Transcript of Erica Mena: I'm Not The Villain

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XO dumb blonde podcast and Is this being on? What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, my girl Erica Menna is in the house,

baby. Oh, okay.

Looking fly as ever too.

Thank you, babe. I was like, I'm seeing the baddest. I gotta come correct. And I don't do interviews. Yeah.

I hate them because they end up being just clickbait and people kind of, you know Yeah. I don't know. They they they and they had never been, like, my friend, I feel like.

I I've noticed you do a lot of interviews with men. They're never gonna give you a chance.

You know what it is? When I first started in the very beginning, I had to put myself out there. I was just doing, like, bad TV, like, these weird little outlets in the beginning that social media wasn't that big, but I wanted people to kind of, like, dive into me, and it never turned out that way. So over the years, I was just like, I'm just not gonna do and, plus, I'm on reality TV, so it's like, what can I really say in an interview that you guys kinda don't see edited anyway on TV? So Yeah.

But, yeah, I don't do interviews, but, this 1, I felt like I had to. Yeah. First of all, such a big like, your whole journey. Like, I know what's up with you.

I appreciate it.

I feel like me have a lot in common too. Like

you're my buddy.

Yeah. Like it's We talk. Like, we could go into it, but yeah. Like, you you definitely like, we have, you know, that loss of a companion, you know, kind of story that we can compare and just I just love how you're just such a ride or die. You you kind of own up to who you were, what you were, and kinda is like, this is who I am now, and you just kind of taken people on your journey, and now they have no choice but to fucking respect you for it.

Yeah. And

I feel like it's so similar to, like, me. I kind of was that You deserve the

flowers, and that's what I was telling you when you first and thank you for that. I appreciate. Thank you for seeing me for who

I am now and what

I what what I've been through and where I'm at. I really appreciate that, and that means the world to me. But you also deserve your flowers because, girl, to be as relevant as you are in this world for as long as you have been and you've literally clawed your way up, up. And we're gonna get into your story because I'm sure a lot of people who listen to my podcast might not know your backstory and stuff like that.

Why I wanted to do this more than ever. I'm like, new audience, new fresh minds. Like, people get to tap in, and then they can kinda do their homework on everything Yeah. Else with me after. Yeah.

But, yeah, I have kind of been through a lot Girl. Out there for a long time.

You have literally you've been a video vixen. You've been a reality TV star. Now you're dabbling in music and becoming an actress. Yeah. And it's, like, it's just so inspiring Yeah.

To see somebody who's came from where you've come from also. Yeah. And pretty much we're like, you know what? I'm a force to be reckoned with. Deal with it.

And I love that about you. That's always been your attitude. You don't hide who you are. I love that you wear your heart on your sleeve. Thank you.

I just feel like you're just human. And if the world doesn't love you, they secretly fucking wanna be you. Because literally, you you

I never thought about it like that. I think this is you know, I just was a wild puppy for so long when I started. I I had no direction. I just knew I'm gonna be this. No 1 may, like, not knowing how to do it or who I needed to do or how I needed to be to do it, I was just like, this is what it is, and I'm gonna go for it.

You grew up in front of the world. That's not

easy. Literally.

That's not easy. To grow up, it's like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears. They all had cameras in their faces in the most pivotal years of their lives. Mhmm. And so did you.

Yeah. You know? Like, you literally were a baby coming up, and every part of your life was documented. Nobody's gonna know how to act in front of 1, you said it you hit the nail on the head. Nobody guides you.

Nobody tells you, hey. Maybe you shouldn't act like this. Or, hey.

Yeah. You know? I had no management. No nothing. It was just kinda like, this is and and even with family members, like, no 1 knew what the hell I was doing.

They just kind of

Well, in reality be. Well, in reality TV encourages bad behavior because that gets fused.

Oh my god. And when I got into reality TV, I swore it was like wrestling. Yeah. I did. I really, really did.

I was like, okay, you just go in because I was casted to be the villain. You know, that that was the conversation we had at the, you know, when I sat down to even start my reality journey. And I was just like, okay, cool. Let's do it. So in my mind, I'm like, this is like wrestling.

You go in, you, you know, you be the super villain, and you go home, and you get to be yourself again. And it wasn't until, you know, I got my fair share of being aired that in the backlash that I got, I was like, oh, maybe it's not like wrestling necessarily. And at that point, it was like, okay. This is people are gonna believe what they wanna believe, so let me just do my job. And then as, you know, time went on, I realized, okay.

They're they're setting me up to kinda do certain things for what they need

Right.

To bring in ratings. How do I get control over this for myself so that I can kind of get control.

Absolutely. And I was also gonna say, to 1 of your points is people think reality TV is real. You know what

I mean? To a certain extent, but at the same time, it's not. Because no one's gonna really sit down with what a bitch said they don't like Right. And discuss why they don't like them.

Right. And you guys get put in these scenarios. I'm sure there's alcohol on set. I'm sure there's people behind the scenes talking shit, putting shit in people's ears.

The early years of loving hip hop was literally we pull up the set and the liquor was coming to the van.

Yeah. See what I mean?

Drink. Open up the, you know, the cooler, and you had your poison of choice right then and there. So, yeah, that's a good point. Absolutely. They definitely set you up.

They they

gear you up. They juice you up, give you up, and then production, this you know, the truth of how my production work. You sit in a band, you talk to your producer, and they kinda lay out what's gonna happen, what you're gonna you know, this and da da da, and then go.

Yeah. And so, I mean, in a in a sense, they're seeing snapshots, like, little Polaroid pictures of your life, but just blown up to where, like, you've had to hold something in for such a long time and not been able to confront a situation. So reality TV is real in a sense, but it's also severely exaggerated too.

So in the beginning stages, that's kinda what it was. And then when I started to when when it started to get real and personal was when I got married and all that stuff. Like, all of that. Yeah. And, like and it's funny because my life would be cool, calm, and then as soon as it's time to start filming, I don't know what it is.

It's the Chaos. The luck of it Mhmm. Where life just becomes crazy and out of control, and the cameras are rolling, and you just you just gotta go roll with it.

So let's cut it right there because we're gonna

take it all the way back to

when how this even started, how you even got into reality TV. Yeah. Of course, we will get to your marriage because we know that that's why everybody's listening to this interview too, unfortunately. Unfortunately. But I really wanna paint a picture for, my, crowd.

That of who you are, where you came from, and all the shit that you've been through before you even got to this reality TV fame. Yeah. So you were born in the Bronx. Yes. I'm a Bronx girl.

And but you have a crazy story because I every time I watch a new interview with you, I learn something new about you. Yeah. You almost don't tell everything all at once. You Yeah. You kinda, like, give bits and pieces.

Yeah.

And you remind me so much of myself because you'll be like, yeah. So I sawed my arm off, but, you know, this happened and it was great. You know? And it's like you're like, wait a second. She just said something super fucking traumatic and then just brushes over it like it's nothing.

Yeah. Because I'm so used to people not really giving me a fuck anyway.

I know. But that's not okay. And it's not you know, you are a rarity because we need more emotion in this world. We need more, like, women who are like, hey, man. This fucking hurts.

There's a clip that we're gonna play later of you talking to your ex husband, and it broke me. Because any woman that's ever been in some sort of fucked up relationship had to have felt that moment. Yeah. You know? And we'll get

I know. That that that clip has been viral for, like it's still viral. Oh, it I get people from, like, Australia and, like, all these places that are, like, sending me DMs and pouring their hearts out, and

it's it's still to this day. It's an authentic moment. Yeah. It's a real moment, and you weren't afraid to show that. And I really have to give you your flowers on that because so many people try to just be hard for the cameras or try to act like they don't have emotion, and you're just like, no.

You know what? This fucking hurts.

I'm going through some shit. In my life when it comes to the reality stuff was so real, and that's why it irks me when the other individual tries to act like it wasn't Yeah. Or, you know, say face purposes, but it is what it is.

So going back to the Bronx, you growing up in the Bronx, you your mom, can you take us on that journey with your mom? Because your mom was pregnant with you in prison. Mhmm. So let's talk about this.

Yeah. And she's like, wait.

You did your research.

Yeah. No. No. No. Yeah.

I mean, obviously, I wasn't born yet, so I I didn't get to experience much besides, like, the foster care stuff and not being able to be with my mom all the time. Well, you know, like I'm supposed to, any kid's supposed to in the very beginning, early stages of their life. But, yeah, it was an unfortunate situation. My mom, wrong place, wrong time, got caught up. And, my my my sisters my older sisters, I should say, kind of felt it more than any anybody.

But, yeah, it was it was it was definitely a trying time for my family, but my mom pushed through. I was in the foster care system for for some time, and, my mom, you know, did what she had to do when she came out to kinda get me back. And it wasn't until, like, I was, like, 5, 6 that some normalcy kinda started to transpire for me. So the early stages of my life were definitely away from mom and family.

And that creates a lot of resentment and anger in your heart whenever as a as a child because I my mom left me on a doorstep when I was a baby. Mhmm. And that really breeds kind of resentment sometimes towards women or sometimes just towards everybody. You know?

I feel like for me, it wasn't so much, like, resentment. It was just more of, like, I just felt like it was just unfair Mhmm. The the things that I had to deal with as a baby. Yeah. You know?

Absolutely. And and I can't blame her for it because it is what it is. But, you know, the people who are taking care of me, you know, and the that's why too it's like when it comes to foster care children, I have such a, like, a soft spot for them because you'd be surprised, you know, how the system just really just misses handles children, you know, consistently, and the people that they choose or they allow to be foster care parents because that's really you know, I know for me, in my experience, that was kind of, I think, the the part that really kind of messed me up in the childhood kind of phase of it. You know, being molested so young, not having control over what I was feeling, not understanding if what I was feeling was right and was wrong. And that's why to to this day for me to be sexual with anybody or anything, even though I'm such a sexual being when I'm I'm tapped in, it has to be a connection.

Yeah. You know? Even though I'm super, like people look at me and be like, I'm super sad, and I am. You know? Like, it's part of, like, the Scorpio in me.

Yeah. Like but at the same time, I'm so kind of selective because of that, you know, kind of experience.

You have to be, you know, especially in this day and age. But I also think didn't I see an interview where you talked about, like, while you were in foster care, you were also, like, sexually abused? Mhmm. Yeah. Like, that's hurtful too, and that can affect that can also make people, super sexual or withdraw sexually.

Yeah. I was I was sexually assaulted when I was a child, for the time that I was in this particular, foster situation. And, was it the feel like that kind of made me to, like, the tough not so much in the, like, the sexual stuff. Granted, like, when it comes to being sexual with anybody, I have to have a connection with you. Like, it's not just you know what I mean?

And it takes a lot to get me there. Yeah. But it also made me like the tough girl that I am, you know, where I'm just kind of I keep my, you know, and and my tolerance and my I don't know. It's kind of.

You had to protect yourself at a young age.

It was like Yes. That's what it is. I had so the way I am now, I'm like, so, like, I'll be damned, and people call it crazy, and they call it whatever. I call it, I just dare you to fuck with me just because I what I couldn't do as a child for myself, I'm gonna do now.

That just gave me goosebumps, though. You grew up to be the the woman that would have protected the little girl that you were.

I still yeah. I feel like I owe that little girl the protection that I consistently, on a day to day basis, try to give myself, that protection.

Yeah. And that's really you know, going through something like that at a young age, because I also did too, and I'm only saying that to relate to you. I understand the anger.

I'm I'm obsessed with the song your husband wrote on your behalf. Aw. Yeah. Every time I listen to it, I cry. Oh my god.

1 of those. She yes. It's it's because it it's really that. It's like, you know, you're innocent. You don't have no idea.

And when it happens, it's like you, you know, no no as a child, you don't know how to explain or you'd your innocence is really taken from you. Absolutely.

And not by choice.

Feelings and the thoughts and this and that is like, you know, it's it's tough. It's not easy.

Well, that creates anger too. Like, you're not being able to speak up and not being able to, like, say, no. I don't want you to do this to me. That also creates anger. I grew up such an angry child.

I got kicked out of so many schools

Oh my god. Me too. For fighting

For Me too. I mean, I'm telling you. And that and it stems from all of that that's happened in your childhood. They say that you can feel your mother's emotions while you're while she's pregnant with you.

My god. Yeah. My son, Sapphire, who's 4, vibrant child, like and and and is very, is it artic she she but she knows how to, like, articulate all her feelings and such a, like, you know, vibe. But when I was pregnant with her, we were in me and my ex husband were in, like, real die hard honeymoon phase. Legend.

Oh my god. He is any little thing goes off. It's it's literally night and day, and it's crazy because when I was pregnant with him was when I was tormented the most by my ex husband. Oh. Like, from the cheating to the embarrassment to, you know, left to fend for themselves after our house got robbed while he's in a in a hotel.

We're just in the same house. I got robbed, and I was there on ice tenting. It was just and I literally can see the difference in my children from them too, just off of, you know, what my pregnancy stage was in my phases. Yeah.

It's crazy.

And he's a beautiful, happy child. Don't get me wrong. But when he is, you know, not getting his way, the tantrums, the the breakdowns he has, I definitely see it. I'm like, oh, yeah. Everything I felt when I was pregnant, he

took off.

He now walks with.

And that

that's so it's it's funny because every time he has those moments, I try to, like, squeeze them and hug him. And, just because I'm just, like, I I know what I went through when I was a pregnant, and I just don't feel like it's his fault. Yeah. On why he's what he is.

And what happened to you also wasn't your fault either.

Yeah. I just wish I would have known better as far as, like, what I allowed to happen because had I known my it would affect my child now, I probably would have made a lot more better decisions.

Well, unfortunately, we don't know to make better decisions until we go through situations that make

us grow. Because I'm like, had I known it really would have affected my child the way it does now, oh my god. I it probably would've been a lot easier to just walk away and never look back than it was then. You know? Because your children are a different they give you a different type of motive and, like Yeah.

Hustle and reason and I'll be damned kind of

Yeah.

You know, where to be.

You're already such a fierce human, so I could only imagine how you are with your babies now.

Oh my god. I'm like, I'm orange jumpsuit. I dare you to fuck with me. Yeah. My kids, like, don't play with me.

So circling back to your childhood, moving on from that horrible situation, I heard you say that your mom fought for you, which is awesome because a lot of women don't do that once their babies get lost into into the, you know, system. And you also have how many brothers and sisters?

So I have okay. So I have 2 sisters. 1 of them on my dad well, on my dad's side, I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. Right. 1 of my sisters from my dad's side, my best friend.

I'm so happy we found each other. We didn't grow up together because my dad was, you know, a playboy at his finest. But later on in life, she found me, and that's, like, my best friend. Like, literally, I wish I had her all my life. But, anyway, we're making up for it now.

I have another sister that was adopted, and we don't know much about, like, her whereabouts. But I have my 2 brothers on my dad's side. And then on my mom's side, I have 3 sisters.

Mhmm.

So I have a cute number of brother and sisters.

And they're like half they're you got, like, half and and full blooded?

Yeah. Because all my sisters me and my sisters only share mama. Mhmm. We all have different daddies.

Gotcha. That's how my family is.

Yeah. So, yeah. Parents back in

the day were such players.

Oh, yeah. They lived in that, time of just free love. Yeah.

Yeah. And just do it. Like, we think we think we do what we want wanted. And it's like, I feel like we're the generational curse breakers, and we're breaking all the shit that our parents did. You know?

Yes. Yeah. So moving on from that, let's talk about your father's Dominican Mhmm. And your I heard your mother was raised by nuns. Yeah.

Can we talk about that too?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, unfortunately, she got caught up in the system as well, taken away from, my grandfather, and put into the system and ended up in, like, a all I wouldn't even say all girl school. It was like a girl and boy school, but it was school, you know, for children, that nuns kind of raised them.

And it wasn't the best experience. You would think, oh, nuns' holy place, but

actually Especially everything that's coming out about, like, the hair roll.

Yeah. My mom used to tell the stories my mom tells me, I won't I won't even get personal on that just because, we recently just had, like, a heart to heart on all the things she went through, and it's so sad how yeah. Like I said, like, I just have a soft base base because these they have these facilities for children, and children just aren't being treated properly. Yeah. So my mom had a really tough upbringing, which is, you know, why I understand, you know, her even more so now.

Because as a teen, me and my mom used to clash so bad.

Yeah. We're going through that right now, but I thankfully, it's not too rough. But I feel like everybody goes through that with their mom. It's like you just

Yeah. You

don't they don't understand you. You don't understand them.

Yeah. So But now, you know, as time goes on, like, my mom opening up to me more makes me appreciate her more, understanding what she's been through. And then it makes me look at the things that I've gone through. I'm like, oh, it's actually not as bad as my mom. So I have to and I also feel like where I got my strength and and resilience from definitely comes from her after hearing what she's kind of had to go through.

I definitely know, like, why I'm such a, you know, unbreakable person is because of my mom. Mhmm. But, yeah, she did fight fight for us. It wasn't easy. I'm sure they it's funny because they'll take kids from parents, won't take kids from parents that deserve to be taken care of.

And then the parents that do ride for their kids, they they put them through hell. So Yeah. That was kind of my mom's scenario. But once she got us, we kind of you know, life started to kick in. My stepfather took over, you know, and gave us such a beautiful life.

Let's talk about that though because your mom was in a halfway house

Yes.

And fell in love.

And then fell in love with my my my dad. Yeah. And yeah. And he he gave us such, like I said, such a beautiful life. He was such a great person.

He had, you know, his life as well and his back his, you know, backstory. But, ultimately, he kind of, you know, fell in love with my mom and, you know, you couldn't tell him that we weren't his children, and that's how life, you know, kinda picked up for us. And, you know, he bought us our first home and, you know, it was just it was once things you know, we got over those unfortunate circumstances and my mom did the work, meeting him, you know, that that The universe just survived it. Union just literally set the tone for my childhood to kind of actually kind of settle in and be alright. And, I still dealt with a lot of things, though, secretly from what happened to me.

So you I I think I heard in another interview that you said you never spoke about it. Right?

No. Because when I did, I remember there was a time I did. I was told it didn't happen. So That is so hurtful, though.

Yeah. That's really hurtful.

Because the sister that told me it didn't happen is the sister I don't talk to now. Mhmm. Yeah. And that was the sister that I thought was, like, my nurturer because she kinda did raise me when my mom was at home. Right.

You know, my mom worked a lot to provide us everything. Yeah. That was the sister that kinda held it down for us. But

Right.

You know, tables always turn and you eventually see who people are, and that's kinda where I'm

at with that. She might have gone through her own shit too. So it's Yeah.

She had a kid at a young age. So I'm sure she had her, you know, own stuff going on. But, yeah, I was told it didn't happen, and, you know, I kind of looked up and very was how you said that, respected this particular person who was my sister. So, you know, you respect someone and they tell you 1 thing, you kinda roll with it. And that's kinda how I took it in.

And I didn't speak about it for a long time.

That causes anger too in a child when you feel like your voice isn't being heard. So you you stuff that down. It's called unresolved anger. Yeah. And it's like you're to have to be that young and deal with being told that it wasn't true is Yeah.

Extremely hurtful, and that comes out in other ways also. Oh, yeah. That's why I'm,

like, I'm so adamant on, like, being the tough cookie that I am. Yeah. From then to now. I've definitely kinda calmed it down because I'm just kinda like, you got this. Don't worry.

People know now. They got them. They got them. They get the message now.

Wow. You know?

So I got a chance to will it back in, you know? But, yeah, that's kind of why it's just kind of been that girl to no take no shit. I got the label being bat shit crazy because I don't take no shit, and I kind of just I accept it. It just kinda is what it is. And then people thinking I'm crazy, believe it or not, helps me because it's kinda like, you know, they they they how do you say that?

They they know not to fuck with me, so that's kind of, like, selective, like, unless they really, really, you know, like Well, I'm your girl, so I'm gonna unless they really, really, you know, like

Well, I'm your girl, so I'm gonna give

the I'm gonna give it to

you real. Tell me. You had to step into your your, masculine energy.

I've been in my masculine energy even when I was married. I feel

like it's Well, he's in his feminine energy,

but we'll get into that. Okay? I have never not had to be my masculine energy.

And and I talk about that a lot on this podcast because I too, and I'm only saying this because I relate to you so much, have been in my masculine energy my entire life. And the only person I'm in my feminine energy with is my husband. And I promise you that when it happens for me. You're going to be the softest. You're going to be the softest version of yourself, and you're gonna look back I

had that taste for, like, a second. Mhmm. It it's beautiful. Yeah. But when it really happens and it's really for, like, ever

When it's yours, it's a constant pressure. Right? Yeah. You're going to look back, and you're gonna be like, I never wanna be in my masculine energy again. I

wanna be in Oh, yeah. No. To have to be in your soft error and then have to jump back in, that's what's not talked

about a lot. Yeah. Absolutely. No. That's extremely fucking traumatizing.

Oh my god.

To have to go

back. And it's

hard to let it go. Mhmm. Because you're like, I loved it there.

Yeah. Like, why did you take this from me?

Like, why?

Yeah. You

could've just left me the fuck alone. Like, you gave me a taste of what I deserve and then to pull it underneath me to have to and then to have to be masculine times 20 or a 100 than you've ever been before. Mhmm. Yeah. No.

I feel you, baby. I and and we're gonna get into that. I promise. So we're just building this story,

so we have to build it.

So So going back to your stepdad, he pretty much came in, made life so great. Mhmm. And then when do you start, like, you know, thinking like, okay. You know what? I wanna be a star.

I feel like I always kind of, like, loved music, and I used to watch, West Side Story over and over and over again. Once my mom put me onto it, it was 1 of my favorite go to movies, and I would sit and watch it and sing and dance and, I was obsessed with Rita Moreno. Mhmm. And I don't know. I just felt like I always loved that whole vibe.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it was just always me to sing and dance, and I I was always in the mirror and, like, you know, it was just something that I just just it was just within me. It wasn't even, like, something I was introduced to. I've just and I would watch musicals all day long.

I just was obsessed with them. Mhmm. And, once I started, you know, when my early preteens, music videos started to become a thing. Mhmm. Like, for real for real.

Back in the day, video vixens were, like, the it thing to be.

Yeah. Like, Janet Jackson, That's the Way Love Goes, was, like, 1 of my favorite go to videos to watch because she had, like, a variety of all these beautiful women. Mhmm. And Jennifer Lopez was 1 of them, not even known at that time. But Yeah.

You know, 1 of the like, you just see, like, all these women vibing out and dancing and just being I don't know. It was just like a a era, but that whole, like, music video phase kinda drew me in even more. Mhmm. And then, you know, growing up in New York, the castings of music videos and things like that were, like, at an all time high. I actually have a cousin named Maritza.

She used to be, married to David Alingria. Mhmm. So we had our fair share sometimes too of going to see, living color or him perform certain things, you know, and she was managing him at 1 point. And I remember, like, reaching out to her 1 time, I think, like, 15, 14, and I was like, how do I I wanna be that. I didn't know what it was.

I just wanna do that. And and, having a conversation with her, she was just like, if you're really serious, you know, go check out backstage. And that was a newspaper at the time that you would get at the corner at the, you know, like the little, newspaper stands, muse magazine stand that's so candy and all that stuff. So I would, like, get off the bus or get off the train and get my, you know, backstage. And I eventually just, like, 1 day was, like, you know what?

I'm gonna start going on on castings and auditions, and it just kinda took it from there. And, I would go skip school, go on these castings. Before you knew it, I got, you know, casted for a music video, and then it just Which 1 was the first 1? The first 1 ever was, All Stars. It was a music video with this group called I wanna say it was All Stars.

Can we find that, Mimi?

And the crazy thing about

it Is it online?

It's featuring, it had Nicki Minaj. Wow. Early Prime. Wow.

Type in all stars Nicki Minaj and see if that comes up. Well, isn't that crazy how life is so full circle?

So full circle Yeah. Because the individual I married later on in life was in it too. They had, like, a group. Yeah. That was my first music video ever.

That's the register. If you are able to pull it up, it's so grainy and so, like because this was so long ago.

Yeah. But how crazy is that? That's, like, the registering theory that he was in that video with her, and you were in it also. Life literally comes full circle.

That is nuts. Weird.

Yeah. So weird. Let's see let's see what we can

find out.

All stars. I I

when we we wrap this up, I felt like I can find it. Put Nicki Minaj all stars video. Well, I was a I was a vixen in the video. I was like a random, you know, video, girl. That was my first video.

Then came Can't Stop, Won't Stop, Young Guns, which was Rockefeller. Mhmm. And,

from there to New York shit.

All the New York shit.

That's when Rockefeller was, like, huge too.

My bad guess. Young Guns can't stop, won't stop. And I remember because it was 1 of the it actually became 1 of those videos that were on all the countdown. So I would be at school, and people would be coming from, you know, to school. Like, I see you in the video, 106 at park, and it was just like it was a cool feeling.

And then, yeah, it just kinda took on a life of its own. I got a taste of what it was like to see myself on TV. I got a taste to, you know, to see how things moved, you know, behind the scenes and what they were looking for, how you needed to look, what how what how you needed to move, who you needed to be. And as young as I was, I was picking up everything. No guidance.

No, you know, manager. No nothing. I would, like, speak on behalf of myself, and just, you know, just kind of just maneuvered. And before you knew it, I was, like, the lead girl in music videos, and then I started doing, you know, publications from, like, double XL, eye candy Yeah.

To show in the nineties. Oh, wow. This is like the nineties. Right? Nineties and 2000s?

Yeah.

Yeah. Nineties. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Late nineties? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We're showing our age here, Erica. I know.

I was like, wait. Is it nineties? Yikes.

Like, late 90

I was literally I I 1 of the videos I'm looking

at 17 in 97.

I remember the I was born in, what, 87? So yeah. Yeah. I yeah. So I remember 1 of the videos I did, I was, like, 15.

Wow. That's crazy. That that would never fly nowadays.

Well, back then, you they didn't do all the paperwork and stuff

like that. And they paid you cash. Mhmm.

You know?

Well, it's because weird shit was kinda happening behind the scenes sometimes

as soon as these things. It was in the early stages of just the whole, you know, how things would get done. Like, there was no real process. Right. You know?

They would cast you, and then, you know, that's about it. You kinda get your 2, $300 and Yeah. You know, get sent home and you'll be there all day. Like, I went through it all. Yeah.

But I'm I'm really blessed though in that even though I was so young, I wasn't dumb. And I will say this, my childhood traumatic experience saved me a lot from getting caught up in you know, a lot of women do get lured in Yeah. In these environments to have to do x, y, and z to be in these positions where you can be on, you know, in these videos and stuff like that. And I feel like my traumatic experience definitely saved me from, like, knowing better and just, like, I would never. Because what what I went through, I know what it felt like to be touched and, you know, not wanting.

Yeah. And I would never like, I would've refused to, like, feel that way again under my with it being in my control, I would say. So, yeah, it it like, unfortunate situation, but it definitely prepared me and had me prepared

Mhmm.

To kinda maneuver in those spaces being as young as I was.

That's that was an example of you taking your power back.

Yeah. Yeah. When I And I also knew, like, what I wanted to do. So I was just like, I you're you're gonna respect me, and it's not for that. Right.

You know? Absolutely.

When I got into sex work, that was my way of taking my power back. It was indirectly, like, you can't touch me unless you pay me. You know? So it was like a it was a weird healing, Yeah. You know, situation.

But we all a lot of us victims, I I don't I don't like using that word. A lot of us survivors

Mhmm. Mhmm.

You know, we take our power back in different ways. Yeah. And it could be something just like what you did. Just saying, like, you

know what? I'm not

gonna you know, we're not shaming the other girls who have done it, but we're not gonna be, you know, totally not. It is.

It's it's it's 1 of those things. Like, everyone has their own way of, like, dealing with what has have happened

to

them and then how to progress with it. Yeah. You

know? Absolutely. Can we bring up a couple of these videos so we can see young Erica?

It's so funny. I I will got a few. Do you got young oh, god. That's oh, I can't wait to dive into that. Oh, I can't wait to dive into that.

Oh, yeah. We got we're ready, baby.

We're ready. Go. This is Okay. This video

How do you walk You were in candy shop? I didn't know that.

Yes.

I love that. I used to dance to the song

on stage. 18 year old Menna. 18, 19.

I used to, dance to the song on stage all the time. That is so funny.

And I was definitely, like, 17 going on 18

years. Erica.

I was such a baby.

But you'd always you still look the same. You think so? Yeah. You're so beautiful.

Thank you. Oh my god. This is 1 of my favorites. Oh. I got to work with a lot of friends of mines on this.

These are all the the jams too.

Oh, I'm so lucky with my video catalog.

No. This is amazing. Yes. This is like This is actually

I was really excited about this 1 because for me, there was so many beautiful women on set. Mhmm. And the fact that I was picked to kinda have that, like, 1 on 1 moment. When you're in the video world and you start from, like, okay, kind of being a little bit of an extra to, like, main girl. Yeah.

You know, status, it it's like an accomplishment when Oh, absolutely. You get to kinda deal with the artist 1 on 1. That's why the Chris Brown video, it was like, oh my god. Now that's movies. Like, I made it.

How was it meeting Chris Brown?

I thought

he had

some it was his early, like, years of, you know, child. So and I remember because, I used to smoke black and mild back then. Oh, god.

I think everybody went through a black and mild phase.

And I remember him seeing me off camera smoke 1, and he would not let it go. He was just so this is like baby Chris Brown. Yeah. So he was like, ew, you've smoked cigarettes. You smoked blah blah blah blah blah.

And he would not let it go. That he even made a comment about it on, like, making the video and swear to this day, people swear, like, like, I had, like, some type of bad breath, but it was him talking about me, like, smoking, and you could smell the smoke. Like, you know, some black and mild smoker. See when every time I see him, I'm like, you have to clear the air on that that you were literally getting, like, making fun of me for being a black and mild smoker. Yeah.

Because he was fresh. He was like, you know, baby wasn't smoking, wasn't doing anything. And, yeah. But that video was my favorite. I remember, my best friend at the time, me and her were up for the part.

Yeah. And it was you know, I felt bad, but I was like, I want it. So I made sure to outdo her, and I got the part. Yeah.

I mean, this is this is your career

that we're talking about. Had that Michael Jackson video. What's that video where he go walks down the street?

The way you make me feel? Is it

that 1? The way you make me feel. Yeah. Okay. So I have that video in mind, and I remember that 1 was just being so, like, poised and badass.

So when I did the audition and it was Eric White who was, who directed this video, I made sure that whole video was just playing in my head over and over. So in audition, like, with my friend there, I made sure to outdo her. We're not friends anymore, so I can talk the truth about it.

Yeah. But, I mean, you're

not even saying anything about it. You, sweetie. But yeah.

But to be 17, 16, 17 doing these types of videos, that's insane. Mhmm. Like, that's a lure. Like, this is history right here.

Yeah. No. It's it's I have a lot to tell my mom. I mean, my my daughter.

Yeah. Yeah. Literally.

Skyfire, mommy has a book to tell you.

But unless you've lived through this era, you don't understand it, and it's hard for people to respect it. But this is, like, this is really cool.

Aren't, like, the go to thing anymore.

No. And peep this was such a cool era. I wish you could go back to this

because this was like the girl, actually. She ended up being casted for the friend. Aw. Her name's Narisha.

I love it. But, I mean, this is, like, this is such a cool lore, and this just goes I just wanna show everybody how independent you were before even this marriage that just made so many headlines. And, you know, because I see people say things, and I'm just, like, do they realize who Erica was before she got with this girl?

And I think because I've been around for so long Yeah. And then came this era and then came Love and Hip Hop.

And then

when I did Love and Hip Hop, well, I was on there for, like, 15 years easy. I went through the different phases, like, and and I'm I'm I went through the whole era of, like, okay, not understanding how reality TV works to, okay, now I need to get the audience to tap into me even though producers were still set on me being narrated this way that brought in ratings. It took a a while for people to kinda, like, okay, see me as a person. And I still feel like they don't see me as a person because they're so used to me being the villain. Right.

You know, for a long time, feel like they don't see me as a person because they're so used to me being the villain. Right. You know? For a long time, I was okay with going in, tearing shit up, saying whatever, telling you know, letting doing whatever they wanted me to do. Yeah.

Until finally, I was like, this is not who I wanna be forever. I wanna do movies and I wanna do and I would go out for auditions for movies, but because people have this set, you know, narrative on me casting people, it was hard for people to cast me. So then I'm like, okay. I have to do something that over time. And and and even though it was like I was 1 I'm 1 week hated, 1 week loved, and it goes back and forth and it fluctuates.

1 thing's for certain is people watch for me. Absolutely. You know? Because I I bring it, whether it's, put together a story by production or it's my real life.

What did you say to me earlier? Talk your shit, girl.

So it's like, yeah. I've been able to kinda, like, people, whether they hate me or love me or whatever, they gravitate, they watch. They know me. Time, I'm just like, you know what? Like, I I want people to kinda know who I am.

I'll still give you guys what you mean, but I want people to start knowing that's why too you'll see the shift if you see the years of love and hip hop houses. You know, going off on whoever. And I will say whatever and and read read a bitch for filth. No no no, which I love that, Erica.

Pop the fuck off, queen. For sure.

I would have, like, no remorse, and then after a while, I'm just like, okay. I'm done being that girl. Like and you you would see the ship. If you really watch that early love and hip hop phase to, like, okay, as time went on, you'll see how things change. And it was because I was just so sick of people just thinking I was just this mean, batshit, crazy bitch for no reason.

It's like I had to do my job and I did it. And now it's like, okay. People still want me, so let's tell show them who I am. Yeah. So for a while and even with that, like, I would be real deal myself and production when they're, like, edit things to be the way they want it to be.

That's why with my lesbian relationship Yeah. We'll talk about that too. Yeah. I'm like, this is the real deal. And then next thing you know, it's like They're editing it up.

Like, this bitch is completely innocent. And it's like, damn.

We're gonna hop into that relationship with Sin too, but I wanna talk about another relationship before all the Love and Hip Hop stuff because you actually met your first baby daddy, Raul, who was part of the peace. I know. He was part of the terror squad. Take me on that journey with you guys.

I met him at the Nina Sky video, Move Your Body, and I was brought in by, you know, production to be on set where he was already on set. And I remember him telling me the story. I had this black dress. Remember the arrow of, like, that draping

Mhmm.

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of thing.

I actually so love those dresses.

Yeah. Well, I have 1 of those dresses on set, and, he said he this is the story that he tells me, and it's and lives rent free in my head forever. But, he's like, as soon as they brought you in the room, I seen you and I looked down at your stomach, and I was just like, damn. This bitch is gonna have my baby. Oh my goodness.

He was like, your your stomach was so sexy. He was just like, I just felt like you were gonna have my baby. And he was like, that's why I said and it's funny because they asked him when I they brought in a couple of girls, like, who who he wanted standing next to him, and he picked me. And as soon as I, you know, got next to him, he took off his terra surat's chain, put it on my neck, and it just draped right there on top of my stomach.

Oh.

And from there, it was like history. Oh, and then he, like, I remember once he can put on the chain, he put his arm around me, passes me his phone, and he goes, put your number in. No. So that was the

best way

of getting with my first baby daddy. But that was the kind of man I was, like, always attracted to. It was, like, a man that's just, like, assertive, like, boss, like, not with the extra shit. Like, you know, let's get straight to the point. I'm 1 of those women, like, if you wanna fall in love in 3 days, let's do it.

Like, if I really fall in love, like, I'm down. So, anyway, he he pulled that mesh emerge souls. Yeah. Like, okay. Like, you see me, you want me, you're for me.

Let's do this. Yeah. And that's what it was. He saw me. He he knew he wanted me.

And yeah. And, we were inseparable after that. I felt I felt like 2 days later, I was 18 when I met him. Mhmm. Yeah.

I was young. You're a

baby, but you're, you know, of age, so you Yeah. That's fine. So you ended up having Raul's baby. Yes. Take me on this journey of being a video vixen and getting pregnant.

Like, how do you

I Oh, I hid my first pregnancy. I hid. How how did you do that? You know why? Because okay.

Not saying I don't love my kids. I'm so obsessed with my kids. Yeah. But I never wanted kids. Yeah.

That's there's nothing wrong with that. I've never wanted kids either, and I have 1 right here.

I I never wanted kids. Mhmm. I think seeing my my my sisters struggle, to provide and and all of that just wasn't my thing. Yeah. It just wasn't I I just saw it as like, okay.

This is great for you guys, but it's not for me. Right. And I used to walk around with this whole mentality of, like, if I was stupid enough to get pregnant, I'm a be smart enough to keep my baby. So therefore, I will never be stupid enough to get pregnant. Right.

And then before you know it, me and Raul was having our time of our lives, living it up. You know? I was hanging out with him during the stages of BMF being, you know, in Miami and running the streets. DJ Khaled was still DJing at the clubs.

I actually had, Tonisa Welch on the podcast, and she's, she was the first lady of BMS.

Yeah. So, like, I was around during that that era.

What a great era.

What a time to be alive. Money was everywhere.

Yeah.

I feel like it taught it showed me too the ropes of, like, okay. Like, be about your shit. Get your money. You could live a good life. And, you know, that's kind of where I was aiming.

That's where I would. So when I found out and I found out when I was pregnant, like, 6 months pregnant, I had no idea. I was 6 months living my best life. Wasn't showing no symptoms, still getting my period.

And you're already so tiny, like

I was even more tiny Wow. Before then because I didn't have my breast implants. Nothing. I was, like, so young. Yeah.

And, yeah, I found out I was pregnant, and I it I was actually depressed. I didn't want a I didn't want a baby.

Well, I mean, you were you were a baby having a baby.

Yeah. I didn't and I and I hid. And I hid, and I just I had to gather myself in the sense of, like, okay. Like, this is what it is. How do I do this?

I more so spent the time being pregnant with my first pregnancy coming to terms with, okay. This is what it is Mhmm. And being okay with that. Right. But once King was born, I was like, okay.

I'm okay with this. No. You fell in love with him. I fell madly in love with him. I breastfed.

I took pride in that. And because I had my whole pregnancy too, for me, it was more so, like, I got a chance to just dive into, like, okay, this is what it is. You're gonna have to do whatever it takes, you know, to to give this person the best life possible. Mhmm. And I didn't know how I was gonna do that, but I knew I was gonna do whatever it took to do that.

Right. And,

How did you guys come up with his name?

He named him. Aw. He named him. That makes

it even more special.

Yeah. He named him.

He I

I was like, 1 day, I was like, do you wanna name him Raul? And we're like, you know, like, as because I didn't I like I said, I was still coming to terms with me being pregnant. So the whole naming thing, you know, was like, I didn't know I didn't want that responsibility. But at the same time, I was, like, giving suggestions. And then 1 day, he was like, we're gonna name him king.

And I was like, what? Really? He's like, yeah, I just love the idea of, like, a woman going up to him and, like, asking him his name. And he just says, sir, I'm king. Yeah.

He's like. And he was Raul was so into God and about God and, you know, stuff like that that, you know, he would always say, you know, God is king, king is God. So I think that's kinda where his his drive with that came from. Yeah. And I I was fine with that.

I was like, king, actually, that's and then when I thought about the, you know, how he broke it down, like, yeah. Imagine, like, if I was a woman walking up to a guy's fly and turns around, asks him the name's King, I'm sold.

And back but back then too, that name wasn't very popular.

It wasn't. Yeah. It wasn't. I think Kingston, Gwen Stefani had named her son Kingston around that time. Mhmm.

I remember that vaguely because when she announced it, I'm like, she talk our name. Yeah. But he's like, no, it's King. King. So yeah.

So he named him, and yeah. And it was it it King changed my life completely. He made me the ultimate hustler. Mhmm. He made me realize that even more so than I did before, feel like I had the up like, I I needed to make shit happen for me.

Yeah. Because, you know, stealing baby formula and Pampers and all that shit was not the life I wanted to live, but it was what I had to do at some points. And, it was just like, okay. I I can't. And it's it's crazy because still to this day, like, people will be like, where is Queen?

Why does she never show him? And, so on and so forth. But it's like, he was born, and I did everything I could to provide for him. So, when I finally got the call to kind of do love and hip hop, I was living in LA at the time. Mhmm.

King was, like, 7, 6, 7. Love and Hip Hop New York was in New York. I was living in LA. Mhmm. And I made my mom retire so that I can have the peace of mind.

Obviously, me going through what I went through as a child, I was like, I'm not leaving my kid with just anybody. Yeah. So the next best thing was make my mom stop working and take on the responsibility of not only taking care of a kid, but my mama so that I can have peace of mind Yeah. And go out and make shit happen for us so that this way we can have. So I did have to sacrifice a lot of time, but it wasn't until he was, like, 6, 7.

I was with King, bugging it, you know. Well, you were you were already doing some TV stuff because Raul had it was best friends

with Yeah. He set us up to do DASH Miami, and King was, like, what? 34? He was a he was in a snippet of it too. Yeah.

He was, like, 2, 3. He was walking around. He was so small, so tiny. But, yeah, I was he was putting me in 1 thing I will say, regardless to what, and our relationship at 1 point was so, like, it was it was toxic.

That was my next question. Because she

was having toxic because it was more controlling. Like, he really just he saw me as being for him and only for him. And as time grew, I was like, I want more out of light. Like, I love you, but I want more. And, like, like, staying in this

Was he a lot older than

you? Yes.

Okay. How how older? How much is he?

By a couple of years? Okay.

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But I will say this, like, even though the times that he made things difficult for me, he was always a dad. Yeah. He loved his kids. And Yeah. Even in the times where he didn't have much, he still made it happen.

So, like, with King with with Raul, I never ever had to think for 1 second to ever put him on child support or anything like that because he just was always, like he was just a real 1 when it came to the kids. He just made things difficult for me at times. But, yeah, but even but even with that being said, he put me in position for a lot of things that I'm able to do now. Like reality TV, he was the 1 who kind of set that play up. Him being good friends with Scott Disick, he introduced me to Courtney, and every time they would come to Miami, we would hang out with them.

So I eventually built, you know, a rapport with her. Yeah. So when she started to cast for Dash, she, you know, asked about me and and Raul was like, absolutely. He actually was the 1 who made Jesse Torero put me in candy shop. Aw.

And this is around the time that Fat Joe and 50 Cent had their rival, but he was like, my girl. Because he knew Jesse was casting for that. Yeah. He was like, you know, Erica will be banging for that. Like, you need to have, you know, a Latina in there.

Stop playing. And and that's he was like, you sure? Like, aren't you? Or he was like, Joe's at war. Not like, they got nothing to do with my girl.

So he put me in position for that. That's amazing. I was casted for that. Yeah. No.

Like, Raul, like, even though we had our toxic times and it was real bad, girl, like, real bad, like, physical bad, like, whatever we could do to fuck with each other, hurt each other, we were doing at 1 point. And it's not something I, you know, I'm happy about, but it's the truth. And but even still, he didn't he knew I was the mother of his child, so he didn't do anything to stop me from flourishing to be able to be the best that I could be.

That's amazing. That's a real man.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, regardless of how he felt, like, he at 1 point, he had, like, a real possessive kind of mentality when it came to me. Yeah. Which I look back at it now.

I'm like, fuck.

You know? Hot. It's very hot.

But I was young, and I I also was like, no. Let me be. I wanna go. I wanna because I also knew, like, there was more for me. Yeah.

You know? And he was very set in how he did things and how he was as a man. You know? Like, I used to get on him all the time because he used to he would bring money to everybody. Like, put these business plays from Fat Joe to Khaled to, you know, Jesse Turett, to all these big people that now are doing so extremely well for themselves.

Mhmm. He would set up these plays for them and would never ask for any type of, like, business percentage from deals he locked in. And and no none of them would ever look back and be like, hey, you set this up here, feed your family. So I was, you know, as his woman sitting around seeing this man look out for everybody and and you see the other wives, you know, living it good and and we're here kinda, like, struggling and penny pitching. And after a while, it just it just didn't sit well for me, and I would bring it to his attention and it would just be a bicker.

And his thing was, you know, like, you know, this is what I do. This is who I am, and and that was great for him. But for me, it was like, as your woman, I can't sit up here penny pinching while you're doing all of this. Everyone's eating, and we're just barely making it. Yeah.

Also, as his his other half, you you wanna bring that to attention because you wanna be like, hey, baby. Like, you deserve this too.

It's it's too so up until he passed, I feel like that was always our conversations. Mhmm. Because he's he was always the power play.

Right.

And it's funny because at 1 point, he came out with his own water. Mhmm. And he brought it to Joe's attention, like, let's do our own water, blah blah blah blah. And it's safe to say that Joe downplayed all of Raul's great ideas. But over the years, who had their own water?

50 Cent came out with his own vitamin water. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like all these great ideas that he would bring to Fat Joe and he would downplay it or turn his turn his cheek and, you know, like, he was such a brilliant man with all these great ideas. He just wasn't. He was respected when it came time to protect everybody and, you know, do the street shit and stuff like that.

And when he was bringing money to the table, but never looked at and, like, you know, acknowledged for the other great things that he was, you know, trying to make happen. So I think that was just, like, as much as I, like, wanted to snug it out and stick with him on it, I just I just knew, like, okay. You're okay with this and this lifestyle and this living and being, you know Yeah. Leveled with all of this, I can't. Like, I like, the way these other individuals are living, I deserve to live like that too.

And that kinda was the reasoning for me kind of, like, breaking things off. But it wasn't easy because he was not letting me go for Yeah.

For a while.

But he still put me in position. Yeah. I owe that man so much. I like, you know, from the music videos to bringing me into reality TV, I got a taste of it. I got a chance to see how it works, what it was, and how they do things.

And just seeing, like, how the Kardashians are able to turn anything with their name on it into Bucks and stuff like that. Like, getting a taste of that with him putting me in position to do that and be that, you know, set it off for me. It was everything I needed to know. It was, like, kind of like a little blueprint. So that man, you know, we we had our toxic times and it was ugly.

And there was 1 point, I went viral after I got on Love and Hip Hop because of an altercation I had with him, outside of a nightclub Mhmm. Which was, you know, gets brought up a lot and but people don't understand the backstory of that, but it's fine. But even with that being the case, he still did right by me because I was his kid's mother. And, you know, for that, I just I gotta give him the ultimate respect.

How are you dealing with his death?

I don't think you could ever deal with it. Mhmm. Mhmm. I didn't think I'll

you push so much down, Erica, that that's why whenever moments like this happen, it comes to you because you don't you push so much down. You're so trying to be the tough person, you know? So it's like It's, it's okay. Heartbreak. It's okay to hurt.

I'm not gonna hurt. Watch my baby go through it, and I can't do anything about it because I can't ever take that away. It

was so unexpected too.

Mhmm. It was his best friend. It was my kid's best friend, and they had a relationship that was just so I actually wish I had that type of thank you. That type of relationship with 1 of my parents. I guess you could say I kinda had it with my stepfather, but to see your kid heartbroken and as a mom, you really can't do anything about it Yeah.

Is, like, the hard part. Because And then realizing that now I'm really a single mom because he was like, oh, dad.

For him and

The other situation, I feel like because whatever. I think I've been a single mom from the beginning. Right. But now for real, single mom.

You almost don't realize how much he weight he pulled with you until he's not there anymore.

Yeah. Because, when I couldn't be there because of my work schedule and things like that, he pulled rank, and he showed up. And he he he did what he had to do. Mhmm.

Were him and came close? Were him and came close?

Extremely. Yeah. Extremely close. And it's funny because over the years, me and him became extremely close too. He would talk he would he would talk to me and and, like like, what do you see in this?

Like, look how fast you left me because you want it better. What is it with this? This is not even your type. This is not even of your level. Like, you know why I picked you?

You know why I picked you? Because I saw greatness in you. You know why he picked you? Because he want us to take your greatness. And he would have these conversations with me, and and they would resonate.

And those and and our conversations mean his conversations will be those times where I would have the I would build that strength, and then I'll be like, okay. Never again. And then you know?

He was like your best friend.

Again. Yeah. But he would remind me of who I was a lot. Like, do you do you know who you are? Did you forget who you are?

Like, look how fast you left me, and you didn't look back, and look what happened. Like, what is it with this clown or whatever the fuck he wants to call him in the moment? What is it with him? Like, why? Why are you letting this situation especially when I was going through postpartum really bad after I had legend.

Yeah. He would come over, bring me food, open the shades. Like, what are you, like, what are you doing, E? Like, did you did you forget who the fuck you are? He's like like, you know, snap out of it.

And then, you know, it's funny because the babies loved him. They called him uncle Raul. So we had a relationship. It was great. You know?

The only thing he was just so soft was King. But King would get away with everything, and that would be our bicker if there was any. Like, you have to let like, you can't let him run you. You can't let him tell you what to do and this and that. I'm like, you have to be the dad.

And he's like, oh, you know? Like, he just had this softness with with King that King could get away with anything, could tell him anything, whatever. But he was the best dad. And then over time, he just became 1 of my Confidants. Confidants.

No other. We spent Thanksgiving together. Mhmm. You know, at times, we did New Year's Eve together, like him, the babies, King, and Raul, and the family, and, you know, that was that was it.

Yeah. You know? I'm so sorry that you guys have to go through that. That, like, it breaks my heart to see you hurt so bad.

It's hard to just know that King's still hurting.

Yeah.

It probably will be hurting for some time. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. Losing a parent is rough. I couldn't even imagine at that age

losing a parent. Yeah. And then, you know, King and him had plans to, you know, do things together, like, you know, moving him into his dorm room Mhmm. College and things like that. And

How is your relationship with King now? Because I know you

It's kinda better. We've we've had our moments. I feel like because King for a for a little bit, he doesn't like the limelight. Mhmm. So, you know, me being famous and stuff like that, like, once he became vocal, like, he didn't wanna be on TV and social media.

Because any real fan of mine knows, like, me and King used to have the best snaps back in the day. Mhmm. And King is so smart that we used to we used to end up on blogs because this is the beginning phases of, like, social media and stuff. But, Snap was big for us, and we would sit and have these conversations. And as a kid, he was so into, like, global warming and modern day feminism And

Sounds like this 1 over here.

Yeah. Yeah.

They're just so smart.

Like, I could never. Yeah. So we would sit and just have these conversations on Snap, and people would just be so blown away about how smart he is and this, that, and the third. And he finally started going to school and, where kids were a little bit older and parents, you know, are tuned in to Love and Hip Hop. Mhmm.

And that attention just started to really get to him and affect him. And there was 1 time he went to the library and a group of parents just kind of, like, forced him to take pictures, and that just kinda traumatized him for the rest. Like, that to this day, to get King to go out with me somewhere, I have to promise him that I'm not taking pictures.

Aw. I understand that. We deal with that in our family too. Yeah. I get

that. Hates it. Aw. He he doesn't like it at all. He's very he's so super introvert.

He's, like, not with any so for a while, it was just like, why do you have to be famous? I hate this. Like, you know, like

so we went through that with Baylee too. It's Yeah. Like It's rough on kids.

Yeah. And it's not even because he was never bullied or anything about it. Yeah. It's just the fact that

It's a life they didn't ask for.

Yeah. It's like, why are they in our like, why do they wanna take like, I hate this. Like, why so for a little bit, he dealt with that. And then also too, when I started Love and Hip Hop, I had to fly out every Sunday from LAX, red eye, to make it Monday. Right.

To fly back out Friday, red eye, so I can have, Friday well, Saturday morning to Sunday. So I only have, like, a day and a half with him when I started doing Love and Hip Hop. So I missed out on a lot.

You get a lot of shit for that too. God. Yeah. And I to me and, you know, everybody has their own situations that are going on, and you had your own trauma that you're dealing with especially at that age. Since when do we start shaming moms for having to work?

Yeah. I don't that's I don't understand.

Already have the guilt of, like, knowing I'm gonna miss football. I'm gonna miss parent teacher. I'm gonna miss, you know, just making him lunch every day or whatever. Like, that guilt will just never go away. And just the little things.

Like, even now with the little guys, I'm like, I bring them to set with me because I'm so scared of missing something. Yeah. You know? I don't I already walk with that, like, resentment with myself Guilt. And guilt.

Mhmm. Because I'm like, fuck. I missed that on so much with him. But at the same time, King had stability. He had structure.

I go through it a lot. Like, I feel like especially with the little ones, I I think back, like, damn. Like, this is what I miss with King and da da da da da. So, anyway, with that being said, I had nothing when I had King. Yeah.

Like, Raul did what he could, but for myself, I had nothing. Yeah. Like, in order to have rents be paid, in order to stop stealing what the fuck I needed to survive, in order to provide food and all of that, I I really had nothing. Yeah. So when I got the opportunity to do love and hip hop, it was a lot.

Like, even for me, can you imagine, like, working all and I remember I had to, like, stay with my sister for the weeks the days during the weeks that I was filming for Love and Hip Hop Yeah. Who was still living in New York and then fly back and then literally be home, but this long Yeah. To go back on that 6 damn hour flight. Mhmm. But it was an opportunity for me to get out there, to for me to get paid even though they wasn't paying me much

Right.

At that time, but it was something. Yeah. And it also gave me an opportunity to give King what he needed. Mhmm. You know, not having shit.

Yeah. You were literally working

I was working about provide what he needed and and and just making it, and I was okay with that because I was able to pull it off. And then you gotta remember too, I also had my mom that I had to take care of too.

Yes. Well, people make it sound like you just were out partying and, like, living a life, and they don't even realize that, like, the parents every day make sacrifices for their kids. You know? And you were doing what you had to do at that time to make money. Did you miss out on his life a lot?

Yes. But now look at the life that you have provided.

And I and I will say that. Like, I I it's I missed out on a lot, but he turned out to be such a beautiful soul. He is so, like, intelligent. He has accomplished so much. Yeah.

He's 17 and in college right now Yeah. As we speak. Like, I can't even complain. Like Yeah. That's why now like, before it used to bother me, and I used to sit there and, like, explain myself.

But now it's like I feel like it's a little bit weird and freaky and and kind of like, now I look at people who inquire and stress this whole where is he, why she's never posted. Like, you are weird to be stressing about a child's whereabouts, especially a child that is doing well for himself. Yes. At such a young age for him to graduate high school and already be in college at 17 and already have his career. Like, he wants to do, cyber.

He wants to work in cybersecurity.

Mhmm.

And he's adamant on, like, being in that field no matter what it takes, you know, like and it's not industry. It's not and he has the private life that him and his his dad even though his dad was known, his dad likes his privacy as well. So he gets that trait from his dad. And he he has everything he wants and more. You know?

It's just unfortunate now he doesn't have his best friend. You know? Mhmm. But even with that being said, he's doing the work to get through it by you know, now he's in college. He's, you know, sourced out his own therapist and, you know, things like that to kind of, you know, start his life in in being a grown Yeah.

You know, person. And he does a great job at it. And now I feel like he's accepted me being the famous 1 of his family.

Well, it takes him grow it's him growing up a little bit too.

And and now it's, like, it's funny because now that he's in college, we talk more now that he's in college than we have

Mhmm.

Ever. Well, when he was a kid, he used to blow me up. But then he got into, like, preteen, and then he was like, oh, my mom's famous. And then, but now he's in college, and we talk all the time. Like, we literally are on the phone for hours that I gotta tell him, like, King, I gotta put the baby to sleep.

I'll call you tomorrow.

And and

even that is so hard because it's like your baby wants to talk to you, stay on the phone with you, and you're like, fuck. I gotta go I gotta go because I have the other ones. But and then the babies are obsessed with him. Sapphire is, like, in love with her brother. Aw.

You know, talks about him all day long. And it's funny because he doesn't like pictures, but with her, he'll sit on her like, she will turn her iPad, and with her, he'll take pictures. But No. Pictures with anybody else, like, he runs from the camera. So sat every anytime we want, like, an updated photo of King, we go to Sapphire's iPad.

Yeah. You know? And they're there, like, you know. I love that. Yeah.

It it's come full circle, our our relationship. And then any parent who has a teenager knows, like, teenage years, they they sus. I love being a mom, but, like, ugh, like and I'm thinking already about it when it comes to the 2 the 2 that I have now. I'm like, I do not wanna go through those teens. Girl.

Teenage years are so hard.

You're gonna have 2 of them at the same time.

Exactly. And I got the boy and the girl, and it's it's it's gonna be so interesting to see how I pull that off. But, teenage years are so hard. And then in this generation, and then the way school is made up, how, you know, kids are forced to have to talk about commerce like, subjects that Yeah. Kids shouldn't be having to talk about.

No. The kids now the some of the

stuff. Preferences and

Bro.

You know, Tom wants to become Sally and all of that stuff is fine, but it's like, that's not what I have in my household. So for them to have this upbringing and then put them into a school that or schools in general or the outside world Mhmm. Because 1 thing I've learned is that these kids learn more from other kids than they do their teachers sometimes.

It is scary. Things off. Yeah.

And then they come back from school, you know, you lied to me or Yeah. Why is this? And then it's like, you don't you're not prepared for these conversations yet because they're not at the age where you should be preparing

for it. My husband, always says this quote. He says, the worst thing you can do for a child is a parent that has an unlived life. Yeah. Because, you know, if you're just gonna sit at home with your kid and not pursue your dreams, what is that teaching your children?

Yeah. You know? Now look at your baby. He's in college pursuing his dreams because Yeah. He had parents that pursued their dreams.

Yep. And then that sacrifice, you know, even though I I wasn't ever expecting to do it by myself now with the 2 little ones Mhmm. It puts me in position now where, okay, I have made a name for myself where, like, the 2 little ones now, instead of leaving them behind, I can bring them with me on movie sets and stuff. Because I have a little status and people kinda respect it and understand. And now too, working moms are more respected.

Way more respected than they were back in the day.

They know you come with kids, they're gonna give you a good trailer. And and that's how I've been able to pull off all my movies because every single movie I have done, the little ones have been on set with me.

I see that too. I think that's

so true. And that's something I would I wish I woulda had then, but I was making a name for myself and setting myself up back then. Yeah. So now, yeah, things are different.

Yeah. So moving on from King Mhmm. We're gonna get into the subject that everybody wants to talk about and everybody wants to hear from you on because you haven't spoken about this at all. I've been speaking about it just because of Love and Hip Hop. Right.

But most recently, there was The most recent event.

There was just something that was put out there for monetization and clout and, you know, for a weird agenda of a certain individual.

Who's now a YouTuber,

which all of a sudden,

a YouTuber. We were we were researching last night, and I was just like, this

is fucking weird.

But to each their own, I'm never gonna knock anybody

off. Midlife crisis. At 43 years old, you wake up 1 day and wanting to be a YouTuber.

Girl, let me break out my glasses because I've got so many notes on this. Yeah. So for those of you who don't know, you actually, married Safaree. Aren't yes. You married Safaree who is Nicki Minaj's ex.

Mhmm. That's pretty much what people know him for as being Nicki Minaj's ex. You could see her whole demeanor change talking about this man. Take me on the courtship because you said somewhere that he courted you for about 3 years. Oh my god.

That's crazy. I didn't want him. Right. My intuition knew what was up. Right.

I did not want him. I never found him attractive in that way. And it's funny because it wasn't until I actually started dating him that I even got, like, the real of, like, his relationship with Nikki. So when he started to kinda come after me, I I knew he was her ex, but I didn't know the real details of it. Coming from the terror squad angle of my life, I always was a Remy fan and stuff like that.

And don't get me wrong. Like, who doesn't sing a Nicki Minaj song? But I was never, like, tapped in. Like, because remember, she is from Brooklyn. I'm from the Bronx.

So you kind of growing up in New York, you you side and and more gravitate to the rapper that's from your barrel. Right. And, and not everybody has to like Well, it's not even that. It was just I was with Raul. So

Right.

Remy was my my go to. Right. You know, like, that was who I knew. That's who I sang. And I I do know that, Nikki for years had, like, these bomb ass mixtapes that even friends of mine would, like, dive into and know every word.

So I knew of her.

Right. I

just was never, like, really super familiar with her music because of the world that I was kinda in. Right. So, yeah, I didn't know the details of their relationship or that, you know, whatever until we kind of but anyway, I so you guys met on a set. How you say that? I wasn't put on to game of the kind of individual that was.

All I knew was that he just gave me corny. He gave me player. He gave me suspect. You know? Like, it wasn't the

fur coats that threw you off?

You know what? I don't even think he had the fur coats when when I kinda met him and

he was

kinda going at me. He had the the fake ruby gold necklaces. And, I was engaged to Bow Wow the first time I ever came past with this individual, so that's how far back. We were at this strip club, and they were actually filming for, like, this reality show at the time. And I have went to be in support of my friend, Sayah, that was a part of it.

Anyhoo, he was dating an associate that I knew at the time. She comes in with him, and he she introduces me to him, and he literally was like, you're Erika Menna? Damn, you're so beautiful in person. Wow. What?

Mind you, he's with this other woman. Just disrespectful from the gate. So that to me was, like, my first impression of him. Like, you are just disrespectful. You're thirsty.

You're just not, like, not that type of guy. Yeah. Anyhoo, that was my first intro to him. And I from that day, he for, like, 3 years, this man just when I tell you, did everything in his power until finally my publicist, he hired purposely because he knew she was my publicist. And I didn't find this out until years later, but he would offer her money just to kind of, you know, get to me.

So, yeah, I I I was I was tracked down, and he was persistent. And he did

You had had previous relationships on, like, Love and Hip Hop and stuff like that. Were you burned from, like, going through the situation with Sin, going through the situation with Rich Dollaz? Was it because you didn't wanna have another relationship on camera in that franchise?

Well, he wasn't even on Love and Hip Hop

Oh, okay.

When he started kind of

going

with me.

Okay. Gotcha.

He wasn't even a part of it. Wow. Okay. Yet. So, yeah, this started, like, when I met him, he was definitely not on it.

Okay.

Was it you that brought him in on it? Was it what? Was it you that brought him in

to the No. Or what? I think at 1 point, he just got, you know, tight on money and decided to kind of, like, go after Nicki Baby Gotcha. And afford her so he can get on it is what happened. Yeah.

There's a mode of

I stopped watching everything. I stopped watching Love and Hip Hop after you and Rich Dollaz broke up.

Really? Yeah.

I was just like, I Me

and Rich had a good run. I will say that. I thought you guys were so cute. I would say this. He believed in me, but he was 1 of those guys that he was easily influenced.

Like, anybody could tell him anything. Yeah. So at 1 point, people were, like, telling him, like, she's just using you, blah blah blah. Mind you, it's like, I don't have to use you. I'm talented.

Like, you're a manager. If you're smart enough,

you see

what the fuck is in front of you and you would, you know, not think relationship and think fucking business. I and I still to this day tell them that all the time. I'm like, had you not believe what the fuck people were trying to make you believe, whether it was production or, like, outside people Yeah. Me and you probably could have made a killing together in the business. Because, like, 1 thing Rich at 1 point had was good tactics on how to like, he he helped, you know, spiral Cassie's, you know, career.

And he's, you know, responsible for a lot of other people, and he was even managing Olivia at 1 point. But he just believed whatever the fuck people told him, and it started to put a bad taste in his mouth about me. The mother got involved and, you know. Yeah. It was just weird.

It was like, you know, everyone wanted me to be this person that was using him. And it's like, I don't have to use you. I'm I'm that. I'm fucking talented whether you see it or not. Like, this bitch got something going here.

Like And but I feel like you guys genuinely had love for each other.

Like, there was a but at the same time, he just did a lot of sheisty shit for storyline Aw. To hurt me.

And, like,

you know, like that's fucked up. Even with him teaming up with with with Sin, it was like you he despise that girl. And then all of a sudden, to bring me down, they both when me and her were on the outs, it was like they got together Mhmm. To kind of go at me, which whatever, was a great storyline. But yeah.

And then as far as sin, I what what sucked about that is there was a lot of truth that came out with her that Rich kinda brought on camera, but they edited out because she was the the 1 that, how do you say it? They wanted people to feel what they feel about her. Mhmm. What do you think they feel like? Her being this innocent woman that, you know, I went after her, and I took advantage of her and, you know, broke her heart.

Mind you, she had a man the whole time. Right. Wow. And I was okay with that because it was like, I this is this was at the time don't judge me, but I knew she wasn't with a girl ever. But I knew I liked it, her.

Yeah. So

Had you been with women previous

to her? Okay. Yeah. I've been bisexual all my life.

What who how old were you, the first woman you got with?

Oh, that's a good question. I would say, like, 17 was my first girl. It was a relationship. We didn't do anything, but we just, like, made out all the time. And it was

Was it like a full on relationship? Like, you guys were young girlfriends? Yeah. High school.

You know?

Yeah. Yeah.

I wasn't ever sexual until later on in the years, but, yeah, that was my first girlfriend.

Even in

the child's high school in the Bronx.

Dominican girl. Yeah. She's having flashbacks.

Yeah. I love it. So yeah.

So the sin the sin situation, I've always thought was a storyline. It wasn't. Like, it

It wasn't. I really, really liked it her, but she had a boyfriend at the time. Yeah. And I was just like, keep him, because in my mind, I'm like, he's not gonna be around long. Like Yeah.

I'm your first girl. Let me show you what it's like. This way, you could come over here happily, freely without With on your own? Us making a mess. Yeah.

You know? Like, that was kinda my take on it.

So you're gonna be missus Steel Your Girl.

And I pretty much was up until you know? I don't know. I it's funny because I till this day, I'm like, I did everything I could for that girl to, like, set her up in the right way.

Right.

You know? Like, I made sure her contract was kind of okay. Like, they did right by her. Like, there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff that I did.

Felt like you worked out

for her. I was the 1 who, like, you know, set up for us to do publications, for us to, like, I even, you know, decided, like, let's, you know, let's start some type of, like, t because we we built a fan base, you know, just overnight. And I was like, let's capitalize on this. So I used I used my own money and started to make t shirts with our our pictures on it. Mhmm.

And, like, we would sell it every week. Live and hip hop was airing. And it was like, okay. Like, let's and my plan was I'm gonna put the money up, use this money, and we can do, like, a real clothing line together. Yeah.

You know? Like, I was already kind of, like, setting up our our future in a way. Like a real daddy.

But, I mean, you guys were both 2 beautiful women. Yeah. And that got together on reality TV

in time. And I really went after her. Like, I really, really genuinely liked her.

And this was in a time when people weren't having same sex relationships on TV.

So that was something new that you guys brought. Too. It resonated so loudly with people with At first at first, we got backlash because people were like, you you shouldn't be faking. And I was like, oh, if you only knew it's not fake. Yeah.

You know? But, yeah, I really, really liked her. It's just with her, I don't think she was come like, she started it was more of a insecurity of, like, Eric and Sin. Like, she kind of felt like, you know, she wasn't the bigger. I don't know.

Oh, so it became like a competition?

Like, I think that's what it where it's where it went left for her. I understand. Genuinely. I really, really do. Mhmm.

Because it was like Eric and Cyn, Eric and Eric and Eric and Eric and I want somebody to remember that we we had an argument, and she was like, why is it never Sid and Erica? And that's when it went light bulb. Oh, that's where all this is kind of coming from.

Aw.

And then, you know, before you knew it, it was like she was just trying to find everything wrong with me. But it's

What a crazy way to look at it though instead of just being like, you know what? I'll be the you're in your masculine energy. She was in her feminine energy.

Was in my masculine energy. Like Yes.

Like, somebody's gotta be the man in the relationship,

so let

me lead.

Exactly. But that's how I am with all my females. I tend to be the man.

Yeah. So yeah. I I I believe it. I believe it. I

tend to be. So, so, yeah, that's kinda where we went left. And then before you knew it, the producers got wind of that, and and they and they rolled with the punches of, like, okay. Yeah. Like The drama.

Mhmm. Yeah. So and then, you know, it worked to her benefit because, mind you, I came on Love and Hip Hop as the villain. So Right. You know, people already have that mentality that that,

how do you trust people in this business when everything is a fucking storyline?

Once okay. I came on. The narrative was I'm the bad guy. The audience, like, are is set on that I'm that's what they they've been seeing all this time. That's what they're were made to believe.

So that's what it's been. And it still to this day has been that.

Right.

That's why, you know, the the the YouTuber was able to run with Yes.

So back to safari.

Yeah. But, like but that's why. Okay. So and and and and it's funny because I want people to remember that because of how I came in and that whole narrative of being the bad guy and, like, the crazy girl and this and that, that has been stuck to me like glue since I started. Right.

It's kind of like the scarlet.

So it doesn't matter what real life shit happens, whether I'm at fault or not, people want to believe that. I think when you deal with someone

I think also, though, you have always showed how strong you are that people are like, oh, Erica will get over it. You know? And that's not fair to you. That's really not fair to you, especially when you go through and the more we uncover the the layers of this relationship. This is an abusive relationship that this man is creating a narrative and painting a narrative, and that's what narcissists do.

Off of my,

how you call that, reputation. Yes. My reality show reputation.

Once a narcissist loses control of his supply, he controls the narrative. And that's what I've been watching happen with you guys, and you and I have been talking for months about this entire situation. And you finally have just gotten to a point where you're just like, I'm not gonna keep letting this man paint me as this bad human. You know? Because he did an interview with Jason Lee

8 months ago.

Can we bring that in?

8 months ago this year. Yeah. This very year, 8 months ago.

Yeah. He did this interview with

Jason Lee. He decided to be a YouTuber. Right. Of course.

Yes.

What the

So they brought him a cake out, and this was a divorce cake.

The fuck?

And in this divorce cake, he is talking to Erica, which I thought was so weird.

I'm I'm only blowing this because it's on fire. I'm not celebrating being divorced because I love my children's mother and my kids still no matter what the situation may be. But, God just keep blessing every union that I'm a part of friends, family, everybody. You know, this cake is starting to look like a person that I could vent to. I appreciate you for where you've taken me in life.

You know, we have a connection that somehow we just can't let go of, and I really think you're an amazing person individually. We may not be good for each other right now, but at 1 point in life, we could be. And, I love you. I care about you, and no matter what, I got your back. Cake is vegan too.

Go ahead

and pause it right there. So this was 8 months ago.

This was 8 months ago.

So let's circle back, you guys. And,

this was around the time he was shooting for, the villain show that he's on. Mhmm. And Let's just The whole time he was there, he was like, when I come home, I promise this time. Like, mind you, this has been a reoccurring thing.

Right. So that's what I was gonna say. Let's paint this picture because this was 8 months ago. So after he courted you for 3 years, you finally gave in and decided to, you know, be with this man. You guys had pretty much like a short lived marriage.

Correct?

You had

it was you got you guys got together, what, 2019?

We got married 2019. Was together 20. We had our daughter, pandemic. Mhmm. You know?

We were stuck together. Yeah. And then 2022, we officially divorced. And a week after our divorce, this man calls me hysterically crying Right. Claiming he wanted to hurt himself because he made the biggest mistake of his life.

And this is all public record. You guys have had a pretty, I don't wanna use the word sloppy, but pretty intense. It was sloppy. Intensely sloppy divorce. And, you know, it's 2 people that are hurt.

Obviously, you guys had a very passionate thing. You guys you know, 2 beautiful babies have came from this situation. You know? And it doesn't have to be like this. You know?

He seems, 8 months ago, to be singing your praises. Mhmm. So can you tell us what has transpired since you've done? A lot. What is yeah.

I mean, there's just so much to to tell because it's been 3 years of this. But, we got in divorced in 2022. A week after we got divorced, he called me hysterically crying, claiming he wanted to, like, hurt himself because he made the biggest mistake of his life. And I remember that day so vaguely because literally, it the way he was hysterically crying on the phone and, you know, pouring his heart out. I felt like because I'd be lying if I said when I initially filed for divorce that I really wanted the divorce.

I didn't. I filed for divorce with the intention of him getting his shit together.

And calling his bluff. Yeah. What was the reasoning? What did he need to get together? What was his shit that he needed to

get together? I won't get into detail of it too much, but I found out he was cheating on me the first time ever, and he was going to Chinese parlors.

Not the old rub and tug.

Damn it. Dark, old women. Damn it. Know.

Oh, safari. Come on.

And when I found that out, I was completely obviously disgusted, heartbroken, going through

Well, didn't Nicki Minaj say that he was paying for hookers with her credit cards?

Before we get into that, can I just because we we are talking on

the subject of her? Mhmm.

I owe her the biggest apology ever. I owe her an apology because like a lot of us women tend to do when we don't know any better, especially when we're hard, deep raps, warped into the love bombing phase is the red flag that us women tend to ignore when a man sits there and talks to you love bombs about his ex and all the things you did to him. And it's funny how life comes full circle because the same thing he did to her, he's doing to me years later. I remember him pouring his heart out to me about all the stuff she did to him, showing me videos of her reacting. And at the time, you're love you're in a love bomb.

I didn't think to ask. Well, what did you do to her? Right? You're just showing me all this stuff that he she's doing she's how she's reacting. Right?

Why does this man always have videos of these women reacting?

Exactly. And now mind you, this is a video he was at 1 point going around. I found out later on. He was going around the industry showing to, like, around the time he was trying to bring her down when he was lying to people saying that he wrote for her. Like, literally saying whatever he could to, like, kinda ruin her career

That's terrible.

And take her credibility for her real hard earned work and What is the video of? She was chasing him. And I won't get into too detail because I I don't feel like, you know Yeah. Being that I'm in her shoes now, I feel like she's owed the respect to, like, I don't. But come to find out, he had broke the laptop that had her Pink Friday album on it on purpose.

And then videoed her reaction

to it. She went fuck off.

Yeah.

He's recording it. So rewind, fast forward to me being with him, I'm down to the mother partaking and agreeing in these conversations. Oh my god. She's the devil. Blah blah blah.

She did all this stuff, blah, blah, blah. So anyway, I owe this woman an apology because I sat there and allowed him to talk to her about talk about her to me. And from that came me saying things and, like, defending and vouching for him and speaking up on her in a way that was tacky, because at the end of the day, I didn't know the truth, especially not the truth that I know now. And we do that. A lot of women do that.

They get caught up with a man, and he's so, good to you that you allow him to gossip to you about his ex. You get manipulated. Yeah. And they and they never tell you what they did. They just tell you what they What they did.

And how crazy she is, and she did this and she did that.

That's called reaction.

Owe her such an apology because it's so crazy how life it's not crazy, it's just life, but it it comes full circle. It tables always turn. Everything she has ever said about him is true. Everything that she had went through with him, I'm going through it worse. You know?

Like you said, she definitely aired him out for paying prostitutes with her credit card. Yeah. I think well, first of all cheated on me going to a parlor, and how I found out Go ahead. Is completely embarrassing.

How how did you find out? But before you go into that, I just wanna say, I think that is so big of you to apologize to Nikki like

that, especially openly. A lot of other peep I I feel like anyone who whoever sided with him during that time that they broke up, because he was really like, he taunted her. Mhmm. So that not too long ago before he came at me for the YouTube, he taunted her by going to her concert.

Can you pull that up for us? Can you can you put Safari at Nicki Minaj concert? Like, I think I thought this was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It's weird

because you're saying that you're going there to make because you're proud of her. So why didn't you sit in a box? Yeah. Calm, cool, collective, watch the show like a normal person. No.

He went there with vlogging everything.

Yeah.

And then had the nerve to stand, I think, in the middle of the stairs so everybody could see he was there. And somebody He went there to make a shit show fucking appearance.

He went there to get a headline.

A headline and to provoke her knowing she's moved on. She's married. She has a family. Every chance you get to talk about her, you do. Yeah.

It has not stopped Yeah. Since you guys have broken up.

Yeah.

And he does it every time for clout and attention. Him going to this concert was for 1 reason and 1 reason only. He wanted her to react in some way.

Right. We're gonna pull up the clip right now so that you guys can see it. Sorry. We have an hour. No.

You're good.

Like, here it is. You're not even in a seat.

It looks like he's in the bleachers. Where is where is he sitting? You could definitely tell he was not a guest,

and then you have and then you have 8 security because you know you're not supposed to be there.

Right. It's it's weird. It's definitely this was weird. And and this

is the thing. This is what I don't understand about people. It's like, okay. So first, it was her that he taunted for, I guess, subscript subscribers and attention for his YouTube. Mhmm.

Now that he's a newfound YouTuber. Right. He got the social media viral conversation that he wanted, but it wasn't enough traffic for his YouTube. So now all of a sudden, he wants to speak up on why he's being a deadbeat.

So how did you find out that he was going to these rub and tugs? This is where people can understand where the fuck your anger is coming from. Yeah. Because that's a heavy situation while you're pregnant. And to have to go and confront the band that you love.

So because so people are like, oh, will you file for divorce while you were pregnant? And I'm like, oh, yeah.

So Any other woman in their right mind would have filed for divorce

in this situation. I found out, and I I kinda, like, went the fuck off. I remember that. I was just like, what is going on? Like, what is this?

Like So he wasn't just doing rub and tugs. He was actually having sex with these people.

Clearly. Wow. And from what I gathered, because I did my homework and it's funny because it's the same a week later that he confessed this, this same rub a tug place was on the news in Atlanta for being shot up.

Okay. So this makes perfect sense because in that Jason Lee video, interview, he talks about how Atlanta was a dark place for him.

Yeah. Probably was because he was going to these parlors. And and when I did my research, they were all old women. Oh god. And it's in the dark.

Ugh. So you don't even know what you're getting or what it looks like or anything. It's just in the dark.

That's fucking scary. That's that's like a glory hole, literally.

So with that being said and and then I'll take full accountability. I do have to take accountability. Because with him, my mind was not stronger than my feelings.

Mhmm.

And my boundaries was absolutely not stronger than my sympathy. I love this man so madly that even with all the bullshit because he's been allowed to come back so many fucking times.

You loved him more than you loved yourself?

I wouldn't say that, but because I see, the way I love, I love so fucking hard that I'm not letting go that easily. Right. You know? And that's that's a flaw I have. And it I love the fuck out of me, but the 1 I love, I love.

So is that a flaw?

Is it a flaw? It is to a

certain extent because I have to learn, which I have with him, once I let go a lot sooner. Mhmm. You know, like because, like, letting go someone you love, like, the way I feel it is so it kills me. Even though I know this is not good for me, it kills me. So that's where I was at with it.

And after I found out and he confessed, you know, what he confessed, I remember calling his mom and confiding in her, and that's kinda where our relationship went left just because, ugh, does that woman make excuses?

Well, she's probably the reason why he is the way he is.

It's absolutely the reason why she he is the way she is. Mhmm. And I know that because, you know, with our daughter, it was during the pandemic, and he would be jealous of the way I always had to breastfeed her. You know, like, baby always has to be on you. Oh, she's still on you.

And then just the way I'm so affectionate with my baby. Oh, no 1 ever hugged and kissed me like that when I was So little little things that he would say like that resonated with me. And that's why too I I made sure to, like, go up and beyond. I would cook, clean, and, oh my god, the type of affection I would give him. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him.

You know, like, he he would ask me something, and I there's there was never a time I would say no. Like, oh my god. Right? So, anyway, where was I at?

We were talking about why you filed for divorce.

Yeah. I called the mother and, like, you know, asked, you know, told her, and she made this shit, like, shitload of excuses for him, everything, but taking having her son take accountability or her even, you know, coming out to maybe speak to him in person or whatever. So, anyway, I decided to get counseling for us, and we started doing marriage counseling. And then before you knew it, you know, things just

Was the counseling working at all?

It was for a little bit, but then we started, like, doing construction on our house.

Mhmm.

And, he didn't really know much about, so things were becoming extremely hectic. Mhmm. And the responsibility of that, I think, you know, kind of just made him, like, you know, feel extremely overwhelmed. Next you know, he just the cheating just became never ending. Alright.

Like, that's when he started cheating on me with the the Toomey version, Erica Mena, that he eventually brought on the show. And and and it just never stopped. And it was he didn't care if it was on the blogs. He didn't care if it was, you know so at that point, it was just like, okay. After, like, the 3rd 3 girl, I was just like, I'm I'm I'm gonna file for divorce.

So I filed for divorce. And it it sucked for me because I when I when he confessed the whole, you know, going to the parlor thing, it grossed me out. But at the same time, the way he was just crying hysterically and, like, saying how sorry he was and that, you know, something was wrong with him. I took it as, this is my husband. It's for better, for worse.

In marriages, shit happens. I can either run from this or I can do my do my part as a wife and stick by my man, and let's go through this in secret behind closed doors and deal with it. So that's what I did. I decided to still be with him even after that happened. Mhmm.

But the cheating just didn't stop.

It was, like, just 1 it was, like,

it was, like,

yeah. Like disrespect after the other.

Oh my god. It just was never ending. And I was I was pregnant with legend, and it was so bad to the point, you know, even after our house got robbed, this man was so scared to be in the house with him and his children, his wife and his children. He got a hotel. And even even later on, I found out in the divorce, he even bought another house.

Hadn't I had no idea. But, like, left me in the house that just got robbed because he was too scared to stay there, but it was good enough for me and the kids to stay there. And, you know, just taunted me when I tell you the cheating was just never ending and it was all public and, you know, and and I'm just eating shit, eating shit, sticking by, like, I and going through this divorce. And and as time went on, it was just like, okay. So I didn't make the right decision.

I thought when I fought for divorce, he would wake up. Mhmm. When I fought for divorce, it got worse. He cheated on me with everybody and anybody he possibly could. It's just It's just And it's sick because these women that he was dealing with knew he was married, and it just was like no shame.

I feel like all of us women have been in relationships like this, that we all have 1 nightmare relationship where we can completely relate to you. And the anger and the just absolute, like, feralness that comes with after you have just been beat down emotionally, beat down, verbally, beat down sometimes physically, it unleashes an animal in you that is really hard to explain unless you've you've been through that and the rage that comes from that sort of thing. Because you're, 1, you're embarrassed. 2, you're you know, it's embarrassment, humiliation. You've got these babies.

You're also going through postpartum.

Like my god. It was horrible.

This is the lowest part of your life.

It was bad. Like, I was literally ovulating at 29 weeks. I was, like, 2 centimeters open. Ugh. It got so bad.

1 time, he had went out with 1 of our cast members and was just gyrating with some girl, and it was all over the blogs. I woke up 1 day, and I just lost it. I'm like, this man literally violated me and put me in jeopardy. But he doesn't stop, and I'm pregnant. And I'm like, so I saw this all over the blogs, this 1 particular incident.

I went crazy. I literally took all because he's a materialistic person. So I already knew what

to do to get back at him.

And it wasn't right, but at the same time, I just lost it. It's called reactive abuse. Yeah. So I lost it, put all his sneakers in a a big garbage pan, can, and I just put paint on it. And it was a great little release.

But even that, it was just, like, it was just never ending, and he purposely just put me through hell forever. Like, it was just nonstop. At 1 point, I was literally and this was all documented on Love and Hip Hop. I was literally on in, like, in in the hospital by myself, wired up, them keeping track of the baby because I was ovulating so early. I finally gave birth at 32 weeks.

And 2 day 3 days after Legend was born, he decided to go to, Jamaica with his friend's ex girlfriend bounty killer's ex girlfriend out of all people to spend his birthday.

This is just so hurtful, and you're just laying in bed

And I'm

just having to watch this.

And at that point and this is the whole and this is the stuff that mind boggles me about people. It's like, okay. You guys, how soon like, because people have short term memory. They do it's it's hard to keep up. Life goes on.

Right? But this is the same man that it's been moving like a deadbeat from the time his last born was born. Legend was still on feeding tubes in the NICU. I was having to drive an hour because where I gave birth at, the hospital was a hour away and our house was another and we had Sapphire who was just turned 1. Mhmm.

So I had to court I had to, like, literally switch out days and nights all by myself. The mother didn't fly in. The sister didn't fly in. It was just friends of mine and his brother at the, the time, his her his wife at the time that was helping me. My my manager came in at 1 point, like, just, you know, people that could help me was flying in to handle Sapphire so that I can go to the hospital pump

Mhmm.

And just kinda be there with the baby, give him, you know, like, skin to skin as much as possible. And the whole time, he's in Jamaica living his best life, gyrating his hips, like, as if he didn't just have a baby who's still in the NICU literally. So I dealt with all of that.

This man has no sense of responsibility whatsoever.

And, like, he doesn't have a heart. And this is before the whole YouTube fabricated Yeah. We're and we're getting story he put together. It's like it I think it's Kurt. Way even before that.

Like, legend was not even out of the hospital. And it's funny because the day he left that I last saw him, he was supposed to bring up the car seat because, you know, I just gave birth. You're not supposed to carry things heavy or whatever. He told me he was gonna go get the car seat and never came back. Never came back.

It wasn't until I saw him on his Instagram in Jamaica that I even so yeah. It it it's it's sick. And then when I called the mama, like, I'm engorged. I have this baby here, like, tell him come home. Like, what's going on?

Like, you know what she told me? To this day, I just, like, I still can't wrap my head. I'm I I you being a woman, okay, who claims you did it all by yourself too, you were mistreated by his dad or whatever. How you can put this together to tell a woman that your son just married and just she just gave birth to your grandson. She's literally I was at my weakest point, so vulnerable out of it.

Obviously, embarrassed, hurting, not only postpartum, but heartbroken because of all the shit your son's putting me through. I'm calling you to ask you to please, like, do something. Get him like, tell him to come home. You know, mind you. Yeah.

I did file for divorce, but still, like, these babies, they're still here. Like, yeah. We're gonna just have a heart. She literally told me, good thing you filed for divorce. You won't have to deal with him much longer, is what she told me.

Literally. And I just remember because I know, obviously, being around around them long enough, I know the Jamaican slang slang. I literally told her her I was like, the fact that you can tell me that while your son is living his life right now as a complete waste man? And in Jamaican culture, a waste man is life. The bottom on the bottom.

Right? Right. She didn't like the message. So from then, our relationship just kind of has been whatever. But for her to even tell me something like that, it was just like, come on, woman.

You obviously, you have no respect for me either, so it is what it is. And with all due respect Yeah. And you also You I should've really said you raised a waste man, which I probably have at some point because

and also, you know, it's there's just so much here to unpack and

Oh my god. I don't even know where to like, there's so much.

It's crazy that

like, how do we put this in sound bites so that my voice gets we got we got this. But Mike, there's just so much to unpack.

There's so much pain here. And the fact that people can even look at the situation inside with this man is it mind boggles me. Yeah. And I and

I and like I said, I gotta take accountability because I just wasn't strong enough. I I this has been going on and on because I let it. I have to take accountability in that. Absolutely. To the point that he was allowed to do this.

But that doesn't mean that you deserved this because No.

But at the same time, like, I took him back too many times to count. Right. You know, like, it's it's just not like, I allowed it to be to this point. And even now, it's as sick. So okay.

So then, you know, that all happened. And then here we are, legend, you know, turns 1. He's nowhere to be found. But it's funny because anytime you guys have ever seen this man really be with the kids, it's because he's in the process of trying to get his family back, which means we're kinda on decent terms.

Right. Right. Was this about 8 months ago that this that you guys were still on good terms when he did

this for me? Podcast. Yeah. He was he had just got done filming the villain show. Right.

And the whole time he was filming, anytime he got his phone, he was FaceTiming. Sorry. He was FaceTiming me

Right.

And swearing up and down. Like, when I come home, I swear this time is different. You know? Even when he won, he was like, I won. I'm gonna use this 200 k, and I'm gonna I'm gonna buy you another ring, and we're gonna do this again, and blah blah blah blah, and I love you so much, e.

Like, you gave me my kids. There's nothing I'm gonna make it up to you. I'm so sorry. I swear I'm a prove to you. Girl, I have text messages.

I have videos. I have just like he can like, I could too. Like, I I wish we had time for all the messages that I I wish you guys could read it because this man, when I tell you, when he goes through that that moment of, like, trying to get me back, the way he pours his heart out in text messages with his words and then how he does

his gestures, sending flowers,

buying me jewelry, like, it's just sending flowers, buying me jewelry. Like, it's just it's just intense. And then he'll he'll come over to my house and, you know, won't leave. He'll act like he's coming to get the kids, but won't leave things like that. It's just it's been nonstop since the time we officially got divorced.

So we got divorced in 2022. And the week after we got divorced, he that's when it really started. Like, he would, you know, claim how, he wanted his family back and that he was gonna hurt himself. And and this 1 particular call, the week after we got divorced, was so intense. I really believed him that he that I, you know.

You loved him. You had to believe him. And, obviously, with my experience of what he did, you know, when I was pregnant, I knew he needed help. You know? And even though I shoulda ran, my I loved him so much that I was just like, this is just our story.

Like, it's this way.

And toxic fairy tale.

Yeah. And, like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get him right. Like, I'm gonna we're gonna get this together, especially because the way when our love was good, it was good. Like, Safari is so funny. He's charming.

He's a, like, great spirit when he's great and in that. You know what I mean? Like, that's why I was friends with him too for so long. Mhmm. Like, I didn't want him for so long, but then when I first like, when I realized, like, there was because trust me, see, everything I could do in my power to scare this man away, I did.

I remember 1 time I invited him to come to Cancun. Mhmm. I had, a friend of mine's had, like, bought me a trip for my birthday, and I was there by myself. And I, like, last minute just decided, man, let me have him come. When I tell you he came the next day, no hesitation, I was drunk.

I was acting a fool. When I tell you I literally treated this man like a peasant, like, he grabbed my bags. Here, I'm drunk, carry me to the room. Like, there was nothing like, I just abused this man. Like, I knew he liked me so much, but in in reality, I was just like, he likes me.

I'm just I don't like him. I'm just not gonna take it serious, and I'm just gonna give him a hell. And nothing scared him away. It was embarrassing. I did everything in my power to discuss him.

You know, I probably even threw up that trip because I was so wasted. He he nurtured me care like, there was no getting rid of this man. So, anyway, because he didn't let me or leave me alone, and I know what it is, like, to be with him because when he's into you, he's very attentive. He goes all out. He's so romantic.

The way he can text you and get your panties wet, the way he's just so romantic just in general, he's super, like, into you. He makes you feel like he is going to do anything he can to level up your life. You know, like, he does what he needs to do. Oh, my God. He can sell a fucking dream.

And then because he's funny, he's charming, and and all of these things, it's kinda like it's it's once you're swerved, you're swerved by him. Mhmm. It's bad. Like, it's so bad because he has that gift. But the gift he has, he's not using it in a you know what I mean?

The women that are listening to this that have been through this know exactly

what they're talking about. He's so good.

You are preaching to your your crowd here.

Good. Like, so it doesn't matter. Sex is always fucking phenomenal. Oh my god.

That's like

out of the womb. Devours me and does everything in his power to please me. Right. This man will literally beg for fluids of me just because he's like, I want all of you. Yeah.

And as weird as it is, you see it in his eyes. You're like, okay. And you give in, and then you're like, this is the weirdest shit ever. But this is like that's how deep he dives into you. It's consumed.

Before you know it, you're fucking consumed. And because when it comes to sex, girl, he goes all the fuck out. Yeah. Like, all the fuck out to please that man can, like, literally he can turn probably a butch lesbian straight given the opportunity because he dives deep.

Yeah.

And there's nothing he won't do to satisfy you. Yeah. So with all of that, it didn't matter how much shit he did in the past. When he goes after you and when he would go after me closet. All of that shit and I forget about it.

And I'm remembering, and I'm just indulging in the now. It's a cycle. It's a vicious cycle. It's a never ending cycle. Mhmm.

And it's funny because he knows my weaknesses. He also knows even though oh, I should say, even though he does everything in his power to, like, please me, cater to me, shower me, he also knows how to trigger. Right. And when he's bored, Triggers.

Mhmm.

And What are some of your triggers that he that he attended? And down. Oh my god. There's a lot that he does to, like, trigger me, and it and it's sick because he does it because he knows. So, like, there's times where I'm just like, why are you doing this to me?

Like, enough is enough. Like, you even x, y, and z. Oh, I didn't do that to you. Shit like that. Oh, that was like him.

Fucking blind rage. And it's like, he'll deny it. Mhmm. And then there's times and and it's crazy because Most abusers try to rewrite history. Oh my god.

Mhmm. So he'll do things, right, and then he'll set me off. And because and this is really the core of it. Mhmm. He's the nonconfrontational, confrontation notational person.

Passive aggressive. He stirs up so much confrontation, but has has this cool laid back demeanor about it. Mhmm. So he'll set me off. He'll he'll he'll violate me and disrespect me.

I'll go off, and then I'm feeling sorry that I went off. When it's like, I have a right to go off, but because he doesn't, you know, react Mhmm. And loves my re but indulges in the way I react. Mhmm. He won't react and go crazy, but I will.

And then it's me feeling sorry, and then I end up apologizing for things that I shouldn't be apologizing for. Mhmm. And then it's like, it's okay. I know. I know.

I know. You're hot headed. I know you're an emotional, what is this thing? I know you're very, you're you're you you unstable.

There you go. Mhmm.

I know you're emotionally unstable. And for a while

They get you so flustered too that, like, you don't even know your words.

Oh, I know. Relationships like that. While, it's like, is it me?

I got into a relationship where I was in a relationship where I had to record what he would say to me in arguments because whenever I would react, he would say, I didn't say that. And I finally got to a point where I was like, yes. You did. And I would hit play

and then have to and

then that's when that was the the beginning of the end because he I wouldn't let him manipulate and lie anymore. Right. It's really sick with

these these people here. I wish I was smart enough

for that. I just got to a point where I was like, this was awesome. I know I'm not crazy.

Because I would be like, wait. Like, you you did x, y, and z. This is why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. And then he'll be like, well, you have to let it go. And at 1 point No.

He wanted to get dis he

had to disrespect

me. Me to get back with him. Like, this man will camp out at my house and in front of my kids beg for me back. That's to this day, my daughter's a little confused, and she kinda blames me. Like like, you broke up with daddy.

That's why I don't have a daddy at in my house.

Aw.

And he would literally be on his knees, like, please just take me back. Look at our kids. Look at our family. Please, I'll do whatever it takes. And then he'll go to Sapphire Sapphire, tell mommy not to break up with me.

No. And she'll just be there, like, come on, mommy. Let's be you know, like, he knows all those, like, those times in my living room, how he would literally and and and it it's it's sick because even in the the video that he used on 2 youth YouTube, he used with his sister being the fool to film it. There's a clip where he shows my daughter hysterically crying how she doesn't wanna come back home to my house. Mhmm.

And it's sick because it's like, you know why she's crying. So can we she knows she's not gonna see you for a long time because she's used to it already. Therefore, she doesn't wanna leave you. She's obsessed with her daddy, and he does not give her an opportunity to to really have time with with him. So, anyway, it it's been back and forth of him just for 3 years of him just trying to get back with me on numerous occasions, it's it's I will start dating.

He'll get wind. And next thing you know, it's him sending me videos of him playing with himself, watching our old scenarios, and then it's the him pouring his heart out to me. I'm sorry. And it's like, you know, I'm talking to someone right now. You know what I'm saying?

Because it's it's like I've been trying to move on with my life for a long time, but any time he finds out that I'm like dating someone. It's him coming back, make buying jewelry or, you know, acting like he's coming to pick up the kids. And then for him not and then he doesn't leave. You know what I mean? Or, you know and and that's really what it comes down to now that, you know, in May of this year, I had enough.

I had enough, enough, enough. I'm the reason why we haven't been together in that way because the person that I became okay. There's just so much to unfold with this, but,

I think you're doing a great job.

There's just so much to

talk about. It's just people need to hear your truth.

I was on a date last year. Oh, let's talk about this. The type of shit I deal with that triggers me let's go back to the triggering part. He was using this Miami girl character for a storyline, which he confessed. He only did because he wanted to prove to me that he didn't need me to be on Love and Hip Hop.

So anyway, he decides to kind of fake, like, this Miami girl character that's on Miami, Love and Hip Hop Miami. And, at that time, he was about 6 months behind purposely in paying child support. Now mind you, I'm still in love and hip hop at this point, but I have the kids. He's on love and hip hop in Miami, and he's only 30 minutes away. He wasn't using his weekly parenting time, and he was months at least at this time, he was, like, 6 months behind on, paying child support.

Anyhoo, I'm thugging it. I'm flying with the kids to from my, from Miami to Atlanta to film and and and, you know, kind of do my what I'm contractually binded to do. Right? Next you know, it goes viral. He's buying this chick's kids' Rolexes.

He's literally, deliberately buying another man's children Rolexes and has this whole draw they have this whole drawn out birthday party for these kids. Right? Mind you, this man is 6 months, right, behind on child support. Hasn't seen the kids, is indulging in this whole storyline that he even admitted he was just doing so that he can prove that he didn't need me to be on Love and Hip Hop in general.

He also said that they've never even had sex.

Right? Girl, that whole like, I don't know who's worse, him or her when it comes to that whole scenario. Like, she's just as desperate as he is because I'd be damned if a man who doesn't even have real intentions or me is going to be using my kids as some like, as some as some I don't even know what you call it, but it's sick on her part. Yeah. It's like cons.

Like Mhmm. As a mom, you're you you're allowing your kid's first birthday to be a staged scenario so that it could look like this man is about you when really, in reality, isn't attracted to you. You know what I'm saying? Like anyway. So, it goes viral.

Of course, I'm gonna say something. You haven't seen your kids and how much? And you're purposely not paying your child support on time to spite me, to financially, you know, be an asshole is what you're trying to do. Right. I don't think it's like that.

He's he does to trigger me.

Right. I'm just saying, I don't understand how people can't see that he's poking the bear.

And even when I was pregnant, he was dating the Tumi version of of me. Right? Mhmm. For Valentine's Day, he he fills up this girl's small little apartment with flowers, the same thing he used to do with me. Had didn't bring Pampers.

Like, literally, when when I filed for divorce, buying Pampers, buying clothes, none of this was being done. So when you know your kid's father financially can buy extravagant gifts for these random women after you just had 2 of his kids back to back, and he doesn't even drop off a box of Pampers, who in their right mind is not gonna put that on child support? That's the reason why Safari is on child support. Because when I filed for divorce, he never once thought for a second. Let me drop off Pampers.

Let me see if the kids need clothes. Let me what do the kids need in general? Never never asked what these kids needed. Right? So I knew if it was like this already, it was gonna get worse, and it did.

So, therefore, when it was time to finalize our divorce, I made it mandatory that child support was implemented. Which is My first kid father wasn't on child support, but he also did what the fuck

he had to do. But which is not a bad thing. That's why child support is implemented in the court system.

Yeah. But as long as you're not if this man fuck if we're together or not. Mhmm. These kids are your kids. Right.

If he was riding for these kids the way he rides for whatever woman he's fucking on for the moment, we would be so good. Because regardless to what you there are baby mamas out there that don't have to talk shit or say anything about their baby daddies. Why? Because they do what the fuck they have to do. There are baby mamas that live a good life of not having to talk ill on their baby daddies whatsoever because these men are doing what they have to do.

Not all, but a lot of them do.

I don't consider you talking ill. You're telling the truth. So are you not allowed to speak your truth

And that's what it's been.

Save his reputation.

What it's been. And that's why so, like, a crock of shit how everyone's like, oh, he's been quiet for so long. He's been quiet for so long because he cannot deny anything I have said about him. Up until him randomly now having this new YouTuber found urge where he can edit shit that he started and and and and stirred up. You know what I'm saying?

And let's talk about these videos. Can we bring up these videos, Mimi, that, we have of Erica climbing over the fence? That's my girl climbing over the fence, and then, also, like, trying to get into his house. And then the only thing I do didn't agree with in here, and I understand that this is where your rage is coming from, is the babies are are seeing all of this.

No. That 1 yes. So let's So let's break this down.

Yeah. What's happening in this clip right here?

Okay. So wait. Pause because I'm a get to that. Yeah. Keep that there because I wanna show you I wanna tell you this go this goes along with the, climbing the fence.

So anyway, that first initial video, I had went to his house to pick up the kids. I had just came back from a work trip. Came to pick up the kids. Prior to getting there, he was telling me how he finally had some money for me. So at 1 of the moments of him trying to get back with me, he came up with this idea I fell for it.

So I did my homework, and I ended up finding a Montessori school. Me and him went to the Montessori school, checked it out together. The lady told us how much it cost. He agreed to take on that expense. Come time to pay this school, Safari had the nerve to tell me, I paid child support.

Take it out of that. So here I am now, left with this newfound expense that I wasn't prepared prepared to take on. But this is the route you wanna go, you fucking cheap motherfucker. No problem. Oh, you pay for it in child support?

Mind you. I'm gonna have to give you a breakdown of that. But, anyway

Cool. Please do. Spare us more detail, please.

So, anyway, I've been taking on this new expense of the kids going to this Montessori school, on my own after he told me he would take this on. Now he did this because this is around the time, like, after it when it was time for him to pay up, I wasn't trying to fuck on him. So anytime I'm not trying to fuck on him, anything he said he was gonna do, he ain't doing. Him seeing the kids is not even a question. Like, if I'm not trying to fuck on him or ignore what he did and and kind of, you know, go with the flow and just act like we're getting back together, that's always his MO.

He doesn't he won't he won't do anything extra outside of child support, and he's damn sure not picking up these kids. That's just what it's been from from the jump. So, anyway, I get to the house, and he's telling me, I got a surprise for you. And I'm like, what is it? And he tells me he he has the money for the school for the school.

I get there. I did take a nap. Right? I get because I live, like, 30, 40 minutes away. Mind you, it's just like I said, it just landed.

I'm exhausted, so I take a little nap. I get up, and next thing you know, he tells me how he wants to talk. I'm like, okay. Let's talk. He found out that, I had a guy that I was hanging out with when I was on my work trip.

So his initial was like, oh, so this is what we're doing? Like, I'm over here with the kids, and I'm trying to make things better. And and I'm just like, we're not.

The call is coming from inside the house.

So sorry. So anyway, I'm like, so how does it feel? Like, leave me alone. So anyway, it's he starts to get in his feelings, and then he goes, you know what? Why don't you ask him to give you the money?

I was gonna give you the money. Oh, God. That started the argument. And then from there, him saying other nasty shit. So that initial, sadly, whatever, was And they just happened to be recording at this moment.

Well, he has cameras in his house. Okay. What are the coincidence that now he wants to fuck with me and provoke me while I'm at his house? Right? Right.

So he starts to, you know, say how he's not paying for it. And at that point, I'm not gonna lie, I was set off because I'm carrying this expense that I did not inquire. Now mind you, this was that was this year. That was, in May. The first 1 where shit is going down, that was in May.

Right. Okay? I got fired from Love and Hip Hop because he started a fabricated, nasty story and was gossiping to me about another cast member. Me and that cast member got into it. I said something that, you know, she she went low.

I went to hell. And for that, I lost my job. So he is the reason, the biggest reason why I lost my job. But anyway, this is that this is that year. This is this year.

You're also carrying years of just hurt.

Yeah. But my whole thing is, you know, I just lost my job. Yeah. 1 of my main incomes. You owe me this money because you're the 1 that wanted to put them into this facility.

Right.

You literally are in your feelings every time I don't wanna fuck on you. So you refuse to give me the money that you said you would pay for these kids. So now I'm taking on an expense that I did not originally I wasn't prepared for, and I just lost my job because of you. Now here I am at the house to pick up the kids. You get when I'm talking to someone or I was with someone the, night before.

Now you're saying you're not giving me the money you owe me. Right. I'm off. Yeah. I am ticked off.

So I'm telling him, I'm like, explain to me what's go like, explain to me why you're not gonna give me this money. You're the reason why. So I want answers. He's mister not confrontation, confrontation. He knew telling me that he wasn't gonna give me that money was gonna set me off.

He knew that. And then for the And he did.

For the last

so what did he do? He was gonna call the cops on me. So what you see there is me first of all, I'm pissed off. You owe me that money. You owe me that money.

It's like a cup like, a good 10 bands that you owe me. Okay? He still owes me that money to this day. But, anyway, and it's even more now because it's been that long. So you tell me you're gonna pay me this money.

Mind you, this man has no problem buying himself jewelry. This man has no problem buying random women that he's sleeping

with jewelry. Napoleon Appel jewelry.

Did he?

On his YouTube, I just saw I mean, I didn't watch the video because I wasn't giving him the views, but that's the title of his She said, did let me not let me not touch you. I don't even care.

I mean, at this point, I'm so used to it. Yeah. Like, just a couple of months ago, he gifted the Miami girl a necklace. And I only seen that because that was viral.

Right? You

know what I'm saying? It's like it's sick. It's like. So this particular video, like I said, he taunted me with this money, then says he's not gonna pay for it. Then I'm asking him to explain to him explain to me why he starts to, you know, call the cops.

I'm just over it, b. And, yes, that was completely wrong of me, and I take accountability for that. And that's the first and only time that has ever happened in front of my kids, which is why my kids literally followed me out. Yeah. They're they're not scared of me.

They've never seen me ever act like that in front of them ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. It's never been that way. And how he's trying to make it seem like this hap never. You can my kids are proof that they have never been around that.

And then in any kind of way. Right. You know? Did I lose my shit? Absolutely.

Because enough is enough. You're literally you you're the reason why I lost my Absolutely. Because enough is enough. You're literally you you're the reason why I lost my job. And here you are owing me all this money for something you you inquired about and you like, this was your idea to put them into the school.

You said you were gonna pay for it. And because I'm not fucking on you the way and and going about things the way you want it to be, now you don't wanna pay what you said you were gonna

pay? Right.

So it set me the fuck off. And then him having the nerve, now you wanna call the cops on me? You wanna call the cops on me? And I have a video where I'm filming him myself. So what you see there is I'm not trying to I'm not putting my hands on I'm trying to get the phone from him so I could speak to the cops myself.

Mhmm. Because at that point, enough is enough. Yeah. Enough is enough. But you know what's so crazy and sick about it all is a week after that happened, guess who's calling me again, begging to be back with me, and once again, sending me videos of him playing with himself, watching videos of us that he has, how much he misses me.

And he didn't so a week after that happened, the sick bastard was back trying to get back with me.

What is it with him whacking off in videos? He

if you if you've ever dealt with this man,

I don't think I would

want any kind of way. Every girl that's ever dealt with him gets those videos. It's and I know that because I love and hip hop Miami. I've seen a clip 1 time. The girl is outing him in front of the chick.

Oh, no. Talking about, he sent me this video of him jerking himself, and I'm like

just a whack a mole. He Literally. Just he

loves video he loves he loves himself. He loves recording himself oiled up. The visual. He's oiled up. No.

Abs out. No. And for days. It's his thing. So any woman in our day any woman that's ever dealt with him both.

He have the fur coat on? That's all I wanna know.

In any of them. I've never received them with fur coats, but maybe another woman has. But that's just his MO. But with me in particular, it would be his laptop open with videos of me that I've even sent him in the past, you know, because he's, like, he's 1 of those people, like, loves my tits. So it's, like, send me a video with your tits and your tongue out.

Imagine how many other girls' videos he has like that.

Oh, I know. First of all, he has cameras all over his house so that any woman he sleeps with now, he has on camera. Oh, gosh. The it's just a automatic MO. Isn't that like a that's a charge, isn't it?

I mean, I'm well, if you ever go to his house and you're busting it open, just know there's there's cameras. I mean, he can legally have cameras in his house.

Yeah. Absolutely. But So that's

how he probably gets away with it. But, I mean, there's even been times yeah. Oiled up. Oiled up, stroking it. Week late.

Mind you, I'm on vacation. I'm in Tulum living my best life, and I fought for it again.

Erica, what the fuck? Okay. Listen. I could blame him for some stuff, but now I'm gonna start holding you accountable, baby.

It's it's he is so good.

This man has got you fired from your jobs. He has made you look like a fucking fool numerous times. What and you just keep going back.

Because it's the way he pours his heart out, and it's like, even though he know he at this point, I know he has no heart, and it's still you know what it is too. It's like I didn't have these kids to be by myself. I've already been

down that road.

Yeah. So I think for a while up until May where I got and I'll get into that where I actually was just like, enough is enough. Yeah. I still had hope that he would just get his shit together.

That he would change. You thought

he would change? Change.

I get that. All of us women go back.

My god. It's like like, we are so like, our connection look what he was he was talking to a fucking cake claiming that our connection was that because it it was. It was that deep. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Like, when a man devours you and your fluids and everything that comes with you, it's like, how can you not believe it? I don't see this man do and drink and everything of me. How can I not believe him? Right? Is that TMI?

But

genuinely love him.

I did. Yeah. I did. Are you in love with it's like

Are you still in love with Safari?

No. Do you have love for him? Okay. I don't have love for him anymore, and here's why. In May, after that whole thing happened, a week goes by.

He's coming back. I came back from Tulum, and I indulge in him. And this is all in May now. 2 days later, I get a call from 1 of his friends. Well, actually, a DM, and they asked me to call them.

And it's actually a friend that he hangs out with to this day in Florida. And they called me with pure intentions. And I say this because this person is very close to him now, and this person is a stand up guy. Doesn't get into the mess, but he's a good guy. You can tell because of the way he he moves, how he is with his own family, so on and so forth.

And he reached out to me and said, listen. I think it's fair that you know because I don't think it's fair what is being done. And I'm like, what's going on? Lord. I know he's been trying to get back with you, and he's been telling me that this time is for real and that he really and I and I've been vouching for him, like like, with it.

Like, I think he should make things right for him. But now I'm getting nervous, and I feel like you should know before you get caught up again. And I'm, like, getting nervous about what? So, apparently, he started bragging to this particular friend that he met this 20 year old girl, that he's very interested in because, quote, unquote, she doesn't know who he is, and that because she's not in the industry, it will be easy for him to kind of tell her what he wants her to know and still be able to do what he wants to do. And Bunny, I instantly became so disgusted.

It was the reality check that I needed after all this time. And what's so sick about it is that no mat after everything this fucking man put me through, it was the fact that I am now being informed that this man is now going after girls that are the same age as his niece, his baby niece. And he's You are a 40 3 year old man. And now you're going after this 20 year old girl because you know she doesn't know no better? Mhmm.

And because what? You can now manipulate her because she's not in the industry. So what? That means you could tell her whatever it is you wanna tell her, she'll believe you, and she'll play her position if she's into you enough or if you love bomb her enough, and you could still do what you have to do. So that means, basically, you're here trying to quote, unquote every other week trying to get your family back, but you also now have this agenda to go after a girl that doesn't know no better, a 20 year old girl.

You know what that means? That means look what he did to me, and I'm in my thirties. I can't even imagine what he's about to do to a girl that's in her twenties that doesn't know any better. Right then and there, I got sick to my stomach, and I realized that the person that I am that I became in that very moment has to change everything moving forward. Like I'm the change.

Like I am the 1 that's like in order for this, because there's no changing him. All he's going to do is break me apart. Keep setting me off using the fact that I love him to the core, to chip away at me, to make me feel like there's something wrong with me every chance he gets, and that all he cares about is his next victim. And now there's no limits because now you're going after a girl that just started life. She has no I at 20 years old, she has no idea your what what your kind is.

And I just became sick because it was like he has a niece that he has been around for, you know, a baby niece that is the same age as this girl that now he's he was bragging that he's gonna be pursuing. And that's when I realized, I'm like, this is first not gonna get any better. 2, he does need help. And the help that he needs, I'm not sticking around. I have to help myself now to get over this and do what I have to do for these 2 babies.

On top of that, I have a daughter. So does he. You know what it made me think about? Like, imagine some guy going after my daughter at 20 years old because she's not in the industry, and she won't know any better. Mhmm.

So this friend actually saved my life.

Shout out to the homey.

Shout out to the home. And he still rolls with him to this day. This is the first time. I'm sorry if I try to be selective in my words so he won't know who you are. But he put me on to game.

He's like, he's going after this 20 year old girl, and and it's funny because not too long ago, I was tagged in a blog where you see him pulling this young girl that looks like she's 15. It it could be the 20 year old. I'm guessing it is because that was in May, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. Yeah. It it probably is her, but she looks like a child.

Mhmm. A child. And in my mind, I'm like, Nala is this pervert like, you're perverted. You're fucking sick.

Yeah. Well, I think that might trigger

time. Yeah.

And it's like That might trigger your childhood trauma also because

That might have been what fucking Yeah. What happened to you. Oh my god. When I tell you I just got instantly grossed.

I can't fuck when ouch. Yeah. When men are tricks or, like and I'm not saying that he's tricking off on her, but that's my thing. Like, if

I sign up my man he's tricking off on her.

Tricked off on a girl and, like, if they're young, and it's like that's just such a weird thing.

It's funny you say the trick off part because this same friend told me how he he because I was just like, this is insane. I was on the phone with him for, like, an hour, and I'm like, you know what's so sad is, like, he runs through these women, and every time he gets a a woman, he, like, buys them jewelry. Right? Like, that's his thing. Right?

I'm like, he's never bought his own daughter a pair of earrings.

No.

A pair the diamond earrings, my daughter, and he's mister jewelry connoisseur. My son doesn't have a chain on his neck from his daddy. My daughter doesn't even have a pair of earrings on her in her ears from her daddy. Oh. But yet, apparently, he bought that girl a pair of diamond earrings, claiming that she brings him more peace than his daughter does, which is fucking weird.

What?

That he's quoted saying that?

The the friend told me this.

Oh my goodness.

Because I was like, why is it that he every time he finds a new broad, he he gets some like, what is the tricking on the broad or someone else's kids? Like, what is that? He's just like, I don't know. But what he said he said to me not too long ago that he had a pair of earrings for sapphire, but he ended up giving it to the girl because she brings him more peace. And I'm just like, this is just it's Twilight Zone.

Like, people will never believe me. But being that this person wants to paint this narrative so it can deadbeat in peace, this is why I'm like I'm like, fuck it. Let's just talk about it.

Well, this man is really, a menace to society. Sick. Yeah. Like, he's genuinely not a good human. Like, that's a bad spirit Sick.

To hurt somebody like this and his own children. Let's talk about the situation with you climbing the ladder. Yes. Because when you told me this story, it made complete sense to me. I was like, absolutely.

I would have done the same fucking thing.

So okay. I'm gonna tell you the story, and then I want you to go to me hopping the ladder. And then I want you to come back to this if you can. Okay? So I had a night out off.

He has the kids. I'm in Carbone with this football player that I was dating. Mind you, this latter thing was done last year. Mhmm. The other the first 1 where I'm going crazy because of the schooling stuff, that was done this year.

That was in May, early May. This right here is last year. Mhmm. He's unloving hip hop, so called going after another woman. Right?

I'm living my life. I start dating this football player, really into him at the time. He comes to town just to take me to Carbone, and I go.

As you should.

Right. Now, obviously, I know this information later on, this particular information, but he got wind. Someone at Carbone that knows him tells him I'm at Carbone.

Does he have a tracker on you?

No. But he knows a lot of people. Okay. Because because I feel like he just knows everything you're doing. Atlanta, he got wind because of someone from production.

Because I brought the guy like, it was like, after set, I kinda left with the guy. So anyway, this particular time, I'm at Carbone. I'm leaving. He gets win from someone that was there, that I was there. Now I get dropped off at home.

And I just started dating this guy, so I wasn't going home with him, but, you know, that's my business. I get home, like, maybe 1 something in the morning. I jump in the shower. I'm getting ready for bed. No kids.

I get a call from him. Legend just fell off the bed, and he's bleeding. Wait. What? Yeah.

He fell off the bed, and he's bleeding. Bleeding from where? Now I know the kids have a bunk bed in his house, but I know he doesn't use the top bunk. So in my head, I'm like, how did he fall? I'm, like, trying to figure out, like so I'm like, where's he bleeding from?

He goes, I don't know. I don't know. I'll call you right back. Okay. 10 minutes go by.

He doesn't call me back. So as a mother, I'm like, I start calling him. What the fuck's going on? Is he okay? At least at least tell me he's okay.

He doesn't pick up. I called him numerous times back to back to back. He's not picking up. So at that point, I'm like, I'll just go over there. Like, what the fuck?

Like, I'm just gonna go over there. So I drive over there. Now mind you, he lives in a gated community. You cannot get into this community unless you're let in by the residents. They let me in.

K? Mhmm. I get to the door, and as you can see, I have pajamas on. I was about to go to bed. I have my sports bra.

I put some biker shorts on, you know, whatever. Like, I was literally about to call it a night. I get to the door. I'm ringing the bell. No 1 answers.

He has a transparent kind of door. I see him walking back and forth like he's looking. Right? Doesn't answer the door. So at that point, I'm like, this is fucking crazy.

I'm I'm like, all the things that are going in my mind, I'm like, this motherfucker sees him out the door. Now I know Safari has glass. All his backyard is all glass.

Mhmm. So I'm

like, I'm gonna go to the back to look through and see what the fuck's going on. The that gate was locked. He just so happened to be getting work done on his house at this time.

This was last year. The convenience of the ladder.

The ladder was literally there waiting for me.

It said climb me.

Like, the fact that people think I drove a ladder I I rode with a ladder. Because I'm, like, I'm not gonna lie. The comments, I'm just like, are people this stupid?

But they are. Common sense is not stupid.

Actually getting work done on his house. Right. So the ladder was there. There was fucking tools there. The ladder was there.

The the gate was locked. This motherfucker, after calling to tell me my son fell from the bed Right. And is bleeding, is not answering the door. Mind you, he let me into the community. So at that point, I'm just like, what the fuck is going on?

Right. Why is he but I see him walking back and forth. And and at that point, as much as I probably should've known this motherfucker was playing with me, I wasn't. I was just more concerned at what the fuck's going on. Why is he saying my kid mama bear.

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So the ladder was there. I used the ladder to hop the fence. I

did. That's a fucking g move. That's a g move. Right? Like, I would do the same thing.

You tell me I

get it. To the part that I told you before. The other second part. I get to the back. If can you zoom into my face?

I am concerned. I am confused. I am trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

This is you knocking on the door. Right?

This is me knocking. He's trying to and it's funny because he's been circulating. Like, Joe Budden even mentioned this video on his podcast. So far, he's been sending people this video since it happened, joking about it in the set and mind you, everyone he has sent this video to, but prior to him doing his YouTube, has gotten a different story on why.

I haven't been the Nicki Minaj thing.

1 exactly. 1 person he told I was trying I think he even said in this video that I was trying to break into his house, I think.

Right?

He said it was trying mind you, if someone is breaking into your house, why wouldn't you call the cops? Full office. Would you let them in from your gate guard gated community? You know, like, this Look at my face. Can you zoom in anymore?

I am stressed. I'm concerned. I am not mad. I am not raging. I am try I am confused and concerned, and that is clearly written all over my fucking face.

My eyebrow is literally touching my fucking hairline. Can you believe this bastard comes to the door finally? Literally, you're crazy. You really came here? And laughing at me.

Laughing at me. You're crazy. Me off. You really came here? That's the stuff I was talking about, like, triggering.

Yeah. That would set me off.

I'd have been like, you just called me and said our son split his head open and is bleeding. Like, what do you and didn't answer the phone. I thought he was going to the hospital.

Purposely didn't answer the phone because he knows my mind starts. First of all, my kid, he knew exactly what to say. I really now know he got wind. I was at Carbone. Wanted to fuck up my night so I couldn't get none, which is probably what he was thinking, which is why he waited to call me at the time he called me thinking I was probably laid up with the dude Mhmm.

And decided to tell me that then knew telling me that will have my mind going, which is why he didn't pick up. Then he obviously gets alerted by his gate that I'm at the gate. Oh, I got her. She's here now. Fucked up her night.

Purposely didn't let me into the gate because he wanted me to lose my shit. The gate of his house. My shit.

The gate of his house.

Yeah. They let me into the gate. They called him to let me into the you cannot go into this man's residence without being let in by the guard gate. He is an educated community. You cannot go into this man's gate unless he lets you in.

Okay. So now here we are. May I find out about the 20 year old girl. Right? Okay.

He calls me. Now I'm not letting him know what I know. I just told him basically enough is enough. Like, I can't do this. You're a pervert.

I was kinda, like, telling him without telling him. I was even I was calling him all the p words in the book. Like, clearly, you're a pervert. Clearly, you're a this. And and you you got weird fucking you got more you got more issues than you got sex you got you're a sex addict, 1st and foremost.

You are a pervert. You literally do nothing but manipulate and fuck with me. You fucking toy with the fact that I love you, and you beg me to be with you every fucking chance you get. Then you bounce around from woman to woman. You know what I mean?

Like Yeah. You disregard these kids when I'm not fucking on you. You you purposely try to, make financial fucking, burdens for me by not helping me outside of the little bit of money you do pay. Because, honestly, his child support is calculated off of if he was taking his kids once a week the way he's supposed to. He's not.

My childcare just to work, which is why sometimes I bring them or a lot of times, I bring my kids to set, and I still have to pay. But it's not as much because I'm kinda still there.

Right.

When I if I have to leave, let's say, to do a movie, like, it's doing stepmother was 2 weeks. 1 of the 1 of the because we break it down. 2 weeks. Can you imagine leaving your kids for 2 weeks, 2 kids with that childcare cost? Around the clock?

Yeah. It's a lot of money. So you purposely and then what we do for a living, I have to and it when even with flying with the kids, I gotta pay for my flight, their flight, you know, the food. I gotta make them come get a hotel that is, you know, accommodating for kids that, you know, I you can't do no cheap shit. You know, I'm not saying that I would, but you gotta get a a a place to stay that's accommodating to your kids, big enough space.

All of that shit cost. Yeah. All of that shit cost. And then on set, even with me being on set, I have to pay for someone. So anyway, for what I do for a living, what he does for a living, he knows that.

It adds up. Mhmm. So I have this conversation with him. I'm like, you know what the fuck you're doing. I can't do it.

You're a pee. You're a pervert. You're sick in the head. You you know, he and I'm sure with our last conversation, he got the memo. He will never be able to fuck on me or with me again.

And in that conversation, I even brought up, I'm like, I'm so sick of the fact that you pick and choose when to be a father. And the fact that your family doesn't even try to do their part when it comes to these kids. You know what the hell this man said? How could they when you're their mother? Funny that set me off right then and there that I literally went into my phone, found his mother's number, and he talks about that in the YouTube too as well.

And I sent her a message with proof of him in my home that very week. Remember, I told you that whole incident that we went I went off on him because of the school stuff, and Yep. I broke shit in his house. Like, I just had enough. I was just, like, whatever.

That was in May. Right? Couple of days later, the homie called me. No. Sorry.

That was in May. That happened. A week later, we're back to whatever. Right? Because he was sending me all the messages.

I got back. Whoops, swarfed back in. Right? 2 days later after me being swarfed in, after a week of that happening, we get together. I'm swarfed back in.

2 days later, the homie calls me with that bit of information about him dating a 20 year old girl, that he's bragging, how he's so excited because she's not in the industry, and she doesn't know any better. And he can kinda tell her what he needs to tell her and still do what he needs to do. That's literally his words. I could tell her what I need to tell her and still do what I need to do. Him telling me how can his family do their part for my kids because I'm their mother, I knew right then and there, even though I always knew.

It just was like a real, like, confirmation. He's playing 2 sides. Absolutely. He's kissing and trying to fuck on me and get back with me, quote, unquote, but telling his family

something else.

Oh, yeah. So I text his mother, quote, unquote, I figured since I know your son is such a liar and since he knows and since I know he lies on me all the time to you and your daughter, just figure I informed you of him being up in my house last week. Isn't it ironic how he paints me out to be such a hateful monster, but yet won't leave me alone? And in that, I show video of him in my home camera,

which you've never gone on YouTube and posted these.

This is what he but he's discusses how I disrespected his mother and sent her inappropriate photos of him. Nobody. I sent her proof where you be at. Okay? Yeah.

Because you lie to her and say 1 thing. And it's crazy because the mother's the enabler and the sister's the cheerleader. Right. So, really, it's like what I did was I opened up the floodgates to the truth on the lies you're telling them. Right.

So I clarified things because you're you're you're painting this to be 1 way with them. But yeah, you're really consistently since we got divorced, every single other week, you're begging, trying to get back with me. 8 months ago, you just went on a in you went on a and did a whole interview. Not only did you praise me as a mother, but you were literally said you wanted to eventually publicly that you see us being back together in the right time and all this shit and all of that. Now all of a sudden, you didn't get enough excitement with your, you know, taunting your ex at her concert.

What's up next? Now you all of a sudden wanna tell the your truth

Yeah.

Your truth on why you're being a baby daddy. Isn't it convenient? I I just find it that, like, oh, now all of a sudden it's convenient for you to speak on all the truth I've been telling.

Yeah.

So you took your time to edit this 30 minute video using video videos of me from separate occasions to From separate occasions. Yeah. Not telling the truth behind what led to this and why this was that. Mhmm. Just so you can deadbeat in peace, and that's his agenda.

Because now that he's a YouTuber and he can't fuck on me anymore, he takes that out on me by not coming around for the kids. And what happens if you're YouTubing every day? People are gonna start inquiring why your kids are never with you. Right?

Yeah. Does nobody can nobody, like, put the pieces together? Like, it it makes me sad, like, these blogs like, even when I was doing research for this podcast, a lot of these blogs, like, side with him and, like, oh, it makes perfect sense. And Erica and I'm just, like And

and, you know, why would he not

see what's happening? He

this is what he's doing. He's using my reputation to now paint this picture on why he chooses to be a deadbeat. But I think

that your actions, even after he dropped these, you did it so g, dude. And, like, normally, you would have flown off the handle and, like, gone to defend yourself. And this time, you were just like, you know what?

Do you? Why? Because I knew the time would come where I can actually speak on it, and I knew I would do it before the year was out. I just I sat with it with god, and I was just like, I need to tell my truth, and I know you know I need to tell my truth because of who I am. And because this narrative being so false could be damaging to my future, my career.

You know what I'm saying? So I sat with it with God, and I was just like, I'm not going to speak on anything. I did a little bit, but then I was just like, there's so much to unpack with this that doing it off of, like, it's not going to make sense. Right? So and literally, like, you DM me and it was just, oh, God.

No, for real. It was like, okay, this is what I'm going to do. This this is it. Yeah. Because I can sit with a credible woman that's been through it, that understands what's up.

A lot of

women have been.

And and your podcast resonates to an audience that isn't fucking A male dominated hip hop scene. That, but it's like your viewers and, like, the people who tune into you aren't fucking stupid. And I know that because

of the

shit you talk about

They're so compassionate.

And and the way your podcast has been able to expand and and and and grow the way it's obvious because the people are tuning everything you speak on and how you speak, and it resonates. It's credible. It's it's real shit.

Yeah. I'm just a place for people to come and tell their truth with no judgment and with people. I'm so blessed to have a following that these women are gonna just wrap themselves they're gonna wrap their arms around you. Like And it's all really about fucked up shit.

Yeah. And it's like, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I would take full accountability. I I'm fucking you know, this man has been able to trigger me. This man has been able to break me.

This man and I take full accountability because no matter how much he's violated, disrespected me, embarrassed me, like, no. He's left me for dead from the time my son was born till now. I still took him back so many times. I engaged in sexual acts. I I accepted the gifts.

I believed him because I was desperate in sense of I wanted still the idea of my kids to have a 2 parent household. But this is where I want people to to kinda come together and put 2 and 2 together and realize what the fuck. If I wasn't allowing this man to see his kids, why is it that he's taking me to court for everything but to see his kids? He is now suing me for defamation and a whole bunch of other fucking stupid and merit shit. He's, taking me to court right now also because he wants to modify his child support.

He literally leaked his own court papers, which triggered me right before this got leaked. He leaked his papers his lawyer papers, and he had the nerve to make the hell, to put in there that he sees he has the kids more than me. And because he's no longer on Love and Hip Hop, he doesn't make that that much money. So, obviously, he's a YouTuber now. But I fell for the bait because when that went out, when he when he put his whole court papers out, people were coming at me like, oh, why is she making it seem like he never sees the kids if he's claiming he has them more?

I literally posted the calendar of yes. So next thing you know, people are going at him like, oh, you only seen your kids 16 times. That, I fell for the bait, which led him to do this. He's so calculated, and his agenda is very clear. It's just people love to hate me being the bad guy that this is where you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. This kind of became as big as it was where people actually believe this shit. Yeah. Because the truth is, like I said, if he if I was keeping these kids from him first of all, he has court ordered parenting time since 2022. Yeah.

He's supposed to get them 3 days, 1 week, 4 days, and next week is supposed to be rotating, rotating, rotating. He doesn't do it. Why? Because he claims the kids' school is too far, and he'll be he doesn't wanna drive 2 hours every day to get the kids. Where I where he picked the school for the kids to go was 30 minutes away from him.

Right? So picking them up and dropping them off every day would be a 2 hour drive every day. Mhmm. He claims he's not doing that. Then if I'm not fucking on him on those other days that he could be picking them up, which is the weekends, it makes my life complicated.

Right? It's less it's it's hard for me to date. It's hard for me to maneuver and and work and do this without me having to pay. He also knows I lost 1 of my main incomes. Thanks to him.

So, therefore, money is probably not as much as it used to be. As fluid. So keeping the kids on my tab all the time adds up. So he's calculated in every fucking way. If I'm not engaging in him fucking on me, these kids don't see him.

And and even that, he'll get them, purposely not brush their hair, purposely dress them fucking looking crazy, all of these things because he knows I take pride just like I he would take pride in how he dresses. I take pride in how I dress. Therefore, what do you not take pride in when it comes to your kids?

Absolutely.

He will have my kids walking around looking like yeah. But yet he can be in tip top shape. So it's like he doesn't just do things to set me off. He does things out of spite all the time all

the time. After being through all of this with him, how is your heart? How are you right now?

You know what? I'm a lot better. Yeah? Believe it or not, this coming out set me free for real for real.

I love that for you.

Because I'm like, look how far he will go. Like, he hasn't gone far enough to break me and bring me down. Mhmm. But now you wanna publicly make me be this person that you know that I'm not. Because and and you and I know this to be a fact.

He wants to make sure that I don't flourish in my career anymore. He's not succeeding. I'm doing movies now. Right? I've been blessed to now I have my dating show with Zeus that comes out at the top of this year.

Talk about it. Because no matter what this man has done to you

did this, right, to stop all of that. Mhmm. And so he can YouTube and be a deadbeat in peace. Right. That's what this agenda is for.

That's that's his motive. That this is all that. This set me free because now I'm able to do this. Yeah. And you have, miss Lequita.

Like I've been sparing him a lot, and the truth is the truth. I am not perfect. I have taken this man back on numerous occasions. I have allowed him to fucking provoke me where I wig the fuck out. I have allowed him to use, you know, my weaknesses against me because he knows.

When we got married, that was the 1 thing. When when he kept begging me for kids, I don't wanna be a single mother. He left me for dead with 2 kids on purpose because he knows that's 1 of my biggest, like, years. Yes. But now I can tell my fucking story for real Yeah.

On who he is and what I've been through And not carry it into 2025. Not carry it in. Like, he just set me free because now, like he does with Nikki, he often tries to chime in.

Well, he's definitely gonna come forward after this podcast comes out.

I mean, if he comes forward, it's because he's desperate for more clout. That's just who he is.

And he'll ride the wave, and just know that. Don't let him trigger you.

He can't. Okay. I'm so like, now that I especially now about the latter, because it's been, like, such a and I I'm able to laugh at it now because it's like, damn, he really fucking set me up for this, you stupid fucking bitch. You allowed this fucking clown to really, like, play with you like this. Yeah.

But this just set me free because now I can tell the truth on all of this shit.

Karma always comes back around.

And, you know, before I close out this conversation, it's like the proof is in the pudding. If this man was being if his kids were being withheld from seeing from him seeing his kids, he would be in court for that. He's not in court for any of

the bud in fact Also taking you to court for defamation.

Then he's also after putting this shit out on me, he's he's trying to sue me. Yeah. Oh, when I was shooting the the zoo show, he put out he was trying to get a restraining order on me. Mind you, I was in I was in California for, like, a month and a half shooting my my dating show. He got wind that I was shooting the dating show and it was for real going, like, going down.

This man had the audacity to try to get a restraining order on me. Why? So that in the middle of shooting, I had to stop, find a lawyer, pay a lawyer to now respond to this and and defend myself with this, quote, unquote, restraining order. So it's like when I tell you there's so much behind the scenes shit that I've been dealing with with this man, and if you guys wanna believe It's exhausting. It's so ex because if people really wanna believe that I don't wanna break every week and that I don't have to pay for with my kids going with their dad, you gotta be out your fucking rabbit ass mind.

Yeah. A free break, 3 days, 1 week, 4 days, the next week? Bring it on. Come pick up these fucking kids. And then he also tells on himself too in another thing.

He's like, I refuse to go to her house. Stupid. Your kids go to school every fucking day. That's how much he

has

he hasn't seen that

video of him in your house.

But exactly. He doesn't wanna come to my house because he can't fuck on me anymore Right. Is the real deal.

Yeah.

He can't drink my fluids and fucking devour me the way he is obsessively loves to anymore. But he can pick his kids up at school, but doesn't do that because he doesn't wanna drive the 2 hours every day.

So there you go. Let's move on from Safari, though, and talk about this dating thing because even though Safari has put you through all of this fucking bullshit Yes. He has literally tried everything he can to just fucking bring you down. And, like, I don't I just could never imagine a man wanting

to tell you how he was DM ing the football player too?

No. He did not. But it doesn't fucking surprise me. Like, what is going on

with this man? Been when I tell you peep like, what was he DM ing the football player? I guess he wanted to tell him that, like so I'm dating this guy, talking to him, but he still was kinda coming at me. He got this is the guy that I was at Carbone with. He found out who it was and starts DMing him, talking about he had stuff to tell him.

What? Okay. Wanna see it.

It's funny. Yes. I would love to see it. If people don't see that he's the problem Yeah. Then I just after this podcast, if I see another vlog about you being the problem here, I'm going to

talk to you later. Accountability, babe. I'm I'm not gonna say I'm innocent because I'm not.

I get it. It takes 2 to tango. But It

does take 2 to tango. And and trust me, the sex our sexual chemistry is so, like, bomb that it was hard for me to let go. Well, yeah. And you guys also have

a trauma bond too, so that makes everything such

sometimes more intense. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. So, look, this hold on.

Let me get the bifocals on.

Oh, wow. He said So this was after he had me hop the fence. He he got win okay. So he found out so they just told him that I was there with a guy. But once he found out it was a football player and this football player, when I tell you, is fine, does the he's

he said, what up? Let me know when you see this. Trying to send you some info. Just wanna make sure you're the right person.

So, yeah, he basically every time I'm ready to move on or I've moved on, like, this man can't take it. So it's like, if I'm all of this, if I'm this crazy, let's just say it like that, why haven't you been to court to get your kids away from me for 1 for 2? Why haven't you gone to court because you I'm keeping your kids from you? Like, why? It's just an abusive relationship.

There's just so much that I just wish people were smart enough to see.

I think

and I will say, podcast. A lot of celebrity women reached out to me, like, big name women that were like, listen. What you did is nothing compared to what x, y, and z made me do. And it's like, you'd be surprised how many men, and it's not saying it's right, but men literally purposely antagonize, provoke women. And then when they lose their shit, it's like, she's crazy.

She's this. She's this, that. They never tell this the whole story.

It's reactive abuse, and that's part of controlling the narrative. If he can't control you, he wants to control what people think about you. And after this podcast, if people can't see what's going on here, especially now that you're distancing yourself from him and saying, hey. You know what? No more.

Yeah. Just let this dude crash out.

Would never let this man touch me

Yeah.

Again.

I mean, he's gonna crash out on his own.

It it's frustrating. Out already.

So moving on from safari though, and no matter what this man has done to you, you have literally just risen from the ashes like a fucking the phoenix that you are. You have done this your entire life. It seems like to be a theme for your life. Like, no matter what fucking adversities life throws at you

Yeah. I don't know how. I really have, like, 10 lives. I would say 9, but I'd

say You always you I have

a couple of lives on me.

I'm telling you, you always come back full force, and now you have a dating show coming out on Zeus. Tell me all about this.

I'm super excited about that. I feel like this show I mean, it's definitely Zeus, so it's crazy. It has its elements. But what I love about it is that Lemmy and LJ let me create a format where I still gave them Zeus, but, I wanted to tap in and and show how fun and sexy and wild, you know, being a a bisexual woman could be. Yeah.

What I love about it is I got to be myself, you know, in the sense of, like, once I'm, like, in my world, in my element, I, sex is, like, my favorite conversation. I love to talk about sex. I'm a Scorpio, so I love to talk about sex. Do you

know what your moon sign is?

I don't. Oh, really?

Asking me

because she said you were gonna ask me. So I was like,

oh, shit.

How do I find that out? She's like, I'll

have you text me.

Find out your moon sign because she's gonna wanna know. I'm like, fuck. Okay. Good to know. But, yeah, I love to talk about sex.

I just feel like, you know, in a safe place, like, we all do it. Absolutely. Yeah. So I've been an open bisexual for, like, years, and, I love love. And I haven't been lucky in it, but I know I'm deserving of it.

Yeah. And, 1 thing people don't know is how fun and crazy and, you know, wild I am. Well, wild, yes. But, like, you know,

I think we all know you're fun and crazy

and wild. But, like, in a fun way where it's not where the hip hop drama. Like, people know me drama crazy. Now it's like fun crazy, turn up crazy. Like, tap into, like, how fun it is to be around me when I'm in, you know, a good healthy environment.

Yeah. So I got 9 guys, 9 girls, all walks of life. Wow. Yeah. And we took it there, and we put us we're all in 1 big house, and they are competing for my love.

And I'll say this. My cast, I'm completely obsessed with them. Yeah. I had such a great time, with just, you know, the whole environment that it was. It was crazy nonstop.

The boys turned up. The girls turned up. You know? I'm not very, like, into the whole, like, throwing down stuff because I've been there, done that growing up in New York. But I will say this, they've definitely turned me on to see them kind of like, some of them were taking it so serious where they were, like, dumping for me and, like, hardcore.

Like, but, yeah, I just love it because it's like, like I said, I got an opportunity to really be myself. It also was very emotional because you get attached to certain people. And even though you don't see them in that way, you know, to let them go and hurt their feelings, it's it's tough. It's tough. But, yeah, it was a fun time.

The trailer will be dropping very soon.

When does it drop? When does the actual show

show show show? We're just right now going over Zeus's programming. Yeah. Lemmy has so much stuff in the works and stuff like that. So he he wants this to be very, right timing, and it's good because we literally shot this in August.

Wow. And, right in the middle of you going through all of this stuff. God. Literally. Literally going through all of this.

It was going down and but at the same time, it was it was a wild experience.

It was an outlet for you too.

Yes. And and and doing it, it made me realize too, like, everything my first baby daddy would tell me is like, remember who the fuck you are, was in my my head. Because to go through what I went through, I was on Love and Hip Hop for so many years. Then what happened happened to me. These people used me for bait, and all of a sudden, selective outrage kicked in.

And the next thing you know, they're firing me over social media. And I held that franchise down for so many years regardless of how people feel about me. People tuned in. They wanted to know my drama. They wanted to know my life story.

I was able to kind of go through my relationships. You know, I brought out, you know, me being a bisexual, then I got married and had my fairy tale wedding, then I got kids, then I got left for dead with kids. Like, the world has been on a journey with me for so long. And now it's like, now I get an opportunity to not only have my own show, but to show me an element that I'm very deserving in, and that's love. Like, I am such a lover regardless of how crazy my love life has been.

I have always been open with my love life. And there's whether it's bad, good, ugly, whatever, it's it's just been this ride that my fan base has been able to go on with me. So now, you know, doing, 2 ways with Erica was just a outlet of just kinda seeing what it's like to date me and how to date me. And and then the, you know, the challenges I got a chance to make up, you know, for my contestants, you know, kinda says a lot about me. I'm definitely a freaky girl.

I'm definitely a freaky girl, but I'm also very fun. And I'm also I I feel deep too. I'm I'm an empath. Even though I'm hardcore and, like, I'm very empath. So it was it it's it's definitely a ride.

People have been saying your show is very loud. You're very loud. I'm like, yes. Yes. It's loud.

I'm loud.

When I think of Erica Mena, I think of somebody who's very loud. And that doesn't mean it's not a bad thing. Yeah. They call chronic loud,

so that's

a good thing.

And it's great because, like, everyone behind the scenes production, everyone's like, you got a hit on your hands. We're so excited for you. I just stopped by the Zeus office the other day, and, you know, everyone was just, like, so excited for me because the edits are, you know, starting to be edited up, and they're just like, this is this is great because people get to see who you are. You've served them. This was the most fun that you've ever had on a set, you know.

So I got a chance to, like, bring an experience to not just my contestants, but, you know, production and everybody that that, you know, plays behind the scenes. It's always more than what you guys see in front of the camera. Absolutely. So yeah. Yeah.

I'm excited. It's it's it's gonna it's very loud and it's out there, and and we're gonna be on a ride for it says 12 episodes, but we have so much footage that, I'm thinking they might add some, you know, extra episodes in, but I'm excited. And then we also have movies coming out. I have a movie run, directed and written by Chris Stokes that comes out in theaters this year.

Let's go.

We get a trailer for that. And then my trilogy Stepmother, which is on Tubi, and all my other movies that are on Tubi. I'm really proud of that. And I'm just gonna continue on in, like, the acting stuff. This is why I'm like, this couldn't have come at a better time because I feel like at the end of the day, I'm not perfect.

Like I said, I've made some faults. I've taken back. I fucked up. I fell for the okeydoke. I've also made some bad decisions.

But you're growing up. Unapologetically me at all times, even within my mistakes. And 1 thing's for sure is that when it comes to my career, I give it my all. And there's a lot of versions of me, which is probably why I've been able to kind of be in this shit for so long. And I'm not afraid of growth.

And that's exactly what you've shown this entire podcast is so much growth.

That's why I'm not afraid to grow, change. Last August, I decided to, like, not drink anymore, so

I'm kinda talk about this? I just heard about your sobriety

earlier. Are you? I'm over it. You know what it is? I just feel like, to to go where I'm really headed Mhmm.

And where I'm supposed to end up being ultimately, I feel like I used alcohol to kind of numb a lot of things and to make the and I and alcohol plays a part of me making the dumb the stupid dumb decisions I've made with just kind of accepting and taking back and so on and so forth. That played a big part of me indulging and not being level headed like I'm supposed to. You know? Because emotions are high. It weakens me.

My mind isn't clear. I forget what I have on the line. I'm like, even that night that I hopped the fence, I had a couple of drinks with my guy. Yeah. You know?

I was a little tipsy. And, you know, when I got that phone call, you know, I'm sure if I was sober, him not picking up, you know, whatever, I probably would have made a different decision in going over there altogether. You know what I mean? And I think about that. And and even with, that last incident, you know, being set off, you know, like, knowing that this person purposely says and does things to kind of provoke me, being sober, I feel like now is going to give me a lot more strength and clarity.

And and I'm going to stop and think

Yeah.

Things through before anything. You know what I mean? Before any type of reaction.

Absolutely.

And so far, I feel like it's great. Like, I get up at 5. I pray now, write in my journal. The kids get up at 7. So I kinda have, like, this routine now that's been mapped out since I decided to become completely sober, And it's been great.

Like, I walk around with this damn bottle. If I'm not with this bottle, it's my Stanley Cup. Yeah. And, and I just feel so much better. I also feel like I am able to hear I'm super in tune spiritually.

Like, when I wake up at 5 and I'm praying, I'm able to visually see what's gonna happen for me. Like, God, I feel like like, shows me things. And it's been so, like, liberating Mhmm. Because, like, even with this, I was supposed to come not too long ago before this actual visit, and they're, like, being sober. With my mom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So she can't help it, by the way? Yeah. She's great. Yeah. Where I I wasn't able to make it.

And, it was like the timing of everything and just like how and I realized that now. Like, I like, everything in its timing, it's like, who would have know I would have not predicted that, you know, to to come and and try to ruin me.

Yeah.

And I feel like that was the the the there was a motive behind that. Like, that was that was done and put out to, like, end me once and

for all. Hit piece.

Yes. That was done to, like, end me for once and for all. And the fact that that wasn't the result, you know, you've done nothing but level up. Even getting sober, no drug is worse than reality.

I say that to everybody because I've been sober since 2017. I heard. Yes. So to to be able to be in the midst of all this chaos, all this stress, everything coming at you, and just to make that conscious spiritual decision to be like, you know what? I don't want my mind all altered anymore.

I wanna be in this a 100%. That is that's amazing.

And I'm so proud of you. Since I've done it, I'm like, I look back at all the shit I was tolerating and, like, the lies and, you know, now us going to court, sometimes I have to go back and send proof to my lawyer about certain things, and I'm reading how I was just, like, the lies, the this, the deceitfulness, the and it's just like, had I been sober, none of this would have slid that that well. And I definitely would have not accepted as much as I accepted. Yeah. You know?

Like and then getting through postpartum.

Mhmm.

That because when I was pregnant and even after, I wasn't I wasn't drinking then, but the pain of that and feeling on you know, disregarded and thrown to the side and and just not seen and taunted the way I was taunted. You know? Like, from the time I gave birth to legend, even up till now, this person purposely buys all these things knowing it does nothing for these kids and everything's left on me. That's done to taunt me. Yeah.

That's done to make my life complicated and more difficult. You know? Now that I don't wanna have any sexual relationships with them at all, it claims it's scared of me. It can't come nowhere near me Right. Because it's so scared.

You know? And it's just like, wow. I'm really dealing well, I should say I wouldn't even say I'm dealing, but if there's any regret that I have is the person that I chose to have more kids with. But I love my babies, but I just I I just really

you can't control who he's gonna be. He's always gonna be who he's gonna be.

But I I feel like, I owe my kids, like, forever an apology.

But they have you. They have you. They have King. You know? Like, those babies were they chose you to be their mom for a reason.

So Yeah. But those times when my daughter is begging to get picked up by her dad, and he does nothing but give her excuses. And she gets off the iPad, and she's hysterically crying. It's like, I am so sorry. Yeah.

You know? Like, that's the stuff. And and then that's and that's even more so why I have to stay sober because I now have to, and it's funny because no matter how much time passes and we're about to be on 7 months that he hasn't seen them, their love for him has not subsided because how much love I pour into them and how much I allow them to love him even from a distance. When they miss him and it's real bad, I play his video on YouTube. And that's stuff I kinda have to deal with.

But at the same time, it's a sacrifice I'm gonna make because in time, they will see it for what it is. But in the meantime, I don't want the trauma of them missing him and not seeing him to affect their

Yeah.

You know, their their their light. So I try to do what I can to kind of fill them up with love. And no matter how much time has passed and and that's the part that's so sad about it is he can do this, but yet doesn't tell the world that no matter how much he goes without seeing them, those kids love him even more than the last time he saw them 7 months ago.

My fear for you guys after this podcast comes out is that I really hope Safari listens to this with an open heart.

Oh, he's not gonna listen to this.

And oh, he's, oh, he's listening. Trust me.

You know he's gonna listen to this. Not. Yes. He might he might he might, stalk my Instagram page to see because he does do that. Yeah.

I know that because it's just so obvious.

Well, my prayer is that he does listen to this part of the podcast with you and

He might get wind of the stuff that goes viral.

Listens with an open heart and then just you guys can just get it together because it does seem like there was a lot of love there and those babies were made with love, and I really pray that you guys can come to some sort of friendship, you know, of

don't get back together with them.

I don't even want no friendship.

I just want him to just step up to the plate, you know Just

be a dad.

The kids when you weren't supposed to see them, when you have them, dress them properly, love them properly. You know?

Have you guys ever tried to have, like, a mediator in between you guys that can, like, get the kids to and from each other so you

guys don't even have to interact? You don't have to interact now, Bunny. He can literally go to the school, pick the kids up. I know there's I know of men that drive 3 hours just to pick up their kids, spend time with them, and drive 3 hours back to drop them off, and then 3 hours to get back. Like, if you really wanna see your kid, no time or place stops you.

Yeah.

And it's like, that's just what it comes down to. And he has court ordered time to see them. He just chooses not to because it makes my life complicated. If I have them 7 days a week, and let's just say because my career, I actually do things like movies and I have a show and things like that, I have to pay child care. And if I have him separately, he knows that's going to cost me.

Yeah. Absolutely. So so what so 2025, what can we look forward for you?

We got Erica Mena 2 Ways with Zeus coming. Yes. We have a movie called Run that will be in theaters.

But I'm I wanna hear about you personally. What is does Erika want for herself personally? All your accomplishments are amazing. Yeah. I can't wait to see those come to fruition.

You know what? I wanna I wanna continue just being this clear minded person. I feel like I've well, I've been drinking since I was, like, 16. Yeah. Same.

I wanna I wanna indulge in life, like, because it's well, I stopped in August. I'm only, like, August 7 months 7, 8 months in. I wanna, progress in this life of clarity Yeah. And, you know, continue to indulge in, you know, bettering myself, whether it's me in the gym or taking some classes. I've been doing this cold water plunge thing.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Cold plunge. Mhmm.

Yes. I'm obsessed with it because it really it has helped me to understand how powerful my mind is. So when I first started doing it, obviously, it's

how powerful my

mind is. So when I first started doing it, obviously, it's fucking scary. It's freaky. Like, you're fucking dying. You're hyperventilating.

But once you start realizing and how you can control your mind like, I will literally now sit in 40 degrees for 3 minutes, of course. I have I have a minute to go past that. But I can make myself really believe I'm not in a cold situation. Yeah. And with that comes, okay, if I can do that with just that, I've already, what, manifested what I manifested now.

Mhmm. I wanna just be able to kinda just progress in my mental and, like, how I can just make everything that I want happen mentally, especially now that my mind is clear. You know? Mhmm. I wanna challenge myself more in the physical sense.

I've always been, like, you know, real active in the gym and stuff like that, but now I really wanna dive in where I'm, like, you know, weight lifting heavier and just make that more of a day to day routine. It's so good for your mental health too. Oh my god. I feel like just challenging myself physically Mhmm. With the power of my mind and how I can take my I just feel like it's this time.

And then before I'm 40, I just feel like I see myself just being in the best shape ever. And this is all stuff that's come and been, you know, told to me in my 5 AM, you know, prayers that I I just really see myself in my forties looking better than I've ever have. Mhmm. I also see myself being, in major movies with major actresses and actors. And, you know, I just there's just so much that is coming.

Sit down and make a vision board. That's what I do with my team for

years. Guys do 1. Not not too long ago. Yeah. Yeah.

Every year, we do vision boards, and it's phenomenal what comes

through. Writing Mhmm. Profusely lately. And a lot of the things that I've kind of, like, started jotting down are starting to kinda come through. Yes.

My manager's been calling me about certain things, and I'm like, no way. Yeah. I'm like I take a picture. I'm like, I wrote this down. Yeah.

So words are spells.

Oh my god. Yes.

Your words are spells, so you be careful what you cast.

And then this year too, more importantly, I don't ever wanna speak about just certain things anymore.

You don't have to. You left you left it all here. Like, literally.

That's why I said this has been like that set me free. And then now what I've been doing to kinda just move forward, and then me saying sober and all of this, like, I if there's ever been a time where I've said I'm a force, it's definitely beyond that now. Like, the force that I am Let's find out, baby. Cum cum is, you know, I'm excited for myself more than anything. Because I'm like, damn, I have been through some shit.

And, yes, I've loved harder than a motherfucker, but now it's time to kind of, you know you don't realize the power you have until someone tries to chip away at it. Take it from you.

Yeah. Absolutely.

And that's kinda what this year has been. Power, the so my like, even with Love and Hip Hop, what happened with me on Love and Hip Hop, I didn't realize I was that it was I was that big Mhmm. Until that happened. And I was just like, wow. Not just with my words, but my me as a whole, you know?

Does anybody even watch Love and Hip Hop since you left? I I don't

It's so funny because that's literally what I was gonna say. I was gonna say I literally get stopped nonstop. I get messages nonstop in public. The amount of people that tell me on a day to day, and it's literally like and I live so far out. I get old people.

I get, like, people from different walks of life. I had a oriental woman stop me in in, like, at the airport in, LA, and she was just like, you know, I don't watch Love and Hip Hop anymore since you left. So they need to bring you back.

They'll bring you if they wanted to bring you back, would you

go back? I left off at a pretty good coin. Yeah. And you know what's crazy? I was actually on my last year contractually with them.

Mhmm.

And had I not been fired, I would have to wait 2 years to even do Zeus. Oh, wow. I was actually offered Zeus around the time I got divorced, but I was contractually bought in. So Lemmy was like, I'll wait and do this with you. So I was actually supposed to like, I've been offered this show years ago, but contractually, I wasn't.

So being that I got fired, there was no binding, and I was able to go right into what I was so that was a that was a blessing even though it was an it came from an unfortunate situation. But to answer your question, I don't think they could afford me with what I'm gonna ask for just because out of the the disrespect and the disregard that they kind of, how they dealt with me was just disgusting.

Well, I think you felt like you were loyal to them, and they just brought me out

of work. I let these people I did everything these people told me to do in the very beginning because I didn't know no better. And that brought in all the ratings that they needed, and it it took on a life of its own. New York transpired where they were able to do all these other cities. Yeah.

That was a great season. It's safe to say, like, you know, I definitely was the guinea pig, and, you know, I also inspired other women to be casted on this franchise to to, you know, to do what they do. So it it's it's good to know that. But, yeah, I left off at a pretty good fucking penny with them. I was getting I was probably 1 of the highest paid, if not the highest paid.

So deserved every penny of it.

Yeah. So for them to come back and and then, they they better apologize to me too.

She said they apology better than me as well. The disrespect.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like when you're owed an apology, it's only right you get 1. So

Well, I just wanna tell you, Erica, thank you for coming here. And

Thank you for having me. I swear I'm so sorry. Praying. Like, when that when everything was just coming at me at once, I was like, okay. And my my my manager was like, okay.

Whatever you said right now, because I was kind of

Mhmm.

Whatever I could. I did say a few things on the Internet, but it wasn't getting anywhere. People weren't they were just caught up in the visual that was, like, literally viral everywhere. Mhmm.

And I

was just like, you know what? I'm not going I'm just gonna put out a statement, and I put it out with TMZ that I just wanted it to stop. But, really, that was just to kind of bring myself to the drawing board. And I sat on it for days and just prayed because I knew I had to tell him, you can't lie on me like this Right. And think I'm not gonna fucking tell the truth.

Yeah. So I just prayed for it because I knew it had to be right. And not only done right, but the the timing of it Mhmm. Had to make perfect sense. Like, I wanted that wave to be rolled out the way it was.

Yeah. Because the truth of the matter is that that that's what it wanted. It wanted the it wanted the attraction. It wanted the views. It wanted the subscribers, and it showed its true colors when it started promoting the number of subscribers it got.

You know what I'm saying? So the the motive yeah. The motive it got is is there. It's just people are so used to wanting to hate me that

I pray that they And all they fell for the hoopla. I pray that they see your growth in this podcast, though. Because even in all the interviews that I've watched you in, you've always been so kinda, like, rah rah. And here, you're just like, look, man. This is what it is.

This is what happened. I'm not who that person is. Let me know.

I mean and don't get me wrong. I'm a crazy bitch, but my crazy has some fucking substances. Like, there's a fucking reason behind the crazy. Oh, no.

There's a You know

what I'm saying? There's a method to realize this. Fucking like, if you want people to believe I'm just crazy for no reason, you know, like, that I'm not gonna allow because all every ounce of crazy that comes from this Mhmm. There's there's a reason.

Yeah. There's a method to the madness.

Oh my god. A huge method for imagine. And every action for every action, there's a reaction. Absolutely.

You know

what I'm saying? And it's like so yeah. So we're leaving this in the past.

Thank

you thank you for giving me an opportunity to kind of You have my lay it all out. Because literally, when I tell you I'm I feel so liberated. It is what it is. The truth is told. And if I'm spoken about by it ever again, you guys hear it first, it's because it needs clout, which it it does.

I mean, look what it's done with its

ex felons. On the skin.

The other ex. You know what I'm saying? The other ex still to this day gets bamboozled by this fool's, you know, thirst to be talked about. You know? And she's married with with kids and has accomplished so much in her career.

You would think it would leave it alone. But

why don't you tell everybody where they can find you if they are

aren't following you? Give them on. Erica Mena on Instagram, and then I also have a YouTube, only 1 Erica Menna. And then I have my tick TikTok, which is only 1 Erica Menna as well. And, yeah, I'm excited for this.

Thank you so much.

I love you, girl, and I can't wait to see you flourish in 2020.

For being who you are, because literally, like, every bit of success you're getting from this podcast is so deserving. I actually see this being a show 1 day. Like Aw. Yeah. Baby, man.

Not

best of

heart, man. You. Fuck podcast. You got your like, we need talk shows. We need That's what we're that's what we're

trying to do. That's what

we're aiming to do. I got chills just saying it because I so see this being like, you're a talk show host. I appreciate you.

I appreciate you so much.

Talk show host, baby.

I appreciate you. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week.