Transcript of BakerMania, Kelce’s New Identity, Cross-Off Teams, Guess the Lines, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook. We are also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where we have a new episode of the Prestige TV podcast. Second and last episode of Task, me and Joanna Robinson broke it down, and then she interviewed the showrunner, Brad Inglesby. This was an action-packed episode, to say the least. You can watch that on the Ringer TV YouTube channel as well. We have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday. We did Sneakers. We're still doing Robert Redford Month. We had argument, actually, whether this is the most popular Redford movie in 2025. Not the most popular ever, but right now, do the most people like this movie over any other movie. Really fun movie to talk about. It was me and it was Joan Robinson and Kyle Brandt. So you can get ready for that on Monday night. You can find that on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel as well. Coming up on this podcast, Cousin Sal and I are going to break down a pretty mundane week 6. This was definitely the We're in the doldrums of the season, but there are a lot of fun story lines to talk about MVP, play-offs, Drake May.

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All right, we're recording in his 8: 11 Pacific Time Sunday night. Cousin Sal is here. Worst start to finish day of football we've had. I'm not going to argue, I love football. You get sad. This is right around when you start getting sad about four weeks from now when you really actually start getting sad. Okay. You're like, Oh, no. Oh, my God. Thanksgiving's coming up. Oh, we're halfway. I'm not going to complain too much, but this was not a good day of football. It really wasn't.

No, it wasn't. I was almost thinking that now I know the purpose of the London game, have two quarterbacks that are so bad that it distracts you from the slew of bad quarterbacks in the 1: 00 PM games. It's like, Oh, yeah, it's sure that Dylan Gabriel has negative air yards in the first half. But did you see Nicks against fields? That was awful. I don't know anymore.

So it's like when they bring a sorbet taster at a restaurant, but the sorbet tastes like poop? Yeah, And then after that, the food is like, I mean, this is better than that sorbet they gave us. That's it.

Poop sorbet all day long.

There were a couple of highlights. I guess we can talk about Chiefs Lion later, even though it just happened. Bucks Niners, I think, was the story of the day. I don't want to start with my guy, Drake, definitely. I'd rather start with Bucks Niners. Warner is out for the year. They only brought back three starters from last year, and Warner and Bosa were two of them, and both of them are now gone. Warner broke his ankle. It was so bad. They came out of the replay, and they're like, We're not showing it. Here's a wide shot. So the Niners are four and two, but they feel like they've become the Year from Hell team, even though the Ravens are like, We already locked this up. What are you guys talking about? If you're going to say Niners, Ravens, who's more realistic to be a playoff team? You would obviously say Niners, but is it possible the Ravens will be the playoff team and the Niners would not be the playoff team?

Oh, yeah. It's possible because of these injuries. And We got excited for them. They won that Thursday night game against the Rams, and they were finally, for a week, spared a major injury. And now right back at it, Fred Warner, huge bummer, great player. Even Juan Jennings, who was questionable all week, told reporters after the game, I'm playing with Five broken ribs and a high and low ankle sprain. Is that the 12 Days of Christmas song? Can we do that with 49ers injuries? I don't know. It is a lot.

Five broken ribs is basically be a traction. Yeah. Five broken ribs.

How many do we have? Do we have eight? How many ribs do we have? Twelve?

I thought maybe we should probably know this. All right. Six or eight on each side? If anybody knows, have you ever broken ribs?

I think I fractured a rib in playing football, but that didn't matter. I wasn't starting. I broke multiple ribs once.

And let me tell you something, not a good time. You would not be wanting to play football. I cracked a rib in 2010 And even then, I couldn't do anything for two weeks. So I don't know what Juan Jennings is going through, what they're shooting with. The Baker Mayfield thing we talked about as MVP stuff last week, it dropped from 15: 1 to 13: 1 on FanDuel before I even wanted to make it a topic for the pod all the way through. We were doing the pod. Now, what is it? Plus 380?

I saw plus 380. I feel like we did our job. Our job is to find value in these MVPs. I'm almost sick of talking about it already. He's great. He's probably too good for this award. If I'm Baker Mayfield and I win this award, I'm like, screw it. Mark Moseley won MVP. Give me something different. I want something. But we know how it is. He's going to have to get a top two seat. He's playing better than everybody else.

They're five and one. They have one of the best records in the league. There's two five and one teams. Right now, he's plus 430 on Fandil. Mahomes is ahead of him, plus 270, and Allen is plus 140.

Mahomes is ahead of him? That three and three?

It must be all about just trying to attract casual football fans because to me, Mayfield should be plus 150 or something at this point. He's been that good. There was an insane draft today. They're up 2019. And House and I, we ended up betting. We didn't do for Ringer 107. We had the Niners and a parlay with the Chief's Money Line, Niners plus seven and a half. So we'll come back to that in a second. But they have third and 14 on Mayfield, and he has that crazy play, which they showed for the the day where he gets away from five guys. He's running in, somehow jukes a guy. Everyone falls for these fake football throw, quarterback moves when they're nine yards past the line of scrimmage, gets a first down. Then same drive, hits a guy who, fingertips, catches it and then does the rollover and keeps the ball, which I think happens twice a year. They're up eight, and that was it. We lost by a half point. But I'm tired of betting against himself.

No, you're right. We're stupid. There's always that play, the one you talked about Was it third and 14? Where you could see- Thirteen 14. He's starting to get an erection. I look at the bottom half of these guys, so you could tell. But he's like, he plans one of these again. He was like, I'm going to scramble. I'm going to break three different tackles on all different parts of the field, and I'm going to lunge for the first down flag, and then I'm just going to make it. And it's just dynamite, just dynamite. And after watching terrible quarterback play all day, that makes it worth it for me.

Well, the irony of that happening after we watched poor Dylan Gabriel in Pittsburgh The more you watch him, I'm not sure what the above average skill is. No height, wouldn't say he's fast. I guess he's a little accurate on short passes, but that's about it. But you think all the bit there was that stat this week about what are they paying eight guys to play quarterback? Yeah, right. Even though they only still have three and they let Mayfield go. Since I've known you, the only two QBs who have been resurrected were him and Carson Palmer, right? Is there anybody else where there was an actual- Dylan Gabriel and Carson Palmer? No, Baker. No, Baker and Carson Palmer, where it was like we'd given up on them as guys who could potentially be on a contender, much less like a decent starting quarterback. Carson Palmer had that Riders run. It was like, this guy's career is over. Then he went to Arizona and got rejuvenated. But the Baker thing is much crazier. I think we both bet against... Didn't we both bet against him when he had the Rams drive, when they picked him up on like...

Oh, yeah. It was a Thursday night? Christmas week?

Yeah.

Yeah. And I felt like I've been losing money to him for five years, but I can't think of any other resurrections.

The other one is Kurt Warner. We didn't know each other. We didn't. We refused to speak during those times. But that was it. I think there's no other career arc for a quarterback like Baker's.

Well, if we were the rich owner of some team and we needed a quarterback, at some point you're bringing in, if you still have the same front office, you're bringing those guys in and you're like, what the fuck did we miss with Baker Mayfield? Carolina waived him. And then if you're a Tepper, the Carolina owner, he's got to be like, I had Matt Rule. I had Baker Mayfield. I had Christian McCaffrey. Why did we just throw away the last couple of years? We actually had the nucleus. So I don't know. He got his mojo back, and I don't know how it happened.

In everyone's defense, there's no defending it. But when this contract came up for those teams, the Panthers and the Browns, he was dealing with injuries. But I feel like out of all the embarrassing things the Browns have gone through, is this top three? Is signing Watson- Watson trades the one.

The Watson trade is worse than letting Baker go.

I guess it's the same thing, right? One wouldn't have been happy, one not the other.

But he was hurt. The case for it was like, this guy's never going to be the same. It's almost more like a Drew Brees thing.

I know, but it feels like this guy's damaged goods. Yeah, I know it. I know it. Yeah, he's great. Like I said, although now that Mahomes is ahead of him, I think we have to talk them up even more. This is ridiculous.

Well, the thing is, he was really bad on Carolina. It's not like... Nobody was like, What are they doing? They waived Baker Mayfield. He was bad. And then Darnold replaced them, and they actually played better with Darnold. I don't get it. I mean, it's like in a sports movie, this would happen where somebody's great, or in Baker's case, very good on the Browns. It's like he took him around, too. He had a great college career. Does the dip. It's like the Days of Thunder, Tom Cruise. You're in the hospital bed. I don't know if I can race again. It's like one of those. I don't know if I can QB again. He's got some girl like, Baker, you've got to come back. And he gives some speech on a balcony like Brad Pitt in F1. And now he's back. Now, he's like, NFC, is there a team? I know they've had a bunch of injuries, but all the injuries, all the people are coming back, which is different than the '90s situation.

He's got everyone coming back, Bill. Everybody. The The lions have everyone coming back. Everyone's coming back. No, I'm with you. I almost think the... I don't know. If you go to Carolina or the Browns, that should be treated as your middle school years. He had acne and he had braces.

Parents got divorced.

His voice was cracking. You can't count those years. Look at what he did as a junior in high school. So I think that's-Uncle went to jail.

Well, their schedule is about to get tough. They're five and one right now, but they have the lions on a Monday night next week. They're at New Orleans. That's the next two. Bye week, home pats, at bills at ramps. So this is we marked down. We said that when we looked at this before the season, that we thought they were going to start out fast, and then this would be the stretch when we found out what we had. The problem for them is the stretch is coming when Agbuk is now out, at least for a couple of weeks. Evans, who knows with him. Godwin came back and got hurt again. Mcbillen is still out. Bucky Irving is out at least another week. So they might not have... I mean, next week, they might be down all of their best weapons. But they had both those guys- And yet I win against Baker.

Out today. And you can't keep them under 30 points is the thing, at least like the last three weeks, right? Or four weeks now, right? 29 against the Jets, 25 against the Eagles, 38 and 30 this week. And really, without flinching, they didn't even need to score in the fourth quarter, and they could have.

What was the final score today?

30-19.

Unbelievable. Basically, when you look at that week two, that was the game when it seemed like the Texans had them beat on a Monday night. And then he went right down the field and got them. But their offense was pretty inept that whole game. So when they get Evans back with Godwin and McMill and I assume, comes back at some point, then Igbuco will be healthy, and you have Bucky Irving. That has a chance to be the best offense of the week. Yeah, that's gross. I think.

That's gross. That's pretty ridiculous. Because It doesn't seem like... Because they're also down linemen, right? We don't even talk about the offensive line. But going into every week, it's like, well, they're down two starters, and who knows with the Worfs or what's going to happen? It doesn't ever seem to matter the way he scrambles. It's like Barry Sanders as a quarterback. There's like, didn't follow his blocks and would have 70-yard runs. I don't know. Is this going to take him to the Super Bowl?

They had a left guard leave the game today against the Niners, and they said it was the third string left guard that was leaving. And the announcement is like, I don't even know who the fourth string guy is. We'll see who they bring in. What's interesting is they have the fifth best odds on Fandil right now. They're eight to one. Now, I think the injuries and the schedule that they have coming up are factored into that. But I haven't liked how the packers have looked at all. Detroit, we saw today, they've had some bad luck with the defensive injuries. That'll come back. I'm not willing to write them off or get excited about them. It's too early. Eagles is the wild card. And I haven't done any pot since Thursday night. I just don't think Jalen Carter should mean that much, where you just look like complete shit on both sides of the ball. I know he's good, but they got manhandled in that game and the offense looked awful. And the Hertz thing is just really strange. The lack of pace that they have, especially when they fall behind, he doesn't seem like changes his demeanor at all.

There's no urgency. Everybody seems unhappy. I don't understand it. I don't understand what's wrong with them. And I think I've watched like 80% of their plays this year.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I bet them every week. So I got off to a very, very slow start, Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, then today. But yeah, I mean, this is an athlete, one of the great athletes, right? He squats 600 pounds, whatever he does, and he can't get it together. He can't get this offensive flow. His wide receiver's pretty much hate him. And I don't know, was Barkley, was that just a weird thing last year that isn't going to happen again? That's what I'm worried thinking about. Is that going to make a comeback?

Yeah, their offensive line certainly isn't the same. They won the Super Bowl last year, so we always forget to completely factor that in, even though it's always factored in with the odds and the discourse. But it is when you haven't done anything versus when you just did it, it's a little different. But It's the lack of... They're like a basketball team that only runs one play over and over and over again. And even if the other team figures it out, it's like, Well, I guess we're going to do the exact same thing again. Maybe they won't figure it out this time.

And by the way, they might have killed their hopes of renewing the push-push. By running it four times in a row, I think that might be enough for the owners to be like, all right, we don't have to wait around for someone to get injured. This is ridiculous to watch for.

People are horrified about this. Green Bay being the favorite at plus 360. I guess somebody has to be the favorite, but I don't know. I look at that list and I don't really like any of the teams. And the Niners, by the way, had the six best odds at 10: 1 to one. But what's interesting is Seahawks, the Seattle Seahawks are eight to one. I'm sorry, they have the eighth best odds. They're 16 to one. And I honestly like them as much as any of those other teams, just because I think somebody's got to come out of that NFC West. Somebody's going to be a two or three seed. They've stayed healthy. I like their defense when their defense is actually healthy. They have some playmakers, quarterbacks playing pretty well. They're winning on the road. I thought the win today was really good, but-They don't lose on the road. I like the way they're playing as much as anybody.

Yeah, win on the road. That's what you want in a playoff team, right? I just think the quarterback is still not trusted, right? If you look at every team ahead of them, except for San Francisco, you would probably take that quarterback. But To your larger point, should there be four teams ahead of Tampa Bay? I say no way in the NFC. Maybe two.

The other thing with San Francisco, and you can hide behind all the injuries stuff, and they've certainly had some terrible ones, not to mention Kittle's played one game. They've had Mac Jones playing on one leg for the last couple of weeks, but they can't block. I don't know if that's like, Oh, and all those injuries they've had on the offensive line. It's more like, Yeah, Trent Williams got old. That guy used to the best left tackle in the league. I don't think they have a dominant- His numbers aren't great anymore. But I thought Mac, there was a moment in that second half when all of a sudden it looked like Mac was on the 2023 pats again. He was just going backwards and there was five guys there, and that's when he's at his worst. He had no time to do anything. I know they're four and two, but to me, it feels a little like when Cincinnati was two and oh and neither of us, both of us were like, Oh, this is going Darryl pointing down. I don't see it with the Niners. I think too much has happened.

Yeah. We looked at all these teams, they're getting these guys back. Detroit is getting defenders back. Tampa is getting guys back. You don't know that for San Francisco just seems to lose one key player every week.

Yeah. They got the Falcons at home week seven. That's a Sunday night game. Then they go at Texans, at Giants. And that's pretty tough when you have all the injuries on top of the fact that you've had trouble blocking people And now you're going Texans, Giants, back to back. The Giants have the best pass rush in the league, and I think the Texans are probably in the top four or five. I was looking at the odds for the NFC West, and I think they're still favored. Yeah, they're plus 135. The Rams are plus 160. And the Seahawks, I haven't gotten it for five, six straight weeks. I still don't get it. The Seahawks are plus 290. I don't understand that at all. To me, it's like those three teams have to be neck and neck. I would not put any of them over anybody right now. No doubt. Do you understand that?

No, it was 4 to 1 last week. I think it was 8 to 1 the week before, and we were talking about this then. So, yeah, I think they're the most balanced. If you trust Sam Darnold, they're the most balanced team with a good enough coach, I think, to get it done.

And they have, I would say, JSN is now a top three or four or five somewhere in their receiver. Now that Puka finally got hurt, which was Unfortunately, you can only throw to a guy 15 times a game.

Can I tell you something about JSN? I don't know if you saw this, 21. 11 miles per hour on this breakdown reception.

Oh, really? I thought that was like a 20. 9. Really? When I watched it live. Yeah, I watched football at the house today and we were like, just watching it blind. You thought that was a 20.

9?

I was like, yeah, that's a 20. 9. 21.

1? Oh, no. Watch it again. That's a 21. Maybe. Should they time that correctly? 21. 5, I would think.

Wow. 21. 1.

21: 1? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just think if he had gone a mile an hour faster, he would have been going 22.

Wait a minute. Okay. I'm going to go get coffee tomorrow and go 22 miles an hour and see how many people beep at me. Do you think this is something... Should they have the sperm count for the receiver, too? Might as well. Just make up numbers.

Let's do blood pressure.

Yeah, let's do it all.

I think I'd be We're interested in that. What was his blood pressure as he ran down? Maybe that would explain what happened at Di Mercado. He blacked out.

His good cholesterol is actually low, so we're all right.

I had a thing I wanted to bring up with you because The Mariners are doing really well. They won today. There's a Seattle moment happening. Even the WMBA team got a little frisky in the playoffs, and then the Seahaw is doing well. I do believe in the city cluster theory because it's happening with Indiana. This is what made me think of it. The Pacers had their whole crazy, crazy improbable run, right? Now, the college football team and the pro football team are both on these crazy runs. And everybody's thanking Pat McAfee He's at the center of it.

How does he do it?

It happened in Boston in 2002 when the Pats, when they won the first Super Bowl with braided.

That's been a few times.

And then the Celtics that in the playoffs that year had this improbable run. And the mindset shifted. It was when they came back, they almost made the finals. They came back from 25 to beat the Nets in game three, which was just on NBA TV recently. And I wrote a comment about being at that game, and the Boston fans were so beaten down, but the Pats thing swung the perspective. And then the Celtics are doing well. And it was like, maybe we can come back. And it was like a mood cleansing. And I wonder sometimes if that happens with cities. But I was thinking about that with Seattle. This is one of the dumbest theories I'll ever have. But the further the mariners go, I also think it's good for the Seahawks. There's just good vibes and happiness everywhere in Seattle, and maybe it'll transfer. Okay.

I don't know. That's my stupid theory. We should ask Vandal if good vibes and happiness figure into any of these lines.

That good vibes theory.

Well, we do it the other way, right? New York sucks. They had a bad week. Philly had a bad week last week. Now Detroit's there, too, right? Scouble and Tiger lose game five.

You get the stink.

Lion's lost this week. Who's the other Detroit? There's another Detroit.

What happened?

Am I missing something? Oh, Michigan. Tire. Usa. Yeah.

We had that in '07 when the KG trade happened. The Red Sox won the World Series, and right as the Patriots, Spygate, we were ripping off that whole thing, and the Celtics were going for 70 wins. And it was just... Sometimes it happens where the city where good stuff aligns. And then, like you just said, the opposite happens where you just feel like, oh, my God, every single thing is going wrong. Anyway, stupid theory. Let's move to the KC game really quick. So this line stayed at two and a half.

Yeah.

And apparently a lot of the Sharps were on the lines. I didn't understand why anybody thought the Chiefs were going to go two and four. It was like 90% of my reasoning for the Chiefs is like, They're going to go two and four? It's not like they're that banged up. Their left tackle got scratched pretty late. We don't know what happened with that, but their blocking was fine. But they should have won last Monday. That was one of the three dumbest losses of the season. And I thought with all the Detroit defense injuries, I thought that line was disrespectful. I didn't understand it. Did you understand it?

Yeah, you called it. I don't know. I thought it was about right, but I hold a grudge, and I was still so mad at them for Monday night. I actually didn't think they played that great Monday night. I know the pick six is-They have 14, nothing. But then why don't they score? They're up 14, and then they end up with... They still have 14 late in the third quarter. This is the Chiefs. And then, I don't know, it's all if you believe that now they're not the ones score team, winning team, right? They were 10-0 last year in one-score games. This year, I think they were 0-3. Tonight wasn't one-score, right? I don't know. Good for you if you took it, but I just... I don't know. I didn't buy into the Detroit secondary thing. And I know a lot of Detroit fans want to blame that illegal shift call or whatever when golf wasn't lined up right in the first drive. But they did get beat up today.

Well, the reality, how many points did they end up scoring? They had 17.

Yeah.

Their vaunted offense. What do you think a team's record is when either a running back fumbles as he's about to go in the end zone or a quarterback throws a 99-yard interception or a guy fumbles it when he's about to go over the goal line, or the fumble where it goes out of the end zone. It's the safety for the other team. Has any NFL team in the history of the league ever then won the game? No. I'm going to say they're like, oh, and 1,200.

It's impossible. It's impossible to do Yeah, and there's so many close calls. But yeah, it's that 99. Even for them to win, Lawrence had to fall down, roll over, keep rolling, stumble again.

And then they almost went anyway.

That's what the Chiefs do to teams.

House and I made a lot of jokes during the game about Travis Kelsey because it's a little bit of a deep cut on the Taylor Swift album, but it was a very controversial song in the album called Wood, which people thought was about Travis Kelsey's healthy manhood and satisfying her and how she finally has... The sex thing has finally really worked out for her. And if you go back and look at all her boyfriends, maybe this is a different type of guy she's dating. So We were just calling him Wood, the whole game, and it was very enjoyable. He was like, Mom, get it to Wood. This clearly should be his nickname. She wrote this whole gushing love song about his sexual prowess. He should just be Travis Wood, Kelsey.

Yeah. Look at Woody over there. Wood.

Come on. I mean, that's why you see Taylor smiling. Wood's just getting it done.

I like it. I like it. You think it'll catch up? It's not a negative thing. It's positive.

He's praising him. It's like when we did the Pete Davidson, the Big Dick Energy or what was it? Yeah, all that stuff.

We went to football camp, and I ended up seeing our offensive lineman in the shower, and he had a gigantic schlong. And then I told everyone, and they ended up calling him Tripod, and he hated me for it. He wanted to kick my ass every day. I was like, What the fuck? It's a great nickname. People point, he's got a big dick. Come on. Come on, Wood.

Try it out, Kelson. It's a compliment.

Of course it is.

Well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and talk about the rest of the week, 6 Slate.

That's sponsored?

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Let's Get mine out of the way.

Okay. You lost to the Carolina Panthers.

They did it again. They dragged me in. They dragged me in. I loved it. I was like, Just win this game. Half game behind the Eagles. We have a home game against the Eagles. You were thinking that way? Damn it. Why did I do that? Why didn't you tell... You should have told me. You should have reminded me.

You were doing that on the Sunday pregame show. I thought it was a bit. No. You really were sucked in?

Yeah. I mean, he's playing great. He really is. This is, in a way, a Baker Mayfield thing. Like, last Three weeks stack, I think, 11 touch downs, one interception, over 800 yards, and the defense allowed, I think, 90 points. And I'm like, Shit, he could carry them, and he almost did. Just despicable, though.

We were talking today, watched in the game. It's not just that he's playing great. Every throw is perfect. Every throw is like the guy's in stride running with it. It's right here. It's on the sideline in the only spot where the guy can catch it. He's really playing out of his mind. And Pickens has been phenomenal. Phenomenal, too. Great. I know people see the highlights on social media, but in the open space, you just feel like he's going to get an ADR touch center every time. The irony of them getting their asses kicked by Rico Doudal, I thought was When all everybody did last year was complain about the Cowboys runningbacks, and then they have this guy who looks like he's playing like his family's being kept in a log cabin. And unless he gets 200 yards, everybody's going to die at midnight. That's how crazy he was running.

And he called him out before. He's like, I'm going to do this. This is the Rico Dattle revenge game. It's like, okay, is it that easy, the exact revenge on the Cowboys? You could just say it, and then you're good for 160. Could anyone do this? He was awesome. The woman that works concession stand at Cowboy Stadium. They ripped her off for overtime. She's going to run for 160. I'm sorry, Rico, we moved on from you and your two rushing touch downs last year. But Jesus.

I don't remember a single Rico Daule conversation. I don't remember him being on a fantasy team. I don't remember you being like, Man, we let Rico Dau to go. I think he's going to come back to haunt us. There was no conversation. I don't know what happened to him this year. It's a borderline free deck, though. He's got this terrible defense, all these injuries on the offensive line. And it's very similar to that Burrow-Higgins-Chase situation. He's not taking too many sacks.

It's not that bad. The offensive line. But as long as the defense is as bad as- When does Liam come back? Probably a couple of weeks, they're saying, I think it's still two weeks. But I mean, Pickens as a one is really not bad. It's crazy.

No, it's funny that you did the Parsons trade, which it's not like he's coming back to haunt you that much either.

No one's talking about that, by the way. He's not that good. I know the idea is that Jerry has to lose everything, but I don't know. He's not even top 50 in Sacks. He's sixth in tackles for losses on his team. So not jumping in trouble.

I don't want to start in trouble. I'll tell you that much.

No, no.

You would think back injections.

A stationary Joe Flacko would be a good place to shine, but it didn't happen.

Well, and then the pick-ins trade, would you give up for him? A third?

Was it a third? Yeah, I think it was three. It's a three or four. Yeah, three.

Whatever. That trade was incredible. We'll take it. Carolina. So McMillon had a breakout day. That was the end of the thing that happened. They got two runningbacks. They could actually probably shop Hubbard if they wanted to, if they felt like Daudo was... There's a few teams that need a run back, including my team. But Carolina, three and three, this is the furthest they've made in a while because we're going to do a cross-off teams later. Not crossing them off. You can't cross them off. I think they have a It's supposed to be a seven seed. Yeah. They're not bad. They're three and out home.

Let's wait till they get to six and three, and then we'll cross them off.

Fine.

Bryce Young just killed us. He has like a 160 passer rating when he's losing to the Cowboys. It's ridiculous.

He's very calm. Well, my team, the worst officiated game I can remember of a Patriots game, just five or six calls that we still don't know where the flag came from. They had a countdown, called back. They're kicking the extra point. They're like, no, no, there's a flag. There's no flag in the field. Nobody knows what happened with that. There was an offensive pass interference that nobody understands what happened with that. There was a fumbal that we recovered. That they decided it wasn't a fumbal. Nobody could... I've just never seen anything like it. And at some point you're like, well, if they were ever going to have a rigged NFL game, I think I'm watching it. If there were ever three officials who said, fuck it, we're in New Orleans, gambling is legal here, let's go for it. It was that bad. And the Pats, they won anyway, and they won because Jake May was out of his mind. He was so fucking good, Sal. Just give me the Jake, definitely. It's over. You've lost. How about this? He's Jake, definitely.

For now, Drake may be plus. How about that?

No. Drake may was the best quarterback performance of the day, other than maybe your guy, but at least, Jake may won. Today, the stat has been around a bunch of times. The 23 and under quarterbacks to throw for 200 more passing yards with 100 plus passer rating in five straight games, him, Mahomes, and Dan Moreno. He's hit on eight straight 20 plus passes, not counting the two that got called back on penalties. When he's throwing deep, which was his thing, coming out of the draft where everybody's like, this guy, this guy loves the big plays. He's a big play hunter. He loves He's throwing deep. He's great at it. And the pats are five and two. I'm sorry, four and two with the Titans and Browns as their next two. And Drake May is down to 16 to one for MVP.

Well, he can't I'm not going to win MVP, so just stop.

He's 16 to one.

I don't want you... People stop listening to you if you say things like this. He's not going to win MVP.

I'm just pointing out he's 16 to one to win the MVP.

Well, I don't know if you read the fine print, but- It's the six best odds. If you lose to the Raiders, you're not eligible for MVP. So it's Drake May and it's Cam Ward, the only two that can't win the MVP right now.

That's fair.

No, he's been great. He makes amazing third down, throws down the field wherever he has to hit it. He extends drives. Great, great, great. I agree with you with everything. I even had the Saints plus three and a half, and I'm like, You know what? This is officiated so poorly. I won't be able to take Simmons crying like this. I now hope New wins the game. And they did.

You had to turn on your own bet. Our running backs were so bad in this game. And the play calling, too. The two running backs, Stevenson and Ramindra, I don't know what happened to both of them. 22 for 45. Every time it was like third and eight, third and 13, third and eleven, third and nine. And the paths were somehow six for 13 on third down. But Drake was just... I can't believe how good he was the last two games. It's a completely different ceiling. It's all the past fans are talking about. It's like we have a guy. This is it. It's happening. So with this easy schedule, I just feel like...

You feel like he's doing well on this easy schedule. Sure.

I feel like we're in a good spot with this guy.

All right. You are. You definitely are. Listen, coming into the year, we thought at worst that we're going to get this seventh seed. And now there's nothing to shake us from that.

Now, four and two. So what's that the rest of the way? They'd to go 6 and four?

Well, it doesn't even matter. No.

Six and 5. 6 and 5. 6 and 5 gets them in the playoffs. They play six shitty teams. They still have the Jets in Miami I mean, I think both of them again.

But when we did this in August, we thought the Ravens were in. We thought the bangles were in. Those teams are not in now. So you're not going to say you're going to sneak in because you're going to have 10 wins anyway.

And then the FC South, the way the Jaguars look today because you would have said, Oh, we'll have India and Jacksonville. But Jacksonville, I thought looked terrible. I know they had some injuries, and they shouldn't win last week. So they're, I would say, a pretty soft four and two. And then it looks like we're 100 % only getting one AFC North team unless there's some miraculous Baltimore.

Well, and I don't know if you saw those division odds, but it finally flipped to Pittsburgh being a favorite of minus 135, because now they're three and a half up on Baltimore. And I know it gets dicey them in November. The games are tough, but three and a half is a very big lead for a team that doesn't have their starting quarterback yet.

Well, the Ravens got killed by the Rams. And here are the stats. So since we had the 14 playoff format, only 2020 Washington started one and five and made the playoffs. Before that, one and five was a death sentence. We only had the 2012 Redskins, 2018 Colts, and 2015 15 Chiefs, the only three that made it coming out of one and five. If you're going to make the case for them, the defense got a little healthier. They have a bye week next week. Their next six are bears at Miami, at Vikings, at Cleveland, three and around the road, home Jets, home Cincy. I think they're going to be favored in five of those if Lamar is playing, right? They'll be favored in all those and maybe even favored in the at Vikings game. There's a chance they go five I would say five and one. If you're a Ravens fan, that's what you're hoping for. And five and one puts you at five and six heading into the stretch of the season. You get to play Pittsburgh twice, though. God only knows what's going to happen with Roger. So it's weird. They're one and five, but it doesn't feel over.

But, man, they suck today. And I thought they were poorly coached.

We can make them a cross off if you want. We could do it right now.

I can't do it with Lamar. He's won like 80% of his games.

I think the wild card is out, though, because they're one and five. They're going to have, even if they're 10 and seven, they're going to lose a lot of tie breakers here. I think the way to get in is nine and eight head to head. They beat with stealers. Yes, nine to eight. And they win those, obviously win those two head to head.

They have to win both Pittsburgh games yourself.

Yes, definitely. But that's tough.

That's not even a Pittsburgh time. The Steelers are four and one, so the Steelers would have to go five and six the rest of the way, basically, and lose both of the Baltimore games. Right. But this is like, you bring up those division odds, I just think minus 135 is... I think Pittsburgh should be at least a two to one favorite.

Yeah, I thought they should be minus last week before even gaining another game. I thought they should be favorite because they're doing everything right. And by the way, I think we've been at this too long because that was such a gimme from the gambling gods, the Steelers. I saw it as a rat line, but Steelers five and a half. Why the hell weren't we all over that?

I couldn't deal with the Browns defense against how simple that Steelers offense is. I thought there was a real scenario where the Browns defense just won the game. They couldn't do anything on offense.

They came from London. They opted to skip the buy after London. The Stealers are off a buy. Tomlin doesn't really lose too much off a buy. You have Dylan Gabriel going in there, and we lift on it. It's stupid.

Well, speaking of London, Broncos, Jets, what a way to start the morning. Yet another horrible London game. I felt like the Broncos were about to win by 30. Bo Nicks is running for a first down. They have the lead. There's not even guys around him. He slides, but he slides before the first down marker, which I think is in my top four least favorite plays in football with number one, obviously being the punter that kicks it into the end zone because the special teams guy knocked the ball into the end zone. That's my least favorite. But he did this slide and he's just short and you're like, Oh, here we go. And then delay a game penalty or whatever. And then all of a sudden, they're going backwards and the Jets are just hanging around and they end up barely winning 13-11. But I felt like they were going on a run. It seemed like they were going to go win by 30. Their defense gives up 95 yards total, 100 yards total, whatever it was. Jets do nothing. And the Broncos almost lose. And this is like betting on her against Bo Nicks. I just don't know what the answer is anymore.

Well, the answer for me is I can't have a lot of money riding on the London game when we're also doing the pregame show because I just get too angry and too distracted. It's like showing up to work, tripping your face off on Molly. And I was like, I can't. I don't even care what these guys are saying. What is going on with this game? Why isn't Denver He's winning. And then you're right. Justin Fields, he's the first quarterback to have nine or more sacs and nine or fewer completions since... You want to guess since who?

It was Justin.

Since Justin Fields. Since Justin Fields in 2021. This is so sickening. The Jets had two first downs in the first half. One of them was on a fake punt, right? Fourth and one. When they went for it, they're celebrating it. I've never seen a team losing, celebrating, converting fourth and one, only to run the clock out. But they were losing, right? That was bizarre to me. I didn't know what I was watching.

And Aaron Glenn is on the sidelines. He's acting like he's a disgruntled fan that's in stands that flew to London. And it's like, you're actually the coach. You can fix any of this. He's just like, I don't know what we're doing. It's like, you're the coach.

It's your team. And he really went. You know, he has Mark Sanchez third on the depth chart right now. I mean, things are really bad in Gotham. Really, really bad. But what, honestly, though, when does England get pissed at us?

I think it would happen three years ago.

This is way worse than dumping tea in the Boston Harbor or whatever the hell. If they did this to us and sent the club club soccer team over here who kept batting the soccer ball around with their hands and were charging 200 bucks to see it.

The striker has one leg.

I think we'd be pissed. It's not an act of war, but it's pretty bad.

No, it is like if we put Nathan Fielder in charge of our experience of sending football to London, this is what he would do. He'd be like, What if we send Justin Fields? He has eight completions in three hours.

Is this a rehearsal? Is this whole thing a rehearsal episode?

It's so bad. Might be. Yeah. Now people are like, should they bench fields? He's just not accurate. It's not going to change. He's been in the league like that. There were multiple plays when Garrett Wilson was open, and then he's just straining to catch these things that just normal quarterbacks just complete the thing. If you take out his running, he can't really do anything.

These are unworldly stats. Negative 10 yards passing net. I mean, you can't survive that.

I'm sure he's a nice guy. I know. We've seen enough at this point. Great guy. We've seen enough. Somebody I thought we saw enough of, but obviously, I didn't see enough of, even though I thought I did, was Jacobi Brisset, who, when he was the guy blocking Drake May for a few games, just seemed like he had been washed up three years ago. He comes in for the cards today. And then immediately, Kyler can't play. He gets scratch. And this is like, this is a godsend. Who can I tease the Colts with? What money line parlay can I put the Colts with? This is amazing. What a stroke of luck to get Jacobi Braset. He goes 27 for 44 for 320. They're nine for 14 on third down, and they're just hanging the whole game to the point where House and I are going, You got to be fucking kidding me. The Cardinals are going to win this? Every time you think they're about to roll over, they had another drive, and they finally lose by four. They were on their third string runningbacks. Harrison left with a concussion in the second quarter. None of it mattered.

They kept driving. And first of all, kudos to him. Second, I think the Colts defense has to go on fraud watch.

Yeah.

That's it. Denver was moving up and down on them. Berset was moving up and down on them. And I know they have the record, but with their weapons, I like Warren. I like Jonathan Taylor. Dimes is fine. They have some receivers who can make plays, but their defense is not good enough, I don't think.

No, I think you're right. Maybe cut them some slack. How much can you get up for a game like this? Arizona coming to town with the second string, everything. It's still very weird to me that they have the best record in the AFC right now, right? And weird shit's happened. Before the game, guy goes out with a concussion, a deep In fact, Anthony Richardson, not that he was playing, but I read that he had a band injury. I was like, what the hell is this now? You get hit in the head with a tuba coming out of the tunnel. With a marching band? No, but it was actually those band. I've done that a million times. So now he's got... But this is something that happens to a two and nine team, right? Not a team that's... I mean, what are their odds? Minus 130 to win the division? They're going to be around there in January, I think.

Well, let's go backwards. They killed the Dolphins in week one.

Yeah.

Not impressive now. They barely beat the Broncos in the game, the leverage game that they should have lost. They kill the Titans. They lose to the Rams. They kill the Raiders, and they barely beat for set. Those are their six games. Okay. So we've been down this road before with teams. And what was that year, a couple of years ago with Minnesota, when they were 13 and 4, and we were like, I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs. I'm not sure I would say that yet with the Colts because they can move the ball. I think they've gone 33, 29, 41, 20, 40, and 31 in these six games. So they're always going to have the offense, which is a little different than some teams. But schedule is going to get harder here as we get to the week nine range. They're They're at Chargers next week, although the chargers are pretty banged up. But they still have at Stalers, at Chiefs, at Jags, at Seahawks, at Texans. It's tough. All left. And they're playing the Falcons in Berlin. So we're-I'll back off a little. We're not ready to know with this team, I don't think yet.

Yeah, but we know with the Titans. We know we're not confident with the Texans. And I don't know, the Jaguars are the Jaguars. They came into this game 14: 4 turnovers. You just know that's not going to continue. They're not going to have 60 by the end of the year.

What's interesting about Houston is their schedule is just a lot tougher in general. Because they're playing the first-place schedule from last year. You go through their games and they have a Raiders game, they have an At Titans game, and that's really it. Every other game is either pretty hard, hard, or really hard. It's sitting there for the Colts, but I'm still a little dubious. I just don't think they can get stops. I bet they were over and over again. Arizona had a running back that... Who was that guy, Knight?

Yeah, Knight.

Do you know who that was? It was like their third stringer.

I just assumed it was Shug Knight. It's not Shug Knight? Shug Knight.

There he goes. I forgot to mention with Stuart Brown's, 11 straight games of 17 points or less for Cleveland. Do you see that stat?

Is that what it is? No, I didn't see that. Eleven.

What a streak.

Against the Steelers? Against anyone. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Currently. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a problem.

Why didn't we have that? Damn it. I mean, they had lost 23 straight in three Rivers, Ackey Shore, Hinesfield, whatever the hell you want to call it.

Ravens, Rams, one other thing I forgot to mention. Should the Ravens trade Derrick Henry and just say, Fuck it, it's not our year?

I think they maybe should have traded him after they went 0 for 4 from the 4-inch line, right? And he got the last shot at it. Interesting.

Can I start the rumor of Derrick Henry to the Patriots?

Yeah, sure. Start that up. Great. Thanks. But they won't give up on... They'll give up on Lamar before they do Henry. I mean, not trade Lamar.

What pick would get their attention?

Oh, man.

Like our second?

I wonder if he wants to.

What if our second and Ramondre?

Ramondre get caught.

They got to take Ramondre.

You do? That's a running back. That's a fantasy trade right there.

You know who used to work together? Derek Henry and Mike Vrabel.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah.

They used to have a really great relationship. One spot at time.

You don't need a running back. You got the greatest quarterback of all time.

Our running backs are 22 and 45 today. We need a running back. Our short yardage stuff is a disaster. It's like America if we get a yard.

braided dealt with that for years and no shortage of rings.

Wednesday, NFL trade deadline? So like week eight, week nine?

Yeah, right around there. Like after Halloween.

They lose that bears game and they go one and six. Why not trade Derrick Henry at that point? How many years does he have left anyway?

The bears game is after the buy, so they have a buy now, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe they scrap Lamar for the year.

If the Pats traded for Derrick Henry, I would actually lose my mind. Really? Yeah, that'd be it. I'd be just... I'd wake up, I'd be too be like Di Mercado fumbling the goal. I'd just complete blackout. I'd just be two blocks from my house like, How did I get here? Where am I?

You'd be fumbling your hot water with Lemon all over the house.

Derrick Henry would be one of the most beloved Boston veteran athletes we've ever had. He would just immediately be beloved.

This is great.

Thanks.

Is he a Henry? Is he like a John Henry? Is there a relation? Because you can make that work. No.

Packers-bengals, we don't have to talk about that game. Although I don't understand why Love has the fifth best MVP odds in the league. Have you watched any Jordan Love game this year and been like, whoa, this guy's amazing. Like, Dak Prescott's 10 times better than Jordan Love this year. Jordan Love has guys running around wide open all game.

Something like that. Golden made him look good today, and Kraft came back a bit, but they still were in danger of getting that game tied on them in the fourth quarter.

Titans, Raiders was the other one that happened. They really fucked up with these only three games as the late games. And that's one of them. They should have flexed the fourth game. They should just flexed Pat Saints and made it a later game.

You liked the two Monday nights, but one of them could have been a late afternoon game. Now we have two Monday nights, one at seven, one at 8 Eastern. And then we got a baseball game at three.

It allowed House and I to watch Wizards preseason, so that was fun. Okay. Had that on one of the TVs. Then House did this thing where he, I think just because because he's old, it turns out House is old. It turns out we're all old. He kept falling asleep and waking up, so he would snore, and then the snoring would wake himself up. What time was this? It was like 2: 30 in the afternoon. Come on. I should have videotaped it because I could have sent it to the NFL like Roger Goodell and all those people. This is what happens. They have three people, three teams in the weight games. That's great. This is my buddy House who loves football.

He's sad to sleep. It's 2: 30. Gino and Cam Ward, it did it. There you go.

Yeah, House was like, I flew cross country yesterday. All right, cross offs. Jets, 0 and 6. It's the first time we've done this. Jets, cross off.

Yeah.

Okay. Browns, one and five, cross off. Yeah. Okay. Browns, 1 and 5, cross off?

Yeah.

Tennessee, 1 and five, and should be 0 and six. Sure. Probably the worst coach in the league.

Yeah.

All right, that's three.

Are you going to have one more or no more?

Let's see. No, we're going to have five.

Oh, five.

Dolphins, one and five are automatic cross. Yeah, they're done.

There you go.

We didn't talk about whether DJ Mikey Mac... I don't think he gets fired because two weeks in a row, the team could have rolled over, and they actually really fought and tried to win for him. Today, they took the lead with a minute left. Two actually came through. And then, of course, they fucked the game up. I thought this was the same old bowl, right?

Like the Chargers Miami. Like, whoever lost is like, Oh, this is the same old team, right? Same old Chargers, typical chargers. They get the lead, they blow it at the end. Well, but they're playing the same old Dolphins with the same old coach with his analytics and draw string sweatpants. He's a mess. And now what is going out and saying the players are meeting Missing, they're skipping meetings. Yeah.

Not great. Well, I forgot to mention that was a pretty massive win for the Chargers because I don't think they're going to win the Super Bowl without Slater. Not to mention, they're missing their top two runningbacks, even though Vidal look good today. But they'd fall in the three and three with the depth that we have in the AFC. I don't know.

I feel like they're at much worse shape at three and three than Kansas City is, even though they beat them head to head. Yeah.

So four and two, at least by the middle of time. Herbert made it great. I mean, what's his face? Made an awesome...

Mcconkey?

Yeah, McConkey. Yeah. Awesome. Seemed like he was going Going out to kill some cuts back in. Right. Then end up getting it. But terrible loss for Miami. They're a cross-off. And then I don't mind the Saints. I thought they were pretty frisky today. And in general, I don't think Rattler is that bad. They can move the ball. I think they're I've recently coached, but they're a cross-off. They're one and five. They're not going eight and three over their last 11 to make the playoffs. Yeah.

So normally, we might keep the NFC South last place team around because the first place team is usually three and three at this point. We're not doing that this year. But Tampa is too good.

Yeah. So we have five cross-ups. Okay.

That is five.

One, two.

Okay. Who's on the look at? Ravens have a buy, so they get to survive. I think we're okay for a minute now.

Yeah. Listen, we have cross-off scouts in Cincinnati and Las Vegas. There's no question. Arizona. The Giants, we didn't talk I mean, all the Giants fans we know, they're absolutely going nuts about Dart and Skatebu in the front four. But Dart, we went through this with Drake May last year. They have to have an intervention with him. He's going to spend the entire season in the Blue Tent. You can't seek out hits when you're a quarterback. You're not playing high school football anymore. These are 6'5, 290 pound people.

I don't know if he's a great fit for New York either. He went right after the reporters. I know a lot of them are assholes, but he's like, Yeah, and you guys are so negative. And the reporter is like, Well, what are we negative about? And he's like, Well, now he has to decide how much he wants to commit to this whole thing.

Yeah, to the bit.

Yeah, but people didn't believe.

It's like, Yeah, you're right. We didn't believe a one in four team. We're going to beat the Super Bowl chance. We... To shoot us.

Sorry. It's just based on the whole last month. But who did what? Okay, let me ask you this. What '80s tag team does Skatebo and Dart remind you of? Oh, wow. When we first saw them.

Like a B-B, Brian, Blair, Jim Brunzel, the killer bees?

No, I think a little more grit than that.

Who do you got?

Road Warriors, Lee Agent of Dume, right?

Interesting.

Just delivering close lines every play, and we'll see one climb the other's shoulders. I feel like this is just a battering crew. Like, what the hell did we just see? Just running everybody over.

They won that game and media for an hour and a half after. I just had Amazon on because I was doing stuff and came back and Fitzpatrick and Skatebu both had- Shirts off. They did their shirts off, their chest bumping. I'm like, what's this guys are two and four.

They're the freaking road warriors. They make the NFC title game. They're Hawking animal. I don't know who's which, but they're Hawking animal. This is the road warriors.

All right, we're going to take a break, and then we're going to do Guest of Alliance. Last week on Guest of Alliance, I hit 10 exactly. Controversial.

What's the point of this anymore?

You I thought I was cheating. I've never cheated Guest Alliance. What feedback did you get from people with the cheating, non-cheating?

It's so funny because people are like, Well, we know Bill has been cheating all these years. I'm like, I laugh. I don't think it's true, but I do think that's funny that that's a consensus for this. And I'm going to go with it. Like Belichick. Yeah. Biasociation. Trying to cut corners. Guelty.

What would be the fun about cheating Guest Alliance? I'm curious about that.

I don't know. I mean, has sponsorship rate gone up since you hit 10 in a row on the podcast? No, we did nothing happen. Okay. I don't know what it would be then.

Thursday night, stealers at the bangles.

I hit this exact, and you're going to think this is a payback.

Well, you won the first two weeks. I won the next four, so I'm up for it, too.

Oh, man, this is bad. Am I a cross-off?

No. I put this in the Vegas zone. I have Stealers by five and a half.

You see what I mean? I can't even gain on you here. It's five and a half. It's five and a half.

All right.

Before we go on, this was what it was when they were home against Cleveland. Is this still a little light? This is Flacko now.

I thought the bangles... Unfortunately, we had to watch that game semi-carefully because we only had three games. Look, Flack goes 40. I'm not nothing to write home about at this point, but he is pretty good at throwing that 20-yard sideline throw up in the air for a receiver. There's something there with them. Okay.

So this might be the trip up game here, Thursday night.

Listen, are the staywares just going to, week after week, things are just going to go right for them? This is how it's going to go? I don't know.

One of these things is something weird. By the way, the eagles made me not want to bet any Thursday night games. That was clearly a team that was unprepared and everything else. Oh, yeah, this is a game coming off a three days rest.

Me personally, if I didn't bet the Thursday games or the Europe games, I'd be having an unbelievable year.

Yeah.

And by the way, we know not to bet those games. They know what they're doing. It gets near game time. We're like, All right, fine.

You know what we should have done before we move on? If we had bet against all the backup quarterbacks on a parlay, it was plus two 70. They all lost five for five, even as good. Some of them played well. Perset was good, but it still lost.

Does Dylan Gabriel count as a backup quarterback?

He back, back, back, back, back up. Yeah, way back.

I think I'm going to hit the London game, too. 9: 30 AM Sunday. I'm going to try not to bet it. Rams, Jaguars, probably be 80% Jags fans. I have Rams by two and a half.

That's what I had. It's three. Okay, at least you're not hitting them exactly.

The rare three. We don't have threes anymore. Yeah. I mean, part of the science, I guess, the lines this year is you just bet one and a half, two and a half for Vegas. Right.

You tell them. Maybe you could tell them they're wrong. I mean, you're as reliable as anyone.

This is not even- I think this ends at two and a half, though.

It's not a tick of a home game for Jacksonville, having been there a zillion times?

I don't know if they're expecting fans after what happened today. It might just be an empty stadium. Might be like a COVID. They might have to I have cardboard cutouts of people. I don't know if they go back.

Burning cars outside.

I mean, this will be a nice little tester for the Jags, right?

Sure.

You win this, you're five and two. You lose this, you're four and three, and you should have lost the Chief's game, and you're frots. So we'll find out. There was a classic... I just can't get there with Lawrence. I know he was pretty good last week, but there was a play. They're down... He wasn't very good today. They're down 26, throws this pass. It felt like it could have been picked, and it bounces up in the air, and it goes to Brian Thomas, I think, or one of their receiver, and the guy runs down, and then it turns out it gets called back for a flag. But they cut to Lawrence, and he's like, doing this. He did something. It's like, That pass was terrible. It should have been picked. It's like, Yeah, we did it.

They're still dropping some. By the way, I would move this. I think a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how Nakuwa... I don't want to bet. I don't want any part of the Rams if Nakuwa is not in the lineup. You don't do this for a receiver, but this could move a half a point if he's teamed out.

Is he out?

I don't know.

He's limping around for the whole second half of that game.

He could sit this. I mean, it's in London.

If he's out, the Jags, I think are a live bet. Yeah, sure. Sunday Marquis, sadly, slim pickings. We got to go with Colts Chargers just because that's a five and one against four and two.

Oh, man, it is.

Four and two. It's in LA. Chargers have lost some people. I hesitate to say this is a test for the Colts, but I do have them favored. I have Colts one and a half.

Oh, you do? Oh, good. I have the Chargers by two and a half. It's Chargers by one and a half. Oh, my God. It feels so good to win one. Wow. For myself.

Do you agree with that?

Well, I with two and a half.

Because I do not. I think the coach should be a favorite.

Really? All right. I mean, you just said how they might be a fraudulent defense and everything else.

No, but the chargers, they're on the third stream running back and they're missing both tackles, though.

All right. Well, they have What will the fan situation be like, Oh, a lot of the Ringer guys are coming to town, right? It's a special week for us. It's core week. Our nephew Anthony de Bundo, is a big Colts fan. I wonder if he'll go to this game. Interesting. A lot of Colts fans.

That'd be He sent me a wedding photo of him and Drew Carter, the Celtics guy that I love. They're two Syracuse guys. I just felt really proud looking at it. I frame it. I was going to put it over my shoulder. I love Drew Carter. Drew Carter should be one of the NFL play, play, play guys. I don't understand how they do the scouting with this stuff sometimes. When there's actually a legitimately... Noah Ego is like, Oh, that guy's good. You just know right away. There's certain guys, and it doesn't really matter what the sport is, but you know who the good guys are. Drew Carter is great doing the NBA games for the Celtics. It's like, Clearly, he should be doing NFL. Yeah.

Well, there's a color commentary position open. I don't know about play by play, but yeah, he can get it. You hate it. You're cutting all these.

Not cutting any of them. The Watchables. We got three. Eagles at Vikings. It's even questionable whether this is a Watchable, but it is Wents going against the Eagles is fun. Yeah. I assume we're not going to get McCarthy. No. God only knows what to expect with the Eagles. It's in Minnesota, and I went Eagles minus one and a half.

All right, I get this. I said two. It is two and a half. That might come down, too.

It's a tough one because I don't know what to make of that Vikings team.

Right.

Do you think they'll have Van Ginkle and Cashman back? I don't think they will.

I feel like they haven't played in forever, but one is going to get 10 days rest. They run the four-game, whatever. I want to have two weeks rest.

So next watchables. I think the Giants are a watchable if they're playing a good team. So Broncos, Giants in Denver, I think has to be in the watchable category as long as this dart thing is going and all the Giants fans are fired up at it. I have Broncos by seven against the Giants.

You hit that exactly. I don't think I have to tell you anymore. I said five and a half. I thought that was a little rich, seven. But I forget, Hawk and Animal coming to Denver.

I had it lower in my head, too. But then I thought, this is such an obvious teaser. They're going to jack it.

We can't bet it on a teaser. It's obvious to others. We can't after what we went through this morning.

Well, that right guard on the Broncos, what was that guy's name? Number 69, Pert? Oh, right. 79?

Mm-hmm.

Just over and over again was murdering them with holding calls at the worst possible times.

But they played anyone else, they would have lost by 17 points today.

That giant front four really something. We'll find out.

They beat the shit out of the Eagles.

I think Payton, the announcers were even saying it, Eisen and Warner. They were even intimating Payton. It's like, I'm worried about this game. We just had this awesome win against the Eagles. This is like a stupid Jets team, and I just want to get through this and pull a win out. The other watchables. I'm sorry, your team is exceedingly watchable. I have Washington at Dallas. It's a watchable game. I'm going to enjoy it. All your team does is play awesome games.

Oh, yeah.

The Carolina Dallas game was super fun. I really enjoyed it.

Listen, regardless of the record, let's just do Tampa Bay, Dallas, an NFC Championship.

It would be great. Let's do it. It would be a really fun game.

Play out the rest of the year, but make that the Championship. It's fine.

I did Washington favored by three over Dallas and Dallas.

I got this exact. Yeah, two and a half. Washington favored by two and a half.

I don't have the same magic today. They're going to win. I'm close. I'm hovering around every line.

You can look them up real quick if you want, like you did last week, and then just jot them down. They're the game.

Bear's Home for the Saints. Now you're asking, why is this a poopfective game? The Saints are entertaining. I don't know. I don't mind the Saints. I didn't mind watching them today. I think the bears are mildly entertaining as well. And it's in Chicago. And I have the bears favorite by four over the Saints.

I had the same. Is there an injury? Because this went... So we tie, it's four and a half, but it opened at five and a half. Did someone get screwed up there?

So what's the... It's four and a half?

It's four and a half. Wait, if it started at five and a half, now the bears aren't in favor.

Maybe I think it might have been gotten bet down because the Saints have been hanging against teams that would all be in the playoffs if the season ended today.

I guess. Yeah. Chicago on a short week. Just interesting that that would move so much.

Chief's home for the Raiders. It has to go past the T's number. I have Chiefs minus seven and a half, probably too low.

Yeah, I have eight, and I was way low. It's ten and a half.

Oh, Jesus.

That's too high. What do we do with that?

It's too high.

This is going to be... We're going to have this on a money line parlay. We're going to have to be watching with a minute 20 left in the fourth quarter to see if Butker kicks a field goal.

We had a two-week window with the Chiefs where they were getting people actually, like flipping the other way and not respecting them enough. And now it's gone back to steep again. That's what happens.

But you have Gino. To his credit, he was given up his interceptions on the other side of the field, like near the other end zone. He kept it toward the red zone. That's what he could do. That's all he needs to do. The Titans covered that game.

We were watching it, just trying to... It was 20 to three, and we're like, All right, so they'll score. Gino will do something dumb. They'll get a 2017 final. Just waiting for it. And then, you know, Camorra just plays like a He could quarterback, unfortunately.

How he gave up the ball there at the end was really like, Hey, I'm sick of holding this thing. Take it.

It's not great. Packers Cardinals in Arizona. No idea if Kyla Murray is starting, I would assume he is. Then Harrison with the concussion. That's usually a two-week injury now, the concussion. Pretty rarely, the guy comes back after one. I initially had this at three, but I'm bumping it to three and a half post-concussion. Am I going to beat you this week? I said packers three and a half. You might.

I said six. It's six and a half.

In Arizona?

Yeah. They're done. They're done with this team.

Yeah, but does anyone watch the packers? I mean, they're late in the world.

No, it's true. They'd really be better off even if he's ready keeping that for a second.

I don't agree with that at all. I both don't agree with that at all, and I've never been to Arizona, so maybe the line's right.

Exactly.

Poop fact, the three games. Brown's home for the Dolphins.

Wait a minute. How are you not putting your game.

I have my game in Poopfecta.

It's better than that. This is a rivalry. It's a huge rivalry.

You go Fairly Watchable? All right, I'll move it up. Because Rable going back to Tennessee?

Of course. There's a lot of shenanigans It could take place here.

All right. Fairly watchables. Pats at Tennessee. You know what?

If you say it like that, maybe we should move it down. Now that I have it floating in my head.

Well, so they played the Saints today, and they're basically three and a half all week, and it didn't budge. I think the Saints are better than the Titans. So I'm going to say Pats by four.

All right. So you're light on all these. I said seven, and it's six and a half. These cross-off teams have to get five, six points.

We can't run the ball.

Yeah, but these teams that don't even really... They're either going to lose by 10 or seven, some of these teams.

Or 40. I don't know. I was on it last week. I don't agree with some of these lines this week.

I love this.

I just think that Titans team is going to be really fired up because they're a fucking mess. Vrabel is doing great with the Pats. It's It's going to be a whole week of why do we let Mike Vrabel go? So either that's bad for the Titans or they're going to be all fired up to play them.

Yeah.

But there's going to be a lot of emotion. What happens?

Lots of more emotion if they sign Derrick Henry on Thursday, going back to Tennessee. Can you get it done that quickly?

Can we make the trade?

Yeah.

Second rounder in Ramondre for Derrick Henry on a fourth.

Even for a week.

Can we call it in?

Just trade for a week, a rental.

Then trade them back in two weeks.

Yeah, Airbnbe them for the week and then just slaughter the price.

It'd be great if we could do trades like that. Poop fact that Brown's offense in Cleveland. I have no idea who should be favorite in this game, but I'm going to say Brown's by one and a half.

Yeah, you got me here. I said Miami by one, it's Browns by two and a half. Oh, man. Is that? I mean, we're right. I mean, they're both cross-offs, but Miami is more of a cross-off, I guess. So bad.

Giving up all that rushing yardage to this guy that was released by the chargers before the season then resigned, pretty bad. Getting beaten in the last 40 seconds by a team that basically had one receiver. Pretty bad.

Any chance we see Shador here or did Dylan Gabriel just... Did they feel bad for him because he really didn't have a lot of chances?

I mean, they should just put Shador in once. They can't lose. If he's good, it'd be like, whoa, he's good. And if he's bad, they never have to have that conversation again. But it makes more sense to plan, though.

Which makes me think he's not ready. Why wouldn't they put him in? He has to really not be ready to further embarrass this club.

I think that's what's happening. Panthers at the Jets. I have the Panthers favorite. I think the Panthers have a legitimate chance to go 4-3 here. Panthers minus one and a half is my guess.

All right, I have to check this. I had Panthers by two. The Jets are favorite by one and a half. You get this one. The Jets are favorite. The three and three Panthers are an underdog to the oh and six Jets.

Well, so all right, let's talk this out. There are two Panthers teams, Road Panthers and Home Panthers. Road Panthers are bad. That's the only thing I can think of. Sunday night, 49ers, Home-We just talked that out.

That's what that was?

Yeah, that was it.

What about how many versions of the Jets are there because I just see the one that loses every week.

I mean, if they can't win this game, are they going to win this season?

You're right. They're not going to be favorite the rest of the year.

How many wins are left on the schedule?

No, they can't be favorite by anyone else. They're home for Miami, though, who just got a raw number against Cleveland.

They got their home, Brown's week 10, Home Dolphins, week 14. They're at the Saints.

No, they won't be favorite.

Those are the last three chances.

Yeah.

Sunday night, 49ers, Falcons. And this line could move if the Falcons look good against Buffalo tomorrow, would be my guess. But right now, I have a 49ers by three.

Yeah, that's why I had it also. That's exactly what it is. Okay. I think I went 5, 6, 7. That was an easy one. 10, 7. Oh, I want.

Wow. He took a big haymaker and bounced back. That's You know what? There's a lot people could learn from you. Thanks, buddy. That's how to just suck it up. Just move on to the next week. It's impressive. Monday night, Lion's Bucks. It's in Detroit, and it feels like the Bucks are going to be missing at least their first three receivers. I don't know if Bucky Irving is playing. I have Lyons minus three.

I had two and a half. It's five and a half.

That's pricing in all the injuries.

Yeah, but come on. Don't we- That's too high. Are they going to get slaughtered, Tampa Bay, or are they, Baker, going to have a chance to win it in the fourth quarter?

Oh, our special guest is here. Let's guess this last one really fast. There he is. Seahawks, Texans in Seattle. I have Seahawks minus two and a half.

Jimmy, guess for me because I already won, so it's okay. You can screw this up. Yeah, you can guess this.

I go Seahawks minus three and a half.

All right, you split it. It's three.

All right. Great You did it.

Jimmy, it's a rookie mistake. You need to price his right him. If he says two and a half and you think it's three or three, you should have gone three.

I have too much integrity for that. You know that stuff.

Yeah, that is true. All right. Okay. Today's Parent Corner is presented by Uber Eats. Let's be real. Wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods, pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it. Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long. We're delivering as a special guest for Parent Corner, controversial late-night host, Jimmy Kimmo. He's here, our cousin. He really is. Just a world in controversy.

Occasional late-night host. By the way, I think I'm spending somewhere in the neighborhood of between $40,000 and $80,000 a year on Uber Eats now. I'm not sure what it is, but it's a problem. It's too easy now.

It's too easy.

It doesn't count as a parent corner story. But, Jimmy, your mom showed me a picture of the bag that the Uber Eats delivery driver left on her front porch and said, please tip me well. She was really bent out of shape about it. She's like, I was going to tip them well. Why? I don't understand. Why did you say that?

Jimmy, we wanted to have you on for a variety of reasons for Parent Corner, but your son is in the all-time sweet spot for Parent Corner. I went through it when my son Ben was around this age. It was just this smorgasbord of stories. And then Sal just went through it with Harrison. And now your beloved young Billy. It's in the sweet spot right now for him.

Billy is eight years old now, and there are a lot of kids in our family. And as my father said, This is the weirdest one. He's into a lot of the normal kid stuff, the eight-year-old stuff like Roblox and Mr. Beast, but also obsessed with death in a weird way, like tornadoes and tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes. He always wants to know if they're coming, if they're going to... And he also wants to know who will get them if we die. If Molly, my wife and I, die, who will get cut? Where will they live? And he wants all the details on who it is. It almost gets to the point where it feels like he's hoping it happens.

Yeah. Well, wait Did you tell him? Did you tell him where he goes?

What was the answer? What was the answer? I remember it was the answer. You know what?

We don't know the answer. I think we had a plan when they were babies, but now my older kids are each married, and so it probably would make most sense that they would live with their sister and brother in some way.

Well, now you have an answer.

Yeah, I guess so. But then which one do we pick? And then do we even... Do we tell the people we picked?

No, it's a nice surprise. I I think you might have been considering me for a second. And then you saw House Eats 3 and the vomiting. You said we can't go on.

You were the leader in the clubhouse until Brad, you get custody of him two weekends a year. That's true. I think that was the deal breaker for Jimmy.

I'm not going to clear the deal for anybody.

The Labor Days with Brad, he couldn't do it. So give us some of the highlights because I got to see Young Billy in action a couple of weeks ago. I'm not going to say it was a tense atmosphere before your first show back, but people were moving around. People He was emotional. And then he showed up and had a water gun and was just antagonizing and attacking everybody and light in the mood.

When they come to the office, he just sees just a bunch of adults as his victims. And we actually had a stern talk with him afterwards. You can't because nobody can say anything to him. He's the host's kid. And I think somewhere down deep inside, he senses that because he goes absolutely wild. It's also probably the free snacks at the craft service table have something to do with it. But he and his penis are like Starsky and Hutch. They are a team that cannot be separated, and every story goes to his penis. I mean, really, I think his greatest move was, he's walking around the house and he's got his dick out. I go, All right, your penis away. And he's like, What? I see, put your pants on and put your penis away. And Molly, my wife's like, Billy, okay, all right, it's funny, but put your penis away. He's like, It's not. My penis is not out. And he kept a straight face and insisted that his penis wasn't out and then started crying as one would if his penis wasn't out. And he was like, Why are you saying this It's not him.

Why are you saying my penis is out? It's not out. And it's fucking out. And you just like, you don't know what to do because it's out, number one. But part of you really admires this insane avenue that he's chosen to walk down. And then the other part doesn't want him to do it at school.

It goes from adorable and hilarious to an actual issue.

Yeah. It hasn't become an issue you yet? I mean, he's shy with people outside of the house. He said he doesn't like the doctors to see his penis. And we're like, well, who do you like to see your penis? He said, my cousin's.

What if we all wore scrubs? Would that, you think, put an end to it?

I think it's important for context to know that he dresses now like Aaron Paul in the first season of Breaking Bad. He'll wear a skull cap and jewelry. He's got a gold chain that he thinks is pretty valuable that I bought him for eight bucks on Amazon. He's always in black. And if he's not in black, he's in something absolutely crazy.

That sounds good for Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah.

Yeah. He looks like a skateboarder from the '80s, but he doesn't ride a skateboard. So we come down in the morning and he's eating tortilla chips. And Molly says, Who told you you could eat tortilla chips in the morning? And he just goes, Thanks for a second. And he goes, My penis. He also squeezing. He likes to grab our asses, not just with one hand, but two hands. And he'll make sounds like an old pervert. He says to Molly, her last His name's McNearny. He goes, Squishy McNearny. He's behind her squeezing her ass.

I took a picture of him squeezing his friend Mo's ass at school.

He's got a handful of his best friend Mo's ass, and he's holding a book. And the book is a photo book that Mo's mother has made for Billy. And on the front of the book, Billy is also squeezing Mo's ass. So it's like if you were to hold it up a mirror, you'd see infinity of Billy squeezing Mo's ass. And then he does the fun little things like he'll take Molly's chapstick and just start applying it to his penis.

Oh, my God.

Molly said, I actually overheard her say this, and I wrote it down, Put on your clothes. Your penis is not entertainment.

That's what she thinks.

That could help the ABC's fall lineup. Yeah. Your Penis is not entertainment on Tuesday nights on the ABC.

Yeah.

He's into all the bad things that boys are into.

Not farting? Not the farting poop area? Not really?

Farting, for sure. Pooping. He loves to fart. He'll get naked and just sit right on my head and fart while I'm sleeping. Every morning, he gets in bed with us and he just gets upside down in the bed. Just puts both his feet right in my mouth, right in my face. I'm trying to sleep. He said his favorite dinner, his dream dinner, is Cereal with Prime. You know that?

Yeah.

That shit, Logan Paul or Jake Paul sells that like poison. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's his dream dinner.

Cereal and Prime.

Yeah, cereal and Prime.

That's his dream. That's like for an eight-year-old, a bump of cocaine or something.

Yeah, for sure. We're going to Ireland with my family next week. I don't know if he decided this or my dad decided it, but they decided they're going to have a sip of beer together in a pub.

Oh, nice.

Interesting. That should go well.

Yeah, that should be great.

Is there anyone in the Southern California area that your dad hasn't told yet that he's going to Ireland or there's still 10 people left?

There's nobody. The number of texts- He got through everybody? Can we talk about parents? I guess we can in parents.

It's all parents and kids are eligible.

I mean, for God's sake, this man is The details, the text are right now, first of all, I know the exchange rate for Euro for the whole year, from January, what it was, what it is today, and what a shame it is that we didn't get this money exchange in January because you'd save 15 cents for each dollar. I know how many pounds are allowed in his luggage. He wanted to know because you can get up to 70 pounds. If he should bring two pieces of luggage with under 70 pounds or add a third. Just all these crazy questions he's asking us. We're having a big family a reunion with our Irish family, and he keeps reminding us that one member of the family, this kid who had the same heart surgery Billy had, is going to be there. And he's now reminded us of this six times. And Molly and I are over under 11 11 on it. So we still have a few days, but 11 is what we're shooting for.

I was thinking that should be... You know those ads? They have the old people ads where it's like, this is wrong and you could take this. And That would be the ultimate one is to not tell the same story 10 to 20 times.

Oh, yeah.

You have some certain age as a parent and it's just, did I tell you that blah, blah, blah?

It's like, yeah, you told me 20 minutes ago that you told me the same story.

Most parents will tell you.

When you tell them Yeah, you told me that story. They have to finish it.

It doesn't matter. They finish it anyway.

They got started and they're going to finish it. And you'll go like, there's no one else in the room right now. Who are you telling this to? I told you. You told me this story already.

They're on Broadway doing a performance. They just don't care who the audience is.

Or you have to hit a quota at the end of the month, like a cop given speeding tickets or parking tickets. Maybe there's a number in their head they have to hit.

Let me read you a text that Molly sent to me last night. She said, I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you your dad just came to the door with Todd, Todd's our dog, and was mid-sentence about his great great grandfather when I opened the door and then just went through his entire genealogy. I think I said three words, and then he said, All right, got to go.

Meanwhile, these are the texts I got from my mom, whose name is Jan. This is just out of nowhere unsolicited on October fourth. Do I have Janheimers or did I never watch another nine and a half weeks? Is this pre or post Wild Orchid? Oh, my God. It's a text from my seven-day-old mom. Nice.

And does Is she pronounce it Orchid or is that you?

That's just me. Orchid. Orchid. Yeah, that's just me. That's me. So who is the funiest texting parent? Sal, what are your parents from a texting standpoint?

My father's got gorilla hands and a gorilla brain, too. So he can't really text. He doesn't know how to text. But my mother is pretty crazy.

So he doesn't text at all. We featured some of my mother's text on Jimmy Kimmer Live.

She's just a lunatic, all caps, all knowing everything and voice texting it, too. So it all comes out ridiculous.

I get a lot of good text from your mom. You want to hear? I think I got one just the other day. The mostly complementary, but a lot of times they're, give me a tip. Oh, my friend is the executive producer of this documentary. She is a retired judge. Thought you should see this. And then there's a two-hour documentary she wants me to watch on my phone.

My mother's name is Fran, and on the phone, she changed her name to Melanie. You know what it'll say? Like maybe. It says maybe Melanie, maybe Melanie. I was like, what? I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to change it to Melanie. Now she's Melanie on my phone. So I call her Melanie. She hates it. Don't go buy that. I don't even know what the hell that is. Don't do that. But it's clear Something is something she did in the settings or something.

My mom sends me text, these thought-provoking text out of nowhere. I'm not even 100% sure OJ did it. That would just be the text. It'll just be there no context or anything. I'm like, wait, What? Yeah, that's my dad's way more normal.

I know it's just sports stuff. Sal's on this, too. The only text I really get from my mother are her daily Wordle and Connections.

I get Connections, too.

Wordle and Connections every day. Every day. Every Every day. I never respond to them. I'm looking through them right now. There are 50 of them, and I've never responded to a single one of them, but I keep getting them every day.

Can I tell you, I get them from her, too, and it ruins my day. I love hearing from her, but she'll wake up at 4: 30 in the morning, so she'll get it done first, and she'll always write, This was too easy. And I'm like, God damn it, now I can't get even one wrong, right? So now I have to get four for four. And if I don't get perfect, it's like, she did it again.

Wednesday, 4: 51 AM, Wordle score. Thursday, she slept in, 7: 10 AM. Friday, 5: 42 AM. Saturday, 5: 42 AM. I mean, it's insanity.

Jimmy, do either of your parents still do the thing where somebody recognize them and they tell you about it? It's going to be this amazing story about how they got recognized, but you immediately know by the twinkle in their eye before the story starts where the story is going to be and what it is.

Yeah, I do. Although it's hard for my parents because it's hard to get recognized when you're shouting your son's name at strangers before they even speak to you. It's a little bit different. My aunt Chippie, our aunt Chippie, I should say, she told me three times in the span of 24 hours that Gargi Garth from Mazda sends his best. There's a guy named Garth that works at a Mazda dealership in Las Vegas who one time provided aunt Chippie with a car. I've never met Garth. But the third time she was about to tell me, she goes, Oh, did I tell you who reached out? I go, Garth from Mazda? She's like, Yeah, Garth from Mazda.

This is a huge for Garth from Mazda.

That should be your mom's next thing for her phone, She could be Garth from Mazda instead of Mélanate.

Garth from Mazda? Yeah.

Wait, Jimmy, what about your daughter? Have you hit that point now? Is she too cool to hang out with you yet, or is that happening in real-time?

She's 11 now. I like to find out what the new lingo that the kids are using, and then I just drop it in in the middle, and she hates it so much. It is so funny. Apparently, Baddielicious is something that they're saying. And so we were having dinner last night, and I knew she had said Baddielicious. They went to the Chapel Rowan concert, my wife and daughter, and she called some woman who was all dressed up Baddielicious. And so I Last night, we were eating Chinese food. I was like, Oh, this is Baddielicious. And she just looks at me like...

They get so mad, right?

She daggers. And Molly does a bit called Cool Mom. She's like, Jane, you're so lucky. You got a cool mama She starts dancing around. And Jane really genuinely hates it. It's not even like a joke. She hates it. She'll pull her aside and say, Please, please stop doing that. Stop doing that. For some reason, they tolerate my nonsense more. But also, nothing I say is ever serious.

It's part of it.

But yeah, that's the big thing. She also just started her new season of basketball, and she scored four points today, which is huge. She has not scored before. But she plays like... The level of intensity with which she plays is insane. It's like a young Dennis Rodman. I mean, she is like She was running as hard as she can. She's pretty tall, and she was assigned to guard this little girl who was about half her size today. And she would not... I mean, she was glued to this kid, this poor kid, the She did not let up on this kid. And this kid had no chance of scoring, even if this kid was alone on the court, she had no chance of scoring. But Jane was up this kid's ass, and she is so serious It's really funny to watch her play. And she went on up scoring a couple of baskets. So she was very pleased with herself tonight.

I missed those days.

And she's wearing deodorant now, too.

Deodorant? Yeah.

Dennis Rodman never wore deodorant, so there's the difference.

She said, Hey, can I have some deodorant? I was like, Yeah, I guess so.

Sal, did you have a parent corner? Because I gave mine to Jimmy.

I did, and I think this is a good one for all of us. So Saturday morning, Harrison, my 12-year-old, approaches me and is like, Can we play golf? I know you're busy, but is there a way we can play golf this morning? I'm like, Oh, Jesus. There's so many good college football games. He doesn't have a tournament. I just wanted to veg out. And so now I have to weigh my gambling addiction with my duty to be a good parent, which I'm not addicted to. And I ask everyone, nobody else wants to go golfing, so it's just me and him, no one else in the family. So we have 90 minutes before the Oregon game. So we go to that hotel golf course a couple of miles away on Rose Crance. And I am bad. I am so bad at golf. My swing, people say they're bad. I am really fucking bad. Charles He would giggle like a schoolgirl if he saw my swing. And if I have a driver, I could hit it 180 yards or 35 yards. And there's no rhyme or reason. There's no why I would get one more than the other.

And Harrison has a classic smooth, baseball, golf, hybrid swing. But I'm more powerful, so I should beat him. And I'm beating him by three going into the seventh hole. I'm beating him by two going into the eighth hole. I'm beating him by one going into the ninth hole. Oh, God. And I'm like, I can't fucking lose to this guy. There's no way I can lose. And I need to make a five-foot put, which I had not been doing all day to secure the win. And I did it, and I was gitty. And he didn't even care that he lost because he's like, you're an old man who's done this. You've played all your life. But it got me thinking, what age do you have in your mind that you would be okay with your kid beating you at Every sport. I think, like golf, I would say 19. He would have to be 19. I think basketball because I'm short, I would say 14. Tennis, around 17, 18. In a race, I would say 16 because I'm fat fast. You know that, Jimmy. So I'm going to try to hang on to that. You are fast.

You really are quick.

It's because you have a 22-inch inseam and your legs are like a cartoon legs. They get a lot of movement.

He's like Fred Flintstone.

He goes really fast. You guys could slow down on the compliments here. But do you guys have ages for when it's allowable to be beaten by?

What about boxing?

Yeah, well, hopefully I never- That's the last front there.

It's an actual fight, a UFC fight.

Like Palma Horse 37. No, I don't know.

I think everything is before '20.

Sure. I've been playing chess with Billy, and that's another one that I just don't let him win. I just won't.

Yeah, you can't.

I'm just never going to let him win. He's going to have to beat me because I feel like when he does beat me, which he will eventually, that it will be much more exciting and satisfying for him. It'll be a nice moment. Yeah, sure.

I've had that argument with my wife, too, because I never intentionally lost anything to my kids ever. My wife made her mad a couple of times. Like, really, you couldn't let Ben win the one monopoly game? I'm like, well, what lesson is that? Then if he actually wins, he won't know that he achieved the win. Letting him win does nothing.

But physical sports is worse, though, right? Isn't that like, I don't know, you lose your vulnerability a little bit.

I would think what is the bigger ego blow for the dad, I think losing a race would be number one. That's tough. When your kid's faster than you, fundamentally, the most primal thing you could do other than fight is race somebody. In the moment they're faster than you, I would think that's That's both they're faster than you and also you would feel old.

It's all bad. If Ben beat you in tennis right now, how mad would you be?

He never beat me because I would just... I would psychologically just... I would make him mad, he would melt down. Tennis is the You can see a sport. Somebody can be better than you and you can still beat them because you just have to fuck with them.

Interesting.

I always do feel like you have the edge over your little brother or your... Whatever it is. If you have that childhood edge over them that you always maintain it in some way.

If you know where the pressure points are, you can go. My wife plays tennis six times a week. I could still beat her anytime we play because I can always get her rattle and I can do stuff.

When I was dating Sarah Silverman, she lived in a condo complex that had a tennis court. I was just like, Why don't we... We've never pulled... You got a cord at your We should play. She's like, Yeah, you're right. I get my tennis racket, and she gets her tennis racket, and we go down to the court, and we play, and she beats me. That was the last time we ever played.

Okay, so how old does your ex-girlfriend have to be before you're okay? Yeah, that's a better one.

Chess is a good one. Scrabble is always fun. The board games are the ones.

When your kid can be in a board game. When your kid can be in a board game. 85, Yeah. Jimmy has too much of an advantage on something like Scrabble.

We did Sneakers for Rewatchables for Monday with Robert Redford, and there's a big Scrabble scene in it. We were talking about whether Scrabble is still as relevant as it was when they made the movie 92 when it was completely one of the most relevant board games. And the argument my co-host made was that it still is completely relevant. I have no idea.

More so if you count Words with Friends as Scrabble, which it is. Because a lot of people play Words with Friends, and it's Scrabble. It's just a slightly different shape board. Bogle is the next thing. I've been playing Bogle on the toilet for quite some time now, and they actually ruin the app on the iPhone. It stinks now, but I've been seeing Bogle in the future. And then I was at this event last week, and Netflix is putting Bogle on their platform as a game that you can play against others on TV through your phone. And I was like, God damn it, I knew it. I should have gotten in on some Bogle stock or something.

Are people on the toilet playing each other? How does that... Or you just...

Yeah, you go to a public restroom and you line up and you tap toes, and then you know that it's time to play.

I did have a bone to pick with Jimmy. He went on Colbert's show, and he told this story about when he found out his show wasn't going to air, but he was in the bathroom when he found out. There were natural follow-up questions that Colbert just didn't ask. I just feel like if there's a career type thing that happens to you when you're in the bathroom, this is your exclusive home for those stories. That's true. And you forgot that and hurt my feelings.

Well, everything big happens in the bathroom because it's the only place where people can hear what I'm saying. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that that's the case because I've I've never been out in my office while someone was in the bathroom talking. So I should probably test it to make sure it is- Should soundproof your bathroom? I think it's soundproof, but I don't know for sure. But you know what I do? Because I have five guys in my office When I have to take a call that's private, I go in the bathroom. And it's weird.

I think it's soundproof because they would tell me if they could hear you, and they're just always like, something's up, something's up. I know. So you're good.

Well, when I work for you and I started coming in and helping you out in the office every day, and I was the one person there. Then you would go in there for a while and get a lot of stuff done. I just got used to it after a while. It seemed totally normal to me. But I thought that was where you got some of your best work done.

I do often tell people that you credit me with inventing taking the laptop onto the toilet.

Well, you were the first one I'd seen with the laptop desk. You had an actual desk. So the heat from the laptop wouldn't send your privates. Picking up before we go. So you're going to Ireland, Jimmy?

I am, yeah.

With the fam. But we did have to... We had to say something about our friend Alex, who passed away this year.

Alex Wallo, one of the all-time greats. He was the President of ABC when we started there and was really our biggest champion and supporter. For whatever reason, we took a liking to each other right at the outset. Alex passed away at 81 years old. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 1987.

Crazy.

He had six months to live in 1987, and he was the toughest guy and the funniest guy.

Al Michiels was one of his best friends, and I don't think he'd mind me sharing this story because Al was at his bedside this week when the great Alex Wallow passed away. And he said, I took his hand, and he said his hand was really strong, really for a person who had hours to live. He was really strong. And Alex, at this time, he wasn't particularly verbal. He'd only said a word here or there. He's semi-conscious. He's laying in bed and he takes his hand and then Al puts his hand on top of the other hand. They got four hands holding each other. And Al kiss Alex on the forehead. And Alex takes his hand out of the pile and he points to his lips. He wants Al to kiss him on the lips. And so Al kiss him on the lips. And Alex says, what a way to go.

Wow.

That's amazing.

I know all you need to know about Alex because he It was always funny no matter what was going on.

Yeah.

He was a huge champion of the show in the early days. Yeah, early days.

Up to his very last day.

Yeah. But I mean, we really needed somebody in the early parts. Yeah. I got to know him.

Fan of this show, too. Right? He would give you shit about what he didn't like.

Well, every time I ran into him, he would read the column and the pod. And every time I ran into him, it was like we had a seven-minute conversation before the conversation were about that. He was just right into like, I can't believe you said that about Eli. And then he's just in and he'd be going. And Jimmy, I think for Christmas one year, took all these... Alex was yelling at me about something for like 15 minutes.

About Al Michael, I think. It was something-Was it? Oh, yeah.

I think I made a joke about Al on a podcast, and he was furious about it, and he was just berating me about it in a good-natured way. And Jimmy was so delighted. He just started taking pictures of us and then made this collage photo frame that he gave to me that I still have. Alex was a man of passion. When he was riled up, he was riled up. Yeah, and he was an amazing boxing guy. He was one of the first great boxing- When we were kids.

I didn't know before Jimmy.

He started doing boxing analysis and interviews in the ring and then somehow became president of the whole network, which I still don't understand how it happened. I don't think he ever really understood how it happened either. But he was He's just a great guy. And his wife, Martha, is a great person. They're really, really strong people with a great marriage. And he was the best.

Yeah. Good one. Really good person I know. Great career. Cool guy. All right. Jimmy, thanks for popping.

All right, now let's do Diane Keaton.

Diane Keaton. She was pretty great, too. I got the sense that Diane Keaton had a little crush on me, to be honest. Yeah, I remember that. That was fun. Our last couple of and the feeling was mutual.

Yeah.

There you go. Is there an All-Star team of I had a feeling they might have had a crush on me?

Well, it's not a full five. I mean, you could call it an All-Star team, but there aren't many on the list, and most of them are men.

Al Michael's kissed him on the mouth once. That was the difference.

All right. Today's Parent Corner presented by Uber Eats. Get almost anything for game day like your favorite game day, foods, drinks, and snacks. On Uber Eats, the official on demand delivery partner of the NFL order. Now, Jimmy, anything to plug? Your late night show? Any news? Any agent news? Do you still have an agent?

I still have a job, which is good. I don't have an agent. I have a manager.

He's crazy. A manager.

Yeah.

I heard... Sal, do you want to tell the Brooklyn parking space story?

Jimmy didn't even know about that until I told him, Art. Jimmy's publicist, Louis K, was all up in arms because when Jimmy, you did the show at the Bam in Brooklyn, Jimmy came alive and then had to immediately travel to do Colbert's show.

It's Tuesday night. Colbert is on my show, and then I'm going to go do his show. So he has to change his whole schedule around to do this. And I have to race, and it's an hour's drive from our studio in Brooklyn to his studio in Midtown. And what happens when we get there?

Well, Baby had taken the very... Obviously, this is a highly charged time for you, and they want to make sure that when you're outside, you can get right into the studio. And so they had a parking lot set up, a parking space that would require about 10 steps. Steps, and Baby Doll swooped into that spot and took it from you. And I think you had to park at least across the street and maybe down a little bit. I had to cross the street. Yeah. But he didn't care. He wasn't remorseful at at all.

That's the thing. He has no shame.

He has no shame at all. Did he at least move the car so when you left the show, you were in the car?

Yeah, he had to give up his keys. He wasn't happy, apparently. But that's what happens.

That's a baby for you.

My name is Chuck, and I don't give a fuck.

And as all this stuff was happening in your career, he was handling it from the streets of Martha's Vineyard?

We're not for Zoom. I don't know that I would be employed today.

He said it was 20 hours a day. What was the actual number for him? He said it was 20 hours a day for him was the number he quoted.

It's hard to say because a lot of it was him talking to other people. It couldn't have been because there's no way it was 20 hours.

Because it couldn't have been.

I mean, there's 24 hours in a day. He did tell me his wife, Tanya.

He goes, You know what? Tanya has been great. Tanya has been. I'm sure that was a relief. She's been so understanding. She's been so great. I'm sitting here thinking like, Great. You're still in Martha's Vineyard. You're still going to this wedding. I'm in turmoil right now.

No, but she let me during the cocktail hour, they're handing out the nice pigs in the blanket, but I got out to make a 10-minute phone call, so she understood.

So was he on speakerphone during some these huge meetings? How did this work? Zoom. Zoom.

Yeah. Zoom. So we could really see him. But even the Zooms were like, he's in a place that's just ridiculous. Clearly, Out of his vacation home, he is like nine shades of tan. He is so tan, you can barely see his face.

Just to lighten the Zoom so you can actually make out his features.

In our big meeting, he was wearing a white shirt and he was burnt umber. You just really could only see a little bit of his eyes. Then, of course, if on the occasion, he would smile, you'd see his teeth. Then a little flash of cigarette.

Oh, man.

It's like a little drift of smoke.

That's when I need to pull up with marinaro sauce. Whenever he's wearing a white shirt, it just gets me crazy.

Does he speak more or less when he's on the Zoom than when he would in person during this gigantic career- It depends who it's with.

It depends who it's with. If he feels they're above him, he speaks less. If he feels they're beneath him, which is almost everyone else, he speaks the whole time.

Do we know what wedding he went to that weekend that he couldn't fly back.

His daughter's friend.

Okay. His daughter's friend. I'm glad we saw that. Was it a top three friend? Was it a college roommate?

There's a lot of daughters and there's a lot of friends.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right. Glad we settled that.

Jimmy, have a great time in Ireland.

Great to see you. Cousins out. We'll see you in the Ringer, the Ringer Gamble Show, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. Ringer Sunday pregame on Sunday. And then back here next week.

Jimmy, thanks for coming up. I can't believe you guys watch games and then talk about them, and that is your actual job.

We're so happy to be here.

They kicked off at 6: 30 this morning. They put these games in London. It used to be one a year, and now it's like six Six straight Sundays.

It's 14 straight hours of football there, Jimmy.

Had you known, maybe you would have chosen a different sport.

You're right. Yeah, you're right. Boggled.

Yeah, Boggled would have been great. All right, bye, guys. Great to see you. All right. Sal, see you next week. Bye, Jimmy. Good job, I up. Must be 21 plus in President Select States for a Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus in President DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Game problem? Call 1-800 Gamble or visit rg-help. Com. Call 888-79-7777 or visit ccpg. Org/chat-in-connectget or md-gamblinghelp. Org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelp-line-ma. Org or call 800-327-5050 for 24/7 support in Massachusetts, or call 877-8 Hope-Ny or text Hope-Ny in New York.