybody told me.

I went back and listened to the show.

They just said, I really want to get me excited. Talk about this quarterback we got right now.

It's real good.

All right, so wait a minute. So you're doing Carson Beck. You're now going to do Carson- He just said, Better fall camp than camp. Okay, so wait a minute.

Yes. Hold on. Oh, wait. This is where the guy that didn't go to fall camp either year tells me that I'm wrong. Maybe we should apply the context of it raining down here for a month straight when we have conversations about Carson Beck. I also think contextually, there's been a monsoon at Hard Rock Stadium for a month straight, and that also plays into these rivalry games that are also naturally tighter. I think he's going to really reshape the opinion of him a little bit. Again, it's not going to look like Kam Ward, and it can't for Miami to actually win big-time football. It can't look like that.

The one that makes me know that Miami is good is the win over South Florida because I know South Florida is good. If I put it in an Auburn uniform, you guys would be saying, if I put it in an Alabama uniform, you guys would be saying, That's a top 10 team.

I think overall, it was just a great weekend for the University Miami. Shout out to that athletics department, Joe Atchegarria, the President, Kim Gordie, the SID.

I think it's clear whose fault this all is. It's Dan's fault. Of all the sounds, Dan is the most Ehesiously. By far. Oh, my God.

As I was going through that- It's fixed.

Mike, you ought to be upset with Dan, first and foremost. Come on, man.

I'm upset with the team.

Why did it matter that Mario Criswell was nice to me?

It was an important context.

They threw you under the bus.

You could do this any year over the last 20 years. But I think what's different this year is that's just our show. If you sampled the entire world of college football, they had everybody fooled this year. It's a huge shame. I don't think we're going to get to have the conversations that we had last year about resume and whatnot because I think we're probably going to lose another game. I think that's the big takeaway here is the teams, you have a bigger issue now, which is last three years, there's a pattern. Teams lock in your tendencies. You got nothing for them, and your team goes into a hole. That can't be happening for years. It's easy year one and year two to blame it on the Manny guys, the Manny recruits. Manny seems to be doing just fine at Duke. Smu has taken a lot of former Manny guys and done a lot of winning in this conference. Hell, they barely do any losing. They've lost one game.

I keep seeing the comparison to Manny Diaz's ACC record versus Mario Cristobal's ACC record. Why do I give a shit about that? Manny Diaz was the coach here. He was awful. Why do I care what Manny Diaz... Manny Diaz had an opportunity here. He was terrible. So why do I care about his record?

Manny Diaz wasn't the answer. Mario Cristobal had has elevated the floor, now your problem is you just can't get over the hump. You can't get to Charlotte. Before, we were talking about seven-win football teams, six-win football teams. It's definitely changed, but the frustrating part is the intangible stuff and their inability to respond to it. It's going to be a huge week for them. I know they're favored by 28 and a half against Syracuse. It is a program that's had a really difficult year following the injury to Anjeli. Can this team rattle off four in a row to give you a food I thought last year they were told, Hey, no playoffs for you because you have zero ranked wins and your defense is trash. This year, potentially, depending on what happens with Pittsburgh, they could have four ranked wins and a defense that's very good and a signature win over potentially one to two playoff teams, depending on what happens in the AAC. So I do like their hand. For me, the biggest issue is, I don't think this team can run the table in November. If they do, I think a month from now, we feel pretty strongly that they have one of the stronger cases when it comes to the CFP.

But do they get past NC State? I mean, they play teams well.

Mike, when you talk about Cristobal being a floor raiser and that he just can't get over the hump, how many coaches are there in college football that are that coach that can get you over the pump? It feels like there's less than a handful of them.

It's a tough sport. It's like baseball, only you multiply the teams by three. There's one team that gets to win. Look at the Jim Harbaugh experience in Michigan. Year Year after year, couldn't get over the pump, couldn't get over the hump. That gets lucky with a missed field goal. That was Ryan Day. Look, what were they saying about Ryan Day last year when he loses as a 23?

He's probably fired if they don't win the national championship.

Probably. Probably gone maybe a mutual parting of ways, Mario Cristobal has to win that game. He did so in Oregon. He won a Pac-12 Championship, and he won a Rose Bowl. But there is rightfully a narrative that follows him. The only way to correct that narrative is to win. And for whatever reason, a mental thing happens where this team just folds under pressure once teams lock in to what they're doing. Got to start at the top a little bit.

Let me ask you something here in regards to Notre Dame. So Notre Dame right now is ranked 10th. If Notre Dame keeps winning and they win their final 10 games of the season, they're going to be a playoff team. And then that winds up making Miami look good, that, Hey, best win on their resume is that one. But So you could say, Hey, it's a good thing for Miami if they went out there. But is it a good thing for Miami if they went out there? Because they're going to be one of those top 11 spots when maybe you need Notre Dame to lose, to open up one of those top 11 spots. And I say top 11 because you know the ACC winner is not going to be ranked in the top 12. So they're going to wind up taking one of those spots, essentially. And you know what? Depending on what happens with BIO, the Big 12 winner may not be in top 12, so they may take one of those spots also.

Huge game between BIO and Texas Tech. I'd like to entertain all these conversations. I think the best thing that can happen for Miami in terms of that conversation is to have Notre Dame keep winning. Really? Okay. Yeah, because the head-to It matchup has to matter. It has to matter. I don't care that it happened first week of the season. They played. You saw which team was better when they played. But Miami's got to keep winning. Right. Right now, I think the biggest problem is no one really thinks Miami can go 4-0 in the next month. No one. No one. Because of how they lost SMU, because of how they met adversity. So that's why it's a bigger conversation than even the CFP. I don't care if you fought out a couple of wins here or there. I got to see a change in approach. I got to see a team respond. I got to see guys that have been committing penalties every game suffer the consequences. I got to see them turning around. It's a ridiculous conversation to be having. I would feel good it down the line. But beat Syracuse. This team can quit.

Beat NC State. Do we have faith that they can?

I don't. This is going to make such a great part of the montage when they win the national championship this year.

It's going to be hilarious in January '19. Have you heard of Gold Belly? It's this amazing site I order from all the time. You can get the most iconic famous foods from restaurants all across the US, and they'll ship it anywhere. It's perfect for hosting Thanksgiving without the stress. And with Black Friday around the corner, it's the best time to line up those holiday gifts that ship right to someone's door. They've got everything: smoked turkey from Salt Lake Barbecue in Texas. Personally, I'm eyeing that Hancock lobster mac and cheese for the family Thanksgiving this year, whether it's a dish from that one-of-a-kind restaurant or meals from world famous chefs, Gold Belly has you covered. Every time I order from Gold Belly, the food shows up fast, perfectly packed, and tastes just as good as it would in the restaurant. Last time I went with cheesesteaks. Unreal. So if you're looking for that perfect holiday gift or want to to impress your friends and family with an epic Thanksgiving, go to goldbelly. Com and get 20 % off your first order with promo code dan. That's goldbelly. Com code, Dan, for 20 % off your first order.

Thursday Night Football is on, and it's only on Prime Video. This week, it's an old-school rivalry as the Las Vegas Raiders Collide with the Denver Broncos. Coverage begins at 07: 00 PM Eastern with football's best party, TNF Tonight. Not a prime member? Not a problem. Simply sign up for a 30-day free trial. It's the Raiders and the Broncos on Thursday at 07: 00 PM Eastern, only on Prime Video. Restrictions apply. See amazon. Com/amazonprime. Com. For details.

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2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Levatard.

And then that staff are through. Him 25 and two. Oh, there's a brand new kid in town out of B-Y-U.

Stugatz.

They call him Puka, Puka Nakuwa. His quarterback is not named Tua. Yeah, he is Puka, Puka Nakuwa.

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

You talk about the Notre Dame win being something big later on. I know there's a couple of teams that have them. But what if? Is there a possibility for Louisville and SMU to both meet in the ACC Championship game? If things up top get a little screwy, and then Miami has a loss to one of the ACC champion or the runner up?

Again, stupid conversations. They got to play. They got to win. They got to win. They're screwed either way. And Louisville just had a big time injury to Brown. It starts with beating Syracuse, and then we can have those conversations down the line. But right now, it's stupid talk.

There are three ACC teams ahead of both Louisville and SMU and the ACC standards.

Yeah, but things can happen.

Yeah, things can get scoury. I just wonder when we start having a conversation because the big-time programs when coaches are constantly underachieving, start to have buyout talk. I just wonder. It's so obvious when you're trolling, the first word you say.

Give me the weekend observation to throw.

It is time for him to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy. I mean.

Weekend observations is presented by Miller Light. Zaz. He was labeled the bust, caught mono as a rookie. He had a nice little stint in Minnesota. But last night, after four TDs in the first half, Sam Darnold, make no mistake, has entered the MVP Conversation Bar and ordered bottle service.

You have an NFL one?

Of course. Come on, man. I didn't know that. We franchising. I thought you were franchising. You know how this works? When a guy's in the MVP Conversation Bar, that means he's in the MVP conversation. But if he's really doing stuff like, oh, not just in the conversation, dominant conversation. He's got bottle service.

They murdered Washington last night. Oh, yeah.

Big day for kickers. Ryan Fitzgerald lifted the Panthers over the packers with a game winner. Parker Romo missed an extra point, dropping the Falcons to the Patriots. Will Lutz, squig the Broncos past the Texans with a 34-yarder. And Kam Little set a record with a 68-yard field goal. The only thing bigger than the day for kickers is the balls on Liam Cohen. After Kam Little missed three kicks in the last two games, including a point after, a little P-A-T, Cohen trusted Little to kick a 68-yarder. You know what that is? Ball Goals. Got to get the extra point. You're going to say, Oh, he had 68 yards. You got that one.

Made a 68 yarder yesterday? Yeah.

New record. I'm telling you. I thought you saw everything.

I did see everything. They got to shorten these goal posts. I'm sorry, man. We can't have 68 yard field goals.

By the way, you saw Landman? What do you know about Landman?

Okay, here's the thing. Do you think that I am against being able to punch the ball out?

Yes, I do.

No, I'm not against that at all. I think you are.

Sounds like you are.

What I am against is if you miss, you can't just go around punching guys.

That was a contact sport.

Landman, don't miss.

Steve Svagnola needs to learn how to cover his mouth with the play call sheet. Every time they showed him, he's covering it like this. All right, guys, 25. I'm like, No, you got to do it up here. We all can read all the words that you're saying at your mouth. What does a bay leaf taste like? Would I be able to taste I watch a lot of these Instagram cooking videos, and they put a bay leaf in it, and I'm like...

Just one singular bay leaf, too.

If it didn't have a bay leaf, it's missing something. I like a bay leaf. Bay leaf?

It's a strong flavor.

Is it? Yes. What does it taste like? Tea. Okay. I've never tasted tea in my food. Bay. Stephen A. Smith on the Firing of Dolphins GM Chris Greer. Of course, man. This is BS. That's the first fire? Really? That's What we're doing? It was about Tua. It was about Mike McDaniel. And the brother gets fired first? Steven A. Smith, the Stugats is strong in you because the other brother didn't get fired, so. Tucker Kraft, expected to miss time with a knee injury. I guess you could say the packer's production will have to continue without craft services. It's a showbiz joke, kids. Spurs finally lost a game, courtesy of Saturday in Old Town, Scottsdale. Sunday Brunt scene ain't bad either. If it's one thing Halloween taught me, is that a lot of people don't like being in on a joke. Sometimes the beauty of a joke is not in making the whole room laugh. Rather, it's in making a few people laugh and have the rest of the room wondering, what's so damn funny?

I look fluently put by you, by the way. Thank you. I saw you put that on Twitter. I was like, You know what?

This guy, this guy. This is going to make it the weekend observations.

I mean, few people are as entertaining on mute as Michael or Oh, yeah, he's great.

Matter of fact, everyone, mute first take. Watch it while you listen to me. Pablo Tori played Spades with Mori Povitch and nick Cannon. I never guess Pablo would know how to play Spades.

Mori Povitch?

Yeah. I never guess Mori Povitch would play Spades either. But if you had to ask me, Mori or Pablo, which one knows how to play Spades? I'm picking Mori. Yeah. Top five things I never guess Pablo could do. Ola, play Spades. Number five, not say something without sounding like he's fighting back laughter. Number four, not have other journalists mad about his reporting but also want to be on his show. Number three, not dress like Mr. Rogers. He actually has a closet where he has a little sweaters.

It's weird. Every time I see him, he's in a cardigan. I'm like, Dude, what is he doing?

He's got a closet in the New York studio, Just Cardigan's. He comes in and he changes into it like he's Mr. Rogers. Number two, not start a conversation tangent without having the appropriate receipts to back up what he's talking about. He ain't just talking. There's a reason why he says the things he says. The number one thing I never could guess Pablo could do, withhold the name of his alma mater.

How's Pablo's jumper? I don't know. Got a good jumper, decent jumper. Never played with Pablo. We need to see Pablo's jumper.

Let's find out. Can't be great.

Shohe is starting to crack. Got to see this? First, during the postgame conversation, he's nodding his head vigorously during the question before the translation has happened. They're like, Hey, talk about the job that someone... And he's like, Oh, yeah. I'm like, Wait a second. Then as he's going out, he says, Thank you guys. So smooth. I thought Billy D. Williams did the voiceover. All right, thanks, guys. I was like, What? This guy doesn't speak English?

Definitely speaks English better than me. 100%.

He's cracking. He can't keep this up.

I mean, it's funny with Shohe versus other players of Latin origin, because with them, we never really seem to care if they keep translator the entire time. But with Shohe, we're mad that he speaks English.

I'm going to tell you why. Because when the Latin players speak English, it sounds like, Oh, yeah, your English isn't that strong. This guy, as Zad says, sounds better than a broadcaster. All right, thanks, guys. I'm like, What? I? Why did he learn I?

There's a reason why there's certain somebody in prison.

Quique Hernández should have to give up his World Series share to Andy Páez and name his next two children, Andy and Páez. Got that straight from the pages. Miss Connection. You're the waitress with the piercing blue eyes. I was the guy who wrote, Don't smoke in bed under the tip. At one point, Hornets versus Jazz had nine white players on the court. Or as complicated as Josie Gacky might say, A great start.

Let me tell you about Colin Canoppel.

Tua, blamed crowd noise for the number of penalties on offense, saying, With the Ravens fans, it maybe got a little muffled with my cadence and the crowd noise, and Sarah Michelle Geller was a book report, With raw chicken, you're going to kill somebody. Flacko, 470 yards, four TDs, two INTs, and a sprained throwing shoulder. Gutsy. No one should be rooting more for LeBronis' hit than Austin Reeves. He's making money. Tell the truth. You all thought Mahomes is going to do it again after the Bills missed a field goal. After the game, Mahomes said, You can only learn from so many losses. You got to learn from it fast.

That's a great quote. Bills always win the regular season games against them.

Or as Tua would say, You can only learn from Soulja Man, he fresh it's our turn. Gator boots with the pumped up kicks. You better run, Forest, run. French toast, please. End quote. It's a CTE joke, guys. Diana Rusini telling us Davis Mills was not on the block, followed by C. J. Stroud concussion, forcing Davis Mills into the game. Diana Rusini, I've got my third eye open. Football Illuminati coming soon.

We all had the same reaction when she said, They're not answering those calls for Davis Mills. We're like, Really? For Davis Mills?

And then that next game, he's out there.

And you were still asking, Really? We're not answering calls for him?

Cinephope last week, Rambo First Blood Part 2. We learned that Rambo had 59 confirmed kills in the Vietnam War. Yet, during the course of the movie, which takes place over the course of two days in 1985, Rambo has 74 kills, meaning in two days, he's killed more than an entire war. Moral of the story, work on your craft, kids. It's never too late to improve. Should I watch Rambo? I think he should.

I never seen it.

I think you'd love it.

Firstblood.

Also, Firstblood part 2, Rambo. Yeah, that's not even more. Then Rambo 3, which, by the way, that's my favorite. Famous Rambo tagline, what you choose to call hell, he calls home. Speaking of hell, Art Bryals, those are the weekend observations. Can't applaud for that? Ramble three, man. You did a good job.

Quick time out here. Talk to you about the official ticketing partner of the Dan Lebitard show. Speaking, of course, about game time. The game time app gives the advantage back to you fans. It It's the hack for unlocking amazing tickets and experiences in just a few taps. It's incredibly easy to use, and the game time guarantee means you'll trust that you'll get 100 % authentic tickets on time and at the best price. Plus, fees are always included, so what you see is what you pay. They got favorites, they got zone deals, they got panoramic seat view as my favorite feature, the low price guarantee, and game time's unparalleled ticket coverage, which means your purchase is covered with the most flexible customer service policy in the ticketing industry. Take the guesswork out of buying NFL tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTimes app, create an account, and use code Dan for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code D-A-N for $20 off. Swipe, tap, ticket, go. Download the GameTime app today. Dan Levatard. I went in the margins. I'm like, You're a money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hatterberg for a walking.

A lot of walks.

A lot of walks, but I'm on base.

When it comes to sex, I'm Scott Hatterberg. Other dudes, they can be Jiambe.

You know your role you play?

I know my role. This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

You know what Rambo 3 is about? No. He goes to Afghanistan to fight the Soviets.

Who wins?

Oh, come on. Who wins? Rambo always wins.

The audience.

Oh, we owe you. How many Rambos are there?

Well, there were the original three, and then they took a long hiatus, and then Stallone brought it back with Rambo, just the self-titled Rambo, and then Rambo Lastblood. If you remember, Stugats made a big deal about-Was that a border town one? Yes, that one has been, as it relates to me, very problematic.

Yeah. The one before the border one, he rips out a tracheia, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. He disembarrassed somebody, cut somebody in half with a machine gun, a torre He can kill people in a lot of different ways, folks.

Now, why is one of them called Rambo: Last Blood?

That's the last one that happened. But Stugats famously doubted that it would be, in fact, the last blood because Stallone can't help himself. He's going to make another Rambo movie one way or another.

Yeah, I got to doubt that, too, player.

You've never seen Rambo. You strike me as a Rambo guy.

I'm not saying I wouldn't like it. I just I never seen it. You give off Rambo.

What were you doing in the '80s?

Just living my life, man.

Not He's watching movies?

He's watching a lot of wrestling in the '80s.

I could tell.

It was a golden age.

Randy Savage.

Hogan. I saw somehow my algorithm. I think I blame Mike. My algorithm sometimes will send me wrestling videos. Oh, yeah, it's a good algorithm. But it's like, oh, the time when Booker T and The Rock faced off for the first time. Yeah. I was intrigued. I was like, Okay, where does it go from here? What is your favorite wrestling memory as a kid? Not as a grown up, pre-18-year-old Zaz.

Cody roads winning the Championship.

I was a lot older than 18.

All right. Two years ago. It's a joke. It's a CTE joke.

Probably Hulk Hogan, Andre a giant. Yeah, I was six years old. Russellmania 3. That's probably my favorite. What happened? Andre won. No, Hogan won. He body-slammed him.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, man.

Who's your favorite OC?

Hold on.

What happened there?

It's contagious, man. How do you do this? My favorite memory Oh, yeah. Who won? I don't know.

I popped when Sting got over the Hump. The Great American bash, Beat Rick Flair. He had red, white, and blue, the surfer Sting. I was a WCW guy.

I'm in a little bit of a pickle here.

My movie theater sells pickles.

Oh, yeah?

How much, man? $2.

Hell of a deal.

I'm not trying. I'm going to. I'm going to go to Sina's last match next month.

Is it really his last match? Or is this a last blood situation?

No, it's his last much.

Elite Company.

Saturday night's main event in DC next month. Mike, have you seen these ticket prices?

Yeah, they're insane.

Holy crap. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've already got my flight booked. I don't think it's a show yet.

Is it Face or is it the resale? Both.

What weekend is it?

December 13.

I've discovered this. This sounds real naive of me, but I've discovered that there's a scam happening. What's that? Where the The face value tickets are showing us sold out because all the bots ate them up. But coders can go in and go into the face value site and get them still at face value by just putting in some code. Which means all of this is massively artificial in terms of the-It feels like a racket. Right? That's what's happening here. You're all getting scammed on these resales because it's not like, Oh, yeah, this one scalper got him, and now he... No, it's all like an illusion designed to drum up business, basically, and make the tickets more desirable.

It's going to be one of the hottest tickets ever for a WW for an arena show. Cheapest, lower-level seat. You want to guess right now? Cheapest, lower-level seat.

Lower-level seat.

It's in DC where the capital is.

It's in Washington, DC.

Sina's last match.

It's going to be John Sina's last match. You're saying it's not a last blood situation.

No, it's definitely his last match.

Is he going to wear jorts?

Probably, yes.

You think he's going to win?

I have no idea.

I'm going to go $700.

Five hundred. Five hundred is the cheapest lower-level seat. And it's at the very top of the lower level. $500.

Is there an equivalent of the behind-the-basket seating wrestling? Or is it all just a ring?

No, there's not really an equivalent to that. You know what I discovered?

I went to a boxing match a couple of years ago. Shout out to George Sedano, who hooked it up. And it was not ringside, but it was like two rows of a ring. It was really good seats. And what I discovered is when you're that close, the What are they called? The ropes?

The ropes?

Yeah, literally the ropes.

You're having trouble thinking about what those are called?

Yeah, it's C-D-E. The O-C. The fun kind. It obscures. I'm watching the fight like this the whole time because the ropes are in the goddamn way. This is terrible. You know what they should do?

A clear glass?

No. They should have no ropes. No.

You can keep the ropes. They should put the whole ring in a pit. And so now we're looking down and we all have of a view of it. Almost like a Roman Colossian, we're yelling and throwing shit.

Go sit in the upper level. No, no, no.

You can get that experience. No, no, no. It's cheap. I want to be ringside, too. I want to hear and taste and smell all the sights and sounds. Taste. Yeah. Sometimes they hit them and it flies out.

You're going to have to be front row for that to work, though. What's up? You're going to have to be front row for that.

I know, but they're in a little pit, so I'm looking over on them.

They actually do have mixed martial arts. In a pit? That happen in a pit. Wow.

They also have ones that don't have cages, too.

No cages? Yeah, they're all in. They can just run around? I don't like that.

Within a reason.

I want them to be able to run around the entire arena.

That's tougher. I just feel like- You got to catch them. Well, if that's the case, then it's not who's the best fighter. Now, who's the best avoider?

It's strategy, though. That's real life application.

I feel like I'd be a pretty good fighter in those conditions.

You got to run away. I'm shifty.

I always have this. You ever watch movies? They're chasing people, and they're going through the staircase or whatever. I'm like, Doc, just get off on the floor and then go back upstairs. Everyone thinks you're going down in the same direction. Just double back.

You haven't seen the Mike Myers challenge, though?

No. What's the Mike Myers challenge?

Where someone's walking to you, you're going to run away, and you're like...

Oh, Michael Myers.

Yeah, I thought... Yeah, baby.

That guy dresses Austin Power is said.

I thought you meant the former left-hander reliever for the Yankees.

Back to the original point here. Who is setting me up with tickets for John Zina's final match? That's the maybe Sedano.

I'm going to tell you what, man. I I used to be repped by the same agency as John Zina. I got his agent's number. I could put in a call.

Those tickets are so expensive. It's going to cost you. They actually reserve quite a bit of seats for those events. Go on. Where they put in VIPs. So we need to elevate your profile. It'll be one of those VIPs. But this one's going to be a really difficult ticket because it's not a stadium show, as you mentioned. I know. And the President's probably going to be there.

That's what I hear. Is he? Yeah, apparently. Says he wouldn't miss it.

What?

Yeah.

I feel like there's a lot of shit going on in the world, but it prioritize a little bit over.

I take off a night.

He's just seen us finalize.

He was at a Gatsby party two nights ago. He's good. Really? He's chilling.

Does he dress up? Who? Trump.

He dresses as Trump.

A red tie?

It was a Gatsby theme party around him.

Oh, he was in a boat ride.

Everybody goes in character. He goes in character.

He goes as Trump. This is Donald Trump. If I was in the Gatsby-You guys look great here. Wow, look at you. They would have called it the Greater Gatsby.

The best Gatsby. The best Gatsby they ever had. The greatest Gatsby.

They had it out in Long Island. I was like, It's a little too far. I don't like it. I don't like it. We'll have it at Trump Tower.

Let's be careful. He's speaking across the-Oh, yeah.

It's tomorrow, right? It's tomorrow. How are we going to- Wednesday. It's Wednesday. Or Wednesday? What are you guys going to do? Are you guys going to try to commute through this shit?

I buy two tickets. Probably get a rest.

I'll be for a row.

For the first time ever, I'm taking the train here tomorrow to avoid that traffic.

You're going to bright line it? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, first time.

Are you going to go premium?

I thought about it.

No, it's unnecessary.

It's unnecessary?

It's unnecessary. Because if you're going somewhere on a weekend, you can have free drinks on there. What is the benefit of that premium? You get a free coffee, free breakfast.

It's like a 15-minute ride. It's a waste.

I thought it was free booze, right?

Yeah, but on the way to work.

I'm coming to work, though.

That dog, you'll be working even better. Think about every idea you've ever had when you were drunk. Wasn't it so much better thought out?

We should buy a bar.

Absolutely.

I'm looking forward to Tony's top five from across the street in two days.

Should I save it? I was going to do it tomorrow. I'll do it Wednesday.

You can feel the energy.

Dog, man. Are you kidding me?

I think Messi's going to be there. We're going to be able to get in here?

The graphics incredible because it looks like-Messi's at the top of it. Yeah. Have you seen the graphic? No. It looks like Donald Trump's decided to run a 4-4-3.

No way. No way. Do we have that picture? Can we throw that up somewhere? I'll pull it up on my phone here. While we're pulling it up, we got to talk about what's happening with the Bengals.

Oh, my God.

I've never seen this before. Talk about things that we never see.

There's always this undercurrent on some of these teams where either the defense is really great and the offense is holding them back, they can't score, or the offense is really great and the defense is holding them back. Everybody just supports each other. You don't want to say the wrong thing. The Bangles, they appear to be doing the complete opposite here. So the Bangles defense is apparently historically bad, all right?

It's three historically bad teams on defense in a year. Dolphins, Ravens, and Bangles.

Good point. So the Bangles had a big comeback against the bears, and the defense couldn't hold them in the end, and the bears won 47 to 42. And it seems like the Bangles' offensive players have had enough. So here's Chase Brown. All right, Chase Brown, Bangle's running back, and he is straight up telling you this event sucks.

We just got to play complementary football. We put the ball in the end zone and go up a point at the end, finish the fucking game. Just end it. That's it. That's what we need to do. Just end the fucking game. Make them get us the ball back. Let us go to 22 victory and let's end the game. That's how I feel. Any playmaker on this team, any position, we're all willing to do whatever it takes to win. We just got to finish. I think that's what you go into this bye week. Thinking and repeating to yourself is just Finish, finish, finish these goddamn games. Please finish them.

When do you ever hear a player talk about the other side of the football like that?

Here's-what's that? Surely he was the only one talking like that. No What?

And these are star players, especially this guy. Here's Jamal Chase. A leader or any of the leaders on the offense, is it good to get on the defense or stay in your lane?

I'm going to stay in my lane. I don't want a defensive player to come and chew me out about what the I'm doing.

And so apparently-He's supportive.

He said, I'm going to stay in my lane.

Apparently, defensive players were laughing about the way the game ended. I think the offense and the defense, I think they're going to fight each other. I think they're going to come up like-Put them in a pit.

That's right.

No cage. So you got to catch them. Battle royal. That involves some of the football skills, right? How elusive are you?

The only thing that brought me peace, watching Al Golden's defense struggle like that. A little bit of decompression.

Al Golden is still alive and working, huh?

He's young.

Still alive. He was a DC for Notre Dame in the National Championship.

He is alive. He is alive. What is he? Just in his 50s, right? 56 years old. Really?

Still alive.

That really scares me. It means me and Al Golden are that far off in age. I don't like this. I like the day when all the coaches were like 100 years older than me.

Every coaching hire is younger than you now.

I know, man. It's crazy. How old is Mario?

Mario's in his early 50s.

Yeah. It looks good. I think Brent Key and me went to Georgia Tech at the same time. I'm not sure. I can't confirm, but I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, he was there when Joey Hamilton was there.

Shit, man.

'99. What a team, man.

Dan was freaking out last week because the Nationals manager that they hired is 33 years old, and someone reached out to me. Their president is 35. They don't have a GM. They have two assistant GMs. They're 31 and 33.

They're going to fuck up. That's crazy. There's no way you can have that many young people.

They can mess up, but they'll have a job. That's true. They'll build themselves back up.

You're old, you get out of a job, it's a wrap. That's right. Unless you're Vic Fangio. Somehow, you still get jobs.

Well, he's just satisfied being a coordinator. He did the coach thing one time. Just to say he did it, but he was-It's also better as a DC. I'm a press box guy.

I'm telling you, man. It's It's a lot less stressful. Because nobody's asking you questions. That's the thing everyone's asking questions. When you're a head coach, you got to answer a lot of questions. That's why you get $54 million to be Brian Kelly. You got to answer no more questions. Just kick my legs up.

Ask me questions for that money.

I'll give you the answers. There'll be no holding back. Tony, speaking of no holding back, Pelicans.

Let's talk about the Pelicans really quick. I think the NBA needs to do a bailout.

I think contraction is the word you're looking for.

We need something.

Bailout That means like, Hey, I think this thing is salvageable.

We're going to just give you some stuff. I don't know. Right now, it looks like the worst situation in the NBA. You trade away your first-round pick to a team in the Hawks that basically gave you the rights to get a Dare Queen who's like, That trade is not that good. And also the trade for the Indiana pick, which now turns into a more interesting pick, too, because they're not good.

The Pacers did the deal right after.

The day of the finals, they're like, Yeah, okay, we'll do the trade. Okay, fine.

Here's the thing. I tell people this all the time. Sometimes teams do a deal, and then in retrospect, we're like, Oh, that was a bad deal. So for instance, the Clippers trading for Paul George, and obviously, Shago does Alexander went in that deal. Everyone thought it was a good deal. At the time, everyone was like, Yeah, you do it because you got quiet. Now we look back like, Hindsight, 2020, that's a bad deal. The Dara Queen deal, on the day it happened, we were like, What are you doing?

The minute it happened. The minute it happened.

What are you doing?

Do you think Joe Dumont did he tried to get it protected, and they were just like, No, it has to be unprotected?

This This is what I've discovered most of the time when you're seeing a pick that goes unprotected, and it's not for a superstar player, right?

It was to move up, what, three spots?

Yeah. Most of the time, they never ask. They never ask. You guys had last week, right? Your own Weissman, who wrote the Hollywood Endings book about the Lakers. And he said, The Pelicans had to explain to Robin-What a swap is. What a pick swap is. Most of the time, If something happens, what? It's not because they fought, they negotiated them, or finally, you win. It's because nobody asked.

You're telling me if Joe Dumont said, We will trade you a first-round pick, but it's top five protected, the Hawks would be like, No, it has to be. Why didn't he ask?

I'm telling you he said, How much to move up to swap pics with you guys? It's going to cost you your first. Deal. I'm not reporting. I'm telling you typically what happens. They're 0-7.

In that situation. They're 0-7.

They're getting beat by 30 every single night outside of a couple of games.

They're going to fire Willy Green any day now.

He's a walking dead, man. But is there a worse situation in the NBA than a star player who is in and out of the lineup who's not that good right now in Zion Williamson? You have nothing to look forward to. You have no first-round pics. You got absolutely nothing.

How does that happen? You trade him for Quye Leonard.

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