Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Halloween II

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepherd, and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hello.

We have our second go-around of scary Halloween stories.

Halloween time.

Not all scary per se, but definitely all Halloween.

Yeah.

For sure. There's stabbings.

Oh, well, and that's scary.

That is scary. There's pranks.

Scary. If you ask me, pranks are scary.

And there's vehicular injuries.

Scary. Turns out they're all scary.

Everything's on the table in Halloween Part 2. Please enjoy.

Hard times come and go. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both. But one thing you got to know, I'mma keep on shining.

For people who don't know, we're on YouTube now.

Yeah.

Just for this show, just our reactions.

And you can stare at us. It's created a whole new round of insecurities for us.

Oh, sure. I know.

Yeah, yeah. Just when you think that you get used to everything, it's like, no, it's gonna be filmed listening.

But if you want to see a really cute Halloween pumpkin, flirty pumpkin, flirty

pumpkin,

you can.

Mrs. Pumpkin.

Here's our anonymous first caller.

Ooh.

I'm gonna call him Brian no matter what. There'll be no debate.

Okay.

Even if he looks like an elephant and you want to call him—

Brian is the name of the wedding that they went to and nobody wants this. The wedding.

Oh yes. Hello, can you hear us?

I can hear you. Can you hear me?

Listen, this was decided before we connected with you. We've already assigned Brian to you.

Sounds good.

Okay. But I'm not disappointed with the pick.

Either am I. I think it's accurate.

It's not terribly incongruous.

You like me as Brian? Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brian, where are you in America?

I am in Canada, actually, on the East Coast.

East Coast of Canada. We do a lot of West Coast of Canada.

I like them all.

It's the best coast.

Yeah. And are you close to Toronto at all?

Not at all. Way eastern.

Wow. Okay. Okay. So you have a Halloween story?

I do. I have a Halloween story. We're going to go all the way back to 1999. When life was simpler.

Yeah,

27 years ago.

Wow, good fast math.

Yeah, so 1999, I'm in my first year university, go away to university, not far, like 2-hour drive away, and small university town, like maybe max 5,000 people.

Oh my goodness, including students?

Including students. Yeah, small town, has a very New England-y town feel actually, but East Coast of Canada. Anyway, it's Halloween weekend and been there for about 7 weeks, starting to meet lots of people. In the first week I got there, I met the best person who was like the fake ID guy. And he was the guy who was able to produce these amazing fake IDs, but they were just for the campus bar, not good anywhere else.

Okay.

So it had like all my details, just a year off. In Canada, you can drink at 19. So it said I was 19 and not 18.

How strict are they? I feel like once you're at 19 and people are college—

I feel like 18 is such a random age.

Not that 21 is much less random, right?

I guess you're right. Yeah. Why are they— what? It should be 18 or 20. Yeah. Do you think you get caught

more in the US or more in Canada?

I would guess more in the US, but I don't know. I mean, I looked probably 25 at the time anyway.

You still do. You've held firm.

I've looked this age for a while. We decide, you know, it's Halloween, we're gonna go out, a bunch of people we've met in our residence. Obviously the only place we can go is the campus bar or like drink in our room. So we're going to the campus bar, we're all dressed up. I'm dressed up as a sailor, but picture like old-timey white military sailor kind of thing.

The famous kiss with the woman in Times Square.

Oh, nice.

Go to the bar, have a great time meeting new people. Actually end up meeting this nice lady. She's dressed as a hooker.

Oh, great.

Like, that's what she was going as.

That was a popular costume in '99.

I just want to make sure it's like that's what she was going as, not that's what she—

Not like a hooker nurse. She

wasn't a hooker, but she was going as a hooker. Picture like Julia Roberts.

Fishnets.

Great costume.

And so we're hanging out, we're, you know, getting lots of drinks into us. And in that bar, the move to, like, meet someone was you could get $5 pitchers, but you didn't get the beer pitchers. You got, like, the rum and Coke pitcher. And so you'd, like, walk up to someone and have an extra straw, and that was the move-in.

Oh, okay.

We're sharing drinks, having a good time. We end up finding out we're from the same hometown, and we actually know someone in common, and we bonded over that.

It's blowing your mind, even though you're 2 hours from home. But at that age, you're like, no way.

It's still Sim.

It's still Sim. We love this person. She's awesome. Campus bar closed early, like 12 o'clock. We're like, we are not done partying. This night is not over. And we leave the bar together and we're like, we have the best idea. We're gonna go home. We're gonna get 2 hours away and continue this party.

Yeah.

2 hours away in the, in the city. It's a bigger city. It's a big party city. We're gonna get home and we're like, well, we can't drive and we don't have cars. So the only natural way to get there is hitchhike.

Okay, 2 hours.

In this like small little pitch dark town.

Oh no.

And we do it. We walk up to the highway, maybe 15-minute walk, thumbs are out, and we're like, this is gonna happen.

This girl's a party. I mean, she's really down for an adventure.

She just also maybe trusts you a lot.

Also, she's hitchhiking in a hooker outfit.

And within 5 minutes, I'm gonna guess, a trucker pulls his rig over.

How could he not? Yeah.

Now, was he a trucker or was he just dressed up as a trucker?

Hard to know. Oh, rented a semi. Hard to know.

in a huge-ass truck, so I'm gonna guess—

Committed.

Sprint over to the trucker, whip open the door, and he looks at us with this, like, complete shocked look. He's like, what's happening? And we're like, thank you so much for pulling over and getting us. He's like, oh, I didn't see you. I was just pulling over to fix something on my truck.

Oh, okay.

But then he was like, well, where are you going? We're like, here's where we're going. He's like, yes, get in. I'm gonna take you there.

I'm gonna drive you 2 hours away. Because

there's a very young girl dressed as a hooker, Monica.

That's so— this is horrible.

I mean, what guy's not going to prefer to have that as a companion? He's probably already taken some Northern Realm.

Okay. We get in the truck, he drives us, and we probably— I'm going to guess, like, pass out, fall asleep. And remember waking up. Yeah, this is the '90s. Remember everything?

That is true. That is true.

We wake up and he's literally, like, downtown in this city, like, not letting us out on the outskirts. He's down. He's like, time to get up. And we get out. And this was also the night where they moved the time back. So it was probably, like, actual 2:30, but now So we

got

like 2 hours of partying. The bars are open till 3:30. We're in our hooker and sailor outfit. Downtown has got this awesome Halloween vibe. We get to the closest bar, get ready to go in, and the bouncer's like, oh, you know, gotta see your IDs. We pull out our fake student IDs and he's like, yeah, this is not gonna work. We're not gonna be letting you guys in here.

Oh my gosh.

So we just in that moment realized this was a bad idea. We're doing nothing now and we're 18, home, and we're still at the age where we're like scared of our parents. So we can't like call our parents and be like, hey, we're not at school, we're home. So we're like, what are we going to do? We also realize we only have $5.

Oh my God, this is a great plan.

Crazy.

Because we're students. So we're like, what are we going to do? The only thing we could think of in the moment was go to Subway, get a sub, because, you know, that's what you do with $5.

Yeah,

we go to Subway and then we're Kind of like, oh, you know what we should do? We should call the mutual friend.

Yes.

Oh yeah, for sure.

Maybe she can help us. And we had probably $0.50 left and no cell phones. This is like payphone all the way. Go to the payphone. I don't know how we knew her number, but somehow we did. We get connected with her.

You call her house at presumably 2 AM?

Yeah, 2 AM. Her home phone. She answers and she's like, yes, come on over. But I'm drunk, obviously, so I can't come get you. But you get here, you can stay with me, absolutely. So we're like, perfect. Then we're like, but how do we get there? We don't have any money. But like, hey, hitchhiking just worked.

Yeah.

2 hours, it's gotta work for like 20 minutes. So we walk like a block over to like the street before getting into the bar district, which is not a great hitchhiking street at all. Throw up the thumbs, and within 30 seconds, sirens, police come.

They're like,

what are you doing? And like the worst criminals ever, we like spill the beans. We're like, we got these fake IDs. You know, we don't know what to do. We got no money. We're trying to get to this girl's house, and the cop's just staring at us. And then when we stop, he just like laughs in our face,

and

he's like, okay, this isn't gonna get busy downtown with Halloween shenanigans for like at least an hour. I'm gonna drive you to her house.

Oh,

you have to swear that you will do this one thing for me. And we're like, all right. It's like, you have to take this friend out to breakfast in the morning. And we're like, Yeah, deal.

Yeah, we have no money, but okay.

Drives us to her place. We kind of get him to let us out, like the house before, because we're again, we're like, we don't want her parents to see us. We kind of sneak in the backyard, get in the house. She's awesome. She's up. She's still wanting to party. We have a couple more drinks and then like pass out, fall asleep. Thought of nothing else. Now, meanwhile, back in university, people don't know where we are. There's no like GPS or Snapchat Maps or anything. They're just like these people who we don't think know each other. Where'd they go? Her friends are terrified.

Yeah, she disappeared with a sailor. Yeah,

yeah, 100%. My roommate's like, oh, he probably like picked up a girl, like all good, high five actually. And, uh, thinks nothing of it, goes to bed. Her roommate is like worried. And in the morning, the roommate's like extra worried to the point where she goes to like campus police and they get like the resident parents involved. There's a whole campus-wide search. And then my roommate kind of clues in. He's like, actually, he's missing too. We don't know what's going on. And there's mass search for, for these 2 people.

People who are missing. Oh boy.

Back to the friend's house. We sleep in, it's like lunchtime. We miss breakfast, but we're like, we're gonna take you to lunch. I realized I actually had like my ATM card on me the whole time. Beautiful. She's awesome. She's like, I'm gonna drive you back to school. We stop at like one of those gas station diners on the way up, continue on to school, and arrive to like mass panic at about 4 o'clock. Everybody wondering where we are, and we just kind of stroll in still dressed as the hooker and the sailor. We had no other clothes. And that's basically it. Like, that's the time we went missing for a day. Wow.

Did you guys kiss that night or anything? Was there any romance?

No, there wasn't. And I think I missed all the signals in my drunken stupor. There definitely could have been.

That was probably a blessing, though, because you guys would be a terrible couple together. You'd like go on vacation with— no one would have packed for vacation.

Yeah, it's not a meet cute, unfortunately, Monica. I haven't seen her in probably 20 years. But I did meet my wife at university, and we've been married for 21 years.

Okay, that's good. That's a happy ending.

There was a meet cute at college after all. Did you guys stay buddies or just have that night and that was it?

Through definitely like the next 2 years living in residence. She actually lived in the residence that I lived in. I just hadn't met her. So we were buds for sure. And then, you know, stayed in touch probably during the rest of school.

I wonder if your wife was like really excited to meet you because you were like the guy that went missing at Oh

yeah, the bad

boy. Oh, I'm dating that bad guy.

An air of mystery for sure.

Yeah. Naughty sailor. I wanna meet this naughty sailor. Brian, it's delightful to meet you and I'm glad you survived that excursion.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Big fans. My wife and I have been fans since the beginning and I didn't tell her about this, so she's gonna listen to this episode like in a couple weeks.

And what's her name?

Her name is Katie. That's her real name.

Okay. Shout out to Katie.

Shout out Katie.

Yeah.

Surprise.

Surprise. Shout out.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween. Yeah. All right. Well, take care, brother.

Thanks for chatting with us.

See you later.

All right.

Bye. You know what's interesting? Bad boy and bad guy are much different things.

Are both in the Billie Eilish song. You're a bad guy.

No, I don't think it's—

He's Mr. Tough Guy.

I don't think it's bad guy.

It's tough guy or something. I don't know. Oh yeah, but that's right. Yeah, I think I agree with you.

Yeah.

A bad guy is not good, right?

Right. And a bad boy is naughty in a maybe good way.

Might be fun.

Or a bad way. Who knows? Question mark. Yeah. The lyric is, I'm the bad guy.

Duh, I'm the bad guy.

Oh, I'm the bad guy.

Bad guy.

So you're a tough guy, like a really rough guy, just can't get enough guy, chest's always so puffed guy.

Oh wow.

Okay, so she's talking about a mean guy then.

Guy guy.

Oh,

oh,

oh, this crazy noise. These noises sound like a Blair Witch Project.

Hello?

We can't see you. Oh, there

you

are.

Oh, really?

There we go.

Hi.

Hi. It sounded like you were in a snowstorm and then just your voice.

Blair Witch.

Yeah.

I like your pumpkin.

Thank you. Thank you for noticing. I brought her here just for today's event.

I don't know if you can see, but she's flirty.

Yeah.

Jenna, I was asking you where you're at and are you with a musician?

I am. I am in Brooklyn.

Oh! Oh, I was just there. I miss it.

It's peak weather.

Oh,

still love it. You're not from there because you're too excited to be there to be from there. Is that true?

Well, I'm from New Jersey.

Oh, okay. How far away?

I'm closer to Philadelphia where I grew up.

Okay, so you're like a couple hours from Manhattan?

Yeah, like 2 hours.

Oh, okay. And how long have you been in Brooklyn?

4 and a half years.

Who's the musician? I see a reel-to-reel machine. I see a piano, guitars.

My boyfriend owns a music studio.

Oh!

Oh, okay. And this is overflow?

Yes. I have a full team here with me. There's multiple backup.

Oh, wow.

Wonderful.

We love this.

Okay, so you have a Halloween story with photos, no less.

I do. We'll save the photos to the end. So my story takes place in 2016. I was a sophomore at the University of Delaware. I was living off campus in a townhouse, so like a 3-story townhouse, and there was 6 of us living there. It was the Friday of Halloweekend. We were throwing a party at our house that night, and my roommate and best friend to this day, Amanda, we were up on the 3rd floor getting our costumes ready. But for whatever reason, we were not really into the party that was happening that night, but we were pretty solely focused on the Dage that was happening the next day.

What's the Dage?

Yeah, tell us what a Dage is.

At the University of Delaware, we call day parties Dages for like day raves.

Oh, wonderful.

A dage. A dage. That's cute.

It was a dage. So we were making our costumes up on the 3rd floor for the party the next day, while all of our roommates and some friends were downstairs drinking, getting ready for Friday's party. Our costumes for the next day, Amanda was being Chick-fil-A nuggets.

Oh, wonderful.

And I was being Chick-fil-A sauce.

Polynesian?

What is that?

That's their standard sauce.

It's a really good sauce.

Well, it's maybe not their standard sauce.

It's one of. They have They have honey mustard, they have Polynesian, they have ketchup.

Chick-fil-A sauce, right?

Chick-fil-A sauce too, I think, must be what you went as.

Yeah, probably. That would make the most sense.

I mean, I hope it wasn't Polynesian because if so, my whole memory is in question.

It was in the sauce. They're probably not supposed to call it that anymore, but yeah. Yikes. Okay.

So, we were making our costumes out of a Styrofoam board, which kind of looks like construction paper, but it's much thicker. And Amanda's costume as the nuggets, she was the box. So, she had a piece of Styrofoam board Styrofoam board in the front, a piece in the back, and then she needed half a piece on either side. And then me, for the sauce, I had a piece on the front, a piece on the back, and then held together by like 2 strings. But if you picture a Chick-fil-A sauce packet, they're the ones that are like a square.

Yeah, and you peel the top off.

So you can dip. And a very important detail is that the bottom of the sauce packet is slightly smaller than the top of the sauce packet. And these costumes had to be proportionally accurate.

Okay.

I understand why.

So we needed to cut the Styrofoam board. Amanda needed to cut one piece in half. I needed to cut the back of mine. But Styrofoam board is a little too thick to cut with scissors, so we were using knives.

Sure. Kitchen knives?

Yeah, X-Acto blades or kitchen knives.

So Amanda was using a steak knife.

Oh, okay.

Like, a serrated steak knife. And I was using the biggest knife in your kitchen.

Jess. Okay.

She's thick, quarter of a chicken, probably from IKEA, very blunt. There's 6 girls using it on the daily. So I'm up on my knees, we're sawing. I remember Amanda saying, like, oh, I keep poking myself. We're like, oh! But we're sawing and sawing and rushing and rushing. And then all of a sudden, I just slip and stab myself in the thigh.

Oh my gosh. With an enormous— Chef's knife. Oh, fuck.

I don't know how this happened. I do. I know exactly how it happened. And I've been arguing this for a long time, especially with shout out Eric Richardson. He fights me on this all the time because a dull knife is extremely dangerous. It's way more dangerous than a sharp knife because of this. You're like, you start sawing. You get rambunctious. Yes. And then you stab yourself in the thigh exactly as you did.

I immediately dropped the knife and put my hands on my leg and I go, Amanda, I think I stabbed myself.

Can I ask what you were wearing?

What?

No, I need to know if it went into a bare leg with a skirt or through denim or what?

Did you deserve it?

Were you asking for it?

Yeah, agree. Were you wearing like shorts?

I was wearing flannel pajama pants.

Oh, too thin.

Very thin. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

May as well have been wearing nothing.

Were you guys drinking?

No.

Another question that's bad!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My father doesn't believe that we couldn't possibly have been drinking, but we were not.

Okay.

Okay.

So I dropped the knife. I say I stabbed myself. I take my hands back and lo and behold, this knife has gone about an inch and a half into my thigh.

Ew! Oh, wow. So it's stuck there?

No, just like—

Oh, you pulled it out. Okay. In and out. Okay.

Ah!

I'm a pretty small girl. And back then I was even smaller. So that's like a Significant portion of my leg.

Halfway through your— 3/4?

Yeah. It's, like, kind of a lot. Amanda, love her to death, really bad in a crisis, runs away.

Oh, okay.

Runs downstairs, and lots of people come upstairs. So one roommate is calling 911. One roommate is a health science major, so she is obviously in charge. She starts applying pressure, but it is not bleeding. You can almost see the blood running underneath.

Ew!

And I don't feel anything at this point.

Yeah.

Right. Right. Full shock.

Well, knife cuts don't hurt really that bad. I've had a bunch of them.

I beg to differ.

Oh, okay.

I had a bad one on my finger once.

It hurt when you looked at it though, right?

Well...

It doesn't really hurt when it happens, shockingly.

No. That depends. Okay.

Sorry.

She's applying pressure. We get my friend Sammy under my arms, another friend with my legs. Now we gotta get down those 3 flights of stairs in the townhouse.

Oh, yeah.

Amanda gets in the car. The health science major is on the floor of the car applying pressure. I'm in the backseat. We're driving to the hospital. At this point, it didn't hurt. I was making a Chick-fil-A sauce costume, so the whole thing was, like, pretty funny.

Yeah, of course. Of course.

You're in college too, so things are funnier.

And we get to the emergency room. Amanda goes running inside, and is like, help! Help! My roommate stabbed herself! So the cops come over. They all come out to the car expecting either A, somebody really unwell who has just stabbed themselves, Or B, a really gruesome scene. But they just open the door and I'm like, hi!

The health science major is saying hi from the floorboards.

Yeah. Hi, officers! So this is about 10 PM that we get to the emergency room. Now, in retrospect, and PSA, I should have made a scene.

Oh, cautionary tale.

I should have been like, oh my God, I have been stabbed!

It hurts!

You say words like, ow!

Ouchie!

It hurts!

Peekaboo! No! Yeah.

Amanda and I are in the emergency room until 4 o'clock in the morning.

It's still not bleeding? Is it even bleeding at this point?

No.

What? Oh my gosh! That's so weird!

I actually looked it up yesterday because I never had before, and it said that it must have just gone around the major arteries.

Jesus.

Oh yeah. Oof.

So lucky! But we finally get someone in at 4 o'clock in the morning. We quickly find out that it is his first ever night shift as a resident.

He's coming from a party at a 3-story townhouse.

Basically, he's enjoying his Halloweekend.

And I am at this point pretty drugged up. Adult Swim was on the TV. Don't know why, but very clear memories.

You're in heaven. You're on drugs watching Adult Swim.

Mm-hmm.

Big chilling.

Yes.

So poor Amanda is not on drugs and is just experiencing this sober. And we have a video of him doing the stitches and literally, like—

He's shaking.

Oh, boy.

Like no other. So, I mean, quick fast forward to now, the scar, because of the way it was stitched and they only stitched it at the top, they should have stitched it in, like, multiple parts.

Oh, layers. Oh, okay.

So it kind of healed like a circle.

Oh, okay.

Like a bubble?

I guess. Maybe like scar tissue?

Oh, maybe Dax can get it with his hyperflectors.

Yeah.

2000.

My hypercator 2000. Yeah, yeah.

Because it sounds like a hyperplasia now.

Or a hypo.

That would be my dream. But it throbs anytime it's gonna rain, anytime I'm getting my period.

Whoa!

Weird!

It's chronic throbbing.

What am I about to see in these pictures?

So we wrap up at the hospital. We get back at probably, like, 6 o'clock in the morning. Take basically a power nap, get up the next day, and—

You have your day.

We've got finished costumes to wear!

Oh! College.

But I can't walk, so we go to the CVS in the hopes of finding a cane. But the cane was $40. I didn't have $40. But I did have $5, which is how much a roll of wrapping paper cost.

Oh!

Oh, so you used the tube as support. Yeah. Creative.

Yep. Got one of those and partied the whole next day with my stab wound freshly stitched.

You're lucky you didn't get an infection. There's one of these stories that we get about mysterious infections.

Did they put you on an antibiotic or anything?

Probably.

Probably, yeah.

I would guess.

But did it work?

I

mean, there's no way to know.

Okay, so the photos I'm gonna see are of the dagger or the— let's see.

There's 3.

Oh, you guys, I don't know what your expectations of the costume were, but it's way better than you would've expected.

Oh, it's really good.

Yeah, it's very professional.

Especially the sauce is really good. It even has the ingredients list.

No, it looks like you guys laser printed it. It's so good.

Yeah, hand painted. Thank you so much.

Here is the butcher's knife. And yeah, it looks like a cheapy. It looks like a $3.99 knife.

Oh, you can see my leg juice on there.

Ew.

Leg juice. Okay, and now here is the wound, Monica, and it's significant. I would say it's bigger than I was expecting.

Ew. It's hard to imagine you didn't feel that or weren't

in a

You're right. It's not bleeding, but you can see the blood in there. That's strange. Yeah. I hate this.

What do you think that looks like, Monica?

Um, it kind of looks like an— Hold it the other way. If you hold it like this, it looks like an eye.

Yeah, hold it vertically. I haven't said anything. I'm just wondering what you think it looks like if you hold it vertically.

We said that to the doctor in the emergency room.

Yeah, I mean, it looks 100% like you have a new vagina on your thigh. Yeah.

So is it shaped like that now, your scar? Like, kind of like an eye? Not quite.

Quite so thick because they stitched the skin together.

Right.

But because they only stitched the top layer, when they took the stitches out, it did start to reopen.

Oh, because all that meat inside needed to be put together. Yeah, it's fucking deep.

This needed a lot of layers.

I think you might be being conservative on an inch and a half.

Yeah.

Unless they dropped a measuring tape in there.

This is horrible.

Yeah, let me look at it again. Yeah, I mean, you guys. Okay. Um, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Unexpected.

What

if the prompt was, tell us about unexpected wound that looks like a vagina? Very specific.

Thank you so much for having us. This is so fun.

All right. Thank you. Happy Halloween. Yes. Happy Halloween. Hi, Sophie. How are you?

I'm good.

How are you guys? Good. Where are you?

I'm in Russell, Ontario, just about 30 minutes east of Ottawa.

Ooh, another Canadian.

Second Canadian of the day. Yeah. Okay. So Sophie, you have a Halloween story for us.

I do. Yeah. So this actually takes place in Guelph, Ontario. So that's about an hour east of Toronto.

Okay. Closer to the ocean.

Oh, sorry. West. West of Toronto.

West of Toronto.

Okay. Okay. It means nothing to me and everything to Dax.

Everything to me. Yeah.

I'm not as good as Dax in my geography. So this was back in 2015 and I was in my second year university at the University of Guelph there. I also played on the women's hockey varsity team.

That was my second year as well. Amazing.

Halloween was on a Saturday that year. And we had a rule throughout the year that we cannot drink or party 48 hours before any games. Of course, we still want to do something for Halloween on our second year university. So we decided like, let's stay in, let's have some snacks and let's watch some scary movies.

Oh, that's fun.

Oh, okay.

I like that.

Do you think everyone on the team abided by this edict or were you guys unique that you were following these rules?

I think most teams tend to do this, maybe different hours, maybe like the night before. Some decided like if there was a practice on Thursday, they would say, No more drinking after Wednesday. So for us, our night out was actually Monday nights because that's the only time we really could drink.

Wow. You guys were really toeing the line.

We decided to stay in and we were at our townhouse. And if you're familiar with townhouses, it's just a bunch of houses connected together. And then our specific unit, the living room was in the back and we had a patio sliding door that had a balcony kind of overlooking. And then the basement door was beside the living room and the basement stairs curled around so you couldn't see

Oh, okay. Scary already.

And then there is a bedroom down there with another patio door, and then, like, a walkout basement. So basically, this main floor was the second floor.

Roger.

We're starting to get cozy. We're getting our snacks. We're putting on a movie. And then our teammate, Steph, decided to put on the movie The Strangers.

I don't know that.

Is that with Liv Tyler?

Yes, it is.

Yes. And Scott Speedman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

I worked with her, and she had literally come from that movie when I worked with her.

Weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's it about? Intruders. Okay.

Perfect.

Yeah. So we're watching this, and then a good, like, 20 minutes into the movie, we're getting a bit scared. And then one of the big scary scenes happens, and then the power goes out.

Oh, wow.

Of course, we're a bunch of girls. And I forgot to mention, the majority of our teammates are there watching it with us. We probably had, like, 22 girls on our team, and I think about 16 of us were watching it.

Whoa. You're really stacked in on each other there.

Oh, yes, for sure. We were sitting on the floor. We're watching this movie, and then, yeah, the power goes out. We just get scared immediately and scream.

We're like, what's going on?

And then, of course, we calm down a bit. We realize it's just a power outage. Things happen. Let's see what's going on. But then because of the townhouse, we're connected with other houses. So we can hear, because it's Halloween, all the music around us. So the house right next door to us still has a party going on.

Clearly has power. Weird.

Clearly has power. And again, we try to confirm this. We go outside and again, the townhouse is kind of like its own little separate subdivision, I guess. So we walk out and we see every single light is on except for ours.

What?

So at this point, we're getting a bit more scared figuring out what's going on. And my teammate, Loie, who lived in the bedroom downstairs, she says, I'll go check it out. She doesn't get scared of anything. So we're like, for sure, you go. And she said, I'll go check out the electrical panel. She's kind of like the handyman of our house. She's like, I'll go downstairs and check the utility room. And all we hear from our perspective is her going down the stairs and then just running back upstairs.

Oh, oh, oh.

And then she looked like visibly frightened.

Oh my goodness.

So at this point we're all scared because if she's scared, yeah, we should be scared. And then she tells us, she says the utility room door is open, which it's never open.

It's always closed.

So at this point we're kind of obviously getting more freaked out. We're trying to think of like different options. I don't think it's any of our teammates because the majority of them are here. All of our friends who are not on the team obviously are out partying, having fun right now.

Yeah.

So at this point we're thinking I mean, there could be somebody in the house that we don't know about. And at this point, Monica, you think that we would call 911, right?

Yes! I've been— I've been holding my tongue.

Mm.

I understand the people who don't. They just are such in denial as to what's really happening. So, we get Loey to go back downstairs because none of us could go back down to figure out—

we have to figure out what's going on.

Did you give her a hockey stick?

Oh, yeah.

Honestly, that would've been a good idea.

Yeah, I imagine they're everywhere in this house.

She was, like, the best player on our team too, so she definitely would've taken them out.

Put her in the goalie's outfit so she can't even get hurt.

Yeah. I think we're just thinking quickly of, like, we need to figure out what's happening. And then she starts going down the stairs, and this place is huge. because as I mentioned earlier, the stairs that curl around, you don't see right down. So she curled around the stairs, and all she saw was a hooded figure wearing a mask and holding a knife.

No! No! Oh my God. No.

And at this point, of course, she's running upstairs, and she says, there is someone down there, and they have a knife.

Oh my gosh.

They're just standing there. So we didn't hear anything after that.

What?

And she comes back upstairs, obviously very scared. And then our other teammate, Val, decides to dial 911, but she doesn't press to do the, the thing. She basically says, like, we're threatening them with, I'm gonna call the cops right now if you don't leave.

Are you trying to evaluate a little bit, this could be a prank? Yeah. Like, you don't want your friend to go to jail or get the cops involved for a prank. You would.

Yeah. They should go to jail for that.

So we don't want that. And then at the same time, it's like, but I also don't want to get killed on Halloween. Like, yeah, we're just like trying to figure out what's our best options here. So we're just waiting there. And obviously at this point we're scared. We can't really run to go to the front door because it's passing the basement door.

I was wondering this. I was like, why are you guys still in there?

It's like a movie already.

Yeah, it is. Like, get out of there. Textbook. Although I think you're not supposed to get out in the movie, right? They always leave the house and then that's worse.

Well, one person goes solo, then they're fucked.

But you go as a whole gaggle. Yeah, okay.

As a team, we kind of have to stick together, right? We go by the patio door in the back, and then all we hear just like slow footsteps coming up the stairs.

What the hell?

And then just like a little bit faster, not necessarily running, just like more faster and faster. And then at this point, we're just kind of by the patio door. We have it open, and we're like, we don't know what to do at this point. And then the basement door just slowly opens, and not one, but two people standing there with masks holding knives.

Oh my God.

Oh boy. Okay. These are some naughty girls from the team that didn't make it to the sleepover.

And we're just standing there, and we're looking at them, and I swear it was probably like 10 minutes has gone by, just silence, staring with them holding their knives. It probably was, of course, a second or so before we started screaming and running away. And then they start sprinting towards us with these knives. So we're on the balcony at this point, and you either decide, okay, am I gonna get killed tonight, or am I gonna jump off this balcony and just break a leg and I can't play tomorrow?

Yeah!

Oh my God! Right.

What if this was a crazy test from the coach?

If it—

He's like, you'd be better off—

How dare you!

Yeah, yeah, you should die instead of break a leg.

So at this point, they're running towards us, and then I'm, like, halfway over the balcony, like, just trying to get over. A few of our teammates are basically hanging off at this point, about to jump.

Oh, wow.

'Cause they're like, I don't want to stay up here. up here. And then all of a sudden they yell, stop! And then they take off their mask. And it was our first-year rookies who decided to play a prank on us.

Oh, that's not how it's supposed to go. The rookies are supposed to get fucked with.

Oh no, they should go to jail. We should have called 911.

Yeah, we were freaking out because we're like, they can't do that to us, you know? They're first years.

Yeah, right. This is impossible.

On the seniors.

I was in a situation like this where I went camping with a group of people I didn't really know in Joshua Tree, and one of the guys had brought him a full gorilla outfit, and he waited till a few guys hiked out into the desert, and then he came and scared them in this thing and then chased them back. And for real, we're all in this rock formation watching the guys run back. They're screaming. One guy cut his knee, fell down. And then we're watching this creature come through the desert, and I'm like, well, I know Sasquatches are not real, but I am seeing one. Like, what do I do about this? And he was walking kind of like a All to say, we all ended up running and hiding in our tents. It turned out to be that guy. But I was thinking ever since then, I was like, if anyone had had a gun, they would have fired at that thing because it was that terrifying. Like, oh my God, we're about to meet up with a crazy animal that's going to eat us.

I wonder how often these go wrong.

They can go wrong if it's deadly.

Yeah, guys, they should have been holding like a corn on

the cob. Like, oh, you guys are so stupid. You were afraid of a corn on the cob. Can we watch the movie with you?

Oh, oh yeah. They were just jealous. Yeah.

They were allowed to come. But I mean, from the start, it was a setup from Steph, the teammate who put on the movie The Strangers.

Oh, she was— they had someone on the inside.

Yeah, so she put that movie on to kind of get us in that mood of intruders.

Yeah. Did the other girl know? The one that, that went down there?

No, she did not.

Okay, okay.

That's why we're like, yeah, yeah.

That's where it got dangerous.

She would have that stick. Yeah, the stick. She would have decapitated one of these

Yeah,

these things can go awry.

Oh, wow. And what was the vibe then about the— did everyone have a great sense of humor about it?

Oh, yeah, for sure. And we still talk about it. Like, I was messaging my teammates just this weekend, just kind of fact-checking some information. They're like, oh my God, I forgot about that. That was crazy. In the moment, it's terrifying. But then, of course, the next day we have a good story to tell the coaches.

Well, Sophie, it was so nice meeting you.

Yes. So nice to meet you guys.

All right. Take care.

Bye.

Hi, Kelly.

Hi.

You're the second person we've spoken with today who has guitars hanging on their wall.

That's right.

Oh my gosh. I'm glad to be part of the trend, I suppose.

Yes. Where are you at?

I am in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania.

Ooh.

Oh, where's Bellefonte? What's the closest big city?

We are about 10 to 15 minutes outside of State College. So Penn State University.

And are you somehow working with the university or no?

No, I'm not. I'm actually a voice teacher. This is my studio here. So that's why I have all of the setup behind me.

Oh yeah.

Lovely. What's the average age of your pupils?

It's a good question. I teach predominantly high school through adult avocational. I work with those that love a karaoke bar and those that are on tour and kind of everywhere in between.

Oh, wow.

Oh my gosh, I love that.

I admire anyone that's that into karaoke that they're taking voice lessons.

I've considered taking voice lessons just for fun, but then it's like, but I'm never gonna—

You'll never sing publicly.

Yeah.

Just to sound better in your shower.

Exactly. Maybe it would just be for me, something for me.

And that's exactly what it is. You need to do it, Monica. I believe in you. Okay. Thank you.

Self-care.

Exactly.

Okay, so you, Kelly, have a Halloween story for us.

I do. So this takes place in October of 2010. I am a brand new freshman in musical theater at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. So I am fresh out of high school, ready to be a professional. I'm about a month or so in, and I get a call from some of my colleagues back home from the community theater scene that I was in and said, hey, we actually We have a fright night event coming up that we need some extra scare actors for.

Oh, sure.

Characters.

Would you be interested? And I was like, absolutely. I've never done something like this before. I get paid. Again, I'm now a professional because I'm going to school for theater. It's fantastic.

Oh, yeah.

So a couple of days before, I get another call. It's like, hey, we had a couple of people say that they couldn't make it. Do you have anyone in mind that might be interested in jumping in? And I thought about it, and I was like, you know, the best person to ask is my non-musical, non-theater-related ex-boyfriend, Ryan.

Okay.

I don't know what, but I was like, you know, like, maybe being in the dark woods doing my craft would, like, really win him over.

Okay, that's what I was thinking was your thought process. Like, if he sees me in my element, he's gonna be like, oh my God, what have I done?

She's a ghoul.

What have I done? Exactly. So I call him, and I'm like, Hey, doesn't this sound like a great date night idea? And he says yes for whatever reason. Again, I think just being in the dark in the woods.

You said ex-boyfriend. Was he at that time your current boyfriend? Were you together?

No, he was my ex-boyfriend.

Okay, you were broken up and you're still gonna do some things together.

I want you to come be my boyfriend again.

Yep.

And this was the thing that was going to impress him.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

So it's the day of. Wilkes is only about an hour from where I grew up, so it's easy to jump home for the weekend. So it's the day of, and they say like, hey, bring some makeup and some clothes options. We'll do your makeup when we get there. We have some artists that will do that, but bring some things along. So I'm in a hurry. I grab my bag full of stuff. I throw it in the back of my car in my dad's garage. And this is the beginning of like a series of unfortunate events that kind of take place throughout the rest of the night. So I'm really nervous to get there. I jump in the front seat, and I guess I hit pedal with a little bit more force than I anticipated.

Oh.

And what I realized is that the back passenger door didn't latch all the way. So when I reversed quickly, it caught the side of the garage and slammed it, bent it into the side of the car and broke the glass.

Oh, wow. This is how you started.

Uh-oh.

So my dad's rushing out. Is everything okay? Are you okay? I heard this explosion, basically. So I'm already in tears. And he's like, you got somewhere to be. Let's fix it. We'll take care of it. My dad gets a lot of credit throughout this story.

Oh, great.

So he bends it back into place. He puts the cardboard in the window and duct tapes it up. And he's like, you're not going far. It's drivable. Just get there. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Great. And I said, okay, great.

I mean, I hate to say this, but when he was weighing the option of just sending you off in his car, he's like, absolutely not. I'd rather fix this one than turn over a second car to you.

Yeah, let's fix one instead of two. Yes.

Absolutely. Let's bang up the thing that is already broken. Yeah, yeah. 100%. So I pick up my ex, Ryan, and we make it to the festival. And the way that the festival is set up is everyone kind of has a different area that they're gonna be scaring in, whether it's people that are just kind of like walking through the place scaring you as you're on your way from A to B, if you're in the corn maze, or if you're on the hayride. Like, everyone has a designation. So we find out that we are gonna be working one of the scenes on the haunted hayride. And our scene is going to be like a zombie attack. So I'm going to be the one trying to be attacked. And my ex and a couple other people in our scene were all dressed as the zombies. So for me, I'm like bloody hair, ripped clothes. Like I've been fighting my way through this forest to get out because the zombies are acoming.

You're the damsel in distress.

I am the damsel. Yes. And that works really well, you know, for the whole ex-boyfriend.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

In character. Wow.

So they're like, it's about 30 minutes. until we open the doors, let's do a quick run-through. So I don't know how every haunted hayride functions, but the ways that ours worked was every couple of feet there was a scene on the haunted hayride, right? Where it kind of stops, something happens.

Yeah.

Our scene was to happen where we were kind of in the forest, pulled back from the road. As the tractor came by, there was a little light that was to go off, like a little red light to say, Hey, stop, slow down, the scene's about to happen. We do our bit, and then the tractor slowly picks up and continues on to the next scene, and we've reset.

Yeah.

We do the quick run-through, everything goes really well. I'm in my element now. I'm thinking about my character development and all the things that brought me to this point. And I look over at my ex, and I'm like, are you ready to go?

And he's just like,

yeah, sure, why not? Yeah,

just feel free to ravage me. Yeah, let's just go 100%.

So then it's time, it's getting dark, the tractor comes, it's the first one of the night, and it starts getting towards where our scene is. So I'm like, okay, it's go time. The people in the cart are right in front of me, and my job is to like jump out and seem like I'm trying to get on with them. Like, help me, take me with you, they're after me, like please, I'm screaming. So I go up to do my bit, and as I grab onto the side, I realize the tractor's not stopping.

Oh no.

I'm like, okay, maybe I'm It will slow down. So I'm still holding on, still screaming. And eventually I feel this, like, ka-dunk, and I'm on the ground.

Oh. Oh.

And I was like, didn't expect that to happen. The show must go on. So I get back up, and I'm still screaming. I'm running at the back of this tractor now. I am committed to the bit.

Oh, wow. Now you've gone off book.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're off script now. Yeah.

It took me long enough to get back up that the tractor's going, but I still need to finish this bit. I have to finish my scene. So I'm running, screaming. It turns the corner where it can't really see me anymore, and I collapse. I hit the ground. And that's when I realized the tractor ran over my foot while I was holding onto the side of it.

Oh my God. And you were so in character, you didn't even feel it or notice it?

That's deep.

Yeah. That is a committed actor.

Yeah.

The adrenaline was pumping at this point. So I'm on the ground, and it takes me And I take a minute to say anything. And I think at this point my ex is probably like, well, she's really in character.

Yeah, now this is scary into character.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he's like, oh God, she's one of those actors.

Too much.

Yeah, method actor. I was in it. So he finally comes over, he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I can't get up. I think my foot was run over by the hayride. So again, this is first tractor of the night. They have to shut the hayride down.

Oh no.

Oh boy.

So now he has to— we're in the woods. This isn't like off of a sidewalk. He has to now carry me out of the woods. Oh, okay. Again, damsel in distress.

Peekaboo.

He has to carry me out of the woods all the way back to the parking lot.

Oh, Jesus.

In the car that is broken that I drove.

Oh, yeah.

And it's my right foot that is run over, so he now has to drive my car.

Oh, this is a disaster.

And he probably didn't even get paid.

I hope they didn't get paid. They didn't perform any of their duties.

Well, the hayride ran over her.

If anything, they should get charged for the people they had to refund the hayride to.

I unfortunately did not get paid for my 5 minutes of job experience. Thankfully, the hospital was only about like 5 minutes away, so it was a short drive. But now I have to call my dad.

Oh, geez.

To let him know.

Oh, boy.

Hey, I was run over by a hayride tractor.

Yeah.

And he was about 30 minutes into like a 40-minute drive to see his girlfriend that he was seeing at the time. So now he has to about-face and drive all the way back home.

Oh, poor dad.

So it was one of those kind of like, okay, he's the savior here.

Well, if I was your dad, I'd be like, call me if the x-rays show a break.

And I— oh, okay. You would be so pissed.

Let me know how those x-rays turn out.

If there's anything else I need to know, Exactly. So we get to the hospital. Again, I can't walk. We don't know what the damage is. I have a boot on because, again, I was hiking in the woods, was my character. So we haven't taken it off. We don't know what we're looking at yet. So he has to carry me into the emergency room. And it's at this point when we walk through the doors that we remember we look like we went through a horrible car accident.

Oh, sure. You're covered in blood. This

tiny girl covered in fake blood.

It is. What a confusing holiday for all—

It really is crazy.

Municipal workers. You know, like, what are the cops doing on that night? It's just like, fuck, that looks bad.

Well, and there are—

That's horrible.

Other cops out and about.

Oh, they'll handle it. Those cops will handle it.

So he's carrying me in ripped clothes, blood coming from my head, the scratches, everything. And everyone goes into panic. It's like, get the stretchers, get the doctor, the nurses. Nurses are coming over, so I'm crying in shame that I just have to be like, it's just my foot. I promise it's not as bad as it looks. After everything kind of calmed down, we just sat in the waiting room like a normal person.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, my head is down. I'm looking at the floor. I could feel people looking at us, our nurses seething at these dumb kids on Halloween. What are they doing in my emergency room? And my dad finally gets there. And I was talking to him this morning about recalling this, and he said the only thing he really remembers is that he says it's the most attentive he's ever seen the hospital staff in his life because everyone wanted to like pop their head in the room and see the kids that were covered in blood.

Oh my God.

Every doctor from every department was making their way in to see what we looked like. So finally he gets there, we get the x-rays, we get the MRIs done, and nothing is Surprising.

Uh,

Halloween miracle.

Yeah,

it really was.

The way that it ran over my foot was basically, like, at such a diagonal from my toes that the doctor said if it was up a little higher, it would've just crushed all of

them.

But I was lucky enough that I just had, like, a really bad sprain, and I ended up having to be on crutches for about 6 weeks, which, as a brand-new college freshman in musical theater, was not great.

Yeah.

It's not ideal.

Unfortunately, my acting abilities and showmanship Let's go on mentality did not—

Move him.

No.

He wasn't for you. Exactly. He wasn't the right fit.

Yeah.

And that's okay.

Yeah, that's fine. And maybe it's a meet cute because I'm getting back into college now and I have my little crutches and I'm having trouble going downstairs into our choir room. And I meet a very handsome man who is singing bass in the choir. Wow. And he is now my husband.

So— Wonderful.

Yeah, a Halloween meet cute.

Yeah. And maybe your invalid state really opened up his heart to you.

Probably. Probably. You didn't need to act, you had to be.

Oh, which is the lesson.

Really good thing I said.

Yeah, that was really poignant.

Yeah, like a proverb just coming right out.

Exactly.

In the newest edition of An Actor Prepares, I hope they add it. I do too.

So did not win me over with the ex, did get a husband out of it, and I have not worked another scare job ever since.

They didn't call you the next year?

No, they didn't.

No, I'm a little shocked they didn't drive you to the hospital. And also, I'm not shocked.

In the hayride, they should have. That would have been fun. Happy

Halloween! Yeah, happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Uh, well, Kelly, it's a delight to meet you. I'm happy to hear it all worked out.

Thank you so much. It was so nice to meet you as well.

Bye!

All right, take care. Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Peek-a-bye. Peek-a-boo, peek-a-bye. Peek-a-bye-bye.

That was cute. Happy Halloween. I hope everyone enjoys themselves. I hope you don't get run over. I hope you don't stab yourself.

Isn't it interesting all 4 of those stories took place in college?

It's not interesting. It's like college is where all the shit goes down.

Yeah, I guess it's, it's a bit of a warning call to all college Legit attendees.

Just do it. Just go for it.

Yeah. We'll talk to you next year. Go go wild. We'll speak to you next year. All right.

Love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't

have a theme song. Oh, okay, great.

We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of Armcherrys, we'll get some suggestions. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. Enjoy!