Transcript of Episode 651: Bob Lazar & Area 51

There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot task.

On the left. Right from your glade.

That's when the cannibalism started. Who was that? You know what this whole episode made me realize? It's like I'm sad in one way.

Because your life's alive?

Oh, my God. Wow.

No, not this carefully constructed, wonderful character that you see.

Oh, let me have a sip out of your $3,000 Mufon.

Hey, I only did it for five years. It was only about $1,500.

And please, he did it for the Polo, not for the cup.

And the Lander. The Lander was quite good. I didn't even know we got the cup. I don't know where that came from. But one thing I missed about this time period is going back to the World of Art Bell, going back to Bill Cooper, Bob Lazard. These real Real old heads know how awesome it used to be. But the one thing that keeps coming up in all of my research is what a missed opportunity the Mexican community didn't take during 2012. 2012, how during 2012, if they had just on December 21st, all we need is one guy covered in LED lights dressed in a quetziquadal-like uniform. I'm saying Mexico is different. I'm saying the world's different.

You think so?

If they leaned into their Mayaness, if they leaned into how to just take- The calendar.

Okay, the calendar started. Take the power back.

Take the power back. We were like, No, it's Mexican time now. Now you all are on Mexican time. They could have done so much stuff with that, but they just don't capitalize on that world-bending conspiracy thought.

If they were to just wore a bunch of lights and convinced us all that we were dead, dude.

That's all they had to do. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen.

We're here- To all this would be money, man.

We're here solving the world's crises. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with a man with questionable opinions, Andrew Zbrowski.

From 1992 to 2012, all they talked about was 2012. Yes.

And how- No, they talked about Y2K a lot. Yeah, I forgot.

I'm sorry.

It was mostly Y2K, and then they switched to 2012 somewhere around 2009.

Yeah, because it was easy to switch the bumper stickers. You just had to take two numbers.

There was so much banking on 2012 for all of these theories.

There really was. I remember we were very excited.

I remember I had my pack of cigarettes because I had already quit. I had my pack of cigarettes. I was so ready to smoke my fucking end of the world cigarettes?

Yeah. If I remember correctly, the day came and passed, I did not even notice it because I was too busy working on an episode. Yeah. Yeah, completely. Shame. Shame. Shame on me and shame on Ed Larson for coming in 10 seconds into the show and already ripping this dick head to pieces.

There's no reason for it.

I am a little bit skeptical, but I will say, after we went to contact in the desert twice, I believe it a little more only because I know that there's no money in this.

I know that they're all completely broke.

That really is the thing that unlocks UFO knowledge. Because there's always this idea that all these people are doing it for the money. They're doing it to get some money. What money?

There's never any money.

There's nothing. You should have tried the salmon.

There is awful painful divorce.

Like, literally no friends, no job, no hiring prospects, bad psychological reviews. Everybody hates you at the DMV. Ufology cores you out and leaves you for dead.

Yeah, the only person is your friend is a guy in a Galactic uniform on an oxygen tank. Even he's just sitting there being like, I actually don't know if I'm going to get to the Saturn Recon 2025 this year due to my…

Obviously, I have some form of advanced tuberculosis. They don't know how it came back, but… You hear this thing about the Jews?

They poison me from the government.

The reason why we're talking about Mufa and we're talking about contact in the desert is because today we are finally getting around to talking about one of the modern fathers of Ufology, ufology, as it were.

Definitely, conspiracy theory and weirdo thought.

We're going to be talking about a man named Bob Lazard. Well, Bob Lazard is more or less the guy who brought the concept of Area 51 into the larger global consciousness. Before Bob came forward in 1989 as a so-called whistleblower, claiming that he'd worked with alien tech on a top secret military base in Nevada, Area 51 was mostly something that only hardcore UFO conspiracy theorists knew about. But after Bob did a series of interviews with UFO mainstay George Knapp, best known today for his work on Skim Walker Ranch- And being a fucking awesome ass dude. Fuck, yeah, being a bro.

Being my fucking new dad. Please take me, George. He looks such great hair. God, wit me, shave me, George.

Did you get a chance to smell him?

I didn't, no. Oh, yeah.

You got to sneak up behind him.

He smells like newspapers.

I bet newspapers in Sandalwood. Yeah, sure.

I didn't get I didn't close to his neck.

Well, after Bob Lazard did a series of interviews with George Napp, Area 51 became a large part of the world's collective knowledge about UFOs. Just as the Montauk project morphed into Stranger Things, Area 51 went from being a place that only the most ardent ufologist knew about to a cultural touchstone. Lest you forget, Area 51 was the site of the Independence Day speech in Independence Day. It was the central of the most successful alien invasion movie of all time. Independence Day was '96, '97. Bob Lazard's interview was 1989. It was very fast.

Well, actually, I didn't even put that together. It's pretty impressive.

That was after, yeah. Roland Emmerich, who fucking did Independence Day, also 2012. Oh, my fucking God.

When it's the damn Mexicans when you need them.

By that same In turn, though, Area 51 also quickly came to represent the totality of what the government isn't telling us. That's right, man. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it is a physical symbol of distrust towards authority, and it's something that anyone can go and see for themselves if they're willing to take the drive out to the Nevada Desert. But that's all to say that the increased visibility of Area 51 was due to a brilliant amateur rocket enthusiast and former brothel owner named Bob Lazard. This It makes Bob, whether he's telling the truth or not, an incredibly important figure when it comes to the people who have shaped American culture over the last few decades.

I'm going to say this just as a fellow podcaster, but Joe Rogan really dropped the ball when it came to Bob Lazard. If you really want to know the real fucking shit and get to know Bob, get past his very, very cool veneer. Oh, yeah. You need to go to Art Bell. When we lost Art Bell, was one of the... I now think about it. Art Bell died, Side Story started. Art Bell had the amazing ability to both hold, I'm making fun of you and I'm listening to you. He knew how to do the wink, the wonder. He knew how to do it all. It's a thing that we just desperately need and don't have anymore.

Art's interview, to me, was so much more informative than the entire documentary that I saw.

Unfortunately, yes, Art knows how to do it, and he did it I'm fucking right. I listened to all five and a half hours of every single interview he did with Bob.

You know, my problem with UFO docs is I've watched a bunch for you now. You've watched a bunch for your job. I do get paid.

I do get paid. He still had to go look at ghosts. What man's burden. He had to listen to Race Dance.

But my problem with all of them is, it's not that much information. It's just like dudes walking through the desert with ethereal music and nothing happens.

It's why they talk so slowly because if you have- You got to fill the full 90 minutes. Exactly. If UFO documentaries talked at a normal speed, the whole thing would be like half an hour. Then you're done.

But they're afraid to get into the full lure because they're afraid to scoop. I feel like a lot of times they're just afraid to scare people away.

Sure.

Because they can't handle the fucking heat.

Now, Bob Lazard is unlike any other UFO whistleblower or witness that we've covered over the years. While most witnesses are either buttoned up military men like Charles Hall, the man who interacted with the Tall Whites, or straight-laced family types like Betty Andrezen, remember she had the hallucinatory Christian experience, Bob Lazard has a bit of salt and pepper in his background. He's definitely not a bad guy by any stretch, but Bob does have a background that one could call Little Shady.

It's one of those great ingredients for a disinformation officer.

Yeah. Possibly.

You said he owned a brothel. We just moved past that. He didn't say We're going to get into it.

We're going to get into it, and we're also going to get into whether he owned the brothel or whether he was merely an investor in the brothel.

I would say investor because if you own a brothel, you change your name to Bob Lazer. Yeah.

Bob Lozard is also, let's just straight up say, of all the people involved in the UFO community, the only one who's seen more vaginas than one that is a professional gynecologist on the side. You know what I mean? Bob Lozard got more Bush than any other ufologist in reality. Stan Friedmann, he was hocking that wife. I loved his wife. Wife's a sweet lady. She was taking that fucking Stanley Friedmann to cock his whole fucking life.

I know nick Pope ain't swimming in it.

We met him. His wife seemed to be sweet, but she's complicated.

Not Bob. Bob didn't have that problem at all.

No, no, no. Bob's life was full of complicated women. We're going to get into that. Even though Bob presents himself and looks like a nerd's nerd, he's skinny, he's got glasses, the size of satellites. Bob is the bad boy of the UFO world. Like me. You're not the bad boy of the UFO world. You're not in the UFO world.

No, look at me. I'm starting to... It's like, I'm in a game. I'm in a game. Yeah, look at me. I dare you.

Yeah, he does look like a penetrated Ned Flanders.

Try to take my fucking chicken tenders.

Well, Bob Lazard is a man who marries dangerous dangerous women. He's got a record for pimping, and he's so enthusiastic about speed that he put a fucking jet engine on his Honda Civic. But while Bob is himself a fascinating character, his claim to Fame is that he allegedly worked on alien tech for the US government at Area 51 for just a few months in 1989. His job, he claims, was the reverse engineering of propulsion systems from UFO craft that the government had obtained one way or another. To see how this bad boy of the nerd world made his way into what is supposedly the world's largest repository of alien tech, let's spend today's episode telling the life story of Bob Lazard. For sources, we used his 2019 autobiography Dreamland, although our research team did do quite a bit of digging on their own in an attempt to discover what the real story behind Bob Lazard's claims actually is.

As code for the research team, don't believe anything that he said.

We had to have a long time.

Maybe that might quite possibly to be true. They do believe a couple of things he said. The jet car definitely exists.

See, as we cover this, just know, we know this story has been on one hand, it's been debunked up to the fucking moon on the other hand. There's a lot of interesting tidbits. But I think at the very end, there is stories in this that make a lot of sense. There's stuff in this. There's stuff in this. It's real fucking... Remember Orbitz? The The soda.

What? The stuff in them. The soda with the stuff, the- I remember the Orbitz gum.

That's still very popular.

What was that one with the soda had all the gunk in it? Surge?

No, that was clean. Orbitz?

No. I remember Balls, the one That was the energy drink that had the grippers on it? That was awesome.

Balls with the Z.

This episode is like a can of Orbit's. It is Orbitz. Thank you, Rob. It's got floating stuff in it.

Some people have seen it, but no one believes that it Exactly.

It's a regional delight.

Yeah, it's a chunky episode. Very chunky. Bob was born in Florida in 1959 to parents unknown. Cool dude. Yeah, but was soon adopted by the Lazard family, Albert and Phyllis. Bob claims that he was not interested in UFOs or aliens as a child, but was rather more fascinated with science, propulsion, and explosions. See, Bob is very much a DIY man in every way. He's a guy who spent his childhood building rockets and explosives. In fact, if you could compare Bob to anyone, I'd put him in the same ballpark as everyone's favorite rocket building occultist, Jack Parsons. Not the same league, but they're playing the same sport.

It really is true. They seem to be like Almost spiritual counterparts, except Jack Parsons was a libertarian poet, magician, and Bob Lozard is a hardcore, hot riding, pussy eating, lady selling fucking whistleblower.

Yeah. Maybe to put it in a perspective, you could say that Jack Parsons is like Ozzy Osborne, and Bob Lazard is like the best guitarist in your local bar band. They're in the same ballpark. They're doing the same sport, but they're not- He's great right here.

Tippers, man. On Tippers, Tad Tippers, dude, on Wednesday fucking Nights, man, that guy, he's motherfucking Jimmy Page, man.

Sometimes that's where you got to stay. If Steve or A. Vawn would have stayed in the Blues clubs, he would have never fucking gotten a helicopter crash.

Yeah, dude. That's true. He would have turned black. That was his goal.

That's all he ever wanted, man. Well, Like Jack Parsons, Bob was a guy who just liked the big boom. It didn't really matter whether that boom was blowing something up or propelling an object forward, and it also didn't really matter if the boom was also quite dangerous. Bob Lazard is a man who does not mind danger in any way whatsoever. Now, as far as Bob's academic career goes, he graduated from high school in Long Island in 1976 and claims that he attended Cal Tech the next year. This, unfortunately, is where Bob's claims run into a wall because there's no record of Bob Lazard attending Caltech. Now, Bob, of course, claims that the government erased his past in an effort to discredit and or intimidate him. But the facts point towards an explanation that is both far simpler and far more human. See, Bob graduated high school in the bottom third of his class, which makes acceptance into a prestigious school like Caltech unlikely. This also means that while Bob is brilliant, he was not a good student.

Bottom third in Long Island. That's a low bottom third. Yeah.

I mean... A Long Island physicist, I just thought, finds new way to make blue curuçao not taste like anything.

But he did grow up around a lot of tall Whites.

That is true. Furthermore, Bob also claimed that he studied at Caltech under a physics professor named William Duxler. Now, William Duxler existed, and he did confirm that Bob took one of his classes, but not at Caltech. Rather, Duxler was a professor at pierce Community College here in Los Angeles, which very much does have records of Bob taking classes from 1976 until 1979. Lazard also claimed to have a master's degree from MIT, but there's no record of that either. Now, one might use all of this as a way to discredit everything Bob said, that it shows a pattern of lying. But this is exactly why I wanted to bring it up as soon as possible. I think it is important to acknowledge that Bob Lazard is not truthful in everything he says, but I also don't think that he's a habitual liar. Instead, I think it speaks more towards Bob's insecurities. I think that Bob believed that if he gave himself more credibility, then his story would gain credibility as well. In other words, I think he believed that nobody would believe the self-educated weirdo, but everyone would believe a guy with a degree from MIT.

To me, retroactively, it makes more sense is that when you look back and you're trying to explain when everyone's saying, Well, how the fuck were you there working on this UFO? He's like, Oh, well, I needed. I had to have all these accreditations. We don't realize in the world of the intelligence services, in this world, they do whatever the fuck they want. Some of the stuff they like is people that don't have a whole bunch of shitty, dumb ass liberal education dropped into their fucking brains because guess what they're not good at? Making big bombs to blow up fucking innocent soul people in other countries. They just get super butt hurt about it because they literally do classes where they learn that people cry. They cry in Europe. He thinks in his mind, Bob Lozard is like, Let me blow Europe up. That's who you want.

Just because I didn't get a degree there. It doesn't mean I didn't go to classes. When I went to community college, I used to just go to some of the film classes and stuff at FSU. It'll just hang out and watch. I would fall asleep. I didn't hand in papers or anything, but I did show up and sit there.

I remember you from this time period, and you were frightening me. I had a thirst for knowledge. I think that you were so frightening when you just walked into a community class and I, I like to learn. He sat there and just like, Just let him stay. Don't imagine he's a bear.

We definitely had guys at Texas Tech that would do the same thing. They just walk into a classroom and just be like, I don't even go to college here. You ain't going to tell nobody. No, dude. You're not even talking. Hang out. He's like, good. I just like it. Cool. Fucking A, man. Keep going. I'll see you next week. Then they just one day just suddenly disappear. Never know what happened to them.

Too much education.

They had to go back to their weed selling.

That's what I had to do.

I always go to Holden's film class and fall asleep and answer questions. It's great. But I never want to talk here with a man, otherwise. I wish you was not a serious point.

Well, with Bob Lazard and his education, I think there are a lot of things in his personality that would make him very bad for education, but would make him very good for the type of work he ended up doing. He's an extraordinarily independent person. He has huge problems with authority. He's a self starter. He's a self starter. But I I do think that he does have that insecurity of, I have to give some credence to myself, when in reality, the people who do run these things, we all like to pretend these things that you have to have a degree and so on, so that these are laws or something. They're not.

Jeffrey Epstein was hired to that very high-end boarding school where he first started everything because the guy liked him. That's why he fucking hired him. It was not because he had any experience or anything. It's because he looked at Jeffrey Epstein and he's like, I like this slime ball, and I'm going to do it because I can.

Now, while Bob Lazard was attending community college in Los Angeles, he also got a job at a company called Fairchild Electronics, which is where he was first introduced into the world of high technology. Fairchild Electronics manufactured equipment that utilized something called bubble memory. It's really fun to say bubble memory.

Bubble memory. Bubble memory sounds like one of those fake things they do to shoes to make them cost more.

With bubble memory technology. As far as our researchers can tell, bubble memory was a technology that peaked in the early '80s and was used most effectively, empowering arcade games like Gradius. Bob, however, did make enough money at Fairchild to buy his own home in Woodrow Midland Hills, California, in 1977. He also made enough money to begin experimenting with attaching jet engines to vehicles. Specifically, Lazard got a hold of a Gluharov pulse jet engine, which was a simple mechanism with no moving parts designed by a Russian-American who wanted the public to have the ability to make their own lightweight single-passener helicopters. All of this is 100% true.

We're doing so good with cars. I think that we definitely need to add the fourth dimension to our traveling.

I got to say, as an orphan from Florida, I'm very inspired by this.

It is a nice... It's a dream you could have had.

Well, the glue roof engine used propane, and its simple design meant that it could be built at home and attached to almost any vehicle. Bob Lazard did just that and actually attached a small jet engine to his bicycle in 1977.

How would that work? You'd have to get rid of the pedals. Otherwise, you just rip your legs up.

Exactly. I think he just needed something with wheels. Perhaps it's due to the inherent danger of working with explosives, but as it was with Jack Parsons, Bob Lazard certainly spent his life associating with people that society might consider, let's say, disreputable, even though Bob always presented himself as the nerd's nerd. Case in point with Bob was his first wife, Carol Nadine Asher, who married Bob in the summer of 1980. Now, Carol was 17 years older than Bob, which all but guaranteed Bob a salty experience. Oh, yeah. But Carol also had a sorted history prior to meeting Bob that involved bikers, amphetamines, kidnapping, and straight up murder.

You can say that about the Rolling Stones. Honestly, man.

Yeah, you can. She just sounds fucking hot. You know what I mean? That's hot as hell, dude. All that fucking problems, dude. I'm looking her, too. She's cute.

Yeah, she was fucking cute, too.

Wow.

Pull it over. I can't see nothing. I'm trying to put it up here.

See if I can find it. Oh, I see it. It's right here. Wait, no. Is that one? Is that her? Or it's a bad picture of her? That's a bad picture of her. I can still see. I see what you're talking about. She's cute.

For a murderer.

Yeah, she's cute as a lory Bella.

That is true. Well, on June 12th, 1974, Carroll broke into the Oakland home of a man named Dennis Passaro with a Hell's Angels named Gary Burkett and Gary's wife. All three of them then engaged in activities that would result in Dennis's murder. See, Dennis, the victim, and Gary, the Hell's Angels, had gotten into some arguments and some physical altercations in the weeks prior to this home invasion, and it seems like Gary was hell-bent on revenge. I know.

The best TV of the '60s was Johnny and Tachi. I knew the best goddamn series was television was Johnny and Tachi.

I liked Mon. Now it's time to go.

Now it's time to fucking go.

I'd like to put in a vote for Mork and Mindy if I may. That's a fight. That's fine. I'll allow it. I mean, an Oakland Hell's Angel, that's a rough Fucking Hell's Angel. Oh, yeah.

It is.

After Gary, his wife, and the future, Carol Lazard, broke into Dennis's home, brandishing pistols, Carol held Dennis's friend, Eugene Day, at gunpoint in one room, while the Hell's Angel and his wife fatally stabbed and shot Dennis elsewhere in the house. Once Dennis was dead, his friend Eugene was handcuffed to a shelf. He was handed a syringe and told to inject himself with it. Rock and roll. Yeah. But Eugene was clever However, he did inject a small amount of the mysterious liquid into his arm, but he squirted the rest onto the floor when his captors weren't looking. When the time was right, Eugene-Sip about him was going, Oh, yeah.

Oh, I'm dying. Squirt, squirt. Oh, I'm dying. Squirt, squirt.

When the time was right, Eugene threw a wooden plaque at Carroll, which enabled him to escape the house, run to a neighbor, and call 911. Eugene did survive, but surgery was needed to repair the damage done to his arm by this caustic solution in the syringe. Might have been fucking Drano, for all they know.

It's whatever got tossed on Ilyan Omar the other day.

That was it. It was a been in her. It was honestly, and she went right to punch him in the fucking face. It was cool.

She was pretty bad.

It was great. Now, Carol was picked up sleeping in her car after she got it stuck in a river bed outside of Uba City, California, the next day. Also had a fair amount of speed in her possession. But Carol did have a lifelong speed habit. Loved the methamphetamine. That's hot. Her compatriots were soon arrested as well. After pleading guilty to second-degree murder, conspiracy, and false imprisonment, Carol was sentenced to five years in prison in 1975. While we don't know how long she served, we do know that she was married to Bob Lazard by 1980.

Side stories, lpotl@gmail. Com. Tell me, when you first wed your ex-felon, when your spouse, or wherever it is, when you first... First time you guys hooked up after you got to jail, how awesome was that?

You can do conjugals.

Yeah, no, but it's not the same. We got to watch.

It's not the same, because everyone's watching. I almost feel like a conjugal is hotter because everyone's watching.

I wish I knew. Now, they got conjugals of trailers. Yeah. No one's watching, though. You go out to the trailer. They got a camera. They're watching. I guess they are.

There's no way they're not watching.

They're probably watching you anyway. That is true. It depends on the couple. I want to know. We couldn't find out how Bob and Carol actually met because he didn't meet her until after she was out of prison.

It just sounds like the whole-There was no prisondate.

Com com back then.

You know what we talked about when we covered the Toy Box killer, when we did a revamp, and we were talking about this idea that there was many freaky communities, and there's freaky communities everywhere, and then there are freaky communities that go super dark, and then there are freaky communities that just peter out, it seems. I think it's mostly just when everybody gets bored or whatever, when the kids get annoying. But it just seems that he was in a freaky location.

Yeah, but I think it's just he was in an area, I think, once you get into the world of explosives and once you the other people who like that danger and like that thing are going to be people who live on the edge of life a little bit. Carol is going to show up to that party eventually.

What I picture is Carol gets out of prison and she's got her bike that's been fucking collecting dust. She's like, I got to get this thing fucking souped up. Maybe I toss a jet engine on it. I was like, I know a guy who puts jet engines on bikes. He goes, She's my buddy Bob. Bob? What's his last name? Laser?

Holy shit. Let me ask you a question. Hey, name's Bob. Just got out, huh?

Yeah, I've been out for a while. For a little while, my name's Carroll.

Yeah, I got to say, Carroll, whatever they did to you in jail, they must have done it right. Yeah, they did.

I got a new hole.

Yeah. You know what I like making? New holes.

Fly from your grave. Now, Bob claims that he spent the years after he got married to Carroll obtaining a master's degree in physics from MIT. But we know that isn't true. What we do know is that Bob and Carroll moved California to Los Alamos, New Mexico, in 1982. So, out of all of the explosives that Bob loved in this world, none were more fascinating than nuclear blasts. As we all know, Los Alamos was where Robert Oppenheimer and the rest of the Manhattan Project constructed the world's first atomic bomb. While Bob may not have earned a degree from MIT, he did, in fact, get a job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico in 1982. He is on record for having worked there for eight months.

We know that that means he had some form of clearance. That already being done, the fact that you got some form of top secret clearance allows other levels of top secret clearance to be easier to get.

Well, I don't know. Did he get top secret clearance? Because not all of these places require top secret clearance.

Well, there's certain things that you're like, but then you find out certain things are you get a certain level of clearance just to be in there.

Civilian clearance.

There's certain things you have to do. There's certain... Well, obviously, it goes all the way up to the I think the way it works is just like, you start on the very bottom level, which is the way he describes it. He does describe it accurately. You hang out. He was like a janitor? Yeah. Well, he was working on... Apparently, he was working on particle accelerators. He was doing the stuff that he said he was doing. He was working in propulsion and that style of stuff. But it would be secret.

Now, Bob claimed that he didn't like working for the federal government because they wasted money and supplies. But ironically, his idea of protesting against this waste was indeed quite wasteful. Bob said that he was a bit of a prankster at Los Alamos. So one day when he was bored, he asked a custodian for several large trash bags. Bob inflated those trash bags with excess helium discharged from a particle accelerator, then tied them off with tape used to seal hazardous materials. The tape read, Danger: Radiation in big, scary letters. Bob then released the helium-filled bags from the top of the hill that the laboratory was on and watched as the bags floated towards the town of Los Alamos, below, a town that was, not surprisingly, quite vigilant when it came to radiation.

I bet Super not into pranks about.

It is subjectively funny.

It's a good prank because eventually, the bags landed and deflated in the parking lot of McDonald's, which caused quite a stir. Police were called and Los Alamos was questioned. But while Bob didn't get into any trouble, I think he may have proved with this story why he only lasted eight months at Los Alamos National Laboratory. It doesn't seem like a place that appreciates a prankster.

I would also like to place attention upon the idea of Bob Lozard as prankster, and that prankster doesn't necessarily mean liar. No. It means somebody that likes to have fun at other people's expense. Bob Lozard is at the very core of him, a prankster. I view this as a Jackass fan. He's a guy that likes to fuck with people. It's a part of his personality.

Yeah, he's the Ufology's Community's Ashton Kutcher.

I'm not good enough. Especially all the prostitutes.

Yeah, now, now, now.

But when those bags landed at McDonald's, that's when they got the idea for Grimmis. Oh, cute.

Oh, I thought Grimmis was a blob of old blood. Not He ate the trash. Oh, no.

The Los Alamos was out in the desert, which only gave Bob more room to test his further experiments in attaching jet engines to normal objects. I assure you, by the way, that all of this is true and is backed by multiple newspaper articles that were written long before Bob became the Area 51 guy. See, while Bob had been living in Southern California, he had installed a full custom-made micro-turbo-jet engine onto his Honda Civic hatchback. I've seen pictures, and it seriously looks like he took one of the funnels from the bottom of a rocket and loaded it into the back of his tiny car. It looks insane. It's dope. It's awesome. Yeah. He even got vanity plates. They said, Jet, you bet. That's cool.

That's not cringy when it's on that.

Also in California, they're very common here.

I'm trying to get a vanity plate, man.

What's yours going to say?

Probably something like, Big dick, thank you. No, it's something like that. I'm too real. No, Natalie doesn't want me to be found. You know everybody's trying to find me. Oh, yeah.

Everyone really cares where you are. Everybody's trying to help me down. The saddest part is when everyone finds you and then doesn't care.

Where they just go like, Where do I know you from?

You know what? You know what? I'm going to make a What's a good vanity license plate for you? Booger boy. Oh, cute. With that OI, Booger boy.

I was going to maybe do... I mean, I got a couple of ideas. All right.

Well, since this was a literal jet-Secred idea.

Cum sucker. Look at your cubsucker.

Look at your cubsucker.

They won't take it. I dropped.

Well, since this is a literal jet engine attached to a Honda Civic, it was, of course, incredibly and obnoxiously loud. Going off of a 2021 study that measured the sound engine comparable to the one Bob had custom made, the jet that Bob affixed to his Honda Civic would have produced at least 120 decibels, which is right around the level that causes physical pain to humans. Hell, yeah, man.

So what was ZZ to top at, man.

128? Yeah, they're fucking their weirds or fucking their hair, man.

Local cops, however, thought that the car was neat, so Bob never got a ticket for noise or for speed. This thing truly worked. Bob had installed fiber glass air scoops on the top and the sides of his Honda Civic to keep it on the ground when he activated the jet engine. That's how powerful it was. It would have lifted itself off the ground. He would have lost total control. That's awesome. It ran on propane and kerosine and only ran for 30 seconds to a minute at a time. But when Bob took it out to the dry Lake beds and got that Honda Civic up to 90 miles an hour, he'd flip the jet engine switch and take it to 200 miles per Man, yes.

Hondas are just built differently. They are.

They are, man. This is why the CRV is a far superior automobile, and the RAV 4 could suck our collective penises.

It's not a good car. A Toyota, if you If you want to send your car into the center of the US government, get a Toyota. That's going to fucking... That thing, you could drive that through so many banks, so many fucking walls.

Really good. That's Since the car was so loud and unique, and I really can't stress enough that it was just a fucking massive conical jet engine shoved into a hatchback, the local newspaper, the Los Alamos Monitor, ran a story on Bob Lazard in his jet car in June of 1982, where all this shit was witnessed and verified. When asked why he made the jet car, Bob said simply, There's no real reason except for going fast. Hell, yeah. While the car did go incredibly fast, I think that this jet car really does show that while Bob might not earned a degree from MIT, he was still a genius who had the chops to work on mysterious technology.

You say that, but I don't think a genius puts a jet engine in a car.

Genieces- That's what a maniac does. Remember, geniuses are all about could it, not should it.

A genius gets someone else to drive it.

You're talking about an executive producer.

The jet car is central to this story, not just because it shows that Bob Lazard has proofable scientific bona fides. This is actually the point in the story when we finally began to turn slightly towards UFOs. See, the day after the article about Bob's car was published, Bob Lazard attended a talk at the Los Alamos facility hosted by Dr. Edward Teller, the father of the hydrogen bomb. According to Bob, he was walking to the lecture when he happened to bump into Dr. Teller. Bob began gushing about Dr. Teller's contributions towards creating one of the most destructive bombs in existence. But Dr. Teller suddenly broke in and said, You're the man with the jet car. I know you. You're the man with the jet car.

Also, you don't know, he's Hungarian. He actually, he would be more like, You're the man with the jet car. He's based... The character Dr. Strangelove.

He's based on Teller? Yes. Wow.

Also, Edward Teller is the guy that came up with the concept of we would use nuclear bombs against hurricanes.

Wow. Yes. He could be a fucking alien himself, man. Why else do you think his initials are E.

T. Fuck A. B. Also, did you know there was a legit plan? This is a real plan that Edward Teller was spearheading, and it almost happened. In 1958, they were trying to create new ways to bring goods and services, new import and exports into Alaska. He had this proposed idea to use six hydrogen bombs to carve out a harbor in Alaska Just blow a hole in Alaska. It's like all coastline already. Yeah, and they were just going to blow it in. They were going to blow in a harbor. Then what they decided is that they did listen to, obviously, everyone was there, all the people that were living there were all like, But this is our home. This is where our ancestrials are, blah, blah, blah. They didn't care because they were like, No one's going to be here anymore. Then they said, But it was the money ran out. The money ran out in 1962. They worked on it for four years, and it almost happened. Wow.

They totally would have just gotten rid of the polarized caps.

They would have thought about it in a more fucking second.

Dude, imagine. But dude, imagine fucking radioactive grizzlies. That would be... That's fucking awesome.

That's very cool. I mean, they are technically in the fall of games. They're called Yau Guai. Really? Yeah, mean fuckers. Well, back at Los Alamos, Dr. Teller had read the article about Bob Lazard. After Bob and Dr. Teller chatted for a few minutes about Bob's personal experiments, the two men went their separate a waste for the time being. Now, I think that Bob left an impression on Dr. Teller as being a man who could not only think laterally, but who was also the type who could shake up a bunch of Ivy League eggheads if they needed shaken up.

He was sick of Ivy League eggheads. He's been dealing them for a long time. And guess what they always told him, Marcus? You're fired. Oh, yeah. They always said no. Oppenheimer said, Oh, you're too concerned with the wanton destruction of humankind. And he said no to him. And then he wanted to blow up Alaska to see what his bombs could do, and they said no to him.

But Bob's never going to say no. Bob's going to say, Let's do it.

How big do is the hole go?

Well, I'm sure Dr. Teller asked Bob about his education as men like him are want to do. That did you study. I would imagine Bob wasn't yet lying about his credentials. That, of course, made his accomplishments all the more impressive. It's very impressive that he learned how to do all this shit from just a few years a community college where he may or may not have even paid attention.

He's essentially self-taught.

Yeah. This, I think, if it is indeed true, is what made Bob Lazard the perfect person to invite to Area 51 to possibly reverse engineer what could have been alien tech. But as we'll see, while Bob's personality made him a DIY genius, his personal life is what held him back. Now, Bob Lazard would have quite the checkered life before he finally landed at Area 51. His timeline is vague, but after his eight months at Los Alamos, Bob left to found a company called Lazard Energy Systems, which was set up to, quote, design, develop, and repair alpha radiation detection systems. Allegedly, Bob had gotten a government contract to work on this in conjunction with the Los Alamos lab because Los Alamos dealt with a lot of plutonium, and plutonium gives off alpha radiation. But Lazard Energy Systems did not pay the bills fully, so Bob and his wife, Carol, also opened up a photo developing business with a storefront in Los Alamos in a more private location, if you know what I mean, operating out of their second home in Las Vegas.

Throw all the big gaper pictures. Oh. That's nice. You spread them open. Yeah. Bob's big hole is on.

Yeah, it's Bob, but the O is just an anus.

And that's his wife.

That's his beautiful wife. Well, the reason why I say... I mean, this isn't known, of course. This is me speculating, but the reason why I think that they may have been developing private pictures in a more private location is because somewhere during all this frenzied business founding, Bob and Carol also financially invested in a brothel in Reno called the Honey Honeysuckle Ranch. The HoneySuckle's tagline, perhaps the best in the business was more honey for the money.

That's why my dad loves Reno.

Yeah, he does, dude. I think your dad met Bob Lazard.

There's a chance. If they needed shelving at the Honeysuckle Ranch, my dad would have sold it to them.

Yeah, where they're going to put all the looby? I do believe that they... Photo developing.

Very alien friendly.

It is, but also photo developing is one of those. We joke about, we said about how Polaroid cameras have seen more murder and rape than any single soldier ever. That's in my mind. Photo developing is a side project for anybody involved in the most twisted shit.

Well, I mean, it's... Bob Lozard could, if he is indeed involved with some shady people, it does pay to have a guy. Of course. I got a guy like, Oh, man, I can never get these photos developed. I got a guy. He'll do it for you.

Those old girly papers that you used to get, right? Because they used to be what you'd see in Twin Peaks. Yeah, flash world. Yeah, there was stuff like that where they'd have girl pictures in there. I imagine if you're a girl's manager, that's a nice way to say pimp. If you're her manager, what you do is you'd probably want to get her some good 8 by 10s, you'd probably want to get her in some lingerie, and then you're going to want to do that all on your own, right? I don't know that from experience. You worked at a photo lab.

I did.

You worked at a photo lab for years, right? I did, yeah.

You see a lot of naddies?

Well, we've talked about this many times. We've talked about the old lady in the red hat on the toilet. We've talked about... But my favorite was the lady that had her open vagina, and she wrote all around it, Wish you were here for her boyfriend.

Was she the one that handed it to you? Just a big smile.

I thought, I'll take it on Tuesday.

Get one for yourself.

I was just like, No, thank you. This is a bit advanced for me.

Now, the Honesuckle Ranch had already been open for 30 years by the time Bob and Carol got involved. Bob claimed that he bought it outright for $1 million and left Carroll in charge of the day-to-day operations. Definitely. It does, however, seem like the more likely scenario was that Bob and Carroll were merely investors in the HoneySuckle Ranch, and they used the Honeysuckle as his passive income.

They were angel donateors. Yes.

Hells angel donateors. Yeah.

Sadly, though, Bob hit a big rough patch in 1986. His wife, Carol, who was, as I said, 17 years older than Bob, she'd been hiding a pancreatic cancer diagnosis from Bob for months. So rather than wait for the cancer to take her, Carol took matters into her own hands in April of 1986. While Bob was out running errands one day, Carol pulled their car into the garage of their Los Alamos home, closed the door, and slowly died from carbon monoxide poisoning. The story, however, is a little more complicated than Bob makes it out to be when you compare all the government records surrounding it. See, Bob implies that Carol knew that she was going to die, and therefore propped up an employee at their Los Alamos photo processing lab named Tracy Merck as Bob's new wife.

Oh, wow. That's so nice of her.

Yeah, you see it all the time in Grey's Anatomy. A wife is dying, and they're setting up like, Oh, don't. I want you to promise me that you're not going to live alone. Promise me you'll fight love again.

I just feel like, When I'm dying, Natalie He's not even touching anybody. Yeah. She's not touching anybody. No one finds love again.

Yeah. My last act in a lot of life is just going to be adopting like $20.

You'll be stuck at home forever. Now you'll never find love. Well, Bob claimed that after Carol died, he allowed some time to pass before he did indeed marry Tracey Merck. There is, however, a marriage certificate between Bob Lazard and Tracy Ann Merck recorded at the We've Only Just Begun Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas. That marriage certificate is dated April 19, 1986. Carol's death certificate, meanwhile, dates her death three days after Bob's wedding to Tracey, which means that this might have been an embarrassing or, admittedly, Extremely complicated chapter of Bob's life that he might have wanted to paper over a little bit.

Murky waters indeed.

Carole Lazzar, honestly, that's a fucking real man right there. What? Carole Lazzar is a real fucking dude, dude. What are you talking about? Killed a Hell's Angel, robbed a bunch of people.

She killed with a Hell's Angel.

Ranned a brothel, fucked her life, fucked for her life, right? Then fucking a real man gutded cancer, didn't tell a goddamn soul, and then offed herself. That's fucking awesome. That's what dudes do, man. It's hard for a person to do, man.

Sure. Half of that shit didn't happen, but fine.

She got that shit, dude. She took cancer, and she's like, Yeah, I'm a cancer sick of me.

Does anyone think that Bob killed her? No.

Okay. No, no, no. There's no suspicion whatsoever under Bob. There's nothing crazy here. It just seems like the story was probably very, very Very complicated. It sounds like- And then life was very, very complicated.

Yes, it's more like, did she commit suicide and then he ran off with this check, or was he already, while his wife was sick, was he setting up a cheating thing with another woman, and then Did he marry her? Kind of like, Oh, I thought we were separated. Then she committed suicide? We don't know.

Yeah, we really don't know. It's just the dates between the suicide and the marriage, they don't line up with what Bob says they are.

I think it's complicated. I could say if she found wedding certificate, that might lead her to doing something harsh.

She would be angry. I'm just surprised she didn't kill him. She was lucky she didn't shoot him in the fucking head.

Well, if that's indeed how it happened. There might also have been some agreement between all of them. There might have been somewhere where Carol was like, Go, go be happy, go do it. I'm not going to last too much longer anyway. We don't know.

Did Joe Rogan ask?

He said, literally, he's the worst interviewer who's ever fucking lived.

She This fucking Christ.

Not to be anything. I've seen other- I like his other episode.

I'll be fucking everything. Like, what the fuck? How did this happen? I don't know. How did this happen?

You just got to sit. We've always worked too hard.

We just always work too hard. Now, interestingly, while Tracy Merck was not a criminal on Carol's level, she was still indeed a convicted criminal. Bob, it seems, had a type. As for Tracy's crimes, she'd been working at the Los Alamos National Bank when one of her coworkers turned her on to a scam where they'd forge withdrawal slips to steal money from wealthy clients who didn't pay close attention to their accounts.

Because the thing about rich people, they never look at their money.

No, never, never, never. Closer than you could ever...

That is a... Never listen to a teller tell you that. Ever.

Tracy then brought in two friends to help, a guy named Perry Handy and another gentleman who is known only by the name of Zoom. What this little forgery ring didn't know, however, was that the bank employee who'd introduced Tracey to the scam was actually an undercover agent investigating theft at the bank. Isn't that a trapment? Yeah, but they do it anyway. They do it all the time. They do it. They did it. So many guys are- She wouldn't have committed the crime if they didn't present it to her. Hey, fucking tell it to 9/11. There's so many guys- Hey, 9/11. I saw what you did.

You knew that they were going to pick it in planes and fly me to the door. You're welcome. You said nothing.

Yeah. And aren't you for the oil. Rath 4 cucks.

Oh, my God. It's so funny. Everyone is like, Gas is cheaper lately.

They say, Yeah, we just stole Venezuela.

It better be cheaper. We're We are a country of fucking criminals. We are a country of fucking criminals. You did this to us. What I mean to say is that after 9/11, the FBI and the CIA entrapped so many guys who never would have even come close to planning anything. They convinced guys to involve themselves in plots just so they can get more Russ.

Yeah. One of my big conspiracy theories is that that left wing, whatever terror attack they, quote, unquote, stopped in Los Angeles was exactly that. They had propped them up.

The turtle island or whatever.

Yes, they had propped him. They had set him up. They had propped him up. They had arrested them just to say, Look, left wing guys are doing it, too. Sure.

Well, Tracy was, of course, fired and arrested for forgery in December of 1985. But Perry Andy apparently knew Bob and Carol Lazzar before Carol died. Carol, you see, had never quite kicked the speed, so her life always had a bit of shade to it as a result. Since Bob and Carol were very much second-chance types, they gave Tracy Merck a job at Lazzar's PhotoLab. Within just four months, Carol was dead and Bob and Tracy were married. Although, as I said, I don't believe that anything nefarious went down. Rather, I think that these are all just the inner workings of the personal lives of shady people who all live their lives like their side characters in a James Crumly white trash noir novel. It's fucking insanely interesting, but it is filthy.

Yeah, murky lasers indeed.

Stop interrupting me. It's me. Zoom. Let's do it slow talking more. Where you going with the withdrawal slips? Hey, Perry. Hey, I think we're going to get busted. It's me, slow talking Morris.

In early 1989, Bob Lazard apparently decided it was time to get back into the super science game. So he became involved with a defense contractor with the typically innocuous name of EGNG. Egng actually had a long history of working on various nuclear weapons projects, but by the late '80s, they had a contract with the Atomic Energy Commission for various weapons development projects taking place in Nevada. Now, this is just speculation, but it seems like Bob's encounter with Dr. Teller concerning Bob's jet car a few years earlier, seems like that's a part of what got Bob's application picked up when Bob began sending resumes around to various contractors in the late '80s. Bob had his first interview with EG&G in January of 1989, where he met a military official named named Dennis Mariani. Dennis would go on to act as a government chaperone and intermediary for Bob as Bob navigated the world of extraterrestrial technology and everything that supposedly came with it. Now, Bob thought that the first interview did not go well, but when they brought him back for a second time, EG and G allegedly told him that he was actually overqualified for the position for which he'd applied.

That's amazing. Yeah.

I've always been holding out for management.

Instead, EG and G thought that Bob would be a good fit as a senior physicist in what they called the Special Projects Division. Now, Bob, of course, jumped at the chance because in his words, EG and G had a long and successful track record working with the biggest of banks, nuclear weapons. And so Bob took the job and was eventually told to show up at McCarron Airport in Las Vegas, where a plane would take him to EG&G's Nevada test site. This flight to Nevada is what's known as a Janet flight, which is the unofficial name for classified and unmarked passenger aircraft operating for the US Air Force. Locals near EG&G's Nevada test site joked that Janet stood for just another nonexistent terminal, J-A-N-E-T, because the government routinely denied that the site even existed, even though planes were constantly landing and taking off.

If you're flying in and out of Vegas, you know this does exist, and you see them. They are planes. They are white planes with no numbers on them. They have an orange line traced around their middle, and they don't have any demarcations on them. When normally, you see... It's amazing. If you land early enough in Vegas and you see them loading those planes, it's like the maids and the people working at the commissary, and there's all these people. You see this line of little old ladies lining up to go up onto these flights to take them into all of these top secret fucking areas where they're the janitors and the people that work at the food court, and they're the people that do all the stuff that it's not. They have to have top secret clearance, but they don't see any of the stuff.

I just had an epiphany. This is why Henry likes Vegas. It's because of all the stupid alien shit that's happening all around it.

I love that Vegas, everything has its price. I love that they don't lie about it.

When Bob arrived to McCaren Airport for that first Janet flight, he was met by Dennis Mariani, who told Bob that they were going to be landing at a location that has been known by many names over the They've called it the Skunk Works, Watertown, Paradise Ranch, Dreamland, and Groom Lake. But to the public, this location will always be known as Area 51.

Fuck it, dude. It's a folk shit, dude. But guess what, man? I still think the princess was in another castle.

You don't think there was the UFOs there?

Ufos are Los Alamos.

You think the UFOs are where all the radiation was? Yeah. That seems like a It's a horrible idea.

It was already built to be secret. Los Alamos makes sense only just because it was a literal city built to hide secrets. It actually makes sense that you could hide bigger objects inside of Los Alamos.

But doesn't Area 51 go down like half a mile?

We don't know.

I thought we do know.

We don't know.

Not really. No, you're just thinking of Independence Day. Oh, okay. That's what you'd see. That's what it does. That's what the Independence Day does is that it takes that idea of Area 51. Now, in your mind, that's what Area 51 is. Steven Spielberg was a plant.

Well, I mean, Steven Spielberg had nothing to do with area, with independent say, Roland Emmerich, who should be on a list. That man has blown up the White House more times than our current president. We like it.

As a country, we like it.

The Area 51 was a known quantity in the 1980s to certain types of enthusiasts like Bob Lazard, because Bob did naturally have an interest in UFOs. The guy was a fucking Star Trek nerd who built his own rockets. Of course, he knew about Area 51. Bob did, however, say that he spoiled Dennis' fawn by acting unsurprised when Dennis told Bob where they were going that day, because Dennis was apparently expecting Bob to freak out a little bit when he said, Hey, we're going to Area 51. Yeah, of course.

It's like saying your kids were going to Disneyland. Yeah.

He thought it was the beginning of Jurassic Park, but no one gave a fuck. Like, Oh, I've seen dinosaurs.

He's like, Yeah, can't wait. Yeah, fuck you. Which one's can I fuck? Which one's got tits?

Yeah, it's just a big ass zoo.

Which one makes cocktails?

To give you a brief history of how Area 51 came to be what it is today, the site was built in 1955. As opposed to the permanently top secret facility it's often billed as, the construction of Area 51 was fully announced by the Atomic Energy Commission. They even sent out press releases. Publically, the government and the Air Force claimed the Area 51 was the site of a bunch of high altitude weather tests. It's their go-to. The real purpose of Area 51, however, was the most classified program of the era. This was where the military built the U-2 spy plane, which was one of the most effective tools the United States had to spy on the Ruskies during the Cold War. My uncle actually flew U-2s in the '80s and '90s and had quite a bit of fun playing with my emotions throughout the 1990s after I found out that the U-2 was developed at Area 51. I asked him about it, and he would say, All will be revealed in March.

See, these guys are all like this.

Yeah, they're all like that. They all do that. Yeah, he would play with me.

I imagine he would have said, I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

That's what we have found looking for. Actually, that's more of a statement leading towards us finding practical empirical evidence of UFOs. In that way, Bono was correct. Yes, we still have not found what we're looking for, but it will be a bloody Sunday when we do.

But concerning Bob Lazard, the U2 angle actually supports his story. It makes sense that EG&G had business at Area 51. Eg&g was the company that hired Bob Lazard. Eg&g had, in fact, supported the development of stealth technologies for Lockheed Martin. They're in the business.

I will have a little bit of a tale for you towards the end of the episode that will also point why it actually makes sense that he would be at Area 51.

I also heard people, obviously, I don't know what to believe, but I've heard a lot of people say that Lockheed Martin's got a fucking craft.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Believe nothing and everything. That's fucking cool. It's all eyes. In the UFO world, Area 51 became a part of the narrative in the 1970s, when UFO researchers obtained documents that may or may not have been a part of a massive disinformation campaign. These were known as the Majestic 12 documents, and they supposedly detailed the inner workings of an organization that recovered crashed alien crafts.

Back in the day, they believed that there was the most secret of secret clearances you could get was called Majestic. It went all the way up to, was it George H. Bush's Senior's grandfather, Vanover Bush?

Vanover Bush? Vanover Bush.

Oh, pre-Preston. Yeah, pre-Preston. These guys were a part of this idea that President Eisenhower knew that we were going to have this essentially agreement with aliens, where we're going to give them a certain amount of human beings so they could experiment on in exchange for technology. The Majestic were the people that were dealing with the alien/as a part of a super secret crash retrieval program, which is then people are saying that Majestic actually never went after crashed UFOs, that those UFOs were actually given by alien entities and alien intelligences for them to work with. Stanton Friedmann, our favorite bigbellied ufologist- Rest in peace. Rest in peace. This was his war. This is what he brought out. But it It really seems that it was a bunch of disinformation. Then now we know that what they did was it's not really the discredit. I'm starting to find out other things, too.

It's more like muddy in the waters, murky in.

You know what I also say? I'm starting to realize, too. It's not just to confuse. It is to see where information goes from point A to Z.

Sure. That is very helpful to know.

They put markers in the information. What they'll do is say something. There are specific words. The Majestic papers were probably a series of planted pieces of information to see how far they'd go out, to basically see how secure are we?

Yeah, and to also see how does fringe information spread. Who Which is it? Who does it spread through? How fast does it spread? What does it affect?

What does it affect? Does it make people go crazy? Then there's two reasons why they do this. Is it because it's all true and they're trying to see how we'll react when we find out that there's an alien race that can control our whole reality and it's way past us, right? Or just the other way of how can we use extreme lies to change people's brains?

Yeah, because if it's a lie, it doesn't matter if it really spreads because it's not true. Exactly.

Yeah. But what does matter is studying how it spreads and how far it spreads.

Who fucking... Yeah, who was the leak? Yeah.

Who gave it out? Yeah. There's a lot of different explanations for Majestic 12 might actually be, but it's definitely not real.

It's not real in this way. That's what I will always come back to, and I'll do this at the end of the episode. I have a whole rundown.

Yeah, it does not... Let's just say the Majestic 12 documents do not tell the truth. We'll say that. Now, even though Majestic 12 is probably disinformation, it is a fact that the Air Force seized 90,000 acres of land around Groom Lake in 1984, expanding Area Area 51. Armed guards began patrolling Area 51 around the same time, and local ranchers were told to stay out or risk being shot and killed. This, allegedly, was the environment Bob arrived into when his first Janet flight landed at Area 51 in 1989. That's so much fun. Now, I don't want to use the word allegedly dozens of times here. From here on out, I'm just going to tell the story as Bob tells it. Allegedly.

Just put a full... Put it and allegedly over this episode. Yeah.

Now, according to Bob, when he and Dennis landed at Area 51, they were loaded into a navy Blue school bus that took them to an office complex tucked into a mountain. This complex, Bob would later learn, was known as Area S4, and it would be here at S4 that Bob would claim to work on alien technology. Now, Bob pedantically maintains that he technically didn't work at Area 51 because while S4 is within the Area 51 compound, Area S4 is actually 15 miles south of what would be officially considered official, real Area 51. You're not helping, Bob.

It does make it sound more real, though.

It does. It does. But even so, Area S4 was suitably creepy. Completely devoid of any signs of human life, like plants or photos on desks, Bob said that the only operation in the entire S4 office was a picture of a saucer UFO with a caption ominously saying, They're here.

I imagine it was over a doorway and they all slapped it as they went by.

These guys, you These guys are all just so it's like, God knows what's real and what's not real.

God knows. Yeah. Now, Bob's first day at S4 was spent doing paperwork for his hopeful security clearance. Majestic, which he mentioned. Majestic clearance was 22 levels higher than what any civilian was supposed to be able to get. That's cue clearance. But Bob was still annoyed at the whole process. He called it a pain in the ass and felt that the people in the room who were giving him these insane privileges were too self-important and arrogant. He he made jokes during the process to knock him down a peg and amuse himself, but he only gave one example of one of his jokes. He said that when Dennis took his photo for his ID card, Bob said, What?

No say cheese.

You're I'm tired.

Who's going to shoot him in the head? You know what I mean? No one ever knew you were here.

Well, Bob's just like, he refused to react. He's like, no, he didn't refuse to react. It's an extreme serious. You're not taking this seriously.

The joke's not that great.

It's That's a bad joke. Bob's inability to take any of this seriously might be part of the reason why he never actually received Majestic Security Clarence, if Majestic Security Clarence is even a fucking thing. We don't think it is. He did, however, earn himself quite a bit of surveillance because apparently, one does have to prove themselves just a bit if they want to be included on projects of this magnitude. Doesn't matter if it is alien tech or not, you're still in one of the most secure locations in the world.

Yeah, you're still on a job that I'm literally some of the biggest geniuses on the face of the planet would kill to be at. You are just given this.

You can't have a big mouth and be a cop. Much less working on alien technology.

It's hard.

It's hard.

Now, even though Bob says he never got Majestic clearance, he was still taken to a small office shortly after being hired so he could read through a stack of files. Dennis wanted Bob to get caught up as quickly as possible on his assignment. That assignment was Project Galileo. From what Bob said, Project Galileo was tasked with reverse engineering a propulsion system from an extraterrestrial craft in the hopes that they could duplicate the technology using materials found on Earth. Bob believed they'd been trying to do this for a file, and that Bob was brought in as a pair of fresh eyes. Bob also came across a recent file that contained a vague description of an accidental explosion that had occurred while scientists had been trying to dismantle an extraterrestrial propulsion system. Bob believed that someone had tried cutting through one of the alien reactors with a plasma cutter and had died in the process. Bob also suspected that he had been hired to replace the person who had been killed in this accident.

Yeah, there was like an outline of a man fried on the wall. Yeah, it's awful. They were like, This is your seat.

Just so you know, it's still a little warm. That's like one of those things that makes inner sense, though. Of course, then you'd use a nobody to replace the guy that you just killed. You can't be wasting all these officially accredited scientists that people would be looking for. They'd be like, Oh, so they stole the most powerful... You remember we talked about it? It's in when we did the whole... When We did Oppenheimer. When the Manhattan Project, remember, that was a part of the issue was that they were having problems with the Nazis understanding that people were leaving certain educational positions to go work at Los Alamos. You could If using reverse counter espionage, you can see, Oh, they're working on something if there's a brain drain from all these big places. It's great. Yeah, use this fucking local loser. Let him explore.

Yeah. I mean, you don't want to use the guy who might actually come up with the weapon that could win the Cold War. The guy who's working on the Star Wars defensive system, which is that's what Bob always wanted to work on. He always wanted to work on Star Wars.

That was Edward Teller's thing. Yeah.

But that's the thing is that you're going to have your Yale guys, your Princeton guys working on Bob Lazard. The guy who's working on the project in which he might blow up at any second, you send the jet car guy for that one.

Bob's an auto mechanic. He's not a designer.

Yeah. Yeah. Right from York Way. Now, Bob was not explicitly told that he was working on alien tech. He did note the use of the term extraterrestrial while perusing the files, but Bob presumed that it simply referred to something beyond his security clearance. That opinion, however, changed when Bob learned about the compartmentalized divisions working on the alien tech. While Bob had been assigned to Propulsion, he learned that there were other teams working on other aspects of the technology, although these teams were not allowed to work together, share information, or even communicate with one another. As far as the other divisions went, Project Looking Glass was tasked with dealing with the materials the alien craft was made of, while Project Sidekick was looking into the weaponry.

Well, Project Looking Glass was also the... That That was what brought us the chronometer at some point, not the chronometer. Oh, really? Yeah, Project Looking Glass. That was one of the big things.

That means that...

One of the big results of the chronoviser.

Okay, so Enrico Fermi and Werner von Braun were also involved in Project Looking Glass?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. They were in charge. Then project Looking Glass. The problem is that they were looking into the future and all the elites, what they would discover is that they couldn't control the future, but they could use this Looking Glass technology to test what would happen depending on certain choices in the future. Eventually, the elites were getting frustrated because they couldn't get past how emotionally evolved we all would come in 2012.

Yeah, you remember that? In 2012, when we all became emotionally involved and everything got better.

We just did the world chant, and we became a utopia.

It just kept getting better and better every year after that.

I was such a better person back then.

No, I'm saying no. You remember the utopia that we're in now, the free energy world that we're in. The elites got so frustrated that they couldn't stop us from going woke that they canceled the project.

Looking Glass also figured out that Brandy was a fine girl.

She was.

What a good wife she would be.

Unfortunately, Project Looking Glass was married to the sea. Yes.

And she only had just Brandy.

I just realized that whole song, she's about a big old whore. Hey.

No, it's not. Not at all. She's friendly. What's wrong with you? Jesus. My God.

Good God, he smirch you.

Is this going to be as upset as people got when I I wanted to put Finn Wolfard on my death pool? You did. You did. Yeah, but I chose the other guy. I chose the Pope.

Okay. Okay. Well, this is far more upsetting.

Brandy is a fine... She's fine.

I'm joking.

I'm joking. She's a beautiful woman. I'm certain she was fine.

What blew the lid open for Bob Lazard was when he was looking through the stack of folders and came upon one simply titled biology.

I love cock pictures.

A one, a two, a three.

How many licks to get to the center?

A one, a two. Just took the one.

Now, Bob fully acknowledges that he had not met the clearance requirements at all to see the materials contained within the biology folder. If this folder did indeed exist, it might have been given to Bob by accident. It's the only way it could have gotten there. See, within this folder, allegedly, were two... I know I wasn't going to say it, but I think it's important here to say allegedly. Allegedly. Two black and white photos of a humanoid torso with the head and limbs cropped out of the frame. The torso had a T-shaped incision like one might see in an autopsy, and the gray-white skin of the creature was pulled back to display a, quote, undifferentiated mass of tissue. That did not resemble human organs. Bob also claimed that there were handwritten notes on the photos in which previous viewers had expressed astonishment at how the mass of fleshy materials had served as this being's innards.

Wow, the cow are we going to fuck it? Find the pussy in this, Johnson. Wow. How will it eat Takis? I don't know how we'll ship it new Doritos. We will have to find a way for it to eat food. Wow.

The kicker, though, was a further note saying that the alien craft that had brought these beings to Earth had originated from a planet in the Zeta reticulized star system some 39 light years from Earth. That guy, I mean- This story got very clear over the years. The moment the words, I know Zeta reticulize exists. It is a star system that does exist. But the moment you bring up the words zeta reticuli, there is a massive segment of the population Which we're out. They're gone. They're done. They're done. As soon as they hear the words zeta reticuli.

What if this was him getting a part of the Majestic 12? What if this was the misinformation handed to him to see if he would give it out to other people and thus taking him out of the running as someone who could be helpful.

You're starting to get it, Edward. You're starting to get it.

Well, think about this. Imagine, again, we're always going to say it, from the world of this is totally real. You have a UFO in a hangar, you don't know what it is. Let's say what you've done now is that's mysterious and just easy enough as it is. But just saying we have some mysterious new craft, that's a way that could be flipped a bunch of different ways. So you Xeno him. Because he knew the motherfucker. You hand him a bunch of fake information and say, Now, what do you do? Now, okay, so we told you all about it. It's all aliens. Yeah, this is all aliens. Definitely not stuff we've made. Definitely nothing we stole from Russia. It's all aliens.

Now, once Bob was done reading the files, he was introduced to his lab partner, Barry Castillo. Batting forth for the Los Alamos portrait.

I am the doctor, noone. I am absolutely thrilled to be here at Area 51. Thank you very much to the people, the manager at Area 51, my small country. Allow me to play here.

I want to say hello to all of my friends in San Juan. Barry Castillo more or less told Bob, Yeah, you're here to replace the guy who got killed fucking around with the alien reactor. But in the end, Bob says that he and Barry bonded because... Wow, I didn't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't...

It's all in there.

Yeah.

We're standing on the shoulders of San Francisco Giants.

It's a mess.

He and Barry bonded because neither one of them were military. Once introductions were made, Barry showed Bob the technology that they were supposed to reverse engineer. They threw him in the deep end day one. Basically, the mechanism that they were working on had two parts, an emitter and a reactor. The emitter was a pewter-colored cylinder about the size of a garbage can, totally smooth with no seams or bolts. The object they the reactor was also pewter-colored, but it was more of a half sphere about the size of a basketball sitting on a plate. Sitting on top of that sphere was a smaller sphere that could be removed like a cap. To demonstrate what the object could do, Barry removed the cap and placed a small, copper-colored, triangle-shaped disk under the smaller sphere, then put the cap back on. Barry then turned on the reactor and told Bob to try to walk towards it. Bob was surprised to find that he couldn't even approach the object because an unseen force was pushing him away, as if he and the reactor were two magnets of the same pole. This, Barry explained, was the whole function of the reactor.

Basically, the reactor produced antigravity. It pushed itself away from any object that approached it. This technology could be harnessed to produce a gravity well in which a spaceship uses the power of gravity to pull itself through space rather than how we do it, which is pushing the craft forward with rockets.

Yeah, the analogy he used was if you have a bunch of billiard balls on a bed and then you throw a bowling ball in the center of it, all the billiard balls will go towards the bowling ball. I'm the bowling ball. You're the bowling ball.

But he's a billiard ball.

I'm the guy pissing on the bed. The idea is that you create a hole in gravity, so it's like falling. You're creating an artificial scenario where the UFO is falling rolling at the speed of gravity. But then because gravity is an entirely different force, it also creates a reality bending atmosphere around the object that bends light, which means why you can't see it half the time, and also why it has that weird wobble. It's because you're looking at a thing that's... We can't, literally, we can't see it. Light is not getting through the thing around it.

Well, basically, the idea with the bowling ball is that if you drop a bowling ball on a mattress and you push on another point in the mattress, then the bowling ball is going to roll towards that point. The point that you're pushing down, that's the gravity well itself. Basically, the gravity well, you create a point in which the object is constantly being pulled towards it at incredible speeds. That's supposedly how this technology, this alien technology, worked.

That is how the gravity is essentially fuel.

Yes, exactly. Now, Bob claims that on his second night at area S4, his military handler, Dennis, took him to a hangar to give Bob a better idea of how all this fit together. In that hangar, Bob saw several cylindrical UFOs, but these all had American flags on the fuselages.

Dude, I always thought that's how Game of Thrones should have ended. Just a bunch of fucking flying saucers with American flags. And then everybody just comes out with fucking AR-15s.

Oh, my fucking God, dude. That's exactly how that should end. It's all of a sudden She's like, Ted Cruise with all these robot soldiers just being like, Sorry, guys, I just brought hate to Westeros.

You all got butter here? Yeah, butter. My daughter loves butter.

The weather's bad. I got to get on a plane.

When Bob walked close enough to the cylindrical UFOs to touch them, a security guard yelled at him to step away. Now, even though Bob's access was limited, this was ground-breaking stuff if they could figure out how to make it work. It was Bob's job to figure out how both the emitter and the reactor function so a different team could replicate it for the American military. Reportedly, they were racing against the Reds who were trying to do the same thing with the UFOs that they had supposedly recovered.

How many times? We were always in competition with others. Pay attention yourself.

It's not the American way. Not in the 20th century, my friend. I know. We're in the 21st century. Find your... Well, 26 years into the 21st century. That's cool. Yeah.

Yeah, man, I love the future.

I'm old as fuck.

Yeah, you are.

No.

You're sick, too. Just by looking at you, I can tell.

Well, to start the project, Bob and Barry figured that they'd first try to figure out what the triangle-shaped disks were made of, because those were obviously the reactor's fuel source. If you figure out what fuels these things, then that's your first step towards reverse engineer. Now, Bob took some the triangle but could not identify the material as any known Earth element. He even said he sent it to Los Alamos Labs. They couldn't identify it either. So Bob named it Element 115, because at the time, there were only 113 elements on the periodic table. Since the 1980s, elements 114 through 118 have been synthesized using particle accelerators. Element 115 is now known as Moscovium. Bob, however, is pretty attached to referring to his element, the one taken from the disk, as element 115. So he more or less ignores the existence of Moscovium altogether.

I looked up Moscovian because I never heard of it, and it said it's useless. So I agree with Bob.

We don't know what it's supposed to. It's just there because we can construct it. The periodic table is elements that can hold together stably. Certain areas of certain areas of... Certain very, very base elements can do it. We know that we can make it for parts of a second, it can hold together.

It's extraordinarily radioactive.

What he's trying to say, which is there's no scientific basis for, is that there's something specifically special about element 115, that when it breaks down into element 116, it admits a gravity-like aura, which no other thing does.

Now, after two months at area S4, Bob and his lab partner, and Barry had made no progress whatsoever on their assignment. So they talked to Dennis to see if they could get some information on the other projects, like Looking Glass or Sidekick. Dennis did not fulfill their request, but he did take Bob and Barry to investigate an actual flying saucer held in an Area 51 hangar a few days later, which is arguably far better than what they asked for. Now, according to Bob, the craft they were allowed to inspect was plain and smooth all over, as if it was made from a mold. Bob was even allowed inside, but he said that the ceiling was too low for him to stand up straight, and the chairs were obviously made for beings that were much smaller than the average human. Bob also didn't see any seatbelts, restraints, switches, dials, or displays. But Bob also said that he was only allowed to see two of the craft's three levels.

All I know is if the aliens were tiny and hairless and in these things, I think I'm looking at Ariana Grande, Cynthia Reva.

One is tiny and what is hairless. Brilliant.

They are aliens. Yes. It's Cynthia Reva. It's the two of them. They scare me.

Jeff Goldblum, too. I'm not putting it past him. No. No.

They weren't men in Black territory.

Now, Bob was, of course, not allowed to share the nature of his work with his wife, Tracy, during the three to four months that Bob was working at Area 51. But because Bob could not talk about it, tensions began building in their marriage, and Bob was experiencing tensions of his own. Because Bob still hadn't gotten Majestic clearance, he was never promoted from part-time to full-time at Area S4, so he still had to run the photo lab with Tracy the whole time he was working on this project. This, again, is a very human detail that I think gives the story more credence.

It is true. A lot of these guys, they don't make a lot of money. Yeah.

But adding to the stress was the fact that a few weeks after Bob started working at Area S4, Tracy began complaining that there was a couple of men parking their car just a few hundred feet from their house, and they were obviously surveilling Bob and his property. Then, to add even more stress, Bob claims that his military contact, Dennis, handed him a 22 pistol one day out of nowhere and told him that a new directive had been issued for all employees to carry guns when they're off-site. Now, I don't believe that that part actually happened.

He shouldn't juice it.

I think Bob's insecurities aren't just in the academic realm. I think Bob likes to present himself as a bit of a tough guy, and he definitely likes his story to have a espionage flavor.

Why would he pick a 22?

It's a spy gun. It's small. It's compact.

It's little bolts. We shoot a guy in the back of his head with it. It bings around the side of his head, smashes his brain. Sorry, it's my Blue Heaven.

Yeah, of course. No, no, no. That's not my favorite. Well, I think it is. That's the thing. At times, his choices are hacky. Of course. Especially when you get to the Dennis stuff, as we're going to get into later. There's some stuff that is, like I said, it rings so true that it reminds me of a great novelist. Then there are other times when it is the hackiest fucking shit that I have ever heard in my life that is obviously Bob making something up. Now, because Bob was supposedly told that he needed to carry a gun, he said he refused the 22 because he already owned a 44 Magnum and an Uzi. It's fine. To make it all legal, Bob said that he contacted a friend of his about getting his gun registered for work. That's how a man named Jean Huff comes into the story.

Oh, Jean Huff, man. Jean Huff.

Yeah, that's a guy. That's a name that eats pussy.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think he let Bob do the pussy eating for him.

We were talking about this. We took a break, and I was saying that Bob Lazard does have classic pussy eating mouth. He does.

He's a sexy guy.

Yeah. Well, Jean Huff was a real estate appraiser who'd known Bob since 1984, when the two met after Bob started developing photos of homes for Jean. Eventually, the two men discovered that they both loved explosions and pyrotechnics. In fact, Bob had actually put together a gathering of explosives enthusiasts in the Nevada Desert in 1987 and called the whole thing Desert Blast. Cool. Jean Huff had obviously participated. Now, through Jean Huff, Bob was introduced to another UFO legend, completely by coincidence. See, Jean Huff was acting as an appraiser for the son of the guy who had founded Learjet. This heir to the Learjet fortune was UFO mainstay, John Lear.

The inventor of the spy tractor.

Well, he was the... He was this- Very funny. He was the son of the guy that did the Lear jet. He's the magnate, the guy that ran the Lear jet. This guy, John Lear, is another one of those very difficult to pin down whistleblowers. He is the guy that is the whistleblower for the US government has a tacit agreement with aliens. He was the one that said President Eisenhower but did a fake dentist appointment in Florida to have a meeting with Alien Grays in order to carve up society. Then he also is the guy that says John Lear, very deep in a Majestic Twelf.

Is it called the Gator Treaty?

Yeah, the Gator Treaty. The thing about him is that another weird spook guy. He was a full CIA pilot for a long time, so he was full deep in the intelligence services. And then he came out of it all being like, I've seen aliens. I've worked with aliens, and I did all this stuff. And then, I mean, he's just another super cryptic weirdo deep inside of all this, and we have no idea what... Because if you connect him to Richard Doty and Paul Benowitz, Paul Benowitz ended up going into a mental asylum because of disinformation. Literally, this information destroys lives. It gets real muddy in there.

Also, Truman Air Force base, Key West. There's Key West, great place to hide shit. No one's down there.

That's true.

It's cats.

Lots of toes on those cats. How do they have so many toes? Maybe they're from Zeta Reticuli, Rtokelii.

I I don't believe you anymore. Now I don't believe you. You've lost me, sir. I don't believe you, sir.

He's lost you, but he's found me. Wow.

A little bit of a camp. That was before... Netflix has been asking us to do a little market research on listening for cats. Pets.

Now, since Jean Huff was a UFO enthusiast, John Lear negotiated an exchange of UFO videos and other materials for Jean's real estate appraisal services in lieu of actual payment, in lieu of cash. And so Bob, Jean, and John formed a bit of a UFO group. Although Bob says that John Lear did not have a bullshit detector, meaning that John would believe anything. Now, the increased surveillance was starting to get to Bob after a few months working on and off at area S4. Since he was still just part-time, Bob only came in when he was called, but it seems like the surveillance was nonstop. After being followed around for months, Bob said he came out of the gym one day to find that while the doors on his Dotson 280z were fully open, and those are the doors that go up, not the doors that go up, not the doors that go out, they go up. His possessions were still in his car. Bob believe that this was a show of power, that they, the all-knowing they, were proving that they could do anything they wanted but simply chose not to.

I don't disagree necessarily.

Yeah, maybe they just didn't want the 38 Specialist cassette tape.

Maybe they didn't need all the pictures of Carroll's Bush development. They didn't need all the various pictures of him and Jean Huff, Eiffel towering some weird sex worker while John Lear was in the back on. They don't need any of that. Maybe they were like, This is gross.

Oh, thank God. I can't make it through Wednesday morning without, Hang on loosely.

I can't make it.

I just can't make it through. I'm so happy.

They took my fucking credence take.

(laughter) And so, Bob started thinking that because of what he knew and what he had seen, that it was very possible that he could wind up in the Nevada desert with a bullet in his head and a fabricated suicide note left at home if he wasn't careful. He then, of course, spent the next few weeks being incredibly reckless. See, after a few months, Bob got the feeling that his time at S4 was coming to an end. He wasn't getting called in anymore, and he only received one paycheck the whole time he'd been there for a little under $1,000, which also rings true. Contractors out there, people who work with contractors, and people who are freelancers, you know how hard it is to get paid. Yes. In Bob's mind, because things were winding down, he figured he might as well show his friends all of the UFO test flights that happened every Wednesday night at around 8: 00 PM out in the Nevada Desert. Bob began bringing his wife, Tracy, and his UFO buddies, Jean Huff and John Lear, out to a location called The Box, which is very much just a black mailbox on a stretcher road that is now cheekily called the extraterrestrial Highway.

The Box is actually just a mailbox. It belongs to a rancher named Steve, who does not believe in aliens at all. Oh, yeah. And is damn tired of your tomfoolery and your bullshit. I don't like them from space.

I don't like them from Guadalajara. I hate them different. I hate different.

I don't even like Irishman.

I don't What wet are you?

Well, Steve eventually had to reinforce the mailbox with bulletproof metal and padlocks because UFO enthusiast kept stealing his mail, and he has since added a second mailbox for for us, simply labeled Alien.

Oh, he's getting it. He's starting to break. He says people put money in it.

Oh, really? Yeah. They try to just give money to aliens. Here's $20. Thank you. Thank you.

Whenever I break a mailbox, I leave a $20 behind.

But after When Bob met his crew at the box, they would all head just north of Area 51 in John Lears, Winnebago. Once they got to a good viewing spot, they'd open up their beer cooler, drink a few brews, and watch the alleged UFOs do their thing.

See, this is the part that I can get behind.

You had to blast. Yeah, I fully believe this.

Well, you saw the footage. The footage is actually really interesting.

Yeah, say what you will about Bob, but there's, as you said, footage in every single person that Bob named in these viewing sessions maintains that they did indeed see some incredible and some seemingly impossible things with Bob Lazard. They once saw, for example, a bright orange light moving incredibly fast across the horizon in a staircase maneuver. It appeared at one height, and then it went up and over, up and over, and up and over, like a staircase. It accelerated an estimated 700 miles per hour and stopped instantaneously, which, of course, should be impossible. We've got nothing on Earth that can do that.

Especially not anything it doesn't use, isn't affected by inertia.

You sent this video to us. We did watch the three of them and Tracy. They were all out there. But I really like, there was like a dot for sure, but I couldn't tell what the fuck it was.

No, it shot out.

I was like, Did I just sneeze on my computer?

It's hard. It is hard.

But you could see the thing. You could see, well, they're watching a thing. They're all sitting there watching the thing zip around in the sky. You just don't quite know what it is.

Yeah. It's also you're watching a VHS from 40 It's not going to be great. I mean, how- It's the best quality.

What are you talking about, Marcus? That is like how it's supposed to be seen. It is supposed to be seen from a ripped VHS tape in the dark at the lowest quality possible. That's the only way it's cool.

Yeah, that's why iPhones don't catch the UFOs, man. It's the tape that you need because they haven't figured out how to stop the tape from recording them.

Fuck yeah, bro. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

Tricks were phenomenon, man.

The fun, however, all came to an end on the third trip out to drink beer and watch UFOs. While they were watching these flights, the cop showed up to hassle Bob's crew. But after taking everyone's licenses and checking them out, the cop came back and said, I guess they know who you are down there.

You're all free to go.

They checked out Bob. Even though Bob's crew escaped consequences that night, Bob got an earful from his military liaison, Dennis, the next day. Dennis. Supposedly, Dennis asked Bob how he could have possibly gotten it twisted in his mind that it was okay to tell his friends about this highly classified project. Now, Bob defended himself by asking, What's the harm? Everyone in Las Vegas already knows about these strange lights that are constantly flying around area 51. Who gives a shit?

What about, what about, what about, what about?

That's why here. Yeah, and Bob wouldn't even be called in to work at area S4 anymore anyway. So what would you give me? If he called me, maybe if I was busier, maybe if I had some hours or whatever, maybe I fucking I wouldn't be out there, but maybe I'm super fucking bored and I got nothing to do out here. But Dennis, in a suitably dramatic scene, told Bob that this project was far more important than any one single person, more important than your life, more important than mine.

It's bigger than us, Sunny Jim. This is the biggest thing you've ever worked on your old little life. All right? You get out there. You show me them orbs.

Finally, though, when Bob kept protesting that he and his friends were just looking at a few lights in the sky, Dennis got paranoid, accused Bob of sabotaging the project, demanding to know, who are you working for, Bob?

I'm barely working for myself.

If you have any photos to develop, I could work for you.

That would be nice, actually. I am looking for the extra hour.

Hey, you want to get your dick sucked in Reno?

I know just the lucky lady, all right? Here's my card, all right? I'm what you'd call a woman sommelier.

Bob's life, however, was about to fall apart in more ways than one. After Bob and Dennis argued that day, for some time, Dennis decided to twist the knife as fully as he could twist it. Near the end of the fight, Dennis allegedly said, Oh, that's right. I almost forgot. Your wife has been having an affair with her flight instructor, Tony, since February, you fucking idiot. You're a robe. You're a moron.

I knew they weren't flying at midnight. Oh, wow. I knew that the flight take off from the bud records.

Tennis then handed Bob transcripts of every call between Tony and Tracey. Take a look. It's right there for you. It became apparent that Tony and Tracey had been meeting every time Bob was working out at Area S You're a man to tell me, son.

I've been living a life. I've been living a life my whole life, yeah?

I'm just a cuckled. I'm just a cuckled.

I love cuckled and Jimmy I'm just a cuckled hair.

Now, Bob was, of course, bummed about the affair, but he was almost more bummed that his wife's affair was most likely, in his estimation, why he never got Majestic Clarence, and therefore, why he never got a full-time position at Area S4.

That actually is true. They do hold your family against you. They go and they research your family. If you work in the intelligence services, they go and research your family. If you have two wild card of a family, you won't get certain clearances.

Yeah. Of course But that's the thing. You won't get the clearance, but Jimmy Carter can still become president with Billy as his brother. It's amazing.

He's got to be president. That's the thing. You got to be. That's what our wise president learned. You just got to be the president. Then you can do whatever you want. Yeah.

I don't think Bob could have had a Hunter Biden in his life. No, wow, though.

He's the Hunter Biden.

Well, as Bob put it, a man whose wife is cheating on him is likely to find out at some point, and he's likely to be emotionally unstuck. Stable as a result. And so, Bob went home that day after talking with Dennis, and he confronted Tracy. Tracy justified her affair by saying that he'd been ignoring her ever since he'd gotten his mysterious job with EG&G. Bob then left, and with nowhere else to go, he went where every man in the UFO game eventually ends up, one way or another. He went to stay in his buddy Jean's doomsday bunker until things worked themselves out.

It was a very comfortable couch down there.

There's light. I have some rations. We have this map of what the United States will look like after Civil War.

I got a towel, but I don't have a washcloth, so you're on your own there.

Yeah, it's okay. Don't worry. I wash with my hands. I'm one of those soap bar to skin guys. I could see that with Bob Lozard.

No lufa. No, no lufa at all. Yeah, just the soap.

All right, remember, we're in a bunker, so if it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, choke it down.

You're going to eat that, right? You're not going to have a subject day.

Well, unfortunately, though, things were permanently severed with Tracy, and Bob and Tracy separated in May of 1989. No matter what actually happened at area S4, Area 51. Tracy was fucking Tony. Yeah, that was true. That was not a conspiracy.

That was very much reality.

If you go to contact in the desert, you could know that everyone there who has a wife is currently...

That wife is getting laid happily at home. No, no, no, no, no, You need to go. You need you to go to this thing. I had this dream last night that you went. You have to go. Could you get me a crystal this year? Can you get me a white man's African outfit? I love white Wakanda. It's the best.

According to Bob, life got dangerous around the time that he and his wife split up. In early May of 1989, Bob claims that someone driving in a car next to him shot out one of the tires on his Datsun 280z. Bob believes that this was a warning from the government because only a professional could have shot a tire from a moving vehicle.

I don't know. Those guys out there shooting rattlesnakes from fucking 20 yards away.

I think it's the funnest thing What they do is shoot tires at a moving vehicle. Yeah.

My dad, he can actually hit a bird sitting on, was it a telephone wire? Yeah. From a moving car while he's driving.

Yeah, there's multiple movies about it. Breakdown, wrong turn, You turned.

Is this whole story falling apart right now?

Bob claims that this incident is what convinced him to go public with what he knew about what was happening at Area S4 and Area 51 at large. See, Bob's friend John Lear had already done a TV interview outlining everything he knew about UFOs with everyone's favorite Nevada news anchor, George Knapp.

Yeah. God, I'm not even going to- K-L-A-S-T-V. George Knapp. That guy, that motherfucker, you all know George Knapp. He doesn't work. That's a real investigative reporter. You can't say Jack Dick about George Knapp.

George Knapp is an actual journalist. So John Lear put Bob Lazard in contact with George Nap. George Knapp agreed to do an interview with Bob on the local news that kept Bob's interview hidden. Now, George and Bob did not fuck around because Bob's first appearance was May 15th, 1989, just a couple of weeks after the alleged shooting incident. It was also, however, not too long after Bob found out about his wife's affair, and one could definitely draw a few conclusions from that timeline. But even so, I do believe that George Knapp has a very good sense of people, and George believed that Bob Lozard was telling the truth.

He definitely believed that he was going to go and dig up what he could. I think that he liked Bob.

At the very least, I believe that he thought that there was some truth to George's story.

Well, to Bob's story, and I do believe that there- To Bob's story, yes. I do believe that there... I do think that there is, too, but we'll get into it.

Now, to be the slightest bit cheeky, Bob appeared in his interview with George as a shadowy figure in a car car using the name Dennis. It was a little nod to his military contact. A bit of a, Fuck you.

Hey, that's the car that I shot at.

Yeah, he appeared in his extraordinarily rare Dotson 280 Z. No one else is going to recognize the car with the doors that go up. While you'd think this would be a local story that would come and go, local nut ball says something weird about the desert, the Dennis interview, as it's come to be known, immediately received international National attention. It was huge. Portions were broadcast across not just America, but in six European countries, and in a nationally televised TV special in Japan. In very short order, Area 51 went from being a fringe belief to a central part of the world's collective knowledge about UFOs. Like I said, this is May of 1989. Independence Day is 1996, 1997. The fucking Area 51 video game. Remember the shooter one and the arcades? It was so fucking amazing. It was so awesome.

I said played it recently.

It's great. Not '95, '94. Area 51 was just, boom.

It was there. Because also it's a great name.

It's fun to say.

It's utterly mysterious. We have no idea what happens there. They do have those giant carved into the mountain. That's real. That is- Lockheed Martin. Yeah.

It's one of those things. When I first heard of Area 51, I felt like I had heard about it my whole life.

Of course. It makes sense, especially after updating Manhattan Project. It makes a lot of fucking sense.

But this broadcast was not without its supposed threats. After the interview aird, Bob claims that Dennis called him up and asked, Bob, do you have any idea what we're going to do to you now? Bob said, No. But then Dennis just hung up, didn't say anything. That was- With her butt hole.

I'm going to come down there and I'm going to kiss you.

Right before before he hung up. He heard say, Hey, yeah, it's good.

He doesn't know. He has no idea.

Apparently, he wasn't paying attention during that part of the briefing.

So, yeah, just go ahead. Start warming up the machine. Turn it on.

Start warming it up. Let's go because you know it takes a while for it to climb.

No, it was obvious that George had a hit here. So two days after the May 15th broadcast, George Knapp called up Bob Lazard to do more interviews. Bob claims he agreed reluctantly, but he also insisted that if he was going to do it, he needed to reveal his identity on camera to give his story more credibility. This is the paradox of Bob Lazard, constantly saying that he does not like attention while also drawing incredible amounts of attention to himself.

I have a reason why. I'm going to wait till the end.

But after the second interview was taped in which Bob revealed his identity, Bob panicked and told George Knapp that he didn't want the interview to air. See, George had told Bob that Bob could back out at any point up to the second the interview was air. Yeah, you got to. Bob was indeed trying to back out. This part, I also believe. Apparently, this conversation was happening as George Knapp was walking towards the studio to hand over the videotape containing Bob's interview. When George told Bob, Hey, you're just getting cold feet. This interview needs to be aird, Bob full-on tackled George and took him to the floor in an attempt to grab the tape. Yeah, George.

George was like, I could see him standing like a pugilist doing that like the Bob Barker punch.

They were rolling around on the floor. George is holding the tape just out of Bob's reach.

I'm stronger than you, Bob. Don't fuck with me, Bob. I'm stronger than you, Bob.

He said, We're doing the right thing here. We're doing the right thing.

We're doing the right thing.

Just calm down, Bob. Just calm down.

It's just cold feet, Bob.

Listen, break in the... Everybody's going to be upset, okay?

Eventually, George won. As George handed over the tape to be airred, Bob reportedly just sat on the floor with his head in his hands. But in the end, George was right. He had put together a five-part series for KLAS TV called UFO's The Best evidence, and he wisely waited until part five to fully reveal Bob Lazard's identity.

This is a showman.

Now, they did discuss the fact that none of the schools or workplaces that Bob claimed to have attended or worked out, they did discuss that there was no record of Bob But interestingly, this is a part that is… This is where you get into like, these are the things that are true. Although the Los Alamos National Lab initially denied that Bob had worked there, they did eventually admit that Bob had been employed there for a time through a contractor.

It's fascinating that they tried to deny it, right? Yeah. It's interesting that they were like, they didn't just explain more. They were like, Yeah, I'm fine. That's interesting.

You're telling me the Alamos didn't remember.

I'm It's not their job. We have to remember them.

Furthermore, area S4, it's a real place. It ended up coming out. It was a real place. It did exist. An FBI agent that Bob knew by name, guy named Mike Thigpen, he also confirmed that he worked on Bob's security clearance. Bob's friends also, as I said, they confirmed that they went out to the Nevada Desert on three consecutive Wednesdays where they saw strange lights that they could not explain. There is some stuff here. It's not like Montauk project where it's fucking nothing. It's just entirely fake, and it's just a fun story. With Bob Lazzar, there's shit here. There is a little bit It was a substance.

Yes, and then we'll find out later, too. He was raided by the FBI. All these things did happen to him.

Now, after the interviews air, Bob claimed that he continued to be monitored, and Jean Huff reported that he was being tailed as well. It did not, however, appear that the government was willing to kill Bob. Bob's life just continued. It did, however, continue in a relatively shady manner. See, Bob doesn't discuss this at all in his book, but about a year after his interviews with George Knapp, Bob was arrested for pandering, which is the act of promoting, facilitating, or profiting from immoral or unlawful activities. In other words, Bob was arrested for pimping without a license.

He was being a manager.

Yeah, you should have a license. If it is going to be something that's allowed, there should be some regulation.

I believe. Same. I think it should all be legal.

100%.

Yeah, but pimping ain't easy.

No, it's not.

No, it's not. It's actually specifically difficult.

As one version of the story goes, Bob had paid a woman named Tony Bullock $100 for sex, then recruited her to do sex work out of his apartment in the Nevada town of Paradise. Bob claimed that he was trying to modernize sex work with computers, which admittedly, very forward thinking in 1990.

That's fucking cool. Super laser of him, man. Yeah, Eric Hudson.

I love that. It was super laser. But an examination of Bob's computers found only records of Tony's customers, and further records showed that Bob had rented the apartment in Paradise a week before he hired Tony Bullock It also showed records that Bob was taking 50% of what Tony was making.

That's a very generous cut.

I mean, some pimps take more. I know. Some pimps take much more.

They take it with the hand, man. That's why I was a pimp, I just fucking thought I was a pimp, I'd do it with positive validation. Sure. Being like, I like what you're doing, loving your hustle, loving your work. Here's a lollybot. All right, there you go.

Keep this up. I see you pimping at the Taj Mahal.

But to Bob's credit, the prosecutor in Bob's case said that while Bob was trying to recruit other women from legal brothels for his local operation, his actions, and this is in the words of the DA, They were not the type of involvement when one thinks of a pimp.

Now, normally when we have some form of pimposity here in the call- Or possibly you're talking about pimpery in any chance? If I'm seeing some pimpery going on, you know he has to have his cup, you know he has to have his train in hat, He wasn't even wearing a cape. Yeah, he cannot be pimping so casually.

I look at this man's shoes and I say, no goldfish in this house. This pimpingation is nowhere near reaching the for Nevada law.

Let me hear you take a look at your orthopedic ass. All right? You must get some heels, son. Rise that pimping game.

He said, for example, there was no drugs involved. You might expect that with pimps. There's No intimidation, no force. Yeah, he was just slapping ladies around. No coercion at all. Bob really was- He was too nice? No, he was trying to do DIY sex work. Yeah, he was just trying to help. Yeah, he was just trying to help. He was just trying to help. He just wanted his life. I had some experience in the brothel business. He was apparently... I mean, there's a whole other side quest to this where Jean Huff says that Bob was really depressed after the interview came out. He started going to sex workers, and he started going to this one specific brothel where he became friends with the madam. Then Bob started fixing all the electronics and all the broken radios of the girls that worked there. Then the madam fell in love with Bob. Then Bob, and then she eventually told him that she was an FBI informant, that she also worked for Las Vegas Metro. Then Bob eventually had to say, No, she said, I'm in love with you. Bob said, You can't be in love with me.

I'm not in love with you. Then Bob started doing his own pimping business. Pimping is not easy.

It really isn't, especially when you talk about all this.

Yeah, I know.

That sounds fun.

A lot of ins and outs.

You got to do it because you love it.

Yeah, you really do got… Well, I mean, there are some people who do it for the money.

And that, to be honest, empty.

Yeah. Well, as George Knapp put Bob was always trying to help someone out. And as usual, he got in trouble for it.

And there are men that just happen to... People love sex workers. Sure. I think that Bob Lozard is one of those things where he's a genuine friend to sex workers.

Truly so. And you know what? The world needs men like that. Of course.

You got to have a nice guy. He's going to help out. He's doing the computer work. He's doing all the fucking tech stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Someone's got to talk to these ladies.

Well, I mean, actually, that's what Bob Lozard says, is that when he was hanging out at that brothel, he was trying to modernize the whole thing. He was trying to bring this brothel into the 21st century before the 21st century was even over.

Bob's great.

Who better to try out lies on than a sex worker?

Because she's heard of everything. And then sex worker could be like, Now, that's a good lie. They know it. That's a real convincing lie, Bob.

But there's no better liar in the world than a sex worker, and she's going to tell him what he wants to hear. God, it's so great.

What a great way.

Well, George Knapp actually wrote character testimony letters for Bob during Bob's trial for pandering. Bob actually got out with a sentence of 150 hours of community service, six months probation, in an order to stay out of brothels. See? That brought... He could have created backpages. Com, but he was kicked out of the game.

He was so close, though.

Now, the final strange chapter in Bob's life came just a few years ago. See, in the year since the pandering arrest, Bob has founded a successful company called United Nuclear that sells chemicals, elements, lab equipment, and tons of Area 51 merch. But in 2018, when Bob Lazard was working on a documentary with Jeremy Corbell, perhaps right around the time that Jeremy was weaponizing Bob's curiosity, the FBI raided Bob's company. Now, Bob and Jeremy claimed that the day before the raid, they had been in Bob's office discussing the mysterious element that had powered the UFOs, Element 115. Bob had admitted that he had stolen a sample of the stuff from Area S4. The next day, allegedly, is when the FBI raided United Nuclear. But if this is indeed how it went down, it does seem to be a total fucking coincidence because the FBI's raid on Bob's office was actually tied to a murder case involving chemicals that may have been purchased from United Nuclear.

Yeah, so that's why I think he made up the lie of that searching for the element in order to cover up for the fact that he was probably party to a murder. I actually think part of what Bob Lozard, part of his lies are a lot of, I had to get out of trouble very quickly.

You're telling me that that entire scene at the beginning of that documentary in which Bob Lozard and Jeremy Corbel are furiously texting each other, you're telling me that was staged? You're telling me that it didn't happen exactly like that? The cameras weren't rolling. You're telling me that was staged?

I just feel that maybe Jeremy might have been very enthusiastic about being near Bob and that Bob had a new person to lie to.

But Jeremy had already weaponized my curiosity.

I know, he did. He did? He'd weaponize it and I'm like, No, I don't know what to do with it. Still, you You're going to want to put some blanks in there. You don't want to put some blanks in your curiosity, or you want to shoot them into the sand.

So did they say the FBI took Element 115 from them during this raid? No.

So he still got it, apparently. Apparently, he still got it. He boofed it. Yeah, I got it.

Yeah, and that's how you get rates.

Well, in December 2015, this is the story of how the FBI came to be on Bob Lazard's doorstep. In December of 2015, a Michigan woman named Janet Sturzel- Janet.

Sturzel.

Oh, Janet Sturzel. Oh, Janet Fly. Interesting. And did you notice that Tony, the sex worker that Bob was working with when he got arrested, had the same name as the man who was sleeping with with his second wife.

That's actually just... I didn't realize. That's weird. Yeah, that's fucking weird.

That's just sad.

He started fucking a woman with the same name of the guy that cucked him out with his wife? That's strange.

Well, sometimes you got to become the cuck to be the That's it.

I'm a.

The worst thing that happened to Vegas is when all the Tonys took over.

That is true.

To New York.

Well, Janet Sturzel died after being exposed to an element called Thallium in December of 2015. Thallium is a rare element. It's used in the manufacture of electronics, glass, and pharmaceuticals, but it is known as the Poisoner's Poison because it has no odor, no color, no taste, and it is hard to detect. Now, when Janet Sturzel was diagnosed with Thallium poisoning, it was deduced that she had been intentionally dosed, and her death was therefore investigated as a homicide. United Nuclear, Bob Lazard's company, they did sell Thallium. The FBI raid was in service of trying to find evidence that Sturzel had bought the thalium herself or that someone who knew her had bought it and used it to kill her.

Maybe she stole it thinking it was thalium because she wasn't listening.

I That's honestly, that's more of a lesson about being present.

I mean, it had to have been mail order because that's the thing.

You have to get it from overseas.

Bob Lazard does mail out these incredibly dangerous chemicals to anybody who wants them. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You just I am. Actually, one of our research assistants asked a friend of theirs that is into all this stuff, and the friend was like, I can't believe what I can buy from this man.

Yeah, you can buy crazy shit from him.

It's insane what you can buy from him. Let's buy some shit. It's so deadly. It could kill us.

I actually went through a period of time when I was a child, when my grandfather gave me an extremely old chemistry set. I just remember the chemicals playing. I remember being so worried that I was going to poison the family, and then I had all these. I was playing all these chemicals. Then I remember fucking something up and then just assuming I was going to... I remember this one night where I fucked something up and I was like, I'm going to kill the family. The family is going to be poisoned because of me. It went to dinner and I was scared.

Dude, I almost offed myself with a mop bucket one time, putting too many weird chemicals together because I want the floor to be clean. Fucking Buffalo Wild wings is crazier than you think. We're just not educated.

Me and my buddy did have a whole lot of fun with the copy of the Anarchist cookbook that we printed off the internet in 1999, just hanging out in his barn, just mixing together a lot of things that we really shouldn't have. We're very lucky we didn't die. Oh, yeah.

But we did blow up a lot of shit. Oh, yeah. The two liter with the thing and the thing. I want to say what the things are because we're live, when you throw it and it blows up in the driveway. Lots of fun.

Oh, yeah. Potato guns, homemade napalm.

Now kids just had said, they don't even get to have fun making it all up. They just buy a fucking AR-15 and kill themselves that way. The other one's the fun way.

Yeah, there's no Anarchist MacBook.

No. Now, there are no records that the FBI was looking for Element 115, and Lazard was not in any way considered a suspect in Janet Sturzel's death. That death, by the way, still unsolved. They still have no idea what happened to this woman, who gave her the thallium, how she got a hold of it, nothing. But if it all went down the way they said it did, the raid coinciding with the documentary was, to say the least, one hell of a coincidence, and that's if it did go down that way. While Bob Lazard may or may not be telling the truth when it comes to what went down in Area 51, the man has still lived one hell of an interesting life. It is still Bob Lazard that we have to thank for bringing Area 51 to the world's attention.

It is fascinating. This whole story is fascinating. Then I went on a, obviously, very long rabbit hole, and I got- It's been going for 40 something years.

I don't know why I don't like it that you describe the rabbit hole as long. Why? A long hole.

I like a long, thin hole. Let's say it's all real up to a point. Let's say he went to Los Alamos. Let's say it's true that he went and he messaged Dr. Teller, and then Dr. Teller got him in on the super secret new program that he was working on, the Special Projects Division. But let's say it's a different type of project.

At Area 51 or Los Alamos? At S4.

So you go to S4. S4, history of building espionage technology. The The main thing that came out of it was the U2. We know in real lore, real UFO lore, they say that Roswell was taken, the UFO that crashed there was taken to Los Alamos. All of these things were Wright-Patterson, other places, not S4. If you actually believe what I think actually happened, which that he was hired to do a very specific low-level project on what they called this. It's using this thing called the Bragg Curve, which is a proton beam that they created. A part of what it does, which I find even more interesting than UFOs themselves, is that it makes an orb. They can zap it up into the sky and they can make an orb that can travel just like a UFO.

That's what they're looking at?

It looks like a UFO. It went up every Wednesday, and he was so butt hurt about the whole scenario, made fun of John Lear. It was to make fun of him and pull him in, see he'll believe anything. It was because Jean Huff was his other fat-face friend that he loved to fucking make fun of. They had a big falling Bob is not being able... He's never been able to hold on to a friend.

John Lear was a part of Bob's stories for a long time, and then very suddenly, John Lierre just disappeared from all of Bob's stories. He was mentioned in Art Bell, but not mentioned in Joe Rogan.

Yeah, he's been cut out because John Lierre was seen as an unstable person. What if the US government already was making technology that ate UFO movements versus having UFOs. We've already... Imagine there was a world where they already tried to retrofit the UFO technology, and it didn't work.

It's like sky holograms?

Yes. It's like a fucking... It's like they've got a laser pointer. They're pointing in the sky, and we're all the cats, and we're the cats.

We're the cats. The goal is to scare the Russians. But then what happens is that he does talk about, he shows everybody this extremely secret project because this idea, it's a double game. We're lying about UFOs. We're lying saying that we communicate with them and then we're harnessing their powers, blah, blah, blah. He then goes to save his own fucking skin when they bring him in because they're going to shoot him in the back of the fucking head or something. God knows what they're going to do to him. He starts this super outlandish story, and he goes out there and he begins to create this construct to cover up what he was doing. Then he sticks to it every single day for the rest of his life so that he knows that one day someone will come and double on the back of that. Oh, interesting. But now it wouldn't even matter. Now we're at this point, though. It's like, now that technology is old news. Whatever it is the fuck we got now, God knows what it is. Technically, Bob Lozard has no reason to really hide anymore. Yeah.

I mean, To me, the coolest thing about Bob Lozard is that he's the reason why we know about Area 51. It's like, no matter whether Area 51 is full of UFOs or not, people believe that it is. It has become a part of not just American culture, but world culture, world belief. When we When people talk about the history of the 20th century, years and years from now, centuries from now, Area 51 is going to be a part of it. It's going to be a part of the conversation. That's because of Bob Lazard.

Whatever happened when everyone tried to storm Area 51?

They told them very much so, We will shoot you on mass.

Well, actually, the Storm Area 51 thing- It's got better security than capital. Yeah. The Storm Area 51, it's thought actually that it was a consequence of Bob Lazard's interview on Joe Rogan in 2018. It was. The Storm Area 51 was 2019. Yes. Wow. Yeah. It was started by some shithead on Facebook. They did say, If you try it, we will shoot you.

We will fucking kill you. They were like, We'll fucking kill you. Yeah, we're just going to shoot you. This is not a joke. You're Naruto run and shit. We will kill you, which is, again, we probably should have done it outside of the White House as well. But we didn't. Now we're here, aren't we? Guys, what a wonderful episode. Good work, Marcus.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, this is cool.

This is a lot of fun. This is good. It was really thick. Go on to patreon. Com/podcasts on the left. You could still go get all those episodes ad-free over on Patreon. You can see last stream on the left, live 6: 00 PM, PSD. Go check it out. Also, all of our social media's at LP on the left, whatever. Go over there, do all that. Youtube channels, someplace underneath, LPN Romantacy, The Foreign Report, LPN TV. Please check out our whole brand new fucking series. It's vampire: The Masquerade, LPN-RPG. If you're on Netflix watching this the first time. I don't know where you go to see it, but you go check it out over there, right? We got a brand new thing called LP and RPG: Blood Bath, and it's fucking amazing.

Hell, yeah, man. Come see us on the road. February 28th, Austin, Texas. March 13th, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 25th, Cincinnati, Ohio. May 29th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan. July 17th, Tulsa, Oklahoma. July 18th, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma.

I can't wait.

Hell, yeah. I got a big announcement for myself. I'm also going to be joining a mothership, and that's right, because I'm going to be at fucking P-Funk Fest. Fuck that, dude. That is right. Are on sale. April 11th, Tallahassee, Florida, Fips Farm. It's me and fucking P-Funk on an all-day festival with every version of P-Funk that exists. Then the next day, you know what I'm doing? I'm doing a show at Jumbo Shrip Stadium at 5 Star Park. I am fucking making my life exactly what I wanted to be, and I'm working my ass off at it, and I'm getting paid nothing for it. Absolutely.

Jack Dix.

Two, three, four. We are the Jumbo Shrip here to play a game.

God, and may they play forever.

May they play forever. Hale Sweet State. Hale, Yalga.

Hale, Bob. I like Bob. I like Bob, too. I like, too. He's a fun guy. Yeah, he is fun. He's a lot of fun.

He's a fun guy. God knows what he's up to.

It's so rare that I get to hail the star of our story.

Yeah. Very rare. Yeah.