Transcript of I’m a Very Normal Person with Very Normal Hobbies

Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

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Hi. Hi, Mara. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hi. Hi, Mara. How are you?

Nice to meet you all.

Nice to meet you too, Mara. Where are you? Where are you in the world?

I'm from Vienna, Austria.

Are you in Vienna right now?

I am in Vienna right now, yes.

I have never been to Vienna I love Vienna. I think, was Vienna where they shot the movie Mozart?

Which one? There are several.

Amadeus?

Amadeus.

They shot the third man. They shot the third man in Vienna. The third man in Vienna. That's right. I don't know. Vienna is one of those cities that I've always wanted to visit because it's just magical, I've heard.

It's beautiful. It's genuinely one of my favorite cities.

Mara, You live in Vienna, Austria, which I think sounds lovely. I'm sensing a lot of pink. Oh, no, it's awful.

Just the worst color ever.

It looks like you're in a scene from Barbie, but I'm sensing that, do you like pink? Is pink maybe your favorite color? That's the sense I'm getting just in this scene I'm seeing.

It is. It's a bleak story. I dated my ex-boyfriend for too long, and I toned myself down for him. After he kicked me out with five days to get lost, basically, I decided, Okay, I'm going to stop that. I'm going to love myself so much more and just be the brightest version of myself. Then I also came out as gay.

Okay.

Well, first of all- Double whammy.

But are you happier now?

I am so happy.

Good. That's all That's the important thing. Also, in a way, it's a powerful story because you found yourself, and I like that you're just doubling down on what gives you joy. Colored pink, I'm going for it. Good for you.

I would just like to mention that we have the same hair style.

It's true. Yes. I was going to say, your hair looks... Maybe I should dye my hair pink. Go pink? I should go pink. What do you think? Go do it. Mara, what do you think?

It's such a great color. It's such a great color. It's so complementary. Though you have a lot of pink undertones, so maybe not.

I have pink undertones? Are you saying that my skin... What are you saying? She started off so like, You got to do it, and she's like, Oh, wait, never mind.

You're already too pink, as she said.

Do you realize I have advanced liver failure?

I mean, me too, maybe.

Okay, Oh, wow. Hey, as long as we're all laughing about how our bodies are shutting down. Well, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do, Mara? Tell us a little bit. What's your full name, Mara?

Oh, gosh. My full name is Mara Emilia Langenberger.

Oh, my goodness. That is a long name.

Maria Emilia- That is a very long name. Mara Emilia Langenberger.

Langenberger. Langenberger. Langenberger. It sounds like a really cool beer. Yeah, Langenberger. I want another Langenberger. Sorry, I'm just going to market that if you don't mind. Without your permission. Sure, go ahead. What are your hobbies? What do you like to do?

Well, I'm a very normal person with very normal hobbies.

You know, Mara-Wait a minute. Mara, whenever people say that, it means that we're in for a world of weirdness. So tell me, what is... Let's hear it, Mara. Okay.

Maybe there's several taxidermy hamsters in my apartment right now.

You like taxidermied... Do you like all animals taxidermied or just hamsters?

No, I like all taxidermied animals. Okay. I just happen to have a couple of hamsters.

Okay. How do you acquire these animals to taxidermy them? Here's where we reveal that you're I'm possibly a dangerous person.

I strangle. Actually, I sent my cats out.

No, what do you really do?

I sent my cats out to murder hamsters and get them taxidermied.

Hamster murderer. I'm going to say, Mara, just by talking to you, you seem like a gentle soul, and I believe that you probably do not harm any animals. Is that true?

No. They are all ethical texodermy. That means the animal's died of natural causes, or they are just vintage and extremely old.

Okay, so by vintage, you don't mean alive, because I'm old, I'm vintage, but still here. You mean that you find animals that have suffered a massive heart attack? Yes. They've passed on already, and then you taxidermy them.

I don't taxidermy them myself. I work with an artist who is extremely talented.

How many of She does the taxidermy. Okay. I like that, though. I like ethically taxidermied animals, animals that have already passed away. I eat meat, but I will only eat steak where the cow passed away. It was pet to death.

It was old age and.

Yeah, old age. Sometimes if the cow was in a car accident and passed on, then I'll eat the cow. Old diseased cows. That's what you like. That's my way, and I'm ethical.

What about cows that have died from mad cow disease?

Now you're getting crazy. But if they had mad cow disease and were stupid enough to get on a motorcycle and then got killed, I'd eat them. Mara, we went on a little bit of-Stuublish. Attention. Yeah, and I apologize. You're better than that, and I'm not. Okay, so you like taxidermying animals? Yes. How many of these taxidermy animals do you have?

I own a cat skull. It's not taxidermied, it's just a skull. Back there is Ms. Daisy. It's a little duckling and two hamsters.

Okay, so that's the full complement. That's everything you have?

No, there's currently a third hamster on the way.

On the way, you mean you're just waiting for him to die?

He's in hospice.

He's in hospice. You check in every now and then.

How are you doing there, Mr..

He's been in a coma for a very long time. How are you doing there, Mr. Pipps? We're waiting to pull the plug and then we can actually- Actually, today, I'm feeling a little better.

Really?

No, you don't.

Oh, my God.

She just pushed the hamster off on the- No, she put the pillow.

There's a pillow right. Did you ever walk in? I thought he was on a Did you ever walk into the hamster with a tiny little hamster-sized pillow? With a tiny hamster pillow. Sleep well, Mr. Pibbs. What else do you do?

With a tiny hamster pillow.

Tell us a little more about yourself. Besides taxi derming, tell me other interesting things about you, things that you do with your time.

I'm a textile designer. I design fabrics.

Very good.

The dress that I made is from a... The dress that I made, the The dress that I'm wearing is from a fabric that I made, and I made the dress as well.

Wow, you're very talented. Yeah.

All of this back here is from me.

Very good. That's very impressive. That's very impressive.

What else?

What other things do you do?

Oh, gosh. I build miniatures I'm tiny Dioramas. Currently, I am working on a '70s-themed living room that I have nicknamed the Coke Room.

You build tiny diaramas. Yeah, You're building one that's a tribute to the '70s called the Coke Room. Then do you ever put your little taxidermy animals in there? Like there's a little hamster who's scarface and there's just a bunch of cocaine on a table. Then maybe a little cat- You're choking, but- A cat skull comes in wearing a white suit and it's just- I know you're choking, but that's the plan.

Can we see it? Do you have any maid that you Can you lift up?

Can you show us the day, Ram? Sure. You're making a miniature cocaine den, and you're going to put your taxidermied hamsters in there. Oh, my God. Look at that.

I have to take the dust cover off.

You're going to have to hold it up a little more. There is a hamster. Is that a hamster?

It is a hamster, yes.

That doesn't... Oh, my Oh, my God. There's electricity. Oh, my God. What's the hamster doing?

He's just sitting and reading a book.

Oh, well, that was 70's Coke Room.

No, that's not the 70's Coke Room. The 70's Coke Room isn't done yet.

Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I thought that was the 70's Coke Room. I thought, Man, you have never done cocaine. Do you think it just involves sitting down and reading? No. Oh, there. Oh, there it is. Okay. You're very You're talented.

The bones are done. You can't see it properly, but I designed the wallpaper for it and I built... Good thing, I don't put anything away and it's just all on my desk here. It's a tiny, tiny, tiny bookshelf.

Oh, cute. You are very creative. There's a little chair.

Tiny chair that I still have to put the I'm bolstering on.

Is the textiles the way that you make money? Is that the only way that you make money is through the textiles?

At the moment, yes. I mean, if you want to give me money, I accept it clearly.

Sure. I mean, I'm always willing to mail anybody money who wants money. Sure. Really? Yeah. I mean, anyone here at the... It's a policy I have here at work that if anybody needs any money, I will just take care of you. Yeah. I think she's fixing her light first, but it's very good.

I'm sorry, the cat got in the way.

I thought the lights went out. Oh, wait, that's a live cat.

Run, cat. Run. Yeah.

Get out of there. Hey, cat, get out of there. No. Oh, what a good I know. I know what lays ahead for that guy. Mara, it sounds like this is a very good time in your life because you found things that you really love. If you got your textile work, you love the color pink. You seem to wear that almost exclusively. I do. You love taxi-dermying animals that have died in a peaceful way or violently, but not at your hands. You have a cat who It's just a matter of time.

I have two.

You have two cats. Do the cats ever check out the taxidermy and look at each other and go, We need to split. We need to get out of here?

Well, no, because the big black one that you just saw is blind. She literally can't see it coming.

You made sure to get a blind cat, so the The boy cat has no clue.

The boy cat is just... He's challenged. Yeah. He's not particularly smart.

No, if he's living with you, he's not. No.

He's also selected that way.

If he's living in Death Valley, then no. I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship. Are you in a good relationship now? Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I'm married.

Oh, you are? Okay.

I am married. This week is my two-year wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you. My wife lives in Sacramento, so you are more likely to run into them than I am.

Wait, your wife lives in Sacramento?

Yeah, they do.

Okay. What do they do there?

Living there. They are American. Got you. I see.

But you still get to spend time together?

We spend time together once a year. We try to, yeah.

Okay. You have a little advice for me, Mara?

Yes, of course. You should definitely come visit Vienna because it's a beautiful city and it's absolutely fantastic. The thing is, you have to be very careful when you're on the escalator because the right side of the escalator, going down or up, is reserved for people standing, and the left side of the escalator is exclusively for people walking. If you don't walk on the left side of the escalator, but you stand still, it is very likely that an old grandma will come by and beat you up.

So All right, well, this is good to know. On the right side, you can stand still of the escalator. On the left, you need to move up the stairs. You need to move. How fast you need to move up the stairs to get out of the way of this insane grandmother.

I mean, a little bit faster than the grandma. Grandmas are not that fast.

Is it just one grandma that we're worried about? Yeah.

If it is just one, can't we taxi Dermeher? I want to find this grandmother.

If they have a walking stick, you have to really, really look out because they will use the walking stick.

Is it acceptable in Vienna for somebody to strike someone else with a walking stick?

It happened to me at least twice. Oh, my God.

Because you weren't moving fast enough or you weren't moving at all.

I wasn't moving on the left side of the escalator.

Are you sure you didn't just kill They're hamsters, and they're out to get- What if Coden wants to fight a grandma?

Can I say something? I have fought many a grandmother in my day, and I mean all around the world. I can't say my record is good. But I want to challenge grandmothers everywhere in all parts of the globe. Bring it. Bring it, granny. Bring your stick, bring your crutch, bring Bring your hard cake that you let go stale. You can throw your teeth at me. I will take you down. Do you think I'd have a good time in Vienna?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, Escalade. I think you would love it. Escalators aside, I'd have a good time. Would I fit in? You think people would accept me in Vienna?

You would stick out because you're so tall. But other than that, I think you would do fine in Austria. We also hate every other people, so you fit right in, I think.

Well, wait, that would include me, wouldn't it? They would hate me then because- But then it's mutual. Okay. All right. Okay. I think I got it. Yeah. So the slogan in Austria is, We hate you as much as you hate us. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. Yeah. And watch, out here comes granny.

For sure.

Well, Mara, it was really nice talking to you, and I'm glad that you have found the life that's making you happy. You seem like a very nice person and a good soul. I applaud you.

Yeah, it's the beside I put on that people don't realize how fucking awful and hamster murderous I am.

Well, we have you on tape confessing. We're sending the hamster detectives right now. They have little pipes. You'll see. Nice Nice talking to you, Mara.

Take care. Nice talking to you, too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Erin Blaird. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to 'Conon O'Brien Needs a Fan' wherever fine podcasts are down.