Transcript of Mom's Car: Jackie Tohn

Hello, and welcome to Mom's Car. Today, one of my friends, Jackie Tone, is on. Jackie is an incredible singer. She's a comedian. She's also a great actor. You would have definitely seen her on Glow, and of course, nobody wants us, but everyone wants us, and everybody wants to hang out with Jackie Tone. What a party she is. Her and Aaron and I, we got it done. Please enjoy Jackie Tone.

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Except.

Oh my God, it's all that. Look, I jinks ourselves in a good way. Here we go. Hang on tight.

Kristin's car has never been driven like this. I've been in this car a thousand times. I've never taken that car to ride. I'm going to say that right now.

This thing is really more capable than meets the eye. She moves. This is a high-performance shitbox.

Wow, did you pop three triple A batteries in the back of this bitch, and she just got-I'm being unmoved. Stop.

Are you in a full electric? No, no.

No, I pussed out. Everything scares me. All the fires scared me. Us losing power scared me. Not that you'd be able to get gas any easier if the world ended. I just got a gas car.

When people are getting evacuated from the Palisades, and I was like, well, conceivably, there's not a hotel within 60 miles that has vacancy because everyone's leaving. What are these people that had 30 miles charge on their car?

No, there were multiple people stuck in the Palisades. I saw some news story. That would have been a good time to be Ubering. Thank you. Uber Eats. They were very hungry. But people were flagging other cars down, and they were like, We have an electric car. Can you get us out of here?

Right. Look at this. There we are.

Fish and chips.

Or is it Boba Me?

Can I tell you what's already been fun about this? There's a lot of hidden restaurants in our neighborhood.

We only killed two people trying to learn violin. A mother and a daughter.

Of the many people that would be sympathetic to kill, yeah, a couple of people trying to learn violin.

Just some sweet angels with backpacks holding violins.

Because you're not learning to play the violin to get pusty.

No, that's right.

Or Dawn.

Especially if you're a mother and daughter.

You're not in it for the money. You're in it for the art.

This has to be the quickest this person's food would ever get to them. We were 50 feet away from this. Next time, I might have to go in. Aaron already got it.

Yeah, he's fucking fast. Look at him.

Dude, he's already secured the fucking chicken. That's good.

Now, we're going to hand up. The system is Aaron picks up and I deliver. Wait, add delivery? Except?

Oh, yeah, except that shit. Oh, we're going to a local.

Oh, fuck, yeah. That's easy.

I'm A Good Look. A Good Look?

You're an incredible good look. We've made more today already.

We're not saying the name of the place we picked up from, right? Correct. Okay, so I will say out loud that it smells like someone opened their asshole into my throat. Into the back of my throat.

Yeah, someone got a stanker. Am I wrong? No, it stinks. Are you going to be able to handle it? It smells so bad. They got the hot shit stir fry.

I'm so afraid what's in that order. I'm like, is that a fish?

My mind goes straight to fish. Maybe there's some undulate feed in there.

I'm going to vomit. You know what it could be also? When you cook broccoli, it smells like an absolute fart hole.

Fart hole. I don't know how to say this gently, but I forgot to factor in you. I didn't think maybe the food stink will be too much for Jackie. But now that we're here, I'm a little nervous. I will, though, just to comfort you, that's the worst smell item we've heard. It is.

Everything else has made us drool. It smelled so good.

We'll just have you put your nose in the El Pollo logo bag to drown out the other stuff. You want to move it to the trunk, maybe?

Yeah, maybe why don't we move it to this bus that's driving by? Maybe somebody's hungry on the home.

Move it to a trash can. But we still went to their house and we're like, Dude, you didn't want it. But we got you some El Pollo local. We did you a favor.

We did you a favor. I have a fun story. See four leasing information on the right up here? Yeah, So I Yelped the other day where to get a car wash. You see those tarps? That's a car wash. I was in the area. I had an hour to kill. I was like, What the fuck am I going to do over here? Middle of Hollywood. Yelped tells me that place is a car wash. It's a great place to get your car wash. I'm like, Well, it's not a car wash. It's an empty parking lot. But I call one more time and I'm like, Hey, I'm looking for a car wash. And the guy's like, Yeah, let me unlock the gate. Okay. Comes out, unlocks a big chain, pull my car in, rechains.

Now you're locked in.

I said, Oh, okay. He goes, I lock it because of the people around here. I said, Okay, I hope you don't take any offense to this. I'm a woman alone in a parking lot that you've just chained. If I could trouble you to just make it look like it's chained, but this way, just for my sanity. The guy was so sweet. He was like, Oh, of course. God bless him. Should I run in this time?

Or Aaron, you want to go? No. You got to fist him. He's so good at this that it would be crazy.

You were so fast.

Thank you so much.

I don't want to make you a target, but what cash will we move around town with? Not a ton.

I would say 40, 50, but I'm always refilling it. Joe and I went to an event the other night. We had no cash for the valet, and it feels horrible.

There's nothing worse. That's what I'm curious about all these people that are post-cash, how they're dealing with tips, because everywhere I go, it's grease time.

It's horrible not to tip valet. It makes you feel really bad. And I asked this last guy, I was like, Do you take Venmo? I'm happy to block traffic for a minute and figure this out. And he was like, Giselle. And I was like, That I can't do that. Now I'm opening my bank account. I'm up in Wells Fargo. I really do that for a real close friend.

Truly.

Oh, look, he gets to meet that Stephanie, I bet. Oh, my God.

Stephanie's kid?

Guess what? She doesn't know who the fuck he is anyway.

I wish I filmed that. How'd it go?

She doesn't know who he is.

No, no. There's layers of humbling, which is great. Okay, I want to ask you, Jackie, before we get into some questions. You've been on a lot of different things. I'm presuming Glow was the biggest prior to Nobody Wants This. That's right.

Aaron just turned around and gave me such a shit-eating grin. It was cute.

I love Jackie.

Let me add this. Aaron requested you.

I love best friend Aaron.

I think Aaron's warning for you a little bit.

He can feel it. Oh, good.

I'm here for that. I'm always worked up.

I'm always. I think it's the roller skate party.

That's what it is.

I talked to Jackie for a while. Aaron was looking fucking good at that party, too. The feelings were mutual.

Everybody knew Aaron Weekly was looking good at that party. His little outfit.

His little captain's outfit.

His little captain's suit.

Those big haunches on display, these powerful thighs and hats.

I said, Let's get involved. Powerful thighs and hats.

Okay, so Glow is a very big show, but my guess is nobody wants this. It's just the craziest phenomena to be a part of.

I was getting my nails done this morning. First, one girl came up. She was like, I'm so sorry to bother you. She was on her way out. I just love the show, and I love you on the show, and the Jewish representation, and the whole thing, and she couldn't have been happier. Then I got my headphones back in, kept doing my nails. Then another girl was leaving. She was like, I saw the other girl come up, so I didn't want to come up. I was like, This is so funny. Yeah, it's on. It's on. It really is. When the show first aird, see, the thing with Netflix and streamers is-Come on, brother. No, this guy has to go at this pace.

I got a lot of go-to sayings, I feel at the window of these guys when my kids aren't in the car.

I'm ready. I literally got silent. I'm like, I'm tuning the fuck in.

Don't hurt yourself. Don't pull anything.

See?

Feel free to go slower.

I love them all. So this one has been extra special.

You're like in frozen or a Marvel movie. I think the viewership's that many people.

Well, it was 800 million. Most streamed comedy of all time. What the fuck? Yeah, most streamed television comedy of all time, but not counting like Seinfeld and other IPs on a streamer. Oh my God. So most streamed. Wait, can that be right? But it's times viewed. And every time I meet someone, they're like, I've seen it five times. I keep it on while I'm making dinner. I keep it on while I'm doing laundry. I put it on after my kids go to sleep.

It's instantly a cult and a hit.

And Kristen says, This is second to frozen or even maybe beating frozen. This is Max.

It's so Goliath. We were in New a few months ago, and I said to her, I'm like, Hon, you're too famous to hang out. I can't walk down the street with you. It's too much. It's overwhelming. It's every third person, and you can't go anywhere. Every third person is too many. I was like, I thought we knew what it was like, but no, this is nuts. And then you will love this. I have a very disgusting toenail that died at some point.

I may or may not have seen a picture.

Well, you've seen the half job on Mutual.

I've seen more pictures of your fucking feet than I literally care for.

Also, we had the same podiatrist, the one who miniaturized one of my toes. I knew you were aware of that. Oh, he thought it was your guy, too?

No, I turned- He miniaturized one of Dax's toes. So he sent you to him? How would you word how he- He's chill as fuck.

He's a parrot head? No, he's a Buffet head.

He was sexually inappropriate with me.

That's where it turned. It was really fun.

It was really fun.

Because he's so chill. Yeah, he couldn't be more chill. He's always in another country. I did 39 in three hours, and you're like, Oh, you seem really baked. Then he mutilated my toe, and then he said something very rough. I hate this story, but you should tell it.

I was in there, and I was in workout clothes as I, 90% of the time, am. He was like, So that's all I can help you with? I was like, Yeah, thank you so much. And as I was leaving, he piques his head back in and he goes, And if you need anything else, you just bring that hot little body back in here.

Oh, my God. I hate that story. That's That's really what you got to hear when you go to the doctor from a dude who's 20 years older than me.

Yeah, it was really yucky. I think I called Dax immediately.

Yeah, you were out. That was the last story. You were still there even though he mutilated my toe. Yeah.

Well, I wasn't having the guy surgerize my freaking toe.

Yeah, you're just having to massage your hips.

I was just having him do two in the pig and one in the stick. I wanted to get him to numben with my toes.

Oh, boy. Anyway, so I have this toenail On my left. I discovered this because I used to take Kristin on her birthday every year to get a manicure, pedicure, and we would go together, and that was my offering. I'm going to do this with you. Cutie. And of course, I would just get my toes done. I would always get this outrageous blue. Well, her birthday rolled around. I mean, this is how fucking blind guys are in general, I think, to their health, right? So we're about to go a year later. I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm going to get blue. And all of a sudden, I realized for the first time, none of my nails are blue except for my left big toe. No. Meaning they all grew out over a year. This hasn't grown one millimeter in a year. It's like they painted it yesterday, and I was like, Oh, fuck. That nail's dead as hell. And that's years ago. That's years ago. I'm like, I don't know. What do you do with that? Where are we at five?

Don't they usually stay on? Or I mean, fall off?

They don't usually stay on. That's what I would have thought. We just passed it on the right.

Yeah, I'll be right back.

It's hard to remember what we're doing here.

By the way, this is a very upscale area that they got the shit food.

Tell them to be careful with that. I'm going to tell them to wear it.

Do you have a nose blood? Do you guys have a KN95?

And some smelling salt. And a menthol rub for your upper lip.

So going back to toes. His are the only feet that I'm not gross with.

Do you think it's because you guys just love each other? I think. Who gives a fuck?

Because if his feet were on someone else, I would be throwing up.

You would be gagging. Yeah, you'd be gagging. Your mouth would be full and you'd have to... I'm trying to think with Kristen, same thing. Although I don't think any of my girlfriends really gross, gross me out. Boys, you guys are just so much more disgusting than we are. I know. It's just absolutely your gross feet. If my toenail died, I would notice the day up.

Oh, yeah. The day up, I would know that I... We've got two things going. We've got male, female, and then we've got Jew, Gentile.

Yes, we really do.

At some point, I'm like, I guess I'm going to take a Dremel. Do you know what a Dremel is?

Of course, because your wife has her own nail kit.

She's got a nail Dremel, but I use the one from the shop. I get going on this nail and I take it down, and now I can see what's happening. There's a couple of your journey with this thing where I'm dremmling, and now it does start growing, but it's growing disgustingly. It's very fungacy, and I get a spray.

And you hadn't been to, I won't say his name.

That was the end of our relationship when he cut my toe in half and then take it back on.

Weird, you didn't go back.

It actually It's weird I didn't go back because I would go back.

Elementary school, stable gun did back on. Got you. Okay.

So the last time I dremmled it down, I could really see through, and I was, Oh, it's black under there. And I mentioned it on the podcast, and then A lot of people wrote back, You got to go in. That could be cancer. That's what that blackness could be. So, okay, I go to my general practitioner, although he's not that. He's an internist. He's offended if I call him that. He's about to look at this disgusting tone. He goes, You tell your wife she's our shixa. And I'm like, You bet. And then he looks at it and he's like, Okay, yeah. I'm going to send you across the hall. I got a good buddy. I bet he might have an opening. And I'm delighted. I'm like, Great. I'm getting a referral, and it's happening right now. He's going to walk me across the hall. I feel so taken care of. Get in with I don't know this guy. Don't know this guy at all. He's just about to get in there, and he looks up and he goes, Your wife's our Shicsa. Same?

This is pretty much saying they want a fucker, right?

I think. Also, these are 65-year-old doctors. That's when I was like, oh, this thing transcended everything.

The people in my parents 55 and over community, every single person loves it.

I've never been in a huge hit. I have no clue. Do you have any clue? When you watched it, did you go, oh, yeah, Buckle Don't you feel like your pod is a huge hit? Huge hit in the podcast world is a couple of million listeners. It's not 800 million. We have a billion streams, but after seven years.

Mazel to, by the way.

So, yeah, no. I I wouldn't have predicted it would have been successful. I heard it and I'm like, I don't know, is it better or worse than other ones? Should I say this?

But it being a smash doesn't really even make it better than others anyway, which is crazy.

The best movie I've ever been in, the best movie is Zethora, and it tanked. But that's the most well-made film.

Here's the very quick answer is absolutely not. Not only did we not know it was going to be a hit, we were hopeful anyone would watch it. I wasn't involved at this point, but I was friends with Kristen and knew that she was, and then the strike interrupted it for a year, and then all this other stuff happened.

It's also very Jewish-heavy. We haven't seen a huge Jewish hit.

Very Jewish-heavy. There's obviously... In a dicey time. I was going to say there's obviously a lot of political shit going on.

The timing was incredible.

Highlight dicey time. And so we were just like, Is anyone going to watch this? And the people who do watch it, are the numbers just going to be high enough for the ends to justify the means here? So for it to explode the way it did, it's radical.

I think it feels like buying a lottery ticket.

People were throwing around the term cultural juggernaut.

Yeah, of course. I was saying it's a cultural phenomenon. It's crazy. This is what everyone's talking about.

Was it random that you and Kristen get? It wasn't random.

Not at So I got the audition through my agent, and then I told Kristen, who is my best friend who I knew was making this show. She didn't call me and go, You need to audition for this. She was living her life, and my agent was like, Hey, we have an audition for you for this show called Shicksha.

She was going to the mat for Adam Brody.

She was going to the mat, and she's executive producing and creating. And also, the part that she thought I was right for wasn't even casting yet. My agent got this audition to play Adam's ex-girlfriend, the perfect Jewish girl, Rebecca. I saw Kristen one day and I was like, no. That's not your skis. No. You're far more annoying.

You're like a super sexy version of what's his ass's wife on Curb.

I'll take it.

She's a queen.

Sheryl Hines? No. No.

Susie Esman. Yes, Susie. Who is that? Plus this mess. Yeah, 100. Yeah, 100.

Thank you.

So you're like a sexy version.

I'll take it all fucking day. So I tell Kristen that I'm auditioning for her back and she's like, wait on that. There's a role, and it was only supposed to be a couple of episodes. She's like, but there's a role for Adam Brodie's sister-in-law who is I got into the fact that there's this new girl in town. You should try out for that. And so I made a tape in December, and I didn't find out I got it until January.

I heard her on many phone calls going, You don't need to look any further. Jackie was born to play this role. We were on a hike, and I said something bordering on anti-Semitic. I said, They're not going to find anyone that's going to outjew Jackie in this role. She is like, What dice clay is to the Italians. She's going to fucking bend this over and Asfahq. Asfahq.

Asfahq. Asfahq. Asfahq. Asfahq. Asfahq. Asfahq. That's a Hebrew. That's a Hebrew. Oh, no, dice is Jewish. That's a terrible example.

No one wants it. The Shapal.

Can we say the Shapal? Aaron, proud of you for knowing Dice was Jewish. I almost said it, but I was like, I'm not going to step on the bid. I mean, he is Jewish. Leave it to best friend.

I'm going to say it in case you were wondering if I knew or not.

Good for him, too. Yeah. To me in Michigan, I was like, Oh, he's Italian as well.

Of course. As a Jew in New York, I was like, This guy's Italian as fuck.

I got the moment.

Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Jack burnt off his fucking dick.

He fucking picked. Chris and I had a moment where Dice isn't the most embraced comedian.

He's not at the height of his career.

Our current culture. God damn did I think he was hysterical when I was 12. Me too. I couldn't get enough of it. I decided to show her some videos and I'm like, She's going to hate this. She left. That's what I love about Chris and his... Her main ethos is funny. Comedy wins no matter what other thing she's juggling ethics-wise.

Yeah, truly.

Can you even believe it? I'm a big boy.

That's a big bastard.

Thirteen, 20. It's right here. We're like an inch away.

Oh, boba time. What time is it? It's boba time.

Welcome back, Aaron. Manishevitz. What'd you get? What'd you get?

A shit ton of smoothies. Oh, smoothies? Not bobas? I was tempted to order some for us, but...

Oh, my man's got a bright red Corvette. I didn't. I hope he's getting some bobes. Okay, so now we do two fun things. I think they're fun. One is we do a moral dumbfounding philosophical question. In a nutshell, moral dumbfounding is you can't really mount an intellectual argument for why it's not moral, but it just feels really bad.

I think you're really going to enjoy it.

Yes, I think for the three of us. Could we say as a safe estimate baseline, we have loosey-goosy morals a little bit, us three, maybe relative to... Not like we're thief or we hurt people.

Yeah, I would say that certain things are gray area that other people people would not think our gray area.

Right. There we go.

Nailed it.

That's a great way to euphemize our lack of morals. Okay, let's start with a moral dumb foundry.

A family's pet dog dies in an accident. Instead of burying it or cremating it, they decide to cook it and eat it to avoid waste. No one else finds out, and they enjoy the meal.

Am I wrong that you missed a part where it says, They had heard dog was delicious? It's not in here. It's not? No. Maybe when AI didn't give me the full... I think a part of that one, because I know this one, is, They also had heard dog was delicious. Of course. Okay, so just know that they had heard it was delicious. The family dog died of natural causes in the backyard.

Dies in an accident. In an accident. So they've heard dogs were delicious to eat. And instead of burying it, they decide to cook it and eat it to avoid waste.

To avoid waste is an annoying addendum. It's like, what waste would there be? You'd put it in the ground and then the bugs would get it and that wouldn't be waste anyway?

You could make an argument, this isn't mine, but you could say, Well, they didn't then go and buy some beef that night, so they saved their consumption of the beef and didn't waste this available meat they had.

Yeah, I feel like it's someone who runs over a racoon on the road and they eat it.

Like, I applaud that person.

Like Richard Christie from the Stern Show.

Exactly.

That's exactly what I was thinking of.

Hi, Richard. We're We're having a racoon tonight.

We're having a racoon tonight, Richard. This is your dad. This is your dad. Bring your appetite.

You're a dog owner, and maybe we should talk a little bit about Glenn for a second. Glenn? Because this is a very fun animal story I think. Glenn's my best guy. I love Glenn. He's the love of your life, no?

Aaron, can I speak to you because Glenn is my number one guy?

Is this your Glenn voice? Your Glenn talking voice?

She has many Glenn talking.

I have many Glenn talking. I was just looking for the best picture of him. But there's a thousand.

But do There's a thousand. You know the history of Glenn?

Aaron, you have to hear this.

Glenn was our dog first. We rescued Glenn, and I don't care for dogs all that much, but I loved Glenn. Glenn was such a sweet boy. He looked exactly like a Glenn. I named him Glenn, I think.

You 100% named him Glenn.

Yeah, he was just a soft boy.

By the way, best dog name. Anytime I tell anyone his name is Glenn, they fucking bug. It's been happening in my pattern for 10 years, and every time they go, God, that is such a good dog.

There's no way that you would look at Glenn and then hear his name and have an issue with it. Sure. No one has ever owned a name as much as Glenn owns his name. So the problem with Glenn is he's a super dander creator. He has so much fucking dander, and I've never been as allergic to a dog as I was Glenn. Even if he just walked in the room, my eyes were red, my nose was running.

And wasn't it happening to Delta, too? Wasn't she a baby, baby, baby?

That would make sense because I doubt that my own allergies to it would have gotten him out of the house because I was allergic to the previous two dogs, and no one seemed to mind.

No one gave a fat rat's ass.

So I loved Glenn, but we couldn't have him. And then Jackie was visiting so often that she developed this relationship with Glenn. She was living in our house.

Ryan basically was on the floor of the home at all times.

And she fell in love with Glenn. That's true. And I was like, Jackie, we're going to get rid of Glenn. I really think you should take Glenn. And Jackie, go ahead. What were your initial thoughts?

My initial thoughts were, by the way, this is Glenn's vet right here. Oh, Glenn. My initial thoughts were absolutely not. What's really interesting is not only were you not a dog person, I was not a dog person. When I was at a restaurant and someone's dog would be at your feet and other people would be like, Cutie. I'd be like, We're in a restaurant. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out. I don't need your paws on my knee while I try to eat. So I was not into dogs at all. People used to give me shit and be like, Do you think it's fucked up that you want a kid but you don't like dogs? People were giving me-People think it's amoral to not be in love. I was getting shit for it all the time. And because Kristen was rescuing dogs four times a week, it was chipping away at my like, Oh, this one's cute. And Shaky, one of her first dogs, was the first dog I was ever friends with.

The same. Mac and Shaky. Yeah.

So Shaky was the first dog I was ever friends with, and then Lola, or at the same time. And then Glenn came along, and I loved him, and he took a liking to me. And I remember saying to them, First of all, I live in a one bedroom apartment. I am unemployed. This Dax was in August, and I was like, I'm traveling in December, and Kristen laughed in my face. She was like, You can't take a dog because you're traveling in six months. You'll drop your back off over here. You'll be fine. Dax was like, Listen, can you just take him for the weekend? I need my face to be able to clear up, please. We'll figure it out. He would knowing full well, I was never going to give back the dog. I go, Fine, just for the weekend.

There was literally a moment on the porch.

I'm on the porch, and he puts Glenn in my arms. I was about to leave without him. So he was not taking him. And he goes, Just for the weekend. And he puts Glenn in my arms with a bag of food and puts the leash like, draped on my shoulders.

That's the most forceful I've ever been, I think.

And he closes the door. I hear a lock. And then through the door, I hear, And maybe this will help with your commitment issue.

I had two motives. A, I wanted Glenn to be happy, and I knew she loved Glenn. And then also, we had had many talk about commitment issues. It worked. And I'm like, this is the perfect way to fucking emersion therapy commitment. You might have called with some questions in the morning, but you just never looked back. That dog was never coming back.

That's my soulmate. There's really no question that he's my soulmate. I mean, on more than 20 occasions, I've cried looking at him. I love this fucking dog.

Did Dax say that after he locked the door? Yes.

That is the cinematic timing that Dax is when we give you every time. I hear it go, and maybe this will help with your commitment issues. And I think through the door, I was like, You're a fucking asshole, dude.

I'll worry about my commitment issues. None of your business. Okay, so I bring Glenn up because it's not like you don't have a dog. So as you vote for this moral conundrum- God, you're so good at bringing it back around.

You really haven't smoked pot in a long time. I'm proud of you.

You know what it's like to love and cherish a dog. Now, where the fuck is this?

This is 1911. This is right here at the corner. This is the one? Oh, yeah.

I know. See, I'm not going to pull up in there driving. That's not a good- 1907.

I like that.

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Okay, here we go. We've made a fortune today. You might even pay for our-In and outside.

Dax was saying you do Uber in Detroit, and it's fucking madness.

It's fun. This would upset Dax, probably, but I don't want to do it. Right, I don't think it would ever be right. I'm trying to make ends meet. Of course. But there is fun stuff going on.

We're talking about his Uber.

Dude got in the back seat with a ski mask on it.

No, no, no. That's actually going to be a no.

That was my first ride ever. No, it wasn't.

Yes, it was. No, no.

I was like, Oh, man.

You want to hear the punchline?

Yeah.

He drove him to a place of employment. He took his mask off and went in and went to work. And it was a style thing. I was like, How does one know if it's style or he just robbed a bank? We got to get you to vote on this moral conundrum.

This is the thing. I'm a vegetarian. I personally don't eat any meat. I'm going to sound like such a crunchy But I think if you're eating all kinds of meat-What's the death? Yeah, is it that much different? I obviously don't eat meat and don't think you should eat your dog, and I think that is not the case.

When you say it, I don't want you to eat your dog.

But if you eat all sorts of meat, you eat, let's say, roadkill, and you eat all this other meat, and you are Richard Christie's family, it's not the end of the world, especially if you didn't kill it to eat it. That would be be beyond.

Now we got a real issue. I just think you have to admit it's very arbitrary what we think you're allowed to eat and not eat. It's like, we can eat a deer, we can eat a cow, we can't eat a camel, we can't eat a horse. It's It doesn't... None of it makes a ton of sense. Erin, where are you at on it? I feel like I know, but what do you think? You also are a dog lover and dog owner.

Listen, I think anyone is entitled to do that. I don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't because I'm in fucking with my dogs, and they're my soulmates as well.

Yeah, did you imagine?

That's the other piece of it. I would probably fucking sweep with their rotting body until it was in too bad of condition to eat.

Someone said this the other day. I wonder what your two sense is. Let me own. I'm too sensitive to comments. My fault. But someone was mad because a topic came up. Boy, it felt a name to me, but it was like, You should have done a trigger warning. God, I got to remember the issue. I was like, Really? Really? But at some point, my show's about addiction and trauma and molesting. That's what the show is. Do you need to be reminded every episode? Or at what point could you go like, Yeah, I know what this show is. You're not watching Jerry Springer if you hate chicks fighting in Bras. That's right. You can't watch the show and be upset that that happened.

Is the person saying, Oh, it was their first time listening, so they didn't know?

No, they like the show. That's what's sad. I don't want upsetting these people. They're armcherries, and I love them, but it was probably eating disorder. I get that a lot. That's a very common, they want to be warned. But I'm like, It's Nikki Glazer. Her stand-up routine is about ED quite often. And this is a show where we talk about trauma. Am I being overly sensitive?

No, I do get it, but It's that same thing where it just becomes a spectrum of like, you have misophonia, so I have to let you know that someone's chewing. I can't do it, and I'm not going to do it.

I want some responsibility for themselves, which is if it's triggering to hear about someone talk about eating this, then listen to Smartlist. I guarantee they're never going to bring it up. We're listening to like Comedy Pod. Yeah, there's so many. But if you're listening to one that in the statement is the messiness of being human and it's all about addiction and stuff, I don't know.

I do feel empathy for that person. I just think it's really hard to go through your life expecting everybody to warn you of everything that's going to happen in your daily life. Every radio show, every TV, everything. It's like, shit's going to suck sometimes and things are going to come up. And hopefully you could be doing the work with your therapist or with the people in your life to be like, Oh, this came up today and it fucking sucks.

I guess my broader point was every single episode would have a trigger warrant. Sure. And at some point, wouldn't everyone know, Yeah, this isn't a show if you're easily triggered. But I guess that's the assumption. Okay, let's do an advisey question. This is from a listener.

Oh, gone, Aaron.

Now I am sympathetic to the misoaponia people. I'm sorry, that fucker.

I was stuck in my throat.

Maybe I got choking.

Dax, it's just you and me. Aaron passed. Oh, no. I'll miss him. I liked him.

Should have been a trigger warning that guy was going to choke to death in the episode.

Now, that's a trigger warning I can get from. That's fair.

Somebody just died. He lost a loved one in a choking accident.

He died doing what he loved. He was choking on bagels.

Choking on is it that he thought was dry bagels.

Okay, title is Husband's Looking at Sexy Girls on the Gram and YouTube. Well, I have a little of a dilemma. For context, I'm 37. My husband is 56. Seven.

Whoa. Okay.

Yes. He is a great husband. No complaints. But for a while now, he only wants to have sex if I'm wearing some mini-skirt. Love it, do it.

Wait, hold on. Are you saying that?

No, I'm reading verbatim.

She said, Love it, do it. Yeah. Okay, great.

She loves it, she does it. But now that's the only way. It's like, okay, I'm all for looking sexy and role-play and all, but all the time, no. So I He went on his Instagram and saw he was looking at all kinds of sexy big booty mini-skirt girls. Whatever. Saw his YouTube in the same. It's not porn, just modeling tiny skirts, booty out.

Whatever. To be in so much pain and keep saying whatever, 8-10 times. Okay.

My issue is that now that's the only way he wants to do it, when and if I dress up. We have a healthy sex life. No complaints. Oh, my angel. I will even take pictures of myself with the minis and send to him. He loves it. But for me, it's getting old, and I'm feeling a little weird about it, and I don't know why. Is he thinking of them or me? I don't know. Do I have an issue with this? I do. But I don't really. I don't I don't know, but something about this is bugging me.

Interesting.

Yeah, well, Jackie, what do you think? I go first?

Yeah. Okay. My first thought is talk to your partner, of course. I'm wondering, has she already brought it up? Because I think if there was only one very particular way my partner was comfortable having sex, I would have to bring it up because also there's two people involved in the relationship, and the way that I want to get started should be taken into account as well as the way that my partner wants to get started. For me, it's more of like, well, is she getting her needs met? And why isn't she bringing that up? And as far as the Instagram and YouTube-You almost got to break apart this thing, right? Yes, there's multiple different issues What's going on.

I'm someone that is of the opinion that you shouldn't care if your partner looks at pictures or watches pornography. I think what's happening in their imagination, you don't really have a right to own that real estate. I think what everyone Everyone's fantasy life is is up to them. And I don't think that that's part of monogamy. I don't think you get to say you're not going to enjoy pictures of people. Now, I know people who have actual porn addiction, and it's very destructive to a relationship. So it's like, okay, what version? Is it they watch porn a few times a week, or are they watching six times a day?

And they're not leaving the house.

And if they have a free day, they spend eight hours jerking up. That really gets in the way of your relationship.

And in your life in general. But yeah.

Yeah, it's an addiction, and there's wreckage. So there's not enough info for me to say, does the guy have a problem? I think it's interesting he's not watching porn. It's like a PG version of this.

But also, is he, and she just doesn't know?

She wouldn't know.

It sounds like she's all over his IG and his YouTube.

A shocker, I agree with you. I know that's what makes this show so great. I agree with everything you say.

That's why we have a guest.

But I do want to say that I think it's so healthy for couples to have their own fantasy life. I can't see it being you're only thinking about your spouse.

But also, if you say you are, lying anyway. And is that worse where you're like, no, I've never thought someone else was hot? Because then if you have a partner- You're being dishonest. Right. If you have a partner who's like, you better not be thinking of anyone else. It's like, well, okay, then I'm not. Do you know what that's? Do you know what I'm going to say? I'm happy to say that.

Well, and I think people have rungs of this, right? It seems that it's very common for people to be able to say it about Brad Pitt or Jennifer Anaston, right? That there's some safe level. The idea of a pass is interesting. People are fine with that. Like, Oh, my hall pass is Brad Pitt. And obviously, it's safe because it can never happen. But you're okay with that. Most people are okay with that. Where it gets tricky is, do you think someone's attractive in your inner circle?

At work.

At work? Mm-hmm. Again, I know I'm out on the spectrum on this. I don't think what I'm going to say is normal. I would think it would be nuts if Kristin wasn't attracted to guys. And I think it'd be nuts if she wasn't attracted to people she knows in work. I think you just got to be really clear about what is the thing that's being violated that you cherish. Like I've always said, if Kristin fucked a dude in a trailer and I never found out about it, I don't care. If Kristin is involved in an affair and she's not present with me as my partner, and she's not present with the kids, and she's lying and juggling this other life. That's a real problem for us. For me, it's not even the sex. It's just like, well, you're very distracted by something, and I need this level of partnership from you, and it's getting in the But back to this person, my gut tells me this guy has some intimacy issues. He has got to objectify her in a way that she fits into this category of what he likes, which is girls in skirts, anonymous girls in skirts, and he almost needs to make her be this so he can maybe be sexual with her and not feel shame or something.

I just think something is afoot.

I also wonder if it's that thing in mating in captivity where it's like there has to be distance created for you to then be attracted to a person, which is why it's why. This is Esther Peral. Why sex lives die so much in relationships because that person is so available to you. There's that sense of this isn't her, this isn't them. There's a little bit of distance there. They're literally like an anonymous bent over pea hole.

Yeah, and she says modern day romance is like, We want you to be our best friend, our confidante, our lover, our business partner.

Every single thing. Yeah.

I'm feeling bad for this girl.

Me, too. I just want her to talk to him now.

I feel bad, and I wish she would go to couples therapy to get it out in the open with a third party. I'm a big supporter of that.

Yeah, me too. I can only imagine this dude's going to get defensive when she brings us up. I don't think the approach is for her to go like, I'm worried that you have this thing. I don't think his thing is your business nor your right to say. What you should say is like, I need more. I desire more.

This isn't the way that I want to have sex all the time. I'm not I want to be looking at you.

You're going to judge the way you're into it, whatever your thing is. I'm not going to try to threaten that or talk you out of it, but this is what I need. I need to be in other outfits. I'd like to look at your face sometime. My hunch is he doesn't. I don't know. It feels very detached and objectified.

Because I think also if they were having fun and she was getting all her needs met, you're only as needy as your unmet needs. Can you tell I've been in therapy?

Say, You're only as needy as your unmet needs.

She doesn't feel by him because if she did, and then she looked over his shoulder and he was looking at a hot ass in a skirt, she'd lean in and be like, Oh, cute bonds. She would feel involved in the relationship. But because she feels left out to dry.

So at least She's been assigned a role.

She has.

I need you to do all this.

And be all these people. Right.

Which sucks. Do we dare talk about the age gap?

That's the other thing.

I would just be nervous that there's...

Push it 60, so viral.

Well, hey, this guy's on fire. I'm not looking at much stuff anymore at 50. This guy's impressive. But I'm going to guess, and it'll offend people. I'm worried about the leverage in the relationship. My hunch is 57, 27. Was it 37? 37. 37, 57. My hunch is he's financially sorted. He's already been married or not. I don't know. That's a good hunch. I worry about the leverage in the situation, and this might just be a symptom of that leverage.

Right. It's his house.

Maybe 37-year-old girls get deadbeat 57-year-olds, but I don't. I'm right.

I doubt. Exactly.

I think it's low percentage. If you're like, Yeah, I own the home, and you came into my life, and this is my thing. This is what I like. I'm a little nervous of the overall leverage.

Which I can't speak to, but do not care for and make me have even more distaste for this poor girl situation. Because it's interesting. It's not the end of the world. It's like a lot of people are in just sexless marriages. It's a nightmare.

It doesn't sound like she's asking for much. She's down to partying. She'll wear it and she likes it, but she also wants some other variety.

It feels like this guy's lucky.

Sounds like this guy's got it made.

Yeah, but we can't have it made much longer.

Have you ever had a boyfriend that had some very specific It had to be one way?

No, not in it had to be one way. Just people liking certain things, not that I was grossed out by or not into, but like, Oh, that's a twist. Sure. Okay, high, high. No, but But never something where I was like, Oh, my God, this is the only...

I would do it, but thankfully, I've never been asked to wear a police costume and come in the house and role play and bad acting. That would be really hard. I would do it if that's what someone desired.

It would be such a turn off for me.

You haven't done any of that business either.

No, any of that. I haven't either.

I don't know how someone can do it.

Oh, my God.

Can I have a hard enough time?

That outfit you wore to the roller skating party? Yeah. Oh, my God. Taking someone seriously.

If it happens by accident, if you're both in crazy costumes. Sure, that's cool.

This is so crazy. This has popped into my brain. There's something weirdly hot about anonymous.

Yes. Erica Young, did you ever read Fear of Flying?

No. Maybe when I was younger, years and years and years ago. Seminal feminist work.

Yes, of course. The zipless fuck was her term. She desired the zipless fuck. She wanted to meet a guy on the train.

I've always had that with someone in the supermarket. You just see someone across the supermarket and within five minutes, you're in someone's car. Yeah. But I've never done that.

Erin has Yes, the supermarket fuck? Well, just I've never seen records set like this. Where one time we were in high school and we were at this place we hung out at Country Boyer Restaurant. It was like an even lower end of a Denny's. Oh, my God. I didn't know you could. She arrived, and I think with my girlfriend, Carrie. Then I swear to God, Jackie, five minutes later, they were fucking in the bathroom in 12th grade.

I was getting jacked under the table.

This is a great story. How did When it happen? She just took it out?

I'll leave it with my whole theory after he told you.

Yeah, I don't remember.

Aaron has the cutest, most innocent smile. I have seen many times girls meet Aaron and they're like, Oh, he's so safe. I'm going to be the aggressor. Which is lovely. I've seen it so many times in 35 years. I think girls rightly so when they meet me, they're like, Watch out, this guy's horny, he's got an agenda. I'm going to have my guard up in gray, and they should. But I think Aaron's cute smile has, A, got us out of every issue we were in in junior high. Every time we were getting yelled at, he would smile real cute, and they would send me to the principal's office. Or he could fart in class. He would smile and laugh, and the girls would be like, Oh, my God, that's so cute. How high-pitched it was. He was the only kid who could fart in junior high, and girls thought it was super cute.

Thank you for saying that. Ruthie will never believe me that that happened.

A hundred %. Then when he'd be at a restaurant, and he'd just smile at a girl, and she'd start jerking off onto the table, and then they would go to the bathroom and fuck. Yeah, it's hard not to be jealous of someone to-Oh, what a delight. Well, a lot of fast acting to an actor.

A lot of fast acting to an actor. No athletes, but what to be found.

You've had some quick, though. You've had some quick I will not be talking about those on this show. I know some zero to 60s. Zero to 60s.

I have some favorite-He has some favorite memes. In fact-You can cut them out.

I told this story recently because Okay, I was filming. My name is Earle. I was guest starring for a week, and the lead actress was not shooting that week. And so I had her trailer. They gave me her trailer. And so it's Friday. It's the last day. I've been outside. It's 95 degrees in North Hollywood. That's where we're filming, and I'm outside the whole time. I get back to the trailer, and I hear that they've called her in. We finished early, and they've called her in. They're actually going to pick up a scene, right? Jamie Presley. Yeah. So now I'm getting out of my wardrobe and I have my clothes, and I start dilly dally. You know this story because you're one of the people we told this to. Now, I'm really taking my sweet time. I'm naked for a while in a trailer. It's like I'm having an ethical dilemma about it. It's just so sexy. I don't know. I'm in a trailer naked, and then I walk by the mirror where you sit at the little table, and I see that my testicles are lower than my penis. They were so fucking droopy from the '95s day of shooting in full wardrobe.

I was like, Oh, my God. It looked like taffy. It was so gross that I ran and got my clothes on. But then Chris and I get together and I tell her this story, and she goes, Let me just tell you right now, no woman wants to walk in her trailer and see you naked. I'm like, You're probably right, but I would love to walk in my trailer and see a naked woman. We asked so many people, and the only person we ever asked, It was you. We were like, I don't know. Let me see. I walk in my trailer, you're in there naked, and you're like, Yeah, I'm up for seeing that. I held on to my argument for a decade based solely on... You were the only person that said it, but I was like, okay, there is one.

Of course I did. And Kristin always says she married me.

Yes, exactly. But I just held on to it. And then, lo and behold, Jackie, I don't know if you remember the punchline, but Kristin and I go to Ethan S'a Please' Kids' birthday party. There's a hot tub. We're in I looked to my left, and Jamie Presley is in the hot tub. I'm like, Oh, hey. Chat, chat, chat. And then I go, Oh, my God. You could settle about a decade long debate between Kristin and I. I go, So I had your trailer. I was really dilly dallying. I was naked. What would have been your reaction? She goes, Oh, terrified. I'd hate it. Okay, well, that's the end of that. We have our resolution.

I did not remember the phone line.

We got from the horse's mouth, Let me settle this.

This debate. Here's what's scary about my memory. I remember the story now, of course, and of course, I stand by that I would have been like, Oh, cool. Yeah, why not? I would have just been like, Oh, I'll be right back. Or, You want me to come in? Well, listen, there was a time, Jonathan. I was watching myself on Celebrity Jeopardy recently, which, of course, has a hundred insane things about that sentence.

Wait, Jackie, I haven't seen that.

I played against Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Oh, good luck.

That's not fair. Do you want me to tell you what happened? Tell me. Well, it was already air. That's why I can tell you. I beat him.

You beat Neil deGrasse Tyson. Did you win?

I won my episode, and then I went on to the semifinals, which have not aird yet, so I can't tell you. Oh my God. I can't tell you. Shut the cameras. I can't tell you what happened there. But the point of this story is I had a couple of friends over just to watch it because I had my friend, Brenda, coach me because he's a Jeopardy champion on Real Jeopardy. So I had him come over and coach me. And as we're watching it on the air, they ask a question, and I'm like, Fuck, I fuck if I know. And TV Jackie busses in and goes, Pendulum?

Well, you had gotten dumber since you had- I had gotten dumber. You had recorded it a couple of weeks before.

But I'm just saying if it makes me feel any better that as you're telling me this story, it's coming back to me in pieces.

I admire your bravery because A, I've been invited. I watched Jeopardy for years. Of course. I think I'm good. Honestly, I'm too vain to go there and find out I'm not good. It's too high risk for me.

I think it's too high risk for you, too. But I don't think it's too high risk for me because you're famously very bright. You're famously like... I don't know about You are. And what you've studied and your pod and you know things. That's not what I'm known for. I'm known for having jokes and it is what it is. I thought if I show up-Couple of zero to 60s now. A couple of zero to 60s, a couple of backs, a couple of cars. But I was like, If I show up and I just don't look like a huge asshole, I'll be fine.

What I saw was the clip you posted, which is you being hysterical on Jeopardy, taking huge swings and landing them. I was like, This is incredible. I think this is the wildest I've seen someone be on Jeopardy. I was really admiring what you did.

When I got a Daily Double, I was like, Can I never be able to say this again? So I'm saying it now. I'd like to make it a true Daily Double. Yes. Even if I fucking lose. Because my charity was getting 30K anyway. I'm not going to win against Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah.

So what are we doing? And guess what? You are. So guess what? There's no win for him. He fought a woman, basically. You win, you lose. You lose, you lose.

At the end of the game, he and the other gal we were playing against Melissa Petermann, she's from Reba and stuff. They were both at about 12 or 13,000 points, and I was about 8,000. So I wasn't going to win, but I was doing okay. So then for Final Jeopardy, I was like, Well, I'm just going to go for it.

What was the question?

Ready for the clue? Yeah. The Muppets. Really celebrity Jeopardy like SNL. I was like, Okay. I think it was Mike Muppet's Take Manhattan or The Great Muppet Caper. One box is marked Frog. It has Kermin in it. One box is marked Bear. It has Fawzia in it. One box is marked whatever, and it has this in it? Melissa said animal. Neil said snuffleufugus. I said the correct answer, which was gonzo. Gonzo.

Really good work. I almost forgot about gonzo until this time. Oh my God, Gonzo the Great. Have you done Sesame Street?

No, but I want to. Well, excuse me. Ask that again. Have you done Sesame Street? Yeah, when I was 11.

Oh, my God.

But not as a grown. When I was a little kid, my agent, Aggie Gold, a Fresh Faces Agency.

That was the name of Fresh Faces?

Of course. Okay. And I was a kid actor. She got an audition for a kid for Sesame Street who could Pogo-stick. So naturally, she submitted me, and they called, and they said, Can she Pogo-stick? We really need someone to Pogo-stick. She said, Of course she can. She calls me and she says, You got to learn to Pogo-stick.

And how much the heads up? How many days? Two, three, max.

Okay, wow. My mom, I think, borrowed a pogo stick from a family friend. And of course, I made this mistake. I pogo sticked on the floor. I would say marble, but we all know it wasn't marble in my house on Long Island, but that's what it looked like. Yes, it was a tile. The tile-y, granity moment. These boys' shorts, exactly the same. I'm pogoing, and I fall forward, and I smashed my nose. That's still broken. Oh, wow. I go my next door neighbor because my parents were at home. I was 11, and I bang on his door, Sal Vinty, Salvador Vinty. He lives next door. Got a douche. What did he call himself? Ready for what he called himself? Chucky the Love Granade. What? Chucky the Love Granade. This is a true story.

It's like he was a disk jockey.

He literally was a cop. But he wouldn't be like, If you have any questions, ask Chucky the Love Granade. Okay. Sal comes over and I'm like, I bashed my nose. My nose was bleeding. He takes the bridge of my nose and just squeezing it. Oh, wow. And he's like, I felt something go back into place. And then he's like, Wait till your parents get home. My parents got home, then the blood stopped. I never went to the doctor, never got my nose fixed.

Mine was broken and it didn't get fixed. Never got fixed.

But I forgot that the Chucky, the love grenade thing, that may have been after I booked. I don't remember. Because then they had to put makeup on me after I booked because I was bruised.

Did you no longer have to ride the Pogo stick?

I still did. How did you do? I think the order was, I got the audition. My agent said, You need to learn the Pogo stick. I I learned, then I booked. But all I could do was I do it three times in a row standing still. And then, of course, when I got there, they were like, We'll have you Pogo in and pogo out? And I had to lie and be like, These floors in the bottom of the... It's that. But, of course, I just didn't know how to mobile pogo. So after I booked, that's when I cracked my nose in between booking and filming. That's my broken nose story, too.

I had booked a fucking Carl's Junior commercial, which I could not book anything. I was so bad. And on the before we shot. How old were you? 22. On the weekend, a guy broke my nose in a fistfight, and I tried to show up, and my nose was so fucking big, and my eyes were like, I was like, Makeup? And they're like, Oh, my God, no. I'm like, No, dude.

We have a backup for this very reason. You fucking did. They're like, Brian, and the other guy comes right in and places you immediately.

The director just put on my outfit. A hundred %. Well, Jackie, that was so fun. I'm so glad you joined us.

I'm so glad we did this.

And you were really a good luck, Charles. Did you have fun? I had the best time. I was going to get out of this car and hug you boys. This was delicious. Okay, wonderful.

I love you. I ate all my snacks. I love you.