Transcript of Mom's Car: Guy Stevenson

Welcome to Mom's Car. I'm Dax. I'm Sharon Beasley. And I'm Sharon Shepherd. And today, my good friend Guy Stephenson, who I met in The Groundlings. And if you've listened to any of the podcasts, I often tell the story of his sketch he wrote, which is my favorite all-time sketch. He also, if you remember, is the person I lied to and said I had trained at the Cronk Gym. So please enjoy Guy Stephenson. This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the dress code at the new restaurant? Showing up in sandals and getting turned away at the door? No fun at all. Yeah, checking first is always a good move. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by Uber Eats. Boom, boom, boom. In need of groceries? Uber Eats has you covered. From last-minute ingredients to weekly essentials, get groceries delivered in as little as 25 minutes with Uber Eats. Get groceries delivered with Uber Eats.

Terms apply. See app for details. Now let's get into the show. So what were your favorite New Wave bands? The big ones like

Depeche Mode and The Cure and stuff like that. Yeah, or the big ones.

We've been listening to a lot of that at home, my wife and I. '80s new wave is her new thing to play. Yeah. Because we don't like each other's music so much.

That's the middle ground.

Yep. And we both like it a lot.

Like Devo and the B-52s. And I was into punk as well.

Any Smiths?

Yeah, I love the Smiths.

Sure, sure.

Any New Order?

Yeah, I saw New Order.

You did? At what age?

High school. It was Probably at Jones Beach Theater. Uh-huh. Which played a lot of really cool—

Where DeCastro was

a lifeguard. Yeah. Jeez, that is scary. He was? Yeah, yeah.

Yo, you don't know the DeCastro stories? Not those. No, not the lifeguard story.

He was a lifeguard there for, I think, a couple summers, maybe 3. One time I was talking to him and I go, hey, did you ever, like, save anyone's life that was drowning? He goes, oh, like a couple times a week. I'm like, really? He goes, yeah. And I go, like, what's that all like? And he goes, well, you know the little plastic thing that you see that they swim with that little floating plastic bread thing? Yeah. He goes, that's not to help them with their buoyancy. When you go up to them and they're flailing, they'll make you drag 'em.

They'll grab you, yeah.

He's like, you, first thing up when you get to them is you fucking bonk them in the head so they kind of get disoriented, and then you can get in the position you need to be in to rescue them. I'm like, wow, you got to assault them and then save their lives?

That's a perfect save.

Yes, it's the dream. Yeah.

Son of a bitch. Someone's thankful for you assaulting them.

I can see Stevie saving somebody and then lecturing them on the way back to the store about how they screwed up.

Yeah, you know, I go to— I do a lot of track days with DeCastro, and he's like roped different people into— he's got like a headset in his helmet, and he's got someone else on that, you know, he offers another headset.

Yeah.

And he rides behind them and just coaches them the whole time. He's like, hey, you want to throw? I'm like, no, the last thing I want to fucking hear is you fucking being an expert in my ear while we're riding. Are you guys from the same town? Are you from the same part of Long Island?

I think we're close.

Okay.

I forgot where he was from. I'm from East Islip.

If it's like this and Manhattan's here, where are you at in that?

I'm like in the middle on the south side.

Okay, so how far from Manhattan?

I would say it was about like by car, like 45 minutes. Oh really? Yeah.

And would you guys go a lot?

We saw a lot of concerts there.

Okay.

I left when I was 18.

Right, and did your parents ever take you into the city for like different things?

Just Yankee games.

Oh, okay. Never to go like just stroll around Manhattan?

No.

Also, it was a lot different back then, right? When I, I went as a kid with my mom and it was single mom, you know, it was quite terrifying, you know?

Yeah. '70s and early '80s were rough.

Yeah.

Until, uh, crazy Giuliani.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fixed everything and then went nuts.

Man, talk about a complex story.

Yeah.

Saved the city and then tried to ruin the country. Yeah. It was like, what a, what a track record.

His vision got too big. Too big for his britches.

What did your folks do?

Uh, my dad was a gym teacher.

Okay.

At, uh, Nassau Community College.

Okay.

And my mom was like an elementary school teacher.

Oh wow, both teachers.

Yeah.

And how did you do in school?

Terribly.

Terrible.

I was the, the bad kid.

Yeah.

Like other families were like, don't hang out with Guy Stephenson. Right, right. You know? Yeah, I was kind of like the bad kid.

And at what age did you become 7 feet tall?

Was it early or—

I was always tall.

Okay.

I was always like one of the tallest kids in my class.

Yeah.

Did you, were you always—

Same, same, same. There's all these photos of like any kind of lineup in elementary school. I look like I flunked a couple grades. Yeah. And I think other kids thought I did, 'cause I also couldn't read, you know, 'cause I was dyslexic. And I'm certain they thought like, oh my God, there's this fucking adult in the class. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've almost always been this size. I remember, you know, I got my physical at the beginning of 8th grade for basketball and I was 5'11 and 160. And then in 9th grade basketball, on that physical, I was 6'3.

Wow.

And lost £10.

And I was gonna say, and lighter.

So you shot up, man.

Oh, I looked insane in 9th grade. I was a fucking rake. Just a huge nose and fucking skinny as fuck.

That, that could be my biography. Skinny as fuck, huge nose. Do you remember that sketch we wrote? Oh, I was just about to bring it up.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Uber Eats.

Oh, we got Uber Eats.

Uber Eats, we're up.

Delivery match.

Well, I wanna hear your version of you and I at the Groundlings, 'cause I would say we were a little atypical.

Oh yeah.

Right? Yeah. We were the only comedians that were, like, lifting weights and shit.

I think we were the only people there that have ever, ever won a fistfight. I'm sure some people were beaten up.

You know, I've told this story on here about how the— when we were first meeting each other, 'cause I was in the Sunday Company for 6 months, and then he came in on the second cycle, like the new kids that came.

Yeah.

And we were— I'll never forget it. So we're sitting in these seats, and I'm like, oh, wow, this is confusing. Now there's 2 of us in this seat. Yeah. Like, 2 guys who have fought. Yeah. We're both tall and muscular. when we lift weights? And I said to you, like, what are we gonna do? Like, who's gonna be the alpha? I think we're gonna have to fight or something. I have not talked to him much. And he just goes, pick another sport. Do you remember that? I do remember that. I do remember that. I loved it. I was like, oh, this is fantastic. And then quickly we discovered that we both love primates. Half of Guy's sketches were about gorillas. And you owned a gorilla suit, right?

Uh, my brother did. My brother owned a gorilla suit. We had a plan. We never did it. We both lived in San Diego. He was gonna dress as a gorilla and run on the field at a Padres game.

Oh, right.

And I was gonna dress as Godzilla and run on the other side of the field. And our plan was to meet in the middle.

I like it. King Kong.

Yeah. And we were like, I wonder if security would be like, this has to be planned.

Right. By the organization.

Yeah. How less— they just didn't let us know this was happening. how long they would let us wrestle for, but we never did it.

We never did it.

Your brother's older or younger?

I have 2 brothers. That one's younger.

Okay, and one's older?

Yeah.

Okay, so was he the craziest of the family? Because that was often the case with—

I was the craziest. My older brother is, uh, uh, autistic.

Okay.

And like old school autistic.

Was diagnosed even back then?

Yeah, yeah, like when he was 3. Oh, okay. So

nonverbal or—

No, he's verbal, but like you can You can tell.

Right, right, right, right. Were you in a lot of positions where you had to defend him?

For years.

Yeah. That really— That's how it all starts.

Because it was also back then when it wasn't uncool to pick on an autistic kid. Oh. Everybody fucking did it. Of course. You know what I mean? Yes. The first group that stopped picking on him were the burnouts because they just found other better stuff to do. That's what I gravitated towards. Right.

Do

you remember

the very first fight you got into? to protect him or to defend him?

Like grade school?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. There was a lunch tray involved.

Tell me more.

I just kind of threw it, like frisbeed at somebody.

Oh, okay.

Who was— My brother.

Oh, wow. That's stress. That's a lot of stress on a kid to have an older brother.

How old was your brother?

He's a year older than me.

A year.

Yeah. So we were right there.

That day and age.

Yeah. I know the first fight I got in was this kid that was my best friend at the time. I was like 5 or 6. He hit my brother in the lower back with a wiffle ball bat, and he had his shirt off, and I think it really stung. And my brother started crying, and I just kind of snapped and tackled him and got on top of him and was hitting him like a chimpanzee. You know, like, I didn't even know what to do. I just wanted to hurt him for hurting my brother.

Yeah. Be right back, boys.

Yeah, yeah.

So he went through school?

Yeah. My parents were, like, really forward-thinking, 'cause back then everyone kind of put their kids away.

Right, right, right.

You know? My dad, who was a gym teacher, was like, you're gonna rise. to the level that you're at. So he, he was in regular school.

No shit.

Got a regular diploma.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, wow, wow. 'Cause in our school, back to, yes, how cruel kids were, we had a pretty— I swear, I— it feels very, um, abnormal, the amount of kids we had in our junior high that had different needs.

Yeah.

And, uh, there was a classroom, Mr. Norland's classroom, and they would give those kids tasks around the school, right? Like they would be cleaning up the lunchroom or Like this one guy, Pete Schmidt, he'd collect the attendance every morning. That was his job. And he came in. Now, some of it was good-natured, but also wouldn't fly today. It's like he would come in to collect attendance and he would go, meep, meep, and everyone would meep, meep. And then there'd be— so that one was kind of fun. And then there were some other ones that went worse. And I had to go to the class with those kids in elementary for my dyslexia training.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I was pretty embarrassed. Like when they would knock on the door and be like, go join the gang.

So they knew your dyslexia that early?

They did. Yeah. Yeah. Thank goodness.

'Cause I'm dyslexic as well.

Oh, you are?

Yeah. But they didn't—

yeah.

I remember always going to the eye doctor. Okay. 'Cause they thought it was my vision.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And that never seemed to—

no matter how many glasses they gave you, you didn't get the words right.

And, uh, it's been getting worse, man.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Maybe because I'm getting older. I don't know.

Oh, interesting. Because I gotta say, even the way it's described, or had been described growing up to people, like, what is dyslexia? How does it work? It was always like, oh, you flip your letters. And it's like, that's not entirely what was happening with me. I did that with numbers, right? Like, I would invert numbers all the time. But in the— as far as the reading, it was just like, it just looked like fucking hieroglyphics. I couldn't get it. When they would try to explain sounding shit out, I'm like, those symbols mean nothing to me. I can't sound this out.

How were you at table reads?

Well, this is what I'm saying. That was me K through 5, but then I had a teacher, thank God, that was like, you're really good at math. And that was the first time someone acknowledged I wasn't dumb. And then that became this springboard. I was then on the math team in 6th grade and junior high. And I swear, just— and my explanation of it is one day it just all kind of clicked. And what clicked for me is instead of looking at the words compartmentalized by letters and sounds, I just over time eventually memorized every whole word.

Oh, yeah.

Right. And then just— I see the whole word and I know what it means now. And then it kind of—

And then I was like a big symbol.

Yes. And I finally learned the symbols. And I kind of observed this in one of our daughters, too. It's like— and I was kind of optimistic while it was going on. I'm like, she's just gonna fucking one day memorize all these things instead of learning how to sound them out. And then I was fine. I was never like a strong reader. And still, when I'm on a teleprompter, like, Kristen and I will host shit together, and she had a teleprompter, she loves it. She's like, I could not even have to rehearse and just throw me on a stage as long as there's a teleprompter. And I'm like, that's me at my worst. Yeah. And I've hosted a couple game shows where it's just all teleprompter and I'm like, oh, this is not enjoyable.

Can y'all just put pictures up?

Yeah. Math equations.

Question mark. Our next question.

So what do you use? Like, what happened? Did you, did you get flunked ever or?

I never got held back. Okay. Yeah, I was probably a lot like you. I was smart but just frustrated with school, so did bad stuff.

Right.

And, uh, like I had to get stuff signed. Grind every week by teachers, right? Right. Yeah, all that stuff.

Okay, now here's what's great for people who watched last season. They'll remember that Aaron and I admitted to the lies we've told people that we're like trapped in now for decades. And of course, the one that was

my favorite one is

that I told you I had trained at the Cronk Gym.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh my God, I'm stuck with this.

See, now it's all making sense though, because you started off with Telling them you guys were both alphas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were, we were way, way better.

We had to come up with anything to—

We were really trying to one-up 'em. Flex our bona fides, man.

Well, his first question when it, when he found out I was from Detroit, it was literally the first question.

Yeah.

It was, oh, have you been to the Kronk Gym? Like, of course that's his first question. Yeah. And then I'm like, hell yeah, I've been to the Kronk Gym. And then of course, why would I have been to the Kronk Gym if not to train? And he's like, oh, you've trained there? I'm like, yes. I

was trying to, I was trying to figure Figure out your strengths and weaknesses.

Guy's like, fuck.

Yeah, I was definitely— I definitely believed it.

Obviously, I looked right in your eyes and told you.

I was like, all right, if it comes down to it, just shoot. He's gonna punch you in the face.

This guy's got an incredible jab. He trained under Lewis.

Yeah. You've never seen me fight?

So at any rate, and then the other incredible one was that Aaron went way beyond that, I think, is that he had boxed in the Marines, which he was not even a Marine.

Yeah. I wish I was in Groundlings at that moment so Dax and I could feed off of each other's lies.

Confirm. Yes.

Support each other's delusions.

Yeah. Well, I was in the Marines.

Yeah.

That's where I'm going. It's all set up to say you joined the Marines.

I don't know if I would've bought that one.

Well, would you? Yeah. And when I was asked, where did I box? And I said, on a Navy ship.

There you go.

Yeah. Would that have rung true to you? Well...

I was never quite as good at selling my story as Dax was.

Well, they had these things they called smokers, where these 2 guys would just put on headgear and get in the ring. And it was just like 3 rounds of untrained dudes.

Sure. Haymakers central.

Yeah. And just 18-year-old guys trying to prove they're tough.

Yeah.

And I did one, and I did one against this— I think his name was Vasquez, and I outweighed him by like £30.

Sure. But I know from the last name.

He hit me so hard and so fast. And I'm like, well, I'm looking right at him, and I didn't see that coming.

Yes, yes, yes.

I don't know if you ever wore those things. They're not built for men with big noses.

Oh, no, no.

The pads end here. So my nose has got totally peppered the whole time. Sure.

Yeah. Yours would need to come out, as would mine.

A little fat. Yeah.

Did I ever tell you, Guy, that we did an episode of Punk'd with the Golden Boy?

De La Hoya? De La Hoya.

Oscar De La Hoya. We had tons of downtime, right? And we're just in a ring together, and we got boxing gloves on and shit. Actually, maybe I wore headgear in that. But at any rate, we're getting friendly enough that I say to him, would you be willing to throw your combo at me? Don't hurt me, but I just kind of want to see what that's about.

Right.

And like what you're saying, The first punch I saw him throw was the third punch through. And I was like, oh, that's what it is. It's the speed that these guys—

It's an unbelievable level.

Yes. I couldn't compute how fast it was coming. Like, I could have never seen—

It's like, how can this guy sucker punch me when I'm looking right at him?

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Guy, were you in a Punk'd episode?

I did a couple of them.

You did, right?

I did, after Dax.

How did you find that experience?

I liked it. I did one on Carmelo Anthony, the basketball player. And I'm sure— I just know because I've been bouncing for so long and body posture, I'm all like, this dude's about to hit me.

I interviewed him, and when I interviewed him, I'm like, oh, this kid's so cute, but he gets down. He's gotten down before. Yeah, he gets down.

St. Louis or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And anyway, the punk was really like, we found a girl's license in his room and she was underage.

There's a lot of—

And it was obviously—

A lot of setup for trouble for you guys.

It was obviously his boys.

Mm-hmm.

That's how they set it up.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, he didn't drop one name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? He didn't drop like, oh no, it wasn't me, it was my friends. He was just all like, get the fuck out. I'm like, this dude, I hope they're fucking quick to come in, man, 'cause he is— Fucking 6'9 world-class athlete.

Yeah.

I think he's from St.

Louis too, which is tough. While he's beating your ass, you're going to notice how cute he is too. You're going to be like, man, this guy is really cute and way tougher than me. Yeah. Okay, so back to the Marines. How did you end up joining the Marines? What preluded that?

Well, my dad, who taught at a college, was kind of like, look, you're not ready for college.

Or work.

And he said to me, he said, The house is only big enough for one man. Ah. So,

uh— Time for you to go.

But I enlisted months before I graduated.

Oh, okay.

Like 8 months before I graduated.

Like when they came to your high school with the little card table, that situation?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And in your school, like, I gotta— let's just be very honest about this. In my school, when they came with that card table, the dudes that were hanging out there, I was like, yeah, they're gonna— that, you know, that's what they're gonna do.

Yeah.

It wasn't the Winners Club that was circulating that.

And it was pre-Desert Storm, so it was pretty much just fuck-ups.

Yeah.

Right. You know what I mean? There was no yellow ribbons yet or support the troops.

Right. It had been 30 years since Vietnam.

Yeah. I mean, I enlisted under Reagan.

Oh, wow.

So a long time ago.

Yeah. And no one was gonna fuck with us when Reagan was behind the house. I got a cowboy in the fucking Oval Office. So you enlisted Did you like it?

Uh, I knew right away I was only gonna do 4.

Okay.

I knew it wasn't for me.

Yeah.

There were parts of it I loved.

Which were?

I mean, a lot.

Hanging with the dudes?

Hanging with the dudes.

Yeah.

I love being out in the field doing stuff, shooting.

Yeah.

All that fun stuff. But like, it's the life in garrison. When your boss at work is also your boss at home, it sucks.

Wait, what does that mean? Oh, 'cause you live with him.

Like in the barracks, you live with him.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, there's no going home away. It's just that part sucked.

And how do you do with authority? I guess if your dad was a gym teacher, you're probably used to that kind of authority.

I might not like it, but I kind of thrive under it.

Right, right, right, right, right.

You know? I kind of like that structure a little bit, but I knew right away I was going to be out in 4.

Yeah, the structure is nice, right? It's like, oh, I do this, I get this recognition. There's levels, there's training, right? There's all kinds of steps you can pursue that are already prescribed. You don't have to figure much out.

It's almost the reverse of discipline. Uh-huh. Because someone's just telling you what to do. Right. There's no, like, self-motivating. It's this dude yelling at you.

Yeah, yeah. Didn't you get thrown out?

No, no, no.

You didn't?

I didn't get thrown out of the Marines.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Why do I— I thought—

I got into a lot of trouble in the Philippines.

That's what I recall.

I got thrown out of the Philippines.

Oh, man. But, uh, I stayed in the Marine

Corps. Oh, okay, okay. Are you

comfortable saying what kind of trouble you got into in the Philippines? You have children, I guess.

Well, I got into a fight on a bus.

Okay.

With a—

How many people?

The bus. And it was totally my fault.

The bus.

'Cause I got— I was hammered.

It

feels

like an Instagram video on Ford to Aaron. A guy fighting a bus.

I was hammered. At times, there were Marines being assaulted out in town.

Okay.

So I kind of, in my drunkenness, thought these guys were gonna come up on me. So I preemptively started striking, and then I just wound up, you know, just dudes trying to get off. It was a bus to go to work.

Yeah, yeah.

It was just awful. Yeah. The Marine Corps just got me out of there. Okay. Sent me home.

Yeah. Were police involved and stuff?

It was actually a base bus, so it was on base. So it was military police, luckily.

Okay.

If I went to regular day program,

Filipino police, yeah.

They probably would've killed me. And

they would've had a real good time with you, probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were starting to get a little fucked up too, right? 'Cause when I met you, the other thing we had in common, which was crazy, is that we both didn't drink.

I got sober in the Marines.

Right.

They sent me to a Navy hospital for rehab.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they sent me there.

In the wake of that situation on the boat?

No, after that I got a DUI.

Okay, okay.

Luckily nobody was hurt, but that was the last time I drank. Shit, I was only— I was only 20.

And the treatment center, was it conventional treatment or was it some, um, proprietary version that the Navy had? Was it like AA?

It was like AA. I'd spend like a month before I could go, and they put me on this drug called Anabuse.

Oh yeah, we're familiar with Anabuse.

I got there, I lived there, it was like 6 weeks, and there was like people from all the armed forces were there, and there were some people that were there for drinking and drugs and a couple of overeaters.

Really? Huh. In the Navy?

And then some of them were, like, retired.

Okay.

But they could still use the, you know, the VA.

Yeah. Yeah.

And there was a few guys that were there for fucking gambling.

Oh, wow.

And those are the guys I felt the most sad for.

Tell me why.

Man, you're 22, and you owe $800,000. That's never gonna fucking— do you know what I mean?

The thing I feel worse for, 'cause I've actually— I've gotten to interview a couple dudes who had the gambling addiction. I think the craziest of gambling addiction is like, you imagine waking up in the morning after a 4-day coke bender.

Yeah.

Which I've done many times, and you feel absolutely demoralized and dead. And if you could look in the mirror and go, all I gotta do is another kilo to get back to zero.

Yeah.

Fuck! That's the trap. It's like their life's fucked, and they're like, if I could just get back to zero, I'll quit. Like, that's the premise. And it's like, oh, God, that's rough. And I can imagine thinking that.

Yeah. I felt bad for those guys.

Here it is!

Well, that'll be— damn, it was a totally different place.

It was.

Here you go.

Since you were so young, has it not ever crossed your mind, like, oh, I bet I was just young? Have you ever been tempted to drink, or do you currently drink?

I don't drink.

Yeah,

it's been like 37 years.

Yeah, yeah, you just have no interest.

Well, it's been so long, it's just too much to risk for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, and sometimes I'm like, maybe I was just a kid.

Yeah,

but like, why do that experiment?

Truly, you know what I mean? That's the correct decision, but I think it can be hard when you're so young. That's where I see it's very hard. And dude, that I've seen the dudes in AA like come in at 16, they got something, and then now they're 30 and they're responsible and have careers and families. And wait, am I really powerless over— you know? Yeah, that's hard.

Well, after rehab, I, I, I didn't go to AA.

Right.

I just kind of—

White-knuckled it?

White-knuckled it.

Or was it easy for you?

It wasn't easy, but as soon as I got out of the Marines, I started working in bars because I thought if I saw it every day, it would get easier.

Interesting. Deep immersion therapy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I also didn't want to miss out on stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I can relate.

I did that for forever.

Okay, so when do you move to LA, and do you come here specifically to get into comedy?

No. No. Uh, I went to film school in San Diego.

Okay.

San Diego State. I graduated in '97, so I came out here right after I graduated.

Mm-hmm.

In my mind, I thought I was gonna be an action guy.

Direct action movies.

Right.

Yeah.

Big dude.

Yeah.

Was in the Marine Corps.

You look in the mirror.

And, uh, I thought all the famous guys would beat me up in some sort of movie. And then—

That wasn't the plan.

I met this gal, and she took me to a Groundling show.

Okay.

And I've never even heard of improv before. Right. And I saw it, and I was like, that's the funniest, coolest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe they're doing that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's nuts. And then I just signed up for classes.

What year did you start? Was it the late '90s? 2002 or '03. Oh, it was 2002. I just—

I can only remember 'cause I got Punk'd. I know Punk'd aired in '03, so then I kind of reverse-engineered. So I think it must have been 2002 we were together.

Yeah, probably.

I'm not good with years, but I think it was '02. So then I don't even realize, Aaron, the best part is, is I'm friends with this guy Steve DeCastro.

Yes.

At that point already. So Steve was the bartender slash manager of this bar in Santa Monica called the Circle Bar.

Yeah.

Oh.

Which was about the only rowdy bar in all of Los Angeles.

Yeah, I remember that bar.

It was rowdy, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Little roadhousey vibes.

Yeah, yeah.

And you were— when did you get your job there?

Like '99? I worked at Jumbo's Clown Room for a while.

Oh, sick. Tell us more about that. Do you know about Jumbo's Clown Room?

Remind me. It's a very familiar—

Strip

joint. Around the corner.

Right around the corner. It's like a dive bar where there happen to be strippers.

Yeah. And the ones that probably wouldn't have got hired elsewhere.

Sure. Yeah.

And like, they're dancing in front of all these mirrors, and the mirrors have not been cleaned in a decade, right? It's just, you walk in there and you feel absolutely terrible about everything that's going on.

But it was woman-owned and operated.

Oh, it was?

Yeah. That's insane. So like, no one was taking advantage of the girls.

Right. Very female-positive strip club.

Yeah. But a lot of girls went there.

I don't know why they didn't clean the windows. Oh, okay.

A lot of girls went there.

So was it kind of a lesbian hang?

It was just a really hip kind of place. All sorts of people went. I quit mid-shift once because I threw a guy out and we had a, we had a pretty good tussle.

Okay.

And then he looked at me and was like, I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna get some guys and we're gonna shoot you.

Yeah.

And I've been threatened to be shot a lot.

At the Circle Bar.

Yeah, just as a bouncer. It just happens. Yeah. And, uh, I believed him.

It was good.

Yeah. Yeah. So I told the bartender, I'm like, hey, maybe we should call the cops 'cause I think this is— this might be going down.

Yeah.

And she was like, yeah, we're never gonna call the cops.

Yeah. Nobody invited them.

Even if you're killed here, we won't call the cops.

That's never gonna happen. So I just— I'm like, I gotta split, man. So I just left. The last time I worked here.

How

frequently were you having to physically remove someone at the Circle Bar?

A lot. Like every other night.

Every other night?

I would say someone had to get— maybe not every other night, but a lot.

Okay. And then what percentage of those people were going along with getting thrown out? Which percentage were wanting to then throw down?

85% of the people just walked out because they weren't mad at us, right? Nor was I mad. It's weird wrestling somebody that you're not emotionally attached to. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is a weird feeling.

Like,

hey, look,

this takes you back to junior high. Like, Aaron and I wrestled, I don't know, a couple hours every day for years. Yes. Time to wrestle.

Yeah. We would just run up and just, you know, grab dudes.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, every once in a while they had shit to say about us or whatever.

And it was a pretty— Aaron, to set the scene, it was a pretty extensive bouncer crew, right? There was 3 of you or something on it?

Yeah, yeah. One in the front.

Does it give a vibe when you need 3 bouncers at a bar?

Roadhouse vibe, huh? Yeah.

Yeah.

And

what was like the pecking order of the bouncers?

Jess was definitely the lead, the, the cooler Dalton. Dalton. Yeah, he was Dalton. Definitely. DeCastro was a bouncer for a while.

Okay.

Yeah, that's where I met him.

And he wasn't yet a black belt in jiu-jitsu?

No, they all started together.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Yeah. Did you love it? I would— I feel like I would love this.

At times it was awesome.

Yeah, you had one bad one that I want you to tell Aaron. You had a situation in back. There's a couple guys or 3, and you're like, okay, I just gotta stay on my feet right now.

It was in the alley. There was 2 guys.

Uh-huh.

I just remembered, just hold on to one and don't fall down. If you fall down, it's over.

Oh, man. They'd be stomping on you.

So I remember just grabbing ahold of one and using him as a like a crutch and just taking shots until the cavalry came.

In the alley behind Circle K.

I was just like, just don't fall down, man. And it wasn't their first time fighting together. They

knew what they were doing. I'm certain I told you, this is the— well, now we have no credibility because I said that we trained at the Kronk Gym.

Yeah, right.

But we had the craziest nights. night ever. One night in, um, in Manhattan, we're there working for GM. We're doing a car show. Our clients have thrown us a thank you party because we've been working so hard for 3 weeks. And of course it's an open bar and all of us are like 23 years old or whatever, so we get annihilated. And, um, for 6 months I've been saying to everyone, the next time I get in a fight, I want to ape palm somebody. And this is— I just made this up. I want to like just as hard as I can just Just face, you know, hand to the face, and 8-palm him. This is just a joke, right? And so, we're walking out, and I bump into a guy, and I turn, and genuinely, I turn around, I'm so nice. I'm like, oh, dude, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's like, yeah, motherfucker, you better fuck your wife! He just pops off, right? And there's like 10 of us, we're all working together washing cars. And he goes like that, I turn like I'm gonna leave, and I fuck— and I know they're watching, and I just fucking pop him as hard as I can.

I get to smack this guy right in the face, and I squeeze, and I take him right down to the ground.

Oh, man.

We're so pumped. I actually did this 8-palm thing. And the second I fall on top of him on the ground, now bouncers are there, and they're picking me up. And then now Aaron is in the mix. And now it's a fight with the bouncers, right? And we're not doing too bad in that fight, but we eventually— they're successful at getting us out of this bar. And they don't follow us out. And now we're on the street, and we're all revved up. And then this is the part where I go, That's impossible to believe. Makes no sense. But I swear to God, like 5 Asian dudes that are in all— they're all in Adidas tracksuits. They see this whole thing and then all the— we're just immediately in a fight with these guys.

Like from Game of Death?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the look. I mean, maybe even that was their vibe is they were like, we're doing Game of Death. But this, this is just a melee. And our clients, these girls are now out of the bar and they're like shoving different members in cabs and stuff. All to say, we do not win that fight. Not at all. Not only did we not win it, the next day we're prepping cars and I'm like, I have the weirdest pains, dude. Someone kicked me in the liver. And dudes are like, dude's neck's hurt in a weird way. Some weird shit went down.

I was always sober at work. And that's a big advantage. I at least had, like— Balance.

Vision.

You know what I mean? I was seeing one of them.

All the senses that you don't have.

But do you remember that sketch we wrote where we were both robots?

The military had designed the ultimate killing machines.

Yes. Oh, of course you wrote that sketch.

Please explain it. But it's—

I don't think it ever made the show.

No, no, no, it never did. And it was— But our peers liked it when we put it up on Wednesday.

It was Dax and I, and we were supposed to be like the new Terminator.

Yes, of course. Or whatever.

Yeah. 'Cause we're comedians, we look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We're both up there and we're supposed to like, we're being presented.

Yeah, we're just on display.

Yeah. And we both have our shorts on and our shirts off. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I forgot who was narrating, but someone's like the announcer narrating. And then there's questions from the audience, from reporters, and they keep on talking about all our physical flaws. Why are their noses so big?

They're like, we see you gave them biceps, but why do they have such skinny legs?

Neither of them have asses. What's happening here?

Was there a reason you designed them without asses? And then why these enormous noses?

Why does he have hair on his chest and that guy doesn't?

Yeah. And what's kind of great about that is we're playing into the fact that already we know in that scene, the fact that we are lifting weights and talking about fights, isn't it great? So of course they're thinking immediately, Oh, these fucking blowhards are gonna talk about their muscles, their ultimate killing machine. And then it's just a complete takedown of how disgusting looking we are.

That guy's eyes are too close to me.

He doesn't look like a person.

Aren't they supposed to look like people?

Oh my God.

It was really fun.

Stay tuned for more Mom's Car.

Dax, you're ordering groceries on Uber Eats. Okay. What's the one snack you add to the cart before you even think about the

Oh, Oreos all day,

every

day. And then maybe a little milk with it for dunky dunk.

That is essential for Oreos.

All right. Now you're ordering, uh, your essentials, but before you do, you're going to throw in a snack. And what are you putting in there?

The thing that makes me the thirstiest.

Yeah.

Pretzels.

Oh, okay. Great. And you love being thirsty.

I love being thirsty. And there's nothing that makes me thirstier. And you make people thirsty if you're around.

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But that didn't make the—

No, I don't think— I don't think you and I— did you and I ever get a sketch in? I don't think we No, it was too— when we got together to write it, it was like, okay, are we doing volcanoes, animals, or killing machines?

Yeah.

But Guy, has it gotten to you how many times I've told your sketch about the physics class on this show? Oh man. I'm not kidding. In 1,200 episodes, I bet you I've told 45 people that sketch on this show.

Oh wow, that's flattering.

Yeah, it's my very favorite sketch I've ever seen on this show. Oh, it's just— it's too brilliant. Please tell me how you came up with this sketch and what happens in the sketch.

All right, well, I was listening— this makes me sound super smart— I was listening to NPR and, uh, some dude is being interviewed and he is a quadriplegic and he's got that voice,

the Stephen Hawking

voice. But it wasn't Stephen Hawking, right? I'm like, well, that's weird, that's Stephen Hawking's voice. They should give him another voice. And then I thought, I thought, suppose—

They each have his own unique voice.

Suppose 2 people are in a room and they had that voice, how would you know who was talking? And then I wanted to— I made a teacher taking attendance on the first day of astrophysics class, and the students are just being kids.

Yes, and they're all Stephen Hawking. They all have the computer voice.

Everyone's in a room.

I remember. This sketch, I fucking peed myself.

John Smith here. Who said that? I did. Which one are you?

Which one are you? Uh, I'm the girl. I remember, like, I'm the girl.

Yeah. I'm the girl. Class dismissed. I didn't say that. Yes, I did. I'm the teacher and I stink. Wave, wave. And then I had them laughing.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

And it was just kids, you know, fucking with the teacher. Oh, fuck.

The reason it is the perfect sketch is, like, the premise alone is, like, a triple A+, right? But then beyond the premise, it's truly— you wrote Who's on First. Yeah. Like, on top of it, like, the construction of it and how it built and how insane it got and how everyone's talking and you don't know who's— and by the way, the visual is just— there's 5 people on stage just sitting dead still.

Just not moving.

Not moving. With straws in our mouths, keyboards. And we just had to like not break. Yeah, that's our only assignment.

Oh, was that, do you think, your most successful sketch there? Yeah, yeah,

there. Yeah.

How long did that run?

Weeks and weeks.

Yeah, yeah.

And then, uh, I had a lot of sketches— this is probably why I knew I was more of a writer than an actor— where I didn't speak at all.

Sure.

I had a lot of those sketches.

Well, i.e., our robot sketch. Yeah, we did no talking in that. Had you gotten a job writing On MADtv. Is that— you got— yeah, yeah. While you were still in the Sunday Company?

No, it was a couple years later.

Oh, it was? Were you voted out?

Yeah.

Yeah. How did you take it? I've gotten to talk to AG, like, had to go see a therapist. I was completely fucked up over it. Well, how did you take it?

The way Karen explained it to me, I was kind of like, that tracks. Oh,

okay.

Because she was like—

You saw the merit of her argument?

Well, she's like, you're a good writer.

Uh-huh.

You don't do characters that Well,

you got a great guy from Long Island.

And I'm like, yeah, but that's about it. And I got a Southern version of that and maybe a gay version of that, and that's about it. And, uh, she's like, you don't do characters, like, well enough. I was really bummed about it, and I never thought anyone who did get in didn't deserve it, right? I never had that feeling.

Well, yeah, they had an embarrassment of talent and so few slots.

And then I've asked you— I do an improv show Uh-huh. Bad Company with all ex-Sunday Company members.

I have to do it.

I very much wanna do it. Yeah. I would love to do that.

I think I told you for years I had a chip on my shoulder about it. And then I did go do a Cooking with Gas show one time.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh yeah, I gotta get over this. And then I've gotten to hang out with Ben a bit over the last year or two. I've started to go to his poker game.

Yeah.

And I've been kind of heartbroken that I was so hurt by that whole thing that I, I didn't stay in touch with those guys as much as I would've liked to. And then I'm playing poker with them and I'm like, oh yeah, they've all stayed. And that was the funnest group I was ever involved with. I mean, it was so fun to go there Wednesday night and just be there for 8 hours listening to sketches.

Yeah.

So you're there teaching?

I teach there now, but teaching there and not being in the main company, it's always kind of like a chick breaking up with you and you being in the friend zone.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Still copying her move out of her apartment.

Yeah, still doing drugs. Talking to her when she breaks up with somebody. Still doing shit like that. I have students become main company members, so I'm like, all right, great. Super happy for them.

So Guy, I hadn't seen you for a long time, and then you had that heart issue, and then I went— I got to go see you in the hospital.

Yeah.

Open heart?

I've had 2 open hearts now.

2? And what is the condition? I mean, you obviously— you've exercised your whole life and stuff.

Well, the open hearts were to replace my aortic valve.

Oh, that's your biggest, right?

Yeah. You know, they wear out, so they had to Replace it.

Okay.

You know?

Oh, the replacement ones wear out?

Yeah.

Are they pig?

Mine is a bovine.

Oh, okay.

And then—

A cow?

Yeah. They told me I could pick from that or an artificial one.

Uh-huh.

And the artificial one, you're on like heavy meds forever. I picked the bovine, but I asked and I was funny. I told them—

What a strange thing to ask.

What a weird menu. Yeah.

I thought I was being funny 'cause that's how I deal with stress. And I'm like, look, I run a lot. Can I have a wolf one? And the doctor was like, no, we don't. We don't have wolves, nor have I ever heard anyone getting anything from a canine. What you really want— and he starts explaining it.

I'm like— He's being serious?

Yeah. I'm like, this is a bit, but it's fun.

I constantly get myself in that situation. Paint yourself into a corner. You're like, oh, fuck, he kind of thinks I'm serious.

Yeah.

And then you got to act like, oh, okay, well, that's unfortunate. I know they have great endurance. I think they say the best endurance in the animal kingdom. But is it a genetic thing that your aorta was not great?

Before that, I had a VTAC, which is a ventral tachycardia.

Okay.

Which is when your heart starts beating outta control.

Okay.

And that's—

so like, what was your heart rate? Do you know?

200. Oh.

Like the rest of your body is shutting down. Oh. It's not getting any air. And Jen drove me to the hospital and they said, you definitely should have taken an ambulance.

Oh, wow. What age were you?

44.

Fuck. Oh yeah. Well, I need an explanation for that.

They don't know why that happened.

Wow.

And, uh, they put in a defibrillator, so I have a defibrillator in me now.

Okay.

And then I kept getting shocked, which is like somebody just flicking your switch.

How does that feel to get shocked by the defibrillator?

It's so alarming. It's instant— Gives you

a heart attack?

It's instant falling and screaming.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck. What if you were like riding a bicycle or something?

You'd be fucked.

You'd go over the handlebars.

Yeah, but you would know it's coming.

You would?

You know, you get dizzy and whatever.

Okay. Okay. How many times did it go off?

More than like 5 or 6.

Whoa.

So then I got in a bus, Ablation, which is a cauterized part of your heart that's making a mistake.

This is an electrical issue, right? Yeah. Yeah.

And after that, I got something— and I don't know if this is from an infection from the operation or what, but I got something called endocarditis, which infected my aortic valve.

Oh,

so that's when they had to like change that?

Wait, they changed the cow valve?

No, this is the first— this was, um, that's when I got the first one. 2 weeks ago, I got a new defibrillator.

You did?

Yeah, they upgraded me. That's why I had to lose so much weight. Oh, really? Yeah. Really

Real quick, am I right in that that's probably the hardest surgery on your body, open heart? 'Cause they gotta break your—

They went through my ribs. Oh. Yeah. Oof. It was rough. Oof, oof. And now every time I mess around with Atticus, my middle son, about sparring, I just guard my chest. I give up punches to the face. I just don't want him to hit any equipment there. Sure, sure.

Oh, fuck. But you had your boys when all this started. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all alive.

I assume that's the only thought, right? Like, when I think about dying, I'm weirdly a little at peace with it. Like, I've had the fucking most charmed life a human could have. I don't know how much more I deserve. So part of me is just like, yeah, I mean, it's been a great ride. But then I go to, like, imagining my daughters not having a dad, and I'm like, oh my God, I have to stay alive forever for them.

That, and for Jen and everything.

Yeah, yeah. How did they respond to that?

Punch you in the stomach.

They're not girls.

You know what I mean?

They're like, I'm glad you're back. I'm back,

Dad!

Where were you? Yeah, uh, they're concerned. And you know, when I was heavier, they did not curtail how much I needed to lose weight.

How heavy did you get?

I got like 270.

Like lifting 270 or just like fucking 270?

I got myself measured at one— at like a vitamin store.

Okay, great.

So it's really accurate. Sure. But I was 270 and about 22% body fat. So

that's not bad at all.

Yeah.

You always had so much muscle.

Yeah, a lot of muscle, but like covered with fat.

Yeah, yeah.

But now they got me on, uh, Zepbound.

Sure, sure.

That's the one I'm fucked— That shit works.

Oh God, yeah.

I lost £80.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow, wow, wow.

And was it like hard?

Right. So everyone I know is on it.

Yeah.

So I did it for 2 weeks literally just to see what's happening, and I was only on a— I split up the 2.5 dose, which is a starting dose, I split it into 2 doses. Yeah. And after like the one, I was like, oh, I could never eat again. Because that's not— of the many vices I have, I have good control over eating. Like, it's not hard for me to control it. So I'm already quite controlled. And then you added that in the mix and I was like, oh yeah, I could just never eat again. I went, yeah, fuck. This crazy feeling.

Jen is now like, you can't keep skipping lunch,

right? You gotta kind of make yourself eat. Well, that's a good part of it because you do have to make yourself eat. So then you're gonna be like, well, I want to eat something good.

Yeah.

If I gotta eat, I'd like to eat of protein or whatever. What'd you say, £70? £80?

£80. So I'm like, what, 188, 190 now?

So I had that too, you know. I had a rack with the Castro. We were up in Sonoma, and I went over the handlebars and it broke my clavicle into 4 pieces. So it was just kind of floating, right? So they went in there and they put a plate in and put it all back together. Healed up great, like it was perfect. And I was lifting really quickly and it was just perfect.

Yeah.

And I was like so happy that turned out so well and hadn't affected anything. And then I was riding my electric bicycle to the attic. So I used to live in one house and then record in the one you were just at that we were remodeling. Right. Always recorded there. So, and we had a really early interview, which we never had, and it was over Zoom. And so I'm going to work at like 7:00 AM. It's still dark out and I'm coming over this hill in my neighborhood. And the second I crest the hill, I see headlights and there's a car coming. I'm gonna hit this car and I'm on my electric bicycle, probably going like 25, 30, right? And so, I immediately swerved to the right, but then as soon as I swerved to the right, there is a parked pickup truck that is like 25 feet away. So, I know I'm hitting the pickup truck, right? But better than the oncoming car.

Right.

And I just locked up the back brake and went down and slid, and like the bars bent the bumper of this truck, uh, but I didn't like, uh, center punch it and go flying, which is all I cared about. So, I was like pretty pumped with how that crash went down. But I did land on my left shoulder, And I was like, oh, fuck.

Did it mess it all up again?

Well, it just was like, I didn't even want to know, right? I was just like, yeah, it hurts. But before long, I'm back to lifting and everything's groovy.

Yeah.

And I just don't want to know. I don't want to know. It was such a huge surgery, and I just— I don't want to know anything. I ignore this for probably 6 or 8 months, and I'm up in Utah shooting Top Gear, and I notice I've got, like, now an egg above my clavicle out of nowhere, and it's very tender. And I'm like, I can just tell I have an infection. I'm like, what could that be? So then I go back to my doctor who did the operation, and he does an X-ray, and he's like, what the fuck happened? Like, all the bolts are broken out.

Oh.

It's back in 2— now it's in 2 pieces, not 4. But he's like, what happened? I'm like, I crashed my bike. He's like, why didn't you come in? I'm like, I didn't want to hear this. And he's like, okay. He's like, I gotta get back in there. Point is, I go in for the operation, and I've already had it once. Now they're gonna go in and put 2 plates in, and we're gonna do a bone transplant from my hip to make sure that the bone fuses. And as it's pitched to me, like, the operation starts at 8:00, I'll probably be awake at 2:00, and I'll probably get discharged at 5:00 or whatever. And I wake up from the surgery, and it is definitely nighttime. And I am not where I went into the surgery. Like, I went to some surgical clinic in Beverly Hills, but I wake up and I'm in Cedars.

Oh, man.

And I'm all by myself, and it's nighttime. And I'm like, what happened? You know? And I look down at my arm, and I have a fucking tube coming out of my arm. And then eventually someone comes in, comes in and they're like, okay, so they got in there and yeah, they discovered this huge infection you had. And then it turns out he had to call Kristen in the middle of the operation and say like, look, I don't know really what I should do. I've, I've pulled the bone transplant, but I'm afraid if I put it in this infected area, it's just gonna be a waste. I don't know. I'm thinking about sewing him back up and getting over the infection, but also there's a good chance maybe it'll all work out. And she's like, I just do it. Like, get it all done. Yeah, let's roll the dice. So I had this PICC line for 3 months and I had to do— you had to do those? Yeah.

Yeah. And

I got the kids doing it for me. Like it became a thing. Yeah. I took 'em to Hawaii by myself with this thing and I was like, they told me not to go in the ocean, but I go in the ocean, whatever. That's neither here nor there.

Wait, you went in the ocean with a—

yeah, with a pig lamp. Just like, I can't get this wet. I had a net over it in a plastic fucking shower cap or whatever. Something that would never keep the water out.

Plastic net. There's a krill in your blood system.

Plankton and krill. This teeming— the infection's gone, but you seem to have a lot of plankton and So anyways, all to say, you know, I, for whatever reason, I never talked to the infectious disease doctor throughout this whole process. I'm just talking to my surgeon a lot, but the infectious disease guy has to clear me to get the tube out. And so it gets to that day and I take some tests and I'm talking to him. He's like, yeah, okay, so you can get it out on Tuesday or whatever. I'll send a nurse over. And I said, what was the infection? Was it like, 'cause I broke it, was there like necrotic flesh or something that turned into an infection? And he goes, oh no, you 100% got this infection on the first operation. And had you not crashed your bike and caused that whole thing, you would have gone sepsis and we would have not known where this infection's at.

Where could it travel to?

Yeah, he's like, we would have been dealing with like some major organ issues and not even knowing where it's coming from. And I was like, that's insane that that fucking bike crash might have saved my life.

Wow. I

was so cranky about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Isn't that bonkers? So these boys— there's nothing I like more than when you post a picture I've seen pictures of these boys, like they really turned out— they're very much like you, you know, from what I can tell from Instagram. One of them's super into kickboxing. Yeah, or still?

Yeah, the middle one. He's going to college now, so he's not doing it as much as he used to, but okay, he was really into it.

Talk about speed. You posted a video of him working the bag and I was like, oh my God, this kid is lightning fast.

He went to this legit fighting studio, Fight Science. He must have been— I wouldn't want to spar Because he was 17.

Uh-huh.

So you don't want to take it out on a minor.

Yeah, sure.

But fucking really aggressive. You know what I mean? It's a fucking nightmare scenario.

Yeah, teen with testosterone.

Yeah, there's not— there's a no-win situation for you there.

Yeah. Say their names to Aaron.

The oldest is McCabe.

McCabe. McCabe. What a fucking—

And then the middle is Atticus.

Oh!

And the youngest is Rafe.

These are the best boy names I've ever heard in my life.

That's all Jen. Oh, really? I

wanted to name him

And I named each one Wolfgang von Stevenson.

All 3 of them?

Well, I pitched it 3 times.

Oh, okay. Wolfgang von Stevenson.

It didn't happen. I remembered another us meeting story.

Oh, yeah, tell me.

We step out of the Groundlings, like, on break, right? And I think this is when, like, I'm first in. There's a Continental parked out front, and I go to you, I'm like, dude, that's my fucking car. dream car, and you're like, that's my car.

Oh shit. Again, in other ways I was like not a great fit for that place. It's like I had a Harley and a '67 Continental, dead broke.

Yep.

And not one person in there gave a fuck about any of that stuff. Aaron bought this fucking piece of shit Suzuki when we were kids, and we tried to ride this fucking thing to Austin, Texas, both of us on this 650. We had milk crates on the back.

Wait, recently?

No, we were 19. Okay. Yeah, we lived together and we were like, we kept hearing Austin was a cool city and we're like, let's go to Austin. Yeah, yeah, let's take that motorcycle that barely runs, uh, and let's ride 2-up on it. And, uh, it was the most miserable experience that we've ever had in our lives. You would think you'd want to be driving, right, and not be passenger, but there was so much wind and it was so miserable that you actually— we both wanted to be passenger because the wind broken. And we got to St. Louis and we were at a gas station. We would trade driver every tank of gas, every tank of gas. And we're at this gas station in St. Louis, we're halfway there, we've been riding for like 8, 9 hours. And I look at Aaron, I go, I don't know if I can make it. And he's like, oh my God, thank God you said that, dude. I have not wanted to be on this motorcycle.

I was already crying while I was driving.

And I was like, and I couldn't figure out the words to say, I'm not in,

I'm not man

enough. Yeah.

We found a field. Yeah. And we found a guy to buy us a case of beer, and we sat in a field and got drunk and then slept in the field. We were so happy.

Turned into a great story. It was a relief.

Guy, I knew this was gonna be fun, but it was even more fun than I thought it was gonna be. Oh, man. Yeah. What a fun trip down memory lane. All right. I adore you.

Oh, cool, man.

Isn't that great? We didn't fight. We just got to be best buddies.

Yeah. Well, you're— Hey.

You're about £50 heavier than me, so yeah.

He navigated it really well. I'm proud of us. A lot of energy.

Yeah, you guys did good.

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