Transcript of Side Stories: Sandwich Stories

Every neighbor got their flavor. Did somebody say just me. She keeps them kids in line. Three little words, it's dinner time. Headset's down for some I-R-R-L. It's the OMQ we all did smell. Have you seen Brian? Think he's made a new sign? Tasty number nine from the man you were arriving.

Whoever you are, whatever your flavor.

Every neighbor got their flavor. Did somebody say just me?

There's amazing value in Aldi for all you boys and girls this Halloween. Like Halloween costumes, including wicked witches, spooky skeletons, and petrifying pumpkin dresses, plus hair-raising Halloween pajamas. They're a scream. And they're all just 5. 99 each. At these prices, they'll disappear in no time. In store right now. Aldi. Shockingly good value. Well, stocks last.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories. Yes. We're cooking, guys. Yeah, we are. Weed, weed, weed, weed, weed, We went to great shows this weekend. Oh, yeah. It was really so much fucking fun this weekend. Kc. We had fun in Kansas City. We had a blast in Saint Paul. First thing I want to say at the very top of the show is that Eddie and I, we were so funny in Kansas City, Eddie. One of the funny things that we said in Kansas City was we were like, Man, this town, Kansas City used to be for real. Kansas City used to be a place, and you'd get shot in the head, and now you guys got that Taylor Swift money. You guys are getting too clean.

So nice. Nothing bad ever happens in Kansas City.

I just want to say I'm sorry to everybody that was in our crowd. If you were a member of the six people that Heather Cars smashed into during the middle of the show, I just want to say- While we're literally telling you how safe your town is. I just want to say I'm sorry. We can offer nothing to you because I guess that's just life. That's the life I guess we've all chose. You chose it by living in Kansas City. But what I can give you is a very hardy thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your attendance of the show. The next time, I swear, they all come? Everybody got their car broken into. Next time we're in Kansas City, each one of you gets a free air freshener.

Air freshener?

Yeah.

Who knows? That could be why they broke into the car in the first place.

Hey, people are desperate to be fresh. My name's Henry Sprowski. This is Side Stories. We're sitting here with Ed Larson.

Hi. How How are you, everybody? Welcome down to Kansas City, where car windows get broken into every goddamn day.

Andy, your voice.

It's rough. Yeah. God.

All right, we have a couple- Sorry, I was getting my balls lowered. As you should. Let's get through some announcements because obviously, you guys know, nothing of consequence happened this weekend. Nothing. Nothing. It's just fun to relax watching television on the news and having the president tell you to your face that he hates you. It's just nice. It's refreshing. I never get to talk to you directly.

It was easier to take when there's big fireworks behind you. I was going to handle it.

It was a lot cooler then. Absolutely. I just hope that those shirts that his wife were selling don't sell out, over his warm body. All right, let's continue. We have here on October 24th, we want to make this announcement. At the Matilde Community Center in Humboldt, we are officially announcing. If you're coming to this show, we are doing a Halloween costume contest.

It's the week before Halloween. I want to see what you fuckers got. You live out in the woods. You got nothing but time. I want to see what you make out of these costumes.

We're going to have fun. I don't want to do the thing we're going to make costumes mandatory.

No, you could dress like a human being and show up.

Sort of. But the goal is- At least tell me you're your uncle or something. We're going to have a lot of fun. Billy Wayne Davis, he's already got his costume planned. I can't wait for my costume. We've been too with it. I just wanted to just say, if you're going to come out to the Home Bowl show, know that it's going to get a little spooky.

It's going to get wild. I can't wait for that. It's the Matilde Community Center, Friday, October 24th. Enjoy your life. Come and visit us there.

Yeah, buddy. It's going to be good. All right. Sorry. As we begin, we'll start with some serious news. Okay. Because we have a little bit of serious news to cover. I got a really fantastic series of responses. Oh, updates. These are updates. Updates.

I like that. New stinger time.

Can we get a stinger? Can we get it? Oh, no, don't touch me. Oh, no, don't touch me.

Yeah, we need an Epstein stinger at this point.

I don't know if anybody saw at the very top. This morning, did you see that someone had snuck a 12-foot bronze statue in front of the Washington Monument of Trump holding hands giddily with Jeffrey Epstein. It's Friendship Month. It is amazing that it was dropped in the middle of the night. No one knows where they made this thing, how they were able to put it out without being- It was a combination of foam, resin, wood, and wire. Oh, interesting. What I find interesting as well is that I thought that he had the National Guard positioned in Washington DC, just ready to go at a moment's notice, ready to get at any bit of crime possible. Then somehow, artists managed to create a beautiful artistic tribute to the hypocrisy of our Kurd administration. It just went out without a hitch.

Well, I believe that they said it's going to stay up until Saturday, so I think they actually rented the space.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, God. That's just so good.

I think they filled out the paperwork and it gets to stay there for a little while.

It really got good for them. It is amazing. It's just so worth it. But let's take it back.

One thing, though, One thing I wanted to mention just real quick. I know we didn't get too deep in the weeds this. Jimmy Kimmel's coming back less than a week later. But in that same breath, I just saw this. Disney Plus raising the rates. They're making it more expensive today. They chose today to tell us that they're raising the rates.

It's in grifters season. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Everyone's just so relieved that they could finally see their stupid Disney This is just like, I just am so upset. I'm just getting so upset.

As a registered Disney adult, I'm keeping it canceled. Wow. Keeping it canceled. That's huge. I'm keeping it canceled. I'm at least going to go at least a year. Without it. I'm going to go a year without it. If they keep on the good and ready, stay nice, I'll stick around.

Listen, any single time you have an unnatural need for Disney, I'll describe to you a story about a 12-year-old Indian girl that gets purchased by a 30-year-old white man that then scones her away from her family and makes vicious love to her over and over and over again. That's a movie that's called Pocahontas. You just got to remember that. Anytime you got, I'll always break those down for you. I appreciate that. Anytime you want. Let's cover a little bit of what we covered last week. I got great responses from... I just asked for a general call of scientists. To go through the Epstein 50th birthday book and explain to me what some of these weird cryptic science-based inside jokes that were put in this book. What do they mean? What's happening? I got some very interesting responses. I would like for everyone, if you are at home, I would like to go to your bookmark where you have the Jeffrey Epstein birthday book saved. That is where we're going to hold, where you're going to go. Over to the coffee Type in Jeffrey Epstein, 50th birthday book. You're going to look at that PDF. Open it up.

Yeah, it's the one with the tits in it. All right, so here we go. We're going to talk a little bit. I'm going to walk you through. This first one comes from an electrical engineer.

It's interesting how the Jeffrey Epstein book has become a PDF file.

It's almost like it always was. No, it's really great. This is really great. There are four main sections that deal with math, science in the birthday All right. Pages 124 to 125, 181, 182 to 187, and 189 to 192. So please open your pages to 124 to 125. These pages are equating Epstein to great minds for discovering the beautiful number 15. It references perfect numbers and other math stuff, but essentially a made-up equation to say that 15 is the best age. I wonder what that Page 181.

Wow. Who signed it?

We'll get to that. That's the next email. Page 181 appears to be an inside joke about E equals MC², but appears to be making reference to Page 118 in the second stanza of the poem, By birds and by bucks, Cs and Ms are his keys. My guess, B, M, and C was a way of saying Epstein, something like, My money is all from B, Bs, Cs, and Ms..

What does that mean?

Don't know. Cryptic. It's something that's just one of those, right?

Don't know. Before Christ.

Christ just can't be. I don't think Christ is here.

Christ is here?

He isn't here any longer? Not in this PDF. Page 182 to 187 are all about evolution, numbered sets and game theory, but it's mainly a way to jack off Epstein as some form of more evolved human. First bit is just mathematical formula of evolution. Second bit is just saying that you can make infinite combinations of countable things, and that through working together, but punishing those who betray you and occasionally forgiving them is how we continue to, quote, win evolution. Frightening. Pages 182 to 192 is just string theory nonsense. I say nonsense because it got a lot of funding and made all these grand promises of creating new technology from it, but it's an untestable concept that has no real-world applications, and it's just a money pit. So all the science in the book appears to me as a way of jerking Epstein off. So that was the one thing that I thought was very interesting. There's a lot of other stuff where he says that It was like, there was one email that he said it got, it was a lot of scientists jerking off at him, ostensibly.

Showing them how smart they are.

Writing things that only other people who are in deep within their very niche world of science, which mostly involves transhumanism, people becoming immortal, people wanting to jump evolution, like the very fringe big money scientists that essentially they attract money from billionaires that want to live forever. Does someone at least put here who the people were that signed them. One was 179 and 80. That was signed by Murray Gelman. Gelman is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, famously developing the theory of quantum chromodynamics, which describes quarks as elementary particles that are the fundamental constituents of protons and neutrons. Great.

No one by the name of Murray should be fucking someone under the age of 80.

I mean, Murray is specifically a guy that should be covered in soup. I only want to talk to a guy named Murray if I'm asking, That's Murray right there. That's Murray. He's a funny little guy. He's making a yelling face. I don't know why he's doing that, but Murray be eating matzo ball soup in a diner somewhere, not at Jeffrey Epstein's birthday party. He said, The Doodle on page 179 with the red green and blue blobs represent quirks in his theory. Then he just a bunch of questions, open questions in science. That's what all this is, is open questions in science. That's what he put onto this.

Was Epstein a science nerd?

No. Science nerds, I guess you could maybe say that he was trying to purchase fringe science. Okay. You could say he was a science nerd or whatever you'd call these various between physics and chemistry and biology, all these different places you were talking Because you also know that in his New Mexico ranch, I believe it was in New Mexico, the Jeffrey Epstein's New Mexico Ranch.

I'm not sure. He was trying to buy immortality? Yes. Then he committed suicide?

So He has this place called Zoro Ranch in Stanley, New Mexico, where he had his own gynecological office and research center inside of his home so that he didn't have to leave, so we can He can go and put people in stirrups right in his home.

Oh, that's nice.

How convenient. It's nice. He was really a lot of fertility experts, stuff like that. Yeah, he was a nerd. Steve Causlin, if you go to page 181, One of the birthday book. Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. You can see here, that was signed by Steve Causlin. He wrote a sketch with equations. This is the guy that did the E equals C-squared stuff that says straight up that 15 is the best number. Okay. Then Lee Smolen pages 189 to 94.

Do we know who that glass guy is?

Just a scientist man. Okay. Another big scientist man. Lee Smolen. These diagrams look to be related to Lee Smolen's research in quantum gravity, where if you zoom into space-time to extremely small distances, the fabric is no longer smooth but discretized. I don't know what that means. I think the cones are light cones. Largely, it's all horse shit. Okay. Basically everyone's saying the same thing. It's just ways for it is esoteric scientific principles to show your buddy that you are super smart. Then Jeffrey Epstein gets super hard looking at a 15-year-old and you like that because you're a scientist getting money from him.

Okay, there you go.

All right. That's the update.

I appreciate all you scientists. Now that you've done that, go back to work. Get back to the work. Go back to work.

Get out there. You got to do something else, okay? I'll do something else. No, it's very frightening. I just want to make sure that no matter what we do here at Last Podcast on the Left, we make sure that Jeffrey Epstein's story continues to go. Every single time there is an update, I am going to talk about it here on Side Stories. I don't care if you even get sick of it. That's why we need a stinger.

We do need a stinger.

We need an update stinger. Honestly, SideStories, L-P-O-T-L@gmail. Com. If you want to send us an Epstein singer, nothing would make me happier. That would be amazing. If we could get some good old fashioned, just some 15-year-old vocals on there, that'd be awesome. Youngblood. We actually performed at the same venue that he performed at in 2020 today, this weekend in Kansas City. Why even comment? I even said this right before the show where it's like, I'm sick of being everyone yelling at me. Why am I commenting on things that are just going to make people yell at me?

I tell you one thing, he's no Devorved.

No, he is no Devorved. He is no Devorved. They finally canceled his tour. Those of you that don't know, Devorved, otherwise known as David, it is David spelt with- So no Torved. His name's fucking David. It's the dumbest name I've ever heard for somebody ever. The fact that he's got a four in there, I just think he's so stupid and so not talented and just the dumb... His song is horrible. The song he made all the money is fucking horrible, guys. But he was found his Tesla that was in his name, that was found outside of his home that was towed, the rotting body of his, which seems to be maybe his 15-year-old girlfriend was inside of it. All of this is still alleged. It's all still coming out, but we know that they had matching tattoos. He had mentioned her by name in songs. His crew had mentioned her by name. It seems that it was all together. What was her name again? Celeste. Celeste Reevis, and we'll see what happens. This is obviously, it's all still alleged, but they He had a full-on corpse in their hands attached to his car for pretty much a week, and he got to do three shows.

Yeah.

She's been missing since 2024. Yeah. It's September. Oh, yeah.

You remember?

You wasn't When Celeste Reeves's body was found.

That's really one of the saddest things that Earth, Wind, and Fire has ever reminded me of. If you bought the tickets months ago, are you still going to the show if he's in town? Devorved? Yeah. If you have your ticket, you bought it months ago. You're disgusting. But if he's in town, if he's coming to town, are you going to the show? The show's canceled. The only thing before because he had a bunch of them. You know what I would say? He had to be before it. Please. Before me, yes. You know what I would say? Honestly, what's hard is that as a gou is that if you can get one of those pieces of merch before he's canceled fully, once he does not perform anymore.

You might be able to sell that.

That's murderabilia. I'm just wondering if there's anybody at those shows. Oh, there's a bunch of people. If there's anybody at this show that bought their shirt that wants to get rid of it, send it to PObox470, North Hollywood, California, 91603, because we've also become the other main channel talking about Devorabit.

Oh, yes.

At this point, I'm almost becoming a fan.

I tried. I listened to a bunch of it.

Couldn't do it. He's not talented, but- He might be talented. Well, yes. Maybe he just says it right. He's a barrier.

I think he might be talented, but it's just not for me.

Maybe he was distracted by having sex with a child.

Yes, and then distracted by her murder.

That's the thing. It's super distracting. It's so hard. You can't plan that stuff, except if you do it. Then you did plan it.

One last thing I wanted to say is the The Aaron Hernández episodes have come out at this point. The last one's coming out for everyone on Friday. I just want to say I've been thinking about it really hard, and I feel like there are good aspects to football.

We talked about this. This literally, we're sitting in the airport. We were talking about this because it's true.

I was just really mad.

You were allowed. You had an emotional response to your own material. I think at the very end, you were joking. You were like, Oh, yeah. The The thing is, though, is that people like football and people choose to play football.

It brings people together. It brings families together. People who don't like their families still get together and watch football with them. I think that's a beautiful thing. It brings a lot of money to the bar industry. Chicken Wings, I'm a big fan of chicken wings.

Super big into chicken wings. I love sliders. You all know me. Without football and sliders and shit, I don't know. But I guess the key here is that truly we forget, which it's a big tenet for me. You choose. If you want to play football, you're taking this risk.

Well, a lot of people look at it as an escape out of poverty. I think that's a big part of it. It's like, yeah, you do make the choice, but you also don't have many choices.

They do have a new helmet that you can get. Apparently, what is it called? It's called the Gobgler or something. There's a funny name that they have for it where they have a new concussion ready helmet, but a lot of the guys are having problems wearing it because they think it looks goofy.

Well, yeah.

I mean, that is the- The Guardian Caps. That's what this is. They think it looks goofy and nobody wants to do it because- It does look goofy, but at the same time- Do you want to act goofy or do you want to look doffy. Do you want to be so doffy, you're killing your fucking family because you think of the demons?

You're still a football player and could beat up most humans.

If someone made for... I defy you guys.

Astronauts look doffy, but if they don't have the helmet on, they're going to fucking disappear into space.

I would like you big fuckers in the NFL to defy... Okay, come on, guys. Let's think about this. I know we're all celebrating toxic masculinity. I love it, too. I like it. I'm actually on the other side of Eddie some of the times because I actually believe in the Roman style. I get it. I get that there's a group catharsis. I get it. But it's like, be the bigger, literally the bigger dude. Put the dumb fucking stupid cap on your helmet. I know it looks stupid. The second somebody makes fun of you for it, you beat the living shit out of them. Then you have everybody else do the same. So then guess what? What they'll never do ever again. No one will ever make fun of a football player with the stupid goopy hat on them for the rest of their lives. That's your job. If you can make it not goofy, that's the key. Someone do a sex tape in the helmet with the hat on, getting blown by the hottest woman. What are these NFL guys?

That'll actually probably do really well.

These NFL players, it's in your hands, and that's what you can do. You got to market it yourself. Make it cool.

Bangle's great Rudy Johnson committed suicide at 45 years old, and he wants his brain to be looked at for CTE.

He should have worn a goopy ass cap.

Yeah, that happened today.

Yeah, that's sad.

So maybe I don't take it back.

See, you just don't- Maybe that's- I just think that you're allowed, you're literally allowed to express both of these things.

Yeah, I think so. I think so.

But- You loved it for too long.

I really did. It was a huge part of my life for 40 years.

Yeah. And I think that it's not even... I think the playing is one thing versus the watching. That for the rest of us, weirdly, I do think football does serve a purpose.

I mean, you love police cam videos. People get hurt in that. I love them.

My new algorithm has been awesome, too, because I've been getting the ones where something switched. Because for a while, I was getting a little too because I get sad when it's always like, Entitled woman, blah, blah, blah, entitled man. I was like, No, but now mine's finally switching to where I want it to be, which is theme parks. Oh, my God. People getting tossed out of Disney is my favorite shit.

Oh, I mean, that's a lot of fun.

That's my favorite shit. Just seeing an unhinged woman with her titi coming out of her weird sports bra screaming about how she's going to punch Mickey in the face. It's just, God, it just brings a peace to me. I understand. We all like problematic things sometimes, and I just think it's okay, too. I think that we should have more allowances.

I think it is okay, but you should know exactly why, what you're doing, and what it comes from. The other thing I was thinking about this weekend after I was canceling my Disney, Disney Plus and Hulu, was, do I stand for too much? I'm running out of things to watch. I can't drink certain bottles of water. I'm not buying Amazon packages anymore.

You're just saddled with a conscious. You're saddled with these feelings. I do. I watch you and I understand. You're very good. I think that some of these economic boycotts work, and I think some of them are very performative.

I don't think there... For me, it's not economic. For me, it's more... Principles. It's principles. I just don't want to be a part of it. I don't think I'm making a difference. I know I'm not making a difference.

We We know that the Disney thing did make a difference when it came to the Jimmy Kimmel deal. We know that it's all about the money. No one gives a fucking shit about anybody. It's all about the money. They lost. They hit the number that they needed to hit to bring Jimmy Kimmel back to ignore the SEC, which also I find interesting is that it shows they could have ignored them the whole fucking time.

Absolutely. No, they're historic cowards.

Very much so. But also, I get, they let themselves let us tell them what to do. That's an important lesson to learn.

Now, Now, at three more dollars a month, you can get ad-free Disney Plus for $18. 99 a month now. Oh, my God. Remember it started at $6. 99 during COVID? Oh, yeah. It's already up to $18.

99. They know. They just get you used to it. They get you hooked with all their dumb shit.

It really is like a fucking crack dealer.

Yeah, buddy. That's why they ramped up all the Star Wars and they ramped up all the superhero stuff because that's what people get addicted to, and they're attached to it by their emotions from

their flavor, got their flavor.

Did somebody say just tapping that button again and again. You know what they talk about with rats? About how when they have the food button or the sex button, they have the button that makes them come, and they have the one that makes them eat, about how a lot of them will starve to death. Just No Chili, it's an SOS. Major cookup, we saw ya. Let me call the reenforced man's for ya.

Whoever you are, whatever your flavor.

Every neighbor, Every neighbor. Got their flavor. Did somebody say, Just be.

There's There's amazing value in Aldi for all you boys and girls this Halloween. Like Halloween costumes, including wicked witches, spooky skeletons, and petrifying pumpkin dresses, plus hair-raising Halloween pajamas. They're a scream. And they're all just 5. 99 each. At these prices, they'll disappear in no time. In store right now. Aldi. Shockingly good value. Well, stocks last. At Kildex, Kildare Village, members get more. Like now, during our private sale, where members get up to 20% off our usual exceptional village prices. These offers are for members only, so sign up at kildarevillage. Com and see terms and conditions. The private sale, now on at Kildare Village.

All right, we got some good new news. News you can use. Copenhagen Airport's shutdown by UFOs. Whoa. Dude, this was also Clos? It's technically drones. Let me send you this information.

They're not you. They are identified.

They are unidentified drones, but they do look wildly similar to what we had here in New Jersey in the States. Now, this was over Denmark. This was over the Copenhagen Airport. Now, if you can see here, there is an object that swept over the airport, shutting down traffic. It is a gigantic drone that You see how it's got edges all around the side of it? It's a giant weird triangle. It's a giant triangle in the sky. It looks like a giant triangle in the sky. Several police officers, they said that they saw it shoot a... It could only be described as a spotlight down onto the ground. Now, what makes this extremely-It didn't suck anything up? No. But what makes this extremely interesting is that this is a part of the world where the airspace is extremely watched. This is a highly observed part of the world.

We saw they were just in restricted airspace over Yemen.

That was one thing, and that bounced in and out. That was a thing that flew past, and they shot a missile at it, it bounced off, and it kept going. No one's asking anything. This story is interesting because, apparently, according to their services, because what's nice about Europe right now is that Europe, it's fucked. They're way freer than we are right now, and they can say really anything they want, and they can actually maybe invest investigate some stuff. The cops are saying in this to the police being like, no one knows what this is. Why that's significant is because they have been watching Russian drones come over the border into NATO territory, and they've almost become weather reports in Denmark. Interesting. Where they send out messages on the news saying there might be drone activity, blah, blah, blah. They give warnings almost that There's going to be drones in the sky. They're doing these various things. None of those alarms went off. They said they're not Russian, but they have no identification markers. They didn't know what they are. They were taking their time. Yes.

Every time.

But the thing was, it was green, which is not necessarily standard. They said it was green lights coming out of it. It does have this the same interesting stuff. It's cruising. It's It's really solid. It has blinking lights on it that looks like it might be a human-made aircraft. We don't know what its origin is. It was searching for things around the airport. A part of it is to understand that they shut down the airport. They didn't know what it was. Same thing would happen in New Jersey. Where-in Boston. There's no way that they're going to just let something zip around during One of the most sensitive points. We're talking about World War area that we're in right now. We're in that temperature going on right now in the world.

Everyone just seems fine to me.

I know. It's just this thing where you're like, why? This seems like...

Did someone follow it?

Do we know where it went? No, they said it went. It just went. Then they didn't see it anymore. Interesting. It just circled around the airport, and then zipped right back out.

It went so fast like no one could follow it?

No, they just watched it go. Well, because for a while there was miscommunication about what it was. At first everyone just because people are used to seeing drone activity. They said that it was weird because normally there would be like an announcement that there might be drone activity. Then it's just shutting down the airport and everybody's panicking and nobody knows.

This is like a big ass drone.

It's a big ass drone.

Yeah, that's not just like a normal little thing you throw up there. When you see a drone show and it's a bunch of drones. This is one big fucker.

Yeah, it's not...

It's almost the size of a plane.

It's specifically not a hobby drone. This came out from the press conference this morning. Copenhagen Airport first observe- It's either spy or UAP. Fucking knows. Copenhagen Airport first observed the drones around 8: 30 PM Monday evening. The drones came from different directions and were observed in different positions. According to Copenhagen police, there must be a capable actor behind it, meaning an actor with the capacity, will, and tools to show themselves in this way. So far, Copenhagen Airport has been affected by 100 cancelations and expects further delays during the day. According to the police, they chose not to shoot down the drone as, The airport is an unfortunate place for something to fall from the sky. The police have activated the armed forces as a cooperation partner. The police would not disclose whether ships have been observed in connection with the case, but it was suggested that ships are a part of the investigation. So right now, we have no idea what's going All right. Same hobbyists that obviously terrorized New Jersey. Same hobbyists that obviously terrorized Boston. And obviously the same hobbyists-In Arizona. That was floating objects over Alaska. The same hobbyists that were floating objects over Michigan that we'd actively shot out.

And the same hobbyists that sent something over our protected airspace in Yemen, in which we also shot at and couldn't identify. And we're all acting like it's normal.

I really hope I see a movie About this soon.

Ufo. Movie. It's funny you should ask. Go to ufo. Movie and give me money to do the best movie about UFOs you've ever seen since Fire in the Sky. I swear it's not just me making love to Jenna Hayes. I've seen people already saying that it's not an excuse to make love to Jenna Hayes. She's not in the business anymore. We will not be doing full penetration. It is just a small part of the film. She's playing a character in the film. So just come, give me money, ufo. Movie. You're paying for your ticket ahead of time. I said this four times. If we can get to a thousand backers, I'm going to do a watch along of some of my UFO DVDs. That's one of the first little prizes. Oh, hell, yeah.

Yes.

Please give me just a small amount of money. If not, just break down the people.

When's the kickstarter over?

In 24 days.

Oh, really? So we really got to cook this baby.

Oh, yeah. It's awful procedure. Yeah, the whole thing's difficult.

I really want to be in this movie, so please.

Yeah, I'm putting him in. He's no choice.

Yeah, I'll end up working for free.

Also, I'm not to announce a partnership with... I'm I'm going to specifically say, I am going to say, Contacting the Desert is also coming to help do this as well. We have a lot of people come. Again, this is going to be fucking for real.

Oh, man, I can't wait for my next Contacting the Desert.

You got to say it for your episodes.

Here's a really fun one. I mean, it's bad that it happened, but man, sometimes the news just makes me chuckle. Yep. All right. So, Cafeteria Las Postas. Yes. A man went to get a sandwich at a cafe in Spain.

To Spain. Spain.

Okay, he wanted a sandwich. He said, Can I get some mayonnaise?

The sandwich, right?

Can I get a packet of mayonnaise?

He wanted a packet of mayonnaise. With the sandwich. I'm going to say straight up, first of all, a packet of mayonnaise is, sadly, it is the saddest way to distribute mayonnaise. Oh, for sure. Him even asking for a packet of mayonnaise.

I like what Someone puts it on a spoon and just flicks it.

That's how I like to get my mayonnaise.

But yeah, so he went, he asked for a packet of mayonnaise. They said, We don't have mayonnaise. And so he went next door to a gas station.

Absolutely, yeah. Did he get mayonnaise?

No, he went and he got a bunch of gasoline, and then he went back to the restaurant.

And he asked for mayonnaise again. Then we burned it down.

Burned down the gas station. Wow.

Should I have mayonnaise?

Well, burned down the cafe He burned down the cafe?

Yes.

Okay, so now this is going to- But with Helmands.

Oh, my God. Look at the explosion of flame. Holy fucking shit, dude.

Yeah, well, it's gas, man. Gas goes up fast. That's the whole thing. Wow. It goes up very fast.

Over Maynace?

Over Maynace. All right, this is- I understand. This, obviously, what this man did is wrong, but I do understand getting very angry over sandwiches.

Let's just put it this way. Okay, let's just put it this way. Our audience gets it. Our audience gets it.

I'm not saying do this. I'm saying carry mayonnaise.

It's a sandwich shop. All right, let's just break it down for a second here. It's a sandwich shop.

If I'm out of mayonnaise and I run a sandwich shop, I go to the store- First thing I'm doing, I'm sending a runner to go get mayonnaise.

Because what are two things that must be on a sandwich either way, mayonnaise or mustard? Yes. If you were a person, and I mean this with all sincerity, If you're a person that doesn't eat condiments on your sandwich, you're a pervert.

Yeah, you're weird.

You're a pro. What's wrong with you? I know I'm going to get a lot of feedback on this, but please do. Sure, absolutely.

You take a sip of water and then you hold it in your mouth and you take a bite of the sandwich. Is that what you do?

I live for this. Yeah, what do you do? You get yourself nervous so your mouth gets all filled with liquid and then you put- You might as well put ketchup on a roast beef sandwich.

Eew.

You just made me almost throw up. Yeah, man. But this is the thing. That's why... So, yes, I think in many ways, this is what one would call a Spanish overreacción. But I think that when it comes down to you're a freedom fighter, you're in Spain, one of the big places that said no to fucking the dictatorship, big old place filled with freedoms. You go to get that sandwich, and all you want is mayonnaise, liquefy that sandwich enough for you to eat it. Then you find out that this place doesn't have mayonnaise, and then you begin to put all the steps together being like, Oh, only perverts some predators don't use mayonnaise and mustard on their sandwiches. Then you start thinking, Oh, my God, is this the real Comet Pizza? Am I need to shut down this human trafficking cafe because they're selling me a signal? So I'm going to go straight to get, I guess, because I don't know what gasoline is like in Spain. Is it coming like Cabernet?

No, he probably just got one of those little red to-go baggies.

Oh, yeah, it's a big zig-block bag. So maybe he thought he was doing something But he didn't burn the whole place down.

I was wrong. He only caused about anywhere between $8,000 and $11,000 in damage. Here's the good news. Hellman says they're paying for it, and they're never going to run out of mayonnaise again. Isn't that nice? Hellman's fucking knocking it out of the park.

But I also feel like Hellman's is almost slightly shading them by saying them, You'll never run out of mayonnaise again. You know what I mean? I'm putting words in Hellman's mouth, but it seems that they're even acknowledging their mistake Yes.

Here's a direct quote from Hellman's. Cafe Las Postas. We're sorry we weren't there.

Can you actually read it in the proper mayonnaise voice?

Hello, Las Postas.

We're sorry we weren't there.

From now on, you could count on us. Let us take care of the repairs and make sure your sandwiches never run out of mayonnaise again.

You seem to feel like that's passive-aggressive.

Yeah, well, I mean, they're also paying for the bill.

Yeah, I mean, I get now.

They're making the whole thing funny. They are. Which is nice, and I appreciate that. I like when businesses make things a little funny, especially when they're mayonnaise-based crimes.

I mean, that's what I like. I think a mayonnaise-based... I think a mayonnaise company is one of the most pure things that can exist.

God, I'll tell you what, though. If I'm watching someone make my sandwich and they're just doing a bad job, I just like, Let me get in there. Let me do it. Get the fuck out of my way. Let me go. I will pay an extra $5 if I can make the sandwich.

Because my thing is the idea of a sandwich not having mayonnaise or mustard on, to me, is like such a fucking unbelievable. Like, who are you? Read this. This is actually what the restaurant posted here. This afternoon, we suffered an attack. We're a customer who was passing by our cafeteria, asked us a couple of mayonnaise envelopes for his little ride.

They call them envelopes?

When we told him we didn't have any, he approached the petrol station to buy a bottle of petrol, entered the premises, and set us on fire. Fortunately, none of us and of our clients, including young children and elderly, have suffered major damage, all the material things that are replaceable. Today, we escaped, but a real disaster could have happened.

All right.

Well, yeah, obviously, it's serious, Rob.

Yes, it's very...

Yes, of course. I know that what he did was a crime. He wasn't even a customer, though. He was walking by the place and stopped in to ask if they had some mayo. That changes everything. No, it doesn't. It's a sandwich shop.

No, he wanted free mayonnaise.

I would have offered a peso. When it comes down to it, it really comes... It's the fact that they didn't have it.

I mean, this is crazy. I mean, if he... Oh, so they put customer. Customer.

Yeah, they're being passive.

If he bought a sandwich, it's a little harder for me to be on their side. If he bought a... Because I get...

Oh, dude, listen to what just fucking happened. I mean, we're talking about the K-C when the last time we truly one of the biggest problems I've ever seen when we got that food delivery of the barbecue. For some reason, the barbecue place didn't put barbecue I was like, What the fuck is barbecue?

We ordered $150 a barbecue for me and Henry. And they put in a barbecue sauce. We ordered a bunch of barbecue, and then they gave us one even little saucer. I was saying, Is it barbecue? No ramecan, it's barbecue.

Barbecue and barbecue sauce.

I was using baked beans as barbecue sauce.

Dude, barbecue sauce is what also makes the barbecue. It was delicious. It was good.

It was delicious barbecue. But it needs barbecue sauce. There's no barbecue. Why don't we buy the sauce extra? It's barbecue.

Or if you tell me, or tell me it's extra, and I'll pay for it. Yes. Tell me it's extra. Don't tell me, not I'm not going to include it.

If you buy $150 worth of barbecue- Little mesquite.

A little bit of barbecue, a little sauce. Little mesquite, little spicy one, a little sweet one. A little sauce. That's it.

Also, I went to what was supposed to be the best sandwich shop in Kansas City. Bayboy Sandwiches closed Sunday.

Yeah, dude, I know. I tried to take you to Joe's.

We went to Joe's closed Sunday.

What the fuck? I don't know.

Are you doing there?

God shouldn't be in Kansas City. God should be busy somewhere else. God should be in Ukraine.

So Okay. All right. Here's my sandwich story. Tell me what you think about this. All right? I'm never going back to this place again. It's called... It's next to my house. Oh, I know. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, scratch that. I don't want people to know where I live. I'm never going back to this place ever again.

Say the name, we'll beep it out.

Beep it out. Okay. I'm never going back there. Do you know why? I went in. They have a deli counter. It's a bowl of egg salad. I know you like your egg salad.

Yeah, all right.

I say, One egg salad sandwich, please. Okay. He said, We don't sell egg salad sandwiches. I said, You sell sandwiches, right? He's like, Yeah. I was like, Well, there's egg salad right there. He's like, Yeah, you could buy a pint. I was like, Huh? He's like, You could buy a pint of egg salad, and you could sell you some toast, and then you could make your own egg salad. I just got angry.

I literally got angry.

Imagine that, dude. I was just like, What? I was My blood was a little bit like, spying. Julie turned and looked at me. She was like, Oh, no. Oh, no. They said the wrong thing. I can see Natalie doing the same thing going, No, please don't.

Please make the sandwich.

Just make the sandwich.

Okay, what if I show you one of my tets? If I show you one of my tets, will you make my husband in your sandwich? It's that easy. I know it's easy. Then she starts fighting them. I know it's easy enough for you to make the sandwich.

They're like, No, we don't sell that. We sell toast and we sell egg salad, but we don't sell egg sandwich.

Okay, I do understand. All right. We're never going back. I do understand. Never going to be there again. I'm going to add some... I'm going to try to be a devil's advocate here and try to add...

Deviled eggs, an egg-efficace.

I will be the devil advocate. Okay, I will do that. Okay, in which I could say that sometimes in more regulated places, this is my only way I could possibly defend this.

It's not corporate. It's the only location. I know.

Which makes me angry. But I'm trying to be reasonable. I'm trying to come around. If there was a problem with measuring the amount of egg salad that could go into the sandwich. I know that everybody's got-We all know how expensive egg salad is.

You got to make sure you don't give a drop extra.

Technically, eggs are contentious food right now. But egg salad, it's not filet mignon. Because egg salad It's either a sandwich or salad. But I go, Okay, let me just put it this way in my head. Let me wrap this back in my head. All right, so a tuna melt, you're going to get a tuna melt. I imagine they're like, Okay, we make X amount of tuna. Each tuna melt is two scoops. That's how you make them.

They usually use ice cream scoopers and stuff to make sure you're using the right amount.

For some reason, these guys have never once done that with egg salad. I can't even imagine that this one's saying, this is the only way I can defend it, is that they've never done it with an egg salad. They can't even imagine how to begin to measure the egg salad onto the sandwich, even though technically you just do the same amount that you just did for the fucking tuna sandwich that you just made. It's the same thing. They're right next to each other. It's two different bowls. Same stuff, all the same ingredients, two different salads. I'm just saying you could see- You sell sandwiches. You sell egg salad. You sell egg salad. And tuna salad sandwiches, because that's the other thing, too. They make tuna melt.

Yes, they do. I've gotten one from them before.

If you make a tuna melt, and then you have egg salad, and you have all the stuff for a tuna melt. Guess what you also have?

Stuff for an egg salad sandwich. Egg salad sandwich actually less because I really just need bread and egg salad. I don't even need the lettuce. I don't even need the extra stuff.

That's one of those controversial things about an egg salad sandwich. I feel like that everybody goes back and forth.

The mayonnaise is in there. The condiment's already in there.

It's baked in. It's salad. But I also don't treat it like a salad. Do I ever just sit with a bowl of egg salad? Yes. Oh, yeah. But does everybody- But if everybody else does it, I don't think anybody else eats the way I eat it. I eat it with a spoon. I make my own. We already know. Well, you're watching carbs. Yes. But not the cholesterol. None of it. Then I also do my deconstructed egg salad where I have a hard-boiled egg and I dip it into the mayonnaise, and I dip it into the mustard, and I eat it like that, and I make the egg salad in my mouth. Wow.

I can't wait to come out to a bunch of sparklers at your funeral.

They're going to be actually happy at mine. They're going to be actually happy at mine. But yeah, I am.

He's One of the great YTS.

One of the big ones. I got to say, truly, though, I can't believe how upset I just was.

Yeah, no, but it's completely insane, right?

Well, then we're becoming... That's when you were in a Larry David scenario.

But yeah, no. But I turned into a Karen. Of course. Yeah.

Because it's like food red tape.

Yeah. I'll give you any amount of money. I know this man was wrong.

Yes, the man who set fire to the restaurant.

I understand the rage is all I'm saying.

We all do. Did you do Did you buy the toast and the egg salad? No, I'm never going back. I walked out screaming.

I was like, I'm never coming back. You won't make a sandwich for me. I'm never coming back here. I lived down the street.

Ed is correct.

You've literally lost $1,000 this year.

You literally lost.

That's what you did.

I'm with you. I stand on your side, and I'm about to get a bottle of petrol. I didn't know we could do that. I wanted to just buy a fucking 20 ounces of petrol, just shoot in there, man. That sounds amazing. Let's go get him. I've never said fire to anything with you.

Every neighbor got their flavor. Did somebody say just me? Emergency at 23. Efa's extended family. Can't you get a rewind? Nappies, coffee rolls to go. Nates, dates in a hot mess. No chilly, it's an SOS. Major cookup, Louis Sawyer. Let me call the Reenforced Man's for you.

Whoever you are, whatever your flavors.

There's amazing value in Aldi for all you boys and girls this Halloween.

Like Halloween costumes, including wicked witches, spooky skeletons, and petrifying pumpkin dresses, plus hair-raising Halloween pajamas. They're a scream. And they're all just 5. 99 each. At these prices, they'll disappear no time. In store right now. Aldi. Shockingly good value. While stocks last. At Kildare Village, members get more. Like now, during our private sale, where members get up to 20% off our usual exceptional village prices. These offers are for members only, so sign up at kildarevillage. Com and see terms and conditions. The Private Sal. Now on at Kultar Village. All right, we got some good news. News you can use. Copenhagen Airport's shut down by UFOs. Whoa. Dude, this was also-UFOs? It's technically drones. Let me send you this information. They're not you. They are identified. They are unidentified drones, but they do look wildly similar to what we had here in New in the States. Now, this was over Denmark. This was over the Copenhagen Airport. Now, if you can see here, there is an object that swept over the airport, shutting down traffic. It is a gigantic drone that has... You see how it's got edges all around the side of it? It's a giant weird triangle?

Oh, yeah. It's a giant triangle in the sky. It looks like a giant triangle in the sky. Several police officers, they said that they saw it shoot a... It could only described as a spotlight down onto the ground. Now, what makes this extremely- Did it suck anything up? No. But what makes this extremely interesting is that this is a part of the world where the airspace is extremely watched. This is a highly observed part of the world. We saw they were just in restricted airspace over Yemen. That was one thing, and that bounced in and out. That was a thing that flew past, and they shot a missile at it, it bounced off, and it kept going. No one's asking anything. This story is interesting because apparently, according to their services, because what's nice about Europe right now is that Europe, it's fucked. They're way freer than we are right now, and they can say really anything they want, and they can actually maybe investigate some stuff. The cops are saying in this to the police, being like, No one knows what this is. Why that's significant is because they have been watching Russian drones come over the border into NATO territory.

They've almost become weather reports in Denmark. Interesting. Where they send out messages on the news saying there might be drone activity, blah, blah, blah. They give warnings almost that there's going to be drones in the sky. They're doing these various things. None of those alarms went off. They said they're not Russian, but they have no identification markers. They don't know what they are. They're taking their time. Yes. Every time. But the thing was, it was green, which is not necessarily standard. They said it was green lights coming out of it. It does have this the same interesting stuff. It's cruising. It's fairly solid. It has blinking lights on it that looks like it might be a human-made aircraft. We don't know what its origin is. It was searching for things around the airport. A part of it is to understand that They shut down the airport. They didn't know what it was. Same thing would happen in New Jersey. Where-in Boston. There's no way that they're going to just let something zip around during one of the most sensitive points. We're talking about World War area that we're in right now. We're in like that, that temperature going on right now in the world.

Everyone just seems fine to me. I know. It's It's just this thing where you're like, why? It seems like... Did someone follow it? Do we know where it went? No, they said it went. It just went. Then they didn't see it anymore. Interesting. It just circled around the airport and then zipped right back out. It went so fast like no one could follow it? No, they just watched it go. Well, because for a while there was miscommunication about what it was. At first everyone just because people are used to seeing drone activity. They said that it was weird because normally there would an announcement that there might be drone activity. Then it's just shutting down the airport and everybody's panicking and nobody knows. This is like a big-ass drone. It's a big-ass drone. Yeah, that's not just a normal little thing you throw up there. When you see a drone show and it's a bunch of drones, this is one big fucker. Yeah, it's not. It's almost the size of a plane. It's specifically not a hobby drone. This came out from the press conference this morning. Copenhagen Airport first observed- It's either spy or UAP.

Fuckin' knows. Copenhagen Airport first observed the drones around 8: 30 PM Monday evening. The drones came from different directions and were observed in different positions. According to Copenhagen police, there must be a capable actor behind it, meaning an actor with the capacity, will, and tools to show themselves in this way. So far, Copenhagen Airport has been affected by 100 cancelations and expects further delays during the day. According to the police, they chose not to shoot down the drone as, The airport is an unfortunate place for something to fall from the sky. The police have activated the armed forces as a cooperation partner. The police would not disclose whether ships have been observed in connection with the case, but it was suggested that ships are a part of the investigation. Right now, we have no idea what's going on. All right. Same hobbyist that obviously terrorized New Jersey, same hobbyist that obviously terrorized Boston, and obviously the same hobbyist-In Arizona. That was floating objects over Alaska, and the same hobbyist that were floating objects over Michigan We actively shot out in the same hobbyist that sent something over our protected airspace in Yemen, in which we also shot at and couldn't identify.

We're all acting like it's normal. I really hope I see a movie about this soon. Ufo. Movie. It's funny you should ask. Go to ufo. Movie and give me money to do the best movie about UFOs you've ever seen since Fire in the Sky. I swear it's not just me making love to Jenna Hayes. I've seen people already saying that It's not an excuse to make love to Jenna Hayes. She's not in the business anymore. We will not be doing full penetration. It is just a small part of the film. She's playing a character in the film. So just come, give me money, ufo. Movie. You're paying for your ticket ahead of time. I said this before. If we can get to a thousand backers, I'm going to do a watch along of some of my UFO DVDs. That's one of the first little prizes. Oh, hell, yeah. Yes. Please give me just a small amount of money. If not, just break down the people. When's the kickstarter over? In 24 days. Oh, really? So we really got to cook this baby? Oh, yeah. It's awful procedure. Yeah. The whole thing's difficult. I really want to be in this movie, so please.

Yeah, or put him in. He's no choice. Yeah, I'll end up working for free. Also, I'm not going to announce a partnership with... I'm going to specifically say... I am going to say Contacting the Desert is also coming to help do this as well. We have a lot of people... Again, this is going to be fucking for real. Oh, man. I can't wait for my next Contacting the Desert. Yeah, you guys say Three episodes. Here's a really fun one. I mean, it's bad that it happened, but man, sometimes the news just makes me chuckle. Yep. All right. So Cafeteria Las Postas. Yes. So a man went to get a sandwich at a café in Spain. To Spain. Spain. Okay. He wanted a sandwich. He said, Can I get some mayonnaise? The sandwich, right? Can I He wanted a packet of mayonnaise. He wanted a packet of mayonnaise. With the sandwich. I'm going to say straight up, first of all, packet of mayonnaise is, sadly, it is the saddest way to distribute mayonnaise. Oh, for sure. Him even asking for a packet of mayonnaise. I like when someone puts it on a spoon and just flicks it.

That's how I like to get my mayonnaise. But yeah, so he went, he asked for a packet of mayonnaise. They said, We don't have mayonnaise. He went next door to a gas station. Absolutely, yeah. Did he get No, he went and he got a bunch of gasoline, and then he went back to the restaurant. And he asked for mayonnaise again. Then we burned it down. Burned down the gas station. Wow. Should have had mayonnaise. Wow. We burned down the cafe. He burned down the cafe? Yes. Okay, so now this is going to- But with a helmet. Oh, my God. Look at the explosion of flame. Holy fucking shit, dude. Yeah, well, it's gas, man. Gas goes up fast. That's the whole thing. Wow. It goes up very Over mayonnaise? Over mayonnaise. All right, this is- I understand. This is obviously what this man did is wrong, but I do understand getting very angry over sandwiches. Let's just put it this way. Okay, let's just put it this way. Our audience gets it, right? Our audience gets it. I'm not saying do this. I'm saying carry mayonnaise. It's a sandwich shop. All right, let's just break it down for a hot second here.

It's a sandwich shop. If I'm out of mayonnaise and I run a sandwich shop, I go I'm sending a runner to go get mayonnaise. Because what are two things that must be on a sandwich either way? Mayonnaise or mustard. If you are a person, and I mean this with all sincerity, if you're a person that doesn't eat condiments on your sandwich, you're a pervert. You're a fucking- You're weird. You're a pro. What's wrong with you? I know I'm going to get a lot of feedback on this, but please do. Sure, absolutely. You take a sip of water. I Then you hold it in your mouth and you take a bite of the sandwich. Is that what you do? I live for this. What do you do? You get yourself nervous so your mouth gets all filled with liquid and then you put- You might as well put a sandwich. K ketchup on a roast beef sandwich. You just made me almost throw up. Yeah, man. But this is the thing. That's why... I think in many ways, this is what one would call a Spanish overreacción. But I think that when it comes down to you're a freedom fighter, you're in Spain, one of the big places that said no to fucking the dictatorship, Big old place filled with freedoms.

You go to get that sandwich, and all you want is mayonnaise, liquefy that sandwich enough for you to eat it. Then you find out that this place doesn't have mayonnaise. Then you begin to put all the steps together being like, Oh, only perverts and predators don't use mayonnaise and mustard on their sandwiches. Then you start thinking, Oh, my God, is this the real Comet Pizza? Am I need to shut down this human trafficking cafe because they're sending me a signal? I'm going to go I guess because I don't know what gasoline is like in Spain. Is it come in like Cabernet? No, he probably just got one of those little red to-go baggies. Oh, yeah, to-go baggies. Yeah, a big zig-block bag. Maybe he thought he was doing something right. But he didn't burn the whole place down. I was wrong. He only caused about anywhere between $8,000 and $11,000 in damage. Here's the good news. Hellman says they're paying for it, and they're never going to run out of mayonnaise again. Isn't that nice? Hellman's fucking not Out of the park. But I also feel like Helmands is almost slightly shading them by saying them, You'll never run out of mayonnaise again.

You know what I mean? Almost being like... It's almost a... I'm putting words in Helmands' mouth, but it seems that they're even acknowledging their mistakenness. Yes. Here's a direct quote from Helmands. Cafe Las Postas. We're sorry we weren't there. Can you actually read it in the proper mayonnaise voice?. We're sorry We weren't there. From now on, you could count on us. Let us take care of the repairs and make sure your sandwiches never run out of mayonnaise again. You feel like that's passive-aggressive? Yeah, well, I mean, they're also paying for the bill. Yeah, I mean, I get. They're making the whole thing funny. They are. Which is nice, and I appreciate that. I like when businesses make things a little funny, especially when they're mayonnaise-based crimes. I mean, that's what I like. I think a mayonnaise-based... I think a mayonnaise company is one of the most pure things that can exist. God, I'll tell you what, If I'm watching someone make my sandwich and they're just doing a bad job, I just like, Let me get in there. Let me do it. Get the fuck out of my way. Let me go. I will pay an extra $5 if I can make the sandwich.

Because my thing is the idea of a sandwich not having mayonnaise or mustard on to me is like such a fucking unbelievable. Like, who are you? Read this. This is actually what the restaurant posted here. This afternoon, we suffered an attack where a customer who was passing by our cafeteria asked us a couple of mayonnaise envelopes for his little ride. They Some envelopes? When we told him we didn't have any, he approached the petrol station to buy a bottle of petrol, entered the premises, and set us on fire. Fortunately, none of us and of our clients, including young children and elderly, have suffered major damage. All the material things that are replaceable. Today, we escaped, but a real disaster could have happened. All right. Well, yeah, obviously, it's serious, Rob. Yes, it's very... Yes, of course. I know that what he did was a crime. He wasn't even a customer, though. He was walking by to the place and stopped in to ask if they had some mayo. That changes everything. No, it doesn't. It's a sandwich shop. No, he wanted free mayonnaise. I would have offered a peso. When it comes down to it, it really comes...

It's the fact that they didn't have it. I mean, this is crazy. I mean, if he... So they put customer. Customer. Yeah, they're being passive. If he bought a sandwich, it's a little harder for me to be on their side. If he bought a set because I get… Listen to what just fucking happened. We're talking about the KC when the last time we were truly one of the biggest problems I've ever seen when we got that food delivery of the barbecue. For some reason, the barbecue place didn't put barbecue sauce in. What the fuck did barbecue? They didn't put any. But we ordered $150 of barbecue for me and Henry. And they didn't put any barbecue sauce. We ordered a bunch of barbecue, and then they gave us one even little saucer. I was saying barbecue. No ramecan. Barbecue and barbecue sauce. I was using baked beans as barbecue sauce. Dude, sauce, barbecue sauce is what also makes the barbecue. It was delicious. It was good. It was delicious barbecue. But it needs barbecue sauce. There's no barbecue. Why don't we buy the sauce extra? It's barbecue. Or if you tell me it's extra, and I'll pay for it.

Yes. Tell me it's extra. Don't tell me not to include it. If you buy $150 worth of barbecue- Little mesquite, little bit of barbecue, little sauce. Little mesquite, little spicy, little sweet one. That's it. Also, I went to what was supposed to be the best sandwich shop in Kansas Bayboy Sandwiches? Closed Sunday. Yeah, dude, I know. I tried to take you to Joe's. Joe's? Closed Sunday. What the fuck? I don't know. Are you doing there? God shouldn't be in Kansas City. God should be busy somewhere else. God should be in Ukraine. Here's my sandwich story. Tell me what you think about this. I'm never going back to this place again. It's called... It's next to my house. Oh, I know. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, scratch that. I don't want people to know where I live. I'm never going back to this place ever again. Say the name will Keep it out. Keep it out. Okay. I'm never going back there. Do you know why? I went in. They have a deli counter. It's a bowl of egg salad. I know you like your egg salad. Yeah, all right. I say, One egg salad sandwich, please.

He said, We don't sell egg salad sandwiches. I said, You sell sandwiches, right? He's like, Yeah. I was like, There's egg salad right there. He's like, Yeah, you could buy a pint. I was like, Huh? He's like, You could buy a pint of egg salad, and you could sell some toast, and then you could make your own eggs out. I just got angry. I literally got angry. Imagine that, dude. I was just like, What? I was like, Julie turned and looked at me. She was like, Oh, no. Oh, no, no. They said the wrong thing. I could see Natalie doing the same thing going, Don't No, please don't. Please make the sandwich. Just make the sandwich. Okay, what if I show you one of my tets? If I show you one of my tets, will you make my husband in your sandwich? It's that easy. I know it's easy. Then she starts fighting them. I know it's easy enough for you to make the sandwich. They're like, No, we don't sell that. We sell toast and we sell egg salad, but we don't sell egg sandwich. Okay, I do understand. All right, up to a point.

Never going to be there again. I'm going to add some. I'm going to try to be a devil's advocate or try to add. Deviled eggs. I will be the devil advocate. I will do that. Which I could say that sometimes in more regulated places, this is my only way I could possibly defend this. It's not corporate. It's the only location. I know. Which makes me angry. But I'm trying to be reasonable. I'm trying to come around. If there was a problem with measuring the amount of egg salad that could go into the sandwich. I know that everybody's got... Because we all know how expensive egg salad is. You got to make sure you don't give a drop extra. Technically, egg salad is... Eggs are contentious food right now. But egg salad is still not... It's not filet mignon. I feel that... Because egg salad, it's either a sandwich or salad. But I go, Okay, let me just put it this way in my head. Let me wrap this back in my head. All right, so a tuna melt, you're going to get a tuna melt. I imagine they're like, Okay, we make X amount of tuna.

Each tuna melt is two scoops. That's how you make them. They usually use ice cream scoopers and stuff to make sure you're using the right amount. For some reason, these guys have never once done that with egg salad. They can't even imagine that this is what I'm saying. This is the only way I can defend it, is that they've never done it with the egg salad. They can't even imagine how to begin to measure the egg salad onto the sandwich, even though technically you just do the same amount that you just did for the fucking tuna sandwich that you just made. It's the same thing. They're right next to each other. It's two different bowls. Same stuff, all the same ingredients, two different salads. I'm just saying that you You sell sandwiches. You sell egg salad. You sell tuna salad. And tuna salad sandwiches, because that's the other thing, too. They make tuna melt. Yes, they do. If you make- I've gotten one from them before. If you make a tuna melt, and then you have egg salad, and you have all the stuff for a tuna melt, guess what you also have? Stuff for an egg salad sandwich.

Egg salad sandwich actually less, because I really just need bread and egg salad. I don't even need the lettuce. I don't even need the extra stuff. That's one of those controversial things about an egg salad sandwich. I feel like that everybody goes back and forth. Well, the mayonnaise is in The condiment's already in there. It's baked in. It's salad. But I also don't treat it like a salad. Do I ever just sit with a bowl of egg salad? Yes. Oh, yeah. But does everybody- It's a chicken salad. But if everybody else does it, I don't think anybody else eats the way I eat it. I eat it with a spoon. I make my own, and we already know. Well, you're watching Carbs. Yes. And also- But not the cholesterol. None of it. Then I also do my deconstructed egg salad where I have a hard-boiled egg and I dip it into the mayonnaise, and I dip it into the mustard, and I eat it like that. I make the egg salad mouth. I can't wait to come out to a bunch of sparklers at your funeral. They're going to be actually happy at mine. They're going to be actually happy at mine.

But yeah, I am- He's one of the great Whites. One of the big ones. I got to say, truly, though, I can't believe how upset I just was. Yeah, no, but it's completely insane, right? Well, then we're becoming... That's when you were in a Larry David scenario. But yeah, no. But I went... I mean, I turned into a carrot. Of course. Because it's like food red tape. I'll give you any amount of money. I know this man was wrong. Yes, the man who set fire to the restaurant. I understand the rage is all I'm saying. We all do. Did you do it? Did you buy the toast and the egg salad? No, I'm never going back. I walked out screaming. I was like, I'm never coming back. You won't make a sandwich for me. I'm never coming back here. I lived down the street. Ed is correct. You've literally I lost $1,000 this year. You literally- That's what you did. I'm with you. I stand on your side, and I'm about to get a bottle of petrol. I didn't know we could do that. I wanted to just buy a fucking 20 ounces of petrol and just shoot it down there, man.

That sounds amazing. Let's go get them. I've never set fire to anything with you. Every neighbor got their flavor. Does somebody say just me? Emergency at 23: 00. Efa's extended family. Can't you get a rewind? Nappies, coffee rolls to go. Nace dates in a hot mess. No chilly, it's an SOS. Major cook up, we saw ya. Let me call the reenforced man's for ya. Whoever you are, whatever your flavor. Every neighbor. Every neighbor. Got their flavor. Did somebody say, just be. There's a amazing value in Aldi for all you boys and girls this Halloween. Like Halloween, Wicked witches, spooky skeletons, and petrifying pumpkin dresses, plus hair-raising Halloween pajamas. They're a scream. And they're all just 5. 99 each. At these prices, they'll disappear in no time. In store right now. Aldi. Shockingly good value. While stocks last. At Kildare Village, members get more. Like now, during our private sale, where members get up to 20% off our usual Except Village Prices. These offers are for members only, so sign up at kildervillage. Com and see terms and conditions. The private sale. Now on at Kildare Village.

All right, so what do we got here? Do we have any other stories Oklahoma Tiger handler fatally mauled during show, Ryan Eaisley with ties to Joe Exotic, likely died instantly at Grouiller Pines. He also said Joe Exotic was saying a whole thing, be like, People have been making too much high on me. People have been having too much fun with me, and I need to stop this, and I'm joking. It's really funny. He's upset about this one. Oh, yeah. After he ratted his own husband out to get him deported.

It's a private zoo next to the Texas border. A tiger he'd raised since it was a cub turned on him, delivering fatal bites to his neck and shoulder.

Tigres don't know. Dogs don't know. They are animals. They don't know. They only know their instincts.

Yes. The attack happened in front of easily's wife and daughter. While the wife was managing to move the tiger to another enclosed after the incident, easily was pronounced dead at the scene. Likely, died instantly, they say.

Well, honestly, that's a relief.

Yeah. They said it was a love bite in the wrong spot.

No, that's the problem. You shouldn't be experiencing love bites from giant jungle cats. Leave them alone. They should be in the zoo. They should be in a real zoo. These guys are honestly, again, it just shows where it's humans. We spent so long in the jungles avoiding these animals. We spent so long running and trying to outthink them outwit these predators. So far that we created church, right? Yeah. That's how far we went. Then it's just weird when guys are just like, No, I hang out with it. Yeah, I wanted in my backyard. I don't need to be an expert. Yeah.

Eazley and his wife opened Growler Pines in Hugo in 2021. They were offering... They usually had a lot of retired circus tigers because they come from circus backgrounds, and they planned to settle in a city known for its circus heritage.

All of This is bad news. All of this is dumb and bad.

You got to go to your... If you're going to a zoo, first of all, fuck every roadside zoo right in its touche. Of course. And go to... Just take two seconds, two seconds in Google if it's AZA approved. I'm so sick of this shit. It's very easy to do. Otherwise, you're committing a crime, too, in my opinion.

Hey, it's one of those where I don't even like legit zoos, so I'm always scared. I feel bad for the animals. Yeah.

Well, I like zoos, but I hate these zoos.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, so please just a little detaine this bit of research.

Or if not, you might get a couple of love bites in the wrong place yourself.

Also, there was problems at an animal shelter this weekend.

Dude, this is a fucking... I'm having a hard time slightly parsing this stick out, but it's pretty interesting. So this was a US animal shelter. The FBI- In Billings, Montana. Apparently, they've been doing this thing where they rent out their cremation urn.

Which I can't believe that's real.

I had no idea. I guess it makes sense in a way. You have this facility- You're the FBI.

Get your own crematorium.

I had no idea why it works. I don't know why it's like this. If someone can answer me, side story It's lpotl@gmail. Com. But the FBI- It seems like they could build one. I don't know. I don't know how it works. Apparently, they use this animal crematorium to burn 2 pounds of seized methamphetamine. Then something went wrong in the burn basket that sent all the meth smoke into where all the animals and all the workers were at the shelter. 14 staff members were- Went to the hospital. They all got hit. It was like 75 cats and dogs were hit with a cloud of meth smoke.

Basically, these workers and these animals are high on meth, and the workers have to be like, Okay, I'm high on meth. I'm all fucked up. I have to save these animals. And these animals are also high on meth. Imagine the fucking chaos.

Actually, you know what was really interesting is it was chaos at first. It was chaos at first. Everybody's all gacked out. Never had that before. But then between the workers and the animals, they cleaned and painted that hole in front of the structure. It was amazing. They did the lawn work. They built a catapult. That was crazy. The dogs built a catapult, the cats built a dogapult, and they were just having fun shooting back and forth. There was one guy just literally doing his skip it for hours. He kept saying, skip it, skip it. You didn't have a skip it.

The person who runs the fucking facility says they didn't even know they were doing it.

Oh, my God.

They said, I can firmly and confidently say as the executive director, I did not know that they were disposing of extremely dangerous narcotics on site.

If anybody could answer me, I would love to know how the How the hell this works out. I want to know, do they rent it? Do they just use... Is it because they don't... I mean, how does the FBI not have their own? I'll put it this way. I know that every FBI has a state bureau. The FBI will have something like Billings, Montana? They'll have like a- We know there's no space in Montana.

We know that there's- There's no space to do this somewhere safe.

The crush of people of Montana is crazy. There is almost no available real estate.

It's less than a person a mile in Montana.

But it feels like maybe a local group used it. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know.

Oh, my God. It's just like, Can you fuck up anymore, FBI?

No. Good God. Well, it really seems when it all comes together, when you have a YouTuber running a police, I'd say, would you call it an entire national police investigative universe? It seems there might be some issues in there. When you have that Google AI moron running this shit, you'd be surprised when more of these things start happening. So we'll see.

We'll lay away Patel.

God, that was someone said that. It was a really good one. That was a really good one. All right, so I think we're about ready to do some letters. All right. Listener letters.

Oh, do we have this new stinger, Rob?

We do, actually. We do. This one is from Tony in the band Royal Dog. Yeah, fuck yeah. You listen to a little bit. It's wider. Listen to the emails. Yeah, that's awesome. That's pretty cool. That's good and simple. Yeah, I like that one. Really good one. First of all, a lot of people said that dodos were not as dumb.

Whatever. How do they know?

We don't know. We don't know. But this mostly was just because they weren't the-Sounds like the same scientists that signed the Epstein birthday book. Get you fuckers. Tell me how I see Dodo's not. Were they saying, apparently, that Dodo's were just... They had no natural predators they were. When we showed up, they just didn't know what we were, and that's why we ate all of them. But again, Dodo, read a book.

Look at a map. It is a shame that we killed all of them. I'm just trying to make a joke about how I wanted to eat one.

But also, no, for a fact that that company that's doing the thing with the mastodon and the Saber Tooth Tiger, it's all a fucking grift. It's all scam. No one's doing it.

They're not going to be able to do it.

No. It's not that they won't be able to do it. It's just that they're not doing it. They're just taking your money.

I wish they had a bunch of... They did an old pig They did an old pig, and then they would call the place like, Jurassic pork.

That's cute. Yes. See, that's fine. That's cute. But I would say, honestly, I would actually want a more ancient human ancestor, like one of those old monkey versions.

So what if they made a Neanderthal?

Yeah, Neanderthal.

Could we eat it?

Yeah. If you kill it, they can't throw anything. That's what's interesting about Neanderthals. Yeah. They couldn't throw.

They can't throw? No.

They didn't have over the shoulder motion. It was one of the things that we had over them. And also our ability to take notes, literally. Like, we would fight the Neanderthals, and then The Neanderthals would originally beat a lot of the original Homo sapiens tribes. We'd lose to them quite a bit. But when Neanderthals couldn't do that, we could do is that we figured out how to change techs. They would only ever fight one way or do things one way, and then we'd show up one way, and if it didn't work, we'd show up and do it another way. We'd attack them in a different way.

They're like the south?

Sort of. The south is... Yes. You would say they might be a bit of a throwback. Yeah, wow. Handsome guy.

All right. I won't eat them.

All right. Spooky shit. Oh, a couple of things. Right before we even beginning in the middle of the segment, what we're doing this. Next week begins 31 for 31. Oh, yeah. We're going to announce our 31 for 31 next week. It's going to come out on October first. Our list of episodes. Our list of movies that we're going to watch. Then we'll do a big thing in the middle of that. We're also going to be doing Listener Plasta again this year. Okay, great. But we just haven't set that up yet. But know that that is one of our goals. During October? Know that because of the very long form subject Last Podcast on the Left is going to be doing, we are not going to be on Last Podcast going to be getting all that spooky for spooky season. But the spooky is coming over here. So Side Stories is going to be handling as much of the spooky as we can.

That's a good Yeah. That seems to happen to us a lot. We did Andrew Keenanan during October.

That's right. We did do Andrew Keenanan. Was that last year?

Two years ago.

Wow. Honestly, I love that series.

Yeah, it was a great I'm curious, but not spooky. All right, here we go.

Back in early 2017, me and my wife had decided to move back into our hometown in West Michigan after some time in the Navy. We moved into one of the oldest homes in town, which was made in the late 1800s. I remember when we first bought it, making funny comments at the Michigan basement had to be a meth lab or had to have Satanic cults just to fuck with my wife and friends. We found out, though, when we bought it, there was only two families had owned it prior to us. After about a year after my daughter was born and shortly after my cousin had moved in with us, my wife had previously been in a paranormal investigation group in Rochester, New York. Her, me, and my cousin were to anything weird, but also skeptical. It wasn't until around 2019 when weird shit started to truly happen. I'd noticed birthday balloons had moved into different rooms, over arches in the ceiling overnight when no fans were on, while me and my cousin were talking in my daughter's room, the fan just randomly turned off. We just have each other look at each other with spooked faces.

While eating dinner with my wife and daughter, my wife watched the remote on the couch arm just slowly slide off, and all I saw was her eyes widen as she said the remote was moved off the couch. It didn't slide. Days after that, I was taking a shit with the door open and the PAM spray on the stove after a meal had been thrown off from my view. I finished and went to my wife and cousin in the living room asking if the PAM had been in a spot where that could happen, and they said it was probably one of the cats knocking it off. As my cat said that one cat jumped up from the bay window, meowing at me as the second was still sleeping in the window. We all just looked at each other without explanation. We always joked that the house looked haunted since we bought it, but now it started feeling like it. After all this, I looked into who we had bought the house from and who had previously owned it since it only had two previous owners. We found out that the previous owner had recently passed away months before, right around when weird shit started happening.

Mid-2020, we moved to a different house in the same town. My extremely conservative stepsister and her husband bought our house. So even if weird shit is happening, I'm sure they'll never admit it.

That's the truth.

That's the problem.

All right, well, that was my letter. It's your house haunted yet? How's your ghost, by the way?

Jason. I still have it. You know what's funny is that the other day, one thing in the letter that Jason wrote, first of all, oh, big announcement. I'll do this, too. Beyond the Veil commentary is going to be coming up for Christmas.

Nice.

Just so you know, we're going to be doing a whole thing. We're filming it now. It's going to be coming up for Christmas. You're going to get it all out. One of the things that happened during Beyond the Veil was that I received a ghost in a box. Jason, who was the ghost, said in a letter, basically describing who Jason was. He still the ghost. He still the ghost. Basically saying that he was interested in heavy metal, horror movies, booze and drugs in his life. Weed, mostly. Weed. What I did was I gave him a shot of bourbon. I gave him a big old joint in his little thing. I legitimately, I put a little piece of horror merch inside Side from one of the stickers I have. It's like something from Reanimator.

We should give him some fentanyl.

I love fentanyl. He's so sad. Probably how he got there. So sad to miss it. Car crash. Oh, car crash. He said that... But what was interesting is that they said there would be two ways that he would mess with me. One was with moving objects and one was with fire. Okay. This did happen.

You had a tiny fire?

No, I was drilling. I find this interesting. This is probably the closest to a little of him, but who knows anymore. I barely talk about this stuff because everybody always boos me. But I think this is one of those things that was interesting. Especially the ghost. You fuck a bitch. I went in and I was cooking in the middle of the day, and I went to Jason, and I acknowledged Jason. I'll do that as I'm walking to the house. I go, Hey, bud. I acknowledge him. I was grilling, and I came back to the grill and opened up, and I was like, What's going on? The temperature had really dropped in the grill, and I didn't notice. The grill dials, I preheated it. I turned it all up to preheat it, and I turned it all on. Then I came out, and all of the grill dials were shut off. That was really weird. That was one of those things that was like, That happened to me recently. It set a little chill up my spine, but I'm still like- Did you ask Natalie if she did it? No, She was sitting outside. Oh, really?

Dude, that was really fucked up. Natalie was outside having a glass of wine, and I literally walked past her. Then I was like, Did you fuck with the grill? I didn't tell her, but I asked her, Did you fuck with the grill? Did you change it to grill? She was like, No, I'm not going to.

How stone were you?

Not that. Not enough. Food was on the grill.

Yeah, no, it's true. If anything, you turn it up.

Yeah. Or I meter it. If I'm doing chicken, I'll take it down. That's like, especially if I'm doing steak, you start as hot as you can get it, and then I take it down. Just let it cool a little bit. Let it cool a little bit. Tell me about that steak, you fucking asshole. Technically, I had burgers the other day that I ruined. I made them too much, but it was fine.

What are you going to do? On October 12th, I'm coming to Madison, Wisconsin, without Henry, without Marcus. I am coming to Comedy On State with Logan Metz of The Promise of the Real. Get your tickets at eddytunes. Com. I can't wait. I'm doing my full hour of comedy. Logan's going to be on stage with me. He's got a new album he's making. There's some fucking bad... He's got a whole Randy Newman, Leon Russell thing going on right now. Really? It's fucking real good. That's great. I saw it out here. I'm literally doing this show so I can hear the music again because the album doesn't exist. It's so fucking good. That's awesome. Come check it out. Then also, November 16th, I'm going to be in San Diego, Mic Drop Comedy. I'm doing an hour there, but I'm bringing Amber Nelson, I'm bringing Ashley Book Roberts, and the wonderful Julie Rosen. We're all going to be performing together at Mic Drop Comedy. Both of these shows are on Sundays, so please skip football and come see me perform in Madison, Wisconsin, San Diego. We have more dates coming. Henry and I got a Las Vegas date coming.

We do. Side Story, Vegas is coming, man.

By next week, it'll be released and you'll know what it is. Can't wait. I can't wait for all this. Stay tuned at eddytunes.

Com. Love Every day, known for a fact we're going to Vegas and I can't fucking wait. I'm going to goddamn Vegas, right? I'm going to go down to Vegas. I'm going to love being in Vegas. I'm going to drink a bunch of fuck. I'm going to drink a lot. I'm going to drink a lot. I'm going to yell a lot. I'm going to eat a lot, all right? And you can watch me yell and eat. We're going to laugh if you join us watching us live in Live As Vegas, Nevada. Sin City, baby. Yeah, and go to pateo. Com/lastby. I guess I'd love to watch all this stuff. Give us money, if you could. Go to @lp on the left for all of our social media, all the horseship. Go to ufo. Movie to give my money. Give me money directly. Yes. That'd be nice.

Go follow us on TikTok and let the IDF know who your favorite comedians are.

If you could truly, that would be a big boost for us. Also, again, if anybody could hit up the riadh. Oh, Comedy Festival Booker.

Oh, yeah. We had a great interview with Harold Chector and Eric Powell.

About Dr. Worthless, the guy that put the content. They wrote a book about the guy. Yeah, they wrote a comic book. Graphic novel. Thank You.

And I read it.

I'm reading now. He's reading now. You believe that? But it's about the guy that censored comic books in the '50s, but he also had a relationship with Ed Geen. It's a great book.

Dr. Wurtham. It's a really good book. Also, it's It shows how someone can have an amazing legacy and then just ruin it doing something fucking stupid.

But he was also... He was an interesting guy. No, it's weird because I liked him.

And then at the very end, you see him just snap and become a lunatic. That's what What are you going to do? Either way, check out the book, check out the interview. It's available on YouTube, and you all be good to yourselves.

You just live long enough to see yourself become a villain. Just be careful. That's why. Got to go early.

Every neighbor got their flavor. Did somebody say just me? Emergency at 23, Efa's extended family. Could you get a rewind? Nappies, coffee rolls to go. Nace, dates in a hot mess #No Chili, it's an SOS. Major cookup, we saw ya. Let me call the reenforcedman's for ya.

Whoever you are, whatever your flavor # Every neighbor # Every neighbor #Got their flavor.

Did somebody say just me?

At Kildare Village, members get more. Like now, during our private sale, where members get up to 20% off our usual exceptional village prices. These offers are for members only, so sign up at kildarevillage. Com and see terms and conditions. The private sale, now on at Kildare Village.