Transcript of Joey King Returns

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hi.

Hi. Today we have a returning friend of ours who we're— we love her. We love her to death. Joey King. Uh, she is an actor.

Yes.

Uh, The Act, The Kissing Booth, 3 of those, I believe. Bullet Train, Uglies, and the new movie that's slaying— it opened number 1—

Practical Magic 2, baby.

Big hit. Practical Magic 2 in theaters now. Check it out. Make that third weekend humongous.

Do it.

We love her. Please enjoy Joy King. He's an optimist.

He's an optimist.

He's an optimist.

Hi. Don't I look summery?

You do. Summery and cute. It's the vibes.

Oh my gosh, you guys.

How have you done it? Do you recall what you wore the last time you were here?

Wait, I do.

You do?

I know exactly what I wore.

Oh, tell me what you wore last time.

I only remember things through actually what people wear. That's how I have like all core memories from when I was a kid too. I'm like, you were wearing a brown Juicy Couture sweatsuit.

Oh my God, you had a braid.

I had a braid and I had my Jordans on. I had a very long white outfit. It was like white pants, white lab coat vibe almost. Wow.

I cannot believe you remember that.

It was very bouncy.

Do you remember that as she's describing it?

Yellow skirt, like a huge, yellow skirt and a yellow sweater on top, and you were wearing one of Brad's cashmere shirts.

Oh, God's true. That's insane.

Then we got really dressed up for you.

You were saying, you were like, I just wanted to feel really cute today, and I was like, yes.

Maybe because you had identified her as stylish.

Yeah, you were—

I identified you as stylish.

Oh, me?

Yes, yes. Like, I dress for the girls I know will care or notice.

But of course. Today I look a little more girly.

Okay.

So cute.

Historically girly.

Yeah.

Today I look more tradwife. Thank you.

Thank you so much. More witchy, I would say. I'm on theme with my press, I guess.

That's the only young people word I know is tradwife.

Yeah, I think that's it. You're overusing it.

Yep. Wait, can I— can I ask, is it a young person term or is it just coming back around and it's not a young person term?

Well, even if it had been traditional wife, which maybe is old, they definitely weren't saying tradwife in the '80s or 1900s where I'm from. And you just made it. I am also from the 1900s.

Barely.

Barely.

How many months were left before 2000?

5.

5 months.

Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to make sure.

Great.

July 30th. I just had a birthday.

Oh, congratulations!

How old did we turn?

27. Look at you.

I do know you're 27. You're at peak. This is as good as your body will ever feel. You know that, right?

I feel great.

That's what—

enjoy this year.

I wasn't feeling great last You are. No, I feel like after 25 I was like, boo. And then 27 came around, I was like, I'm starting to feel better.

Okay, good.

25, frontal lobe fully developed.

Hated it. Yeah, you knew too much.

I was like, man, this sucks.

Yeah. Okay, everything—

can we go back to the dressing?

Yeah.

So we just had Taron Egerton on. Have you ever met Taron in real life?

I think we've met very briefly during the award circuit stuff. Lovely guy, great actor.

Well, he's a really good actor.

He's awesome.

But I think what's more exciting is he's So incredibly attractive in real life. You know how it is. You meet people on carpets.

Yes.

You see them on TV, you see them in real life. There's always some difference. It can be positive or negative or different.

Totally.

He's somebody who's already a fox and a bombshell.

And then in person, I was like, how can you be this attractive?

And Monica felt that way too.

You and your man crushes.

I love men.

You have so many.

So anyways, Monica was editing the episode. She calls me and she's like, I can't believe how fucking bad my hair looked in that episode and you didn't say anything. And then we got in this thing, I'm like, how would you have not done your hair for Taran Egerton? And she's like, I would never, but for the girls— and this is proof of that.

But, but you look so cute. Thank you.

I knew I'd see you, so I was like, hey, I'm gonna wear my overalls.

It's giving like August. It looks like you're gonna go to a flower field afterwards and—

Thank you.

Frolic a little bit. That's exactly what I am doing.

Have a little nibble of cheese and strawberries together.

That sounds delight. That's what I'm trying to give off.

Delight.

The figs.

They are in season. They're in season.

They are in season.

You're going to the farmer's market, you're gonna see a lot of figs.

No, I was full of regret. I was full of regret after that. I had my identity crisis.

Did you really?

Kind of. I was like, what? What are you doing? I was like, what am I doing?

Yeah, what was the— walk me through like the internal dialogue.

She's like, oh, it's Taryn today. I guess I can just fucking— and then walked over here. Okay.

You really took your time.

I'm trying to make it comedic.

And why didn't you say anything to her?

Thank you.

I didn't think her hair looked bad. And even when she showed me the clip, I'm like, your hair looks great.

This is a problem with when me and my husband go out. I won't be looking at his hair and then he'll go to the restroom and he'll be like, oh my God, how have you not said a word?

Okay.

And you just haven't noticed?

No, I wasn't looking.

But you know what he's wearing and you probably would've said something about his outfit.

Yeah, but he's got good style. Like, I think he looks great.

You file that as done.

He's gorgeous.

It's done.

It's great. But every now and then I'll be like, oh shit, your hair does look crazy. My bad.

Uh-huh.

Oh yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

That's the opposite. It's come up on a few episodes lately. Dax has a friend who he was out to dinner with, and he had 3 big nose hairs coming out of his nose.

Really aggressive and really girthy.

That's a good friend to say something. No, but we're not—

yeah, we're not there.

The theme of the story yet.

So it was a double date, so the wives were there too.

Okay.

And Dax and Kristen noticed the hairs. They didn't say anything. Then they got in the car and they were like, how could that wife allow him to walk out the door like that?

What the hell's wrong with her?

But maybe she didn't notice.

Okay, Joey.

Yeah.

I said she hates him. Why would she let him be out with— they're so obvious. She couldn't have missed it. They got divorced like 3 months later.

Yeah.

You are so perceptive.

Isn't the weirdest thing, right? Yeah.

What a way to predict a divorce. That is actually huge. This is huge news.

It is, right?

This is huge news for married couples.

Yeah, it is.

We need to bring awareness to this.

If your husband has porcupine quills coming out of his nose at the desk—

It's being addressed the moment he opens his eyes.

Yes. Oh, hon.

Jesus.

Let's get these out.

Just let's—

I just worry that maybe she was like, I love him for who he is. It doesn't matter.

She saw the nose hairs and then she was like, you're served. She was so grossed out by them.

Well, that's what she listed as the reason for the separation.

You ever think of that? You ever think she did bring it to his attention and he was like, I like the way I am.

That's what I said.

And she was like, this is too much.

That's what I said.

Okay.

I don't think that, but me neither, by the way. But it's feasible what you're saying if they already hated each other. And she was like, you have no idea. Fucking deal with it. You know, like it could have gotten— yeah.

I mean, yeah, I agree.

You're always picking on me.

I don't honestly think that way, but it could have been a piece of the puzzle. Yeah. Not the puzzle as a whole.

No, it's not the full picture.

People say that as an expression. Like, it's not the puzzle as a whole. No, just making up new expressions.

I've started writing down— my wife has so many talents.

I know, but she does not have the talent of the analogy.

And I just have started a file in my phone. I'm like, I gotta start writing these down. And the one that I wrote down, On the way to the Savannah Bananas.

Oh, that was awesome.

Wasn't that incredible? I couldn't believe it.

That was so cool.

Me and the girls were like, how do we know that person?

I can't believe you guys are like here right now. That was like 5 seconds ago.

This is her on a phone call. And she goes, look, sometimes 1,000 paper cuts does sink the ship.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

And she's on the phone.

Sounds like me.

Me and the kids are in the car and I literally am driving. I look back and the girls are already laughing. And they're like, oh yeah, So many ships have been brought down by a thousand bayonets. This is steeped in history.

This is so funny that you said this. This actually just came up last week because I too get a little confused on my analogies. And my husband was like, this is so sweet, but you never get them right. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that.

But it's charming.

It is.

Can you think of one that you constantly Oh man, what is that one?

The 2 hands in my bush, like something in the feather.

2 hands in my bush, let's have some fun.

What is that one? 2 birds.

2 in the pink.

Oh my God.

That's what you're thinking of.

No, it's bird in the hand. Is that what you mean?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

That's so crazy.

Do you know what it means?

It's a bad one.

Here's the issue. I think they're impossible to remember if you don't really understand what's being said. And they're so historic sometimes. Yeah, like they're so Victorian.

Exactly.

Yeah. So it means that you have the choice of you have a bird in your hand or you could put it down and grab your rifle and try to get— there's 2 in this bush, so maybe you could shoot both that are in the bush, but you've just gotten rid of the one you know you're going to have. So you should never get rid of one in the hand for 2 in the bush because you might not get the 2 in the bush.

I want to go on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with you.

Oh, okay.

Do you know, like, a lot of, like, random stuff like that? I mean, would you consider that random?

Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know if I'd call that trivia. That's like knowledge. Like, well, I guess it's all the same thing.

What's the difference?

Well, that could be a question. What's the difference between knowledge and trivia?

Nothing.

What does a dime a dozen mean? I mean, I know what it means.

What does it mean?

What does it come from?

No, no, I don't know.

I don't know what the origin is, but it makes sense to me.

Okay, it doesn't make sense to me. I say it a lot.

I'm actually like really racking— I almost said wrapping my head. See, there's nothing. I can't say anything. I just found out I've always said prank call my whole life. I was watching The Wire, and they were talking about a crank call that came in, and I was like, what the hell are they talking about?

That could go either way. Both work.

I know, but I had never— and I looked it up. There is a difference. Oh.

What's the difference?

I don't remember.

Okay, great.

But I do remember that one of them is with intent of malice.

Oh.

And, like, it's considered kind of like a crime. And then one is more—

Hijinks.

Yes. It's innocent, even if it's annoying. But one is, like, with malice. And I believe that's a crank call.

That seems more cranky.

For real.

Back to a dime a dozen.

Yes, please tell.

So any item that you could buy 12 of for $0.10, what that tells you is there's a massive amount of those things. So the supply is infinite and the demand is quite low because you can't buy shit. You can't buy 12 of anything for $0.10. You can't even buy 12 pennies for $0.10.

That does clear it up. That does clear it up.

So I think that's why you can or cannot remember them, is if they make logical sense, then you remember them quite easily.

But I never knew that because I just never knew that. And but I always thought— see, I'm glad we're talking about this.

Yeah, me too.

Because dime a dozen, I'm confusing it with the one I thought that meant, like, oh, she's so gorgeous and special.

That's a dime.

She's a dime.

Dime piece.

It's just a dime. You just cut out the dozen.

And you know why calling someone a dime makes sense?

Because they're a 10.

Yeah, right, guys. I got— I think you would have to cut this out. I don't even know if I can admit this, but I'm asking you.

I can't wait.

I don't think any of us will admit to this.

Oh my God, I can't wait.

What are you doing with pennies when they enter your life? Wait, ew.

What are you doing? Why is this needing to be edited out? I'm nervous.

What are you doing?

America's gonna fucking skewer me for this, but My daughter found a penny somewhere. I was like, ooh, lucky penny. And then she carried it for a day or so, and then she just threw it on the counter in our house. And she's never ever gonna— that was it. She liked finding it.

Mm-hmm.

And so now it's on the counter and I'm like, what are we gonna do with this penny? I guess I could get a jar. We could start collecting pennies. None of us are ever gonna go to a Coin Master and turn these into anything, right? So I'm literally going, what's gonna happen to this penny? I've either gotta find someone who wants a penny. The move would have been I should have went outside and chucked it on the sidewalk. That would be the move.

Or find a water fountain, make a wish.

Exactly.

Yeah, that would be great.

The water feature.

Yeah, somewhere in LA.

The second I can admit to myself this item will never be used in our lives, you get rid of it. Get it the fuck out of here. I don't want to be stressed out every time I look at it, like, God, I should get rid of it. But you can't get rid of it because it has a value. I don't play that game. My life's fucking short. My wife will be like, oh, This accidental 6-pack of glue we bought that we don't need and we never use. Let's put it in the supply closet. I'm like, why? So it'll sit there for life and then our kids will have to fucking throw it away. Someone's going to have to throw this shit away.

Yeah, but it certainly won't be me. Exactly.

So what do you do with one penny?

Well, can you tell us what you did?

I know what he did. He threw it in the garbage.

He threw it away.

Well, that's not—

well, it's not what I—

Terrible, right? Is it really throwing money away?

It is being discontinued.

As it should.

It's like Pluto. It's like no one—

It did start—

Cares.

This conversation started though, the way you started this, it sounded like you put them up your butt.

Oh, that's why you guys both were like, what did I do?

I thought he was licking them.

Oh. Swallowing up the butt.

I used to do that.

Which one?

The licking. A version of the licking.

Could you clarify? You put 2 hands in your bush and held a penny?

That's right. That's right.

Put a couple pennies in your bush.

There was, I don't know if it's a wives' tale, but back when I was an alcoholic and unfortunately, and this is shameful and sinful, but I did. I drove drunk often, and one wives' tale was that if you put pennies under your tongue, the breathalyzer would be tripped up in some weird way. So I regularly was driving through LA at 2:30 in the morning with like 3 or 4 pennies under my tongue, just in case I got pulled over. Like a little piggy bank.

Yes, right.

A little boy piggy bank.

Wait, this is actually such a crazy story. So then did you get pulled over or no?

I never ever had to take a breathalyzer test. Wow.

Which is really lucky.

Insanely lucky. I deserved DUIs. Yeah.

Yeah. That must have been very filthy.

Yes. Exactly.

That's disgusting.

That must have been super filthy.

You probably got some STIs via those pennies.

Sucking transmitted infections.

If you got an STI and you were in a relationship, you could say, well, oh, it was just because I was eating all those pennies. It wasn't because I was doing anything else.

That's where I got these herpes.

I was just, yeah, I was just chewing on some pennies. You know, there is that thing called pica, right?

Yes.

Where people have like TLC's, um, My Strange Addiction. When they're eating couch cushions and detergent.

Did you watch a lot of those? Because I watched a lot.

HGTV and TLC were my favorite networks growing up. Oh my God, so nice, so fun, so comforting. My Strange Addiction was— and I get it, I really understand.

And what was your favorite thing you saw someone eat? Because I certainly know what mine was.

Oh my God, please.

Well, there's 2.

I have 2.

This woman— and this one is so sad.

Okay.

She was slowly eating the cremated remains of her mother.

No!

Stop. I remember this.

And she was like panicked because she was running out of the remains.

Oh my God.

Like, if I were her husband, what I would do is I would—

She had a husband?

I would cremate—

I don't even have a husband.

If I were her husband, I would have cremated a raccoon and then just put a little of the dust in so that she never ran out.

That's—

oh my God. What am I gonna get my hands on? I can't really cremate a human.

No, you can't.

Yeah, but I could cremate like a Wait a minute.

I literally forgot about this.

And she would dip her finger in.

Ew.

Like fun dip? Yeah, exactly like this.

I genuinely just got very nauseous. Yeah, it's horrifying. Like fun dip, you said? Wait, what else was there?

The one that drove me nuts, just because for me it would be the worst, is there was a woman, by the way, really skewed female, if you recall. Pica.

Oh yeah.

Pica. There was no dudes.

No, that's not true.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Remind me please.

Well, there was a guy that was addicted to making out with his car.

Yes. Well, the dudes are doing a lot of sexual stuff.

I'm not saying they're not on that drug, but the pica or whatever you call it. No, you're right. I think a lot of that starts sometimes with a pregnancy hormone. Uh, or I don't know. My mom had a craving of chalk, so she ate a lot of Altoids when she was pregnant with me.

The texture, I guess.

Yeah.

It's like chalky. It's weird. I know. What other one?

Well, the one that drove me nuts, cuz it's my most hated thing. Is there was a woman who ate sand. She loved grinding sand in her teeth. And that's like once in a blue moon you're on a beach or something, you're eating and you get a grain of sand on your teeth and you like a grain of sand ruins your whole day.

And then you feel like you're like chipping a tooth on a grain of sand.

You can hear it.

It's hard.

You think a piece of your tooth has broken off. That's what it kind of feels like.

Or if you have like bonding, you're like, oh no, something came loose.

Bonding, bane of my existence. Okay, this does not stay on.

Such a non sequitur. But I was with 2 of my oldest friends in Nashville a couple of weeks ago, and they reminded me of the story. I just want to tell it to you. I was probably 23 when this happened. And I used to work for General Motors.

Can I put my feet on?

Absolutely.

You can do whatever you want.

The Camaro had won like Car of the Year by Motor Trend, right? So there's a big event at this Detroit Athletic Club in Detroit. And the car's on display. And then they go inside, they have this huge event. My job was to get that Camaro to the event and prep it, make sure it looks shiny. And then I had to sit there all day long next to the car in case it needed to be touched up. I was in my 20s, I was probably hungover, it didn't occur to me that I should bring some food. So I'm there for like—

Oh, this story's horrible.

8 hours.

Oh no, I'm so scared.

I'm there for 8 hours and I'm so hungry. It's insane. I'm just sitting on the ground next to a car in an area of Detroit where there's nothing. And I'm there for hours and I'm hungry. And then all of a sudden, like a miracle, a guy walks by pushing a hot dog cart. And I need to tell you, it makes no sense because Detroit's signature food is Coney dogs. There's one on every corner. There's no hot dog carts. This is such an anomaly. And I was like, oh my God. I'm so excited. I run up to the dude. I can't help— 2 hot dogs. So I get the 2 hot dogs. He cruises away. I'm probably halfway through this one hot dog. Can you handle— do you think you'll be able to handle this?

I know I'm nervous.

You know what? I'm excited to know what you're going to say.

I knew we'd be good hang partners. We tried. It never worked out, but we'll still try it.

I actually want to circle back to that. Yes.

Go ahead.

Okay. I'm circling back.

Pin in that.

Pin in that.

So I take a bite out of this hot dog. And if you're a listener that's queasy, you really need to fast forward like 30 seconds. I bite down and I go, oh, fuck. Like, I know immediately what it is because nothing feels like tooth enamel. Like, enamel's enamel. I go, and I go, and I reach in and I pull out, and there is an entire pig tooth with the root.

What do you mean?

Don't say the root.

Joey, no, that's the most important part.

I know, but that was— sorry, what do you mean a pig tooth?

Well, because I'm eating a hot dog. It was that, right, the kind of sharp pig tooth that Like a tusk vibes. Yes, tusk vibes big. And then the whole fucking root. So it's fucking yellow in the end. And then the roots are white.

Colors we don't even know. You do.

Because you got to understand, this was the single worst moment I'd ever experienced sensorially where I went, oh, like unimaginably terrible.

Oh, horrifying. My—

and then I'm like, how did this get into the hot dog?

They grind everything apart.

Did you chase this man fucking down and like sit by the car?

I couldn't leave my post.

What if it needed a quick little—

Yeah, there's a smudge on the window.

That is so horrific. I'm so, so, so, so sorry this happened to you. No one in their whole world can top you on this, but we've all had a moment of like—

Can you think of one?

Such— I have a moment where I was thinking about my sister lost a tooth in the morning while she was like drinking cranberry juice in her brown Juicy Couture sweatsuit. Oh, and it fell out and she like almost swallowed it and she had to like cough it back up. It was like a half vomit situation together.

With a tooth in it.

It's gross.

And you witnessed the whole thing?

Yeah, I was at the breakfast table looking at my multiple choice, like, equations before I went to school.

Classic.

I know, I was doing my flashcards.

She yanked a tooth out, basically.

And she was like, you know what, sorry about that noise. So sorry about that noise.

Yeah, you're an actor.

Warning, that noise sucks. Okay, wait, I want to circle back to our hang. Speaking of gross foods, we were supposed to hang.

We interviewed you 2 years ago and we tried a few times.

But this is what my biggest Haunt of my life— not of my life, but my biggest— my biggest haunt is that the last time we canceled, I was like, this is so absurd, they're gonna think we're lying.

I can't even remember what the reasoning was.

My husband gave himself salmonella.

Oh, he gave himself salmonella?

I believe that.

Do you remember that?

No.

But that sounds like an excuse.

Yeah, yeah.

But he was sick for 10 days.

Well, how did he give it to himself?

He made chicken And it was just—

He was impatient.

It was moist and juicy, but it was a little bit in the middle, perhaps pink.

And you didn't eat it?

You don't eat meat.

I do eat meat.

You didn't eat that chicken?

I did not eat the parts of the chicken.

You knew, you saw.

I said, this looks a little pink. And he goes, I'll put it back in for a little bit. And he did. And then he took it out and then we were eating it and I was like, still feels a little bit pink. But he knows better. He made it. He was with the chicken. He was looking at it. He was touching it. He's feeling it.

Yeah, he was in there.

And then that night, it was like the day before we were supposed to hang out. We were supposed to get dinner the next night, I think. And then he, like, woke up in the middle of the night, and he was like, something is very wrong with me. And I was like, oh, no. And then I was like, he'll feel better by tomorrow night. And it was 10 days of diarrhea.

Of everything.

Okay, now do you think instead he could have had Cyclospora?

This was a year and a half ago, right?

It happens every year.

Wait, what's Cyclospora?

That's the lettuce thing that's been going around.

Yeah, Dax is offended by Cyclospora. You kind of don't like that people are talking about it, right?

Oh no, I don't.

It worries you?

No. Wait, are you afraid of it or are you just thinking it's a little gross?

He's not.

He's the opposite. I was at a salad bar.

I'm the opposite of afraid of it too. I am so not.

I don't have time to worry about it.

We're in Southern California. I don't think it's affected SoCal yet. When?

During this whole thing?

This one?

Yes, this one.

Have you been traveling?

Yes.

I was traveling in Europe, though. It's not in Europe.

Okay. Midwest? No, I know.

I didn't make any trips to the Midwest.

You were in New York.

After.

Oh.

I've been treating that thing like it doesn't exist.

Wow.

Good for you.

That's the move.

That's the move.

But I normally, I'm so afraid of foodborne illnesses because I have been so brutally sick in my life with foodborne illness. But this one, I was just like, right? You have such a dramatic thing to say. Foodborne illness.

Food poisoning.

I had such bad food poisoning. back in 2023. I will never forget it.

What'd you eat?

I went to a Michelin star restaurant. I think I talked about this, maybe with you guys, maybe not, but it was really sad. It was like a really amazing meal. I have all the pictures of that meal in my hidden folder in my camera roll because I can't look at them.

Oh yeah.

But I don't want to delete them because it was a special meal.

It's like the penny.

I was just gonna—

Let me have your phone. I'll clean this up. I don't give a shit. Who's that?

Like, it was a really special memory, but I can't look at the food without feeling so gross.

Yeah.

That night it was happening mouth and bum.

No offense.

I genuinely thought I was like gonna die.

Yeah. I've had that several times.

And I was hoping I would because it was so bad. I was so terrified of eating things after that, especially if like it was seafood, lettuces, or anything. But you know, the brain and the body forget. And now I'm like, whatever. The beverage.

Well, time heals all.

Exactly. Time heals all.

In September, I will have not had a drink in 22 years and I have never even gotten close, right?

Congratulations.

I'm not even bragging about that. I just want you to know. In 22 years, I've never been tempted to drink. The only time I was like, I may have to drink, I've been on a USO tour. I was eating all the military food for 8 days. Then we flew out of Kuwait, the first class lounge. There's a beautiful buffet. I went nuts. My friends were like, you're getting real bold with the Kuwaiti buffet. I was like, what are you talking about? Don't be racist.

What are you talking about?

You did not say that.

I did, to be funny.

You did?

Yeah, to be funny. I'm like, stop being racist. Get on the airplane, fucking during taxiing, I'm like, I have a tiny— like, I'm gonna let a bubble out.

Like a burp?

You ever— no, the bottom, bottom bubble.

Like a fart?

Yeah, but, but I'm gonna let first a bubble— I'm gonna let a micron out first.

I know exactly what you mean.

I knew you would. Now I knew you would.

You have to do like a little— like, you know, the ones where like they almost disappear in your cheek and it's like— Yeah, yeah.

I think of it as like a bubble this big that comes out, and I know that I let a bubble this big out And that little bubble told me, you're dead. You're in so much trouble. And I was in so much trouble. So then that was a 6 or 8 hour flight to Germany. Then there was a 6 hour flight to New York. Oh, both ways. The whole ride. Then get on the plane in New York to fly to LA. I got another 5 and a half hours. And when I sat down on the plane for that 5 and a half hours, I was in so much pain and agony. I didn't know how I was gonna get through the 5-hour flight. And I literally thought—

I don't know how you got it through any of them.

I might have to have a Jack and Diet to like exist.

Oh my God.

That's the only time I thought I might have to, for like medical reasons, have a drink or something.

That is crazy that that was like your only tempting moment. But I, I know the moment before you get food poisoning, that is a, it's a harrowing thing.

You know.

You know. After my big meal in Barcelona, I'm eating this beautiful meal. I'm on FaceTime with my friend and I'm like, I'm just having gorgeous dinner. Oh my goodness, it was amazing. I am so full.

Oh yes, yes.

Yeah. It starts as a really full feeling.

You're right.

I was like, God, I'm full. Oh, it's horrible. Sorry that this episode is—

We've really gone down a rabbit hole.

Everyone who is still with us— This is a problem for a lot of people to hear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. And we started with pica and eating someone's mom.

Yeah, we did.

That's how we got here, I think.

I forgot about that.

The other unique thing about food poisoning, because again—

Oh, we're gonna— okay. Well, no, no, this isn't gonna be gross.

Okay. Just, I've gotten it so many times because as we discussed, I didn't care about that cycle score. I don't care. I'll eat anything. I've had it so bad a few times. One time in a hotel in Palm Springs, I was there writing by myself and I got it at a Thai restaurant. Don't be racist.

All of it. I know.

Well, it just shows I'm not racist. I'm not eating any Caucasian food ever.

What do you describe as Caucasian food?

I know.

Uh, hot beans on toast. Yeah, I think that I strike it from the record.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's something about food poisoning, like on that second day or whatever, if it's that bad, where you feel a loneliness. Can you relate? Especially if you were in Spain. Yeah, I feel so lonely. It's like the loneliest I've ever felt.

Is it because you're like, am I ever gonna be normal again?

Am I ever gonna be normal? And I'm so alone in this experience, and I don't want anyone around.

Oh my God, you don't want anyone around.

I don't want help.

Get the fuck away from me. Steven was with me when I was Oh, that's nice.

Did he want to take care of you?

Yeah, but good God, nothing would've made it worse than having someone next to me. So I was like, go in the other room!

Take it to a different hotel!

And he didn't get it. We ate the same thing. He didn't get it.

That's weird.

What is a guy to do? I'm sick for a long time, and I said leave me alone. I hear the theme song of Seinfeld turn on. And it was very— the volume was high. And I was in no place to hear. And I was like, turn that down!

Your favorite song would sound terrible when you're in that state.

Oh, God. Horrible.

I know. Should we move on?

Yes, we're going to. We're gonna go to this thing.

Sorry, I know this is great.

I can't believe I didn't discover this the last time we spoke.

Discover what?

This is maybe my favorite thing I've learned about you, is that Terry King, your father, was a competitive arm wrestler in the '80s.

Yes.

In 1987, in his weight class, won a championship, and was a technical advisor on Over the Top? Is that part true?

So, I actually didn't know about this '87 championship. I have pictures of my dad from that time. But he moved to California from Arkansas when he was 17 to become a stuntman, and it never happened for him. But he did do one job, and that one job was Sylvester Stallone's stunt double in Over the Top.

Wow!

Isn't that crazy?

There's a picture—

Is that him on the right? No.

On the left. No, I'm kidding. That is Is— no, neither of those. Is this an AI image?

No.

Okay, Rob, this is a wrong image.

It's me taking a photograph off of the computer to send to Rob. I was searching everywhere for a picture of Terry King in this era arm wrestling, and I thought, oh, if he's the '87 champ, there'll be photos of that.

It's a pretty wild story. It's like to move here from Arkansas, and he wound up becoming an electrician basically for the Department of Water and Power for 45 years. That's what my dad's career was. But before that, yeah, he was a professional arm wrestler.

Does he have enormous pipes? 'Cause some of these guys, they don't, and yet they're so strong.

No, my dad used to— I mean, he's thinner now and everything, but he used to have— his forearms were, like, the same size as his biceps.

Yes.

And my dad never went to the gym. Like, it was just kind of, like—

Genetic. Natural.

He was just kind of a muscular dude.

Yeah.

And it's like him and my mom met. My mom worked at Seafood Broiler. The story ends— they're divorced, thank God. But that's good.

I didn't know that.

That's good.

It's a good thing.

We're happy about it.

Okay. Yeah.

We're thrilled.

Life became better. Divorce can be a beautiful thing sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they met when she was working at Seafood Broiler, and my dad came in as a customer. She was a real estate agent at the time, like starting to be a real estate agent, and then they like met and they started having me and my sisters.

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By the time I was born, he was fully—

Yeah, because that was 12 years after the championship.

Yeah, he genuinely did that one job, but he would talk about it a lot. And my dad would always intimidate my sister's boyfriends by, like, grabbing their hands really hard.

Oh, wow.

And, like, just proving that he could break their hands if he wanted to.

Yeah. You're supposed to kind of do that as the dad.

It was really, really, um, he would really hurt them.

Oh, no!

They were like, oh my God, Mr. King, please stop it, please stop it, please stop it!

Okay, past the point of—

He was like, I'm gonna get you, boy. Like, he's crazy. My dad's crazy. But isn't that crazy? Like, it is such an interesting piece. And then, like, my dad, like, I find old photos of him and I see old photos of my mom, and you don't recognize these strangers because of what they looked like and how my dad used to have, like, a mullet.

It's like, who were they?

And my dad used to be, like, shirtless at the championships. That is so not my dad's personality, like, at all.

Wow.

He would arm wrestle with his top off.

I mean, he was posing with trophies with his top off sometimes.

Oh, I love it! He must have been so thrilled to get to meet Sly.

He was so excited. And also, my dad is very— what's the word I'm looking for? He's met so many people in LA over the years being an electrician. He services a lot of people's homes.

Sure.

And at the time, he often was meeting people when their power was out, and they were upset.

They're at their worst. Oh.

So he's jaded?

I've never met anyone like my dad. The way he digests things is not quite the same as, like— I wouldn't say it's jaded, but he just has very judgmental, hard opinions on people that are very declarative. Even if someone is super nice, he can be like, I don't know about that. And you're just like, what are you talking about?

He's kind of negative.

I'm like, what are you talking about? He's so nice. But he, like, was super excited, and I think he had, like, all these expectations of, like, what being on a film set was like. And I think Sylvester Stallone was probably very kind and very focused.

Oh, he was a little disappointed.

I mean, he always is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the personality. But he's also got very excited over the years when I would work with people too. Oh, I'm sure.

But if I were an arm wrestling champion, I don't think anyone listening would understand the context of 1987. So, we didn't have UFC fighting. You had boxing.

Which my dad loved UFC.

Sure.

We barely had Monica Padman.

We just had her.

Just barely!

Depending on when the championship was.

Oh, whisper of her sneaking on in.

Yeah. If it was after August 24th, Ding, ding, ding.

Coming up. I'm not turning 27, unfortunately.

What are you turning?

39.

Incredible, incredible year. How have you enjoyed your 30s? Sorry to deviate.

Oh no, that's a great question. I've enjoyed them so much. Yeah, I'm so happy.

Is 30s where it's at?

100%. I have no desire to be back in my 20s. I'm a little anxious about these 40s.

I heard they're great.

I've heard they're great too.

I've heard good things.

I've only heard good things.

It kind of just gets better.

That's what we've heard. You know what?

I can't wait for my brain to continue to mature.

You really become you in your 30s.

You just relax. I mean, like, I already feel like I'm cresting past some weird mental health stuff that I think I was in for the last 2 years, and I'm starting to feel like me again.

Good.

And I think I'm like, wait, I think it's gonna get better even more than this. I can feel that. I can feel that coming.

Okay, this is more of an update I need. 2 years ago, when you would go to bed, you were putting tape over your mouth, you had a bite guard in, and you were doing hair masks. That was your routine 2 years ago, right? Have you added more to it? Have you lost any? What's happening with your routine?

I do nothing now. I do none of that. I forget my night guard. Nightly.

Who needs it?

Mouth tape actually, I think, would be good. What can I say? I forgot to keep it up.

Okay.

And at the time, my hair was going through some severe bleaching for the show that I was on. And so it's better now.

You don't need it.

I don't need it. I'm sure as time goes by, I'll pick up some nightly routines. I'll pick up some fads, more stuff that I'll let go, like loafers with socks. Exactly. But I have shorter legs, so I don't think I'll be doing that one. But if I was wearing a miniskirt, maybe I would. Or maybe long pants. Nothing in between. No midi skirts. Okay.

Is your husband appreciative? Like, because my curiosity was at that time you were very newly married and you were putting all this apparati on your face and head. That was my inquiry last time.

My mom said the same thing when I was pregnant. Joy, anyone would point it out. She was like, I just want to sleep next to that. I was like, Mom. Like, you look crazy.

It sounded like you were rehabbing from a severe burn, you know, like you're laying next to a medical—

By the way, knock on wood, because I did have a very severe facial burn last year. Oh my God, this was last year in like March or April or something. I was cooking at home, another chicken— oh Jesus, another chicken situation. And I was putting chicken thighs into like a very hot pot, and I like kind of chucked them in there, and the hot oil spit back on my face. And I had a burn going all down my neck.

Oh my God.

Did it bubble?

It looked so bad. It looked like it was gonna scar terribly.

Yeah.

And luckily it didn't. But I remember I was on a red carpet after it had healed enough to put makeup on it, but you could still see there was like dry patches and it looked a little bit red. There was like a video of me on TikTok where I was like posing on the carpet and I looked maybe slightly anxious. I don't know.

Yeah.

And people in the comments were like, what's going on with her neck? Oh, there is marks on her neck.

Oh, they thought you were getting abused?

They thought I potentially tried to hurt myself.

Oh!

Oh, hurt yourself. Or something else was going— something nefarious. It was so strange to me because I half read it as kind concern, and then I half read it as, you really just don't know anybody. Exactly! Just leave everyone alone. I literally just, like, was cooking.

Yeah!

You know, everything's a conspiracy there. And then I did have to sleep with some crazy stuff on after that.

Oh, sure!

Some heavy-ass creams and sometimes, like, Saran Wrap on things so that the creams would stay.

Sure, sure.

My best friend was coming over, and I was cooking her dinner. And then it happened right before she came, and she knocked on the door, and I was holding ice cubes on my face. I was like, hey, come on in. I just burned myself. I'll be fine. 'Cause it wasn't marking yet, but it really was burning. So I explained to her what happened, and she was like, you're crazy. This is going to scar. You're an actress. We need to take care of this right now. Thank God for her, because I was not locked into an urgent state of mind. And then when she was like, this will scar, all of a sudden I was like, wait a minute. That can't happen.

You're like a surgeon who just cut a finger off. And you're like, should I go get it reattached? Ah, fuck, throw it in the trash with the pennies.

Yeah, like, I'll be fine. I'll operate without it. But then once it was healing and it was looking like it was scarring, but it was definitely getting better day by day, I started giving myself really nice blowouts in my hair so I could feel pretty because I was like, this is crazy. And I have like a couple of photos of me, selfies in my camera roll from that time where I'm just like really like serving because I was just like, I need to feel pretty right now. But it was a really interesting pattern. I'm so glad it didn't scar, but if it had and I wasn't an actor, I wouldn't have been embarrassed to go out or anything.

Right, right, right, right.

But I'm an actress, so it would've been probably—

Well, you could've turned into a character actor.

Yes. You're, like, really dark. I got a thing.

You got a thing.

I got a cool— I got a—

Oh, that's Joey with facial scars.

Well, look, again, this is a privilege of a man, but there's several really famous, cool actors that have some cool scarring on their face. Yes.

Yeah.

Maybe Norman Reedus. I shouldn't name names, but— Am I right, Rob? Norman Reedus, does he have a rad scar? Are you thinking about the Sons of Anarchy guy? Yeah. Yeah, he's got a cool scar, I think.

What about, um—

Oh, here we go.

The, um, Omar from The Wire.

Michael K. Williams.

Thank you.

Did he pass away?

He did. It's so sad.

Really? Amazing scar.

Yeah.

He did. He had the coolest scar. And you know how he got that?

I actually don't.

He was an addict, and he got that at a bar. Someone...

Sliced him.

...razored him in the face, yeah.

I think anybody who has a defining characteristic about them and is brave enough to just put themselves out there...

If you're him, if you're Michael K., and you own that shit, you're like, that's fucking cool. If you're him and you're like cowering all the time, then you're like, oh, this poor man. You have the choice to tell others how they should feel about it.

I mean, I think you feel that way about— even if we pare down having some kind of obvious, let's say, scarring or disability or anything, if you pare that back even, I just think you have the ability to kind of dictate how anyone just feels about you, even if you have insecurities or anxiety. I think that that's I think that's a piece of my puzzle over the last couple of years where I've just been like, oh, if I'm feeling this way about me, I really don't want to show up that way into the world because it allows other people to feel that way about me. I know that I don't need that.

So are you saying in the past couple of years you've been sort of riddled with other people's opinions of you?

It's a good question.

What's been going on?

What's been going on?

What's been going on in these last 2 years?

Catch us up.

I don't know. There's been amazing moments. There's been low moments. I keep making jokes. I'm like, my frontal lobe developed 2 years ago, and it's terrible. But there's a part of me that's like, maybe that's what it was. Maybe that's true. I think that I was feeling a little bit out of my realm of joy. I feel like I've always reached for joy really easily in my life. And then it became a little bit tougher, and I couldn't pinpoint why. And that, like, was really freaking me out because I feel like I'm a very positive person.

Yeah.

And then that made me start to really feel badly about myself because I wasn't able to, like, find the joy.

You were judging yourself.

And then, like, everything that was maybe not so serious to me once upon a time felt like dire. And it was like, what is going on? Like, why do I feel like things that don't usually bother me or upset me feel so dire? And I would get lost in that thought. And then once I exhausted that, I would beat myself up for not being able to get out of it.

Exactly.

Even if I wake up feeling this way every day and I'm moving through the world this way, I do kind of believe in like the fake it till you make it vibe in terms of just like if you put on a fake smile, it eventually becomes a real smile because it does make you feel better. Last week I got bad news about something, but I had to jump right into an interview that was like half an hour long. And once the interview was over, like I actually did feel better because I was being jovial and forced to make conversation about other things and kind of feel happy for a minute. It goes such a long way to just like try to change your perspective and feel positive. It's so much easier said than done. But I think that there was, yeah, just like a thing of like, if I put out what I'm feeling deeply into the world every day, it's not gonna reflect nicely.

You recognize the power of distraction in preventing rumination. Rumination's death.

Jemima Jo Kirk does this thing with Elle magazine every now and then where she answers burning questions from young women. And one of her things was somebody was saying like, I'm feeling so insecure about myself and da da da da da, like, what should I do? And her answer was like, And she was like, you should stop thinking about yourself so much. And I was like, oh my God, wait, she's right. So then every time I would get kind of in one of those weird holes, I was like, wow, I'm really just thinking about me so much right now. Like, what if I tried to think about someone else or like other things? And it would kind of help me get out of that mindset. But I finally feel like I'm stepping out of that hole I was in for a while.

Yeah, this is the hack of AA, which is you're required to do service. But we admit and acknowledge the service is selfish. So I'm gonna help you, but in helping you, I'll be forced to stop thinking about myself. And all of my relief is gonna come from stopping evaluating what could make Dax happier, what could make Dax feel more status, all these things. It's very hard to be doing it while you're actively dealing with someone else's problem.

Totally.

So it's like, even though it seems selfless, it's for you. It's relief from yourself.

I agree. I feel so sometimes distracted and annoyed that I'm, like, stuck with me forever.

Yeah.

But then I'm like, that's fine. You just don't have to make it all about you.

Yeah.

And also too, there's just like something really kind of important about losing your way for a second. Because I do think it allows you to remember what feeling great can feel like, strive to get back there, but like, learn a lot of things about how you deal with stress of all kinds— familial, financial, whatever it is— it's gonna feel really exhausting and hard. But when you learn it young, I think it sets you up for a brighter path of dealing with it when you get older. And also it allowed me to be like, I may be feeling all these things right now and I can't totally pinpoint why, or maybe having a harder time grabbing onto, like, the joyous feeling that I normally am able to grab onto. Can't pinpoint why. Like, at the end of the day, when I look at my life, when I look at my family, when I look at every person in my life that I have, I am really happy. I'm really happy. I've got great people in my life. I might be feeling these things, and those things can exist at the same time. So it's like, I felt good about— I was like, I'm allowed to feel this way.

I'm allowed to like have that space to feel this way.

Yeah.

And because I'm not having to stress about— I don't have like a crumbling marriage. I don't have like a horrible relationship with my sister. I'm ruminating on these things because I don't have these outside stressors that are really bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's just allowed me to be kind of grateful that those were my problems.

Also, nobody makes a change who is content. None of us like to change. It's not comfortable to change. So in a weird way, if you're consistently happy and content, what you're also admitting is like, well, you're never gonna change because we don't change for fun.

No.

Right? We change because we're unhappy or we've got to make an adjustment.

Big stuff happens.

Yeah. It's weird. We all desire to be completely happy at all times, but then you'd be Well, then I'll never change. I'm gonna be the same person in 40 years because why would I change if I'm happy?

You're also probably not that happy if you're always happy.

Yeah. Well, it's all in relation, right? Yeah.

You don't have a contrast or a concept of why you're happy if you're always happy.

You're probably not putting yourself out there that much.

Yeah. And not to say I was, like, always happy. It was just more like I had an easier time grabbing onto, like, the better perspective, the happier thought. Waking up on the right side of the bed.

It kind of sounds chemical, if I'm being honest.

Yeah.

It just sounds like hormonal.

I know. I think it was like a brain change, a body change, something. And I think it's good to have contrast in your life and to learn things are temporary.

I think that's a big part of it.

Yeah.

I was just gonna say, I think part of the discomfort is when you're in that situation, you think it's permanent. This is the new me. What happened? I used to be so happy.

Every time I get my period, the week before the feeling, I'm like, this is how I feel.

Forever miserable.

I'll never feel different. And then it passes. I'm like, wait a minute. Oopsie, forgot.

Okay.

Another thing that's happened in the last 2 years is I probably found in my research then 2 years ago that you were friends with Sabrina Carpenter, but I really didn't care. My then 10-year-old became obsessed with her. So then I was listening to music with her all the time. And then I took her to the show and I just am so obsessed with her now. Among the best moments of my entire life was we're leaving the show. show, and we had to drive back from downtown LA home, and we held hands, and we were listening on repeat that song. Don't smile because it happened, baby, cry because it's over.

I want you to miss me when you see me.

Holding hands with my daughter, listening to that song on repeat, was— I was like euphoric.

Yeah.

I owe this woman such a debt of gratitude.

Now I'm really delighted you guys are best We have known each other for many, many moons.

I think what's a blessing for both of you guys is that it worked out for both of you guys. Yeah, it can be a little stressful if you've both endeavored on this thing and then one of you just gets left in the dust. You know, that happens.

I know what you mean. One thing about her though is she's just a loyal friend. She's just always has the same friends. We've just been friends forever. All of her friends have been her friends mostly for so many years.

She's the I love the vibe. It's so good.

I know. She's so talented. She's so smart.

She's really in charge. She's so clever.

I'm just always like, God, you're so clever.

Well, last time you were on, you said that you were talking to her on the way to the show, to our show.

Yes.

And I was like— and yeah, Dax didn't really know or care. And I was like, this is a big deal. This is a big deal. He's notoriously late. I'm late on most things. So then he found out.

I mean, I'm 51. Cut me some slack. Yeah, cut me some slack.

I don't know what the fuck's going on here. Slack has been cut. You know what? I was thinking about that. I actually called her right afterwards as well to be like, I just finished. I was actually on the phone with my sister. Speaking of wonderful women in my life, my sister was telling me that she said, you have to tell them today that I love Armchair Anonymous and I've been dying to have a topic that I get to call in for.

She needs a write-in.

Hold on a second. I'll go a step further.

Tell us what to do.

Ask her what her favorite craziest story is.

Okay.

And I bet we could build a whole prompt around it.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, it might be so easy.

Oh my God.

This is a done deal.

This is Hunter. We need more Sebastian.

I'm so delighted she loves Armchair Anonymous. That means you're nasty.

She's nasty.

Yeah.

Such a good show. Like, it's our best show.

Did she tell you about it at all?

Yes, of course. Absolutely. She was telling me about, of course, the poop ones.

Obviously.

Yeah, those are great. We would like to do those every Friday, but we have to police ourselves.

Or foreign objects up the butt.

I was gonna say, what has taken over from the doodie stories is these foreign objects in bodies. Because what happened is we end up interviewing a lot of nurses, and nurses are our favorite demographic in the world. We love nurses. They're all so playful, and they've seen it all. They're wonderful. And one of One of them happened to just mention it in another story, and I go, oh my God, how many times have you seen that? And she's like, oh, 30 or 40. She goes, you'll never meet a nurse who's not dealt with 30 or 40 foreign objects in bodies.

It feels right. That feels like the right number to me.

Have you ever had a foreign object in your body?

Um, that would be an exclusive.

Yeah, exclusive.

Okay, we're gonna cut the clip right there.

I was watching the new Jackass movie the other day and Steve-O like swallowed a golf ball and then shot it out his rectum.

What?

It was like a trick. He like had it up there already.

Yeah, because also, no choking.

Yeah, I don't want to swallow—

No, it wasn't a golf ball.

Well, it might have been a golf ball.

That's crazy.

I bet it was a ping pong ball, I think. Ping pong ball?

Yes, that's right, because it made a funnier noise.

It was 3 in the hand, 2 in the bush.

Yeah, it was like he had 4 hands in his mouth.

bush.

It was like ding ding ding.

We're not recommending doing that.

I have seen that show in Thailand, the famous— you hear this in all the Vietnam movies.

I thought you were talking about the Jackass show on MTV. I was like, me too, duh.

You know about the rich history of the GIs in Vietnam going on R&R in Thailand, and there were all these different brothels and all these things happening in Bangkok, and one of them is the ping pong ball show.

I did not know this.

You guys don't know about this? I don't know this either. Oh, okay. So I'm on a family vacation with my mom's sister and stepfather, and we're in Bangor.

So your aunt and uncle?

Say what?

Well, you said your mom's sister.

I said my mom's sister and stepfather.

Oh, his mom, your sister, and my mom's sister.

I'm like, that's your aunt. Me and my aunt.

She doesn't have a sister. We took in one. My mother knew the history completely. She knew the area of town we had to go to.

Took in one?

The show.

Oh, took in the show.

Of the many feats that were performed, they shot a dart out and popped a balloon taped to the ceiling.

Out of their butt?

Out of their vagina. These are all out of the vagina.

Okay.

Have you heard it now? Does that ring a bell?

No, but I have seen a strip club show where a woman was shooting dollar bills out of her.

Okay, great.

Okay. And how far were they traveling?

She was queefing them out, and it was, like, impressively far.

It was like, we've cleaned it up.

This episode.

We have covered every orifice.

I'm only bringing it up so that I can tell you how interesting it was at 19 or 20 to be sitting next to my stepdad in this experience.

And your sister.

No, no, no.

Just he and I went in.

Oh. Oh, my God.

My mom and sister had no desire to see it, but we were encouraged. You're here. This is a thing people see. You should see it.

I wish it was the whole family. Me too.

Me too.

It's disappointing.

It was the whole family bonding. That would have been nice. That would have been so nice.

But my stepfather, who has since passed, was the sweetest, quietest man ever. He was an electrical engineer. And so we're watching this show. It's just a strange experience to be sitting next to your stepfather. And then of course they know I've got no money. They're ignoring me, but they're just crawling all over him and he doesn't know what to do. And I'm like, I'm trying to help. Yeah, you know, they're trying to get him to maybe go get a lap dance or do something.

Touch it.

Yeah, he was getting full-court press.

Is that like the craziest situation you've ever been in with your stepfather or a parental figure?

Gotta be top of the list. I'd have to think about it, but yeah.

My poor grandma, she hasn't seen anything like that with me, but me and my sisters have exposed her to so much like raunchy— we were playing back in the day when we were teenagers like Cards Against Humanity with her. We had to teach her what bukkake was.

Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

How did that go?

She was fine. I mean, she was just like annoyed that we were talking to her this way. We were like, well, it's like if a bunch of friends get together.

Yeah, it's like, how do you even describe that to a grandma?

Come on, my friends. And she was just like, oh my God, how dare you? How dare you talk like this? This is disgusting. She was like venting to me yesterday, and she called me and she like said the word fuck, and she like never does that. And she was She's like mid-vent, very heavily venting, and then she stops herself midway and she was like, I know I never say that word, and then just like kept going. She was full engine. So fun. She's gonna be 87 this year. Oh wow, good for her.

She sounds spry if she's on the phone with you dropping F-bombs.

She's really spry. We play mahjong together.

Oh, I love mahjong.

Me too.

Oh my God, we should play. Let's play.

Yes. Oh my God, I know.

Isn't it a long game?

I would like to start right now.

No, it's not that long. I mean, I could sit there for 6 hours and play. Oh my God, I could just play all day. Take a little quesadilla break, come back. Me and my mom had a little date with her best friend a few days ago that we did that. Play mahjong.

Fun.

We played mahjong. We sat in the sun, took a quesadilla break, came back. I had an interview on like Zoom. I did that. I came back.

Oh, it's the best.

It was a great day.

Yeah, great day.

You know what? I've been having a really nice girl dates lately. My sister took me out to dinner 2 nights ago.

Where'd you go?

Have you heard of Arby's?

I, I love Arby's. Have you heard of Tommy's Chili? Which, by the way, love.

Yeah, me too.

So good.

On the fries.

I've never had that.

Tommy Burger?

Uh-uh. Their chili moves in such a unique way. It comes out as a one solid thing.

It's very gelatinous.

Extremely. You tilt it out of the Styrofoam cup and no residue.

Interesting.

Well, there's a little bit of oil left In the Styrofoam.

That's it.

That's it.

Not a chunk in sight.

Okay.

I'm gonna implore you to watch the movie Chips. We have a really nice scene at Tommy Burger, and I'm getting that chili all over my outfit, and it's just gooping. And as a lover of the chili, I think you'll appreciate that.

I love the chili.

Okay.

Practical magic.

Oh, yes.

Here we are.

Speaking of sisterhood and sweet women— Yes!

Girl dates.

Girl dates and having dinner with my sisters, I first need some backstory.

So the original, the first Practical Magic came out in 1998, and it starred Sandra Bullock and Nicky Kitty, Nicole Kidman.

Nicky Kid.

This is your second movie with Nicky Kitty, yeah?

This is my second movie with Nicky Kitty.

So that movie, and I am not being critical, I just brought up chips, it didn't make any money, okay? But the movie made $65 million and it cost like $65 or $70 million. So it's an interesting—

I'm shocked at that.

And it was like critically panned.

But it's a classic.

No, it found its audience.

That's the explanation I'm kind of looking for.

Oh my God.

It came out. Sandy and I were talking about this the other day, like how she was like saying that like it didn't do well. It really hurt them because they had so much fun making it. The reviews at the time were crazy. They would say things like, there's too many women in this movie. Like, how many women do you need in one movie?

How many women does it take to screw in a movie?

And she was like, that was like every other article was saying like, there's too many women in one movie. Like, it's so woman-y. And it was just so crazy to me thinking about that being a criticism and where we are today.

Yeah.

But it just, like, had this massive life after it came out, and it has this cult following. I am telling you, I have never been in something that people find out about where I've had more people say that they are begging for this. They're so excited to see this. This is, like, one of the biggest reactions I've had in my career in terms of just something I've been part of.

Yeah, this is huge.

It's so crazy.

So, Mani, you're of the— I'm of the gender.

I am the audience. I am the audience for that.

You were 11 when it came out.

Was I really 11?

You know, you were 11.

But it's like the thing you watch at the sleepovers with your friends, and then you do the dance.

Lime in the coconuts. Exactly.

I mean, there's, like, scenes.

There's quotes, the fashion, the aesthetic of it all, the ants. It is such an iconic movie in plot, in aesthetic, in sexiness. And so, what's crazy is just how So you were like 10 when it came out. I was not around yet.

Yeah.

You were negative 1.

You were not even an embryo.

Negative 1. I was not even an embryo quite yet. So actually, so close.

Eh, no.

And, you know, my mom loved that movie. My sisters loved it. It's one of those movies that the women who are so excited to see it now, it's like spanning generations of a family. So this movie has just such a power. I was 10 when I saw it for the first time. And I loved this movie. And my mom was like, oh, yeah, Practical Magic?

Duh. Love that movie. I've already been there.

And I was like, um, well, now I love that movie. And she was like, great, we can rewatch it together all the time. It means so much to me and my sisters. Like, it is so crazy to be here—

In the sequel.

In the sequel.

In this movie that you're not in.

This many years after they made the first one. Like, getting to be on set, watching Nicole and Sandra be Sally and Jilly, it's, like, so crazy.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

Now, are you worried? Are you worried about this? This is so meaningful to so many people.

It's so meaningful.

This is like Devil Wears Prada 2.

It reminds me of that in the same way that it's just like, Oh my God, it better be so good. Like, there's a lot of pressure.

Pressure.

Of course. Also just like joining in as a new cast member, and I know that it's so exciting and there's so many feelings and my heart is racing about it because I just want to make people like proud. I want to make the fandom proud. I feel like this movie does absolute justice for a sequel. Like, I'm so so pleased by how it turned out. It's so special. But you know what's also nice too is I think that when I was cast, like, how warm and welcoming everyone was was amazing. But also, there was, understandably, from the fans of the movie— in the first movie, Evan Rachel Wood played Kylie, who's the character that I'm playing. And I think initially, it was, like, very hard for audiences to kind of imagine that she and the original young woman who played Antonia weren't partners. But we're following a very specific kind of age storyline of where the girls are in the books. The girls in the Book of Magic, you know, they're of a certain age. They're just, like, out of college.

Yeah, they gotta be discovering that they're witches, right?

Totally. But luckily, she wished me well. She, like, said in an interview recently I saw where she was like, I wish Joey the best. And so, like, I reached out to her, and, like, that was, like, so sweet, and it was just, like, a really nice— 'cause, like, everyone was saying things online.

And then I was like, well, what if we just chatted?

And so that was really nice because it's like, It's just so noisy when people make their mind up about kind of like how to behave when they feel something about someone or a casting choice.

I wish AI could tell us what the actual percentage of the world who feels that way about her family.

Totally.

'Cause I bet you it's like under half a percent. Totally.

They're so fucking loud. And like, I love Evan Rachel Wood. And so I was super touched when she like said that in her interview that she like wished us all well. And that was really nice because she didn't have to do that. And also, like you said, It's like, I feel like the noise can become so much noisier than maybe it actually is, but it does feel that way sometimes.

Yeah.

Tell me about your relationship with Nicki Kitty.

She's amazing. Also, just getting to work with her again. As life brings you different challenges, then you work with people who are just so wise and smart, and same with Sandy, and you just get to have discussions with people that you respect, admire, not about the career that you have, but just about things in life that you just didn't expect to have to deal with.

Normally, I hate this question in interviews, but I do find myself genuinely curious right now. Were there any huge life hacks they said to you? Can you think of any moment where you're like, oh, I'm delighted I heard that? Well, like, we interviewed Tom Pelphrey, right? And he's just so fucking brilliant on that Task show. And he's talking about working with Mark Ruffalo, and he was shocked with how playful Mark Ruffalo is and how not serious he is between these takes that are very, very serious. He said to him, have you always been this way? And he said, no, I used to be like you. And he's like, what's that? And he's like, really intense.

Yeah.

And I just found it untenable. Like, I won't be able to do it forever if I'm doing it this— and like, that was a little bit of a breakthroughy thing for him. Like, oh wow, I can be that great, but I don't have to kill myself to be that great.

We had Olivia Wilde on, and she said that Jennifer Garner once told her— I've been like thinking about this a lot— that Jennifer Garner told her once, like, hey, the tabloids, like the culture, casts you. They decide what your role is, and that's your role forever. So to be, like, all agitated by it or try to fight it, they've already done it, and there's, like, acceptance mode around that. And I was like, that is brilliant.

That's so interesting.

Yeah.

That's a really great way to, like, think about it.

Yeah.

Because it, like, brings me to, like, so many people I grew up seeing in the tabloids and, like, their role was defined through, like, how the tabloids made us view them.

Yes, exactly.

And it is decided. Like, it's decided for you.

They're like, oh, this is the person who really wants to have a baby and never can.

Yeah!

And here's the person who can't keep a husband. And here's the person—

This is the party girl.

Exactly. This is the America's sweetheart.

That's why big moments when people like Miley Cyrus are like, never mind what you said, I'm not that. That was such an amazing cultural moment. But I do feel like it is true in terms of I'm not at all as defined, I would say, as those people, or as big at all as those names. But there's been just like a feeling that comes with a public perception and how that makes you feel, and if it should make you feel anything ever, especially how accessible it is to see what everyone says about you online.

Yeah.

But now I'm just like, wait a minute, good or bad, whether they're saying really nice things, really mean things, really untrue things about my beliefs, whatever. they're saying, my real life is great. It doesn't permeate that at all.

You still get hired to do roles you love.

I still get hired to do roles I love. I still have a really nice life at home. Then I guess it really doesn't permeate my space. And like, it's true. Like, it doesn't. So like, what does it matter?

It's a soap opera that you're actually not living in.

Yeah. Well, that's why it's like when I read that stuff about like, what's going on with Joey? And she's got those marks on her neck. I'm like, oh, wow. This is such a simple thing for me, but now it's not a simple thing for certain people. I posted this TikTok yesterday, like, because I, like, hit my head really hard a few days ago because I was super excited to see my sister and she was picking me up. And I, like, looked out the window to see if she was there and, like, I hit my head on the wall when I was, like, turning around. And it was brain rattling hard. It's very tender to the touch. But I posted a TikTok about it. I posted a TikTok about it and, like, someone commented, like, we'll find out what really happened next year. I'm like, what do you mean?

Also, what? What?

What does that even mean? So, which is, like, so funny to me because I'm like, I'm like, wow, I truly am living a simple life.

What do you think the role is you've been cast in?

Do you know?

I don't know if I have been. Yeah, I don't think you do, by the way.

Not even yet. That's not a good word to use. I don't know if I have been. I think that luckily we're less in that culture as we were. Like, people aren't buying Star Magazine anymore to see who looks terrible in a bikini.

Well, again, there were 4 or 5 that were on the checkout stand, so it was very easy for the narrative to be controlled because there's only 4 sources.

No, literally.

But now you have people's own social media accounts counteract the narrative.

Yeah. 'Cause they're like sharing what they see the world like, what they actually like and are interested in. My mom and I used to have, when I was like 9 and beyond, we used to have trashy magazine night and we would buy all 4.

Yeah.

And then we'd get like ice cream, some snacks and ice cream, and then we would be a break. We would knit and we would read and we would pass the magazines back and forth. And it was so fun. But I also just like remember what we were reading was so troubling at the time. But my My favorite part was who wore it better.

That was my favorite. Sure.

I like Stars Are Like Us.

Oh, Stars Are Like Us.

Yeah, like someone's underwear's hanging out as they bend over at the gas pump.

Yeah, someone's cleaning up their dog shit.

Getting a parking ticket.

Oh, so upsetting.

Yeah. Oh, man, they are just like us. Oh, my.

Look at that.

They haven't transcended all the annoying parts of living. And then Maisie's in it, and we had her on, and we adored her. She's such a sweetie pie.

She's the nicest girl.

Were you a Game of Thrones fan?

No, I've actually never seen it.

Oh my Lord.

Do you watch it?

I know.

She has the coolest fucking role on that show. She became the star of that show.

Yeah, she really did.

I've seen so many clips of her from that show.

No, you gotta watch the whole—

No, I know, I know.

Are you scared?

No, I was just— when it came out— what year did that come out?

2011.

2011.

15 years ago.

All right, so I was 11, 12 when that came out.

Okay, you're a bit young.

I wasn't interested in like the darker, dragony shows. Yeah, I get that. And then by the time I got curious about it, it was so many seasons in that I was like, am I really gonna start this show?

You should.

Now it's one of those where I'm like, it's been so long since it came out that it actually needs to be watched now. In a way that's— I really love revisiting television that I'd never seen. I was too young when The Sopranos came out. I love The Sopranos. I love The Larry Sanders Show, The Wire. It's time to watch Game of Thrones.

The way I feel about you right now is that you have a lottery ticket at home that's worth like $10 million.

I know.

I'm so jealous.

And I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe you're not watching it.

Okay, wait, that's a good feeling. Okay, that's a very good endorsement. When you get excited for someone else to see something for the first time—

I'm, like, mad with jealousy right now. I would give anything to see fresh eyes. We're gonna rewatch it. Let's do it.

Let's rewatch it. I just think she's so wonderful that I'm excited to just see my friend in a new show.

Also, do you like her? She's such a rock star in it. Chris and I regularly say, like, man, I can't wait till the girls get old enough that we get to rewatch that whole show again through their eyes. That's gonna be so much fun.

That's awesome.

It's like my next best thing I have waiting. But it's like, come on, y'all, let's get in the mood for this.

Yeah, you're like, let's just get dark and dragony and sexy and kill people.

It gets dark, for sure.

Oh, it's very dark. Very, very dark.

My sister loves that show.

Your sister has great taste.

I know, I know.

And was she so pumped that you were working with her?

So pumped.

Yeah, she's a bad motherfucker on that show.

But Maisie's just like the coolest girl. She's so nice, she's so chic, and she also has like the nicest speaking voice I've ever heard in my life. I could listen to her talk all day long. I just love hanging out with her.

Yeah, I went to Savannah Bananas. One of the questions that the baseball player asked me is like, who's like the most down-to-earth star? And I was like, oh wow, racking my brain of who I think is down to earth, you know? That's kind of a tall order.

Yeah, I feel like everyone I've ever interviewed and met—

But boy, she's so fucking down to earth. I wish I would have thought of her when he asked me. Yeah, also like to try to go through everyone you knew I just, of course, thought of the 20 people I know who are in the fucking stratosphere of bizarro land, and I don't want to shit talk anyone.

Anytime people ask me, like, who's the nicest, I immediately am like, who the meanest? Sorry, my brain went somewhere else.

Right. I think I would say Elisabeth Moss.

Oh, sure.

Great. Very cool.

Great.

Very down to earth.

Very cool. Coupled with her work, it's so disorienting in the funnest way. She's a playful, playful goofball.

That's awesome.

I love her.

Very Smiling. We're doing the interview for Handmaid's Tale and you're like, how are you doing that?

I know.

I know.

She just starts laughing right after that 6-minute closeup of her crying in agony. And then they yell cut and she's like immediately laughing.

It's kind of like you with that show.

With the act.

So intense.

I think there is a bit of like, uh, people always ask me like, did you take that show home with you after? I was like, no.

That would've been a strange one for you to take home with you.

No, me like it was a hard to shed at the end of the day. I think it's like you gotta separate your work and your life. I also really enjoy going to work. Even if a day is hard, I'm like doing something I really love.

Well, the odds are that you'll be pretty proud of yourself after that hard day, right? It's like, it'll be hard, but you'll be like, oh, I got through that scene that I was thinking about for a month.

I'm gonna sleep so good. I feel fulfilled at the end of the day. That was a crazy thing when I like first felt fulfilled by working because I started so young. I was like 9 years old when I started working. And I was like, this is the most fulfilling thing in the world. So crazy.

A little bit of an unfortunate release date. Yeah. For you to publicize.

September 11th.

Oh, we moved it.

We moved it.

Oh, good. Because I read—

wow.

I was typing at the top of my notes today and I was like, that's a bummer of a date to have to go around the country and say, check out my movie on 9/11.

Oh, well, I think you just— yeah, I was going to say you say September 11th, but that's still not great.

I was trying to think of how I'm going to say the date.

I agree. I do agree. I was like, okay. And then I was like, well, it comes out. And then they changed it to like the 10th because it opens on the 10th. And I was like, perfect.

That's much better.

Thanks, everyone.

But some people have birthdays on September 11th.

Okay.

Oh boy.

My nephew was born on September 11th.

He has to say it all the time.

Yeah. No, but Nikki Kid, fabulous. Sandy Bull, amazing.

What's their advice? Give us one piece.

They've been through so much themselves. And then me and my family were going through a bit of like a shakeup. with familial health and kind of intense orchestration and logistics of how we take care of someone. And so that was really helpful to talk to people who have been through similar things, have had the life experience of that, and have also, like, been in the industry at the same time as doing those things. So, like, there was just a lot of genuine support in, like, the crevices of life that have nothing to do with the public eye and industry. So that was really nice because then I felt just, like, such a real connection of needing support, needing women, And like them showing up.

A little nurturing.

So nurturing. I love to be nurtured. Yeah.

Except not when you're in the bathroom puking.

No, but other than that, I'm really good at asking for help.

You are?

That's good. I'm good at asking.

I'm envious of that.

Are you a Leo?

I'm a Virgo.

Okay, I don't know when the cusps are.

It's close.

Are you a Leo?

I am. I love my birthday, and I'm really good at asking for help.

Yeah, this is great.

You know what, I have a theory on this. I just launched it recently. I have certain people in my life who love their birthday, and I have certain people that don't love their birthday. I'm one who doesn't necessarily love my birthday.

When's your birthday?

January 2nd. What I've concluded is it's the summer birthday people, and it makes so much sense.

Well, I hate the summer.

Oh, you do?

Oh my God, I hate the summer.

This is a hot take.

It is so oppressive.

What a bitch.

What if that's the headline? She's a bitch, she hates summer.

Joey's such a bitch, she hates summer.

Wait, what do you hate about it?

It's so goddamn hot.

Okay, well, so what you hate is heat.

Yeah, I really don't like it. I love winter, I love fall. And I also just feel like I grew up in LA.

Also, you don't know what the hell winter or fall is.

No, I do.

You're saying that and someone in Michigan is like, you do not love winter, you love California.

So I've shot 2 winters in Michigan.

Ooh, you bet. That's tough.

Why?

'Cause I work all over the world.

She's a working bitch.

You've shot in Michigan? I've shot in Michigan.

What did you shoot? I shot Oz the Great and Powerful there, and I shot a movie I did called The Lie.

Oh, wow.

Oh, no, that was in Canada. Wait, what else did I shoot?

It was very close. We neighbor.

I shot a movie called Family Weekend in Michigan. I shot like 3 things in Michigan, actually. I love the winter because I don't deal with it annually. I dip in and out of winter. I know that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I love how romantic—

It's cute.

It's so cute.

And Christmas is better when you have some snow.

Of course.

But do you also know that the heat here is Yeah, that it's not even hot here? That you think it's hot but it's not hot?

No, I, I, I—

It's coming. September, it'll be hot.

I know.

It's not the same though. It's not the same.

Where are you thinking?

I'm from Georgia.

I love a Georgia heat. Oh, it's awful, but my skin looks so good. I have also spent 4 summers in Georgia.

My goodness, you are a travel bug.

And my skin looks really good when I spend the summers there.

Some people—

okay, some people— I've heard this from other people too— they love humid areas because their skin and their hair I have the opposite.

And also, LA, you can't have— it's too dry. Like, Georgia is so nice because in Atlanta it's summer, but you're living within so much greenery.

It is green, which is nice.

Because it won't catch on fire. Here, it's just— it's going to catch on fire.

But trees may fall on your house.

These are solid fucking points.

You just got to get an arborist out there.

You got to take care of those trees.

We spent the whole summer in Nashville, second summer in a row. It's very, very hot and very, very humid. But I'm with you. I'm sitting there on the screened-in porch and like the amount of life I can hear. is almost deafening.

Like, it is really nice. Like all the buzzing of that.

All the bugs and the frogs and the deer in front of you.

Only if you have a screened-in porch though.

And the smell of a summer night in the South.

I agree with you on that.

The thing I kept flagging to my kids this summer is it would be windy, right? In LA, you can't feel the wind because there's nothing in it, the air, right? There's no water in it, so it's not heavy. But like when you're walking in Nashville and the wind's blowing, it's like you can feel it moving through your hair and you really get the sense of like, oh, I do live inside of something. I am surrounded by something. You don't have that feeling here.

I completely agree, and I never thought of it like that with the wind having nothing in it. Because yesterday I was walking my dog, and now I'm like putting it together. The way I get almost feral when I smell someone's sprinklers on hitting their grass. I seek that house out, and I kind of just sit there for a minute, and I sniff like my dog. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think what I'm craving is a bit of humidity.

Yeah, I'm a smell fiend as well. I get very adjusted by smells.

What about the smell of rice Well, that's a nice smell.

Ooh, that is nice.

That's comforting.

That's a deep cut.

I love when I can smell rice cooking.

Wow. Did you grow up eating a lot of rice?

She did 4 movies in Japan.

She did 4 falls. I spent 6 summers in Japan. No, my mom would make brisket and rice on special occasions, and I could smell the rice.

You know what's funny? My parents made rice every day. It's an Indian cuisine in a rice cooker every day. So I was very against rice.

'Cause you thought it was gonna expose you.

Yeah.

Expose you to what?

Being different. Being Indian and being different.

Being brown as hell.

Not expose me to like a parasite or something. But then I had a friend over in 2nd grade and she saw that my parents were eating rice and she was like, can I have some rice? Like she was so excited about rice and I was so confused.

Oh.

And I didn't know what to think.

That's such a nice moment.

I know, but it didn't permeate. I was still like, I don't trust you. She was impenetrable. Well, you know what it is?

That makes a lot of sense. Before I stopped going to school, I went to school with kids who had Asian parents and things in their lunchbox to be so insecure about. It was so natural to be scared of what the other children would think. And some kids are like shitty. Like, and they're just like, they pick on you for nothing.

For your kimchi.

Yes.

For your kimchi. It's totally understandable to like want to protect yourself.

It got a little easier. No, there's a lot.

Stop. There's so, there's so many smells in Indian cuisine. So it is It's my number one favorite cuisine. It's a great period. No flavors have ever been more exciting to me.

You've been in London, obviously. You've probably worked there.

That's where I filmed this. Oh, such amazing Indian food. Oh my God, it was constant.

Yeah, I need them to open up. There's like 3 really famous ones. Yeah, they need to open that up here. Let's collect our—

I got a little token at Dishoom last time I went that was a little like, show this to the waiter and you guys both get to flip it. And it was like a heads or tails thing. And if you call it, your meal's free. And I never got to use it after I got it because I didn't go back to Jishoom after that. 'Cause I was almost done with the shoot.

But you had called it.

I still have it.

You had called it or you get to do it then?

I get to do it when I go back.

That's exciting.

I know. Let's go to Jishoom.

Yeah. Let's go. I'm like dying to have— I think I'm going to order Indian food for dinner.

I was just thinking the same thing.

We have good Indian food here.

It's good enough for me.

Every crevice of LA has one.

What do you like? Where should we order?

I like Crown of India.

Okay.

I also like— back when I lived in Sherman Oaks, I like Indian Masala House. A lot of the places that I've discovered, it's just like you have to keep trying the places in the strip mall areas.

Yeah, I know.

Because you're gonna find a good one.

That's right.

You just have to keep trying.

Great advice.

And I hope that's what everyone walks away with.

Great advice.

Keep trying Indian food.

It's cool to try.

Ms. King, you're so fun. You can come back every day. You're so much fun to talk to. Practical Magic comes out September 10th.

10th!

Yeah, very safe day.

I'm so happy that you're so excited. I'm so excited, and it's always a joy to see the two of you. And I love the new set.

Thank you.

I haven't been here since.

I know, it's true.

And it's gorgeous, and it's always so fun to talk to you.

Well, we'll certainly talk to you again.

Yes.

As this goes on. career moves on like the freight train that it is.

That's right.

Adore you. Adore you. Be well.

Bye. Be well.

He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's gonna let him have the facts.

Why does it smell in here?

Rob says there was something in the trash that was stinky.

It is stinky in here.

What would you— what would you rate this? I think it's like a 3, 2.5. Yeah. Like, I can— there's something here, but it's not like I got to put my shirt over my nose.

It's definitely trash. Like, you know how you can just tell when it's trash?

Yeah.

It's trash.

Can I tell you a passive-aggressive thing I do on airplanes if I'm convinced the person next to me is farting?

Yeah.

Well, it's both survival and I do want them to see.

Sure.

I put my nose under my collar and I keep it there. And I like— I'm almost favoring them a tiny bit.

Oh.

Like, hey man, look what I have to do.

Wow.

Do you have any moves if you're suspicious that your partner is farting?

I'll like do this, like—

You rub your nose?

Yeah, I like touch it.

Do you ever, uh, wave, wave the air? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I do. I also vocalize too. I'll go, oh, not— wait, not that loud. That was an exaggeration. I'll go, oh, that loud. Yeah, I'm signaling like it's not my fart because of course I wouldn't mind that.

Exactly. Okay, see, now Yeah. This is where I'm shocked. Why? I'm actually shocked that you have any passive aggressive moves about this because you fart on airplanes.

Well, no, I'm very conscientious about it. Right. If, if I'll let a tiny bubble out, as you know.

Ding, ding, ding.

That comes up.

Oh, it does. Oh wow. That feels crazy. Um, yeah, I do a tiny bubble. Yeah. Like if you're gonna picture, like, you know, the size of Nerds, those candies.

Yeah.

I let one Nerd out.

God.

And then if I don't smell anything, then I let a blueberry out.

Oh, it's incremental.

It's incremental. And then if there's still nothing there, then I might go for a ping pong size, which is probably the whole thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

I was like, that's huge.

But if when I do my Nerd—

You have so much air in you.

Me or everyone?

You.

Oh yeah, I think I do have A lot of air. Not as much as some of my friends though, I gotta say.

Sure.

Yeah, I think if you had a balloon attached to your anus and you tooted, it would definitely inflate it the size of a ping pong ball.

Oh, I see how you're measuring it.

Yeah.

Okay.

That feels right.

That's like— it just feels forceful to create a whole ping pong ball.

Well, that feels like you gotta expel it, like push it out, right?

Okay. Andre would take a fart Now you're saying they're not being conscientious enough, but if they had, you wouldn't be doing this.

So then I didn't finish. If I let my nerd out and I'm like, oh gosh, I can kind of— that would be an issue at a blueberry or a ping pong ball. I then wait. I hold them as much as I can until I know my insides are going to explode. Then I go to the bathroom.

Oh yeah.

And then I have a whole system in there where I let it out and then I flush. Because when you flush, there's a real vacuum effect. It sucks all the air in that little box out. This is back when I used to smoke a lot. on airplanes illegally, you could— this is how I would do it.

Oh.

Um, and so I'm trying to get it out of the toilet as well, and then I'll wait for a second because I'm so self-conscious if I open the door and there's this— well, specifically if there's a flight attendant standing right there.

Oh shit. Yeah. Now, are you sitting for the farts in the toilet? Uh, in the bathroom? You're standing?

Yeah, standing.

And are you leaning over a little?

Uh, well, I'm always leaning over because I'm too tall for the bathroom on an airplane.

Okay.

Yeah, to the degree that for me to pee, because if you can picture it, it's, it's concave and it's getting, you know, the closer you get to the bowl, the, the, the less, uh, height you have.

Uh-huh.

So I'm often, when I pee, I'm like, um, reverse arc. Oh, you're back to get my, uh, genitalia close to the toilet, yet my head will not fit there.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Yeah, it's, uh, there's a lot of privileges with the height. This is one of the times where it's not terribly advantageous.

So you're just standing up and farting? There's no—

Yeah, I do stand up fart, and then I— the second I think it's all out, then I hit— because you only get one flush. Because if you flush a second time now and the flight attendant's out there, it's like, what's going on in there? He put a boot in the toilet.

I've had to do Because it wasn't—

it was too big?

No, I just was too scared that there— I mean, these are emergency situations. I barely even pee on planes.

Okay.

But a few times— oh God, this— why do we do— why do we like this?

You've had some number 2s on planes?

Rarely.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's happened in an— and it's an emergency.

Water balloon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, uh, in that case, I'm so— I am so self-conscious.

Yeah.

But more about the wafting, not about talking to anyone.

I want I want you to— because I want to see the physiology on your body. So you're in there, you have a water balloon.

Yeah.

You're, um, demoralized. Flush, second flush, you know it's still bad. And then you now know you're in there too long, right? And then you hear a gentle knock.

Oh, okay. Uh, yeah, I'm in here.

Yeah, but we already heard it flush twice. Like, you know, you've got no choice now but to Exit. I just wanted, like, I really want you to be in that moment.

Okay.

So you flushed twice. Now you're biding your time and then it's just a little—

Yeah, I'm not coming. See, I—

You're not going to come out. You know someone's standing there and they, you know, they know you flushed twice and you're going to—

how long will you hide? I will still say like, oh, I'm in here. Like, I'm in here.

Yeah, I'm busy. I have work to do.

What if they say, okay, then if they say, why don't you be real?

Well, because I'm trying to get to the punchline of what I want this I know you're always okay. You open the door and Taran Egerton is standing.

Stop. Jesus Christ, Dad.

Can you imagine? And he goes, oh, Monica.

I'd be like, no, I'm not.

Who are you talking about?

Who?

You fucking racist? What? Because I'm Indian, you think I met other Monica Padmans? She would never do what I just did in there. She's flawless.

I'm in here. I would say, doesn't that ever happen to you when sometimes that happens at a restaurant or something? They think it's open and then they're trying to come in and I'm like, I'm in here. I do say I'm in here.

You say I'm in here. I try to have a bit of fun with it.

Wow.

Or sometimes I'm in the mood to have a bit of fun with it.

Sure.

So it's like, hi.

Oh yeah.

That's so weird, right? To hear that. It's almost inviting.

Yeah. Yeah. That's scary, but that's good. The other person then feels like, oh, hi. Oh, sorry.

Hi.

What if you just start— How are you?

Where are you flying?

I've been better. I try not to do this on airplanes.

Oh God, it's awful.

Kristen was at a hotel last night. Okay. Because of the Emmys.

Oh, she stayed at the hotel?

Yes. I urged her strongly, begged her to stay at the hotel. Like, take a fucking nap.

So I wonder— okay, I'm, I'm glad you cleared that up. I wondered that because she posted a picture of her in her beautiful dress at 3 before they left for the Emmys, like ready. Okay. And it said 3:10 PM, and then it said like 8:10 PM and she was in her pajamas. But I was like, where is she?

Ah, uh-huh. Yeah, she was at a hotel. So we had a lovely night last night, the girls and I. We, um, we watched Mayday. Have you watched it?

No.

Is it a TV show? It's on Apple TV. It's a movie with Ryan Reynolds. I can't imagine you haven't seen it advertised. As soon as you open up Apple, it's generally—

Okay. I'm not going to observe it.

Him and Kenneth Branagh.

Oh.

Am I saying that right? The last name?

Yeah, I think so.

It scares me. By the way, Kenneth Branagh, if that's how you say it, is—

Legend.

He's so exceptional. He's a great director. I love all those Mystery on the Nile, whatever they're all called, right? That series, Agatha Christie series.

Yeah.

Anyways, great movie. Boy, to watch them step up. Like, Lincoln becomes mom. She cooks dinner for her and Delta. They cleaned up really well. It was perfect.

Yeah.

Walk Delta to school. And then I'm like, yeah, fuck it, let's go. Let's keep the momentum. I go on a hike, and then I walk by your house, and then I immediately see our lovely neighbor Guillermo. And he has a— well, I don't see him. I just see he has a vehicle I really want. And then I do this thing every time I walk by the vehicle, I go like, Okay, how do I plant a seed to him that, hey, whenever you're gonna move on from that vehicle—

Oh.

Because my hunch is he's just gonna dump it, right? Like, it's, it's gonna be so inconvenient to try to sell it. Once again, people coming over to his house and everything. So now I'm trying to think of a way that I can somehow get this maybe at a 10% discount.

Oh, I have his phone number.

Me too.

Then why don't you just text him and say, hey—

I always walk by and I think of how I will formulate— what is the best way to roll this out?

I think, okay, this will is what I would say. Hey, this is Dax. Yeah, your neighbor.

Hey, we've met.

This is gonna sound crazy, and— but if you're ever looking to get rid of— dump your— yeah, put fill in the blank car. I know what it is.

1987 Chevette.

Um, I'm your guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, uh, smiley face. Let No.

I love you. I'm gonna take this package.

I want that.

Do you remember that's a callback?

I don't remember that.

When I was at Walgreens and I just, I was panicked about getting to the airport and you just said, I love you, I'm gonna take this.

I did forget that.

That could be another thing we could work out maybe is we could do a fake stealing. He could report it stolen, get full value. I'll also kick him a little cash.

Well, you just, you just ruined—

I did.

Okay. Speaking of that, I'm watching Bloodline.

Oh, that's a blast from the past.

Kyle Chandler. Yes. So I didn't know. I thought that was some sort of procedural show.

Oh, it's a little bit like— in my memory, it is the full drama version of Black— of I'm on the show Bad Monkey.

Oh.

Right? It's down in the Keys.

Yeah.

It's like a little bit of underbelly scene.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's about a family.

Oh.

But the reason I started that is because I started watching Lanterns. Are you watching Lanterns?

No. Is it great?

It's great.

Oh, good.

It's really, really good. I'm very into it.

Rob wants to say something. What is it? I've been watching that too. You love it? Yeah, Lanterns is great.

It's so good.

Okay. I love Chandler.

I just love him so much.

He's so good.

Oh yeah, surprise, surprise.

I mean, I know he's so good, but it's just one of those things that You kind of forget and then you see him and you're like, God, he's such a good actor.

I saw this very endearing clip of him talking about his scene that he had in Wolf of Wall Street, which he's like, he's in a Scorsese movie. His first scene is with Leonardo DiCaprio on a boat. And he's talking about how his first couple times he did it, he was being kind of aggressive and mean. And he's like, and I can tell This isn't it. This isn't it. And I'm starting to spin a little bit. And then between takes, Leo pulled me aside and we just chatted about it. And in the process of talking to him, I realized, oh no, man, this is so fun for me. I got this guy. This is a blast. This isn't angry. It's like, I finally got this motherfucker. I'm going to— and then they do it and it's the thing that's in the movie. And he was just so complimentary about it. how generous Leo was.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. 'Cause that's a stressful sitch.

Big time. You know, it's so— it's— acting's so weird because Kyle Chan— like, when you're telling me this story, and I love Leo, you know I love him.

Yeah.

How could you not?

I love him.

Yeah.

But, you know, acting's so subjective, and I'm like, yeah, Kyle Chandler, of course, should be doing a scene with Leonardo DiCaprio. Like, he is as good as him. It's just the world of, like, fame and celebrity and leading men and TV versus movies. It, like, creates all these weird illusions.

Also, Kyle is exceptional. He's way, way better of an actor than I am. Also, Leo is better than him. Leo is one of the absolute greats of all time.

I know, but see, this is what— I don't know if that's true. And I'm— this is all real time. I've never, like, been like, oh, yeah, you know, Yeah. I agree with you. I think he's in an insane—

He's Jack Nicholson. He's like our Jack Nicholson.

But I think there are a lot of TV actors that are phenomenal, would be phenomenal film actors.

Oh yeah. Kyle being one of them.

Yeah. They just don't really get that opportunity for reasons having nothing to do with their acting.

Sure.

And it's interesting to me.

It is. And I want to be clear, I think Kyle is at 100%.

You got to watch Landshark.

But also, I think Leo is a once-in-40-year actor. And I think this is a fun way to think about it. I think what's confusing, I've been starting to think about this way when I'm trying to evaluate or maybe explain why Max Verstappen's so special. If you're just to watch qualifying, you'll go, oh wow, you can kind of figure out how good Max is.

Mm-hmm.

But even if, if, if, if the cars are dead equal, if his teammate's in the same car, you know, him being better is probably a 10th of a second better. And you go, well, that's not that massive. And it's not on its own. But now you add up, there's 62 laps. Now there's this other huge component on the table. How consistently is Max at his best.

Yeah.

And Max somehow, although he might only be a 10th of a second better on one lap, his consistency is a couple standard deviations above everyone else. So now this gets cumulative, right? This tiny margin gets really large because of his consistency. And I would say that about Leo. There's no performance that is not insanely memorable and is almost like the top of his career every time out, right?

But okay, so this—

And Kyle's been really good and serviceable in a couple things and then outrageously exceptional in some things.

Well, this is where things get a little tricky though, because—

He has the material.

Exactly. He's in the position. I mean, this is a ding, ding, ding for a couple episodes from now expert about leaders and how a good leader comes to be. And a lot lot of that has to do with factors outside of their own timing, place.

And then— Who's he working with?

Right. Like, so when we talk about Leo, it's like, yeah, at this point, like, he is gonna be unreal in everything because he's working with the very best people.

Mm-hmm.

He has the agency to say like, I'm not doing that. Like, even if it's, you know what I mean? Like, he gets to say no. Um, and yeah.

And, and Max has always a really good car. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But additionally, it is Leo's impossible— each time it's different. Each time he hits the mark.

I want to be clear, I love him.

Yeah. I mean, he's just really special.

He is. And I feel this way. I mean, we've talked about this. I feel this way about Kristin. Her and Kyle Chandler, I feel like almost are in this similar category where they're so good that you almost don't Notice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's— it's not terribly flashy.

Exactly, because it's so natural and, and like charming. And I, I don't know, I, I don't know, but acting's weird.

Again, I'll put Kristen in that, like, the consistency of Kristen is outrageous.

Yeah.

Like, it's just, it's a crazy consistency. Yeah, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm a bit up and down. I've had some really, I think, really good performances. I've had some that are just like, they're fine, but a couple not so goods, you know. I feel like I more need the right thing, or I need the right, uh, leeway, or, you know, I need some things, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Not Kyle. You put him in anything, he's gonna be, you know, he's gonna be absolutely fantastic.

He's playing Green Lantern, for goodness sakes. Yeah, it's really good.

Can't wait to watch it.

Yeah, you should watch it. But then, yeah, so then I was like, oh, I miss him. I miss Coach. Yeah, I was like, maybe I'll rewatch Friday Night Good.

I recommend.

Yes. But then Bloodline popped up and I was like, oh, I've never seen this. So then I started. So I've been up late.

You can feel the humidity in the show.

You really, really can.

Which is cool. Yeah.

I'm almost done with season 1. I really want to know.

We're on episode 3 of Furious.

Oh, I told you.

I can't believe how great it is.

It's a perfect show.

Who is the lead actress in it?

Emmy Rossum.

Other than Emmy, the—

Oh yeah.

What's her name?

Lola Pettigrew.

Okay. That— she's—

she— I know.

She's a phenom.

I know. She's incredible.

Whoa.

She's incredible.

My God, is she exciting to watch.

Yeah. Can you believe that is Liz Meriwether? Can you believe it? I'm so happy.

I need to send her a text and I'm like, I know she's just being inundated, you know, like when you get the avalanche of that, but I still need to.

Everyone, just a reminder, Dax worked for Liz And Bless This Mess is tonally a lot different than Bless This Mess. And New Girl. Like, I cannot believe— and I, I'm like a— I think New Girl is one of the best TV comedies. It's so good. I think she's so good. And I cannot believe she wrote that and this. They are so different.

Yeah.

And this show is— uh, wait till you finish. I mean, my God.

Okay, great. Yeah, she's like a Juno Temple kind of pop-off-the-screen discovery. Oh, the Furious actor. Yeah, yeah.

All of the acting in that show is really insanely good. The other cop is— I mean, all the cops are great. Yeah, Jake Lacy. Like, it's, it's, it's a highly recommended show. It is dark. I know a few people who were like, I can't watch it.

Too much for them.

A little much for them.

Yeah. Um, but Rossum's hair though.

Ah, yeah, she has great hair.

Whoa.

She has great hair.

What a head of hair.

She has great hair.

My God.

Um, and she's incredible.

She should have been in one of the mermaids.

In my commercial? Yep. Yep.

That was, uh, that was shortsighted on their part.

Well, I probably would have been recast.

No, you would have been in. You had the best hair in the commercial.

Thank you. Well, one of them was definitely cast because her face. Like, she look— she's— well, both of them are gorgeous, but the, uh, but one of them looks like a mermaid. Like, she looks like not of this planet.

Yeah, sure. She looks aquatic.

And then she was cast in Westwood after that.

Okay.

So I don't know. I didn't watch that show, but I assume—

Did she play an aquatic in that one?

I think she played a non-person.

Oh, right.

Aren't people not— yeah.

There they are.

Yeah. You can't really see her face, but her eyes are—

I mean, Monica, you're— you can see objectively your hair is the most banging, right? No, don't say that. For sure.

Rob?

Yeah, I think that's the best hair on that. Yeah, absolutely. You have more, um, more action going. Everyone's got more volume than any human should have. That, that's already like, how the fuck does everyone—

that's what the product does.

But some of the other volume looks a little blown out volume. Yours looks like, oh no, there's pieces in that volume.

Those shells were glued to my boobs.

I— you know what, this is a testament to your hair. I hadn't even noticed you had shell. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's definitely a testament to the hair.

Yep. Yeah.

No clue.

Well, they were glued.

Okay. Everyone had glued?

Yep.

Okay, great.

And then those suits. Once you got in the suit, you couldn't get out of the suit. So you couldn't pee, you couldn't do anything.

Could you just pee in the water or was there really no water involved?

There was water, but that was at the end of the— like the shoot itself was at the end. It's like very— and the first part was on a rock. It was a 17-hour day and a 19-hour day. Wow.

Well, it paid off.

Paid off. It paid the bills too.

Everyone put in the work and it shows. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

Speaking of me and my looks, Yeah. Um, I have a big bruise on my chin. It's covered. It's covered right now. You probably can see a little bit poking out.

Can't see it.

Um, but people might see it on some episodes.

Okay.

Um, it is from filler.

Okay.

I'm happy to say that.

Yeah, great.

It's, um, chin filler. I had chin filler before. I've talked about that, but it faded. That was a couple years ago. So I, uh, got a little re-up.

Topped off the tank. Yeah, nice.

And I have a— and I bruised.

Well, you know, you gotta pay to play.

It's funny because the first time it didn't bruise, and so I was really arrogant about it because he told me, he was like, you know, do this and this, be careful for bruising. He was like, did you bruise last time? I said, no.

Yeah, I don't bruise.

Yeah.

And I should have known better because I've been getting a lot of bruises lately.

I don't fart.

I don't bruise. I don't pee.

I don't do anything.

I'm not sure I'm alive.

I do bruise. Okay.

Congratulations.

Okay. Yeah. Um, so I'm a real girl and I, yeah. And it's been like a lot of days and it's fading, but it's still there.

Okay.

And then of course, so I, I was talking to my family this weekend. First my brother on FaceTime, you know, we're like, he's telling me the story and it's kind of like intense. And then he's like, what's wrong with your chin? And I was like, oh yeah.

Sibling.

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, oh. And he's like, did you fall?

Did you fart?

Yeah, exactly. Did you fart so hard that you broke all the blood vessels?

You're disgusting. Like, you're— yeah, siblings will really let you know.

Yeah. And I was like, it's filler. And I didn't even want to explain, you know. I was like— and he was like, okay. And then he just moved on with the story.

Oh, good, good.

And then again, when I talked to my parents, you know, obviously same thing. Their reaction is less—

They're more judgmental.

Yeah. They're like, yeah.

It's like, yeah, well, listen, Hey, I want to hear all these stories.

Oh, and then I learned something. I don't know if— is this like bad to say?

Okay.

But so my cousin was visiting. Uh-huh.

Your parents?

Yeah, was visiting my parents and my brother and the baby. Um, and so she was on FaceTime as well, and she— so she also noted the filler, and then she was like, Monica, you don't need to do that. And I was like, whatever. And then she's like, Well, she's— my cousin is the daughter of my aunt who drowned last year. Yes. Who passed. And she said, well, she's gone now, so I guess I can spill her secrets. She had a chin implant.

Nice.

I know.

There you go. And then I felt so in touch with the universe. I was like, yes.

You guys are very— it's just another thing that you're similar in.

I share her Name, my middle name. I'm named after her.

And we're both weak swimmers.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry, not enough time. Oh yeah, apparently just the right amount of time because you're like, it's that good laugh where you're scared to laugh.

Scared, but it's true. Um, no, but she thought she had a weak chin like me.

Uh-huh.

It's like we both, we both like took things into our own hands, you know?

Well, you know, I think there's— you're in a tricky situation when you find out somebody, they go like, hey, I'm gonna get a nose job, or I just got a nose job, or whatever it is. I think your impulse is to let them know that you think they look great, right? Like, if you're— you wanna comfort them and alleviate, like, you don't need to do that, like, but it can feel very judgmental. Oh, that, that, that statement. I think if you're, if you're nervous people are gonna be judgmental, let— you're too vain or whatever your thing is, this act of kind of trying to be compassionate, yeah, can get read as judgment.

It is so dependent on who's saying it.

Yeah, it is.

It is solely dependent on that. Like, I know my parents aren't like, no, you're so pretty without it. They're just like, ugh, don't.

Why'd you do that?

You don't need to do this. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But then they also don't really care either.

Yeah.

And then there are people in my life who would say, you didn't need to do that, that I believe are, they're giving me a compliment.

Yeah. Right.

They really are giving me a compliment.

Yeah.

feel judged like I'm vain by too many people because I'm really not. Like, I don't like my face, but that is just what it is. So I don't—

Yeah, that's being human.

And I like shopping, but I don't think that's vain. Is it? Maybe some people would say it is.

Shopping or your face?

All of it, I guess.

But everything in one package?

Yeah.

Okay, well, you're vain. No one's unaware of it.

their face. You're lying if you're saying when you look in the mirror, you're not taking in what you're looking at. I mean, if you are then obsessing about it and then— if I were really vain, I would be doing hair and makeup before this every day.

It's funny you'd say that because I saw a comment that said, Dax wears eyeliner. No.

What?

And I wrote, no, but also, wouldn't it be crazy if I'm not wearing makeup, I don't do my hair, yet I'm putting eyeliner on? I mean, just prima facie, on the surface, I've picked a very weird thing to spend a lot of time on.

Maybe they think you're trying to look punk.

Well, okay, goth.

Yeah, goth.

But I was never goth. But still, I've not ever applied eyeliner, but it seems tedious.

It's not the easiest thing to apply.

It'd be easier to do my hair. Right. And if I'm trying to look better, if I just did my hair, that would be more time efficient.

It's so obvious that we aren't putting in very much effort when we come and stay here look-wise.

Well, we can't.

We can't.

We can't.

This is not enough time. Exactly.

Look, at first when we started video, I was like, okay, I'm going to have to—

and then can't.

We do this too often.

I think it's healthy ultimately. There's not enough time. It forces you to not care.

I agree. So the whole point of what I'm saying is I really just don't think I'm vain. People would get up an hour early and like, I have not brushed my hair this year in a year.

Yeah.

Like unless somebody else is doing my hair for an event. Exactly. And that's just, that's fine. So I guess this circles back to the thing you talk about all the time. I'm not insecure about being vain.

Right.

So if somebody was like, oh, they're vain, I'd be like, oh, you just like really don't know me.

Yeah. Or also, okay, like there's another level of it, which is like, I can accept, but by your definition, I'm that thing.

Yeah.

And that's fine. I have a different definition. I'm not even gonna try to argue you outta your definition. Right. Like when people call me a misogynist sometimes, and I'm like, I, I'm like, okay, you have a definition of misogynist that's different than mine.

Right.

Obviously, I don't think I'm a misogynist.

Yeah.

But whatever.

Well, part of it is, I guess I don't even— on the scale of things I think are bad, vanity is not high up on the list for me. Even on other people's lists.

Of the 7 deadly sins.

Yeah. Of the movie Seven, our favorite movie.

You put it at 7th.

Okay, let's go over them. This is fun.

Vanity.

Vanity, greed.

Greed, sloth.

Sloth. Sloth.

Lust.

Lust. Vengeance.

Vengeance.

And don't tell us, Rob. I want to get it. Okay. Gluttony.

Mm-hmm.

And—

Envy or jealousy.

Did we say that or no?

Yeah. Envy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that was him, right? He envied Brad Pitt.

So scary.

Oh my God. What a movie.

Yeah, I put vanity at the bottom of that list. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who cares? Yeah, because it does— it only affects the person. Correct. So who cares?

That's right.

How would you rank them? What's the worst one, do you think?

I've already forgotten the whole list.

Lust, greed. Also, lust is low for me.

I'd be dead without lust. Like, that's my fuel system.

Okay, you're like, that's a virtue.

Yes, exactly. That's one of my Virtues. I'm lusty for everything, for life, for food, for adventure.

Pride, excessive belief in one's own abilities or importance.

Okay, that's a virtue. Not the importance part.

Well, yeah, that's— I think this is, this is a good list because it's saying the negative. It is saying the negative parts of it. Yeah. Because obviously there are good things about some of these. So excessive belief in one's own abilities or importance. Greed, a strong selfish desire for wealth or goods. Lust.

Guilty.

An intense or unbridled craving for sexual pleasure.

Yeah, for sure. Guilty.

Envy. Envy, sadness or jealousy regarding another person's traits or successes.

Don't suffer from that.

Gluttony, overindulging in food, drink, or other items. Wrath, uncontrolled feelings of anger, hatred, or rage. Sloth, laziness, apathy, or failure to act when you should.

Yeah, I would not want to suffer from sloth the I probably don't want wrath around me the most, like in someone else. Wrath or envy.

Oh, so vanity is pride then?

It must be. In 7, he cut off her nose, right?

Despite her face.

And I felt like they—

They're making it sound like she was obsessed.

But maybe he wrote pride in blood. Maybe he must have.

Oh, it's such a good—

Yeah, I gotta give it a rewatch. I know that's what that means.

I now, in my head, house, I have put up some art and some paintings, and I think all the time, a lot about the scene in that movie for that sin where he turns the painting upside down and that's how they discover. They're like, oh, in this picture, this painting's upside down. So then they take the painting off and then that. And so I am always thinking about turning a painting upside down as a clue.

Yeah. What's your worst one mortal sin?

Yeah, I think the worst one's wrath. I mean, it's kind of the most obvious worst one.

But again, I think it's really specific to you. So of course, wrath doesn't bother me so much because I feel equipped to deal with wrath, if that makes sense.

Of other people?

Yeah. If someone else is rageful around me, I'm okay in that situation.

Right.

But if someone is envious of me and they wish me—

Bad.

Ill.

Yeah.

And we're friends, I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to defend myself against that.

Yep.

Yeah. Again, I don't know how sloth or gluttony affects me if someone else has it.

Right. Well, yeah, that's true.

They're just on their own little slow mission. Yeah.

That's why wrath to me has the most outward, um, and envy. You're right, wrath and envy probably have the most outward impact. Yeah, maybe lust if it's like raping. I think this is kind of like lust is supposed to be rapey.

Okay, you know, rapey is bad. We could agree on that. Yeah, but back to envy. I think people— I think everyone has experienced this.

Greed is pretty— greed out of control can be very But go on.

Yeah, I think, uh, if you are stuck in a greed cycle, it's very bad for you.

Well, yeah, yeah, right.

Um, okay, but, but envy, like, even this happens a lot between friends. Like, there's 2 friends, they both like the same person, whether it's even expressed or not. Uh-huh. And then one person gets that person, and the dynamic that happens Yeah.

Of course.

Almost without anyone's control.

Of course. That's human.

Is the person who didn't get them, there's a new lens over their eyes when they look at their friend?

Sure. I mean, I think that's very human. Yeah. Yeah.

Like all these are, right? They're all like—

Well, of course.

Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe part of it is you see, well, yes. I mean, obviously you see a lot of things. You see the good things about them that you don't have, obviously. I mean, in this case, it's a good case because it's literally you or them.

Uh-huh. And yeah.

And it's you as your person.

They have the thing you want.

I think it's actually less about that middle person that people like than it is about the feeling it brings up in you, right? Where it's inadequate. Ultimately, it's inadequacy. And then you have a direct person to look at to say like, okay, they have this, I don't have This, they have— I have this bad thing, they have this good thing. Or, and you're like, well, they have all this bad stuff, so why would they get picked? Like, all, you know, you just go down the list.

I think what envy creates is the, um, the end of empathy and compassion towards that person. So it's like, once your friend has this girl or boy that you want more than anything, You're really now incapable of feeling bad for them about anything because like, yeah, but they have the thing I want. Like, whatever they're going through, I'd be happy to go through that to have the thing I want. So you can't really feel bad for them. I think it's very like human nature. I don't know.

I think it depends. It probably depends on the scenario.

You hear it all the time. It's like, who cares? They're rich, right? It's like, well, who cares? They're rich.

Right. That's crazy. But But that's not a friend. That often happens.

But that is an example of lack of empathy where it's like, I mean, I'm incapable of acknowledging this person has some discomfort or unpleasantness because they're rich. Who cares?

Right. A lot of people do feel like, who cares? But that's—

Or they're famous. Who cares? Or they're beautiful. Who cares? Or they're bright.

Yeah. A lot of people do feel that way.

Boo-hoo, she's beautiful.

I know, but that's—

yeah. That's envy.

I know. I mean, that's part of when I'm listening to pop culture podcasts and that like it's all this negative take on people in the zeitgeist, right? And I think the rationale is, yeah, duh, they're famous or they're this. So like it's okay to talk negatively about them.

Well, anytime boo-hoo follows anything, that's your clue of what they have that you now are incapable of empathy.

Right. But that's so— I hate that. I'm always like, they're a person. At the end of the day, what do you mean?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

But I experience it. I am aware of when I'm doing it. It's just like, yeah, well, boo-hoo.

It's—

they still have $100 billion.

Or— Right.

Boo-hoo. There's—

Well, but it's like, yeah, if they're complaining about not having enough money and they have $100 billion, then you could say boo-hoo.

What I'm saying is if, if, if Jeff Bezos fell down a staircase very publicly and broke his femur.

Yeah.

I think the general reaction would be like, well, boo-hoo, he's still got $100 billion.

That's crazy.

I think that would be the standard reaction. though, because you'd go like, yeah, I'd break my femur to have $100 billion. But you start doing all this math that makes no sense. Yes, it doesn't. That's, that's envy. Oh, like none of it makes sense.

And I think envy is the worst one then.

That's what I was saying. I think it kills compassion.

Yeah.

And it can— it kills empathy too.

Anger does too. Unbridled anger is, um, yeah, where you want to hurt Yeah, but you also— it, it warps reality. You can't see reality clearly in the way that you probably can't if you're envious, right? All right, well, that was great.

Yeah, what a good detour. Want to do some facts?

Yeah, I do. This is for Joey.

I love her.

Yeah, she's fantastic.

I love her. She's so fun.

She's a fun gal. Okay, she was right about our outfits from last time.

No way.

Yep, that I wore a yellow skirt and a yellow sweater and you wore God's True Cashmere.

Whoa.

Okay, are pennies being taken out of circulation? Yes.

Oh, thank God.

The US government stopped producing new pennies, but existing pennies remain legal tender and are gradually phasing out of everyday circulation. Now this is interesting because what if the penny now becomes worth a fortune?

Yeah, there's too many. There's just— there's not They're not finite enough.

I'm keeping mine.

Good.

I'm keeping my pennies.

They're worth more as a metal than they are as their currency value.

Oh, that's true. Yeah.

They costed more to produce than they're worth. Not a great model.

You said that Kristen accident— or said, she said 1,000 paper cuts sinks the ship.

Yeah. Sometimes 1,000 paper cuts sinks the ship.

Yes. know it's death by a thousand paper cuts is the correct—

Or loose lips sink ships.

Oh, she's combining.

Sure, of course. I think that's generally what's happening is people are—

I see.

Weaving together a couple different clichés.

Um, I like death by a thousand paper cuts because that one makes very clear sense.

Yes.

You know?

Yeah.

Um, okay, so I looked up some common idioms and meanings.

Okay. That's easy.

Yeah, but I still don't always understand. It's like, okay, it's something very easy to do. What is— why is a piece of cake easy to do?

It's very easy to eat a piece of cake.

To eat, not to make.

No, not to make at all.

Okay, so it's just like, it's as easy— it's as easy as—

No one— you don't have to twist a kid's arm to eat a slice of cake, or anybody's arm.

Um, okay, break the ice. We know that means make people more comfortable.

Why? Why?

That's a good icebreaker.

Maybe because it's like—

They're frozen.

They're hardened and—

And you free them from this shell of ice.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

Right?

Cost an arm and a leg. Just that.

That's a lot.

That would be a lot.

Yeah. Do you remember Sid Harris's joke?

No.

Okay. He gathers jokes. He asks people to tell him jokes. One of the jokes was God came to Adam and he said, I can make you the most beautiful, um, mate. She will be, um, super smart and super capable and very loving and very nurturing. And, uh, it's gonna cost you an eye, one kidney, and your right leg.

Okay.

And then Adam said, what can I get for a rib?

I don't get it.

Do you know that Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs?

Oh, so it's saying Eve sucks.

That he didn't want to give up that much. He's like, well, what can I get for a rib? That's what we got with Eve. Pretty funny joke. Yeah. Did you get a little mad for a second?

Mad?

No.

Should I be mad?

No, I just, I thought you were offended for a second.

I don't even really see why I'd be offended. Maybe I don't get it.

Okay.

Oh, because women come from Eve, so Eve sucks.

Well, no, just that there was this amazing Eve offered, but it was going It cost him an eye, a kidney, and a leg, and then he's like, well, what can I get for a rib?

I mean, that's what I— Yeah, I get it. That's a lot to give up. Yeah, I don't think I'd give that up for a partner.

No, any partners shouldn't. No.

Wow.

This was just asked to— oh, Eric and Charlie and I were talking, and, and Eric said, in school, if a girl liked you, did you like her back, or did you tend to only like the girls that didn't like you? Because Eric was admitting that was kind of his thing. And I said, no, I liked everyone that liked me, liked me, you know?

Like, yeah, it's a good quality.

Yeah, like, I know I like— and Charlie's like, same, anyone who liked me, I liked.

That's great.

Pretty much. But this is that you'd be fine with whatever. That's the point of that. You're fine with whatever.

Yeah, but also it's like, no, it shouldn't cost you your own personhood to have a partner. That's sort of my take on it.

Okay, great. Yeah, we've both run it through our filters. That makes sense what you're saying.

And now under the weather, it's like, why? Because it's sunny out and so you're feeling gloomy?

But gloomy is something else. No, generally weather is when people go, there's weather, I think they're talking about rain generally or snow or wind. So if you're under a cloud basically is what they're saying.

Oh, a cloud.

Yeah. I don't know why, but sunny and no clouds in the sky is not weather.

It is to me.

Sure. California weather. Yeah.

Okay. Let the cat out of the bag is interesting because obviously it's like, you know, secrets are being spilled.

Uh-huh.

But like, why is a cat— first of all, why is he in a bag?

Yeah. Why are you hiding a cat?

Yeah.

In a bag?

Yep. That's animal. Oh God. Did you see this?

Uh-oh.

Did you see a fashion show recently? A couple days ago, PETA like infiltrated and then they were like walking down the runway scream— like screaming. And then it was—

They're unhinged.

I—

it did—

I was like, look, you are not doing your cause any favors. All it does is make me feel like you guys are crazy and weird and I have no—

Self-indulgent.

Yeah. I have no compassion for you.

Self-righteous, self-indulgent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I hated that.

Yeah.

Anyway, let the cat out of the bag. Yeah, I don't— I don't know why cat resembles secret. Well, they are like sneaky.

Well, maybe like I'm just really spinning a yarn now.

Yeah.

What if like historically cats weren't allowed in the castle?

Oh.

And so if you wanted your cat, you had to smuggle it in in a bag.

It was a secret.

Yeah. And now the cat's out of the bag. and we're in trouble. Like, perhaps because people think cats are spooky. Maybe there's some history of like, we don't want cats around. Do you want to know what it says?

Yeah.

Farmers would sometimes, when they were selling a pig, put a worthless cat in the bag instead of a piglet.

Oh, that's cool.

Also, what kind of idiot's going to buy a pig sight unseen that's in a bag? Like, hey, I got a pig for sale. Oh yeah, I'll take it. How much is it? $5. Cool. And then I grab the bag and walk away. That's fucking insane.

much different sizes, so it would be— should be pretty clear.

Although an adult cat and a piglet are probably the same size. But just the notion that you're gonna buy an animal sight unseen.

I know.

Just trust that it's in the bag.

In the bag, also a phrase.

That's in the bag, yeah.

Money in the bag that you take from the bank.

Groceries are in a bag.

It's a fun game. Okay, um, the difference between knowledge and and trivia. Knowledge is a broad and useful understanding of a subject, while trivia consists of isolated, obscure, and often inconsequential facts. That's because I was saying I think they're different, and we were like, they're kind of the same thing, but they are different to me. Like, are you good at trivia? You're very knowledgeable.

Well, I'm better at knowledge, but I'm, I'm like, when I— because I know in Mount Juliet I go to trivia night. It's like one of my favorite things.

Yeah.

By the way, it's everyone in town's favorite thing. It's packed.

I love that.

It's so fun. And I'm good. I think each round's got like 10. I'm personally generally good for like 6 of them, but there are big categories I know nothing about.

Right.

There's a ton of pop culture stuff I don't know anything about.

Exactly.

Sports, I'm largely out to sea on. I don't know.

Really?

I don't know who won the World Series in 1980. I just can't say the Detroit Tigers because they— '84. I do know that one.

That's why I picked it.

Okay.

You know one. Okay.

Yeah. And I think that the Dodgers won last year.

Yeah, they did.

But I'll likely forget that in 3 years.

Really?

Well, I'll forget what year it was.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Oh, true. Yeah.

Yeah. If they go like, in 2001, this batter hit a no-hit walk-off, you know, all these terms, I don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Sure.

I'm gone.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah. 'Cause yeah, I think you're knowledgeable, but I, I guess I wouldn't have said that you would be great at trivia unless it's like, yeah, like sci— the ones that cross over with knowledge.

Science, I'm gonna nail geography. I'm gonna nail most of history. I'm going to have a pretty good shot at it.

Yep. Okay. The Leo-Virgo cusp includes individuals born roughly between August 19th and August 25th.

That's everyone I know.

Yeah. It's me.

It's Grammyolis. Actually, I think she might've been the 18th, but that's Karley, you, my mom.

And I identify as a— well, I'm a double Virgo, but when it's—

It sounds like you get to add more and more.

I get to add cusp Leo when I— I want, well, Leo. Well, it makes sense because Leos are fire signs.

It makes sense. It makes logical and intuitive sense. It does.

It makes sense because a Leo is a fire sign. Mm-hmm. Virgo is an earth sign.

I know I already said this on a fact check, but do you, I saw a comedian talking about that, that, um, the stock market is men's astrology.

Oh, that's funny.

Have you heard that? I was like, that is the most accurate thing I've ever heard.

That's so true.

Because it's also complete bullshit. shit and doesn't, uh, mirror reality at all. It's not anchored into reality whatsoever.

Oh, difference between crank call and prank call. Most people use them to mean the exact same thing, and prank is more common, modern term. It usually describes a lighthearted or humorous practical joke often made by kids or teens, like asking if a refrigerator is running.

Wow.

Classic crank call, older term, comes from the word crank, meaning an eccentric or ill-tempered person. Historically, a crank call was meant to genuinely harass, annoy, or upset the person receiving it rather than just have a laugh.

Okay.

It's more to penalize someone for being grumpy.

Yeah. Or harass them, I suppose. Okay. I wanted to look up a picture real quick.

Punk'd was originally called Harassment. Do you know that?

Really?

The pilot I shot was called Harassment.

Oh, I'm glad they changed it.

They had to.

Also, that's crazy.

Isn't it? Yeah.

That word wouldn't even Punked was a word in prisons?

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Is that where they got it?

Uh-huh. It was like a very undergroundy prison term.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Now, you said Norman Reedus has a— you think has a scar on his face. The painter?

No, no.

Norman Reedus? Reedus.

Oh, you said—

I thought you said Norman Reedus had a scar on his face. I thought you said Reed. Who's Norman Reedus?

From The Walking Dead. Walking Dead.

Oh, okay.

It's very cool. I think he's also in Game of Thrones and other stuff with his rad scar. I think you're thinking of a different guy.

Another guy?

I think— let me—

I'm not seeing a scar.

I think you're thinking Tommy Flanagan. Let me get his photo. Okay, let's see Flanagan. Tommy Flanagan sounds like a guy that would have a face scar. For sure. Oh yeah.

Oh wow.

Bingo. Sons of Anarchy. Yeah, Sons of Anarchy. And also he's been on like some Game of Thrones-y stuff too.

Oh cool. That is a cool story.

Isn't that rad? It's so— this is such a ding ding ding. Earlier when you were talking about your chin, um, bruise, I was about— I was on the verge of saying like one of the great privileges of being a man is like we can kind of pull off cuts and scars and bruises and we kind of look cooler.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah.

Well, you look, you look like, oh, they've been through some stuff.

They've been through some shit. Yeah.

And people like that.

Yeah.

And if a woman has been through some stuff, they're like, uh-oh.

What happened?

Yeah, she's used. She's used up.

His is the Glasgow smile where he got the corner of his mouth slashed with a knife. Nice. Hardcore.

Okay. Does pica skew female? It says whether pica skews female depends entirely on the age group and life stage being examined. Unlike most eating disorders, such as anorexia or bulimia, which heavily skew female. Pica does not have a definitive baseline gender split across the entire population. It significantly fluctuates depending on demographic factors. But I think maybe the show, like, it's hard because this is like based off that show.

That's true. Um, maybe women are more willing to participate.

Talk about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Back to the embarrassment. Ding, ding, ding.

There's so many dings. Goals. Um, all right, well, that's it for Joey.

Okay, love Joey King.

Yeah, great, great girl.

All right, love you.

Love you.