Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Summer Fling

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. Today we're gonna hear juicy stories of summer flings.

Aww.

One of these was so precious.

Yeah.

Wow, Dax really loses it. He loses his entire— what do we call that? Like tear reserve? Water reserve?

Sure, sure.

It was really sweet.

Lightly dehydrated. One was so sweet. They're very fun and sweet. And yeah, they're all wonderful. They're so fun.

Yeah.

Oh, very uplifting.

Yeah.

Makes you nostalgic for a summer fling. We also have new prompts. Please call us. Oh, I was gonna throw this out there too. If you know somebody with an incredible story that might not even listen to the show, but they like telling stories and you can think of it, wrangle them in to submit too.

Pass this along.

Pass it along. So new prompts. Tell us a crazy dinner party story. Nurses, tell us your craziest nurse stories. Tell us a crazy study abroad story. Tell us about a time you made the news. Dinner party, nurse stories, study abroad, and making the news. Please enjoy Summer Flingz. Hard times come and go. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both. But one thing you gotta know, I'ma keep on shining.

Hi, guys.

Hi. What fake name shall we use?

Can you please pick?

Yeah, let me stare at your face for a minute.

I have one, but I want to hear yours.

Okay. Well, first of all, you have a very inviting face.

Well, thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

It's very pleasing. It's very symmetrical. The golden rule's popping.

God, we love that.

Yeah. We can only look with envy at the golden rule. Well, I don't know, Moni, you're not not symmetrical. I'm very asymmetrical. Different shaped nostril. No, my nose is fucking bent. I got different shaped nostrils.

I got a septoplasty this year because I had a crooked nose, so that helps. But now my nostrils are really crooked.

Yeah, mine are terrible. So what's a septoplasty?

Corrects a deviated septum.

From cocaine use?

Yeah, all of that. But my ENT surgeon did me a favor and filled in a divot, so shout out to him.

Yeah, because, you know, deviated septum surgery is like sometimes in quotes, it's like, yeah, just to get a nose job.

Well, no, we both said— Monica and I were on Hot Ones and we were claiming that the hot burnt our nose so bad that we had to get it repaired, and then they gave us this stupid nose job.

How dare they?

Now I have this stupid cute button nose.

Darn.

Okay, I haven't gotten closer. I wanna hear yours.

Can I hear yours?

Robin.

Boom.

And I think we know why.

Yeah.

Robin Wright Penn.

That's right.

Oh, okay.

I don't— does she still go by Penn?

Ooh, probably not.

Okay. Robin Wright. Okay, so Robin, where are you?

I am in Denver, Colorado.

Ding, ding, ding. Rob was just telling me 1 second ago that he went to Red Rock this summer with his little boy for the first time.

Oh, who'd you see? The Head and the Heart.

Ooh.

Oh, that's a good show at Red Rocks.

Do you go?

I haven't been this summer, but yeah, I used to see Brandi Carlile every single summer there the weekend after Labor Day. Avett Brothers.

Oh my God. All our friends.

So—

I almost said so avious. I meant to say envious.

Yeah, it's fun.

Oh, amazing.

Okay, so you have a summer fling story.

Okay, so it's 2007 and I have just graduated from college and I am taking my father to Peru. He's a teacher and so he got his summers off and so we're gonna go to Peru. I'd taken myself backpacking Europe 2003 when I graduated high school. So this time I wanted to bring my dad.

Hold on, pause. What a lucky dad. If one of my little girls asks me to go to Peru when they graduate college, I'm gonna fucking explode.

I'm glad you said that, 'cause when I was thinking about this story, I was like, why didn't I bring girlfriends? Was I that lame? But he's such a special man.

Oh, that's lovely.

But just wait till you hear it. He cannot hear this story. I hope he never hears this story.

Oh.

Background is I graduated from a conservative Christian college outside of Chicago. I bet Rob could name it, just in the western burbs. This is a college that is steeped in purity culture, and I was raised in purity culture, and sex and dating is not anything my father and I talk about. I go to Peru a week earlier than my dad 'cause he's finishing up his school year. I've got some time. I'm not gonna waste any time. I get down there, I visit a friend in Lima, I do some dune bugging in Huacachina where the sand dunes are, and then I end up in Huaraz, which is a town in the Cordillera Blanca. And it's there that I meet Neil. We'll call him Neil.

Okay.

This man from Scotland who was also traveling solo, and a lot of people are traveling in groups, so we sort of find each other because we're the only solo travelers and just hit it off. And we start doing day trips together, and it's not romantic, it's just comfortable, and we have a lot to talk about. And then when it's time for my dad to come to Peru, Neil just sort of joins the trip. My dad rolls with that. Also, for the record, I'm like a recovered purity culture person.

Already at that point, or this started the recovery?

I was a closeted sexual being at that point.

Oh, good for you.

So our first trip with my dad is going down into the Colca Canyon and camping, and it's during that time that I notice my sleeping is sort of shimmying towards Neil's, and I don't mind. And it's just really comfortable and a great way to spend a cold night. And I am aware of the fact that it's, like, sort of weird that my father's just on the other side and probably clueless.

In the same tent?

In the same tent.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great.

But that adds a little danger.

Everything's really chaste and innocent, though. And then we proceed, we make our way back up the Colca Canyon, and then we end up in Arequipa, which is one of the towns there. So then we eat— they're delicacy there in Peru, which is cuy, which is guinea pig.

Is it delish?

No. Too bony.

Ew, bony!

Too much work.

Yeah. And my dad, every night he's going to bed early. So that night my dad goes to bed. We're always sharing a hostel room. So at this hostel, Neil and I go upstairs and we're just on the hostel roof enjoying the city skylight, and I get a kiss on the forehead. So I was like, oh, okay. I didn't mind that. We're out of the friend zone, of course, right after my father arrives. But again, still really innocent, cute, harmless. I didn't date in college. was mostly drunken one-night stands. I was also a closeted alcoholic, but didn't realize that at the time.

Oh, wonderful.

A lot of times I think those go together.

For sure. I'm now a friend of Bill's and 8 years.

Oh, congrats.

Congratulations.

Thanks. The next day, our next adventure is to go to Copacabana in Bolivia on Lake Titicaca. My dad, however, says he wants to take the later bus-train thing. He's going to arrive half a day later because he wants to buy a nativity set for my mom.

Aw.

So he says, go ahead. So Neil and I are on our own. to go to Bolivia. So we take trains and buses, and we're snuggling, and it's so cute, and it's so wholesome. When we get to Copacabana, the thing to do there is you get a rowboat or a paddleboat, and you go out on Lake Titicaca, and you just enjoy the surrounding area. We grab a bottle of wine, though. I go out in the boat. We get tipsy. Finally, someone says something that's like, why haven't you kissed me yet? Or something, something. And then it's on.

In a boat?

In a boat. In the middle of the day on Lake Titicaca.

Ooh!

And then we realized, well, there's only so much you can do on a boat. So we decide to head back to shore, go to the hostel that we have dropped our stuff at that my father's meeting us at later. And we make excellent use of it and waste no time. And I don't know, I think I set a record that day. Now that I'm in my 40s, I look back at that longingly.

As far as many of times coitus?

Many times.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh. So many times coitus.

Well, the clock's ticking. Dad's inbound, right?

Yeah, Dad's coming. Sometime later, we meet up with him. And we go out and about. I think we're looking for dinner. And he leans over to me and he's like, Robin, did you guys smoke marijuana in there? It smells real funky. No!

Oh my God, your father asked this?

No!

Did you smoke marijuana?

He was always really concerned about me and using substances. I was like, no, I'll have to go smell it when we get back. I didn't notice anything. Also, my dad doesn't know what marijuana smells like. So then we go to dinner. My dad again turns in early. Neil and I have a drink. We realize soon after we don't want to be drinking. So we do what any classy young backpackers do, and we go find some sort of hourglass. Motel. I don't really know what we found or what he found. I know we woke some innkeeper up in the middle of the night. And again, we make excellent use of this room. Then we go back, we creep into the hostel that I'm sharing with my dad. He doesn't even wake up. The next day we part ways. Neil has his other adventures through South America. My father and I are going on to the jungle, and then we're going to go hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. So we make it to the jungle. It's called Iquitos, and you can only get there by boat or plane. It's really out there. It's really cool.

A couple days in, I start to feel unwell.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

And I've got fevers, aches, chills. My dad looks at his guidebook and he's like, Dengue fever. You have dengue fever. So we go to a clinic. They give me fluids. They're like, there's not much we can do for you. There's no tests at this point. Just manage your symptoms. Tylenol, Advil. I'm 22. I rally. The symptoms are intermittent. After Iquitos, we go on to Cusco, which is where you're gonna start the Inca Trail. And it's there that I realize I really have to pee a lot, but I can't pee.

Oh, yeah.

UTI time.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, Oh, this is a UTI. I don't know to use the bathroom in between things. So I do what any sensible 22-year-old does before I go on a 3-day trek through the Andes, and I do nothing.

Oh, no.

So it's like a 3-day trip. I feel fine most of the time. I'm impressed with myself. And then the last night there, I start to feel pretty ill. And I know I'm ill because everyone's drinking and partying before you do the sunset hike to see Machu Picchu. And I'm more pissed that I can't drink than the fact that I might be sick and have to crawl into the sleeping bag. And then the next morning, I rally again. I feel I feel great. We're gonna go see Machu Picchu. We do the sunset hike, and then we hike down into it, walk around. I'm feeling really tired though, and that's just kind of annoying. Then once you're done there, you take a train from the site down back into Cusco, and again, there's more celebrating and drinking and partying, and I cannot. All I can do is, like, curl up on my dad. I've got intermittent fevers, myalgias— that's like aches and pains. And then we get to Cusco. I feel okay, probably just crawl into bed and go to bed. Next day, we have a really early morning flight. So I'm huddled under this blanket at the airport before our flight.

It's really early in the morning. And now I'm just like, okay, I'm just exhausted. That was a bigger hike than I realized.

Oof!

And then we get on the flight. It's a short flight from Cusco to Lima. As soon as we take off and are in the air, I start shaking uncontrollably. It's like teeth chattering. I feel really cold, but I'm super hot. They call for a doctor on board because my dad flags over a flight attendant. In my memory, he looks like Gabriel García Márquez, and he hands me a small pill.

Ooh!

And I'm sure it's just Tylenol. They talk about maybe turning the plane around to go back to Cusco, but because it's a short flight, they're gonna go on to Lima. When we get to Lima, we land, and there's an ambulance waiting for me on the tarmac. Wow!

Oh, no!

And they take me to the hospital, run some tests, give me some fluids. I'm medical now, so I'm sure they gave me some antibiotics prophylactically. And then they come back and they say, you have a massive kidney infection.

Yes!

Spread to the kidneys!

I don't say a word. 'Cause I am pretty sure at this point, but we roll with the dengue fever, we roll with maybe the weird food I ate. So that was the exciting part of the ambulance. And basically the end of the story, except that when we go back home to Minnesota, my parents take me to an infectious disease doctor 'cause they have got to figure out why their 22-year-old otherwise healthy daughter acquired a massive kidney infection. And I did not ever throughout that whole thing have the heart to tell them. I was like, 'cause I was fucking the brains out of this guy.

Of Neil, the Scotchman.

The best reason. The only good reason.

Would I be wrong to assume, like, if you're doing a ton of hiking and you're at hostels and showering's not regular and washing your clothes, I mean, you could get a UTI.

100%.

The sex part, right? 100%.

Yeah.

I might have floated that like, man, I guess we, you know, should have washed our clothes more. I don't know. I would have dumped it on that.

Totally. I mean, I've had many a UTI.

Don't brag.

I know.

I'm sorry.

That's why I try to keep that to myself. It's a big brag and it's not From wiping.

Okay.

I didn't say that.

You said it with your eyes. No, I didn't say that.

That didn't occur to me until just now.

I meant more to the people who think it's from wiping. I wipe always front to back.

Sure. As you should. As you should.

Anyway, also, once you start getting UTIs, you are prone to UTIs and then you can get them so easily. So yes, you could have been like, guess I got a UTI. Yeah, I wiped once back to front.

The Christian way, through hard work and exercise.

I didn't even want to go there.

So that's fair.

Oh, wow. Did you stay in touch with Neil?

I think I emailed him the story and he wrote back, LOL.

Oh, I would want to know.

I mean, I'm sure it was LOL, but no, we didn't stay in touch. It was a true summer fling. There was just nowhere else to go with that.

Okay, Robin, that was delightful.

Thank you so much. It's such a treat to be sitting here with you guys.

Yeah.

And is Dad still with us?

Dad is still with us.

Oh, good.

But we keep him in his innocence. So he's more innocent than ignorant. And he's a good man. He now teaches yoga and has broadened his Perspective, so understands that people do things differently than just one way.

I love that.

Lovely.

Can I do 2 quick shoutouts?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. My daughters love you. They can't be here, and I'll use their code names as well, but Sissy and Momo. And then I want to give a shoutout to my partner who celebrates 19 years of sobriety today.

Oh, dude.

Big congrats.

That's a shoutout to Hot Rob.

Okay. Hot Rob. Not a hot rod.

Hot Rob and Robin.

I know.

That's why when you said that, I was like, hmm.

Oh my Sam.

Good job.

Oh my Sam.

All right. Lovely meeting you.

So nice to meet you too.

Thanks, guys.

Take care.

Hi.

Hello. Is it nighttime?

Hi. Yeah, it is sort of. I had to make a fort because I didn't have a carpet.

Okay. And your name's Hannah, right?

Yes, it is. It's so nice to meet you guys. Thank you so much for having me.

Where are you, Hannah?

Right now I'm in Berlin for the summer in Germany.

Amazing.

Is it as good as everyone always says? Oh my gosh, better, I think. Yeah.

Really?

Indescribable. Yes. This is like my 3rd time coming back in the past 2 years. Part of the story takes place here.

Oh, ding, ding, ding.

And do you hop over to Prague at all? Because that's quite close.

Yes, I have been one time. I found it to be so storybooky, you know, it felt like just walking through history. I found there, Copenhagen, and Amsterdam to kind of have that feeling nothing like the US can provide since it's such a younger country.

Yeah, we were looking at a church in Prague and I said to the girls, that church is 700 years old. That's 3 times the age of our country.

That's wild.

Look, look, how could that be? Look at it. Okay, so you have a summer fling story?

Yes, I do. So the summer fling story took place last summer when I was traveling Europe with my best friend after graduating college.

Oh, what a time. What a time.

Yes, it was coming up. on the end in late August, and we were going to end where we started in Paris for a few days after spending the month in Berlin. So it was a 3-month-long trip, as long as you can spend with the Schengen visa or without having to get a visa. So the last month of the trip was in Berlin. We had been using the Eurorail pass to go all around.

Oh, incredible.

Jealous.

Yeah, but we were flying back out of Paris, and for some backstory, while I had been in Berlin in early July, My long-distance partner from college and I had just broken up over the phone. It was a bad, messy situationship, just like on and off seeing each other for a year. Found myself single and horny and available for the first time in 2 of the sexiest cities in the world.

Oh wow.

Yeah, let's go.

Good timing.

Great way to spend the last month of my travels. So after putting a pin in Berlin, my best friend and I were on the train to Paris for the weekend to cap our almost 3-month trip. I had been using Hinge since my ex and I broke up in order to meet as many young and hot people as possible. And so on the train, I was a little bored, so I went to switch my location from Berlin to Paris, and I noticed that someone I had matched with was physically in Berlin but lived in Paris. And I thought this man— I want to call him Jack— was a dime.

Okay.

So we weren't going to be in the same place. I started a chat with him anyway. And we really hit it off. There was witty banter, spicy and exciting back and forth. It was a very entertaining train ride. And it turned out we were just missing each other both ways, unfortunately, like trains passing in the night.

Wow.

He was going to be arriving in Berlin for a festival that weekend, the day I left, and was returning to France the day that I was supposed to fly back to the States. But luckily, I had had a gut feeling a while back that I should maybe invest in a flexible plane ticket home. I like to think it was because I'm truly connected to my French boyfriend and not because me and my best friend had missed our flight out of JFK in June.

Okay.

I ended up pushing my flight back a week And Jack was going to come to Paris for his summer holiday instead of going to the south of France to see his family. So we both kind of changed what we were doing so drastically because we felt as though we had to see it through and have a romantic week together once he gets back after the weekend.

And is he French?

Yes. So now I had the last weekend with my best friend in Paris, and we went to a well-known techno club. Whenever we go to the club, we call the friends we make collecting Pokémon because you kind of make these raw and open-hearted connections Have an amazing night together, form a misfit group, release them back into the world after, but then always have the lessons that they taught you in your back pocket. So we met these 2 really amazing guys, and I really hit it off with one of them. We'll call him Henry. We danced all night together, and then as a group, we went to an afters club. I made out with Henry and we talked a lot, but I didn't go home with him because I was excited in anticipation of seeing Jack, the reason that I I had decided to stay in the first place. So Jack was getting back from the festival Monday. I said goodbye to my best friend and grieved her for the day while I waited to meet Jack at the train station. Had my giant hiking backpack and all my stuff to go move in with him for 10 days.

Oh, oh, you guys are gonna go straight to sleeping in the same place? Wow.

Yeah, I was going to stay with him in his apartment. We had never physically met before. Oh my God, the train banter was very successful. I'd also been bouncing around for 3 months. So I think I was primed and ready after going hostel to hostel to spend some time in someone's apartment and just with people in general. So yeah, I'm at the train station, nervous and excited at the same time. And I finally see him for a second. You have to get to know each other's physical bodies after just texting. Yeah. So we chat for a moment. And then he grabs my hand and we go to his beautiful apartment in the center of Paris.

Oh my gosh.

We immediately get right into doing all the things we said we were going to over text. Afterwards, I was thinking, oh, this is perfect, exactly who and what I thought and was hoping this experience would be. Then the next morning, he goes downstairs to this Asian restaurant next door to get takeout, and I'm like, yes, that sounds great. I don't feel like cooking after moving all my stuff and then having crazy monkey sex all evening, even though we had talked about how fun it would be to cook together. We eat and start watching this reality cooking show that he threw on. We had talked about the parks and rivers nearby his apartment, the botanical garden, and going to have picnics and eating amazing cheese and wine and reading together. Just like all the things that I like to do but would be so romantic to do with someone who could show me around the city. So looking forward to it. The conversation was there, the sexual energy was there, but over the first 2 days I kept gently asking like, hey, do you want to go for a walk? Do you want to go get some stuff to make dinner?

Do you want to go to the park? And getting him to do any of the things he had advertised to me and said that he also liked to do was kind of like pulling teeth. But every time he would say like, it's too hot, I don't feel like it. No, but you can go if you want. It was just like very off-putting and a little bit depressing. Not what I was expecting. So the libido starts to drop, the conversation gets a little less exciting, and he just wants to lay in front of the fan and watch the Sam cooking show.

Oh, wait, how many days left when this is starting to happen?

I was starting to get a little bit—

They call it the ick now, right?

Yeah, yeah. On like day 2. Yeah, it was just becoming a little bit triggering because I've had an ex-partner that struggled with depression and masking their personality. So I was recognizing the signs a little bit. And it's so difficult for everyone involved to be this intimate with someone who's struggling with mental health. But I'm not invested in this guy. I wish him the best and we were getting along. But at this point, I would rather stay in a hostel and literally be alone than feel obligated to stay with him and just feel alone.

Yes.

The third night, I went out to a bar with my other friends, and he didn't want to come, of course. So then I ended up meeting a third party who's separate to the other 2 guys in the story and sleeping with him in the park.

Oh, whoa. In the park?

Wow.

Oh, wow.

I had been out all night. I slept at his hostel, and then I rolled back up to Jack's apartment in the morning, no questions or cares. And I decided that I wasn't enjoying my time. And not only that, but I felt as though I knew he was struggling somehow. And if I were to stay, that I would feel like I was using him for his spot. I can accommodate myself. I don't need to be somewhere that I'm not feeling happy. So I showered and got my stuff together and sat him down to have a genuine conversation. It was pretty straight up asking, are you okay? Like, are you struggling with depression? You aren't excited or even neutral about doing anything with me. He ended up opening up and saying yes, and he had been excited about the idea, but that he was struggling and he was sorry.

Can I ask one quick question? So he just came from a Berlin festival?

Yes.

Okay, so he probably went fucking hard. The dude was probably rolling on Molly for 3 days straight, and you're dealing with the very predictable depression that follows 3 days later from the dopamine deficit.

That could have totally played a role.

He probably had zero dopamine.

Yeah.

That totally relates to what he responded. I think it was cute with the language barrier. He was like, you are like a light in a jar too high on a shelf for me to reach.

Oh, wow.

That's so romantic.

Yeah, it's kind of beautiful.

Even though it's depressing.

Yeah.

We together decided that I would leave and we would still be friends. And we are still friends to this day. And sometimes we have cheeky sex.

Oh, wow.

Oh my God.

Okay.

Is he happier now?

He is happier now. He told me that he generally struggles with depression. So I immediately went to go put my stuff down in a hostel and just like recentered real quick. And then very quickly remembered Henry, the guy that I had met at the techno club a few days ago. And I texted him and asked if he wanted to go on a date. So I met up with him in the park that same evening. The park that you had fucked in? The park is everyone's spot, like in Berlin and Paris. And we did have wine and cheese and And he laid his head in my lap and we talked about his job in the French military and our childhoods and interests and dreams. And it felt like we were walking into space with conversation. It was very romantic. He said I could come back to his place and that he had drove. And when we were going to his car, we pulled up to his motorcycle and I was entranced by this human. We rode to the south of Paris. It was my first time on a motorcycle.

You're in a movie now.

Shock a lot.

Yeah.

I didn't know we were going on a motorcycle. So I had a mini dress on, it was like blowing up in the wind.

Wow.

It felt so right and free. And I felt so safe with him and like very proud of myself for not staying in turmoil with Jack out of any obligation. I just felt like I used my past experience to propel forward and learn from it. So I was able to spend the next week living with Henry. He quickly brought me back to my hostel the next morning to get my stuff and brought it to his house. We truly had the summer fling, like falling in love experience despite the expiration date. He was on his break in between getting a promotion in the military and I was going back to the States. So it was kind of a great sweet spot for both of us. We had some of the best and most athletic sex of my life, cooked together. We went for runs in the park.

All the things you were promised, you did end up getting.

When we departed, it was very sweet, but I feel like he truly raised the bar for my physical and emotional relationships. I keep throwing myself fully into the summer flings because it's corny, but it is also like collecting Pokémon. Like you have love and life that they teach you in your back pocket for the future.

That's great.

I say go as hard as you can until you shut it down.

Just do what you want to do.

Yeah.

When you get married and you have kids, you want to be able to lay in bed and go like, oh yeah, I did it all.

Yeah. I'm working on it.

What an exciting summer. Thanks for telling us that, Hannah.

Yeah.

Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm such a fan of the expert on experts. I really appreciate you guys giving a platform to scientists right now.

Oh, that's so nice.

Oh, our pleasure. Have a blast in Berlin.

Yes.

We're jealous. Take care.

Bye. Hello.

What fake name are we gonna say?

I was actually gonna see if you wanted to pick one out for me.

I immediately wanna say Sarah because you look like my sister-in-law Sarah.

You do look like Sarah.

And I love Sarah. So we're off to a great start.

Okay, perfect. I love it.

Okay, so you had a summer fling. Well, maybe you've had multiple summer flings, but you have one in particular you're going to tell us about. Set the stage for us. What year was this?

This was actually last summer.

This is a fresh fling.

Yes. So my best friend's getting married. It's a bachelorette party. We're all college friends. So we're going down to her future in-laws' beach house. It's like a yacht club in Siesta Key, Sarasota area. So we go down, we're having fun. It's the first night. We all have our different outfits on and we have the theme going, everything. I like to drink tequila. And when I drink too much tequila, my friends tell me that I get my tequila goggles on.

They're helpful.

Well, they're deceiving.

They're deceiving. Well, I think they're helpful in that you shouldn't be so picky.

Why?

Because why are we hung up on like, oh, you didn't have the perfect nose. But when you got a good amount of tequila in you, you're like, yeah, I ain't give a shit about all that stuff.

I mean, the irony is that the glasses do the opposite. They make your eyes really bad.

Well, exactly, which is kind of like healthy.

That's my point. Okay, yeah, we're gonna agree to disagree on that. But for a fling, sure, go on.

Okay, yes.

So we're going out to this club. It's a very well-known club, so I won't say the name. And when we walk in, it's just our bachelorette party. And I'm like, you know what, it's fine, we can make it fun, it'll be great. So we're having like dance battles with this other party that came in, and like we're just having fun. And then I noticed that one of the bouncers keeps like looking at me. And I'm like looking back and I'm like, guys, I don't know, like, I think he's giving me the eyes. And they're like, absolutely not, you cannot do this. They don't have their tequila goggles on. But in my head, when I have something I want to do, I'm gonna do it. So we're flirting and he's like, do you want to go out to my car and smoke a cigarette? And I'm like, sure, why not? We're on vacation, we're having fun. I'm one of the only single girls in the party. So I'm like, who cares? So I go out, we're smoking a cigarette in the back of his van, which he also lives in. Oh, which is important in the story.

Do you want to revise? Do you want to revise?

I wish you'd have said, do you want to come out and smoke a cigarette in my house? Literally.

So we go out to his home and we're sitting in the back and we're smoking a cigarette. One thing leads to another. We do have a quickie in the back of his car before going back into the club.

Right.

This guy's got a mate. He's living in the parking lot of the club and he's allowed to leave during his shift and entertain in his van and then return to work. This seems like a dream.

So we go back in and all my friends are like lined up near the pool table and they're like, what did you just do? And I'm like, don't worry, it's okay. Like, I'm the chaotic friend. They're very used to it. I'm like, we're still gonna have a great night. So we're still flirting throughout the night. And then I go over to him and I'm like, hey, by the way, like we're about to leave. He's like, great, take my number.

He's texting me.

I'm not responding because I'm like, I'm with my friends, who cares? So he's like, but I really want to see you later tonight. And I'm like, okay. So we get back to the house at like 2 AM. And all my friends are like, don't go, he could kill you. He lives in his van. Like, we literally don't know.

He lives in his van. Literally such a deal breaker.

Generally, it is what they tell you to avoid. Don't get in someone's van.

So I share my locations with all my friends, and I'm like, okay guys, if I die, like, you know where my body is, or at least my phone. This guy comes and picks me up at like 2:30 in the morning, and he's like, oh, can I just park my van at this this yacht club. And I'm like, I don't know if I want to do that. I don't want to disrespect, like, her future in-laws. Let's just drive somewhere. So we're driving through Siesta Key, and he parks, and he's, like, acting all fidgety. And I'm like, is everything okay? Like, my friends have my location in case you're gonna do anything. And he's like, okay, well, if the cops come, I need you to say that you were driving because I don't have a license.

Okay.

And I said, But you live in your van. So like, how do you not have a license?

Yeah.

So I'm like, why don't we get out of the residential and like go somewhere else? So we end up going near the beach. It's like a little grove thing. So we parked there for the night. We're having beers. We hooked up and he keeps telling me over and over that like he's on this reality show and I'm like, okay. But like he never tells me the name of the reality show. He just keeps referring to himself as his nickname on the reality TV show.

Okay, so you're with a very interesting gentleman here.

And so I'm like, I don't really care what show you're on. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Like, let's just figure it out. We fall asleep in the back of the van. I slept in his home.

Wow, what a gentleman inviting you to stay.

Yeah, he didn't kick you out.

I know.

I don't know how he's gonna make you breakfast in the morning, but let's see.

The bride's sister texted me at 4 AM. She's like, are you alive? And I'm like, Yep, I'm still good. I'm great. I'll be home soon. So he takes me back. Fast forward a little bit, we're at brunch. And all of the girls are like, okay, like, tell me about it. Like, we're all together. So I'm just like going through it. And I'm like, he kept saying he was on some reality show, but like, I don't know what show it is. I'm like, well, this is his nickname. Like, he keeps saying this is his nickname. And that's all he's referring to himself to. So we looked him up. And he was on Redneck Island.

Okay, never even heard of it. But I feel like I know exactly what the show is. Pretty self-explanatory. Yeah.

Wow. And I was like, yep, that's him. I remember those tattoos. They're making fun of me. He calls me while we're at brunch and he's like, hey, you want to hang out at the beach today? And I'm like, no, like, I'm with my girls. I'm over this. We're gonna have a bachelorette day. So then we end up going out that night. It was wig night, which all the bachelorettes are doing. I have an '80s rocker mullet on and like all the other girls have like long curly hair and I'm like, whatever. So like, I'm gonna stick out like a sore thumb. So we go back to the same club because was the best club. And I'm like, okay, maybe he's not working tonight because he was working yesterday. I walk in, there he is. And I'm like, ah, shit. So we see each other. And then he's like, hey, like, I'm gonna get us a hotel room tonight so we don't have to stay in the van. And I'm like, no, like, I have a flight tomorrow morning at 4 AM. I'm just gonna go home. We end up leaving that club. Never talked to him again.

Fast forward a week, the boy part of the trip is going down. And like, we all went to college with them too. So people are engaged and married and like dating the whole group. And so they all know the story because we're all friends and the girls told him. So they go to the club and they ask for this man by name because I know his name at this point. And they're like, hey, is so-and-so here? Like, we just want to take a picture of him. The manager looks them all dead in the face and said, we have never had anybody with that name working at this club.

Oh my God, he was just posing as a bouncer. So no wonder he's able to go out to the park When they told me that, I was like, who did I sleep with?

Ew, that's so scary. And then so he went also back the next day. He wasn't working the next day. He went back there.

Yes.

Oh my Lord. If I were you, I would have had to watch as many episodes of that show as possible. Yeah. Did you do that?

It's actually funny. I've never even looked up where to watch it. I'm like, I need to bury this in my past. But then when I saw this prompt, I was like, I have to do it.

Okay, listen, I'm gonna watch it.

He is on a reality show, and yet he's still pretending to be a bouncer.

He's a man of mystery, Monica.

This is hard for me. I guess I have too high of an opinion of people on reality shows.

I think you do. You gotta remember, I was on a reality show in a one-bedroom apartment in Santa Monica, and my license was very much in jeopardy of being revoked.

This is fantastic.

Yeah, this is really fun.

You accidentally had sex with a celebrity.

Yeah, yeah, you fucked a famous guy.

Yeah. Yes.

Could I do a quick shout out?

Of course.

So my sister, she's my best friend, and we have like weekly debriefs about Armchair Anonymous. I told her that I submitted for the prompt. She does not know the full story. This is the first time she's gonna hear it. She said, don't tell me if you get on it, just give me a shout out. So this is my shout out to my sister Lauren.

Oh, wonderful.

That's so fun. Shout out Lauren.

Hi Lauren. Oh, well, that was lovely. Thank you so much. It was great meeting you.

Thanks.

Great to meet you too.

All right.

Take care.

Have a good day.

You too. Bye.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, how's it going?

Good. Oh, I love your voice. It's raspy.

Thank you. I'm kind of sick, so it's not normally like this, but it's cool to see you guys.

You should stay sick.

Well, no.

I think that sometimes, like, I've either been really sick or I threw my voice out because I was yelling too much, and I'm like, yeah, I wish my voice was—

Sick voice is cool.

It is cool.

What name should we come up with? And I feel like it should mirror your voice a little bit.

Phoebe Buffay.

Phoebe's good.

It was Holden Caulfield's sister in Catcher in the Rye. It's got a really good literature history. Okay, so Phoebe, you had a summer fling.

This is very recent. Just a month ago.

This summer?

Yes.

Brand new.

Hot off the presses.

So, to set the stage, I went to Europe with my best friend and her boyfriend this summer, and we did a couple different things, but one of the pieces of the trip was going backpacking. I had gone through a breakup earlier this year, so I was kind of manifesting, like, some— hookup or a spicy makeout or something on this trip. But when we were backpacking, I was like, oh, it won't be then. It'll be like at a Spanish club or something like that. So we signed up for this group trip. It was with a bunch of strangers to go hut-to-hut backpacking. So it's essentially like little mountain cabins, and they have a bunch of cots. And so you're sleeping with a lot of strangers, and then you backpack during the day, and you do like group meals, so you don't have to carry any food or tent or anything. So it's kind of of like bougie backpacking. We signed up for this group trip, and my expectations are very low. I've done group trips before, and it's been entirely women and maybe like one random middle-aged guy. But when we got there, there were 3 guys in their 20s and 30s, and my friends and I were scheming.

We're like, okay, maybe one of them will hit it off. We'll see what happens. And so we got on the trip. We take our little taxi up into the mountains, and the way it was set up was we stayed in a hotel, a hut, a a hut, a hostel, and then a hut, and then another hotel. So it was different accommodations every night, kind of all over the place, but really fun. So the first night we're in a hut and there's like 30 people. I'm trying to suss out the vibes. One of the guys and I seem to be vibing with each other a little bit, but he's very artsy, very in his head. And I was like, I don't know if this is mutual or not. So I'm just feeling out the first few days. The second night that we're in a hut, it's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style. It's like one long mattress. And it's my best friend, her boyfriend, me, and then this guy who we will call Ryan. And we're, like, kind of nudging each other in our sleep, but without really acknowledging it. I'm like, I wonder if I should make a move.

I'm like, no, it's too risky. He might be fully asleep. I don't know if these bumps are intentional. So I don't do anything. And then the next day, we are in a hostel, and I kind of I kind of dropped a clue to the group earlier. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go for like a nighttime walk this evening if anyone wants to join, try to go see the stars, because the sun set really late where we were in northern Spain. So you didn't see the stars until like 11:30 PM. So I say that a few hours before the end of the evening and then don't really bring it up. And then it's an open invite to the group. And then later that evening, we're getting ready for bed at the same time, and we both walk out of the bathroom at the same time. And I was like, oh, hey, Ryan, do you wanna still go for a walk tonight? And he's like, oh yeah, sure, I'll go. And so we go for a stroll, but then it's so beautiful. I'm like enamored by the mountains. I'm like, get distracted and then I get too nervous to make a move.

So I'm like, okay, maybe the next day. I can't tell if he's flirting. He's just very polite, very friendly. And he had also gone through a breakup earlier this year after like 7 years. So I was like, we're in the same boat, but maybe he's not at the same place with healing from his last relationship. So I was taking it safe. And then the next night is our last night in a hut, and we called it the Pizza Hut because they have, like, fresh pizza when you get there. Ooh!

Don't you want to take this trip?

It's amazing. Everyone should go. It's called Picos de Europa. So we get to the last hut, and again, it's like 30 people, a bunch of strangers coming in. There's trail runners, there's young, hot people everywhere, and older hot people. And one of my friends is like, Kelsey, instead of Ryan, like, you should go after this guy who's, like, openly talking about his open relationship with his wife. And I was like, oh, maybe, maybe that. And I'm like, no, no, no, we'll wait and see. And so we get these assorted cot numbers, and it's numbered for a locker and then a cot for you to sleep in. And you're, like, right next to each other, maybe 2 inches of space at night when you're sleeping. My friend, like, grabbed me randomly key number 7, and then her boyfriend had grabbed key number 8. And then she's like, put it back. And then Ryan came up to the hut later and happened to grab key number 8 out of the 35 beds that there are. So I was like, okay, that feels kind of serendipitous. And so we're going to bed, and there's like a random old man snoring super loud in the corner, and there's like 15 of us in this room.

And I was like, okay, it's now or never. I gotta make a move. Like, it's so beautiful outside. But I was like, I can't whisper because this is such cramped quarters. Like, someone on my group trip is gonna hear me. ask this guy if he wants to go make out outside, and then it's gonna be just weird for the whole group the next day. 'Cause we had 12 people that were all strangers traveling around Spain together. So I decided to type a note out on my phone as we're going to bed. And so I type out, I'm like, this may be way too bold of me to ask, and I might be reading the vibes wrong, and no offense at all if you're not feeling the same way, but would you want to wake me up later once the stars are out and go make out outside?

Oh.

Nice.

And he had already fallen asleep. Oh my God.

So I was like, oh no.

So he like kind of woke up startled and he was like, yeah, that sounds nice. And I was like, okay, that doesn't sound convincing. And then 30 seconds later, he's like, I'm so sorry, I was just waking up. That does sound really wonderful. We should go do that. And I was like, great. Okay. Then I fall asleep for like an hour. He nudges me awake and then he's like, do you still wanna go outside? I'm like, yeah. So we try to quietly come out of this hut, even though it's like creaky wood everywhere and so many people. And we walk outside and we're looking at the stars and it's just a ring of mountains around us. It's like you're in a planetarium with the stars above you, and it's just picture perfect. So we're just chatting, and I'm like getting distracted by the stars again. And he's like, so did you want to kiss? And I was like, yes. So we start making out, and it's immediate chemistry. Romance vibes are very high. We're very into each other. And after a few minutes, I stop him and I'm like, wouldn't it be so crazy if we had sex in the mountains?

Oh.

Oh.

Under the stars.

Just laying out on these rocks. And he was like, yeah, yeah, that would be amazing. And I was like, okay, again, he sounds a little hesitant. And then I was like, are you into it? Like, we can totally keep making out if you want. I'm like, have you like slept with anyone since your last relationship? And he's like, yeah, I like slept with someone. It's not bad. And I was like, okay, what is it? He's like, I just don't think I'm gonna last very long.

Yeah. Yeah. Very, very honest.

Honest and flattering.

Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm flattered. And also it's 12:30 and we're laying on rocks, so it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

And then he was like, also, I didn't bring a condom. And I was like, don't worry, I have some.

Oh, I love this. You are so prepared.

I mean, like a Type A kind of—

Yeah. Yeah. This is very Type A summer fling. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna be prepared for anything. And it's just funny because people were making fun of how heavy my backpack was. He's like, oh, so this is what you're carrying. And so I run back to the hut and I get the condom. And then we lay down in the grass, flipping who's on their back so the other person can look at the stars.

Oh, wow.

Very respectful.

We go back to the hut, sneak in, and go to bed. We kind of fall asleep sort of holding hands a little bit. And so the next day, we're like hiking with our whole group the whole day. We're And we're trying to be sneaky about it because we don't want to throw off the vibes of the group trip. And so I don't even tell my best friend that's on the trip with me until like 7 PM that night. I'm like, okay, maybe that was a one-time thing. And then that night we're in a hotel because it's the last night that we're with the whole group. And I can tell at the end of the night he's kind of lingering in the lobby. I was collecting money to tip our guides and he'd already given me money and I walked up to him and I'm was like, so should I come to your room tonight? And he was like, yeah, yeah, let's do that. And so I go up to his room and then we have sex again and it's wonderful. And we fall asleep talking about our breakups and it's just like very therapeutic. And I forgot to mention, I kind of like snuck out of my room again.

I was rooming with this girl from Poland and I just had to tell a little white lie. I was like, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends. You can leave the the lights off, like, don't worry, I probably won't be back for a little while. And then I was able to, like, sneak back in at 5:00 AM, and no one suspected a thing. And then we were done with the group portion of the trip. They were driving us back to the city in Spain where everyone was flying out from. And everyone was flying out that day except for my friends and then Ryan. And I was like, again, what a great coincidence this is. We're going back to the town, and we meet up in the city center, and we're like, okay, well, we have to do something fun today. We gotta, like, keep hanging out. So we meet up for this, like, 6-course lunch, and then we go to a beach, and it's a topless beach, and it's my first topless beach ever.

Oh, wow.

And so we're laying on the beach, and it's great.

And did you go topless?

Of course. You have to.

Did everyone?

All your friends?

No.

Look at you!

And Ryan was very respectful. Like, didn't make a big deal of it or anything, but I was like, okay, bucket list checked. That evening, we all went for late-night Spanish dinner, and we're having drinks and talking about, like, childhood trauma, all 4 of us together. And then it's kind of unspoken that I'm gonna go back to his hotel with him instead of my friend's Airbnb. And so we're walking back, and we just hiked, like, 45 miles. And so we were a little tired. We didn't really wanna, like, full-on go dancing. And we stumbled on at 11:30 at night this, like, Spanish contemporary dance performance in front of this old town square. and there were hundreds of people watching and all these lights going off, and it was so beautiful. And then we were there just in time for the finale, where this very slow Spanish song started playing. Hundreds of people are singing along and starting to slow dance, and it was like a movie set.

Oh! Oh my God, I'm in love.

I know!

I forgot to say he writes films. I was like, he's gonna have to make a movie about this. And then it turns into, like, a DJ set at the very end, and we go down, and we're in the dance circle, And then at midnight, they, like, cut it off. It felt like a very Cinderella moment. And then we were walking back to his hotel, and we're just, like, humming in the streets, singing and dancing and everything.

Aw.

And we go up to his hotel, spend the night together again, fall asleep, like, talking about our lives and childhood and everything. And in the morning, we go out for breakfast, and we're walking around the town, and it's really lovely. And then, when I realized that, I'm like, well, I have everything, and you're flying out today, and I'm going back to my friends. So we, like, say goodbye in the middle of the street, like it was a movie, like with people rushing past us. And I put my hand on his cheek and gave him a really soft kiss, and I was like, bye, Ryan. Turned around, walked off, and then was skipping and, like, smiling back to my friend's place. And that was that.

Wow!

I'm welled up. I'm so happy for you. It's very sweet.

I'm so glad.

I'm glad you had that experience.

Was it— were you like lovesick after? Like, did you miss him?

No, it was crazy. It felt like the most perfect thing that both of us needed post long relationships being over.

Lets you know your heart still works.

Oh, what a happy story.

I know, I'm really moved by that.

He is an American. He lives in New York.

Call me!

If you're not gonna take him, call me.

I wonder if you guys will ever have another rendezvous.

I know, we have each other's phone and his birthday was like a week after the trip ended. And so I texted like a vague message where I was like, I hope our paths cross again someday and have a wonderful birthday and everything. And he just kind of reiterated that. So it just kind of felt like a little bow on top of a little rom-com.

Yeah, that's a beautiful summer fling.

It is. That is.

I feel like I'm on my period or something. I'm like, why am I upset?

You are like crying.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, you literally have a tear.

I was looking at your little face and I was picturing my little dog Delta being on a trip like that. I was like, oh, I love this person. She's like Delta.

Oh, they're all like Delta.

Literally, I had that thought, Monica. I was like, man, if I could just see everyone was Delta, I would just love everyone so much.

Yeah.

Wow, this took such—

this took such a crazy turn.

Okay, wow. Yeah, so that was all the things that were happening to me.

It's good to let out the emotions.

You're so sweet. I like that story so much.

Yeah, me too, me too.

Well, thank you for letting me tell it.

Yeah, my period will start soon. This will all be over.

Okay, don't know. Guess who's on their period?

Me.

And I have not a tear in sight, but I am moved. I do think that was such a special story.

Oh yeah, that was so good. You had that. That made me so happy. Do you have any shoutouts?

Yes, my friend Summer. She's wonderful.

She also listens to like every Armchair Anonymous episode and we talk about it all the time.

Big shout out to Summer.

Summer.

Summer, we love you. Thanks for listening.

Summer fling.

Really ding, ding, ding.

Wow.

Yeah, it's perfect.

Thanks for chatting with us.

Yeah. Have a great rest of your summer.

Bye.

Bye-bye. Oh, well, that was great.

All right. That was fun. That was fun. And that was hopeful. Love you.

Love you.

Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song.

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of Armcherrys, we'll get some suggestions. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. On the Fly Rhyme Dish. Enjoy!