Transcript of #679 - Luke Bryan

Today's guest is an award-winning country musician. Uh, he's a host on American Idol. He's an outdoorsman. Um, and he's funny, man. I'll say that straight up. He is. He's funny, man. He's got a new album, Signs, that's out September 18th. I had a blast with today's guest, Mr. Luke Bryan.

Shine on me and I will find a song I'll be singing. Chick, chick, you on the readers?

Dang, bro, you saw them, huh?

Dude, me too.

Are you on them?

I'm— I have no other choice.

Well, what does it look like?

It don't look like nothing's happening. It don't look like— if I don't have them, I can't pick out which draft beer I want. I'm like, the hell's bells? What is that?

Oh, when you show an IPA, you're lost.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be like, I mean, I ordered one pilsner and got an IPA.

Oh, damn, dude. Well, they started— remember when they came out with all those, like the local IPAs? It was always like Beaver's Ass or whatever. Like, it was like— it was always like Vermont Stepdad. Like, it was always—

Sit your ass down.

White Men Can't Hops, um, Fetal Alcohol Sour, uh—

Man, my first time, you know, I'd never done high gravities.

What do you mean, like, uh, like carnival rides or whatever?

A high gravity beer.

Oh, I never even heard of that. What is it, they make it in a French press or whatever?

Well, it's like a, you know, it's a beer that is like a 12— it's 12% alcohol.

Oh, that takes away the whole point of having beer.

Well, yeah. Well, the first time I did it, we did a— it was a beer called Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale, and it was like a 12-point beer, and it had bourbon flavors. Man, we did a— we were doing keg stands with it.

And that was a beer you came out with?

No, it was a beer that it just got popular, and it got popular, and I called where to get a keg of it and got one at the house. Well, dude, I called a bunch of my buddies and I'm like, hey, man, Bourbon Barrel, Kentucky Bourbon Barrel kegs here. It's about 6 buddies. When my wife goes to dinner with some friends, oh, she comes back.

She shouldn't have come back, man. What were y'all doing?

We were, we were just, we were gone.

What were y'all doing is tickling each other and shit, man.

We were— it got, got, it got interesting. But just Kentucky Bourbon Barrel. Do not do keg stands with a 12-point. Uh, I could never hold Natural Light down in college. Yeah, keg stands.

Well, dude, you know, Bob, uh, Kid Rock came out with a beer for a while called Badass Beer, right? This is a story he told me, this, and I'm paraphrasing, but it doesn't matter because it doesn't end well. But, uh, or maybe it does matter, whatever. There it is, Badass American Lager. But apparently the second batch of it that— and the first batch, it like sold out, right? And the second batch they made of it, like, it got— it was fucked up, right?

Dude, I, I had I had a beer that did that.

But they just put it out anyway. They're like, well, we already made so much of it, just put it out there, dude.

I did a beer that went sour.

Yeah.

And it was like 3 in every case.

Uh-huh.

So my buddies would be drinking it, they'd be like, man, this shit's awesome. And then they call me about 3 hours later, they're like, hey, man, some— something done went bad south. Then I had to call the distri— anyway, it was a damn nightmare.

Yeah, dude.

I'm not putting anything else out anymore. I'm just gonna damn Just, it's just too much.

Yeah, dude. Oh yeah, when you get attached to some things— have you been attached to some wild stuff over the years?

Probably attached to— what do you mean?

Like wild products, kind of anything?

Yeah, TikTok. Yeah, that's about the only thing I'm attached to.

Are you addicted to that?

I'd say it's closing in on that.

Yeah, I saw your son on there the other night. I was— or was it— I saw your boy out there throwing bombs. Your boy's playing quarterback.

So it was Past weekend. This past—

Oh, it was? Where was he playing at, man?

We went down to Fairhope, Alabama.

But on the coast?

It's right there by Mobile Bay.

By Spanish Fort. Yeah.

And we— so our team last year, we had a really dominant team. So we beat a lot of kids or we beat a lot of teams by so much. And my son wasn't the quarterback last year. Really great quarterback last year that went on to play college. But we had a lot of local Nashville teams just like, man, we're not going to play y'all. It's just, you know, so we had to go find some games.

Okay. Y'all had to go out.

So we— our coach found— talked to Philip Rivers and they scheduled the game. Well, they had originally scheduled on a Friday night. Well, then ESPN wanted to pick the game up because It was obviously a fun story with me and Philip Rivers' kid.

Oh, his son?

His son's a great quarterback.

Oh, dang.

And already a 4-star recruit going to NC State. Man, they moved that game from a Friday night to 12:30 noon in South Alabama. Buddy, I mean, I'm from— you're from down there, dude. It was, it was bad.

It was hot.

Man, we— I had to go. Man, I had a dad call me. We went and borrowed like these coolers from another college. I had one of my guys that works at my farm haul these damn misting coolers down, try to keep these boys from— so man, I turned in— I had all kind of stuff going on.

Oh, y'all lucky y'all had that high— you mean the high-tech, the big blowers that are blowing?

Yeah, that are blowing on the big old linemen. But man, you know, my son got through it and did really well. I mean, when you're And when you, when you think about your kid starting his first football game and it's on ESPN national TV.

Oh, that's heavy, dude.

I was flipping. I was losing it.

Bo Bryant. Oh, you must have been geeked, dude. Oh, dude, y'all are lucky, man. Y'all had that highfalutin, that fancy cool air. Yeah, dude, we had— you'd be lucky.

You know what I learned it did? Nothing.

Really?

When it's 107 heat index and you put hot tap water It did nothing, dude.

I remember I played one year of football, dude, and it was too hot. I think the cleats I had were real thin or something. I remember the ground was too hot for me. I remember I'd run over, like, if we had like a timeout, I'd have to run over and stand on like one of those defensive linemen's feet. I'd stand right on his feet, dude. Oh dude, the heat would just come right up through my shoes. I think they got me a bad pair of cleats, but I just couldn't—

I played in South Georgia. I played my— man, I learned Man, we were playing this— I was in 8th grade. I was about £120. We're playing this team, Sly County.

Where is that?

Man, it was up above Americus, Georgia.

They must be damn Slytherin. They sound like they're on the sly.

Let me tell you something.

Sly County.

This big old Black quarterback come around the corner and I put my head on his thigh bone. And the only thing I remember when I come to was the bottom of his feet running into the end zone and him handing the ball to the ref. Oh, I heard the bell go off.

Did you hear a little bit of free gospel, huh? That's that free gospel, bro. You got served up, man. Yeah, bro. Dude, our field had damn lice or something in it. And, uh, oh, they had chiggers in our field, right? And so I remember for a whole season, nothing you can do about it, dude.

So you've We had a field that had staff all over it.

Oh God.

So you get a strawberry and then next thing you know, you're— what's it called? Mensa?

Oh yeah, bro. We'd have to— we'd have— you'd have to wheelbarrow some of the players out there because their, their joints couldn't handle running out there and playing defense on the play, dude. Some of that shit was bad, dude. We were itching so bad. God, we'd have to itch each other. That was the craziest part. In the huddle, we wouldn't break the huddle. Probably sometimes it'd be The play would already have started, dude. We'd have our hands up each other's backs and stuff in there. I bet if he was a pedophile, you stayed for the whole game just to watch all that. It was different, man. Is your— how'd your son do? You said he had 3 touchdowns?

3 touchdowns. And man, and we got a real— he's got a great team around him, got really great receivers.

And is it a Christian school he goes to?

No, it's a— you know, just a school down in Franklin called Battleground Academy.

Got it.

And man, he's really went about it the right way. You know, he's a senior this year and he had to wait his turn behind a really good player. And then like I said, he's got— he's got some really good players.

He's got some dogs down there.

Maximus Curry and Maddox Porter are really, really great.

And then Maximus and Maddox, bro.

And Maximus's dad was Mr. Olympia. No way, dude. You got to see this guy. Do Brandon Curry. Look at this guy.

Bring him up.

God. Boom.

Oh my God, brother. I wouldn't make it through half a hug from that man. I wouldn't.

I think I kissed him about 5 times that game because his son had about—

Dude, with beef prices where they're at, that dude's going to have— they might, bro. You got somebody better keep eyes on him.

Yeah, it's more than Bitcoin.

I can't even imagine that. I couldn't imagine having a muscle like that.

God. Oh, Brandon's gonna kill me.

Dude, I would not even leave the house if I had muscles like that. I'd just stay at home and be with my body.

I just hope Brandon doesn't headlock me for exposing him on your show.

Look, it's not like you exposed him bad, bro.

He's laying it out there.

I mean, he's definitely— he's using that spray tanner for sure. I know that. But I will say that—

Nah, he's that color. He is. Yeah. He's even— I may even— he may be a little lighter there.

I can't see that guy. I got to get my readers on, dude. I can't even. Yeah, you can't tell these days. Some of these guys, if they, they start doing that chocolate body and, you know, where they tan their whole body.

I would say that'd be more the Irishmen out there doing that. Yeah, like a ginger.

Yeah, yeah, that's probably fair.

See if there's any ginger bodybuilders.

Oh, God. Yeah, that's going to be interesting. But yeah, Brandon Curry there.

God, leprechaun bodybuilding.

I would just— if I saw that man, I would just sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas, I feel like. Oh, this dude is from, uh, I mean, this guy's from Game of Thrones, obviously.

Oh my God, that's wrong.

Oh, that's nice though. And a lot of ginger women are built like that too when they get in their 40s, I find. If they do that all—

Oh, you're trapping me. The Theo trap.

I'm not saying anything, dude. I'm just saying a lot of—

Oh, hey, that, that's who you're referring to.

Oh God.

Yeah.

God dang, boy, she could open my pants with it. Just— she could just sneeze and my pants would damn open up without even— I wouldn't have a choice at it.

Good God. Yeah, I'm, I'm questioning the women— the womanhood of that one.

Right, well, they— yeah, I mean, they got it. Yeah, I would test some of them. I would test some of them. That's how I bet a lot of times when I play that WNBA, you know. I'll bet— I take that—

Not the dude, this, this—

Oh, that guy who wants to be in it or whatever? That seems so weird to me. You think he's just doing something weird?

He's got to be just doing it trolling.

Trolling. Yeah, because dude, I don't bet a lot, but when I bet, a lot of times I'll take a, uh, someone who is an out lesbian woman. I take the toughest lesbian on the team and I do at least 3 rebounds. That's what I bet.

What is your percentage on that? 100?

No, probably 58, 60. But we're doing good because some of them I think are on the fence and they're kind of lying about it just to fit in in the league. That's what I think.

What would you slap down on the old guy that's claiming to be a woman? So that's probably a safe bet.

Oh, I think if he says he is, I want to see that gender reveal. That's what I want to see. Get his parents there, get everybody in the backyard and have him break that thing out. And it better be—

He's trolling them though. God, he's trolling them.

But I wonder why he's— it just seems like what's going on with him for real?

The way he's doing it just to prove the point.

Former NBA player— oh, of how ridiculous it is?

Yeah. Yeah.

Former NBA player Inez Cantor-Freedom declared themselves eligible.

Did he change his name to Freedom? Oh, there's another one, Royce White.

Royce White declared themselves eligible for the WNBA draft in August 2026 to protest league policies on transgender athletes, though sources say they are not eligible. So what are— oh, they were saying if they go through with these new rules, then they're going to have to allow guys like them in?

Well, what they're saying is right now the rule is what— now listen, let's just claim that I'm— the fact that you and I are claiming to be— yeah, we're learning as we go here. But I think they're just saying if you identify as a woman, you can play in the WNBA.

I see.

And he's just saying, I identify as a woman.

Yeah. So dang.

Well, we'll see.

TBD, boy. But they should do that gender reveal right before the draft if he is, bro. That's all I'm saying.

They have to.

Yeah.

Just the pants. Just old school, high school locker room pants style.

He's a huge guy, boy.

You probably can't even pants him. Get hung up.

He's a huge guy.

You get caught on something.

Shit, dude, I bet his wiener's got knuckles on it. You know what I'm saying? I bet he's got—

Got an elbow in it.

Oh, dang. I bet, dude.

I bet it's got a periscope.

I bet it's wearing a damn Whoop bracelet. You know what I'm saying?

Fitbit.

Yeah, dude, that's when—

yeah, that's when you know.

Yeah, that's when you know, brother. That ain't for me, man. Dude, do you— what are we talking about? Luke Bryant, good to see you, dude.

Man. Yeah, I can't wait to see the clips.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah, we're only 5 minutes in.

Do you think your son could beat Lane Kiffin's son? You think he could beat Knox Kiffin if they went?

No, I don't know. I mean, when you're talking about boys like Knox and my son, These boys are working so hard and so tuned up. It's really about the team, really. I mean, and I don't know anything about Knox. Bo and Knox met at a Nike camp in Louisiana. And talk about a damn deal.

You went to it?

Man, I went there and it was really— I didn't want to put my son in camps before he was ready.

Okay. Why?

Well, because then, then he's got some embarrassment. He may get out there and not feel like he can compete. So, right.

So it might be too much for him. Like if he sees like some people are so good, if he's younger.

I just tried to manage it. And then this year, this past spring, we did a couple of them. And man, let me tell you something. We went to Atlanta and, and he threw well in Atlanta, but we went down to Louisiana, man. And when you see them boys getting after it, in Louisiana, it's a different deal.

Was it?

Well, so—

Was it that Manning camp?

No, it was a Nike— it was like a Nike Elite 11 camp hosted. So Nike Elite 11 hosts camps in different regions of the country. All right. And so they host one in different areas and then they compile the top performers for a big camp. But what's— so think about this. I don't know all this. I'm learning this as I go. I mean, they ain't—

I mean, yeah, you didn't.

Yeah, I didn't.

You weren't that good. Exactly. No judgment. But yeah, you didn't have this opportunity.

Yeah.

And it probably didn't exist then.

It didn't. But, you know, it's not— I hadn't really had time to meet other dads for them to walk me through it.

Got it. So you're brand new. So you're brand new.

Brand new.

And he's brand new to it.

He is. But he knows he's brand new to camps and he's wanting to see how he's going to compete With the other boys. He did good in Atlanta, top talent in the world. We go to New Orleans and there's like 150 quarterbacks day one. Well, Knox Kiffin's there. And day one, we can tell that Bo is throwing it. You know, you got to understand, he doesn't have any stars at the time. That's the big thing too. Are you a 3-star, 4-star, 5-star? There were a lot of 4 and 5 stars there. And he was throwing alongside of them. Well, I don't even know— this was a Saturday, right? So we already had planned to fly— go home Saturday night. Well, he comes up to me, Dad, they want me to come back and throw for the DBs and the receivers tomorrow morning. Buddy, first of all, I didn't even plan. Next thing you know, we're eating crawfish and I'm out on Beale's on Bourbon Street. Oh.

Hey, that's right where you need to be, brother.

Right, dude. We went to a dang— we tore up Bourbon Street.

Did you?

I had no tour managers with me.

Nuh-uh.

It was just me and a buddy.

And did Bo go with you? No, he couldn't go.

They let him in a piano bar briefly.

Oh yeah.

But no, we went on to bed early, but we had a big time.

Y'all didn't go on to bed early.

What are you talking about? But we— anyway, the next morning he is—

So he's a tougher competition that next day?

Well, he's throwing to the receiver, to the DBs and the receivers.

Okay.

You know, they needed quarterbacks to showcase the receivers. And man, I was so amped up watching them boys compete. And, you know, you're in the room and all of them are probably going to go off and play college ball. Yeah, they're getting evaluated. There's cameras on them and, you know, they're putting their life— I mean, this is their—

That's their thing.

They're putting it all out there.

And so, Well, it's so severe now, you know? I mean, they start, you know, you'll see videos of 7-year-olds. They got 7-year-old kids that are mic'd up.

Mic'd up?

Yeah. And some kid, he's like—

With an Instagram. Yeah, Instagram.

Yeah. And all he's doing is he's like, he keeps being like, mom, I gotta go to the toilet or whatever. It's like some of these kids, it's like, go have a damn 2-year-old out there.

Mic'd up on the toilet?

No, just mic'd up. Like he just keeps trying to leave the game and go to the restroom, whatever. That one kid they keep mic'ing up. But it's like, yeah, they have some of 'em. It's just like they're mic'ing 'em up so early. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just gotten lower and lower. You know, these kids are starting 'em off so early. Well, I think it's, Psycho.

Oh, this is him?

No, I don't know. This might be him. Is this him?

This is just one of them.

Yeah, if one of them's mic'd up toilet kid or whatever. Got a mic? Got a mic in my bag, bro. I mean, what are we doing?

Yeah.

Davion, boy.

I'm getting mic'd up.

This kid's crazy. What are we doing?

And I'm getting posted on YouTube. Oh my God. I'm sure it's still covered.

Bro, that's Diego Pavi, I think.

I'm just joking.

Full grown.

That's wrong. You know him. He's going to attack me.

No, he'll be fine, man. We're joking. That's my guy. But, uh, dude, well, the crazy thing is though, with your son going down there and playing against those guys that are the, you know, 4-stars, 5-stars, playing against guys who are—

Well, throwing— when he's throwing with 4 or 5-stars and he's throwing with them, making the throws, Right. It told him in his brain, all right, well, I deserve to be here.

Right.

That was a great moment for him rather than going in there prematurely and not getting called to come back. And then so he left that camp. I think he got rated a 3-star recruit and started getting some, uh, some college offers and stuff like that.

So yeah, because you play in some of these, like, some of these Christian leagues and stuff like that, these smaller communities, dude, it's— I'm just saying the Lord don't have the best defensive backs. That's all I'm saying, dude.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's like sometimes you'll get players that come out of these places and it's like the guy ran for 70,000 yards.

Yeah, what was he running against? And yeah, you know, a lot of people, I think even as Bo did well, there's still— there's a lot of eyeballs trying to discredit what he did or whatever. But, you know, he's got a whole season to put his body of work together. And, you know, you can't— you can't judge any dang kid on one day, and you can't judge mine, and you can't So, so, and, you know, Phillip Rivers' son unfortunately got hurt and, you know, got hurt. And so the game would have been a lot tougher game had his son stayed in it. Stayed in it. But it was a, it was, it was a big old moment. I was happy, you know, you know the deal, man. I've, I've, I've just had an amazing life and like 95% of my joy comes from watching your kids and all them have fun now, you know? So, you know, we spoke on kids. You know, you hunting, you hunting somebody to bear some children with? Where are you at in that quest?

Yeah, man, I'm out there. I'd like to have some children. Yeah. I mean, I got to do it soon. Yeah. And with a woman, you know, that helps. So, and you can't just— yeah, you got to figure it out. But I'm headed in that direction. I'm working towards— I'm starting to see if my actions will kind of like—

Are you just straight up asking first question, do you want kids? Is that how you leaning in or?

No, no.

Still a little more.

I'll draw a picture of a kid. kid off his, you know, and—

How about this?

Slide it over. Yeah. What do you think about that? Yeah. I'm not a good artist. She'd be like, that's an ugly kid. I say, look.

Yeah. She'll be like, you think I'm that ugly?

Yeah. We ain't making that. Yeah, dude. But I, it'll happen, man. I start feeling, the more I start to like just take care of myself and live in a good way, you start to feel like anything's possible, man. You know? But yeah, I would like to have some children, bro. I think like, Yeah, I want to be married. I just don't want to be married all week. You know, that's how I feel about it sometimes. But it'll come around, dude.

You just set that up in the, in the early— just state that in the early stages of—

Just so people know what's up.

Yeah. I mean, it's all gonna be— anything can be prenuptial.

Yeah.

Just prenuptial weekly.

Right.

Just Sunday evening.

Let's sign again.

Sign them.

Yeah.

Sign the week contract.

It's like a 10-day deal. Like in the, like in the NBA, you're getting a 10-day contract. That's not a bad idea. Home of the 10-day marriage right here. Nashville, Tennessee, dude.

TLC coming to your TLC Network. The 10-day marriage.

40-minute marriage, dude. That's what they need now.

Like a mosquito. Yeah, like a prey. Like what? They're like an insect that lives for like— hatches, hatches, screws, and dies.

Oh, that's a bee. If they sting you, they die.

Yeah, but there's like an insect that lives like 5 hours.

Probably my old landlord, that bastard. The mayfly, it says, is an insect that spends most of its life underwater before hatching into a winged adult, reproducing and dying within 24 to 48 hours. Dude, that ain't bad, man.

Yeah, that's—

That ain't bad at all.

Yeah, and then probably getting eaten by a fish as it dies.

Hmm, that's life though. That's a circle of life, dude.

Hopefully the big trout gets you. There it is. We used to fish mayfly hatches on Lake Blackshear. There's a mayfly catching bream.

Is that what y'all were catching?

That's what we ate primarily.

Yeah.

Wild bream. Nuh-uh.

That glyphosate bream or whatever. That 6-eyed bream.

Oh, Lord.

Dude, that shit's getting wild.

There's my flies right there, baby. Theo, that's you. That's what you're going to graduate to right there. You start catching fish on one of them.

You think so?

That means you've been hanging out with me. Yeah, I'll graduate you up to that.

Will you? Well, you took me fishing over there one time.

So Theo was quick. You were a quick learner. You actually got complimented by my, by my fishing guide.

Did I? Kate.

What was his name?

Flint. Flint was his name.

Said you got, you got some skills, some natural talent.

Did he really?

Yeah. But once you get It's all about layers. Now we got to graduate you. Yeah, you're in kindergarten.

Okay.

And then when you start catching stuff on a fly rod, then you'll be easing into 9th grade.

Oh, where's that at? Where's the best place that you find to go fly rod fishing?

Probably out west. Yeah, go out west, put you in the South Fork of the Snake River.

Put me in that bitch.

Put you on a stonefly.

Mm.

Let's catch you a big old 21-inch cutthroat trout.

God.

On a riffle.

Mm.

How's that sound?

It sounds beautiful. What's a riffle? It's like a—

It's where the water just riffles over the rocks.

Really?

There it is. Cutthroat trout. That's in your future, Theo.

Shit, I'll catch that.

That's that. Now, see, the only way you can do that trip is you got to get married. You got to have 3 kids, and then you got to tell that wife with 3 kids you're going on a cutthroat trout trip so she can cuss your ass out. That's the only way you can do that trip.

Dude, that bitch looks like my uncle right there, bro, because his jaw don't work on the bottom.

That's why it's called a cutthroat. See that red? It looks like somebody cut his throat.

Yeah, probably his wife over— yeah, for being out there lying.

He went out mayfly hunting and got his throat cut.

Dude, my uncle said he had to hold the bottom of his mouth closed all the time, dude. Bottom of his jaw didn't work, and so we'd always have to hold it like that.

Uncle Sid.

He was always like that. And then he'd crack it open and put something in there, shut it back.

Never got around to fixing it, huh? He never got around to fixing it.

I don't think they could fix it, man. This wasn't the time when everything was fixable. Now you got people, everything, shit's fixable or whatever. Everybody's got clean teeth or whatever.

Yeah, a new jaw.

Oh dude, yeah. Now you could just, yeah, 3D print a damn jaw. But back then, remember they had scoliosis, they had all that shit. Remember that at school?

Oh, you had to bend over in front of somebody uncomfortable in a gown.

Yeah, some lady, and she'd just run a marker across your back. You know that shit?

Shit, get arrested for that shit, dude.

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Oh, and then did you eat the damn tooth— the popsicle sticks and lice? Did you ever get caught in the hall with popsicle sticks?

No, but I got caught in the hall with lice. I'll tell you that shit, dude. I had lice so bad one year I couldn't even open my damn presents at Christmas. I was itching my head so bad I had to open my gifts with my damn feet, dude. I couldn't—

God, dude. Yeah, they'd pull us out. The principal would pull you out in the hall and go through your hair with popsicle sticks.

Lice was one of the biggest problems in this country when we were kids. Oh, they did popsicle sticks for y'all?

Yeah, popsicle sticks. And then, man, one of my kids got lice, buddy. We in Nashville, we got a lice clinic.

Oh, really? That's nice.

Like, I'm talking about, you go in there, they serve you cucumber water with lemon and—

That might be where you're going. I don't know.

Garnish.

You know, everybody ain't getting that shit.

Like a mojito for a kid.

Nah, bro.

I mean, I walk in, my kid's He did. Like, I'm out there with popsicle sticks and they washing my hair with something that—

Like you're at a salon, huh?

Yeah, well, I took mine. Yeah, my kid kept scratching his head. I ain't ratting on which one it was, but it was one of the two. Yeah, man. I said, come here, boy. What's wrong with you? I thought it was going to be like something I had to look for. Yeah. No, I— he, he Man, I pulled some hair back, about 3 of them damn things went running. I said, oh shit, my wife's fixing to fumigate this whole house. They called me, they said, go down to the damn lice clinic. Man, we go down there.

And does it have an outdoor area as well? Like, is there a little play area?

No, man. I mean, it ain't, you know, I didn't never see the sauna. I didn't ever see the dry sauna or anything. You roll in there, And then they do all this stuff with, like, organics.

Oh, damn. We didn't have that shit.

That's what I'm saying. We had, like, lighter fluid.

Oh, yeah. Our neighbor, I remember—

Well, they just shave your damn head. I remember a couple of boys come to school just bald-headed.

And still had lights. Dude, I remember they used— they would use a hairdryer, try to get them, just burn them out, you know? Like, this is like a damn—

Napalm.

Yeah, I remember they'd blow cigarette smoke in your ear, try to get them bitches out.

Dude, he had to go like 4 times, man. They brushed his hair with these like little things. And but man, imagine like he's a boy. Imagine being like the captain of the cheer— the middle school cheerleading team with all that hair. Yeah. I mean, it's like a 6-hour hairbrushing commitment.

Well, do women get head lice, you think?

Yes.

Oh my God. I didn't know that. Bring that up. What percentage is it more of a male ideal? Or is it, is it, is it more of a male pastime, or is it female and male?

Probably non-discriminatory on the old head lice.

I don't— if I'm a little bug, I'm pulling up on a chick.

I'm talking about—

Because otherwise they're probably gay bugs, I'm guessing. Females actually get head lice more often than males, according to data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, or at least they're trying to prevent it. Hair length. Longer hair gives lice a larger surface area to climb, hide, and lay eggs. That's why you got to get that buzz cut, ladies.

Yep.

Age matters. Children between the ages of 3 and 11 get lice the most, regardless of gender. Cleanliness does not matter. Getting lice has nothing to do with having dirty or clean hair. Dang.

Just all about who you're hanging with.

We got them, boy. We had them, dog. We loved them at some point because we weren't allowed to get a pet or whatever. I remember getting them bitches.

I'd be like, ah, man, I was a kid and I stayed over a little boy's house one night in his trailer.

Mm-hmm.

And first of all, this is how terrible, man. Like, I have the worst allergy to cats.

Mm-hmm.

My parents never cared. Cats all in the house. I'm over there wheezing.

Just your whole childhood?

Did you ever have the kid in school that just always kept the green thing right there in their nose, just that green, that green snot.

One of my friends had tits kind of on him, one of my buddies, and I'd sleep at his house and I'd lay there and watch him, look at his body. Or not look at his whole— I would just see his body.

I wouldn't look at it.

I'd look a little.

We'd go to this town. I went and stayed at this boy's house, man. Single-wide trailer, 3 cats. Man, I pulled I pulled the covers up. Fleas, dog.

No.

I'm talking about fleas.

Damn.

And I'm wheezing. Called my mama, didn't even come get me. She said, you're gonna have to tough it out tonight.

Dude, that's crazy, man. Dude, I was—

Get back on.

Oh yeah. Well, people were bad off back then. Asthma. Asthma was a big thing. I didn't believe in it, you know, and I still don't, to be honest with you. But people had that sometimes, you know, when people had asthma.

I had, you know, I had it.

People couldn't read that name.

But I only had it when I got around cats, which was when they're living in your home.

Yeah.

Just do the math on that.

I can't believe your parents did it like that.

My parents had a chinchilla Persian, the hairiest of cats.

Damn, let me pull them up.

A chinchilla Persian. And that son of a bitch would kick my door open to my bed and shit in the middle of my bed.

Oh, God.

Look at that thing.

Yeah.

That's a long way from a Labradoodle.

Oh, dude, that little bitch.

That is the other end of the periodic table.

He a shit freak.

Labradoodle is— yeah, that is— yeah. Chinchilla Sterling.

Oh, wow.

That was his name.

And was he rich or whatever?

He looked rich, especially in our house.

Dude, I remember first time I ever saw a dog dog inside of a house, man. I was probably 12 years old. I went to my buddy Scott's house and they had a beautiful dog in there, golden retriever. And I— it looked like damn Suzanne Somers. I remember seeing it. It came around the corner and I was like—

Brinkley.

Dude, I was like, who is that? Because I just never seen a dog inside before. And that thing came around the corner. Damn beautiful, brother. I just remember that. And God, yeah. Some people— I remember sleeping at some fella's house and he had all the pets. He had all the pets in cages in his room and tons of them had escaped and shit. And he cut the ferrets. Oh yeah, he had ferrets. He had the ones that pee on each other's backs or whatever, you know, like the twinks or whatever.

Those, those—

yeah, twink ferret, whatever they are. I think they're—

I think they were twinks. And turtle, probably had turtles in there.

Oh dude, anything that fucking stank he had it in there, dude. And at night he'd sleep fine, but if you stayed in his—

It was humid in there, probably, bro.

Like, oh, the air just felt like it had been eating soup, dude. It was just fucking— it was just— but he cut that fan on. He had the most powerful ceiling fan I'd ever seen in my life. I think it was hooked up to their truck out front, and he would cut that and it— and he would sleep, dude, and it would just whirl up all the smells. It was almost like God was just like— it was almost just like doing an all-call for like another—

A wet market.

Yeah, just— oh dude, just— yeah.

I mean, but that was alive.

Oh, it smelled like a damn Vietnam breath mint up in there, dude. It was, bro, every animal. And the animals, it kept them awake all night, so I couldn't sleep. I was so scared of all these snakes and muskrats and damn, uh, demons and fucking just violent emojis and all the shit he had in cages. And I would lay there wide awake and it just stank, dude. God. And you could hear his daddy watching pornography in there in the other room, dude. God. And he'd bang on the wall whenever it got to like a good scene of the porno or whatever, or when he was spraying out. And I'm like, what in the hell do I— I can't watch, you know what I'm saying? I'm in here. I'm in here in the damn Jungle Book. God, that was— dude, I forgot about that.

How'd we make it? I mean, the sad part is I have stories like that. I just am not quite as good at telling them as you.

What are you talking about, dude? You're a great storyteller, dude. Oh, man.

Growing up in the South, dude.

Do you remember at a school dance, dude? Do you remember, like, being at a school dance and when the slow song would come on and you had to go across and ask her to dance, man?

I'm talking about I had on a damn pair. I had on a damn cardigan.

Oh, God.

Little navy blue cardigan and some— I mean, you remember where, like, all my buddies had the polo shirts, but I had the fake horse ones. There was like the real Polo, then there was a fake one, and then everybody had, uh, Sebago's. But then I—

Sebago's, pull them up. I hadn't even seen them.

Oh, Sebago's. Yeah, I had the fake Sebago's.

I remember I had a t-shirt that—

There you go.

Sebago's.

There. No, keep, keep going. Oh yeah, that's real Sebago's right there. Right in the middle, bro.

That's nice.

That's Sebago. Now, see how you got the little tag right there?

Yeah.

What does that say?

Sebago on it. S-E-B-A-G-O.

Oh, yeah. See, mine didn't say Sebago. Mine was— my shit was plastic. Yeah, shit had cracked that night. One be cracking the shoes. The shoes.

Oh, yeah.

Them things will last for 35 years. Mine, I have a crack, bro.

We had some damn— trying to think. Eastlands were popular.

Eastlands. Yeah, but those are kind of a little bit pricey, dude.

So sometimes I ended up in the tennis shoes. I had some SJ 9000s or whatever them bitches were.

They were— y'all, so you're how old?

I'm 46.

Yeah, you're— so yeah, we— man, I had the fake jams. Did you ever have real jams?

I never heard of jams before.

You never heard of jams? Oh my God.

Wait, were they long shorts for men?

Long shorts with all kind of colors.

Yeah, I think I remember that. It was like beachwear or something, but I was just past that.

There you go.

Yeah, that shit was dope.

Man, I never got a real pair of them. I was always some damn—

I think you're a little worse. You're lucky you didn't get a real pair of roses.

Did y'all have roses?

No, homie.

And we had roses.

We ain't had that. We had, uh, Gerbo jeans. That was a big thing, bro.

Bongos.

Nah, nah, we ain't had it yet, man. We had— oh, Z Cavaricci was kind of popping. It was like this tight, like, kind of dance pant. Uh, but yeah, that's a different thing.

Z-Cavaricci.

Z-Cavaricci, bring them up. It was Italian. It was Italian pants for, for boys and sometimes masculine girls.

I never heard of Z-Cavaricci.

Oh, them things were popping, bro. But dude, the school dance, boy, you get over there, man.

I had—

And in our school, they made the girls sometimes, uh, And you hitting this right here, boy. Oh yeah, that was a move, dude.

Freaking.

And the girls, like, sometimes they made them wear like a, um, you know those pool things that they have at pools that people get in? Like a floaty kind of thing?

Well, they would—

Oh, they would do that sometimes. But then some of the girls, their— some of the girls, their daddies would make them wear like a little floaty thing so you couldn't even put your—

You're lying.

I swear. You couldn't even put your hand—

That poor child had to show up with the floaty on?

Yeah, but you couldn't put your head get your hand— you had to kind of pause. You could rest your hands on it, but you ain't resting them on her back, you know what I'm saying? It was kind of like a little, like bumper bowling, kind of. You ever been bumper bowling? It was like that. But I remember that. And God, dude, I just remember if even if a girl like whispered in your ear, I just remember my ear would start just getting hot. Oh, hot, bro. And remember if you even touch like a girl's back or way— it was so hot. I just remember like, God dang, I don't even know what's going on. Or maybe my receptors were bad off. Bro.

Dang. No, I was feeling them. I'm just—

I mean, it was just so— it just being that, that, that, that, just like that, you forget like how much the energy—

I don't think kids really go— do they even get hyped? Like, we used to get hyped, dude. We were— I'm talking hyped.

Oh, dude.

And we'd have like homecoming dance, Valentine's, like every President's Day dance.

Oh, dude, I remember one time I just got acne or whatever, something had happened. I might have just fallen into something that was was like, you know, I might have just—

Poison ivy?

It could have been poison ivy. It could have been when that spray truck would come through the neighborhood or something.

Mosquito truck?

Because we'd fucking— I'd ride right behind that bitch to catch a buzz. But then the, this, the dark side of that was you would get a little bit of rash for not long, maybe 48 hours. But I remember we had a dance, and so, uh, my sister's friend was like, well, I'll put some makeup on you, you know. And they had Revlon You ever heard of Revlon? And it sounded like—

It was the only one.

Yeah, maybe it was.

And Aqua Net.

Oh God, yeah, that shit was nasty.

White Rain.

God, you'd starch your pants with that shit. That shit could— that was dual purpose, dude. But I remember she put some makeup on me, dude, and, uh, to cover up that acne, and I was like, oh, nobody will be able to know, dude. Oh fuck, bro, I look like the damn Phantom of the Opera, dude. I looked absolutely unbully.

What grade was that?

I think it was probably 8th grade or something like that. Dude, if you look back on those pictures, I look like Sammy Sosa when those crazy pictures of him came out, you know, like the later in life.

Villalago.

Oh, bro.

Damn. Calico.

Oh, bro.

Yeah.

I look like I've been making love to a calico cat, bro. I just, damn, I look bad. Bro, God, I got tricked though. But that was fun, man. That was a good time, dude. Those are the good times.

The mosquito sprayer.

Yeah, I remember that stuff. You grew up— I saw, um, or I read somewhere you grew up on a peanut farm.

Yeah, well, is that true? We grew up in Leesburg, the town in Virginia— Lee County, uh, Georgia, South Georgia. And we grew up— we didn't grow up like you've seen like your houses with all the fields around it.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't grow up like that. I grew up in a small town, like, man, just quintessential small town, ride your bike down the street. But all like, there was literally peanut fields, one a quarter of a mile down the road, and then all the peanut mills. Like, I literally had a peanut mill in my backyard, essentially. I mean, I could take a rock and throw it into the peanut mill. And man, you talk about all those, they say, start cleaning all those peanuts, dust up the whole city, smelled like peanuts the whole—

and— Was it good? Could you go down there? If you just biked over there, they give you half a handful of nuts or something?

Well, there was plenty to go around.

Dang it.

And so we— but, you know, we would go pull green peanuts and pick them off the vine and boil them. That was something, you know, this time of year, all the peanuts are getting— they're starting to mature a little bit. So you can go get green peanuts and boil them.

Did y'all ever eat boiled peanuts much in I love eating boiled peanuts, but a lot of times I'll see them like in South Carolina or something.

See, that's how we pulled them up. And then we'd put them on a tailgate. You kind of sit them on the back of a tailgate and just sit there and go and just pick them off, fill them in a bucket.

Open them all up?

No, you leave them in the shell. You just pick them like that and then you wash them real good. That, you know, a lot of people, people always ask me about peanuts and They'd be like, I don't like them. Well, some people wouldn't wash them properly. They'd be— hell, you'd be eating dirt, dirt, water, and a peanut. So with us, we would really clean them good, man. When my dad cooks them, they're about as good as it gets. Really? Get you a Miller Lite and a Styrofoam cup full of boiled peanuts.

Boiled peanuts are good, huh?

Oh, man.

Would y'all make a flavor with them too, ever? Was it always—

We never really did Cajun and all that. You know, we couldn't afford no Tony Chachere's and none of that. We go We just had to do old Morton's. Straight up Morton's, baby.

Morton's salt, baby. Dang, that was— dude, that— dude, there was only like a couple things in the house that you even remember. There weren't even any medicines in the house you were growing up. There was like—

No.

Salt.

Like something pink.

Yeah. Yes.

What was that?

That was for, um, pink, uh, calamine lotion.

Calamine. But then there was always pink antibiotics.

Oh, like, well, they had, uh, What was that? Oh, I don't know what it was.

It was just—

Pink stuff. I don't know. Well, they had like, they had like cleansing stuff if you needed to like clean yourself real good.

That's it right there. Just the pink stuff if you got a— amoxicillin.

Amoxicillin.

Bubblegum flavored.

Bro, that shit cured everything, dude.

Yeah. Clap.

Yeah.

Childhood clap.

Oh, I had a strong case of it, dude. I had clap in my eyes once. That's how bad it was for me, dude. But I've been through a lot.

You had somebody that was called Blink.

Couldn't clap.

Yeah, yeah, it's called Blink. Boy, they got the blink, bro.

That's hilarious, bro. Dude, I'm fucking glad you're here today, man. Dude, you remember I saw— bro, do you even remember that I saw you at— in Hawaii? Yes, dude. I remember I was in the sauna, first of all, and there was a man in there, and it was damn Ryan Seacrest in the sauna. And I didn't know what the hell was going on. I thought it was like a new, like a new game show they were doing or something, like Man in the Sauna, like, you know, out of the, like, Steam Buddies, grab the hot rock. Yes, I'm like, yeah, yeah, something like that, like boiled peanuts or whatever, you know. So I just didn't know what it was. And then—

Have you told this story yet?

Nuh-uh.

The world needs to hear Theo Von's trip to Hawaii with his brand new bodyguard.

Yeah, yeah, I had— yeah, I had a security guy with me, dude, because I would like—

So I see Theo, but yeah, so I get out there, I see you, and I'm like, well, I mean, you're in Hawaii.

Yeah.

It's romantic and beautiful. And I keep asking you, like, who'd you bring out? And you keep telling me a security guard. And I'm like, this fucker's lying. Not lying, bro. Like, why do you come to the Four Seasons in Hawaii by yourself with a brand new security guard? So after about the 5th time, I was like, It's really just him and the security guard. It was, dude.

Well, I didn't— well, it was—

How were the conversations?

Bro, I'll tell you exactly how. So me and him would just go to dinner every night because the freeze happened. So the freeze in Nashville— I was in Las Vegas for UFC, the freeze happens, I can't go home.

Oh, I got it.

So you pivoted.

You pivoted.

Yeah. And I'm not saying that there's probably not great girls in Vegas, but I didn't really know anybody. Like, you know, it's like I just don't want to bring somebody for 5 days. I was like, I don't know how long I'm gonna have to be out there. So I probably could have had some strategy and float a gal out. But anyway, me and him, bro, I swear to God, bro, we sat there for 5 nights. We'd be sitting there and we didn't really— we weren't even really like— now we're like friends, but at the time we weren't like really friends.

This is— you're getting— I mean, hell, that's one way to vet your damn security guard. Just do a Hawaiian getaway Do a honeymoon with him.

Yeah, you know, but without the honey.

Wow, y'all out there eating, eating a full pig together.

Oh dude, who ate the apple? I know this, neither one of us put it in our mouths, I'll tell you that, brother. We were just sitting across from each other dreaming about women. That was it. But I will say this, dude, we'd be at dinner and it's just me and him because I didn't have anybody to go with, right?

And then when we had our dinner Well, yeah. You were like, man, you need to get on.

I didn't tell him that, dude.

Or you said, hey, just sit over there and just kind of—

Well, I didn't know him and I'd already had 5 meals in a row with him. I was like, this is the one time I get to hang out with you. But the hilarious part was, so we'd be sitting there at dinner and somebody right next to us would get down on a knee and propose to somebody they were with, dude. We must have sat there next to each other through 9 proposals, bro. over 5 days, just me and him eating damn, you know, it was always like fish dinners. And then it would be— we'd be out on the porch and right next to us they'd built the American Idol.

Yeah, I was out there doing that.

So they built y'all stage. So every—

so I'm sitting there thinking, well, they done brought you in to be some kind of damn guest critiquer. I'm like, you had me so messed up. Like, I could have— you could have put 10 options of why you were in Hawaii and I'd have went 0 for 10.

Dang, bro.

Well, I kept thinking, like, for the first 5 minutes, I'm like, why are you here? Yeah, man, I'm just here. Yeah. I'm like, man, he— the show's done told him he's a surprise or something. And then I'm like, damn, this bro's just here with his security guard.

I didn't know what to do. And my buddy Rich is the only— sometimes he's the only friend that I have who's not married or doesn't have a job.

Like, you can't call your married buddies and be like, let's get away. Yeah. It's ice in Nashville. We're—

Come hit the road.

Yeah, let's go to Hawaii.

Yeah, yeah, it just doesn't work like that. So it's like, yeah, sometimes it's like, well, that's my buddy I can go with, you know? And so like, yeah, sometimes we end up just kind of going around to places. But dude, when I tell you, we sat there and just like— and I think people thought we was gay men or whatever because, uh, they would, um, they would Everybody else was just couples, you know? And it was just me and him sitting there eating dinner all the time. Man, it was pretty sad, bro. But it was nice though.

Is he still with you?

Huh? Yeah. So we're still— and we're buddies now too. It's kind of like now, like we just went to Austin this weekend. But yeah, things got kind of scary for a little bit. It's like, I don't know.

I get it.

And I think you just don't know how people are gonna act sometimes. Like things can just be weird. So sometimes it's nice to have somebody around to watch.

Well, you know, we're talking about—

Just to watch your 6, you know?

We're talking about And like with me, when we're— when my son's playing football at our stadium, you know, our home crowd, they, they get that. They're not going to come up to me and want a picture while I'm watching my son. But man, when we travel to other, other away schools, it's nice to have a guy just go, hey, Luke, you kind of have a guy. It's nice to have a guy just go, hey, let him watch. let him watch his son play. And then on our way out or whatever, you got to have a guy manage that. Because if I'm managing that by myself, then you're distracted from your son. Then I'm managing that, right? Like even in Alabama this week, we signed— I mean, I didn't, I didn't take a picture with everybody that would have wanted one. But when the game was going on, I was watching the game, not because, man, I'm— I try to, I try to do the right things on all those moments. You know, you got little kids standing there wanting a picture, but yeah, it's nice to have a guy to kind of—

Yeah. Just say, hey, what's going on? And also somebody just to— and it's like, but it's just somebody to go with. It's like, I know it. Let's go. We can go do something. It's good. And he likes to go to the gym. It's getting sadder and sadder. But it's also, it's like, we'll go to the gym.

You're never having children, by the way. I'm learning. You and him could adopt.

No, dude. I ain't adopting, dude. Bro, I was with him for 5 days in Hawaii and I didn't even propose. You think I'm adopting?

Can't y'all both put it in the cup, spin it, and then find a donor?

I think it— I think—

Come out looking like both y'all.

Don't put it in the cup.

You look like that picture you drew.

Bro, you're hilarious, dude. This is fucking hilarious, bro. God. I know, but I've been going on some dates. I've been dating some dude. So I think it's—

Locally?

It's gonna happen semi-local, you know? Similar.

It's always like, I do got some buddies that are single. They've been divorced, single, like, man, there ain't no women in Nashville.

And I'm like, which, here's what it is. It's not a walkable city, dude. You walk, you start walking around, you're going to get hit by something.

I know. But if you can't find a woman in Nashville, and I'm not saying you're having trouble, but this other couple other buddies, I'm like, there's a fresh new There's a fresh new cruise ship.

A cruise ship from what?

It's like every weekend.

From where? Murfreesboro?

Where they reset from.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Gals just coming in. But there's some places you can't— I mean, like— oh, I agree. Yeah.

It's like it resets on Wednesday.

Yeah.

And then—

You got to get out there. But dude, I can't go out to Broadway. It's dangerous out there. It's like you just run. It's like it's too much out there.

Yeah, well, I'm sure you probably did it a little bit and then it was like, yeah, I probably went maybe 3 times. I was with you. I honestly was with you first time you told me you and Kid Rock tried to walk down the street of Broadway and you were like, dude, like you had just tried it. We were at that little— we were at a showcase first time you and I met and you were like, man, I just learned I can't walk down Broadway. So that's for the first time.

Maybe it was. I think if people are drunk too, it's scary. That's the thing, you know? It's just scary when people are drunk, dude.

But yeah, their barriers seem to go away.

Yeah, I think it is normal.

Yeah.

But it's like, if you're not drunk, it's just like, you know, it's just a mix of things. But, you know, in the past I was hesitant to invest. I felt like I didn't know enough, or, or maybe I was too late. You know, I'm just, I'm getting in too late. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. So many of us only focus on where our money is today. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. It's easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer available at acorns.com/theo. That's A-C-O-R-N-S dot com slash Theo to get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com/terms For details. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 2 compensation provided. Potential subject to various factors such as customers' accounts, age, and investment settings.

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Um, and then you get to go out in the country and have your country moments.

Oh yeah, dude, we just got back.

I hate— I do, I do hate I missed your turkey hunt with Waddell, but I, I came in the week after.

Did you? The one with, uh, when you went down?

Yeah, when you went down there. Yeah, well, that was the week later, dude.

They put the— the bullets they put in my gun weren't even real. They didn't trust me with a firearm.

Did you find that out later?

Huh? Yeah.

Well, who killed the turkey?

I couldn't have done it.

Well, first of all, you're wearing the wrong attire.

They said green. And yeah, I fucked it up.

Now, have you done that again?

Nah, I would go down again though.

I'll take you hunting and I'll put—

Will you?

I won't— I'll put your real ammo in the—

Take me somewhere. See, look right here.

Yeah.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on. And those, those glasses were from a damn senior citizen. So those get dark. You know how dark—

Did you get cataract surgery 2 days before that?

Those stuff, them bitches were dark, dude. I drove a sedan home, you know, them bitches were big, dude.

Lincoln Continental.

Bro, you face— it happens, bro. That's how I want to get that.

Well, that's fun. You got to do that. I'll take you on some real stuff. What the hell? He don't know what he's doing.

Well, he was hunting some Osceolas. And I'll say this, man. Man, they hunt— like, afterwards we were leaving this— the— I don't know if it's called the scene of the crime or whatever it is, wherever you go hunt. So we're leaving out of there and the— there's 2 birds like right by the road, like on the way out. And they get out like, we're gonna shoot them.

Ambush them. Yeah.

And I'm like, dude, the game's over. Like, we already did it out there. And these are like in the locker room. One of them's taking his— he's got a towel on his neck, one of these turkeys.

Yeah, putting Gold Bond on.

Yeah, and Waddell, somebody went over there with a damn handgun, I think. And I was like, dear God, get me out. This is— this has turned into something else, you know? This is a damn wet market. So we're back. But God, bro. But it was fun, dude. I would go hunt some other stuff. Dude, it might— we might have to start getting some real different animals, especially with these beef prices. You see what's going on with all that?

Yeah, you know, it's, it's funny, man. I mean, I'm—

Trump said he's got 300,000 tons. of beef they found somewhere. Let's— let me see what it is. The president announced Friday that his administration would temporarily lift tariffs on up to 300,000 metric tons of imported ground beef, dude.

Well, B, you know, I'm kind of in the loop on all that. I talked to a lot of buddies that have them, and, you know, there was—

I'm not—

I mean, I'm in ag. I mean, I've kind of— I've gotten to know Brooke Rollins, the Secretary of Agriculture.

Cool guy?

It's a girl. And she— that's her. Dang.

What's up, Brooke?

She's the best.

Is she married?

She's married. She's got kids at A&M and—

Okay. I shouldn't even be asking this.

But she— I know you feel bad now. Now you're going to have your phone tapped.

That's what I do. Yeah. Every time. Yeah.

Every time I order—

every time I say poultry, it'll ping somewhere.

Brooke's gonna— Brooke's gonna put some, uh, dude, so man, they just had this thing in Texas called screw worms.

I've never had them.

Yeah, well, you would know. So they light— screw worms light on your skin, their eggs hatch on your skin, and they burrow into your body. And damn.

And so it's like just having neighbors.

So Brooke and I, you know, I've done my farm tour stuff through the years, and, and so we've had a lot I've gotten to meet a lot of governors that come out to my farm tours. I've worked with Brooke on trying to plan stuff to lift up farmers. But man, it's funny. Listen, I mean, we all, everybody can sit back and judge administrations and cabinet members and all that. But when you know somebody that's in the trenches doing it, Mm-hmm. I mean, you hear what they're having to try to negotiate a day. Man, she's having a great— well, first of all, when they came, when she came into office, like there weren't any— I mean, the egg prices were going crazy.

Something.

Poultry, you know, bird flu. And you're like, man, you're not even thinking that the Secretary of Agriculture is trying to solve all these problems. And then I call her up and I'm like, what are you doing today? She's like, she's like, I mean, yeah, we're trying to—

Swine flu's back.

Yeah. Or it's something new. Something.

But no, we don't think—

she's rocking and rolling right time they get About time they get the eggs going, then screw worms come in in Texas. And the problem with screw worms is—

What are they? Bring them up.

They're a fly. And they're a fly that you can— they're easily controlled if you— you gotta look at that.

I don't want them bitches.

Yeah.

God. And look at that one, huh?

Yeah, that's a lot different than pecker gnats. You remember pecker gnats? Uh-uh. Never mind.

I don't think so.

Did you grow up with— you didn't grow up with pecker gnats?

I never—

that's where the old gnats fly around your dog's pecker. My granddaddy, look at them pecker gnats.

Is that a real thing that happened?

Pecker gnats.

Oh, wow.

Anyway, so these things light on— well, not only do they get on cattle, they get on deer and wildlife.

No.

Yeah. So they'll— if you're— well, you're monitoring, you know, if you're a cattle farmer, you're watching your herd a lot better.

Yeah.

But if you're a— if you have a big deer ranch, you can't really monitor them. You can't monitor your deer. So you got to really— this is a— it's a bad thing. So what you got to do is you have to launch sterile flies into the environment that mate with the female flies. So the female flies Will chill out. They don't hatch. The eggs don't hatch, and then they die.

Damn.

Who would've known?

Dude, when you think about how so many, like, little edges of science they have to use. New World screwworm eradication relies primarily on the sterile insect technique, which involves releasing millions of radiation-sterilized male flies to mate with wild females and halt reproduction. That's— the fact that we don't even know that that goes on. All the things that we don't even know that goes on, man. I'm just wondering if they're like— you start to wonder if we're gonna have to start to evolve to some other meats. That's my big question, you know what I'm saying? Say the price of beef gets too crazy, because also I know that they don't have like a young herd of cattle. That's one of the problems.

Well, I think drought, you know, there was a, there was a lot of, uh, man, there was the one, there was the one time where all the, the— I think one thing that got us put behind was when a lot of the cattle was lost in the big freezes a couple years ago.

You'd think that would be fine. First of all, heat or freeze, it's ready to eat or it's— you can eat it later. That's how I feel like that thing would go.

Alive, Theo.

Yeah.

They died from cold weather.

Yeah.

Like hundreds of thousands.

Yeah, but I'm saying they're frozen.

You can't— once they die in the field, you can't go out there and salvage it.

Yeah, you can, boy.

You can. Well, ask why. Ask it why we're in the true cattle deficit right now. I mean, why we're in—

That's a great question.

Yeah. Why are we— why is it happening now?

The US is at historic— is in a historic cattle deficit with herd sizes dropping to a 75-year low of roughly 86.2 million head, primarily driven by years of severe drought, soaring operational costs, and an aging ranching workforce.

Wow. Huh.

Prolonged dry spells across major cattle-producing states dried up water sources. Um, urban sprawl and high land values have tempted older ranchers to sell property to developers rather than passing unprofitable operations down to younger generations. Huh.

Interesting, man.

I think that hopefully— hopefully—

Yeah, think about all the stuff that— do you remember like being a kid just being like, we're going to get nuked. Do you ever think about that as a kid?

Like getting nuked by something?

Just getting nuclear warheads and stuff. I remember just always being scared of like—

Did you?

Yes.

Trying to think of what I was scared of.

Probably I was scared of like—

we had a neighbor that kept burning down homes in our neighborhood.

You know, we had wild— my mother, I think in an attempt So I wouldn't play in the yard a lot. She would tell me that there were packs of wild dogs that would roll through the front yard and eat me alive.

Damn, dude. Well, so she had early onset, but I'm going to tell you, my mother just—

I mean, I mean, that's crazy, dude. And like about every month or two, you'd see a pack in the car. There they are, Luke. See?

Oh, yeah. Oh, do you remember a dog?

They were all hunting one hot dog. I mean, one dog in heat.

Oh, they were just—

It wasn't wild dogs. It was just every dog that wasn't on a leash in Smithville, Georgia was just chasing the one whore.

Yeah. And how many leashes did they have in Smithville, Georgia? Yeah, that's what I'm guessing, dude. Well, I remember they just had wild dogs when I was a kid. They had a dog in the neighborhood. I remember the first time I saw a Doberman Pinscher, dude, and a Rottweiler, bro.

Not on a leash.

Yeah. Oh, I couldn't even— dude, the Rottweiler played tailback somewhere in our town, I think. Dude, they had some damn— I mean, some of the dogs were just wild when you were a kid. Oh, that dog right there. God.

Yeah. I mean, when you— I remember seeing them and just in the back of a pickup truck, just going like, what is that? What is that? And I don't want—

I don't want nothing to do with that, dude. Well, they had—

then everybody that owned them would brag about how it could crush a bowling ball with one bite.

Damn. So we had a guy who killed his grandmother, uh, and that— yeah, that was unfortunate. But yeah, it was a sketchy area, cuz.

Not with the Rottweiler.

Nah, dude, he damn did it. I mean, I don't even want to talk about it, but it wasn't good. And she was our lunch lady too. God, that was heartbreaking.

Sloppy Joe day went south.

Yeah, bro.

But my mom is— I mean, she's— I mean, my mom has like 500,000 Instagram followers, but I can see that my mom, she has 3 kids.

Yeah, she's hilarious.

We're living in a single-wide trailer. She's tired. Her son wants to go out. and ride his tricycle down the dirt road. Yeah. And she don't want to sit out there and watch him in the 85-degree, 95-degree weather. So what do you tell him?

Dangerous.

I think the wild dogs— we're in a— we're in DEFCON— we're in DEFCON 5 right now for wild dogs, son. You're gonna have to— you're gonna have to wait till it cools off.

Dude, my mom would— well, that— this is back when I was just talking about this the other week. This is back when they used to have pedophiles or whatever, they'd send them to the door. You had to lie to say you was a pedophile, you know.

What is that?

Pedophiles. People that are pedophiles. Yeah, pedophiles. Yeah, people say it different. Pedophiles. Bring it up.

I thought you were— I thought you were talking about Pedialyte. I thought y'all were malnourished. I thought you were so malnourished they would drop Pedialyte off at your house.

Bro, if you see an older dude just drinking Pedialyte, that dude is halfway there. That's all I'm telling you, cuz. A pedophile, often misspelled as pedophile. So we misspelled it, but also then we missaid it. I'm fine with it. But anyway, this was the laws they had where you had to go door to door and say you were a pedophile, remember? But our moms all worked.

You can't say you're a pedophile.

They had to.

That's— you would admit to being a pedophile?

They had to. If you moved to a new area, you had to go door to door in the neighborhood. and let everybody know you lived in the neighborhood.

If you were a pedophile.

Yeah. Oh, if you weren't, what the fuck? Why would you do it?

I thought you were saying that.

That's crazy.

I thought you would— I get it. It was like a judge ordered—

Ordered you have to go tell everybody.

Got it.

All right. So these pedophiles would come to the door and it would be us 4 kids standing there and we'd go— he'd be like, hey, I'm just letting y'all know, I'm a pedophile. And we'd be like, Put it in the stack, dude. They had some damn— dude, we played kickball with this one pedophile, dude, and we'd mess with him. We'd be like, you ain't touching my ass. And we just kicked that bitch, dude. 'Cause once you know who it is, kind of the, you know, a little bit of this, you know—

You know whether to hang a right or a left.

Yes. You just know what's going on. It's when the secret of surprise— when they don't have that surprise there, that's, you know, when they can't surprise you. Dude, we used to have a ham radio. Remember that, dude? And you'd talk to— get that CB radio and just be talking to truckers. Dude, somebody would come— oh, somebody would come and make love to my neighbor, and we'd go sit out in his car while he was in there, and we'd just sit on his— on that— on that CB radio talking to truckers, dude. And that's fun. That shit was— we had a good time, dude.

Yeah. Did y'all— we would build forts. We would take saplings and chop them off with a machete. And haul them up the tree and make logs. But if we fell out of the tree, we would all— if we fell out of the tree, we would land on the saplings.

No, y'all weren't doing— y'all were doing some damn Vietnam shit.

We would land— we could, could have landed on the saplings that we just—

Oh, really? Like break your fall?

You just would get impaled. We never got impaled, but it It was a miracle.

It could have.

We did.

No, we had some dude had passed through town and chiseled a set of tits into a tree by us, and people would go out there and look at them.

Where'd you stash your Playboys?

We would— dude, we just found them, dug them up. I remember my brother had some stacked on the toppest shelf they ever made in the whole world, dude, and I climbed up there one time and I didn't know what was up there. And they had cologne, a little bit of booze. And damn nudie mags, boy. And I took a hit off all 3 of them. I think I drank half that cologne by the end of that night. I didn't know what was going on, dude. I remember passing out and coming to and—

The death of—

Coming out, passing out.

The death of the Playboy magazine.

That's when society fell. And when men started getting leg tattoos, that's when shit all fell apart.

Yep. I mean, if you couldn't ride your bike to the woods hike 1 mile and find your Playboys under a piece of old rusted tin and sit there and—

Yeah.

Sit there in nature.

Oh, we had a fella draw you a cooter for the weekend for $2, $3. This fella Nick, and he passed away.

We had Swisher Sweets stashed with our Playboys, so we'd come home smelling—

God.

We'd come home smelling not like Swisher Sweets.

God, dude, it was all that— all that stuff was being fun, dude.

What are they doing now?

I love nostalgia. I don't know what kids are doing now. I think it's just— well, everything's turning into robots now, dude. It's all changing, dude. But I wonder what if, uh, was that thing— oh, I was gonna say, if, if we did have to go to a rare meat, what would you go to, dude? Something that's not rare meat, something that's not a meat yet. What you gonna get to?

Whitetail meat, not deer meat. Well, I think not elk meat.

Say if beef gets too out there, what do you— which— what do you think? What do we switch to? Squirrel, maybe?

I've had squirrel. We used to shoot squirrels. I mean, we pellet— Oh yeah, branch pellet gun. Squirrels. We had a little lady named Mabel Coxwell. Mabel had a little nephew that used to come into town, Chris. Me and him, we'd get our pellet guns. We, we shot about 8 squirrels one night.

Gosh.

And she— we skinned them. And it's really weird when you skin a squirrel and then you're eating it like 30 minutes later. It needs to be a little more gap time. You probably ought to soak it in some water a little bit. But we ate it. Yeah. And she put it on wild rice.

Mm-hmm.

And I threw it up for 9 hours that night as a kid.

And you think it was tainted meat?

It was the last time I'd ate squirrel.

Hmm.

Threw up. When you throw up raw squirrel, I'm not sure she cooked it all the way.

Mm.

It left a mark.

And did you put any vinegar on it? That's how I like it.

Vinegar? Nah. But squirrel's a good— I think squirrel populations are—

That's what I'm saying. They're thriving.

That's fucking—

that's damn branch cattle. You know what I'm saying? You see them bitches up there, dude. You see 2,000 squirrels, dude.

But there may be—

How many squirrels are in the world right now? Bring that up.

Squirrels in the world.

There is no exact global count for all squirrels, but scientists estimate there are hundreds of millions to billions of individual squirrels worldwide, boy.

Look, 175 species of squirrels, ground squirrels, flying squirrels, and chipmunks. God.

Fly right into my mouth, cuz. Them bitches are good. Yeah, dude, it wouldn't take long for us to get used to them. I could have some. I would try one, huh?

Just marinate it.

Yeah, you got to do something different, dude.

Put some of that Morton's on them, baby.

You know what else I might do?

Slow smoke them. Slow smoke them, dude. What if dehydrated, bro?

If things got real bad, I'll cook that bitch with a lighter, dude.

With a damn candle. Damn. Bed and Bath— Bath and Body Works caramel candle.

Oh dude, I'll put that thing— which is a Christmas cookie candle— right under that bitch. Boy, God, that's a good way to do it. I'll tell you this, and then people aren't gonna want to hear it, I'd eat— I'd eat damn Scottish Terrier if I could. They're beautiful. Bring one up. Look how cute they are. And I'm saying only if things got real bad. I'm not doing— I'm not running into a damn Petco and doing it.

Scottish Terrier.

Bring up the white one. I like the white ones. I'm open to whatever, but I grew up around a couple white ones. Look at him.

You'd eat that?

If he were real sick, yeah. And if he didn't mind. I'd have to get somebody like one of that dog whisperers. Remember that guy?

Well, so have you ever had elk meat?

I had reindeer somewhere. That breaks your heart, but I've had a little.

Do you like duck meat?

I've never had it. I don't think—

Duck on down here and get some of this meat.

Dang, come on.

I got you.

Bro, get out of here.

Dude, that is a great— that's a duck hunting joke, and I got your ass.

Dang, bro. Dude, that's fucking great.

You started that thing. Got set up 30 minutes ago.

What did?

When you brought up meat, baby. I've been waiting 30 minutes to hit you with that shit. We had to go through squirrel meat, Scottish terrier meat, elk meat, and I finally got to duck meat.

You've been waiting, huh?

It's awesome.

God dang, that is good.

Thank you.

I needed that.

You need to get on elk meat, man. I go elk hunting. You need to go on elk hunt.

Hell, I—

You put it in your freezer. So my wife, man, you know, most, most women don't think about, oh, I got a freezer full of elk meat. Well, when the first elk I brought home She, um, it was in the freezer, and finally, man, she just— she goes out there and grabs it and— Your wife did?

And does it still have the horns in it, or you take them out?

No, it's all— looks like ground beef. They process it. You know, if you're out in Colorado and you kill an elk out there, you take it to the local processor and they ship it to you. You'd love that though.

I wouldn't mind trying it.

So why are you— why are you so stressed about this? You're stressed about this meat thing.

Well, I just start to worry, like, what if things get weird? Like, you know what I'm saying? I want to have a strategy where when things do start to get kind of dystopian in the world, say something happens.

What percentage of— I've never had one of these. Are they good?

Yeah, it's great, man. Yeah, it's good stuff.

What percentage— what is this, by the way?

This is called—

this will be the first one I've ever had.

It's called Celsius. It's a, it's an energy drink.

Is it going to make me say a lot of stuff I want to take back? Too late. Yeah, I mean, I'd say pecker gnats is one I want back.

Oh, dude. No, that one's fine, I think, man.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, this— what per— what percent are the— are we on the way there?

It's like vape, it's like drinking vape.

Have you started your, uh, do you have your doomsday bunker here?

No, I don't have a bunker yet. I don't, I don't have that kind of— I don't have that kind of loot. I got, uh, I got probably 11 bags of Quikrete in my yard right now, so I could fucking probably get behind that.

Not for long.

You could build your own little smoker with that and hide in that bitch. Boy, they'll never find me in that bitch, dude. If you get it— here's what I'm saying. If you can't afford a, a bunker, just get you a big-ass grill.

Did you watch Paradise? I don't know.

Paradise?

Paradise? Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Well, these—

anyway, I've had Parrot Ice. Have you seen those things? Those drink— those like, it's like a mixed like a thing they have at the gas station, whatever. Bring up Parrot Ice.

Parrot Ice?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yes.

I like those. I used to like them anyway.

I don't Did they take out Slush Puppies?

No, we had a bunch.

Oh God, remember Slush Puppies?

God, they were good.

Lemon lime Slush Puppies.

Okay, I remember all that shit.

There's a Slush Puppy, right? That's what you need to get tattooed on your leg.

You think so?

Old Slush Puppy.

I'm— no, I ain't. I got enough.

How's Slush Puppy the company doing?

Yeah, bring them up. That's a good question.

We might ought to buy them.

Dude.

Kickstart that again. Make it a little healthier.

These puppies ain't gonna slush themselves, homie.

You feel me?

Slush Puppy is still in business though. Finding a ready-to-drink cup at a major US gas station or convenience store is much harder than it used to be. The brand is owned by the ICE Corporation and its parent company, J&J Snack Foods. Damn, that's beautiful. While, while large chains have largely swapped them out for Icees or Slurpees, the official Slush Puppy Site notes the brand is still active. You can still find machines and syrups in select independent locations.

Yeah.

Like roller rinks.

Yes.

Convenience stores, bowling alleys.

You gotta get Slush Puppy back.

And parks. That's not a bad idea. I'd look into that, man.

Well, you remember Little Jugs? The Little Jugs, uh, with the— they were about that big. They looked like a grenade. There you go.

Oh yeah.

I'm talking about sugar water.

Yeah.

When you got done with football practice and whichever mama brought you that after football, man, you knew you needed to pass the hat around for them.

They was hurting, baby.

They was hurting bad, bro. I'm talking about we'd open up that Styrofoam cooler and the mama brought the little jugs. We're like, and what? And she had the Oreos cut in half. You get a half an Oreo.

God dang, bro. That was it, dude.

Little jugs.

They were good, man. I miss that kind of stuff. Yeah.

So if it goes down, you just need to get to my house.

That's what I need to do.

If it goes down, because I got— we got the deer. We can live off deer for a little bit.

Yeah, we can do it.

We can— I got my—

Dude, I'll live over there, man, and I'll work for you guys too. I'm happy to get— do something. I did painting, I did siding for a little while, I did flooring.

I need temporary flooring. I need gutter work.

I could do it.

Gutter work?

Yeah, I could do it if you let me do it real early in the morning. I'll be quiet, but I could definitely do it. Get up there 4 AM and do it.

What was your job? What was the worst job you ever had?

Me?

My grandfather made me put lightning rods on houses. Did y'all have lightning rods?

I used to count this lady's cats, though, and she had probably 50 cats, dude. But here's what we would do. It was horrible. I forgot about this. 'Cause something was wrong with her, or God was trying to get her to come to him soon. And so we'd go get one cat and we'd run it in there and she'd give us a dime for it. And then we'd run in the other room and then run back in with the same fucking cat, dude. Show her that same cat.

I bought my farm and there was a trailer on it that a woman had—

Just catted out?

A few cats.

Damn.

That's a smell you don't forget.

Dude, my friend, they didn't know, but their dog would just go pee in a room in their house. And that was their guest room. I guess they never went in there. And I remember going to stay there. And I walked in and I stepped on the carpet and just the dust of like dog piss dust just flew up out of there. It's like almost like when you see gold.

Imagine our immunities, our immune system from growing up.

God, that bitch is strong.

Dude, we used to play under old houses and just dig in old house dirt.

And go look for shit, yeah.

Under houses.

Well, yeah, people would always tell us there was gold under people's houses and shit like that. My dad made me clean out a grain bin elevator one time. An elevator?

An elevator. So when you pull in, when you— let's just say you got a wagon, a big— you put corn on a big wagon and you dump it in a pit.

Yeah.

Well, you dump it in, that elevator takes it up and dumps it in a big warehouse. Well, we, we took ownership of a new— it wasn't of a— we started renting a warehouse to put peanuts in.

All right.

Well, to get the to get the— to get it approved so you could store peanuts, you had to clean. Well, for years, these farmers had just been using that elevator to offload wagons and put corn. Dude, my dad sent me down in that thing and it had about 5 years of soybeans, corn, peanuts. And it would get— if the elevator breaks, you got to be able to go down there and fix it.

Okay.

And that was the elevator room, man. It had about 5 feet of water in it. 2 dead cats, some snakes. I got 3/4 of the way down. It was straight maggots.

Dang.

And the only way to get it out is you had to shovel it in a 5-gallon bucket, and the guy above you had to pull it up with the water. And it's just hitting you, man. I went to the local diner after cleaning that thing out, cleared the whole diner out, man. People couldn't even be in the room with me. Damn, it was in my skin.

Some of that shit, dude, I used to have to clean out like, uh, it was like combine. I guess they would run the combine through, right? And then they would just park it for the winter. And a lot of, uh, they'd still have some, uh, corn in there, right? And so some of the mice would get in there and then the snakes would get in there, dude. And I'd have to get in and just clean it, just like pressure wash and just— it, man, but it was always, always some crazy You— it was usually like water moccasins, or I guess it wasn't rattlesnakes, but—

Well, we would pull rattlesnakes into our peanut wagons that would come into our peanut mill, and you climb over there. It was not— it was a—

Those are the days, man. Damn, they were fun, but they were something else, dude. Did you, um— I saw, uh, what was I gonna ask you about? Oh, did you see those Robot Olympics that happened?

I saw them attempting to run.

Yeah.

And I saw one of them went faster than Usain Bolt.

Yeah, bring that up.

But did it— I saw one fail.

Yeah, one failed.

I've yet to see one complete the drill. Look at that.

Yeah, well, they can't.

Damn.

Also, they're still only making the white ones right now. I do want to say that. So I'm just saying, I think— Things will change a little bit.

So this is real. Look at that. Damn.

That's nice, dude.

What's her name?

This is the part of the, like, the boxing, I don't really know. This is crazy though. But here's what I think's gonna happen, man. I think we get to this place where—

Is it called singularity? Ain't that the term?

Well, it's just like the tech lords and stuff, they're gonna start— these will all be competing for them. So they—

that—

I'm just thinking they won't need us anymore. What will we do? Look at that little shawty.

Look at that thing.

Hey, bro.

Look at that.

Bro, that looks like an owl trying to get home from a bad date, bro.

Oh.

Without his skirt. Oh, she went down.

So this is in China though.

Yeah, but you know it's coming here. But dude, I'll tell you this, one of those little dinky-ass robots— you get me a big diesel-powered robot from Kentucky, something Name Rusty or something, you know what I'm saying? You get that bitch out. Look at that. Dang, that's wild though.

That's 5 years that thing won't be falling and sparking.

No, the thing's gonna be cooking. But I just wonder, what will it be like when you get one of those and that thing's doing all the— you know what I'm saying? Like, I just wonder if that's like what it's really like, if it— and if it's that close around the corner. I wouldn't marry no robot, I don't think.

It's big in China.

Is it?

You seen them latex ones and synthetic ones?

Oh, I don't want all that. I don't want to— I don't know. I guess— I don't know if she sleeps real heavy or whatever.

You could program her to do that prenup, that weekly prenup with your robot.

I don't know if she sleeps real heavy, dude. I just, uh, yeah, haven't— my mom's actually visiting right now, dude.

Yeah, you— so Theo goes, yeah, man, I want you to meet my mom. She goes, oh, she's sunbathing. I'm like, and it's time to meet her, right? Bro, shit, I was ready to see— damn, I was ready to see something.

I should have said, I'll make it happen, man.

Sunbathing out there, just cooking. Oh, oh, and there ain't no clouds in Nashville today. No, I bet she's out there, dude.

We used to—

when we were growing up, probably put the damn— just come roll in with the Johnson Johnson baby oil. None of this damn no SPF.

What we—

what's she out there cooking for, getting her vitamin D up?

Yeah, she just trying to stay active, dude. She's just at that age. She just told me the other day that she used to be Native American, so I'm like, oh shit, she's starting to lose her mind a little bit. Because that's—

how old is your mom?

She's 77, man.

Yeah, she's same age as mine.

Is she?

Mine was born in '47. No, Mama's 79, be 79 in October.

Yeah.

She's good, though.

What keeps her the most healthy, you think?

You know, she— man, I think what keeps her the most healthy is she— her weight's really good. And, man, you know what's funny? She's got a little house down in Mexico Beach, Florida. She wants me to put an elevator in. And I'm like, I'm not putting an elevator in because I think going up and down— her house is pretty close to the beach, so they got to be out of the floodplain.

Oh, yeah.

You got to be way up. Man, she's coming up and down. You know, she's coming up and down steps all day. There she is.

That's—

yeah, that's her back porch right there.

She looks good. Who's that with her?

That's old— that's old— that's the old— that's old bankroll daddy right there.

Damn. Somebody's got to do it.

Hey, man, it's all— but, man, but, dude, that's a—

She looks happy. Oh, that's you, dude.

That's me.

Oh, I mean, I'm not even joking. I couldn't tell that.

That's—

oh, that's nice, dude.

That's a tough woman.

Yeah. Amen, man.

She, uh, 2 packs of Salems every day.

Hell yeah.

4 Bud Lights. She has calmed down on beers. She drinks her 2 O'Doul's. There she is.

She's pushing that bitch. Is that a Dyson she's pushing that bitch?

Yeah, I guess I bought that last week. Hell, she don't even call me to buy that. She just goes straight to my business manager's assistant.

God, that's how they start cutting corners, dude. That's beautiful, man.

Yeah, my, my, my parents, they, they prey on the weakest link in my global world. So what do you mean? Well, like if there's a new hire, right? Let's just say we hire somebody. All right. And they come out on the road and they're like, hey, we just hired Casey. My dad's like, Casey, what do you do around here, man? I'm— I do the ice. I need your number. I'm like, oh shit. Next thing you know, Casey's coming to me. Hey, your dad called me for 5 tickets. He said he couldn't get nobody on the phone. Anyway, they just goes down the—

down the chain every time.

Get them a new number. If they can get a number to get to me, baby.

Oh, does it make it easier? Yeah. Yeah, dude, I don't like—

So my mama would call me and be like, I need some flowers from Lowe's.

Yeah.

And I'd be like, well, you just got some last week. Well, now she just— she just skirting around, skirting around. Now I see she got a new lime green electric in her grass. It didn't look like she had no grass.

Dude, I'll tell you this.

That's more wild turnips. Yeah, dandelions.

It's either not growing or she just cut it again yesterday. Just don't even tell her. Yeah, that's not grass, man.

No, that's like, that's like damn lettuce.

Yeah.

And she got like a, that's like butter. What's that? Uh, butter lettuce?

Oh yeah, that's good, dude. We just went on a damn road trip last week, dude.

That shit was— You and your mama?

No, me and freaking, uh, me and some of my friends, bro. We went and rented one of those Cruise America campers. You ever rented one of those?

Just went right up there and got one offline?

Well, dude, hold on.

We got one.

We could have gotten like a big one, but my buddy didn't have his license when he went to get it or whatever, uh, his driver's license, so they wouldn't give it to us or whatever. So dude, we got this Cruise America thing, bro. It was like driving a damn open toolbox, dude. It was bang every step, every, every bump you would hit, bang, bang. We were all huddled up in the front of it, bro, because if you were in the back, like, everything was flying open.

Popcorn. You look like popcorn flying around.

Oh dude, it was like—

So you're not gonna get a Cruise America endorsement after this one?

No, bro. And they know what's up, dude. That's us right in it right there, bro. We took that bitch.

That is like the poster child of it. What was that bad boy a day?

Probably $14.

$14.99?

Maybe $90.

How far did y'all take it? Now, is that y'all or is that just online?

That's 2 of my buddies right there. And what's my buddy Bizzle and Zeta? We all went out. We went out to that Field of Dreams baseball game out there.

Was that awesome?

It was cool, man.

But how long Was it— were you sleep deprived? Could you not enjoy it because you were sleep deprived?

Oh dude, it was like— my buddy texted me yesterday, he's like, hey, if you forget what it was like in there, just go slam your head into an open silverware drawer, bro. That shit was foggy, bro. It was miserable, bro.

Who drove?

All of us did, dude.

No one slept?

Uh, no, we, we ended up just getting to people's houses and staying there, and sometimes we'd sleep in it. Sometimes we'd stay with friends.

Are they gonna do that game every year? Is that Field of Dreams game— it's annual?

I think so. They'd taken 2 years off, but now it's back. They actually built— so they don't play the game on the actual field in the movie. They have the movie set that's there. They built another field back behind it through the corn. So it's kind of—

What's the capacity of it?

About 6,000.

Was it worth it?

It was cool. Yeah, yeah, it was actually, man. We had a nice time, dude. It was a good experience, bro. You're standing there and like they had probably 30 Hall of Famers that were there. And so all of them just came.

Did you hit the corn maze?

Nah, they said it was overpopulated. Oh, and some kind of thick kitty went missing in that bitch, so they was locking it down. Like, goddamn, always.

That's probably why beef prices are screwed. They're making corn mazes.

Hey, that's a good point, bro. When y'all screwing around fucking making puzzles out of your crop, things are going to get bad.

Ought to be feeding the cows with it.

That's wild, dude. Um, yeah, but it was great too. We went there and then we went ATV and that was good. Uh, what, Pinelli, you know him?

I don't.

Mike Pinelli's friends with Jimmy John and some of those guys.

I hadn't met him.

Or boy, that's us. We went right there.

That's y'all. How long did y'all— how long was the trip?

Probably one week.

Dude, man, you know, back in COVID I did 13 straight days with the boys on my tour bus. It's just the best.

Oh, we had so much fun, man.

You know, I think you could probably afford one of those.

What, a tour bus?

Yeah. The problem is you gotta— who's the driver?

Yeah. Oh yeah. And I couldn't, I couldn't mentally manage a big vehicle like that.

What happened there?

That thing flipped or something. Some— we had a technical issue on that bitch, but it was good, man. We enjoyed it.

Did you go to ATV park?

No, my buddy built a track out in like, um, Marcellus, Michigan. And we drove out there. We drove to Chicago to interview Billy Strings. He was up there. He's amazing.

I saw that, dude.

He's amazing.

He's the— he's— it's just amazing, dude.

His story, I like.

Yeah, I didn't see where you brought a guitar in for me to play like him.

Yeah, I didn't think about that either. I know you can play.

Didn't he— was it a new song he played you on there?

Yeah. God, it was good. He's great, man. Watching him and just talking with him about how transparent he is just about everything in his life, bro. He's just had such the wildest life. Um, dude, what was it? Oh, when, when Riley Greenan was on, he was talking about your song. Take me through the song again that everybody keeps talking about. It's called Smoke—

Fish, Golf, Hunt, Drink.

Fish, Golf, Hunt, Drink, right?

Yeah.

I know I've heard the song, but I just forget about it because it became like this internet piece of lore or whatever. Trace Ayala is always talking about it. Trace is always talking about it.

Well, yeah, I mean, you know, we wrote it and I think, I mean, you know, it just started this, this, you know, it, this whole narrative got started that, I mean, that's the, that's the crazy thing about where we're at with social. They started a narrative that we AI'd it.

Yeah.

And now whether you like the song or not, or whether you like me as an artist, whether you like what I'm about or whatever, I mean, you know, I mean, we're all learning that. I mean, I can't do anything. I mean, back when I wore tight jeans, which wasn't— then I was the tight jean guy. I mean, so you go through all these phases. Well, I don't wear tight jeans anymore. Now I'm the guy that somebody said that I A'd out a song and wrote it. It's a fun song. And man, well, Riley got involved because Riley I text Riley that. Riley goes, hey man, let's get together. And I said, hell yeah. I said, fish, golf, hunt, drink, etc. Yeah. And then we wrote the damn song.

Oh, y'all really did write it together?

No, Riley didn't write it with me.

Oh, bad.

Well, then I told the world that Riley— Oh, well, the damn thing got so much negativity, then Riley was being funny that he didn't want to be like, don't associate me with that.

Oh, I was wondering what he was saying.

But yeah, because I didn't understand exactly. the song, I, I, you know, we featured it as a, like, an early release on the album. And man, you know, the fact that we featured it and younger kids called it a single, then man, it got, it got off. Like, right when it came out, you know, you get one or two kids with a bunch of Instagram or a bunch of followers that say we AI'd it, and then the whole world like goes on their narrative.

But they also go listen to it.

They go listen to it, but then it started— it starts like—

But I don't think people think you really AI'd it. I mean, I think there's like a—

I don't know. I think a lot of people—

You do?

Once it started, once they started that chatter, yeah, it started. I mean, it was pretty crazy.

I think that— yeah, I never grasped that because I saw that stuff, but then it led me to go listen to the song, you know, at least, right?

But, but then, dude, it makes guys— it was making guys like, like they're at a camera going, I hate you. Like they're looking in the camera.

I think it's just—

And they're like, I hate you. And I'm like, I'm watching it and I'm like, I can see your face. Like, if I see you one day, I'm gonna knock the shit out of you, dude.

I'll fucking eat somebody's ears off their dick— or face, I mean. But Yeah, bro.

That's— but I'm like, people have lost their minds. I mean, I get like, I hate you. Yeah. Choke on your own vomit. Yeah. Die in your sleep.

Click.

But these cats are saying it.

But I don't think they— I think it's all part of like, it's kind of, this is interesting. It's actually almost should be like a case study if like, cuz it's kind of interesting. Like something happens, right? Like nobody cares that much. Right? Like people do care. Right. They, they're involved.

I don't know.

But I think, I think sometimes it's just something for people to get involved in that day. Because I think you have to start to think of, or I start to think of it like this, we used to get involved in things socially amongst each other, but that doesn't really happen anymore as much. So now a way to get involved in something is to create some angle or have something to say about something and just put it out there.

I think it's funny that then you have to wrap your head around the idea that you're happy that everybody is being this way because it's getting more notoriety. But then I'm like, well, wait, I'm not sure I'm happy about a bunch of teenagers telling a 50-year-old man he's a piece of shit songwriter.

But that's what—

and then I'm like, dude, you're 16. You're talking to a grown man that's made a shit ton of money doing this.

But that's what they're going to do anyway.

I know, but it's just so Like, it's so far out there. I'm like, if I caught my kids doing some stuff like that, I would kill them.

I don't think real— right, but I think real country fans or real fans of your music and stuff—

Listen, here's what I know.

Like, that's all— they're, they're not fucking doing that.

Dude, man, I went down to— I went down to—

And who gives a shit?

When I went down to watch Bo's game, they were playing that song on the speaker at the football game.

Yeah.

Having a blast with it. So, man, as long as I'm writing songs that Man, these people, Theo, thought when I wrote Climb Tree that I wake up, coffee, camo, put on camo, and I go climb a tree.

Climb tree.

Yeah. The nearest tree.

Yeah.

They're not understanding. So I think—

I don't—

Theo, they think that I'm out there climbing, I'm bear hugging a pine tree. and climbing up.

And those are people that— people are not doing well. People are not doing well, Luke. That's what I'm saying. I did, but I—

So look, like, so Bo's highlights, my son's football highlights are on something, and then I look, comments, climb tree.

That's fucking good, dude.

I'm like, these idiots. Oh, bro, man. So like, that's my leg tattoo, climb tree.

That's good, bro. Dude, I think just anything that has like— people just create lore.

They're just— I get it, but I'm just like, it's still— it's still— well, it's like, don't people create— you want to know why? Like, I work— like, I'm worried about why it's that way.

Like, what do you mean?

You're worried about beef prices.

Yeah.

Like, I'm worried about why that this many people are that way about me and everybody? Why are they that way?

I think it's just fun. I think people are just clowning right here.

Who are you?

Chill on the Adderall. Luke Bryan responds to video saying his new song sounds like it was written by a 4-year-old using AI. I think it's all just kind of fun and games, man. Yeah. I don't think people re— I think a lot of it is, it's just like this new way of communication. And it's like, uh, it's just like it adds just lore to the whole thing, kind of. That's what I feel like.

I know. I mean, listen, I mean, you gotta figure I've, I've, I've, I've really had a long career.

Oh yeah.

Of a lot of people doing that. I mean, when Country Girls Shake It for Me came out, there were people that—

They couldn't handle it?

Couldn't handle it. Like—

Why? Because they didn't want the women shaking it or whatever?

They just didn't want They didn't want—

The women had been shaking it anyway.

I mean, yeah, my mother and my parents were getting drunk listening to Clarence Carter, Strokin' in the House. You remember that one?

Yeah.

Man, until you watch your parents sing Strokin' in the House—

What I be doing?

I be strokin'.

Remember that?

That's— that was a night. And then they would play Mel McDaniel, Louisiana Saturday Night, right after that.

Get down to feeling, get down to boogie.

So back to it. So I was like, yeah, I mean, so that kind of stuff's been going on.

Yeah.

But then like, I almost think that, man, I don't know, you just want people to graduate from—

But I think a lot, yeah, I don't know, maybe it's just fun. What are people missing about the song? I guess it's just that it's just a fun song. It's just a silly song. Who cares?

Right.

Right.

I mean, I can't, what am I supposed to sing every, like, What song would you want me to sing every time? Well, most people, those people would be like, we want you to die. Yeah. Like, we want you to get hit in the throat by an errant fastball at the Field of Dreams when you go with the Oval next year.

Dude, that's like Simon Birch's—

Did you read that book?

Simon Birch?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the only book I read. I mean, I read that as a kid.

World According to Garp was like one of the first books I ever read.

Oh, see, yeah, I read that.

But yeah, Simon Birch.

I loved it.

Prayer for Owen Meany.

Prayer for Owen Meany.

Dude, that's fucking—

I read another— I got into a couple John Irving books, but when I read A Prayer for Owen Meany, I was like, that is the greatest book I've ever read. It was because we had to read all the other shit that the schools want you to read. But man, when I, when I read that, like, I never even got that. What was Catcher in the Rye?

I don't even know.

I don't even know.

And that was part of that dang Field of Dreams movie, part of it. But dude, yeah, A Prayer for Owen Meany was a great book, man. And the movie's not that bad. Jim Carrey's in it. People forget about that. He's kind of in the beginning of the movie.

Great movie.

But yeah, that was so good. It's so funny you said that, man. Um, dude, I have a So, um, I heard a rumor— this is a rumor that I heard— that Jason Aldean said you only have one American flag in your yard, and then it was made in China.

Oh God.

Is that true?

That is not true. We, uh, we're all square. We're square in the American flag world, dude. Man.

Because he said you only had one in that big old yard.

When did he say that?

Just telling you what I heard.

No, Jason and I, we will have our cross to bear when I see Jason. But, uh, yeah, we're— me and, you know, we, uh— now that you say that, I do need to count up my American flags. Maybe I need to put a few more out.

Like, that's all I'm saying, dude. Just get a couple.

Where are yours?

Oh, we got a couple out. We got at least 2. We got 4 in the back.

I got you.

Around the fire pit.

Uh, is it blocking your mom's sunbathing right now? Dude, she's taking it down.

Oh, she had real small breasts. I was breastfed on a small tit, and I don't know if you've ever been through that, but you never get— you never, you never escape that.

Never catch up.

Oh, you never. Oh, you just never. Never enough in my mouth. You know, it just, that's how it was, dude. If you're breastfed on a damn A cup, it's just, you can never, you never get where you need to be. Um, I wanted to ask you a, uh, I wanted to ask you about something. It's just about parenting.

Yeah.

So, uh, I heard that you had taken, you took over helping your sister's children. Is that a true story? Yeah.

So my sister, and I'm not trying to pry like a ton of that.

No, I just, no, I just wanna know like about What's it like when you take over to help out with somebody else's kids? And what does that responsibility feel like? And then what does it feel like in relationship to, yeah, just as your family continues on, some of that?

Man, with my sister passing away and then her husband, they had 3 kids and they passed away at different times, which was, man, I don't know. I don't know if it's better if they go at the same time or not. You're talking about these— my sister and her husband were lifelong partners from high school. He was my damn hero and my brother. So my sister went, passed away at home, and then he had the massive widowmaker heart attack. Well, they had They had 3 beautiful children, 2 girls and a son, Jordan, Chris, and Teal, Tilden. Well, Teal was 13 and he kind of, he says, he goes, we kind of sat down as a big family, extended family, because they— My brother-in-law's family, we'd all been in each other's world since day one. I mean, for a long time.

Got it.

Very tight. Even when, uh, you know, even when my sister passed away, we were like, we were unsettled on Thanksgiving and we would go to my brother-in-law's parents' house for Thanksgiving.

Wow.

So they were our damn— I mean, we were all tight. So we all sat down until my nephew goes, I want to come live with y'all, which was just— I mean, man, we had a, we had a I guess Tate was 4, 4, 6, 4 and maybe 7, and then 13. And so my 2 boys got an older brother like that.

Wow.

And so he's 13. The girls were still in Georgia and they were— Jordan was in her first year of college. And then our middle niece, Chris, she was in her midway through her junior year of high school.

She stayed there.

So she stayed there. No reason to uproot her. And Till came to live with us. And so, man, we wake up and we're retrofitting— we were living in our guest house while we were building our main home. So we retrofit him a bedroom and man, it was a lot. He's a 13-year-old kid that—

Yes. Suddenly you had a teenager.

We had a teenager and man, We've got to deal with— we're dealing with a new kid, but man, we're dealing with a kid that don't understand, that doesn't understand why life has went this way.

Hmm.

And we're dealing with 2 other kids at a long distance. So man, we've just been in the— it's just kind of what you do and you learn as you go. And now fast forward, the oldest Jordan, she's got 2 beautiful little boys. I mean, man, they're, you know, I'm gonna treat them like my grand— they're my grandbabies. And then the middle girl, Chris, she's getting married in December.

Oh, nice.

So we'll, you know, we're— she's getting married. And Till, my nephew, he's 24, and man, he's my damn dude. I mean, like, yeah, like, we ride— he comes to the house and we, like, get on a Polaris and go ride around and have a beer in the evening. And so, you know, and, you know, I look at, you know, when you look at what my wife got, I mean, my wife went from 2 boys, which I, you know, my wife went from managing 2 boys to like having 2 older girls that she's trying to fit in their lives. Well, she's, she's on the phone with them and man, they're talking boys. They're talking, I mean, they're talking, what do I do with this boy? What do I do with God. Clothes, what I do at college, man. I mean, I remember she'd be on the phone for hours. One of them would break up, one of them be crying, one of them this. And, you know, so it was really honored that we had them to turn to. And then they had a support group down in— we also had a support group down there.

But man, when I look at how those kids have, uh, none of them have wound up with any, any serious, like, stuff that we've ever had to be like, yeah, get your shit together. You know, we've never had to do one of those. We just have to try to make sure they, they get the most out of life and, and understand they got dealt a, um, you know, they got dealt a weird, uh, unfortunate set of circumstances. And then, you know, as I've told my story through the years, I mean, man, I'll come up and there'll be families that have— they lost 5 people in a car wreck. I mean, you know, you can always create a narrative where you got it bad, but then you can go dig deep and you can find some other people that have had unfortunate—

oh yeah. There's always some way to be thankful in spaces.

Dolly Parton passed away. Look at the life she lived, 80 years old. And she just lost her longtime husband. Heck, she probably was lost since then. I'm not trying to—

Yeah.

Oh, sure. But, you know, everybody's life— I tell people, and you've, you've already lived— I mean, just knowing your story, I mean, you've already lived through a lot with—

Yeah.

Personal stuff that you conquered and stuff, man. And the beauty of your, your story is you've told everybody that. So when people start, when people start going, Man, I'm having a rough patch, but I remember when Theo Von said this. This is, you know, you can help people out just by telling your story and them not feeling like they're alone. And I feel like when people hear about me losing people in an unfortunate way, you know, it can help them in the long run. I think transparency— I think, you know, you know the deal. I mean, everybody thinks they're the only one trapped in something, you know.

Yeah, everybody's going through things. Yeah, you try to share what you can from it, um, to help yourself and to help others. Or not— it's not like you're trying to help others, but just, yeah, you try. Yeah, we're all just trying our best to be alive, you know?

Well, and I see, you know, like, God, man, I mean, I work— like, your work— I know we're talking about beef prices and stuff, but man, when I see— I mean, you just, just see all the stuff going on where different groups and cultures in this country are against each other, man, it just breaks my heart. I don't know, I wish I wish there was an easy fix to make everybody just be like—

Yeah. It seems like we should all—

Just hug it out.

Yeah.

Extreme on any side is just not good in my opinion.

Well, just as people on the planet, as just even a being of God, you just feel like we should all kind of be able to figure this out. All we got to do is just eat, drink, be alive, and then just—

cut people some slack and golf. What else?

I'm serious.

Climb tree, baby.

Climb tree.

Or just go hug it. Can't you go hug a tree and get the frequencies barefooted?

Dude, mine would be vape, gym, cry, think. I think those would be mine, dude.

Wait, is it? What is it?

I think it's vape, gym, wake up.

Wake up. You're vaping before you wake up.

Yeah. Yeah. Vape up.

Vape up. Gym time. Cry. Cry. What kind of cries? Are they—

Nothing heavy.

Light cry?

Yeah.

So vape up. Gym time. Cry light.

Cry light.

What was the last one?

Think, probably, because I just end up thinking a lot.

Pray.

I'd probably put pray.

Pray more.

There we go.

See, should have had you in the room.

I don't know, dude. I don't think anybody could have saved me.

Vape up.

Yeah. Vape up.

Vape up.

Gym time. Light cry.

Light cry.

Pray more.

Pray more.

That's not bad, man. That's not a bad— you know what?

I kind of— We need to have everybody do their 4. And submit them.

People should— now here's what you should do. Now you take the song and you do create some sort of a place, AI thing, where everybody can go in there, some things about their life in, and now it can make—

and my voice can do it, make it for them.

That's exactly what we need, dude. Thanks for the chat today, dude, and thanks for just the laughter, bro. I like— you are hilarious, dude.

Well, listen, I And it's the first time I've done this with you, and so it took me a little bit to settle in. I mean, it's funny, on podcasts historically, man, I have to settle a little bit. It's a different thing with me because you've got to understand the— I've watched your stuff through all the clips and stuff.

Mm-hmm.

So it's so weird to come in and it just starts settling Settling, settling, and then you're like, okay, we're in it now. Now we can start busting each other's balls a little bit.

Yeah, but, but you were just so funny. I remember we went fishing, you were hilarious, dude. You're, you're hilarious, bro. People always— dude, you, you have, you have me rolling, bro. I think you probably could have been a good comedian, man, if you had wanted to do it.

You know, I've thought about— you know, I've got a little file in my phone and I've written some funny stuff, but then, man, you don't want to go up there not be— and then it not— it not—

I don't know, you'd have been fine, I think.

I think, you know what's funny is when I did Vegas, yeah, by that time of the show I'd had a drink or two. Oh yeah, I'm on the piano, and man, once I do get a drink and I can interact with fans on the piano, man, I can start really having fun. And I think, I think down the road I'd love to do that vibe in Vegas. I walk out—

Oh, I like that.

Walk out, have a guitar, Just enjoy.

Well, I mean, because, man, nothing makes me happier than people.

Like, I friggin love people. Like, people fascinate me.

Yeah.

And it's fun.

Well, it's what we're here for, you know, is you get to be around other people when some of them are perverts or whatever, but the rest of them— yeah. And even some of the perverts I'm fine with.

But like, were you ever like, when somebody was so mean to you, you still wanted— they were mean to you, but you still wanted to figure out how you can crack them. Yeah, like, what can I do to make—

Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely fun. Yeah, like, I think, yeah, being engaged when you're in a good mood and you get out there and you're engaged, you're engaged in what's going on in the show. It's a blast, man. I think you could have done it. I think you still could, man. And also, if you had like a Vegas type of show where you're just interacting with them, it's a perfect night.

That's the way to do it.

That's the way to do it. You have a new album that's coming out. It's coming out September 18th. Yes.

Signs and Wake Up Coffee, Climb Tree, Alight Gym, Pray More. That's on there. The Theo version.

Yep.

We could do an AI— log in AI, put yours in there. Yeah, it comes out September 18th.

Is that you in that orange shirt?

That's me, baby. All polished up.

That don't even look like you.

What does it look like, Theo? Damn it.

Somebody else, I think. Are you sure that's you?

That's— it's AI. It is AI.

Oh, he finally admits it.

Yeah.

Luke Bryan, Science. Now that's you on the right.

That's me. See, that's all— they didn't get all the wrinkles out of my damn face. What the hell? Look at that left bicep. That thing's popping.

That thing's— damn, that thing is popping, boy. God, I like women, but Luke Bryan signs, man. We'll make sure to, um, tell Bill.

Well, thank you. I'm glad I finally got in here with you and Will.

Yeah, I gotta come over and fish again, man. I, I mean, I'll come as— it's hopefully the next 2 weeks will start to chill out a little bit.

When it gets, gets a little cooler, they'll bite better. And man, uh, like I said, you— we got to get you out of kindergarten. We're getting you.

And I want chicken liver too. That's what I want to fish on, and McNugget.

Chicken livers and McNuggets.

And these too.

There's no, uh, there's no catfish in my pond.

Really? Well, you can fish on these though.

Fish on them.

Fish on them, dude. Celsius.

Celsius. Um, I need a new sponsor.

I bet they would work with you.

Pay for my— pay for my fish bill. You need to go to my lakes down south though.

I'll go wherever, man. I just don't have nowhere to fish. We just have— I like, um, I just don't have anywhere to fish right around here exactly.

But yeah, it'd be about an hour from here.

But down by Homewall.

But you— so he runs so damn— you run so high strong. We got to get you in the, in the Woosa. Just get down there. Say, I'm gonna dedicate—

because Will you be having—

You're so big. I get it. But you, you're like me. You fish like me when I used to get off the road and I would feel guilty that I'm fishing and I'm not with my boys. So I would go down there and I'd be like, oh, I gotta fish, I gotta fish, I gotta fish. And then I'm like, so you just need to— you just need to plan a day where you're like, you know what, this is my day and I'm gonna fish and I'm not gonna feel like I gotta get on the phone at 3 for a Zoom call.

Amen.

And book— you just need to come out Just blow it and just let it woosah.

Dang, I didn't know you did woosah, dude. I'll get in a— yeah, dude, I got—

What was it in a—

Oh yeah, what does he do?

Yeah, he got to get some of that fish in.

I don't know what it is, like CPR. That's CPR when you about to— when you live alone, I think. That Matthew McConaughey stuff. Oh man, Luke Bryan, thanks so much, dude. I appreciate you, bro. Uh, congrats on the new album.

Thank you.

And, uh, yeah, thanks for being, uh, yeah, thanks for— and thanks for letting me go fish, dude. I appreciate it.

Anytime.

Amen.

Whatever gets you decompressed, big dog.

Let's get it. Thanks, dude.

I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take a little time.