Transcript of #684 - Bad Haircut

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All, um, fuck, I don't know how to— you ever just don't even know how to start the day or a sentence or a relationship or anything? Does anybody else ever— do you have that? I don't know, just like, yeah, that's how I'm just having that day. It's like, I don't know. Okay. Y'all, just, yeah, I don't, yeah. So, so when you can't start something, it's kind of weird. You just kind of have to just like, it's almost like if you were watching a guy at a batting at, in a baseball game, he's in the batter's box and he just runs straight to second base and people are like, okay, then that's how it's going to begin. So, and that's how we're going to begin today, guys. Without a beginning, because that's where we are. Um, it is the year 2026. Uh, I got a bad haircut. Not sure if anybody can even tell, to be honest with you. I'll show it to you. You can see it. It's just, you know, it, it looks Southern Amish. Is kind of— I think it has kind of a Southern Amish energy, which is know? Yeah, it's like, oh, you, you know, you churn your own butter and you, you churn your own sister, don't you?

It's just like, you know, I think it can be alarming to people. It's alarming to me. That was it. And I think some people are like, well, dude, your hair, you know, your hair generally looks like shit. And that's fine, you know, but it's my— it's like, I don't know, the guy cut it a way that I didn't want it. And so it just, you know, I'm okay if it looks like shit if it's the way I want it to look like— if it's— as long as it's the way I want it to look like shit. You know, I'd said, and he was a nice guy, right? But I'd said like I'd want a half inch off, and the first thing he does is just rip 2 inches off of everywhere. And you're— if you're a guy like me who, you know, does— isn't overall familiar with a lot of inches, you notice when you suddenly lose 2 of them bitches, dude. And so I was just like— I was in New York City, and you know, it's a time where I was gonna be out and about and walking around. And like, yeah, I just got into like just haircut shame, dude, and frustration.

I felt like even the birds wouldn't look at me. Do you ever have like that? Where you're just like, even the fucking birds won't even— like, even a stream. Like, if you're walking through a park, even the stream kind of flows the other way. It just like— that's the effect it had on me. I just like— I'm okay if I look like shit. It just— I want to look like the type of shit that I want to look like. And it freaking pissed me off. It freaking pissed me off, dude. And I don't get that angry much, but it pissed me off. And I just wanted to— honestly, dude, I just wanted to pull my wiener off and fucking— and just fucking just hum it into a— into a crowd of people. Just fucking skip that bitch. You know how people skip it across a lake? I just wanted to just skip that bitch right off the top of a crowd. Just bing, bing, bing, bing. Just hit a fucking bunch of people, even hit a fucking guy in a wheelchair or whatever. I don't give a shit. That's how— that's how I was feeling, dude.

I don't care if it hits— hits a fucking woman or a Native American. I don't care. I don't care. Or just somebody with braids, let's just say that then. But I just— I, I don't know, it just like— I don't know. Now I'm feeling upset that I'm upset, but— So I— but for like a week, I was just dealing with like haircut shame, you know? And sometimes when I get angry, I wish my— because like all my, like my angst, it just somehow it ends. There's this feeling and I want to detach. This sounds crazy, but I want to detach my wiener and just hum that bitch out into a chorus or a crowd of people just singing in the street. And one of them just gets— they get clipped right in the jaw with it and they're like, what was that? Like, that's a D sharp, bitch. Okay. Get on tune, cuz. Cuz shit, sometimes things suck and you just want to— you just want to throw your wiener. I don't know why my wiener— I just want to throw my wiener at somebody. Yeah, and I'm sorry if I— and I'm sorry if that's offending some people.

I don't fuck—

I don't care today, dude. I do not care today. I do care, but I'm saying I don't. Yeah. I've just always wanted that. I just always wanted my wiener to come off of me. It just like, I don't know, sometimes it feels like that's where some of my madness lives. So, um, but you'd only be able to detach it when you're angry, right? It would only— that would be how, because otherwise guys would kind of take advantage of the situation. They would be like, some lazy guy would just be like, You know, he doesn't wanna like get his dog a toy or something, so he would just keep throwing his wiener down the— he'd just keep throwing that bitch down the street or whatever, and the dog would run and get it or whatever. But then the dog would escape with it one day, and that would be the tough part. And then you have to like kinda wander around town, you're like, yeah, have you seen— have you seen like an Australian Shepherd with a small wiener in its mouth?

I don't know.

Um, anyway, yeah, I'm just complaining about my haircut. So, and then, dude, I made the mistake, I'll say this, of complaining about my haircut to a bald friend. Has anybody done that? Do not do that, man. I call my buddy Shane, he's like, and I'm talking, I'm just like, dude, I'm fucking pissed, you know? And the haircutter, he was nice, but he just, he did like I told him. And then at the end he's like, sorry, kind of my ego got the best of me. And I'm just like, you're— what do you— I have to wander around now looking like this, you know? And it's getting better, I agree. But I, I just looked like a cat. I don't know. I felt like a fucking cactus in a halfway house or something. I just— I don't know. I just felt like I fucking just wanted to rub methadone into my scalp.

I just—

It didn't feel good. But yeah, I called my bald friend. That's the worst idea. And halfway through the conversation I realized, fuck, dude, Shane is bald. And he's like, oh man, I hear you, dude. He's like, I remember. He's like, I remember we had a science project due and I remember making this volcano and then I remember looking down at it and some of my hair had fallen out onto it. And he's like, and I was 9 years old. I'm like, oh fuck, this is— this conversation is going to be longer than I expected. He's like, yeah, I remember my grandmother had a hairless cat and, um, and I was petting it and snuggling with it. And then one time I looked down and it had hair on it and it was my hair. And I was only 11. All right, uh, gotta go, Shane. Um, so that, so that conversation took a— hit a real cul-de-sac, you know, because I just, I don't know, it's just like, I don't know. And the guy didn't mean to do it, and it's, it is what it is. There's much— there's bigger things, there's bigger fish to fry.

That's what they always say, there's bigger fish to fry than that. Are there fucking bigger fish to fry than that? So anybody who's ever had a bad haircut, man, that— I just, I feel you. It hurts. Because then you'll be talking to somebody and you'll see— you're looking them in the eyes and you see them glance one half of a degree up. And you're just like, oh, they fucking know what's going on. And you feel like— because you look like a fucking child, because a child is the one who usually just cuts their own hair. And suddenly you're wandering around with just fucking— with child hair, and you run a business or whatever, or you— people trust you to make their smoothie or whatever it is, or to babysit, or to be a Nanny or to bury their friends or whatever. And they see your hair and they're like, fuck, man. It's just, it's crazy. An extra inch on the bangs and people lose all trust in you. On a man, on a male, on an adult male. And so sometimes I just want to fucking take my wiener off and fucking hum it right into the fucking galaxy.

And see if Mother Nature will catch it in her fucking mouth, because I'm— because sometimes I'm pissed off. So, and I'm sorry for that. Uh, in other news, uh, me and 2 of my buddies, my buddy Bizzle and my buddy Zeta, we rented a camper and we just— we went up through Kentucky, um, Iowa, Illinois, and Michigan. And did a run there, probably drove about 3,000 miles. And the company that we rented from, uh, it's— it was called—

America, right?

And I don't know if it was the camper that we got. I mean, I guess it was. It was like every bump we hit in that thing, every little crack in the pavement, it was like, ba-dang, ba-dang.

Ba-dang, ba-dang.

And you'd think the next bump, you're like, oh, it's not gonna make that sound again. You're like, ba-dang, ba-dang. And every bump we hit, dude, it turned into a nightmare. You would see like, like the whole thing, it was like a bunch of kids had put it together the night before. It was like a last-minute school project that they put together with tape and hope. and just gooning, right? It was like a bunch of high school kids had just put this thing together with fucking goon lube, right? It was just— every turn we would do was like the fucking screen would fly across the room, or the windowsill would just jump out of a cabinet and just try to take its own life. Like, we lost probably 75 different bolts, uh, spoons. Every bump you would hit or turn, a spoon or just a flock of spoons would fucking fly through the air. I think they were heading to Florida or whatever because it's getting colder. It was a fucking nightmare, dude. It was a nightmare. There was like an ambulance following us at one point for no reason. Nobody called it. They just knew.

They, they knew in their hearts that we were not doing good. But damn, every bump we would hit, a fucking— you'd hit it again and the light fixture would fall out of the fucking The oven would turn on and immediately go to 7,000 degrees and just start sucking off a shower head in there or whatever. Nothing made it. Just everything in there. We left 1/3 of that thing. We left on I-65 or I-40 or I don't give a fuck. We left that bitch everywhere. There were animals migrating into it. There were animals moving in and out of it. Um, there was like some— something had been gestating in the back near the bed. There was AA meetings and there was like a halfway House group had moved in for a little while. Anyway, I'm just saying it was a nightmare, dude. But we huddled up in the front and we made it through every single moment. We had towels stuffed in every little crevice in that thing. Dude, we put a— I mean, there wasn't— all the blankets, any clothing we had brought, we had to use to stuff in a crack or in this.

And the door would just— just like the whole time you were driving, it had a door and then a screen door. And then the screen door had like a little thing inside of it, like another screen door. And it just— they all just— I don't know if the whole thing was just screaming for help. I don't even know. It was like, say if somebody took an AutoZone, right, and turned it upside down and put it in the back of your fucking car. And made you drive over 72,000 speed bumps for no reason at all. Anyway, with that said, it brought us closer together, I think. And, and physically it did, because we had to all huddle in the front because we were just scared to— once that silverware drawer opened, it was just fucking— you'd hit one curve and a damn knife would fly right by you. Or 2 spoons would fly by through the air and they would just be doing it doggy style or whatever. You're like, what the fuck? It was a lot. Praise God. Praise be to God. And thank you, God, for being with us. Um, but with that said, man, we had a, we had a wonderful time.

Uh, and we did get tetanus shots just to make sure everybody was okay.

But dang.

Yeah, if you don't know what it was like, go home to your house, okay? Go home to your house, right? And open up— don't even open up the silverware drawer. Open the drawer next to the silverware drawer, the one that just has the tongs and the fuck— and like the corn— like the corncob holder and just like the hairspritz. Like that one that has tape and pictures of missing children. The one that has like the BTK starter kit in it. The one that has like— All your grill— you go to— go get that one that has batteries and fucking bad dreams in it. Go open that drawer at your house and then slam your head into it 400 and 200 times and 50 times, you little fucking piece of shit. And that is what it was like. Ba-dum! Ba-dum! Bro, there's no way, bro. The calcium loss alone from our bones, from just dealing with that, unbelievable. I'm sure I'll need cartilage work, but praise be to God that we made it through it. And we had a great time. We did get to go to the Field of Dreams baseball game, and that was versus Minnesota and the Phillies.

And they gave me a hat. They gave me a Twins hat. Um, and so that was nice. Um, And we went fishing with my buddies up there in Wyoming, Illinois, up there. That was great. We saw a car show up there as well. My mother's from up there, and we stopped up there and went fishing. And I think we fished in like a, like a data center cooling pond or whatever. And I caught a bunch of old data. I caught some emails. I caught a couple of emails from a data leak from when they had that, um, What was the one where they busted the guy, uh, the religious guy or whatever? 17 children or whatever looking for hole or whatever. What was that place called? Are you talking about Ashley Madison?

Yes.

So we caught a— yeah, we just went fishing. It was a, you know, it was a data leak pond. You know, that's what that— you know, a lot of runoff from these data centers, that's what we'll be fishing. And eventually you'll just You'll go fishing in data runoff and you'll catch old episodes of shows or you'll catch a data leak of— and we caught some Ashley Madison emails. My buddy caught like a, it was about probably a 3 gigabyte Excel sheet, a spreadsheet. He caught that and went— And that might have been a pawn record, I'm not sure. But, um, yeah, and I caught some other— we caught some shit we threw back. Couple old Seinfeld episodes that were on Blu-ray, uh, just some Seinfeld downloads. Um, we'll be catching some old Vine episodes. Just basic data. It's just data shit, you know. My buddy also caught a, um— I guess this— they had some MySpace pages and shit that we threw back. Um, But yeah, had a good time over there. And, um, yeah, then the Midwest, dude, we went ATVing and that was great. And, uh, and in the end we went ATVing over there in Michigan.

And dude, I hadn't been ATVing. And we got there and my buddy, he was like, uh, hey man, I'm sorry, the track's all muddy. You know, it's been raining here. And we was out rural. We was out rural, out where, you know, goddamn, where there's just way out, out past all the basketball hoops, you know what I'm talking about? Rural, out in a place called Marcellus, Michigan. But there, you— I promise you wasn't gonna find a dude named Marcellus around there. Um, but we were out there, dude, and we went ATVing, and my buddy's like, man, sorry, it rained a lot, bro. We— it was so wet, dude. We just like— it was maybe one of the funnest things I'd ever done. Just hitting mud. And we had some mud, it had so much stink in it. It was just like God had been just, just, just doo-dooing in this mud. It just smelled like God had just been doo-dooing in this mud. And when those tires would go through it, just— just the fucking bowels of Christ would open up and just hit you right in the fucking snout. Honky. Anyway, uh, but that was great.

And then one of the neatest things I ever got to do, man, I want to say this. We got to go on a cruise down the Chicago River through the downtown. We went right through the downtown, man. And we even— we stuck a cup out of the boat and even all hit a cup of water right there, just as like a commemorative moment. And, uh, but dude, going through— I'd never gone through a huge city on a, on a, on a riverway, man. It was, it was one of the neatest things I've ever gotten to do. If you ever get to do it, that's something I suggest. Um, and then yeah, we stopped at just random gas stations here and there, and it was fun, man. Honestly, it was one of the best things that I got to do. Just, you know, just sheer joy. Because sometimes when things are ridiculous too— Bontés! Bontés! Uh, it makes it more fun, you know? It makes it more fun. And we just hit that corn, man. We went all through the corn areas, bro. Everybody in that shit. They had steamed corn, corn on the cob, corn on your cousin.

They had all of that shit. I was like, you got— you guys, you got any spinach? They're like We got green corn. I was like, all right, all right.

Butters!

So it was just like that, homie. Um, but yeah, it was, it was great. And, uh, I had a great time with my friends. Well, I'll put pictures on the YouTube if you get to look at that so you can see some of it. And, um, yeah, that's what's going on. Uh, what else? In other news, Macklemore was let go from the Ed Sheeran tour. I'm sure you guys heard about that. He had spoken out on stage about free Palestine. He'd spoken out about Gaza and the genocide happening, and he had played his song Heinz Hall, and he'd had imagery on the screen of the atrocities that have been occurring over there. The Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, who owns Gillette Stadium, where the tour was eventually heading, decided that he didn't want that sort of communication happening at his venue, and Macklemore was removed from the tour. As well, Ed Sheeran's band dropped out. It's been a big fallout. And I've been thinking about it, kind of not even thinking, just kind of feeling about it, I guess, because You know, Macklemore lost his job because he spoke up, right? Because he said something, right?

I mean, it feels like this is probably the biggest atrocity that, uh, that we've witnessed in our lifetime, um, on our phones, right? Seeing the, the killings and the people getting murdered and the children getting killed and the weaponry. And we had a doctor on who was talking about children getting shot right down through their bodies from drones. It's like the Israeli government, and I want to say the government, not the people of Israel. I'm not talking about them. I'm not talking about Jewish people, but the Israeli government has turned Gaza into like a video game basically for killing people. You know, it's like, it's just, it's, it's this first-person shooter. They have all this technology and, and, and, and more specifically, the killing of children, right? I mean, the killing of children. And every time there's like, Hamas is hiding, that's Hamas. And it's like, that's a 4-month-old. What? How can he? He can't even walk. He couldn't even walk into a Hamas office and sign up. You know, they're like, he's hiding or something. Like, what is he hiding? He's hiding behind what? His own tears? Because his mother is missing? Like, what are we even talking about sometimes?

Like, I think that's what, like, I don't know, it's just like, and, and we scroll past it, right? We scroll past it on our phones. I do it. I do it too. You know, just because there's like a new trend on TikTok, or it's, you know, it's like there's a new sale on this new hat, or it's like, oh, have you seen this thing? This water filter gets, um, uh, leprosy out of your shower head or whatever. And you're like, all right, you know, or there'll be a TikTok trend and it's like, you know, it's just like boosting bitches where y'all at, you know, or I need a 10-piece lemon pepper Gaza City. What the fuck going, bro? You can't even get a 10-piece lemon pepper into Gaza because they stopped the fucking food shippings. They won't let any calories in there while they hunt down.

Children.

They killed every reporter who was trying to report on the war. Like, what are we even talking about sometimes?

I don't know.

I don't fucking even know sometimes. I'm like, just what is going on? You know? And we see it on our phone and it's like you just become immune to it. It's like, here's just another legless Arab kid. That some family is babysitting now in Texas. And it's like a— I think it's like a test. It's a test to see how much uncomfort can we handle before we say something, right? How uncomfortable can it be? And I'm not calling anybody out. Everybody's busy. People are just trying to survive, right? The cost of rent has tripled over the past 70 years or something. I think we saw, or not even that, 50 years. It's like tripled, and the minimum wage has not kept up with it. It's like people are living in a spot where they're just trying to make ends meet. I get it, you know. But it does feel like we're under this weird test of like, how much pain can we witness? I mean, even Miss Rachel said something. Miss Rachel, dude. Big— somebody said that Big Bird said something, that he took his head off the other day and he's, he's just like This shit's gotta stop, you know?

But I just like— and I'm not judging anybody here, I'm just fucking— I'm, I'm, I'm just— I can't help but be alive. And like, I'm in this fishbowl, and at least like, you just see the other fish around you are getting fucking murdered, and their families are not only getting murdered, but like the use of like fancy technology, like But then we we just get placated. Something happens in society, and we just like you know the McRib comes back, and we're like oh they the McRib is back. You know where there's a new like Marvel um you know you know or Spider-Man's gay now or something like oh man I can barely digest my McRib because. Spider-Man's dealing with so much, you know, where there's another dunk contest, or there's a— there's a— they found a possum that fucking gave birth to a salmon somewhere in Zaire or something, and there's a picture of that, you know. Or someone saw a picture of like Mary of Nazareth in like a— in a piece of Texas toast somewhere, and that takes over your feed and you're like, God, I want to eat that. I want to eat that thang, you know?

And it's like, yeah, I don't know. It's just like, I just don't even know what's going on some days, man. And if you think I'm crazy or whatever, that's fine. Like, I'm back. Here's the crazy part. I'm back on my meds. I'm back on my meds. And I, and like, and I'm not even fucking talking about anything. I just like, at a certain point you just, you're just like, what the— what is going on? They're just killing kids every other day. They blew this kid up like he was hiding or whatever. Like that kid was hiding, dude. There was a kid the other day, he was hiding behind his hands. He was playing hide and go seek. He was hiding behind his hands, counting to 10. And while the other kids ran to hide behind the bodies of their relatives, thankfully, There's enough bodies, slain bodies of their relatives, where they can stack them up now so they can play hide and go seek behind them. And they have to play slowly, and they can only play once every 2 weeks because they don't have enough calories in their body to play more than that.

But the kid is fucking hiding behind his hands, counting to 10. And they're like, he's Hamas. And they fucking kill him. And people are like, well, what? And this is the thing that I don't like. And people may have different views on that, and that's okay. I don't need to have your view. I don't need you to have my view. I don't— I'm not a— you're right. I'm not an analyst. I don't know everything. And people are like, you don't know everything.

You should stay.

You're right. I don't. But I am a human being. And I just, at a certain point, you can't fucking You know, you're asking me to watch every scary movie that ever existed in a row constantly every day and not raise my hand and be like, hey, who owns this fucking theater where they're playing this shit? I don't know, man. I don't even know. Uh, yeah, and sorry to get upset or whatever. I got a bad haircut, and when you get a bad haircut, everything else comes out, you know? And it's not— I mean, my cousin said it's getting better, but Um, but, um, but, but, and, and this is one thing, right? Like, I think something that maybe some people don't understand, like these fancy people, these like, like, that a lot of people are living in fear, right? A lot of people are living in fear, right? Because there's a country that has murdered like 20,000 children, right? I'm guessing. I'm sorry if I'm off. I, I don't know the exact numbers. You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know the exact number of children that were slaughtered, right? But people are like, why do you care?

I don't know. I don't know why. I think it just— it's not a choice I'm making. It's just something you feel like. I don't know. You know, I don't know. I can't— you can't help that you feel something, I guess. You know, because it feels scary, dude. That's the thing. I think some people— well, I don't know what some people think or do. I don't know. It feels scary to me because there's a country that's killing like 20,000 children, right? And we're watching it. And that's a lot, right? That's a lot. And they've taken over— this same country has Is used a lot of like tech companies and scary technology in this war in Gaza, right? In this conflict in Gaza, they've used a lot of crazy technology. Some of those companies are now in bed with American surveillance.

Right.

As well as the government of the country that has— that's— as well as the fact that the government of the country that's done this seems to own our country. Right. So I'm just saying, that seems scary, that if they'll kill the people right next to them, what would they do to people here. You know what I'm saying? So it's not a crazy, like, maybe it is crazy. Maybe you're— maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am crazy to think that there's a country that's killing a bunch of children that I'm watching on my phone. And that country seems to kind of, I don't know, I don't know everything. You're right. Seems to own a lot of our country and a lot of our politics. Or have the control over them. And the same companies that are doing the technology that's part of the murdering in Gaza are some of the same companies that have contracts in our country, surveillance and technology contracts. And so if they would kill their people right next door to them, It's just, you get scared, you know, because if they— if that government comes here, what will they do to us?

You know, that's the thing that it's just like, it gets real scary. But the McRib is back. The McRib is back and Halloween's right around the corner. And there's a court case on TV where a woman killed some of her kids, was accused of killing some of her children. And people will, like, are obsessed with that. But meanwhile, and that's fine, right? And that's fine to people. But meanwhile, the other 20,000-something or whatever children, I don't know the exact number. You're right. My bad. The other countless thousands of children that are being killed on my phone, that is— that's— that you can't talk about that. So that, I don't know if you think— yes, it all feels like a lot. I think that's what I'm saying, man. It all feels like a lot.

Whew.

It all feels like a lot, dude. But the McRib is back, and you know that shit's hype, bro. I need a 10-piece lemon pepper Gaza City. Let them get one 10-piece lemon pepper into the kid, cut. Let them get one 10-piece lemon pepper into the kids.

They can't.

The fucking kid. Is that too much to ask to get a Tempeh Lemon Pepper into the children of Gaza? Come on, gang. Come on, gang. It's just all, it's all, it's a lot. It's confusing. I'm not saying I'm, and I'm part, I'm part of, I scroll past stuff sometimes. It's too much. And I know it's a lot for everybody. I'm not saying anything to anybody. I'm not saying you need to do anything. I'm just like, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying because this is where I say shit sometimes. I think, you know, I don't know. And if it feels like I'm pointing fingers at you, yeah, I'm not trying to do anything like that. You know, I just like, I don't know. Sometimes I just have to talk about how I'm feeling and sometimes there's just nobody really to fucking talk about it to.

Yeah.

Or there is, but it's like, I don't know, this is what we've always done here. So praise be, man. Yeah. And God, thank you just for letting me exist. I know that there's suffering. There's always been suffering, right? There's always been suffering. And thank you for giving me just a place to exist today.

Yeah.

Thank you for just giving me food, shelter. Um, yeah, it's just a lot, man. And it's painful sometimes, you know? And it's just like, I don't know. And sometimes I think it's just like how we operate, like, or how I operate as a person, you know? It's like I don't know.

You—

it would just seem like we're better than this. And I think it's okay to be scared, and I don't give a fuck, you know? I do, I do, but I just like— I don't know. I don't like the fucking McRib. I'll say this, man. It makes me think when I was a kid, uh, and, and look, and I understand, like, I can say some stuff that people can't say because my job isn't at risk. I work for myself. I'm sure it probably is at risk somehow. I'm sure. Um, but I don't know that, you know. And, um, but it just gets scary to think that we could get into a place where you're not allowed to go. Like, like, like, would somebody be allowed to go to a Patriots game if they support Palestine? Like, are they going to start running an optical test on somebody to make sure that they, you know, like, yeah, I see you in an Amendola jersey, but do you support Palestine? You know? Are they just going to start saying Hamas is in the stands? It's just fucking, it's kind of, it's crazy to think. It's just scary. I don't know.

But that's the fear. That's what my fear is. It's like, well, if there's a country doing this, their government is doing this, and that country owns a lot of our country, or is obviously like, who's next? And that, like, I'm not a smart guy. You know, I think I'm smart about a couple of things, but I'm not. I know I'm not like a big information guy. So I just, I don't know. I can't be the only one that's thinking about this or feeling or like, or feeling about it. You know, I don't know. It's okay. It's okay. You know, it's scary. And so what, I'm scared, or I'm fucking, you know, it's uncomfortable, you know? Spin that shit, spin that shit. But TikTok just serves you up another thing, you know, another Down syndrome guy with a hammer or whatever, or fucking, you know, the new iPhone 7000. It can tell if your brother's gay or whatever the second he, you know, looks at it or whatever, or the McRib or the fucking McFish or the McFat or whatever. It's all back, you know. Here's another, another Dancing with the Stars. We just found a chihuahua that can recite the Bhagavad Gita.

It just— we every— there's so much information we can't even— I can't even Feel anymore half the time. I try to have a feeling and it's just like, I need a tempeh lemon pepper. You know, it's like I fucking close my eyes to try to get an earnest instinctual connection with God. I got a pocket full of money. Who the fuck hoard? And it's just like, it's just, it's a, it's a lot.

Yeah.

It's a lot. So anyway, and I know I'm— look, I know I have food and a home and I know suffering has always been a part of existence. I know that. So yeah, sometimes it's just a lot. It's a lot. And I can't even imagine how much it is for other people.

Yeah.

Because my basic needs are met. Um, anyway, or not anyway, but moving on. Uh, what's going on personally? Let me check in. Today was like, I woke up this morning, I was just feeling overwhelmed. I couldn't— I was like, I was just feeling overwhelmed. I felt like everything needed to be perfect today. I knew I was going to do a solo episode, and sometimes that scares me. Oh, I just knew everything needed to be— because I get this feeling like, okay, this everything, you know, everything's got to be perfect. I got to do everything per— like, I can't do this right. And the second I— like, like, at the same time as I got to do everything perfectly, the, the other feeling that goes with that is that there's no way I can do all this. And I will have both of those feelings at the exact, exact same time and almost let them run a race next to each other, and neither one of them is going to win. But I'll have those same feelings at the same time. So I had to go to an AA meeting. Thankfully I didn't have to, but I went to an AA meeting and it was really great.

That just sets me into a place. Like when I go to meetings, it sets me into a place. It just like when a day feels impossible, it takes that impossibility away. it takes that away. It just gives me more hope. Um, and recently, uh, I've had a tough time, um, keeping sober days together, keeping like— or just building up a decent amount of sober time. Um, I would continue to go to meetings. I just— it was hard for me to keep— get like a lot of days. I'd have like this much or this chunk, or it's just like— but I wasn't really— I was like, I'd fallen out of My program work. I'd fallen out of my contact with God and I wasn't working with my sponsor and, or a sponsor. Honestly, I wasn't working with a sponsor and my program just fell off and I fell off. And I'm grateful today. I got 45 days right now, 46. And I'm just grateful to have a piece of time together where I feel just like a lot more hopeful. You know, I'd always stayed going to meetings and I'd had bits of time and I was putting it together.

I just, it was just like, I don't know, there's a lot of like little things, stress, being off my Medicaid, just different things that had made, I think made things tough. But in the end, It's just I wasn't working a program and I wasn't working with a sponsor and I wasn't being honest with, uh, with my higher power. And so today I'm just grateful that I have that in place right now and that I feel more hopeful. Um, and yeah, just be— to being able to be honest, I had to be just brutally honest with my sponsor. Like, even if I knew part of me in my head somewhere, there was a little, like, just even a little buzzing of a mosquito in the distance of something that I was scared of or that I might do or that I think is wrong with me or something, I just had to share it. And that's been like a saving grace for me. Um, I think I've always had a tough time being like really honest about some stuff. And I think sometimes when I'm not really honest with somebody else, it's hard for me to be really honest with myself too.

If I can be really honest with somebody that I trust, then it, I don't know, it's just doing something different for me today.

Yeah.

And I wanna learn more about like the fears of what some of that is. And like, but right now I'm not trying to stress myself out too much. Um, I didn't wanna talk about some of it because I've had things in my life where I'll say like, I'm doing this or I'm doing that. And the second I tell somebody about it, for some reason I stop doing it or it stops meaning something to me or something. Um, So yeah, I'm just grateful to have this time and I'm thankful that just that I can pray today and feel like I have some possibility. And yeah, so if, yeah, one day at a time, one day at a time. Let's keep it moving, guys. And yeah, let's keep it moving. Um, all right. Uh, and thank you guys for just giving me a place to work, a place to go to, a place to be alive at. Um, yeah. And yeah, just grateful today to be here today. Um, all right, let's get in a couple of calls. As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503. Um, And yeah, thank you.

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All right, let's take this call.

Hey, buddy boy, it's Cody from Brooksville.

Thank you for calling, brother. Let's hear more.

My real question is a moral one. When I was growing up, my dad lost his house because he had a heart attack when I was in like 2nd or 3rd grade. We lost a lot of our things when he, he had that heart attack. And I have nothing that is his but my old house, my childhood home. It has a, uh, stained glass Jesus up in the old workshop because he was a carpenter. And I know it's there, but someone recently bought the house and they only speak Spanish, and I tried to ask if I could have the Jesus. But now I'm wondering if it's morally okay to break onto the property and steal Jesus from the abandoned— where, like, shop— or not. Any advice will work. Peace out, brother. I love you.

Bro, bro, bro, bro, let me tell you this, bro. You're asking if it's okay to break into a Latino home. A Mexicano. Primero, a primarily Mexican home and steal their Jesus out of there, bro. You could break into a Mexican home and steal a lot of shit, bro. They'll probably give it to you. You feel me? But bro, you could you could break into a you could bro you you could sneak into a Mexican home and steal a lot of things, bro. Posible el queso, you know. The chorizo, you know, it's greasy, but you can get it. You could probably steal a fricking kiss from their tía. But the, the thing you cannot break into a Mexican home and steal, dude, is their Jesus, bro. So with that said, yeah, I think it's a good idea. I think, oh, you're gonna have to have a good estrategio, estrategio, estrategio. That's strategy in Spanish. You're gonna need one of those, uh, mi gente. You're gonna need that, bro. You're gonna need— because here's the thing, a lot of Mexicanos, they, they work a lot, bro. They're hardworking, right? They're hardworking or they're praying. They're either working or praying or Celebración.

So there's very little time when they're sleeping in there. So if you're gonna sneak in there and steal a stained glass window that has Jesus, which is basically an— which is kind of like an altar, you're gonna get in there and steal a Jesus from a Mexican family?

You got—

they're good, bro. They're gonna be asleep for maybe 40 minutes. You got 40 minutes, bro. To fucking get in and get out. You feel me? You feel me, guy? But I think you're out of your fucking mind. But with that said, yes, put on your Meta glasses, stream it, stream the abuse. Yo, I hope they stuff you with candy, bro, and fucking— but with that said, good luck, dude. I think you got this. I think you got this, dude. I think you're gonna be fine. You have— dude, you have 40 minutes in and out, bro. You're like Nicolas Cage, bro. You're gonna be like Nicolas Cage in The Art, whatever he steals, The Art or whatever. You got that, bro. Get in there, fucking be quiet, Papa. Be quiet in there because the guy— That guy, the sleeping guy. He's gonna fucking wake up because he got to be up for work in 5 minutes anyway. That fucking guy, bro, Mexican people are on— they can rest for fucking 9 minutes. I got a Mexican friend, dude, he sleeps for 11 minutes a day. That's it. He sleeps for 11 minutes a night. He fucking— And he fucking got to be at work.

So, bro, I'm just saying, I think it's a horrible idea. Good luck. Let us know how it goes, uh, and we'll see you in incarceration. Hasta. What else? Uh, we got a call that came in right here.

Hi, Theo. My name's Jamie. First off, you're amazing, and I could go on and on, but I'm calling for some advice. I'm 40 years old, 2 children, and my oldest is about to start middle school. And I grew up poor, and I grew up in a rundown house, and I unfortunately didn't get out of that situation. I live in a rundown trailer. And she told me that she doesn't want to get on the school bus because she doesn't want kids to make fun of her. What do I do for her? To feel better about her life situation, because it is what it is. And we have love and we have food on the table and we have vehicles, but I can't give her more than what I can give her. And I want her to be confident. I just don't want her to introvert that pain like I did and not be able to be proud of where she comes from. Whatever you can elaborate on, that'd be great. Thanks. And you're amazing.

Well, thanks for the nice words. Uh, and also, honestly, that's one of— I think this might be maybe one of my favorite calls that, uh, that's ever come in. So thank you. Um, let me catch your first name again.

Hi, Theo. My name's Jamie.

Hey, Jamie. You're so, uh, you're such a good thinker and speaker. I just wanted to say that to you. Um, and I, I think it's awesome that you think about this and that you care about it. Right. Uh, and that you care about it on behalf of your daughter. Um, that's really, it's awesome. It's awesome to hear. Yeah. I, I'm just going to share my own experience real quick. Uh, yeah, I grew up in that, in that environment. I used to ride my bike to school. It was about 5 miles to school, which I'm not trying to make it sound crazy or anything, but I was probably 11, 12, 13 riding my bike to school. And sometimes I'd ride right alongside of the school bus that I was supposed to be on, but I didn't want to be seen getting off that bus. That was the poor bus, or that was like, it'll just, I don't know. And it kind of, now I'm a little almost ashamed of that because You know, I love the place where I'm from, and, but I can relate of like trying to manage how you see me. You know, I didn't want to be in some of the situation that we had, and I was always trying to manage how you see me, right?

Like, I didn't make these choices. I didn't do these things, whatever has us here right now. But the thing that I, in hindsight, the thing that I feel like was missing for me would've just been a good conversation from my parents and say, hey, this is what's going on right now with our family. And we love you. We care about you. The fact that some things we don't have right now has nothing to do with that we aren't good people, that we don't love you. Uh, let me think about this even more. If my mom would have just sat down with us, or my dad, and they didn't have time, maybe, whatever, they did have time. But, uh, if they would have said, look, we are together, we are going to get to another place in life, another— our family is going to evolve and get to another place, right? Like maybe a little bit better financial place or into a safer home, right? We're gonna have to do that together. And there's gonna be some painful parts. And maybe my mom could have shared with me, like the painful parts for her maybe were, um, that when she, she couldn't give me everything she wanted to, or she didn't have time to, um, spend with me.

in ways that were outside of just providing food and shelter, right? Uh, and that was just my scenario, but it could be like just that conversation, like, hey, we're in this together, right? And I'm so proud of you and I love you. And, um, there's gonna be a year or two. Let's, let's try and have a goal where it might be a little tough here and it's, some parts might be embarrassing, but just, Know the real truth about you is not these things. And if somebody judges you or looks at you a certain way or jokes about you, I think there wasn't any conversation inside of me that went against that. And so when people would say stuff, I just took it all on like, oh, I'm worthless or whatever.

Yeah.

But I think as long as you have that conversation with her and you let her know, hey, we're doing this together and I love you. And this is who we are in the world. We are fighters and we will figure this out. And there's going to be some tough moments. This might be what they are. This is how we can get through them individually and together. And That no matter what, more than anything, that if somebody says something about you or looks at you a certain way, you can have a voice inside of yourself and we can have a voice together as a family that speaks back against that. Yeah. So I think those are the things that I think would've probably been nice to have. And to hear and just hearing how much in your own voice that you are, you're going to figure this out. And it's not even an affliction. It's like, I don't know. I'm just proud of you for caring about it and calling. And yeah, it kind of takes me back. Maybe my mother had some of the same questions and she just didn't have a place to think about it, or I don't know.

But yeah, sometimes just, um, yeah, just that season, that, that season is temporary and it's gonna build you. It's gonna build your kid, you know. And yeah, it's just tough for kids at that age. But also, if, if, if, if any listeners have other thoughts and suggestions I think I probably have more. I'm kind of tired from just like a long day of thinking today, um, or talking. Um, but if any listeners have other suggestions about that sort of thing. And one thing that was pretty tough, I'll say this, bro, they wasn't fucking with anybody in our neighborhood. So people could kind of talk shit, but the kids in our neighborhood, bro, they came pretty gassed up about, you know what I'm saying, if people would really run their mouth. Now the problem was people in our neighborhood were beefing with each other so much So I think maybe another thing would be to help her rel— work on those relationships in the neighborhood, even if they're relationships that you don't know if you'll have for your whole life. But, uh, so that she feels like she is part of a group, you know? Um, and yeah, and that it's okay to find— that it's okay to find people of different cultures and different classes that you can still be in those circles, you know, that you're not exempt from some space just because of, uh, you can't afford a certain thing or just because your mom has to work all the time.

You aren't exempt from some possibility in the world. You know, when I look back at my own neighborhood that I grew up in, man, it was not comfortable for any of those kids. Um, and mostly emotionally, really. The food and the fucking clothing and being poor, like that shit, yeah, it hurts, but it's like, It's the emotional side that was missing. But some of the best business owners, hardest workers, and heroes of my heart and life have come out of that space now. So anyway, I'm not preaching at you. I think I sound a little bit preachy, but I hadn't thought about this, or I think about it sometimes, but no, but I hadn't talked about it. And Yeah. I'm just so happy that you love your daughter so much that you care to think about that. And I think letting her know that too, that fills in a lot of the part of, I don't know, whatever that part that needs to be filled in so that stuff doesn't hurt as much. And yeah, I'd love some suggestions from other people if they can hit the hotline. The next solo episode we do, I'll put those onto the end of the episode.

Um, or we'll make a little follow-up piece and put it out on YouTube. It'll probably be like a month, just letting you know. Uh, but yeah, I don't know. It's just cool. I think like, I don't know, it's so funny how like life brings you back into moments. In my own way, I almost channeled this as like, this is my mother and her voice, and that she cared and that I didn't know it. You know, and that's kind of selfish, but I think like life is like that sometimes. It's like if someone, or if a time from your life is gone and it's past and it wasn't good, you can fill it in with a new time or a new moment, um, or a new person. Sometimes I'll be in an AA meeting and there'll be a man in there that will share something, and it's like something I needed my dad to always say. Or I needed my brother to say, or something I needed to, and somebody else will fill in. And for a moment, they're your family. They're your, I don't know, we're the keys to each other's locks. That's what my friend James says.

So anyway, blessings to you and to— blessings to you, Jamie. I love you so much for just caring about your kid and sharing that with us today. And Yeah, it's a cool topic to think about. So sorry, I kind of rambled. I've had some coffee and, uh, yeah, and that's been it. And I haven't even— yeah, and I'm doing okay, so praise God. Um, wait, maybe let's hit one more call here. This is the hotline, 985-664-9503.

Hey, Theo, it's Rick. I'm from New Jersey.

What's up, Rick? What's up, Rick? Uh, that's probably one of my 11— no, that's one of my favorite names, probably 7 favorites onward.

I'm, uh, got 12 years sober.

Um, currently just in a bit of a rut mentally. We just had a baby, second boy, uh, about a month and a half ago. And, uh, you know, I've always—

Congratulations, Rick. That's great. Congratulations.

I've always been the type to reach out and help people and help others and, you know, take care of myself last. And I'm just, uh, getting really overwhelmed right now. And, uh, it's hard. It's really hard just thinking about, should I drink, pick up a drink? And it's just not worth it. Just, uh, I don't want to lose everything. I'm trying to, like, reach out to people people and, you know, offer help for some reason, like that I could give help to somebody.

I just feel like I, I feel like I'm trying to help somebody else but I really need help myself.

I really appreciate you having this line open. I've been watching you for a while, listening for a while, and really, uh, appreciate the thing— things that you do for people and giving them advice. I really do appreciate you, man. I'll talk to you soon. All right, man.

I just need to talk and talk to somebody today.

Hey, Rick, thanks for calling, man. Um, can we try to just call him? Trevin, do you have that set up?

Hello?

Hey, Rick.

Hey, what's going on?

What's up, man? It's Theo. Can you hear me?

Yeah, I hear you, man. How you doing?

I'm doing good, dude. I just was listening to some voicemails and I heard your call, dude. I just wanted to touch base and say hey.

Dude, you have— this is great to hear from you. You have no idea.

Oh, thanks, dude.

This is great to hear from you.

What's going on?

So, uh, yeah, I was in a bit of a rut in the past and I was really on that like that deep decline of just things were, uh, piling on top of one another. It felt like it was just never-ending. And I've been— I was sober for 12 years and it just felt like things have just, you know, started crumbling down and down. And then, you know, you get into that mental headspace of, uh, like I got diagnosed with cancer and, uh, and, uh, I used to be £500. All these things are like, you know, it's, uh, it's, it's been a rough, rough month, to be honest.

Um, well, cancer will help with that weight loss, huh?

Well, no, I used to be, I used to be £500. So like, oh, so I used to be £500. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2010 and I lost like £280. And, uh, I'm a UPS driver, so Wow. I had gotten diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, and, uh, you know, I got through that. And then, uh, we lost— we lost a— lost a baby, uh, 6 months ago. So it was, uh, it was kind of rough. Um, she was 4 months in, and it was brutal. And then, uh, you know, things just kept coming back, and then got diagnosed with cancer again, and I was just in a really rough mental space. Just felt like, you know, things were really on the, uh, downhill spiral, you know. But that, you know, stinking thinking.

Oh yeah.

Uh, you know, you, you've talked about it before, but it's, uh, I was in a really bad spot when the day I called you, I was like really down and really out, just ready to just pick up a drink again and just throw it all away. But then, you know, I do have a 5-year-old, Luca, and he's just the best thing ever. So it's like, you know, you get in those little funks and stuff, and then, you know, you forget about things when you get home.

Yeah. What helped you out of it?

So Pretty much just trying to not really dwell on the whole diagnosis again. Just try to focus on, you know, being there for Luca and my wife. And, uh, you know, we're having another baby coming soon, so that was also something to look out for. And, you know, all those things mentally started to like pile up. It's like, you know what, you get diagnosed again. It was just like, dude, this is crazy. Like, I'm not doing great at all. And like, I have You know, I had to get out. So I had surgery a few months ago and I was out of work for a bit. And it's just, you know, finances start piling up on you and then you think about everything else. It's like, oh, another baby on the way. It's—

Oh yeah. Having a drink would feel— feels like that it would be the answer, man. And were you able to stay sober?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I was.

Let's go.

I just, uh, thank, thank God. I was like, you know, it's, it's for me, I'm always the one that will reach out to people to see how they're doing. And then at the end of the day, I realized that I was the one really that needed the help. But for me to help others first was like, it helped me get out of my, you know, stage.

Oh yeah.

And, uh, yeah, even Even up to now, like, you know, I'm back at work now, like, you know, driving for UPS still. So I'm in New Jersey, so I just got back last week. So, um, you know, financially things will come and go. I get that. And, uh, that's where I think that headspace was, was like, you know, baby coming, you're out because of cancer. Like—

Yeah, I mean, yeah. You know, being overwhelmed.

Like, how am I gonna do this? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, uh, but dude, like, I, I wanted to, like, talk to you and really tell you thank you for your stuff that you do. Because, you know, when you're in those headspaces, yeah, you're, you're, uh, you're a good person down and, you know, down deep down, and I know that. And then, but you're also a comedian too, but it's great. So, like, you need a good laugh sometimes. You need to get that chuckle. And that's, uh, a lot of your stuff has definitely helped me a lot, and I really do truly appreciate everything that you do and have done.

Well, thank you so much, dude. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm just trying my best, man. I think that's all most people are trying to do, uh, one day at a time, you know. Um, but yeah, I just got 46 days. I think I'd had some tough moments, and I got 46 days, and so I'm feeling grateful for that. And yeah, man, I just— yeah, you just— some days just became too much. But I'm grateful that, um, I've been able to keep, um, just stacking days, man. And it just makes you feel— yeah, this is just the way that it's got to be. And I'm, I'm grateful for that. And I'm, and I'm happy I don't have to do it alone, dude. So I appreciate you just sharing what's going on with you with us. And, uh, yeah, one day at a time, champ.

Hell yeah, thank you. Hey, um, all those days start to add up and, you know, soon enough you got this big-ass house that you stacked with all those days and it's not going to take you down. And you know what, I've always been told, you know, you always have another relapse in you, but do you have another recovery in you? And that, you know, after that little cloud goes over your head and you're not thinking, you know, you think about that stuff, it's like You know, I don't want to do this whole thing over again. I don't know if I have the courage to do it. But you do, but you just don't want to. You don't want to test it. You don't want to— I don't want to. And I know it can happen anytime. It could happen.

Yeah, I mean, it's— yeah, I mean, everybody, like, I have no idea. Everybody's journey is different. But yeah, just grateful today that I get to be sober and that, um, and that I'm hopeful that I can just keep this going one day at a time. Um, talking to other alcoholics helps, man. I appreciate you, Rick, dude. Congratulations on the new baby. Uh, we'll be cheering that on, man. We'll be cheering on. And the baby is going to be here in 2 months, you said?

Uh, he'll be here in 4 months.

Okay. The baby will be here in 4 months. Awesome, dude. Um, y'all got a name picked out yet or no?

Yeah, we're going to do Adam. We're going to do Adam.

Adam.

Hell yeah.

Adam, get down here. Yeah, sounds good to me.

Get your ass down here.

Yeah, dude. Adam.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, that works.

Let's find a hockey stick, dude.

All right, Rick, best of luck, dude. Um, be safe. Thanks for chatting today. I gotta go. Uh, I gotta go get a massage, man, to be honest with you. Legit one. And I don't— I tell them, don't jerk me off right when I walk in there. I say, don't even jerk me off. Nobody's jerking me off but me.

Yeah, you know, make sure you tell that guy, hey, don't flip me over.

Oh yeah, I don't even— bro, yeah, well, some of them are so strong. But, um, all right, bro, love you, bro. Thank you, I love you too.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thanks for sharing that you were having a tough day. And, um, yeah, just appreciate you, uh—

Hey, thank you for calling, checking in.

You bet, Rick, man. Be good, Rick.

I love you, man. Love you, love you, love you, love you a lot, man. Hell yeah.

All right, thanks, Rick. Love you too, bro.

All right, I'll talk to you soon.

Peace, buddy. Rick, dude, when I go to heaven, I hope they call me damn Rick, bro. That's— for some reason, that name just— I like it. I like it a lot. Um, anyway, thank you guys for being here today. Um, thank you for everybody that checked out Busboys on Hulu. We appreciate that. Um, and yeah, one day at a time, we'll keep things going. And, uh, just grateful to be alive today and have a chance today. Um, and thankful for this podcast. And what else? Yeah, just be good to yourself. We gonna keep trying this thing, bro. We got this. Praise God. And, uh, yeah, have a good one, gang. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones.

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