Transcript of Throwback Thursday: Renee Graziano - Family Business

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Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit, and I was like, I wanna be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child, and here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have our fairy mob mother here, missus Renee Graziano.

How are you doing, mama?

I'm wonderful. It's such a pleasure to meet you.

Dude, I'm so happy you're here. You're so striking in person. Like, you're beautiful online too, but you're just so striking.

I'm prettier in person. I love it. And I'm smaller.

You're tiny.

Yeah. People people will always think I'm taller. I'm actually you know, I did just lose, like, almost £20, so I am a little bit smaller than normal. But thank you.

It's your presence online that makes that makes people think you're bigger than you are because you are such a just a power Thank you. Like a powerful woman.

Thank you.

Like, any room you walk in, you, demand attention. So

Yeah. I I think that's where my addiction comes from.

I love that. Absolutely. We'll definitely get into that, but, I mean, you are a real Sicilian princess.

Yeah. I My, father spared no expense on any 1 of his daughters. Like, I miss him terribly. It'll it we're coming up on 5 years, and, my life was really very much like a movie. And I think that's another reason why addiction played such a really big part in my life.

But growing up with, like, a mob boss as a father Mhmm. And you could do no wrong and everybody else was wrong. It was like the perfect combination. It was the perfect storm for me. Absolutely.

And so for those of, those people who don't know, who is your father?

My father is, Anthony Graziano. He was the consigliere of the Bonanno crime family.

That's that sounds powerful.

It doesn't he? You know, and and my father's story is quite remarkable. No higher than an 8th grade education.

You

know, when he passed away, I found out that the first time he was ever arrested was for robbing cornflakes to feed his sisters. And he lived in a trailer, with newspaper as the, Shades. And, his mom's boyfriend was sexually molesting his sisters. And at 12, my father was shipped off because the man suddenly died in an electrical fire. Oh.

So

Do we think dad had something to do with that allegedly? I hope he did. Yeah. Anybody that hurts children anybody that hurts children deserves

I I hope he did. I truly do because for me, I now it makes so much more sense Mhmm. Why he was the way he was with us. Like, we had to be covered, and we couldn't do this, and we couldn't wear a bikini. And I was always like, what's wrong with my father?

You know? And it was like, god forbid you said you had your period. It was like you couldn't come out of the, like, your room. I remember I had my first breast reduction at, like, 18. Wow.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I had an f breast naturally. Yeah. I think God made me upside down and backwards.

So my ass was flat. My boobs were huge. Stop it. Yeah. I kid you not.

My nickname was Sheetrock. Okay? So you wonder why I have all these, like,

you know Who who nicknamed you Sheetrock?

Well, okay. So my ex brother-in-law named me Spongebob Squarepants. Oh. And then my ex husband, that evil bastard, that rat, no good prick. We'll get into him later.

Yeah. We will. Yeah. I was just always picked on.

That is terrible. And you don't look like Sheetrock. You're beautiful.

Because I got my ass done, like, 4 times.

And we're gonna talk about that too. So circling back to childhood, you know, your dad was this huge mobster. And what was life like for you? Did you guys talk about it? Were you allowed to say the word mob?

Like, I know I've talked to the other girls, and they all have such different upbringings where, like, Ramona's family did not talk

about it. Not at all.

But Karen's family, they were just, like, you know.

Okay. So so Ramona's grandfather and my father were very dear friends. Same family.

Right.

So they were very close. So growing up, all I knew was my father worked, like, most fathers worked 9 to 5. My father worked 5 to 9. Right. So it was the opposite in the hours.

And there were times that he, you know, wasn't home, but it was not something that we would ever question because you're not allowed to ask questions. Right. However, when I was about 16, I remember being in, pastels, which was, you know, the nightclub in Brooklyn. And I was at the end of the boat with my best friend, Teddy Persico. And a man comes over and he introduced Teddy introduced me.

He said, oh, this is TG's daughter. And he said, yeah. You know, her father's a captain. I go, my father doesn't drive a boat. Oh.

He goes, what? I go, he doesn't sail a ship, Teddy. Tell this guy. But I didn't know what the words were. Gotcha.

I went in there looking at you like

I went home quick. Teddy's going, Shove. Shove. I go home. I go, dad, is this something you wanna tell me?

I was like, is that why you're not home on the weekends? Or he's like, what are you talking about? And I was like, you're a captain. And he was like, oh my god. Sit down.

And it was like this moment of you don't ever ask a question like that. Understand you're a little different than everybody else. And I didn't know what it meant, but I started to understand because I had like that flashback when these kids in 4th or 5th grade glued an article of my dad to my desk. Oh. Yeah.

So, you know, there were 2 young girls that I went to school with that bullied me. Right. And, 1 of the girls, her father was found in a trunk. So

I love how you say that so matter of fact ly.

I know. So this is you know what's crazy? Because now I finally realized all these things gave me trauma

Oh.

Which I never knew they did. Baby. But it was normal to me.

Trauma starts at the moment of conception. So, like, if your mom and dad were fighting her pregnancy, that's trauma. Like, if you the minute conception starts, trauma.

Really?

Mhmm.

Oh, that makes so oh, wow. I gotta get my son into therapy immediately.

Were you were you close to your mom growing up?

Closer to my father. Yeah. I'm like my father's twin, but I was also born very sick. So I had spinal taps for the 1st 6 months of my life. I'm the only addict in my family.

Well, I'm the only confessed addict in my family for drugs and alcohol. Not alcohol, actually. Drugs. I'm sure my father was an addict because of his lifestyle. Yeah.

You know what I mean? All that stuff that goes along with the mop. My sister, Jennifer, threw herself into work. You know, everybody has an addiction. Mine just resulted in drugs.

Right. You know?

So when you were born, you had to have spinal tabs, which is trauma right there Yeah. For you to So you came out of the womb already having trauma.

Yeah.

Growing up, you like you said, you did not know that your father was in the mob. How did they hide that from you? Like

Okay. So I remember I was 13 when I first experienced, the feds broke down the doors in like sledgehammers, and they came in to get my father. And I remember, like, losing my mind and saying, you're not taking him. Like, I was on top of him. Like yeah.

And I didn't know. And he was like, Renee, don't worry about it. I'm coming right back, Renee. Just don't worry about it. And I didn't know what it meant.

You know? And and it wasn't explained. It was like, oh, don't worry about it. You know? But then there's things in the newspaper.

What did they say? Like, daddy, the red light?

So bookmaking. So the reason Pete Rose didn't get inducted into the hall of fame is because he got pinched on my father's case. Wow. So there's a lot of that. That was when he was, like, really coming up.

You know? And, I knew I was different. I knew I was because my father would when the candy man would come on the corner at the block, my father would buy out the truck for everybody on the block. Yeah. He was always doing stuff for everybody else.

You know? And and that's why I I have this love for my father because my father's never been charged with murder, so therefore, in my eyes, he's not 1. Okay? So all the other little things that mobsters do, it's kind of in their own community.

Mhmm.

As far as, you know, what I knew. Right. Or if I watch a movie. I don't really get too much into that because people like to say, well, how could you defend your father? He was this and he was that.

But at the end of the day, he was my father.

And all you knew from him was love. Exactly.

Like and when I told you this man loved me, like, there was nothing greater in this world that when he died, I wanted to die. I literally wanted to go with him.

You have 2 other sisters. Were they as close with him

as you are? Lana is 9 years older. So my father was more in the street when she was younger, so there's a little bit of a resentment there. And I got all the attention because I was the sick child. So Lana actually hung me when I was 6 with a red, white, and blue plastic jump rope.

Hoisted me over the chandelier. I'll never forget that. Oh my god. And then the other time, so and then this other time.

That is not normal, Renee.

I I know. But now I know why I have trauma. Then there's other times she put the dog leash around my neck and she hung the the cord from the other side. And she's like, just jump off the stairs and swing. I'm like, okay.

And, you know, I was like a stick figure. Oh my god. I was a stickier and she was heavier. So my father was hotter on her. Aw.

But her her things were like, lose £50, I'll buy you a car. Lose £50, I'll give you 15,000, 20,000.

Right.

So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny. There was, like, if I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs. Like, there was nothing to me.

Definitely a jealousy factor.

Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then my little sister So you're the middle?

Yeah. I'm yeah. Okay. And a cancer. So my little sister in 1st grade had an 8th grade reading level, and in 8th grade, I had an 8th grade reading level.

So I was the less scholastically intelligent sister. So I had that complex from birth. I was ugly according to Lana, and I was dumb according to Jennifer. So which is normal for sisters and brothers and sisters to do it. It's not nice, but they do it.

So It is. I took it on. I became that. I became ugly and dumb in my that's what I saw. I literally saw

it.

And, I automatically, became promiscuous because of that too.

At what

age? I was 13.

Oh my goodness. I just got goosebumps. That's you're a baby.

Yeah. I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look like a baby. I looked like I was 18 years old at 13. I was like a triple d.

Like, I looked if you've seen pictures of me at 13, you'd be like, who is she? I look younger now than I did at 13.

Wow.

So I yeah. My first boyfriend, I was, like, 13 and a half and a half. He was 17. And, his name was Frank.

It's a little weird. Yeah.

And he was abusive, and that was something I hid from my father. I always hid my abuse.

Abusive getting abused by a boyfriend at 13? Yeah. What would he do to you?

So, we it was skin crawl because you're such a baby. Yeah. It's funny. His daughter actually reached out to me on, like, Instagram. I was like, how's your fat father doing?

I can't stand. Did he fix his nose yet? Did he like, you know what? Because, you know, you get scarred. You get so scarred.

And rightfully so. He deserves that. But I I just it's you know, we're painting a picture here for people, and I don't think a lot of people have got to hear this from you.

They don't know this.

And they don't understand what makes you so I don't wanna say aggressive, but just so brazen and so, like, you know, this is how it is. Like, you have been molded by trauma since

birth. Thank you for this, because a lot of people don't know these things about me because I always had to hide everything. Yeah. You know? But, Frank was abusive very young, and I remember being 15 and we were going Tony Danza was at my sister Lana's wedding.

So we were attending something, and he was jealous because he couldn't come. So he stabbed I'll never say he stabbed me in the side of my leg with a fork as I was coming down the stairs. But cocaine was already in place at 14.

So you were already doing drugs?

I was yeah. 14. Yeah. Absolutely.

Well, let we're we're gonna talk about the abuse, but then we're gonna rewind back to the drugs.

So I think for me, I just stayed because I thought that's what I deserved.

So he stabbed you in your legs?

Like, in my leg. I have, like I still have, like, like, 2 little marks left in my leg. Yeah. And I remember I'd gone home 1 day, and I had a black eye. And my my father was on the couch.

And I walked in, he goes, come here. And, like, he didn't see anything. I was just walking straight to the room. You know? And he was like, come here.

And I go, what's up? And he's like, what happened to your face? I said, oh, I walked into the door. He goes, oh, yeah? You did?

Sit down. And I was like, oh, shit. You know? He's like, what door? I said, the jaw.

Like, what do you say? Like, you know, because my at this point, I'm not really a liar. I suck at lying anyway. So I'm trying to, like, come up with a story in my head and I know I can't at this point. And I remember I oh.

And this is why I never told on somebody afterwards. So I said that he hit me and my father goes, okay. Watch this. So he makes a phone call and he calls up the father and he says, I need you and your son to meet me at my restaurant. And this is it was on Forest Avenue called Mama Roses.

And then he called 2 other guys who have now passed on. And my father goes get in the car. And I'm like, oh my god. What's gonna happen? I'm I'll never forget it.

I was singing the Isley Brothers in between the sheets in the car. He goes, what the fuck do you know about that? I was like, nothing. It's a it's a storm. And he's like, don't talk.

I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It was in his big Lincoln. We get there and he goes, go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean? That means go by the window.

Right. You're gonna go look.

So now there's 2 Lincolns outside, Frank, his father, and these 2 guys. And I look out the window, and lo and behold, now Frank has a cast on his arm. Needless to say, we know what happened, how it got broken. And it was that very second that I knew I could never tell on another human because it would be my sin that they got hurt. And that's so wrong to think that way because he deserved to have his own broken.

Yeah. But because I had this relationship with God at a very young age, I felt it was a sin. So I have to protect my father and protect the other person. So it's really my fault it happens. And that's exactly where everything started.

That's that's really where it all started.

You just felt like you couldn't be honest because you were scared of the repercussions that would happen if like somebody hurt you or Yeah. Yeah.

So when I met my son's father

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You said that, at that age, you were already using drugs. When did you start using drugs, and why

were you using them? Okay. So when I was about 13, I remember I did, like, mescaline, like, double purple double barrel. I'll never forget it. I had every bit of clothing that was on the in the closet on me.

It was in the closet. My girlfriend, the mother was like, what is Renee doing in the closet with the clothes? So I yeah. So I knew, like, that wasn't the drug for me because I didn't like that type of feeling. And then know what that is.

What is that? Yeah. They don't even make that end you up. It's like it was like some kinda trippy drug.

I don't I don't like acid

or Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But not like acid was really strong. This was like some little stuff.

Yeah. And then I wanted to be very much like my older sister. So, you know, if there was partying going on, I wanted to do it too. So I remember it started with black beauties and yellow jackets. So those are uppers.

Yeah.

That was, like, speed.

Diet pills and stuff.

Yeah. Correct.

Mhmm.

And then it just when I met Frank, it was cocaine. So by 14, I was, you know, partying. 14, 15.

By

the time I was 16, dating, like, the biggest drug dealer in Staten Island secretly.

And who is this? Are we allowed to say this?

He was so gorgeous. No.

I can't

say it. I his name is But it wasn't Frank? No. His first name is Jay. He was just like, oh, he was beautiful.

And he was like, you can't tell nobody because, you know, your father would be upset. How old was he? 22. 22. And you were how old?

16.

Oh, god. I'm having this argument with our kid right now. She has 20 year olds hanging around, and she's 15. And I'm like, there's something wrong

with them. Yep. Okay. Good. I'm not gonna feel the same way.

Okay. That's a crime. Okay. Good. Because what I know now first of all, I would kill somebody.

I have 3 granddaughters. You're not making it home for me. Like No. No. You're warped in the brain that you wanna be with a little girl.

Yeah. Because Good. I'm glad. Regardless a certain way. The woman could be grown, you know, physically, we could look a certain way, but mentally.

No. Yeah. And that's where they condition you. You're conditioned in your early teen years. You know what I mean?

So for me, it was, like, I felt popular. I felt special. I felt Felt 1 thing. Ugly. Yes.

I felt I but it was a secret. Yeah. So it's still, you know, it's not fair to me. And I just stayed in a you know what? Looking back, it's so sad.

It's so sad. I could have been so much more in life. You know? I could have had the healthy relationship, but, no, I, you know, I went from my first boyfriend to that, like, relationship for a few years when I was in my 6 16 to 18 to meeting my son's father when I was 20, getting engaged a month 19 days after I met him because I wanted this. And my father said, you want it?

I'm gonna give you what you want. Now you're gonna let when you make your bed, you gotta lay in it. Yeah. And my father didn't want me to marry him because he wasn't Italian. He was Puerto Rican.

Did you ever, experience abuse in the house? Was that no. There was never an abuse?

No. Your daughter always got hit.

I'm trying to figure out where your attachment style came from.

Okay. I don't know because my father never hit my mother

Yeah.

Ever. But what I do know is this. At 16, I found out about an affair my father had. Mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this. And I remember what I did and I lost it.

Like lost it because I have the most magnificent mother in the world, Like Raquel Welch gorgeous. Right. And such a good woman. But in the same thing, I didn't want to be her anymore. I wanted to be her and then I didn't want to be her because to me it was weak.

Right. And I just said, that's what's gonna happen. And I ended up being the same damn thing just with a big mouth. So my father never hit my mother ever.

Yeah.

Ever. That's like, it's just not happening in my household. Lana got hit a lot because Lana was really bad. Like, she would rob the car all the time and, you know, like flip the cars and Trying

to hang you off chandeliers.

Absolutely. Had me swinging off banisters. Like but, I think for me, I just wanted something.

You wanted to be loved.

And I had such a hole in my soul. I was born with a hole in my soul. Literally, I was born with a heartworm. I think that was the hole. Oh.

Yeah. And I I would have done anything, anything in the world. Oh, God. I'm gonna get so emotional right now. It's okay.

I would have done anything for someone to say I love you.

Looking back, do you feel like you finally found that love within yourself?

Not yet. You're still looking for it? Not yet.

Well, I love you.

I love you too.

You want a hug?

I do. Okay. I'm so sorry. I just don't know. You're not good.

I was like, I'm not gonna cry today.

I got you, mom. Oh, you are

so good. Thank you. You know, I you know what's funny? Now I have it with my grandchildren. No.

You know? And, they love me.

Oh, I bet. You are you are, like, the ultimate. You're like Glamaw.

That's yeah. That's the name of my company too. I just they actually I play superhero. I I do all these things with the kids, and it's this feeling of it's a different love. Yeah.

And it it does Unconditional. Yeah. It does fill the soul, you know, it it it is now for me. It's things are changing. And,

do we have any tissue, Mimi?

We'll get you

we'll get

you travel with

a box. Oh my gosh.

We'll get you some I'll rip the eyelashes off in 5 minutes. I don't even care.

The shoes off. I don't care

to be cocky, baby.

Yeah. You know? And it's a journey. I think life is a journey of literally learning how to fall in love with yourself.

Yep.

It really is. And I for women like us who have grown up with trauma and the women at home that are listening, like, that's really all we've ever searched for in this world is to give love and to receive love. And it starts with us.

It does. And, what I'm finding out now is nobody's gonna do it for me but me.

Absolutely.

You know? And that's that's the sad part because I know how I love on somebody. Yeah. So I'm like, what? You know, where are these people?

And my sister, Jennifer, would always say to me, Renee, your expectations of people are way too high. Nobody's you. No 1 will ever do the things you do. You pay people's bills before you'll even pay your own. You'll take care of everyone, strangers on the street and not yourself.

Yeah.

And I think that's what it was. I've always been trying to save a life, but it was my life I had to save. And I just felt like that my life wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. Why should I be alive?

Why should I have all these things? Even when I was young, I would give everything out. Everything my father would give me, I'd give everybody else Because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it? No.

You know, not everybody gets the lifestyle that I I lived as a I had a fur coat at 7, diamond nameplates. Like, I I think I came out of the womb as a mob wife. Yeah. Like, you know, with the with the big jewelry and the whole bit. You know?

And now I I look back and I just I have 3 granddaughters and I have 1 grandson and all I want them to do all I want for them I should say is to know that they are so loved and nothing matters and nobody will ever hurt them. And I say that and I don't care if the feds will listen in on this 1. Yeah. I would go right to the wall for them. You know what I mean?

As every parent should for their child. Every parent. Any parent that doesn't shouldn't be a parent. That's how I view it.

Did you ever pour that feel like you poured that love into AJ?

You know what? AJ AJ is is very loved. Very, very, very loved. He doesn't really show me that though anymore. I I know I hurt my son.

No. I definitely did. AJ witnessed some stuff that he doesn't talk about ever. So when AJ was 5 and it was November 29th and his father gave me a really bad beat and his face was pressed between the 2 little lats on the stairs and his eyes never left mine as this man dragged me down the stairs backwards. And, I just remember looking at him and I said, I gotta get him out of here.

And I went to church and there was a piece of paper in the church and it said, after the long dark storm, there will be light. And there was no other piece of paper in the whole church that said that. And I'm all over the church like, oh my God, God's talking to me. Like I know this man's having a conversation

with me.

No. Facts. I left the next day. I packed what's great, they took my son, my clothes, and my television.

When you're in those situations, you do crazy shit.

My TV no. Because I swear the TV meant something to me all my life. Like, I wanted to be, Lucille Ball. That was my dream. Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball with blondie and Joan Jett twist.

That's what that's all I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I mean? But then again, I wanted to be Diahann Carroll, but then my mother told me I couldn't be Diahann Carroll because she was a black woman. And I and I argued with her for, like, years. Yes.

I can. She's like, no. You can't, Renee. You don't understand. But, yeah.

I left him right there, and I I left with AJ. I went home. My father was like, okay. No problem. Stay.

You can't go back now. And what's crazy is my ex husband's last name is Pagan. Mhmm. So for someone who believes in God so much. Right?

I've always thought that.

Okay. I got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity.

Oh my goodness.

A black crow flew in my church and sat above me on my wedding tape. Wow. I married goosebumps. I married the devil. I I I kid you.

He's the spawn of the devil.

How did you guys meet? Where did this come from? Because I read somewhere that he was a friend of your father's.

No. Not at all. He's a liar. Okay. He wishes.

I met him on May 7 May 17, 1990. He had just come home from doing, like, 4 years for, like, gun trafficking. So for me, it's like, oh, he has a report. I love it. Oh my god.

He's gonna fit in my family just fine. Yeah. You know? And I remember going home and saying, dad, I got a boyfriend. I want you to meet him.

And he's like, what's his name? I'm like, ask him when he gets here. He goes, what does that mean, Renee? Because I couldn't say his name was Hector. Yeah.

I didn't know what was gonna happen. Yeah. So when he got to the house, my father goes, what's your name? He goes, Hector. He goes, Hector?

What's that? What what what are you? So he said, I'm Puerto Rican. He goes, no. Your name is Junior.

That's where he got that name from.

Wow.

From my father. And because he was in jail with a friend of my father's who was Joe Messina, who was the, mob boss of the Bonanno crime family, who also became a fucking rat, And he's he's dead now too. My father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately. Immediately.

And you were how old? 20?

I was 20. I got engaged a month 19 days after I met him. I said, daddy, this is what I want. And my father always gave me what I wanted. So even getting, you know, beat by him and My father never knew.

Never knew. Never told him. He's my abuser. And when I say that, I mean it in every way shape of the word. So whatever comes before our abuse emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically, that's my abuser.

I've heard you say that he was your rapist.

Yeah. He,

It's hard to believe that people give this man a platform.

You know it's hard to believe? That women don't report this. Mm-mm. Because you don't know it's a crime when you're married. I didn't know that that's a crime.

Right. You know, if your husband comes home and he's a little bit forceful and you have to submit, that's a crime. Mhmm. I didn't know that. And I had a therapist.

Her name was Renee. And she was the 1 who told me, no. That's rape, Renee. And I was like, I don't think it's called that where I'm from. And she's like, no.

That's what it's called. Period.

What would he do?

He was just the drugs were bad. He was a he is an alcoholic and an addict. So he would just come home from we had a strip club, my father's, and his girlfriend worked there. Her name was Danielle.

Who's girlfriend?

My ex husband's. Juniors. Okay. Filthy bitch. Filthy.

And, he would just constantly compare me to her. And he was very forceful from being drunk and high. And I really didn't have many choices. Yeah. I also didn't understand.

And I think I didn't understand a lot because I was never really developed in that sense of the word. Physically, I was very developed, but I wasn't mature enough

to be

baby at 12. Yeah. You're absolutely. But I was doing it from 13. So you know what I mean?

I figured, oh, I'm gonna make a guy like me. I know what I could do. And every guy liked me. Trust me. Yeah.

But not every guy wanted me because 1, it wasn't just the fact that you had to deal with my father. I don't shut up. Right. You you're gonna follow suit.

Right.

If you can't equal up to my father, you're gonna follow suit.

Right.

And I'm gonna lead. And that's really what it was. And my ex husband resented me for that because guys would kiss me hello before him. So you know that mob thing, they all kiss each other. Mhmm.

They wouldn't kiss him before me.

Right.

And I kept saying to him, but you're not Anthony's daughter. I am.

Yeah.

So I am to be treated that way because I am the, you know, mob royalty if you if you

And he's also not Italian.

No. And that was the thing. Then he became so close with my father. My father loved this man. Oh my God.

He loved this man. And he was gonna give him our last name. Aw. So he could be imagine this. And this man ratted on my father, beat his daughter.

The abuse I went through, he shattered my coccyx bone, broke, cracked a rib, punctured a kidney, broke my cheekbone, like and I would never tell. Renee. I yeah. I never told.

Why would he do these things? Like, he just would come home drunk?

He was just because he would say really mean things to me, and, oh, god. This is so bad. Sorry, Lois. His mother's Lois. She died.

She was a heroin addict. Dired HIV. So he would be really mean to me, and I'd be like, your mother's oh, true. It's true. Your mother's this or your mother's that because that's my only defense because I'm getting smacked.

So what else could I do? I'm like a little peanut, and this man is 6 feet professional boxer.

No man should ever hit a woman no matter what.

He was he was just evil. Yeah. I don't wanna I I I I know that he had his own trauma, but I don't like to give him any little bit of grace whatsoever because he doesn't deserve it. Because you could walk out that door. You could you you walked out that door and gave your girlfriend my car and left me while I was pregnant throwing up.

My body shut down. I lost £25 in my 4th month. I, my body I collapsed, and I stayed in the hospital for, like, at least 2 weeks. And he made me take a cab home. Like, the things like, a lot of it's flashing right now, so forgive me.

No. You're good.

You know, because my ADD is also active right now. You're fine. And it's like, oh, shit. I oh my god. Oh my what what was I doing?

I coulda had anything in anyone.

I went through it too. I went through it as severely abusive relationship. So everything that I'm hearing from you just breaks my heart because I too stayed no matter what. And it was like we had the most amazing sex and, like, I would try he was always sorry after he would do it. And then now this man is trying to gaslight me because he knows I'm writing a book.

Oh, good. So where what's his address?

And is telling me that everything that happened is embellished and that I'm lying and that he he never hit me close fisted, but he bopped me in my nose. You know? Like, it's like, the the these men are just crazy. So to me, you know, Hector sounds a lot like my ex.

Well, yeah, because they're, what's the word? What are they called? Narcissist. Narcissist. Narcissist.

Asshole. My ex husband, the sex was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. You should be embarrassed. But, you know, it's so crazy. His girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now.

It, like, stalks me. Of course. I'm like, bitch, please have a seat.

You're the 1 that got away.

Like, please have a seat.

He probably triangulates you with her.

Just knocked her out cold in a parking lot in Staten Island maybe, like, 6 months ago. He moved out here. He lives in Lake Tahoe. And if I had his address, I'd give it to you No. For anybody who wanted to ring the bell.

I don't care. So, like, I really don't care. Like, the the it could come and say, Renee, you're not allowed to say that. I'd be like, yes. I am.

So let's rewind it back. So you you're going through this horrific time with him. You're pregnant. You know you know, you have AJ. AJ's having to witness the abuse.

When do you guys finally break? Because I know on Mob Wives, you guys ended up getting back together.

Okay. So it was, November 30th 19 99. She remembers dates. Yeah. Oh, I have a thing with numbers.

Okay. It was, yep, 1999 because I remember for New Year's, I remember that Prince song playing in my head. I left and then I found out that the affair he was having at that time was with his sister's friend who I always said it was and she was pregnant. So here's this 1. So now I show up at court.

Oh, I didn't know she was pregnant yet. So I I go to court. He gets pinched. I go to court. I have to put the house up for him and he's there with her.

And I'm sitting there and I and I'm looking and my cousin, Alexis, who's this tiny, tiny little blonde, We call her Barbie. And she says, Renee. I go, there's a ring on her finger. He's married to me. I get up and the judge goes, who's here for, you know, Hector Pekka?

And I go, me. He goes, and your name? I go, Renee Padan. He goes, well then who's the woman that he's with? I was 1.

I walk out of the courtroom, and I remember getting into a fight with him in front of the federal building that he took me by my throat and dangled me in the street.

While you're pregnant?

No. She was now pregnant. She was now pregnant. I was no. AJ was already born.

He was having this affair.

Sorry.

And then I find out he's engaged. 2 weeks later, my son says to me, he he was with his dad. I was away. I had a boyfriend at the time and, a wise guy boyfriend too. He was cute.

And, AJ calls me and says that, what was her name? Vicky made him pee in the tub because she was on the toilet bowl and he was playing in the snow. And I said, okay. Mommy's mommy will be there in no time. You were in the bathroom with my kid?

That's a no. I made it home from 3 hours away in, like, 2 hours, and I gave her a beat. And that's why I thought I was and I'm not a fighter at all. And that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said, I'll kill you. She's having a baby, and I didn't even know she was pregnant.

And that's how I found out. So you're married to me, engaged, having a child, still beating me, and this is where we're at. So at that point, I was like, I'm done. He went to jail for 8 years. I had nothing to do with him.

No communication. I then started working for 50 Cent, and I you know, my life started to pick up, and I had this really fun and exciting life all of a sudden. I was experiencing everything from different races and culture, and I was like in heaven. I was like, candy, snow. Yeah.

That was me. And, matter of fact, my friend that lives here, I you know who I'm talking about, the witch I gotta tell you afterwards. Okay. Yeah. So he came home, and he then got a girlfriend.

Is Mob Wives going on while

we No. No. No. We came home in 8. So Mob Wives happened in 10.

2007, you had an overdose, didn't you?

Yeah.

Can we talk about that? Sure. Because this was before Mobwise even started.

Yep. So okay. So I, from the damage in my back, they put me on oxy eighties. And I was hooked, I think, in a week. And I was on 2 oxy eighties.

Ready? 6 propties. Xanax, water pills, diet pills, everything the doctor gave me.

Oh my gosh.

Doctor gave me

That's enough to kill you.

It did, obviously. Yeah. And then, on July 4, 2007, I owed a deed for the first time. My there were, like, 4 cop cars. I was a wild lunatic.

You couldn't contain me. Nothing.

Can you take me on that day? What happened?

My girlfriend, Nancy, I said to Nancy, you gotta take me to my mom's. I'm gonna die, and I know it. I said I have to get off drugs. She took, she got me there. She gave my mother everything that I had and I hit the floor and that was it.

And my mother did not understand addiction and was embarrassed. So she put me in a 72 hour holdover as opposed to detox and I was sexually assaulted in the, mental ward by a man named Stanley Guido on July 7th at 4:35 in the afternoon, 2 hours before I was being released. And then I was straightjacket a day after that. And

so they let me get this right. Your mom has you admitted Committed. Committed. And a man forces himself on you Yeah.

He was a patient. Oh, he was a patient. He was a patient. Okay. And I remember there was this young black boy there and they kept giving him so much Thorazine.

And I would give him my cookies because I knew it would change the chemicals. Like, so I know I'm not crazy, you know? So, but I saw what they were doing to people and it was breaking my heart. So they drugged me. And the man came in my room and, held me down.

That's why I like, I shake on my left side. So he held me down. He sexually assaulted me. I remember like losing it and they wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They wouldn't call 911.

So I found a way to set a fire. And I knew if the police if the fire department came, the police department would come. The police department, the man was detective Gorham. He was the head of SVU, but he used to be organized crime and knew my father. And he said, tell me what happened.

I told him. He the man admitted it. This I have a police report that backs this up. And he tried to orally violate me, the man. The cop turned his face, and I did what I did.

And they straightjacketed me because I, like, attacked him. Like, you couldn't get me off of him. You couldn't. And the man said he did it. So now the the psychiatrist tells my mother I'm lying.

My mother believes the doctor because she thinks I'm trying to get out. They kept me there for 2 weeks. I spent my 37th birthday with a 1 on 1 in Staten Island Hospital. And, it changed me for the rest of my life. It changed me for the rest of my life because it was different than the abuse from my husband.

This you took from me. He did that, but it was different because he was part of my it was my relationship. This stranger did it to me. Yeah. And, they started giving me 8 milligrams a day in Xanax.

8 milligrams a day. So much. Even 2 £125.

Even 2 milligrams Yep. Is a lot. I used to take literally a p a quarter of the xanax, like a piece of a piece. Like I know.

It takes me 4 milligrams to to knock me out. My tolerance is so high to drugs. So high. That's wild. And that's what happened to me.

And, it changed me.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. You know what? I actually have some forgiveness there. And I think it's because when I realized it was my fault. And what I say it was my fault is what he did to me wasn't my fault, but it was my fault I was there.

Because if I didn't do the drugs, I wouldn't have OD'd. If I didn't OD, he couldn't have done that. So that's mine. I have to own it.

I understand.

And when I owned it, it was like, oh, okay. I get it. And it didn't feel as bad. I didn't smell him anymore. It took me years.

I I was like maybe 3 or 4 years. I'd smell this human. I would scratch my skin off my body, my neck. Like, there's parts in my wife's like my neck would be ripped apart because I the the feeling would over like, the pains in my body when he tried to, like, eat forcefully push his fist inside of me. Like, I'd get pain and then all of a sudden it was gone.

It was just gone. I dealt with it. I don't know. Maybe it's because I prayed so much on it. Like I would always just ask God, just please just take this 1.

Like you give me so much and I know they say like you can only God gives you what you can handle. But, like, I had a time out. I said, God. Yeah. I'm done.

I'm, like, I'm tapping out, dude. Like, they're I'm done. Yeah. I I wanna die. I just wanna die now.

And that's what it was. I just wanted to die for a really long time, but I was too chicken to do it. And I'm Catholic, and it's a sin. So I would never, you know, do it, but it's been in my head. You know what I mean?

And then after I lost my father, that was it for me. Then I really

So when you got out of the we're gonna circle back. We'll we'll get to the this is when your dad passes. When you got out of the mental hospital and you were just at that breaking point of, like, this is enough. I've had enough. Enough.

When you got out, were you able to stay sober, or did that what happened to you in that hospital just

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was that was the start of Xanax addiction. Right.

That was it. So Xanax, I would say to you, I'm sober at least 9 months a year. Mhmm. Absolutely. Yeah.

My using is a little different. I'm definitely an addict, but I'll use maybe 2 days cocaine. 2 days, and then I won't use for, like, 2 months. Xanax, I was using, like, consecutive. And it was, like, to the point where I couldn't feel.

So I I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. It was great. Yeah. Oh my god.

I can't.

It's the it's the most wonderful drug in the world.

I love it. I love it. I love it. It is a good drug.

I didn't use it correctly. Right. I overdosed on it twice. Oh, I'm sorry. Loved Xanax.

So people that don't understand people that don't have dysregulated nervous systems don't understand the feeling of chewing on a Xanax. That was my favorite thing or putting it under my tongue and just letting it go. Because

it tasted so horrible.

It's it's horrific, but the feeling you get is euphoric.

That's why not that's why there were 2 and 3 in my mouth at a time. It was just like, okay. You know? Oh, wait. In 15 minutes, I'm not gonna feel anything.

And I I suffer with severe insomnia since my twenties. So I don't sleep. I go 2, 3 days, no sleep.

Yeah.

I was hospitalized. I've woken up under general anesthesia. I've woken up under propofol. Like, I mean, something happens to me when they put me out.

Yeah.

And I think I'm so afraid that I like, the adrenaline pumps and I get

back up.

So yeah. And I think also the not sleeping had to do with the lifestyle. You know what I mean? Not the drugs, but the lifestyle of waiting up for my father or waiting up for my ex husband to come home by the window, always waiting, waiting, waiting. And it it's just it's so much trauma, man.

It's a lot.

Like, I'm just figuring it out now.

Yeah. Like, healing trauma, you're never healed. It's literally a journey. We're gonna have to figure out our trauma till the day we're not here anymore. Like, that it's a journey.

My son has a hard time with this 1. He's like, why can't you just stop? Men are wired differently. I'm like, you know what? They are, but they're not.

Okay? They don't share with us enough.

Right.

But I think they're just they could be just as or weaker. Yeah. I definitely think so. Like, look at a man that gets traumatized by a woman. Right.

He becomes a creep afterwards. You know what I mean? We don't become creepy. We just like what laughing

at men becoming creeps. I'm laughing at how she says stuff.

I'm laughing at men becoming creeps. I am. I said it, and I stand on it. I just think, you know, from my son, he's so he's so strong and, yeah.

He's also probably super empathic and super sensitive because normally when you're no. No. The kid no.

Not at all. No. He's so cold. Oh, he got his dad. After his father did what he did, AJ had to, like, be cold because we don't know

where something was. He just hurt him too bad.

AJ had unfortunately suffered a a serious situation where somebody hurt him very badly, because of his father. Oh my gosh. Yeah. 14 Staples.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. And this was after he ratted on your dad? Yeah. So let's let's rewind back to that.

So okay. You know, 2007, you had the overdose, this horrific incident with the mental hospital. Yep. And then when does Mob Wipes come knocking? 2008, 2009?

Okay. So after what happened to me in the hospital, I worked for Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. That was,

like, like, a great Was Alec cool? Because I've heard so many horror stories about it.

Matt, he was great with me. Yeah. Always. Tina is my favorite person on the face

of the earth. Seems like a sweetie pie.

She would always say to me, you're gonna be famous 1 day, Renee. You're gonna be famous 1 day. And I'd be like, okay, Dina. We gotta get it. Yeah.

Diatill, water pill. What are we doing? You know? And I'll tell you why I say that.

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So 2010 Mob Wipes starts. My sister, Jennifer, says, Renee, you can't be on the show. Jennifer actually Is the EP and creator of Mob Wives.

And that's your sister?

Yes. And she said, you can't be on the show. I can't deal with you. I'm like, what could I do wardrobe? What could I do?

And all along, she had a plan for me to be on it, but wasn't telling me.

Aw.

And so, like, a few days before, she was like, that's what you get. I was like, okay. So Mob Wives kicks off. My ex husband is home at the time. I have plastic surgery season 1.

Gone terribly wrong, I die.

Yeah. We're gonna talk about that.

I lose yep. I lose 6.3 pints of blood, mercifully through my body, read my last rights twice, vanco vancomycin resistant.

It was you were having so you okay. So the show starts. You're doing the show. Correct. Hector comes home.

Yes. Okay. You decide to get your body done. Yes. And this is on the show.

This is all playing out on the show. So if you guys are not my wife's fanatics, go and binge the series. You will not be disappointed. But take me on that journey. You decide to go get your body done.

Well, did you get your body done for him?

I got my body done so nobody could talk about me anymore. And I thought I was gonna have this fabulous figure. The doctor was was another evil individual. And he decided he was gonna give me a full body lift at £165. That doesn't even make sense.

You're not supposed to do that to somebody so small. So I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck. I ended up, my ass was even more concave now at this point. I'm dying. I have MRSA.

I have a hole this big in my back.

So you go home from the surgery.

Okay. So the surgery happened on June 11th in, 2011. Mhmm. I go home. My mother comes to the hospital.

Okay. No. Sorry. Okay. Surgery day, I go in.

He does a he does a 7 hour surgery in, like, 4 and a half hours. They put the garment on me. They rip me open. I bleed out. Emergency second surgery.

Come out. Never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of blood. The next day my mom comes and she hears me and I she comes running and I said, I'm dying. And she's like, what do you mean?

I said, I'm dying. And I was cold. I was blue. I remember the woman in the ambulance saying, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me. And I was like, just let me go.

Just let me like and they were like, you have to have a transfusion. Now I think I'm gonna die because I have to have a 4 pint transfusion. I don't want the blood. They take my rights away from me. I have the transfusion.

I'm in the hospital for a week. I go home and I smell something. So I'm like, must be the antibiotics, you know, because for females that

Yeah. Absolutely.

So I said to the doc I called the doctor. I said, hey. You know, I have a 101 Phoebe's. Like, get to the hospital. I said, okay.

He's like, I'll meet you there. I get to the hospital. The hospital's 10 minutes from me. Within 20 minutes, I'm at a 103:5. The doctor comes in and his name is doctor Raj.

He touches me and MRSA just was everywhere. Ugh. Everywhere. So now they have me, like, in, like, a little incubation thing because nobody can come around me. Yeah.

Now, you know, I could kill somebody with MRSA or whatever. They show up with their vancomycin. I'm vancomycin resistant. 4 days, read my last rights twice. Doctor Addy, his name is.

He was a doctor from Africa who works with HIV patients. So now I think I have HIV. This is like, you know, you gotta understand.

Well, you don't know. They don't tell you what's

going on. Infectious disease. The man's coming in from Africa. What the fuck? I'm like, oh my god.

It's over. And, he comes up with a cocktail. And I remember being upstairs and my father calling, didn't speak to me and my sister.

He was

a mob wife.

Your dad was yeah. We'll talk about that too. Let's finish the story

about that. So he was away. So my father calls and the priest said, you know, you should say goodbye to your daughter. And he said, what has she got? You bullshitted too, father.

And my mother said, no. Renee's dying. Like, it it it's a real thing. There's she's vancomycin resistant. They can't fix her.

And then I think my father might have threatened the doctor in the next day. I was I was on my road to recovery, and they said that I've defied medical history. My plastic surgeon never showed up ever. Wow. Yep.

And then there's a lot that goes into that story with the doctor, which I'm not gonna touch on that because we've had so many damn lawsuits over it. My ex husband then comes back, comes to the hospital. I'll never forget it. And he brought me this Rolex, and it was the 1 Rolex I didn't have and he gave it to me and he said, I love you. And in my brain, I said I had to die for him to love me.

Mind you, this is my abuser. I go back with him. I move him in. I come home from the hospital.

This is all on the show. Everything. Playing out on the show. This is real life. None of this is scripted.

Hell, you couldn't script me. The only thing fake about me is my nose. Right. You know what I mean? Like, my ass is mine.

It's just fat from a different part of my body.

I say the same thing.

My nose is not mine. It's modified.

And then let's let's let's cut back real quick. Your dad did stop talking to you guys because of the Yeah.

I almost did.

Didn't he get shelved from the mob or they said he was shelved technically? Okay.

He wasn't at that this particular point. Not at all. Right. It wasn't until he came home, and I'll let I'll touch a little bit on that. Okay.

So my ex husband now says, I love you. I wanna be with you. Blah blah blah blah blah. Okay. Great.

And I think there was a, an episode where you even said to him, like, you never say

I love you to

me. Oh, listen. This this creep. This creep. This

Did you think you think that he did all this because he knew?

I know he did. I know he did. He only came back to me to set my father up. My father came home August. My father was gone and I wrote my father a letter before he came home and and you could verify this with my mother.

And said, dad, you're gonna go back to jail right before Thanksgiving. I know it. Please don't talk to anybody. Don't, don't, don't. Day before Thanksgiving, they took my father away.

And I knew it. I wrote it. I knew it. Like when I tell you my premonitions are so real, I knew it. And I just knew something wasn't right.

But I

was so high because I'm on Diluted now. 8 milligram like, I'm sorry. 6 milligrams. Every time I take my Dilaudid, it's 6 milligrams. I had been sent home with a, a medicine ball.

So I had the pick and, you know, to my heart every day I had to do this. A nurse 3 times a day, like changing my bandages, all of this. He comes back to me, I love you, I love you, I love you. This, that, and a third. We're going to therapy.

All of this.

God. He even committed to therapy?

Well, he was cooperating with the government since 2,006 because he's not even a real man and can't tell you that, but I know his paperwork. So I'll I'll give you that so we could put that up there too. Because since 2,006, he's been a rat fucking cocksucker. Excuse my mouth. It gets me very angry.

Is that why your dad went away?

Yes.

Okay. So And nobody knew that it was because

of that. This is so November 20 right before, November 21st, my father was in the hospital. My dad had cancer, prostate, bladder, urethra, kidney, and I was gonna kill myself. I I will never forget it. I I I took Seroquel.

I'm

like, I can't live like this no more. So dramatic. That's Seroquel. Where was I going? Anyway, my father ran from the hospital to the house.

And I remember my white marble floors, there was blood everywhere. And he was like, what's wrong with you? What's going on? I was like, dad, something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but something's wrong.

I can't I I can't take it. But I'm so polluted mentally with so much deluded and Xanax and he's giving me cocaine and I'm just like, high. And, I watched his behavior. He was acting strange, going outside for phone calls. I think he's cheating on me.

Right.

Right? Because he was going through

through his phone.

Exactly. He was always cheating on me.

With Drita actually.

Right. What happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home November 21st and he hands me a letter and he said, this is from dad. I go, where's your father?

We didn't talk for 2 days before because I was fighting with him and I thought he was cheating. Right. He turned himself in because he couldn't take it anymore. So I read this letter. He says, you know, I got pinched 9 years.

Dada dada dada. Me? I'm like, I'll put the house up, whatever. I call home. I said, dad, I can't find him, my father.

I swear to God. You could see the the phone conversation. And I said, he said, mind your fucking business. Get off the phone. And I was like, what are you talking?

Get off the phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone today. And I'm like, dad, I can't find him in this in the system. Renee, Renee, please, Renee. And I couldn't understand what was happening.

And then I call him back. I'm like, dad, dad, I can't find him. And I hear my sister, Jennifer's son, open the door and then he said, Poppy, it's the police. And I said, dad, I'm coming on my way. And he said, Renee, stay home.

I'll go to jail for murder. Don't come here. And I hung up the phone and I knew it was over. He was home 3 months after 12 years. And the next day in the newspaper, it read, Mob wife, starth, husband's a snitch.

My whole life ended. My identity was wiped. I was nothing at that moment. But I got sober that day for, like, almost a year. And,

This is all playing out on the show. And I mean, you're having to not only deal with this in your own personal life, you're literally having to live this with millions of people having an opinion. Yeah. The first thing I thought of whenever that was going down was is that what maybe brought you and Karen a little bit closer because you kind of had to go through?

So Karen and I, our fight, the first fight we had on the show, it was more planned

Gotcha.

Because we were good. Karen, I stayed with Karen before I the show started, and I got sober. And she, I lived with her for a while and she helped me out. So that night we had to do that scene, it turned real. When she's when I had to say what I had to say about her father and she had to say, well, you can't think for yourself.

And it was, like, real then. But the love we had for each other was not going to go anywhere. We were still gonna stand on it. We just had to say these things to 1 another. So when Karen came to my house, I actually I would be I was the 1 that would say, don't talk to the daughter, da da da da da.

And then people were doing it to my son. And it was Karen that helped my son out. Yeah. I had a nervous breakdown that day in the house. Karen was there.

I collapsed in the bathroom. Then I I ended up spending 2 weeks in the hospital afterwards from a nervous breakdown. All these things were happening to me. Like, you know, it's like this everything is happening. Everything's happening and happening and happening, and you can't put a finger on anything because you're not.

I'm not okay up here. You know, for all that time, I was I was using, not just what I was prescribed because I had MRSA, so I literally had a hole in my back. The pain was excruciating. It was down to my spine, like this deep into my back. But now I'm on cocaine, and then I stopped.

Everything stopped that day that I found everything out. So when I get home from the hospital, my money's gone. I'm like, where's my money? And I take his watch collection. Oh, this fucking rat bastard.

It. I take his watch collection and I go to the jeweler. And I said, listen. I gotta pay my taxes. I'm screwed.

This man left me with car notes, this, that, and a third.

And he goes, FBI take your money?

No. Oh, okay. Things just disappeared on his behalf because he said he left me everything. He didn't leave me anything but crumbs. The crumbs in my fucking bed and embarrassed and humiliated is what he left me.

So what? The jeweler comes and says, Renee, sit down. I go, for what? Just give me the money. I gotta go.

He said, Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake and they all have wires in them. I took my watch off. He said, take that watch off. The watch he gave me in the hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it.

Get the fuck out of here, Renee. My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that?

What a piece of shit.

So when he's sitting there doing these interviews, he's a fucking liar. He's a disgrace. He doesn't deserve to breathe. He put my father who wanted to give him my last name so he could be the gangster he wanted to be. And you're a rat.

You're a pussy. You're a pussy. That's what you are. You got your son hurt. You beat your wife.

You're a pussy. I have no respect for a man like that. I have no respect for any man, any woman, or any man that does those type of things to another person. No. Because that's disgusting.

You murdered somebody, not my father. You killed him, but you put my father away because you are the murderer because you couldn't do your time. You fucking pussy. That's how I feel about it. Good

Lord. That is heavy. So the watch he gave you while you're laying on your death bed, he's telling you he loves you has a wire in it.

Wire in it. I don't even know. I haven't spoke on this. Like, I said it on my wife. You'll see it.

He wrote how he was gonna murder me. And I've read that letter on purpose on television with Ramona because I was afraid at that point. At that point, I said, this guy's a killer. I know what he is. So it is possible.

I didn't have my father anymore. He was in jail. My father's also now very, very sick at the time, you know, with the cancer. And I'm saying to myself, what am I gonna do? Okay.

I I gotta use my brain. Everybody's like, get a restraining order. I'm like, I can't. I'm a rat. And everybody was like, no.

You're not. And I'm like, no. I'm just gonna read the letter. And maybe that was a little snitchy. Okay.

I don't think it was snitchy. I just I

don't think it was. I had to protect myself. I had to. And I had to show that me and my son are unified and against that man. So my son is my, like, my life.

I'm gonna die for my child and my father. You know? And I remember Jennifer saying that day, shut the shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it I said, don't you shut this fucking showdown.

We're gonna show every little bit of this because this is what this life is about. Literally. It's not about who could dress the prettiest. It's about death. It's about murder.

It's about it's about betrayal. And nobody has been betrayed more than me from mob wives to the men. And I say mob wives because of the 1 mob wife, which isn't Karen or Ramona that you interviewed without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal.

You wanna use, party, have a good time, but you wanna tell on me. But I'm not gonna tell on you, but you wanna tell on me. So you expect me to hide your lies while you tell my truth? Fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in life.

You know, we're talking

about Drita. Yeah. And everybody wants to walk around. Oh, Renee, you're in recovery. You know, you gotta let things go.

No. You don't. I don't have to let anything go if I don't want it. She does she can't influence me to to use over it. She can't influence me to feel bad about myself anymore.

But the truth of the matter is it's people like her that say horrible things about a good person like me who does hide your lies. And and I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about multiple lies. I'll hide your shit for you because I I believe that you're not supposed to do that to another person. But you sit there and tell your friend to call me a junkie?

Okay. Like, you know, I'm so over the girls that you wanna be a whore? Okay. Own your shit too. Like, you know fuck that bitch.

Like, if I wanna sleep with you, I'm going to. You wanna talk about me? Who cares? You wanna call me a drug addict? So what?

You know, if I'm a drug addict and a little bit of a tramp, oh my god. I must be the worst person in the world, but I'll feed your kids. I'll give you everything I got. Yeah. So this whole thing of mob wives and this mob lifestyle, like you're jealous of me that I'm actually a mob boss's daughter?

Hey, that's my father. That's not me. That's my father. That's who I became because of him. So when I was stripped literally of everything in life from money to everything.

I had to reinvent myself over and over and over, and I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know who Renee was. I'm just finding out who I am now.

And yeah. You know what? I wasn't my boss's daughter. I'm now a grandmother. I'm a, an advocate for people in addiction, mental health.

I'm way more than a mob wife. Way more. And I don't have to tell you I'm gonna beat you up to be cool. Like, okay. If that's what you think is cool, that's bullying.

Yeah. And, yes, I might have been a bully on the show. Absolutely. But what they don't show you was every situation I was put into, I fought by myself. Everybody was against me.

You know why? Because they were jealous of Jennifer. You know, not all of the girls. A lot of them had problems with my sister, but my sister's your boss. Yeah.

Who's on welfare? Who's this? Who's broke? And at the end of the day, she put a paycheck and a very tremendous paycheck for everyone. Maybe we didn't like, we didn't get what we we thought we should have, but nobody was getting 8,000 an episode day 1 walking in the door.

Nobody was. What were they giving to? Like Jersey Shore was like 1500. Nobody was getting 8,8000 for your 1st season. Nobody, you know?

And there was just so much jealousy and, you know, even on my part not and I'll say that, like, Ange had a show, not Renee. Ange this, not Renee. But Renee is the 1 who's doing all the work. So if you really wanna talk about the show, season, 1, I think we all had equal parts. Absolutely.

Season 2, we know it was all about me with 9 extra episodes added. So now everybody get the same paycheck. I didn't get a bonus? Yeah. I had a problem with that.

Absolutely. Because it was your life that was really being. And nobody's doing what I'm doing. I'm giving you everything from addiction. I'm dying on TV.

I'm I'm OD ing basically on TV. Every year. To 1 point, I know for a fact when I when everybody Ramona left and Karen left, I was like 75% of the show. I did the work. Yeah.

There was a lot of unfair shit, you know? But I can't blame my sister for it because it's the network that's given us the money.

You know? You guys literally became an iconic moment in time. I don't even think you guys realized how Oh, I did. Yeah. And Renee's like, yep.

Yep. I did.

Yeah.

Yeah. I I think that you guys are gonna be a part of history and that that whole lineage. Like, look at you guys have Mob Wives retrending on TikTok now.

It's insane.

How do you feel about that TikTok trend?

I love it. I I love I love watching Khloe Kardashian. First of all, I love Khloe. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I know Khloe from many, many, many years ago. Mhmm. She was always so much fun. A beautiful she's my favorite.

I think she's just a beautiful spirit and strong. And she says what she said and I love it. Yeah. Watching everybody, Jo, Joan Collins the other day had it, did the Mob Wives esthetic. I'm like, this is I wanted to be Joan Collins, and Joan Collins just wants to be us now.

So for me, it was this moment of wow. Yeah. You know? But again, like, I watched my mom do that. Like, I I'm telling you, I came out in a fur coat with with big diamonds and all of that.

So I think it's wonderful. Like, if you, you know, I don't like the fact that they attach the negative part to it because fashion is fashion. Mhmm. So they should, you know, leave it alone. But I do understand.

They say, how do you glamorize the mafia? Well, I don't know. You guys are the ones making the movies. Yeah. Hollywood has always glamorized the mob.

Because it's there was something to it.

I'm from Vegas. The mob is glorified in Vegas. Do you

know that, Meyer Lansky so my therapist, Renee Meyer Lansky, was her, godfather. And Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky opened the 1st Catholic church. Yep. Yep. The 1st Catholic church in, Vegas.

Yeah.

Wow. That's amazing. I know that.

I love all those. Like, I want the house where Bugsy Siegel lived that they said is haunted. I would live there with him. I would feel like I have somebody.

So I would I'd live there with him. He'd love you.

You and that you and

that ghost could make out every night.

Absolutely. Snuggle up, baby.

I love that. Alright. So let's circle back. You're going through all this shit on Mob Wives. The the show's kind of imploding at this point, and I it's, 1, because of the Harvey Weinstein thing.

But, 2, also, I feel like the cast members were falling apart too.

Falling apart? Like, what what what episode

are we in?

What season are we in?

I think towards the last season,

we're just getting to the point where reaching.

Yeah. It was getting

Yeah. They were reaching. I guess they wanted, like, new blood. Mhmm. Alicia had left the show at this point.

Mhmm. Karen came back. That's why Alicia left. Mhmm. And it just and then the other Natalie left.

Carla and Drita stopped being friends. Like, it was

See, so that's nice. What happened with

Carla and Drita, the real story? Because Yeah.

I do.

Can we talk about it?

Because you were

just with Carla the other day, weren't you?

I was I saw Carla when I was in Florida. Yeah. So the truth of the matter is and I and I I don't it's really for Carla to speak on, but I'll tell you this much. So obviously, it couldn't just be me and Karen that thought she was shitty because it was her best friend then that she stopped speaking to. So it wasn't just me, Ramona, Karen.

It was all of us felt the same way. So now, obviously, who's the common denominator? She is.

So

my thing with with, Drita is this. She had this thing where she had to be the the top dog. Drita's funny. I'm gonna give her that. I Me

and Drita have some of the She's great with the 1 liners.

We had some scenes together that we would be crying, laughing so hard. But the jealousy, it's stupid. Yeah. It's like you're look, if you look up in the sky, there's 1,000,000,000,000 of stars. Right?

Everybody could be a star. Not my fault. I'm the North Star and you're not. Right. Right.

Yeah. I said it. Mimi's over here falling out of her seat.

Yeah. North Star status. Sorry. Yeah. God said, you know what?

I'm gonna give you a lot of shit, so I'll make you the North Star. Okay?

But what

are you in competition with? You can't be me, and I don't wanna be you. You're not my father's daughter. You don't have my upbringing. Yeah.

You can't be me. I can't be you. Yeah. So be you over the fuck there, and I'm over here. So I'm I'm I'm confrontation.

We all know. I don't I I don't give a shit. I don't feel that girls have to put their hands on each other. Yeah. I can have an argument, a verbal argument with you.

Yeah. Okay? So what? You you fast what you're worried, you would okay. Good for you.

I'm not saying you're not a star. You definitely are. Yeah. But you don't have to be this person to to down everybody else. Right.

You know what I mean? I I'm saying what I'm saying because it when when a person knocks you and knocks you and knocks you and kicks you and kicks you, fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in it. You know what I mean? And it it's sad.

It really is because we had something really special, all of us. But, you know, it's my understanding that VH 1 was not happy with her either. The demands. The demands. Like, we I remember we had to go to, like, an Okay Magazine party, and they sent us, like, Ubers, and it wasn't a black car, and she threw a fit.

Who are you? I was born in a limousine, bitch. I don't even complain. Yeah. Like, I'm really about that life.

Right. Do you

know what I mean? I'm really from that life. So, you know, Drita is always saying, I you know, she was brought up in the projects, but you didn't riding around in a limousine. So what are you complaining for? You got a car.

Someone's driving you. I don't care that it's not a black car. You're still driving me to point a to point b. I don't gotta worry. Yeah.

Like, what is that about? Like, the demands are ridiculous. They were ridiculous. And What

about the other girls on the show? Are you guys close? Are you guys friends? Like, Karl I I mean, of course, big Angelina, rest in peace. You guys all loved big Angelina.

Absolutely. I talked to Karen and I talked to Ramona. I texted Ramona this morning.

She's so she's so beautiful.

Yeah. That is so gorgeous. I I have to tell you, I didn't talk to I didn't talk to the girls for quite a while. Yeah. So, you know, there was a falling out with a lot of the everyone everyone.

And, of course, I'm Jenova's sister, so, of course, I'm gonna always stay on my sister's side. But then I got to a point where I had to make my rights. You know, I had to make the the right wrong that I've done. So I did a lot of apologizing. And I'm very grateful that the the girls have forgiven me.

I do talk to Natalie Garcia, the 1 that I choked in Vegas.

It's growth, Renee. It is.

It is. It's growth on everybody's behalf. You know? So I speak to everybody but Drita, and I don't see love at all. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But everything She

kinda fell off. Love was, like, online for the longest time and then, like, completely disappeared.

Yeah. I don't. She I she slept with my son's father too. So it's just it's so it's just so annoying, all of this stuff. Like, to me, it's just

like Not Hector.

Not Hector. Hector, the garbage collector. He hated that.

And from this Mob Wives just frenzy, you guys literally were a moment in history and just brought so much realness to people's televisions. What does Renee do after the lights go off? Renee continued to work. So I did Celebrity Big Brother. Yes.

I did marriage boot camp, family boot camp.

Yeah. Can we talk about the marriage boot camp?

Oh, please let's talk about it, that fucking idiot.

You had another asshole.

Asshole. Okay. That was not my boyfriend at all. Okay. So here's that story.

Okay. So he you know, there was always, like, that flirtatious thing or whatever. So we get this the show or whatever, and we do it. But he decides he's gonna get drunk, and he likes to, grope. Mhmm.

So, they have me downstairs doing my scene for hours, and he by the time he gets down the stairs, he's wrecked. Oh. And he starts cursing about my son's father and saying the words spic and this and that. And I'm and there's a Spanish kid there, and I'm like, don't say that. That's not nice.

I'm trying to control the situation. By the time we get upstairs, he tells me that I'm an end lover, and I'm a disgrace to my father, and this and that and this and that. And I said, what'd you say? Like, now my girlfriend's in the house, prima donna and her her husband, and he's saying the n word. And there's 2 bodyguards, big guys.

And he's saying the n word over and over telling me I'm, he used the c word. He used words that no one's ever And this is no My ex husband's never even called me the words that he did.

This is strong. That you're

not even dating. Right. And he's drunk.

Did you guys just decide to go on the show together?

Yes. So we so what happens is he turns around and he says something. And I said, Joe, my son's gonna hear. And he goes, your son's no good like his father. But I crack him.

Like, I I I don't when I tell you I don't raise my hands. Like, it takes a lot for me, and I don't hit men. I cracked this guy so fucking hard that everybody was just sitting there like, did she just, like, hit him?

They were probably relieved.

They they got ready? The bouncer goes like this. Don't. Don't. I was like, I got

to pull.

And I picked up, like, there was a big heavy statue and I went to, like, crack them in the head with it and they were like, no. You can't do it. Yeah. I lost it.

Too far, Renee. Too far.

You're telling me you're cursing at me and my son you're telling me my son's no good. Now watch what I do to you. So now they were like, we want you to press charges. I'm like, I ain't pressing charges on nobody. Cops come.

They throw him out of the house. I make him sleep in the tent outside, basically. And he had to stay to finish the show. But, you know, it was like that redemption when I get up there and I'm like, he's like, woah. You know, are you, like getting married?

Fuck you. I was like, I'm good. I'm leaving without you. I wanna married him dead. Yeah.

You know, that was that was acting turned real. Right. So for me, that got really very real. Every scenario was very real for me. So even though he wasn't my boyfriend, we were talking about reasons why I I have a problem dating.

So for me is I don't trust nobody. Yeah. How could I?

Yeah. After we

How could I? There might be a nice guy down the road somewhere. There might be. And if if he comes along, he's gotta come with a letter from God because that's the only way he's allowed around me. Like, it's gotta say love God.

Yeah. Like, you know Like, so x o.

X o x o. Like, there's nothing anybody can really do to me anymore. You know?

Do you think you'll ever be able to trust somebody and love again to, like, fully get the love that you've been yearning your whole life?

Well, you know what, Bunny? Nobody knows this, but I'll tell you this 1. So the last guy I was dating, I found out was gay. Renee, you got a picker on you. Gay.

Sucking dick.

Renee. Okay?

He wasn't just cheating on me with a girl. He was cheating on me with a Russian guy. So the girl

Which 1 was this? Do we know who this is? Are we allowed to say it?

His name is I can say it. He lives in Long Island, and his license plate is I suck dick. Bleep his you can bleep his name, but leave it because I'll run with this like a motherfucker. T shirt, hectic, hectic, the garbage collector, and I suck dick. Okay.

Not me. The boyfriends. So How long

were you guys together for?

The date. Like but this is me. Wait. Then the 1 before that was a con man. The things that have happened to me.

Renee. The things that have happened

to me. No dating anymore. Okay? Unless and you need to run them through me first. I'll do background checks.

I'll fucking I need to meet them. Like

I was so the the the 1 before last, he actually studied me, and, it was a real con game. Oh, god. He said, you know what? He said he was away with my dad. He knew everything about my father.

So for me Was he an obsessed fan? Yeah. So he used me. He opened up a strip club and he wanted 50¢ to do the grand opening, and I got 50 to do me a really huge favor, for a lot less than he charges. And I love Curtis to this day.

He's 1 of my favorite people on the face of this earth.

I hear really good things

about him.

For as much shit as he does not tolerate, I've always heard really good things about him.

He's a Cancer.

Yeah.

He is 1 of my favorite people ever. He truly is. He's always been so kind to me. He had you know, he got he was on the phone with my dad. He he's met my mom.

He came to my father's house. I'll never forget, we were sitting on the couch 1 day and my ex husband didn't believe I really worked from him. So he was coming to the house because he knew he was he put his arm around me. He goes, watch this. I was like, okay.

He goes, I'm so glad she's your ex wife. I was like, okay. Yeah. I love him. He he's always been a good friend to me.

I would do anything in the world for him, anything. But, yeah, where was that?

So the con guy.

Okay. The con man. Right. His name was what was his name?

No. It's okay. We don't need to know

her name. No. I can't remember, actually. Yeah. Oh, I can't I can't

believe it anyway. He was

in Texas. He was in Texas. Damn.

He was a southern boy?

Yeah. From the Bronx. Oh, okay. But I find out, like, you know what? It was this long distance dating was different.

So I'm not always around.

Where do you find these men? How do they fall in your life?

So okay. So this 1 booked me and was it was I was getting money with him. And he was just really nice all the time. Like, we'd show up with flowers. But I see, I don't know what a con game is.

Yeah. So I like con men, but not I'm excuse me. I like convicts, not con men.

Right.

So for me, I think that's where I kinda got lost in it. Like, I would never think somebody would do that, you know, because I don't I don't come from that. Right. You know, I come from, like, real money in the street. Yeah.

And yeah. So he used me, comes out that I got engaged, and then he didn't wanna pay for the ring, so I had to bring the ring back. And he just wanted a TV show. Yeah. Okay.

What a scumbag.

That's alright. I got even with him already.

So let's move on to I suck dick.

Okay. Then then came I suck dick. So, let's say he sucks dick because I know I do. Yes. But he sucks dick.

So this girl reaches out to me, and she tells me that she's his girlfriend. I go, what are you talking about? I'm the girlfriend. So she's like, oh.

Meet this guy? Where'd you meet I suck dick?

Again, through my getting money. Okay. So he was like, let me I'm gonna manage you for a minute because I was quiet, not doing anything, and I figured, okay. Maybe I'm looking at, like, the the statistics, the numbers, and his numbers were right. Mhmm.

But I didn't know him. And he he was in the street, with that letter. Okay. So me, I go from, you know, the Italian mob, then I dated BMF. My BMF boyfriend was a, like, a high on the food chain for years.

I have a interview with Tony said tomorrow.

Okay. Okay. So I'll tell you who it is when when we're done.

Yeah. Yeah.

So I was with him for a really long time. So then I kinda just always stayed in the street because street guys for me were That's why I am. What I know. I married a street guy.

Jay is a street guy.

Right. Exactly. So I know the street. Mhmm. However, the streets changed.

So the people that I was now associating with aren't they're not even chewed dirty gum on my sneaker. They're degenerate lowlifes. Like, they're they belong in the sewer. They're filth. Yeah.

They all go in the Hector category. So she tells me this. She sends me an article. I read the article and then I start realizing everything in that article is what he's doing to me. Oh.

And there's a conversation with him and the guy. And it said, why didn't you oh my god. How gross. I threw up for a week. Why didn't you suck my dick last night?

I was like

Oh my gosh.

Wait. He wants to call the cops on me because now I go public. Yeah. Now he calls the cops. The cops come to my house in Florida, and they're like, miss Graziano, are you harassing him?

I said, yes. I am. Why? What's the problem? The cop was like, you know, you really can't do that.

I go, yes, I can. He's like, no. You can't. I go, no. He's gay.

And he told me he wasn't and he's gay. And the cop was like keep

your life at risk.

Yeah. And the cop was like, I gotta tell you something. I go, what? He goes, you know, I'm from Long Island, so I know who your father is. Your father would be devastated.

He'd roll over in his grave because now he's not even my own nationality. Right. Okay? So now the cop is saying this to me. He's on the phone, the gay man.

And I love gay people, but I don't stick with gay people.

Right. Right. Well, it's just

A straight woman Yeah. Wants a straight man. Absolutely. Okay. It's got nothing to do with that.

I love everybody. Everybody, I'm not racist. I love everyone.

It's also a health risk anytime somebody cheats on you.

It could be either

a man or a woman.

You know? The the statistics for HIV are way higher with anal sex and so, anyway, cop says, wait. He called you? I said, yeah. He's at the precinct.

I'm harassing him. The cop goes off on him and he goes I go, matter of fact, he's threatening to, send my son naked pictures. He goes, miss Quarziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press charges? I said, you know what?

I'm not a rat, but I can't do I just couldn't do it. And he was, you know, then he started to realize the position he was in.

Yeah.

And I said, I OD'd over this. This is, this, this, like, I I just lost my whole life. Like, it was like I couldn't come up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half. Everything in my life was falling apart.

My son didn't wanna talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. And they were like, you're

doing You had lost your father too.

Look what you're doing to yourself. Look who you're with. We will not associate with this. And everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up And I just I gave up.

And this was in what year? 20 The

1 that just passed. 2022. Right? 23. 2023.

Yep. Okay. Gotcha. And I stopped speaking. The last time I dealt with him was, April.

And when did you overdose? And I I, May. And I just, like, like, lost my shit, man. And then I got back up on the horse and I was sober June, July, August, September 18th. Someone gave me a bag of Fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine.

And,

Was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer?

A girlfriend of mine. I said, make a phone call. Do me a favor. And she's like, okay. I I vouch for him.

I said, okay. I have the text message on my phone too. He said I accidentally gave her. She'd I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead.

I was, intubated for 3 days and, no 1 in my family came to the hospital and I spent 9 days there learning how to walk again. And, that was it for me. I said, okay. I was always afraid of heroin. Like I never touched it, you know, never did anything like that.

And my father's sister, Belinda, she was an addict and she died HIV. But she was sober for many years before she died. And for me it was always that 1 thought and that was it for me. That was it. And I was like, okay.

Like, I'm gonna die for real. So you did Matter of fact, I'm dead again.

You did a line of this stuff and how long

I don't remember anything. You

don't? Okay. So you did

are wiped from my brain.

Literally, you just that was it. You didn't feel anything?

I don't know. I don't know what happened at all. I don't remember anything. That day, September 18th is 18th, 19th, 20th are wiped from my brain.

And why did nobody from your family come see you? They were just all mad.

They said I wasn't gonna make it and my family didn't wanna They just didn't get it. Enough. I mean, unless they were like really torturing me in some sort of way. But, yeah, that was it. That was it for me.

And it's fine. And I don't blame them. I don't. I've put them through hell. Hell, I put them through.

When my father died in 19, in 20, they told me that if I had shock treatment that I would not be sad anymore. So I did.

So you had shock, what do they call that? Does it Shock your brain?

Electric shock oh, yeah. I think that's what it is. Yeah. I, did 6 sessions and it destroyed my brain.

You don't feel like it helped you at all?

No. I know it didn't. It made my addiction terribly worse. And I, that's the first time I'm actually saying it because nobody knows that. But yeah.

You need to speak on these things because I wouldn't

I wouldn't have done anything, Bunny. If they would've said, Renee, jump off the bridge and you're not gonna be in pain, I would've said San Francisco or Veranzano. Pick it. I'm going. I'm there.

I don't care. Renee, try bricks to your ankle and stay on the water for a day. You're not gonna live, but you won't be in pain. Okay. Let me do it.

I would have done anything anything in the world to remove that pain of losing my lifeline because he was my identity. He was Renee Graziano. I I bet because of him, I was Renee Graziano. When you're older, it's hard to figure out who you are, and it's sad and lonely and god.

Circling back to the shock treatment, though, they had recommended that for me whenever I was going through my depression. So I think hearing somebody who's actually been through it could possibly help somebody. You know?

Yeah. So I I would not recommend it. 6 months, I did start to sleep, but then everything went haywire. Mhmm. So I lost, a lot of my memory.

Mhmm. I now take Adderall because of it because the Adderall actually does help me. Mhmm. I take a very low doe oh, I I haven't been on Adderall in 4 months now, but, I think I have to actually go back on it because of my I can articulate but not as good as I normally do. Right.

You know what I mean? So my brain isn't as sharp as it was. Right. And the 1 thing that the Adderall did do for me was I don't have to take any antidepressants. So I actually have ADD, ADHD and it's that that contributes to my addiction.

So when my brain is here, I can't live in my past. Right. So when I'm living in my past, that's why I constantly wanna self medicate. So when I'm when I'm on the right medication, my brain is like sharp, extremely sharp. And it it did help with the, you know, memory loss and it jogs your memory.

But I've also done now, Ketamine treatments, which are phenomenal. Helping with the anxiety. So I don't take any anxiety meds. I take Prozac for menopause actually now, which I had to be forced into menopause at 44. They lost my uterus from all the scar tissue.

Yeah. My stories are crazy. And I take I was on Strattera with Wellbutrin and that's giving me a hard time. Yeah. Those, I don't like it at all.

It's like a pointless drug. It doesn't work. Right. It slows the brain down, but it doesn't help you get it out. So that I just stopped, and I,

Let's talk about where you are. Okay. So you did the you had your overdose. You had to learn how to walk again in the hospital. Yeah.

I was there for, 9 days, and then I was okay. Like, it was like nothing happened to me.

You're a fucking warrior.

Well, if you saw my car accident on January 4th 22, if you Google it, there's no car. And I'm standing outside the car, like, with a full face of makeup. I remember I felt my father, my ampoule and my cousin Anthony pull me out of that car, and they're all dead. And I kid you not. They like, Google it.

There's nothing. There's no driver's side. Yep.

You have 9 lives, Renee. I told you that when we fur we first got here.

Yeah. Well, I like wearing black for that reason too, the cat that I am. I'm just gonna have to learn how to land on my feet. Yeah. But you know what?

I just got a job, working in treatment, doing business development. I'm doing

You left, Florida and ended up leaving

Florida. I went to Texas first, to get well at Recovery Unplugged, but they didn't have a program that was a little bit more modified for the extreme trauma for me. Right. So after we did my trauma egg, it opened up everything again, and they couldn't follow-up. So then Lamar Odom, who's a dear friend, had me come to his place, which is Vanity Wellness, out here in California, and now I work for them.

And my objective is to help someone realize that they are special and you don't have to have a hole in your soul and it's okay if you do. You know? Just spread love, give love, and it's really about that, you know. And and I know I'm harsh with other things that I say because I'm a a real person who feels, you know. And I hate the fact that so many people have done me dirty when I've really never done anything to them.

Right. But, you know, a lot of people don't like the truth. Mhmm. So that's what I tell you, the truth. A lot of people have to tell me the truth, so why can't I say it back?

You know? And it's just I'm not weak by any means and I was totally I would never think you're weak. Okay. Well, you know, a lot of people will say it. Mm-mm.

Because, you're weak because you do drugs. Nope. No. I'm not weak. If I I think I would have been dead a long time ago if I didn't self medicate.

And I'm not saying it's okay to self medicate. I'm just saying I would have been dead a long

time ago. That was your journey.

Yep. I had to numb everything. You know, it's, to have an uncle blown up on on a a street, friends murdered, and you're just cooking Sunday dinner and like, oh, okay, honey. Yeah. I'll leave it on the counter.

What is that? I I I spent a year in black going to funerals. So I'm realizing that is trauma. And although it wasn't, you know, in my household, it still was trauma. Yeah.

You know, losing life is when you're a loving person, you know, you're separated from somebody that you love. Like, I it started with my grandmother when I was 13. Mhmm. And now in life, I have my 4 grandchildren.

Are you and AJ on good terms?

My son just left. My son and I I'm sober since the 3rd November, and my son and I have spoken every single day since then.

Aw. Shout out AJ. Yes. He's I'm sure that's detrimental to your sobriety

also. Yeah. Yeah.

Not that we're putting pressure on him. I'm sure that's just so healing for you

to be able to talk about. Good now. He knows. He made the phone call because I told him that he wasn't gonna see me ever again on 3rd. And I said, I can't do it anymore.

I was like, I'm not gonna kill myself but just in case something happens. And he said, stay right there. Don't move. And he made a phone call for me. And, my friend Phil O'Hara, he got me placed.

He put me in and, it's just every day he talks to me. Every day. And he's proud of me and he says it. He'll call me and be like, what's up, home slice? What are you doing?

Like, I'm like, oh my god. Do you know how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it? And he's like, this is what me and my son do. I'm like, I I send him money all the time.

And he's like, mom, you, you know, you can keep your own money. And I'm like, no, no, no. Go buy the kids stuff. And I'm having so much fun. And he's like, mom, I just took them to Disney last week.

They flew here with the 2 older ones. We got rained out in Disney, but we ended up at Universal for, you know, a beautiful day. And it's it's just my family's talking to me. Everyone in my family's talking to me. My sister, Jennifer and I are working together again.

She's part of my management team again. I'm so grateful and

Happy? Yeah. I mean, I'm

a little angry at a few people. And maybe now that I said it, I have to work on that. Mhmm. But if I don't like you, I just don't like you.

Right.

I probably don't have to talk about you. Right. But I can't respect a person that is me, that's Right. Cruel. You know what I mean?

Like my ex husband, that's evil. I don't like evil.

How do you feel about him doing these interviews now? I think he's a twat.

I think he's a twat. I mean, he sounds like a jerk off. I love for an a everything. No. You didn't.

You never had anything. It was always my money. Yeah. You never had any money. You always had my money.

I bought the house. Like, you know, he he's just I think he should just sit down already. Mhmm. You know? But let me tell you something.

I can't believe he hasn't been sat down. That's the crazy thing.

Well, who's gonna kill the killer? Right. My father's dead. So who's coming for him? Yeah.

I mean, you know, he he he I don't know why you even wanna speak about me. Leave me alone. Like you've already done enough. Alone. Like, I have not spoken to you in 13 13 years.

Leave me the fuck alone. Take your jerk off girlfriend who's a Mob Wives fan and follows me and stalks me and calls me a junkie and all like, bitch, you don't you just got knocked out cold by a man. You should sit the fuck down too.

Does he have a relationship with AJ at all?

No. He's he's he's he has to he he should you know what? God works in very mysterious ways though because he has blood cancer now. Am I smiling? Oh, shit.

No. I'm sorry.

Hey. I'm telling you, man. Evil I

can't help it. I you know what? I I I know I'm supposed to be, like I know God would he's God's not even mad at me. Forget He's not even mad. How could you be mad at the girl that this man beat and did all these things to and she smiles because you're sick?

Yeah. You're he's really sick, though. Like, he's, diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. Like, you should really sit down. Yeah.

You sound like an asshole Yeah. Doing interviews. You're a rat. Yeah. You wanna profit from being a rat?

You put my father in prison, my best friend's husband, my uncle. You destroyed a family, many families. And how about the girl that doesn't have a father anymore? You did that. So you should be talking to God, not people doing podcasts cause you wanna earn money.

Go get a fucking job. Yeah. Get a fucking job and stop beating women already. Stop. It's disgusting.

They never stop. You're not getting into heaven. Like, you're, you know, you're still and, you know, I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna. I wasn't gonna, but I'm gonna.

So he was threatening to hurt me again. Okay? Just recently. The threats. The threats.

Junior? Yeah. Threat and how he's gonna kill me. Hector.

He doesn't even deserve to

have him here. No. He doesn't. The threats. The threats.

The threats. It's just to the point where it it's gotta stop.

He he just recently? That's like that could be detrimental to your sobriety.

Yep. So my poor son had to do this. He said he said, you chose to do what you did and be on podcast. You shouldn't be mad or anything if you get stuff said about you. And at the end of the day, you abused her, and you're still trying to abuse her, you're trying to hit her so she falls back down, I don't know how you think you're trying to be a protector or how you say you want the best for her when clearly that has never been the case.

My son had to actually do that for me. Do you know how disgusting you must be as a parent that your child has to defend his mother? Yeah. And do you know what that did to me? That my son now I know my son knows.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I knew he knew, but now I know he feels it. To say you abused his mother. Go the fuck away.

They never do.

Just go away. I don't want you anywhere by me. I don't even unless provoked, I don't talk about you because you are a non fucking factor. You're a degenerate loser.

Yeah.

Go the fuck away. Take your girlfriend and go away. Yeah. And she needs therapy, that bitch. How are you with like, how do you not see what what's happening to you?

You know? And and It's the

same reason that we didn't see what

was happening. It takes a woman 7 times. Do you know that? That's the that's the number. She'll 7 times she'll have to

be hit before she leaves. Mhmm.

Yeah. Well, I'm pretty sure she's probably around 7 now.

Yeah. That's a it's a that that's about right because that's what it took me to leave

Yeah.

A few years and being beat up a few times.

So me 10 years. 10 years. I couldn't. Renee, I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

You have come so far And I'm not sun, honey.

I'm so excited to see what you do in the future. And I want I if you ever need to talk, you just call me. Thank you. Just text me. Call me if you're ever having a rough time or anything.

I'm always gonna be here for you.

I appreciate it. And I love what you're doing, and I love the energy you put out. It's positive. Even, like, I could watch your face when I'm saying certain things, you're like, oh, shit. But, you know, I don't often talk the way I do in an interview, but I'm so comfortable and I've been holding all of this for so long out.

That it that's what makes me sick. Mhmm. So it's

kinda Your secrets keep you sick.

Oh, sure do. You know, now everybody knows I'm a little bit of a tramp though. I know they tramp though.

I know they

don't. Care.

They love you.

I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of caring about what other people say

to me. Caring. That's what that was my huge lesson last year was I had to stop. I had so many people attacking me because of this podcast and just I got to a point where I was just like, I don't fucking care. I'm doing this.

You're not. This is my life.

Well, they're it's jealousy.

Yeah. It's wild.

It's wild. Isn't it insane that and, you know, the comments that people say, the things that people say to hurt another human. Like, what people say about me when I read them, you know, the way I look or this or edit it or I love my fucking apps. Leave me alone. Yeah.

I created a a MobWife app. Yeah. You know, just for the fun of it because I love the way it looks. I love AI pictures. I don't always look good, so why shouldn't I?

Like, people

world. You can do what you want just like everybody does Rebel. They want on their own apps and on their

own platforms. On a person's page that says those things.

Weirdos. Literally. Straight up weirdos.

Yeah.

I agree. Well, what's next? What's in the future for you? What do you have in the works?

Okay. So Mob Candy, I have my jewelry line still, Mob Candy. I have a new app with drop me in AI called Mob Wife by Renee Graziano, and people could download their photos and they get to look like a Mob Wife. Like, for $8 as opposed to go and buying that fur coat, you get the free fur coat. Right?

I have I'm working on a project. Hopefully, it'll come to fruition with TV. I did do my own pilot for My Fairy Mob Mother. Unfortunately, it was part of my relapse. There were a lot of things that I touched on that I obviously didn't deal with and I started to self medicate again.

So I'm gonna leave that there.

Yeah.

That's not for me. And right now, I just wanna help somebody get sober. That's it. Yeah. That's that's really my focus.

I have 4 grandchildren that I have to worry about. And maybe I'll find love 1 day, you know? But in the meanwhile, I'm gonna love me enough.

Yeah. Yeah. That's that's beautiful. And I think that's all you can do. After all the shit you've been through, Renee, you are still fucking standing.

You're still punching life and telling him it hits like a bitch. Like, you are 1 tough cookie, dude. Thank you. I just I love your aura. I love everything about you, and I can't I cannot wait to see how much hell you give the world continuing on in these years.

This time around as Renee, just Renee, I I look forward to to see who I'm gonna be in it about a year from now.

I'm excited. And you gotta come back and visit me.

Absolutely.

And come come to a concert. We're gonna be everywhere. We're going on tour, so come.

I'm such a, like, a country fan too. Yeah. Like, I love country.

That's hilarious. So you're a mob wife and love country.

Oh my god. Bob Brooks? When I get married, the song from Hope Floats, that's gonna be, like, my my wedding song. I love that. Absolutely.

Absolutely. I love it. It's just, like, it's it's real. Come on.

Yeah. Come to a show. Jay, I would love

to meet you. Oh, yes. I'll call

him I'll call him when when

we're on this podcast

so you can say hi.

Yes. And and he let me tell you something. My mother is a huge fan. That's hilarious. I love that.

It is. Because she calls me wait. I get I get messages. Do you know what Jelly's doing now? He's working with the was it something to Towers, Freedom Towers?

Mhmm. She tells me everything. No. She's like, Renee, he's remarkable.

No. He is.

And she's like, he spoke to congress, Renee. And I'm like, yes, mom. I know. No. She's like, oh my god.

This is wonderful. You have a friend like you. And I'm like, you know what, Ronnie? You just gotta stick your foot in your mouth all the fucking time.

I love it.

Thank you so much, doll.

Well, why don't you tell people where they can find you on your social medias?

So social media for Instagram is Renee Graziano, and it's the real Renee Graziano on TikTok where I make all my goofy dances.

Go follow the OG Mob Wife and go pop into her lives and give her all your gifts. Yes. Thank you so much, Renee. You're welcome. It's been a blast.

And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dunblonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.