Transcript of Mom's Car: Minka Kelly

Welcome to "Mom's Car." I'm Dax Shepard.

I'm Karen Stinkley.

And today we have— Everyone's dream girl! Lila Gerrity. Um, my friend Minka Kelly. Of course, we became friends on "Parenthood." She had the most incredible episode of "Armchair Expert" with her incredible book, and then you probably have been most recently consuming her in the very, very tasty "Ransom Canyon."

Yes.

Aaron and I's favorite new show.

Love it.

Please enjoy "Minka Kelly."

Is this Candy?

That's for you.

Really?

We've learned that you like Twizzlers.

Oh my God, that's really cute.

And you like Jolly Ranchers?

I love both of them.

You love both of them?

That's really cute.

What's your favorite Jolly Rancher flavor?

Watermelon or apple.

Okay, those aren't bad. Watermelon and apple?

Yeah, those are the best ones.

Those are good.

Um. What are yours?

Watermelon's very nice. Um, I like—there's like an apricot one? Is that peach?

Oh, well, now it's.

It's peach.

Oh, I didn't know we were going into tropical flavors.

Sure. It's like a full canon of Jolly Ranchers. I gotta go with probably peach.

Peach is good. I love peach anything.

First and foremost, where were you coming from that you were so late?

Therapy.

Wonderful. Wonderful. That was one of my questions. Let me turn on my Uber Eats app.

So I'm in a super good mood now.

Oh, okay, good.

Yeah.

It can go either way, right?

I don't know. It could go either way. Today's a good day.

I was wondering when I looked up your birthday today. You're June 24th?

Mm-hmm.

1980?

Mm-hmm.

I was wondering—I wonder if she's a Cancer because I really do well with Cancers.

And you're a Capricorn?

I'm a Capricorn. Which, again, I don't know what that means per se.

I don't know anything about Capricorn.

Oh, but is that to say you don't know a ton about astrology in general?

Well, I just know the ones that relate well to me.

Yes, yes.

Or that I have a lot of friends that are Pisces.

Okay. What's the hallmarks of Pisces?

They're also a water sign, and they're also super intuitive and a little bit clairvoyant.

Oh, okay.

Something about the emotionality of the two works really well together.

Wow. My wife is a Cancer.

Oh, yeah.

And my soulmate best friend is a Cancer.

Wow.

And my friend Minka's a Cancer.

Yeah, I guess I need more Capricorns in my life.

That's what I was saying. Some Cancers. Yeah. I've never met a Cancer.

Aw. I love that.

Sorry, Minka. We gotta—

Oh, I'm just agreeing.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Pick up. We have to pick up first.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Um, my first question for you is, yeah, we talked three years ago. That's when you were on the show.

He just said that.

I finally listened to it, embarrassingly enough, yesterday.

Yeah.

But all to say, that was three years ago. You were promoting your book.

Right.

You had had the experience of it coming out and then having to go around and talk about it.

Yeah.

And then that was, I'm sure, its own journey. Where are we at, like, three years later? What's it like three years after writing a book like that?

The thing I feel the most—it's hard to articulate—the feeling of sort of a weight being lifted.

Yeah.

I sort of think of it like when your therapist tells you to journal every day.

Yeah.

It's for a reason. And imagine journaling to the extent of what it takes to write a book like that.

Yeah.

And while simultaneously in therapy and then sharing the therapy and unpacking, oh, this behavior of mine is because of this moment. And that's like the most intense sort of journaling one can do.

Yeah, like you have a real roadmap.

Right.

Of how you ended up where you're at.

So there's sort of a freedom. And I'm not sure if it's the book or just being in my 40s that has given me a little bit more sort of comfort in my skin or less worried about being judged by a thing or not.

Yeah. Lighter?

Lighter, yeah.

Yeah, because when we talked, I was saying my hope for you and for me, if I complete mine, is that I don't have to keep it in my head anymore. That it can just exist safely there.

Yeah.

And then I can kind of let go of it.

Yeah.

And now you're, like, kind of three years out. So I'm curious if that's been the case. Like, do you find that you're less—I don't want to say controlled by your past, but maybe that?

But yeah, I was carrying a lot of it. I was.

Yeah.

There were so many secrets and, like, things that I was afraid to ever share because you would find me unlovable or unlikable.

Yeah.

And all these, like, little tangled-up bits about me that have only been met with so much empathy or, oh my God, I feel so seen. Me too. I experienced this. We had such different lives, but a very similar thing.

Yeah.

And it's just been—I've been met with so much connection that it's sort of empowered me in a way.

Yeah.

And made me feel proud of myself because.

Yeah.

What I've been mirrored back is, is that Uber Eats?

No, we're already on the on the on the problem. I do wonder what that was. I was like, are we actively in a car accident and I'm missing it? Yeah, but I think, yeah, your fear is, oh, I'd be unlovable if people knew this about me. And then the fact that the opposite's true is so mind-blowing, right? That, like, oh my God, I'm more lovable that people know all this about me.

Yeah. This guy was talking about his shame about having slept with a prostitute.

Sure. Uh-huh.

And I was like, that's okay. God, we all whatever.

It's also a prostitute.

I also was in a—I was in a peep show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, I've also had to do what I—not that you did that for survival, but, like.

Yeah, yeah.

But whatever.

Yeah.

You know?

To regulate.

Yeah.

For whatever thing you have need to regulate.

I was met with so much disgust. And I was so shocked that he was just like, you what?

Oh, really?

Oh, Lord.

Oh. Oh gosh.

He was like, Minka, you could have done anything. And I was like, no, I couldn't have. What are you—wait, what's happening here?

Yeah, yeah.

And it was—I was.

And it was after you had already shown empathy towards him.

Yeah, I was trying to reassure him that he's not gross or bad or, like.

Or defective or.

Yeah. I was like, I could do one better.

Yeah, yeah.

Then it was, like, not met with, like, oh, wow, that's really vulnerable. It was like, ew, you're disgusting.

Oh, no. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, my.

Yeah. That was.

Okay.

So, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

The book made me feel differently.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, people's response to really understanding that at that age in that scenario, you really just do what you have to do to survive.

Right, right.

And we don't shame anybody for that.

I'm so happy to hear that. I've done a lot of journaling in the past years since I got sober and tried to—and I'm like, I can be so embarrassed about my journaling.

Yeah.

Once it gets on paper, I throw it away because I'm like, okay, I got it out. You don't want to find it. I'm so scared.

Yeah.

Someone would read it.

That one keeps me from writing too sometimes. You're like, I don't want this.

Yeah.

What if someone reads this?

Well, I do think what complicates it a little bit is, like, when you have kids. So I have kids.

Right.

And I have 22 years of journaling every day.

Oh.

And so they're going to inherit, like, the size of this van.

Cool.

You know, during the fires, it was, like, the only thing I was grabbing. And I was like, jeez, this is a lot of fucking journals on, you know, what car we're going to take. But at any rate, likely they'll never even look at it because who's really that interested in their parents? But I don't care if they look or I encourage them to look.

Cool.

If they want to know who I am. And so post-kids, yeah, I'll be writing and it does cross my mind, like, okay, so my daughters will read this.

Right.

And, uh, yeah, okay, they'll read this. It hasn't really stopped me.

And humane after.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good. I never thought of it that way. It's a beautiful way to—for your kids to know you one day, I think. The real person. I guess my fear sometimes of someone reading it is a stranger and someone judging me.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do have the added, like, when we stay at hotels, of course, I travel with my journal.

Yeah.

And then one of the reasons I never let them clean the room is I'm like, I don't know. On the 1% chance they saw that it's me and they know who I am.

Yeah.

I'll tell you for damn sure if I was a housekeeper and Nick Cage had his journal out, I'd be fucking reading every page of that.

Right.

And then I'm like, oh, yeah, was this potentially a story?

Oh.

So that crosses my mind.

Are we delivering here?

I think we're in ourselves and then I deliver. And we pick up things other than food because.

Food.

Yeah.

What restaurant are we in?

Flowers.

Oh.

Look at these. Oh, those are gorgeous.

They won't fit in the Uber Eats bag though.

Oh, okay. Hydrangeas.

Um, in the back.

Give me on the floor here.

And we got another one while we're in there.

Oh.

Another pickup.

Oh, okay. Hydrangeas are my favorite, Minka. I have them tattooed on my.

I just want to keep it too.

Oh my gosh. My wife, Ruthie, she went hydrangea crazy the last two years. And now she's drying them out. And they're all over the inside of the house. We're in Michigan, so they will not last all year. And the neighbor has now said, you can take mine too. So there's. You have Minka's, um, lavender farm happening now.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

It's so.

From Ransom Canyon.

Ransom Canyon.

Yes. So Ransom Canyon. So Aaron and I started watching it.

Oh, you did?

We loved it.

Yeah.

We went back last night for another one.

Oh my God.

Yeah, so we're plowing through them.

Yeah.

We love them. And I have so many questions. First of all, it's set in Texas. So then I was like, oh God, is she back in Austin? Like, is she staying in Austin?

At which?

But then I looked it up and you're in Albuquerque. And I was like, oh my gosh. If I had to go shoot a show in our hometown where we grew up.

Yeah.

I just—I can't even imagine the million things that I would be experiencing. Has it been complicated or interesting or?

Not as complicated as I thought it would be.

Uh-huh.

So the first season, I was so worried about it being complicated that I.

Yeah.

Got a house in Santa Fe.

Oh, okay, right.

Yeah.

And committed to commuting like 45 minutes or whatever.

An hour and 15.

Oh, uh-huh.

Because the studio is in Albuquerque. It's like an hour and 15-minute drive. Where we shot my house was 30 minutes past Santa Fe.

Okay.

So they were like, we're going to probably be shooting half and half at your house and the studios.

Uh-huh.

So I was like, okay, then it makes sense. I'll live in Santa Fe.

Yeah.

And it turns out we shot mostly at the studios. And so I was doing that hour and 15 commute each way.

Okay.

Every day. And that was super.

That's rough.

And I would drive by the place where I did the peep show thing.

Yeah, yeah.

And I would see that all the time, which was.

How did that go?

Really.

Driving by that every.

Yeah. Because it's all dilapidated. There's, like, nothing now. And I even went inside. I had my friend Bev was with me once and we went inside.

Did it match your memory?

Not at all.

It didn't? In what ways?

Not at all. It was complete—I don't know if it was renovated.

I doubt it, but.

I mean, it was—it was all bright and white and smelled of bleach and, like, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

And it just seemed so much smaller.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And seedier.

Worse! Because I could almost imagine, like, when you were young and you were there, it must have been terrifying on some level.

Totally terrifying.

And then if you went there as, like, and empowered, everything worked out, you got your shit sorted, you might go like, oh, this isn't that terrible. But it was—it was bad.

It was like, oof, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. We were like, thank you, we're good. We're good.

Did you say, um, hey, I used to work here? I would have.

I didn't. I just was like, can I take a look back at the at the stages? Can I look back there? And they're like, yeah, sure.

Yeah, whatever. You want an application?

Yeah. I just was like, wow, I don't recognize this. It was—it was really different.

Did you have any impulse? It was active, yeah? People were working?

No, it was empty.

Oh, it was empty.

Yeah.

Because I was going to say, I wonder if you would have had the impulse to say to the girls, like, hey, I worked here. That would be—I would—that would be very comforting.

I'm dropping a token.

Just waving saying, I used to work here.

I know how meaningful this is.

But I think that would be encouraging if you worked there and then you walked in and said, hey, I used to work here.

Anything's possible, ladies.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. You may write a book about this place one day.

Yeah.

Okay, so you stopped in there. What about the neighborhood you lived in?

I drove around the neighborhood and the houses I lived in, and all of it was so much smaller than I remembered and more depressing than I remember.

Uh-huh.

You know, it was a little emotional. Luckily, I did it with my girlfriend, so. And, you know, but the food was the best part.

All the food you missed.

All the food. You know, I went back to a restaurant that my grandpa helped, you know, the recipes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I got to eat actual the food from my childhood, which was, oh.

And was it the same?

Totally the same.

Be right back.

Jenny's.

Do you love Jenny's?

I love Jenny's.

What's your favorite Jenny's?

The brown butter one.

The brown butter.

Brown butter, brown almond butter crisp, something like that.

Oh, okay. That's very specific.

What's yours?

I can't really eat ice cream unless it's a Dairy Queen.

Oh, I love Dairy Queen.

Do you love Dairy Queen? I love Blizzards more than anything.

I love a chocolate dip. And I can't have it anywhere else because nowhere else tastes like Dairy Queen.

Agreed. And I don't want to get sued by them. And this is not disparaging. I'm not sure it's dairy.

I don't know what it is.

Because when I eat a bunch of ice cream, the dairy mixed with the sugar, I'll involuntarily throw up.

Oh, wow.

I don't—it doesn't bother me. It's just like, oh, this is coming up. My body does not want this. I can pound Dairy Queen and I feel like a million bucks.

Okay.

Which makes me think there's no dairy in it. Again, I don't know what the truth of that is.

Don't sue me.

Don't sue me, Warren Buffett.

Can you stay put.

Yeah.

For a minute? Because this never happens, but there's, like, pickups coming in all over the street.

Oh, oh my gosh. Okay, we're on fire.

Be right back. All right, last one.

Okay.

How far is all time?

Oh my God, it's right up here.

It's right here too?

Yeah, yeah.

I got your pin because you said you liked it.

Oh my God, that's so cute. Thank you. By any chance, is your page in your journal? Is it the Artist Way?

It's not.

Oh, okay.

Tell me about that though. People love that.

Oh, man.

How does the Artist Way work? Do you do the Artist Way?

I just got it.

Oh, okay.

My therapist just had me get it. And I mean, I have my own journal I was doing, but she just sent me this.

Yeah, and what is your journal generally? Well, I'll tell you, Mine. Mine is, like, virtually just what I did yesterday. And then some mornings, it's like, I have a whole rumination and a court case in my head, and then I write that down, you know, so-and-so is this, this. And by literally, by the time I finish, I'm so embarrassed by what I just wrote. It's like when I see it and write it, I'm like, oh my God, I'm being—I'm being four years old.

Yeah.

Like, I can't just fucking deal with this. So it's very cathartic in that way. It's like just.

Process it.

I've been obsessed with this lately. How logical the story in your head sounds, it's like bulletproof. And then you tell a friend, and as you're saying it, or you tell a therapist, and as it's coming out, you're like, oh, this story is so weak. Like, this whole thing I got worked up is more shit.

Or, oh my God, it's so much worse saying it out loud.

Or that.

Yeah, like, now that I'm saying it out loud.

Can we go deliver some of this stuff?

Yeah, stop, stop, stop. Pick your stuff up.

Can I put this on the seat?

I'm getting inspiration for things.

More shit to do in the morning.

Well, then I didn't know you could Uber Eats.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know we could get Maru delivered. I didn't even think to.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't think I knew that either. I thought you had to stand in the line.

And flowers.

Yeah.

Some good flowers.

Okay, so your journal is what?

Processing whatever's going on because there's always something going on. I tend to neglect it when things are going well.

Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah. As we all do.

But it's mostly just like whatever's happening and I'm processing it and then.

Do you feel like by putting it there, it stops a little bit of the rumination?

It relieves a bit of the pressure of it all. It takes the charge out of it quite a bit. Yeah, you're like, all right, I don't need to worry about that anymore. I can move on. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Okay, so back to Ransom Canyon.

Please.

We love it. I was interested in the Albuquerque of it all. And then how do you feel on horseback?

Oh, my favorite. My most comfortable.

Really?

Yeah.

You looked comfortable.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, we just watched you and your sister have the horse race.

Yeah.

Oh, fun. That was a sad thing, a lesson for me because I had to have a stunt double.

Uh-huh.

And I hate that.

Yeah.

I really don't like, I want to do everything myself, especially with horses because I feel capable.

Yep.

But they were like, you can't go full speed. After the fact, she was like, if you would have just done it, it would have been fine. But we had to tell you, you can't. I'm like, what?

Oh, dare them.

Yeah, yeah. What are they going to do when you're in the middle of a fucking gallop? Is that what we call it? What's the fastest thing? What are the stages of horse riding? There's a trot, a canter, and a gallop.

The fast one is something else.

Oh, okay. It's better than that. So this has been a ruse. So this is your favorite meal from all time. This is salmon and rice.

This is spicy cold brew?

That's a spicy cold brew for you.

Oh my God, and those are flowers.

Those flowers are for you. And then you, I don't want to give you too much stuff at once. And then this is fun stuff for a new space.

And now we're going to eat together.

Yeah, now we're going to eat.

Guys, guys, I'm not expecting that.

Let me get the forks and some.

Because I love you.

Oh my God. Wait, is that really what the show is? That you do that?

No, really, we deliver food normally. But I said today, let's not deliver food. Let's just get all of Minka's favorite things and let's all enjoy them together and not deliver food today.

Sweetie.

Wow, thanks. That's, I don't even know what to say. Holy shit. Thank you so much. This is so sweet.

You're so welcome. Do you have a cup holder, Beck?

Yeah.

Okay.

I was so excited to go, like, knock on people's doors.

We can do that another time.

Oh my God.

But guess what? My favorite meal is also at all time.

Yeah.

The rice with the hamburger patty.

I can't believe this. Oh my God. What is it, a hamburger patty with rice?

You know, they got the Wagyu. How much do you love this sauce?

I just love everything. Wow.

The citizens of LA are going to not be able to get our delivery services today.

Oh.

I love that you didn't, like, go, oh, that's my favorite coffee. Well, you did a little bit. Say, that's my favorite coffee. Oh, here's my sofa where? Do you have a napkin? You have everything you need?

Yeah.

Okay, wonderful. Oh, baby.

This is so sweet. Cute. Oh my God. I can't even.

Well, this is a much better reaction than I was even expecting. This is delightful.

Oh my God.

Can I just tell you, I'm so into the fact that everything you're talking about, about the journaling and the therapy and because I don't do it when I'm feeling great, of course, as well. It's very important to.

I know.

Just do it.

It's the same thing with me and even meditation. I know when I do it and I'm regular, it changes my life. It changes my ability to handle stress. The biggest thing that I noticed when I first started doing it was, like, driving in LA, being used to being so angry. And then this thing would happen that would normally make me angry. And instead, I was like, oh, nice move. Come on. And I was like, wow, what was that? That's cool.

That's a big one.

It's, like, dissipated my road rage?

Yeah, it's like if your brain had a heart rate, it, like, just lowers it from, like, 140 down to 75. I feel like meditating when it's good. But it can be frustrating. Do you ever get frustrated meditating? I'm like, I just cannot.

Of course.

Stick to my mantra. And then I'll be like, oh my God, you can't even say your mantra for, like, four seconds without fucking your mind wandering to some other thing you're obsessing about.

Yeah. I use it a lot to help myself fall back asleep.

Yeah? Uh-huh. Do your mantra while you're.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Just to get my mind off of whatever it is I'm obsessing over.

Mm-hmm.

To help me fall back asleep.

Oh my God.

This is so good.

Is that your first time with it, right?

Yeah. Remember I ordered a turkey sandwich?

Yeah, we went. I took them to All Time for the first time to lunch. And I got this and he's like, I don't have a turkey sandwich. I'm like, oh, man, okay. Everyone gets to get what they want. But they have so many unique offerings at this place. But you did say it was the very best sandwich.

It was the best turkey sandwich ever. But I saw yours come out and I'm like, oh no, what did I do?

And how do you like Dumel? I've known Dumel for a long time. We all, Kristen Dumel and I did a movie together 19 years ago.

Mm-hmm.

And I found him to be the most normal human being in show business.

Mm-hmm.

Like, I don't even know if he knows he's in show business.

I know, huh? He's such a good guy.

So handsome too.

He is. And I think what makes him so great is he doesn't wear the handsome.

Mm-hmm.

Like, to your point, he's so normal. He's so disarming that you're like, oh, yeah, and also you're handsome.

Yeah, you almost forget.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and then he takes his shirt off and you're like, you just look like this, don't you? Do you just look like that?

I'm sad to not work with him anymore.

So by the way, I did not know until this morning.

That we got canceled.

I didn't know that.

I know. It's so sad.

How do you feel about that?

I'm so sad about it.

Oh, yeah.

Felt like we had such a good thing. We all love each other so much.

But it did so well. I reached out to you because I saw one of those numbers, like, however many hundreds of millions of minutes have been consumed.

Yeah.

I was, like, at the top of that list. And I was so happy for you.

Thanks. I don't understand these things sometimes.

Were you having at all any full circle moments? Like, you're there on that show.

Oh, yeah.

There's a young cheerleader on the show. You're now in, like, the Tammy Taylor role.

Okay.

You're looking at this young girl. What's her name? Lizzie?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Lizzie. And I was just wondering, was that obvious to you? Were you taking that in? And did you feel, like, interesting feelings towards Lizzie?

The first time we shot on that football field and I walked on and I saw the cheerleaders and I saw the football, I was like.

Yeah, yeah.

This is so surreal. And I was, like, more than anything relieved to be the adult on set.

Right.

Because being the young one on set is not fun because you're so young. And at least me, I was so green.

Mm-hmm.

And I was so eager to be liked by everybody and that I had to be everyone's best friend. And there's so much anxiety in that.

And you told me when I interviewed you, you had a lot of imposter syndrome happening. Like, I don't belong here. I don't deserve to be here.

Totally. And so I felt like I got a second chance or something.

Yeah.

So I really embraced it and I had a lot of fun with it. And I really enjoyed the peace that I had knowing I don't have to go out with everybody afterwards. I'm going home.

I'm going to drive an hour and a half home.

You know, I like to drive.

First of all, I don't have time.

I love the position that Josh and I were in. We were the grown-ups and then there were the kids.

Mm-hmm.

And we would be like, all right, guys, you have fun.

Right.

We're going home to our families.

Try not to be too puffy tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. I really love getting older in those ways for that reason.

I think this business is unique in reminding you of your age all the time.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it's like you get cast as a kid or the child of someone and then you get cast as brother. I don't know.

Now the parent.

And then I had a kid on a show. I was like, oh, yeah, well, we got to acknowledge. Yeah, I would have a kid right now. And then I remember Craig T. Nelson on Parenthood having to, like, really wrestle with, like, yeah, he's playing a character that would die.

Right.

Like, it's so in your face. Or I was on another show and the one co-actor, he had to have Alzheimer's. And it's like, yeah, make it. They can really make you confront your age all the time.

I was just watching Sharon Horgen's new show. She's on a date with this older man and she's having to write texts to her friend. He's old as fuck. I'm like, this poor guy.

This actor?

Yeah, is he okay with that? Jeez.

Yeah.

Yeah. But so, no, I don't mourn not being the cheerleader anymore. I'm actually very happy.

Oh, that's nice.

Because I don't relate to that anymore. I don't, you know, I like to say I feel like I'm still 25 years old.

Uh-huh.

But then I'm around a 25-year-old and I'm like, hmm.

Yeah.

Maybe not. Maybe not so much. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a different mentality or different way of processing life. And I'm excited to keep evolving that. And so I'm happy to not be in that space anymore of the young one. I'm excited to expand, I guess.

That was another one of my questions on my list. Aging, what are you loving about it? What are you hating about it?

I mean, I'm hating that I'm like, oh, why does this thing in my back hurt? I don't.

Uh-huh.

Why can't I jump the way I used to? Like, what are these little called, the what those? Like, what the fuck is this?

Uh-huh.

What is this weird thing? I don't, you know, there's crack in my neck. I don't usually have cracks in my neck. I hate that part of it of, like, your mind and your body not being totally aligned all the time.

Uh-huh.

What I love is just the freedom of caring a little bit less.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you're just, like, a little bit less inclined to insert myself in anyone else's business.

Mm-hmm. Oh, I feel that all the time.

Right?

When I'm listening to a debate or everyone's having a conversation, I'm like, this is normally where I would enter with a super strong opinion.

Mm-hmm.

And I sometimes now can just sit there and observe. And that was kind of unimaginable to me.

I know. And that feels like its own freedom.

Increasingly too, I think. I look at everyone, I'm like, oh, yeah, man. Everyone's got some huge thing. Every single person. We like to label people, like, oh, that person's a narcissist. That person has borderline personality. This person is, like, but guess what? Everybody has something. And if you're in a relationship, especially for a long time, it's like, oh, yeah, man. I'm broken this way. You're broken that way. They're broken this way. Like, everyone chill. We're all fucking a little bit mangled.

And can we have a little bit of a sense of humor about it?

Mm-hmm.

Does it all have to be so escalated? I just want to have a little more sense of humor about all these broken parts.

And more tolerance. It's like, yeah, that, you know, like, a friend was just over in there getting divorced and I was hearing all the reasons their partner sucked. And objectively, I bet they do.

Yeah.

But I was like, yeah, and then you suck too. And I suck. And everyone sucks. There's, like, no for sure. One person in the situation doesn't suck at all and the other one does.

I guess it's just a matter of does it suck too much.

Uh-huh.

And so maybe I'll find someone whose suck matches my suck. And we have the equal amount of tolerance for each other's sucks.

Yep. And then you're trying to figure out, like, yeah, what percentage is the right percentage? Like, minimally, I think I should be happy more than 50% of the time. I don't want to be unhappy more than I'm happy. Trying to assess that, I guess.

How do you know? Are you writing it down every day and then going, okay, so.

Uh-huh.

15 days this month I was happy.

Yeah, because when it sucks, you're pretty convinced it's going to suck forever.

And that it has sucked forever.

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. What level of anxiety do you have? Career anxiety versus the past?

I've never really had career anxiety for some reason.

Oh, really?

I know. Thankfully, or not thankfully. Maybe I'd be in a more successful place if I had a little more anxiety. I've just always sort of trusted for some reason that I'm always going to be okay.

Yeah, that's great.

With where I am in my career compared to where I've been, I feel so not satisfied, but proud of myself.

Yeah, would I be wrong? I would imagine this rancing.

Yeah.

Ransom Canyon.

Mm-hmm.

That was a good moment, right? That was.

Great.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Actually, before Ransom Canyon, I was having a little anxiety.

Okay. Yeah.

Because I remember being so relieved at thinking, you want me to be the lead of your show?

Mm-hmm.

I'm in my 40s.

Right, right.

That's happening?

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah. Oh, I love All Time. That was so delicious.

That was great.

I wish I had Dairy Queen for us.

Spicy cold brew for dessert?

Yes.

And flowers and, oh my gosh.

And some prezzies in there.

This is too much, guys.

It's not too much.

Thank you.

Okay. What are your vices?

My vices?

Yeah. Do you have vices?

Yeah.

Do you ever, like, smoke cigarettes?

I smoke weed.

Oh, you smoke weed? Okay. That's not, I don't know.

Is that a vice?

It is.

A vice?

It is, yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why I'm trying to say it's not. I asked you what vices you have. But that's not a vice.

No, not that.

And do you prefer to have gummies, vape, or flour?

Flour.

Flour. A proper joint.

A proper joint.

Old-fashioned joint.

Excellent.

I just think with a gummy, it can be too strong. It takes too long. It goes away too. Everything is less predictable.

Right.

With the joint, I love you're going to feel it right away and then it goes away in a couple hours.

Very controllable.

Uh-huh. I love it.

Smells great.

I'm going to go play music. I love it with food. You know, it's like, it just kind of, like, enhances.

And how about drinking?

I had a glass of wine at dinner last night. Not a huge drinker.

Because you feel like shit afterwards?

Because I even, as I've gotten older, I even feel like shit during.

Yes.

I'm like, this doesn't.

I don't think you're going to remember.

I don't know how this feels anymore. You know?

Start feeling horrible.

Yeah, I got to say, you know, whatever. I've been drinking 22 years and I monitor everyone around me that's now my age and still drinks. And all I hear over and over again is like, oh, yeah, you feel fucking terrible. I'm like, well, I can't imagine it getting worse. Like, I felt so fucking bad from drinking. Of course, I drank so excessively. But still, I'm like, oh, thank God, because I would be heartbroken if I was having one beer and in the middle of it, I felt like shit.

Yeah.

I'm like, can't sleep and all that stuff.

But I love the romance of it of, like, being at dinner and having a glass of wine. It's delicious.

Yeah, and you like your margaritas from Casa Vega.

I love.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like I've spent most of my adult life just peeling back vices. It's like, I feel like by the time I was 22, I was already on everything. And I was probably a love and sex addict and I was just, like, everything. And it's just been one thing after another I have to eventually take away or confront. So I took away the most harmful ones, which were cocaine and booze, but.

The feel.

But I think I added, like, TV as a vice.

Oh, okay.

I mean, for real. I'm trying to think of maybe some of the things that are not. Well, eating occasionally, right?

If anything we enjoy, a vice.

I think anything that potentially has a destructive component.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Which I don't even know why I would call that nicotine. Well, I would say nicotine's a vice because I'm addicted to it for sure.

Okay.

If I don't have it, I'm very grouchy and I would do anything to get it if I needed it.

Right.

Yeah, right. But you'll sometimes have little phases, right, where you're eating, like, I don't know, a hundred high chews for no reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? You'll get in little, you'll have little phases.

Definitely. Or I eat pies. Oh my God. I eat full pies. I eat full pies. I'll eat a whole pint of ice cream. I'll eat a whole pint of vanilla sweet pomegranate cogniz to myself.

It's really fun when Aaron comes and shows up because we often, we love watching TV together. And we'll sit down in the theater room and I'll, like, hear a little, like, and I'm like, what are what he's into now? And they'll have, like, what were those bizarre flavored things you're eating for a while? They were, like, fucking ginger flavors.

Ginger smell. Oh, yeah, they were just ginger chews.

Ginger chews.

From China.

Yeah, and you would have a ton of those things.

I carried about 250 with me anytime I left the house. Wow.

But also, Minka, I can get addicted to almost anything. So Kristen's really fun at a dinner party. She just starts listing the things I've been addicted to. So, like, there was a period where I was so addicted to Halls, the fucking Halls mental illicitas.

Yeah.

And I get the family pack.

Like the rub?

Oh, the.

Oh, the rub.

Oh, your chest is like.

Oh, that sounds pretty great. I love it too.

I kind of want that addiction right now when I think about it.

Rub it over your chest at night.

Or I got into these tea tree oil toothpicks and it's like, in very addicted way, it's like, I love them. And then I was like, there must be stronger ones. And then through some research, I found out there's these super strong ones from Australia. So then I get those and then I'm eating them so much that I have a fucking scab in my mouth. And Kristen's like, hon. You have scabs on your face from these tea tree oil. I'm like, I know. And it's worth it.

It's the price you pay.

It's the price of admission.

For a good time.

It's great toothpick experience. But you're not very addicted, right?

I'm not.

Which is shocking, right?

Which is shocking, yes. Because I come from a long line of them.

Yeah, you've got the nature and nurture.

I do. Double whammy. Maybe the nurture of it all scared me out of it. I don't know. I don't know if you can control it, though.

Ooh, speaking of your book, did you read Share's autobiography?

No.

Whoo!

Really?

Oh, you must.

Okay.

Well, it's a whopper.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, cool.

That gal has went through everything imaginable by the time she was 16 years old. I think you'll relate a lot. Her mama's like, she had this boyfriend. This guy was this way. And then there was a rich boyfriend. They moved to this nice house. And then there was a dirt bag. And then they were in New York all of a sudden with a guy who's like a head of a department store.

I will absolutely read that.

It's so good. All right, working out. I've seen a lot of videos of you training.

You have?

I have. I watch a lot of videos of you training. And you go fucking hard.

I do go hard.

You go hard.

That's a vice. No, no, that's not a vice.

We might be able to call it an addiction, but I don't know if I'm going to call it a vice.

Right, okay.

Unless it was somehow harming you. You're not training to the point where you get wrapped though.

No, but okay, so it's more a therapy. It makes me so happy. It's my favorite hour of the day.

And you feel incredible afterwards?

I feel incredible afterwards. My body responds to it really well. And then other days I do hot yoga. I'm always taking some kind of class. I'm always trying something.

Is there any workout you'll do on your own solo? Like, do you do cardio? You go hiking?

Oh, yeah, I do. I go hiking all the time, especially now I have this really big dog.

What kind of dog?

A Bernadudo.

Oh, baby. Oh, is that a Burmese Mountain dog and a doodle?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Minka.

Yeah.

Wait, okay, those are my favorite dogs, the Burmese.

Oh, yeah.

But I couldn't have one because I'm allergic.

Oh, but this is amazing.

But now I can have one?

Yeah, he's the best.

What do you call it? A Burma doodle?

Bernadudo.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, he's so cute and dumb and smart.

Stupid and smart.

Stupid and smart. And also way too smart.

Handsome, smelly.

Yeah, all of it.

It seems like the pattern for these doodles is they're impossible until they're a year old. Or at least Aaron's were fucking a year old.

Oh, yeah.

I remember when he got one.

I was so bad.

He did it all. He got out of treatment and within a year, he had a wife and a dog and all this stuff. I would go over to his house and this fucking doodle was eating every pair of shoes in the house. It was barking all day long. And I was like, I can't believe someone would choose this.

Right.

But you're very tolerant.

Well, yeah. And there was never anything calm happening around me in my life. So I kind of made it something.

You transition into a placid lifestyle.

And what about, do you have the sensation of feeling strong?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yes. And some days I'll notice how strong or not strong I feel and I'm like, yeah.

It affects you, right?

Today I was really strong. I was doing push-ups and pull-ups in ways. She was like, damn. I'm like, I know. I'm very strong today.

Yeah, yeah.

So what did I eat last night?

And how has your relationship with your body evolved over the years?

I've kind of always been, like, since high school, I've been in the gym. In high school, I was a kickboxer. And so kickboxing, we were always in the gym and we were always working out.

Yeah, yeah.

And so I've kind of always wanted and felt strong and felt good in my body. I think I have a pretty healthy relationship.

You've never had, like, dysmorphia?

No, no.

Not an addict and no dysmorphia?

Not an addict in any way. But I do have all the other shit. I am terrible at regulating my emotions when I'm in fight or flight. I'm really bad at knowing that I'm not in danger, you know?

Uh-huh. Your body's telling you.

Yes. And I have rage in me that I need to, like, really check. Because I can get so angry when I feel so misunderstood or, like, taken advantage of. Or if I feel like someone's trying to trick me or lie to me, I get really angry at injustice. If something feels unfair, I can get.

Disproportionately mad.

Completely unnecessarily angry.

Yeah. It doesn't fucking end.

Right.

It's never going to end. And that's how it is. And that's hard to swallow.

We embrace that and work through it every time.

But I do desire, like, can't there just be, like, homeostasis? Like, can't you eventually learn enough and figure enough out?

Just have a good time all the time.

I mean, everything is the perfect analogy to working out. It's not like you don't do push-ups one time and you're like, great, built my chest, done.

Right.

Like, now I got it two days from now, I got to do it again or it goes away.

Yeah.

That's what goes on in my head every time.

Every time.

But I just, yeah, I'm like, well, I just did this last week.

Hold on.

I got to do it again. I was about that this morning. You were saying how strong you felt, Minka, this morning.

Yeah.

I felt so weak. And I.

Oh, no.

And I don't usually feel like this. This was something special. And it's funny because we talked about everything, age, all that.

Yeah.

I was especially having a day, I think, because I woke up sore as fuck. And I haven't done anything. My entire left side of my back.

Oh.

My shoulder.

You got rolled left.

Yeah, I lifted weights a little this morning and I go, it hasn't been this hard in years.

I had those days too. And I have to apologize. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I can't.

To the trainer.

Yeah. Yeah, and I don't know what it is. It just is.

I wish I could be open to direction. When I think about having a trainer and having to, like, apologize for being out of gas.

I know. I love it so much. This girl, her name is Taylor and her body is, like, I love her body. So it makes me trust her so much. I'm like, yes, whatever you say, make me do that. And I love going in for the hour and not being in control and having her tell me exactly what to do because she knows best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he might have a problem with it.

I might? Oh, he might. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Although I would love to have a trainer whose body I like to stare at the whole time. Because I fucking don't know.

Don't tell me what to do.

Yeah, just let me look at your body. Truly, and this is why A worked for me. It's like, don't tell me what to do. Just do what you do that results in this and then I'll copy it over here. And you're not an authority figure and I can do it. So yeah, I could have a trainer where I just watched him work out and then I ate whatever he was doing. Well, Minka, you have to open your present.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, there's this stuff in the bag.

Who is this? Fish soap on a rope?

Yeah, this is what, yeah.

Oh my God, that smells so good.

I presume you take showers.

I do sometimes.

Okay.

After the gym.

Why did you do this?

Well, obviously I had Kristen's help.

Yeah, somebody helped us.

Where is this?

Oh, yeah.

That's what you put on your nightstand. You can put your earrings in there. You can put your.

I love this.

You can put your roaches in there.

My little ashtray. Oh my God, that's so beautiful. I love that.

You and, well, I spoke to.

Selly.

Selly.

Our Selly.

I spoke to Selly.

I love that.

I found her on Instagram. I'm like, who is she hanging out with the most on Instagram? And then I DM'd her and thank God she responded to me. But you guys are starting, you have an interior design business?

Yeah, we're starting.

So you love little things, right?

I love it. I do. I love that little thing.

Have you been doing it for 20 years? Is that what I saw?

I've been friends with her for 20 years.

Oh, okay.

But over the last several years, we've worked on a few houses together now.

Oh, really?

And we're like, what do we do? This is like the happiest. We work so well together. We speak the same language. We make each other's ideas better. And we just work together so well. And it's like the happiest. I've never been happier than when I'm designing and coming up with ideas or creatively problem solving.

Yeah, she's like, Minka has to have the smells got to be right everywhere she goes. The lighting's got to be right. She's very conscious of all these little elements in her environment.

Probably to a fault.

Yeah.

Yeah. I will, if I go to a game night or I go to someone's house, I'll be like.

You're uncomfortable.

I'm like, do we have dinners? Where are your light switches? And I'm adjusting the light wherever I am.

Thank you so much for making time. I adore you. I hope this was fun. I hope your sandal was good.

This was fun. This was amazing. What a fun few hours. Thank you. I actually really needed this.

Okay, good, good, good.

Thank you so much.